Right?! A grown ass man told his wife to take it up with his mommy. My response would have been “I’m not married to your mommy. I don’t have children with your mommy. So I’m not talking to your mommy. I’m talking to YOU.”
I was running every single one of these lines through my head and got myself all worked up. The fuck do you mean take it up with my mom?!?!? I would have lost it right then and there. Can’t believe OP was able to stop and write a meaningful message, lol!
I just recently realized I have been doing this for years... and when it finally clicked and I played it all back I honestly was like wtf am I doing? I'm just constantly dimming my light to always shine his, eating my feelings so that he doesn't have to feel the hard stuff, always making sure *HE'S* good and taking the weight and responsibility of everything, WHILE HE'S VERY AWARE OF ALL OF IT and lets it happen? I can't even begin to explain how much of an idiot I've been. But, since then, it's been so liberating cause now I'm in my -fuck him- era while he is struggling hard without my constant (coddling) support. And I'm honestly enjoying it.
I see some similarities here so I genuinely hope OP that you also have this breakthrough soon.
I left my husband when my kids were 2 and 5- I was doing everything and realized how much more enjoyable it was to do it without him- the criticizing the belittling , hard fucking pass.
Oh I totally get what you mean about constant criticising and belittling, my ex-husband was verbally and emotionally abusive. People don't understand that that is abuse, but just because he wasn't physically abusive, he thought he was wonderful. All the scars are on the inside. Well done for getting out with two little kids, I'm glad that you found enjoyment with them, even though it must have been a lot of hard work too. I hope that life is treating you much better now.
Yup. That’d be the end. OP, you got yourself a MANCHILD. He takes no responsibility. It’s not going to get better. Please get yourself into therapy & if he’ll go, get couples therapy as well.
couple's therapy won't work if they're *this* incompatible. couple's therapy is mostly for relationships that genuinely love and respect each other but are having a break down in communication. this dude clearly dgaf about her even remotely
Yup. Mommy will have to step in after his mean wife divorces him. What’s he supposed to do? Take care of his own children? Mommy would never let that happen to her special boy. He’s tired.
So they enable his spoiled laziness (typical of certain women to assume the burden of their boys, even if they're grown adults).
> Can’t think about it too long or I’m fuming.
You *should* think about this and keep that anger in your mind when you tell him he better "father" the fuck up or he can get a court-ordered custody arrangement.
He's not a dad; he's a sperm donor. He's not a partner; he's another child you're managing.
You deserve better and so do your children.
That is something a child would say, not someone who apparently has children. I say apparently, because he doesn’t seem to understand he has children he needs to take care of.
“Go talk to my mommy and sissy if you don’t like my shitty actions” - that would have his kids taken away by CPS if he didn’t have his mommy, I mean wife, to take care of EVERYTHING.
For some reason I can’t update the post, so I’m going to reply to this comment so hopefully it’ll be visible.
As for frequently asked questions:
Why can’t the kids stay overnight more than once a month?
They stay once at grandma and grandpa’s, and once at aunt and uncle’s. That’s typically every two weeks. While they have a great time, it throws off their schedule (this last time they BARELY slept.) that’s also why I wanted dad there, so a schedule would be stuck to and wouldn’t screw me over midweek. The once a month per household thing has just been a rule that’s always been set and agreed upon by me and my husband, and his family. It’s not hard and fast, but it’s a rule.
Why did he say “those babies?”
This is one of those things where things look much worse over text lol, he says things like “I love those babies” “let’s get those babies” playfully, that’s not vindictive at all.
Why are you putting up with this? Why are you still with him? Etc..
I didn’t give a lot of backstory, but this is a new job. He’s never had to take the babies overnight before because he used to work a job where he’d work five straight 12 hour days, then have five days off. If I had to go into work, I’d try to schedule it on his days off. If it was on his days on, there was literally no way he could’ve taken them overnight, as he would leave at 4 am (long commute) and wouldn’t be home until 7:30 pm. It just hadn’t come up until recently because this is the first time he’s worked a M-F job.
What was his response?
“I am sorry. I didn’t realize it was that wild 😅 I’m not being sarcastic either. I’m sure we could still have them have sleep overs soon though? I am sorry though, what can I do to make this better?” I did not respond to this text, we talked in person about it.
Why did you have more kids with him? You’re not having anymore, right???
The babies are obviously pretty close together. I was pregnant with my daughter when my son was 15 months old. He was really great before we had kids, we’re actually the couple everyone wanted to be 🙃 everyone in my family loved him as he’s a man of few words (obviously) and very soft spoken and gentle. I’m a girl of lots of words (obviously) and I’m confident, strong, and stubborn. He was really great when we just had our son. We really wanted two close together. We’re not having any more because my tubes were removed for unrelated reasons.
Our conversation last night:
I got home last night and I was really upset. We put the babies down to bed and we talked right after. We actually had a really good talk about everything and he even cried (he never cries) because he’s having a really hard time with his new job. He’s been really in his own world since he started this job and hasn’t been helpful at all. I actually left for a couple days with the kids about a month ago. I told him I don’t want to leave but there will come a time that I just won’t be able to put up with this anymore if he doesn’t change. I hate the example I’m setting for our kids when I put up with this. He’s on medication for severe OCD and anxiety. I knew his mental health had been bad, but he didn’t let me know how bad until last night. He said he was terrified to have the kids overnight and he didn’t know why I was so mad that he wanted to keep them somewhere safe. I told him it was because he didn’t keep his promise after we talked about it several times after he left them at his parents’ last week.
He said he knows he keeps messing up and he thinks he’s subconsciously pushing me away because he’s worried I’m going to leave. He said he thinks he’s doing that because he’d rather push me away and know I’m leaving than have it catch him by surprise. He says he’s in a self sabotage spiral and he doesn’t know how to stop it. He said he loves me and the babies more than anything and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep us. We agreed we’re in this awful roommate phase and we’ve come out of that before and we can do it again. He agreed on marriage counseling. I’m going to be making an appointment today. He’s also working on getting individualized counseling and maybe some med switches.
Thank you SO much for all the kind responses to this. It gave me the confidence to communicate and advocate for myself and our kids.
We’re going to be taking up the offer of childcare more frequently and going on dates to try to fix us first. I’m going to sit down with my mother in law and sister in law and let them know our marriage is in a bad place right now and we need to prioritize it. I know the comments made him seem like a real momma’s boy, but if he is, it’s because his mom is actually the best. I love her like she’s my own mom, and I’m sure she’ll understand the situation. If you’ve read this far, thank you 💜 once again, I really appreciate all the comments and messages (except the dudes trying to hit me up in my messages lmao) this text community helped me more than the relationship advice sub ever did.
I thought the same thing. It read so much more as a divorced couple that are having issues over co-parenting.
It’s wild that this man-child can’t handle taking care of his own children. It’s ridiculous he stays with his sister when he has them. He should be at home….being a dad. In the morning he could drop them off at his sisters while he goes to work.
This situation is ridiculous, and I feel for OP. She brings home the bacon, and apparently handles 99.99999% of the childcare, because her husband is out in the sun working…..and is tired. That is an embarrassing AF excuse for not taking care of your own children.
Edit - spelling
When I ended the relationship with the biological father of my children, I was nervous about how I would manage looking after two young kids on my own. It was actually SO much easier to raise them on my own without the constant emotional drain of living with a useless POS manchild. Being a "married" single mother is so taxing and exhausting, it's infinitely easier and so much less stressful to do it alone.
Having a partner who is practically another child is insane. Grown ass men (or women) in society who need their spouse to "take care of them". I'll never understand how they make themselves the victims when forced to be responsible.
My ex husband slowly refused to do things. By the time we divorce he told me I needed to just accept the fact that he wouldn’t do a damn thing besides go to work. I was working 2 jobs and doing literally everything down to putting gas in his car. He would have rather ran out of gas on the freeway then come home and scream at me than pump his own gas. He was also mad that I didn’t find absolute joy and happiness in caring for him. He wanted a servant who loved nothing more than taking care of him. When I left, the look of shock on his face shocked the shit out of me. I warned him for years one day I would be out and when I reminded him of that he said “I didn’t think you were serious.” He learned how fucking serious I finally was when I filed the next day.
He seems to have the traditional view of how a man's life should be. Wake up, go to work, come home, relax, go to bed, repeat. Childcare is woman's work. He even passes the kid on to Mom and sister.
Same. Kids dad left when he was 6 months old and I was stressed, but after the first week without him I realized it was easier. I had less money and had to do more on my own, but it was easier than dealing with someone who was a deadbeat from the start but also living with me.
I understand exactly what you mean when you say it’s easier to raise your children without the other parent. That’s when it’s really bad. I got out of that and I couldn’t imagine a better lie and the peace I have is unbelievable. I get to finally enjoy my daughter and not have to deal with everything from her father.
Yes, it's amazing just how much of a weight is lifted when you no longer have to deal with toxic bs, contant mind games and weaponised incompetence. And in retrospect, he wasn't simply not co-parenting, he was actively "counter-parenting". The children ultimately suffer the most when one parent is primarily motivated by playing mind games and using the kids as pawns to cause distress to the other parent. Thank god that toxic a-hole doesn't bother any of us any more, my sons are so much happier and healthier as a result.
I'm glad that you also got out of your toxic relationship and are now able to focus on a happy, uncomplicated life with your daughter. Life is too short and children are too precious to be caught up in some asshole's manipulative bs and games.
As a married father of 2 with a present mom that I am very grateful for. It is really difficult, for both of us, to handle the parenting style we have painted ourselves in to.
