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androgenoide

As I recall it was not just sexy photos. I believe they also went for photos of "high status" monkeys as well. The roots of porn, gossip, and celebrity worship run deep in the human psyche.


Ludwigofthepotatoppl

Scientists had to pay the monkeys to look at lower-status monkey butts, meaning they’re not into amateur.


TheRealPitabred

More for me then


BillbertBuzzums

New porn genre; soft core low status monkey porn


asymptosy

What are you doing low-status step monkey?


[deleted]

[удалено]


illforgetsoonenough

Checkmate ai


Sorry_Consideration7

Ill give you 12 bananas for some 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌


More_Pea_2390

onlybanans


1d10tb0y

["So y'all can keep f####n' these people if you want, ######. Mo'... Monkey... P###y for me!"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-hynjEdTaY&t=586s) - NSFW


Archarchery

Not their butts, just regular photos of lower-status monkey faces. In contrast they would pay sugar-water to view photos of the faces of high-status monkeys in their group.


_Em_in_Em_

How does that even work? Do scientists go around distributing money to the monkeys to look at butts.... How do they even understand they are getting paid to look at butts


scienceworksbitches

They trained them to understand money as a token of value they can exchange for food. They are certain the monkey figured it out because they wouldn't fall for surge prizing (if you only get a cucumber but got grapes before, they save their money). I'm not sure what the story actually was, but afair the female monkeys started trading sex for money without external influences.


holylight17

I know it's the oldest profession but I didn't think It was that old.


Seepytime

You don’t think some apes in the Congo 10,000 years ago maybe traded some sex for food once in a while? Certainly has happened on the timeline somewhere


iceyed913

Jokes on them when they get preggers and gotta eat for two


Prismaleviathan

Bonobos trade sex for everything


BoboCookiemonster

Oh I remember skimming that paper lol


HelicopterOk4082

It literally explains the methodology at the start of the Paper(?)


dandroid126

You expect me to read the thing I'm commenting on?


AtraposJM

This guy must be new here.


sgtpepperslaststand

I just want to know who was the scientists deciding which monkey pics were hot or not


Ludwigofthepotatoppl

The scientists didn’t decide that, the monkeys did.


tking191919

Now I’m just thinking of the person who took the photos. There had to have been some head scientist somewhere who first went, “Alright you guys, look.. I’ve got this idea for a study. You see all those sexy monkeys over there?” And some hungover grad student in the background pops up, “Excuse me, what?” And, then it just sort of evolved from there.


dingleberries4sport

None of you grad students are capable of taking just one stupid sexy monkey photo! What the hell are they even teaching at Stanford these days?!


tucci007

stupid sexy monkey *NOTHING AT ALL!*


1nsaneMfB

nothingatall^nothingatall^nothingatall^nothingatall


DredgenYorMother

"No that monkey ass is clearly higher status than that one."


DausenWillis

Just look at the plumpness and the red blush of the cheeks. Now that's status!


Halospite

I'm currently reading Dan Brown's Angels and Demons. There's a scene right at the beginning where the main character is brought to this ultra high tech scientific utopian facility thing, where everything is shiny and neat and all the Nobel prize winners play disc golf and shit. As a neuroscience major I quickly realised that Dan Brown had never met an actual scientist in his life. You, though? You know how scientists work!


FaxMachineIsBroken

> There's a scene right at the beginning where the main character is brought to this ultra high tech scientific utopian facility thing It's not a utopian place. It's a real place. They literally take him to [CERN](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CERN)


Halospite

And I guarantee the scientists there are a much hotter mess and way less cool than Dan Brown thinks they are.


ZirePhiinix

The place looks like that most likely not FOR the scientists themselves.


Jacob_dp

You gotta make it sexy! Hips and nips!


RJWolfe

Those were the lady monkeys that wanted the high status pics. Whatever the hell that means.


catsan

K-Pop stans.


Glacial_Plains

Not to sound condescending to monkeys, but what constitutes a "high status" monkey, and how can it be determined by photo alone?


