NAH, their parents are being ridiculous. There isnt any real problem here, they all just need to move on with their lives.
But still their parents, so they should apologize. These parents are only going to get more ridiculous as they get older, its good to humor them when you can. And its not like an apology costs money.
Are you fr? What if they already got the car? If op knew they were already getting a car, why couldnât they just say, âhey parents, I wanna help out too. Iâll pay for half when you get the carâ. OP should have communicated this with the parents first but whatâs done is done. Soft yta.
The parents promised the car for her birthday. Op says they gave the car to her the day after her birthday. They're just mad that they failed to honor their promises.
I'd bet money that these parents are on the late end of the boomer window. Younger boomers that are struggling tend to be very prideful, so maybe their pride is hurt and they're projecting some of that insecurity onto the act.
OP didn't intend to show them up, they were trying to do something nice for everybody involved, because they were in a good position to be able to. But they definitely missed the chance to make it understood that that was where it was coming from, and through the parent's lens, they could easily be seeing it as OP anticipating that they wouldn't be able to follow through on their intention. OP isn't the asshole they're accusing them of being, but they deserve an apology for OP keeping them out of the loop and swooping in.
They may have wanted to still get the car despite the better positioning, but OP deprived them of being able to take that under consideration, or to be able to make that decision at all, regardless of where it was coming from.
Edit: Apparently pointing out what OP said about them struggling, and some very basic psychology, has pissed off the lead eaters.
Weird leap to them the parents being 60 year olds with an 18 year old child.
Redditors will try to pin literally anything on boomers. Cringy.
âBasic psychologyâ lol. Well your reasoning is definitely basic.
That's because you see the value in help from others and not as someone trying to spite, compete with or embarrass you. My sister has the same mindset as my mother. Let's just say she is upset that I'll take my godkids out the country for vacation before my nephews and nieces. But she also is stuck on this "I gotta take them on an international vacation first not you." So I'm letting her live in that mindset.
Typical age range for an adult child in a position to buy a car, for a younger sibling that would put age at birth in the early 40s this being the case, miffed at the intervention, defensive reaction painted by their struggling indicating a potentially prideful state of mind. Not exactly a tall building in a single bound. Not like I'd be betting my rent on it either.
Touched a nerve though did i?
Reading comprehension not very strong here, not what I said. Early 40s would be the age when the parents had the younger sibling if they were in the age group I'm approximating the parents to be in, which is perfectly reasonable age for the child to happen. Elder sibling old enough and well of enough to cover a nicer car, and the parents having the reaction they did being indicative of a typical reaction for the approximation, all of which support, but do not necessarily conclude, the soundness of the bet.
Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964. There are no young boomers. Please know what you are talking about before you accuse a generation of anything.
What there is, is proper etiquette, which militias forward do know know, care about, or follow. Doesn't mean proper etiquette doesn't exist. Just means people born after 2000 generally have little knowledge of etiquette. They know "don't wear white to a wedding" and "say thank you if you get a gift".
But there is more to proper etiquette. You shit on etiquette and form boundaries in your generation. What your ignorant asses don't know is that etiquette was formed to keep social boundaries. If etiquette was followed more properly, 3/4 of the boundaries you set would not be needed because etiquette already demands that boundary. People are setting boundaries now because nobody follows etiquette.
It isn't okay to show up to a party and outshine the people that are throwing the party by providing an over the top gift. That is like going to a wedding and proposing. It takes the attention off the birthday person and shines it on the gift giver. It is using their dime, their party, for your benefit and it is rude as hell.
This case is a little different, as op didn't do this at a party. But he should still talk to the parents about it. What if they had already bought a car and couldn't pick it up until the weekend? It is a parents privilege to help with milestones like a car. Etiquette designates this. Op did overstep by not talking to his parents.
If op was trying to do something nice for everyone involved, he would have discussed it with his parents, and told them so they could use what money they had for a different gift. He could have even went half and half with them. Nope! He wanted to do something that made his sister happy and boosted his ego. He accomplished that, but took his parents down a notch by doing so.
I don't think op is an ass for that. I just think he did it wrong. And he should have filled his parents in on his plans. It is, by the book rude to take away a milestone from a parent no matter who you are.
Let's see .the youngest child in the OP's post is 18. Which would allow for the youngest parent having them at 40, which means they had the OP in their 30s. Very possible.
They are not young kids but adults.
>There are no young boomers.
My parents are classified as young boomers. They were born in 62 and 64. My best friend is an elder millennial born in 82, and my cousin is a young millennial born in 96
BTW this whole rant made you sound like an elder boomer. You might as well be yelling at everyone to get off your lawn.
Honestly theyâre proving that boomer can also be a state of mind, they embody it imo. Boomer - see also entitled asshat waffling about etiquette enough to make Emily Post and Ms manners sick.
I am not a boomer, but damn, the kid is going to rap crap and doesn't know what he/she/they are saying.
I am so up to here with kids rambling off and blaming generations. There are some kids today that know etiquette. But mostly they weren't taught it by their parents. Etiquette was canceled so it seems.
Literacy was also canceled, so it seems. "Younger boomer" is a boomer on the younger end of their established age range. That was obvious from their sentence structure. YOU are the one who said "young boomer," the person you rambled at said "younger boomer."
Yes. I understood it. They said younger boomer, referring to a boomer on the younger side of the boomer scale.
I said there are no young boomers because they are all at least 58. Most likely they don't have 18 yr old kids. When I said no young boomers, I was referring to the parents not being old enough to be boomers. My inference was that the folks op called boomers were not boomers at all.
But I did read it back, and will say it reads more as you interpreted it. But I did understand what op was saying. The difference was not lost on me. I'm on cell, so I guess I should have been more explanatory.
I will give you that!
A car is a pretty big responsibility. It's not great to give a gift with that much responsibility without talking to the parents. OP clearly meant the absolute best, though.
Now they can spend that money on something else awesome that she wants. Fighting over to much money when youâre a family of working class is a waste of time and good intentions. Nta.
I will say maybe you should have talked to them first but maybe they would have talked you out of it. đŹ
No, no, I get it. And it was a wonderful gift. But cars come with long term costs (maintenance/insurance), so coordinating with the people who are likely to help the young adult is a good thing to do.
This is the real problem here. OP knew the parents were planning to get her a car. What if they had already bought one? OP should've talked to the parents first before doing this.
This. Tell them what you told us, let them grouse about it, and move on. Tell them they can use what they have saved so far to start (or add to) a college fund.
What you did was generous and clearly appreciated by your sister, but I can see why your parents feel hurt/ like you overstepped.
My dad told me a situation that happened in his first marriage when he was quite young and it has stuck with me. - He married a woman who came from a wealthier family than my dad did and her father never felt like my dad measured up. He would make comments and jabs aimed at my dadâs expense that made it clear he wasnât happy his daughter was with someone that wasnât wealthy. There was a lot of love but not a lot of money. They had 2 children and things were tight financially but my dad provided as best as he could and they did not rely on the father for anything.
Back when microwaves first came out they were pretty expensive- several hundred dollars. His wife really wanted a certain one and my dad was saving up for it. Right when he just about had enough money to purchase it, his FIL went and bought his daughter the one she wanted and presented it to her. Everyone knew my dad was saving up for it and it was done as a âpower moveâ by the FIL to âproveâ that money wasnât a thing for him and that my dad couldnât provide what he could.
Iâm not saying this is what you did- as it doesnât sound like the same situation, but can you see how it would be hurtful to your parents that something they really wanted to make special for your sister has been âtaken awayâ?
I donât think you are the AH, but having a conversation with your parents about your intentions prior to wouldâve avoided this situation.
Thanks for saying that. Yeah, it definitely contributed to conflict in their marriage and their ultimate divorce for sure. There were a lot of instances where it showed me how important it is that your family values align// how nice it is to have a good relationship with a potential partnerâs parents and how awful/ difficult it can be when that is not the case. Now that I think about it, I donât think my dad actually told me about it- heâs pretty quiet that way and not one to shit talk someone he had children with/ their family. I think my grandma/ mom mustâve mentioned it when I was being nosy. lol
This exactly. It's super nice of him to get his sister a car.
