NTA. Not in the least. Why set yourself up for more heartache and lord only knows how much more manipulation and stealing?
She fucked around and found out.
More families will have histories of cancer than those who don’t. That doesn’t mean tooooo much.
NTA!!! OP, this is WILD! You’re totally within your rights to go full no-contact with her. Stick to your guns and seriously do not give her any money.
I would personally block the guy, too, and stay as far away from that drama as possible, whether she wants to apologize or not. She burnt that bridge a long time ago and can’t mend it just because she wants to apologize or wants money.
I’m sorry you had to go through that OP, and I’m sorry for your loss.
I know it sounds wild, but it's absolutely true. My mom and I were discussing this very thing on Saturday, since we'd happened to be at Disneyland and my mom said, "You know, the last time I was here was when your dad was still alive and your sister tried calling me to ask me for money. Kinda ruined my day at the Happiest Place on Earth."
I told her, "Mom, I was talking about it on a website and left out names, but pretty much everyone on there said the same thing - we're well within our rights to cut off all contact with her. This is her little red wagon, and she's going to have to pull it."
It also came out on Saturday that she'd forged a check on my dad's account for $1,888 to herself; my father had spare checks in a filing cabinet in his computer room and my sister went through and found them. We never thought she'd have gone through and done that at all, but she did it, and I had no idea until my mom mentioned it.
I'm going no contact for sure at this point. If she DOES have throat cancer, so be it. I don't want to know or be a part of it because if I am in any small way, I may be brought up to pay her bills. No thank you - I didn't generate them, I should not be held liable for them.
You have so many good reasons for not believing anything she or her partner says. As for cancer someone can get diagnosed that there is no family history and others that every parent going back generations had but lives all their life without any issues so it’s really a coin toss.
I would keep back, if you feel like it meet her but make it clear you will give her NO money or any type of financial support. Only meet her in public places and keep all your valuables out of sight/reach.
NTA
Well, if her FB page is to be believed, she's in Hartford, CT, but I don't know how true that is. She grew up in San Diego and ended up going to Arizona, Washington, at one point one of her FB accounts said she was in Corpus Christi, TX, then in Wisconsin, and then she was bouncing around the eastern seaboard, so I dunno.
With her previous track record of lies and manipulation, I don't know how true any of it is, but if she's back east and I'm on the west coast, I am NOT going to pay for a plane ticket to see her just for her to beg for money from me.
Hun. Say she does in fact have cancer. Just for a moment let’s pretend she isn’t lying and this guy actually is her bf.
Do you really want her back in your life? What good would that do? Would you feel better? Would it positively affect you?
No. It would not.
So. If she does in fact have cancer. It sucks that she doesn’t have your support due to her own actions.
She is not your responsibility. NTA.
NTA
You went NC for a reason. She's attempted manipulation since you went NC. Nothing has changed. If she really has cancer, which I doubt, she's spent her life crying wolf and now nobody responds to her when she could, in fact, be staring down the business end of the biggest wolf in the world.
Liars lie. They establish themselves as inveterate liar. They'll try to convince you they've changed. Another lie. At some point, you shut down and no longer hear the noise. It's a blessing to be free of the drama and the constant manipulation, prevarication, the stonewalling, and the gaslighting.
Don't invite a walking, talking, breathing, bullshitting migraine back into your life. she made her bed, etc., etc., etc.
Yep. My mom, when she was in Catholic school growing up, learned a saying from one of the nuns, and I've found myself using it more and more often lately:
"That's your little red wagon, and you'll just have to pull it."
That's kind of what I keep thinking. If the cancer thing is true, well, I'm sorry, But I worry that she's going to try to claim a part of my mom's money or the house when my mom passes, despite my mom writing her out of the will and going to a lawyer specifically to make sure my sister doesn't get any of it after she stole money from them and threatened to kill our father.
I'll have to put some sort of obituary together for when my mom passes (which, at the rate she's going, won't be for another 20 years despite the fact that she's getting ready to turn 70 LOL) but I for sure won't be making a big deal of it. After the last debacle with my father, and me learning that I could simply set FB so it only posts to friends and not making it public, if I have to I'll make that announcement to friends and family only when that time comes. Might be cold, but I am NOT going to give her a chance to try and dig her claws into anything my mom had, especially since she's made it clear my sister is not to have a DIME of any of her money or the house.
That's smart. You have to protect your mom, your mom's estate because she'll need that money for a number of expenses that come with aging.
You said your mom wrote your sister out of her will. Very good decision! Your sister isn't entitled to any of the estate. I just went through this a couple years ago when my mom died. Whatever the official, legal will says is what happens. Your sister could try to contest the will, but chances are she doesn't have the money to cover a lawyer's fees to do so.
No matter what, your sister and her wagon have been out of your life for years. You're doing better because of that. Focus on your family (the loved and cherished relatives, at least), friends, kids, etc. Don't let your sister weasel her way back into your life or your mom's.
Distance is a beautiful thing when it comes to toxic people. Nobody needs that sort of shit in their lives.
May your mom live long, may your life be pleasant, and good luck!
Stay NC. She is a liar, she was born a liar, and she will always be a liar. Don't fall for the cancer scam.
