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"How's *her name*?"
And sit calmly looking at him.
Let him stammer, question, deflect for awhile. Ignore it.
"Did she make her daily walk to see you today or was it twice? What a nice woman going out of her way to seek out a married man. That's someone worth risking your marriage over."
And walk off. Grab your keys calmly and go for a long drive with your phone off.
I agree about casually bringing her name up in conversation and observe his interactions. Stop by for lunch, pick him up after work to take him to dinner. Send or drop off cookies to share with colleagues in the lunch room with a sign that says you're thinking of your husband. Behavior is a language. He's at least skating thin ice. But some of these things might at least bring some awareness that boundaries need to be set in place. Some men love the validation and attention and don't realize how close to the edge their skirting. Updateme
I think you know the answer i would to this ☝🏻 and let him sweat for an hour or two. But i would also make dam sure he tells her NO MORE CONTACT OR VISIT and of everything.
Idiots like your husband and this Jezebel just burn my biscuits…confront him. Lay it all out and give him a choice call her and tell her to back off or you’ll be paying a visit to HR…take no crap from
either one.
>Idiots like your husband and this Jezebel just burn my biscuits…
In my head I'm sitting on a porch in rural Alabama, drinking my sweet tea, and listening to my older aunt. It's a really warm, sweet and wholesome feeling. This made me smile.
Bottom line…. Absolutely Be Worried! Not only does he know what she’s doing, & not shut her down! He goes to her office too! Have you noticed any changes in his behavior? Just in case I would look at cell phone bill to see if any odds calls/text! If hasn’t happened yet, it will if this continues!
Huge red flags here OP and you have every right to assume the worst. It sounds like an emotional affair already. I would simply confront him and tell him that you know what’s going on – you don’t have to be specific – and that with his past history you’ll be visiting a lawyer asap.
Sorry to say it, but his old cheating ways are creeping back and the fact that he is not being transparent with you speaks volumes. Your gut instincts of old are back and you know exactly what’s going on. I’m so sorry.
UPDATEME
It’s unsustainable and really mentally unhealthy to live like this. Yes, he’s cheated before with a co-worker and you chose to stay but at what cost? To constantly live as droopy detective ensuring you have him on a leash to make sure he doesn’t cheat? It’s not worth your health or time. Please make a decision as tough as it may be. It’s either taking the risk of trusting him or taking the risk and deciding to end things.
This is exactly how my x’s affair started. He casually mentioned some girl chatting him up at work, then I never heard about her again. He started going out for drinks after work with people from work, he went on business trips alone so he said, he was taking his lunch hours at her house. I turned on his show location and that’s how I finally knew her name. I looked up who the house that he had been spending so much time at belonged to. Then I called every hotel he stayed at and found out she was also there. He eventually left me for her after I confronted him with all of the evidence, I even called her, to no surprise she never answered. She told my x she was afraid I’d do something to her or her kids, 😂 I wouldn’t waste my time on that c***. They deserve each other, good riddance. Good luck, I’d definitely have a conversation before it gets that far, what he’s doing it wrong and unprofessional.
I mean, yes, it can be worrying but the context isn't a smoking gun. But this is sus. Ask him if she does this with other coworkers? Do they do on lunch break together or just chit chat?
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"How's *her name*?" And sit calmly looking at him. Let him stammer, question, deflect for awhile. Ignore it. "Did she make her daily walk to see you today or was it twice? What a nice woman going out of her way to seek out a married man. That's someone worth risking your marriage over." And walk off. Grab your keys calmly and go for a long drive with your phone off.
And his career. Some splices are so dumb.
I agree about casually bringing her name up in conversation and observe his interactions. Stop by for lunch, pick him up after work to take him to dinner. Send or drop off cookies to share with colleagues in the lunch room with a sign that says you're thinking of your husband. Behavior is a language. He's at least skating thin ice. But some of these things might at least bring some awareness that boundaries need to be set in place. Some men love the validation and attention and don't realize how close to the edge their skirting. Updateme
I think you know the answer i would to this ☝🏻 and let him sweat for an hour or two. But i would also make dam sure he tells her NO MORE CONTACT OR VISIT and of everything.
It doesn't matter who told her. She recorded the interactions, and he went looking for her too. He is haveing, at the least, an emotional affair.
Idiots like your husband and this Jezebel just burn my biscuits…confront him. Lay it all out and give him a choice call her and tell her to back off or you’ll be paying a visit to HR…take no crap from either one.
>Idiots like your husband and this Jezebel just burn my biscuits… In my head I'm sitting on a porch in rural Alabama, drinking my sweet tea, and listening to my older aunt. It's a really warm, sweet and wholesome feeling. This made me smile.
>He had cheated on me before with one of his co workers Get out of here. Girl, he’s playing you...,
Bottom line…. Absolutely Be Worried! Not only does he know what she’s doing, & not shut her down! He goes to her office too! Have you noticed any changes in his behavior? Just in case I would look at cell phone bill to see if any odds calls/text! If hasn’t happened yet, it will if this continues!
Huge red flags here OP and you have every right to assume the worst. It sounds like an emotional affair already. I would simply confront him and tell him that you know what’s going on – you don’t have to be specific – and that with his past history you’ll be visiting a lawyer asap. Sorry to say it, but his old cheating ways are creeping back and the fact that he is not being transparent with you speaks volumes. Your gut instincts of old are back and you know exactly what’s going on. I’m so sorry. UPDATEME
He probably or at least have feelings for her.
It’s unsustainable and really mentally unhealthy to live like this. Yes, he’s cheated before with a co-worker and you chose to stay but at what cost? To constantly live as droopy detective ensuring you have him on a leash to make sure he doesn’t cheat? It’s not worth your health or time. Please make a decision as tough as it may be. It’s either taking the risk of trusting him or taking the risk and deciding to end things.
Who exactly told you all of this? What’s their angle?
I mean, it’s true so what does it matter? He’ll be lucky if no none complains to HR. He’s risking his career too.
This is exactly how my x’s affair started. He casually mentioned some girl chatting him up at work, then I never heard about her again. He started going out for drinks after work with people from work, he went on business trips alone so he said, he was taking his lunch hours at her house. I turned on his show location and that’s how I finally knew her name. I looked up who the house that he had been spending so much time at belonged to. Then I called every hotel he stayed at and found out she was also there. He eventually left me for her after I confronted him with all of the evidence, I even called her, to no surprise she never answered. She told my x she was afraid I’d do something to her or her kids, 😂 I wouldn’t waste my time on that c***. They deserve each other, good riddance. Good luck, I’d definitely have a conversation before it gets that far, what he’s doing it wrong and unprofessional.
I mean, yes, it can be worrying but the context isn't a smoking gun. But this is sus. Ask him if she does this with other coworkers? Do they do on lunch break together or just chit chat?