However, he knew his parents were planning on doing it. Not only that, but the sister was told this would be their present to her. It's kinda a dick move to upstage them.
I bet everyone would have been happy if he talked to his parents before and said "I found this car, I want to buy it for her. You guys can take the money you've been saving and cover the insurance and we'll call it a joint gift."
This 100%
NTA for buying rhe car, but knowing they had plans to do it, a conversation with them "Hey I know yall talked about this, but I came into some money and wanted to do it"
Kind of stole their thunder and I could see how they could be upset. Communication (or lack thereof) is the best way to prevent these issues.
Why wouldn't you just talk to them first? Giving someone the same gift you *know* someone else is planning to get them is a pretty asshole thing to do. You could've asked to chip in and make it a joint gift or something. This is such a weird choice to make especially with such a large purchase. I'm going with YTA
Minor YTA for not talking to the parents of a minor before such a huge gift. Larger YTA for specifically getting her a gift you already knew they were planning on getting--no one likes having their gift idea stolen!
Too late now though. Apologize to the parents.
Her parents promised a car for her birthday. OP should have at least checked in with them to make sure they hadn't already bought something they were keeping in the wings, or had something planned. To completely subvert their promise is an AH move, not matter how kind and noble.
Yes, you're kind of TA.
Everyone seems to be focused on this just being about money, and was OP waving his wealth around in mom and dad's face.
It's not just a money thing.
It's a personal responsibility thing.
There's a benefit to someone (particularly a teenager) having a stake in the game with a car. Buying it, paying for maintenance, paying for gas, even paying for insurance.
YTA. It was a well known face your parents planned to gift your sister a car. Imagine in 10 years or so, both you and your sister are both doing well financially. You confide in your sister that you're going to send your parents on a once in a lifetime trip for their anniversary. You're excited, obviously and start saving up. You hit a few financial roadblocks, but behind the scenes you're still working to make it happen. Well, all your sister sees is your financial roadblocks. So, SHE instead gifts your parents the trip of a lifetime. How would you feel? If she has JUST talked to you, she would have realized that even though there have been struggles, you have been managing to save for it all along.
YTA. What if they had already bought her a car? Even if you knew they hadnât why wouldnât you just talk to them? It would also be a jerk move if they said they were getting her a tv for Christmas and so you went ahead and gave her a tv on Christmas Eve.
Sorry man, but YTA on this one. Albeit a very thoughtful, nice, and generous AH. If your parents promised her a car for her birthday, and you went out and bought her one without talking to them, that's just not cool.
Why would you at least not touch base with them and find out what their move was before buying the car? I completely understand their frustration.
As a dad I would be pissed off too if my elder would have done that to our youngest without even talking to us first.
Yes, you're the AH for not talking to them first, especially if you knew they wanted to do this.
You're a great big brother and a generous one, but you can improve as far as communicating with your folks.
Why didn't you talk to them? Dig deep and honestly into this because you want to know why.
For those that disagree with me and aren't parents of grown-up kids: save this thread and reopen it when your kids will be in their late teens and early 20s and check again if you think I'm wrong ;-).
What was your reason for not discussing it with your parents beforehand? It does strike odd. Like there is something much deeper going on here. How did you know they hadn't already bought a car they were stashing somewhere else?
YTA for not telling them. When someone has declared that they will buy a gift, itâs rude to them go buy that gift.
And There are some things that parents care about being the ones to buy.
You should have talked to your folks and offered to help with the gift.
YTA - you KNEW your parents were planning for a car for her. Why not talk to them first, what if they ALSO bought her a car when you did? You COULD have combined resources and gotten a better car, too. And they would feel like they were the ones providing also.
i'm gonna say it was an asshole move to spend your money when you knew they could not afford to and you knew they had promised her a car.
and you didn't talk with them first
YTA.
As a mom, if my son was in a position to do this for the familyâŚ
âŚIâd run to every house in the neighborhood shouting how awesome my son is. One less major financial thing to worry about!
I don't know if I want to say you're an asshole, 'cause you did a nice thing, but it's definitely weird that you didn't speak with your parents about this, particularly if you knew that they had already told her they were going to get her a car.
Knowing that, it certainly seems like you're showing them up. Why would you not have told them you were going to do this? The three of you could have pooled money to purchase her a car. I don't get why you would do this without consulting them.
This was my thought as well. You talk to them, say let's go in on it together to surprise her. You find out what they could afford, say you'll buy it, and if you want to spend more you just tell them it cost what the original budget was. Easypeasy and you make everyone happy. Parents are happy they're making their daughter happy and about their good son doing something he didn't have to, sister is happy she gets a car and has loving parents/brother. I can't figure out if OP is just incredibly short sighted or wanted all the attention.
Or they're mad because they promised her a car for her birthday and OP just went out and spoiled whatever they had planned. And she's an adult now. She doesn't follow a house rule, she can find her own place. Jesus.
YTA. You had great intentions and a huge heart. It's no small thing to buy someone a car, that's for sure. You're a great big sister. But the fact that you didn't even bother approaching your parents about this before doing it is what makes you TA. You KNEW they were trying to make something in that realm happen and you swept the rug right out from under them. That part is def not cool. You 100% should have talked to your parents first.
NTA but they're allowed to be upset, this is traditionally a moment for the parents for many families. Just apologize, I'm sure they can put that money to something equally as special, like a trip.
NTA - they promised to give her one for her 18th birthday. That came and went and no car from them. You should have talked to them beforehand just to make sure something was not already in the works but it sounds like all they had so far was the idea to buy your sister a car eventually. You did a really nice thing for your sister, and for them, everyone should be grateful.
You did NOT do a bad thing, but I think it turned out bad because you didnt talk to your parents first. They are right in feeling upset, even if it's seen as petty.
I do think you ment well, however.
You're in the middle. You did a good thing, but you took the deed away from someone who has been working for it. Your intentions were good, but how you went about it was not. We may need additional context since they promised her a car for her birthday but didn't have one available towards the date that they claimed. It is possible that they had some sort of deal set up or had been making sacrifices in order to make it happen and just needed a bit more time to finalize everything. It is also possible that it was a promise that they could not deliver on and didn't have any plans to begin with and are upset that the idea of them making this happen is gone. It all depends on the situation that we do not have more info on.
NTA but still apologize to your parents. I mean you are well meaning but you have to look from it from your parents perspective. They prob would be glad you stepped up.
Kinda TA, but also not. You were really kind for what you did for your sister, but knowing your parents were thinking of buying her one, you couldâve just talked to them about it. Maybe in the future, find a place or time to pull them aside and as if you can do this, because i genuinely see where they were coming from.
Definitely NTA, but maybe apologize to your parents for not talking about it with them. Iâm hoping that they are planning to put the âcar $â towards your sisterâs post-secondary education.
Even though you meant it nicely YTA! You knew they wanted to give her a car but never thought at any point to talk to them. Imagine if they had already purchased the car. Communication is key in any relationship. Man up and apologize to your parents. Their feelings are valid and you shouldnât be confused on why theyâre upset with you.
TA, but just a little bit. It would have been nice that you included them and perhaps said it was from all of you. Its great to get a gift for your sister. Your parents are being AHs as well. They should be happy they have children who love each other.
Yeah, YTA. Obviously not for your generosity towards your sister, but for side-stepping your parents despite knowing they promised her a vehicle. Whether they've been struggling financially or not is largely irrelevant. I don't understand why you didn't even bother talking to them about it and you could have split the cost or come to some other agreement.
ESH, except your sister. And your parents wouldn't be assholes if you had told them in advance that you had bought or we're going to buy your sister a car. I find it very strange that you would not even mention this to your parents knowing full well that they wanted to buy your sister a car. I wonder what the reason is why you didn't tell them in advance. You didn't mention anything about your relationship with your parents so maybe a little bit I'm worried information about that would help. You do owe your parents an apology though
If she lives under their roof... you have to consult them before you do something like this. You overstepped your boundary here. Now guess what, she is going to break all the house rules saying she is an adult and they didn't even buy her that car.. if she lived by herself, that is a different story. If she crashes that car.. it's on u. If she is irresponsible with the car in any way.. it's on you. 18 year Olds need guidance. You should have gone and even told your parents, hey, I have the money, let's go pick up a car and it will be under your stipulations. Say we all chipped in...