Do put a lock on your credit with all three credit bureaus, just to be safe.
That was done several years ago after a card number was skimmed. Credit card bureaus were informed, a lock was put in, my accounts that offer 2 factor authentication all have it, and my passwords for everything have been reset to random generation thanks to tools similar to 1Password.
I thought about that, but at the same time, do I even want to open that Pandora's Box? I don't know that I want to know anything about her diagnosis or whether it's true. I'm coming to grips with weird emotions on it, because on the one hand, she's family, but on the other, she's a manipulative demon who has stolen money from all sorts of people, lied about peoples' characters, and caused problems to not only me but former friends of hers.
It's a lot to unpack.
I had that very thought. I'm still not sure whether to believe it or not, but I don't think I want contact with her.
I just feel like crap if it IS true that she has cancer, because she \*IS\* family, despicable as she may be (and I've had strong ties to cousins and ex in-laws (my uncle was a complete slimeball to my aunt and left her with two kids back in the 90's, and my family and I helped her to raise those two kids into wonderful human beings).
But maybe I need to cut this one loose. Too much family drama.
NTA. I had a family member lie about various cameras for 15+ years taking my grandmas money. She got random cosmetic surgeries or went to Disney with the money. Shit people don't change.
NTA. Honestly what difference does it make if she has cancer? She is an awful person and she will try to take advantage of you. Just block them and move on with your life.
NTA
This is a no-brainer to me. Even if she has changed and she is telling the truth about cancer, it’s ok for people to have to live with their regrets and not rush to fix it for them.
Part of having a reformed character is accepting how crappy you were in the past and that nobody is obliged to forgive you or give you second chances.
NTA. Your experience with your sister is that she is a liar and a thief. She may be a menace to your financial credit. You are justified in refusing contact with her.
NTA. Honestly, even if she doesn't have cancer... Why would you care? She has been an absolute horrible person and you're better off staying no contact
My mom said in an email a few years ago that she has cancer. I felt nothing. She didn't bring it up again when it failed to bring me back into her life.
Even if she does have cancer- it doesn't change the person she is. Why make yourself miserable supporting someone who caused you so much grief? Cancer sucks, but a lot of things in life suck and it's not a "get out of jail free" card. She'll probably be even more terrible to be around if she has a legitimate illness like cancer to lord over people.
Nta
NTA. Not in the least. Why set yourself up for more heartache and lord only knows how much more manipulation and stealing? She fucked around and found out. More families will have histories of cancer than those who don’t. That doesn’t mean tooooo much.
NTA!!! OP, this is WILD! You’re totally within your rights to go full no-contact with her. Stick to your guns and seriously do not give her any money. I would personally block the guy, too, and stay as far away from that drama as possible, whether she wants to apologize or not. She burnt that bridge a long time ago and can’t mend it just because she wants to apologize or wants money. I’m sorry you had to go through that OP, and I’m sorry for your loss.
If indeed it's any dude at all and not a fake account.
I know it sounds wild, but it's absolutely true. My mom and I were discussing this very thing on Saturday, since we'd happened to be at Disneyland and my mom said, "You know, the last time I was here was when your dad was still alive and your sister tried calling me to ask me for money. Kinda ruined my day at the Happiest Place on Earth." I told her, "Mom, I was talking about it on a website and left out names, but pretty much everyone on there said the same thing - we're well within our rights to cut off all contact with her. This is her little red wagon, and she's going to have to pull it." It also came out on Saturday that she'd forged a check on my dad's account for $1,888 to herself; my father had spare checks in a filing cabinet in his computer room and my sister went through and found them. We never thought she'd have gone through and done that at all, but she did it, and I had no idea until my mom mentioned it. I'm going no contact for sure at this point. If she DOES have throat cancer, so be it. I don't want to know or be a part of it because if I am in any small way, I may be brought up to pay her bills. No thank you - I didn't generate them, I should not be held liable for them.
NTA - don't invite that drama back into your life.
You have so many good reasons for not believing anything she or her partner says. As for cancer someone can get diagnosed that there is no family history and others that every parent going back generations had but lives all their life without any issues so it’s really a coin toss. I would keep back, if you feel like it meet her but make it clear you will give her NO money or any type of financial support. Only meet her in public places and keep all your valuables out of sight/reach. NTA
Well, if her FB page is to be believed, she's in Hartford, CT, but I don't know how true that is. She grew up in San Diego and ended up going to Arizona, Washington, at one point one of her FB accounts said she was in Corpus Christi, TX, then in Wisconsin, and then she was bouncing around the eastern seaboard, so I dunno. With her previous track record of lies and manipulation, I don't know how true any of it is, but if she's back east and I'm on the west coast, I am NOT going to pay for a plane ticket to see her just for her to beg for money from me.
Hun. Say she does in fact have cancer. Just for a moment let’s pretend she isn’t lying and this guy actually is her bf. Do you really want her back in your life? What good would that do? Would you feel better? Would it positively affect you? No. It would not. So. If she does in fact have cancer. It sucks that she doesn’t have your support due to her own actions. She is not your responsibility. NTA.
