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I don't think it matters their sex or gender. It sucks having a friend stop hanging out with you as much due to finding a significant other. You can be happy for them and also sad you can't hang out as much.
I mean the reality is that having a friend hang out less sucks regardless of the reason.
The reason I bring this up is because when you focus it on their relationship it makes it sound like you envy their happiness.
The best thing to do is just tell them you miss them but are glad they found someone/thing that makes them happy.
Life goes on. People will come and go. It is sad. It never gets easier, but if they truly are your friend you should want them to be happy, even if that means you don't get to see them as much.
Well my unpopular opinion is that friendships need to have proper boundaries so this isn’t an issue. I’ve seen many friendships end because the maintenance is too high for a person that isn’t even your significant other
This lmao. Sometimes I don't talk to my friends for weeks and then one of us will reach out to make plans. Are people like tamagochis you need to feed attention to every couple of days????
The sims... Friends are like plants, they need watering.
Some friendships are timeless. You pick up right where you left off if you haven't seen them in 10 years. Others not so much. Distances wears down the bond.
My friends and I see eachother often, and talk daily via various chats, and even group texts. In the late 90s/early 00s we had an email distro list, even tho we say each other every single day.
Some people grow old and stop hanging out with heir friends and doing fun shit. We didn't. As people started having kids? We just included that in the fun. This lead to a camping group that has been camping together since 1995, and some of those kids are now adults who still come camping with us, and bring new people into the fold.
I thought the same.
It’s fairly normal for this to happen. People get married, have kids, get big boy/girl jobs, move on with their lives. Them not having enough time to fuck around is nothing personal, priorities become more exhausting with age.
Of course I miss the days when my friends and I had the time to be up each other’s asses every day of the week. But that’s not realistic anymore lol
Nah, not what it sounds like. “Up each others asses” is just a euphemism for friendly but consistent anal sex, not whatever dirty thoughts might be running through your head.
Kind of seems immature but okay lol people get into relationships and things outside of the friendship going on in their lives, sounds kind of unhealthy to be attached to a friend like that
I mean it's not like they drop you entirely, they just don't talk as much as they used to which I think is fair, they still hang out and text on weekends according to OP. Relationships take up a lot of time and social bandwidth. You ever been in one?
Or you can just get more friends or get into a relationship if it bothers you that much? No need to harbor negative feelings towards somebody that you supposedly care about just because they fell in love
Crap even if it's not for a significant other.
I had a friend who was the closest friend I've ever had and when she started college she started ignoring me. I noticed we only hanged out when I proposed it so one day I stopped and I haven't heard from her since.
Dropping friends out of nothing is kind of shitty in general, like at least tell them you don't enjoy spending time together anymore or something.
That is something that happened to me too often. Mates that would generally always chat to me if I reached out/made plans to do whatever. But if I didn't do that, they would never message me.
Always confused the hell out of me. In the end I did the same thing, stopped reaching out. Never hear from them again. All that was years back. Figured better off than having some fake mate around.
What’s strange is I’ve seen people on Reddit defend this. Like I get people being less busy but making no effort anymore has no excuse. A friend should or at least you hope, is for life, and you have made many great memories with them so it hurts if they just throw you away.
Even worse when that friend straight up abandons you for some girl they've known for 5 minutes. But it really reinforces who you can count on and who you can't.
*All of my friends are missing again*
*That's what happens when you fall in love*
*You don't have the time, you leave them all behind*
*You tell yourself it's fine, you're just in love*
Same sex too. I'm straight but one of my lesbian friends used to have a very jealous ex that didn't like me and the fact I cook breakfast for my friends
The other side of this is: your routine with your friend was never set in stone. There is no set obligation to always be ready for a hangout. They now have someone who is much closer than a friend, in terms of what comes with a relationship. Of course they're going to explore it right now.
Right!
Sounds like there is some jealousy at play.
Have you tried talking to your buddy OP? Maybe they don't share the feelings for you that you may have for them
Yeah no shit...
Usually they do share those feelings, you're just forced to split your time and energy in a relationship and in our society romantic relationships come first. It's not wrong, it just sucks.
Yeah, the gender doesn't matter. When people get older and settle down into relationships (and jobs, and kids) they just don't see their friends very often.
Yup, the difference in friend time when I was 20 vs 25 was huge. Both got Relationships, jobs, settled into our own places further away. It’s a part of life that stings for sure.
But it does make the time we still do hang out all the more memorable.
Bro are you human? Every person has had a close friend who goes MIA the second they get serious with a partner and sometimes not even that. It happens to same sex friends constantly.
Some people are just awful at managing time and are easily controlled by the opposite sex. They'll neglect their friends and laser focus on that one relationship. It's annoying and hard to see coming, but it's always sad because you basically just lost a friend out of the blue.
Yup.
Friends give friends space to fall in love! Honeymoon phase is intense and over shortly - I always give my friend 6 - 12 months grace of being flaky and things re-jigging in regards to dynamics when they get into new relationships.
For me I feel like the honeymoon phase never ended because I just find my partner so much more interesting and fun and enjoyable to spend time with than any friend I've had. Ofc it's fun to see friends every once in a while but ultimately no one really compares
Yeah my friend recently got a girlfriend, she’s been a bit busier now but I’ve got a boyfriend and I know what it feels like to just wanna spend every moment with that special person. It makes me happy knowing how happy she is with her girlfriend.
I never betrayed a single friend for a relationship. Male, female, whoever.
A romantic partner isn't any "closer" than a friend. It's just a different kind of relationship and in no way anything "more" as people like to say.
Of course there is no obligation of friends being there forever. People dissapear. But it does speak volumes about loyalty.
Idk about you but my romantic partner is involved in every single major life decision I make.
My friends have no say in my career, where I live, how I raise my kids, what happens to me if I'm unconscious at the hospital.
It is 100% "closer" and "more" than a friendship to me.
Meh, I would be try to be understanding that they need some room in their life for their new partner.
Time is a limited resource, and it’s understandable that a romantic interest would take up some of their time. It’s how it goes.
Yeah I wish it was easier to see these people before they do shit like this. Lost a best friend I really liked to this. He used to be married, but he didn't like her like this new girl after the divorce and now he's fucking gone. He'll call every few months but the guy has no time for anyone but her and her family.
I would've never made friends with the guy if I knew he was gonna be like that.
I think it's unfortunate OP wrote "from the opposite sex" because it has a different connotation, but this also happens with friends from the same sex.
I also really hate when friends get into a relationship and they just stop trying to see anyone and everyone except for their new gf/bf.
Most of my current friends are people who would still try and meet up with you when they got a new relationship. But there's also just people you'd meet up with every week and talk with so much, have fun with, and then when they start a relationship, are gone. If they don't even try to maintain a friendship, at some point I'm not gonna try anymore either.
When I started dating my gf we talked about this and we agreed our friends were important to us so sometimes they got their time with either of us too. I talked to my friends and they said they had the same talks. So for me it's a clear indication of how important friends are to people, and there's only a handful of people who just fell of the earth in terms of seeing them, but it's still sad I think.
For me it was mostly a transition during the last years of our "student life", where some friends fell off because when we started to work everyone had far less time, and a fee were not as willing to spend any free time with friends. That's when I saw who are likely gonna be friends for life.
This is the spirit of what the OP was saying but he just spun it in a negative light with the "opposite sex" thing.
Truth be told, the gradual decrease of friendship time is something universal across all genders/sexes, and it's justifiable to feel a little bummed about it. The people who are trampling all over the OP's sentiment sound like the kind of people who flat out ghost their friends once they get into a relationship lmao.
Feel this because I had a best friend who fell in love with a girl and has basically been ignoring everyone he was friends with for her and has genuinely done so much for her, but he admitted he knew she would never like him and he didn’t care he was using her, despite what his friends were telling him.
