Rose is the best and she's right, good job kiddo! You're the most mature even with the things you regret saying, responsible family member (besides Rose and her kids). I hope your sister is really committed to bonding with your nephew and I hope therapy helps her. Keep standing up for yourself and your nephew.
I think sis is just scared about having the baby taken away even if she doesn’t like spending time with him. So she probably putting up a show for now.
Agree. She knows she is not up for the task, but also knows the judgement she will get for giving him up. Look at how the family judged OP for not wanting to babysit!
Ugh that kills me. There's so many people who can't have children and she doesn't realize what she's missing. I'm so glad OP has her nephew's best interest in mind she's a very good egg.
I agree. JMO She didn’t want to admit in front of everyone that she really wanted the adoption option. I don't think therapy will change anything as long as she's honest. And I hope she isn't pressured to keep him because the way OP said the baby's more bonded to her and not the sister.
Maybe we'll get another update. I hope the baby gets adopted
Aunt Rose saw your implemented scheduling idea as a solution. It was scary to stand up to family, yet for your peace of mind, you did it. I’m happy for you too, and I honestly don’t know if I will have your same will if I had to find it for my hypothetical family drama.
I’m also happy you and your mom were able to reconcile too. I hope your sister will commit to a decision that is best for her son. I almost said “Poor kid, his mother doesn’t want him,” but really he is loved by your family and it’s unfortunate that we can’t say the same for other babies and children as well. While he may be given up for adoption, he is loved and will be fine and that makes this outsider happy for him.
I’m such a fan of your Aunt Rose!
As a mother of four adult children, I would like to say that I am and other mothers, proud of you for your levelheaded nature, ability to communicate and compromise! Well done and I believe that you have a wonderful future ahead of you!
Yeah I facepalmed when I read that. I give it a month tops before sister starts back sliding and it becomes 5 days to all week.
At least OP has Aunt Rose behind her for support if things go south again.
Also, the mom is fucking stupid is she thinks parentifying someone will make them *want* kids of their own, when it usually has the opposite effect.
I get this but I think she’s way more attached to the baby than his mother is. I was similar with my niece. Of course my sister was a good mom but I loved my niece. I got to pick when I had her but I wanted her all the time.
Send your aunt Rose a thank you card with a cute pic of you and the baby. It’s a simple thing that will go a loooong way. Especially with someone from her generation.
Yeah I facepalmed when I read that. I give it a month tops before sister starts back sliding and it becomes 5 days to all week.
At least OP has Aunt Rose behind her for support if things go south again.
Also, the mom is fucking stupid is she thinks parentifying someone will make them *want* kids of their own, when it usually has the opposite effect.
“ During one of those 3 times my sister will be joining me as she admited she felt she didn't really know my nephew and haven't really bonded with him…”
Jaysus. What a telling statement. That baby is 8 months old and he’s more attached to OP than his own mother.
And OP’s idiotic mother was pushing the entire debacle. Not just to “support” her golden child but also force OP to change her mind about having kids?!?! OP is a really mature and amazing human. I’m a shittier person and think I’d be still grudging on mom.
Aunt Rose is the MVP, and good for you and I’m glad she praise the schedule that you set forth.
I’m glad that you and your mom did reconcile. and hopefully this meeting was a healing for your sister healing. Her whole trauma of being left to be a single mom and all of that.
3 times a week? Really? After all that? They might be also making compromises cuz rest of family dont want to babysit every week ( why would they? Idc its family or whatever but its not their child ) and still want you to do it. Same for you. 1 day a week would be more than enough. Focus on your school and future.
You are not kids mother, think about yourself. No one can push on someone to babysit someones child, not even family. Could help in emergencies etc, but shes her mother, time to step up. And if you do 70% of job, she wont understand that.
I went the other way. I thought she brought her boyfriend and his grandfather for support. Some people are closer to their grandparents than their parental units.
People are so insistent on pushing the "family helps family raise children" narrative until you ask them when it will be their turn. Turns out they don't want to help either. And so many parents seem all too eager to play hot potato with their own kid. Usually it's the ones who were somehow surprised by the fact that raising kids isn't all magical sunshine and rainbows. It's honestly baffling to me that anyone could be surprised by this in the age of the internet.
Good on Rose for putting everyone in their place.
