A good point, but I think there would be something gained from acting in a way that lets the women around know that you care about how they’re being made to feel in that moment.
You don’t have to say anything to the perpetrators, but just a simple “ugh, that’s disgusting, I’m sorry” directed at the women could be nice
It should be on other men to give them that attention they’re looking for then.
Call these man-children out. Loudly, every single time. Make them the centre of attention they’re dying to be, and ask them how they justify themselves.
It’s not useful to apologise to victims on behalf of perpetrators, crush the perpetrators.
I recognise as a large-ish cishet man who kind-of enjoys confrontation with bullies and shit-heads, I’m also coming from a place of privilege to suggest this course of action. It’s not for everyone.
But for those whom confrontation is in your wheelhouse, take it to them. It’s how you stomp this deeply antisocial shit out.
It’s always morally okay. Like punching a nazi.
be optimistic all you want with the tough guy cosplay but in real life we all know the person who's more mad is not the winner. exhibit A: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-9CkBai2rA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-9CkBai2rA)
either roll your eyes knowing you can't fix stupid or assault someone/do a little property damage with the ninja rocks you keep in your pocket and bolt. there is no 'rainbow brite'-esque outcome where the bad guys learn a valuable lesson about the power of friendship and good vibes.
Nobody is advocating assault or property damage.
Standing up to someone and plainly stating their behaviour is shit requires neither of those things.
I’ve also called enough people out repeatedly to know there isn’t a rainbow-brite moment of realisation they’ll have, but they might think a little longer about the consequences of their public actions next time.
Or they might not, but silent doesn’t fix the shit conduct either.
who's this sissy? hand the phone back to the u/hawaiianmoustache who was up there crushing the perpetrators and punching nazis.
HM- well, i meant with my words! i bet they will think real hard about the hurt they caused next time!
yo cicero: the light turned green and they drove off before you finished your thesis statement. they were laughing so hard they almost crashed their truck.
Okay buddy, very good. Have a nice day I guess?
You guys realise there’s shades of confrontation right? Like, in places without a million guns people can use words to rob shitty behaviour of its power.
It doesn’t go from zero interaction to violence in nanoseconds.
>I recognise as a large-ish cishet man ..., I’m also coming from a place of privilege to suggest this course of action.
[https://i.imgflip.com/8t5zkt.jpg](https://i.imgflip.com/8t5zkt.jpg)
I love this move cuz confronting them makes them feel big, cuz they know the got a rise out of you. But a disdainful thumbs down (amd its ilk) makes them feel small. It's all about making them feel like you're the popular kids and they aren't.
Every time someone yells some homophobic line at me when I'm forced to confront (stoplight, crosswalk), I respond with mimicking a giant dick sucking motion with my hand and I've never received a follow up yell or turn around. They have always just shut up. Otherwise I just pretend like I can't hear anyone and it drives them insane.
I did this when i was in law enforcement with prisoners. Because literally everyone across the spectrum starts with the homophobia when insulting. So after years of just ignoring it, i leaned it. Gives them no where to go and usually shuts them right up.
You are very considerate, I would just ask the ladies in your group if they feel alright (I'd imagine they're used to it, sadly).
Not much gain to be had by starting a dickhead contest.
I was once catcalled by someone who wouldn't leave me alone and started following me (I was actually spectating a marathon when this happened, and was waiting for a friend who was riiiight in front of the sweeper car, so the streets were pretty deserted). The guy wouldn't leave me alone, and a man near me yelled, "HEY MAN, SHE SAID SHE WASN'T INTERESTED. LAY OFF." He then walked with me (very quickly) to where the crowds were. I really appreciated the support and saftey that he offered in that moment.
So in general I'd say: Ignore it. But if the person is unrelenting or starts approaching the woman, call them off.
God damn that’s pretty funny. Next post would be “I confronted a cat caller and found out that people in trades are generally quite strong. What kind of taser should I buy?”
A tradie would be one that works in the trades - plumber, builder, electrician etc and tend to be the sort of crowd to drive around in white vans and cat call.
Half tights was implying the runner was wearing them while sparring with a “tradie”
As someone else noted, ask what they would have wanted you to do. The question is as much about acknowledgement as it is about action. We witness a lot of men not noticing the bs we deal with, or worse noticing but not seeing anything wrong with it. Acknowledging that you observed it, that it’s not OK, and that you’re willing to take action that’s informed by *their* values/experience can help build trust in you as someone they can approach if there’s something going on over which you do have more influence.
