Yes, 100%! I’m 34 years old and I’ve never worn a bikini in my life due to insecurities and weight issues. When I was on a recent tropical vacation there was an overweight woman in her 60s rocking the sh$t out of a bikini and honestly I was in awe of her! She is everything I wanna be and now I vowed to wear a bikini this summer.
This!
As my dad said to me once when I (36) was 23:
“Stop! Just stop caring about what others think of you! You’ll never live your life if you are always afraid to be yourself! Just stop caring!”
And it’s why I highly suggest OP to just block out everyone’s opinion, including their mothers, about the bikini.
We only have one life, live it for you, not others❤️
I don't know I know my parents suck. But I just wish they would be a little nice.
I know they came to a first line city in America so I could make 100k a year.
I do a lot of self reflection while repeating and writing down things my mom said to me because I'm not a good person. Maybe cuz you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Your parents are likely going to regret at the end of their lives that they treated you this way. The least you can do is enjoy your life while you’re still young
I live near a beach and the most beautiful women are happy, smiling, and confident, no matter their size. I remember seeing a plus size woman (maybe size 24) laying in the sand where the waves break, letting the water crash onto her and just looking ecstatic. This woman doesn’t know it, but I think of her smile when I’m feeling self-doubt. Swimming and beach and pool lounging are activities to be enjoyed with that kind of bliss.
Also important to remember that clothing sizes, atleast in the US, literally make no sense. I don’t even pay attention to my pant size anymore. No reason since it’s different in every brand!
If you go to ANY beach or pool, there will be people of every possible shape, size, and age in a bikini. No one cares. People are there to enjoy the sun and water, not judge other people’s bodies. It’s sad your family messed up your mindset so much. I’d recommend finding a therapist and putting some distance between yourself and your family, or at the very least telling them you won’t tolerate any more comments about your body, period. And if they do make comments, immediately stop engaging and walk away. Do not speak to them about it.
Go enjoy swimming, absolutely no one will give a shit what you look like.
Sounds like you need to create some boundaries with your family/mom.
You want to wear the bikini, wear it, and feel the freedom of having only one opinion matter most - yours
yes. i think maybe you think eggs will be thrown at you because of your mom/family. many other people don’t think that way and to “ban you from bikinis since you were 5” is not only WRONG but also framed & shaped your mindset firmly to believe this is how it should be.
I think this is an American thing specifically to not wear a bikini bc of weight? Have you ever been to a beach literally anywhere else outside of the US, 80 yr old women who have plenty of weight are tan and living their best bikini lives. Just wear the bikini and tell who ever needs to be told to fuck right on off.
Here’s my point though! There are zero fucking rules. You do whatever you like. People in the Caribbean or Latin American or the Mediterranean have just realized that they don’t have to follow anyone’s rules when going to the beach. Embrace it, bathing suit makers wouldn’t be making bikinis in plus sizes if they weren’t getting bought and worn. Plenty of people out there who are bigger than you are rocking bikinis bc that’s what they wanna do.
The only rule is that your nipples and vagina are covered. Other than that, wear what you want.
There are women much bigger than you rocking thong bikinis everywhere these days. Live your life. Don't worry about everyone else.
Wear ittt! I am Indian and did not grow up around water. I felt very awkward wearing bikinis even though I really wanted to wear pretty swimwear and enjoy myself.
Guess what, nobody paid any attention to me because they were all having their own bit of fun!
Do it, OP! It’s also a great ex cerise in acceptance.
I'm here because I find this the nicest vindicta community, but I'm not 30+ and, honestly, not very weight-loss motivated. I'm a size 16-18 and over 200lbs at 5'7 (yes, over 200).
I also wear bikinis all the time. No one has ever even made a *comment* about it, let alone thrown something at me. Quite the opposite if anything - I get a lot of compliments on my body, all the time, and not just from "chubby chasers".
I say wear the swimsuit. It's clearly important to you and women wear (and rock) swimsuits above a size 12 all the time. I actually have more confidence myself now than when I was a size 6 - back then I wouldn't be caught *dead* in a two-piece. You might be shocked by people's reactions or, a lot more likely, their complete lack thereof. There will likely even be bigger people than you in two-pieces there.
Also, as a lifeguard, it's never too late to learn to swim. I used to teach an adult swim class, so I know they're out there if you're interested, but you could also just look into "leisure swims" at your local pool or head to a beach and just make sure you stay shallow and follow all local rules and guidelines.
Similar size to you and agree with all of this. I was a chunky kid and my mom would never let me wear a bikini. As soon as I was old enough to buy my own clothes, I had to buy one. Wouldn't think of wearing anything else on the beach 👙 🏖️ Although I keep a regular long torso suit on hand for swimming laps, there's nothing like feeling the water on your body without Lycra fabric in the way lol.
Focus on finding the most flattering bikini for the body you have now. There are more than just the tiny, skimpy ones. I'm a similar age and size to you and I wear a sort of draping tankini style because that's my comfort level, but I see lots of ladies larger and/or older than me wearing smaller suits and absolutely rocking them.
This! Additionally, a lot of what works for you and what doesn’t has to do with your body type (size of torso vs legs, narrow vs broad shoulders, etc) and not your weight. I find that’s helpful to remember. If a bikini I try on makes me look bad, I remind myself that it’s probably because it is ill fitting and wrong for my body type. Nothing wrong w my body.
Right. I used to want to cry when I tried on bathing suits. I was just in the wrong shops. I do it all online with the right sizing and I know what works on my figure. It isn't weight related. But having a saggy blobby bikini top eight sizes too small is ego-crushing. Order on Amazon.
100% this
I see a lot of celebrities with horribly unflattering bikinis and marvel at how they can choose something to make *that* body look so unimpressive
Can work in the opposite way for "average" or "less that average" bodies to be super flattering
Let me tell you something, I used to be sooo insecure about my body I would hate going in public and getting dressed would make me cry! I finally got surgery and felt confident again, except when I started going out I seen all these girls wearing crop tops with bigger stomachs and short shorts, etc. Not once did I ever think “oh she should wear something else” inseat I thought “wow, I didn’t need surgery to be confident and live my life”. Wear the bikini!
I am sorry to hear that! I hope you are able to feel the confidence that you deserve to! It took me 5-6 years of saving before I was able to get surgery I also went out of the country for it as well (a little cheaper).
You will not get eggs thrown at you on a public beach if you wear a bikini at a size 12, nobody gives a shit (and also, who even brings eggs to the beach?) However, if you aren't quite confident enough yet, maybe ease into it with a two piece with a little more coverage to start? We could probably give you brand recs for cute two-piece swimsuits that aren't letting it allll hang out.
A bikini body is a body with a bikini on it.
I know that sounds like a cheesy tagline but it’s 100% true. I have really enjoyed the cultural shift that seems to have gained speed in the last few years of people at beaches and pools wearing any kind of suit they like, regardless of their size.
