I am very happy to know "swaffle" is not a new shorthand for "waffle stomp".
edit: the upvotes have spoken, I am not the only one with mild PTSD triggered by seeing "waffle" and "shower" in the same sentence.
Zwaffelen is part of dutch basic vocabulary. Don’t y’all slap with your dicks or is that just swamp german culture?
Also I’d like to note I have the perfect shower drain for a waffle stomp.
"YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!"
(not one of those cool internet guys that can make a picture move in the comments section or I would have violated 26 copyright laws and put Jack Nicholson up above)
Cumbox, salami, Colby the Dog, Also This Guys Dead Wife, the mason jar with the little pony toy, the jolly rancher, I’ve been here too long.
https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/n2v8r1/what_are_some_disturbing_reddit_posts_to_read/gwmxcjl/
Had he been able to profoundly swaffel his wife's gorgeous buttocks, perhaps a waffle stomp may have occurred somewhat later.
We await round two, with OP wearing crocs.
What's funny about this is when my siblings and I were kids in the 70s, we all got hiking boots that we called waffle stompers, because the boot print was so big and raised, like a waffle. My sister had never heard the current definition and looked it up a couple of weeks ago, and was traumatized (not really).
[*Swaffelen* was named as the word of the year in the Netherlands and Belgium in 2008.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swaffelen#:~:text=Swaffelen%20(or%20zwaffelen%20or%20dick,Netherlands%20and%20Belgium%20in%202008.)
> In April 2008, the term received wide media-attention in the Netherlands and Belgium, when a Dutch student committed the act on the Taj Mahal and uploaded the video to YouTube. The student was suspended for this action.
> In response, the BNN TV program Spuiten en Slikken invited viewers to make their own videos of other objects being swaffeled. They also called for a BNN Nationale Swaffeldag (BNN National Swaffel Day) to be declared. The Royal Palace of Amsterdam and the Basilica of Saint Servatius in Maastricht were among the objects swaffeled in the submissions.
> In 2015 a firefighter in Enkhuizen was fired for swaffeling a colleague.
I'm concerned.
>But I see a trend in what type of words foreigners learn first!
Can guarantee, no matter the nationality of the student and no matter what language is being learned; the swear/naughty words are the first to be truly memorised.
Oh yeah definitely, when ever I try to teach a foreigner Dutch I always start with "neuken in de keuken" which is a short tongue twister and translates to "fucking in the kitchen"
I think perhaps we should be more concerned if the quote read as follows:
>In 2015 a firefighter in Enkhuizen was fired for swaffeling a fire in a Dutch military arsenal where MOAB-type bombs were stored.
its on youtube, they have a lot of episodes where they just test out certain drugs. They take em and then record the next x hours, but during those hours they also try to explain what the drug does and how they feel
here is the episode on xtc, it has english subs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLZKrEUGx74
Likewise the other way around, but only if I squint, read and listen at the same time. Also helps I’m Frisian, which has roots going back and sideways to scandi and old-English.
Oh man, I remember this stuff. When it comes to television the Netherlands is the Japan of Europe. I've seen some wild shit. From some kind of gameshow with fellas in morphsuits trying to fit trough a hole in a wall; all the way up to straight up cannibalism.
Ok so with that mystery solved, what's it called when your wife is sitting in a chair doing something and you walk up behind her and put your penis on her shoulder?
Holy crap, this guy went through a whole relationship, presumably even one or two before this and he never swung his dick around? And then he had a whole conversation about it and described the word, like has he ever been spontaneous with a woman before in any capacity at all?
As a dutchman I must say: learned about swaffling as soon as I hit puberty and always assumed it was a common known word. As a teenager I even learned that there is a prison sentence for swaffling the taj-mahal (never fact checked)
The guy was ostracized here, too. However, this does seem like a recurring theme.. Some (too many) Dutch tourists appear to have a problem with excessively antisocial behaviour when abroad. Fairly sad people, I must say. Don't hold it too much against us, please.
I did a short stint with the US State Department and one of my colleagues was the guy at the embassy in our placement country that gets called when Americans fuck up abroad. He was a career diplomat, so he had held this job in a dozen of so countries. He once said to me "Americans are bright people who have a terrible habit of forgetting to pack their common sense when traveling abroad."
So if it helps, us too friend. I've not heard of us swaffeling landmarks but it wouldn't surprise me.