She is a night owl/insomniac that works from home on her own schedule. I’m someone that falls asleep early and works 8-5.
When I say I fall asleep early I mean I pass out around 10 and am dead to the world until the morning. I am a heavy sleeper, even when I get waken up; I’m basically sleep walking. With the new borns; I would wake up to change diapers, but would almost never wake up to the baby crying. The baby would be breast fed and only take it directly from the source. I would try with bottles but my wife didn’t have the patience for it and they would only drink directly from the nipple. So me waking up was almost pointless because I provided little value. I know this was a source of great frustration for my wife.
Now I am super involved in everything. I am the one that takes them to school, ballet, karate, swim class, tutoring, I do all of the school work with them, and I get them both ready for bed. Especially for those 2 hours of bed prep my wife completely “clocks out”. I am a single parent during these times and sometimes it gets super frustrating juggling the 2 and some help would be amazing. But she is done.
She still watches the kids when I am at work, which I am appreciative of. But even when we go shopping or to an event with the kids; I am the one responsible for the kids while she just enjoys herself. I really lament the fact that we are almost never parenting at the same time.
Married single mom is exactly it. I went through the same thing with my ex and I am sorry you are in this position. As someone who was that position, as someone else said it is easier with two kids instead of three. It’s more than he just left the kids with his mom and sister just the fact that he’s never gotten up with the kids is the problem here and I had the same. I am sorry to say that this behavior will continue and you will be a worn out. Tired stressed, mama.
Oh man, this reminds me of my sister. It’s especially bad cause BIL is away 4-5 days from home as he’s a trucker and so he comes home all tired and expecting some sort of break. But my sister works a full time job too and takes care of the kid all day (I help when I can). He’s not terrible and he does try at times, but he’s just not in the routine, so he repeatedly asks questions he should technically already know. Like how many ounces, where’s the pacifier, what should the baby wear, what should the baby eat, and he sometimes forgets to change the diaper. He might be tired but damn, so is she!
It’s so crazy how a lot of women do intensive research on how to raise a baby; what not to do, what to do when they choke or get super sick, what food to avoid, what formula is the best, best stroller, healthy snacks, etc. and some men just don’t do any of that. Like my BIL wanted to give their 7 month old McDonalds and my sister was sooo mad at him for even contemplating that and he defended himself by saying the baby will eventually try it anyways…yeah so im watching her steadily fall out of love with him in real time 😬
It's because they think that "oh I'm married My wife is the one who birthed them so she's going to take on most of the responsibility. I don't have to do much just kind of help out occasionally, But you know when I can and all". They treat their wives like a built-in servant maid and babysitter
She’s enabled this though and bears some responsibility. As a dad…….respectfully -ish…..how the fuck do you get to 3.5 and 18 months while letting your wife deal with every single night waking while you’re both working????? My wife and I both work hybrid office jobs and even a sick night or week will drain a person completely. Doing physical labor or not your primary role you signed up for is being a parent and I could never turn that off overnight and allow my wife to bear it all 100%.
This whole situation makes my blood boil.
This was my life when my daughter was little, too. I did everything - every night, every daycare drop off and pick up, every dinner, every bath, every doctor appointment . All because my now ex-husband couldn’t be bothered. He was too tired. He needed to decompress. I’M A FUCKING TRIAL ATTORNEY!! Don’t you think I NEED TO DECOMPRESS?
No wonder we are divorced. He had such a rude awakening when we separated when she was 6 that he stopped seeing her completely when she was in middle school. He couldn’t deal with being a parent at all! If she was sick on his weekend, he brought her back home. If HE was feeling sick, he brought her back home. He just couldn’t understand that I didn’t get to choose whether or not to take care of her if I was sick or she was sick.
But, again, no wonder we are divorced! He didn’t have more children with his new wife, either, which is one small blessing!
My therapist once told me my time is not worth less than my partner’s.
At the time, he was working a physically demanding job and I was in school full time working on my masters thesis while taking a full load of classes for a second degree at the same time and working part time. He would get home and was *constantly* “too tired to clean” (we don’t have kids, thank Christ). I’m too tired too but we all adults here and it needs to be done and I refuse to live in filth. You don’t get a pass if I don’t, my time is not worth less than yours.
We are still together but that was a really rough patch. He came to understand where I was coming from and it’s all good now (for the most part) but good goddamn, it was frustrating.
I read this and was nodding nonstop! same situation for me, I’m a professor and was in my doctorate and my (now ex) did nothing for our young kids (newborn and 14month old) I filed for divorce when the youngest turned one. Life is much better but he still pawns the kids off on his mom whenever it’s too much or he’s sick etc ..
>how the fuck do you get to 3.5 and 18 months while letting your wife deal with every single night waking while you’re both working?????
Dude...my wife would have kicked my ass (I wanted very much to be part of the process though).
This dude clearly isn't interested in being a father, and it shows. I'm rarely one to do the whole "you need to divorce this clown", but this is going to end badly, might as well get it over with.
As a dad who has worked a physical job since our twins were born, I’ll say this: I think I have less of a chance of being exhausted or dozing off than someone who has to drive a long distance or sit at a desk all day.
I’m not claiming to be a “perfect” dad, but a very basic part of the job is getting up in the middle of the night when your kid needs you. Maybe I look at it differently because we had 3 kids under 3 years old and it almost always took both of us to handle issues in the middle of the night… but you learn to cope. You have to. Baby needs to be fed? Kid got scared? Puke everywhere? You get up and you deal with it… that’s being a parent.
Our twins just graduated high school, and I’m thankful that we had them young (my wife and I are in our early 40s). Instead of staying up all night partying and going to work the next day, we were up all night with sick kids and going to work the next day. I had the joy of driving 120 miles round-trip for work for 11 years, leaving home at 5:30am… and that hour-long drive each way was my “alone time” every day.
My husband works the same rough neck back breaking work, and I’ve never been made to feel anything other than comfortable asking him to help at night.
This post is wild to me. I don’t understand how a father can act that way
I am a sole income earning with three kids and SAH wife and I would get up to do night feeds/nappy changes, etc. That's what a parenting team does. I can't imagine willingly being so useless as a husband and father.
I was starting to get concerned, but immediately breathed a sigh of relief upon discovering it is once again the woman's fault for mans behavior. We did it Reddit!
He can't put his kids first for one night. Think about that. Really think about it.
If you were in hospital what would happen? If the worst happened and you died, what would happen?
Would he abandon his kids in a heartbeat? He can't even be there for them for ONE NIGHT.
Heartbreaking.
I’m surprised more people aren’t mentioning this?! They’re married, and live together BUT he hasn’t spent the night alone with them more than twice?! Like huh. And what’s she mean “I take her every night”?? Excuse me 😭 coparenting isn’t a thing to this man obviously. Really weird dynamic
Gees. I wasn’t even working when my late husband offered to look after ourbaby overnight ( he was a carpet layer and worked long hrs ) and what he said to me was “ the boy and I are going to stay up all night drinking and watching the telly “ I woke up a few hrs later to find the two of them fast asleep on the sofa together. Gees I miss him.
It sounds like he gave you beautiful memories you can hold close & find some comfort in. It also sounds like he truly loved your child. May you always find the energy to remember him with joy & humor when you seek it.
He’s selfish and sees you as the primary parent caretaker, and doesn’t want his kids to be part of his life when “he’s tired from work” (wtf!who isn’t!). You had it all arranged where he was with them and he blew it off. You need to take a good hard look at your husband, and consider couples’ counseling. This is not a partnership.
You take care of the kids more, and you earn more than this man? Why do you even need him? He sounds like a burden, especially if he doesn’t understand why his behaviour is immature and selfish.
I’m surprised I had to scroll this far to see someone mention that. “Those babies” is such a weird, detached way to refer to your own kids to their other parent.
I know. I kept waiting for the text to show up that said, "you're their father, i don't need any other reason to expect you to take care of our children". She typed up a novel that will fall on deaf ears. He doesn't respect her or care about taking care of his own children. Its absolutely bonkers that a man can't handle taking care of his own kids for a night.
He won't feel either. This is just like my husband since we've had our 2 year old (on purpose). Completely changed overnight. I'm his bang maid who can't say a word about his behavior without him threatening to divorce me and leave.
I am 100% a single married mother just like she is. She's even trying to be as nonconfrontational as she can in those texts. Look at how she words things. I do that, too.
I didn’t realize how bad my situation is until I posted here tbh :( everyone in my life defends him and condemns me. I feel awful for not doing better for my babies. I just really want to have a complete family, I’ve put everything into this family. I swear it didn’t used to be this bad :( :(
Do you guys live closer to/have more involvement with his family than yours? I feel like a lot of women get sucked into their husbands family dynamic which can lead to everyone around you defending the husband
We live closer to his family, and have much more involvement. My mother has taken my son overnight once when he was an infant and that’s it, because she relapsed and I do not allow her to take the kids anymore without supervision. Maybe she’ll be allowed to watch them again once she hits like three years sobriety, but when she drinks, she drives 🙃 she’s about a year and a half sober now. She also lives three hours away.
We go to his family’s house 3+ times a week. This isn’t demanded of me or anything, I’ll go by myself sometimes, the sad thing is, I really really love them and in my mind, they’re my parents and sisters, too. They have advocated for me in the past even over my husband. They’re a huge help and they love me like a daughter/sister. I really don’t know what their side of this is but I don’t really want a third party in a marital issue.
Honestly, writing that out made me realize it's much worse than I let myself think it is.
