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Mother_Throat_6314

I have a friend your age that dated younger (he was 24). I will say she had fun…at first. But, he was a 24 year old man that wanted to party etc. He was gorgeous. He had many girlfriends that my friend did not know about. She was basically his sugar momma. She found out and confronted him, with him telling her basically she was old enough to be his mom so what did she expect. It caused her a lot of depression and it took a long time for her to recover. Just be safe and don’t get too attached too quickly.


ConsiderationLost383

He doesn’t party. He’s really proud of the fact he’s never done any drugs including weed. He doesn’t even drink a lot. I’m more of a party person than he is. I’ve had plenty of guys much closer to my age do the exact same thing as that guy did to your friend, so I’m always cautious when dating


AffectionateAd5373

That sounds like my husband when I met him. He was in his late 20s and I was in my late 30s. We have a 10 year age gap. Going on 20 years this year, 18 married.


[deleted]

Same with my parents. 25 years going strong for them.


Additional_Pie_9763

My husband and I have a 12 year gap. Been together 22 years and married for 16 years on April 16th. Raised/rasing 3 beautiful daughters (1 is engaged). We have an amazing relationship. I've been through a lot and he has always been by my side.


[deleted]

Mine got married a few months after they met.


Additional_Pie_9763

When you find that one person, you know. Your parents knew fast then others. Congratulations to them on 25 years.


[deleted]

Thanks. I found my one person in high school. Unfortunately he was killed by a monster shortly after. I’ve never found anyone that I clicked with since.


Additional_Pie_9763

I am so sorry for your loss.


aa5147

You think 17 is ok, I love him very much me 40 him 23


Mother_Throat_6314

Hopefully, he stays good and treats you right! Make eachother happy that’s all you can hope for!


flytingnotfighting

You are an AH. The power dynamic is fucked He could practically be your kid Listen, I’m your age and I’d end a friendship over someone dating a kid Yes hes an adult, but you were graduating high school when he was born


Insensitive_Plant

I know this is hard for the younger generation to hear but 25 year olds are, in fact, fully grown ass adults with all the rights and responsibilities that entails


AnonOpinionss

Seriously. Ppl need to worry about themselves and not consenting adults lol. Imagine being a financially independent, college graduate, career having, grown ass adult and somebody tries to shame your relationship bc of an age gap between two adults lol. Hell, so many ppl even have kids by 25 lol.


Due_Lie8504

25 is not a kid. unfriending them would be you doing them a favor. thanks.


No-Clerk-6804

Meh, grow up and stop being so jealous of others happiness. If your friendships are worth that much to you, your friends are better off you walking away.


Gabrielismypatronus

Would you say the same thing if it was a 41 year old MAN dating a 25 year old WOMAN? Of course not. That happens all of the time and no one blinks. Nothing wrong with an older woman dating a younger man.


cavoodle11

You obviously don’t read the posts I do then because guys dating much younger women are often called everything under the sun.


flytingnotfighting

Yes. I fucking would Because power imbalance is imbalance. Actually I find men going for much younger women to be even more worrisome Probably because I get to see the aftermath of the abuse in an age difference with a power imbalance when the man is older. But thanks for the assumption


AnonOpinionss

Lol this is so funny as a 26 year old adult. If somebody felt bad for me or worried about me dating a 40 year old I would roll my eyes so hard. Ppl need to stop inserting themselves into business between ADULTS.


blackravenmetal

But I’m sure my brother being married to a woman who’s 20 years younger than him is perfectly fine with you? I look at you ending a friendship with a woman because she’s a few years older as the trash taking itself out. Hypothetically I would be grateful if you ended your friendship with me because honestly you sound like an embarrassment. You’re the type of person that I would be ashamed to be friends with. I’m going to guess that you’re such an ageist that you would end a friendship over a woman being only a few years older than her man. I’m also going to guess that if you have kids that you won’t let them be friends with other kids who have moms that are older than their dads. You demand to know the ages of their parents. Basically you’re just a horrible person. I feel sorry for people who know you irl.


flytingnotfighting

Yes, you’re super right! God, im glad you guessed so well! And 20 year age difference is disgusting And i don’t give a fuck about his opinion or yours for that matter True fact you argue “ageism” when a relationship has a massive power imbalance and a HUGE age difference makes you perfectly YOU keep on shining you crazy diamond!!


Tinfoilhat14

Girl that is there bare minimum for a man. And you’re proud of him for doing the bare minimum.


StudioDroid

I was that guy about 40 years ago. We had a grand time. She was 40 something and I was 20 something. We dated for a couple of years and parted as friends. In 1988 I introduced her to the guy she is still with. We still keep in touch from time to time. Go for it! NTA


ConsiderationLost383

Aww that’s a nice story


SourSkittlezx

So as long as you see the potential for the power imbalance, and don’t use that to your advantage, you’re not an AH.