But u wanted the glory. So I hope u are able to live with the consequences..
Soft YTA.. here just because u did this by yourself.
Listen it was a very nice gesture, but you knew this was their intention and you didn't even think to discuss it with them? They might have been able to contribute towards it and made it from the family. I don't think you meant to be an ass but that's how it came off. Apologize that you didn't discuss it first, not that you did it at all. It is also a matter of pride being able to take care of your kids and that was taken from them, it is understandable that this could leave them feeling humiliated/humbled.
Kind of an AH. You absolutely should have told your parents. You made them look cheap and ignorant. At the very least you and your parents could have split the cost but you didnât even give them the opportunity. Yeah, I think you upstaged them on purpose.
NO YOU'RE GOOD. AS YOU SAID YOUR SISTER WAS STRUGGLING WITHOUT A CAR YOUR PARENTS WERE NOT ABLE TO BUY HER A CAR AT THE TIME AND YOU WERE KIND ENOUGH TO BUY IT FOR HER WHEN YOU CAME INTO SOME EXTRA MONEY I THINK THAT THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL OF YOU AND YOUR PARENTS SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT BEING UPSTAGE THEY SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR THE FACT THAT THEIR OTHER DAUGHTER HAS A CAR NOW AND THAT THEIR FIRST DAUGHTER WAS ABLE TO BUY IT FOR THEIR SECOND DAUGHTER BUT PEOPLE ARE ONLY WORRIED ABOUT THEMSELVES THESE DAYS SO DON'T LISTEN TO ANYBODY ELSE YOU DID A NICE THING FOR YOUR SISTER YOU'RE A GOOD SISTER
You are not the AH. Don't allow your parents to push your back to the wall. This may sound cold, but the day will likely come when your parents will be gone and you and your sister will only have each other and the families you build with partners. You made a decision that will build something good in your future. Apologize to your parents and try to patch things up. Time will usually heal things so don't give up. But good job on helping your sister. And keep this old saying in mind. To whom much is given, much is expected. But I think you already know and understand the concept.
P S. JUST WANTED TO ADD SOMETHING IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR PARENTS WERE MORE CONCERNED WITH THEIR IMAGE , AND BEING PRAISED IN YOUR SISTER'S EYES INSTEAD OF THE REAL CONCERN WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER HAVING A CAR THEY SHOULD BE THRILLED THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO GET IT FOR HER. SOME PEOPLE ARE ONLY CONCERNED WITH THEMSELVES AND WANTING TO BE PRAISED
At 18, Iâm cool with it. At 16, I might have felt like you were stepping on my toes a bit as a parent because Iâd want some input on what a kid that young drove.
NTA. They just don't have it. And they are upset that they couldn't follow thru and be the greatest people in the world to your sister. Many parents have this mindset that if anyone else does something significant for their child first, the whole world will crumble. Then they will turn around and say they don't have "a village". Well you kinda ran away everyone who was trying to help.
You didnât show them up hereâs y plain and simple your parents gave your sister life nothing and I mean nothing beats that so they didnât get her a car first but cars come and go which means youâre parents have plenty of time to honor their promise NTA
No offense, but your parents are weird! What parent would not LOVE to have another sibling help out in such a big financial way!?!? Am I missing something here?
I don't see why so many people are telling you that you're the asshole for doing what you could for your family when you knew your parents couldn't due to financial problems. NTA, you did right by your sister, and honestly if your parents care more for their pride then your sisters wellbeing, they can get bent. This isn't a 'respect your elders' type thing, you were there for your family.
Your parents need therapy. They should have been relieved to not have that financial stress. Happy for her, and proud they raised a son that takes care of his younger sister.
If they want to feel better they can pay for her gas and insurance lol
My first thought was Definitely should have talked to them first, then I thought about if I was in your shoes, my father would never let me do that. He would rather buy her a complete pos then let me handle it. Stoopid pride. So maybe just beg for forgiveness instead of ask for permission was the way to go for your family. Still apologize tho. Also great job on being a solid human being.
YTA for not talking to them.
You knew they were planning to do this and you sniped their gift. Iâm not saying your logic is wrong, but you owed them a conversation
If I was your parents I would be happy that you did this. Your parent need to check their hurt feelings. One sibling doing something nice for another sibling is all you could ever ask for as a parent. Hope they figure it out soon.
Do you parents tend to display pretty narcissistic traits like this regularly? Sounds like they wanted the spotlight and care more about that, than you and your sister having a wonderful experience that didn't include them.
You sound like an amazing brother! Keep doing you and don't let people make you feel bad for doing good!
NTA, you did something nice for your sister, you also were trying to take some financial burden off your folks shoulders, so since, to me at least, it seems as though you had good intentions I really wouldn't worry if your folks are butt hurt. I guess you could apologize for not including them, but then they would have fucked it up anyway, so I think your fine.
It was nice of you but you really should have consulted with your parents first. Maybe you could have pooled some money, got a nicer car from all of you. Youâve hurt the relationship.
NTA, they promised her a car for her birthday, that day came and went with no car. they had the chance. besides, you had the intyention to help her AND THEM. they should appologize, not you.
You should have talked to your parents. I am sure they are disappointed even if it did make things easier. Sounds like there is a lot of love in your family. I am sure it will all be forgotten soon enough
NTA. If you had done it before her birthday, or on her birthday, they'd have cause for complaint. But you waited until after her birthday, with no firm commitment on their part ("We got you a present, it's being delivered a week from Monday. In the meantime here's a cake.")
Suggest to them that they buy accessories for the car and maybe pay for insurance for the first year. But yeah, you really should have talked to them first.
It would have made sense to talk to them about it but NTA. As parents they want to provide for their daughter and give her what she needs. They're struggling financially, but they're also struggling with not being able to do that. Empathize with them and apologize.
>I gave it to her the day *after* her birthday
>Our parents promised her a car for her birthday
It sounds to me like they had plenty of chance. You probably should have coordinated with them, and they probably should be happy that their daughter came away with a better car and they don't have to struggle even more trying to buy her a lesser vehicle. NTA.
Tell them itâs not a competition? You arenât âcompetingâ with them⌠youâre on the same team. Just because they didnât get the glory of scoring the goal themselves, theyâreâŚ. Mad? That what, their daughter got what she needed?
Love is not a zero sum game, and caring for loved ones is a team sport, not a competition.
NTA but your parents need to stop being so selfish and care more about their kids than about points or looking good to others.
NTA, IMO. You did a nice thing for your sister. That said, perhaps you could have anticipated it making your parents feel bad. If you had, you could have perhaps offered them the opportunity to go in on it with you. Then it could have been a gift from all of you, and there wouldn't have been any hurt feelings anywhere. Just a thought.
NTA. Your sister is 18 now. Old enough to learn what you seem to already know, that mom and dad canât afford to âmanage to get her somethingâ.
Their pride stings. If you had asked them for their blessing, and they said no, they werenât in a position to buy the car she had already been told to expect.
They are saving up, and thatâs great. Apologize for hurting their pride and encourage them to put the car money they have saved, if any, toward her first apartment or tuition.
NTA. Instead of being grateful that you were in the position to help them out, they blasted you only because of what it looked like, appearances. That is the lamest of lame moves in the book.
People who love each other help each other. They should have been very grateful that you were able to help their daughter out, when they would struggle to do the same. You need to check your parents and their attitude. Let them understand that you were able to help your sister out and her parents and it is not a showing them up thing. If they think that, they need to get their heads examined and grow up. It came from love and their response is something completely NOT LOVE.
HURRAHHHHH FOR BIG BROTHER/SISTER!!!!
NTA, apologize for not talking to them first then let it he. If they canât see that you did this to help them and your sister out then theyâre just shallow people who wanted to do it more for themselves than for your sister
You did good! On getting her a reliable car..probably should of told parents 1st.
Better than second, hand, that was driven to death, hey I got a deal!
2 accidents, a little flood damage all good! 9k 35% interest!..