Some people are in their own reality and it genuinely hurts, but it’s best to just move on from them 🤷🏾 especially if their name is Izzie, it’s definitely time to go
I’m a gay guy that doesn’t have very feminine traits, so I’ve been through this so many times it isn’t even funny. I essentially get barred from hanging out with my girl-friends because I’m some sort of “threat” stemmed from the partner’s insecurities. It’s fucking frustrating.
Like, what do they think? I’m pretending to be gay to sleep with my friends? These guys severely overestimate how much time I have on my hands lol
This happened to me SO much when I was younger and settling into myself after being in the closet so long. So many of my female friends had boyfriends who were threatened by me and didn’t think I was actually gay. Like…who would pretend to be gay? I don’t deal with that so much anymore because I’m way more “gay” acting than I was before. Now the issue I’ve had after doing a bit of drag is I’ve gotten my female friends’ boyfriends and ex-boyfriends slipping into my DMs 😩
I think its normal for people in fresh relationships to spend a lot of time together especially in the "new car smell" phase.
Having friends that you hang out with constantly is very very common in your teens and 20s but for most people it will get less practical as you get older.
People couple up, have kids, move, have stressful jobs, other obligations, etc. It's not good if a friend ditches you entirely but scaling back how often you catch up is super normal and not something to panic over.
Im also unclear on why this is the worst feeling in the world only if your friend is the opposite sex? Do you like your same sex friends less or expect less of them? Is it really the worst feeling in the whole world? Worse than getting cheated on? Worse than getting completely dumped by a friend you've known for years because they fuckzoned you without your knowledge?
I find that people who really value their friendships always make time for it. My friend’s boyfriend has weekly game nights and is always planning things and randomly stopping by his friends’ places. It works because he’s the leader who plans everything but also every single one of his friends is just as committed. I think this could become more difficult once children get involved but I still think friends can stay well connected if everyone carves out the time for it.
My guess is it's the worst feeling either because OP is jealous or because this keeps happening whenever the person of the opposite sex gets in a relationship they're told not to hang out with them anymore.
Yeah there's a lot going on. I don't agree with people who insist their partner can't have any opposite sex friends, I think that's weird and possessive (also I'm bi so I'd sort of like to be able to have friends). If OPs friend dropped them because of that then that absolutely sucks. I'd be upset at the friend for being a shit friend but also worried that they're in a toxic controlling relationship.
However, if that's not the case and OP is purely mad that their friend can't spend every day hanging with them now, then that would sort of make them the possessive one. People grow and change, friendships do to. There's nothing wrong with that. People aren't meant to make loyalty pledges to their friends at age 6 then have that be the focus of their entire lives, this isn't an anime.
It seems like they are still interacting with their friend just not as much as they would like too. What I took away from the post is that they are relegated to weekend texting.
It’s kind of sad how this is normal imo… idk I’m in my late 20’s and hang with my friends every weekend and it’s so much fun. The idea of settling into this boring lifestyle with a partner and having less of a social life, doing the whole marriage homebody kids thing just sounds awful. A lot of people I know did the exact opposite and just seem to be thriving much more in their 30’s and 40’s traveling with friends and their partner
and always trying new experience than sitting at home all the time with their spouse. Not to say everyone is like this. Some coupled up people still go out a lot and do stuff with friends but I think it’s fine for OP to feel sad about so many people going down this route. He might just need to meet new people who are more aligned with his lifestyle if his friends are going down this path.
>The idea of settling into this boring lifestyle with a partner and having less of a social life, doing the whole marriage homebody kids thing just sounds awful.
I mean, I don't think they're being boring on purpose. Imagine how fucking tiring and unstable it is to have kids. That's why it's a total pass for me.
Everyone has different wants and priorities. I personally absolutely love being married and hanging out with my spouse. I have friends but my spouse is "my person". We're there for each other always in ways you can't really ask or expect of friends.
I know both single and married people who are absolutely miserable and I know single and married people who are super cool and have very rich and full lives.
In my experience the only people I REALLY dislike being around are the ones who insist one way is better than the other and judge others for not liking what they like.
Exactly. The “a nobody that’ll be a memory in 16 weeks” line isn’t very kind. What happened to wanting the best for your friend? Shouldn’t you be hoping their relationship works out and that they’re happy? Not calling down the failure of the relationship.
Their life doesn’t revolve around you and their partner takes priority over you. It’s okay to be bummed that you’re not hanging out as much anymore but be happy that your friend found someone they’re interested in.
Okay but let’s not pretend that some people aren’t totally inept at managing more than one relationship at a time. I’m essentially non existent to my best friend now because she engulfed herself in her partner and **his friends**. She isolates herself and I genuinely don’t think that’s healthy, especially if the relationship ended.
I feel like too many people jump to the “jealous friend” conclusion. Although it’s a convenient conclusion for those who struggle to maintain relationships outside of their partner. OP is probably feeling frustration more than anything.
I don’t know anyone that can only manage one relationship at a time. This is not the norm whatsoever, and yeah, sorry, but life happens and people move on.
This is such a weird sentiment, if I saw my best friend less because he found love, I’d be happy for him. Not jealous he has to dedicate more time to a partner. It’s his partner, no shit that’s going to happen. Married people don’t kick it with their college homies everyday? Shocker.
If they break up? I’ll be right there for him. Not retroactively angry and shut him out for thinking they wronged me by not providing me enough attention.
Its weird how the sex is highlighted when this is true regardless of sex. I see a lot of my friends way less because they have partners. Im not fussed theyre moving on with their lives we get together once in a while but its completely understandable. OP is acting like a jealous ex.
I feel like there is an in between. A friend you text everyday who gets into a relationship and only then texts you on the weekends: annoying but understandable. At some point, once they have a routine with the new relationship, chances are you will « get them back » (not that you lost them in the first place but you know what I mean). A friend who gets into a relationship and disappears unless you text them, answer once out of 10 times and than you never have news from? Yeah I’m not wasting time on that friendship.
Yeah, I totally agree, I would say the worst feeling on the world is when someone you live dies. So, to me, the worst pain I've ever felt is my brother dying. I don't have children, but I think the worst pain to most people is the death of their child.
I think it is annoying when a friendship of any gender is ditched for a relationship, but saying it is the worst feeling in the world is hyperbolic and just wrong.
I don’t think being friends of opposite sex has anything to do with it. When you’re in a romantic relationship, it’s important to make time for everyone that’s important in your life. Understandably, people will often spend a lot more of their time with the person they’re dating in the early stages because things are exciting and they’re getting to know each other. Once this stage passes they should make time for the their friends and family too and things should go back to normal. I get that it can be upsetting, but it’s kind of disrespectful to refer to their new partner as a nobody and assume things aren’t going to work out. Every relationship starts from somewhere and if you care about your friend you should wish them the best.
You’re jealous of the relationship, not because of the feelings but because of the attention. You’re jealous like an older sibling is of the younger. Tell the friend you wish you could hang out with them more, even if their other is involved as well. If you and other don’t get along carry the friendship, do stuff like go to them and grab lunch or a coffee together.
The person I considered one of my best friends, who has said that I'm one of his best friends, suddenly ghosted me and every girl he knows (minus his mother and sister) out of nowhere.
He texted me the other day after almost a year saying that "he's sorry he ghosted everyone out of nowhere but he got a new girlfriend and she didn't want him talking to other girls".
We've all been friends since childhood. I loved this guy like a brother, but I guess that our friends and I aren't even worth a text about him wanting to focus on his relationship. That would've been understandable and I would've wished him luck.
But nooo. Random radio silence. How wonderful.
He texted the other day because his relationship ended due to the girl cheating on him WITH HER FRIEND.