I have seen women far heavier than you rocking bikinis and they look amazing. No reason you won’t too.
I recommend buying a sarong or something that ties around the waist. Not because there is anything wrong with your body, but because if you’ve never worn a bikini before, the amount of exposure can feel uncomfortable at first. The sarong gives you the option to cover up a bit until you’re feeling confident enough to go without it.
Edited to add: I am very sorry you have such toxic parents. I can understand parents wanting their kids to be a healthy weight, but cheering on use of dangerous diet pills is so many steps over the line.
You can wear a bikini for the sole fact that YOU want to wear one. It is hard to get past anxiety about this as a woman, and I have My fair share of it too. The whole world would want you to do what makes you happy. If it makes you happy to wear the bikini, I say wear that bikini till it's broke
The last cruise I was on we did an excursion with women doing a girls trip on St Lucia, they were at least 300 lbs and they were all wearing bikinis.
It's not too late. Wear one this year. Your family is too negative 👎
I think you should order a bunch from Victoria's Secret and figure out what you like, bandeau vs halter vs triangle. There are lots of different styles. You can return via mail or to any Victoria's Secret store too.
Wearing something around the house will help you get comfortable with it. You can also wear shorts over the bottom at first in public if that helps.
At any beach you’ll see so many different bodies in bikinis - tiny and thin to tall and very heavy. Wear what you like and STOP WAITING TO WEAR WHAT YOU WANT until you look a certain way. You’ll hit 50 and regret all that wasted time.
Most of the time I go for option 4. For the beach or lake, I usually go with option 5. Thong bikinis. I'm going to get a wedgie anyways. (I'm a size 12-14.)
Am a 42yo mother. Will definitely wear bikinis this summer.
Edit: just read your entire post
I’m again East Asian so I know the BMI chart skews a bit lower for us.
If you want to lose weight do it in a healthy way. That means mild caloric deficit of 200-300 a day. You won’t get there this summer but going slow is kinder to you mentally and physically and also more sustainable in the long run. For your height 100 lbs is not bad but I would say shoot for easier goals first like 135. Then 130, 125 etc. don’t keep the number 100 in your head because you might reach 120 and be happy with it.
Hopefully you live somewhere where they literally isn’t a fashion police. You might get some side eyes from people but you shouldn’t face physical violence from strangers in a public place.
Maybe take yourself to the beach in whatever average clothes you wear and just sit, walk around to find good places to camp out for the future, find where the bathrooms are, and people watch. Really look around and see the various people just existing in all shapes and sizes and levels of fitness or fat.
Wear whatever you want. They sell bikinis in all sorts of sizes.
Also I would gently suggest you take some kind of swimming lessons at a local pool before even attempting to step into the ocean. It can be dangerous even for experienced swimmers. Focus on learning and testing what your body can do vs meeting some arbitrary standards your mother held you to.
Wear the goddamned bikini. Haters are gonna hate but you've got one life and it's too short to be swimming a tee shirt. I know from personal experience how deep those scars run but truly you are not a little girl dependent on your parents anymore.
I'm American & I spent some time on beaches in France. I was enthralled to see old women in bikinis, even thong bikinis! I loved this attitude—what, are you going to give up bikinis because you're fatter & more wrinkly? *Non, c'est la vie!*
Swimming is an excellent way to exercise and relax. Wear the bikini!
If I was in your situation, I would try to focus on building strength and endurance through swimming so that I could eat the same diet (if another isn't available to you) but better utilize the carbohydrates and overall calories.
If you can focus a lot on your swimming goals, I think it will help you to forget about what you're wearing. When you're pushing yourself and constantly challenging yourself physically, you may be too exhausted to care what other people think. And they'll probably not notice your outfit anyway. I can't remember what any strangers wore to pools.
But anyway, always be sure to give your body a rest day or two to avoid injury and allow your body to recover. You could still swim on rest days but maybe not fast laps or challenging strokes.
I hope you enjoy swimming! It's really such an excellent hobby.
I've never been overweight, but I've never worn a bikini, either, because of the stretch marks on my bum. No ones ever said anything about them or anything, but I've also never let them see the light of day. I'm looking forward to peoples responses to your post, OP. Maybe they can help me, too.
I have a similar issue with raised keloids and have resolved it by wearing silicon scar tapes over the past 20-25 years.
But now that I'm fat again, there's another strike against me. It's like that game where snake heads keep coming out of the ground.
I don't think there's a single woman who doesn't feel a bit self-conscious in a bikini. Sorry your feelings about it got more twisted than most :(. But here's the thing, swimming is the best, it feels amazing, and it's great exercise. Wear whatever you like and learn to swim! I will say, though, get a bikini with some coverage, and that'll stay on; look at the more athletic brands. Maybe get a bottom with a drawstring, a top where the straps cross in the back, or a top that's actually bra sized. Learning to swim is hard enough without worrying about a nip slip or your suit falling off! The itty bitty string ones are really only practical for tanning imo.
Commenting because I resonate with the cultural/ethnical differences, family dynamics are so different for us. I agree with a lot of people that say you deserve to wear a bikini and to set clear boundaries, but it is not so easy for us if our family dynamics will be affected. I realized years ago that I can be firm and do whatever I want, but I would much rather be at peace with my parents and have a good relationship with them.
So yes, the first step is to wear the damn bikini. If you are not comfortable there yet, get really cute and flattering cover ups, so you don’t feel like the fat kid wearing a tee shirt at the pool party. When I swim for exercise I actually opt for coverage and boob support, so you shouldn’t let the bikini keep you from your fitness goals.
For me, the second and equally important step was to have family and acquaintances back off. I accomplished this by bringing my mother to my side. I put a lot of effort into spending quality time with her and including her in my beauty-related activities. I started years ago by offering to make her some meals from my diet, inviting her to work out classes I thought she would enjoy, sharing face masks and talking about celebrity outfits and current fashion trends together.
What always gets her going is when we talk about fashion and beauty back in her day. A lot of our conversations slowly turned into “do you regret you weren’t bold enough to try xxx?” or “if you could go back in time would you do xxx differently?”. She slowly started seeing how much she restricted herself due to family and social pressure, and she started changing the way she speaks to me. She also acknowledged the effort that I put into myself, and stopped acting like I was a disappointment.
In turn, I also encourage her to try things from her youth and new beauty treatments, fashion and fitness routines. I’m so happy that self improvement is a hobby we share together, I never would have thought it was possible when I was a teenager. I think this healed many issues for her as well, and now she carries herself with pride and will chew out anyone in the family or the social circle that dares to say anything about her daughter.
The third step I recommend, is healing from the shame our direct communities and even closest family have inflicted on us just for being women. I bet your brothers and male cousins get full plates of food served and have many photos taken since childhood. Let yourself be angry and work through it. Recognize their patterns and don’t let them affect your sense of self-worth or your behavior.