Yeah I think this is probably the right answer.
I actually know exactly what I'd do when running with other women who I know well, but in this case with people I occasionally work with it's a bit more difficult to gauge. For some I guess it might be embarrassing for someone to engage with it on their behalf, for others it'd be expected or at least appreciated and I guess a lot would be happiest if everyone ignored the wankers.
Best to just ignore it. Any sort of engagement just validates their behavior. Better off to pretend like you can't hear them and make them question if they were heard.
I hate this advice. Years or decades of abusing women keeps happening because everyone just ignores it. If the guy cat calling got sprayed in the face with pepper spray every time he tried to cat call a woman, he wouldn’t do it many more times. They’re like dogs (basically as intelligent). They keep chasing people until they learn it hurts. Then they stop.
Agreed! I often haven’t felt that anything was gained by confronting random strangers who have cat-called me, but I will forever be grateful for the time one man called out another for doing so. I was out for an easy run around a park and as I approached a bench where two men were sat smoking on opposite ends, one of them started on the typical bullshit (can’t even remember what he said). But then I heard the second man speak up, something very simple like “hey man, that’s not cool, cut it out.” And the first guy just stopped. When I passed them again on my next loop, both men were still sitting there, but none of them spoke as I passed. It was such a small gesture but it made a big difference for me.
It reminds me of how sometimes the easiest or safest way to reject a man is to tell him you have a boyfriend/husband—which is shitty, tbh, because it’s like wait you can respect another man, but not me or my wishes? But it works because it ends the interaction safely for me. It feels like a similar situation here—men who catcall probably care more about the perceptions of the other men around them than their catcalling target.
Or, parents can raise boys and young men to not be misogynist assholes. Very rarely does a boy raised by a loving mom who raises her children well turn out to be a misogynist piece of shit. Shit parents raise shit men who raise more shit kids. It’s the Circle of Misogyny.
A kid can get all the loving in the world from his mom, and if his dad is a misogynist pos, that love will go unnoticed. You probs were just citing an example but it left dad's influence out of the equation.
And saying parents need to stop it at the source really doesn't help us deal with the men who are out there, right now, doing this shit. We can't go back in time and reparent them.
Worth it. I would call it a type of civil disobedience or a good kind of trouble. By the time the guy calls the police and they show up you will be long gone and the police are definitely not going to be on high alert for a skinny runner guy that pepper sprayed an asshole that cat-called a woman. Here’s how that would go. The cops will say it’s been about 20 minutes so the guy has to be within about 1/2 to 1 mile away when in reality, you are now 2-3 miles away and may as well be in the next city over.
i get pepper spraying someone that is physically abusive but pepper spraying someone because of what they said is not okay
as much as you may dislike something a person has said, that doesn’t give you the right to pepper spray them (unless the person is threatening to hurt you)
you can’t just pepper spray someone because you dislike what they said. that is assault
I wish we lived in a world where little boys had quality parents that raised them to be respectful caring empathetic men. However, that is not the case and sadly, for most of these assholes with barely five functioning brain cells, the only thing that will register at this point in their life is severe pain. It’s terrible it has ever had to be this way, but it used to be if you ran your mouth, someone would eventually track you some manners and unless you were the biggest bully in the neighborhood, you watched what you said. Now, we removed the stick but never replaced it with carrots so these assholes never learn to behave. When men act like this in a corporate environment they reform or get fired. That stimulus doesn’t happen out in the world for these guys. Fuck em.
When harm is being caused to your friends then you need to stop the harm. Tell the guy cat-calling to not do that shit anymore, or pretend he's catcalling you and talk back to him to make him super uncomfortable. Letting him get away with no consequences isn't doing anything to prevent it from happening again in the future.
As a man I’ve only been catcalled once or twice, but once somebody drove past my cross country team and shouted “Nice shorts f*****”,
My friend shouted back, “Thanks they’re your sister’s!”
The women are used to it and probably take in their stride (sad but true). They have probably been cat called since they started walking to school.
You just got some visibility on what its like to to a women running, cycling, commuting
You could record it and report it if you are quick enough. Maybe nothing will be done, maybe something will depending on where you are based. Lots of governements and police forces are finally starting to take action on this harassment.
My favorite response (as a male) is for the men to act like they are the ones being catcalled, and make it your daily mission to spin the discomfort back on those in the car (if safe to do so)... Make them feel like you're ready as a male, to do the nastiest things imaginable to their male bodies and faces.
