Bro omg I thought I was the only one laughing at this fake story. It’s one of those cuck revenge fantasies. What’s with that sick stuff they like to hurt their own feeling and then get revenge in their heads. wtf. Sick stuff but hilarious
Sometimes i like to think that the first half of these stories are real, then they make up the second part to make themselves feel better and have some kind of revenge fantasy, while in real life, they’ve been cucked hard, kind of sad actually
In these stories, the women are always the ones asking for an open marriage. My personal experience isn't random data, but at least what I've seen from my friends and acquaintances, it's usually the husband asking to open the relationship
Pretty shit character development too. Like we've learned nothing about ANY of the characters by the end.
Husband: literally just a guy
Ex Wife: wants an open marriage
Future Wife: ???
>Future Wife:
"Good wifey who is great with the kids and certainly does not want anything to do with that nonmonogamy-nonsense. Also dates a married guy for over a year for some raeson."
>Probably around the time he was writing this creative writing exercise.
Again, it's hilarious seeing the number of people falling for such obvious nonsense.
>This is extremely low effort too. Like no attempt at normalcy. Just a revenge fantasy with no substance.
But look at the redpills and incels crying in the comments that "sHeS FoR ThE sTrEeTs."
Can I genuinely ask how it's obvious? Like what are the signs that this is fake? I'm starting to wonder if I'm just super gullible because I've fallen for posts like these often seeing later that they were fake. I'm also wondering how many people have taken advantage of me being so gullible.
Bro trust me we’re here. We’re not stupid and lost if us scroll I usually do with all made up Reddit posts. Which most are. But these are so painfully bad lmaoo
And why did he let himself go, but the threat of divorce and enterring the dating scene, he decided to stall so he could learn the ropes (and maybe get back into good shape?). He actually thought about it.
Why the fuck does he need a wife so badly? Why do people just constantly need to be married and have a wife? Either fake post or this entire situation is just bad people
If it's real, he sounds like a general asshole, not just for this (or trying to fool us this is real… because even if this kinda happened he is Definitely not telling the whole story.
Dude has such a weird issue with being single. Like, he thinks that he must date someone while going through the divorce. Then he decides to stay in a marriage he doesn't want just so he could go immediately from one marriage to another.
As if not being married for a few years will kill him. Dude needs to spend some time being single, this doesn't seem healthy at all. Or maybe he's leaving something out, like he's not capable of taking care of his kids, maybe even doesn't want to be around them. He glazed over those kids pretty quick and didn't say anything about how he's concerned about how the divorce will affect the kids.
He's pretty shady himself. Wouldn't be surprised if his lying goes as far as making all this shit up.
Yup if true OP is insecure and can't live on his own. He requires a woman to be by his side at all times.
I'm not saying having a woman by your side is bad. But being dependant on that is no good and usually results in revolving door relationships.
Yeah like he cites this as a given:
> I didn't think I could have handled dating and divorce at the same time.
It's weird af. Divorcing doesn't necessitate dating. It means ending the unhealthy marriage. That's it.
for real the people that just can't mentally stay single need actual help.
I was married for five years. we've been separated for two or three (depending on where you draw the line) years now. I went through a stint the first year where I halfheartedly tried dating again, but nothing was working so I just stopped caring about it.
thing is, it ended *because* she wanted the idea of an open relationship too. we tried it for a bit, then everything started just crumbling down. didnt make it a year after that started.
so I've been single for like two years now and I've been better off for it. I'm planning on that changing this year but it's what I definitely needed.
I realize this is all anecdotal but it's still a thing. I've known people that are in new relationships the same day their previous one ended. and it's never a good ending.
Ive just been doing my own thing for a couple years and it has worked well. shit I hope she is doing better too. now I have a couple friends I spend a lot of time with that would never have happened if i was still with my ex. theyre like siblings to me almost. even though everything in the world is worse now, it all seems better than it was mentally.
Tbh sounds like a fake story. If people have kids it's usually the first thing they mention in those stories since it's the most stressful part of the divorce. Dude doesn't sound human lol
People make bad decisions because they are scared to be single.
You have to be willing to stare into the abyss of singleness. Embrace it. Live it. Otherwise, how can anyone trust your choice in partners? You've been living a real life game of musical chairs.
May not know how to live alone. Many guys go from mommy to wife, nothing in between. My best friend cannot even cook anything not on a grill, no clue how to live alone, he has never been alone since the day he was born. I find it sad and hilarious at the same time.
There are other options. She could've been fully apprised of the situation and in full agreement with OP. Being brutally honest about your situation has gotten me into a lot of places over the years, from one night stands to my marriage.
Yeah, she could see that he was just looking for an out so she wasn’t threatened by his wife. Also gave her less pressure and more time to bond and get to know him.
Idk if I could do that, but I guess it’s not out of the realm of possibility.
Incapable of being by himself. He wasn’t prepared to leave his wife, but willing to start another relationship and establish that. All these adults are idiots and there’s kids involved. This is going to descend into chaos for them. They have t been taken into consideration
“She’ll be good company for the kids”
Please…why would the kids want to interact with Dads new GF at this point. And we all know that’s code for him expecting her to take over “mothering” them when they visit. Divorce and visitation etc all needed to be sorted before diving straight into marriage. Especially if the kids are smart enough to work out there’s a time overlap in the relationships.
Right, does new girlfriend know that she is automatically expected to be mommy to his kids now? All because he agreed to something he didn't actually want? What about the kids? These people all suck, if they are actually informed, which I'm not sure the girlfriend is.