You did good!!
It's their bad!!
NTA. The problem is that your parents never specified when they would get it due to money woes. You seized the opportunity to help out and theyâre being ungrateful for it. They need to apologize to you for their behavior.
A little gesture like this with your sister will help you out in the long run.
NTA
They're just upset they didn't get to do that for her but it was never anything done out of malice and only out of kindness.
Suggest to your parents that they upgrade her car for her. Get her a new sound system, tinted windows and redone paint job, things of that nature. It can still be expensive but it will let them contribute without breaking the bank directly to her car.
Definitely NTA
While you probably should have at least given them a heads up about it, you didnât do anything out of spite or to harm them etc
You did something nice for your sister for her birthday and you also did something nice for your parents since they donât have to put up the money, although if I were in that case Iâd probably say something like if you want to contribute to the cost of the car then do so and apologize for stepping on their toes since that obviously wasnât your intention
Um, not for nothing, but, he gave his sister the car the day AFTER her birthday. If the parents were actually going to get her a car for her birthday, wouldnât she have it on her birthday, the day before? I donât think it was ever going to happen for old Sis.
NAH. You overstepped a bit by not talking to your folks, but you did something generous and shouldnât be slammed for it. Next time, talk to them first.
Itâs a very nice gesture. Your parents can still support their daughter by covering insurance payments for a short period. Thatâs difficult for a young person.
You're not the asshole. You saw your sister's need and decided to help her out with your financial windfall. It's understandable your parents might feel that way, but your heart was in the right place. Your parents should be able to see that, after their egos calm down.
We were able to swing buying cars for our boys, your parents are RIDICULOUS and probably embarrassed that they could not do it themselves. Hell, I would have been thrilled to have someone else do this, lol. Good for you!
So instead of your parents being happy for their daughter who is over-the-moon happy, they're pissed that they didn't get the glory for it?
And hey, nothing is stopping your parents for getting your sister a different gift of equivalent cost.
Nope, NTA.
NTA. Her birthday came and went, no car. You got her one. Everyone should be happy. She got a car, you got to give it to her, and your parents got to save money. Everyone wins. I donât get people sometimes that get upset over things like this.
>However, my parents are pissed. They feel like I overstepped my boundaries and took away their opportunity to gift her the car. They argued that they would have managed to get her something and that I didnât give them a chance. Theyâre upset that I didnât consult them first, and now they feel like they canât compete with what Iâve done.
They had their chance. They said that they'd get it for her birthday, that means for her birthday, not in a few months, weeks or even days. NTA.
NTA. I think Iâd feel touched and proud if one of my kids made such a purchase for their sibling. Definitely wouldnât feel undermined. But then the mom in me would probably lecture them for being so magnanimous with a windfall, and wouldâve preferred they let their dad and me pay them back, so that the money would be available for their own needs.
NTA. Your parents are being ridiculous. Plus your sister is now legally an adult so you did not have to consult with your parents before gifting her the car. Your parents are just butt hurt because you beat them to the punch and obviously you are now your sister's favorite family member!
NTA remind your parents that you love them and your sister. That since you came into a little money you just wanted to take the pressure off of them and make you sister smile. That it is not a competition and you all love one another and that is why you take care of one another when you have the means because you know they have made sacrifices for you and your sister.
Absolutely nta your sister is an adult now so you don't need to go over every purchase you make for her with your parents anymore and it's not like your parents would've been able to buy her one for a long time. Is instinctively apologize cause I always got yelled at if I didn't but if I were you I wouldn't because you don't need to if anything they should be grateful.
lol WHAT?! What kind of parent would be mad that their child bought their YOUNGER SIBLING a car !? Thatâs INSANE to me. NTA what an amazing gesture and what a load off of your parents. If it were me and I was your parent Iâd have graciously offered to at least pay you half and if you said no I would DEFINITELY take you out to a bad ass dinner.
Donât apologize say what you intended which was to take the burden off you donât have to apologize for doing something for your sister. These dumbasses in the comments saying you should apologize is as much of a pushover. Just tell them you where trying to take the burden off and you donât see why itâs such a big deal if you where just helping them
NTA because sheâs 18. I could understand if she were 16 or even 17. But you can gift her anything you want now and itâs not your parentsâ business.
Wow I stopped reading shortly after,
"they were pissed' sounds narcissistic AF! I'd be thrilled that I raised an amazing thoughtful,kid! Who loves their sibling!
*smh*
I don't even see why they're mad. You probably should have told them that's what you're doing incase they already had something set up. But it doesn't sound like they had it figured out at all. So no nta. They have plenty of opportunities to throw money at your sister.
NTA
I put myself and both my brothers through college and haven't heard a peep from my parents.
A lot of us Elder siblings I feel like we're unfortunately the experimental child and the one most of the lessons of parenting were learned from albeit the hard way.
We definitely missed out on getting everything we needed because there is no way anyone is ever 100% ready to be a parent, I like to think we recognize that and move into a position where we can fill the gaps and make life better for our younger siblings.
At least that's my take.
Your parents sound like assholes , they should be happy to have raised you to be kind and loving of your sister. Not everyone does this for their siblings even when they have the money to.
As a parent I would have been so moved to see this level of love from my children.
Canât believe how some people arenât aware when they have good children
Just apologize to your parents for not talking to them about it first.
then pay them hush money so they don't say anything mean
đđđ
Quality comment đ
Damn it! Where were you when my mother was alive. She was so mean and cheap, bribes might have worked.
NAH, their parents are being ridiculous. There isnt any real problem here, they all just need to move on with their lives. But still their parents, so they should apologize. These parents are only going to get more ridiculous as they get older, its good to humor them when you can. And its not like an apology costs money.
Are you fr? What if they already got the car? If op knew they were already getting a car, why couldnât they just say, âhey parents, I wanna help out too. Iâll pay for half when you get the carâ. OP should have communicated this with the parents first but whatâs done is done. Soft yta.
It was the day after her birthday; her parents are financially strapped. NTA
The parents promised the car for her birthday. Op says they gave the car to her the day after her birthday. They're just mad that they failed to honor their promises.
I'd bet money that these parents are on the late end of the boomer window. Younger boomers that are struggling tend to be very prideful, so maybe their pride is hurt and they're projecting some of that insecurity onto the act. OP didn't intend to show them up, they were trying to do something nice for everybody involved, because they were in a good position to be able to. But they definitely missed the chance to make it understood that that was where it was coming from, and through the parent's lens, they could easily be seeing it as OP anticipating that they wouldn't be able to follow through on their intention. OP isn't the asshole they're accusing them of being, but they deserve an apology for OP keeping them out of the loop and swooping in. They may have wanted to still get the car despite the better positioning, but OP deprived them of being able to take that under consideration, or to be able to make that decision at all, regardless of where it was coming from. Edit: Apparently pointing out what OP said about them struggling, and some very basic psychology, has pissed off the lead eaters.
Weird leap to them the parents being 60 year olds with an 18 year old child. Redditors will try to pin literally anything on boomers. Cringy. âBasic psychologyâ lol. Well your reasoning is definitely basic.
My mother was 42 when she had me. It's not a weird leap. And she would act the same way if I was in ops position.
Oh wow! I was 21 when I had my daughter and I would have shouted for joy if someone would have bought her a car when she was a teen
That's because you see the value in help from others and not as someone trying to spite, compete with or embarrass you. My sister has the same mindset as my mother. Let's just say she is upset that I'll take my godkids out the country for vacation before my nephews and nieces. But she also is stuck on this "I gotta take them on an international vacation first not you." So I'm letting her live in that mindset.
It all could have been done easily with a convo. Hey I got this extra money and would like to help with Sisters car. No muss no fuss no drama
Typical age range for an adult child in a position to buy a car, for a younger sibling that would put age at birth in the early 40s this being the case, miffed at the intervention, defensive reaction painted by their struggling indicating a potentially prideful state of mind. Not exactly a tall building in a single bound. Not like I'd be betting my rent on it either. Touched a nerve though did i?
You think it takes someone to get to their 40âs to buy a used car? And Iâm old millennial, so no nerves touched.