Final step, if you even care about being skinny after all that, is to find a doctor that can help you lose weight with the right medication. It sounds like this is a lifelong issue for you and you have tried everything, including banned pills. Go to a general doctor and if you don’t get good responses try a metabolic endocrinologist. I’m available to chat if I can be of more help with this.
This is the kind of thing the original fat liberation movement was made for, before it became "Everyone should continue overeating and getting fatter, and any effort to reduce body size is violence and bigotry."
It used to be "People in bigger bodies can do and wear all the same kinds of things people in smaller bodies do. And if you're mean about it, you suck." Let's keep that.
So, continue doing your fitness journey if you want. But wear the bikini now if you want.
Don’t wait till you reach specific goal. Think of it this way: you’ll never be as young as you’re right now. Live the life. Wear the bikini. I promise you, no one cares. Even if somebody thought something, they’re going to forget about it in 5 seconds.
Step 1. Discuss your body issues and family pressure with a therapist
Step 2. Set boundaries with your mother
Step 3. Put on whatever bikini you want and meet me and my size 12 fupa at the pool and I’ll teach you how to swim.
Go easy on yourself. Think of all your body can do. Wear a bikini you feel good in. There are lots of styles and there’s one that will be perfect for you. When you go to the beach you’ll see people of every age, shape and colour enjoying the beach. If anyone were to comment, know they are being incredibly nasty and nosy. It’s not their business.
You only live once. Wear the bikini! Plus there are far larger women out there in bikinis, if they can be confident in themselves then so can you. And I get it's easier said than done but take baby steps. Maybe you can just wear one revealing piece at a time. So a bikini top and a more conservative swim short/skirt, or a swim top with bikini bottom. If that makes sense.
I am so sorry our parents have treated you that way. I hear so much pain in your writing. Life After Diets Podcast helped me a lot. I know standing up to your parents is probably really hard for cultural reasons. <3
I'm size 16 and 200lbs. I wear crop tops, and two-piece swimsuits, and short-shorts, and whatever else I f*cking want! I'm working on losing some weight, but in the meantime I'm strong, able and healthy, and I love my body for all the things it can do. You think I made it to my 40s to have ANYONE scare me out of wearing what I want?! Heck no!
I strongly recommend not giving a flying F*CK about it and just wearing the bikini. You can work on your goals and self confidence, while still appreciating and loving your body now. (Also, if I ever saw someone being rude or harassing a big person for ANY clothing choice, they gonna catch a piece of my mind.... and these hands!)
I’m 4’ 10 and Asian- no matter how skinny you are, you’ll likely never be able to shake off the fear that you’re too fat! Too many years of our families telling us we were fat is just too embedded in our hearts. Find a bikini that you are physically comfortable in. I personally feel more comfortable with the high waisted non string bikini bottoms, I feel I can move around in them happily. If you feel uncomfortable you won’t enjoy your time at the beach, so might as well be comfortable and enjoy life!
My mom never wore a bikini in her life and she's 5'6" and never been above 110 lbs everytime I've seen her.
What's insane is she has a M.Sc in Engineering but she doesn't know the first thing about feminism./body positivity.
Girl! I avoided bikinis my whole life because of shame (family, society and my own shame) until I had a daughter. I realized body shame is toxic and so hurtful that I had to let it go lest I passed it on another generation with my daughter. So I wore bikinis and felt amazing! So much lighter and more comfortable for me. I’ve never looked back and I’ve been every size in the last 10 years. If you people thought anything I sure didn’t see or hear about it. It’s my body and I’m so grateful for it! While you are still in good health and can enjoy the act of swimming you go girl!!! So please wear that bikini with pride! I promise you, you will look back and you may regret it if you don’t. :) lots of love and have so much fun learning to swim in your gorgeous bikini!!!!
I’m your same height & I weigh 130lbs and I love this current wait. I feel & look healthy & I LOVE my curves. Like you snatched waist with curves in the right places.
I was VERY skinny when I was 108lbs. You could see my ribs many ppl were concerned, I was fine though. But still looking back, I wouldn’t want to be that skinny again. I love 130lbs at 4’11. I want to focus on staying at this weight & just tone up a bit!
I think 130lbs should be the perfect goal for you. 100lbs is wayyyyy too tiny.
My parents are also critical of weight. My mom used to weigh me when I was a kid and pinch any skin on my body she thought was fat. I distinctly recall her saying I could get a bikini when I was a preteen and then saying because I ate ice cream one time at a restaurant that I’d be “too big” to wear the bikini now. My mom controlled my appearance, made me wear clothes 4 sizes too big, anything touching my frame made me “look like a stuffed sausage”. I wasn’t allowed to pick out my own haircut or glasses because of my “double chin”. My dad used to wince at any clothes I wore as an adult because I was soooo big.
I was a size 12 and they pushed me into an ED.
Sometimes parents are wrong, sometimes they might think they’re helping you but sometimes they might intentionally be hurting you. Families aren’t perfect. You’re an adult and they can’t tell you how to dress anymore.
Be confident in your choices and if they try to give criticism or “advice”, you don’t have to listen to it. Develop a shiny spine, you can be polite without doing what they say.
And wear that damn bikini.
I live in Hawaii where the beaches are full year round of people of every body size and shape. The most beautiful people are the ones who are enjoying their day, playing with their kids, laughing with their friends, not caring at all what others think. I realize that this doesn’t happen over night, so I’m not going to say “just go out there and don’t care.” As with anything, it might take some practice.
I can promise that no one is judging you as much as you are judging you. Go rock whatever makes you feel good!
I am 4’11 as well and similar weight. I never wore bikinis or any swimsuits until this year. Wear the bikini. Specially if your waist is snatched! Show off your waist
Honey, please find a therapist and work on how you see yourself and not worrying about how your family sees you. You DO NOT need to go on a crazy diet. You owe feeling good in your own skin to yourself.
You are an adult. Your parents can’t ground you or anything. Enjoy *your life* and feel fabulous about yourself! Find one that makes you feel great!
Dude you’re not 70 wear a bikini. Older women need to know that CATWOMAN IN 2004 THE ACTOR WAS LITERALLY 40 AND SHE WAS SOOOOOO HOT.
(And I’m saying this as nearly half that age) pls stop believing agesim
I don’t know where you are located, but I can confidently say that no one would throw eggs at you for wearing a bikini in any place I’ve ever been to. Wear what you want. Set some boundaries with your mom. She’s is being very mean and inappropriate.
Wear the bikini, us commoners can’t be sad because we don’t look like people who have the money to be getting beauty treatments and procedures weekly. No one is looking that hard at you but you.
If you are legitimately learning to swim, don't do it in a suit where you feel self conscious. Wear the one piece. Focus on the swimming.
But seriously, people don't usually learn to swim in an ocean tide. Unless that's a cultural difference, I'm not aware of. Ocean swimming is far harder than in a pool.
And friend, I hope you can read your post and see that you have issues to confront that are far more important than a bikini. At 42, you are a grown woman who can make decisions for yourself.