All in good fun.
“Fuck off loser” if it happens more than once. First time, you question what was even said, understandable to ignore. But a second time you need to step up
It's really nuanced. Two responses stood out to me:
Ignore them. Generally this is probs the best bet. Sometimes your gender will come in handy as a mode of confrontation, but you have to play that game carefully. One reason I haven't seen listed yet is it could just feel like another "men protecting their property" type thing, as though the women aren't their own people. Maybe organize a group catcalling response, where if someone in your group yells "ASSHOLE ALERT" you all start yelling it and making siren sounds. That way, the whole group is united in this, and it's funny, and you're mocking them while having fun, which means you took the power.
Quick check in with your lady runners. When im with dudes and some sexist shit goes down that nobody can really do anything about, it really helps me to simply have them say something that means "hey, i saw that. It wasnt right. Youre not alone here." Cuz otherwise it feels like a "womens burden", yet another thing we can't talk about that men don't care about that's ultimately shameful on us (even tho the dudes who did it are the shameful ones). Maybe make it funny (tho u can bomb at this so be careful), we get all of this serious shit all the time and humor can feel empowering.
I guess the main lesson is sometimes using your stronk-individual-manliness powers to defend the women of your tribe might work, but an even better course of action is almost always to respond with unity, cohesion, and humor. They want to divide you, they want women on one side and men on the other. They want you all to feel bad. Show them that's not the case.
Then at the end of the day, instead of rehashing all the bs that dude said, the women in your group (and the men too) will just smile and reminice about how you all stood together and laughed over how pathetic misogynists are.
Just keep it moving, they want attention. I have been getting cat called since I was 16 and I would simply yell “I’m a minor” lol. It’s going to happen to every woman that runs, it’s not okay but what can we do. Giving them attention fuels them.
Sticks and stones. I’d call it out to the running group- hey that sucked, what a moron… let your friend know that was BS continue to run. If you fire back, you really have no idea who you are dealing with and someone could get hurt. Not worth it. Don’t feel bad if this caught everyone off guard. You can still let them know how you feel, and that you have their back. My $0.02.
I live in a wealthy area (I am not) this teenager catcalled me once, must have been about 15.
I popped him the bird and his jaw literally dropped.
Little snot probably never had been flipped off in his life…it was perfect 😅
Our opinions don't matter. What does matter is how the women in your group feel. Ask how (if at all) they'd like you to respond in the future to similar incidents. That'll give you a better indication of how best to support them, assuming they want any active intervention from you.
I pretend I don’t hear and ignore it. I agree with other posters that engaging is what they want, and have had people actually get mad and creepy follow me when I’ve reacted negatively. Sorry that happened to you, fuck those people trying to sabotage our good time!
Woman here, if there's anything I dislike more than being catcalled it's someone else I'm with making a scene about it. It's best not to acknowledge the catcallers. If you want to show support for your female friends I would make an empathetic comment to your friends (not to the catcallers) about it being annoying. It's unfortunately a common everyday occurrence so it's not all that helpful to make a big deal out of it. I appreciate your concern for sure though.
That's my personal preference at least but I suppose you could also ask the women in your group how they feel about it.
I ask myself, “Would I/we be safer if I reacted?” If you react you risk provoking or escalating the situation. You’re there with the women. Let them know if anything further than catcalling occurs you’ll place yourself between them and the threat.
Ignoring is the best way. Any form of verbal aggression could end up in physical aggression. Yest, they could land in jail, but you could land in hospital, hardly a win for anyone.
Just let it go. There are some evil people out there who will attempt to insult and assault you. I’m a guy btw, people shout at me from vans, it’s not nice but if you escalate the situation in any way you could get into a lot of trouble. Chatting back will get you precisely nowhere, and the incident will stick in your memory for longer.
I’d suggest letting the offender know that it’s not ok - in whatever way that means to you and you feel comfortable doing.
Often these people are cowards and will just disappear with their pathetic little tail between their legs, but if it gets physical then I’m totally ok with that and prepared for it. But that’s just me.
Here is something my grown son has done and I am so proud of him for thinking of it-
If you male runners turned to the catcallers and acted as though they were calling at *you* instead of the women (and said something exaggerated and silly like “hey big boy, sorry, I’m taken!”, etc) that would both a) show the women you are in solidarity with them (or want to try to be) and b) discourage the cat callers (mainly bc jerks who do this to be macho are usually also homophobic)
One time I was out walking with my boyfriend and a guy on his balcony leaned out and catcalled me. I turned to my boyfriend and said loudly “look [bf’s name], someone fancies you!”
