You can't fix him. He doesn't want to be better. He's incredibly manipulative.
He's abusive. Block him.
Read 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Barcroft. It's available for free as a PDF online :)
I'll chime in with another good read: 'See what you made me do' by Jess Hill.
Honestly OP, I hope you have blocked and deleted their number. You can't fix someone else; only your reaction and response. Go gently.
And everytime you respond to someone like that; they fucking love it. Even when they say to fuck off, they want more.
Stop wasting your time with this loser piece of shit.
Bro I was literally saying to myself the whole time I was skimming his messages "womp womp". Been there, seen this before. Not your problem, frankly. I would just probably say "you're pathetic, have fun with that dog bowl" and then blocked him.
And I truly don't believe for one second that he was drinking so much he was waking up on the floor by a dog bowl and shit. So fuckin manipulative and abusive
Even if he is, how he managed to spin it around and act like it was her fault that’s where he ended up and then get mad at her for saying he doesn’t have to be alone if he doesn’t want… Jesus Christ this dude is a piece of work
reminds me of my ex for real. honestly it gets so tiring that i just say pics or it didnt happen !! (spoiler alert he’s still alive, an alcoholic, and abusing other women as we speak)
This entire conversations, both sides, is a giant steaming pile of hot mess express.
This is totally toxic and dysfunctional. Pls do yourself a kindness and go to therapy and stop engaging with this person.
I did. Once I realized I was in a whilwhind I backed off and came here. Just I dk for a reality check just to make sure I’m not crazy I dk. But I have and thank you.
This reads like you’re both 17. No idea why you kept answering. I hope you block and stop going back, he’s awful, and you’re enabling by giving him what he wants; attention.
That’s what abuse does to a person. Changes you and you lose who you once were. All emotionally intelligence goes out the window. I do not blame her, but I do blame him, the abuser.
OP I know you will go on to heal from this and be a better version of yourself. The version he robbed from you with his abuse tactics. Sending love!💕
I agree. Just all kind of went down so fast and afterwards I was like… wow! And honestly had to post it here because it was … so much. The contact with him has ended and I’m just like damn okay, that was wild. Barely feels like real life tbh….
It’s actually pretty typical, your situation isn’t unique, this is just how narcissistic teenagers act, suicide threats and all. Glad you’ve moved on! Leave his melodramatic ass in the past.
Spoiler alert - we’re not teenagers. We are adults. Full adults. I have never been in a relationship like this so I feel like a teenager tbh right now. This was my first “boyfriend” in 8 years so that does make me feel like a teenager too. Like inexperienced. I think I’m just inexperienced with this sort of thing making me so unprepared. Tbh there were times I felt baited but I kinda felt silly for thinking that at the time. And now I’m really reflecting and feeling like, okay damn - no this was crazy like that. Today it did go to bigger extremes it hadn’t been to before. It had been more subtle before.
I felt cringed out after the experience tbh. Came here for the reality check I suppose. Like a very “pinch me” moment after the whirlwind halted. These comments are grounding me 100% and I appreciate them so very much. My reality felt twisted or something today. Almost out of body. Thank you.
My hot take is: why the fuck did you keep texting?
This mf was telling you to fuck off, and by all means it was what’s best for this situation. Not because he’s getting what he wants, but it’s so you can HEAL. You entertained this conversation for WAY too long. I hope you get the peace you deserve OP.
This is fair, I have now fucked off. I think it just heated up so rapidly and I was in a whirlwind. It was all going down so fast. But yes I have fucked off now, and now that I have just sitting here like “holy wow” - it almost doesn’t feel like real life. But thank you, frankness is appreciated.
Good god I am getting ptsd reading these messages. I’ve been where you are. The best thing you can do is take him at his word and block him. Ignore ignore ignore.
He is trying to manipulate you. Please don’t let him. And for gods sake please stop telling him you love him. Pick up your self esteem and move forward without this emotional vampire x
That’s how these manipulative sacks of shit always make people feel. A whirlwind, it’s actually an addictive abuse cycle. They throw you away, come back, love bomb, fight, discard repeat and your brain gets used to and addicted to the cycle
Be glad you got out.
Stopped at “I will die before I ever receive any healthcare from the US government”. Legitimately one of the dumbest things I have ever read in my life.
Please stop. Him threatening to kill himself should be the end of it. He's blatantly trying to manipulate you into staying. That's NOT a good person to keep around. Do not unblock him and if he tries to reach out in some other manner please stand up for yourself and ignore him. He doesn't deserve any more of your time.
I dk but he the one that left, he didn’t have go this route to get me to stay which is so confusing I suppose. If anything it would assure I stay gone. Just very wild. I do feel very wtf about it. But the perspective of the public is confirming my guy instinct and is incredibly helpful.
He wants you to come chasing after him so he can have the upper hand and continue to manipulate and emotionally abuse you. Don’t do it. He is insanely toxic.
This is cringey on both sides.
He’ll never change, you’re not going to fix him. Block him and move on. It seems like you both love the toxicity of your relationship.
How old are you all?
Way too old for this and it is my first experience like this. Like I’ve had relationships go south, but today was a whole new level of experience for me
Mid 30s - whole adults. Full adults. I have a while amicable divorce under my belt and I have never been through anything like this. I just thought I was ready to be back in dating but it’s been over 8 years. I forgot the horrors. Back to solo hiding in my house. This going to cure me of the relationship itch.
If I could gently recommend some therapy, maybe EMDR. Sometimes we subconsciously bond to toxic romantic partners due to past distressing experiences/dysfunction in our childhood/family of origin/early relationships. Processing those experiences can be a game changer in dating.
You don’t have to gently…. Directly is fine. I selected the therapist I have specifically for EMDR. And we are going to be starting that journey soon. First stop for me was just sobriety support and stabilization. But EMDR is on the plan. This my first relationship post divorce, post losing my mom. And I am an ACA. It’s a great suggestion. And I appreciate you recommending. 💜
i noticed how after when he woke up feeling “cold and abandoned on the floor he was slightly ‘nicer’ esp after your nice texts (which he didn’t deserve lol<3) and then you still being kind in your initial response with the you don’t have to wake up like that msg and he being a man baby took that as cue to attempt seeking more sympathy from you.
Then it feels like he was testing you when he’s like “i need some time” it feels like he was wanting you to be like ‘nOOoOOo i’ll do anything-just come back to me‘ type shit but instead of caving into his attempt at manipulation you just said “okay” and so he started with his dumb ass tirade again. that’s honestly how it seems to me. lol. i’m sorry you’re currently dealing with this bs. my advice would be to to just stop replying. straight up block, or ignore for a period of time (like a month) then leave on read, and if he continues (after you’ve left on read) then block immediately without responding.
bottom line is he doesn’t deserve your kindness and love. and he should definitely seek therapy for himself.
I haven’t even gotten this far into analyzing his or my responses yet - just felt hit by a train or something. And he and I been split for a few days and I hadn’t seen him and we hadn’t talked much then today we started talking this morning. He seemed a bit agitated which it’s a break up that seems appropriate and then it spiraled. And I got caught up in the spiral.
i understand. and i was in no way saying you said or did anything you shouldn’t have or anything like that. from an outsiders pov i see him grasping for straws and taking absolutely no accountability for his history of lying etc. with the pathetic “ok well tell it to my tombstone” lol but what a baby.
The trying to evoke sympathy from you by saying “let me rot and die” LMAO it’s like he expected you to be like “it’s okay my love i forgive all the lying and you don’t need to take accountability of anything you said or did because i don’t want you to rot and die” then when you obviously didn’t say that he was like “fuck off!!” lmao. dumbest tactic i’ve ever seen.
Him saying “the most manipulative person i’ve ever met” is basically him confessing his nature. Ever heard the term “every accusation is an admission” just sayin.. stay strong over there..
Honestly. I have bpd (borderline-diagnosed at 18), and this was a lot like me a decade ago. He needs to go to a therapist at best, 72 hr hold at worse. Get his family involved or if that's not a thing, call for a welfare check. You have proof. Get away from him, he's not healthy for him or you!
He’s a POS. He’s NOT normal and you need to block him and not take him back bc he’s gonna come crawling back. They always do. Especially when he sees he’s not as great as he thinks and it’s not so easy to get someone else. I promise you this type circles back. They escalate. My ex was like this and after years and years that turned to smashing my stuff/ name calling/ and hitting me and eventually two attempts on my life.