ConsiderationLost383

Great answer. I definitely don’t want to take advantage of him


R_U_N4me

Or him take advantage of you.


ConsiderationLost383

Probably more likely TBH


araquinar

As Dan Savage would say, when it comes to dating someone younger than you, you follow the campsite rule; leave them the way you found them. Basically meaning don't take advantage, don't leave them with baggage, make them a better person etc. Go for it and have fun!


Novel-Discussion9448

Life is hard. Find someone harder! NTA!!


Own_Butterscotch_445

Age aside, because as far as I'm concerned you're two consenting adults, you already see the power imbalance. If you don't plan on abusing that then just be a sugar momma and enjoy what the younger generation has to offer.


Bergenia1

I'm glad you don't disapprove of the age difference, but the assumption that age gap equals power imbalance is just false, and based on nothing. When both people are self sufficient and self supporting adults, there is no power imbalance due to an age gap. And the assumption that an older woman is automatically a sugar mama? That is a horribly insulting thing to say, and you should apologize for it. Are you really willing to say to a woman you've never met that she is buying sexual favors from a gigolo? You could not insult her any worse than that. It's a vile thing to say, and you should be ashamed of yourself.


Kwaziism

look if ur both consenting adults who met after you both were over 21 (i say 21 because 18 is iffy) then everything is fine


witchbrew7

What’s the problem? Are you two having fun? Just abide by the campsite rule. Leave him better off than when you first met him.


jo_in_FL

Perfect answer!


ClarityByHilarity

Honestly NTA in any age gap scenario with someone mid 20s. He’s not a child, if it was 18 or 19, different story.


hgwander

I did this in reverse when I was in grad school. I was 25 and he was 42. I’ve always been self sufficient and strong. It was a great, equal relationship. Even though yes, obviously he was further in his career than me. We happily dated for two years , he never tried to “own” or “change me … and we had an amicable break up. It was nice!


neenerfae

It doesn’t make you an asshole at all…. But think about your future. Down the line are you REALLY thinking he’s gonna stay with you? Like 10 years from now? Y’all are at a totally different stage in your lives and i think it’ll be fun now but later on it’s not going to be anymore. Take that how you will, but if you were my personal friend, i would try my hardest to make you see the actual reality of the situation.


ConsiderationLost383

Meh, I don’t believe any relationship is destined to last. I’m fine with things ending when they end. Always have been that way. I don’t think that far into the future.


TheGrimDweeber

I agree with that notion, but I will say this. He’s still in his formative years. At 25, he is in the middle of figuring out who he is as an adult. I’m on the fence about it. I truly do not think a 25 year old and 41 year old are on the same level, if you’re both reasonably intelligent. I’m just not sure it’s fair towards him that his formation will probably be shaped so much by someone who’s already gotten to that point. You’ll have a lot of influence on him, whether you intend to or not. Personally, I think it’s better to figure yourself out with more freedom, and not one single strong influence. And no, I don’t think it would be the same as with a woman his own age, who’s also still forming their identity.


RomPCorazon

Youre not TA but do keep in mind that you guys are at different stages in life and may want the same thing but at different times. He has yet to experience life the way you have.


PostCivil7869

Oh for crying out loud people. Stop with the pearl clutching. They are both way past the age of consent. Enjoy his rock hard bod and don’t give it a second thought. How many older wealthy men have hot 20 something trophy wives? Lots!!!! Go for it, have fun and see where it goes.


NaraSumas

>How many older wealthy men have hot 20 something trophy wives? How many of them are assholes?


PostCivil7869

No idea. I don’t personally know any. Do you?


NaraSumas

Oh, OP's friend are you?


PostCivil7869

God I hope so. Perhaps her boyfriend has a friend for me. 🤞🤞🤞


OneButterscotch6614

My favorite reddit reply of the day. Thanks for the chuckle!!!


blackravenmetal

Yep just like the lady that was married (later widowed) to a senator in his 80’s. Even had a child with him. I forget her name but she was also stepmother to his kids who were way older than her. After her husband’s death she got engaged to a man in his late 70s early 80s. I wish I could remember her name. But I do remember her saying that when it comes to men, that she obviously has a type.


Gen_X_Diva

It must be bothering you, as you came here to ask.


Silent_Cash_E

Interesting. Whenever it is an older man and younger woman..its disgusting and grooming and blah blah blah.


ConsiderationLost383

He’s 25, not 15.


tryoracle

I personally wouldn't but 25 is the magic number for brain development so he is past grooming age. My partner is 16 years older than I am but we didn't start dating until I was 33 ish


ConsiderationLost383

I mean, ah least his prefrontal cortex is fully developed at this point, right? Lol


tryoracle

I have kids that age so it would weird me oit


Leading_Manager_2277

*Just* finished developing. lol Hey if OP can find common ground and they have fun together, why not? She's NTA but don't loan him money. Under any circumstances!)