Best of luck.
I remember my mum wearing bikinis as I was growing up well into her late 50s. My birth led to a vertical rather prominent scar and that never stopped my mum being the most gorgeous woman on the beach (and honestly also just normalised the scar for me as something to not need to hide). Any body can be a beach body - and if you want to wear a bikini - buy one! Buy several! Try different cuts to see which ones you feel flatter you best and make you feel most confident. Wearing clothes is generally for yourself - not for others, so if that's something you'd love to do, please do it!
I also know Asian culture can be very weight-shamey, but for real, on the actual beach - no one cares, no one's looking and you probably look better than you think 😊
I wore a bikini 9 months pregnant lol, I wore one at a size 14 post partum (gave birth at 37), I don’t give a rats ass what anyone thinks.
**wear the bikini, life is too short**
This! I’m also a under 30+ lurker, size 12 at 170lbs at 5’6, who also happened to do swim lessons/team for a while and some Asian-based beauty pageantry in the U.S..
For swim lessons/team, they used to have us wear simple one pieces without cups, ruffles, or any other embellishments, since they were form fitting/streamlined to the body and created less “drag” in the water speed-wise. However, now that I’ve been out of swim team for 12+ years, I find my halter-style bikini tops and bikini bottoms with adjustable strings on the side to be just as good for swimming workouts these days, or just putting on a rashguard jacket over any other bikini I have to reduce drag while doing laps. Any bikini made of proper swimsuit material can be used for swimming - just try to look for halter-style tops, adjustable bottoms, high-waisted bottoms, and/or slap a rashguard jacket/top over it when you’re focusing on lessons/laps to reduce the drag.
In terms of swimming for fun/leisurely though, ROCK THAT BIKINI!!! I went on stage in one at 155 lbs and 163 lbs, being one of the only half Asians and one of the only ones with a curvy body against a bunch of petite Asian women in an Asian - centric beauty pageant. I didn’t get anything thrown at me except cheers and support, and even won Miss Congeniality the first time I competed. It took a while to build up that confidence though - I started out by wearing tankinis and then slowly got used to feeling more confident in my body. There’s still some times where I wear a tankini or zip a rashguard jacket up fully/halfway when I feel bloated and don’t want to show off my belly as much, but the point is, wear that bikini because YOU want to wear it!
Please wear the bikini this year anyway. I know this isn’t a ~body positive~ sub but please do not deprive yourself of an experience you want because of what your body looks like. Improving your appearance is supposed to enhance your life, it’s not supposed to be your whole life
I don’t mean this to sound unkind. I think you should focus on your mental and emotional health rather than your body. We all have insecurities but by the 40s, most people learn not to worry so much about what other people think. Your post, with weight and height calculations etc - sounds like something a teenager would write, not an adult woman. Again , I don’t mean at all to be unkind, I’m just worried about you. Your parents really did a number on you.
Like everyone else says “do it!” You’re young! You don’t want to miss out on the fun. I just turned 50 and went to the beach in bikini just after my birthday. I also have sensory issues so make sure to find a bikini that doesn’t cause sensory issues (that was the hardest part for me, finding one) And swimming is so fun!
You called yourself “I'm still mentally immature due to being special needs”, I doubt you’re mentally immature! I wondered, do you have autism, like me? Because you mentioned having sensory issues, I thought maybe you have it too.
I'm not sure if you realize how abusive and controlling your parents are and have been.
You can wear a bikini now. People bigger than you wear small swimsuits. How many men with large guts have we seen in speedos? I'm special needs and overweight, but you know what I've learned the hard way? There are a few jerks, but MOST people don't care. I regret letting a few jerks (including my dad) talk me out of actually living my own life.
You live on your own. You're not as immature as you think you are. Some parents get a kick out of making their (even adult) kids feel helpless or like they can't do anything right, re: the putting out fattening food if they allegedly want you to lose weight. My dad (despite us being white) does the same, pick at my weight and then get angry if I don't eat as much or what he wants me to eat.
You may want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists
Could you start with a tankini, or swimsuits that are like a tank top and shorts?
Why did you say you’ve never been under 135 but in your 30s you were under 100 pounds?
Either way, no one cares about your weight except you and your family. Just wear the bikini if you want to.
Wear whatever you want. I like being near naked on the water, it has nothing to do with weight for me as I've been up and down over my life.
I will suggest you get a proper-sized bra top if you do. Measure yourself using the calculator on /r/abrathatfits and order something online. Also, the higher rise bottoms are much more flattering. I used to dread trying on bikinis, but now I know exactly what looks good.
Edit: it will be a combination of strategies 1 and 2. Thanks for sharing your thoughts folks.
I just don't want the situation where Britney wore skimpy clothing to the VMAs to reprise itself.
No offense at all with this, promise. But you’re not Britney, you can enjoy the luxury of being in a bikini without the entire world looking at you and I promise you they won’t bc they’re worried about ppl looking at their own tummies or thighs or cellulite or whatever.
With all kindness, I would not recommend extreme dieting because it’s not a great way to achieve happiness.
I’m Asian too, 4’11” and I’ve always been on the curvier side for an Asian girl, so I get the body pressure. Pressure from my family resulted in me starting to diet and ending up with an eating disorder. It was a boring, miserable, depressing time of my life. It’s not fun.
You deserve to feel happy, and to have fun in the way you want. Diet or lose weight if you want, but the goal is for you to feel happy, not for anyone else so if you want to wear a bikini, go for it! Britney was in the public eye because she is a mega star and because the world is misogynistic. I’m going to assume you are not a global pop star (forgive me if you are of course haha), and therefore most people will be more interested in what they’re doing than watching you. And if anyone does say anything, you don’t want them in your life anyway! Your confidence is gonna be way more radiant than their bitterness :)
Life is short. Wear the bikini. I promise you no one will care about you wearing a bikini as much as you care about it.
Yes, 100%! I’m 34 years old and I’ve never worn a bikini in my life due to insecurities and weight issues. When I was on a recent tropical vacation there was an overweight woman in her 60s rocking the sh$t out of a bikini and honestly I was in awe of her! She is everything I wanna be and now I vowed to wear a bikini this summer.
I vote 4. Just wear the bikini and enjoy learning to swim. Much bigger people than a size 12 wear bikinis all the time.
This! As my dad said to me once when I (36) was 23: “Stop! Just stop caring about what others think of you! You’ll never live your life if you are always afraid to be yourself! Just stop caring!” And it’s why I highly suggest OP to just block out everyone’s opinion, including their mothers, about the bikini. We only have one life, live it for you, not others❤️
Why won't my parents tell me things like this instead of blasting me for my age, weight and income?
Do you want supportive answer or the truth? Figured I ask in case.