Do not go back.
I just got a text from him like 3 minutes ago. I didn’t realize I didn’t have him blocked I guess because he had me blocked I didn’t think about it. He is blocked now. I didn’t respond. I feel grateful for the thoughts of this community right now.
I combed through the comments because I thought maybe someone would ask but what fucking disease does he have that's gonna take him out before the end of the year? Like obviously he sucks and you're better off without him and all but like I just wanna know what it is
Nothing - he has zero diagnosis. He had back pain and some stomach problems that he refuses to see a Dr for. I realize now… I would nearly beg him to go to a Dr when he wouldn’t be doing well and he would refuse. So nothing that we know of. But he has decided to let it kill him is his position. Life not worth living & so on. His illness was part of the game here. I have realized that in a days time. I feel really sick.
Oh that just makes this even worse. The sewer slide threats weren't enough so he had to basically "a walk to remember" himself?! Sweet fucking Jesus. I was wrong you're not better off without him you're FAR BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM. Imagine groveling and saying you're gonna end your life because you self destructed your relationship and then when that doesn't work you act like you're in the last stages of cancer.
He has said he think it’s late stage cancer recently. Last time he wasn’t feeling well. All this while he knows my mom died from a very aggressive and late diagnosed cancer Christmas Eve 2021 after only a couple of weeks after diagnosis, she was only 52. Her and I lived together and she was my bestie and it was a huge loss that I’m still working through. He knew this. He knew all this
And I fell for it. Begged him to go to a doctor to save his life more than once. All the feedback from everyone today has me re-evaluating everything said about everything from him. It was all a game, even him being ill and I was so dumb to not see it. Yeah I’m beating myself up. But I would never imagine someone would weaponize these things.
Definitely don't beat yourself up he played a very vindictive and manipulative game and that's no fault of yours. That falls on him as a person. He knew your weak spots there's nothing about this that you should be hard on yourself for. He fucked up big time. And he's going to realize that one day when his narcissistic behavior slows down.
LOL, I love how he keeps trying to control you by threatening to off himself (bye) , and you completely disregard it like it never happened and go off the last real talking point. That's pro shit, 10/10, you can't be with a moron like that, it'll never work. Find someone as kick ass as you are.
Well that makes me feel better somehow. Thank you, I got lost in emotion and barely remember how 1/2 of it went down. It was fast and my adrenaline was set. And afterwards I was like WTF
This sounds EXACTLY like a guy I was dating. He was cheating btw thats why whenever I'd tell him I needed reassurance he would throw a tantrum and say he wanted to die. This sounds familiar. He doesnt want to take accountability, hes being dramatic so you'll feel sorry for him. Leave him. He will threaten suicide when you do but I pretty much guarantee nothing will come of it. It'll be to manipulate you. Please just leave him. It wont get better. You'll cringe when you think about him in the future and wonder why you put up with it so long I promise.
Editing to add: he likely says hes dumping you but I doubt he will keep with it unless I missed something. My ex did that alot too and then would apologize and beg for me back, knowing I would because I loved him.
He already texted me. I didn’t have him blocked I didn’t think to I guess since he had blocked me. No I didn’t respond. The outpouring of everyone on how bad this truly is, not just him but me too has be terrified to respond, I’m so glad I posted it because I probably would have. He’s begging and I would have fell for it. And I’m having really hard feelings at the moment as I reflect on the entire past year. I didn’t see it for how it really was. I knew it wasn’t great but I kept giving a lot of benefit of the doubt and he planted doubt in me I see now. And this feeling in my body now is not great. But I’m okay and I am safe.
I can totally relate. Thats amazing youre standing firm. It hurts I know. Youre really strong though! Things will get better from here on out for you ❤
Okay. Here's the deal. This needs to end now. He is being manipulative. He is using self harm threats to control the narrative. My ex husband lied and cheated alot and when I finally found out all hell broke loose. But even before that he was manipulative and gaslit me alot. Physically abusive on occasion too. He used self harm threats to make me feel like shit and so that I would go from angry to worried and start babying him again.
It escalated after we split up. He would threaten it then shut his phone off for hours and worry me half to death. Then act like nothing happened. Would refuse help. So then one night he calls asking to speak to the kids. Says he wants to tell them goodbye and said he was ending everything that night. He was parked by the river blah blah blah. The kids were in bed anyway bc it was like 1am. He hung up on me and shut his phone off. For 14 hours!! I had his family looking for him and calling hospitals everything. His mom said he was prolly just upset and I know he does that when he is upset but he would never do it. She was right. He did this OFTEN. And I stayed up the entire night worried. Then I was mad. Bc it finally fully pummeled me in the face he was using it to control me. Bc we had been arguing prior about him wanting to work things out. And I realized that even if he did harm himself that it's not my fault. It's not my responsibility to stay with him and be hurt over and over just to make him feel better.
Then he calls me 14 hours later happy and laughing and acting like nothing happened. I LOST it. I said "are you seriously going to pretend like nothing happened?!" He was like you're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I overreacted. I said "OVERREACTED?! I stayed up all night worried sick making phone calls. I got zero sleep and you just overreacted? No you just wanted to manipulate me into not being angry anymore and make me feel bad so that I would go back to babying your feelings again and maybe try to work things out. You wanted me to feel I had done something to cause this. So here's what happens moving forward. I cannot control what you do. But I can control my response. In the future if you make these threats I will not beg you not to. I will not stay up all night worried sick. I don't want you to hurt yourself but I won't be taken advantage of. So next time I get one of those calls I will call your mother first. Then I will call the police. They will get your info so they can try to find you to get you taken in and put on a psych hold. Bc if you really feel that way you need actual help. And that is not my job. I am not a psychiatrist. So you have been warned that this tactic will no longer work on me because I've figured it out." and I hung up the phone. It's been 4 years and he has not made those threats a single time since bc he knows I'm serious.
Point being, no your text exchanges are not normal. It's manipulative and it sounds like he is alot like my ex. And it's not good. And it almost never gets better. If this is how your ex is its probably best you stay broken up. And personally I think you should cut contact and move on altogether. Yes. He might spiral at first trying to regain control. But thats not your problem. You can't hurt yourself to make him feel better. And most of its just an act anyway. To gain sympathy. So you need to do what is best for YOU. And have a support system.
I have cut the contact. All of the advice, the words, the stories like yours today really have had a huge impact on me. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you went through that and my heart goes out to you. By sharing you’ve saved another. He did try to come back in with pleas for help not long after I posted and saying he needed me and loved me and was sorry, I cut it off so fast from hearing from so many people. Thank you, truly thank you to everyone’s kind words and tough love to be honest.
I am glad to hear the stories here helped you. If I can help someone else see it sooner I absolutely want to. Mine was my high-school sweetheart. I stayed WAY too long. I was blind to it so long. Did this crap for over a decade. But thank you. I learned from my situation. In some ways it made me stronger but I don't wish it on anyone. There are better ways to find your strength for sure.
The fact you shut down his attempt at love bombing and guilt trips is a wonderful step forward. You recognize it now. You deserve someone who doesn't want to hurt you just to make themselves feel better. I wish you nothing but happiness moving forward. You've got this! 💜 I know I'm a stranger but if you ever need to vent or have questions later if he tries to drag it out, my DMs are open. Best of luck to you!
He’s so gross and manipulative. I’m case you didn’t know, those suicide threats aren’t real. People who actually want to kill themselves don’t announce it to the world because they don’t want anyone to be able to stop them. Using suicide threats to manipulate someone is so, so disgusting. That would be the end of any contact from me.
I attempted on my own life in my youth, and my teens and have struggled with ideation as an adult. I generally do know this. And it does feel like he was… manipulating and I’m re-evaluating so many things over the year that were “one offs” that I see now the truth of. And this outpouring of how bad this truly was on both ends is incredibly eye opening for that. And I’m so grateful I posted. I would have fell back in the trap.
I’ve been sober off the bottle for about 6 years now so I totally understand. You can’t save him, you need to focus on yourself and your sobriety. This is extremely unhealthy. Do what’s right for you.
Yes, this is where I am. Thank you for that encourage. I am so motivated 6 months in, I don’t ever want to be dragged back to that life’s I can’t. Congratulations.