I've just dubbed those experiences "Tourist Brain." Symptoms begin when people leave their home town.
Doctors are unsure of what exactly causes it, but the desire seems to be to have unique experiences unlike what one could have back at home.
Signs to recognize Tourist Brain. When you start to hear comments like, you only live once, they don't know us here. I may never be here again. How would they know it was us. I work too hard at home, so it's time to party. We're on vacation. You're supposed let loose on vacation, relax a little.
And finally:
This might be a bad idea, but this would be an epic story...
As a Texan who likes Ozzy Osbourne's music, I'm just really glad this is a Dutch thing and not a British thing. I imagine he'd still be banned from Texas if he has swaffeled the Alamo instead of just pissing on it because he was too fucked up to even know where he was.
I’m going to start using it as a slang term for random things, and hope that someone googles it to find out what it means.
“I have a headache. I need some swaffel.”
“I think I left the keys in the swaffel.”
OP after your visit, it would be a very good idea to invest in a shower mat to prevent slipping. Get one that isn't very hard to clean and has suction cups so it doesn't move. It's one of the best investments that hardly costs much.
Well then it just looks like a sexist non inclusive shower..
It has to look like the penis is striking a rump, right? But then it might be misconstrued as no sex. This problem has me thoroughly swaffelled.
We generally don’t recommend coccyx xrays as they don’t get surgical fixation even if damaged. Providing no neurology, it’s just a waste of money.
I hope you told them the full story though. I’d enjoy it a lot in the few minutes before i discharged you home with pain relief.
It’s going to heal in the time it takes to heal. Unless the XR will change your management, what’s the use in it?
Regardless of the XR, you are going to treat your patient symptomatically, i.e. addressing their pain & advising on gentle exercise to aid recovery.
I’d only really consider their use in non-traumatic coccyx pain where other differentials may come to mind, though in my experience they’re difficult to interpret as bowel gas is almost always obscuring the view.
Swamp gas too, poor swamp gas gets all the flack. I saw UFO nah just swamp gas. Hey that was a missile strike nah just swamp gas. Hey I think that house blew up cuz it was a meth lab, nah it was the swamp gas. I caught you banging my sister. Nah swamp gas, you get the point what did swamp gas ever do to us
Doctors notes don’t need imaging. If we say you need so long off, thats it. Workplaces don’t have the right to demand medical imaging (at least in the UK).
> they don't get surgical fixation
Translation: the coccyx doesn't need to be held together or in place to allow healing
> providing no neurology
Translation: assuming there were no related neurological injuries
Please correct me if I got this wrong. I'm not a medic.
Omg I was triggered with this post as I was like, “what?!? Since when do English speaking people use the word swaffelen?!”
But you explained it well, and apparently need some practice to make it perfect. I do feel proud in a weird way that the Dutch made an impression on you…
I hope nothing got broken and you are feeling better.
In 2008, the word 'swaffelen' was voted as word of the year in the Netherlands!
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swaffelen](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swaffelen)
BTW, it's not only hitting someone's body, you can hit anything, people were even doing it in public back then... :/
A question, and a comment:
Did you tell the ER nurse the truth about how you injured yourself? Because you damn well better have. ER nurses always need a good laugh and a good story to tell over on r/nursing.
As entertaining as this is, it would have been even better if you were somehow injured by your wife's boobs.
Common mistake with first time swaffelers…. You were trying to do a traction dependent swaffel in a traction deprived environment.
The technique you attempted is better performed on say, carpet.
If you find yourself in a traction deprived environment, I’d suggest the manual swaffel. Rather than generating force from the hips, feet are planted and hips are stationary. Approach your target getting as close as necessary and using your hand as the force generator, swing away.
Quick recovery friend!
This made me laugh, but I feel really bad for you. I broke my coccyx about 10 years ago and I still cannot sit properly.
I hope yours is just a deep bruise. It's one of the worst injuries I've had.
That's what gets me, is a whole conversation and then wind up in preparation...maybe that was just for story purposes though.
If you're taking showers together I think you could just go for it and if they don't care for it they'd tell you.
https://youtu.be/rJMRYFIHmtM?si=OrPCIcLKpsGM1C7Q
An unrepentant folk singer called Fred Smith has written a song about this important Dutch cultural practice, based on his experience while working for the Australians in the Afghanistan war.