I'm sort of getting the vibe that OP is not from a western English speaking country. I could be wrong since his English is perfect, but this clinical need to have a wife makes me think of Eastern and developing nations. Maybe OP lives in a country where the women stay home and raise kids as a cultural thing. I agree that OP should just be single for a bit, does he even love his GF or is she just the next best thing? But if I read between the lines this is what I see.
“If my wife, well, if I ever got a wife and she asked me for an open marriage, I would use that time to find a new girlfriend and then I would marry her, and that would really show my mean ol’ wife that I don’t actually have but I already hate her.”
This one is pure mens rights porn, lol. Some stories I can't tell but the bit about gf being better for his kids and being good wife material is so juvenile.
Also the way he barely acknowledges the children?? Like are you not concerned with how this whole situation is impacting them?? He seems to wrapped up in his self that the kids are barely an after thought.
This isn’t written by a man who has children because even bad dads would have made that more than a footnote unless they’re a complete narcissist
NTA. She thought she could get her ego fed and you would struggle. She put you both in this position by trying to manipulate into agreeing to be cheated on.
It always hits that thing inside when you realize the house we share is going bye bye. All of this is going bye bye. The routine of waking up and scrubbing your ass cheeks in your shower is going bye bye. The food places you frequent off your day to day is going bye bye.
The life you built together is going bye bye. Family divorce court will make sure that “surprised” pikachu face stays relevant because it happens every time.
And it is always an after the fact thing, or you know they’d work through their issues and stay married.
Exactly this. I found someone way more mature. Still married to my ex for financial reasons and we've been living paycheck to paycheck for years from her spending. New gf is offering legal and financial support to get us finalized. I haven't told my ex this yet.
Oh you’ll find a bunch of interesting things on my profile. I’m not sure you’d want to run to them though lol. Accounts 12 years old and I’ve been eating these drama fests for quite some time now.
Disorder talk, fighting with south side Chicago gang bangers as I’m tired of hearing gun shots, trauma history talk.
I’m all over the place
I wish more people understood this. Had 2 long-term relationships that took no thought for the future. They'd complain about their job and how they wanted to quit. I'd tell them to find a new one, first. With one, she quit after a week without finding a new job. 2 months and no job searches later, the other simply walked out of their job. Both felt it was my duty to take care of paying all their bills in the interim. Like, what? Never quit a job without knowing where your next paycheck will come from. That should be basic sense. The only exception would be if you are unsafe in your current environment, or some such.
One of my exes tried to pull that off lol. She started easing me into the idea of her leaving her job, so I dropped her before she even got to that part lol.
I thought I was crazy.
Yeah, her ultimatum sucked, but his reasonings for staying are entirely selfish and sound like woes of insecurity and the fear of having to do the work of life alone (including raising kids).
Nevermind that he went out and found an entire girlfriend, essentially fiance, and thinks this is a big one-up on his wife. In many ways, he's been cheating on her this entire time while she may have been completely faithful, despite the ultimatum. But she certainly doesn't seem to have a boyfriend on standby.
ESH. Truly
NTA
I would love to have seen her face when you said this:
"She then asked why I agreed to open relationship and I told her that I just needed time to find a new wife before divorce."
You are truly the master of your own domain.
She was in shock when she got an uno reverse card slapped in her face in real life.
Normally I say nta... Your wife gave an ultimatum and she got an outcome...
BUT
...good company for your kids? Your kids have to deal with your break up, process that, and from the sounds of it, now deal with you swiftly moving on and pushing this woman into their lives in a blink... What's your plan here?
Also while I completely disapprove of what your wife did, you are also being a fair bit deceptive, to say you're only continuing an open marriage, only to have her as a place holder, to then swiftly move on.
What's wrong with both of you? Communicate! Neither should be married in my opinion.
While I think your ex wife fucked around and found out... I think you were playing an insecure game and you're about to win an insecure prize.
Also the way he was talking about how he couldn't handle dating and divorce at the same time. Nobody was going to force him to date while he sorted his life out. Everyone looks shitty in this situation.
I don't get why being single is just not an option for people - if you know you are getting divorced at some point then why stay? If you can't handle being single, then the next relationship is going to suck anyhow.
Waaaay too many people cannot conceive of life simply single. Why was replacing her the only option? It’s great to focus on yourself. Replacing her? Why?
Not to mention the fact that legal separation is already available as an option for couples who think they are going to divorce but aren't ready for it yet.
He chose the option that allowed him to continue fucking her while he sought out a replacement.
I don't think it is even about that. He claims he wants a 'simple life', but really means he is lazy and just wants someone else to organize his home, food and kids. Doesn't really matter who.
My parents both found new partners before the ink had even dried on the divorce. My dad couldn't live without a bangmaid. Mom is absolutely terrified of being alone with her thoughts for more than a few seconds. Lots of pathetic people like OP out there.
I initially did but his comments in the replies regarding the kids moved me to him being the bigger AH. She asked for something dumb in a moment of frustration. He spent years working on something that he fully knew would destroy his kids.
This tho… like wife is clearly a shit show and she’s 75% of what’s wrong with the situation… but his calculated chess moves to find someone before leaving her is 25% of the problem.
NTA..and well played.
She said in frustration and would never have divorced…just cheated to get the frustration away. Pretty sure she already had an eye on someone when she asked.
But her AP was not willing to go for a marriage.