Flashy_Raspberry_307

I’m sure his pre-frontal EVERYTHING is fully formed. Live your life.


ConsiderationLost383

Hahahahahahaha yuuuupppp


ConsiderationLost383

He also isn’t your average 25 yr old. He left his country on foot at 16 to come to this city to make his life on his own.


tryoracle

You don't have to sell to me. I have accidentally picked up a guy or two over the years I thought was about the same age as me.


SnooWords4839

Is he here legally? What about employment? Does he want kids in the future?


ConsiderationLost383

We are both in South America. I’m a digital nomad (here on a DN visa) and he is here in this country legally as a refugee. He’s been working since he was a child. He left his country on foot to come here for better opportunities. He works with a dance troupe that performs at the 3rd most popular tourist attraction on the country.


Cayke_Cooky

for AITA, no you are NTA. If this was a relationship advice sub? Have fun dating but I would be surprised if this actually becomes a long term thing. As long as YOU guys stay on the same page and don't try to force each other to the other's age, you WNBTA Edit because I think faster than I type


ConsiderationLost383

We haven’t discussed anything about the future because we just started seeing each other


Zestyclose_Public_47

They would say the same thing and still get torn apart for it. It's a disgusting double standard


ConsiderationLost383

I lived in Miami for 22 years. A 25 yr old woman with a man in his 40s is totally normal. Now I’m in Latam…


Apprehensive_Map_284

It's grooming when it's a barely legal adult. Not when it's someone old enough to have life experience


themodoftwaaisracist

Cannot be groomed if you are a legal adult. They are their own person with their own sexual agency to make their own choices. Regardless of gender.


Away-Leadership-417

Yes you actually can. Just because it’s no longer p3dophilia doesn’t mean it’s not grooming


[deleted]

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ConsiderationLost383

Yeah that’s definitely something to consider. Hines though, regardless of age gap, people can grow apart, as I did with my ex husband, and we were only 1 yr apart (he was older). With young dude, he’s lived a lot already I couldn’t fathom, like leaving his family at 16, on foot, leaving his country, getting robbed, living in the streets, all to have the opportunity to work here in this country. But yeah, I have no idea if this will go anywhere or if it’s just for fun right now


anotherbabydaddy

Honestly though, his having been through a lot at a young age also speaks to the possibility of him making trauma informed decisions which could also contribute to a power imbalance. That said, it’s his decision to make. And you aren’t being an asshole unless you’re only going out with him to use him as eye candy or because you’re being ageist and assume that all men your age lack the ability to keep up with you. Examine the reasons that you are dating him and vice versa and if neither of you is using the other then you are both adults entitled to make your own decisions.


ConsiderationLost383

Honestly, yes, his physical appearance is what initially attracted me, but he’s also a really nice person from what I’ve known so far. He’s a very talented dancer and can also sing and I love creative people. I also admire his drive and ambition in life.


anotherbabydaddy

Then see where it goes.


ThreeDogs2022

Honestly? Slightly. I do think it's assholish. Maybe if he were a bit older. But this seems a bit creepy.


ConsiderationLost383

I hear you. I didn’t know exactly how young he was when we met, and when I found out I was like… oh no I can’t do that… but then i did


Awkward-Barnacle-778

Uh , I need clarification on this comment. How LONG have you been messing with him? That'll give an age with some basic math. Yes, it definitely matters on how old he was when you began with him.


ConsiderationLost383

A week and a half. Like just before his 25th birthday which was sunday


Awkward-Barnacle-778

Okay. I read it as it's been happening awhile, and you didn't know his age when it began. I still think it's weird and the fact you felt the need to come to reddit and ask, it should answer your question.


StangF150

OP, just one question. If a guy your age was dating a female that was 25, would you think there was anything wrong with it?


ConsiderationLost383

It would depend on the situation. In South Florida it’s incredibly common, but it’s usually a sugar daddy/baby situation and the dude is often financially abusive. So in that situation, it’s problematic. If it’s two people genuinely into each other, then not really problematic. In Latam it’s fairly common for younger men to date older women. There’s a bunch of reggaeton songs about it, and my friend who is from the same country as this guy says it’s VERY common there and that the younger men prefer dating older women so 🤷🏽‍♀️


TylerNadel

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are absolutely gonna be this guys sugar momma. You just haven't realized it.


Zestyclose_Public_47

That's an uncomfortable age gap.


chiefholdfast

If you were a guy, this post would be blowing tf up with AH verditcs. IMO, its just as gross. Maybe not an AH, because you're both consenting adults, but it is gross and more than likely wont be able to grow into anything sophisticated.