He told me to quit my job right before giving birth. I didn't make enough to pay for daycare. He just threatened to take my car last night. Both of our cars are in his name. And as of a couple hours ago, I got an email from my bank saying the password was changed. No safety net. All my friends left because they got tired of me not leaving him. No family. I'm totally fucked.
That's textbook abuse, isn't it? Idk why I can't see that.
Sorry to rant! This was very cathartic. Thank you ❤️
Contact your bank asap.. Nothing should be done without you authorizing it
Do you think he would let you get a job now?
Try to reach out to some old friends, look up womes shelters. Just make sure he can't check your history and find it
Stay strong ❤️
I don’t understand why a father can’t stay with his children. This is very sad, I’m sorry you are dealing with this. In this situation, you have every right
I dated someone for a while. We never had kids (thank heavens), but he did things when he felt like them. And only when he felt like them. When he was tired of me, no texts and just played video games. He just didn't do things he didn't feel like, ever. It was wild. I'm people-pleasing all over and I was initially like, 'oh, his way is much healthier', then 'no, wait, this is too far the other way'.
We were meant to hang out one day after I had a minor operation and he just didn't text back because he wasn't feeling it. I lay there in pain waiting for him, only to find he was just chilling out because he 'needed a rest day'.
Honestly, half the stuff he did, we never even talked about, because I just got responses of 'I just didn't think of it' when I asked things like why he'd abruptly gone from texting me every few hours to every few days. I can't force you to think about me, man, but I *can* leave.
I cannot imagine being with a person like that and having kids together. Doesn't feel like looking after the kids, so he won't. Just looking out for number one. I really hope OP's partner isn't as bad as my ex, but from this one snippet, boy does he seem it.
his mommy had the same relationship dynamic and became attached to her perfect boy, totally not like his father, and enables his behavior because he can do no wrong. OP needs to get away asap.
Well, yeah. Mommy says he can just go get some sleep. His wife thinks he’s supposed to help parent the kids he made. Who would you prefer? Mommy isn’t expecting adult behavior from him like his meanie of a wife. How can he take care of a baby? He’s still mommy’s special guy himself.
My tubes were removed. He was really great with our first and it went downhill after I was already pregnant with our girl. I had them take my tubes with my caesarean.
Your dude sucks. I’m divorced and my kids’ dad would NEVER pull this shit. He’s their dad and actually likes his kids. Your dude seems uninterested and gross.
There is a crazy difference between your maturity levels. He talks like a child while you sound so well spoken and logical. Take it up with my mom haha?? Honestly asking, does he take you seriously? Ugh this is rubbing me the wrong way, he sucks.
This is a perfect example of how men in our society get away with weaponized incompetence. He is perfectly fine with letting you do it all day and day out, but as soon as he has to make some effort and do it himself, he makes excuses, pretends it’s too much, and puts that responsibility on somebody else. The fact of the matter is he didn’t want to do it. This is a very common problem with men unfortunately. They want to have kids, but then they want the woman to do all the work that it requires even though usually both parents work. It’s very disheartening to be working out of town and not be able to trust that your husband is doing what you agreed on back at home. You should never have to “ask” him to take his kids overnight. You should be able to “expect” that as a father he would do that without question. It’s his job to do that when you can’t, and it sounds like he doesn’t help that much even when you are there. Marriage and parenthood should be a partnership where you are both pulling your weight and helping each other especially when it comes to the kids. You signed up to have a man, not a boy that you have to parent as well. I would have a long talk when you get home about respect, effort, and following through. He needed to prioritize how much you needed the family to watch them for the date night. It’s so very important to have a date night, especially when you’re both working and overwhelmed with the kids. You deserve peace of mind when you aren’t there, and also I would suggest marriage counseling before this gets out of hand. I really hope he can turn things around and build trust and communication with you.
Me and my wife are in the same situation as you but we just have one kid. If I had told my wife, that’d I’d be staying with my kid overnight while still having help, I would keep my word. Even without the help lol. Sorry you have to go through this but your thinking is definitely justified!
I would lose my actual mind. In fact, I’ve been in this situation and I did lose it. Marriage counseling is a good idea to start, but think about what you want your life to look like. It sounds like he’s not contributing much of anything to your relationship or family. You make the money and do all the childcare. Does he cook? Clean? You deserve SO much better than this.
I had a similar situation, doing all the nights and bedtimes etc with our daughter while keeping a full time job - we had broken up before she was 3 years old … I found it much easier once I was on my own, as I didn’t have the stress of fighting to be heard and understood by my ‘partner’!
I get that it's about the principle for you, but let's not downplay how fucking ridiculous it is for a father to literally bail on his children because he's "tired". Tough titties bro, this is what you signed up for as a parent.
It's also important that the kids bond with dad and learns he's there for them when they need help. If he keeps bailing on them they will emotionally not see him as a protector of the family and instead lean much more on mom.
It's the principle of him keeping his word now. And then later, as your children are getting older, they're learning from their parents how relationships work. Let him know that too. How did he respond btw?
Please take custody of those kids so they have a dependable person. What he's doing is going to cause them a lot of pain when they realize that his kids are not that much of a priority.
Also the way he says take it up with mom and sister is absolutely pathetic. He's trying to push the blame that he knows he deserves, onto them so that he doesn't have to deal with talking to you.
Wake up and open your eyes to how messed up it is for his kids to grow up knowing daddy can't even be with them for a full 12 hours. What an absolute ass.
I'm sorry that you have a shit partner who can't even have your back after you beg him.
Seriously. I have to be AT work at 6:30am. Last night I got two hours of sleep because it’s summer and I had gone to sleep early because I had a migraine but then my kids woke me up an hour later because they were hungry and then I just couldn’t sleep after. The night before one of them was feeling sick so I stayed up with him to make sure he didn’t throw up his nausea medicine.
Their dad works nights so they’re with him during the day and he makes sure they’re taken care of before he goes to sleep. Granted my kids are a bit older but he’s been working nights since they were 3 and 7 and back then we were so broke we all slept in one room so he was constantly being woken up.
When you’re a parent you just make do. Here I am at work drinking a coffee and they’re probably do it again to me tonight and I would much rather have them with me than with anyone else.
He sounds like he’s in road construction or concrete pouring. Or roofing? Labor intensive job, it doesn’t matter. Either way, he sounds very disrespectful to you.
Sounds like he only cares about himself. What’s he like while the babies are awake? Does he take responsibility in a waking scenario? If I laughed like that at my wife and told her to take it up with my mom and sister…idk if she’d ever forgive me. None of this will probably answer your question but I think he sounds like kind of a dick to you. And a Mom who works hard like you doesn’t need that shit. Best of luck to you and hang in there.
It sounds like you're a single parent and second parent can't even parent for 24 hours. Now he's started lying too. Why keep him in yours or your children's lives?
as a single father with custody of my toddler, it’s hard. trust me i get it. i work in 115 degree heat in az with little to no sleep bc of him. BUTTT that doesn’t justify him just leaving his kids like that. as parents you make sacrifices and him doing this bs is unacceptable.
why would she tell him that? he clearly does not care for the relationship nor her wellbeing. best thing to do is disappear quietly. ghost him. leave him wondering, if he wonders at all.
He seems like a lost cause. OP is going to be coparenting with the MIL and SIL if they split. Which is probably better since they will actually have had some prior experience taking care of the children. He can send checks since that’s all he thinks he has to contribute. And OP can embrace her reality as a single mother. Single moms do 100% of the overnight childcare. Single moms have no one they can tag in when they are about to collapse. She just hasn’t accepted that she is a single mom yet.
He's buying his rest with your labour. You are setting yourself on fire to keep him warm. All the people pleasers in his life are enablers. Your husband is still a child. Return him to his mother. You've been a single mother to your children since day 1. Their father is pathetic and weak. Don't count on any support from in-laws; they taught him how to be the failure he is.
Looks like you’re married to a sh*thouse father who’s unreliable and emotionally unavailable to his kids and basically acts like a teenager to you.
Maybe consider if this is who you want present in yours (and your kids) lives. Looks like he’s quite openly making the choices he wants.
I resonated with your post very deeply. My husband and I were in a similar situation. I was doing everything he was doing the bare minimum. I was practically a married single mother. I'm sure a lot of us can relate to you. Had he not changed, I would have left. I hope it works out for you, and if not, you're a single married mother already, anyway. You'll just be changing paperwork to be legally single.
He’s putting his own needs above his family’s, while you appear to be making a lot of sacrifices of your own needs. I don’t blame you for feeling disappointed, I can only imagine how alone this would make you feel in parenting your children.
he can’t handle them for one night. he isn’t a parent love. you’re a single mom that happens to be with a man. he has no interest. it’s his parents not him. he’s lazy and not an adult.
Totally justified.
My husband works 70 hours a week in the hottest of the hot and the coldest of the cold. Right now his work truck has no air conditioning.
When our daughter was a baby we would get in little tiffs because he would take her from me as soon as he got home, but I wasn’t done hanging out with her 😂
She is SIX. He still Insists on holding her until she falls asleep and carrying her to bed. If she wakes up sick all I have to do is roll over and tap him, and he handles it.
Your husband is dropping the ball heavily
I assumed this was a co-parenting situation and not an actively married household. I am so confused.
I also WFH but for a company in Canada and the occasions I have to travel, my husband bears most of the responsibility for our daughter, including not sleeping if that happens to be the case. My parents help out because of his work schedule in the medical field, but he gets her from them as soon as he can and handles all of the things around it on his own, including getting her to school and stuff when needed.
