Ouch... this! This a million times!
It was a one-time sex thing that she decided to model and keep and pleasure herself with every time she wanted. Yikes...just typing that out revolted me.
Yeah that’s some sick shit. They were both getting off to the idea of you being clueless to the fact his dick was in your house for years probably getting way more action than you ever did.
She’s not sorry she cheated. She didn’t even admit it when called out. She continued to lie and trickle truth. You still don’t have the full truth and never will. She isn’t truthful, isn’t faithful, and doesn’t care about you one bit. Just her lifestyle with you and probably avoiding the public shame and loneliness of divorce.
Tell her to leave and file for divorce.
Hang on, she went to all the trouble of making a dildo based on his own dick!!
Just think of the effort that this involves, the working on the logistics, the shipping, the details...not to mention that this sort of thing requires a fair bit of forethought, discussion between them and then working out how they were going to make it happen!
It's mind-blowing that they both went to this extent and not only that, to now have her say "well we only had sex once".
I mean, if that were the case, then why oh why did she have a model of his **dick** custom made!!
Has she destroyed it? Please don’t say she is keeping it! Mail it to the other wife!! With a note “your husband gifted his dick to my wife. I thought you should have it back”. NTA. It’s not all ok just because she was honest about it. Finally.
Not yet. I took it to work and locked it up. Not something I want just lying around. I also have the book this guy wrote that is dedicated to his wife and children. I may have stabbed it a few times but at least I found the name of his wife in there.
> TLDR; AITAH for not staying in the same bed with my wife when she made herself vulnerable by telling the truth, but also confirmed that her and the affair partner actually had sex?
/u/ThrowRA_tell_the_obs is trying to live out his oblivious cuckold fantasy on reddit. He's even patting her on the back already cuz how brave she was when 'she made herself vulnerable' admitting she's a cheating piece of trash after her lies were challenged with evidence.
Yeah, like, it's just silly to think someone would make a silicone dick mold of their affair partner, keep it around, and then admit to what it was, instead of just saying it was a toy.
These sad sack cuckold stories are pretty much always typed one handed
Yup. I pretty much read up until that point and said nope. Idc if she never actually had sex with him. The model of the other dudes penis is enough of a deal breaker. Especially to be from somebody you actually know. Not just oh this is a porn stars dick. No it’s someone you actually have been in contact with. Even worse.
Damn there’s an affair and then there’s someone going out of the way to get a model of their penis so they can make a silicone dildo for the AP. I mean if you can look at your wife and know that even after the affair (which she continued to lie about) she’s still masterbating with the AP dildo and still respect that woman you are a cuck. She lied about the whole affair until you threatened to call the AP wife then said she had sex 1 time if you believe this then there’s a bridge in AK I can sell you. Unreal are you the AH I don’t think you are naive to even ask that question.
Trickle truthing at its finest. She’s probably hiding more information from you. Give her time, she might come forth with worse.
That silicone dick is just something else.
Mate, do yourself a favour. Don’t be a cuck. Get out.
Don’t bother with marital counseling, you need individual counseling to understand why her cheating and lying to you does not matter much to you. Big step to self respect moving downstairs. She is happy with the situation as it is and you are willing to accept it. She didn’t make her self “vulnerable” by finally telling you a partial truth- she figured out that 3 years of lying to you wouldn’t make a difference to you! She has shown you she has no respect for you, that lying to you is acceptable behavior for her, and apparently for you and you will accept another affair or cheating. You are her doormat nothing more! You both are a great example for your kids!
Bro needs to think about this for a second.
Now that he's gonna tell the other guys wife she says no wait we actually fucked?
She wants you to end his marriage so that they can be together. He doesn't want her he just wants to play with her. She's trying to use you to be the bad guy that breaks them up.
Trickle truthing and obvious manipulation. She's using therapy speech to frame herself as some kind of beleaguered martyr of circumstance who deserves handouts of affection and even sex because she was "honest" with him. It's like saying you need to incentivize a child towards good behaviour with rewards for it.
Your wife is pretty fucking sinister imo. Bin her.
She has betrayed your trust FOR YEARS.
Being honest one time doesn't make up for everything she's withheld and is currently lying about.
I would find her repulsive.
I know. Everyone is so proud she trickled some truth and she's all like, don't we feel closer now I'm more honest?
If what she has to be honest about is disgusting, that's nothing to make anyone feel closer.
Imagine finding I love you texts and a literal cock dildo of the married guy who's fucking the brains out your wife and the mother of your children.
She's a fucking disgrace
NTA but…
So it went from:
1) we were just sending “sexy texts” to
2) you finding a molded replica dildo of his penis to
3) you figuring out they could have met in person to
4) they met in person twice and they only kissed once to
5) turns out she lied again and they had sex
And you’re willing to overlook all of that just because? She’s a serial liar and it’s quite obvious she felt rather comfortable lying to you which would call into question what else she’s lying about in your relationship.
Just because it happened for her in 2021 doesn’t change the fact it’s happening for you in 2024. She’s had 3 years to tell you. You need to ask yourself “would she have told me if I didn’t find out myself?” The answer seems pretty clear.
The pattern it’s becoming is you falling for it thinking she’s told you all.
Keep digging. You’ll have more than enough proof for a divorce. Hopefully you don’t have to give her anything. Dont stay. She’s giving “everything” to another man. Have some self respect. No ones fault if they get cheated on, it’s always their fault when they stay.
