It's okay, at least if someone ever tell me one those stupid "everything happens for a reason" comment in person, I'll be able to make them giga uncomfortable with one short sentence lmao
It's about perspective.
If someone wants to be miserable they can... but why?
What's the point?
It's always so black and white to people. And really, that's because they lack the perspective to see from any other angle.
Edit: hey, you know. It's okay to have opposing opinions, right?
Geez reddit never fails to amaze me. I'm not saying anything insane lol.
Also, how about taking a second to ask me a question if you don't understand something instead of making assumptions.
Check out healthygamerGG please lol. Don't be forever trapped by extreme perspectives.
I'm a pretty positive person because my perspective was that being abused as a child was bad and because it was bad I should and did get therapy.
This whole "be glad it happened to you it made you who you are" bullshit is the quickest way to become a miserable bitter person who has never bothered to get help for the trauma that they suffered.
People who choose to acknowledge bad thing bad and get help are going to be happier than the people burying their trauma under false positivity as their life burns down around them.
See I'm at the i need to get help stage atm and I know I'm at that stage because if someone told me to "be glad it happened to me" I'd grab the nearest hard object and go for the head. Hurt people hurt people and all that so thank you for giving me another reason to seek help!!!
Can confirm. Iām getting better all the time by changing my perspective on stuff. I was digging around in my subconscious the other day and stumbled upon an old program. Despite being non religious for the last 3 years, I found I was still running a Jesus+ afterlife program. I deleted it. The ensuing terror of the absolute nothingness of life made sleeping very difficult, but I knew my biology would work through it and Iād wake up to a fresh perspective. No heaven or hell means Iām free. And when itās done itās done and I donāt need to know and honestly donāt really care what it was all for.
I imagine my feelings on this will change again. They do tend to do that. But instead of a loop thereās an up and down forward progression.
Did I ever say one shouldn't deal with their problems.
You're simply constructing red herrings here.
If someone wants to play victim they can, but that doesn't help them.
It just creates excuses not to help themselves by blaming the world around them.
"Oh it's the world, so I don't need to change." But then someone defaults to, "oh I guess it my fault I got raped."
Which is completely stupid and illogical thinking. That's what I mean about perspective. See beyond the ego.
It sure would be nice if the world was perfect, but it isn't.
There are all kinds of things we simply need to accept and move forward.
Fuck, I lost my brother last week. But guess what, that's life. There are people that have lost so much more then me too.
It's so frustrating. That people default to certain behaviors because it goes against their ideals.
There is nothing wrong with shifting your perspective to work through pain and loss.
If they want to live in misery they can. But that's doesn't help them.
Nor is trying to be happy and positive suggest it's a simple self developed lie.
Stop building dichotomies.
Iām sorry for your loss. Sounds like you are somewhat describing what Recovery Dharma teaches. Its helped me a lot. But also I had to realize that even if I accept something it doesnāt mean I excuse it. I simply recognize reality for reality. I had those two intertwined for a while which delayed my healing. The pain has happened. I do not have to continue to add layers of suffering to that pain.
I see the point you are making. Took me lots of work to get to where I am at now though and some days are harder than others.
I do not believe in a grander plan, however, so I donāt think anything happens for a reason. I also do not like to be āthankfulā something like SA happened to me. I can acknowledge the post traumatic growth that comes with it through the healing process.
I hope you do allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling in response to your loss though. Thatās ok too.
Thanks for not taking my comment as crude. I did mean well.
And yeah, I... I wish I could say I understand you with the experience.
Even if I've experienced something similar, with SA. I will not say I do because everyone faces trauma differently.
Though, when I think about being thankful... I feel that people actually mean to say thankful that you're still able to even feel the trauma.
To shift your perspective from loss to appreciate for what still is. Life and change.
Life is unfair. Life hurts... but that's just what life is. And fighting against something we cannot undo causes so much more pain than what was already taken.
So, I'm thankful to be alive despite those cruel moments. I'm thankful to have people I love. And I'm thankful for the memories of my little brother.
Or that's how I see it.
It doesn't mean it hurts any less.
But for me, I'm a huge believer in karma but I'm also a Christian. So I have ways to deal with these things. I try to cultivate my spirituality
I'm still human though just as you are.
So while I had people hugging me while my brother lay cold. I understand that they simply just wanted to help.
They didn't like to see that pain and as humans they wanted to do what little they could to give me and my family comfort.
They couldn't understand and I think you get that too. People say seemingly stupid things without grasping what you are experiencing.
All I could do was stare at the ground as I lowered him.
And as for someone that went through SA. Maybe they feel betrayed or dirty.
Like less of a person. Perhaps they feel ashamed or disgusted.
Maybe they just want to normalize that experience in hope that they can feel like nothing happened. Especially if it was because of a family member.
The emotions are the same but the situations are different.
The way I deal with my issues is through mediation and prayer.
But it's still hard as it would for anyone to deal with anything be it death or a loss of something else.
Though That kind of sadness and pain. It's a lot and so no one needs to suffer more than what was already beyond their control.
And thank you. I appreciate it. But just like you. That pain is a part of us.
We didn't ask for it. But at least we can be thankful that we survived it.
Whole or not.
Because loss is loss.
No matter what, people will grieve, be it physically or mentally. And it's no one's right to judge how someone should feel or how much one things is compared to another.
So again, I'm sorry if I came of as crude or cruel. It wasn't my intention.
I guess I just hate how people tip toe around this stuff.
So days I'm normal, whatever normal means. Then other days I remember my brothers gone.
I guess something similar hit with SA.
it just depends on how people take it.
Why?
Is it because you assume that trying to be happy and move forward suggests being fake?
Is it because you assert an assumption that by trying to be happy instead of being sad, that it would suggest that they are simply not going to get help?
Is it because accepting things outside our control and letting go is too scary?
Would you prefer to hear the same ideas echoed with no construction criticism?
Is this your ideal validation?
Do automatically assume me an enemy telling people they don't have to make themselves suffer more than needed?
Is it wrong to want to offer different options?
I don't get your point?
All I said is that people need to work on self awareness... but that's disgusting?
Honestly, that's baffling.
What, do you think I'm saying this should be always true?
Are you thinking I'm saying everyone's wrong for feeling sad?
Do you think I'm generally suggesting people should say this without consideration of circumstances context?
Isn't this simply because of lack of perspective?
You aren't worth the anger I feel at you. Hell, you aren't worth the consideration of me trying to explain this. But let's begin.
The original post of this thread was about sexual assault perpetrated upon another person. The expectation of threads is that they build upon a conversation. Your myopic word vomit was an addition to this conversation.
If you don't get it from that, you never will. This isn't about the dichotomy of opinion. This isn't about being allowed a different opinion. This is about having the social grace to understand when not to open your mouth and let the stupid out.
Idk? That's for you to figure out.
You don't need my validation. Just do something that helps you deal with it.
Whatever best helps you process and move forward. All I can tell you is that by not accepting that pain.
You'll never find peace.
And that's the honest to God truth. I generally don't think you should suffer more than what you had to go through.
But again you don't need my validation. And the solutions are not with me. That's not what I meant by perspective.
But this is this is just going to be something that you are going to have to figure out. I honest to God can't tell you.
I'm not neurotypical. And nor are you at the same level of self-awareness as me. That doesn't make me better that doesn't make you worse.
We have entirely different experiences and deal with trauma entirely different.
Within all that. The more you stop and you consider this. Think about your thoughts and the automatic responses that follow.
When you sit there and consider the things you can control and the things you can't.
When you focus on the present and all things you can actively change.
Slowly you'll understand what I mean by perspective.
I'm curious why you thought I said that you had to have a particular perspective?
No point did I ever make any assumptions or judgments based on your condition and context.
I'm not you. But I can say with 100% surety that not being able to break down and see things from different perspectives and not being able to see your own "I" statements being constructed or realized when you're comparing contrasting yourself with other people.