I just wanna say that since you've said your dad is the kind of guy that is family above all type, I'd say you did good, made your dad proud, and you made your family better. If there was anyone to be disappointed at in this situation it would've been at your mother who enabled your sisters issues(which meant she couldn't get the help she really needed) and just gave you and your nephew a whole lot more issues. You did right by your family by pointing all the issues and hypocrisy, by doing so you got the ball rolling to get towards a solution! good job op :)
Also, OP, stop believing what your mother says about your dad. Your Dad is a good man that is in the past. He wouldn't be disapointed because there are many that would be diferent if he was there. You might also not say sorry to your sister. You have feelings too. She is the one that shoulb be apologizing. Your mom is enabling her because she feels someone "own" her the same things. Your mom also wished someone had taked care of her like she is doing with your sister. But she is doing it the wrong way.
Your Aunt Rose is awesome. I’m glad she knocked some sense into your mother, sister, and relatives. Hopefully your sister decides to take up one of the cousins in their offer to adopt if she doesn’t want to be a mother.
>I ended up yelling my sister that she was negligent and a part time mother for my nephew. . Not my proudest moment and I inmediately regreted it, ngl. My mother countered that if my dad (he passed away 5 year ago) listened to me, he would've been very dissapointed me. That killed me because I was really close to him and he always put family above all. Still, I was mad so I said that I expected my sister to reinburse me the ammout I took out from my college fund in full. Not my proudest moment and I inmediately regreted it, ngl.
Op your utter lack of self-confidence and self-assuredness is heartbreaking to me.
I don't know how else to put that, you really, really, really, really need to go see a therapist and work on your self-image and how to stand up for yourself.
Letting yourself be abused all over, by multiple different people. And instead of the correct reaction of anger, You're fucking apologizing.
It doesn’t sound like your sister is an *any* time mother to her kid. If she wants her kid healthy she should try watching him once in her life.
3 times a week still? You aren’t your sister’s baby daddy. What are you doing?
Stop being a doormat to your piece of shit family. At least some random aunt has your back, cause not even you do.
Rose is best aunt and TBh I know you love your mom and sister’s but fuck their immature selfish behavior! Their behavior towards you and your nephew! If anything? They likely made you never to want ever had kids.
Yay for aunt Rose. She has a great head on her shoulders. You mom and sister, not so much.
No one is responsible for that baby but your sister. I know you were trying to help by making a schedule but no one has a right to sign someone else up for babysitting. Nor does anyone else have a right to pressure you to babysit. It is very unreasonable for your sister to expect extended family to watch her child.
I hope therapy helps your sister learn how to handle her responsibilities. Don’t let her and your mom guilt you. 3 times a week is very generous. Good luck.
Thank heavens for Rose! Weird to give the baby up after all this time, but probably best for the baby. Your sister is a terrible mother, and I'm not sure that can be learned. The lack of compassion for both you and her baby don't exactly paint the picture of a nurturer.
I read both posts and I applaud your maturity and clear-headed approach at such a young age! 👏🏻 Other than Rose and her family you are the most sain person in the situation. I have no doubts that you'll do amazingly in life! 😃
Y’all getting annoyed about the 3x a week, but also skipped over the fact that one of those times, sister will be there to learn her kid’s routine, and the other two times would be at OP discretion and for a reasonable amount of time, instead of the baby being dropped on her for the entire day just because she said she didn’t work. I think those boundaries are perfectly fine, as long as all parties stick to the agreement.
They are STILL putting the majority of the care on you. Thank god for Rose, since she is the one with the best voice here. But you are still being put on too much
She needs to be strong ,stop letting people make you feel guilty, I would tell my family, that baby isn't my problem because I didn't enjoy getting it , get tough and stand ground if not they will push an make you the bad guy.
God darn. Your entire family needs some serious help and some serious distance. You are WAY too up in each other's business. Being nervous because an aunt is visiting like she's the freaking pope or something. It just boggles my mind that people live like this so long they convince themselves it is normal and okay. ESH
Oh man, it really sucks how many teenagers romanticize motherhood, and think having a baby will be fun and cute. We really need to do more about educating them about how much work and stress it is to actually have kids - and how relentless the little buggers are in their maintenance requirements.
And it's ridiculous that sis chose to have the child, but then felt absolutely entitled to continue her life as it had been, and outsource all the childcare to her extended family. Like, nope, sis, that's not how it works... I'm really glad Rose has such a sensible head on her shoulders and seems absolutely up to the task of wise family matriarch and adjudicator.
sounds like aunt rose is a wonderful person. her conclusions were spot on and fair. Treasure her advice if you ever need help in the future, that woman has her head on straight and your family is lucky to have her.
We all want an Aunt Rose. Like she is awesome.
Hopefully this works out for you and the baby get whats best for him.
