174 are coming!!
Im not sure why the declines but no rsvp are the rudes.
I think you have to compare to numbers and who showed up for other family friends weddings.. that are comparable to yours.
Also no kids, dress code, other rules add tp declines as well as weddings on holidays. Or other major event within the family friend groups close to your wedding date.
With over 300 people invited, honestly, I'd say that was a pretty good turnout. Chase up the no replies, and you might have even more.
Out of town weddings can be a pain. You have to factor in travel time and costs, accommodation, time off work, childcare or petsitting if applicable, missing other commitments or social events etc. The more complex your life is, the more effort it's going to be, and for some people, it's not that they don't *want* to come, it's that they just *can't*. Try not to take it personally. ♥
You're not crazy, but it's rather callous to call 174 people "nobody." Imagine going up to each one and saying to them "I understand that you've spent time, effort, and money, but you are nobody. Rather than being happy you attended, I am sad that people are not here to celebrate me." If that's something you wouldn't do in real life, then you need to reframe your mindset.
There are 174 individuals who are committing their time, money, and effort to show up for you and your beloved. They are forgoing outings, meetings, dinners, maybe travel, or even just a quiet weekend in to pay for gas or flight tickets, drive for a whole day (or spend half a day in the airport), book a night or two in your area, maybe rent a car if it's that kind of place, get themselves preened and ready for your event, and show up probably with a gift in hand. They clearly love and care about you, and it's time you see that for what it is.
I know a lot of people, but I'd probably only be able to travel that distance for the wedding of about 5 of them that aren't my relatives. They're friends I see multiple times a month, and talk to almost daily. You have 174 people coming - that's a ton of people! I'd be less likely to travel to a wedding that I knew would be that big, as it feels like my absence/presence won't make much of a difference, you know?
My partner had one person in our local wedding. I had just two in our overseas wedding. It had a 30% attendance rate. Everyone's circle is different - there's no such thing as typical, but in general yes, it's harder for people to make it if it's in an inaccessible location, costly to attend, requires a lot of time off, is childfree, and has more hurdles for them to jump through.
General rule of thumb is if it’s in town, you can plan on 2/3 attending, out of town it drops to 1/3. I’d say you’re doing really well for an out of town wedding!
The people who declined aren’t declining because they don’t like you or care about you - I’d bet most of them will still send a card or gift - they just can’t. For whatever reason, it doesn’t matter. Their reasons are their own.
I would reach out to the no responses just to confirm/remind, but again don’t take it personally.
Think about it this way: you’re heading into married life where you will almost certainly have commitments that involve your partner, their family, future kids, careers, all sorts of reasons why you may need to decline someone’s invite in the future.
Not because you don’t care about them, maybe because you can’t afford it, can’t get the time off work, have a health issue, are in the middle of moving, who knows. And you’ll want their grace and understanding then, so extend it to them now.
We're inviting a similar number of people and I'd be bummed about this too! Your feelings are valid.
Have you followed up with the people who didn't RSVP? You'd be surprised how many people just forgot or hadn't realized the deadline has passed.
174 are coming!! Im not sure why the declines but no rsvp are the rudes. I think you have to compare to numbers and who showed up for other family friends weddings.. that are comparable to yours. Also no kids, dress code, other rules add tp declines as well as weddings on holidays. Or other major event within the family friend groups close to your wedding date.
With over 300 people invited, honestly, I'd say that was a pretty good turnout. Chase up the no replies, and you might have even more. Out of town weddings can be a pain. You have to factor in travel time and costs, accommodation, time off work, childcare or petsitting if applicable, missing other commitments or social events etc. The more complex your life is, the more effort it's going to be, and for some people, it's not that they don't *want* to come, it's that they just *can't*. Try not to take it personally. ♥
You're not crazy, but it's rather callous to call 174 people "nobody." Imagine going up to each one and saying to them "I understand that you've spent time, effort, and money, but you are nobody. Rather than being happy you attended, I am sad that people are not here to celebrate me." If that's something you wouldn't do in real life, then you need to reframe your mindset. There are 174 individuals who are committing their time, money, and effort to show up for you and your beloved. They are forgoing outings, meetings, dinners, maybe travel, or even just a quiet weekend in to pay for gas or flight tickets, drive for a whole day (or spend half a day in the airport), book a night or two in your area, maybe rent a car if it's that kind of place, get themselves preened and ready for your event, and show up probably with a gift in hand. They clearly love and care about you, and it's time you see that for what it is.
Well said!
I know a lot of people, but I'd probably only be able to travel that distance for the wedding of about 5 of them that aren't my relatives. They're friends I see multiple times a month, and talk to almost daily. You have 174 people coming - that's a ton of people! I'd be less likely to travel to a wedding that I knew would be that big, as it feels like my absence/presence won't make much of a difference, you know?
My partner had one person in our local wedding. I had just two in our overseas wedding. It had a 30% attendance rate. Everyone's circle is different - there's no such thing as typical, but in general yes, it's harder for people to make it if it's in an inaccessible location, costly to attend, requires a lot of time off, is childfree, and has more hurdles for them to jump through.
Bruh. 174 people is a shit ton of people. We just had our wedding two weekends ago. We had 160 guests. That was a lot of people.
General rule of thumb is if it’s in town, you can plan on 2/3 attending, out of town it drops to 1/3. I’d say you’re doing really well for an out of town wedding! The people who declined aren’t declining because they don’t like you or care about you - I’d bet most of them will still send a card or gift - they just can’t. For whatever reason, it doesn’t matter. Their reasons are their own. I would reach out to the no responses just to confirm/remind, but again don’t take it personally. Think about it this way: you’re heading into married life where you will almost certainly have commitments that involve your partner, their family, future kids, careers, all sorts of reasons why you may need to decline someone’s invite in the future. Not because you don’t care about them, maybe because you can’t afford it, can’t get the time off work, have a health issue, are in the middle of moving, who knows. And you’ll want their grace and understanding then, so extend it to them now.
We're inviting a similar number of people and I'd be bummed about this too! Your feelings are valid. Have you followed up with the people who didn't RSVP? You'd be surprised how many people just forgot or hadn't realized the deadline has passed.