That None of that is good. Not if it's controlling you.
I sincerely wish you the best.
first of all, i like that you deleted your response to my previous comment. must mean i was right. š
second of all, iām also not neurotypical, so maybe this could be a combination of both of us struggling to explain what weāre thinking and/or understand each other, idk.
THIRD of all, telling someone they arenāt as self-aware as you is kinda shitty, especially based on the comment above, which was likeā¦ two sentences. you know NOTHING about that commenter (and neither do i!). you know nothing about ANY of us.
which also makes it unrealistic to be coming in here and telling survivors, point-blank, that they havenāt achieved healing, that theyāll never find peace, that they obviously need to make changes to their lives, because you DONT KNOW.
being able to recount a traumatic event or just going āhaha yeah, THAT happenedā like someone in a marvel movie doesnāt necessarily mean that person is unhealed or needs a different perspective. i would consider myself mostly healed; what being fully-healed would look like, i dunno, but i donāt think it would mean forgetting the instances entirely. and maybe thatās not what you mean, but it is how what youāre saying comes across - again, iām not neurotypical either, so maybe thatās just how it comes across to me.
please just try to be kinder to others. please just try to consider OTHER peopleās perspectives. youāre going on and on about black-and-white thinking, and then turn around and say blanket-statement that everyone is unhealed except for you and everyone lacks the self-awareness that you have and maybe it truly DOES feel that way to you, and i respect that, but saying it that bluntly and to people as a rebuttal to them having been raped is NOT okay.
okay, so hereās what i think the commenter above you was saying, which is objectively not really about perspective. and iām saying this as a multiple-time rape survivor myself.
people always say āeverything happens for a reasonā, which is probably true to some extent; everything is a combination of things that came before it, nothing exists in a vacuum.
i was raped. what was the reason? well, TRULY, as the commenter above you was saying, the reason was because some people are rapists. why are some people rapists? well, there must be reasons for that, too. i was raped in a hate crime, so there was obviously something teaching people to hate that part of me and people like me. it doesnāt happen in a vacuum.
itās not a lack of perspective to recognize that rape happens because people are rapists, and itās not a lack of perspective to understand intersectional āreasonsā for why rapists may target certain people, certain demographics, and certain age groups, because these people/demographics/age groups - through no fault of their own - are marginalized and dehumanized. anyone can be a victim of SA, and no SA happens in a vacuum. rape happens because people rape. they SHOULDNT rape, but they do. and oftentimes get away with it. and thatās the reason.
itās not extreme or insane for me to think my attacker, who raped me and singled me out based on a demographic quality of mine, was a rapier committing a hate crime. thatās just likeā¦ objectively true, lmao.
I've not deleted nothing though?
You might be having a server side issue. The only thing I've done is block a few people because of their unproductive comments.
Check it again it's there.
Edit: check out my comment below. I broke down what I was talking about.
I replied to someone that actually asked me to define what I meant.
Check that out.
i also apologize for coming across as unhealed or only seeing the world in black and white. i promise you i AM healed from my multiple sexual assaults, and i do not see the world in black and white, though i am also neurodivergent and poor at explaining myself. explaining myself is something iāve been working on, and i can see iām not there yet. my apologizes.
That's not something you need to apologize about. I get it.
Hell, no one can be self-aware all the time. Else wise you'd be enlightened.
Reaching enlightenment is well... Not easy. You cannot even do it in a lifetime.
All you can do is live. And living gets easier as you learn to understand yourself more.
I'm not sure what point you're trying to make or how it's relevant to the comment you replied to. Could you clarify because your comment is incredibly vague and doesn't seem to explicitly engage with what they said?
The person you replied to is criticizing the idea that everything happens for a reason because it implies that the horrible things that happen to people are supposed to happen to them rather than being misfortune.
The downvotes and comments you're getting are because your comment is being interpreted as disagreeing with that criticism, and therefore implying that people are, in fact, meant to suffer whatever they suffer. If this is not your view, you should try to better clarify that.
Getting back to your comment, what is about perspective? What is the "it" you're referring to? And what are the various possible perspectives in question?
Secondly, what does being miserable have to do with anything that was said? I fail to see the link you made between not holding the belief that everything that happens to us was meant to happen to us as part of some larger plan, and being miserable.
Alright, so here's what I'm saying.
First, bad things happen. We cannot control this. And to digress I wasn't agreeing with what the OP above.
Next, it is our perspective and qualitative thoughts which lead to more suffering. Yes, indeed being sad and hurt to the point of trauma is going to happen. However, the goal is to shift the mind's perspective in such a way that you can construct and normalize these events.
This is basics of psychodynamic therapy. Or therapy in general.
It's about accepting what has occurred and understanding that becoming hyperfocal on the event will lead to even more suffering. Perspective is being able to constructivly analyze, evaluate and view your thoughts and emotions, aka the ego.
This is like being able to feel your emotions but not letting those feelings distort your awareness and actions.
If you pay attention to the replys in this reddit you'll find that people will default to physical altercation because of someone saying something along the lines that OP had shared.
It isn't even violence. People will automatically fill pulled to downvote an opinion that they perceive as something bad. Even if that perception is not necessarily true.
People tend to be afraid or negative towards changing ideas. You can see that a lot from historical events.
Yet, when people say things like I'm sorry for your loss or just trying to help people shift their pain to a positive position. One can understand that they are usually coming from a perspective with well meaning.
But if you were simply just focused on yourself. You won't be able to see that. They simply become an enemy.
And again that's not saying that the people who say these things are not ignorant and lacking themselves. They are. Indeed we are all responsible for our behavior.
Assuming that we are psychological there. Therefore exists contacts and conditions where one can frame an outcome differently. You get into like moral luck and such with this.
Quite an interesting topic.
But anyhow, It's just that they can't understand you or the situation. It's a psychological conditions for people to want to help. And sometimes they don't know that maybe not helping is helping. Complex in it's hard.
That's why there's an entire field dedicated to these kinds of things.
That's why people do strange things like bringing a lot of food to funerals or to patience with cancer.
They just want to help. This is another means of perspective.
Now this doesn't mean that you're feelings or condition is not validated. Bad things happen to everyone. But just because bad things happen to everyone doesn't mean that the bad thing that happened to you isn't still terrible. It's just that you're able to see the world in a bigger picture.
They still need to take time to accept that pain and move forward.
Basically what I mean by perspective is that understanding that ideals and concepts that seem contradictive aren't necessarily contradicted.
it's being able to perceive things at a higher level of awareness. And sadly most people are not able to construct these kinds of concepts and ideals to this level.
I personally hold the framework of karma. I'm also Christian. Therefore I tackle trauma differently.
I've developed tools such that I do not react to you based solely on emotions but on ethical standards. I've developed an ethos which I build on and change as I learn and evolve.
I tend to view the world from a different perspective through my belief. Yeah I'm also able to understand that people view the world differently and understand their perspectives.
Also, please understand that not all beliefs are correct. See my belief of how the universe is constructed or how things work or function.
it isn't illogical, because from the get-go believing in a God is a non-propositional. This means that it doesn't fall within the same structural ordinance as logic.
So I can conform to a logical perspective but still have fundamental beliefs which I do not wish to give up.
I'm able to do this because of this shifting of perspective via evaluation.
Ultimately, perspective of our reality is subjective. Yet our reality itself is objective.
It is objectively true that there are people who go through bad things.
It is subjective to say what is always true to come from those outcomes or what those people perceive about their own happenstance.
I like to use bloom's revised taxonomy to break the process of thinking and perspective.
Look it up it should help you understand more if you're interested.
But anyways I think this clears it up.
If there're still things that are not connecting please feel free to message. I'm not neurotypical so I tend to skip a lot of steps when I'm explaining things.