My boyfriend turned round and smiled and waved invitingly to the guy, who then scurried back into his apartment.
Hard to think of something in the moment I know, but sometimes a bit of non-aggressive turning the tables is effective.
I have acting like they were calling out to me and responding excitedly to them. Usually works well to make the idiot uncomfortable. It helps when there is a goofball like me in the group but honestly no one needs that stupidity.
one time i was walking down the street behind two young ladies and a man dressed as a pimp leaned out of his car window and yelled “i wanna get my tongue up in you” at them. it was so absurd that i laughed, then i felt bad for laughing and apologized to the girl closest to me. she asked what he said, i said i don’t want to repeat it, and she said “well now you have to”. and that’s the story of how i ended up saying “i wanna get my tongue up in you” to a stranger on the street
Middle finger.
Sends the appropriate message. Might start a fight, but if they are catcalling people in your group, thats pretty disrespectful anyways.
It probably bothers the women more than they will let on, but they are most likely used to it. Bothers you because you probably feel chumpetized a bit by this perv bully since he did repeatedly it to women in your group in front of you.
My face looks like a catchers mitt and I have a little dad bod going on, so I am in precious little danger of getting sexually harassed by random strangers anytime soon. But if someone catcalled my wife or one of my three daughters in my presence they are getting the finger at the very least. F them if they think they can treat these precious ladies like that in my presence without some kind of response. It’s worth the confrontation in my opinion if only for them to know I wont allow someone to treat them like that.
But I am also a former infantryman and jiu jitsu purple belt, so I am sorta chippy. Im not necessarily advocating violence, but I am advocating taking a stand. This behavior is wrong, humiliating, and bullying. If you dont stand up and confront it, you will feel cowardly. That doesn’t necessarily mean violence, but there is the risk because some people are just bad. I think the middle finger is perfect, but thats just my opinion, and probably not a very wise one.
You were right on not doing anything, it sucks for women but it sucks more when we males make it about ourselves and bring violence on top of that.
Sometimes I forget and I thank them as a male guy: “thanks! I know my shorts look great!” And that confuses cat callers, many are very macho and get upset a guy would accept what they said, that’s the only other scenario that isnt as bad that I can think of.
>I regret not asking the women with us if we should have reacted differently (stopped, shouted back, given a 'hard stare' etc.) so I wondered if anyone here has any suggestions?
u/[threefoldtriangle](https://www.reddit.com/user/threefoldtriangle/) thats the ticket right here, escalate a cat call into a potential physical confrontation with someone in a 5,000lb vehicle while on foot....... s/
Depends how close are you to the females in your group. Last thing you want is to end up a simp. Seccond last thing you want is having to physicaly fight them over basicaly nothing. When most to gain is " he is such a nice guy" then just shut your hole. IF you really really close with the group you can say something like "they already sucking on this d***" or something and that would shut them up real quick. Point is, most women WANT men to fight over them but not neccesarily to reward them for it.
Generally, there's nothing gained by acknowledging catcallers in any way. They want attention. Deny it to them.
A good point, but I think there would be something gained from acting in a way that lets the women around know that you care about how they’re being made to feel in that moment. You don’t have to say anything to the perpetrators, but just a simple “ugh, that’s disgusting, I’m sorry” directed at the women could be nice
It should be on other men to give them that attention they’re looking for then. Call these man-children out. Loudly, every single time. Make them the centre of attention they’re dying to be, and ask them how they justify themselves. It’s not useful to apologise to victims on behalf of perpetrators, crush the perpetrators. I recognise as a large-ish cishet man who kind-of enjoys confrontation with bullies and shit-heads, I’m also coming from a place of privilege to suggest this course of action. It’s not for everyone. But for those whom confrontation is in your wheelhouse, take it to them. It’s how you stomp this deeply antisocial shit out. It’s always morally okay. Like punching a nazi.
be optimistic all you want with the tough guy cosplay but in real life we all know the person who's more mad is not the winner. exhibit A: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-9CkBai2rA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-9CkBai2rA) either roll your eyes knowing you can't fix stupid or assault someone/do a little property damage with the ninja rocks you keep in your pocket and bolt. there is no 'rainbow brite'-esque outcome where the bad guys learn a valuable lesson about the power of friendship and good vibes.