She chose him over you and gave him pleasure ,satisfy him , even after know her AP is married 🤮 . And those replicas are the proof that you are no longer anything for her, just a caretaker and last option ..
She got dumped by her AP that's why she is staying in this fake marriage or else she doesn't give a F about you and your marriage.
Sorry buddy, but if she had the opportunity she would dump you for this guy in a heartbeat. You're not ever going to be happy if you stay with this woman. Kick her to the curb.
You found a silicone mould of someone elses penis in her draw, and that made you ALMOST leave?
What's she gotta do? Jam it it up your ass?
Fucking hell man - she's been emotionally cheating for ages, and physically let another man fuck her probably repeatedly, don't believe the 'only once' b.s - and when did she ask for the mould?
She's not 'vulnerable by telling the truth' - you caught her out!!
Get your damn head IN THE GAME, lawyer up, save everything, screenshots, pictures of said mould, record the chats you have - and serve papers.
Are you a man or a doormat?!?!
NTA bruh your head is deep inside your ass
You are absolutely right to be angry and sad ar her betrayal. To me it sounds a bit like you are so exhausted by everything you can't really think straight.
YTA. The fact that you find a replica of another man's penis that she has as a dildo and you don't divorce her is crazy. She is obviously lying and down playing everything so whatever she has finally admitted to it was worse. You now know you can't trust this person so who knows how many other affairs she has had and you could never trust her in the future because she's a good enough liar to hide it for years until getting caught. Please don't light a match because the house will blow up with how much gas lighting she has done to you. Also do the right thing and find a way to reach out to that guy's wife and tell her that she was cheated on she has a right to know as well.
Basically she holds all the power and thinks as long as she is honest you should concede everything.
She respects you that little. This isn't real remorse. This is an evil power struggle and with alm due respect you aren't built for that.
Time to just cut the cord and walk away.
> I’ve arranged counselling for myself and for the marriage. The marriage counselling is taking for ever.
> One month ago I found a silicone copy of his penis in a drawer. I confronted her again, she said it was his, she was really sorry. I was so upset I almost left. I didn’t want to stay in the house with her. She then convinced me to stay in the bed and the next morning we had sex (very reluctantly)
> Because marriage counselling is taking for ages to organise I brought up yesterday whether I should just text the other wife to get the pain over with. She said she wanted to wait so “all the details” could be reviewed with the MC present.
You think marriage counselling is going to help here? Why are you still taking orders from a woman who has a silicon copy of the dick she'd rather be fucking in her bedstand?
Wow, NTA to her, but you are to yourself.
This woman has lied, misled, and manipulated you from the beginning. She's dangled carrots (and her APs clone a willy) in front of you and each time gives only a kernel of truth. How do you expect to be able to trust her again? Each conversation will have kernels of doubt as to whether the truth has been given fully.
Remember that it's better to be divorced and happy than living together and resenting your life.
She literally had his penis moulded for a dildo, grow a pair of balls and get the fuck out of this marriage. She doesn't love or respect you. By forgiving her you're just admitting that you're a spineless cuck.
She admits he had his tongue in her mouth and she loved it, And she opened her legs to let his cock inside her and she loved it. She came all over his cock. So much she has a replica of it so she come on it again and again. And I guess if she's willing to sacrifice her marriage vows to have the chance to suck him off, well OP you're done.
She wants you strictly for your stability. Not for your lovemaking. How romantic is that?
Her telling you 'the truth" is just her laying out her request for you to accept being a cuckold. Because this woman seems obsessed with this other dude, even if he is physically on the other side of the world. Actually he's in her head right now. She loves telling you 'the truth' because she gets to relive it.
Maybe he's on the other side of the world, but she will look for a substitute for him close by.
If she was a good woman, none of this bringing someone else into your marriage would have happened. But she's not and you are too good for her.
She's left you already in her mind. So kick her out of your life. Good luck OP
No, you're not the AH. It's completely understandable to need space and distance after finding out this new information. It's a painful situation, and you're allowed to process it in your own way.
NTA. In fact, I would book a nice hotel room, tell the kids I love them and need to go out of town for a little while, tell your wife you appreciate her being truthful, but ask her to understand that the truth hurt you pretty bad and broke your trust, and then go take time alone to process things.
She has fought you every step of the way and denied everything until you have made it impossible to deny. There is still a high likelihood you don't have the full story. She is still trying to protect her AP at your expense.
She is not remorseful or feeling guilt, she is only trying to do damage control and manipulate you into letting her get away with it. She only seems to regret having to manipulate you into not leaving her. For reconciliation to have any chance, she would need to be generally and fully on board, and even then, it would be hard.
She is playing you for the chump and will likely stray again when the mood/opportunity strikes.
Just tell her the truth that you don't want to sleep in the same bed because sleeping in the same bed with her just makes you want to vomit. And with her trickle truthing giving you only bits and pieces and wanting to wait for therapy for the truth to come out Make sure you even sicker.
I don't understand what she's thinking because she admitted that she f**** somebody else that now it should be okay. Tell her that the thought of having sex with her after she's had sex with another guy and has a mold of his dick to pleasure herself with is revolting. The fact that she has a mold of his dick and is still pleasing herself to it is far more worse it's like she's cheating with him every time she uses it reliving her experience it's like an ongoing affair but just with his penis. You do not want to be in the same bed with her You do not want to have sex with her. She definitely needs to know that there's consequences for her actions. And you just finding out for about this is making you sick.