But yeah, this is what I mean.
yeah you should be glad! SA gave you reasons to ve a better person, as you were traumatised, and now you're the person who you are. you should be proud of what had happened and what will happen!
nah i'm joking oop's a fucking dumbass
i was gonna say the same thing lol
how nice of the universe, to have my cousin rape me, what a nice thing for me. so wonderful that was done for me. /s
lmao
Well that fuckin sucks I'm sorry that haened to you :(
And yeah only privilged people are unable to admit hat sometimes awful stuff hapens to us for no reasons and deeply hurt us and makes us worse off
I donāt think the people who >!forced me to spend six hours in an empty room!< on three consecutive days were doing it for me. And if they thought they were, then theyāre idiots at best.
Thats exactly what they are doing. They wanna be like "but look how strong you are!"
I dont need to be abused to be strong. Honestly, id probably be stronger if i hadnt been abused. Its also such a fucking cop out for the perpetrators of abuse. Like somehow they can claim credit for our success in spite of them. Fuck that.
That kinda shitty thinking is why the places that abused me exist. All that tough love crap that parents pay for. Hitler thought he was making people stronger too. Their whole shitty dogma was about "making better people."
The key is to slap them, then kick them in the crotch and tell them it didn't happen to them, it happened for them.Ā
People who say this shit are emotionally underdeveloped and generally stupid. Toxic positivty is the worst. Also spiritual bypassing.Ā
Okay, well who I am isn't exactly great.
People who say stuff like this tend to quickly lose their confidence in the message if you start bringing up specific, highly traumatic events cause people who write this tend to imagine things like not getting into the college you wanted or your crush rejecting you, and not something like having your existence criminalised by the state cause being queer is considered an abomination in the eyes of God.
Yes, that is a personal example.
Ah yes, I just love being a 30year old individual who can't take care of herself because the depression is so deeply rooted that getting out of bed is a major task. So glad all the doors that closed lead here.
I see where you're coming from now, she's also been extremely abusive throughout my childhood, manipulating me, excluding me from any social gatherings, beating me for coming out as gay, throwing books and 2 more attempted stabbings after the 2 successful ones, first time I wasn't prepared so i just knocked her clean out. Second time was a lot more severe for her, she came at me with a kitchen knife I swept her legs with a homemade staff I made for self defense and she fell on the knife penetrating her chest, even though she did all that stuff to me I tried saving her but she bled out just before an ambulance turned up, her last words were 'im sorry' the last thing she heard was 'i forgive you ' then she looked at me in the eyes and closed her eyes for ever.
I have severe trauma idk why I felt the need to just dump that I am so sorry
Woah like that was a whole movie right there. She truly got her comeuppance but what a lot of trauma to go through. I feel broken for you, so many layers to all that.
Holly crap, I got the goosebumps reading this. I canāt imagine what if must be like living like this and after this too. Iām so truly sorry you had to go through that. I hope you find a good circle you can trust for the rest of your life, and good therapy to help with all that trauma. Iām so deeply sorry.
if this was 100% plausible you would be in court or a psych ward, nobody looks at a dead person with a knife and goes like "hmm yes totally normal" Also:
-Winning in a fight with a stabber unarmed
-Getting stabbed and brushing it off
A stab wound, worse multiple, require a tourniquet or something else, it cannot be brushed off, if you did call the ambulance, everyone would be taken to court
Youāve got to be making this shit up. Nobody whoās gone through a trauma talks like that. Great job sweeping the leg with your sweet homemade Bo staff, though.
How can you be so insensitive? Thereās no way you can know for sure itās made up. You could just have shut up if itās what you believe. And just so you know, dumping trauma to strangers on the internet is actually a pretty common response. Trauma needs to get out and sometimes you donāt feel safe or confident enough in real life and itās easier this way, also because itās more likely to find someone who will understand. Honestly man, if youāve got nothing nice to say just shut up.
I only talk like this because I've been verbally abused for being too depressed, sry can't change it, it's why a smile is always plastered on my face too, I've tried to stop but it just won't come off.
Oh I know, and that's kinda why I'm not telling stories I'm recalling events from a few months ago, you don't have to believe me if you don't want to tho, that's on you
Great! But it's the "who I am" part that's become the real issue here. And maybe... just maybe... if those things that happened "for me" had been different things, I wouldn't be who I am right now. I'd possibly be better than that.
This is, straight up, a bully trying to justify their guilt.
If anyone ever says some shit like this in lieu of an apology, they are attempting to celebrate in your successes instead of being a key factor of your failures. Don't let them get it twisted.
The only good thing about getting hit by a semi is being isekaiāed into a magical realm and becoming the overpowered protagonist.
Well, that didnāt happen so Iām stuck in this stupid realm with a bunch of injuries and medical bills.
I really hate these stupid platitudes with a fiery passion. No it didnāt happen for me. No it didnāt make me stronger and if it was gods plan then god can just bugger all the way off. Life just happens and we all do our best to get through the rough/traumatic stuff and enjoy the good.
Personally I donāt need some cosmic meaning applied to any of it.
Cool cool.
3 times Iāve been to police about assaults of the I-canāt-say-that-word nature 1 of them was charged but then it was dropped and this person IS A TEACHER!
I didnāt go to the police about any assaults after that.
Lost my ability to walk in 2010.
Been left in bed for more than 4 years.
Was widowed in 2022.
But heyā¦ I just wasnāt looking for doors right?
Trauma is the obvious thing to point out here, but what about people dying or are already dead from terminal illnesses? "It happened FOR you" is crazy.
This was definitely made by someone who has never struggled.
right... can my local shopping centre get more than 1 lift though???
(live footage of me trying to get to ASDA on the ground floor when the roof above the lift breaks again so they need to close it)
![gif](giphy|hFsWlFJwY84jm|downsized)
Ah, so when I was cyberstalked and blamed for a suicide that DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN, it was good for me. The nightmares I had about carrying the "dead" person to her grave, the constant checking out my window when the cyberstalker got my address, the panic attacks I would get even GOING online at all. That was good for me. Good to know š
I believe if someone is so arrogantly stupid as to waist the oxygen to say that to you... you are morally obligated to punt them in the genitals... full send.
So the fact that both sides of my family and all of my siblings have depression that tends to come in at my age and that I am starting to feel the effects of along with my struggling in school and personal relationships due to ADHD, probably autism, and general anxiety is supposed to be a good thing?
This is some stupid shit. Yeah, that drunk driver ran me over. Yeah, I have to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Sure, God never throws anything at you that you can't handle.
Well, fuck God! Fuck that driver! I'm fucked for life! I'm supposed to be happy about it? Yeah, well fuck you, too!
My parents mentally, physically, and emotionally abusing me for 18 years happened FOR me? Im an idiot, let me go talk to them again after going no contact for months cause my mother and her husband, refuses to accept me as who i am but not nearly as bad as my mother. Also my dad but not nearly as bad as my mother.
"you are this miserable because everything around you has worked together to make you this way, all of our efforts have gone into making you, and look now, you're self hating, traumatized, and constantly on edge. remember, everything has happened just so you could be this way today. all of us worked to make you this way"
Oh thank God year's of bullying sa neglect and a long list of other things was given to me like fuckin what if anyone says this shit to me irl there getting called a dumbass
lmao being traumatized by the sound of phone calls and learning to hate the sound of my dad's voice is for a reason
fuck that shit
my misophonia literally makes me so miserable
Thank you so much for for all the life opportunities to become depressed, anxious and suicidal & to live my life through those trauma based responsesš„°
Why do people think they're so clever for just baselessly asserting that reality is the exact opposite of what it actually, objectively is? Like, this isn't just a bad take, or a contrived interpretation of events- it's literally wrong, on a physical level, lol.
I know they leave the detail about HOW to feel this way about events in the past but would you agree that if you could look at the past this way you would feel a lot better in the now?
No because it literally makes no sense. How did I get sick for myself? What if I was killed, would that have happened for me? To accelerate my journey to an afterlife?