I am so proud of you for not taking the suicide threats. You responded so well to them! Yes, it is his fault and only his fault. I wish someone had told me that when I had to break up with someone severely mentally ill.
Accusing you of being manipulative while actively using the ultimate form of manipulation is wild. Projection? Who knows but you need to get away from block them immediately. My gods.
Blocked. All the outpouring on here helped me do it. I would have fell back in to the loop. I didn’t see HOW bad it was until all these reality checks.
Dang that looks like a text thread from my ex. If he didn't get his way he would threaten to kill himself, he would go into graphic detail of how he would do it, who he would stop and unalive along the way, each and every word he would say to each person he took with him and then say it was all my fault. I put up with it for a bit and then told him to never talk about it again because he would never do anything to make me happy. So glad I've been away from him for 8 years now life is much easier and quieter.
I feel you must be young. this conversation is very reminiscent of some that I’ve had with a verbally abusive, serial cheater ex with substance abuse issues. I stuck around, and over time things devolved into physical abuse. please block and forget him.
I promise you that if you continue prioritizing yourself, one day someone will come along that will appreciate all that you are. then you will find a place to put all of that love and support, and the energy will be exchanged mutually, instead of you bleeding yourself dry for someone who doesn’t care enough to fill your cup back up for you.
Jesus. Reading this conversation actually made me anxious. It took me back to being in a particular toxic relationship, where I wanted so bad for them to see things the way I did, and I couldn’t just shut the fuck up and walk away. And he just refused to admit to any wrong doings, like blatantly sexting other women. But he was so good at manipulating me, that I somehow ended up apologizing to him for looking through his phone, and I was the bad guy in the end. He had me so fucked up in the head. But when I finally realized my worth, and I managed to walk away, I healed SO much and really built my self esteem, and figured out what I deserve. You gotta get away from this guy if that’s what you want. He will never ever be the person you want him to be. He’s literally wired to be a dick head.
Nothing. I confronted him because he was just being weirdly sus with his phone after I hadn’t seen him for a couple days. ya know holding it weird just weird with his body language in relation to his phone I guess. And he got really defensive when I shared. And I do know his password (recent information, haven’t had it long) so I went into his phone after he went to bed (I know, toxic) I guess just to make my anxiety go away. And nothing was in there. I mean it was clearly scrubbed. But I didn’t say anything about it right away.
We discussed it the next day. He knew I went into his phone. I apologized. He said it was a violation he couldn’t live with. And then he went home and started drinking and we were discussing it. He decided to break up over it. Then a bit later after breaking up with me he sent me a screen shot of a text one of his friends sent him earlier, something unrelated. But at the top of the screen had a notification with text from an unsaved number in his phone.
Well… there was this particular female… just had a gut feeling. I knew all his friends even ex’s names but he hid her, didn’t know her name. 10 minutes after breaking up apparently he was texting THE girl that just never sat right with me in the relationship. The girl he said he didn’t have her number anymore, the girl he “never talks to” the girl he didn’t know why she would text him late at night or when her mom died.
Yeah I cussed him out. But that’s a huge part of all this. Maybe I am insecure. But with a good partner I like to think i’m not. Insecurity like that is not a recurrent theme in my past relationships.
Frankly I don’t know why I was responding to him. I feel really silly right now in this moment of reflection. I should be kind to myself. I haven’t been in a dating relationship in a long time and this was my re-entry into the dating pool after years away and I was wholly unprepared and forgot people like this exist. He was glaslighting me about her and he’s unraveled from being busted isn’t it… even tho he busted himself. I’m having a huge lightbulb go off. I feel naïve as heck rn.
Yo that's shady af, and you don't have to feel bad or apologize about going through his phone, you are protecting yourself, and rightly so. He clearly wiped incriminating messages and would not have been so quick to end your relationship over this perceived invasion of privacy unless he had a backup plan ready to go with this other person. You made the right decision to go through his phone, and the trash took themselves out accordingly. Feel liberated, not guilty. Enjoy your single summer!
For next time, open messages, tap Edit in top left corner of the message list, tap 'filters' then 'recently deleted', select all deleted convos you want to bring back, tap 'recover' then 'recover messages'
I couldn’t get through all of it. I’m sorry, it was too triggering. Threatening his life is abuse. He is a liar who refuses to take accountability. This isn’t the man you deserve. Please run from him. He is the only one who can fix him and he isn’t even close to embarking on that journey. I’m sorry.
Man this guy is exhausting and so incredibly self absorbed. Does he believe the entire planet revolves around him, and how he feels and what he wants? Sounds like it, because anything to do with your feelings is just ignored. All you get from him is me, me, me, me, me. I think you dodged a freaking missile.
“You were so thirsty to find my wrong doing” is such a ridiculous sentence lmao. He also really wanted you to react to his threats of offing himself/ideation/pity party and when you didn’t he just kept on going lol. Stay away from this person OP and take care of yourself going forward!
Stop talking to him.
Make him a ex friend as well as an ex boyfriend.
Get over him - whatever you love is in your head and of your own creation. Some day, you’ll wake up and realize you wasted so much of yourself trying to make a mirage love you. Stop that.
Go learn to enjoy your own company, and when you’ve masters that, open yourself up to being loved by a quality human being, not a waste of skin and space.
Oh, and chances are beyond good that someone as shelf absorbed as he is will never off themselves, so stop worrying about his well-being and start to cultivate your own.
Oh, he sucks. He sounds like an alcoholic and has some major personality disorders where he can only victimize himself. He doesn’t know what love and respect really are, because he can’t do it himself. When you let him go for yourself, you’ll be open to finding someone who can actually love and respect you without the layers of bullshit.
He definitely was cheating because no innocent person would say they would hide their cheating well lol.
Also he’s very manipulative and making shit up to scare you. Block and move on.
my ex tried pulling something similar. i notified his family of everything and informed them i would need to block him for the foreseeable future. my current mantra is "do not engage, do not engage, do not engage."
as much as i hate it and still love him, what he does from now on is not my responsibility. his own actions led him here, and he became manipulative and verbally abusive when i offered help. that's as far as i go, and he knew that getting into this.
take care of yourself. i know it's hard.
Block him. He's insecure and seeking attention and wants you to confirm for him that he is absolutely perfect and doesn't have issues(which he obviously has)
Don't let him hijack your emotions, time, or thoughts.
He's an ex for a reason. You're young and need to focus on your life, not his BS.. he's probably having issues with another female and wants validation from you.
He called you manipulative, but he’s projecting. If you are truly done with him, block him and move on. He can’t threaten to unalive himself if he loses access to you.
I’m not sure if you’re really done with him because you kept declaring your love for him. If you’re done, be done.
Not normal. Not normal at all.
Run away.
This guy is nothing but bad news. Trying to weaponize unaliving himself, trying to guilt you, and refusing to hear what you have to say...this guy is all about the drama and will say whatever manipulative things he can get away with to make others do what he wants.
Leave him and don't look back.
I would call emt and have him taken into psych for suicidal intent. See if that makes him think twice about using the verbiage he used in the first two screenshots. And ofc block him while he’s receiving “treatment.”
Huh. This is really strange. I’m seeing both sides. You two seem to have a very strong connection.
You are helping to put him through a very deep correction right now. While from his eyes, you seem to be the antagonizer, you’re simultaneously a safe space for him.
It’s his choice now whether he wants to reflect and gain valuable constructive wisdom from this entire experience or fall away unconsciously into harming himself and others.
You’ve done all you can do. You’re free to move any direction from here.
Maybe ask yourself what do you really want.What role do you want to play? You might need time to learn these things. Have patience ❤️
I have to stop reading this sub so that my coworkers don't keep hearing me scream DUMBASS DUMBASS DUMBASS from the bathroom when I read about these women who keep babying horrible men.
I’m shocked. I can’t believe he used illness and death as a weapon to make you feel like you’re the bad person.
This guy needs some serious help. Not from you though!
You are beyond helping him. This relationship is expired. Block him completely, heal, and move on.
If he wants to sulk and be a sad POS for the rest of his life, that’s on him. Not on you.
This was me my ex and conversation for almost two years. He was manipulative and would gaslight every step of the way. We’ve been no contact for a month and there’s times I miss him more than anything but then I think back to times like this and realize how my life is so peaceful now.