That first link has the full story behind the song, but if you want the song by itself, without all the folkie waffle:
https://youtu.be/pGiakSr7ws8?si=NJXvq-4sWFhF8UIz
Yeah, you can't shoot for the moon as a swaffel virgin and go for a naked lady in wet conditions on your first go. You have to build it up. Start with inanimate objects and take it from there.
It was a common joke in the Netherlands like 10 years ago, although I think it was more talked about in relation to inanimate objects, like some pervert swaffeling a busstop or something.
I was reading this, as you do, more than likely with a glum expression on my face and then genuinely burst out laughing.
If there is a silver lining in your misery then know that this was very amusing for others!
Get better soon and hopefully it's not broken..
This is going on your permanent medical records for the entertainment of future generations.
Medical students in decades to come will, from time to time be discussing you in the college refectory. Your work is done.
Here we come a-Swaffeling
And among the leaves so green
Here we come a wandering
So fairly to be seen
Here we come a wandering
So fairly to be seen
Love and joy come to you
And to you a Swaffel too
God bless you and send you
A Happy New Year!
>or get slapped in the face by some titties.
I mean, you might tell your wife that it's been proven a positive emotional state improves the healing process. Then tell her that some titties to the face would make you happy.
Regardless how you did it, a broken coccyx is, ahem, a royal pain in the ass. Had one when I was 14 (no swaffeling involved) and it took nearly a year to heal fully.
You have my sympathy.
Problem is you tried to swing a home run instead of using peen's natural slap force lolololol I can't get the mental picture of what you did out of my head.... Did you turn your hips and then leap into it??? Dying here, Thanks OP!
Rule #1 of swaffelling in the shower: Feet firmly planted, spread shoulder width apart, and then you helicopter it in for a smackdown. You never use your hips in a running shower, nerd.
You have my condolences and I'm hoping for the best possible outcome for your ER adventure. While healing from whatever your resulting issue(s) may be, please remember the fine adage 'if at first you don't succeed, .......'!
I am very happy to know "swaffle" is not a new shorthand for "waffle stomp". edit: the upvotes have spoken, I am not the only one with mild PTSD triggered by seeing "waffle" and "shower" in the same sentence.
I fr thought it was gonna have something to do with that. Much relief that it did not
What in gods name is a waffle stomp? Or is this something I’m better off not knowing?
[https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=waffle%20stomp](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=waffle%20stomp)
Oh lord…
Do not ask questions you don't want the answer to.
Heard. TIFU by asking this question.
I never knew I didn't want to know what a waffle stomp was, now I know. Please kill me.
Zwaffelen is part of dutch basic vocabulary. Don’t y’all slap with your dicks or is that just swamp german culture? Also I’d like to note I have the perfect shower drain for a waffle stomp.
I mean, of course we do, but there really isn’t a specific word for it.
Apparently there is, it's swaffel.
"YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!" (not one of those cool internet guys that can make a picture move in the comments section or I would have violated 26 copyright laws and put Jack Nicholson up above)
the more you know...
But what if you have long toenails and it gets under them while you're stomping?
Then lucky you.
Lol, gross!
Curse you
If u think that's gross don't Google blue waffle
Jesus wept
Ah yes. I'm sure it's one of the known stories of this sub. Just like the Coconut, Plant, Chair and what else was there?
Cumbox, salami, Colby the Dog, Also This Guys Dead Wife, the mason jar with the little pony toy, the jolly rancher, I’ve been here too long. https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/n2v8r1/what_are_some_disturbing_reddit_posts_to_read/gwmxcjl/
When you poop in the shower and stomp it with your foot through the drain screen creating a waffle like texture.
Yum yum
Had he been able to profoundly swaffel his wife's gorgeous buttocks, perhaps a waffle stomp may have occurred somewhat later. We await round two, with OP wearing crocs.
Haha Crocs. The official swaffel championship sponsor. Swaffel responsibly. Crocs.
> We await round two, with OP wearing crocs. Only a filthy casual wears Crocs to a waffle stomp. Go bare foot or go home.
It’s an incredibly rare and satisfying experience to read a TIFU story that is *less* traumatising than you expected when you opened the door.
Yet you still clicked
I very apprehensively clicked on this TIFU thinking the same thing. And also relieved that it's not related to blue waffle either.
I thought it was short for shit waffle
I'm too afraid to google image this, and I'll probably regret asking..... what's waffle stomping?