Tinfoilhat14

And what exactly does a 40 something and a 20 something have in common? Not a whole lot. I’m looking at it the same way if the genders were switched.


chiefholdfast

Not much lol. She says herself there is a "power imbalance" 🙄. I think she means she could be his mother 😂, and was practically a legal adult when he was born. Of course she makes more money! Nothing to "wonder" about. They could have sex in common, until they don't.


No-Team-510

Lol if this was a guy posting this about a girl you guys would be handing him his ass….lol love the double standard Edit..by handing him his ass I mean calling him a creepy predator who is grooming the individual…


Pink_Artistic_Witch

No, yeah, that sounds creepy as hell YTA


Valuable-Ad-4911

You're just as creepy as the 40yo males who date women in their 20s. Not an ah thing tho, just weird


blackravenmetal

NTA. My mother dated a 35 year old man when she was 54.


OkJellyfish6400

Oof I love this lol.


rbrancher2

You all do know if it was reversed genders you would all be having different posts right?


Lov3I5Treacherous

NTA but what is even remotely attractive about a guy in his 20s whose brain has *just* matured.


QuirkySyrup55947

Ewwww, just ewwww.


[deleted]

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Valuable-Ad-4911

Exactly!! I don't get the double standard for women.


Apprehensive_Map_284

There's a difference between 18-22 (just out of high-school/ lack of life experience etc) and 25+. 25 (most often) your brain is fully developed, you've came into your personality, you have life experience outside of school, etc. There's a difference. 25+ w a 25+ person is fine. 18-22 with someone almost 40 isn't obviously. Genders not important.


starfire8896

No it's not that. They tell every girl to run no matter how old she is. Some even go as far as to say anything over a year or two apart is predatory.


Hot_Investigator_163

That’s what I’m saying. All of a sudden it’s an older women and Reddits like alright go ahead and pass go and collect your $200. Literally I could give 2 shits what OP does and her case does sound a little different considering homeboy left his country on foot at 16 but literally the min any female even if she’s damn 27 says oh I’m dating a guy who is 42 and we had an argument about this and that. Reddits like forget your argument and pack your damn bags and run!!! He’s taking advantage of you.


themodoftwaaisracist

That is because so many have robbed women of their sexual agency. They think that any younger woman MUST have been groomed instead of them being adults and making their own decisions. It’s really sad.


[deleted]

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GotMySillySocksOn

NTA. You’re both consenting adults.


Certain_Abies6326

When we married, my husband was 24 and I was 35. Our families lost their collective minds. But here we are,29 years later, happier than most couples I know.


BranBranMuffinWoman

YTA You are a full grown woman and his pre frontal cortex is barely done developing. If you are old enough to have spawned the person, you are too old to date them. This goes for any gender combination IMO. Edit to add: You own child is only a couple years younger than this guy. Gross.


xtremecampingburner

He's 25, not a teenager. Get a grip.


pro-brown-butter

I mean I personally would never and find it creepy but you are both consenting adults. Im more concerned about him though and why he would wanna date someone in their 40s.


ConsiderationLost383

In his home country, it’s very common for you get men to go after older women. It’s not uncommon in Latin culture and there are plenty of reggaeton songs about it. They see older women as “hot” because of the experience. I also don’t look 41 at all. At most I look 30.


Ok-Party5118

Bro his brain is probably still developing. That’s super gross.


ConsiderationLost383

Brain development is pretty much complete by 25


Ok-Party5118

I’m aware. He literally just turned 25. “Pretty much” is still gross, imo.


wendybarn85

Pretty much complete = not completely developed..


xtremecampingburner

25 is a normal age to be a first time parent in a developed country this is a completely arbitrary guideline that has never been used in any human culture for millenia


shadowdragon1978

NTA Older men date younger women all the time, plus make more money than them. As long as both of you are on the same page about your relationship and what each wants from it and can contribute to it, then have your fun. You're not hurting anyone.


Justmyopinion00

NTA. It doesn’t matter what other people think. If he makes you happy that’s all that matters. Me and my husband have an age difference that Reddit would find inappropriate and we’ve been together 16 years.