Radiorobot

I assume they’re high status within the test population so the paying monkeys would already be personally familiar with those individuals


snow_michael

No, but you're correct in that's how they started, with photos of the alpha male macaque, then photos of similar looking ones There are patterns of fur colouration we can distinguish, and _possibly_ grooming patterns that we can't, that indicate monkey status Interestingly, bite marks _raised_ the status of already-high status males, and _lowered_ it for low status ones It's a truly fascinating study, combining teaching monkeys abstract concepts (money exchanged for goods), then learning they appreciate fairness (one monkey got two grapes for a coin every time, other monkeys got one. Males attacked him, females treated the 'lucky' monkey as higher status), false advertising (if the monkeys found coins only got cucumber, they just hoarded their coins, but if they got cucumber _when there was a picture of grapes_ they got angry) and prostitution (females would have sex with lower status males in return for coins) If you can get access to the entire study, it's well worth the time to read it


smashteapot

Brains are so fascinating. We’re so fucked up! I’m sure people react differently to scars based on status in our society. Generations of German officers had dueling scars and those were a sign of status. But if your plumber turned up with a scarred face that would probably elicit a different reaction.


Johannes_P

Likewise with tattos. Among sailors, it's a sign of allegiance to the seafaring world. In Japan, it's only used by criminals. > I’m sure people react differently to scars based on status in our society. Generations of German officers had dueling scars and those were a sign of status. And *mensur* is still a thing in Germanic countries.


snow_michael

Have you read the full paper? Or are you _incredibly_ perspicacious? That's almost _exactly_ what the study summary report says :D


Johannes_P

> Interestingly, bite marks raised the status of already-high status males, and lowered it for low status ones Make sense. Marked high status males have shown that they were ready to defend by force their position while marked low status males have shown that they were further humiliated.


snow_michael

Doesn't that imply assumptions by the female? That the high status male was _not_ humiliated in a fight they didn't see? I don't know, I'm no animal psychologist, but I find this study opens up a treasure trove of deeper questions


Archarchery

I’m guessing if he kept losing fights he wouldn’t be high-status.


TheeUnfuxkwittable

> Interestingly, bite marks raised the status of already-high status males, and lowered it for low status ones Doesn't sound interesting at all. If 80s Mike Tyson walked in with bruises on his face I would assume he just beat some ass and is looking for more ass to beat. If Mr. Bean walked in with bruises I would assume he just got his ass beat and is looking for a hug. Scars are bad ass on already bad ass dudes. They're just a sign of victimization on the perceived weak.


lostmonkey70

Wait, are you saying that scars being cool if you're attractive is hardwired into the monkey brain?


snow_michael

I'm not saying anything The study itself just reported the facts, and then in the summary a correlation with humans was added


lostmonkey70

Fair enough, that was obviously just my interpretation of that data anyway.


snow_michael

Words like 'hardwired' are very difficult with intelligent test subjects We just don't know how much is instinctive (what most people mean when theyvsay hardwired) how much is behavioural learning and how much is, for want of a better word, cultural As an example, read up about the monkey/ladder/spray experiments


MandMcounter

And what constitutes risque?!?!?!?!?


RJWolfe

Crotch shots, mate.


MandMcounter

Yeah. I looked. The ripe perinea of females!


RJWolfe

I'm gonna claw out my eyes, you keep saying shit like that.


MandMcounter

OP, you brought it on yourself! As an aside, I haven't laughed out loud at a thread more than this one in a very long time. The comments here are gold. Thanks for posting.


RJWolfe

Happy to help! Read about it in this free will book. Guess the author decided to throw it in as an apology for bumming me the fuck out.


MandMcounter

I'd just come from that thread about things you thought would never happen to you. With the guy (or gal) who had gotten bitten by a snake falling out of a tree. And a lot of other sad, weird stuff. There were a few bright spots, but enough sad things that I really needed a palate cleanser. Have a good weekend!


RJWolfe

> With the guy (or gal) who had gotten bitten by a snake falling out of a tree. That is odd. I once fell out of a tree and a rooster pecked the shit outta my back. That's what I get for trying to read up in the tree. Have a good one!