Nobody is advocating assault or property damage. Standing up to someone and plainly stating their behaviour is shit requires neither of those things. I’ve also called enough people out repeatedly to know there isn’t a rainbow-brite moment of realisation they’ll have, but they might think a little longer about the consequences of their public actions next time. Or they might not, but silent doesn’t fix the shit conduct either.
who's this sissy? hand the phone back to the u/hawaiianmoustache who was up there crushing the perpetrators and punching nazis. HM- well, i meant with my words! i bet they will think real hard about the hurt they caused next time! yo cicero: the light turned green and they drove off before you finished your thesis statement. they were laughing so hard they almost crashed their truck.
Okay buddy, very good. Have a nice day I guess? You guys realise there’s shades of confrontation right? Like, in places without a million guns people can use words to rob shitty behaviour of its power. It doesn’t go from zero interaction to violence in nanoseconds.
>I recognise as a large-ish cishet man ..., I’m also coming from a place of privilege to suggest this course of action. [https://i.imgflip.com/8t5zkt.jpg](https://i.imgflip.com/8t5zkt.jpg)
In such situations, I give a thumbs-down. It‘s not an insult, but hits its mark.
A thumbs down is way better than a middle finger IMO
Yeah, it's like "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed in you as a human"
I love this move cuz confronting them makes them feel big, cuz they know the got a rise out of you. But a disdainful thumbs down (amd its ilk) makes them feel small. It's all about making them feel like you're the popular kids and they aren't.
Pretend he's talking to you and engage back. "Oh yeah big boy you want my number? *blow a kiss*" They'll probably get homophobic and drive off.
This is what my husband does when he’s on group runs with me n the girls. Can confirm it works.
Every time someone yells some homophobic line at me when I'm forced to confront (stoplight, crosswalk), I respond with mimicking a giant dick sucking motion with my hand and I've never received a follow up yell or turn around. They have always just shut up. Otherwise I just pretend like I can't hear anyone and it drives them insane.
That is so awesome!
This. My daughter’s male friends have done this if someone is being inappropriate to their friends, and it hits the mark.
I did this when i was in law enforcement with prisoners. Because literally everyone across the spectrum starts with the homophobia when insulting. So after years of just ignoring it, i leaned it. Gives them no where to go and usually shuts them right up.
You are very considerate, I would just ask the ladies in your group if they feel alright (I'd imagine they're used to it, sadly). Not much gain to be had by starting a dickhead contest.
I was once catcalled by someone who wouldn't leave me alone and started following me (I was actually spectating a marathon when this happened, and was waiting for a friend who was riiiight in front of the sweeper car, so the streets were pretty deserted). The guy wouldn't leave me alone, and a man near me yelled, "HEY MAN, SHE SAID SHE WASN'T INTERESTED. LAY OFF." He then walked with me (very quickly) to where the crowds were. I really appreciated the support and saftey that he offered in that moment. So in general I'd say: Ignore it. But if the person is unrelenting or starts approaching the woman, call them off.
As much as everyone thinks they’re John Wick, getting beaten up by a bunch of tradies in half tights isn’t a good plan.
God damn that’s pretty funny. Next post would be “I confronted a cat caller and found out that people in trades are generally quite strong. What kind of taser should I buy?”
what's a 'tradie' and why do they go around in bunches wearing half tights?
A tradie would be one that works in the trades - plumber, builder, electrician etc and tend to be the sort of crowd to drive around in white vans and cat call. Half tights was implying the runner was wearing them while sparring with a “tradie”
TIL- there's a derogatory term for the people working normal jobs. And apparently they're also the people catcalling women.
It’s not derogatory. Common slang in UK / NZ / AUS for tradespeople. I work in trades and have done for a long time.
As someone else noted, ask what they would have wanted you to do. The question is as much about acknowledgement as it is about action. We witness a lot of men not noticing the bs we deal with, or worse noticing but not seeing anything wrong with it. Acknowledging that you observed it, that it’s not OK, and that you’re willing to take action that’s informed by *their* values/experience can help build trust in you as someone they can approach if there’s something going on over which you do have more influence.
Yeah I think this is probably the right answer. I actually know exactly what I'd do when running with other women who I know well, but in this case with people I occasionally work with it's a bit more difficult to gauge. For some I guess it might be embarrassing for someone to engage with it on their behalf, for others it'd be expected or at least appreciated and I guess a lot would be happiest if everyone ignored the wankers.