Nice the way the ultimatum backfired.
I’m guessing your “new” partner knew about the open relationship and wife. Otherwise you would be the AH.
They always do and 75% of the time use the words the person they are screwing tell them to use or their BFF's words/ scripts/ threats .
Well, NOW she can "F" around all she wants and "find out "where her safety net is gonna be.
I LOVE it when it blows up in their face
Another case of "OH NOOOO!!! CONSEQUENCES!"
Your wife did not seem to understand that words have meaning. They are not just random as sounds you throw at someone when you are angry.
NTA for believing her.
Yeah we don’t even use the word in our house. Even if another couple is breaking up and that’s what we are discussing, we still don’t use it. You can’t in-ring that bell.
I fail to read where either of them actually loved each other in this whole post and that made me pretty uncomfortable tbh… marriage is for love and family above individual security.
Thank you. The fact that he continued on in his sham of a marriage while looking for a replacement, as if women are objects to fill a void with is completely disgusting. He should have just gotten the divorce.
>And at absolutely no point considers what this will do to his kids
Apparently, neither did his current wife who demanded he open their marriage against his will.
Finally, some sense.
If this is real, the whole post reading like he needs a wife "because" is creepy. Man absolutely needs to work on himself and not just look for someone who ticks a box.
Honestly Esh. I don’t see how no one finds your behavior problematic as well. Like you couldn’t handle being alone to the point you felt you needed to lie and say you were okay with an open marriage. You need therapy and frankly sound incredibly codependent.
Not only that but he has ZERO consideration for their children. Imagine the kids are gonna be shocked by the sudden divorce and while mourning the loss of the family they always knew, OP is going to be planning a wedding. Which just sinks the knife further. He literally said to another commenter that the kids don’t have a choice but to deal with this.
These poor poor kids :(
Agreed. I’m super weirded out by this guy. Like he needed to lie to his wife about his intentions for two years just because he couldn’t… what? take care of himself, be alone, deal with divorce as far and single? It’s just really manipulative and weird.
I think an honest, decent person would have a lot more trouble with the situation he put himself in, than to deal with facing his opposition to the open marriage and a possible divorce.
Man, can't say we haven't heard an almost verbatim version of this story once a month, at least this one keeps it vague so you can't pinpoint who they stole it from
You’re an asshole for involving another person in the shit show of your marriage to begin with. you should have divorced her two years ago before dating again.
brother. I salute your ability for patience and ability to think on your feet. id have gone for divorce. you let your anger subside, get your shit together and then tossed the final grenade in your sham of a marriage.
now shes having a hissy fit about the fact that her decision and fucked up desire to fuck around has caused her implode her marriage.
well played. I tip my hat to you sir.
NTA. She doesn’t get to be upset. You played the long game and did what was best for your mental health. You knew you couldn’t handle divorce and dating. So you figured out a solution she forced upon you.
She doesn’t get to cry now bc you gave her what she wanted. You’re allowed to not be ok with her ultimatum and she doesn’t get to backtrack now that you’re happy and she’s not.
Slightly diabolical but I'm here for it. I don't think she expected this on your side to go the way it did. She was thinking about herself the entire time ..
Just please be careful how you handle this with your kids. Talk to a family therapist. It's crucial that you handle this a certain way or your soon to be new wife will be posting on the stepparent thread soon.
NTA for leaving her but why did you need to find a new wife before the divorce? Is it a financial thing? Are you not capable of being alone? Need someone to cook your meals? Don’t want to do the work of being a single dad?
This part reads weird for me. You could have divorced her any time you wanted and cut the cord clean. This seems unnecessarily messy.
This might be the unpopular opinion but both of you are TA. Both of you would rather play games than have actual and honest conversations. Considering you two created children that now are stuck in the middle of your games, I hope the two of you split, move on, reflect and become better.
OP: I lied to my wife and deceived her for two years about our future together. AITA?
Reddit hivemind: Nah fam, she's part of a minority we hate so it's all good.
And yeah the wife is no angel here. Pressuring your SO to open up a relationship is a major dick move. But that very obviously doesn't make willfully deceiving her for two years right. Two wrongs do not make a right.
This is one of the clearest ESH posts in weeks.
During the period of the open relationship have you been intimate with both your wife and your girlfriend?
Had you remained in the marital bed?
How old are your kids?
Everyone is the AH here.
Her for forcing an open relationship.
You for being too inept to just divorce and be alone for a while, instead actively seeking out a new wife, not a play partner.
You for saying that you just needed time to find a new wife.
Her for not considering the rammifications of the choices she makes.
You for not saying you loved your gf and that's why you want to marry her. It sounds like you view women as objects.
The only people who aren't assholes are the kids and your new gf.
OP needed a year or so to loose some weight and recall how to date, I get that. What I do not understand is why did he need an ex-wife roommate for that.
NTA. But "I needed time to find a new wife" isn't a healthy way of thinking. If I was your GF I'd be worried you were with me just because you wanted a wife, not because of me.
ESH. Both of you for lying to each other. You for using her while you found someone else. Her for trying to force you to do something you didn't want to do. You're both horrible people.
ESH. Ultimatums over polyamory are usually destined to end poorly. But you sound scared of being alone. Even when you mention thinking about dating and divorcing simultaneously, why would you have to do both at the same time? It's okay to process the divorce then move onto finding someone. Marrying someone youve only dated for a year while you were still married is not a great move. Why can't you wait to get married and just continue to date them while divorcing? This is too fast, especially it theres children involved.