Itās true, nothing has happened to you (except obviously the stuff that literally happens to you like assault or abuse). Itās happened around you, and is beyond your control. and your reactions to it ideally can be tempered enough to live in peace with what goes on around you. But it hasnāt happened for you, that is nonsense.
An almost brain dead suicidal psychotic murderous pedophile who wants to do horrible things to myself and others and hates myself for it because I know I'm disgusting??? Yeah. I have been shaped into the person I am today by my trauma. A horrible, foul individual who desperately needs an escape from the impending doom of brain death.
And the cherry on top is that all my neurological and psychological shit is being left untreated because nobody fucking notices it. I wanna kill myself just to make them suffer, thinking if they had just noticed my pain they could've helped me and saved my life.
I apparently need to be grateful for the adults in my life knowing I have ptsd and issues but ignoring it and leading to me being super dysfunctional and extremely socially isolated. They did it FOR me.
Iām sorry for you too. *pats e-shoulder* ā¹ļø makes me wish I could sue them for neglect. Even after I became an adult not a single person that was in charge of me let me know I had ptsd so that I could start working on it myself. Wasnāt until a few years ago that I found out. Couldnāt tell me because then they would have to admit their neglect.
ThatĀ“s so true. IĀ“m a walking and talking trauma reaction. A wonder of survival and nature. I invent my personality everyday new. IĀ“m totally selfless. Because there is no self. Get it? :D
I try so hard to believe this but my life has mostly been shit and only benefited other people. I'm tired of waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.
Couldnāt all forms of broad advice apply to this sub? Obviously this quote hurts people in some situations, but it absolutely also helps people in other situations.
I get it, though, itās not what people need/want to hear in times of extreme grief.
It only becomes apparent in far away retrospective how our traumas have potentially strengthened us. Though, in the immediate vicinity of its occurrence we need comfort and support.
My entire cult that I grew up in. Entire church was so well adjusted, including myself!
(Honestly though? The abuse was apperently bad enough that my memories of childhood are non existent and what I remember is high school and beyond minus a few very specific and one increadly uncomfortable doctors visit. I guess what I can't remember never made me stronger. *shrugs*)
Boy I'm sure glad the systematic actions of my teachers and class mates in elementary school to bully me happened for me.
I'm so glad that trying to go to heaven seemed like the right play to a 6year old chil. So glad that happened for me.
Jfc you can tell when someone has lived in privilege.
You know some shit in life really is worth it in the end if you make the most of it...
And a whole lot of it isn't even in the fucking slightest I hate when people do this shit man. IT WASNT WORTH IT!!!! FUCK!
I feel like this was stated in a too positive way. Like āit happened for youā is such a dumb line
The last line is true though. Even horrible experiences shaped you into who you are. Not necessarily a good thing, just a thing
This is what I thought when I read this. āEvery wrongā My rapists didnāt do it for themselves, they did it for me? What a disgusting and vile thought. Just as disgusting as saying itās part of gods plan. Or god has plans for you and wouldnt give you anything you canāt handle. I donāt think people that write this shit have any brain cells or clues to what is actually happening in this world. Or the worst thing that had happened to them is a wedgie.
I dont think the person who created that fully thought through all the possibilities and just thought the generally palatable troubles one may face would be enough
Tbh this did make me feel a little better. I had the stereotypical girl leaves guy for his best friend thing recently. I have mourned both of them and moved on.
I don't think someone should just throw this out there to victims, it's entirely insensitive and inappropriate.
That being said, I am frightened by the other paths my life could have taken. That fear gives me a sense of feeling "lucky" with my outcome, while simultaneously being pissed that it had to happen to me specifically.
It's all a jumble.
Very happy that my first relationship was spent dealing with a boy who love-bombed me continuously and then threatened to >!cut himself with a hunting knife!< if I didn't do certain things for him. So glad he continuously asked me for nudes despite the fact I was 15 years old (i never sent him nudes thank god) and pressured me into calling him 'daddy' and doing sexual roleplay. All those jokes he made about wanting to >!rape!< me were so funny too. Hell, it's probably for the best that he ended up cheating on me with likely multiple people, broke up with me for being upset about a "joke" he made, and flirted with one of my best friends in front of me on Skype a day or two after (even after I told him she was in a relationship and probably lesbian). Not to mention how he decided to describe in detail how he fucked one of his friends and how it was so hot a few days after he broke up with me. That all was in SERVICE of me actually, and it TOTALLY didn't fuck up my entire view of relationships at all. I definitely am not filled with horrible anxiety whenever I'm away from my current boyfriend (who is a total angel and would never do any of those things). I'm so much stronger now! I do not have abandonment issues, I have abandonment solutions!
Wow I sure am glad SA has happened FOR me š„°
Congr... no there's no way to joke about this that isn't awful I am sorry for your experiences
It's okay, at least if someone ever tell me one those stupid "everything happens for a reason" comment in person, I'll be able to make them giga uncomfortable with one short sentence lmao
āEverything happens for a reason.ā Yes, but sometimes the reason is people are shit.
It's about perspective. If someone wants to be miserable they can... but why? What's the point? It's always so black and white to people. And really, that's because they lack the perspective to see from any other angle. Edit: hey, you know. It's okay to have opposing opinions, right? Geez reddit never fails to amaze me. I'm not saying anything insane lol. Also, how about taking a second to ask me a question if you don't understand something instead of making assumptions. Check out healthygamerGG please lol. Don't be forever trapped by extreme perspectives.
I'm a pretty positive person because my perspective was that being abused as a child was bad and because it was bad I should and did get therapy. This whole "be glad it happened to you it made you who you are" bullshit is the quickest way to become a miserable bitter person who has never bothered to get help for the trauma that they suffered. People who choose to acknowledge bad thing bad and get help are going to be happier than the people burying their trauma under false positivity as their life burns down around them.
See I'm at the i need to get help stage atm and I know I'm at that stage because if someone told me to "be glad it happened to me" I'd grab the nearest hard object and go for the head. Hurt people hurt people and all that so thank you for giving me another reason to seek help!!!
Can confirm. Iām getting better all the time by changing my perspective on stuff. I was digging around in my subconscious the other day and stumbled upon an old program. Despite being non religious for the last 3 years, I found I was still running a Jesus+ afterlife program. I deleted it. The ensuing terror of the absolute nothingness of life made sleeping very difficult, but I knew my biology would work through it and Iād wake up to a fresh perspective. No heaven or hell means Iām free. And when itās done itās done and I donāt need to know and honestly donāt really care what it was all for. I imagine my feelings on this will change again. They do tend to do that. But instead of a loop thereās an up and down forward progression.
This was the best possible response and I thank you for sharing it
Did I ever say one shouldn't deal with their problems. You're simply constructing red herrings here. If someone wants to play victim they can, but that doesn't help them. It just creates excuses not to help themselves by blaming the world around them. "Oh it's the world, so I don't need to change." But then someone defaults to, "oh I guess it my fault I got raped." Which is completely stupid and illogical thinking. That's what I mean about perspective. See beyond the ego. It sure would be nice if the world was perfect, but it isn't. There are all kinds of things we simply need to accept and move forward. Fuck, I lost my brother last week. But guess what, that's life. There are people that have lost so much more then me too. It's so frustrating. That people default to certain behaviors because it goes against their ideals. There is nothing wrong with shifting your perspective to work through pain and loss. If they want to live in misery they can. But that's doesn't help them. Nor is trying to be happy and positive suggest it's a simple self developed lie. Stop building dichotomies.
Iām sorry for your loss. Sounds like you are somewhat describing what Recovery Dharma teaches. Its helped me a lot. But also I had to realize that even if I accept something it doesnāt mean I excuse it. I simply recognize reality for reality. I had those two intertwined for a while which delayed my healing. The pain has happened. I do not have to continue to add layers of suffering to that pain. I see the point you are making. Took me lots of work to get to where I am at now though and some days are harder than others. I do not believe in a grander plan, however, so I donāt think anything happens for a reason. I also do not like to be āthankfulā something like SA happened to me. I can acknowledge the post traumatic growth that comes with it through the healing process. I hope you do allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling in response to your loss though. Thatās ok too.