Best to just ignore it. Any sort of engagement just validates their behavior. Better off to pretend like you can't hear them and make them question if they were heard.
I hate this advice. Years or decades of abusing women keeps happening because everyone just ignores it. If the guy cat calling got sprayed in the face with pepper spray every time he tried to cat call a woman, he wouldn’t do it many more times. They’re like dogs (basically as intelligent). They keep chasing people until they learn it hurts. Then they stop.
If you're in the car with the group doing the cat calling, definitely let them know just how childish they are behaving.
Agreed! I often haven’t felt that anything was gained by confronting random strangers who have cat-called me, but I will forever be grateful for the time one man called out another for doing so. I was out for an easy run around a park and as I approached a bench where two men were sat smoking on opposite ends, one of them started on the typical bullshit (can’t even remember what he said). But then I heard the second man speak up, something very simple like “hey man, that’s not cool, cut it out.” And the first guy just stopped. When I passed them again on my next loop, both men were still sitting there, but none of them spoke as I passed. It was such a small gesture but it made a big difference for me. It reminds me of how sometimes the easiest or safest way to reject a man is to tell him you have a boyfriend/husband—which is shitty, tbh, because it’s like wait you can respect another man, but not me or my wishes? But it works because it ends the interaction safely for me. It feels like a similar situation here—men who catcall probably care more about the perceptions of the other men around them than their catcalling target.
Agree. Men need to hold other men accountable.
Or, parents can raise boys and young men to not be misogynist assholes. Very rarely does a boy raised by a loving mom who raises her children well turn out to be a misogynist piece of shit. Shit parents raise shit men who raise more shit kids. It’s the Circle of Misogyny.
A kid can get all the loving in the world from his mom, and if his dad is a misogynist pos, that love will go unnoticed. You probs were just citing an example but it left dad's influence out of the equation. And saying parents need to stop it at the source really doesn't help us deal with the men who are out there, right now, doing this shit. We can't go back in time and reparent them.
Hurt people hurt people.
This is an insult to dogs
One of the many reasons I carry pepper spray.
Not sure where you are but in the UK that'd be highly illegal
In this case it would probably be illegal in the US too, unless the cat caller got out of their vehicle and approached.
Worth it. I would call it a type of civil disobedience or a good kind of trouble. By the time the guy calls the police and they show up you will be long gone and the police are definitely not going to be on high alert for a skinny runner guy that pepper sprayed an asshole that cat-called a woman. Here’s how that would go. The cops will say it’s been about 20 minutes so the guy has to be within about 1/2 to 1 mile away when in reality, you are now 2-3 miles away and may as well be in the next city over.
If this is how the encounter goes down in your head, I guarantee this not how it goes down on the street.
i get pepper spraying someone that is physically abusive but pepper spraying someone because of what they said is not okay as much as you may dislike something a person has said, that doesn’t give you the right to pepper spray them (unless the person is threatening to hurt you) you can’t just pepper spray someone because you dislike what they said. that is assault
I wish we lived in a world where little boys had quality parents that raised them to be respectful caring empathetic men. However, that is not the case and sadly, for most of these assholes with barely five functioning brain cells, the only thing that will register at this point in their life is severe pain. It’s terrible it has ever had to be this way, but it used to be if you ran your mouth, someone would eventually track you some manners and unless you were the biggest bully in the neighborhood, you watched what you said. Now, we removed the stick but never replaced it with carrots so these assholes never learn to behave. When men act like this in a corporate environment they reform or get fired. That stimulus doesn’t happen out in the world for these guys. Fuck em.
me don’t like. me spray.
man in fancy shoes shot to death. driver said he attempted to carjack him using pepper spray. more at 11.
😂👏
When harm is being caused to your friends then you need to stop the harm. Tell the guy cat-calling to not do that shit anymore, or pretend he's catcalling you and talk back to him to make him super uncomfortable. Letting him get away with no consequences isn't doing anything to prevent it from happening again in the future.
As a man I’ve only been catcalled once or twice, but once somebody drove past my cross country team and shouted “Nice shorts f*****”, My friend shouted back, “Thanks they’re your sister’s!”
I pretend I’m a wizard like Harry Potter and try to blow up there tire with a spell. Not 💯successful thus far.