This is weird all around lol. Couple questions: a) what was her reasoning for wanting an open relationship? b) was wife 1 with other people during those years? c) was wife 2 the only person you were with? And d) were you still intimate with wife 1? I’m just not fully understanding why you felt the need to wait until you found another partner until you got divorced
My ex husband had the same pikachu reaction to me leaving him for my current partner 8 years ago, after he pressured me for months to date other people. I honestly don't think poly people understand that some people are monogamous.
Two things:
A) Your obsession with being married regardless of if your partner is interested in you or not is very weird. It's like you view your partner and marriage as a thing you have, not a relationship/connection with another human being. That's sitting pretty hard in sociopath territory.
B) You are trying to find a "normal" life with somebody who was happy to be dating a married man in an open relationship. You are not going to find a "normal" traditional life with that person. Nothing against people who are into open relationships, but that is not what you are looking for and monogamy is obviously not your new partner's thing. This relationship is setup for failure.
Honestly, you're both the asshole in this situation for differing reasons. You're the sociopath of the two though.
She is a liar , she wanted to screw other people because she didn’t love you anymore but wanted you to still pay the bills and she thought you would meet anyone . Now with the divorce she knows she doesn’t have someone to help with bills .
Remember she gave an ultimatum and if she wouldn’t have divorced younahenaouldmhave cheated on you . That why people
Including myself say
If a
Wife or GF being up open
Marriage leave or divorce
I wanna know this - how did you decide that your gf would be a good wife and company for your kids?
Probably around the time he was writing this creative writing exercise.
Bro omg I thought I was the only one laughing at this fake story. It’s one of those cuck revenge fantasies. What’s with that sick stuff they like to hurt their own feeling and then get revenge in their heads. wtf. Sick stuff but hilarious
Sometimes i like to think that the first half of these stories are real, then they make up the second part to make themselves feel better and have some kind of revenge fantasy, while in real life, they’ve been cucked hard, kind of sad actually
In these stories, the women are always the ones asking for an open marriage. My personal experience isn't random data, but at least what I've seen from my friends and acquaintances, it's usually the husband asking to open the relationship
Not to mention that the sub has just been FLOODED with stories of this genre the past couple weeks.
Absolutely this is the case. A bitter truth sweetens the lie.
>It’s one of those cuck revenge fantasies. Bull Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Cuck.
They seem to inhabit the majority of this subreddit.
My conspiracy theory is that these are Reddit staff creative writers to generate engagement and therefore more $ and shareholder value.
Yes but its AI not staff. Obviously paid for by Reddit.
It’s definitely generative AI but it’s real incels
Tbh I would take that job in a heartbeat. I could live out all my spap opera fantasies for money and not even have to proof read 😂
"so in conclusion, I had the last laugh"
“And then everybody stood up and gave me a slow clap”
Pretty shit character development too. Like we've learned nothing about ANY of the characters by the end. Husband: literally just a guy Ex Wife: wants an open marriage Future Wife: ???
>Future Wife: "Good wifey who is great with the kids and certainly does not want anything to do with that nonmonogamy-nonsense. Also dates a married guy for over a year for some raeson."
Boom.
>Probably around the time he was writing this creative writing exercise. Again, it's hilarious seeing the number of people falling for such obvious nonsense.
Reddit is an alternative reality at this point.
I was shocked looking at the comments, come on lol. This has about 20 red flags
This is extremely low effort too. Like no attempt at normalcy. Just a revenge fantasy with no substance.
>This is extremely low effort too. Like no attempt at normalcy. Just a revenge fantasy with no substance. But look at the redpills and incels crying in the comments that "sHeS FoR ThE sTrEeTs."
There is even somebody tipping his hat for OP, can't even...
Hey, D's get (reddit) degrees.
honestly pretty fucking tired of people using this sub as a place to pull this lame crap. I never know what to believe anymore.
Can I genuinely ask how it's obvious? Like what are the signs that this is fake? I'm starting to wonder if I'm just super gullible because I've fallen for posts like these often seeing later that they were fake. I'm also wondering how many people have taken advantage of me being so gullible.
Yea, this aren't even engaging anymore, just annoying. So, you perfectly got back at someone and want to know if you are the asshole? Gimme a break.
“Creative” ha
Misogynists wet dream. Dude doesn’t have a wife let alone kids.
I can not believe how far I had to scroll down to see someone who realized how painfully, lazily fake this is.
Bro trust me we’re here. We’re not stupid and lost if us scroll I usually do with all made up Reddit posts. Which most are. But these are so painfully bad lmaoo
Size of the hip bone? So fake...
And why did he let himself go, but the threat of divorce and enterring the dating scene, he decided to stall so he could learn the ropes (and maybe get back into good shape?). He actually thought about it.
Why the fuck does he need a wife so badly? Why do people just constantly need to be married and have a wife? Either fake post or this entire situation is just bad people
If it's real, he sounds like a general asshole, not just for this (or trying to fool us this is real… because even if this kinda happened he is Definitely not telling the whole story.
If you think the gf who has been dating a man in an open marriage is gonna be the one to help you live a normal life, you gonna be disappointed again.