Thanks for not taking my comment as crude. I did mean well. And yeah, I... I wish I could say I understand you with the experience. Even if I've experienced something similar, with SA. I will not say I do because everyone faces trauma differently. Though, when I think about being thankful... I feel that people actually mean to say thankful that you're still able to even feel the trauma. To shift your perspective from loss to appreciate for what still is. Life and change. Life is unfair. Life hurts... but that's just what life is. And fighting against something we cannot undo causes so much more pain than what was already taken. So, I'm thankful to be alive despite those cruel moments. I'm thankful to have people I love. And I'm thankful for the memories of my little brother. Or that's how I see it. It doesn't mean it hurts any less. But for me, I'm a huge believer in karma but I'm also a Christian. So I have ways to deal with these things. I try to cultivate my spirituality I'm still human though just as you are. So while I had people hugging me while my brother lay cold. I understand that they simply just wanted to help. They didn't like to see that pain and as humans they wanted to do what little they could to give me and my family comfort. They couldn't understand and I think you get that too. People say seemingly stupid things without grasping what you are experiencing. All I could do was stare at the ground as I lowered him. And as for someone that went through SA. Maybe they feel betrayed or dirty. Like less of a person. Perhaps they feel ashamed or disgusted. Maybe they just want to normalize that experience in hope that they can feel like nothing happened. Especially if it was because of a family member. The emotions are the same but the situations are different. The way I deal with my issues is through mediation and prayer. But it's still hard as it would for anyone to deal with anything be it death or a loss of something else. Though That kind of sadness and pain. It's a lot and so no one needs to suffer more than what was already beyond their control. And thank you. I appreciate it. But just like you. That pain is a part of us. We didn't ask for it. But at least we can be thankful that we survived it. Whole or not. Because loss is loss. No matter what, people will grieve, be it physically or mentally. And it's no one's right to judge how someone should feel or how much one things is compared to another. So again, I'm sorry if I came of as crude or cruel. It wasn't my intention. I guess I just hate how people tip toe around this stuff. So days I'm normal, whatever normal means. Then other days I remember my brothers gone. I guess something similar hit with SA. it just depends on how people take it.
This is a distinctly disgusting take given the context of this thread.
Why? Is it because you assume that trying to be happy and move forward suggests being fake? Is it because you assert an assumption that by trying to be happy instead of being sad, that it would suggest that they are simply not going to get help? Is it because accepting things outside our control and letting go is too scary? Would you prefer to hear the same ideas echoed with no construction criticism? Is this your ideal validation? Do automatically assume me an enemy telling people they don't have to make themselves suffer more than needed? Is it wrong to want to offer different options? I don't get your point? All I said is that people need to work on self awareness... but that's disgusting? Honestly, that's baffling. What, do you think I'm saying this should be always true? Are you thinking I'm saying everyone's wrong for feeling sad? Do you think I'm generally suggesting people should say this without consideration of circumstances context? Isn't this simply because of lack of perspective?
You aren't worth the anger I feel at you. Hell, you aren't worth the consideration of me trying to explain this. But let's begin. The original post of this thread was about sexual assault perpetrated upon another person. The expectation of threads is that they build upon a conversation. Your myopic word vomit was an addition to this conversation. If you don't get it from that, you never will. This isn't about the dichotomy of opinion. This isn't about being allowed a different opinion. This is about having the social grace to understand when not to open your mouth and let the stupid out.
r/thanksimcured Oh, and you're a colossal dickhead btw
Kay
Ok pls tell me what perspective shoud I have that makes me getting raped mutliple times good? I am just dying to know
Idk? That's for you to figure out. You don't need my validation. Just do something that helps you deal with it. Whatever best helps you process and move forward. All I can tell you is that by not accepting that pain. You'll never find peace. And that's the honest to God truth. I generally don't think you should suffer more than what you had to go through. But again you don't need my validation. And the solutions are not with me. That's not what I meant by perspective. But this is this is just going to be something that you are going to have to figure out. I honest to God can't tell you. I'm not neurotypical. And nor are you at the same level of self-awareness as me. That doesn't make me better that doesn't make you worse. We have entirely different experiences and deal with trauma entirely different. Within all that. The more you stop and you consider this. Think about your thoughts and the automatic responses that follow. When you sit there and consider the things you can control and the things you can't. When you focus on the present and all things you can actively change. Slowly you'll understand what I mean by perspective. I'm curious why you thought I said that you had to have a particular perspective? No point did I ever make any assumptions or judgments based on your condition and context. I'm not you. But I can say with 100% surety that not being able to break down and see things from different perspectives and not being able to see your own "I" statements being constructed or realized when you're comparing contrasting yourself with other people. That None of that is good. Not if it's controlling you. I sincerely wish you the best.
first of all, i like that you deleted your response to my previous comment. must mean i was right. š second of all, iām also not neurotypical, so maybe this could be a combination of both of us struggling to explain what weāre thinking and/or understand each other, idk. THIRD of all, telling someone they arenāt as self-aware as you is kinda shitty, especially based on the comment above, which was likeā¦ two sentences. you know NOTHING about that commenter (and neither do i!). you know nothing about ANY of us. which also makes it unrealistic to be coming in here and telling survivors, point-blank, that they havenāt achieved healing, that theyāll never find peace, that they obviously need to make changes to their lives, because you DONT KNOW. being able to recount a traumatic event or just going āhaha yeah, THAT happenedā like someone in a marvel movie doesnāt necessarily mean that person is unhealed or needs a different perspective. i would consider myself mostly healed; what being fully-healed would look like, i dunno, but i donāt think it would mean forgetting the instances entirely. and maybe thatās not what you mean, but it is how what youāre saying comes across - again, iām not neurotypical either, so maybe thatās just how it comes across to me. please just try to be kinder to others. please just try to consider OTHER peopleās perspectives. youāre going on and on about black-and-white thinking, and then turn around and say blanket-statement that everyone is unhealed except for you and everyone lacks the self-awareness that you have and maybe it truly DOES feel that way to you, and i respect that, but saying it that bluntly and to people as a rebuttal to them having been raped is NOT okay.
okay, so hereās what i think the commenter above you was saying, which is objectively not really about perspective. and iām saying this as a multiple-time rape survivor myself. people always say āeverything happens for a reasonā, which is probably true to some extent; everything is a combination of things that came before it, nothing exists in a vacuum. i was raped. what was the reason? well, TRULY, as the commenter above you was saying, the reason was because some people are rapists. why are some people rapists? well, there must be reasons for that, too. i was raped in a hate crime, so there was obviously something teaching people to hate that part of me and people like me. it doesnāt happen in a vacuum. itās not a lack of perspective to recognize that rape happens because people are rapists, and itās not a lack of perspective to understand intersectional āreasonsā for why rapists may target certain people, certain demographics, and certain age groups, because these people/demographics/age groups - through no fault of their own - are marginalized and dehumanized. anyone can be a victim of SA, and no SA happens in a vacuum. rape happens because people rape. they SHOULDNT rape, but they do. and oftentimes get away with it. and thatās the reason. itās not extreme or insane for me to think my attacker, who raped me and singled me out based on a demographic quality of mine, was a rapier committing a hate crime. thatās just likeā¦ objectively true, lmao.
I've not deleted nothing though? You might be having a server side issue. The only thing I've done is block a few people because of their unproductive comments. Check it again it's there.
sorry, i do tend to have server issues and sometimes comments disappear. i dont know why that is, and i apologize.
Edit: check out my comment below. I broke down what I was talking about. I replied to someone that actually asked me to define what I meant. Check that out.
i also apologize for coming across as unhealed or only seeing the world in black and white. i promise you i AM healed from my multiple sexual assaults, and i do not see the world in black and white, though i am also neurodivergent and poor at explaining myself. explaining myself is something iāve been working on, and i can see iām not there yet. my apologizes.