MadMaxxedOut

Sounds like it’s none of our business… not an AH just for dating someone…. If there was more to the story maybe


harleyirwin04

you’re not an asshole but it’s weird, why are you with someone who could literally be your child it’s creepy


AllTheMeats

I don’t think it makes you an AH, but I do think it makes you predatory. There’s absolutely a power imbalance, and you’re at two vastly different stages in life.


prncsiz

No reason to feel like an AH for dating someone younger. I feel like more people are getting judged for having an age gap like that, and it's pretty ridiculous in my opinion. As long as you didn't start dating this person when they were underage or started grooming them while they were underage, then age does just become a number. Human attraction is a basic animal instinct. You shouldn't feel ashamed of being attracted to another adult.


angryromancegrrrl

I don't see an issue with it. If you decided to make it permanent, having kids might be an issue. But other than that I think you're both consenting adults. Have fun. Be up front. And if you find yourself getting attached make sure you talk about it to see if he's on the same page. NTA


Sandy0006

I wonder what you have in common in the long run and you obviously won’t ever be able to have his biological kids etc. and that’s not sexist, it’s just protecting yourself from future hurt because he may want them in the future. You will have a more obstacles to overcome because of your age difference too. Also, you talk about power imbalance, is that permanent or does he have goals that he’s working towards that would lessen this as the relationship progresses? If you’re going to always be subsidizing his lifestyle etc. because, yes, I would say thats a problem and puts you in a delicate position. That said, it has been known to work out and men do it all the time, NTA.


EightEyedCryptid

I don't think so, unless you are exploiting the fact that you might be at two different life stages. He's pretty clearly an adult. That said the power imbalance is there in some ways, such as financially, so that's something to be extra mindful of.


Perfect_Tradition959

You’re child is 23 and you’re dating someone that’s 25? NTA but there is definitely something wrong with you. Get help


Muchgain

Generally if your worrying and fretting over a power imbalance you probably aren’t causing one. But, that’s not ALWAYS the case. So long as you’re conscious and consenting adults I don’t think you’re in AH territory.


MomsOtherFavorite

My late wife was 14 years older than me. I was 30 when i met her and we did have a great relationship. You’re both adults so no, you’re not the asshole.


EducationLow2616

Not the asshole. Now if your question was am I a cougar? Then yes you are definitely a cougar.


twopont0

NTA. Your good but watch out he might want you for the money


tclynn

My friend, (70ish), has always dated (and occasionally married) younger men. Right now she has a 50-something-year-old man. She wears them out and it shames them for not being able to keep up with her. They willingly move on, usually toward settling down...lol! Some folks just have more energy than others. This woman still runs with a running club, works and teaches safety swimming. Your young man is old enough to make his own choices.


Hippopotapussy

As long as you're both consenting adults that treat each other respect, then NTA.


MustBeTheChad

I don't think either of two consenting adults that want to date each other are assholes based on an age gap. The issue is that there may be incompatibilities based on being in different stages of their lives and those issues may be significant now or later on.


Abadatha

An age gap doesn't necessarily stop anything, but it can make it more challenging. My wife's got an aunt and uncle who are 17 years apart and have been married 45 years. My wife and I are 10 years apart, and will hit 9 years together in October. Your age gap can make things challenging because you're at the very beginning of the Millennial generation while he's the very start of Gen Z. The world when we grew up was very different from the world when he was growing up. My wife is 26 and her childhood was a lot more modern, she had a cell phone in 8th grade, I didn't get one until I was almost 20. The power imbalance could be bad, but it could not.


omark524

When I was 25 I dated a 40 yr old woman for several years. My situation was the opposite in terms of income as I was making considerably more than she was. I felt like I was more mature than most of my peers and appreciated being with an older woman. We had a lot of fun, but I didn't see it much more than just a fun relationship. I eventually wanted to date women my own age with whom I could see an interest in marriage and children. When I broke it off she became the woman in "Fatal Attraction" as she obviously so it as a forever situation. So I would say keep it in perspective and see it for what it is, a fun relationship and possibly nothing beyond that.


ConsiderationLost383

To be fair, even if I was dating a guy my own age, I would never expect forever. If someone wants to break up with me, I will hold open the door. I would never want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.


jimjamuk73

The real answer is Who fucking cares.... Enjoy your life


Medical-Setting-5906

I dunno why you ask. Anytime I see you comment it's justification. He'll have fun then he won't anymore.


FantasyLarperTX

That's a huge balance and power differential, not to mention the immaturity required to date that age group (sorry, his brain is still got a year to go to be considered developed. He is NOT 'so mature').


[deleted]

As someone who’s turning 23 next month I am genuinely sick of hearing the “yOur bRain iSn’T eVen dEvLeoPed!” because scientifically, yes, it is physifally still developing but that does not change the level of maturity someone has and more often than not, older people use it as a way to infantilize us and invalidate our opinions and choices. I also have ADHD so it’s another thing people use to say my brain is “not good enough” to make decisions. From someone under 25, I ask that people stop using this as a maturity gauge, it’s not only offensive but factually incorrect. My mother in law is pushing 70 and acts like a 7 year old narcissistic child, and my 24 year old husband and I are marginally more mature than her.