Idk why this guy wants a marriage so badly. It’s just a contract. Actually find a life partner
Dude has such a weird issue with being single. Like, he thinks that he must date someone while going through the divorce. Then he decides to stay in a marriage he doesn't want just so he could go immediately from one marriage to another. As if not being married for a few years will kill him. Dude needs to spend some time being single, this doesn't seem healthy at all. Or maybe he's leaving something out, like he's not capable of taking care of his kids, maybe even doesn't want to be around them. He glazed over those kids pretty quick and didn't say anything about how he's concerned about how the divorce will affect the kids. He's pretty shady himself. Wouldn't be surprised if his lying goes as far as making all this shit up.
It’s because this 100% never happened lol. This is an incel fantasy post
Yup if true OP is insecure and can't live on his own. He requires a woman to be by his side at all times. I'm not saying having a woman by your side is bad. But being dependant on that is no good and usually results in revolving door relationships.
Yeah like he cites this as a given: > I didn't think I could have handled dating and divorce at the same time. It's weird af. Divorcing doesn't necessitate dating. It means ending the unhealthy marriage. That's it.
Think of the children! They need good company.... this dude needs therapy, not a wife.
for real the people that just can't mentally stay single need actual help. I was married for five years. we've been separated for two or three (depending on where you draw the line) years now. I went through a stint the first year where I halfheartedly tried dating again, but nothing was working so I just stopped caring about it. thing is, it ended *because* she wanted the idea of an open relationship too. we tried it for a bit, then everything started just crumbling down. didnt make it a year after that started. so I've been single for like two years now and I've been better off for it. I'm planning on that changing this year but it's what I definitely needed. I realize this is all anecdotal but it's still a thing. I've known people that are in new relationships the same day their previous one ended. and it's never a good ending. Ive just been doing my own thing for a couple years and it has worked well. shit I hope she is doing better too. now I have a couple friends I spend a lot of time with that would never have happened if i was still with my ex. theyre like siblings to me almost. even though everything in the world is worse now, it all seems better than it was mentally.
"I needed time to find a new wife before divorcing" is THE statement. Gross.
And this is so fucking common. Men will stay in a marriage they don't want to continue receiving the benefits of being married.
Necause he needs a replacement Mommy to take care of him and cater to him.
Tbh sounds like a fake story. If people have kids it's usually the first thing they mention in those stories since it's the most stressful part of the divorce. Dude doesn't sound human lol
Not if the wife takes care of them 100% anyway
People make bad decisions because they are scared to be single. You have to be willing to stare into the abyss of singleness. Embrace it. Live it. Otherwise, how can anyone trust your choice in partners? You've been living a real life game of musical chairs.
May not know how to live alone. Many guys go from mommy to wife, nothing in between. My best friend cannot even cook anything not on a grill, no clue how to live alone, he has never been alone since the day he was born. I find it sad and hilarious at the same time.
Deeply insecure and hugely fearful about being single. This woman knew she was "dating" a married man. She's probably insecure and fearful too.
There are other options. She could've been fully apprised of the situation and in full agreement with OP. Being brutally honest about your situation has gotten me into a lot of places over the years, from one night stands to my marriage.
Yeah, she could see that he was just looking for an out so she wasn’t threatened by his wife. Also gave her less pressure and more time to bond and get to know him. Idk if I could do that, but I guess it’s not out of the realm of possibility.
Incapable of being by himself. He wasn’t prepared to leave his wife, but willing to start another relationship and establish that. All these adults are idiots and there’s kids involved. This is going to descend into chaos for them. They have t been taken into consideration “She’ll be good company for the kids” Please…why would the kids want to interact with Dads new GF at this point. And we all know that’s code for him expecting her to take over “mothering” them when they visit. Divorce and visitation etc all needed to be sorted before diving straight into marriage. Especially if the kids are smart enough to work out there’s a time overlap in the relationships.
"She'll be good company for the kids" This is something you say when deciding whether or not to get a dog.
Exactly…you don’t speak that way about a person
Yeah. I'm seeing this as an ESH but the kids judgment. They're the real victims of this mess.
Right, does new girlfriend know that she is automatically expected to be mommy to his kids now? All because he agreed to something he didn't actually want? What about the kids? These people all suck, if they are actually informed, which I'm not sure the girlfriend is.
I'm sort of getting the vibe that OP is not from a western English speaking country. I could be wrong since his English is perfect, but this clinical need to have a wife makes me think of Eastern and developing nations. Maybe OP lives in a country where the women stay home and raise kids as a cultural thing. I agree that OP should just be single for a bit, does he even love his GF or is she just the next best thing? But if I read between the lines this is what I see.
Free household und childcare.
He’s just looking for a bang maid nanny, that’s why he didn’t divorce his first wife until he had his second one lined up
Yes, there might be a few other obstacles along the way of happiness for OP.
Yeah that’s what I’m sayin. Don’t know many self respecting women that would be cool with that
Bingo!
Complete fiction lol
“If my wife, well, if I ever got a wife and she asked me for an open marriage, I would use that time to find a new girlfriend and then I would marry her, and that would really show my mean ol’ wife that I don’t actually have but I already hate her.”
People are buying this trash, hook line and sinker.
This one is pure mens rights porn, lol. Some stories I can't tell but the bit about gf being better for his kids and being good wife material is so juvenile.
How about the 'I gained some weight so decided to stay married' 😂
Also the way he barely acknowledges the children?? Like are you not concerned with how this whole situation is impacting them?? He seems to wrapped up in his self that the kids are barely an after thought. This isn’t written by a man who has children because even bad dads would have made that more than a footnote unless they’re a complete narcissist
I’m so sick of reading fantasy novels that the men on here jerk each other off to.