I am absolutely blown away by this man’s inability to PARENT his own children and that you essentially enable it. I would think long and hard, OP, about whether or not you want to continue to be married to someone when you’re a single parent.
"You're going to be mad, I already know" translates to "I know what I did was shitty but I don't give a shit". This man pawned his kids off on his mom and SIL so he didn't have to watch them. Tell him to man the fuck up and do his job as a father. If he can't handle being a dad and working whatever job he has, then its time to find a job he can handle. Pathetic.
He’s a shit husband and an even shittier father. As a dad, he should want to take that responsibility but instead he’s being selfish. He doesn’t actually care about his kids btw.
Man, this sounds like you’re divorced.
The worst part is having to ask him. You shouldn’t have to ask. You have to go out of town, so he should just KNOW that he’ll be alone overnight. He’s a parent. That’s what parents do. When you decide to have kids together, it’s an automatic division of labor.
Even if you’re stronger in some areas, he should be able to immediately pick up that slack if you’re not available and vice versa.
I never encourage separation or divorce, but this guy needs a serious rude awakening. What if something happened to you? Would he just leave the kids permanently with his sister or mom?
He somehow knows he won't be able to sleep even tho he's never tried it?
Seems his family is enabling him. I bet he was sitting there before he left complaining that he won't get any sleep and wishing he could go home without them, and then they told him he can go home. I'd get their side.
Someone that isn't used to doing childcare is going to be anxious about it. He needs more responsibility with them from now on so he's confident with them.
Why are you bringing home the bacon AND doing literally all the parenting? Just saying, i was in this EXACT situation. Got a divorce and now i get weekends to myself. Dude was FORCED to parent, granted the two easiest days when he doesn't have to work or deal with daycare, but whatever. My cortisol levels are slowly subsiding lmao.
Dad here of a 3 year old and 9 month old. Really don’t care that he’s tired. He wanted kids so guess what? It’s part of the sacrifice. I’m up constantly with my younger one during the night because my wife leaves much earlier for work than I do and also it’s my responsibility as a parent to do this. I’m tired every day going to work. Doing a very physically demanding job outside as well. But you suck it up and deal with it. Your husband needs to grow up. It’s honestly horrifying the way some men act when they have kids. There’s nothing I want to do more than help with my kids because there’s many times it’s just me and I need to know what I’m doing. I’m sorry OP it’s nice to see you are very understanding but you let him off too easily. You do SO much your husband needs to step the hell up.
We are at a similar place in life. I make more money than my husband and I work odd hours sometimes since I work at a hospital. My husband is a plumber and his job is much more physically demanding than mine. We have two kids - 4 years old and 18 months old. There are times where my husband slacks off with chores around the house and I definitely do more to keep our house a home as some would say, but he is always present for our kids even when I know he’s exhausted. It kind of sounds like your hubby is a man child and his family enables him to be. I’m sorry you are going thru this - you must feel alone and exhausted. But you deserve better… and so do your kids. If he doesn’t hear you out or feel any sort of responsibility to do more as a husband and father, maybe marriage counseling might be worth a shot.
If he is referencing his children as “those kids” when he knows he is in the wrong about something you asked him not to do, how does he talk about them when they make a mess, wake him up, ask him why he doesn’t spend time with him? In your previous posts you mentioned that the kids only want you at night or something along those lines but he’s comfortable leaving them for the SIL and BIL to deal with? You are the primary breadwinner and a single parent. Why doesn’t your husband work a less physically demanding job since he already isn’t making the majority of the money so his job isn’t as important financially.
This reads like a divorced couple where the ex wife needs to take the man to court so he can be stripped of whatever custody he has and his child support obligation can be increased.
Let me be clear. You're asking him to BE A FATHER. I have to get up at 6am every morning to drive over an hour in traffic to get to my job. After work, I get the kids from daycare, drive another hour plus home in traffic and then <> COOK for my entire family and then usually get the kids ready for bed while my wife takes care of the dishes and anything else she feels she needs to do. We trade off mornings getting up with our toddler. This is NOT a hard thing. Am I tired? I am exhausted, every day as is my wife. That is part of having a toddler. He needs to get over himself and grow up. Asking for help is one thing - bailing on your kids to get some sleep when you were SPECIFICALLY asked to have them is another. Ugh, gross.
The fact that he *knew* you would be upset and keeps telling you to “take it up with them” instead of actually listening to why you’re upset is so fucked. He knew what he was doing, he just doesn’t care about your wants or needs and would rather pass the kids off to his family than be a parent. Dude sucks.
Dude needs to grow up. ONE night he might loose alittle bit of sleep and he can't even do that. He is very selfish and will wonder why in a few years the kids dont want to be around him.
At 18months with two older silbings (3 kids under 7yo) my Dad took care of us for a week on his own while my Mum got a girls vacation with her bff. (whose husband also looked after his kid same age as me on his own for a week).
Because this is what REAL men do, BFFs husband was a firefighter so was surrounded by macho type guys and never once got shit for being a good Dad!
OP you might do better as a single mom offically because you are already doing all the work.
he sounds like a mama’s boy. “i know youll be mad but call my mom” is absolutely, downright disrespectful. just red flags all around. im sorry you spent so much time with a man that doesnt want to be a father.
Looks like perfect proof for the judge to see he is a negligent father who should pay you more for taking care of them because he doesn't and even possibly get full custody of them along with the child support increase.
It would be more work to have full custody but it would be less stressful than having to deal with this douche for 18 years.
You mean your oldest toddler left your younger toddlers again.
He's being very immature.
"Boo hoo, having kids is hard work"
No shit buttercup. Your husband isn't being a very good father. He needs a come to Jesus moment, because if he does this going forward, he's gonna hear from a lawyer you hired.
He's not putting the work into being a father and husband.
Sorry your husband kinda sucks.
I thought this was two divorced parents. I cannot believe that you still want to be with him. I love my fiance more than anything, but I think that would fade quickly if he couldn’t handle this small responsibility for his own children. My fiance would absolutely never do that and we’re young adults.
“take it up with them haha” is crazy
Right?! A grown ass man told his wife to take it up with his mommy. My response would have been “I’m not married to your mommy. I don’t have children with your mommy. So I’m not talking to your mommy. I’m talking to YOU.”
I was running every single one of these lines through my head and got myself all worked up. The fuck do you mean take it up with my mom?!?!? I would have lost it right then and there. Can’t believe OP was able to stop and write a meaningful message, lol!
I bet OP has an awful lot of experience suppressing her feelings to protect his
I just recently realized I have been doing this for years... and when it finally clicked and I played it all back I honestly was like wtf am I doing? I'm just constantly dimming my light to always shine his, eating my feelings so that he doesn't have to feel the hard stuff, always making sure *HE'S* good and taking the weight and responsibility of everything, WHILE HE'S VERY AWARE OF ALL OF IT and lets it happen? I can't even begin to explain how much of an idiot I've been. But, since then, it's been so liberating cause now I'm in my -fuck him- era while he is struggling hard without my constant (coddling) support. And I'm honestly enjoying it. I see some similarities here so I genuinely hope OP that you also have this breakthrough soon.
I left my husband when my kids were 2 and 5- I was doing everything and realized how much more enjoyable it was to do it without him- the criticizing the belittling , hard fucking pass.
Oh I totally get what you mean about constant criticising and belittling, my ex-husband was verbally and emotionally abusive. People don't understand that that is abuse, but just because he wasn't physically abusive, he thought he was wonderful. All the scars are on the inside. Well done for getting out with two little kids, I'm glad that you found enjoyment with them, even though it must have been a lot of hard work too. I hope that life is treating you much better now.
Yup. That’d be the end. OP, you got yourself a MANCHILD. He takes no responsibility. It’s not going to get better. Please get yourself into therapy & if he’ll go, get couples therapy as well.
couple's therapy won't work if they're *this* incompatible. couple's therapy is mostly for relationships that genuinely love and respect each other but are having a break down in communication. this dude clearly dgaf about her even remotely
Well, sometimes couple's therapy with bad relationships helps the couple realize there's no hope, and that's an important realization too 😅
But she will be sharing custody with his mommy
Yup. Mommy will have to step in after his mean wife divorces him. What’s he supposed to do? Take care of his own children? Mommy would never let that happen to her special boy. He’s tired.
Can confirm.
I can only imagine his mother and sister saying “But he works so hard he was exhausted we were happy to take the kids”
I can guarantee that’s exactly what happened. Can’t think about it too long or I’m fuming.
So they enable his spoiled laziness (typical of certain women to assume the burden of their boys, even if they're grown adults). > Can’t think about it too long or I’m fuming. You *should* think about this and keep that anger in your mind when you tell him he better "father" the fuck up or he can get a court-ordered custody arrangement. He's not a dad; he's a sperm donor. He's not a partner; he's another child you're managing. You deserve better and so do your children.
Boom. And there it is folks. My exact sentiments. You deserve better OP. 🫶🏼🙏🏼
Yes, I had to live through this bullshit. I keep my distance from all but one person in his family now.
More like "he was complaining so much about how hard he works and how exhausted he was, we were happy to take the kids so he'd shut up."
yea ew!
That is something a child would say, not someone who apparently has children. I say apparently, because he doesn’t seem to understand he has children he needs to take care of. “Go talk to my mommy and sissy if you don’t like my shitty actions” - that would have his kids taken away by CPS if he didn’t have his mommy, I mean wife, to take care of EVERYTHING.
I would be seeing red if my spouse said that to me.