Californian sunroof 👌
The women are used to it and probably take in their stride (sad but true). They have probably been cat called since they started walking to school. You just got some visibility on what its like to to a women running, cycling, commuting You could record it and report it if you are quick enough. Maybe nothing will be done, maybe something will depending on where you are based. Lots of governements and police forces are finally starting to take action on this harassment.
Sorry but you never get used to it. It sucks and is humiliating every single time
It didn't mean that. I meqj when the guy notices it, ots probably happened 3x that day already.
My favorite response (as a male) is for the men to act like they are the ones being catcalled, and make it your daily mission to spin the discomfort back on those in the car (if safe to do so)... Make them feel like you're ready as a male, to do the nastiest things imaginable to their male bodies and faces. All in good fun.
“Fuck off loser” if it happens more than once. First time, you question what was even said, understandable to ignore. But a second time you need to step up
It's really nuanced. Two responses stood out to me: Ignore them. Generally this is probs the best bet. Sometimes your gender will come in handy as a mode of confrontation, but you have to play that game carefully. One reason I haven't seen listed yet is it could just feel like another "men protecting their property" type thing, as though the women aren't their own people. Maybe organize a group catcalling response, where if someone in your group yells "ASSHOLE ALERT" you all start yelling it and making siren sounds. That way, the whole group is united in this, and it's funny, and you're mocking them while having fun, which means you took the power. Quick check in with your lady runners. When im with dudes and some sexist shit goes down that nobody can really do anything about, it really helps me to simply have them say something that means "hey, i saw that. It wasnt right. Youre not alone here." Cuz otherwise it feels like a "womens burden", yet another thing we can't talk about that men don't care about that's ultimately shameful on us (even tho the dudes who did it are the shameful ones). Maybe make it funny (tho u can bomb at this so be careful), we get all of this serious shit all the time and humor can feel empowering. I guess the main lesson is sometimes using your stronk-individual-manliness powers to defend the women of your tribe might work, but an even better course of action is almost always to respond with unity, cohesion, and humor. They want to divide you, they want women on one side and men on the other. They want you all to feel bad. Show them that's not the case. Then at the end of the day, instead of rehashing all the bs that dude said, the women in your group (and the men too) will just smile and reminice about how you all stood together and laughed over how pathetic misogynists are.
Just keep it moving, they want attention. I have been getting cat called since I was 16 and I would simply yell “I’m a minor” lol. It’s going to happen to every woman that runs, it’s not okay but what can we do. Giving them attention fuels them.
Sticks and stones. I’d call it out to the running group- hey that sucked, what a moron… let your friend know that was BS continue to run. If you fire back, you really have no idea who you are dealing with and someone could get hurt. Not worth it. Don’t feel bad if this caught everyone off guard. You can still let them know how you feel, and that you have their back. My $0.02.
I live in a wealthy area (I am not) this teenager catcalled me once, must have been about 15. I popped him the bird and his jaw literally dropped. Little snot probably never had been flipped off in his life…it was perfect 😅
Our opinions don't matter. What does matter is how the women in your group feel. Ask how (if at all) they'd like you to respond in the future to similar incidents. That'll give you a better indication of how best to support them, assuming they want any active intervention from you.
Sadly, ignore is the best option by far unless they are being threateningly aggressive.
I pretend I don’t hear and ignore it. I agree with other posters that engaging is what they want, and have had people actually get mad and creepy follow me when I’ve reacted negatively. Sorry that happened to you, fuck those people trying to sabotage our good time!
Woman here, if there's anything I dislike more than being catcalled it's someone else I'm with making a scene about it. It's best not to acknowledge the catcallers. If you want to show support for your female friends I would make an empathetic comment to your friends (not to the catcallers) about it being annoying. It's unfortunately a common everyday occurrence so it's not all that helpful to make a big deal out of it. I appreciate your concern for sure though. That's my personal preference at least but I suppose you could also ask the women in your group how they feel about it.
I ask myself, “Would I/we be safer if I reacted?” If you react you risk provoking or escalating the situation. You’re there with the women. Let them know if anything further than catcalling occurs you’ll place yourself between them and the threat.
Ignoring is the best way. Any form of verbal aggression could end up in physical aggression. Yest, they could land in jail, but you could land in hospital, hardly a win for anyone.
Just let it go. There are some evil people out there who will attempt to insult and assault you. I’m a guy btw, people shout at me from vans, it’s not nice but if you escalate the situation in any way you could get into a lot of trouble. Chatting back will get you precisely nowhere, and the incident will stick in your memory for longer.