Written by a 12 year old
>Complete fiction lol Idiots will believe anything that gives them an excuse to post misogynistic bullshit in the comments.
NTA. She thought she could get her ego fed and you would struggle. She put you both in this position by trying to manipulate into agreeing to be cheated on.
The Fuck Arounders always hate the Find Out part of the game. NTA
Yet another case file for the “The dildo of consequence never arrives lubed!”
I like this one!
It always hits that thing inside when you realize the house we share is going bye bye. All of this is going bye bye. The routine of waking up and scrubbing your ass cheeks in your shower is going bye bye. The food places you frequent off your day to day is going bye bye. The life you built together is going bye bye. Family divorce court will make sure that “surprised” pikachu face stays relevant because it happens every time. And it is always an after the fact thing, or you know they’d work through their issues and stay married.
Exactly this. I found someone way more mature. Still married to my ex for financial reasons and we've been living paycheck to paycheck for years from her spending. New gf is offering legal and financial support to get us finalized. I haven't told my ex this yet.
This was such an awesome response that I had to go back and read some of your recent AITAH comments. You’re my new hero! 😎
Now you have me wanting to go read 🏃🏾♀️💨
Oh you’ll find a bunch of interesting things on my profile. I’m not sure you’d want to run to them though lol. Accounts 12 years old and I’ve been eating these drama fests for quite some time now. Disorder talk, fighting with south side Chicago gang bangers as I’m tired of hearing gun shots, trauma history talk. I’m all over the place
Describes it perfectly
I may have to leave a toxic relationship and my life wildly changes but I'm never not going to scrub the cheeks
Never play FAFO without fully understanding the rules.
That's a T-shirt right there.
Funny how they NEVER do …
That's perfect!! My brain went to, it's a good idea to have a new job...before leaving your current job logic.
I wish more people understood this. Had 2 long-term relationships that took no thought for the future. They'd complain about their job and how they wanted to quit. I'd tell them to find a new one, first. With one, she quit after a week without finding a new job. 2 months and no job searches later, the other simply walked out of their job. Both felt it was my duty to take care of paying all their bills in the interim. Like, what? Never quit a job without knowing where your next paycheck will come from. That should be basic sense. The only exception would be if you are unsafe in your current environment, or some such.
One of my exes tried to pull that off lol. She started easing me into the idea of her leaving her job, so I dropped her before she even got to that part lol.
As my husband says, "A monkey doesn't let go of a vine before he has a good grasp of a new one!"
FAFO has no "that didn't count" easement
Best comment!! I'm gonna remember this one!
I love how you described that and I will shamessly steel from you and start using that.
such a shame too, that’s the BEST part!
That wasn't all that she wanted 'fed'.........
Goddammit, you stole my joke. Take my upvote, you monster.
r/AngryUpvote
Your first mistake is thinking one year is enough time after a failed first marriage.
ESH. You are both insufferable people, and quite cruel to one another. If this was real, that is.
*Thank* youuu. Finally someone with full reason.
I thought I was crazy. Yeah, her ultimatum sucked, but his reasonings for staying are entirely selfish and sound like woes of insecurity and the fear of having to do the work of life alone (including raising kids). Nevermind that he went out and found an entire girlfriend, essentially fiance, and thinks this is a big one-up on his wife. In many ways, he's been cheating on her this entire time while she may have been completely faithful, despite the ultimatum. But she certainly doesn't seem to have a boyfriend on standby. ESH. Truly
Spot on. Every single person involved in this story sounds like someone I would never ever want to meet.
Thank God no one's actually real
NTA I would love to have seen her face when you said this: "She then asked why I agreed to open relationship and I told her that I just needed time to find a new wife before divorce." You are truly the master of your own domain. She was in shock when she got an uno reverse card slapped in her face in real life.
He played the long game! Bravo to OP.
Love the Uno reference!
Wow yea no one ever references uno online
I feel like this comment and everyone but you responding to it are AI.
Normally I say nta... Your wife gave an ultimatum and she got an outcome... BUT ...good company for your kids? Your kids have to deal with your break up, process that, and from the sounds of it, now deal with you swiftly moving on and pushing this woman into their lives in a blink... What's your plan here? Also while I completely disapprove of what your wife did, you are also being a fair bit deceptive, to say you're only continuing an open marriage, only to have her as a place holder, to then swiftly move on. What's wrong with both of you? Communicate! Neither should be married in my opinion. While I think your ex wife fucked around and found out... I think you were playing an insecure game and you're about to win an insecure prize.
Also the way he was talking about how he couldn't handle dating and divorce at the same time. Nobody was going to force him to date while he sorted his life out. Everyone looks shitty in this situation.
I don't get why being single is just not an option for people - if you know you are getting divorced at some point then why stay? If you can't handle being single, then the next relationship is going to suck anyhow.
But if he would be single, who is gonna take care of the kids and the laundry, cooking and so on?
yeah he's talking about it like he was looking for a job before giving notice
Waaaay too many people cannot conceive of life simply single. Why was replacing her the only option? It’s great to focus on yourself. Replacing her? Why?
Not to mention the fact that legal separation is already available as an option for couples who think they are going to divorce but aren't ready for it yet. He chose the option that allowed him to continue fucking her while he sought out a replacement.
I don't think it is even about that. He claims he wants a 'simple life', but really means he is lazy and just wants someone else to organize his home, food and kids. Doesn't really matter who.