For some reason I can’t update the post, so I’m going to reply to this comment so hopefully it’ll be visible. As for frequently asked questions: Why can’t the kids stay overnight more than once a month? They stay once at grandma and grandpa’s, and once at aunt and uncle’s. That’s typically every two weeks. While they have a great time, it throws off their schedule (this last time they BARELY slept.) that’s also why I wanted dad there, so a schedule would be stuck to and wouldn’t screw me over midweek. The once a month per household thing has just been a rule that’s always been set and agreed upon by me and my husband, and his family. It’s not hard and fast, but it’s a rule. Why did he say “those babies?” This is one of those things where things look much worse over text lol, he says things like “I love those babies” “let’s get those babies” playfully, that’s not vindictive at all. Why are you putting up with this? Why are you still with him? Etc.. I didn’t give a lot of backstory, but this is a new job. He’s never had to take the babies overnight before because he used to work a job where he’d work five straight 12 hour days, then have five days off. If I had to go into work, I’d try to schedule it on his days off. If it was on his days on, there was literally no way he could’ve taken them overnight, as he would leave at 4 am (long commute) and wouldn’t be home until 7:30 pm. It just hadn’t come up until recently because this is the first time he’s worked a M-F job. What was his response? “I am sorry. I didn’t realize it was that wild 😅 I’m not being sarcastic either. I’m sure we could still have them have sleep overs soon though? I am sorry though, what can I do to make this better?” I did not respond to this text, we talked in person about it. Why did you have more kids with him? You’re not having anymore, right??? The babies are obviously pretty close together. I was pregnant with my daughter when my son was 15 months old. He was really great before we had kids, we’re actually the couple everyone wanted to be 🙃 everyone in my family loved him as he’s a man of few words (obviously) and very soft spoken and gentle. I’m a girl of lots of words (obviously) and I’m confident, strong, and stubborn. He was really great when we just had our son. We really wanted two close together. We’re not having any more because my tubes were removed for unrelated reasons. Our conversation last night: I got home last night and I was really upset. We put the babies down to bed and we talked right after. We actually had a really good talk about everything and he even cried (he never cries) because he’s having a really hard time with his new job. He’s been really in his own world since he started this job and hasn’t been helpful at all. I actually left for a couple days with the kids about a month ago. I told him I don’t want to leave but there will come a time that I just won’t be able to put up with this anymore if he doesn’t change. I hate the example I’m setting for our kids when I put up with this. He’s on medication for severe OCD and anxiety. I knew his mental health had been bad, but he didn’t let me know how bad until last night. He said he was terrified to have the kids overnight and he didn’t know why I was so mad that he wanted to keep them somewhere safe. I told him it was because he didn’t keep his promise after we talked about it several times after he left them at his parents’ last week. He said he knows he keeps messing up and he thinks he’s subconsciously pushing me away because he’s worried I’m going to leave. He said he thinks he’s doing that because he’d rather push me away and know I’m leaving than have it catch him by surprise. He says he’s in a self sabotage spiral and he doesn’t know how to stop it. He said he loves me and the babies more than anything and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep us. We agreed we’re in this awful roommate phase and we’ve come out of that before and we can do it again. He agreed on marriage counseling. I’m going to be making an appointment today. He’s also working on getting individualized counseling and maybe some med switches. Thank you SO much for all the kind responses to this. It gave me the confidence to communicate and advocate for myself and our kids. We’re going to be taking up the offer of childcare more frequently and going on dates to try to fix us first. I’m going to sit down with my mother in law and sister in law and let them know our marriage is in a bad place right now and we need to prioritize it. I know the comments made him seem like a real momma’s boy, but if he is, it’s because his mom is actually the best. I love her like she’s my own mom, and I’m sure she’ll understand the situation. If you’ve read this far, thank you 💜 once again, I really appreciate all the comments and messages (except the dudes trying to hit me up in my messages lmao) this text community helped me more than the relationship advice sub ever did.
He is a total MOMMAS BOY.
Not all single moms are divorced from their children's father...
Powerful way to frame that 🔥
Based on these texts I assumed you were already divorced. Dude does not want to keep promises or respect you. You need to do some thinking about this.
Yeah I thought this was a divorced couple or two separated parents. Crazy stuff
Same here, I thought he was bailing on his custody arrangements.
Yeah, this reads co-parenting not partnership.
lol it reads NOT “CO”- parenting. No “CO” going on here. 😮😆
Wait… they’re still married??? 👀
Right? The whole time I read this, it sounded more like co parents than an actual couple living together.
I thought the same thing. It read so much more as a divorced couple that are having issues over co-parenting. It’s wild that this man-child can’t handle taking care of his own children. It’s ridiculous he stays with his sister when he has them. He should be at home….being a dad. In the morning he could drop them off at his sisters while he goes to work. This situation is ridiculous, and I feel for OP. She brings home the bacon, and apparently handles 99.99999% of the childcare, because her husband is out in the sun working…..and is tired. That is an embarrassing AF excuse for not taking care of your own children. Edit - spelling
Oof. Same. So sad. This dad sucks.
Absolutely. I came to the comments to try and gain clarity around the custody arrangements only to discover THEY ARE STILL MARRIED.
This is terrible and I’m so sorry but he’s definitely not going to read all that and absorb everything you’re saying. You’re a married single mother.
When I ended the relationship with the biological father of my children, I was nervous about how I would manage looking after two young kids on my own. It was actually SO much easier to raise them on my own without the constant emotional drain of living with a useless POS manchild. Being a "married" single mother is so taxing and exhausting, it's infinitely easier and so much less stressful to do it alone.
I hear this a lot. That's so intensely mind-blowing
Having a partner who is practically another child is insane. Grown ass men (or women) in society who need their spouse to "take care of them". I'll never understand how they make themselves the victims when forced to be responsible.
My ex husband slowly refused to do things. By the time we divorce he told me I needed to just accept the fact that he wouldn’t do a damn thing besides go to work. I was working 2 jobs and doing literally everything down to putting gas in his car. He would have rather ran out of gas on the freeway then come home and scream at me than pump his own gas. He was also mad that I didn’t find absolute joy and happiness in caring for him. He wanted a servant who loved nothing more than taking care of him. When I left, the look of shock on his face shocked the shit out of me. I warned him for years one day I would be out and when I reminded him of that he said “I didn’t think you were serious.” He learned how fucking serious I finally was when I filed the next day.
He fucked around and found out that day
He seems to have the traditional view of how a man's life should be. Wake up, go to work, come home, relax, go to bed, repeat. Childcare is woman's work. He even passes the kid on to Mom and sister.
“Wake up, go to work, come home, relax, go to bed, repeat” - you left out fuck the wife when horny! 😂
Same. Kids dad left when he was 6 months old and I was stressed, but after the first week without him I realized it was easier. I had less money and had to do more on my own, but it was easier than dealing with someone who was a deadbeat from the start but also living with me.
I understand exactly what you mean when you say it’s easier to raise your children without the other parent. That’s when it’s really bad. I got out of that and I couldn’t imagine a better lie and the peace I have is unbelievable. I get to finally enjoy my daughter and not have to deal with everything from her father.
Yes, it's amazing just how much of a weight is lifted when you no longer have to deal with toxic bs, contant mind games and weaponised incompetence. And in retrospect, he wasn't simply not co-parenting, he was actively "counter-parenting". The children ultimately suffer the most when one parent is primarily motivated by playing mind games and using the kids as pawns to cause distress to the other parent. Thank god that toxic a-hole doesn't bother any of us any more, my sons are so much happier and healthier as a result. I'm glad that you also got out of your toxic relationship and are now able to focus on a happy, uncomplicated life with your daughter. Life is too short and children are too precious to be caught up in some asshole's manipulative bs and games.
As a married father of 2 with a present mom that I am very grateful for. It is really difficult, for both of us, to handle the parenting style we have painted ourselves in to. She is a night owl/insomniac that works from home on her own schedule. I’m someone that falls asleep early and works 8-5. When I say I fall asleep early I mean I pass out around 10 and am dead to the world until the morning. I am a heavy sleeper, even when I get waken up; I’m basically sleep walking. With the new borns; I would wake up to change diapers, but would almost never wake up to the baby crying. The baby would be breast fed and only take it directly from the source. I would try with bottles but my wife didn’t have the patience for it and they would only drink directly from the nipple. So me waking up was almost pointless because I provided little value. I know this was a source of great frustration for my wife. Now I am super involved in everything. I am the one that takes them to school, ballet, karate, swim class, tutoring, I do all of the school work with them, and I get them both ready for bed. Especially for those 2 hours of bed prep my wife completely “clocks out”. I am a single parent during these times and sometimes it gets super frustrating juggling the 2 and some help would be amazing. But she is done. She still watches the kids when I am at work, which I am appreciative of. But even when we go shopping or to an event with the kids; I am the one responsible for the kids while she just enjoys herself. I really lament the fact that we are almost never parenting at the same time.
Married single mom is exactly it. I went through the same thing with my ex and I am sorry you are in this position. As someone who was that position, as someone else said it is easier with two kids instead of three. It’s more than he just left the kids with his mom and sister just the fact that he’s never gotten up with the kids is the problem here and I had the same. I am sorry to say that this behavior will continue and you will be a worn out. Tired stressed, mama.