Reading comprehension not very strong here, not what I said. Early 40s would be the age when the parents had the younger sibling if they were in the age group I'm approximating the parents to be in, which is perfectly reasonable age for the child to happen. Elder sibling old enough and well of enough to cover a nicer car, and the parents having the reaction they did being indicative of a typical reaction for the approximation, all of which support, but do not necessarily conclude, the soundness of the bet.
Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964. There are no young boomers. Please know what you are talking about before you accuse a generation of anything. What there is, is proper etiquette, which militias forward do know know, care about, or follow. Doesn't mean proper etiquette doesn't exist. Just means people born after 2000 generally have little knowledge of etiquette. They know "don't wear white to a wedding" and "say thank you if you get a gift". But there is more to proper etiquette. You shit on etiquette and form boundaries in your generation. What your ignorant asses don't know is that etiquette was formed to keep social boundaries. If etiquette was followed more properly, 3/4 of the boundaries you set would not be needed because etiquette already demands that boundary. People are setting boundaries now because nobody follows etiquette. It isn't okay to show up to a party and outshine the people that are throwing the party by providing an over the top gift. That is like going to a wedding and proposing. It takes the attention off the birthday person and shines it on the gift giver. It is using their dime, their party, for your benefit and it is rude as hell. This case is a little different, as op didn't do this at a party. But he should still talk to the parents about it. What if they had already bought a car and couldn't pick it up until the weekend? It is a parents privilege to help with milestones like a car. Etiquette designates this. Op did overstep by not talking to his parents. If op was trying to do something nice for everyone involved, he would have discussed it with his parents, and told them so they could use what money they had for a different gift. He could have even went half and half with them. Nope! He wanted to do something that made his sister happy and boosted his ego. He accomplished that, but took his parents down a notch by doing so. I don't think op is an ass for that. I just think he did it wrong. And he should have filled his parents in on his plans. It is, by the book rude to take away a milestone from a parent no matter who you are.
Young boomer = someone born in the latter years of a defined generation. There are old Gen Zers, too. Has nothing to do with actual age.
Actually, it does. Boomers are a defined age group.
And that is 1947 to 1964! Thank you for the backup! The youngest boomer is 58-59. Not likely to have young kids around! Grandkids maybe.
Off by one year friend. 1946-64
I thought I put 46! I Google it and thought how odd the numbers reversed. Also, I type poorly!
Lol I do that all the time too no worries!
Let's see .the youngest child in the OP's post is 18. Which would allow for the youngest parent having them at 40, which means they had the OP in their 30s. Very possible. They are not young kids but adults.
Thatâs how it started out. Term âboomerâ has sort of been transitioned into describing the MAGA crowd these days.
Yes, and I resent that.
Understandable. I would too if my generation was stereotyped as supporting a rapist and traitor like Trump.
>There are no young boomers. My parents are classified as young boomers. They were born in 62 and 64. My best friend is an elder millennial born in 82, and my cousin is a young millennial born in 96 BTW this whole rant made you sound like an elder boomer. You might as well be yelling at everyone to get off your lawn.
Honestly theyâre proving that boomer can also be a state of mind, they embody it imo. Boomer - see also entitled asshat waffling about etiquette enough to make Emily Post and Ms manners sick.
I am not a boomer, but damn, the kid is going to rap crap and doesn't know what he/she/they are saying. I am so up to here with kids rambling off and blaming generations. There are some kids today that know etiquette. But mostly they weren't taught it by their parents. Etiquette was canceled so it seems.
Literacy was also canceled, so it seems. "Younger boomer" is a boomer on the younger end of their established age range. That was obvious from their sentence structure. YOU are the one who said "young boomer," the person you rambled at said "younger boomer."
Yes. I understood it. They said younger boomer, referring to a boomer on the younger side of the boomer scale. I said there are no young boomers because they are all at least 58. Most likely they don't have 18 yr old kids. When I said no young boomers, I was referring to the parents not being old enough to be boomers. My inference was that the folks op called boomers were not boomers at all. But I did read it back, and will say it reads more as you interpreted it. But I did understand what op was saying. The difference was not lost on me. I'm on cell, so I guess I should have been more explanatory. I will give you that!
\*relatively\* young, young \*for a boomer\*, not objectively young. Christ almighty...
A car is a pretty big responsibility. It's not great to give a gift with that much responsibility without talking to the parents. OP clearly meant the absolute best, though.
The parents already told her she was getting a car though.
Now they can spend that money on something else awesome that she wants. Fighting over to much money when youâre a family of working class is a waste of time and good intentions. Nta. I will say maybe you should have talked to them first but maybe they would have talked you out of it. đŹ
They could have been just happy they raised such a generous and kind hearted person. Instead they chose to fight. What can you do.
The recipient is 18 they are an adult
Sister just turned 18...she's an adult!
No, no, I get it. And it was a wonderful gift. But cars come with long term costs (maintenance/insurance), so coordinating with the people who are likely to help the young adult is a good thing to do.
True
This is the real problem here. OP knew the parents were planning to get her a car. What if they had already bought one? OP should've talked to the parents first before doing this.
This. Tell them what you told us, let them grouse about it, and move on. Tell them they can use what they have saved so far to start (or add to) a college fund.
Let them gift her the car insurance monthly so she can keep driving it
Why would he need to apologise to is tantrum throwing parents. Sister is happy thats all he need.
What you did was generous and clearly appreciated by your sister, but I can see why your parents feel hurt/ like you overstepped. My dad told me a situation that happened in his first marriage when he was quite young and it has stuck with me. - He married a woman who came from a wealthier family than my dad did and her father never felt like my dad measured up. He would make comments and jabs aimed at my dadâs expense that made it clear he wasnât happy his daughter was with someone that wasnât wealthy. There was a lot of love but not a lot of money. They had 2 children and things were tight financially but my dad provided as best as he could and they did not rely on the father for anything. Back when microwaves first came out they were pretty expensive- several hundred dollars. His wife really wanted a certain one and my dad was saving up for it. Right when he just about had enough money to purchase it, his FIL went and bought his daughter the one she wanted and presented it to her. Everyone knew my dad was saving up for it and it was done as a âpower moveâ by the FIL to âproveâ that money wasnât a thing for him and that my dad couldnât provide what he could. Iâm not saying this is what you did- as it doesnât sound like the same situation, but can you see how it would be hurtful to your parents that something they really wanted to make special for your sister has been âtaken awayâ? I donât think you are the AH, but having a conversation with your parents about your intentions prior to wouldâve avoided this situation.
So glad you mentioned âfirst marriageâ. Your dad doesnât deserve to be treated like shit by that FIL. Is this one of the reasons of the divorce?
Thanks for saying that. Yeah, it definitely contributed to conflict in their marriage and their ultimate divorce for sure. There were a lot of instances where it showed me how important it is that your family values align// how nice it is to have a good relationship with a potential partnerâs parents and how awful/ difficult it can be when that is not the case. Now that I think about it, I donât think my dad actually told me about it- heâs pretty quiet that way and not one to shit talk someone he had children with/ their family. I think my grandma/ mom mustâve mentioned it when I was being nosy. lol
Understandable. Your dad is kind through and through to not paint the in-laws in the first marriage in a bad light to you.
This is another example of a nice gesture that caused tension and could have all been avoided by having a conversation before doing it.
Agreed. Simple communication normally prevents these kinds of problems from ever happening.
This exactly. It's super nice of him to get his sister a car. However, he knew his parents were planning on doing it. Not only that, but the sister was told this would be their present to her. It's kinda a dick move to upstage them. I bet everyone would have been happy if he talked to his parents before and said "I found this car, I want to buy it for her. You guys can take the money you've been saving and cover the insurance and we'll call it a joint gift."
This!
Not this. Parents are acting like spoilt children. It's not a competition
This too!
This 100% NTA for buying rhe car, but knowing they had plans to do it, a conversation with them "Hey I know yall talked about this, but I came into some money and wanted to do it" Kind of stole their thunder and I could see how they could be upset. Communication (or lack thereof) is the best way to prevent these issues.
This is Reddit, we donât do communication here.
I agree that lack of communication is what caused this problem.