I would definitely try to contact this guy's wife Tell her about the affair and how they're still in communication and how he has sent her a mold of his penis I'm sure she would love to hear that one.
I wouldn't be surprised if they video chat and she pleasures herself with the replica of his penis.
I got to tell you out of all the stories that I've ever read or heard about someone cheating this one definitely takes the cake I've never ever ever heard of an affair partner making a mold of the other ones penis so they can pleasure themselves when they're not there wow. Got to believe that it's definitely been more than one time to have them mold of his penis.
So sorry you have to go thru this. You have to stand strong and don't let her try and manipulate you into feeling sorry for her. Remember she chose to do this to go out side your relationship, to lie to you, to hide this from you to plot and plan this and to face you on a daily basis pretending like nothing ever happened straight to your face.
She’s still lying to you and the fact that she has a ducking silicone copy of his cock should be enough evidence that this marriage is dead. The audacity of that bitch (sorry that bitch is still your wife but hopefully not much longer) to lie over & over and it wasn’t until you mentioned that you were going to contact the other wife (where the real truth would come out) so she basically had to come clean and then acts like you owe her now. What the hell?!
Well, if you want to stay for the kids- that’s cool.
I would have checked out, probably would have done an open relationship if I was in denial that mending can help the relationship because we all know- the trust is gone, the relationship is gone.
Jesus dude I'm embarrassed for you. How could you try to salvage that wreck? Never ever forgive something like that ever ever ever ever. Should have made her homeless in the SPOT.
What has she done to try and save the relationship other than sitting around and waiting for someone else to do it for her and complain that you not feeling close to her is unfair to her? There's some things that I'd require her to move ahead with to show you that she is serious about being sorry and wanting to fix the relationship with you:
- You get to choose your sleeping accommodations. You feel disgusting laying in the same bed as her knowing that she was sexting a guy likely from the bed you shared.
- She shows you all of the messages and allows you to save and store them
- She tells the wife about their affair. There's nothing to wait for. If she doesn't I'd just send the message and let her know
- She turns on shared locations with you, allows you to check her phone and PC, your allowed to ask for receipts and pictures for anywhere she claims to go.
For me the trust would be gone. Sure she'll act all perfect for now, but how wouldn't I question every work and personal relationship after that. How would I forget that I was looking after your kids while she was kissing on other guys.
You also have to show your kids what a healthy relationship looks like and that it's okay to end things if it's not going well. They'll notice resentment, distance, and mistrust. It's not good to show them that's normal. You wouldn't want them sticking around with someone who is disrespectful towards their relationship. NTA.
YWBTA She has a silicone copy of his d•ck?! And reconciliation is not off the table?!? Sir, if you stay with her, you deserve every single bit of sh•t she is going to serve up to you. Oh man is she going to! Please update us! I’d love to hear how this sh•t show turns out for everyone.
A web of lies this deep you have every right to assume the worst. The way youre laying it out looks like she is stringing you along in hopes you just accept the infidelity. Doing and giving the minimum amount needed to "return to normal": Only giving you the truths you uncover yourself (highly likely there is a lot more she hasnt volunteered), stringing along couple therapy with no firm dates (id advise a personal therapist over a couples therapist), also appears to be blowing a smokescreen for her "partner" regarding maintaining his own marriage.
Id advise some soul searching to determine if there is anything worth salvaging in this partnership, and if you stay, no judgement. It's hard to walk away from a life entrenched as yours with kids and property. Divorces are like a knife cutting a tumor out, painful and messy. If you decide on divorce, i believe the legal advise is to not leave the house or risk forfeiting it in the proceedings.
Im of the opinion that the sex isn't the worst part of cheating, it's the breach of trust. She could be the perfect partner from this point to her death and it still wont wash away the knowledge that she chose to break that trust and you will always have to second guess every decision she makes going forwards.
To be honest, your wife seems like a bit manipulative. All lies aside, she didn't come forward on her own, you made her to confess. Even though she finally 'maybe' told you all truth, by making it step by step, she made being honest is more valued than the fact that she cheated on you.
Do you know the hot water and the frog experiment? She didn't put you into the boiling water, but increased the temperature step by step, so at every lie, you have a relatively acceptable situation. But its really not.
From the first paragraph, I knew that more has happened. But she just kept it from you. When she confessed, its not to be honest, but she is desperately trying to protect her comfort zone. Of course you know the best. But please try to see that, she is manipulating you and make your decision based on that. Otherwise, after couple of years, you will end up with resenting even to yourself.
Jesus Christ man!!! She don't care about staying with you. She just wants to use you to finance her hobby of collecting other guys silicone dicks.
You noticed she never had your silicone dick anywhere...
Reconciliation? I bet you also buy vehicles with salvage title(flooded ones) when the seller tells you he was truthful about the vehicle being caught by a flood before after trickle truthing many times.
I’m really sorry you are going through this. As a female that went through a similar situation a rather long time ago now, I really empathize. Trust me when I say, it only gets worse if you stay. The resentment alone and lack of trust to even do anything just bleeds into everything. You deserve to be with someone you completely trust and feel safe to give your heart to. Always remember, closure isn’t necessary finding out all the details of why, when, where, how, it’s often times just in the acceptance that this isn’t a healthy situation for you to be in anymore and it’s time for a change. As you move forward, heal and don’t make others pay for what some dumb girl did to you. I was able to do this and now I’m marrying the absolute love of my life this year. I’ve never trusted someone more or ever been treated so well in my entire life.