NTA. Rip out those tracks, you don't want that trainwreck pulling into the station.
NTA You went NC for a reason. She's attempted manipulation since you went NC. Nothing has changed. If she really has cancer, which I doubt, she's spent her life crying wolf and now nobody responds to her when she could, in fact, be staring down the business end of the biggest wolf in the world. Liars lie. They establish themselves as inveterate liar. They'll try to convince you they've changed. Another lie. At some point, you shut down and no longer hear the noise. It's a blessing to be free of the drama and the constant manipulation, prevarication, the stonewalling, and the gaslighting. Don't invite a walking, talking, breathing, bullshitting migraine back into your life. she made her bed, etc., etc., etc.
Yep. My mom, when she was in Catholic school growing up, learned a saying from one of the nuns, and I've found myself using it more and more often lately: "That's your little red wagon, and you'll just have to pull it." That's kind of what I keep thinking. If the cancer thing is true, well, I'm sorry, But I worry that she's going to try to claim a part of my mom's money or the house when my mom passes, despite my mom writing her out of the will and going to a lawyer specifically to make sure my sister doesn't get any of it after she stole money from them and threatened to kill our father. I'll have to put some sort of obituary together for when my mom passes (which, at the rate she's going, won't be for another 20 years despite the fact that she's getting ready to turn 70 LOL) but I for sure won't be making a big deal of it. After the last debacle with my father, and me learning that I could simply set FB so it only posts to friends and not making it public, if I have to I'll make that announcement to friends and family only when that time comes. Might be cold, but I am NOT going to give her a chance to try and dig her claws into anything my mom had, especially since she's made it clear my sister is not to have a DIME of any of her money or the house.
That's smart. You have to protect your mom, your mom's estate because she'll need that money for a number of expenses that come with aging. You said your mom wrote your sister out of her will. Very good decision! Your sister isn't entitled to any of the estate. I just went through this a couple years ago when my mom died. Whatever the official, legal will says is what happens. Your sister could try to contest the will, but chances are she doesn't have the money to cover a lawyer's fees to do so. No matter what, your sister and her wagon have been out of your life for years. You're doing better because of that. Focus on your family (the loved and cherished relatives, at least), friends, kids, etc. Don't let your sister weasel her way back into your life or your mom's. Distance is a beautiful thing when it comes to toxic people. Nobody needs that sort of shit in their lives. May your mom live long, may your life be pleasant, and good luck!
Stay NC. She is a liar, she was born a liar, and she will always be a liar. Don't fall for the cancer scam. Do put a lock on your credit with all three credit bureaus, just to be safe.
That was done several years ago after a card number was skimmed. Credit card bureaus were informed, a lock was put in, my accounts that offer 2 factor authentication all have it, and my passwords for everything have been reset to random generation thanks to tools similar to 1Password.
NTA This is almost certainly just another story, which will turn into requests for money. Ask for some form of proof of the diagnosis.
I thought about that, but at the same time, do I even want to open that Pandora's Box? I don't know that I want to know anything about her diagnosis or whether it's true. I'm coming to grips with weird emotions on it, because on the one hand, she's family, but on the other, she's a manipulative demon who has stolen money from all sorts of people, lied about peoples' characters, and caused problems to not only me but former friends of hers. It's a lot to unpack.
NTA. How do you even know there IS a boyfriend/BiL *at all* and not HER contacting from a different phone? Pffft. Don’t fall for it.
I had that very thought. I'm still not sure whether to believe it or not, but I don't think I want contact with her. I just feel like crap if it IS true that she has cancer, because she \*IS\* family, despicable as she may be (and I've had strong ties to cousins and ex in-laws (my uncle was a complete slimeball to my aunt and left her with two kids back in the 90's, and my family and I helped her to raise those two kids into wonderful human beings). But maybe I need to cut this one loose. Too much family drama.
NTA. I had a family member lie about various cameras for 15+ years taking my grandmas money. She got random cosmetic surgeries or went to Disney with the money. Shit people don't change.
NTA. Honestly what difference does it make if she has cancer? She is an awful person and she will try to take advantage of you. Just block them and move on with your life.
that's sounds like a story about a boy and a wolf. she did this to herself. NTA
NTA This is a no-brainer to me. Even if she has changed and she is telling the truth about cancer, it’s ok for people to have to live with their regrets and not rush to fix it for them. Part of having a reformed character is accepting how crappy you were in the past and that nobody is obliged to forgive you or give you second chances.
NTA. Your experience with your sister is that she is a liar and a thief. She may be a menace to your financial credit. You are justified in refusing contact with her.
NTA. Honestly, even if she doesn't have cancer... Why would you care? She has been an absolute horrible person and you're better off staying no contact
NTA.
NTA
Nta. At all
My mom said in an email a few years ago that she has cancer. I felt nothing. She didn't bring it up again when it failed to bring me back into her life. Even if she does have cancer- it doesn't change the person she is. Why make yourself miserable supporting someone who caused you so much grief? Cancer sucks, but a lot of things in life suck and it's not a "get out of jail free" card. She'll probably be even more terrible to be around if she has a legitimate illness like cancer to lord over people. Nta
Missing missing reasons