[ŃдаНонО]
Social awareness of a tree. lol. But, actually trees are very social tbh
Looking at account history and previous posting comments, this is a fake profile and post.
Dammit.
Why wouldn't you just talk to them first? Giving someone the same gift you *know* someone else is planning to get them is a pretty asshole thing to do. You could've asked to chip in and make it a joint gift or something. This is such a weird choice to make especially with such a large purchase. I'm going with YTA
Yep, well said.
Minor YTA for not talking to the parents of a minor before such a huge gift. Larger YTA for specifically getting her a gift you already knew they were planning on getting--no one likes having their gift idea stolen! Too late now though. Apologize to the parents.
[ŃдаНонО]
Her parents promised a car for her birthday. OP should have at least checked in with them to make sure they hadn't already bought something they were keeping in the wings, or had something planned. To completely subvert their promise is an AH move, not matter how kind and noble.
Nah, this is a clear YTA. OP should have discussed with the parents first. Good intentions does not excuse AH behavior.
Yes, you're kind of TA. Everyone seems to be focused on this just being about money, and was OP waving his wealth around in mom and dad's face. It's not just a money thing. It's a personal responsibility thing. There's a benefit to someone (particularly a teenager) having a stake in the game with a car. Buying it, paying for maintenance, paying for gas, even paying for insurance.
YTA. It was a well known face your parents planned to gift your sister a car. Imagine in 10 years or so, both you and your sister are both doing well financially. You confide in your sister that you're going to send your parents on a once in a lifetime trip for their anniversary. You're excited, obviously and start saving up. You hit a few financial roadblocks, but behind the scenes you're still working to make it happen. Well, all your sister sees is your financial roadblocks. So, SHE instead gifts your parents the trip of a lifetime. How would you feel? If she has JUST talked to you, she would have realized that even though there have been struggles, you have been managing to save for it all along.
YTA. What if they had already bought her a car? Even if you knew they hadnât why wouldnât you just talk to them? It would also be a jerk move if they said they were getting her a tv for Christmas and so you went ahead and gave her a tv on Christmas Eve.
You wounded their pride. Apologize and move on.
Sorry man, but YTA on this one. Albeit a very thoughtful, nice, and generous AH. If your parents promised her a car for her birthday, and you went out and bought her one without talking to them, that's just not cool. Why would you at least not touch base with them and find out what their move was before buying the car? I completely understand their frustration.
As a dad I would be pissed off too if my elder would have done that to our youngest without even talking to us first. Yes, you're the AH for not talking to them first, especially if you knew they wanted to do this. You're a great big brother and a generous one, but you can improve as far as communicating with your folks. Why didn't you talk to them? Dig deep and honestly into this because you want to know why. For those that disagree with me and aren't parents of grown-up kids: save this thread and reopen it when your kids will be in their late teens and early 20s and check again if you think I'm wrong ;-).
What was your reason for not discussing it with your parents beforehand? It does strike odd. Like there is something much deeper going on here. How did you know they hadn't already bought a car they were stashing somewhere else?
Should have consulted them.
YTA for not telling them. When someone has declared that they will buy a gift, itâs rude to them go buy that gift. And There are some things that parents care about being the ones to buy. You should have talked to your folks and offered to help with the gift.
I have a kid your parents can buy a car for! Win win!
YTA - you KNEW your parents were planning for a car for her. Why not talk to them first, what if they ALSO bought her a car when you did? You COULD have combined resources and gotten a better car, too. And they would feel like they were the ones providing also.
i'm gonna say it was an asshole move to spend your money when you knew they could not afford to and you knew they had promised her a car. and you didn't talk with them first YTA.
You couldn't have, like, said.... "Hey can I go in on that car with you? I have some extra cash, and i'd love to pitch in"? Yeah, YTA.
As a mom, if my son was in a position to do this for the family⌠âŚIâd run to every house in the neighborhood shouting how awesome my son is. One less major financial thing to worry about!
I'll go NAH You definitely should have talked about it with your parents first, that makes me lean TA It was a nice gesture though
I don't know if I want to say you're an asshole, 'cause you did a nice thing, but it's definitely weird that you didn't speak with your parents about this, particularly if you knew that they had already told her they were going to get her a car. Knowing that, it certainly seems like you're showing them up. Why would you not have told them you were going to do this? The three of you could have pooled money to purchase her a car. I don't get why you would do this without consulting them.
This was my thought as well. You talk to them, say let's go in on it together to surprise her. You find out what they could afford, say you'll buy it, and if you want to spend more you just tell them it cost what the original budget was. Easypeasy and you make everyone happy. Parents are happy they're making their daughter happy and about their good son doing something he didn't have to, sister is happy she gets a car and has loving parents/brother. I can't figure out if OP is just incredibly short sighted or wanted all the attention.
I don't understand. Why didn't you just make the money available for your parents to get her a car?
Maybe they are upset because now they can't be like I gave you that car and I can take it away if she doesn't follow some house rule
Or they're mad because they promised her a car for her birthday and OP just went out and spoiled whatever they had planned. And she's an adult now. She doesn't follow a house rule, she can find her own place. Jesus.
You just invented this to paint them as bad people. Nothing OP wrote supports this.
This was my thought exactly
YTA. You had great intentions and a huge heart. It's no small thing to buy someone a car, that's for sure. You're a great big sister. But the fact that you didn't even bother approaching your parents about this before doing it is what makes you TA. You KNEW they were trying to make something in that realm happen and you swept the rug right out from under them. That part is def not cool. You 100% should have talked to your parents first.
NTA but they're allowed to be upset, this is traditionally a moment for the parents for many families. Just apologize, I'm sure they can put that money to something equally as special, like a trip.
I would ask the sister to thank the parents for raising a good big brother.
Or big sisterâŚ
NTA - they promised to give her one for her 18th birthday. That came and went and no car from them. You should have talked to them beforehand just to make sure something was not already in the works but it sounds like all they had so far was the idea to buy your sister a car eventually. You did a really nice thing for your sister, and for them, everyone should be grateful.
yes
That can use the money to pay insurance. Apologize, take them out to dinner and hope for the best.
Don't buy adopt please đĽş
You did NOT do a bad thing, but I think it turned out bad because you didnt talk to your parents first. They are right in feeling upset, even if it's seen as petty. I do think you ment well, however.
Info: are you covering her car insurance until she can pay for it herself?
You're in the middle. You did a good thing, but you took the deed away from someone who has been working for it. Your intentions were good, but how you went about it was not. We may need additional context since they promised her a car for her birthday but didn't have one available towards the date that they claimed. It is possible that they had some sort of deal set up or had been making sacrifices in order to make it happen and just needed a bit more time to finalize everything. It is also possible that it was a promise that they could not deliver on and didn't have any plans to begin with and are upset that the idea of them making this happen is gone. It all depends on the situation that we do not have more info on.
NTA but still apologize to your parents. I mean you are well meaning but you have to look from it from your parents perspective. They prob would be glad you stepped up.
Kinda TA, but also not. You were really kind for what you did for your sister, but knowing your parents were thinking of buying her one, you couldâve just talked to them about it. Maybe in the future, find a place or time to pull them aside and as if you can do this, because i genuinely see where they were coming from.
Definitely NTA, but maybe apologize to your parents for not talking about it with them. Iâm hoping that they are planning to put the âcar $â towards your sisterâs post-secondary education.
Even though you meant it nicely YTA! You knew they wanted to give her a car but never thought at any point to talk to them. Imagine if they had already purchased the car. Communication is key in any relationship. Man up and apologize to your parents. Their feelings are valid and you shouldnât be confused on why theyâre upset with you.
NAH. You definitely should have consulted first. Just apologize and move on.
TA, but just a little bit. It would have been nice that you included them and perhaps said it was from all of you. Its great to get a gift for your sister. Your parents are being AHs as well. They should be happy they have children who love each other.
Yeah, YTA. Obviously not for your generosity towards your sister, but for side-stepping your parents despite knowing they promised her a vehicle. Whether they've been struggling financially or not is largely irrelevant. I don't understand why you didn't even bother talking to them about it and you could have split the cost or come to some other agreement.