> She said that it was my choice but because she was honest this time she felt I should stay.
NTA what about all the other times she wasn't honest? Seriously does she want a gold star now? You have confronted multiple times, and she has shown no intention of stopping the affair sounds kind of like trickle truth to me.
I don’t know you, op, but this is not right and no one deserves to be treated like this. I would’ve left long time ago and the fact that she holds her “honesty” against you and trying to get you to bend around her because of it is manipulative. You deserve so much more, stay strong!
I don’t know you, op, but this is not right and no one deserves to be treated like this. I would’ve left long time ago and the fact that she holds her “honesty” against you and trying to get you to bend around her because of it is manipulative. You deserve so much more, stay strong!
In the end, everyone has to make their own decisions. We are all the authors of our life's story.
But, I'm just sayin:"One month ago I found a silicone copy of his penis in a drawer."
Dude, that's kinda a Bridge Too Far. How do you come back from that one.
Your wife prefers a rubber dick to you.
What are we missing here?
"She said they’d had some sexy chats but nothing else happened." **Fool me once, shame on you.**
"they’d kissed while I minded the kids" Trickle truth, woman have trouble taking responsibility for their adultery. **Fool me twice, shame on ME!** She's slept with him. She's lying to you. She's probably had other lovers too.
"AITAH for not staying in the same bed with my wife when she made herself vulnerable by telling the truth,"
Wake up.
I'd wish you good luck, but I'm not sure you'd know what to do with it.
How can your wife call herself honest. She betrayed you! What would happen if you didn't find out about it. Would she tell you? That would be honest. Dump her, let her move and find a sollution for the kids.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Just know that if you stay. Whatever the issue that caused her to cheat, her response was not a mature adult/responsible one.
She had an ongoing affair with a guy and was so attached she had a silicone model of his dick made… the fact she thinks being honest now gets her off the hook basically is wild.
RUN dude. File for divorce.
NTA
Cheating Wife: I can save our marriage!
You: How?
Cheating Wife: The power of *Sociopathy!* Also I cheated on you a bunch.
You: …Are you sure about that?
Cheating Wife: I told you everything and was honest and therefore I am entitled to even more of your time because I forbid you to leave me you feeble whelp-
NTA. Do what you feel is best for you. But it’s your decision to make, not ours.
NTA The only reason the affair ending is because he moved... the dildo model should tell you enough.
She is grasping at straws thinking because she was "honest" with you after YEARS of lying it makes it all fine.
1) She cheated on you back then 2) She lied for years 3) She is at least emotionally cheating on you all this time, otherwise in what world she would have kept a model of him and continue communication after he moved away?
I´m sorry that this happened to you, but don´t let her manipulate you... Start getting your affairs in order.
INFO; Do you have all of this in writing? If not, make sure you do before leaving. I guarantee you the second you step out, that dildo is going to be a random one she bought, and I bet you 100 bucks she'll tell a judge under path that she bought it to please you.
NTA … but
She didn’t make herself vulnerable by telling you the truth. Just no. She tells you a little more each time you push.
It’s highly unlikely you have the “whole” truth. Be prepared to get more “truths” later.
I’m also confused at how you knew this was a silicone copy of his penis? Did she tell you? Is it stamped or something?
NTA. It would be better if the different bed that you're sleeping in is in another dwelling, unless it makes sense to stay where you are to protect any financial interests you have in your home in the event of divorce.
u/No_Professional_1362 did an excellent job listing the five-step trickle truthing she has engaged in. Don't wait for trickle truths 6, 7, 8...
Bro.... Wtf.. grow a spine
I get instant rage when I see crap like this. Your wife is a horrible human and you are spineless. She has done much more and probably has multiple guys she is sleeping with. Get out now
NTA... But you are ah to yourself
does this dude just have spare silicon models of his dick to hand out, or were they serious enough to discuss making one for her to have as a reminder when she wants to cheat on you by proxy?
How on earth is reconciliation still on the table? Get the (british pronunciation on that word only) fuck out.
If a woman has a silicone copy of a man’s dick….do you really think they only fucked a few times? Do you really think she wasn’t invested in him emotionally???? Just think about it man
The only reason she is still married to you is because the other guy moved to the other side of the world. She was so emotionally and physically invested that she had a silicone replica made of his dick.
Don't believe that they only had sex once, because her behavior will tell you otherwise.
Seriously man, you’re considering reconciliation? She was sexting this guy, is trying to protect him (she’s preventing you from telling the spouse), finally comes clean and expects you just to get over it, and she has his penis mold of him. Wtf man! Do you really lack that much self respect? If you stay, you deserve anything that comes to you.
Im so confused how she has a silicone model of his dick. She’s manipulating you with sex.
I’m really sorry this is happening to you brother. Take care of yourself and your kids.
OP, you know the path forward.
First off, reconciliation ought to be off the table. I know I'm just a random redditor, but I want you to have more respect for yourself. Your wife trickle-truthed you hard. She's lied and misled you. The fact that she had a clone-a-willy of her AP is beyond gross, it's disgusting. She doesn't respect you, she just doesn't want the world to crash down around her and it come out that she's not a worthy partner.