Yes this is definitely what OP was talking about. I’ve had a very close guy friend whose girlfriend did not feel comfortable with me hanging out with him. She didn’t believe us no matter how many times we swore nothing ever happened. As a result, he wasn’t allowed to hang out with me. She was only comfortable with us sending a few texts, never full blown conversations because he would be accused of emotionally cheating with me. So, basically I lost a friend because I’m a woman.
It’s more common than a lot of people think, a lot of men and women do not feel comfortable with their partner being friends with someone of the opposite sex. So if they get a partner, the friend of the opposite sex often gets dropped.
Hey, at least they still talk to you on the weekend. A not so friend of mine who called me their bestie dropped off the planet when they finally got to be with their SO.
It’s funny because I was the one who helped them get together and even planned events to get them in the same space since they had strict parents who wouldn’t let them go out unless they were with a friend they knew. They lived with me for a while, ate all my food for the month (they promised we’d do groceries to make up for it). I even arranged and paid for their trip to the dentist since they had really bad toothache. They used me as a scapegoat (parents got furious at me for them running away together), then just left when I got sick because their SO finally had space for them.
Once they were with their SO, they stopped reaching out unless they were apart. I have demoted them to barely friends. I’ll still hang with them but only when they reach out and when I am absolutely free. I’m not doing them any favors anymore. Especially, after another mutual friend (who is my actual bestie) told me that they were saying I was overbearing since I was butting into their business when they were the ones who dragged me into it and I just wanted to be a good friend to them.
I don't care if I see them a lot less or speak less that's very normal and understandable. I do however hate it when they just drop you and act like you're a stranger or just straight up stop being your friend when you've been there for years and want nothing from them but a genuine friendships.
I'm married and that has never gotten me to drop friends or not be there for my friends when they need me. I certainly didn't dispose of them like they're nothing the second I got a husband.
You're not truly a friend if you can't respect that their life doesnt revolve around hanging out with you and making you feel good about yourself. You should actually be happy for them if its true friendship and not want to get in the way of that. Also this nobody they are going out with could actually be a better person than your peer group. You just dont know. And the worst feeling in the world is actually being cheated on, or losing half of your money to a failed marriage or getting pregnant when you are not ready for it. This feeling you speak of will not feel so bad when you get older. Dont worry.
New things/relationships are exciting. When they happen, people often overindulge. Be happy for your friend for finding some joy and go enjoy your other hobbies and friends a little more for a while. It's OK for relationships to ebb and flow.
Honestly, I respect the shit out of your friend if they did it by choice. Also, we can all tell by the tone that you wish they were more than a friend.
unfortunately this is being respectful to the relationship. No one should be able to tell someone who they can and cant be friends with regardless of gender, but certain interactions are going to be off limits. I'd expect my girlfriend to not have secret conversation and be talking to other guys in the middle of the night. I'd expect my girlfriend to not share a room and more specifically a bed with another guy. If my girlfriend was drunk or stranded and needed to be picked up, I'd expect her to call me first not her best guy friend. I'd also expect my girlfriend to have me as a priority, if me and her guy friend made plans with her on the same date she better cancel with her guy friend. In a relationship there are certain things that are disrepcetful, even being out all night without updating your partner is disrepectful, but when you're single you can do whatever you want. Boundaries are important in making a relationship last. If you dont know if you're breaking a boundary role reverse and ask yourself would you be okay with your girlfriend doing what you're doing? simple.
yikes. you sound controling. you are that insecure that your gf can't have close friends and prioritize anyone else but you sometimes.
judging from the fact that people think this is normal, no wonder a lot fizzle out all their friendships after a relationship.
i don't think of friends as being less than. they are just a different type of relationship. something being platonic does not mean there shouldn't be any intimacy.
i wouldn't have any problem with the stuff described. we are independent and trustworthy adults.
Would you have these same expectations of your girlfriend’s woman friends? I don’t see why the gender of her friends would matter in any of these scenarios unless you think she’s gonna cheat on you just for being close to another guy, in which case… why date someone you don’t trust.
The making plans one is incredibly weird. What if they are going to some kind of concert or show and you just planned a dinner? It's ridiculous to want your partner to give up something that they enjoy just for your own company. You sound insufferable.
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I love my friends but I definitely won't prioritise them over the person spend almost all my free time and love.
Idk if you've never been in love or even a relationship but if my "friend" talked about my relationship as someone who I'll "have forgotten after a few months"... respect will not be you'll get.
This has happened to me before. Now my guy friends have learned that you can not date someone and then after a while, be like, oh yeah, I have a female friend I never mentioned and expect them to feel comfortable. They now make it a point to let females know that they are interested in dating know they have female friends that are basically family with and that they are more than welcome to meet them and hang out as well. Usually no issues from that point on. Good luck.
Once you are in a settled relationship it's pretty normal and right for friends to be 2nd to that. A weekly next is still a relatively close relationship?
The reality of it is that most people in a new romantic relationship back away from friends to a degree. Opposite sex friendships suffer more because of the lack of understanding, clarity, and trust (that’s still being built) that exists in a new relationship.
My best friend since kindergarten is male, I’m female. We’ve both had relationships where our partners were fully okay with our friendship and relationships with people who weren’t. We adjusted.
It sucks when any friend stops hanging out with you & it's not because you had some sort of falling out. Not sure that's an unpopular opinion...
Also I don't think it hurts more or less depending on what gender they are or if they're in a new relationship or is it's something else going on in their life causing them to pull back.
Be proactive if you want to keep the friendship - initiate more contact yourself instead of waiting for them to do it. If it's a new relationship give them some grace, those tend to be a bit more all consuming right at the start.
my guy that title wording was decieving, i first though of you as an incel.
But yeah people ignoring friends because they get absorbed in a relationship totally sucks
I don’t understand how you think this is unpopular unless you truely believe it’s the worst feeling in the world. Like comparing this to getting stabbed or someone close to you dying.
If you can‘t deal with them not being a central part of your life and always being there for you, it‘s about high time you try to be the one they get into a relationship with.
Is it as bad as the feeling when you find a relationship you're really excited about but your friend gets pissy at you because they think they are owed your time and attention indefinitely?
It's a normal part of life. People get in a relationship and explore it with their new partner. Our friendship will survive the honeymoon phase or any other breaks. If not, what is your plan for when your friend has a family of their own?
Also why would it matter if it's the opposite sex or not?
jealous friends like this are the worst. im not gonna start a family with my bestie, im going to do so with my partner. you should care for and be loyal to your friends always, but over time we grow and our priorities change
Why does them being the opposite sex matter? This can happen with any friend. I have friends that I see much MUCH less frequently because they are married now - that's just how life is. And they're not of the opposite sex.
Me'thinks you feel jilted but can't admit it to yourself.
the way you word that at the end is disgusting. can't say i haven't been in the same spot before, but i realized you should just respect peoples relationships and back tf off. grow up.
Lol, this is such a bitter bitter post.
"I had all of their time, and now they texts me once a week instead because they have to spend time and energy building a connection with a new human".
Yes, that's how relationships work. There is a finite amount of time in a day. When you get into a new relationship, you're all excited and want to spend a lot of time with that new person.
Shifting from daily interaction to weekly is normal. You do not own their time or attention.
Whats worse, you're clearly the type who is going to bitterly try and punish them for it.
I bet you're going to ignore some of their texts or complain about it to them instead of, I dunno, getting a relationship yourself, or a hobby or filling your life with something vibrant.
Friends are a lower priority than romantic partners. You will never not be the lower priority every time they get into a relationship.
One friend went from calling every couple of days, to no contact for a year once she met her boyfriend.
Once he was gone, I was back in the picture.
This has been a common experience from female friends and basically killed the idea of having single female friends for me.
I’ve lost so many friends like this. It makes you feel like they’re just using you to fill the loneliness void until they find something better.
I’ve always made it pretty clear with relationships that if you don’t vibe well with my friends, it’s never gonna work between us.
you know what's worse?