ESH, except your sister. And your parents wouldn't be assholes if you had told them in advance that you had bought or we're going to buy your sister a car. I find it very strange that you would not even mention this to your parents knowing full well that they wanted to buy your sister a car. I wonder what the reason is why you didn't tell them in advance. You didn't mention anything about your relationship with your parents so maybe a little bit I'm worried information about that would help. You do owe your parents an apology though
If she lives under their roof... you have to consult them before you do something like this. You overstepped your boundary here. Now guess what, she is going to break all the house rules saying she is an adult and they didn't even buy her that car.. if she lived by herself, that is a different story. If she crashes that car.. it's on u. If she is irresponsible with the car in any way.. it's on you. 18 year Olds need guidance. You should have gone and even told your parents, hey, I have the money, let's go pick up a car and it will be under your stipulations. Say we all chipped in... But u wanted the glory. So I hope u are able to live with the consequences.. Soft YTA.. here just because u did this by yourself.
YTA yeahâŚwhy didnât you just talk to them about it first?
Listen it was a very nice gesture, but you knew this was their intention and you didn't even think to discuss it with them? They might have been able to contribute towards it and made it from the family. I don't think you meant to be an ass but that's how it came off. Apologize that you didn't discuss it first, not that you did it at all. It is also a matter of pride being able to take care of your kids and that was taken from them, it is understandable that this could leave them feeling humiliated/humbled.
Yeah, you kinda are. You knew they were planning on buying her first car and didnât even talk to them first. You messed up. Own it.
Kind of an AH. You absolutely should have told your parents. You made them look cheap and ignorant. At the very least you and your parents could have split the cost but you didnât even give them the opportunity. Yeah, I think you upstaged them on purpose.
NO YOU'RE GOOD. AS YOU SAID YOUR SISTER WAS STRUGGLING WITHOUT A CAR YOUR PARENTS WERE NOT ABLE TO BUY HER A CAR AT THE TIME AND YOU WERE KIND ENOUGH TO BUY IT FOR HER WHEN YOU CAME INTO SOME EXTRA MONEY I THINK THAT THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL OF YOU AND YOUR PARENTS SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT BEING UPSTAGE THEY SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR THE FACT THAT THEIR OTHER DAUGHTER HAS A CAR NOW AND THAT THEIR FIRST DAUGHTER WAS ABLE TO BUY IT FOR THEIR SECOND DAUGHTER BUT PEOPLE ARE ONLY WORRIED ABOUT THEMSELVES THESE DAYS SO DON'T LISTEN TO ANYBODY ELSE YOU DID A NICE THING FOR YOUR SISTER YOU'RE A GOOD SISTER
You are not the AH. Don't allow your parents to push your back to the wall. This may sound cold, but the day will likely come when your parents will be gone and you and your sister will only have each other and the families you build with partners. You made a decision that will build something good in your future. Apologize to your parents and try to patch things up. Time will usually heal things so don't give up. But good job on helping your sister. And keep this old saying in mind. To whom much is given, much is expected. But I think you already know and understand the concept.
P S. JUST WANTED TO ADD SOMETHING IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR PARENTS WERE MORE CONCERNED WITH THEIR IMAGE , AND BEING PRAISED IN YOUR SISTER'S EYES INSTEAD OF THE REAL CONCERN WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER HAVING A CAR THEY SHOULD BE THRILLED THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO GET IT FOR HER. SOME PEOPLE ARE ONLY CONCERNED WITH THEMSELVES AND WANTING TO BE PRAISED
At 18, Iâm cool with it. At 16, I might have felt like you were stepping on my toes a bit as a parent because Iâd want some input on what a kid that young drove.
NTA. They just don't have it. And they are upset that they couldn't follow thru and be the greatest people in the world to your sister. Many parents have this mindset that if anyone else does something significant for their child first, the whole world will crumble. Then they will turn around and say they don't have "a village". Well you kinda ran away everyone who was trying to help.
You didnât show them up hereâs y plain and simple your parents gave your sister life nothing and I mean nothing beats that so they didnât get her a car first but cars come and go which means youâre parents have plenty of time to honor their promise NTA
If I were your parents I would be so proud of you. Talking them first could have been good but still. That's a wonderful thing to do.
Apologies and tell them to put the car money for the wedding fund :)
No offense, but your parents are weird! What parent would not LOVE to have another sibling help out in such a big financial way!?!? Am I missing something here?
I don't see why so many people are telling you that you're the asshole for doing what you could for your family when you knew your parents couldn't due to financial problems. NTA, you did right by your sister, and honestly if your parents care more for their pride then your sisters wellbeing, they can get bent. This isn't a 'respect your elders' type thing, you were there for your family.
Good parents would be proud that they raised a kid who looked out for their siblings like you have. NTA
Your parents need therapy. They should have been relieved to not have that financial stress. Happy for her, and proud they raised a son that takes care of his younger sister. If they want to feel better they can pay for her gas and insurance lol
You thought you were doing something nice for both of them. Do your best to make up.
Youâre not an asshole. It sounds like your parents are interesting to say the leastâŚ
My first thought was Definitely should have talked to them first, then I thought about if I was in your shoes, my father would never let me do that. He would rather buy her a complete pos then let me handle it. Stoopid pride. So maybe just beg for forgiveness instead of ask for permission was the way to go for your family. Still apologize tho. Also great job on being a solid human being.
You did great!
YTA for not talking to them. You knew they were planning to do this and you sniped their gift. Iâm not saying your logic is wrong, but you owed them a conversation
If I was your parents I would be happy that you did this. Your parent need to check their hurt feelings. One sibling doing something nice for another sibling is all you could ever ask for as a parent. Hope they figure it out soon.
Do you parents tend to display pretty narcissistic traits like this regularly? Sounds like they wanted the spotlight and care more about that, than you and your sister having a wonderful experience that didn't include them. You sound like an amazing brother! Keep doing you and don't let people make you feel bad for doing good!
NTA, you did something nice for your sister, you also were trying to take some financial burden off your folks shoulders, so since, to me at least, it seems as though you had good intentions I really wouldn't worry if your folks are butt hurt. I guess you could apologize for not including them, but then they would have fucked it up anyway, so I think your fine.
It was nice of you but you really should have consulted with your parents first. Maybe you could have pooled some money, got a nicer car from all of you. Youâve hurt the relationship.
NTA, they promised her a car for her birthday, that day came and went with no car. they had the chance. besides, you had the intyention to help her AND THEM. they should appologize, not you.
Apologize to parents for not talking to them first. But the fact that you stepped up for your little sister made me smile. Well done.
NTA, I donât get it at all. That is very kind and your parents are assholes. My parents would think that was so nice of me
You should have talked to your parents. I am sure they are disappointed even if it did make things easier. Sounds like there is a lot of love in your family. I am sure it will all be forgotten soon enough
If I saw my kid gift their sibling something so life changing and special as that Iâd be so proud
Reading this post I found out that I am a boomer..... Fuck. My. Life. NO! I choose to be a Gen Wanker!
NTA. If you had done it before her birthday, or on her birthday, they'd have cause for complaint. But you waited until after her birthday, with no firm commitment on their part ("We got you a present, it's being delivered a week from Monday. In the meantime here's a cake.")
Suggest to them that they buy accessories for the car and maybe pay for insurance for the first year. But yeah, you really should have talked to them first.
YTA for not talking to your parents first. What if they'd already purchased something? NTA for being incredibly generous to your sister!
NTA. They are welcome to reimburse you part of the cost of the car so it can now be a joint gift if they really want to be part of getting her a car
lol. that's fucking ridiculous.
It would have made sense to talk to them about it but NTA. As parents they want to provide for their daughter and give her what she needs. They're struggling financially, but they're also struggling with not being able to do that. Empathize with them and apologize.
Maybe they're struggling financially because they've been squirreling away money to buy OP's sister a car when she turns 18. ÂŻ\\\_(ă)\_/ÂŻ
>I gave it to her the day *after* her birthday >Our parents promised her a car for her birthday It sounds to me like they had plenty of chance. You probably should have coordinated with them, and they probably should be happy that their daughter came away with a better car and they don't have to struggle even more trying to buy her a lesser vehicle. NTA.