I don't know I know my parents suck. But I just wish they would be a little nice. I know they came to a first line city in America so I could make 100k a year. I do a lot of self reflection while repeating and writing down things my mom said to me because I'm not a good person. Maybe cuz you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Your parents are likely going to regret at the end of their lives that they treated you this way. The least you can do is enjoy your life while you’re still young
I live near a beach and the most beautiful women are happy, smiling, and confident, no matter their size. I remember seeing a plus size woman (maybe size 24) laying in the sand where the waves break, letting the water crash onto her and just looking ecstatic. This woman doesn’t know it, but I think of her smile when I’m feeling self-doubt. Swimming and beach and pool lounging are activities to be enjoyed with that kind of bliss.
Every body is a bikini body!
There’s an article somewhere called “How to get a Bikini Body” and the text consists of “Get a body. Put a bikini on it.” Couldn’t agree more
Also important to remember that clothing sizes, atleast in the US, literally make no sense. I don’t even pay attention to my pant size anymore. No reason since it’s different in every brand!
If you go to ANY beach or pool, there will be people of every possible shape, size, and age in a bikini. No one cares. People are there to enjoy the sun and water, not judge other people’s bodies. It’s sad your family messed up your mindset so much. I’d recommend finding a therapist and putting some distance between yourself and your family, or at the very least telling them you won’t tolerate any more comments about your body, period. And if they do make comments, immediately stop engaging and walk away. Do not speak to them about it. Go enjoy swimming, absolutely no one will give a shit what you look like.
This! Please find a therapist. It will help. And rock that bikini no matter what you weigh!
Sounds like you need to create some boundaries with your family/mom. You want to wear the bikini, wear it, and feel the freedom of having only one opinion matter most - yours
yes. i think maybe you think eggs will be thrown at you because of your mom/family. many other people don’t think that way and to “ban you from bikinis since you were 5” is not only WRONG but also framed & shaped your mindset firmly to believe this is how it should be.
I think this is an American thing specifically to not wear a bikini bc of weight? Have you ever been to a beach literally anywhere else outside of the US, 80 yr old women who have plenty of weight are tan and living their best bikini lives. Just wear the bikini and tell who ever needs to be told to fuck right on off.
I fucking LOVE that energy. Such joie de vivre
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Here’s my point though! There are zero fucking rules. You do whatever you like. People in the Caribbean or Latin American or the Mediterranean have just realized that they don’t have to follow anyone’s rules when going to the beach. Embrace it, bathing suit makers wouldn’t be making bikinis in plus sizes if they weren’t getting bought and worn. Plenty of people out there who are bigger than you are rocking bikinis bc that’s what they wanna do.
The only rule is that your nipples and vagina are covered. Other than that, wear what you want. There are women much bigger than you rocking thong bikinis everywhere these days. Live your life. Don't worry about everyone else.
And even then, depends on the beach you’re on haha
You can wear a bikini any time you like.
Have you considered not giving a fuck?
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What is a brain?
Wear ittt! I am Indian and did not grow up around water. I felt very awkward wearing bikinis even though I really wanted to wear pretty swimwear and enjoy myself. Guess what, nobody paid any attention to me because they were all having their own bit of fun! Do it, OP! It’s also a great ex cerise in acceptance.
I'm here because I find this the nicest vindicta community, but I'm not 30+ and, honestly, not very weight-loss motivated. I'm a size 16-18 and over 200lbs at 5'7 (yes, over 200). I also wear bikinis all the time. No one has ever even made a *comment* about it, let alone thrown something at me. Quite the opposite if anything - I get a lot of compliments on my body, all the time, and not just from "chubby chasers". I say wear the swimsuit. It's clearly important to you and women wear (and rock) swimsuits above a size 12 all the time. I actually have more confidence myself now than when I was a size 6 - back then I wouldn't be caught *dead* in a two-piece. You might be shocked by people's reactions or, a lot more likely, their complete lack thereof. There will likely even be bigger people than you in two-pieces there. Also, as a lifeguard, it's never too late to learn to swim. I used to teach an adult swim class, so I know they're out there if you're interested, but you could also just look into "leisure swims" at your local pool or head to a beach and just make sure you stay shallow and follow all local rules and guidelines.
Similar size to you and agree with all of this. I was a chunky kid and my mom would never let me wear a bikini. As soon as I was old enough to buy my own clothes, I had to buy one. Wouldn't think of wearing anything else on the beach 👙 🏖️ Although I keep a regular long torso suit on hand for swimming laps, there's nothing like feeling the water on your body without Lycra fabric in the way lol.
Focus on finding the most flattering bikini for the body you have now. There are more than just the tiny, skimpy ones. I'm a similar age and size to you and I wear a sort of draping tankini style because that's my comfort level, but I see lots of ladies larger and/or older than me wearing smaller suits and absolutely rocking them.
This! Additionally, a lot of what works for you and what doesn’t has to do with your body type (size of torso vs legs, narrow vs broad shoulders, etc) and not your weight. I find that’s helpful to remember. If a bikini I try on makes me look bad, I remind myself that it’s probably because it is ill fitting and wrong for my body type. Nothing wrong w my body.
Right. I used to want to cry when I tried on bathing suits. I was just in the wrong shops. I do it all online with the right sizing and I know what works on my figure. It isn't weight related. But having a saggy blobby bikini top eight sizes too small is ego-crushing. Order on Amazon.
100% this I see a lot of celebrities with horribly unflattering bikinis and marvel at how they can choose something to make *that* body look so unimpressive Can work in the opposite way for "average" or "less that average" bodies to be super flattering
Let me tell you something, I used to be sooo insecure about my body I would hate going in public and getting dressed would make me cry! I finally got surgery and felt confident again, except when I started going out I seen all these girls wearing crop tops with bigger stomachs and short shorts, etc. Not once did I ever think “oh she should wear something else” inseat I thought “wow, I didn’t need surgery to be confident and live my life”. Wear the bikini!
No photos of me exist from ages 12 to now, honestly. I wish I could afford surgery.
I am sorry to hear that! I hope you are able to feel the confidence that you deserve to! It took me 5-6 years of saving before I was able to get surgery I also went out of the country for it as well (a little cheaper).
You will not get eggs thrown at you on a public beach if you wear a bikini at a size 12, nobody gives a shit (and also, who even brings eggs to the beach?) However, if you aren't quite confident enough yet, maybe ease into it with a two piece with a little more coverage to start? We could probably give you brand recs for cute two-piece swimsuits that aren't letting it allll hang out.
A bikini body is a body with a bikini on it. I know that sounds like a cheesy tagline but it’s 100% true. I have really enjoyed the cultural shift that seems to have gained speed in the last few years of people at beaches and pools wearing any kind of suit they like, regardless of their size. I have seen women far heavier than you rocking bikinis and they look amazing. No reason you won’t too. I recommend buying a sarong or something that ties around the waist. Not because there is anything wrong with your body, but because if you’ve never worn a bikini before, the amount of exposure can feel uncomfortable at first. The sarong gives you the option to cover up a bit until you’re feeling confident enough to go without it. Edited to add: I am very sorry you have such toxic parents. I can understand parents wanting their kids to be a healthy weight, but cheering on use of dangerous diet pills is so many steps over the line.