Taking a shit in the shower then stomping it through the drain
Yup, I definitely regret asking! But thanks for enlightening me lol
What's funny about this is when my siblings and I were kids in the 70s, we all got hiking boots that we called waffle stompers, because the boot print was so big and raised, like a waffle. My sister had never heard the current definition and looked it up a couple of weeks ago, and was traumatized (not really).
It is now
actually, let me tell you about swaffle stomping.
actually, please don't!
Like when I found out that all these people talking about their DP fantasies weren't into donkey punching.
Did not know that one of my favorite wifely-eyeroll-inducing activities has its own word.
[*Swaffelen* was named as the word of the year in the Netherlands and Belgium in 2008.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swaffelen#:~:text=Swaffelen%20(or%20zwaffelen%20or%20dick,Netherlands%20and%20Belgium%20in%202008.)
> In April 2008, the term received wide media-attention in the Netherlands and Belgium, when a Dutch student committed the act on the Taj Mahal and uploaded the video to YouTube. The student was suspended for this action. > In response, the BNN TV program Spuiten en Slikken invited viewers to make their own videos of other objects being swaffeled. They also called for a BNN Nationale Swaffeldag (BNN National Swaffel Day) to be declared. The Royal Palace of Amsterdam and the Basilica of Saint Servatius in Maastricht were among the objects swaffeled in the submissions. > In 2015 a firefighter in Enkhuizen was fired for swaffeling a colleague. I'm concerned.
Just Dutch stuff to be honest, no need to be concerned.
Move along
Learned the Dutch term "pluksac" (sp) meaning sweaty ballsack from a fine young man I worked with on my travels.
That is actually written as: plakzak. But I see a trend in what type of words foreigners learn first!
>But I see a trend in what type of words foreigners learn first! Can guarantee, no matter the nationality of the student and no matter what language is being learned; the swear/naughty words are the first to be truly memorised.
Oh yeah definitely, when ever I try to teach a foreigner Dutch I always start with "neuken in de keuken" which is a short tongue twister and translates to "fucking in the kitchen"
I think perhaps we should be more concerned if the quote read as follows: >In 2015 a firefighter in Enkhuizen was fired for swaffeling a fire in a Dutch military arsenal where MOAB-type bombs were stored.
Spuiten en slikken sounds like it means "spitting and licking".. does it?
It has a double meaning in Dutch. It's both squirt and swallow (as in sex), and inject and swallow (as in drugs).
Sounds like quite the tv show! I find it amusing that as a Norwegian who speaks zero dutch, I can often understand the meaning in 75% of your words.
its on youtube, they have a lot of episodes where they just test out certain drugs. They take em and then record the next x hours, but during those hours they also try to explain what the drug does and how they feel here is the episode on xtc, it has english subs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLZKrEUGx74
Likewise the other way around, but only if I squint, read and listen at the same time. Also helps I’m Frisian, which has roots going back and sideways to scandi and old-English.
Oh man, I remember this stuff. When it comes to television the Netherlands is the Japan of Europe. I've seen some wild shit. From some kind of gameshow with fellas in morphsuits trying to fit trough a hole in a wall; all the way up to straight up cannibalism.
Similar to a turkey slap. A couple of guys got kicked off the Australian version of Big Brother for doing it to a girl once.
Yep that's sexual assault
That’s very interesting, u/dick-nipples!
Oh wow, it's you! I have followed your Reddit career with some vague interest. Hope you're doing well.
r/rimjob_steve
Ok so with that mystery solved, what's it called when your wife is sitting in a chair doing something and you walk up behind her and put your penis on her shoulder?
Seems akin to teabagging. Sausage shelving?
In my area, we call that "schlumpfen", which can be translated to "smurfing".
If French it is known as a 'bifle' A porte-manteau of the words bite and gifle, literally translated to dick slap. You're welcome.
Holy crap, this guy went through a whole relationship, presumably even one or two before this and he never swung his dick around? And then he had a whole conversation about it and described the word, like has he ever been spontaneous with a woman before in any capacity at all?
As a Dutchman I must say: with great power comes great reswafflibility
This is what happens when non-Dutch try to swaffel, not realising we’ve mastered the art over decades.
Yes, practicing on everything from the Eiffel tower to a falafel sandwich!
Ahhh, the ol' falafelswaffel.