Secondly, you owe it to the AP wife to reach out. Just as much as your wife hasn't respected you or your marriage, the same is equally true of the AP. Put yourself in her shoes, if she found out about the affair first, would you have wanted her to let you know?
Have some self respect. It took years to get the, we fucked once??
Don't do it for the kids, trust me they'll be much happier if you are happy, even if it's in two homes. She's done nothing to warm your trust, respect, or love during this. She's lied, gaslighted, and honestly played you like a fool.
It doesn't get better, not really. It may get to a point where it's livable, but you got one life. Why waste it with someone that doesn't give two shits about you?
Bro is becoming a doormat cuck.RIP self respect..Once a cheater always a cheater.A penis cast of her AP is like taking infidelity to the infinity and beyond.Read this and don't be a pussy.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/s/877mpCnL64
If you still reconcile I think it's better for you to watch her get railed and jerk off at the side.Bcoz that's what you like.A fucking casted penis.Goddamn it.I would have told otherwise if it was a rape or a drunk ONS.But that dildo says that she thinks about AP while OP fucks her.**You won't die in peace dude.Don't do it 🥺🥺
Damn dude, your wife is some piece of work.
>I said I was sleeping downstairs. She said that it was my choice but because she was honest this time she felt I should stay. She desperately doesn’t want to lose me and feels open disclosure should make me want to stay more. I don’t want to get trapped into sex again. I’m getting triggered by looking at her and having all sorts of intruding visions.
Basically, this here is your wife demonstrating a mastery of using therapy speak as a means of control. She guilt trips you on the ground that she was honest, so you should be willing to stay in bed with her and possibly have sex with her, but frankly sex isn't a requirement on your part and she isn't deserving of it. More than that, she should have been honest from the get go, but she has been **trickle truthing you.** That is to say, she's been feeding you a drip feed of info to control the reaction, because she knows if she tells you the full extent of her affair you will more than likely leave her and out her.
You need to remind yourself that in no fashion is your wife an innocent victim here, she's not some beleaguered martyr of circumstance, she's a cheating spouse in total of herself. She actively chose to engage in a protracted affair that included potentially multiple meetups and the dude giving her a **cast** of his dick. That isn't a small affair.
Frankly, at this point you should know that you'll probably never know the full extent of the affair. There will always be a little bit more she can give to "satisfy" your desire to know without causing you to make a final decision that would leave her out in the streets.
NTA, because sleeping in another bed is the very least you should be doing in this situation.
A friend was his the same situation and it crushed him. 15 years together with three kids so he was willing to work it out. She beg and pleaded for him to stay and said she would never do it again. They did mc for awhile and everything seemed good. 6 months later he had some suspicions come to find out her work meetings were actually fuck meetings. He left her that same day. It’s been almost two years he is at peace and is dating and she kept harassing him to the point a restraining order was filed. My advice, if you want to protect your mental health part ways amicably and heal yourself
Bro
She has a copy of his penis that she Masterbates with. What is there to sort out ? Go talk to a divorce lawyer with out telling her. Contact the affair partners wife and tell her you found a silicone replica of jer husband's penis in your eofes possion and she admitted they have had sex
NTA, you should call the guys wife, since he sees no problem destroying your marriage its only right you destroy his, send her a picture of his dick he left your wife and that picture.
bro... hes stringing you along and youre just letting him. have some self respect pls, youre a person inherently deserving of value and he clearly does not. you gotta look out for #1 here
You’re NTA but you’re very naive to think your wife deserves a second chance or even marriage counseling. She does not respect you. The silicone dick thing is pretty damn bad. She likely has much worse she’s done that you either will never find out or you’ll find out as time progresses.
YTA to yourself. Why are you torturing yourself with this evil woman. Like just why?? If you choose to stay with this serial cheater who literally has a silicone model of her affair partner, that’s your choice. And don’t complain or come on here, because you’re choosing to stay with this.
You need to leave man
“Just sexy chats…”
“Well we kissed…”
“Ok, so I have a dildo copy of his dick…”(WTF)
“Ok, we only had sex once…”
You still don’t know everything. I don’t see a path towards reconciliation while she has continued to lie and try to minimize all the way through.
She. Had. A. Silicone. Model. Of his DICK. So either that's something he just has around, or she was so into him she had him make it for her before fe left town. You can reconcile if you like, but you will always be the backup safe choice. She WILL choose exciting again...
I think it is pretty obvious OP has a tiny penis and the mold of the super long has crushed his will to live. That's the ugly particle explanation I can think of for a "man" to act this weak and pathetic. Reconciliation is not off the table. Neither is being a fucking idiot, apparently. YTA.
I would still suggest going to a lawyer to see what divorce looks like. Require her to write everything out as this is required if reconciliation is even possible. Get all the evidence off her devices and destroy that vibrator after getting a pic. This is all evidence to send to his wife later. Have her contact the AP’s wife and explain what happened. Good luck
It’s always “we had sex, but only once, we used protection and I didn’t enjoy it”
She forgot the “I didn’t enjoy it” part. She should read the cheater’s handbook again.
NTA you need to run. That is not something that you are going to forget or forgive. It's better for the kids that they have a happy dad than one who is miserable and hates his cheating whore of a wife.
I mean just think of planning and effort it took to get a copy of his dick and for her to be brazen enough to keep it in your home. Then she tries to take the high road by trickle truthing you to try to manipulate you to stay.
