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I think people have the idea that forgiveness means moving on, it doesn't. Forgiveness means not allowing another person to effect you anymore. You can forgive someone while still learning a lesson and never wanting to see them again.
Exactly. You can even forgive them (for what they did) but do everything you can to stop them from doing it again (removing them from your life, alerting the authorities in case it was something illegal, suing them, etc.).
I would argue that's a form of forgiveness. Holding a grudge is only hurting yourself. Forgiveness just means letting go of that grudge or anger for ourselves. The other person barely plays into the process at all.
It is. You confuse forgiveness with forgoing the consequences of their actions. Forgiveness is letting go of your anger, hatred, frustration, etc. What remains is the rational mind that would conclude that they could repeat again the action that hurt me, so I need to prevent that. In case of a bear, the simplest form of prevention is to kill the bear.
"obnoxious fuckwat" is how you see them, not who they are. Challenge your perception of them, not only for their sake but for your own. At the end of the day, forgiveness is not mandatory anyway.
Too often, in my experience, forgiveness is taken as permission. Too many people think that you forgiving them for shitty behaviour means they get to do what they want carte blanche.
One must ask for forgiveness. It’s never just given. I’ll never forgive my parents and brothers for being the biggest assholes on earth. And it was never my burden to carry when not forgiving them.
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I think real peace is for ourselves, and forgiveness is a way to acknowledge that the wrongs of the past don't control us or bother us anymore. This kind of real peace takes real time and effort to achieve. It also requires some attempt to understand the other's actions.
>It also requires some attempt to understand the other's actions.
I agree with everything except this part. Not everything can or should be understood. Of course, this depends on the particular situation and severity, but attempting to understand can sometimes become a way to excuse, rationalize, and/or minimize.
That's a half-popular opinion. I think everybody would agree that forgiveness is over-hyped. For me I don't think it's under-practiced unless we're talking about forgiving ourselves. I don't think forgiveness is the best or only way to heal from something somebody did to you. You can even remain friends or confidants with somebody without forgiving them for what they did to you. It's more complicated than simply "let it go" or "hold a menacing grudge for life".
> You can even remain friends or confidants with somebody without forgiving them for what they did to you. It's more complicated than simply "let it go" or "hold a menacing grudge for life".
Summed up my relationship with my dad right there. Can’t ever forgive him for some event that occurred 10 years ago (more so because he chooses to ignore it). I’m still “cordial” with him and still keep in contact with him but there’s always that elephant in the room.
More people should practise forgiving themselves for letting other people treat them badly.
And practise letting go and trying to forget these people. They can find their own absolution.
You don't forgive because the other person deserves forgiveness. You forgive for yourself and your own mental well being
The best revenge is living a good fun life
The person who robbed and assaulted me traumatized me but I take comfort that I'm going out and having fun while they're trapped in a one room house with a shitty husband and too many kids
Depends for me, like for example, the guy who bumper into you on the subway and you STILL like "people are evil and self-centered" yeah silly forgive and forget but someone you're actively with such as a family member or spouse I think holding accountability is fine because constantly forgiving them is enabling behavior.
It's fine if you disagree or downvote me, this IS r/unpopularopinion afterall
Forgiveness isn't for the offender. It's for the offended. When everything truly \*does\* roll off of you like water off a duck's back, it infuriates your enemies. It is so nice to have that peace.
It's biblical, too. **Luke 6:27-28**: But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Also in that passage from Luke, this implies kindness to the offender. As in it is for the offender as well. So this quote didn't justify your take at all
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 3: Do not post opinions that are heavily posted/have been on the front page recently'. * No response posts about upvoted posts here. * Posts relating to highly popular topics aren't allowed outside of the relevant megathreads. You can find a list of the topics and their respective megathreads in a post on the top of the sub. * POSTS DIRECTLY ABOUT THIS SUBREDDIT ARE NOT ALLOWED OUTSIDE THE MEGATHREAD * Please check the wiki linked here: https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/wiki/index/ * We ask that if a post fails to post do not just spam repost it; message mod mail.
I think people have the idea that forgiveness means moving on, it doesn't. Forgiveness means not allowing another person to effect you anymore. You can forgive someone while still learning a lesson and never wanting to see them again.
Exactly. You can even forgive them (for what they did) but do everything you can to stop them from doing it again (removing them from your life, alerting the authorities in case it was something illegal, suing them, etc.).
Similarly you can move on and not forgive someone. It’s nbd.