Oh man, this reminds me of my sister. It’s especially bad cause BIL is away 4-5 days from home as he’s a trucker and so he comes home all tired and expecting some sort of break. But my sister works a full time job too and takes care of the kid all day (I help when I can). He’s not terrible and he does try at times, but he’s just not in the routine, so he repeatedly asks questions he should technically already know. Like how many ounces, where’s the pacifier, what should the baby wear, what should the baby eat, and he sometimes forgets to change the diaper. He might be tired but damn, so is she! It’s so crazy how a lot of women do intensive research on how to raise a baby; what not to do, what to do when they choke or get super sick, what food to avoid, what formula is the best, best stroller, healthy snacks, etc. and some men just don’t do any of that. Like my BIL wanted to give their 7 month old McDonalds and my sister was sooo mad at him for even contemplating that and he defended himself by saying the baby will eventually try it anyways…yeah so im watching her steadily fall out of love with him in real time 😬
It’s amazing the percentage of men who become total fucking monsters after kids are born. The kids THEY wanted.
It's because they think that "oh I'm married My wife is the one who birthed them so she's going to take on most of the responsibility. I don't have to do much just kind of help out occasionally, But you know when I can and all". They treat their wives like a built-in servant maid and babysitter
Been there and done that. She needs to divorce her third child. 🙄😒
100%. “I ain’t reading all that. I’m happy for u, tho. Or sorry that happened.”
With three children, instead of two
This is exactly what I thought - he can't even be arsed to read what you wrote because "Waaaaah! It's too long!"
He sounds like he’s 15
She’s enabled this though and bears some responsibility. As a dad…….respectfully -ish…..how the fuck do you get to 3.5 and 18 months while letting your wife deal with every single night waking while you’re both working????? My wife and I both work hybrid office jobs and even a sick night or week will drain a person completely. Doing physical labor or not your primary role you signed up for is being a parent and I could never turn that off overnight and allow my wife to bear it all 100%. This whole situation makes my blood boil.
This was my life when my daughter was little, too. I did everything - every night, every daycare drop off and pick up, every dinner, every bath, every doctor appointment . All because my now ex-husband couldn’t be bothered. He was too tired. He needed to decompress. I’M A FUCKING TRIAL ATTORNEY!! Don’t you think I NEED TO DECOMPRESS? No wonder we are divorced. He had such a rude awakening when we separated when she was 6 that he stopped seeing her completely when she was in middle school. He couldn’t deal with being a parent at all! If she was sick on his weekend, he brought her back home. If HE was feeling sick, he brought her back home. He just couldn’t understand that I didn’t get to choose whether or not to take care of her if I was sick or she was sick. But, again, no wonder we are divorced! He didn’t have more children with his new wife, either, which is one small blessing!
My therapist once told me my time is not worth less than my partner’s. At the time, he was working a physically demanding job and I was in school full time working on my masters thesis while taking a full load of classes for a second degree at the same time and working part time. He would get home and was *constantly* “too tired to clean” (we don’t have kids, thank Christ). I’m too tired too but we all adults here and it needs to be done and I refuse to live in filth. You don’t get a pass if I don’t, my time is not worth less than yours. We are still together but that was a really rough patch. He came to understand where I was coming from and it’s all good now (for the most part) but good goddamn, it was frustrating.
Upvoting for the very good advice from your therapist.
I read this and was nodding nonstop! same situation for me, I’m a professor and was in my doctorate and my (now ex) did nothing for our young kids (newborn and 14month old) I filed for divorce when the youngest turned one. Life is much better but he still pawns the kids off on his mom whenever it’s too much or he’s sick etc ..
>how the fuck do you get to 3.5 and 18 months while letting your wife deal with every single night waking while you’re both working????? Dude...my wife would have kicked my ass (I wanted very much to be part of the process though). This dude clearly isn't interested in being a father, and it shows. I'm rarely one to do the whole "you need to divorce this clown", but this is going to end badly, might as well get it over with.
She’s clearly told him and talked to him, she can’t force him to change. He is responsible for his behavior, not her.
As a dad who has worked a physical job since our twins were born, I’ll say this: I think I have less of a chance of being exhausted or dozing off than someone who has to drive a long distance or sit at a desk all day. I’m not claiming to be a “perfect” dad, but a very basic part of the job is getting up in the middle of the night when your kid needs you. Maybe I look at it differently because we had 3 kids under 3 years old and it almost always took both of us to handle issues in the middle of the night… but you learn to cope. You have to. Baby needs to be fed? Kid got scared? Puke everywhere? You get up and you deal with it… that’s being a parent. Our twins just graduated high school, and I’m thankful that we had them young (my wife and I are in our early 40s). Instead of staying up all night partying and going to work the next day, we were up all night with sick kids and going to work the next day. I had the joy of driving 120 miles round-trip for work for 11 years, leaving home at 5:30am… and that hour-long drive each way was my “alone time” every day.
My husband works the same rough neck back breaking work, and I’ve never been made to feel anything other than comfortable asking him to help at night. This post is wild to me. I don’t understand how a father can act that way
Amen! also I love your username haha
How the fuck has she enabled this. She is talking to a brick wall. The dude is a man-child who is hiding behind his mommy and sister.
I am a sole income earning with three kids and SAH wife and I would get up to do night feeds/nappy changes, etc. That's what a parenting team does. I can't imagine willingly being so useless as a husband and father.
I was starting to get concerned, but immediately breathed a sigh of relief upon discovering it is once again the woman's fault for mans behavior. We did it Reddit!
Exactly. He was a shit dad after the first kid, why did yall have ANOTHER?
His mother started with the enabling I'm sure.
He can't put his kids first for one night. Think about that. Really think about it. If you were in hospital what would happen? If the worst happened and you died, what would happen? Would he abandon his kids in a heartbeat? He can't even be there for them for ONE NIGHT. Heartbreaking.
This is wild to think about! And terrifying! If something happened to OP, dad would be clocked out for sure.
Sounds like he's never put anyone but himself first, ever. That's heartbreaking for OP and the kids :(
This is the only thing you really need to take into consideration here. Everything else is nothing compared to this question
…what do you MEAN he’s only watched them overnight twice?..they came from his balls and he’s only spent the night alone with them twice?????????????
I’m surprised more people aren’t mentioning this?! They’re married, and live together BUT he hasn’t spent the night alone with them more than twice?! Like huh. And what’s she mean “I take her every night”?? Excuse me 😭 coparenting isn’t a thing to this man obviously. Really weird dynamic
Lmao right?! And it sounds like he didn't even spend those two nights with them!
Gees. I wasn’t even working when my late husband offered to look after ourbaby overnight ( he was a carpet layer and worked long hrs ) and what he said to me was “ the boy and I are going to stay up all night drinking and watching the telly “ I woke up a few hrs later to find the two of them fast asleep on the sofa together. Gees I miss him.
He sounds like a Good Egg. I’m sorry for your loss. Big hug from Down Under.
I'm so sorry for your loss. He seems like he was fun and loved you and your boy. ❤️
It sounds like he gave you beautiful memories you can hold close & find some comfort in. It also sounds like he truly loved your child. May you always find the energy to remember him with joy & humor when you seek it.
🖤🖤🖤
so sorry for your loss :( sounds like he was a good man and a good father
He’s selfish and sees you as the primary parent caretaker, and doesn’t want his kids to be part of his life when “he’s tired from work” (wtf!who isn’t!). You had it all arranged where he was with them and he blew it off. You need to take a good hard look at your husband, and consider couples’ counseling. This is not a partnership.
You take care of the kids more, and you earn more than this man? Why do you even need him? He sounds like a burden, especially if he doesn’t understand why his behaviour is immature and selfish.
srsly sounds like she is also fulltime taking care of an adult :(
“Those babies” wth is that
I’m surprised I had to scroll this far to see someone mention that. “Those babies” is such a weird, detached way to refer to your own kids to their other parent.
I know. I kept waiting for the text to show up that said, "you're their father, i don't need any other reason to expect you to take care of our children". She typed up a novel that will fall on deaf ears. He doesn't respect her or care about taking care of his own children. Its absolutely bonkers that a man can't handle taking care of his own kids for a night.
That’s a man who should’ve gotten a vasectomy but chose to get children instead.
This is so disappointing. He should feel embarrassed and ashamed. What kind of parent can’t handle their own kids overnight? That’s really terrible.
He won't feel either. This is just like my husband since we've had our 2 year old (on purpose). Completely changed overnight. I'm his bang maid who can't say a word about his behavior without him threatening to divorce me and leave. I am 100% a single married mother just like she is. She's even trying to be as nonconfrontational as she can in those texts. Look at how she words things. I do that, too.
I didn’t realize how bad my situation is until I posted here tbh :( everyone in my life defends him and condemns me. I feel awful for not doing better for my babies. I just really want to have a complete family, I’ve put everything into this family. I swear it didn’t used to be this bad :( :(
❤️ exactly the same.
Do you guys live closer to/have more involvement with his family than yours? I feel like a lot of women get sucked into their husbands family dynamic which can lead to everyone around you defending the husband
We live closer to his family, and have much more involvement. My mother has taken my son overnight once when he was an infant and that’s it, because she relapsed and I do not allow her to take the kids anymore without supervision. Maybe she’ll be allowed to watch them again once she hits like three years sobriety, but when she drinks, she drives 🙃 she’s about a year and a half sober now. She also lives three hours away. We go to his family’s house 3+ times a week. This isn’t demanded of me or anything, I’ll go by myself sometimes, the sad thing is, I really really love them and in my mind, they’re my parents and sisters, too. They have advocated for me in the past even over my husband. They’re a huge help and they love me like a daughter/sister. I really don’t know what their side of this is but I don’t really want a third party in a marital issue.