She is trickle truthing the whole time. Wake up my guy. If she was truly sorry she would have come clean with everything but she isn’t. The only reason she isn’t Fing the guy now is because he moved away and is done with her.
She did something called the trickle truth. She had no intentions of telling the full truth, but only enough each time to placate you to stay longer, and gradually more complacent once the full truth comes out.
It is conscious lying, and intended to protect her only at the expense of your emotions and sanity. It is a way to eleviate her guilt only.
I had an ex do this about having a sugar daddy but only went on a lunch date. Then she only went to his house once but nothing happened. Then they only kissed. Then they only had sex once. Then it happened multiple times. Then it never continued through our relationship.
You get the picture, you can never fully trust the "honesty", it will always eat away at you. It is infinitely difficult to reconcile.
Wow she's really laying the gaslighting on thick. She doesn't get a medal for finally being little honest. I doubt she's ever going to come clean 100%, she's trying to make you feel bad when she spread wide and lied to you.
She's used up trash. We throw that out.
She hid a custom dildo of his dick man.
She intentionally met with him and lied to you for way too long and actually fucked him while you watched the kids.
Run from her, she will do it again and she will just change the ways she keeps in contact with him.
The sad part? She believes she's being honest, when she's been "trickle truth" from the beginning, let me tell you she is lying about a lot, she has plastic dick of his, I mean come on, if you belive they only did it once you really are in the dark.
"Open disclosure" is beyond insulting to you, considering she trickle truthed you literally the entire time. I understand the hesitation to leave, but it would take A LOT for me to even consider trusting someone like this ever again. She's not honest, and she's not concerned with your feelings; only her own. She only gives as much info as she has to in order to skate by. I wouldn't be surprised if they'd had sex more than once, but that's just my opinion.
Dude,
1. Contact his wife with all the details.
2. Consult a divorce attorney
3. Quit being a doormat as your wife is walking all over you. She is lying, gaslighting and manipulating you.
YTA for putting up with all of this.
Updateme
The details don’t come out all at once. They came out grudgingly, haltingly, over time. She was trying mitigate damage at every step. This is not someone who will ever be completely honest with you.
To not only did she have an emotional fair but she had a physical affair. Just cause she think she tells you that it’s fine. Bullshit and then she had a silicone copy of his deck made so she fuck herself with it and pretend it’s him does she pretend you’re him, dude, you need to get reconciliation off the table. You will feel so much better therapy for you and then be the best coparent you can be.
Here’s the thing: she only told you the truth as a manipulation tactic, a stratagem. She’s not telling you the truth out of remorse or because she believes in transparency. So, no, she doesn’t get brownie points for that.
You should be able to control yourself enough to not have sex with her if you claim you don’t want to have sex. You’re a grown man. Have some self-restraint.
Sleep separately from her if that’s what you want. What she wants is invalid for right now. If she wanted her wishes considered, she should have stayed within the marriage.
Definitely tell the wife of the AP, also remember you are showing your key ds what is acceptable in a relationship (secrets have a way of coming out). Do you want them to think it's okay to cheat/be cheated on.
Your wife is a POS
NTA. She cheated and lied over and over and over again. Now she expects you to be thanking her for finally (hopefully) telling you the whole truth. Fuck no. You don't owe her anything. Do what you feel like you need to do to work through your feelings. Honestly though, if I were you I would be out. I've forgiven a cheater before and the relationship was never the same. The paranoia killed me. It's hard to get the trust back.
When and why did you do a paternity test on your kids? You made the appointment for paternity testing, did the test and you got results before you were able to start counselling?
If she needs a marriage counselor to help her admit just how badly she cheated then no amount of marriage counseling is going to save your relationship. Just prepare for divorce right now
"Open disclosure should make you want to stay more"
So her angle is to only tell the truth so she can weaponize it to control your autonomy in this relationship?
That's nice.
NTA, you need to run OP, she sounds like a sociopath.
Sir, she has given you exactly what you need to leave her. Go talk to an attorney. If you stay, she will do this again because you are giving her permission to do so. You can and will be much happier once you get out of this and start to really heal. She won’t ever know the full truth. And go ahead and contact the wife. She needs to know immediately.
NTA, Your soon to be exwife is the classic trickle truth cheater who likes her AP’s D’’’ enough to keep a prototype when she has the urge. Dump her you deserve better plus your mental wellbeing will improve.
NTA. Leave her for your own sake. You will never get the entire truth from her because she will either lie or you will not trust what she says.
How many copies of these guy’s penis are actually in your house ? She might have another one.
Just end it.
Nah, that shit is vindictive as fuck. I told the truth, I was being vulnerable so you HAVE to forgive me and treat me kindly... even though the truth is I cheated.
You also DO NOT KNOW that was the truth, her saying it is means nothing because she keeps lying. She has a silicon copy of his dick, even after he cut off contact she kept messaging him for a year.
The affair ended because HE ran away, not because she wanted it to end. She kept fucking herself with his dick replica, while trying to get back with him for a year, she loved him, she cheated, she lied to you and she's weaponising her trickle truthing you to forgive her.
First it was barely anything so you must forgive her, then it was something more and she lied again to convince you to stay. Then finally she told you the supposed whole truth and now you have to still forgive because she told the truth?