YTA
YTA. Donât buy people stuff somebody else has already promised.
Tell them itâs not a competition? You arenât âcompetingâ with them⌠youâre on the same team. Just because they didnât get the glory of scoring the goal themselves, theyâreâŚ. Mad? That what, their daughter got what she needed? Love is not a zero sum game, and caring for loved ones is a team sport, not a competition. NTA but your parents need to stop being so selfish and care more about their kids than about points or looking good to others.
Were your parents actually going to get her a car or are they just telling her that to appease her?
Communication is key. If you had talked with your parents first, I bet you would not be in this predicament right now. NTA
NTA, IMO. You did a nice thing for your sister. That said, perhaps you could have anticipated it making your parents feel bad. If you had, you could have perhaps offered them the opportunity to go in on it with you. Then it could have been a gift from all of you, and there wouldn't have been any hurt feelings anywhere. Just a thought.
NTA. OK, you might have told your parents first, but you did a good thing.
NTA. Your sister is 18 now. Old enough to learn what you seem to already know, that mom and dad canât afford to âmanage to get her somethingâ. Their pride stings. If you had asked them for their blessing, and they said no, they werenât in a position to buy the car she had already been told to expect. They are saving up, and thatâs great. Apologize for hurting their pride and encourage them to put the car money they have saved, if any, toward her first apartment or tuition.
NTA. Instead of being grateful that you were in the position to help them out, they blasted you only because of what it looked like, appearances. That is the lamest of lame moves in the book. People who love each other help each other. They should have been very grateful that you were able to help their daughter out, when they would struggle to do the same. You need to check your parents and their attitude. Let them understand that you were able to help your sister out and her parents and it is not a showing them up thing. If they think that, they need to get their heads examined and grow up. It came from love and their response is something completely NOT LOVE. HURRAHHHHH FOR BIG BROTHER/SISTER!!!!
NTA, apologize for not talking to them first then let it he. If they canât see that you did this to help them and your sister out then theyâre just shallow people who wanted to do it more for themselves than for your sister
You did good! On getting her a reliable car..probably should of told parents 1st. Better than second, hand, that was driven to death, hey I got a deal! 2 accidents, a little flood damage all good! 9k 35% interest!.. You did good!! It's their bad!!
Or the parents were struggling financially because they'd been saving up to fulfill their promise to their daughter.
NTA. The problem is that your parents never specified when they would get it due to money woes. You seized the opportunity to help out and theyâre being ungrateful for it. They need to apologize to you for their behavior. A little gesture like this with your sister will help you out in the long run.
NTA They're just upset they didn't get to do that for her but it was never anything done out of malice and only out of kindness. Suggest to your parents that they upgrade her car for her. Get her a new sound system, tinted windows and redone paint job, things of that nature. It can still be expensive but it will let them contribute without breaking the bank directly to her car.
Definitely NTA While you probably should have at least given them a heads up about it, you didnât do anything out of spite or to harm them etc You did something nice for your sister for her birthday and you also did something nice for your parents since they donât have to put up the money, although if I were in that case Iâd probably say something like if you want to contribute to the cost of the car then do so and apologize for stepping on their toes since that obviously wasnât your intention
Um, not for nothing, but, he gave his sister the car the day AFTER her birthday. If the parents were actually going to get her a car for her birthday, wouldnât she have it on her birthday, the day before? I donât think it was ever going to happen for old Sis.
NTA
NAH. You overstepped a bit by not talking to your folks, but you did something generous and shouldnât be slammed for it. Next time, talk to them first.
Itâs a very nice gesture. Your parents can still support their daughter by covering insurance payments for a short period. Thatâs difficult for a young person.
You're not the asshole. You saw your sister's need and decided to help her out with your financial windfall. It's understandable your parents might feel that way, but your heart was in the right place. Your parents should be able to see that, after their egos calm down.
What kind of parent would be mad at their oldest child doing something nice for their sibling? So weird.
We were able to swing buying cars for our boys, your parents are RIDICULOUS and probably embarrassed that they could not do it themselves. Hell, I would have been thrilled to have someone else do this, lol. Good for you!
So instead of your parents being happy for their daughter who is over-the-moon happy, they're pissed that they didn't get the glory for it? And hey, nothing is stopping your parents for getting your sister a different gift of equivalent cost. Nope, NTA.
NTA. Dollars to donuts they had no intention of actually buying sister a car.
NTA. Her birthday came and went, no car. You got her one. Everyone should be happy. She got a car, you got to give it to her, and your parents got to save money. Everyone wins. I donât get people sometimes that get upset over things like this.
>However, my parents are pissed. They feel like I overstepped my boundaries and took away their opportunity to gift her the car. They argued that they would have managed to get her something and that I didnât give them a chance. Theyâre upset that I didnât consult them first, and now they feel like they canât compete with what Iâve done. They had their chance. They said that they'd get it for her birthday, that means for her birthday, not in a few months, weeks or even days. NTA.
NTA. I think Iâd feel touched and proud if one of my kids made such a purchase for their sibling. Definitely wouldnât feel undermined. But then the mom in me would probably lecture them for being so magnanimous with a windfall, and wouldâve preferred they let their dad and me pay them back, so that the money would be available for their own needs.
NTA. Your parents are being ridiculous. Plus your sister is now legally an adult so you did not have to consult with your parents before gifting her the car. Your parents are just butt hurt because you beat them to the punch and obviously you are now your sister's favorite family member!
NTA remind your parents that you love them and your sister. That since you came into a little money you just wanted to take the pressure off of them and make you sister smile. That it is not a competition and you all love one another and that is why you take care of one another when you have the means because you know they have made sacrifices for you and your sister.
Absolutely nta your sister is an adult now so you don't need to go over every purchase you make for her with your parents anymore and it's not like your parents would've been able to buy her one for a long time. Is instinctively apologize cause I always got yelled at if I didn't but if I were you I wouldn't because you don't need to if anything they should be grateful.
NTA. Now your parents can gift her something else that is not this much of a financial burden.
lol WHAT?! What kind of parent would be mad that their child bought their YOUNGER SIBLING a car !? Thatâs INSANE to me. NTA what an amazing gesture and what a load off of your parents. If it were me and I was your parent Iâd have graciously offered to at least pay you half and if you said no I would DEFINITELY take you out to a bad ass dinner.
Donât apologize say what you intended which was to take the burden off you donât have to apologize for doing something for your sister. These dumbasses in the comments saying you should apologize is as much of a pushover. Just tell them you where trying to take the burden off and you donât see why itâs such a big deal if you where just helping them
NTA your parents are being ridiculous. They should be happy they bought up a child such a generous loving & thoughtful child. Well done you
you also made their financial struggles a bit less. Parents can really eff up kind gifts of affection for no other reason than pride.............
NTA because sheâs 18. I could understand if she were 16 or even 17. But you can gift her anything you want now and itâs not your parentsâ business.
Wow I stopped reading shortly after, "they were pissed' sounds narcissistic AF! I'd be thrilled that I raised an amazing thoughtful,kid! Who loves their sibling! *smh*
NAH, they can help with maintenance or something maybe.
NTA. Your parents are being petty and frankly, itâs none of their business.
NTA
I don't even see why they're mad. You probably should have told them that's what you're doing incase they already had something set up. But it doesn't sound like they had it figured out at all. So no nta. They have plenty of opportunities to throw money at your sister.
Nta but I do wonder why didn't you just talk to them about it? I don't agree with them but I can see why it would bother them
NTA I put myself and both my brothers through college and haven't heard a peep from my parents. A lot of us Elder siblings I feel like we're unfortunately the experimental child and the one most of the lessons of parenting were learned from albeit the hard way. We definitely missed out on getting everything we needed because there is no way anyone is ever 100% ready to be a parent, I like to think we recognize that and move into a position where we can fill the gaps and make life better for our younger siblings. At least that's my take.
Your parents sound like assholes , they should be happy to have raised you to be kind and loving of your sister. Not everyone does this for their siblings even when they have the money to. As a parent I would have been so moved to see this level of love from my children. Canât believe how some people arenât aware when they have good children