When your girlfriend who said she'd "always love you" dumps you from "inner circle" to "get lost ", for a nobody that'll be a memory in 16 weeks. lol
This is like saying ot sucks when things that naturally and normally happen actually happen. People usually hand out with same sex friends less after getting in a relationship.
I'm a guy who has had many female friends. It only works when the guy is getting laid regularly. Otherwise, out of desperation, he will start to think about his female friends.
Female friends are great to have if you are a guy - insight, emotional support, and the best wing person a guy can have.
I used to feel the same way, but as I’ve gotten older and seen friends marry and have kids or get divorced and start dating again it’s really changed how I see it. A long time friend relationship is kind of magical in how it arcs above everything else throughout the years. As you go through life it’s extremely valuable to have people out there with a lot of shared experiences who care about you regardless of how much you hang out week to week or even year to year. You just can’t see it yet because your life arc is so short.
Short term advice is to get your own SO and do double dates.
and this is where the concept of unconditional love for one another enters. I'm over the moon that my friend has found someone who makes them feel so happy! we will have plenty of time to hang out another time, and my time is no more valuable than anyone elses.
Either you're a woman or they are dating someone really insecure.
But yeah... welcome to my life. I have friends till they start dating. I had an amazing friend who we were great friends- all platonic, and we stayed friends through all my boyfriends, but soon as he got a girlfriend he ghosted me, and then she added me on all socials...? Idk it's been years now. But I just expect it at this point. Idk how old you are, but this will be a life long thing. Sometimes our friends date shitty people who are insecure. Move along
I think there are some feelings of jealousy here and despite denying sexual tension there is some. Beginnings of relationships are magical and really require a lot of time and energy. I doubt your feelings would be hurt if the friend was of same sex.
You sound bitter as hell
Good friendships last even if you spend less time together, it's normal for people who fall in love to prioritize their relationship, and it's weird to be jealous and angry at them for doing that, unless they absolutely cut off all contact and never show up for you when you need them to I'd say the problem is with you and your own life
Do you just not have anything else going on, are you that codependent on that friend you can't fill the time with other things, other friends? You need to have more going on in life where one friend being around less isn't making you think it's "the worst feeling in the world"
Bruh, here's the rough truth: If they're your friend, you respect their life decisions even if those decisions don't include you.
That's called adulting and you need to do it. Your previous friends may decide to move on and if they do, that decision does not require your approval.
If you think you deserve a place in your friend's life, you're wrong. Friendship is a mutual situation and you're not entitled to assert yourself in this area if your friend doesn't want it.
Get this: You do not have any grounds to negative feelings just because a woman decides not to include you in her life. You need to man the fuck up and deal.
After the honeymoon period things will settle down but as you grow into an adult you will naturally spend less time with those outside of your household. Weekend check ins seem pretty normal to me.
I have friends i don't talk to in person for years and we are back together like besties when we do see each other.
Get a new friend. It's not worth wasting your time and life. Why would you want to live your life where your friends relationship affecting your emotions?
I don't know your age and I don't know you but I think you should separate from that friend because I don't think it's good for mental health.
Had this happen with two of my friends it's probably that their partner isn't comfortable with it you just have to be understanding and leave them to it if you make a fuss over it it will just make things worse.
Damn, there is an amazing life to be had to be friends that you want to date. Surely, you want to date them because they are great friends and not that they are great friends because you want to date them, right?
This was my relationship I had with a good friend. The minute he got into a relationship ghosted everyone in the friend group and would pop up like nothing happened. It's disgusting. Like yeah you can date but like don't neglect your friends in the process???
I understand the whole 'can't be friends' mentality, but when it comes down to that.....if you weren't dating when you were both single.
What the fuck, then?
Idk, in my mind that's weird. I would also say though, that if you are IN a relationship, to make friendships with the opposite gender (assuming you're attracted) is just weird/sketch.
I don't that scenario is that bad. At least you know why they are doing that. You know you can still call occasionally.
I had a friend who blew up at me because I was fundraising for the MS Society Australia. She claimed they refused to help her friend who subsequently died. I could never confirm nor disprove the claims because she didn't mention the dead friend's name.
I also think my friend had just started using meth. She was acting bizarre, unusually late at night, off her bipolar medication, and assaulting McDonalds security guards.
This is the opposite of the problem I have. I still hang out with my taken female friends often. Hell, in person, I hang out with women more than men 3-1, an average of 1-.25 every week. I've always found it's my dude friends who find a new girl, and then they simp hard and ditch me for their new thing.
That kind of thing just happens when someone gets into a relationship, even if it’s a buddy of the same gender. The way you say it’s the worst feeling in the world sounds more like you have an attachment issue or a jealousy issue. Honestly your whole “value them for who they are” schtick sounds like some nice guy routine you tell yourself in the mirror. It shouldn’t be the end of the world if one of your friends only texts you on the weekends. I think you have too much emotion invested into whatever this relationship is.
I mean... what? You dont dropa platonic friend because they bang someone else. People are allowed to have their own full life that doesnt revolve around you. Are you sure you are platonic and not secretely jealous she isnt banging you?
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 2: Do not post low effort/satirical posts'. * We get it, you all think this sub is garbage and is just for popular opinions, and you want to be funny and post "going to be downvoted to oblivion here, but I think racism is bad." We enjoy the memes, but please keep them off the sub. * Filter evasion is a bannable offense * This includes clickbait and/or gotcha posts. Your opinion can not be that unpopular if you're doing these things. Have the accurate opinion in the title.
I don't think it matters their sex or gender. It sucks having a friend stop hanging out with you as much due to finding a significant other. You can be happy for them and also sad you can't hang out as much.
I mean the reality is that having a friend hang out less sucks regardless of the reason. The reason I bring this up is because when you focus it on their relationship it makes it sound like you envy their happiness. The best thing to do is just tell them you miss them but are glad they found someone/thing that makes them happy. Life goes on. People will come and go. It is sad. It never gets easier, but if they truly are your friend you should want them to be happy, even if that means you don't get to see them as much.
It’s the fact that they were just used as a placeholder, they’ll come back when they break up, and when they get back together they’ll leave you again
Well my unpopular opinion is that friendships need to have proper boundaries so this isn’t an issue. I’ve seen many friendships end because the maintenance is too high for a person that isn’t even your significant other
> maintenance is too high for a person that isn’t even your significant other Oh man so true.
Have some self respect and tell them no.
how often do you guys need to hear from your friends? is everyone here in high school?
This lmao. Sometimes I don't talk to my friends for weeks and then one of us will reach out to make plans. Are people like tamagochis you need to feed attention to every couple of days????
The sims... Friends are like plants, they need watering. Some friendships are timeless. You pick up right where you left off if you haven't seen them in 10 years. Others not so much. Distances wears down the bond. My friends and I see eachother often, and talk daily via various chats, and even group texts. In the late 90s/early 00s we had an email distro list, even tho we say each other every single day. Some people grow old and stop hanging out with heir friends and doing fun shit. We didn't. As people started having kids? We just included that in the fun. This lead to a camping group that has been camping together since 1995, and some of those kids are now adults who still come camping with us, and bring new people into the fold.
"Demoted to weekend texts" yeah I'm going to bet these people are well under 30.
On social media forums. Yep… 😅
I thought the same. It’s fairly normal for this to happen. People get married, have kids, get big boy/girl jobs, move on with their lives. Them not having enough time to fuck around is nothing personal, priorities become more exhausting with age. Of course I miss the days when my friends and I had the time to be up each other’s asses every day of the week. But that’s not realistic anymore lol
> to fuck around > to be up each other's asses r/holup Some... very interesting friendships you must have had 😳
Nah, not what it sounds like. “Up each others asses” is just a euphemism for friendly but consistent anal sex, not whatever dirty thoughts might be running through your head.