Fuck her, run away, she has manipulated you at every single turn and you can never know the full truth, just what she states is the truth, which has already changed numerous times. She's a cheated, a liar and is using anything she tells you to manipulate you. YOu can't even be sure this is the only guy she cheated on you with but her behaviour, the constant manipulation, just shows she's a consistent and unapologetic liar, there is no future with someone like that.
I would have immediately contacted AP's wife, she has the right to know and AP must suffer for her mistakes. As for your wife, not only has she cheated on you, she's also messing with you. Trust is gone forever, nc and divorce.
Grow a goddamn spine and divorce that lying whore. She did NOT tell the truth. She was backed into a corner and gad no choice, and even then she fed you lies and trickle-truthed you.
She has to ‘read’ something to understand that being truthful is important?
Take a photo of her silicone penis and send it to AP’s wife and ask her if it looks familiar.
If she’s through with him, why would she keep that around? Why would she be playing with that instead of your very real dingus?
She may desperately not want to lose you but she’s not over him at all. He’s still her #1 and you’re the reliable side piece.
She needs to get her head screwed on straight and ask herself if she really loves you.
Until you get all of that straightened out, take the pains to personalize your new sleeping quarters and use it consistently. Do NOT return to your marital bed (or any other location if you get my drift) until this is fully resolved. This may take 6-9 months but if you resume marital relations it will impact your thinking process and your ability to pull the pin if she can’t recommit herself to you and your marriage.
One last thing—because she cannot validate any of the truths she is telling you, and she has already lied to you, don’t trust anything she tells you. NOTHING.
Bro if somebody had a silicone model of another guys dick, I would be out. Don’t do this to yourself. Jesus Christ.
Ouch... this! This a million times! It was a one-time sex thing that she decided to model and keep and pleasure herself with every time she wanted. Yikes...just typing that out revolted me.
Yeah that’s some sick shit. They were both getting off to the idea of you being clueless to the fact his dick was in your house for years probably getting way more action than you ever did. She’s not sorry she cheated. She didn’t even admit it when called out. She continued to lie and trickle truth. You still don’t have the full truth and never will. She isn’t truthful, isn’t faithful, and doesn’t care about you one bit. Just her lifestyle with you and probably avoiding the public shame and loneliness of divorce. Tell her to leave and file for divorce.
She went from full on lying, to trickle truth-ing, to wanting to be rewarded for finally telling the truth about her lies! What a snake.
And now I wonder if generic dildos are modeled after a specific dick. Shower thoughts
This one is self made. It matches the packing for sale on line
Hang on, she went to all the trouble of making a dildo based on his own dick!! Just think of the effort that this involves, the working on the logistics, the shipping, the details...not to mention that this sort of thing requires a fair bit of forethought, discussion between them and then working out how they were going to make it happen! It's mind-blowing that they both went to this extent and not only that, to now have her say "well we only had sex once". I mean, if that were the case, then why oh why did she have a model of his **dick** custom made!!
Has she destroyed it? Please don’t say she is keeping it! Mail it to the other wife!! With a note “your husband gifted his dick to my wife. I thought you should have it back”. NTA. It’s not all ok just because she was honest about it. Finally.
Some dildos are modeled after porn star dicks, but they usually advertise it on the packaging.
Did you measure the silicone model?
Not yet. I took it to work and locked it up. Not something I want just lying around. I also have the book this guy wrote that is dedicated to his wife and children. I may have stabbed it a few times but at least I found the name of his wife in there.
That should be fun when someone at work finds it :)
It’s locked up in filing cabinet in my office and I have the only key
She is a filthy whore. Divorce her
Somehow this one almost seems worse than actually sleeping with him
> TLDR; AITAH for not staying in the same bed with my wife when she made herself vulnerable by telling the truth, but also confirmed that her and the affair partner actually had sex? /u/ThrowRA_tell_the_obs is trying to live out his oblivious cuckold fantasy on reddit. He's even patting her on the back already cuz how brave she was when 'she made herself vulnerable' admitting she's a cheating piece of trash after her lies were challenged with evidence.
Yeah, like, it's just silly to think someone would make a silicone dick mold of their affair partner, keep it around, and then admit to what it was, instead of just saying it was a toy. These sad sack cuckold stories are pretty much always typed one handed
Gross. Now I gotta shower
💯^ honey I'm so over him I only love u,. Imma go take a power nap now.
100%
This is painful to read
How many times has she told OP she wasn't in the mood, only to go and get off on a copy of another man's dick. He should be GONE.
Right? And after claiming to only have had sex once...highly unlikely. And why does she still have it???
Yup. I pretty much read up until that point and said nope. Idc if she never actually had sex with him. The model of the other dudes penis is enough of a deal breaker. Especially to be from somebody you actually know. Not just oh this is a porn stars dick. No it’s someone you actually have been in contact with. Even worse.
Agreed. Punch out if this nightmare and have some dignity for fucks sake. She had a silicone replica of his penis in your house….
Damn there’s an affair and then there’s someone going out of the way to get a model of their penis so they can make a silicone dildo for the AP. I mean if you can look at your wife and know that even after the affair (which she continued to lie about) she’s still masterbating with the AP dildo and still respect that woman you are a cuck. She lied about the whole affair until you threatened to call the AP wife then said she had sex 1 time if you believe this then there’s a bridge in AK I can sell you. Unreal are you the AH I don’t think you are naive to even ask that question.