That's not something you need to apologize about. I get it. Hell, no one can be self-aware all the time. Else wise you'd be enlightened. Reaching enlightenment is well... Not easy. You cannot even do it in a lifetime. All you can do is live. And living gets easier as you learn to understand yourself more.
I'm not sure what point you're trying to make or how it's relevant to the comment you replied to. Could you clarify because your comment is incredibly vague and doesn't seem to explicitly engage with what they said? The person you replied to is criticizing the idea that everything happens for a reason because it implies that the horrible things that happen to people are supposed to happen to them rather than being misfortune. The downvotes and comments you're getting are because your comment is being interpreted as disagreeing with that criticism, and therefore implying that people are, in fact, meant to suffer whatever they suffer. If this is not your view, you should try to better clarify that. Getting back to your comment, what is about perspective? What is the "it" you're referring to? And what are the various possible perspectives in question? Secondly, what does being miserable have to do with anything that was said? I fail to see the link you made between not holding the belief that everything that happens to us was meant to happen to us as part of some larger plan, and being miserable.
Alright, so here's what I'm saying. First, bad things happen. We cannot control this. And to digress I wasn't agreeing with what the OP above. Next, it is our perspective and qualitative thoughts which lead to more suffering. Yes, indeed being sad and hurt to the point of trauma is going to happen. However, the goal is to shift the mind's perspective in such a way that you can construct and normalize these events. This is basics of psychodynamic therapy. Or therapy in general. It's about accepting what has occurred and understanding that becoming hyperfocal on the event will lead to even more suffering. Perspective is being able to constructivly analyze, evaluate and view your thoughts and emotions, aka the ego. This is like being able to feel your emotions but not letting those feelings distort your awareness and actions. If you pay attention to the replys in this reddit you'll find that people will default to physical altercation because of someone saying something along the lines that OP had shared. It isn't even violence. People will automatically fill pulled to downvote an opinion that they perceive as something bad. Even if that perception is not necessarily true. People tend to be afraid or negative towards changing ideas. You can see that a lot from historical events. Yet, when people say things like I'm sorry for your loss or just trying to help people shift their pain to a positive position. One can understand that they are usually coming from a perspective with well meaning. But if you were simply just focused on yourself. You won't be able to see that. They simply become an enemy. And again that's not saying that the people who say these things are not ignorant and lacking themselves. They are. Indeed we are all responsible for our behavior. Assuming that we are psychological there. Therefore exists contacts and conditions where one can frame an outcome differently. You get into like moral luck and such with this. Quite an interesting topic. But anyhow, It's just that they can't understand you or the situation. It's a psychological conditions for people to want to help. And sometimes they don't know that maybe not helping is helping. Complex in it's hard. That's why there's an entire field dedicated to these kinds of things. That's why people do strange things like bringing a lot of food to funerals or to patience with cancer. They just want to help. This is another means of perspective. Now this doesn't mean that you're feelings or condition is not validated. Bad things happen to everyone. But just because bad things happen to everyone doesn't mean that the bad thing that happened to you isn't still terrible. It's just that you're able to see the world in a bigger picture. They still need to take time to accept that pain and move forward. Basically what I mean by perspective is that understanding that ideals and concepts that seem contradictive aren't necessarily contradicted. it's being able to perceive things at a higher level of awareness. And sadly most people are not able to construct these kinds of concepts and ideals to this level. I personally hold the framework of karma. I'm also Christian. Therefore I tackle trauma differently. I've developed tools such that I do not react to you based solely on emotions but on ethical standards. I've developed an ethos which I build on and change as I learn and evolve. I tend to view the world from a different perspective through my belief. Yeah I'm also able to understand that people view the world differently and understand their perspectives. Also, please understand that not all beliefs are correct. See my belief of how the universe is constructed or how things work or function. it isn't illogical, because from the get-go believing in a God is a non-propositional. This means that it doesn't fall within the same structural ordinance as logic. So I can conform to a logical perspective but still have fundamental beliefs which I do not wish to give up. I'm able to do this because of this shifting of perspective via evaluation. Ultimately, perspective of our reality is subjective. Yet our reality itself is objective. It is objectively true that there are people who go through bad things. It is subjective to say what is always true to come from those outcomes or what those people perceive about their own happenstance. I like to use bloom's revised taxonomy to break the process of thinking and perspective. Look it up it should help you understand more if you're interested. But anyways I think this clears it up. If there're still things that are not connecting please feel free to message. I'm not neurotypical so I tend to skip a lot of steps when I'm explaining things. But yeah, this is what I mean.
yeah you should be glad! SA gave you reasons to ve a better person, as you were traumatised, and now you're the person who you are. you should be proud of what had happened and what will happen! nah i'm joking oop's a fucking dumbass
You almost got me in the first half lmao
i was gonna say the same thing lol how nice of the universe, to have my cousin rape me, what a nice thing for me. so wonderful that was done for me. /s lmao
Well that fuckin sucks I'm sorry that haened to you :( And yeah only privilged people are unable to admit hat sometimes awful stuff hapens to us for no reasons and deeply hurt us and makes us worse off
Oh God.
right? like wow my mother touched me, such a blessing š„°
What is SA? I only get Sturmabteilung when I google it - which is a 1930's germany thing, probably not relevant to you edit: I know now
Idk if ur joking but its Sexual Assault (Im ready to get r/whooosh ed)
Not gonna lie, I thought it stood for substance abuse.
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I this context sexual assault/rape
Oh That's not nice Thanks for the clarification
SA can be short for a few different things. in this context itās being used as an abbreviation for sexual assault.
Grape wthout the G š
From the emojis I can see you're doing great It's because of this kind of message, isn't it
Nope I'm just coping with silliness
In my head, it sounded more ironic - which is the tone I was going for Silliness is great, keep up the good work
Social anxiety
I do have that too but that's not at all what I meant lol
Shit my bad
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My heart goes out to you and everyone else who is a survivor.
Yeah, samsies
Same š
How do people manage to post stuff like this without considering child abuse victims or SA survivors?
Privileged people moment
Me too
āYour welcomeā (not really)
Yeah apply that to trauma jeez
I donāt think the people who >!forced me to spend six hours in an empty room!< on three consecutive days were doing it for me. And if they thought they were, then theyāre idiots at best.
Thats exactly what they are doing. They wanna be like "but look how strong you are!" I dont need to be abused to be strong. Honestly, id probably be stronger if i hadnt been abused. Its also such a fucking cop out for the perpetrators of abuse. Like somehow they can claim credit for our success in spite of them. Fuck that. That kinda shitty thinking is why the places that abused me exist. All that tough love crap that parents pay for. Hitler thought he was making people stronger too. Their whole shitty dogma was about "making better people."
So my Wife passing away while pregnant with our child was good?
I hope this was hyperbole but in case it wasn't I am so sorry for your loss.
Unfortunately it is not hyperbole. It happened back in 2021. The 6th of this month marked 3 years.
So sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a hug (if you wanted one).
Is not much but i think this is the real cure, maybe a small dose of it, but a needed one
I'd like to see how they react when this is said to them directly after something made them extremely angry or sad, bet they wouldn't agree then
The key is to slap them, then kick them in the crotch and tell them it didn't happen to them, it happened for them.Ā People who say this shit are emotionally underdeveloped and generally stupid. Toxic positivty is the worst. Also spiritual bypassing.Ā
Tell them it happened for them to realize that what they said was stupid and insensitive, hence that they should stop saying it.
Good to know that there was a process to making the depressed pile of shit I am today.
It takes a village
So grateful for the ptsd and anxiety! I barely leave the house but itās all supposed to be this way, i now see
Okay, well who I am isn't exactly great. People who say stuff like this tend to quickly lose their confidence in the message if you start bringing up specific, highly traumatic events cause people who write this tend to imagine things like not getting into the college you wanted or your crush rejecting you, and not something like having your existence criminalised by the state cause being queer is considered an abomination in the eyes of God. Yes, that is a personal example.