MeaningForeign188

I read the same thread this morning and ended up crying...😪 thank you monkey porn guy. 🙏


Deitaphobia

Garter belt and fishnet stockings


Ezl

Rouge and a penciled on birth mark


Arkyja

Monkey sitting at the pool with a glass of scotch on the table, holding a cigar with his grilled teeth and a couple of goldchains around his neck. Obviously


MaidenofMoonlight

My guess is its probably to do with the fut coloration and appearence.  Lions can be distinguished by their manes telling of their age, health, and combat experience.  Monkeys probably have something similar


catsan

Yes. Humans too. We distinguish faces.


MarlinMr

Worth asking if they need the food. If I were trapped by a more intelligent species, but feed every day anyhow, how much value does that food really have? I wouldn't buy pornography, but that's because I actually have to work for the money, and I have access to it for free.


snow_michael

It was grapes, which they had already established in the lab as a rare treat


rematar

If I claim to be more evolved, shit flies in my general direction. (I'm not swifty)


Normal_Package_641

How much do you reckon Harambe pics go for on the monkey market?


MakeChinaLoseFace

So these are the butts of monkeys they know, not arbitrary monkey butts?


Jmphillips1956

Read about a study where monkeys were given tokens they could exchange for treats but within a couple days they were exchanged them for sex


AromaticLevel5262

Not very ethical to offer the monkeys sex..


molemanralph69

I didn’t offer ;0


Eva_Heaven

Certainly didn't complain


CaspianOnyx

He's a professional.


tzar-chasm

>The data generated by the capuchin monkeys, Chen says, ”make them statistically indistinguishable from most stock-market investors.” https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/503550


PM_YOUR_BOOBS_PLS_

Not where I thought that sentence was going, but I lol'd.


maiq--the--liar

Link? I need. Please


LIONEL14JESSE

Don’t bother, they are out of tokens I asked already


snow_michael

Same study


BarnabasBendersnatch

Bonobo monkeys?


Archarchery

No rhesus macaques if I remember right. Some sort of macaques, which are monkeys that are not closely related to us at all but which have complicated social groups and which are quite intelligent.


somestupidname1

Macaque makes me do weird things too. Definitely not just a monkey thing.


Tinkhasanattitude

Pssshh bonobos are out there giving out sex for literally any reason. Happy? Sex. Conflict? Sex. Friendship? Sex. They don’t need coins to symbolize anything lmao.


GlizzyGulper6969

All Monke want one thing and it's fucking disgusting


ExpeditingPermits

I just wanna Ooohhh while you Aaahhhhh


HypedUpJackal

My life be like ooooh ahhhh


eairy

[ooooh ahhhh oooooooooooooooh aaaaaaaaaah](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIw3BtSPHtI)


Jatacus

What are you doing step monkey?


areolegrande

🍌


Frankyfrankyfranky

thats pretty funny :-)


DominicPalladino

Hot Cercopithecidae in Your Tree Waiting to Meet You. Swing by now!


YerBbysDaddy

That’s awesome. You can tell we haven’t evolved much.


BrokenEye3

Not liking porn isn't exactly a survival skill


hotstepper77777

Reproducing is the only point of evolution though.


p8ntslinger

evolution has no point. It just happens.


Herbacio

For example: human evolution Is a subject that makes me want to shoot a huge hadouken Like when an atheist is all debating a creationist On evolution making mad mistakes as they're explaining it Like, people think that evolution happens on a scale And that a human's more evolved and therefore better than a whale Not so There is no end point of all creation Just selection for an ever-changing niche--it's adaptation Second, that selection happens over greater populations It's an average, not a direct sign of deformation So if stupid people die, you shouldn't let it fuel your narcisissm Listen smug fuck, it's due to luck more than to Darwinism - ["Yo, Science" by Kabuto The Python](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxqdTZ6a3XQ)


hotstepper77777

But you kinda need sex for most organisms to take part in the process.


p8ntslinger

sex is a mechanism, not a purpose


fluidmountains

Homosexuals are found in hundreds if not thousands of animal species and ignored in many others by some straight scientists, breeding isn’t the end all purpose


Nomad_moose

Reproducing is the only metric on which evolution is tested. Human society creates artificial conditions for success that would be irrelevant for other animals, but are the basis of our civilization (like literacy/technology). We’re also going backwards in some ways: states that force women to carry the child of their rapist to term are increasing the population of sexual predators. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4469797/


Fuzzy-Rub-2185

It could become one if people start prioritising porn over actually having sex


YerBbysDaddy

I like porn. Just saying we haven’t changed much. Don’t have a problem with that.