My parents both found new partners before the ink had even dried on the divorce. My dad couldn't live without a bangmaid. Mom is absolutely terrified of being alone with her thoughts for more than a few seconds. Lots of pathetic people like OP out there.
Some people are incapable of being happy alone and taking care of themselves. It’s kind of sad but OP seems like the prime example.
He didn’t want to be a single dad for even a year. He needed a woman to be a parent for him. Pathetic deadbeat dad alert
Well he needed someone to cook and clean and care for the kids on his visitation days before he divorced. Lol
Hey, I'm all for shitty people deciding to be shitty to each other and leave the rest of us out of it.
Also, the gf would make a good wife? Is there any love between them? I feel for the kids, their parents are both assholes
I rated it ESH because both of them are manipulative asshats in their own rights.
I initially did but his comments in the replies regarding the kids moved me to him being the bigger AH. She asked for something dumb in a moment of frustration. He spent years working on something that he fully knew would destroy his kids.
I’m getting “bang maid who part time nannies when it’s his weekend on the visitation schedule” vibes. ESH.
Took too long to find this answer. Given how this guy is framing things, They both sound like assholes.
Exactly! God they are both terrible. Can’t believe people are cheering him on
This tho… like wife is clearly a shit show and she’s 75% of what’s wrong with the situation… but his calculated chess moves to find someone before leaving her is 25% of the problem.
Why don't you need to be married so bad? That's a problem and it's not normal or healthy.
Are these posts just creative writing exercises for ESL students at this point?
NTA..and well played. She said in frustration and would never have divorced…just cheated to get the frustration away. Pretty sure she already had an eye on someone when she asked. But her AP was not willing to go for a marriage. Nice the way the ultimatum backfired. I’m guessing your “new” partner knew about the open relationship and wife. Otherwise you would be the AH.
She 100% was going to cheat if he didn't agree then blame him for not meeting her needs
She was already cheating and was worried about getting caught. That's why she threw down the ultimatum. She got outplayed.
They always do and 75% of the time use the words the person they are screwing tell them to use or their BFF's words/ scripts/ threats . Well, NOW she can "F" around all she wants and "find out "where her safety net is gonna be. I LOVE it when it blows up in their face Another case of "OH NOOOO!!! CONSEQUENCES!"
Your wife did not seem to understand that words have meaning. They are not just random as sounds you throw at someone when you are angry. NTA for believing her.
I hate when people throw "divorce" like it means nothing. The more they say it the less scary it turns, but then they are like...but why? 🤦♀️
Yeah we don’t even use the word in our house. Even if another couple is breaking up and that’s what we are discussing, we still don’t use it. You can’t in-ring that bell.
I'm leaning towards ESH. You couldn't handle being single and working on yourself? Yeesh.
I fail to read where either of them actually loved each other in this whole post and that made me pretty uncomfortable tbh… marriage is for love and family above individual security.
All I can think is, their poor kids
Especially when his response to how he thinks they will think is a dismissive "they have no choice". https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ED5xbyS55x
Thank you. The fact that he continued on in his sham of a marriage while looking for a replacement, as if women are objects to fill a void with is completely disgusting. He should have just gotten the divorce.
Right?! His wife is definitely an asshole but the way he speaks about relationships is gross. ESH
Sincerely wasted both of their time for two years. People will do anything but leave LMFAO
Wasted just hers apparently. He hit the gym, prepared financially and emotionally, went dating, found a new wife.
And at absolutely no point considered what this will do to his kids to already have a new wife lined up before they e even adjusted to the divorce.
>And at absolutely no point considers what this will do to his kids Apparently, neither did his current wife who demanded he open their marriage against his will.
Hah. Indeed. Dad is out on a date today. Mom is out tomorrow.
Finally, some sense. If this is real, the whole post reading like he needs a wife "because" is creepy. Man absolutely needs to work on himself and not just look for someone who ticks a box.
Honestly Esh. I don’t see how no one finds your behavior problematic as well. Like you couldn’t handle being alone to the point you felt you needed to lie and say you were okay with an open marriage. You need therapy and frankly sound incredibly codependent.
Surprised I’m not seeing more ESH. She’s terrible for obvious reasons and he was happy to lead her on until he set himself up for a happy ending.
Not only that but he has ZERO consideration for their children. Imagine the kids are gonna be shocked by the sudden divorce and while mourning the loss of the family they always knew, OP is going to be planning a wedding. Which just sinks the knife further. He literally said to another commenter that the kids don’t have a choice but to deal with this. These poor poor kids :(
Agreed. I’m super weirded out by this guy. Like he needed to lie to his wife about his intentions for two years just because he couldn’t… what? take care of himself, be alone, deal with divorce as far and single? It’s just really manipulative and weird. I think an honest, decent person would have a lot more trouble with the situation he put himself in, than to deal with facing his opposition to the open marriage and a possible divorce.
>I’m super weirded out by this guy. Because it's fiction written by a basement troll who thinks this is how a likeable person would behave
ESH
Man, can't say we haven't heard an almost verbatim version of this story once a month, at least this one keeps it vague so you can't pinpoint who they stole it from
You’re an asshole for involving another person in the shit show of your marriage to begin with. you should have divorced her two years ago before dating again.
You both Sound toxic. Good luck with that.
brother. I salute your ability for patience and ability to think on your feet. id have gone for divorce. you let your anger subside, get your shit together and then tossed the final grenade in your sham of a marriage. now shes having a hissy fit about the fact that her decision and fucked up desire to fuck around has caused her implode her marriage. well played. I tip my hat to you sir.