I hope you are saving up to leave, and have a good safety net. Good luck
Honestly, writing that out made me realize it's much worse than I let myself think it is. He told me to quit my job right before giving birth. I didn't make enough to pay for daycare. He just threatened to take my car last night. Both of our cars are in his name. And as of a couple hours ago, I got an email from my bank saying the password was changed. No safety net. All my friends left because they got tired of me not leaving him. No family. I'm totally fucked. That's textbook abuse, isn't it? Idk why I can't see that. Sorry to rant! This was very cathartic. Thank you ❤️
Contact your bank asap.. Nothing should be done without you authorizing it Do you think he would let you get a job now? Try to reach out to some old friends, look up womes shelters. Just make sure he can't check your history and find it Stay strong ❤️
I don’t understand why a father can’t stay with his children. This is very sad, I’m sorry you are dealing with this. In this situation, you have every right
he doesn’t feel like it. The end. Father of the year….
I dated someone for a while. We never had kids (thank heavens), but he did things when he felt like them. And only when he felt like them. When he was tired of me, no texts and just played video games. He just didn't do things he didn't feel like, ever. It was wild. I'm people-pleasing all over and I was initially like, 'oh, his way is much healthier', then 'no, wait, this is too far the other way'. We were meant to hang out one day after I had a minor operation and he just didn't text back because he wasn't feeling it. I lay there in pain waiting for him, only to find he was just chilling out because he 'needed a rest day'. Honestly, half the stuff he did, we never even talked about, because I just got responses of 'I just didn't think of it' when I asked things like why he'd abruptly gone from texting me every few hours to every few days. I can't force you to think about me, man, but I *can* leave. I cannot imagine being with a person like that and having kids together. Doesn't feel like looking after the kids, so he won't. Just looking out for number one. I really hope OP's partner isn't as bad as my ex, but from this one snippet, boy does he seem it.
Ah. We have the same ex, I see.
He clearly doesn't understand the concept of partnership in parenting.
He clearly doesn't understand the concept of parenting.
His mommy said he doesn’t have to.
his mommy had the same relationship dynamic and became attached to her perfect boy, totally not like his father, and enables his behavior because he can do no wrong. OP needs to get away asap.
I'd say he understands it perfectly, just not which side of the equation he's on. OP is raising 3 kids.
This is fucking WILD. "Take it up with them haha" holy shit.
Ask my mommy! She said I don’t have to!
He loves mommy more than his wife and kids
Well, yeah. Mommy says he can just go get some sleep. His wife thinks he’s supposed to help parent the kids he made. Who would you prefer? Mommy isn’t expecting adult behavior from him like his meanie of a wife. How can he take care of a baby? He’s still mommy’s special guy himself.
Stop having children with this man. He obviously hasn't started adulting yet.
To be fair though. His mom said he didn’t have to. Ask her if you don’t believe him. Mommy will explain everything.
My tubes were removed. He was really great with our first and it went downhill after I was already pregnant with our girl. I had them take my tubes with my caesarean.
Your dude sucks. I’m divorced and my kids’ dad would NEVER pull this shit. He’s their dad and actually likes his kids. Your dude seems uninterested and gross.
There is a crazy difference between your maturity levels. He talks like a child while you sound so well spoken and logical. Take it up with my mom haha?? Honestly asking, does he take you seriously? Ugh this is rubbing me the wrong way, he sucks.
This is a perfect example of how men in our society get away with weaponized incompetence. He is perfectly fine with letting you do it all day and day out, but as soon as he has to make some effort and do it himself, he makes excuses, pretends it’s too much, and puts that responsibility on somebody else. The fact of the matter is he didn’t want to do it. This is a very common problem with men unfortunately. They want to have kids, but then they want the woman to do all the work that it requires even though usually both parents work. It’s very disheartening to be working out of town and not be able to trust that your husband is doing what you agreed on back at home. You should never have to “ask” him to take his kids overnight. You should be able to “expect” that as a father he would do that without question. It’s his job to do that when you can’t, and it sounds like he doesn’t help that much even when you are there. Marriage and parenthood should be a partnership where you are both pulling your weight and helping each other especially when it comes to the kids. You signed up to have a man, not a boy that you have to parent as well. I would have a long talk when you get home about respect, effort, and following through. He needed to prioritize how much you needed the family to watch them for the date night. It’s so very important to have a date night, especially when you’re both working and overwhelmed with the kids. You deserve peace of mind when you aren’t there, and also I would suggest marriage counseling before this gets out of hand. I really hope he can turn things around and build trust and communication with you.
Me and my wife are in the same situation as you but we just have one kid. If I had told my wife, that’d I’d be staying with my kid overnight while still having help, I would keep my word. Even without the help lol. Sorry you have to go through this but your thinking is definitely justified!
That’s my biggest issue, like I said, it’s the principle of keeping his word more than anything. Thank you for your comment, I do appreciate it!!
I would lose my actual mind. In fact, I’ve been in this situation and I did lose it. Marriage counseling is a good idea to start, but think about what you want your life to look like. It sounds like he’s not contributing much of anything to your relationship or family. You make the money and do all the childcare. Does he cook? Clean? You deserve SO much better than this.
I had a similar situation, doing all the nights and bedtimes etc with our daughter while keeping a full time job - we had broken up before she was 3 years old … I found it much easier once I was on my own, as I didn’t have the stress of fighting to be heard and understood by my ‘partner’!
I get that it's about the principle for you, but let's not downplay how fucking ridiculous it is for a father to literally bail on his children because he's "tired". Tough titties bro, this is what you signed up for as a parent.
She had to even plan *backup people* to help for the *one* night he had to watch his kids. Incredibly pathetic.
It's also important that the kids bond with dad and learns he's there for them when they need help. If he keeps bailing on them they will emotionally not see him as a protector of the family and instead lean much more on mom.
It's the principle of him keeping his word now. And then later, as your children are getting older, they're learning from their parents how relationships work. Let him know that too. How did he respond btw?
Please take custody of those kids so they have a dependable person. What he's doing is going to cause them a lot of pain when they realize that his kids are not that much of a priority. Also the way he says take it up with mom and sister is absolutely pathetic. He's trying to push the blame that he knows he deserves, onto them so that he doesn't have to deal with talking to you. Wake up and open your eyes to how messed up it is for his kids to grow up knowing daddy can't even be with them for a full 12 hours. What an absolute ass. I'm sorry that you have a shit partner who can't even have your back after you beg him.
I laughed when you said he had to be up at 6:10am... seriously? He's an actual piece of garbage.
that is such a normal time to be up for work i can't w this dude
Seriously. I have to be AT work at 6:30am. Last night I got two hours of sleep because it’s summer and I had gone to sleep early because I had a migraine but then my kids woke me up an hour later because they were hungry and then I just couldn’t sleep after. The night before one of them was feeling sick so I stayed up with him to make sure he didn’t throw up his nausea medicine. Their dad works nights so they’re with him during the day and he makes sure they’re taken care of before he goes to sleep. Granted my kids are a bit older but he’s been working nights since they were 3 and 7 and back then we were so broke we all slept in one room so he was constantly being woken up. When you’re a parent you just make do. Here I am at work drinking a coffee and they’re probably do it again to me tonight and I would much rather have them with me than with anyone else.
I gotta see his response. I bet it’s just “ok”
I don’t even see him putting in the effort to type. He probably just sent a thumbs up, IF he even addressed it at all.
He sounds like he’s in road construction or concrete pouring. Or roofing? Labor intensive job, it doesn’t matter. Either way, he sounds very disrespectful to you. Sounds like he only cares about himself. What’s he like while the babies are awake? Does he take responsibility in a waking scenario? If I laughed like that at my wife and told her to take it up with my mom and sister…idk if she’d ever forgive me. None of this will probably answer your question but I think he sounds like kind of a dick to you. And a Mom who works hard like you doesn’t need that shit. Best of luck to you and hang in there.
It sounds like you're a single parent and second parent can't even parent for 24 hours. Now he's started lying too. Why keep him in yours or your children's lives?
You are a married single mom. Stop having kids with this dude.
What did he think having kids was going to be like? Being tired seems part and parcel of being an active parent regardless of your employment demands.
The day my partner tells me to “take it up with his mom” is the day that man watches me walk away.
as a single father with custody of my toddler, it’s hard. trust me i get it. i work in 115 degree heat in az with little to no sleep bc of him. BUTTT that doesn’t justify him just leaving his kids like that. as parents you make sacrifices and him doing this bs is unacceptable.
Awww poor baby has to wake up at 6 am like literally everyone else in America? :(((( why do women keep making babies with these losers
Yeah. You married a man child. You’re going to eventually resent him so much you’ll divorce him and he’ll be “blindsided”. Tell him that.
why would she tell him that? he clearly does not care for the relationship nor her wellbeing. best thing to do is disappear quietly. ghost him. leave him wondering, if he wonders at all.
He really needs to step up and start keeping his promises.
I agree he’s unreasonable and I wouldn’t put more energy into trying to change this. It’s extremely disappointing tho.
He seems like a lost cause. OP is going to be coparenting with the MIL and SIL if they split. Which is probably better since they will actually have had some prior experience taking care of the children. He can send checks since that’s all he thinks he has to contribute. And OP can embrace her reality as a single mother. Single moms do 100% of the overnight childcare. Single moms have no one they can tag in when they are about to collapse. She just hasn’t accepted that she is a single mom yet.
Tired from work is never an excuse for a parent.
divorce and you'll have one less kid to worry about
He's buying his rest with your labour. You are setting yourself on fire to keep him warm. All the people pleasers in his life are enablers. Your husband is still a child. Return him to his mother. You've been a single mother to your children since day 1. Their father is pathetic and weak. Don't count on any support from in-laws; they taught him how to be the failure he is.