Your mom is something, but ill try and be nice.
So you got nowhere. You're still looking after the kid A LOT and you have to teach the mum to be a fucking mum in addition!
Tell your sister to never spread legs again, she's an awful egg donor
NTA, OP.. I hope you are proud of yourself, and I mean this genuinely!! You just saved that baby's life. Maybe not quite so dramatic as life or death, but you made sure that baby has a great support system in place and a family that pulled together to help in the healthiest way possible!!
This is huge, and the impact it will have on that baby's future is profound!! Thank you for speaking up. The next generation needs us.. it takes a village, and you just made sure that baby HAS ONE❤️❤️❤️❤️
Rose is the best and she's right, good job kiddo! You're the most mature even with the things you regret saying, responsible family member (besides Rose and her kids). I hope your sister is really committed to bonding with your nephew and I hope therapy helps her. Keep standing up for yourself and your nephew.
I think sis is just scared about having the baby taken away even if she doesn’t like spending time with him. So she probably putting up a show for now.
Agree. She knows she is not up for the task, but also knows the judgement she will get for giving him up. Look at how the family judged OP for not wanting to babysit!
It's understandable to have fears in such situations
Ugh that kills me. There's so many people who can't have children and she doesn't realize what she's missing. I'm so glad OP has her nephew's best interest in mind she's a very good egg.
Exactly my thought! I hope everything goes well for you OP
I think sis has major PPD and PPA and is to afraid to ask for help. I was afraid to ask, I know how it feels.
I agree. JMO She didn’t want to admit in front of everyone that she really wanted the adoption option. I don't think therapy will change anything as long as she's honest. And I hope she isn't pressured to keep him because the way OP said the baby's more bonded to her and not the sister. Maybe we'll get another update. I hope the baby gets adopted
Aunt Rose saw your implemented scheduling idea as a solution. It was scary to stand up to family, yet for your peace of mind, you did it. I’m happy for you too, and I honestly don’t know if I will have your same will if I had to find it for my hypothetical family drama. I’m also happy you and your mom were able to reconcile too. I hope your sister will commit to a decision that is best for her son. I almost said “Poor kid, his mother doesn’t want him,” but really he is loved by your family and it’s unfortunate that we can’t say the same for other babies and children as well. While he may be given up for adoption, he is loved and will be fine and that makes this outsider happy for him. I’m such a fan of your Aunt Rose!
I am as well!
As a mother of four adult children, I would like to say that I am and other mothers, proud of you for your levelheaded nature, ability to communicate and compromise! Well done and I believe that you have a wonderful future ahead of you!
Agreed! Well done, kiddo! You are nailing this adulting thing.
After all that.....u r babysitting THREE times a week!?!?
Yeah I facepalmed when I read that. I give it a month tops before sister starts back sliding and it becomes 5 days to all week. At least OP has Aunt Rose behind her for support if things go south again. Also, the mom is fucking stupid is she thinks parentifying someone will make them *want* kids of their own, when it usually has the opposite effect.
Yep...OP is going to be stuck...again. And I doubt Aunt Rose will be returning any time soon to straighten up the family a second time.
I get this but I think she’s way more attached to the baby than his mother is. I was similar with my niece. Of course my sister was a good mom but I loved my niece. I got to pick when I had her but I wanted her all the time.
Send your aunt Rose a thank you card with a cute pic of you and the baby. It’s a simple thing that will go a loooong way. Especially with someone from her generation.
This is such a lovely idea! I hope OP goes for it.
Thanks. 😊
After all that you’re STILL BABYSITTING 3x/week. Why did you even bother placing boundaries if you’re not going to enforce them.
Yeah I facepalmed when I read that. I give it a month tops before sister starts back sliding and it becomes 5 days to all week. At least OP has Aunt Rose behind her for support if things go south again. Also, the mom is fucking stupid is she thinks parentifying someone will make them *want* kids of their own, when it usually has the opposite effect.
It is pretty obvious who will be inheriting the title of the next generations “Rose.” Now thats how it’s done!
I think aunt Rose is amazing! And I get the feeling that OP is the next generation "flower" in this family! ❤️
“ During one of those 3 times my sister will be joining me as she admited she felt she didn't really know my nephew and haven't really bonded with him…” Jaysus. What a telling statement. That baby is 8 months old and he’s more attached to OP than his own mother. And OP’s idiotic mother was pushing the entire debacle. Not just to “support” her golden child but also force OP to change her mind about having kids?!?! OP is a really mature and amazing human. I’m a shittier person and think I’d be still grudging on mom.