Anon3580

We didn’t evolve from monkeys. We evolved in parallel with monkeys from a common ancestor.


fonkordie

You realize humans and monkeys have a common (extinct) ancestor right? That lil guy would be called a monkey if still around today.


JuliaX1984

How can a species that never wears clothes look risque?


snow_michael

Ripe red buttocks and perineum Monkeys' sexual stimulus is primarily visual Actually, that's the case for all male primates, and possibly all female primates but the visual cues to status are hard to interpret outwith one's own species


JuliaX1984

But aren't those visible all the time? Or at least the whole time they're in heat?


snow_michael

Ripe red only when sexually receptive


brokefixfux

Sadly, in Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Montana, North Carolina, Texas, Utah, and Virginia monkeys can’t view porn online because they don’t have ID to verify their age.


cubixjuice

Poor monkey can't spank himself..


LOLBaltSS

Through the powers of mid-2000s technology, you however can. [https://www.addictinggames.com/funny/spank-the-monkey](https://www.addictinggames.com/funny/spank-the-monkey)


Halospite

Addictinggames is still around?! Wow.


drbrunch

Monkey can't find VPN


BrokenEye3

In fairness, they're generally late to the party when it comes to tech. I'm told there are innumerable monkeys still using typewriters.


SellMeYourSirin

We’re in the absolute blurst of times.


hushpuppi3

Someone point me to a VPN that doesn't increase the ping tenfold and/or decrease the speed to the point of not even being able to watch anything anyways because to me everyone suggesting a VPN doesn't actually use a VPN


pseudoplatinum

In two days you can add Indiana to that list.


RepresentativeOk2433

Good thing there's no porn on reddit...


ReluctantSlayer

Don’t forget Idaho…..even though everyone else does….


Gloster_Thrush

Imagine the poor soul that had to get those monkeys drunk and take their picture.


BrokenEye3

Better it be someone who sees it as a hardship than someone who sees it as an opportunity


tmgieger

Yep, I clicked the link hoping to see risque monkey photos.


HairyBungholio

@[o. .o]@ /( . )( . )7 Here bro I drew you a stacked ass monkey, hope this helps 👍


Hemalurgist1

It did. Thank you.


MycologistPutrid7494

I just don't understand what a risqué monkey photo could even be. They're already naked! How can it be more risqué?


MandMcounter

Click on the article and go down a bit. There's a lady monkey with a ripe, red perineum. And then some poor schlepp labeled a "low-status monkey." Can you imagine the ego hit that poor wee thing took after reading that?


tucci007

the poor wee thing!


snow_michael

Macaque, not risque


RyanMcCartney

#OranguFans🦧


tucci007

wait wait wait... who's taking these 'risque' monkey photos?


RJWolfe

Like your job's so fucking perfect.


tucci007

😂🤣😂🤣🐵🙊🙉🙈


sunnysunshine333

No matter how dryly scientific they tried to make the process of doing this experiment, you can’t get around the fact that at some point they had to become monkey pornographers. That had to be an awkward day at the lab.


areolegrande

OnlyChimps


sapperbloggs

TIL that a research assistant was tasked with either creating or collecting slutty monkey photos for research purposes.


phasepistol

Risqué macaques


JFConz

Wanna see macaque? (\s!)


piranesi28

Im sorry but what? These fuckers are getting paid?


behemiath

onlymonkeys


HasLotsOfSex

MonkeyFans


DominicPalladino

OnlyMonks


Grandpa_Edd

Wouldn't bother looking now, it's all Benedictine stuff at the moment for some reason. You can still find some Shoalin content if you're lucky.


revolution1solution

Stop corrupting the homies!!!