Happy Cake Day!
Oh, thank you🥹
Lmaoooo
Well, yes, your ass indeed xD
Depends how far away they live, with friends, if far, a couple times a year ig, if they live like next to me, maybe like once a month
Kind of seems immature but okay lol people get into relationships and things outside of the friendship going on in their lives, sounds kind of unhealthy to be attached to a friend like that
If they only hang out with you when they have no one else, they're using you like an unpaid hooker
I mean it's not like they drop you entirely, they just don't talk as much as they used to which I think is fair, they still hang out and text on weekends according to OP. Relationships take up a lot of time and social bandwidth. You ever been in one?
Or you can just get more friends or get into a relationship if it bothers you that much? No need to harbor negative feelings towards somebody that you supposedly care about just because they fell in love
Crap even if it's not for a significant other. I had a friend who was the closest friend I've ever had and when she started college she started ignoring me. I noticed we only hanged out when I proposed it so one day I stopped and I haven't heard from her since. Dropping friends out of nothing is kind of shitty in general, like at least tell them you don't enjoy spending time together anymore or something.
That is something that happened to me too often. Mates that would generally always chat to me if I reached out/made plans to do whatever. But if I didn't do that, they would never message me. Always confused the hell out of me. In the end I did the same thing, stopped reaching out. Never hear from them again. All that was years back. Figured better off than having some fake mate around.
Yeah same. My circle is much smaller now but also much tighter so I'm glad I did what I did.
What’s strange is I’ve seen people on Reddit defend this. Like I get people being less busy but making no effort anymore has no excuse. A friend should or at least you hope, is for life, and you have made many great memories with them so it hurts if they just throw you away.
Even worse when that friend straight up abandons you for some girl they've known for 5 minutes. But it really reinforces who you can count on and who you can't.
*All of my friends are missing again* *That's what happens when you fall in love* *You don't have the time, you leave them all behind* *You tell yourself it's fine, you're just in love*
Same sex too. I'm straight but one of my lesbian friends used to have a very jealous ex that didn't like me and the fact I cook breakfast for my friends
I like breakfast! Friends?
Gross I’m glad that’s your ex !
The other side of this is: your routine with your friend was never set in stone. There is no set obligation to always be ready for a hangout. They now have someone who is much closer than a friend, in terms of what comes with a relationship. Of course they're going to explore it right now.
i mean he’s not saying they shouldn’t do it he’s saying it’s a bad feeling which is partially true
Right! Sounds like there is some jealousy at play. Have you tried talking to your buddy OP? Maybe they don't share the feelings for you that you may have for them
Yeah no shit... Usually they do share those feelings, you're just forced to split your time and energy in a relationship and in our society romantic relationships come first. It's not wrong, it just sucks.
Yeah, the gender doesn't matter. When people get older and settle down into relationships (and jobs, and kids) they just don't see their friends very often.
Yup, the difference in friend time when I was 20 vs 25 was huge. Both got Relationships, jobs, settled into our own places further away. It’s a part of life that stings for sure. But it does make the time we still do hang out all the more memorable.
Well maybe not as much as OP is implying, but it is a contributing factor for a lot of people.
Bro are you human? Every person has had a close friend who goes MIA the second they get serious with a partner and sometimes not even that. It happens to same sex friends constantly. Some people are just awful at managing time and are easily controlled by the opposite sex. They'll neglect their friends and laser focus on that one relationship. It's annoying and hard to see coming, but it's always sad because you basically just lost a friend out of the blue.
Yup. Friends give friends space to fall in love! Honeymoon phase is intense and over shortly - I always give my friend 6 - 12 months grace of being flaky and things re-jigging in regards to dynamics when they get into new relationships.
I've been waiting for my friend to leave the honeymoon phase for 5 years now, kind of lost hope already
I’m sorry - that does happen occasionally too.
Sounds like your friend found a healthy and happy relationship.
Not giving someone space and being upset that they stop speaking to you everytime they get into a relationship r very different things.
For me I feel like the honeymoon phase never ended because I just find my partner so much more interesting and fun and enjoyable to spend time with than any friend I've had. Ofc it's fun to see friends every once in a while but ultimately no one really compares
Yeah my friend recently got a girlfriend, she’s been a bit busier now but I’ve got a boyfriend and I know what it feels like to just wanna spend every moment with that special person. It makes me happy knowing how happy she is with her girlfriend.
A better unpopular opinion would be to avoid these friendships in the first place.
Avoid being Friends with people who have partners or people like OP?
Avoiding friends that start ignoring you once they get an SO.
I never betrayed a single friend for a relationship. Male, female, whoever. A romantic partner isn't any "closer" than a friend. It's just a different kind of relationship and in no way anything "more" as people like to say. Of course there is no obligation of friends being there forever. People dissapear. But it does speak volumes about loyalty.
Idk about you but my romantic partner is involved in every single major life decision I make. My friends have no say in my career, where I live, how I raise my kids, what happens to me if I'm unconscious at the hospital. It is 100% "closer" and "more" than a friendship to me.
Meh, I would be try to be understanding that they need some room in their life for their new partner. Time is a limited resource, and it’s understandable that a romantic interest would take up some of their time. It’s how it goes.
Especially a new one. Puppy love. Let them do their thing. It’s all good
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Yeah I wish it was easier to see these people before they do shit like this. Lost a best friend I really liked to this. He used to be married, but he didn't like her like this new girl after the divorce and now he's fucking gone. He'll call every few months but the guy has no time for anyone but her and her family. I would've never made friends with the guy if I knew he was gonna be like that.
I think it's unfortunate OP wrote "from the opposite sex" because it has a different connotation, but this also happens with friends from the same sex. I also really hate when friends get into a relationship and they just stop trying to see anyone and everyone except for their new gf/bf. Most of my current friends are people who would still try and meet up with you when they got a new relationship. But there's also just people you'd meet up with every week and talk with so much, have fun with, and then when they start a relationship, are gone. If they don't even try to maintain a friendship, at some point I'm not gonna try anymore either. When I started dating my gf we talked about this and we agreed our friends were important to us so sometimes they got their time with either of us too. I talked to my friends and they said they had the same talks. So for me it's a clear indication of how important friends are to people, and there's only a handful of people who just fell of the earth in terms of seeing them, but it's still sad I think. For me it was mostly a transition during the last years of our "student life", where some friends fell off because when we started to work everyone had far less time, and a fee were not as willing to spend any free time with friends. That's when I saw who are likely gonna be friends for life.
This is the spirit of what the OP was saying but he just spun it in a negative light with the "opposite sex" thing. Truth be told, the gradual decrease of friendship time is something universal across all genders/sexes, and it's justifiable to feel a little bummed about it. The people who are trampling all over the OP's sentiment sound like the kind of people who flat out ghost their friends once they get into a relationship lmao.
Feel this because I had a best friend who fell in love with a girl and has basically been ignoring everyone he was friends with for her and has genuinely done so much for her, but he admitted he knew she would never like him and he didn’t care he was using her, despite what his friends were telling him. Some people are in their own reality and it genuinely hurts, but it’s best to just move on from them 🤷🏾 especially if their name is Izzie, it’s definitely time to go
I’m a gay guy that doesn’t have very feminine traits, so I’ve been through this so many times it isn’t even funny. I essentially get barred from hanging out with my girl-friends because I’m some sort of “threat” stemmed from the partner’s insecurities. It’s fucking frustrating. Like, what do they think? I’m pretending to be gay to sleep with my friends? These guys severely overestimate how much time I have on my hands lol
This happened to me SO much when I was younger and settling into myself after being in the closet so long. So many of my female friends had boyfriends who were threatened by me and didn’t think I was actually gay. Like…who would pretend to be gay? I don’t deal with that so much anymore because I’m way more “gay” acting than I was before. Now the issue I’ve had after doing a bit of drag is I’ve gotten my female friends’ boyfriends and ex-boyfriends slipping into my DMs 😩
what the fuck is going on in america
I think its normal for people in fresh relationships to spend a lot of time together especially in the "new car smell" phase. Having friends that you hang out with constantly is very very common in your teens and 20s but for most people it will get less practical as you get older. People couple up, have kids, move, have stressful jobs, other obligations, etc. It's not good if a friend ditches you entirely but scaling back how often you catch up is super normal and not something to panic over. Im also unclear on why this is the worst feeling in the world only if your friend is the opposite sex? Do you like your same sex friends less or expect less of them? Is it really the worst feeling in the whole world? Worse than getting cheated on? Worse than getting completely dumped by a friend you've known for years because they fuckzoned you without your knowledge?