Aunt Rose is the MVP, and good for you and I’m glad she praise the schedule that you set forth. I’m glad that you and your mom did reconcile. and hopefully this meeting was a healing for your sister healing. Her whole trauma of being left to be a single mom and all of that.
3 times a week? Really? After all that? They might be also making compromises cuz rest of family dont want to babysit every week ( why would they? Idc its family or whatever but its not their child ) and still want you to do it. Same for you. 1 day a week would be more than enough. Focus on your school and future. You are not kids mother, think about yourself. No one can push on someone to babysit someones child, not even family. Could help in emergencies etc, but shes her mother, time to step up. And if you do 70% of job, she wont understand that.
I’m confused about the BF and GF dynamic.
In the original post, it was BFF, so I'm thinking it's her best friend and his girlfriend.
I'm imagining them as a content creating power thruple now haha
I believe OP is talking about her best friend. Sometimes, the abbreviations get lost in translation without the allotted 3rd F to convey BFF.
BF can stand for Best Friend, not boyfriend.
I went the other way. I thought she brought her boyfriend and his grandfather for support. Some people are closer to their grandparents than their parental units.
People are so insistent on pushing the "family helps family raise children" narrative until you ask them when it will be their turn. Turns out they don't want to help either. And so many parents seem all too eager to play hot potato with their own kid. Usually it's the ones who were somehow surprised by the fact that raising kids isn't all magical sunshine and rainbows. It's honestly baffling to me that anyone could be surprised by this in the age of the internet. Good on Rose for putting everyone in their place.
I just wanna say that since you've said your dad is the kind of guy that is family above all type, I'd say you did good, made your dad proud, and you made your family better. If there was anyone to be disappointed at in this situation it would've been at your mother who enabled your sisters issues(which meant she couldn't get the help she really needed) and just gave you and your nephew a whole lot more issues. You did right by your family by pointing all the issues and hypocrisy, by doing so you got the ball rolling to get towards a solution! good job op :)
Yeap. Number 4.
Also, OP, stop believing what your mother says about your dad. Your Dad is a good man that is in the past. He wouldn't be disapointed because there are many that would be diferent if he was there. You might also not say sorry to your sister. You have feelings too. She is the one that shoulb be apologizing. Your mom is enabling her because she feels someone "own" her the same things. Your mom also wished someone had taked care of her like she is doing with your sister. But she is doing it the wrong way.
Your Aunt Rose is awesome. I’m glad she knocked some sense into your mother, sister, and relatives. Hopefully your sister decides to take up one of the cousins in their offer to adopt if she doesn’t want to be a mother.
>I ended up yelling my sister that she was negligent and a part time mother for my nephew. . Not my proudest moment and I inmediately regreted it, ngl. My mother countered that if my dad (he passed away 5 year ago) listened to me, he would've been very dissapointed me. That killed me because I was really close to him and he always put family above all. Still, I was mad so I said that I expected my sister to reinburse me the ammout I took out from my college fund in full. Not my proudest moment and I inmediately regreted it, ngl. Op your utter lack of self-confidence and self-assuredness is heartbreaking to me. I don't know how else to put that, you really, really, really, really need to go see a therapist and work on your self-image and how to stand up for yourself. Letting yourself be abused all over, by multiple different people. And instead of the correct reaction of anger, You're fucking apologizing.
It doesn’t sound like your sister is an *any* time mother to her kid. If she wants her kid healthy she should try watching him once in her life. 3 times a week still? You aren’t your sister’s baby daddy. What are you doing? Stop being a doormat to your piece of shit family. At least some random aunt has your back, cause not even you do.
I would like to request that Aunt Rose please come visit me and fix my problems too! Just let me know her availability! LOL
Damn. We all need an Aunt Rose. Though for sure, you were doing fine on your own! But it’s definitely good to have back up.
Team Rose!
Rose is best aunt and TBh I know you love your mom and sister’s but fuck their immature selfish behavior! Their behavior towards you and your nephew! If anything? They likely made you never to want ever had kids.
Yay for aunt Rose. She has a great head on her shoulders. You mom and sister, not so much. No one is responsible for that baby but your sister. I know you were trying to help by making a schedule but no one has a right to sign someone else up for babysitting. Nor does anyone else have a right to pressure you to babysit. It is very unreasonable for your sister to expect extended family to watch her child. I hope therapy helps your sister learn how to handle her responsibilities. Don’t let her and your mom guilt you. 3 times a week is very generous. Good luck.