MenudoFan316

Monkey business.


EasterBurn

I heard PlayApes magazine was the most sought after item.


bleplogist

If you're curious, TFA has a picture of said porn. It's really pornographic if you're the right demographic. 


VaderBinks

Norm MacDonald voice: In other news, Michael Jackson was arrested at a Kodak today for possession of lewd photographs of Bubbles the monkey, which is surprising as Bubbles is over 12 years old


Suzy_Creamcheese

Jesus I could hear him lol


Alex-rhhgfff

Does Karl know about this monkey news?


nocommentyourhonour

He actually covered this on monkey news but he spun it as monkeys were taking photos of other monkeys. Was on the xfm shows I would think


MaidenEddie123

OOOOOOH Chimpanzee that


razirazo

Neuron_activation.jpg


ricosmith1986

Worst photography gig ever.


theharderhand

And that's how Only bananas.com became a thing


The_Truthkeeper

They also independently invent prostitution if introduced to the concept of money.


RutCry

Monkey scientist: “Wanna see a picture of macaque?”


iprocrastina

"Why is this monkey so skinny?"


JoeMillersHat

See Monkey Jerk Monkey


New_Wrangler3335

I’d like a side by side picture of a high and low status monkey butt, wanna see if I can tell the difference


MasterEthereal

Turns out, little monkey prostitute.


beevherpenetrator

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals.


FredGarvin80

Didn't Joe Rogan do a bit about this


Zen-Accismus

MONKEY PORN


alsatian01

Who pays for porn?


kupuwhakawhiti

Who organised that shoot?


Hattuherra

God damn Chimps Chimping away.


Few_Ad6516

MILF - monkey id like to f**k


ForRpUsesOnly

Monkey Do, Monkey Seed


wryol

Monkeys yearn for the porn


Krestu1

And people will still claim that we are completely different from them


JSNHZL

We ain't nothing but mammals....


sine_qua

"Oh, you have a PHD too? That's awesome! I got mine in Quantum Physics, what about you?" "Monkey Porn Economics"


juicius

Rhesus monkeys are famous horndogs though.


TK_Games

Stupid monkeys don't know there's *free* sexy monkey pictures all over the internet


Shimaru33

So, huh, what would be the tags monkeys search in xvideos? CILF? Big Bananas? Spanking monkey?


jordang2330

I wasn't convinced before, now I'm sure we've evolved from monkeys.


snow_michael

We are not But we share a common lemur-like ancestor


paperpatience

Monkey tax when? Lil mfs are too smiliar not to work


Tiny_Count4239

The risqué photos aren’t included in the article. Where can I find those?


AromaticLevel5262

Brat


KevinMeng_88

It blows my mind how poorly some people write these research papers. The summary doesn't do much other than just state fact after fact about the study rather than properly sum it up and convey value to a reader. Feels like it was just done purely with A.I. Wouldn't be surprised if they just copy/pasted the text of the study into chat-gpt and asked for a summary. Amazing what the world has become :)


PanJaszczurka

Scientist sell porn picks to monkeys.


Felinomancy

Monkey monetary system, monkey porn... next up let's introduce them to the social media. I look forward to what monkey memes look like.


Spitdecision-548

Pornhub is missing out on a lot of bananas.


RudegarWithFunnyHat

monkey see, monkey do, all night long baby!


Iseewhatudidthurrrrr

Bro why the fuck are you taking sexy photos of monkeys? God you have so much on your computer. ….. it’s for science.


TheSmallSoldiers

Can we see the images the monkeys valued the most?


Supersnazz

Always knew monkeys were stupid. Who actually pays for porn?


smallsounds

“Male rhesus macaques sacrificed fluid for the opportunity to view female perinea and the faces of high-status monkeys but required fluid overpayment to view the faces of low-status monkeys.” 💦


Low-Following-8684

What a stupid study.


Bhfuil_I_Am

Chimpanzee that!


bluejoy127

There was a study done that I read about on monkeys and it was shown that lady monkeys would perform sexual favors in exchange for food. I do not recall the specific species or whether they were wild or not but it was still interesting.