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I find that people who really value their friendships always make time for it. My friend’s boyfriend has weekly game nights and is always planning things and randomly stopping by his friends’ places. It works because he’s the leader who plans everything but also every single one of his friends is just as committed. I think this could become more difficult once children get involved but I still think friends can stay well connected if everyone carves out the time for it.
My guess is it's the worst feeling either because OP is jealous or because this keeps happening whenever the person of the opposite sex gets in a relationship they're told not to hang out with them anymore.
Yeah there's a lot going on. I don't agree with people who insist their partner can't have any opposite sex friends, I think that's weird and possessive (also I'm bi so I'd sort of like to be able to have friends). If OPs friend dropped them because of that then that absolutely sucks. I'd be upset at the friend for being a shit friend but also worried that they're in a toxic controlling relationship. However, if that's not the case and OP is purely mad that their friend can't spend every day hanging with them now, then that would sort of make them the possessive one. People grow and change, friendships do to. There's nothing wrong with that. People aren't meant to make loyalty pledges to their friends at age 6 then have that be the focus of their entire lives, this isn't an anime.
It seems like they are still interacting with their friend just not as much as they would like too. What I took away from the post is that they are relegated to weekend texting.
New car smell phase, lol
It’s kind of sad how this is normal imo… idk I’m in my late 20’s and hang with my friends every weekend and it’s so much fun. The idea of settling into this boring lifestyle with a partner and having less of a social life, doing the whole marriage homebody kids thing just sounds awful. A lot of people I know did the exact opposite and just seem to be thriving much more in their 30’s and 40’s traveling with friends and their partner and always trying new experience than sitting at home all the time with their spouse. Not to say everyone is like this. Some coupled up people still go out a lot and do stuff with friends but I think it’s fine for OP to feel sad about so many people going down this route. He might just need to meet new people who are more aligned with his lifestyle if his friends are going down this path.
>The idea of settling into this boring lifestyle with a partner and having less of a social life, doing the whole marriage homebody kids thing just sounds awful. I mean, I don't think they're being boring on purpose. Imagine how fucking tiring and unstable it is to have kids. That's why it's a total pass for me.
This is true!
Everyone has different wants and priorities. I personally absolutely love being married and hanging out with my spouse. I have friends but my spouse is "my person". We're there for each other always in ways you can't really ask or expect of friends. I know both single and married people who are absolutely miserable and I know single and married people who are super cool and have very rich and full lives. In my experience the only people I REALLY dislike being around are the ones who insist one way is better than the other and judge others for not liking what they like.
This sounds like someone who is jealous. I mean, how do you know that the friend’s relationship will be over in such an oddly specific time.
Exactly. The “a nobody that’ll be a memory in 16 weeks” line isn’t very kind. What happened to wanting the best for your friend? Shouldn’t you be hoping their relationship works out and that they’re happy? Not calling down the failure of the relationship. Their life doesn’t revolve around you and their partner takes priority over you. It’s okay to be bummed that you’re not hanging out as much anymore but be happy that your friend found someone they’re interested in.
Yeah, OP is just jelly.
Okay but let’s not pretend that some people aren’t totally inept at managing more than one relationship at a time. I’m essentially non existent to my best friend now because she engulfed herself in her partner and **his friends**. She isolates herself and I genuinely don’t think that’s healthy, especially if the relationship ended. I feel like too many people jump to the “jealous friend” conclusion. Although it’s a convenient conclusion for those who struggle to maintain relationships outside of their partner. OP is probably feeling frustration more than anything.
I don’t know anyone that can only manage one relationship at a time. This is not the norm whatsoever, and yeah, sorry, but life happens and people move on. This is such a weird sentiment, if I saw my best friend less because he found love, I’d be happy for him. Not jealous he has to dedicate more time to a partner. It’s his partner, no shit that’s going to happen. Married people don’t kick it with their college homies everyday? Shocker. If they break up? I’ll be right there for him. Not retroactively angry and shut him out for thinking they wronged me by not providing me enough attention.
Yes, thank you!
This comment being downvoted just goes to show the typical mentality of a lot of people on reddit; a clingy child mentality.
Because their relationships never last
Its weird how the sex is highlighted when this is true regardless of sex. I see a lot of my friends way less because they have partners. Im not fussed theyre moving on with their lives we get together once in a while but its completely understandable. OP is acting like a jealous ex.
You are all real proud of yourselves for being able to read. It's not like OP is hiding it.
I feel like there is an in between. A friend you text everyday who gets into a relationship and only then texts you on the weekends: annoying but understandable. At some point, once they have a routine with the new relationship, chances are you will « get them back » (not that you lost them in the first place but you know what I mean). A friend who gets into a relationship and disappears unless you text them, answer once out of 10 times and than you never have news from? Yeah I’m not wasting time on that friendship.
It’s not the worst feeling in the world. By a lot
lol not even close. OP should give waterboarding a try to put things into perspective
Yeah, I totally agree, I would say the worst feeling on the world is when someone you live dies. So, to me, the worst pain I've ever felt is my brother dying. I don't have children, but I think the worst pain to most people is the death of their child. I think it is annoying when a friendship of any gender is ditched for a relationship, but saying it is the worst feeling in the world is hyperbolic and just wrong.
I don’t think being friends of opposite sex has anything to do with it. When you’re in a romantic relationship, it’s important to make time for everyone that’s important in your life. Understandably, people will often spend a lot more of their time with the person they’re dating in the early stages because things are exciting and they’re getting to know each other. Once this stage passes they should make time for the their friends and family too and things should go back to normal. I get that it can be upsetting, but it’s kind of disrespectful to refer to their new partner as a nobody and assume things aren’t going to work out. Every relationship starts from somewhere and if you care about your friend you should wish them the best.
You’re jealous of the relationship, not because of the feelings but because of the attention. You’re jealous like an older sibling is of the younger. Tell the friend you wish you could hang out with them more, even if their other is involved as well. If you and other don’t get along carry the friendship, do stuff like go to them and grab lunch or a coffee together.
The person I considered one of my best friends, who has said that I'm one of his best friends, suddenly ghosted me and every girl he knows (minus his mother and sister) out of nowhere. He texted me the other day after almost a year saying that "he's sorry he ghosted everyone out of nowhere but he got a new girlfriend and she didn't want him talking to other girls". We've all been friends since childhood. I loved this guy like a brother, but I guess that our friends and I aren't even worth a text about him wanting to focus on his relationship. That would've been understandable and I would've wished him luck. But nooo. Random radio silence. How wonderful. He texted the other day because his relationship ended due to the girl cheating on him WITH HER FRIEND.
Yes this is definitely what OP was talking about. I’ve had a very close guy friend whose girlfriend did not feel comfortable with me hanging out with him. She didn’t believe us no matter how many times we swore nothing ever happened. As a result, he wasn’t allowed to hang out with me. She was only comfortable with us sending a few texts, never full blown conversations because he would be accused of emotionally cheating with me. So, basically I lost a friend because I’m a woman. It’s more common than a lot of people think, a lot of men and women do not feel comfortable with their partner being friends with someone of the opposite sex. So if they get a partner, the friend of the opposite sex often gets dropped.