My hot take, move on. Go no contact. Focus on you. You can beg for that reassurance but you’ll never get it.
Sorry you went through all of that. Glad you blocked him though, I know that probably sucks for someone you still love but it’s the first step towards moving on and you’ll be ok. It gets easier!
It’s no laughing matter but in the moment my brain read it in pirate for just that part. If you hadn’t said it, I’d never have told a soul. I’ve never been so hot with anger and hurting while reading pirate before today.
It’s tough to see those cycles, I had an abusive grandma but nobody believed me, and it made me doubt myself, some days were good, she’d act nice, bake cookies and get presents the next I’d get fed soap that she hid in my food and berated for any reason imaginable, the sweet talking drags everyone back in
My dad used to talk like this before he died. This is nothing but pure manipulation and nothing you do will change the fact that this person will continue to manipulate you in this exact manner. You may find a way to call it out successfully and get a change for a while, but they will always carve a path leading back to them being “in control”.
Get out while you can.
A lot of these comments are saying “why did you keep replying” but I just want to tell you that you did a great job standing up for yourself and articulating yourself, and not allowing him to manipulate you with his words. It’s clear you felt something for him so it’s not always easy to just “not respond”. You did great, and I’m sorry this happened to you, it definitely is a lot and seems emotionally draining. I hope you can take time for yourself and heal.
What is the screenshot you guys are referring to? Was he cheating on you? Can you elaborate?
And no this isn’t normal. This is manipulative af. Gaslight-y behavior from him for sure. Very stressful and reminds me a lot of conversations with my ex. Sorry you are dealing with this.
Yeah he sent me a screen shot of something unrelated that the top of it had a text notification showing from a particular girl that had just popped up too many times along the way. That he “didnt ever talk to” “didn’t even have her number anymore” “didn’t know why she was texting at 1 am” “only texted once or twice about nothing important” etc - that’s the lead up to all this happening essentially.
He busted himself. Or maybe he knew it was showing and baited me. I’ll never know and I don’t want to anymore.
Why are you writing all this and posting 16 screenshots and just… Stop. You broke up. Create your new life and stop wallowing in the muck that is all this draining energy. I know it’s hard when you’re so close to it, but take it from someone looking at it from afar… so many better things are ahead for you when you leave all this behind.
These comments have been really helpful. He tried to come back in since I posted it and I would have fell right back in. The blocked is in. these “tough love” comments opened my eyes super wide and have given me strength and have been the most helpful. Thank you for your directness and honesty.
I just got out of a relationship with someone that acted just like this in person and over text. He was mentally abusive, lied about the smallest things, would make fake accounts (literally pfp of people he stole pictures from) or just straight up lie to people on reddit and COD about who he was. Always wondered why he would say his name was Alex instead of his actual name when introducing himself to new people in person and online and more than likely had an addiction to cuckold/porn. Anytime I’d bring up my grievances it’d turn into me being the problem and being gaslit the whole argument so it’s either scream for hours at each other or accept defeat and tell him what he wants to hear.
i think you’re right, 100% he was using his illness as a weapon and to manipulate you. good for you for not backing down. especially when you said “you don’t have to wake up like that ever if you don’t want to”.. so true. this person does not want help, nor care about you. he just wants ANYONE to care about him. I’m so sorry, but please do NOT reach out to him again.
Ur so strong for loving him and caring for him. Idk what happened in his life to make him this way but he seems very unstable and may need a 5150 hold…and try to persevere ur mental health darling. You matter too.
Let him go. Why would you entertain such a childish mentality? He sounds like his parents never said no to him so he feels people should do what he says and only what he feels matters. You’re better off. Believe me.
I swear to fucking god in this sub, everytime the classic ‘goodbye…!! *(but plz stay)*’
I know they’re most likely 14-15 but I cant help but cringe everytime.
Ugh, the two of you need to stop talking forever. If I ever have to read any more of this I'm going to fall asleep next to a dog bowl and wake up alone and scared.
Drama King. Why waste your energy on him. He’s focused on his pain because he knows he f’d up again. If you’re worried about him offing himself call 911. Then let him stew in his swampy juices.
The manipulation card he’s pulling on you is egregiously misplaced. Nothing is worth this mind game. No love that is worth your love, feels this way. You are not the problem and need to bow out with your head up and your light still shining. His threats are empty. He is using your reactions as bait, a tactic to spill his pain on you. A guilt tripping, self centered manipulative abuser 101. Please love yourself enough to leave him alone. That mans deserves to feel alone.
I couldn’t stop laughing when reading: “it destroys me everytime it hits me lips“ I can’t stop imagining a drunk Irish leprechaun saying that sentence lmfao.
I stopped reading after his first response. That tells me all I need to know about where your head is at and how you are trying to control the situation. I have no patience for anyone that threatens suicide over relationship issues (unless they have serious issues that go beyond the relationship), but just threatening because you know it will stop the other person from doing what they're doing is beyond for me.
the engagement has ended and the caller is blocked. I don’t know why I got so caught up in the moment. But stepping back and reading feedback here has been incredibly helpful.
It's time to free yourself of this wicked manipulation. Only you can do that. It's clear from his messages that he doesn't want someone to love him, or even someone to love. Rather, he is looking for an emotional tampon (pardon the phrase) who will tolerate his lies, his behavior, and his actions.
Be better than that for yourself. Block his number, and move on to a better way of living.
You can't fix him. He doesn't want to be better. He's incredibly manipulative. He's abusive. Block him. Read 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Barcroft. It's available for free as a PDF online :)
I'll chime in with another good read: 'See what you made me do' by Jess Hill. Honestly OP, I hope you have blocked and deleted their number. You can't fix someone else; only your reaction and response. Go gently.
He should teach a class called Manipulation 101. He’d be the PERFECT teacher
I feel like he’s genuinely horrible at it😂😂
Yea zero tact. Like if your gonna gas light atleast be good at it.
😂😂
Good riddance OP. You'll find the pity party gets old after a while.
it really does, good riddance indeed.
What a fucking dramatic child. That guy needs to grow up.
I really hope he isn't older than 20 tbh, I don't think I saw an age ref 😅
OP says they are both "full adults" 😬
Oof 😅
And everytime you respond to someone like that; they fucking love it. Even when they say to fuck off, they want more. Stop wasting your time with this loser piece of shit.
All that bullshit about dying and tombstones and leaving this world got me like 
I did save him in my contact as 🪦 now because that did send me too
Hahaha omg now I'm 💀
Omg hahahahahaha they gon have to bury me now too cause I'm dead
😂🤣
Bro I was literally saying to myself the whole time I was skimming his messages "womp womp". Been there, seen this before. Not your problem, frankly. I would just probably say "you're pathetic, have fun with that dog bowl" and then blocked him.
Omg that made me snort
This is the best thing I’ve read all day 💀💀
And I truly don't believe for one second that he was drinking so much he was waking up on the floor by a dog bowl and shit. So fuckin manipulative and abusive
Even if he is, how he managed to spin it around and act like it was her fault that’s where he ended up and then get mad at her for saying he doesn’t have to be alone if he doesn’t want… Jesus Christ this dude is a piece of work
reminds me of my ex for real. honestly it gets so tiring that i just say pics or it didnt happen !! (spoiler alert he’s still alive, an alcoholic, and abusing other women as we speak)
Fr 💀 like boy grow the fuck up.
This is so toxic. Stop communicating. Forever.
This entire conversations, both sides, is a giant steaming pile of hot mess express. This is totally toxic and dysfunctional. Pls do yourself a kindness and go to therapy and stop engaging with this person.
Absolutely. Just stop responding OP. Jesus.
OP lives for the drama. She loves to respond to his soap opera script with her own. They'll grow out of it.
What’s concerning is OP mentions in her comments they’re early thirties!
OP is just practicing for drama class. This whole thing reads like two 14 year olds thinking they're Shakespeare 🙄
Rally glad I’m not the only who thought the entire exchange for BOTH parties was dramatic as hell. Both acting like children
Omg just stop replying!!!!!!!!!!
I did. Once I realized I was in a whilwhind I backed off and came here. Just I dk for a reality check just to make sure I’m not crazy I dk. But I have and thank you.
This reads like you’re both 17. No idea why you kept answering. I hope you block and stop going back, he’s awful, and you’re enabling by giving him what he wants; attention.