You can wear a bikini for the sole fact that YOU want to wear one. It is hard to get past anxiety about this as a woman, and I have My fair share of it too. The whole world would want you to do what makes you happy. If it makes you happy to wear the bikini, I say wear that bikini till it's broke
The last cruise I was on we did an excursion with women doing a girls trip on St Lucia, they were at least 300 lbs and they were all wearing bikinis. It's not too late. Wear one this year. Your family is too negative 👎 I think you should order a bunch from Victoria's Secret and figure out what you like, bandeau vs halter vs triangle. There are lots of different styles. You can return via mail or to any Victoria's Secret store too.
Wearing something around the house will help you get comfortable with it. You can also wear shorts over the bottom at first in public if that helps. At any beach you’ll see so many different bodies in bikinis - tiny and thin to tall and very heavy. Wear what you like and STOP WAITING TO WEAR WHAT YOU WANT until you look a certain way. You’ll hit 50 and regret all that wasted time.
Every body is a bikini body.
Most of the time I go for option 4. For the beach or lake, I usually go with option 5. Thong bikinis. I'm going to get a wedgie anyways. (I'm a size 12-14.)
Am a 42yo mother. Will definitely wear bikinis this summer. Edit: just read your entire post I’m again East Asian so I know the BMI chart skews a bit lower for us. If you want to lose weight do it in a healthy way. That means mild caloric deficit of 200-300 a day. You won’t get there this summer but going slow is kinder to you mentally and physically and also more sustainable in the long run. For your height 100 lbs is not bad but I would say shoot for easier goals first like 135. Then 130, 125 etc. don’t keep the number 100 in your head because you might reach 120 and be happy with it.
Hopefully you live somewhere where they literally isn’t a fashion police. You might get some side eyes from people but you shouldn’t face physical violence from strangers in a public place. Maybe take yourself to the beach in whatever average clothes you wear and just sit, walk around to find good places to camp out for the future, find where the bathrooms are, and people watch. Really look around and see the various people just existing in all shapes and sizes and levels of fitness or fat. Wear whatever you want. They sell bikinis in all sorts of sizes. Also I would gently suggest you take some kind of swimming lessons at a local pool before even attempting to step into the ocean. It can be dangerous even for experienced swimmers. Focus on learning and testing what your body can do vs meeting some arbitrary standards your mother held you to.
Wear the goddamned bikini. Haters are gonna hate but you've got one life and it's too short to be swimming a tee shirt. I know from personal experience how deep those scars run but truly you are not a little girl dependent on your parents anymore.
I'm American & I spent some time on beaches in France. I was enthralled to see old women in bikinis, even thong bikinis! I loved this attitude—what, are you going to give up bikinis because you're fatter & more wrinkly? *Non, c'est la vie!*
Swimming is an excellent way to exercise and relax. Wear the bikini! If I was in your situation, I would try to focus on building strength and endurance through swimming so that I could eat the same diet (if another isn't available to you) but better utilize the carbohydrates and overall calories. If you can focus a lot on your swimming goals, I think it will help you to forget about what you're wearing. When you're pushing yourself and constantly challenging yourself physically, you may be too exhausted to care what other people think. And they'll probably not notice your outfit anyway. I can't remember what any strangers wore to pools. But anyway, always be sure to give your body a rest day or two to avoid injury and allow your body to recover. You could still swim on rest days but maybe not fast laps or challenging strokes. I hope you enjoy swimming! It's really such an excellent hobby.
I've never been overweight, but I've never worn a bikini, either, because of the stretch marks on my bum. No ones ever said anything about them or anything, but I've also never let them see the light of day. I'm looking forward to peoples responses to your post, OP. Maybe they can help me, too.
I have a similar issue with raised keloids and have resolved it by wearing silicon scar tapes over the past 20-25 years. But now that I'm fat again, there's another strike against me. It's like that game where snake heads keep coming out of the ground.
I don't think there's a single woman who doesn't feel a bit self-conscious in a bikini. Sorry your feelings about it got more twisted than most :(. But here's the thing, swimming is the best, it feels amazing, and it's great exercise. Wear whatever you like and learn to swim! I will say, though, get a bikini with some coverage, and that'll stay on; look at the more athletic brands. Maybe get a bottom with a drawstring, a top where the straps cross in the back, or a top that's actually bra sized. Learning to swim is hard enough without worrying about a nip slip or your suit falling off! The itty bitty string ones are really only practical for tanning imo.
Commenting because I resonate with the cultural/ethnical differences, family dynamics are so different for us. I agree with a lot of people that say you deserve to wear a bikini and to set clear boundaries, but it is not so easy for us if our family dynamics will be affected. I realized years ago that I can be firm and do whatever I want, but I would much rather be at peace with my parents and have a good relationship with them. So yes, the first step is to wear the damn bikini. If you are not comfortable there yet, get really cute and flattering cover ups, so you don’t feel like the fat kid wearing a tee shirt at the pool party. When I swim for exercise I actually opt for coverage and boob support, so you shouldn’t let the bikini keep you from your fitness goals. For me, the second and equally important step was to have family and acquaintances back off. I accomplished this by bringing my mother to my side. I put a lot of effort into spending quality time with her and including her in my beauty-related activities. I started years ago by offering to make her some meals from my diet, inviting her to work out classes I thought she would enjoy, sharing face masks and talking about celebrity outfits and current fashion trends together. What always gets her going is when we talk about fashion and beauty back in her day. A lot of our conversations slowly turned into “do you regret you weren’t bold enough to try xxx?” or “if you could go back in time would you do xxx differently?”. She slowly started seeing how much she restricted herself due to family and social pressure, and she started changing the way she speaks to me. She also acknowledged the effort that I put into myself, and stopped acting like I was a disappointment. In turn, I also encourage her to try things from her youth and new beauty treatments, fashion and fitness routines. I’m so happy that self improvement is a hobby we share together, I never would have thought it was possible when I was a teenager. I think this healed many issues for her as well, and now she carries herself with pride and will chew out anyone in the family or the social circle that dares to say anything about her daughter. The third step I recommend, is healing from the shame our direct communities and even closest family have inflicted on us just for being women. I bet your brothers and male cousins get full plates of food served and have many photos taken since childhood. Let yourself be angry and work through it. Recognize their patterns and don’t let them affect your sense of self-worth or your behavior. Final step, if you even care about being skinny after all that, is to find a doctor that can help you lose weight with the right medication. It sounds like this is a lifelong issue for you and you have tried everything, including banned pills. Go to a general doctor and if you don’t get good responses try a metabolic endocrinologist. I’m available to chat if I can be of more help with this.
This is the kind of thing the original fat liberation movement was made for, before it became "Everyone should continue overeating and getting fatter, and any effort to reduce body size is violence and bigotry." It used to be "People in bigger bodies can do and wear all the same kinds of things people in smaller bodies do. And if you're mean about it, you suck." Let's keep that. So, continue doing your fitness journey if you want. But wear the bikini now if you want.