I would argue that's a form of forgiveness. Holding a grudge is only hurting yourself. Forgiveness just means letting go of that grudge or anger for ourselves. The other person barely plays into the process at all.
What's the point when the choice of the other party is to be an obnoxious fucktwat?
The point is to not carry hatred or any negative feeling in you in relation to them. After all, any negative feeling is poisoning you, not them.
If a bear eats your kid, do you forgive the bear?
Of course. Right before I shot it dead.
Murderous intent is a negative feeling that simply poisons you, not them.
It is not murderous intent. It is simply a necessary step to achieve a goal (that the bear will not kill any other human in the future).
And thus the bear is not forgiven.
It is. You confuse forgiveness with forgoing the consequences of their actions. Forgiveness is letting go of your anger, hatred, frustration, etc. What remains is the rational mind that would conclude that they could repeat again the action that hurt me, so I need to prevent that. In case of a bear, the simplest form of prevention is to kill the bear.
Sounds like a made up word salad to me, void of logic, friend.
"obnoxious fuckwat" is how you see them, not who they are. Challenge your perception of them, not only for their sake but for your own. At the end of the day, forgiveness is not mandatory anyway.
I think it's willful ignorance to pretend that some members of society are not actively choosing to be as horrendous as possible.
I see it from a different perspective.
You are correct, but you should still forgive them.
No they should not be
In most case, doesn't really matter, so it is better forgive.
Too often, in my experience, forgiveness is taken as permission. Too many people think that you forgiving them for shitty behaviour means they get to do what they want carte blanche.
One must ask for forgiveness. It’s never just given. I’ll never forgive my parents and brothers for being the biggest assholes on earth. And it was never my burden to carry when not forgiving them.
God forgave you. You just have to accept it.
Preach bro, I agree with this opinion
This post is word salad and self-contradictory. First you said forgiveness is overhyped and then you proceeded to criticize people for not forgiving
Spite and revenge fantasies are my source of peace. I'm not forgiving the monsters who enjoyed harming me. Fuck forgiveness. Hold abusers accountable.
If it works for you
It's not peace it's anger.
You don't grasp what forgiveness is. You harbor anger and grudges. How much anguish has that brought you in life?
Not much it's actually quite peaceful.
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I think real peace is for ourselves, and forgiveness is a way to acknowledge that the wrongs of the past don't control us or bother us anymore. This kind of real peace takes real time and effort to achieve. It also requires some attempt to understand the other's actions.
>It also requires some attempt to understand the other's actions. I agree with everything except this part. Not everything can or should be understood. Of course, this depends on the particular situation and severity, but attempting to understand can sometimes become a way to excuse, rationalize, and/or minimize.
That's a half-popular opinion. I think everybody would agree that forgiveness is over-hyped. For me I don't think it's under-practiced unless we're talking about forgiving ourselves. I don't think forgiveness is the best or only way to heal from something somebody did to you. You can even remain friends or confidants with somebody without forgiving them for what they did to you. It's more complicated than simply "let it go" or "hold a menacing grudge for life".
> You can even remain friends or confidants with somebody without forgiving them for what they did to you. It's more complicated than simply "let it go" or "hold a menacing grudge for life". Summed up my relationship with my dad right there. Can’t ever forgive him for some event that occurred 10 years ago (more so because he chooses to ignore it). I’m still “cordial” with him and still keep in contact with him but there’s always that elephant in the room.
More people should practise forgiving themselves for letting other people treat them badly. And practise letting go and trying to forget these people. They can find their own absolution.
You don't forgive because the other person deserves forgiveness. You forgive for yourself and your own mental well being The best revenge is living a good fun life The person who robbed and assaulted me traumatized me but I take comfort that I'm going out and having fun while they're trapped in a one room house with a shitty husband and too many kids
Depends for me, like for example, the guy who bumper into you on the subway and you STILL like "people are evil and self-centered" yeah silly forgive and forget but someone you're actively with such as a family member or spouse I think holding accountability is fine because constantly forgiving them is enabling behavior. It's fine if you disagree or downvote me, this IS r/unpopularopinion afterall
Forgiveness isn't for the offender. It's for the offended. When everything truly \*does\* roll off of you like water off a duck's back, it infuriates your enemies. It is so nice to have that peace. It's biblical, too. **Luke 6:27-28**: But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Also in that passage from Luke, this implies kindness to the offender. As in it is for the offender as well. So this quote didn't justify your take at all
Something rolling off of you doesn't mean you won't be kind to the person.
Imma downvote this but solely because I agree.