17 is generous 😬
That’s what abuse does to a person. Changes you and you lose who you once were. All emotionally intelligence goes out the window. I do not blame her, but I do blame him, the abuser. OP I know you will go on to heal from this and be a better version of yourself. The version he robbed from you with his abuse tactics. Sending love!💕
I agree. Just all kind of went down so fast and afterwards I was like… wow! And honestly had to post it here because it was … so much. The contact with him has ended and I’m just like damn okay, that was wild. Barely feels like real life tbh….
It’s actually pretty typical, your situation isn’t unique, this is just how narcissistic teenagers act, suicide threats and all. Glad you’ve moved on! Leave his melodramatic ass in the past.
Spoiler alert - we’re not teenagers. We are adults. Full adults. I have never been in a relationship like this so I feel like a teenager tbh right now. This was my first “boyfriend” in 8 years so that does make me feel like a teenager too. Like inexperienced. I think I’m just inexperienced with this sort of thing making me so unprepared. Tbh there were times I felt baited but I kinda felt silly for thinking that at the time. And now I’m really reflecting and feeling like, okay damn - no this was crazy like that. Today it did go to bigger extremes it hadn’t been to before. It had been more subtle before.
God this is cringey. Please stop replying to him. Both seem very immature and should just block each other and move on
I felt cringed out after the experience tbh. Came here for the reality check I suppose. Like a very “pinch me” moment after the whirlwind halted. These comments are grounding me 100% and I appreciate them so very much. My reality felt twisted or something today. Almost out of body. Thank you.
Every time somebody types “me” instead of “my” I read it in a pirate voice. “It destroys me every time it hits me lips, yarr.”
Oh my goodness that totally got me too 😂
Me too, it can’t be controlled
My hot take is: why the fuck did you keep texting? This mf was telling you to fuck off, and by all means it was what’s best for this situation. Not because he’s getting what he wants, but it’s so you can HEAL. You entertained this conversation for WAY too long. I hope you get the peace you deserve OP.
This is fair, I have now fucked off. I think it just heated up so rapidly and I was in a whirlwind. It was all going down so fast. But yes I have fucked off now, and now that I have just sitting here like “holy wow” - it almost doesn’t feel like real life. But thank you, frankness is appreciated.
Good god I am getting ptsd reading these messages. I’ve been where you are. The best thing you can do is take him at his word and block him. Ignore ignore ignore. He is trying to manipulate you. Please don’t let him. And for gods sake please stop telling him you love him. Pick up your self esteem and move forward without this emotional vampire x
That’s how these manipulative sacks of shit always make people feel. A whirlwind, it’s actually an addictive abuse cycle. They throw you away, come back, love bomb, fight, discard repeat and your brain gets used to and addicted to the cycle Be glad you got out.
Permanently
Stopped at “I will die before I ever receive any healthcare from the US government”. Legitimately one of the dumbest things I have ever read in my life.
😆😆😆
Please stop. Him threatening to kill himself should be the end of it. He's blatantly trying to manipulate you into staying. That's NOT a good person to keep around. Do not unblock him and if he tries to reach out in some other manner please stand up for yourself and ignore him. He doesn't deserve any more of your time.
I dk but he the one that left, he didn’t have go this route to get me to stay which is so confusing I suppose. If anything it would assure I stay gone. Just very wild. I do feel very wtf about it. But the perspective of the public is confirming my guy instinct and is incredibly helpful.
He left as a bluff. It’s all a sick and twisted manipulation tactic.
He wants you to come chasing after him so he can have the upper hand and continue to manipulate and emotionally abuse you. Don’t do it. He is insanely toxic.
This is cringey on both sides. He’ll never change, you’re not going to fix him. Block him and move on. It seems like you both love the toxicity of your relationship. How old are you all?
Way too old for this and it is my first experience like this. Like I’ve had relationships go south, but today was a whole new level of experience for me
Seriously, wondering how old you are. Just ball park. Early 20s, mid 20s, late.. etc
Mid 30s - whole adults. Full adults. I have a while amicable divorce under my belt and I have never been through anything like this. I just thought I was ready to be back in dating but it’s been over 8 years. I forgot the horrors. Back to solo hiding in my house. This going to cure me of the relationship itch.
If I could gently recommend some therapy, maybe EMDR. Sometimes we subconsciously bond to toxic romantic partners due to past distressing experiences/dysfunction in our childhood/family of origin/early relationships. Processing those experiences can be a game changer in dating.
You don’t have to gently…. Directly is fine. I selected the therapist I have specifically for EMDR. And we are going to be starting that journey soon. First stop for me was just sobriety support and stabilization. But EMDR is on the plan. This my first relationship post divorce, post losing my mom. And I am an ACA. It’s a great suggestion. And I appreciate you recommending. 💜
the melodrama is so repulsive
Agreed. And these are not angsty teenagers, OP says they are in their 30s ....
i noticed how after when he woke up feeling “cold and abandoned on the floor he was slightly ‘nicer’ esp after your nice texts (which he didn’t deserve lol<3) and then you still being kind in your initial response with the you don’t have to wake up like that msg and he being a man baby took that as cue to attempt seeking more sympathy from you. Then it feels like he was testing you when he’s like “i need some time” it feels like he was wanting you to be like ‘nOOoOOo i’ll do anything-just come back to me‘ type shit but instead of caving into his attempt at manipulation you just said “okay” and so he started with his dumb ass tirade again. that’s honestly how it seems to me. lol. i’m sorry you’re currently dealing with this bs. my advice would be to to just stop replying. straight up block, or ignore for a period of time (like a month) then leave on read, and if he continues (after you’ve left on read) then block immediately without responding. bottom line is he doesn’t deserve your kindness and love. and he should definitely seek therapy for himself.
I haven’t even gotten this far into analyzing his or my responses yet - just felt hit by a train or something. And he and I been split for a few days and I hadn’t seen him and we hadn’t talked much then today we started talking this morning. He seemed a bit agitated which it’s a break up that seems appropriate and then it spiraled. And I got caught up in the spiral.
i understand. and i was in no way saying you said or did anything you shouldn’t have or anything like that. from an outsiders pov i see him grasping for straws and taking absolutely no accountability for his history of lying etc. with the pathetic “ok well tell it to my tombstone” lol but what a baby. The trying to evoke sympathy from you by saying “let me rot and die” LMAO it’s like he expected you to be like “it’s okay my love i forgive all the lying and you don’t need to take accountability of anything you said or did because i don’t want you to rot and die” then when you obviously didn’t say that he was like “fuck off!!” lmao. dumbest tactic i’ve ever seen. Him saying “the most manipulative person i’ve ever met” is basically him confessing his nature. Ever heard the term “every accusation is an admission” just sayin.. stay strong over there..
He’s a bit of a drama queen
*A bit??!*
They are both drama queens.
Ah yes, the manipulator calling the other person manipulative. Classic strategy
Honestly. I have bpd (borderline-diagnosed at 18), and this was a lot like me a decade ago. He needs to go to a therapist at best, 72 hr hold at worse. Get his family involved or if that's not a thing, call for a welfare check. You have proof. Get away from him, he's not healthy for him or you!
He’s a POS. He’s NOT normal and you need to block him and not take him back bc he’s gonna come crawling back. They always do. Especially when he sees he’s not as great as he thinks and it’s not so easy to get someone else. I promise you this type circles back. They escalate. My ex was like this and after years and years that turned to smashing my stuff/ name calling/ and hitting me and eventually two attempts on my life. Do not go back.
I just got a text from him like 3 minutes ago. I didn’t realize I didn’t have him blocked I guess because he had me blocked I didn’t think about it. He is blocked now. I didn’t respond. I feel grateful for the thoughts of this community right now.
I combed through the comments because I thought maybe someone would ask but what fucking disease does he have that's gonna take him out before the end of the year? Like obviously he sucks and you're better off without him and all but like I just wanna know what it is
Nothing - he has zero diagnosis. He had back pain and some stomach problems that he refuses to see a Dr for. I realize now… I would nearly beg him to go to a Dr when he wouldn’t be doing well and he would refuse. So nothing that we know of. But he has decided to let it kill him is his position. Life not worth living & so on. His illness was part of the game here. I have realized that in a days time. I feel really sick.