Hey, at least they still talk to you on the weekend. A not so friend of mine who called me their bestie dropped off the planet when they finally got to be with their SO. It’s funny because I was the one who helped them get together and even planned events to get them in the same space since they had strict parents who wouldn’t let them go out unless they were with a friend they knew. They lived with me for a while, ate all my food for the month (they promised we’d do groceries to make up for it). I even arranged and paid for their trip to the dentist since they had really bad toothache. They used me as a scapegoat (parents got furious at me for them running away together), then just left when I got sick because their SO finally had space for them. Once they were with their SO, they stopped reaching out unless they were apart. I have demoted them to barely friends. I’ll still hang with them but only when they reach out and when I am absolutely free. I’m not doing them any favors anymore. Especially, after another mutual friend (who is my actual bestie) told me that they were saying I was overbearing since I was butting into their business when they were the ones who dragged me into it and I just wanted to be a good friend to them.
I don't care if I see them a lot less or speak less that's very normal and understandable. I do however hate it when they just drop you and act like you're a stranger or just straight up stop being your friend when you've been there for years and want nothing from them but a genuine friendships. I'm married and that has never gotten me to drop friends or not be there for my friends when they need me. I certainly didn't dispose of them like they're nothing the second I got a husband.
You're not truly a friend if you can't respect that their life doesnt revolve around hanging out with you and making you feel good about yourself. You should actually be happy for them if its true friendship and not want to get in the way of that. Also this nobody they are going out with could actually be a better person than your peer group. You just dont know. And the worst feeling in the world is actually being cheated on, or losing half of your money to a failed marriage or getting pregnant when you are not ready for it. This feeling you speak of will not feel so bad when you get older. Dont worry.
New things/relationships are exciting. When they happen, people often overindulge. Be happy for your friend for finding some joy and go enjoy your other hobbies and friends a little more for a while. It's OK for relationships to ebb and flow.
Or… it won’t be a nobody and they’ll have a nice life? Are you just pessimistic or are you just hoping their relationship fails outta spite?
OP defo doesn't understands how relationships work, and even might have a crush on the preson
Nothing indicates they don't understand. Still hurts.
They say you lose half your friends every time you start a new relationship.
Once that relationship fails, they shouldn't come crying to you.
>No attraction Are you sure?
>~~No attraction~~ avoidantly attracted to That'd fit it better
Honestly, I respect the shit out of your friend if they did it by choice. Also, we can all tell by the tone that you wish they were more than a friend.
Why would it make a difference that they’re of an opposite sex?…
Because OP is venting
unfortunately this is being respectful to the relationship. No one should be able to tell someone who they can and cant be friends with regardless of gender, but certain interactions are going to be off limits. I'd expect my girlfriend to not have secret conversation and be talking to other guys in the middle of the night. I'd expect my girlfriend to not share a room and more specifically a bed with another guy. If my girlfriend was drunk or stranded and needed to be picked up, I'd expect her to call me first not her best guy friend. I'd also expect my girlfriend to have me as a priority, if me and her guy friend made plans with her on the same date she better cancel with her guy friend. In a relationship there are certain things that are disrepcetful, even being out all night without updating your partner is disrepectful, but when you're single you can do whatever you want. Boundaries are important in making a relationship last. If you dont know if you're breaking a boundary role reverse and ask yourself would you be okay with your girlfriend doing what you're doing? simple.
yikes. you sound controling. you are that insecure that your gf can't have close friends and prioritize anyone else but you sometimes. judging from the fact that people think this is normal, no wonder a lot fizzle out all their friendships after a relationship. i don't think of friends as being less than. they are just a different type of relationship. something being platonic does not mean there shouldn't be any intimacy. i wouldn't have any problem with the stuff described. we are independent and trustworthy adults.
Would you have these same expectations of your girlfriend’s woman friends? I don’t see why the gender of her friends would matter in any of these scenarios unless you think she’s gonna cheat on you just for being close to another guy, in which case… why date someone you don’t trust.
The making plans one is incredibly weird. What if they are going to some kind of concert or show and you just planned a dinner? It's ridiculous to want your partner to give up something that they enjoy just for your own company. You sound insufferable.
Perfectly said. That is a great perspective from the boyfriend of someone's best friend.
No sexual attraction but OP specified that the friend is the opposite sex? Hmm
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I love my friends but I definitely won't prioritise them over the person spend almost all my free time and love. Idk if you've never been in love or even a relationship but if my "friend" talked about my relationship as someone who I'll "have forgotten after a few months"... respect will not be you'll get.
This has happened to me before. Now my guy friends have learned that you can not date someone and then after a while, be like, oh yeah, I have a female friend I never mentioned and expect them to feel comfortable. They now make it a point to let females know that they are interested in dating know they have female friends that are basically family with and that they are more than welcome to meet them and hang out as well. Usually no issues from that point on. Good luck.
Once you are in a settled relationship it's pretty normal and right for friends to be 2nd to that. A weekly next is still a relatively close relationship?
The reality of it is that most people in a new romantic relationship back away from friends to a degree. Opposite sex friendships suffer more because of the lack of understanding, clarity, and trust (that’s still being built) that exists in a new relationship. My best friend since kindergarten is male, I’m female. We’ve both had relationships where our partners were fully okay with our friendship and relationships with people who weren’t. We adjusted.
It sucks when any friend stops hanging out with you & it's not because you had some sort of falling out. Not sure that's an unpopular opinion... Also I don't think it hurts more or less depending on what gender they are or if they're in a new relationship or is it's something else going on in their life causing them to pull back. Be proactive if you want to keep the friendship - initiate more contact yourself instead of waiting for them to do it. If it's a new relationship give them some grace, those tend to be a bit more all consuming right at the start.
my guy that title wording was decieving, i first though of you as an incel. But yeah people ignoring friends because they get absorbed in a relationship totally sucks
I don’t understand how you think this is unpopular unless you truely believe it’s the worst feeling in the world. Like comparing this to getting stabbed or someone close to you dying.
If it makes you feel any better, they'll do it regardless of your gender/sexuality (personal experience) :)
If you can‘t deal with them not being a central part of your life and always being there for you, it‘s about high time you try to be the one they get into a relationship with.
Is it as bad as the feeling when you find a relationship you're really excited about but your friend gets pissy at you because they think they are owed your time and attention indefinitely?
It's a normal part of life. People get in a relationship and explore it with their new partner. Our friendship will survive the honeymoon phase or any other breaks. If not, what is your plan for when your friend has a family of their own? Also why would it matter if it's the opposite sex or not?
I mean, i thought like, getting told you have incurable cancer feels worse, but OK.
jealous friends like this are the worst. im not gonna start a family with my bestie, im going to do so with my partner. you should care for and be loyal to your friends always, but over time we grow and our priorities change
Upvoted. Seriously bruh if thats the worst thing thats ever happened to you then youve led a pretty fucking charmed life.
Me and my friends mad(not litteraly )at my homie because he dosent hang out with us on the weekends anymore after she got a gf
Why does them being the opposite sex matter? This can happen with any friend. I have friends that I see much MUCH less frequently because they are married now - that's just how life is. And they're not of the opposite sex. Me'thinks you feel jilted but can't admit it to yourself.
Wait until your life-long bros start having kids. You'll be lucky to have half your close friends by mid 30's.
the way you word that at the end is disgusting. can't say i haven't been in the same spot before, but i realized you should just respect peoples relationships and back tf off. grow up.
This is part of growing up.
> a nobody that'll be a memory in 16 weeks.... Or a spouse of 50 years, who they have 4 kids and 9 grandkids together
r/niceguys
16 weeks? You optimist, you!