ConsiderationLost383

I am not very mature for my age, I’ll admit.


alr126

NTA at all. My first gf was 11 years older than I was. Would I be an AH if I asked someone your age out, I'm 65? So, have fun, enjoy life, no one gets out alive.


BeardedDragon1917

25 years old is about where I stop caring about age gaps, pretty much. An 18 year old is basically a tall teenager, a 25 year old can be a fully qualified doctor. You're not exploiting a new adult's naivete for sex. As long as you treat each other like human beings, it's not really a problem. Of course, a 17 year gap can create other problems, but you don't need me to tell you that. The power imbalance is something you can manage.


fridhem

NTA - I have a friend who ended up in a relationship like that, though the gap was about 20 years. She didn't pursue him, he just fell for her completely, and she fell for him, but tried to not because she felt bad about it. She gave in and years later, they are still in love, and so happy and good for each other. They have so much in common, same hopes, dreams, and even hobbies. Her kids also approve of them, since they hadn't seen their mom so cherished and happy. My mom was 24 years younger than my dad. They saw each other every day and talked. She was the one who brought up the idea of dating, and then marriage. They were together a little over 20 years, but they both changed later with wanting different things, and divorced. They remained close friends. My mom was still there for him until death, as he was for her. If you have things in common, and truly care and cherish each other, go for it.


Pleasant-Try9103

NTA If someone is at least near 25, they're enough of an adult to make their own choices. I'm a man and there's a 11 year age gap between me and my gal (I'm older) and we started dating when she was 24. Guess what kinds of reactions I get here on Reddit? *Hint, they're vastly different from the reaction OP is getting* 🤷 Edit: I stand corrected. You're getting plenty of harsh judgements too.


memphischrome

I'm 42 and he's 27. We've been together a couple of years now. I'm well aware I'm a little less mature than my age implies and he's more mature than his age. Together we balance. As far as power balance, I try to ALWAYS make sure I'm aware of it. I don't try to be his mom, although he does like to ask for advice on things that I have experience in. It's a balance, but one that has been well worth it and amazingly rewarding for me. Be prepared to get a lot of flak and not a lot of support from friends and family. Otherwise, enjoy it!


flytingnotfighting

Yes I fucking would Imbalance is imbalance. Period


TylerNadel

Dudes looking for an older woman to take care of him and is eventually gonna move on. I wouldn't look at this as a long term situation.


pookystuff

Yta. Age gap relationships are inherently shitty. Please don’t be that person. You are almost old enough to be his parent.


CraftyAd4308

YTA


ConsiderationLost383

Care to elaborate?


CraftyAd4308

Yes, yes I would. -it’s weird. That’s why you posted wanting to know if you’re the asshole. If you genuinely, really thought it was okay…why would you have posted here?? -you have a child two years younger than your current partner? -in other comments you said he is “more mature” than most 25 year olds, and “not your average” 25 year old….that is the language groomers use. Full stop. -you joked with another commenter how at least his frontal cortex is fully developed….but like, just barely. -having been 25 far more recently than you have, I would NEVER be interested in someone who is 25, I think it is waaay too young. And I’m 29. I genuinely don’t care if you agree. You asked. I answered.


ConsiderationLost383

Fair enough. I literally only met him online in February, and he perused me, so while I understand what you’re saying about the language I’m using, I wouldn’t say I’ve groomed him in any way


CraftyAd4308

Lmao I don’t care what you think. You’re a grown woman who met a man 16 years younger than you because you saw him dancing, posted a video he was in (I do see that you didn’t tag him) and accepted when he shot his shot. That’s literally what groomers do.


ConsiderationLost383

I posted a video of the whole dance troupe, because it’s a cultural tourist attraction and I have a travel themed Instagram. I didn’t tag him because I didn’t know who he was. I tagged the group because I like to support local artists and have done the same thing with other local performers with no intention of dating any of them. I figured he was closer to 30 originally, and I look like I’m 28-30 myself.


CraftyAd4308

…I read the comments I saw that he was tagged by someone else. That’s why my comment was phrased the way it was. I’m not really interested in continuing to speak to you. Just because you don’t think you’re grooming someone, doesn’t mean you’re not. I wish you a lovely day and I hope you’re not a groomer and that you’ve actually found true love. However, that was not the question and my judgement remains YTA.


dumpsterfirespirit

YTA, not OP


Lady_DubhBlossom

I honestly don’t see the issue with the age gap as long as everyone is consenting age and nothing happened before he turned 18. He’s 25 he can make his own decisions in life and if he wants an older woman good on him. If you see the power imbalance but don’t use it as an advantage or against him your NTA, if you do though your totally the AH. If does bother you though you really need to talk with him so, he and you, both can set some boundaries so if that imbalance ever happens you know exactly which part of the boundary or which boundary was overstepped.


vvildlings

NTA, the issue with the power imbalances becomes much smaller when people are aware of them and make an effort to keep the relationship equal despite those imbalances. So long as you don’t use your financial assets or life experience to manipulate him, all I see are two consenting adults enjoying each others company.