As a dutchman I must say: learned about swaffling as soon as I hit puberty and always assumed it was a common known word. As a teenager I even learned that there is a prison sentence for swaffling the taj-mahal (never fact checked)
My, what a remarkable word! It rolls off the tongue nicely. I’ll see if I can start using it. Probably won’t do the act itself itself though.
It was actually word of the year in the Netherlands in 2008. The word gained traction when a Dutch student swaffelde the Taj Mahal.
In Hindu culture this is considered a dick move.
The guy was ostracized here, too. However, this does seem like a recurring theme.. Some (too many) Dutch tourists appear to have a problem with excessively antisocial behaviour when abroad. Fairly sad people, I must say. Don't hold it too much against us, please.
I did a short stint with the US State Department and one of my colleagues was the guy at the embassy in our placement country that gets called when Americans fuck up abroad. He was a career diplomat, so he had held this job in a dozen of so countries. He once said to me "Americans are bright people who have a terrible habit of forgetting to pack their common sense when traveling abroad." So if it helps, us too friend. I've not heard of us swaffeling landmarks but it wouldn't surprise me.
From someone who lives in a tourist town in the US, people leave their common sense at home when they get past their driveway.
As someone who works in retail in America, people have common sense?
I've just dubbed those experiences "Tourist Brain." Symptoms begin when people leave their home town. Doctors are unsure of what exactly causes it, but the desire seems to be to have unique experiences unlike what one could have back at home. Signs to recognize Tourist Brain. When you start to hear comments like, you only live once, they don't know us here. I may never be here again. How would they know it was us. I work too hard at home, so it's time to party. We're on vacation. You're supposed let loose on vacation, relax a little. And finally: This might be a bad idea, but this would be an epic story...
I have family in Costa rica and this perfectly captures the mentality of white tourists trying to die in Costa rica.
As an American, I can have compassion for you. When I traveled abroad in the early 2000s, I used to pretend to be Canadian
🏆
> The word gained traction Too bad OP didn’t do the same!
r/angryupvote
As a Texan who likes Ozzy Osbourne's music, I'm just really glad this is a Dutch thing and not a British thing. I imagine he'd still be banned from Texas if he has swaffeled the Alamo instead of just pissing on it because he was too fucked up to even know where he was.
I’m going to start using it as a slang term for random things, and hope that someone googles it to find out what it means. “I have a headache. I need some swaffel.” “I think I left the keys in the swaffel.”
We have a department at my job that is called swaffel via acronym and this is too funny to me.
While at dinner: “I’m going to swaffel this pork butt!”
If u use it in dutch you say swaffelen.
I was worried this was a bastardized truncated form of a waffle stomp.
OP after your visit, it would be a very good idea to invest in a shower mat to prevent slipping. Get one that isn't very hard to clean and has suction cups so it doesn't move. It's one of the best investments that hardly costs much.
This guys swaffels
Wouldn't that discourage you from peeing in the shower?
They don't cover the whole thing and the suction cups usually raise it slightly. Just aim for the other end of the tub.
Guys like you are the reason there will be 'no swaffeling' warning sticker added to new shower purchases. Not sure what the logo will be.
A penis drawing in a red circle with a line thru it (like no-smoking signs).
Well then it just looks like a sexist non inclusive shower.. It has to look like the penis is striking a rump, right? But then it might be misconstrued as no sex. This problem has me thoroughly swaffelled.
True
Considering that there was an alleged chainsaw manual with "Warning: Do not attempt to stop chain with hand or genitals.".
We generally don’t recommend coccyx xrays as they don’t get surgical fixation even if damaged. Providing no neurology, it’s just a waste of money. I hope you told them the full story though. I’d enjoy it a lot in the few minutes before i discharged you home with pain relief.
But couldn’t it help gauge healing time?
It’s going to heal in the time it takes to heal. Unless the XR will change your management, what’s the use in it? Regardless of the XR, you are going to treat your patient symptomatically, i.e. addressing their pain & advising on gentle exercise to aid recovery. I’d only really consider their use in non-traumatic coccyx pain where other differentials may come to mind, though in my experience they’re difficult to interpret as bowel gas is almost always obscuring the view.
Everybody always blames the bowel gas for everything. But seriously, thanks for the reply.