Don’t wait till you reach specific goal. Think of it this way: you’ll never be as young as you’re right now. Live the life. Wear the bikini. I promise you, no one cares. Even if somebody thought something, they’re going to forget about it in 5 seconds.
I’ll stop wearing a bikini when I’m in the dirt. I might even wear one in the coffin. Seriously, there is no age limit when it comes to bikinis.
Step 1. Discuss your body issues and family pressure with a therapist Step 2. Set boundaries with your mother Step 3. Put on whatever bikini you want and meet me and my size 12 fupa at the pool and I’ll teach you how to swim.
Not even reading this. Anyone can wear a bikini at any age or body type.
Go easy on yourself. Think of all your body can do. Wear a bikini you feel good in. There are lots of styles and there’s one that will be perfect for you. When you go to the beach you’ll see people of every age, shape and colour enjoying the beach. If anyone were to comment, know they are being incredibly nasty and nosy. It’s not their business.
You only live once. Wear the bikini! Plus there are far larger women out there in bikinis, if they can be confident in themselves then so can you. And I get it's easier said than done but take baby steps. Maybe you can just wear one revealing piece at a time. So a bikini top and a more conservative swim short/skirt, or a swim top with bikini bottom. If that makes sense.
I am so sorry our parents have treated you that way. I hear so much pain in your writing. Life After Diets Podcast helped me a lot. I know standing up to your parents is probably really hard for cultural reasons. <3
I've seen 65 yo ladies rock a string bikini. It's confidence mostly.
I'm size 16 and 200lbs. I wear crop tops, and two-piece swimsuits, and short-shorts, and whatever else I f*cking want! I'm working on losing some weight, but in the meantime I'm strong, able and healthy, and I love my body for all the things it can do. You think I made it to my 40s to have ANYONE scare me out of wearing what I want?! Heck no! I strongly recommend not giving a flying F*CK about it and just wearing the bikini. You can work on your goals and self confidence, while still appreciating and loving your body now. (Also, if I ever saw someone being rude or harassing a big person for ANY clothing choice, they gonna catch a piece of my mind.... and these hands!)
I think therapy would benefit you.
I’m 4’ 10 and Asian- no matter how skinny you are, you’ll likely never be able to shake off the fear that you’re too fat! Too many years of our families telling us we were fat is just too embedded in our hearts. Find a bikini that you are physically comfortable in. I personally feel more comfortable with the high waisted non string bikini bottoms, I feel I can move around in them happily. If you feel uncomfortable you won’t enjoy your time at the beach, so might as well be comfortable and enjoy life!
My mom never wore a bikini in her life and she's 5'6" and never been above 110 lbs everytime I've seen her. What's insane is she has a M.Sc in Engineering but she doesn't know the first thing about feminism./body positivity.
Girl! I avoided bikinis my whole life because of shame (family, society and my own shame) until I had a daughter. I realized body shame is toxic and so hurtful that I had to let it go lest I passed it on another generation with my daughter. So I wore bikinis and felt amazing! So much lighter and more comfortable for me. I’ve never looked back and I’ve been every size in the last 10 years. If you people thought anything I sure didn’t see or hear about it. It’s my body and I’m so grateful for it! While you are still in good health and can enjoy the act of swimming you go girl!!! So please wear that bikini with pride! I promise you, you will look back and you may regret it if you don’t. :) lots of love and have so much fun learning to swim in your gorgeous bikini!!!!
I’m your same height & I weigh 130lbs and I love this current wait. I feel & look healthy & I LOVE my curves. Like you snatched waist with curves in the right places. I was VERY skinny when I was 108lbs. You could see my ribs many ppl were concerned, I was fine though. But still looking back, I wouldn’t want to be that skinny again. I love 130lbs at 4’11. I want to focus on staying at this weight & just tone up a bit! I think 130lbs should be the perfect goal for you. 100lbs is wayyyyy too tiny.
My parents are also critical of weight. My mom used to weigh me when I was a kid and pinch any skin on my body she thought was fat. I distinctly recall her saying I could get a bikini when I was a preteen and then saying because I ate ice cream one time at a restaurant that I’d be “too big” to wear the bikini now. My mom controlled my appearance, made me wear clothes 4 sizes too big, anything touching my frame made me “look like a stuffed sausage”. I wasn’t allowed to pick out my own haircut or glasses because of my “double chin”. My dad used to wince at any clothes I wore as an adult because I was soooo big. I was a size 12 and they pushed me into an ED. Sometimes parents are wrong, sometimes they might think they’re helping you but sometimes they might intentionally be hurting you. Families aren’t perfect. You’re an adult and they can’t tell you how to dress anymore. Be confident in your choices and if they try to give criticism or “advice”, you don’t have to listen to it. Develop a shiny spine, you can be polite without doing what they say. And wear that damn bikini.
I live in Hawaii where the beaches are full year round of people of every body size and shape. The most beautiful people are the ones who are enjoying their day, playing with their kids, laughing with their friends, not caring at all what others think. I realize that this doesn’t happen over night, so I’m not going to say “just go out there and don’t care.” As with anything, it might take some practice. I can promise that no one is judging you as much as you are judging you. Go rock whatever makes you feel good!
Wear the bikini!!!!!! Enjoy yourself
Wear the bikini. Fuck what others think.
My mum is in her 60s and has always worn bikinis. I don’t think you age/size out of it. It’s just about your comfort
Change up your whole perspective on this. Try visiting a nude beach. ❤️
I am 4’11 as well and similar weight. I never wore bikinis or any swimsuits until this year. Wear the bikini. Specially if your waist is snatched! Show off your waist
I know plenty of women who wear bikinis forever. Do what YOU want. If people judge that’s their issues with insecurity.
Wear what you want to wear!
Honey, please find a therapist and work on how you see yourself and not worrying about how your family sees you. You DO NOT need to go on a crazy diet. You owe feeling good in your own skin to yourself. You are an adult. Your parents can’t ground you or anything. Enjoy *your life* and feel fabulous about yourself! Find one that makes you feel great!
Dude you’re not 70 wear a bikini. Older women need to know that CATWOMAN IN 2004 THE ACTOR WAS LITERALLY 40 AND SHE WAS SOOOOOO HOT. (And I’m saying this as nearly half that age) pls stop believing agesim
the bikini police will arrest you for going over the age limit
Wear the bikini, with a rash guard. It’ll protect your skin from the sun and help you ease into feeling more comfortable in the bikini
There is no age/weight limit to wearing a bikini. Don’t let our f-ed up, misogynistic society tell you different.
I don’t know where you are located, but I can confidently say that no one would throw eggs at you for wearing a bikini in any place I’ve ever been to. Wear what you want. Set some boundaries with your mom. She’s is being very mean and inappropriate.