Oh that just makes this even worse. The sewer slide threats weren't enough so he had to basically "a walk to remember" himself?! Sweet fucking Jesus. I was wrong you're not better off without him you're FAR BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM. Imagine groveling and saying you're gonna end your life because you self destructed your relationship and then when that doesn't work you act like you're in the last stages of cancer.
He has said he think it’s late stage cancer recently. Last time he wasn’t feeling well. All this while he knows my mom died from a very aggressive and late diagnosed cancer Christmas Eve 2021 after only a couple of weeks after diagnosis, she was only 52. Her and I lived together and she was my bestie and it was a huge loss that I’m still working through. He knew this. He knew all this And I fell for it. Begged him to go to a doctor to save his life more than once. All the feedback from everyone today has me re-evaluating everything said about everything from him. It was all a game, even him being ill and I was so dumb to not see it. Yeah I’m beating myself up. But I would never imagine someone would weaponize these things.
Definitely don't beat yourself up he played a very vindictive and manipulative game and that's no fault of yours. That falls on him as a person. He knew your weak spots there's nothing about this that you should be hard on yourself for. He fucked up big time. And he's going to realize that one day when his narcissistic behavior slows down.
LOL, I love how he keeps trying to control you by threatening to off himself (bye) , and you completely disregard it like it never happened and go off the last real talking point. That's pro shit, 10/10, you can't be with a moron like that, it'll never work. Find someone as kick ass as you are.
Well that makes me feel better somehow. Thank you, I got lost in emotion and barely remember how 1/2 of it went down. It was fast and my adrenaline was set. And afterwards I was like WTF
Yeah, that's what makes you a reasonable person, and what he lacks that contributes to...well, this.
This sounds EXACTLY like a guy I was dating. He was cheating btw thats why whenever I'd tell him I needed reassurance he would throw a tantrum and say he wanted to die. This sounds familiar. He doesnt want to take accountability, hes being dramatic so you'll feel sorry for him. Leave him. He will threaten suicide when you do but I pretty much guarantee nothing will come of it. It'll be to manipulate you. Please just leave him. It wont get better. You'll cringe when you think about him in the future and wonder why you put up with it so long I promise. Editing to add: he likely says hes dumping you but I doubt he will keep with it unless I missed something. My ex did that alot too and then would apologize and beg for me back, knowing I would because I loved him.
He already texted me. I didn’t have him blocked I didn’t think to I guess since he had blocked me. No I didn’t respond. The outpouring of everyone on how bad this truly is, not just him but me too has be terrified to respond, I’m so glad I posted it because I probably would have. He’s begging and I would have fell for it. And I’m having really hard feelings at the moment as I reflect on the entire past year. I didn’t see it for how it really was. I knew it wasn’t great but I kept giving a lot of benefit of the doubt and he planted doubt in me I see now. And this feeling in my body now is not great. But I’m okay and I am safe.
I can totally relate. Thats amazing youre standing firm. It hurts I know. Youre really strong though! Things will get better from here on out for you ❤
"Tell it to my tombstone" Oh my god, lol...what in the teenage emo hell is he on?
He’s calling you manipulative while threatening self harm and death…um.
Okay. Here's the deal. This needs to end now. He is being manipulative. He is using self harm threats to control the narrative. My ex husband lied and cheated alot and when I finally found out all hell broke loose. But even before that he was manipulative and gaslit me alot. Physically abusive on occasion too. He used self harm threats to make me feel like shit and so that I would go from angry to worried and start babying him again. It escalated after we split up. He would threaten it then shut his phone off for hours and worry me half to death. Then act like nothing happened. Would refuse help. So then one night he calls asking to speak to the kids. Says he wants to tell them goodbye and said he was ending everything that night. He was parked by the river blah blah blah. The kids were in bed anyway bc it was like 1am. He hung up on me and shut his phone off. For 14 hours!! I had his family looking for him and calling hospitals everything. His mom said he was prolly just upset and I know he does that when he is upset but he would never do it. She was right. He did this OFTEN. And I stayed up the entire night worried. Then I was mad. Bc it finally fully pummeled me in the face he was using it to control me. Bc we had been arguing prior about him wanting to work things out. And I realized that even if he did harm himself that it's not my fault. It's not my responsibility to stay with him and be hurt over and over just to make him feel better. Then he calls me 14 hours later happy and laughing and acting like nothing happened. I LOST it. I said "are you seriously going to pretend like nothing happened?!" He was like you're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I overreacted. I said "OVERREACTED?! I stayed up all night worried sick making phone calls. I got zero sleep and you just overreacted? No you just wanted to manipulate me into not being angry anymore and make me feel bad so that I would go back to babying your feelings again and maybe try to work things out. You wanted me to feel I had done something to cause this. So here's what happens moving forward. I cannot control what you do. But I can control my response. In the future if you make these threats I will not beg you not to. I will not stay up all night worried sick. I don't want you to hurt yourself but I won't be taken advantage of. So next time I get one of those calls I will call your mother first. Then I will call the police. They will get your info so they can try to find you to get you taken in and put on a psych hold. Bc if you really feel that way you need actual help. And that is not my job. I am not a psychiatrist. So you have been warned that this tactic will no longer work on me because I've figured it out." and I hung up the phone. It's been 4 years and he has not made those threats a single time since bc he knows I'm serious. Point being, no your text exchanges are not normal. It's manipulative and it sounds like he is alot like my ex. And it's not good. And it almost never gets better. If this is how your ex is its probably best you stay broken up. And personally I think you should cut contact and move on altogether. Yes. He might spiral at first trying to regain control. But thats not your problem. You can't hurt yourself to make him feel better. And most of its just an act anyway. To gain sympathy. So you need to do what is best for YOU. And have a support system.
I have cut the contact. All of the advice, the words, the stories like yours today really have had a huge impact on me. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you went through that and my heart goes out to you. By sharing you’ve saved another. He did try to come back in with pleas for help not long after I posted and saying he needed me and loved me and was sorry, I cut it off so fast from hearing from so many people. Thank you, truly thank you to everyone’s kind words and tough love to be honest.
I am glad to hear the stories here helped you. If I can help someone else see it sooner I absolutely want to. Mine was my high-school sweetheart. I stayed WAY too long. I was blind to it so long. Did this crap for over a decade. But thank you. I learned from my situation. In some ways it made me stronger but I don't wish it on anyone. There are better ways to find your strength for sure. The fact you shut down his attempt at love bombing and guilt trips is a wonderful step forward. You recognize it now. You deserve someone who doesn't want to hurt you just to make themselves feel better. I wish you nothing but happiness moving forward. You've got this! 💜 I know I'm a stranger but if you ever need to vent or have questions later if he tries to drag it out, my DMs are open. Best of luck to you!
Block him.
He’s so gross and manipulative. I’m case you didn’t know, those suicide threats aren’t real. People who actually want to kill themselves don’t announce it to the world because they don’t want anyone to be able to stop them. Using suicide threats to manipulate someone is so, so disgusting. That would be the end of any contact from me.
I attempted on my own life in my youth, and my teens and have struggled with ideation as an adult. I generally do know this. And it does feel like he was… manipulating and I’m re-evaluating so many things over the year that were “one offs” that I see now the truth of. And this outpouring of how bad this truly was on both ends is incredibly eye opening for that. And I’m so grateful I posted. I would have fell back in the trap.
I’m assuming he’s an alcoholic? If so, you don’t need that in your life.
Yes. ☹️
And I’m in recovery - 6 months fully sober - have touched anything. I really don’t need this. I think I was soft for him a bit because of it.
I’ve been sober off the bottle for about 6 years now so I totally understand. You can’t save him, you need to focus on yourself and your sobriety. This is extremely unhealthy. Do what’s right for you.
Yes, this is where I am. Thank you for that encourage. I am so motivated 6 months in, I don’t ever want to be dragged back to that life’s I can’t. Congratulations.
I read the first page and concluded this guy isn’t worth anyone’s time. You have better things to give your limited attention to.
I am so proud of you for not taking the suicide threats. You responded so well to them! Yes, it is his fault and only his fault. I wish someone had told me that when I had to break up with someone severely mentally ill.
Accusing you of being manipulative while actively using the ultimate form of manipulation is wild. Projection? Who knows but you need to get away from block them immediately. My gods.