Swamp gas too, poor swamp gas gets all the flack. I saw UFO nah just swamp gas. Hey that was a missile strike nah just swamp gas. Hey I think that house blew up cuz it was a meth lab, nah it was the swamp gas. I caught you banging my sister. Nah swamp gas, you get the point what did swamp gas ever do to us
I can tell you’ve got a big heart.
Maybe it's required to get the time off of work, who knows.
Doctors notes don’t need imaging. If we say you need so long off, thats it. Workplaces don’t have the right to demand medical imaging (at least in the UK).
> they don't get surgical fixation Translation: the coccyx doesn't need to be held together or in place to allow healing > providing no neurology Translation: assuming there were no related neurological injuries Please correct me if I got this wrong. I'm not a medic.
Yes, better to just buy a special cushion and lots of ibuprofen.
I thought he may have injured his hips/legs/wrist by the falling on a bathroom floor and that’s what the X-ray is for.
Swa-Fail
Finally us Dutch introduce another word in the English language next to apartheid.
Cookie is Dutch as well. So enjoy a cookie, while you swaffel apartheid away.
This should be higher. I fuckin choked on my beer.
Yes but did your wife hit you with her breasts when you were knocked down? Cause that would be a wife wife move
You shouldn’t tit a man while he’s down.
It’s the breast she could do.
Bro tried to swaffel. Bro swafell.
everyday I'm swaffelin...
Omg I was triggered with this post as I was like, “what?!? Since when do English speaking people use the word swaffelen?!” But you explained it well, and apparently need some practice to make it perfect. I do feel proud in a weird way that the Dutch made an impression on you… I hope nothing got broken and you are feeling better.
In 2008, the word 'swaffelen' was voted as word of the year in the Netherlands! [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swaffelen](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swaffelen) BTW, it's not only hitting someone's body, you can hit anything, people were even doing it in public back then... :/
I believe someone did jail time for swaffeling the Taj Mahal.
More like a Swaffail if you ask me.
You mean to tell me that I've been swaffeling my girls bum in the shower for our entire relationship without knowing? Nice.
A question, and a comment: Did you tell the ER nurse the truth about how you injured yourself? Because you damn well better have. ER nurses always need a good laugh and a good story to tell over on r/nursing. As entertaining as this is, it would have been even better if you were somehow injured by your wife's boobs.
Ironic it's your Coccyx.. 😂 Good luck matey!
Swinging cock and breaks coccyx. Poetic
TIL - the word "swaffel". that's why i love reddit thanks OP
Oh nice one. In French we have a similar word "biffler". It doesn't specify the hardness of the dick but it is specific to using it to hit in the face
I’m laughing at you because mine it too short to swaffle anything more than an inch away from my coin purse.
Common mistake with first time swaffelers…. You were trying to do a traction dependent swaffel in a traction deprived environment. The technique you attempted is better performed on say, carpet. If you find yourself in a traction deprived environment, I’d suggest the manual swaffel. Rather than generating force from the hips, feet are planted and hips are stationary. Approach your target getting as close as necessary and using your hand as the force generator, swing away. Quick recovery friend!
This made me laugh, but I feel really bad for you. I broke my coccyx about 10 years ago and I still cannot sit properly. I hope yours is just a deep bruise. It's one of the worst injuries I've had.
[удалено]
That's what gets me, is a whole conversation and then wind up in preparation...maybe that was just for story purposes though. If you're taking showers together I think you could just go for it and if they don't care for it they'd tell you.
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https://youtu.be/rJMRYFIHmtM?si=OrPCIcLKpsGM1C7Q An unrepentant folk singer called Fred Smith has written a song about this important Dutch cultural practice, based on his experience while working for the Australians in the Afghanistan war. That first link has the full story behind the song, but if you want the song by itself, without all the folkie waffle: https://youtu.be/pGiakSr7ws8?si=NJXvq-4sWFhF8UIz
Yeah, you can't shoot for the moon as a swaffel virgin and go for a naked lady in wet conditions on your first go. You have to build it up. Start with inanimate objects and take it from there.
i too would swaffle this guy's wife.
everiday im swaffelin
It was a common joke in the Netherlands like 10 years ago, although I think it was more talked about in relation to inanimate objects, like some pervert swaffeling a busstop or something.
Now this is a TIFU involving sex that isn't just a brag.
Before attempting the art of swaffling, one should first master the handsfree helicopter technique.