Ah yes, I just love being a 30year old individual who can't take care of herself because the depression is so deeply rooted that getting out of bed is a major task. So glad all the doors that closed lead here.
That's awesome! My mother stabbing me twice was for me to become stronger!
Holy shit.
Hm?
Your mother stabbed you. If that isnāt a āholy shitā moment, I donāt know what is.
I see where you're coming from now, she's also been extremely abusive throughout my childhood, manipulating me, excluding me from any social gatherings, beating me for coming out as gay, throwing books and 2 more attempted stabbings after the 2 successful ones, first time I wasn't prepared so i just knocked her clean out. Second time was a lot more severe for her, she came at me with a kitchen knife I swept her legs with a homemade staff I made for self defense and she fell on the knife penetrating her chest, even though she did all that stuff to me I tried saving her but she bled out just before an ambulance turned up, her last words were 'im sorry' the last thing she heard was 'i forgive you ' then she looked at me in the eyes and closed her eyes for ever. I have severe trauma idk why I felt the need to just dump that I am so sorry
Woah like that was a whole movie right there. She truly got her comeuppance but what a lot of trauma to go through. I feel broken for you, so many layers to all that.
No one should ever ever ever have to go through that. It's super not fair but it's okay you did word dump.
Holly crap, I got the goosebumps reading this. I canāt imagine what if must be like living like this and after this too. Iām so truly sorry you had to go through that. I hope you find a good circle you can trust for the rest of your life, and good therapy to help with all that trauma. Iām so deeply sorry.
My girlfriends are helping me so much, I've also tried distracting my mind more by only doing things I enjoy. My college is also helping a lot too
if this was 100% plausible you would be in court or a psych ward, nobody looks at a dead person with a knife and goes like "hmm yes totally normal" Also: -Winning in a fight with a stabber unarmed -Getting stabbed and brushing it off A stab wound, worse multiple, require a tourniquet or something else, it cannot be brushed off, if you did call the ambulance, everyone would be taken to court
Youāve got to be making this shit up. Nobody whoās gone through a trauma talks like that. Great job sweeping the leg with your sweet homemade Bo staff, though.
How can you be so insensitive? Thereās no way you can know for sure itās made up. You could just have shut up if itās what you believe. And just so you know, dumping trauma to strangers on the internet is actually a pretty common response. Trauma needs to get out and sometimes you donāt feel safe or confident enough in real life and itās easier this way, also because itās more likely to find someone who will understand. Honestly man, if youāve got nothing nice to say just shut up.
I only talk like this because I've been verbally abused for being too depressed, sry can't change it, it's why a smile is always plastered on my face too, I've tried to stop but it just won't come off.
I still call bullshit. Youāre making it sound like a movie pitch. Trauma and storytelling donāt mix.
Oh I know, and that's kinda why I'm not telling stories I'm recalling events from a few months ago, you don't have to believe me if you don't want to tho, that's on you
"a few months ago"?!?!? This is recent? Like this year? I assumed years had passed
this isn't advice as much as it is justification for hating myself
If someone tells me this again Iām gonna slap them and let them know it just made them stronger. Then tell them to s**t bricks š§±
What doesn't kill you usually doesn't make you stronger. It often weakens you and leaves you with scars. Or it mutates and tries again.
Glad my depression happened FOR me
I appreciate Palpatine's smirk as part of your comment.Ā
I love democracy and mental illness
Great! But it's the "who I am" part that's become the real issue here. And maybe... just maybe... if those things that happened "for me" had been different things, I wouldn't be who I am right now. I'd possibly be better than that.
This is, straight up, a bully trying to justify their guilt. If anyone ever says some shit like this in lieu of an apology, they are attempting to celebrate in your successes instead of being a key factor of your failures. Don't let them get it twisted.
The only good thing about getting hit by a semi is being isekaiāed into a magical realm and becoming the overpowered protagonist. Well, that didnāt happen so Iām stuck in this stupid realm with a bunch of injuries and medical bills.
That which didn't kill me gave me unhealthy coping strategies that will eventually kill me.
Itās complete BS. Itās just an example of āHave you tried *NOT* being poor / injured / disabled / etc. ā š
I really hate these stupid platitudes with a fiery passion. No it didnāt happen for me. No it didnāt make me stronger and if it was gods plan then god can just bugger all the way off. Life just happens and we all do our best to get through the rough/traumatic stuff and enjoy the good. Personally I donāt need some cosmic meaning applied to any of it.
Childhood cancer and a permanent disability. My life is objectively worse as a result and it feels insulting to be told otherwise.
Sounds like something someone says while abusing the shit out of you
Exactly what I thought when I saw it
so my dad's abusing me was a good thing? damn
"Everything happens for a reason" fuck yooouuu
You're saying this shit was done intentionally? Damn, that makes it so much worse
āItās happened for you[ā¦]to make you into who you are.ā So, anxious, depressed, and traumatized? Thanks, ig.
Cool cool. 3 times Iāve been to police about assaults of the I-canāt-say-that-word nature 1 of them was charged but then it was dropped and this person IS A TEACHER! I didnāt go to the police about any assaults after that. Lost my ability to walk in 2010. Been left in bed for more than 4 years. Was widowed in 2022. But heyā¦ I just wasnāt looking for doors right?
Trauma is the obvious thing to point out here, but what about people dying or are already dead from terminal illnesses? "It happened FOR you" is crazy. This was definitely made by someone who has never struggled.
right... can my local shopping centre get more than 1 lift though??? (live footage of me trying to get to ASDA on the ground floor when the roof above the lift breaks again so they need to close it) ![gif](giphy|hFsWlFJwY84jm|downsized)
Ah, so when I was cyberstalked and blamed for a suicide that DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN, it was good for me. The nightmares I had about carrying the "dead" person to her grave, the constant checking out my window when the cyberstalker got my address, the panic attacks I would get even GOING online at all. That was good for me. Good to know š
What I turned into: A depressed fuck who lost al joy and wonder they used to have as a kid.... So grateful š
Hey look, it's the narcissistic, abusive parent's mantra.
My response: This was never who I wanted to fucking be, Karen.
Please donāt use quotes like that to justify abuse and bullying .
Yeah and now im a raging asshole thanks you fuck
I believe if someone is so arrogantly stupid as to waist the oxygen to say that to you... you are morally obligated to punt them in the genitals... full send.
So the fact that both sides of my family and all of my siblings have depression that tends to come in at my age and that I am starting to feel the effects of along with my struggling in school and personal relationships due to ADHD, probably autism, and general anxiety is supposed to be a good thing?
This is some stupid shit. Yeah, that drunk driver ran me over. Yeah, I have to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Sure, God never throws anything at you that you can't handle. Well, fuck God! Fuck that driver! I'm fucked for life! I'm supposed to be happy about it? Yeah, well fuck you, too!
My parents mentally, physically, and emotionally abusing me for 18 years happened FOR me? Im an idiot, let me go talk to them again after going no contact for months cause my mother and her husband, refuses to accept me as who i am but not nearly as bad as my mother. Also my dad but not nearly as bad as my mother.
"you are this miserable because everything around you has worked together to make you this way, all of our efforts have gone into making you, and look now, you're self hating, traumatized, and constantly on edge. remember, everything has happened just so you could be this way today. all of us worked to make you this way"
All is for the best
Oh thank God year's of bullying sa neglect and a long list of other things was given to me like fuckin what if anyone says this shit to me irl there getting called a dumbass
Oh yess sure
You say that like its a good thing
What if I donāt like who I am
lmao being traumatized by the sound of phone calls and learning to hate the sound of my dad's voice is for a reason fuck that shit my misophonia literally makes me so miserable
Thank you so much for for all the life opportunities to become depressed, anxious and suicidal & to live my life through those trauma based responsesš„°
So when I was so miserable I had suicidal ideation at age 12, I should have been grateful for the opportunity! Good to know! Complex PTSD for the win!