Blocked. All the outpouring on here helped me do it. I would have fell back in to the loop. I didn’t see HOW bad it was until all these reality checks.
Dang that looks like a text thread from my ex. If he didn't get his way he would threaten to kill himself, he would go into graphic detail of how he would do it, who he would stop and unalive along the way, each and every word he would say to each person he took with him and then say it was all my fault. I put up with it for a bit and then told him to never talk about it again because he would never do anything to make me happy. So glad I've been away from him for 8 years now life is much easier and quieter.
The way I would haven’t even responded to the first texts. The dramatics is exhausting through MY phone.
I feel you must be young. this conversation is very reminiscent of some that I’ve had with a verbally abusive, serial cheater ex with substance abuse issues. I stuck around, and over time things devolved into physical abuse. please block and forget him. I promise you that if you continue prioritizing yourself, one day someone will come along that will appreciate all that you are. then you will find a place to put all of that love and support, and the energy will be exchanged mutually, instead of you bleeding yourself dry for someone who doesn’t care enough to fill your cup back up for you.
Nope, OP says mid 30s...
Definitely not normal. He’s manipulative as fuck.
Jesus. Reading this conversation actually made me anxious. It took me back to being in a particular toxic relationship, where I wanted so bad for them to see things the way I did, and I couldn’t just shut the fuck up and walk away. And he just refused to admit to any wrong doings, like blatantly sexting other women. But he was so good at manipulating me, that I somehow ended up apologizing to him for looking through his phone, and I was the bad guy in the end. He had me so fucked up in the head. But when I finally realized my worth, and I managed to walk away, I healed SO much and really built my self esteem, and figured out what I deserve. You gotta get away from this guy if that’s what you want. He will never ever be the person you want him to be. He’s literally wired to be a dick head.
This dude is just nuts
I’m sorry I couldn’t get through the screenshots. He is exhausting.
Exhausted is how I felt when the back and forth stopped - like hit by a train feeling
What a fucking baby. This guy sucks.
Bro was definitely star of the drama class
What did you find in that phone tho
Nothing. I confronted him because he was just being weirdly sus with his phone after I hadn’t seen him for a couple days. ya know holding it weird just weird with his body language in relation to his phone I guess. And he got really defensive when I shared. And I do know his password (recent information, haven’t had it long) so I went into his phone after he went to bed (I know, toxic) I guess just to make my anxiety go away. And nothing was in there. I mean it was clearly scrubbed. But I didn’t say anything about it right away. We discussed it the next day. He knew I went into his phone. I apologized. He said it was a violation he couldn’t live with. And then he went home and started drinking and we were discussing it. He decided to break up over it. Then a bit later after breaking up with me he sent me a screen shot of a text one of his friends sent him earlier, something unrelated. But at the top of the screen had a notification with text from an unsaved number in his phone. Well… there was this particular female… just had a gut feeling. I knew all his friends even ex’s names but he hid her, didn’t know her name. 10 minutes after breaking up apparently he was texting THE girl that just never sat right with me in the relationship. The girl he said he didn’t have her number anymore, the girl he “never talks to” the girl he didn’t know why she would text him late at night or when her mom died. Yeah I cussed him out. But that’s a huge part of all this. Maybe I am insecure. But with a good partner I like to think i’m not. Insecurity like that is not a recurrent theme in my past relationships. Frankly I don’t know why I was responding to him. I feel really silly right now in this moment of reflection. I should be kind to myself. I haven’t been in a dating relationship in a long time and this was my re-entry into the dating pool after years away and I was wholly unprepared and forgot people like this exist. He was glaslighting me about her and he’s unraveled from being busted isn’t it… even tho he busted himself. I’m having a huge lightbulb go off. I feel naïve as heck rn.
Yo that's shady af, and you don't have to feel bad or apologize about going through his phone, you are protecting yourself, and rightly so. He clearly wiped incriminating messages and would not have been so quick to end your relationship over this perceived invasion of privacy unless he had a backup plan ready to go with this other person. You made the right decision to go through his phone, and the trash took themselves out accordingly. Feel liberated, not guilty. Enjoy your single summer! For next time, open messages, tap Edit in top left corner of the message list, tap 'filters' then 'recently deleted', select all deleted convos you want to bring back, tap 'recover' then 'recover messages'
I did do that, nothing there lol
Damn he went cia black ops to hide this girl
Bro doesn't need a girlfriend, he needs a therapist. And maybe an overnight or three stay in a temp ward
I couldn’t get through all of it. I’m sorry, it was too triggering. Threatening his life is abuse. He is a liar who refuses to take accountability. This isn’t the man you deserve. Please run from him. He is the only one who can fix him and he isn’t even close to embarking on that journey. I’m sorry.
Does everybody just threaten to kill themselves when they're found out cheating/doing fucked up shit? I thought it was just my ex.
Why you keeping his number unblocked?
He is blocked now.
block him and when he sneaks past that don't engage. at all. if u do that's on u. good luck.
Man this guy is exhausting and so incredibly self absorbed. Does he believe the entire planet revolves around him, and how he feels and what he wants? Sounds like it, because anything to do with your feelings is just ignored. All you get from him is me, me, me, me, me. I think you dodged a freaking missile.
“You were so thirsty to find my wrong doing” is such a ridiculous sentence lmao. He also really wanted you to react to his threats of offing himself/ideation/pity party and when you didn’t he just kept on going lol. Stay away from this person OP and take care of yourself going forward!
Couldn't be arsed to finish reading that bullshit coming out his mouth. Love the tomb stone for his name though. Jokes.
Jiminy Crickets! That man got more drama than a war movie. Let him rot.
He sounds just like my nightmare ex. He’s just fishing for your attention.
Why do people put up with people like this? 😩
He’s so full of himself please block and enjoy your new peaceful life without looking back
Stop talking to him. Make him a ex friend as well as an ex boyfriend. Get over him - whatever you love is in your head and of your own creation. Some day, you’ll wake up and realize you wasted so much of yourself trying to make a mirage love you. Stop that. Go learn to enjoy your own company, and when you’ve masters that, open yourself up to being loved by a quality human being, not a waste of skin and space. Oh, and chances are beyond good that someone as shelf absorbed as he is will never off themselves, so stop worrying about his well-being and start to cultivate your own.
Oh, he sucks. He sounds like an alcoholic and has some major personality disorders where he can only victimize himself. He doesn’t know what love and respect really are, because he can’t do it himself. When you let him go for yourself, you’ll be open to finding someone who can actually love and respect you without the layers of bullshit.
Get him baker acted. I bet he won’t use the whole “im ending my life” thing ever again
He definitely was cheating because no innocent person would say they would hide their cheating well lol. Also he’s very manipulative and making shit up to scare you. Block and move on.
If you’re lucky he will die… but he won’t. He isn’t sick. He’s just a piece of crap. Stay away from him.
This is little ass boy behavior “I’m gonna /self” ok bro
Guys like this are so predictable. 🙄
my ex tried pulling something similar. i notified his family of everything and informed them i would need to block him for the foreseeable future. my current mantra is "do not engage, do not engage, do not engage." as much as i hate it and still love him, what he does from now on is not my responsibility. his own actions led him here, and he became manipulative and verbally abusive when i offered help. that's as far as i go, and he knew that getting into this. take care of yourself. i know it's hard.
Leave this grown baby in the dust.
Block him. He's insecure and seeking attention and wants you to confirm for him that he is absolutely perfect and doesn't have issues(which he obviously has) Don't let him hijack your emotions, time, or thoughts. He's an ex for a reason. You're young and need to focus on your life, not his BS.. he's probably having issues with another female and wants validation from you.
He called you manipulative, but he’s projecting. If you are truly done with him, block him and move on. He can’t threaten to unalive himself if he loses access to you. I’m not sure if you’re really done with him because you kept declaring your love for him. If you’re done, be done.
Not normal. Not normal at all. Run away. This guy is nothing but bad news. Trying to weaponize unaliving himself, trying to guilt you, and refusing to hear what you have to say...this guy is all about the drama and will say whatever manipulative things he can get away with to make others do what he wants. Leave him and don't look back.
I would call emt and have him taken into psych for suicidal intent. See if that makes him think twice about using the verbiage he used in the first two screenshots. And ofc block him while he’s receiving “treatment.”