Now I want to try hitting my bf with my boob
I was reading this, as you do, more than likely with a glum expression on my face and then genuinely burst out laughing. If there is a silver lining in your misery then know that this was very amusing for others! Get better soon and hopefully it's not broken..
Fail
Hahahahahaha man got rekked
I see you've never played a game of dick dingers.
Turns out in the battle between dick vs tit, the true loser was ass.
Rule: Always do a test swaffel.
Now this is tifu while trying to get some. And at least it was not about waffle stomping. Also did you mean "wind up" ?
Shower mats save lives. xD
Having swaffeled many times, you're doing it wrong
You're supposed to use your hand to whack her with your tackle, not just full-body flail at her.
Sounds like you went in a little too cocky...
Coccyx, knocked for six, by cock hits
This is the greatest thing I've read in a very long time. Was debating waking my wife up to have her read this
I mean at least you didn’t break your penis. I def thought that’s where this story was going.
Man that took a turn *quick* . I hope you heal up soon. And congrats on having an awesome wifey.
Doctor looking at xray: "Yes I see......but why was there a lightbulb in the shower and how did it get in there exactly?"
Amateur.. I didn't even know there was a name for this. Booking a ticket to the Netherlands rn.
I wish you to get better soon. And please keep in mind you injured in the most epic way.
Get an anti slip shower mat and try again! Don't give up!
You tried to swaffel now we all get a good rofl.
This is a vary rare, wholesome TIFU.
Skill issue
Reddit try not to lie challenge
I hope it's not broken, that is *very* painful. I hope it's just bruised..
I'll say this one in Dutch for you, since you most likely are: Hoe meer je zit te kloten, hoe meer je er achter gaat komen. Je hebt het goed verkloot.
Awful swaffel downfall
I saw swaffel near the word shower and thought it was an abbreviation for stomp waffling.
I am 110% certain you will recover and absolutely try this again, just not in the shower.
In Brazil we call it a "bilada"
Please update. It is just bruised?
Huh, had no idea there was a name for that. TiL
This is going on your permanent medical records for the entertainment of future generations. Medical students in decades to come will, from time to time be discussing you in the college refectory. Your work is done.
Please tell me the doctor was made aware of how the injury occurred
Here we come a-Swaffeling And among the leaves so green Here we come a wandering So fairly to be seen Here we come a wandering So fairly to be seen Love and joy come to you And to you a Swaffel too God bless you and send you A Happy New Year!
If you end up in a patient room, I'd ask for that "braffle" the second you're left alone.
XD ohhh man... Sorry, I know this is supposed to be tragic, but I can't stop laughing.
Fair warning, a huge dick slap can hurt the dick like its getting slapped itself.
You’re blazing the trail we all wish to be on.
Big dick moment when you have to build up such a momentum that it sends you to the e.r. with a probable fracture…
>or get slapped in the face by some titties. I mean, you might tell your wife that it's been proven a positive emotional state improves the healing process. Then tell her that some titties to the face would make you happy.
You sound ready to learn about "Schlumpfen" ("Smurfing"), which is a German term for swaffeling your partner in the face.
TIL that I "swaffel" my wife's tongue and butt cheeks.
Americans...we call this a mollywhop.
Oh, so there's a name for what my husband does every time I bend over.
Swaffled so hard he hurt his coccyx.
Regardless how you did it, a broken coccyx is, ahem, a royal pain in the ass. Had one when I was 14 (no swaffeling involved) and it took nearly a year to heal fully. You have my sympathy.
Married.... and you never slapped your peen on her fine rump? Or had her tittes slap your face?
Problem is you tried to swing a home run instead of using peen's natural slap force lolololol I can't get the mental picture of what you did out of my head.... Did you turn your hips and then leap into it??? Dying here, Thanks OP!
I always just called it "slapadacock"; glad to know there's an official term for it!
You hit her with ol’ shrimpy
Talk more about the nice wife butt….
LOL, thanks for this laugh. "Ok Doctor, i don't know why so many nurses need to be in here to hear this story for the 5th time, but here we go..."
so did u break it
Rule #1 of swaffelling in the shower: Feet firmly planted, spread shoulder width apart, and then you helicopter it in for a smackdown. You never use your hips in a running shower, nerd.
You learn something new on Reddit everyday :)
You have my condolences and I'm hoping for the best possible outcome for your ER adventure. While healing from whatever your resulting issue(s) may be, please remember the fine adage 'if at first you don't succeed, .......'!