Run with pepper spray.
I’d suggest letting the offender know that it’s not ok - in whatever way that means to you and you feel comfortable doing. Often these people are cowards and will just disappear with their pathetic little tail between their legs, but if it gets physical then I’m totally ok with that and prepared for it. But that’s just me.
Throw a large rock at the van.
Here is something my grown son has done and I am so proud of him for thinking of it- If you male runners turned to the catcallers and acted as though they were calling at *you* instead of the women (and said something exaggerated and silly like “hey big boy, sorry, I’m taken!”, etc) that would both a) show the women you are in solidarity with them (or want to try to be) and b) discourage the cat callers (mainly bc jerks who do this to be macho are usually also homophobic)
One time I was out walking with my boyfriend and a guy on his balcony leaned out and catcalled me. I turned to my boyfriend and said loudly “look [bf’s name], someone fancies you!” My boyfriend turned round and smiled and waved invitingly to the guy, who then scurried back into his apartment. Hard to think of something in the moment I know, but sometimes a bit of non-aggressive turning the tables is effective.
Rip one of his wing mirrors off.
I have acting like they were calling out to me and responding excitedly to them. Usually works well to make the idiot uncomfortable. It helps when there is a goofball like me in the group but honestly no one needs that stupidity.
In this new age equitable world we live in I think you did the right thing.
one time i was walking down the street behind two young ladies and a man dressed as a pimp leaned out of his car window and yelled “i wanna get my tongue up in you” at them. it was so absurd that i laughed, then i felt bad for laughing and apologized to the girl closest to me. she asked what he said, i said i don’t want to repeat it, and she said “well now you have to”. and that’s the story of how i ended up saying “i wanna get my tongue up in you” to a stranger on the street
Middle finger. Sends the appropriate message. Might start a fight, but if they are catcalling people in your group, thats pretty disrespectful anyways. It probably bothers the women more than they will let on, but they are most likely used to it. Bothers you because you probably feel chumpetized a bit by this perv bully since he did repeatedly it to women in your group in front of you. My face looks like a catchers mitt and I have a little dad bod going on, so I am in precious little danger of getting sexually harassed by random strangers anytime soon. But if someone catcalled my wife or one of my three daughters in my presence they are getting the finger at the very least. F them if they think they can treat these precious ladies like that in my presence without some kind of response. It’s worth the confrontation in my opinion if only for them to know I wont allow someone to treat them like that. But I am also a former infantryman and jiu jitsu purple belt, so I am sorta chippy. Im not necessarily advocating violence, but I am advocating taking a stand. This behavior is wrong, humiliating, and bullying. If you dont stand up and confront it, you will feel cowardly. That doesn’t necessarily mean violence, but there is the risk because some people are just bad. I think the middle finger is perfect, but thats just my opinion, and probably not a very wise one.
You were right on not doing anything, it sucks for women but it sucks more when we males make it about ourselves and bring violence on top of that. Sometimes I forget and I thank them as a male guy: “thanks! I know my shorts look great!” And that confuses cat callers, many are very macho and get upset a guy would accept what they said, that’s the only other scenario that isnt as bad that I can think of.
Just whip it out and see who is bigger.
Don't be an enabler and ignore it. Put a brick through his window. Old mate just pissed on your lawn.
Stay strapped with that glockky
>I regret not asking the women with us if we should have reacted differently (stopped, shouted back, given a 'hard stare' etc.) so I wondered if anyone here has any suggestions? u/[threefoldtriangle](https://www.reddit.com/user/threefoldtriangle/) thats the ticket right here, escalate a cat call into a potential physical confrontation with someone in a 5,000lb vehicle while on foot....... s/
I don’t have any additional advice, but wondering why did you include the type and color of vehicle?
Depends how close are you to the females in your group. Last thing you want is to end up a simp. Seccond last thing you want is having to physicaly fight them over basicaly nothing. When most to gain is " he is such a nice guy" then just shut your hole. IF you really really close with the group you can say something like "they already sucking on this d***" or something and that would shut them up real quick. Point is, most women WANT men to fight over them but not neccesarily to reward them for it.
This comment is all wrong. Don't listen to this lol
what do you suggest but first what country you from?
>you can say something like "they already sucking on this d***" or something and that would shut them up real quick Pretty sure this isn't helping...
yea i agree about that, i got nothing else though.