I thought it was real until the part about the dresses color hex code, lmao. I was actively disappointed by the incorrect “their” in the first paragraph.
okay, but what are her boobs thinking? you can’t just include a female character without describing how her breasts are also reacting to the scene. it’s completely unrealistic and ruins my immersion immediately. also, where did she learn to stab like that? was it from her father? or perhaps she grew up with lots of brothers and that’s how she learned to do man things, like violence. hard to believe a female character just knows something without the explanation of which male in her life taught it to her.
I thought this was on the writing group for a second, and realized it’s better written than most of the shit I’ve seen on the writing group.
I really enjoy the line “your dress is the exact same color as the red crewmate character from the hit 2018 social deduction game Among Us.” You got a chuckle out of me at work.
uj/ lol thanks I’ve been trying to improve my dialogue for my other, important, projects
rj/ idk something about writing about the hit 2018 social deduction game Among Us really hits different, like i suddenly become good
I just enjoy the fact that “ejaculated” is coming back and replacing “said”. Very Naturalist of you. Why did the Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” start playing in my head after “yep that’s me…”
I feel like there's a lot of telling and not showing here.
Instead of telling us that the color red is the same as the 2018 breakaway hit Among Us, you should provide each individual reader a steam key to the game and a link to a discord server to host games for them.
I would remove the explicit references to hit 2018 social deduction game Among Us. It's common knowledge that that hex code is sus red, it's called subtext OP
I literally cried while laughing reading this, what the hell 😭
Jokes aside though, I would keep reading JUST to see how on the hell he got in that situation.
Okay, you can have your rule 1 violation just this once, but don't make it a habit.
[удалено]
I considered posting it there as a joke (i posted it here seriously) but I figured it’d end up here anyways so i just skipped a step
I read it and thought it was written by ai. Imma ask my buddy chatgpt if he wrote this. He loves the word gazed
i love gays too. am i chatgpt?
i love chatting. am i gay?
Might be.
I love the word gazed too. Am I ChatGPT?
Most probably.
I didn't realize it was *not* on that subreddit. I, too, nearly cried.
I thought it was real until the part about the dresses color hex code, lmao. I was actively disappointed by the incorrect “their” in the first paragraph.
okay, but what are her boobs thinking? you can’t just include a female character without describing how her breasts are also reacting to the scene. it’s completely unrealistic and ruins my immersion immediately. also, where did she learn to stab like that? was it from her father? or perhaps she grew up with lots of brothers and that’s how she learned to do man things, like violence. hard to believe a female character just knows something without the explanation of which male in her life taught it to her.
Right, I was wondering about the boobs the whole time. They weren’t mentioned which makes me wonder if they even exist.
You're both fools! Obviously this was OP hinting that she was actually an imposter. Her boobs aren't thinking because they're fake boobs!
Well then I think the author needs to comment on the physics of the boobs so we are clear they are fake
They boobed boobily.
Guys please dont steal it i put like months of effort into this okay please guys im just a hobbyist writer
going to steal NOW
Get this shit published NOW
Please label this NSFW; I was eating dinner with my family when I saw this and I immediately had an orgasm.
Yes, fuck yes. /uj Yes, fuck yes, I'd read that.
PUBLISH it NOW before some filthy HEATHEN STEALS IT. This is solid GOLD.
I thought this was on the writing group for a second, and realized it’s better written than most of the shit I’ve seen on the writing group. I really enjoy the line “your dress is the exact same color as the red crewmate character from the hit 2018 social deduction game Among Us.” You got a chuckle out of me at work.
I would actually keep reading this and I’m not even a fan of erotica, I just enjoy the dialogue 🤣
uj/ lol thanks I’ve been trying to improve my dialogue for my other, important, projects rj/ idk something about writing about the hit 2018 social deduction game Among Us really hits different, like i suddenly become good
Ready Player One 2 looks great
I never read those books, only heard about them and actually thought it was an excerpt from that 😭
https://preview.redd.it/9p600qqj4vpc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ad7ab50ce266238a323610ea5a9af2be46fa3440
Maybe, if only out of curiosity.
I just enjoy the fact that “ejaculated” is coming back and replacing “said”. Very Naturalist of you. Why did the Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” start playing in my head after “yep that’s me…”
https://preview.redd.it/y71loti0evpc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=28df544c4072657f3e8cdecf806fd5b307725012
2018???? FML
uj/ Yeah, game's from 2018, but became a success during the pandemic
/uj i would read this. Please OP, i need to see the full dumpster fire story
I want to have sex with the words.
Knowing this was not posted in r/writers r/writing (whichever it is) makes me a lot more receptive to reading this.
Busted to this, this is peak.
I feel like there's a lot of telling and not showing here. Instead of telling us that the color red is the same as the 2018 breakaway hit Among Us, you should provide each individual reader a steam key to the game and a link to a discord server to host games for them.
Great job using dialogue tags other than "said". My only recommendation is that you use ejaculated more than once. Maybe use it in every instance
publishers reading this shit like https://i.redd.it/gzhui8o8bwpc1.gif
if this isn't published, im gonna hate humanity legit though, i would keep reading this.
Share the next page, coward.
I would remove the explicit references to hit 2018 social deduction game Among Us. It's common knowledge that that hex code is sus red, it's called subtext OP
The last line very nearly sent me into a coma
“They’re were” LMAO
I saw YA erotica and nearly threw my phone
I liked the confusion between there/their. Nice touch.
Thanks i dont think i’ll ever write something better I think i peaked here
You forgot the :record scratch:
A true masterpiece
I'm dying laughing but I would at least read the second page 😂😂😂 my stomach hurts lmao
Poetry. Shakespeare is weeping in heaven knowing he’s been bested. /uj hellz yeah I’d read the fuck outta that
Its so peak
I literally cried while laughing reading this, what the hell 😭 Jokes aside though, I would keep reading JUST to see how on the hell he got in that situation.
"Suddenly, without warning, out of the blue." Needs more suddeness
Wow! This was incredible! I touched myself to this and came all over my D&D character sheet! Doo doo sex balls! Bazinga!!🗿🗿
https://preview.redd.it/oslbah1ih6qc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50d5da57fdc6f1539146d3756f6ccae90b37af04
I can fix her!
\*singing\* I kissed a girl and I liked it!
I did not see the sub originally 😭
Sorry, I just write. I don’t read. I didn’t even read the title of this post
There is a spelling mistake within the first paragraph:(
No their isn’t
Brilliant.
I'm gonna cry
The rollercoaster I went through before realizing what sub this was on. Thanks OP i hate it
This shit is too beautiful