PuzzleheadedBobcat90

I'm 15 years older than. My husband. E qas vorn the year I started high school. We've been married for 15 years now. The biggest issue we faced was the difference in life experiences. It made for a couple of tense years when I really wanted to give him advice, but stepped (to an extent) back so he could learn in his own. Over all, it's been amazing. Go for it!


RedGamer3

NTA. Large age gaps get a lot of hate because it's very easy to turn abusive from the power imbalance. But there's nothing inherently wrong with it either. As long as you're both consenting and happy. That you're here worried about it and the power imbalance is a good sign. You're aware of the potential pitfalls. As long as you don't let the imbalance turn to abuse, you're good.


[deleted]

NTA as long as both are consenting and understands what’s going on there nothing wrong with it.


SnooWoofers5703

NTA, as long as he is of legal age and you are content but of course be cautious and be careful not spending your own money only...


ConsiderationLost383

The first night we went out, he paid the bill equivalent to $22 USD. This is a lot of money here. I offered to go Dutch but he wanted to pay. Since then, he’s paid for his own transportation except one time I offered, and I paid for his dinner on his birthday which he specifically asked that it not be expensive


Glittering-Score-258

NTA, not at all. Reddit hates age-gap relationships, so not really a great place to ask. I’m a bit older at 58, but I’ve been with a guy (same sex relationship) 18 years younger than me for the last 3 years. He’s incredibly hot, which makes it all the more fun. Sounds like you have a healthy view and approach to the whole thing, and aren’t expecting a “forever” relationship out of it, so just have fun! And safeguard yourself financially and emotionally.


CursesSailor

Ask yourself, would I ask myself if I were a man?


Ok_Effect_5287

YTA age gaps are hardly ever a good idea, for me personally they are a hard no.


[deleted]

as a 24, almost 25 yo woman, you dating a guy my age is icky as fuck. it sounds like you’re preying on a guy that’s had a hard life and that very possibly has mommy issues, since he moved out at 16. not a good basis for a relationship, even for one that you don’t give a shit about if it ends or not.


MeMeMeOnly

Reddit is really a mind trip sometimes. The hypocrisy here is unbelievable. If this was a 41-year-old man dating a 25-year-old woman, y’all would be losing your minds screaming, “Groomer!” I see that ALL THE TIME on here. But hey, it’s a woman dating a younger guy who’s 16 years her junior, so not a problem, right? Y’all really need to pick a lane and stay in it, LMAO! Edited to add: I couldn’t care less about age differences. It’s nobody else’s business. I just think it’s hilarious pointing out the obvious hypocrisy.


JaydeRaven

Yes. Sorry, but eww. You are maybe ten years from menopause, he's at "start my life and family planning phase." Either you will be having children very late in life (physically hard on you, higher risk of birth defects) or he won't be having children (if he wants them) - neither of which is fair.


joglass85

NTA and I’m not just saying this cause you’re a woman. To me once they’re 24-25 they’ve graduated and been in the workforce so they have some life experience, so it’s not creepy. As long as you realize he’ll likely make the same mistakes you did at that age and he doesn’t let his patriarchy instilled ego get in the way more power to y’all


MrSlabBulkhead

I do have not good vibes here, but even then I will very, very hesitantly say NTA, but under 3 conditions towards your relationship: 1. No power imbalance. 2. Both of you having a long-term gameplan that is on the same page. 3. An understanding from both of you of how things would be for the two of you respectively in 10 years, 20 years, 30 years and 40 years if you remain together.


Efficient-Remove-345

Going in for a 40 year game plan after 2 weeks of dating is a lot. That would make a lot of people run regardless of the age gap, that seems more like a pre-marriage situation


ConsiderationLost383

Honestly I agree! I would never do that so quickly. We’ve only been talking for a few weeks and haven’t even had a conversation about being exclusive yet.


LadybugGal95

Assuming you do not have children closer to his age than yours, NTA. Always think people seeing someone close to their kid’s age is kind of creepy.


Pand0ra30_

NTA. Have fun and don't worry about what other people think. Just tell them the sex is great if they start talking shit to you. .


ArseOfValhalla

Yes. You are.


ImHappierThanUsual

He’s 25. His brain isn’t mush anymore. You guys will have fun, you can teach him some things. You’re not 67 after all. I’d say the same thing to a man your age with a 25 yr old woman, had they met when she was 25.


Crimsonwolf_83

So you’re the sugar mama. Own it. Be proud of having your arm candy. Anyone who thinks you’re the AH is jealous you’re being Mrs Robinson and it’s not to them, or they know they couldn’t pull it off themselves.