[удалено]
NTA. She doesn’t get to be upset. You played the long game and did what was best for your mental health. You knew you couldn’t handle divorce and dating. So you figured out a solution she forced upon you. She doesn’t get to cry now bc you gave her what she wanted. You’re allowed to not be ok with her ultimatum and she doesn’t get to backtrack now that you’re happy and she’s not.
Slightly diabolical but I'm here for it. I don't think she expected this on your side to go the way it did. She was thinking about herself the entire time ..
Just please be careful how you handle this with your kids. Talk to a family therapist. It's crucial that you handle this a certain way or your soon to be new wife will be posting on the stepparent thread soon.
Ewww, you both suck for sure. What's your plan now? "Hey kids. I found you a new mommy!"
NTA for leaving her but why did you need to find a new wife before the divorce? Is it a financial thing? Are you not capable of being alone? Need someone to cook your meals? Don’t want to do the work of being a single dad? This part reads weird for me. You could have divorced her any time you wanted and cut the cord clean. This seems unnecessarily messy.
Seems messy for the kids, too.
when one person doesn't want the arrangement, you are no longer compatible. Sorry this happened, but it sounds like you both need different things.
This might be the unpopular opinion but both of you are TA. Both of you would rather play games than have actual and honest conversations. Considering you two created children that now are stuck in the middle of your games, I hope the two of you split, move on, reflect and become better.
OP: I lied to my wife and deceived her for two years about our future together. AITA? Reddit hivemind: Nah fam, she's part of a minority we hate so it's all good. And yeah the wife is no angel here. Pressuring your SO to open up a relationship is a major dick move. But that very obviously doesn't make willfully deceiving her for two years right. Two wrongs do not make a right. This is one of the clearest ESH posts in weeks.
It’s not a woman’s job to make you feel like a man. She can’t give you what you never had.
During the period of the open relationship have you been intimate with both your wife and your girlfriend? Had you remained in the marital bed? How old are your kids?
Everyone is the AH here. Her for forcing an open relationship. You for being too inept to just divorce and be alone for a while, instead actively seeking out a new wife, not a play partner. You for saying that you just needed time to find a new wife. Her for not considering the rammifications of the choices she makes. You for not saying you loved your gf and that's why you want to marry her. It sounds like you view women as objects. The only people who aren't assholes are the kids and your new gf.
6/10 not bad but not great. add some racial insecurity and it might get traction as a greentext
OP needed a year or so to loose some weight and recall how to date, I get that. What I do not understand is why did he need an ex-wife roommate for that.
As soon as she tossed out an ultimatum, it was done. Over.
NTA. But "I needed time to find a new wife" isn't a healthy way of thinking. If I was your GF I'd be worried you were with me just because you wanted a wife, not because of me.
So you blindsided your kids that you’re suddenly divorcing and remarrying? That sounds super healthy for your kids.
ESH. Both of you for lying to each other. You for using her while you found someone else. Her for trying to force you to do something you didn't want to do. You're both horrible people.
ESH. Ultimatums over polyamory are usually destined to end poorly. But you sound scared of being alone. Even when you mention thinking about dating and divorcing simultaneously, why would you have to do both at the same time? It's okay to process the divorce then move onto finding someone. Marrying someone youve only dated for a year while you were still married is not a great move. Why can't you wait to get married and just continue to date them while divorcing? This is too fast, especially it theres children involved.
This is weird all around lol. Couple questions: a) what was her reasoning for wanting an open relationship? b) was wife 1 with other people during those years? c) was wife 2 the only person you were with? And d) were you still intimate with wife 1? I’m just not fully understanding why you felt the need to wait until you found another partner until you got divorced
My ex husband had the same pikachu reaction to me leaving him for my current partner 8 years ago, after he pressured me for months to date other people. I honestly don't think poly people understand that some people are monogamous.
Two things: A) Your obsession with being married regardless of if your partner is interested in you or not is very weird. It's like you view your partner and marriage as a thing you have, not a relationship/connection with another human being. That's sitting pretty hard in sociopath territory. B) You are trying to find a "normal" life with somebody who was happy to be dating a married man in an open relationship. You are not going to find a "normal" traditional life with that person. Nothing against people who are into open relationships, but that is not what you are looking for and monogamy is obviously not your new partner's thing. This relationship is setup for failure. Honestly, you're both the asshole in this situation for differing reasons. You're the sociopath of the two though.
YTA you should have just divorced her
She is a liar , she wanted to screw other people because she didn’t love you anymore but wanted you to still pay the bills and she thought you would meet anyone . Now with the divorce she knows she doesn’t have someone to help with bills . Remember she gave an ultimatum and if she wouldn’t have divorced younahenaouldmhave cheated on you . That why people Including myself say If a Wife or GF being up open Marriage leave or divorce
This absolutely need to have a wife, be it the one you have or that new wife, sounds so alien to me. You are weird.
And then everyone clapped.
Fake.
You are talking like it’s somehow 1824 and 2024 at the same time. “…she will be a good wife and good company for the kids…”
bait used to be believable
‘Good company for the kids’? For real? Company?!
Stupidly fake post
This is so fake and a wet dream for incels
What the actual F* did I just read? This can't be real...
Did the divorce papers start clapping?
I call bull💩on this “story”
lol. How old are you? 12?