Wear the bikini, us commoners can’t be sad because we don’t look like people who have the money to be getting beauty treatments and procedures weekly. No one is looking that hard at you but you.
If you are legitimately learning to swim, don't do it in a suit where you feel self conscious. Wear the one piece. Focus on the swimming. But seriously, people don't usually learn to swim in an ocean tide. Unless that's a cultural difference, I'm not aware of. Ocean swimming is far harder than in a pool. And friend, I hope you can read your post and see that you have issues to confront that are far more important than a bikini. At 42, you are a grown woman who can make decisions for yourself. Best of luck.
I'm not sure what country you live in, but tbh life is too short to worry so much about a bikini. Wear it and see how you feel.
I remember my mum wearing bikinis as I was growing up well into her late 50s. My birth led to a vertical rather prominent scar and that never stopped my mum being the most gorgeous woman on the beach (and honestly also just normalised the scar for me as something to not need to hide). Any body can be a beach body - and if you want to wear a bikini - buy one! Buy several! Try different cuts to see which ones you feel flatter you best and make you feel most confident. Wearing clothes is generally for yourself - not for others, so if that's something you'd love to do, please do it! I also know Asian culture can be very weight-shamey, but for real, on the actual beach - no one cares, no one's looking and you probably look better than you think 😊
I wish my mom ever wore a bikini in her life so I could have an example.
I wore a bikini 9 months pregnant lol, I wore one at a size 14 post partum (gave birth at 37), I don’t give a rats ass what anyone thinks. **wear the bikini, life is too short**
This! I’m also a under 30+ lurker, size 12 at 170lbs at 5’6, who also happened to do swim lessons/team for a while and some Asian-based beauty pageantry in the U.S.. For swim lessons/team, they used to have us wear simple one pieces without cups, ruffles, or any other embellishments, since they were form fitting/streamlined to the body and created less “drag” in the water speed-wise. However, now that I’ve been out of swim team for 12+ years, I find my halter-style bikini tops and bikini bottoms with adjustable strings on the side to be just as good for swimming workouts these days, or just putting on a rashguard jacket over any other bikini I have to reduce drag while doing laps. Any bikini made of proper swimsuit material can be used for swimming - just try to look for halter-style tops, adjustable bottoms, high-waisted bottoms, and/or slap a rashguard jacket/top over it when you’re focusing on lessons/laps to reduce the drag. In terms of swimming for fun/leisurely though, ROCK THAT BIKINI!!! I went on stage in one at 155 lbs and 163 lbs, being one of the only half Asians and one of the only ones with a curvy body against a bunch of petite Asian women in an Asian - centric beauty pageant. I didn’t get anything thrown at me except cheers and support, and even won Miss Congeniality the first time I competed. It took a while to build up that confidence though - I started out by wearing tankinis and then slowly got used to feeling more confident in my body. There’s still some times where I wear a tankini or zip a rashguard jacket up fully/halfway when I feel bloated and don’t want to show off my belly as much, but the point is, wear that bikini because YOU want to wear it!
Life is too short to worry this much about a bathing suit. Just wear it.
Please wear the bikini this year anyway. I know this isn’t a ~body positive~ sub but please do not deprive yourself of an experience you want because of what your body looks like. Improving your appearance is supposed to enhance your life, it’s not supposed to be your whole life
I don’t mean this to sound unkind. I think you should focus on your mental and emotional health rather than your body. We all have insecurities but by the 40s, most people learn not to worry so much about what other people think. Your post, with weight and height calculations etc - sounds like something a teenager would write, not an adult woman. Again , I don’t mean at all to be unkind, I’m just worried about you. Your parents really did a number on you.
You are over 40 years old. Live your life. Just do what you want to do. Geez.
I will transition to a caretaker role for these people soon
This post is so triggering my goodness
Like everyone else says “do it!” You’re young! You don’t want to miss out on the fun. I just turned 50 and went to the beach in bikini just after my birthday. I also have sensory issues so make sure to find a bikini that doesn’t cause sensory issues (that was the hardest part for me, finding one) And swimming is so fun! You called yourself “I'm still mentally immature due to being special needs”, I doubt you’re mentally immature! I wondered, do you have autism, like me? Because you mentioned having sensory issues, I thought maybe you have it too.
I'm not sure if you realize how abusive and controlling your parents are and have been. You can wear a bikini now. People bigger than you wear small swimsuits. How many men with large guts have we seen in speedos? I'm special needs and overweight, but you know what I've learned the hard way? There are a few jerks, but MOST people don't care. I regret letting a few jerks (including my dad) talk me out of actually living my own life. You live on your own. You're not as immature as you think you are. Some parents get a kick out of making their (even adult) kids feel helpless or like they can't do anything right, re: the putting out fattening food if they allegedly want you to lose weight. My dad (despite us being white) does the same, pick at my weight and then get angry if I don't eat as much or what he wants me to eat. You may want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists Could you start with a tankini, or swimsuits that are like a tank top and shorts?
My parents are not narcissists. They come from a different culture.
Why did you say you’ve never been under 135 but in your 30s you were under 100 pounds? Either way, no one cares about your weight except you and your family. Just wear the bikini if you want to.
I had an eating disorder in my mid 30s that brought my weight to about half of 100 lbs. I can't get thin healthily and don't count that as my LW.
My 70 year old MIL is overweight, with a botched liposuction, and still wears a bikini. Just wear it!
Wear whatever you want. I like being near naked on the water, it has nothing to do with weight for me as I've been up and down over my life. I will suggest you get a proper-sized bra top if you do. Measure yourself using the calculator on /r/abrathatfits and order something online. Also, the higher rise bottoms are much more flattering. I used to dread trying on bikinis, but now I know exactly what looks good.
Edit: it will be a combination of strategies 1 and 2. Thanks for sharing your thoughts folks. I just don't want the situation where Britney wore skimpy clothing to the VMAs to reprise itself.
No offense at all with this, promise. But you’re not Britney, you can enjoy the luxury of being in a bikini without the entire world looking at you and I promise you they won’t bc they’re worried about ppl looking at their own tummies or thighs or cellulite or whatever.
With all kindness, I would not recommend extreme dieting because it’s not a great way to achieve happiness. I’m Asian too, 4’11” and I’ve always been on the curvier side for an Asian girl, so I get the body pressure. Pressure from my family resulted in me starting to diet and ending up with an eating disorder. It was a boring, miserable, depressing time of my life. It’s not fun. You deserve to feel happy, and to have fun in the way you want. Diet or lose weight if you want, but the goal is for you to feel happy, not for anyone else so if you want to wear a bikini, go for it! Britney was in the public eye because she is a mega star and because the world is misogynistic. I’m going to assume you are not a global pop star (forgive me if you are of course haha), and therefore most people will be more interested in what they’re doing than watching you. And if anyone does say anything, you don’t want them in your life anyway! Your confidence is gonna be way more radiant than their bitterness :)