ConsiderationLost383

Yeah, he’s absolutely gorgeous, could 100% be a model… like… 😂


Crimsonwolf_83

Then live your life.


CountrySax

You're NTA but any concept of a Long Term Relationship would not be fair to him


Elcodfish

If you met him after he was 21- you are fine in my book. 2 adults being adults.


Original_Detail_8380

Oh GOOD FOR YOU.Take your time.Dont rush into anything...but enjoy yourself I am doing the happy dance for you.


Ravenkelly

NTA as long as you don't pressure him to do ANYTHING.


ConsiderationLost383

I mean that’s applicable regardless of age-gap, no?


Critical-Lake-3299

Is it a short term fling, or are you looking for long term? My sister is about your age and regularly goes out with mid 20 somethings but she isn't looking for any long term relationship shit.


ConsiderationLost383

I would like an exclusive relationship w someone. I’m not looking for kids or marriage and I always am upfront about that, but I would absolutely like to have someone to share fun times with. I have no idea what he and I are doing yet because it’s been less than 2 weeks


Workin-progress82

You’re both consenting adults go for it. You’ve only been dating for two weeks. You’re not making life altering decisions (marriage/children) at this stage in your relationship. You’re still getting to know each other and enjoying each other’s company. I would think there naturally would be a financial gap with couples that have a larger age gap. As others have said just don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage or or vice versa. If this person treats you how you want to be treated and makes you feel special, go for it.


Whorible_wife69

I’ve dated men 26 years my senior. If you met as adults age is just a number.


rathrowawydsabldsib

If he was even a few years younger I would say you would be the asshole. But he's 25, he's had time to get some life experience and let his brain develop. You're already aware of the potential power imbalance, so tread lightly and do a self inventory regularly.


sxdtrxnny

Reading some of these comments and I have so many thoughts. First of all I’m a young adult about to graduate HS and I’d be weirded out and mad by this if my mom dated someone close to my age. However it’s not like you’re dating a freshly turned 18 year old because that’s entirely different (something I’d call grooming tbh) 18 and 25 year olds are super different mentally which is why I think when 23+ year olds dating 18 year olds are predatory as hell. I wouldn’t consider this grooming because he’s 25 (usually above college age traditionally) and his brain is fully developed. Diluting the term grooming hurts us actual victims of abuse (me being 15 and “dating” a guy in his mid 20s) Just know he’s so much younger and probably doesn’t even know what he wants exactly. I’m friends with people his age and most of them like to party and have fun, a lot. I will say this though, you will get judged a lot and possibly not last with him due to vast differences in experiences. Have an open mind and don’t expect much IMO.


Wooden-Discount7884

NTA have fun wear a rubber.


ChloeBee95

YTA. This seems really creepy. You’re not at the same stages in life. You might have the same energy but there’s a reason you earn more than him. It’s because you’ve had the time to build your life, qualifications and experience. He hasn’t.


[deleted]

NTA Congratulations Cougar


ConsiderationLost383

Hahahaha thanks


thisisathrowaway8392

I’m 44F and my fiancée is 31M. We’ve been together almost 7 years now and we have a great relationship. The age gap has never been an issue, but he’s also a lot more mature than most people his age due to his rough upbringing. He’s always had an issue with people his own age lol. I also look a lot younger and people usually think we are around the same age. He and I have a very happy life together. I say as long as you enjoy each other, don’t worry about it. Screw what others think. I did feel kind of like a power imbalance as you might, due to things of being my age, already owning a house, having a career, etc. But during the years we have been together he has found more direction in his own life with having me around where he has become more stable himself. His career has skyrocketed and now he makes almost as much as me. He’s also helped me calm down a little and helped me rid myself of some toxic friendships (that all revolves around drinking which he doesn’t do) and we have gotten into hobbies together. We are basically inseparable at this point in our lives and we tell each other all the time how lucky we are to have found each other.


Randomstranger192

There's 17 years between my mum and dad


djmom11

Why would you be an AH? He knows your age, you know his. As long as you're both honest with each other who cares?


o_blythe_spirit

I think a healthy way to view age gaps in a relationship is to go from the age the relationship started, and take the numbers in the opposite direction. So OP - at 41 - starts a relationship with a 25 year old. That’s a 16 year difference. What if OP was 25 year old trying to date a 9 year old? So YTA from me.


ConsiderationLost383

How are those things the same? A 25 yr old and a 9 year old aren’t the same thing in any way, shape or form. A 9 yr old cannot consent to a sexual relationship but a 25 yr old can.


o_blythe_spirit

But you didn’t ask if a 25 year old could consent. They can. You asked if dating one was AH behavior, given the age gap. I say yes because of this gauge.


sableonblonde

YTA