Info: why can’t the kids have another sleepover?
from his texts i thought this was a low contact father who isn’t with you - but realizing you’re together. i’m so sorry.
Looks like you’re married to a sh*thouse father who’s unreliable and emotionally unavailable to his kids and basically acts like a teenager to you. Maybe consider if this is who you want present in yours (and your kids) lives. Looks like he’s quite openly making the choices he wants.
I resonated with your post very deeply. My husband and I were in a similar situation. I was doing everything he was doing the bare minimum. I was practically a married single mother. I'm sure a lot of us can relate to you. Had he not changed, I would have left. I hope it works out for you, and if not, you're a single married mother already, anyway. You'll just be changing paperwork to be legally single.
He’s putting his own needs above his family’s, while you appear to be making a lot of sacrifices of your own needs. I don’t blame you for feeling disappointed, I can only imagine how alone this would make you feel in parenting your children.
he can’t handle them for one night. he isn’t a parent love. you’re a single mom that happens to be with a man. he has no interest. it’s his parents not him. he’s lazy and not an adult.
Totally justified. My husband works 70 hours a week in the hottest of the hot and the coldest of the cold. Right now his work truck has no air conditioning. When our daughter was a baby we would get in little tiffs because he would take her from me as soon as he got home, but I wasn’t done hanging out with her 😂 She is SIX. He still Insists on holding her until she falls asleep and carrying her to bed. If she wakes up sick all I have to do is roll over and tap him, and he handles it. Your husband is dropping the ball heavily
I assumed this was a co-parenting situation and not an actively married household. I am so confused. I also WFH but for a company in Canada and the occasions I have to travel, my husband bears most of the responsibility for our daughter, including not sleeping if that happens to be the case. My parents help out because of his work schedule in the medical field, but he gets her from them as soon as he can and handles all of the things around it on his own, including getting her to school and stuff when needed. I am absolutely blown away by this man’s inability to PARENT his own children and that you essentially enable it. I would think long and hard, OP, about whether or not you want to continue to be married to someone when you’re a single parent.
"You're going to be mad, I already know" translates to "I know what I did was shitty but I don't give a shit". This man pawned his kids off on his mom and SIL so he didn't have to watch them. Tell him to man the fuck up and do his job as a father. If he can't handle being a dad and working whatever job he has, then its time to find a job he can handle. Pathetic.
He’s a shit husband and an even shittier father. As a dad, he should want to take that responsibility but instead he’s being selfish. He doesn’t actually care about his kids btw.
The way he defers blame. Take it up with my mom. She’ll fight my battles for me. OP you have three children.
Wow. Your husband has a job outside….well….so do a lot of men. All he had to do was stay at his parents. How easy was that?
Stop having babies with this guy. What if you die? Who will care for your kids?
Man, this sounds like you’re divorced. The worst part is having to ask him. You shouldn’t have to ask. You have to go out of town, so he should just KNOW that he’ll be alone overnight. He’s a parent. That’s what parents do. When you decide to have kids together, it’s an automatic division of labor. Even if you’re stronger in some areas, he should be able to immediately pick up that slack if you’re not available and vice versa. I never encourage separation or divorce, but this guy needs a serious rude awakening. What if something happened to you? Would he just leave the kids permanently with his sister or mom?
He somehow knows he won't be able to sleep even tho he's never tried it? Seems his family is enabling him. I bet he was sitting there before he left complaining that he won't get any sleep and wishing he could go home without them, and then they told him he can go home. I'd get their side. Someone that isn't used to doing childcare is going to be anxious about it. He needs more responsibility with them from now on so he's confident with them.
Why are you bringing home the bacon AND doing literally all the parenting? Just saying, i was in this EXACT situation. Got a divorce and now i get weekends to myself. Dude was FORCED to parent, granted the two easiest days when he doesn't have to work or deal with daycare, but whatever. My cortisol levels are slowly subsiding lmao.
Dad here of a 3 year old and 9 month old. Really don’t care that he’s tired. He wanted kids so guess what? It’s part of the sacrifice. I’m up constantly with my younger one during the night because my wife leaves much earlier for work than I do and also it’s my responsibility as a parent to do this. I’m tired every day going to work. Doing a very physically demanding job outside as well. But you suck it up and deal with it. Your husband needs to grow up. It’s honestly horrifying the way some men act when they have kids. There’s nothing I want to do more than help with my kids because there’s many times it’s just me and I need to know what I’m doing. I’m sorry OP it’s nice to see you are very understanding but you let him off too easily. You do SO much your husband needs to step the hell up.
We are at a similar place in life. I make more money than my husband and I work odd hours sometimes since I work at a hospital. My husband is a plumber and his job is much more physically demanding than mine. We have two kids - 4 years old and 18 months old. There are times where my husband slacks off with chores around the house and I definitely do more to keep our house a home as some would say, but he is always present for our kids even when I know he’s exhausted. It kind of sounds like your hubby is a man child and his family enables him to be. I’m sorry you are going thru this - you must feel alone and exhausted. But you deserve better… and so do your kids. If he doesn’t hear you out or feel any sort of responsibility to do more as a husband and father, maybe marriage counseling might be worth a shot.
If he is referencing his children as “those kids” when he knows he is in the wrong about something you asked him not to do, how does he talk about them when they make a mess, wake him up, ask him why he doesn’t spend time with him? In your previous posts you mentioned that the kids only want you at night or something along those lines but he’s comfortable leaving them for the SIL and BIL to deal with? You are the primary breadwinner and a single parent. Why doesn’t your husband work a less physically demanding job since he already isn’t making the majority of the money so his job isn’t as important financially.
There is no way he read all that. Manchild.
“Call my mom”?????? His mom is complicit here too.
I obviously don’t know OP’s partner, but I do know that he puts his needs before his own children. Sounds like you have a third child.
Congrats, you’re married and still a single parent.
This reads like a divorced couple where the ex wife needs to take the man to court so he can be stripped of whatever custody he has and his child support obligation can be increased.
He can’t take care of his own kids? Those “babies” won’t let him sleep. Bet he was more enthusiastic when he was making “those” babies! Man up dude!
This may sound off but is he any good in bed at all? I'm seriously wondering.
Doesn’t sound much like a husband or dad tbh…
OP has a roommate. Not a partner.
Let me be clear. You're asking him to BE A FATHER. I have to get up at 6am every morning to drive over an hour in traffic to get to my job. After work, I get the kids from daycare, drive another hour plus home in traffic and then <> COOK for my entire family and then usually get the kids ready for bed while my wife takes care of the dishes and anything else she feels she needs to do. We trade off mornings getting up with our toddler. This is NOT a hard thing. Am I tired? I am exhausted, every day as is my wife. That is part of having a toddler. He needs to get over himself and grow up. Asking for help is one thing - bailing on your kids to get some sleep when you were SPECIFICALLY asked to have them is another. Ugh, gross.
Why did you have *multiple* kids with this person?
Please don’t have anymore kids with him. He clearly can’t handle it
The fact that he *knew* you would be upset and keeps telling you to “take it up with them” instead of actually listening to why you’re upset is so fucked. He knew what he was doing, he just doesn’t care about your wants or needs and would rather pass the kids off to his family than be a parent. Dude sucks.
Dude needs to grow up. ONE night he might loose alittle bit of sleep and he can't even do that. He is very selfish and will wonder why in a few years the kids dont want to be around him. At 18months with two older silbings (3 kids under 7yo) my Dad took care of us for a week on his own while my Mum got a girls vacation with her bff. (whose husband also looked after his kid same age as me on his own for a week). Because this is what REAL men do, BFFs husband was a firefighter so was surrounded by macho type guys and never once got shit for being a good Dad! OP you might do better as a single mom offically because you are already doing all the work.
he sounds like a mama’s boy. “i know youll be mad but call my mom” is absolutely, downright disrespectful. just red flags all around. im sorry you spent so much time with a man that doesnt want to be a father.
Looks like perfect proof for the judge to see he is a negligent father who should pay you more for taking care of them because he doesn't and even possibly get full custody of them along with the child support increase. It would be more work to have full custody but it would be less stressful than having to deal with this douche for 18 years.
This man isn't being a father or a partner.
Stop begging for him to step up and be the husband and father you need him to be. He doesn’t seem capable of doing that.
A parent unwilling to even be there for their kids once a month is disgusting
You mean your oldest toddler left your younger toddlers again. He's being very immature. "Boo hoo, having kids is hard work" No shit buttercup. Your husband isn't being a very good father. He needs a come to Jesus moment, because if he does this going forward, he's gonna hear from a lawyer you hired. He's not putting the work into being a father and husband. Sorry your husband kinda sucks.
That is not a man, husband, or father.
Why in the world did you have not one, but TWO kids with this overgrown child?
I'm sorry you're essentially a single mom I promise you though it's 10x easier doing it solo than with a partner like that.
the fact he called the kids “those kids” would have me pissed!!!😤
This read like parents that are already separated. You’re not wrong
no way this guy read what you wrote.
I thought this was two divorced parents. I cannot believe that you still want to be with him. I love my fiance more than anything, but I think that would fade quickly if he couldn’t handle this small responsibility for his own children. My fiance would absolutely never do that and we’re young adults.
You forgot to add “you suck as a father, but you make a great baby, try not to trip over your umbilical cord”.
This is the same husband that was pissed off about the toilets a while back, he sounds like a teenager
does he know how to be a father? obviously not.