Who I am now wants to put a gun in my mouth
Itās true. That is why I am bitter and angry all the time.
Oh I see, so Hitle
Ah yes! Bullying! My favorite gift. Oh, UTIs? Also a lovely present.
Why do people think they're so clever for just baselessly asserting that reality is the exact opposite of what it actually, objectively is? Like, this isn't just a bad take, or a contrived interpretation of events- it's literally wrong, on a physical level, lol.
I know they leave the detail about HOW to feel this way about events in the past but would you agree that if you could look at the past this way you would feel a lot better in the now?
No because it literally makes no sense. How did I get sick for myself? What if I was killed, would that have happened for me? To accelerate my journey to an afterlife?
Itās true, nothing has happened to you (except obviously the stuff that literally happens to you like assault or abuse). Itās happened around you, and is beyond your control. and your reactions to it ideally can be tempered enough to live in peace with what goes on around you. But it hasnāt happened for you, that is nonsense.
An almost brain dead suicidal psychotic murderous pedophile who wants to do horrible things to myself and others and hates myself for it because I know I'm disgusting??? Yeah. I have been shaped into the person I am today by my trauma. A horrible, foul individual who desperately needs an escape from the impending doom of brain death. And the cherry on top is that all my neurological and psychological shit is being left untreated because nobody fucking notices it. I wanna kill myself just to make them suffer, thinking if they had just noticed my pain they could've helped me and saved my life.
I apparently need to be grateful for the adults in my life knowing I have ptsd and issues but ignoring it and leading to me being super dysfunctional and extremely socially isolated. They did it FOR me. Iām sorry for you too. *pats e-shoulder* ā¹ļø makes me wish I could sue them for neglect. Even after I became an adult not a single person that was in charge of me let me know I had ptsd so that I could start working on it myself. Wasnāt until a few years ago that I found out. Couldnāt tell me because then they would have to admit their neglect.
So being treated like a shit for my entire life was for me? Well,I'd rather not be that dead inside but sure.
That... Is an accusation..
That doesn't mean I'm happy with it
ThatĀ“s so true. IĀ“m a walking and talking trauma reaction. A wonder of survival and nature. I invent my personality everyday new. IĀ“m totally selfless. Because there is no self. Get it? :D
Yeah i don't think horrible childhood abuse or neglect is *for* us
This is some weird āfateā bullshit. It leads to internalized shame. Donāt choose this reframing.
So the current me was the goal all along? I am granted divine purpose and it's to be broken and alone? Fun.
So a shitty, dysfunctional, borderline suicidal human? Three cheers for character development lol.
I'm so thankful to have been shaped by cancer, major surgery then constant 24/7 pain. It's really made my life a torturous hell. So awesome.
Oh, so me going into caridac arrest in 2018, losing my leg because of it happened *for* me, got it.
I try so hard to believe this but my life has mostly been shit and only benefited other people. I'm tired of waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.
I believe this. Believing this makes me feel more empowered and like I can use my experience to help someone else.
Couldnāt all forms of broad advice apply to this sub? Obviously this quote hurts people in some situations, but it absolutely also helps people in other situations.
I get it, though, itās not what people need/want to hear in times of extreme grief. It only becomes apparent in far away retrospective how our traumas have potentially strengthened us. Though, in the immediate vicinity of its occurrence we need comfort and support.
Who I am is a bit shit, so who do I blame then?
My entire cult that I grew up in. Entire church was so well adjusted, including myself! (Honestly though? The abuse was apperently bad enough that my memories of childhood are non existent and what I remember is high school and beyond minus a few very specific and one increadly uncomfortable doctors visit. I guess what I can't remember never made me stronger. *shrugs*)
Boy I'm sure glad the systematic actions of my teachers and class mates in elementary school to bully me happened for me. I'm so glad that trying to go to heaven seemed like the right play to a 6year old chil. So glad that happened for me. Jfc you can tell when someone has lived in privilege.
People like this need a serious crisis to happen for their own good.
Broke, lonely and depressed? Thanks life!
This gives me stabby thoughts :)
One more thing happens for me and a noose is gonna be made for me
Yeah great... I'm so grateful and blessed... Thanks....
You know some shit in life really is worth it in the end if you make the most of it... And a whole lot of it isn't even in the fucking slightest I hate when people do this shit man. IT WASNT WORTH IT!!!! FUCK!
Boy howdy, good to know that the child porn of me on the internet happened for my own good!
So life was HELPING me when it made me become a hardcore insecure loser... alright.
I feel like this was stated in a too positive way. Like āit happened for youā is such a dumb line The last line is true though. Even horrible experiences shaped you into who you are. Not necessarily a good thing, just a thing
What kind of crap is that?
So me getting SA'd at 15 was a good thing?
This is what I thought when I read this. āEvery wrongā My rapists didnāt do it for themselves, they did it for me? What a disgusting and vile thought. Just as disgusting as saying itās part of gods plan. Or god has plans for you and wouldnt give you anything you canāt handle. I donāt think people that write this shit have any brain cells or clues to what is actually happening in this world. Or the worst thing that had happened to them is a wedgie.
I dont think the person who created that fully thought through all the possibilities and just thought the generally palatable troubles one may face would be enough
All the bad the things made me who I am today? I guess that is why I hate myself ig.
Yeah I hate myself so this checks out
Tbh this did make me feel a little better. I had the stereotypical girl leaves guy for his best friend thing recently. I have mourned both of them and moved on.
I don't think someone should just throw this out there to victims, it's entirely insensitive and inappropriate. That being said, I am frightened by the other paths my life could have taken. That fear gives me a sense of feeling "lucky" with my outcome, while simultaneously being pissed that it had to happen to me specifically. It's all a jumble.
You do realize that's not a good thing
Take it back. Take it all back!
What a fucking insult
Well maybe Iād rather not be the pathetic loser I am :D
I dont wanna hear this sweet ass shit. BOOOOOO
Sending me right to the edge
Thatās some first world privileged BS right there
I donāt want to be who I am thoughā¦
https://preview.redd.it/x304o0otti9d1.jpeg?width=853&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e0040f276a8206fc0ed6797dc0d39b7616c5f78b
Should I repost this on Holocaust Remembrance Day or Support of Survivors of Torture Day?
Is "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" similar to that?
So i was supposed to be this way? ![gif](giphy|l378giAZgxPw3eO52|downsized)
Very happy that my first relationship was spent dealing with a boy who love-bombed me continuously and then threatened to >!cut himself with a hunting knife!< if I didn't do certain things for him. So glad he continuously asked me for nudes despite the fact I was 15 years old (i never sent him nudes thank god) and pressured me into calling him 'daddy' and doing sexual roleplay. All those jokes he made about wanting to >!rape!< me were so funny too. Hell, it's probably for the best that he ended up cheating on me with likely multiple people, broke up with me for being upset about a "joke" he made, and flirted with one of my best friends in front of me on Skype a day or two after (even after I told him she was in a relationship and probably lesbian). Not to mention how he decided to describe in detail how he fucked one of his friends and how it was so hot a few days after he broke up with me. That all was in SERVICE of me actually, and it TOTALLY didn't fuck up my entire view of relationships at all. I definitely am not filled with horrible anxiety whenever I'm away from my current boyfriend (who is a total angel and would never do any of those things). I'm so much stronger now! I do not have abandonment issues, I have abandonment solutions!
āFestivus is your heritage, itās part of who you are.ā āThatās why I hate it!ā
We are all the sum of our life experiences. And our perspective(s) of them. At all points of our lives.
So my dad selling me and my brotherās bodyās for drugs as a kid was character development? š
Can i be a different person? One with slightly better atributes
Sounds victim-blame-y.
"just remember, all the nasty shit that's happened to you? yeah you deserve it"