Huh. This is really strange. I’m seeing both sides. You two seem to have a very strong connection. You are helping to put him through a very deep correction right now. While from his eyes, you seem to be the antagonizer, you’re simultaneously a safe space for him. It’s his choice now whether he wants to reflect and gain valuable constructive wisdom from this entire experience or fall away unconsciously into harming himself and others. You’ve done all you can do. You’re free to move any direction from here. Maybe ask yourself what do you really want.What role do you want to play? You might need time to learn these things. Have patience ❤️
Are you dating a 15yo emo? Jfc. Also, he's begging you to fuck off, and you keep messaging him. Why? Just leave him to his self loathing.
This is so dramatic. It reads like a script to an anime
Can’t even get past the first one. Block him and move on. This guy’s an energy vampire. Breaks up with you then boohoos? No ma’am.
I have to stop reading this sub so that my coworkers don't keep hearing me scream DUMBASS DUMBASS DUMBASS from the bathroom when I read about these women who keep babying horrible men.
Why do you both talk like you're in a turkish drama?
I always think I’m crazy but r/texts reminds me I’m not too bad off
It’s all so cringe I couldn’t read it. 🤮
I love what your contact name is for them. Go OP, find someone who loves you and doesn’t manipulate you. You deserve it.
I’m shocked. I can’t believe he used illness and death as a weapon to make you feel like you’re the bad person. This guy needs some serious help. Not from you though! You are beyond helping him. This relationship is expired. Block him completely, heal, and move on. If he wants to sulk and be a sad POS for the rest of his life, that’s on him. Not on you.
Holy shit, the drama. This is not worth it.
This was me my ex and conversation for almost two years. He was manipulative and would gaslight every step of the way. We’ve been no contact for a month and there’s times I miss him more than anything but then I think back to times like this and realize how my life is so peaceful now. My hot take, move on. Go no contact. Focus on you. You can beg for that reassurance but you’ll never get it.
Also, he doesn’t know the difference between“their”, “there”, and (presumably) “they’re”. He’s not worth your time.
Both of you need to stop texting each other lol
Yes. Caller is blocked and I’m beside myself sick at the moment from it all. Thank you.
Sorry you went through all of that. Glad you blocked him though, I know that probably sucks for someone you still love but it’s the first step towards moving on and you’ll be ok. It gets easier!
I always like when people put “me” instead of “my” because it makes them sound like a pirate 🏴☠️
It’s no laughing matter but in the moment my brain read it in pirate for just that part. If you hadn’t said it, I’d never have told a soul. I’ve never been so hot with anger and hurting while reading pirate before today.
[удалено]
Done, and done. All the direct feedback like this helped me to see the cycle and cut it - so thank you very much.
It’s tough to see those cycles, I had an abusive grandma but nobody believed me, and it made me doubt myself, some days were good, she’d act nice, bake cookies and get presents the next I’d get fed soap that she hid in my food and berated for any reason imaginable, the sweet talking drags everyone back in
Lmaooooo this could 100% be my ex. Straight to dying when things don’t go his way.
All I got from this is you wanting him back.
Call the police to do a welfare check - he has threatened to hurt himself.
My dad used to talk like this before he died. This is nothing but pure manipulation and nothing you do will change the fact that this person will continue to manipulate you in this exact manner. You may find a way to call it out successfully and get a change for a while, but they will always carve a path leading back to them being “in control”. Get out while you can.
A lot of these comments are saying “why did you keep replying” but I just want to tell you that you did a great job standing up for yourself and articulating yourself, and not allowing him to manipulate you with his words. It’s clear you felt something for him so it’s not always easy to just “not respond”. You did great, and I’m sorry this happened to you, it definitely is a lot and seems emotionally draining. I hope you can take time for yourself and heal.
What is the screenshot you guys are referring to? Was he cheating on you? Can you elaborate? And no this isn’t normal. This is manipulative af. Gaslight-y behavior from him for sure. Very stressful and reminds me a lot of conversations with my ex. Sorry you are dealing with this.
Yeah he sent me a screen shot of something unrelated that the top of it had a text notification showing from a particular girl that had just popped up too many times along the way. That he “didnt ever talk to” “didn’t even have her number anymore” “didn’t know why she was texting at 1 am” “only texted once or twice about nothing important” etc - that’s the lead up to all this happening essentially. He busted himself. Or maybe he knew it was showing and baited me. I’ll never know and I don’t want to anymore.
Why are you writing all this and posting 16 screenshots and just… Stop. You broke up. Create your new life and stop wallowing in the muck that is all this draining energy. I know it’s hard when you’re so close to it, but take it from someone looking at it from afar… so many better things are ahead for you when you leave all this behind.
These comments have been really helpful. He tried to come back in since I posted it and I would have fell right back in. The blocked is in. these “tough love” comments opened my eyes super wide and have given me strength and have been the most helpful. Thank you for your directness and honesty.
Thanks for being vulnerable and putting it out there to strangers. You can do this!!!
I just got out of a relationship with someone that acted just like this in person and over text. He was mentally abusive, lied about the smallest things, would make fake accounts (literally pfp of people he stole pictures from) or just straight up lie to people on reddit and COD about who he was. Always wondered why he would say his name was Alex instead of his actual name when introducing himself to new people in person and online and more than likely had an addiction to cuckold/porn. Anytime I’d bring up my grievances it’d turn into me being the problem and being gaslit the whole argument so it’s either scream for hours at each other or accept defeat and tell him what he wants to hear.
“It destroys me everytime it hits me lips” wtf 😭
I’m sorry this is harsh but how do you love that? Value yourself more and find someone who sees that value.
“It destroys my every time it hits my lips“ (please ask for help for real thoughts of self harm) 
i think you’re right, 100% he was using his illness as a weapon and to manipulate you. good for you for not backing down. especially when you said “you don’t have to wake up like that ever if you don’t want to”.. so true. this person does not want help, nor care about you. he just wants ANYONE to care about him. I’m so sorry, but please do NOT reach out to him again.
Boooo block
Make sure you’re safe before blocking
Ur so strong for loving him and caring for him. Idk what happened in his life to make him this way but he seems very unstable and may need a 5150 hold…and try to persevere ur mental health darling. You matter too.
Let him go. Why would you entertain such a childish mentality? He sounds like his parents never said no to him so he feels people should do what he says and only what he feels matters. You’re better off. Believe me.
I swear to fucking god in this sub, everytime the classic ‘goodbye…!! *(but plz stay)*’ I know they’re most likely 14-15 but I cant help but cringe everytime.
Ugh, the two of you need to stop talking forever. If I ever have to read any more of this I'm going to fall asleep next to a dog bowl and wake up alone and scared.
Drama King. Why waste your energy on him. He’s focused on his pain because he knows he f’d up again. If you’re worried about him offing himself call 911. Then let him stew in his swampy juices.
The manipulation card he’s pulling on you is egregiously misplaced. Nothing is worth this mind game. No love that is worth your love, feels this way. You are not the problem and need to bow out with your head up and your light still shining. His threats are empty. He is using your reactions as bait, a tactic to spill his pain on you. A guilt tripping, self centered manipulative abuser 101. Please love yourself enough to leave him alone. That mans deserves to feel alone.
What's with the telenovela dialogue?
Was surprised at the number of times “weapons” were referred to in these texts. Are y’all knights? Lol
You shouldn’t even respond. He clearly needs a professional.
I couldn’t stop laughing when reading: “it destroys me everytime it hits me lips“ I can’t stop imagining a drunk Irish leprechaun saying that sentence lmfao.
I stopped reading after his first response. That tells me all I need to know about where your head is at and how you are trying to control the situation. I have no patience for anyone that threatens suicide over relationship issues (unless they have serious issues that go beyond the relationship), but just threatening because you know it will stop the other person from doing what they're doing is beyond for me.
Why do you keep engaging? Leave him alone.
the engagement has ended and the caller is blocked. I don’t know why I got so caught up in the moment. But stepping back and reading feedback here has been incredibly helpful.
seems like you both raged. move on.
One word RUN
He's so manipulative
It's time to free yourself of this wicked manipulation. Only you can do that. It's clear from his messages that he doesn't want someone to love him, or even someone to love. Rather, he is looking for an emotional tampon (pardon the phrase) who will tolerate his lies, his behavior, and his actions. Be better than that for yourself. Block his number, and move on to a better way of living.