Lol, this is such a bitter bitter post. "I had all of their time, and now they texts me once a week instead because they have to spend time and energy building a connection with a new human". Yes, that's how relationships work. There is a finite amount of time in a day. When you get into a new relationship, you're all excited and want to spend a lot of time with that new person. Shifting from daily interaction to weekly is normal. You do not own their time or attention. Whats worse, you're clearly the type who is going to bitterly try and punish them for it. I bet you're going to ignore some of their texts or complain about it to them instead of, I dunno, getting a relationship yourself, or a hobby or filling your life with something vibrant. Friends are a lower priority than romantic partners. You will never not be the lower priority every time they get into a relationship.
It's definitely normal, but not to this amount. Are you sure you're not just jealous or overly dependent?
This isn’t even an unpopular opinion of course it sucks to lose a friend
One friend went from calling every couple of days, to no contact for a year once she met her boyfriend. Once he was gone, I was back in the picture. This has been a common experience from female friends and basically killed the idea of having single female friends for me.
It's a natural part of life. Wish your friend well and keep in contact. Life moves on and this is quite normal, for both of you.
Not sure what sex had to do with this, sounds like OP is salty about being friend zoned and ditched.
How in the flying fuck is this an unpopular opinion?
I’ve lost so many friends like this. It makes you feel like they’re just using you to fill the loneliness void until they find something better. I’ve always made it pretty clear with relationships that if you don’t vibe well with my friends, it’s never gonna work between us.
you know what's worse? When your girlfriend who said she'd "always love you" dumps you from "inner circle" to "get lost ", for a nobody that'll be a memory in 16 weeks. lol
This is like saying ot sucks when things that naturally and normally happen actually happen. People usually hand out with same sex friends less after getting in a relationship.
I'm a guy who has had many female friends. It only works when the guy is getting laid regularly. Otherwise, out of desperation, he will start to think about his female friends. Female friends are great to have if you are a guy - insight, emotional support, and the best wing person a guy can have.
or... maybe, you're the judgmental friend & that "nobody that'll be a memory in 16 weeks," is their future wife.
That's just life. We generally pair up and when we do that, other relationships fall to the side.
I used to feel the same way, but as I’ve gotten older and seen friends marry and have kids or get divorced and start dating again it’s really changed how I see it. A long time friend relationship is kind of magical in how it arcs above everything else throughout the years. As you go through life it’s extremely valuable to have people out there with a lot of shared experiences who care about you regardless of how much you hang out week to week or even year to year. You just can’t see it yet because your life arc is so short. Short term advice is to get your own SO and do double dates.
Not really an unpopular opinion. Nobody likes losing touch with good friends.
and this is where the concept of unconditional love for one another enters. I'm over the moon that my friend has found someone who makes them feel so happy! we will have plenty of time to hang out another time, and my time is no more valuable than anyone elses.
Either you're a woman or they are dating someone really insecure. But yeah... welcome to my life. I have friends till they start dating. I had an amazing friend who we were great friends- all platonic, and we stayed friends through all my boyfriends, but soon as he got a girlfriend he ghosted me, and then she added me on all socials...? Idk it's been years now. But I just expect it at this point. Idk how old you are, but this will be a life long thing. Sometimes our friends date shitty people who are insecure. Move along
Be happy for your friend. Geeze
I think there are some feelings of jealousy here and despite denying sexual tension there is some. Beginnings of relationships are magical and really require a lot of time and energy. I doubt your feelings would be hurt if the friend was of same sex.
You sound bitter as hell Good friendships last even if you spend less time together, it's normal for people who fall in love to prioritize their relationship, and it's weird to be jealous and angry at them for doing that, unless they absolutely cut off all contact and never show up for you when you need them to I'd say the problem is with you and your own life Do you just not have anything else going on, are you that codependent on that friend you can't fill the time with other things, other friends? You need to have more going on in life where one friend being around less isn't making you think it's "the worst feeling in the world"
Really? Worst feeling in the world?
OP, you're definitely just jealous.
Jealousy is a hard pill to swallow, my friend
Bruh, here's the rough truth: If they're your friend, you respect their life decisions even if those decisions don't include you. That's called adulting and you need to do it. Your previous friends may decide to move on and if they do, that decision does not require your approval. If you think you deserve a place in your friend's life, you're wrong. Friendship is a mutual situation and you're not entitled to assert yourself in this area if your friend doesn't want it. Get this: You do not have any grounds to negative feelings just because a woman decides not to include you in her life. You need to man the fuck up and deal.
After the honeymoon period things will settle down but as you grow into an adult you will naturally spend less time with those outside of your household. Weekend check ins seem pretty normal to me. I have friends i don't talk to in person for years and we are back together like besties when we do see each other.
Get a new friend. It's not worth wasting your time and life. Why would you want to live your life where your friends relationship affecting your emotions? I don't know your age and I don't know you but I think you should separate from that friend because I don't think it's good for mental health.
Op this is very specific, you good bro?
Story of my life
You could always try and be that memory too. All ya gotta do is keep asking to go out and do something. Worked for me a few times.
Had this happen with two of my friends it's probably that their partner isn't comfortable with it you just have to be understanding and leave them to it if you make a fuss over it it will just make things worse.
Damn, there is an amazing life to be had to be friends that you want to date. Surely, you want to date them because they are great friends and not that they are great friends because you want to date them, right?
This was my relationship I had with a good friend. The minute he got into a relationship ghosted everyone in the friend group and would pop up like nothing happened. It's disgusting. Like yeah you can date but like don't neglect your friends in the process???
I understand the whole 'can't be friends' mentality, but when it comes down to that.....if you weren't dating when you were both single. What the fuck, then? Idk, in my mind that's weird. I would also say though, that if you are IN a relationship, to make friendships with the opposite gender (assuming you're attracted) is just weird/sketch.
I don't that scenario is that bad. At least you know why they are doing that. You know you can still call occasionally. I had a friend who blew up at me because I was fundraising for the MS Society Australia. She claimed they refused to help her friend who subsequently died. I could never confirm nor disprove the claims because she didn't mention the dead friend's name. I also think my friend had just started using meth. She was acting bizarre, unusually late at night, off her bipolar medication, and assaulting McDonalds security guards.
I wish there were a way to prevent all dating and sex-related posts from appearing on my feed.
I would have thought a cancer diagnosis might’ve been worse
Losing a kid isn’t super either. OP must be a kid, bless them.
Hurts to be dropped.
Everybody who says this, I’d bet money: 1) is single 2) will do the exact same thing when they’re not
This is the opposite of the problem I have. I still hang out with my taken female friends often. Hell, in person, I hang out with women more than men 3-1, an average of 1-.25 every week. I've always found it's my dude friends who find a new girl, and then they simp hard and ditch me for their new thing.
That is extremely not the worst feeling in the world.
Honestly, regardless of gender; losing a friendship you deeply care about hurts a lot. The pain should be the same.
That kind of thing just happens when someone gets into a relationship, even if it’s a buddy of the same gender. The way you say it’s the worst feeling in the world sounds more like you have an attachment issue or a jealousy issue. Honestly your whole “value them for who they are” schtick sounds like some nice guy routine you tell yourself in the mirror. It shouldn’t be the end of the world if one of your friends only texts you on the weekends. I think you have too much emotion invested into whatever this relationship is.
This sounds oddly specific and personal. Maybe just talk to them directly
Oof my best friend of TEN YEARS abandoned me for their new girlfriend they met at work. We haven’t spoken in 3 years. It’s an awful feeling.
I mean... what? You dont dropa platonic friend because they bang someone else. People are allowed to have their own full life that doesnt revolve around you. Are you sure you are platonic and not secretely jealous she isnt banging you?
Its because u r getting less attention now
"For a nobody that'll be a memory in 16 weeks" gee I wonder why you struggle to keep friends.