Thank heavens for Rose! Weird to give the baby up after all this time, but probably best for the baby. Your sister is a terrible mother, and I'm not sure that can be learned. The lack of compassion for both you and her baby don't exactly paint the picture of a nurturer.
Your Aunt Rose is a boss! I am so glad you had family to call this out and support you, OP. This is a good update.
Rose is the hero of your family.
I read both posts and I applaud your maturity and clear-headed approach at such a young age! 👏🏻 Other than Rose and her family you are the most sain person in the situation. I have no doubts that you'll do amazingly in life! 😃
Wow. I'm so glad you stuck to for yourself there. Also glad your aunt backed you up and shut the shit show down.
Rose rocks! Hope it’s all up and up from here for you all. Good luck x
Y’all getting annoyed about the 3x a week, but also skipped over the fact that one of those times, sister will be there to learn her kid’s routine, and the other two times would be at OP discretion and for a reasonable amount of time, instead of the baby being dropped on her for the entire day just because she said she didn’t work. I think those boundaries are perfectly fine, as long as all parties stick to the agreement.
They are STILL putting the majority of the care on you. Thank god for Rose, since she is the one with the best voice here. But you are still being put on too much
Rose is a BAMF and MVP thank goodness you have her.
Point #5 above is really key. If you won't help, don't meddle in other peoples business. Not just in this situation, but any drama.
W Aunt Rose she sounds awesome. You did great. I’m glad things came to a peaceful conclusion
Rose is amazing!!!
Every family needs an aunt Rose
We love you and aunt Rose! The best of wishes to your sister and nephew! You have an amazing family! I’m really proud of you!
She needs to be strong ,stop letting people make you feel guilty, I would tell my family, that baby isn't my problem because I didn't enjoy getting it , get tough and stand ground if not they will push an make you the bad guy.
Aunt rose is a true blessing. Don’t let this get worse. Stop overdoing again. Infact, do less so your sister is able to take control.
God darn. Your entire family needs some serious help and some serious distance. You are WAY too up in each other's business. Being nervous because an aunt is visiting like she's the freaking pope or something. It just boggles my mind that people live like this so long they convince themselves it is normal and okay. ESH
Your BF and his GF!!!!
Oh man, it really sucks how many teenagers romanticize motherhood, and think having a baby will be fun and cute. We really need to do more about educating them about how much work and stress it is to actually have kids - and how relentless the little buggers are in their maintenance requirements. And it's ridiculous that sis chose to have the child, but then felt absolutely entitled to continue her life as it had been, and outsource all the childcare to her extended family. Like, nope, sis, that's not how it works... I'm really glad Rose has such a sensible head on her shoulders and seems absolutely up to the task of wise family matriarch and adjudicator.
sounds like aunt rose is a wonderful person. her conclusions were spot on and fair. Treasure her advice if you ever need help in the future, that woman has her head on straight and your family is lucky to have her.
I think your mom has definitely screwed herself out of grandchildren from OP. This whole shit show would have dried up my ovaries quickly.
Instead of babysitting, push for the adoption with the cousins. That's really the best option for the baby. And you.
I just need an explanation, your bf & his gf?
Best friend and his girlfriend?
OP is a fucking door mat. Still doing it 3 time a week. A fucking door mat.
We all want an Aunt Rose. Like she is awesome. Hopefully this works out for you and the baby get whats best for him. Your mom is something, but ill try and be nice.
So you got nowhere. You're still looking after the kid A LOT and you have to teach the mum to be a fucking mum in addition! Tell your sister to never spread legs again, she's an awful egg donor
I don't get BF and GF. Does her boyfriend have a girlfriend? Did I miss something or this yet another short version I dont understand. Yay Rose though
In the original post, it said BFF. I'm guessing the BF is a typo here.
Ahh thankyou
I read them in reverse, so I was equally confused, but realized after going to the first post.
I think in this case BF = best friend
Op, you need to get that money back for your education.
Well done kiddo! Especially the college fund!
Updateme!
All hail Rose. Good to read.
NTA, OP.. I hope you are proud of yourself, and I mean this genuinely!! You just saved that baby's life. Maybe not quite so dramatic as life or death, but you made sure that baby has a great support system in place and a family that pulled together to help in the healthiest way possible!! This is huge, and the impact it will have on that baby's future is profound!! Thank you for speaking up. The next generation needs us.. it takes a village, and you just made sure that baby HAS ONE❤️❤️❤️❤️
I know this is about babysitting and childcare, but are you in a throuple? What’s with this my boyfriend and his girlfriend thing?
I think it's best friend, not boyfriend.
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