Trickle truthing at its finest. She’s probably hiding more information from you. Give her time, she might come forth with worse. That silicone dick is just something else. Mate, do yourself a favour. Don’t be a cuck. Get out.
Don’t bother with marital counseling, you need individual counseling to understand why her cheating and lying to you does not matter much to you. Big step to self respect moving downstairs. She is happy with the situation as it is and you are willing to accept it. She didn’t make her self “vulnerable” by finally telling you a partial truth- she figured out that 3 years of lying to you wouldn’t make a difference to you! She has shown you she has no respect for you, that lying to you is acceptable behavior for her, and apparently for you and you will accept another affair or cheating. You are her doormat nothing more! You both are a great example for your kids!
she is upstairs getting silicone injections
Bro needs to think about this for a second. Now that he's gonna tell the other guys wife she says no wait we actually fucked? She wants you to end his marriage so that they can be together. He doesn't want her he just wants to play with her. She's trying to use you to be the bad guy that breaks them up.
Trickle truthing and obvious manipulation. She's using therapy speech to frame herself as some kind of beleaguered martyr of circumstance who deserves handouts of affection and even sex because she was "honest" with him. It's like saying you need to incentivize a child towards good behaviour with rewards for it.
Your wife is pretty fucking sinister imo. Bin her. She has betrayed your trust FOR YEARS. Being honest one time doesn't make up for everything she's withheld and is currently lying about. I would find her repulsive.
I know. Everyone is so proud she trickled some truth and she's all like, don't we feel closer now I'm more honest? If what she has to be honest about is disgusting, that's nothing to make anyone feel closer.
Imagine finding I love you texts and a literal cock dildo of the married guy who's fucking the brains out your wife and the mother of your children. She's a fucking disgrace
NTA but… So it went from: 1) we were just sending “sexy texts” to 2) you finding a molded replica dildo of his penis to 3) you figuring out they could have met in person to 4) they met in person twice and they only kissed once to 5) turns out she lied again and they had sex And you’re willing to overlook all of that just because? She’s a serial liar and it’s quite obvious she felt rather comfortable lying to you which would call into question what else she’s lying about in your relationship. Just because it happened for her in 2021 doesn’t change the fact it’s happening for you in 2024. She’s had 3 years to tell you. You need to ask yourself “would she have told me if I didn’t find out myself?” The answer seems pretty clear.
Truth trickle
three more confessions down the line and she will admit to sleeping with the entire Green Bay Packers roster.
It’s becoming a pattern.
The pattern it’s becoming is you falling for it thinking she’s told you all. Keep digging. You’ll have more than enough proof for a divorce. Hopefully you don’t have to give her anything. Dont stay. She’s giving “everything” to another man. Have some self respect. No ones fault if they get cheated on, it’s always their fault when they stay.
Where's your spine my guy?
She chose him over you and gave him pleasure ,satisfy him , even after know her AP is married 🤮 . And those replicas are the proof that you are no longer anything for her, just a caretaker and last option .. She got dumped by her AP that's why she is staying in this fake marriage or else she doesn't give a F about you and your marriage.
Pattern?! She's fucking someone. That's not a pattern you moron.
Dig. Dig like you need to bunker down.
The only pattern is youre a sucker bud
Sorry buddy, but if she had the opportunity she would dump you for this guy in a heartbeat. You're not ever going to be happy if you stay with this woman. Kick her to the curb.
Brother, you need to get some self respect.
I swear, these cheaters are all operating out of the same playbook.
It didn’t happen in 2021, she’s been fucking his copy dick all along.
The fact you had to to have your kids tested to ensure parentage should be enough for anyone to leave a marriage.
You found a silicone mould of someone elses penis in her draw, and that made you ALMOST leave? What's she gotta do? Jam it it up your ass? Fucking hell man - she's been emotionally cheating for ages, and physically let another man fuck her probably repeatedly, don't believe the 'only once' b.s - and when did she ask for the mould? She's not 'vulnerable by telling the truth' - you caught her out!! Get your damn head IN THE GAME, lawyer up, save everything, screenshots, pictures of said mould, record the chats you have - and serve papers. Are you a man or a doormat?!?!
NTA bruh your head is deep inside your ass You are absolutely right to be angry and sad ar her betrayal. To me it sounds a bit like you are so exhausted by everything you can't really think straight.
You don’t mold a dick after 1 time having sex
YTA. The fact that you find a replica of another man's penis that she has as a dildo and you don't divorce her is crazy. She is obviously lying and down playing everything so whatever she has finally admitted to it was worse. You now know you can't trust this person so who knows how many other affairs she has had and you could never trust her in the future because she's a good enough liar to hide it for years until getting caught. Please don't light a match because the house will blow up with how much gas lighting she has done to you. Also do the right thing and find a way to reach out to that guy's wife and tell her that she was cheated on she has a right to know as well.
Dude just divorce her already. How beaten down are you that you're ok with all this
Pretty beaten
You need to find some anger. Anger can be productive
Basically she holds all the power and thinks as long as she is honest you should concede everything. She respects you that little. This isn't real remorse. This is an evil power struggle and with alm due respect you aren't built for that. Time to just cut the cord and walk away.
> I’ve arranged counselling for myself and for the marriage. The marriage counselling is taking for ever. > One month ago I found a silicone copy of his penis in a drawer. I confronted her again, she said it was his, she was really sorry. I was so upset I almost left. I didn’t want to stay in the house with her. She then convinced me to stay in the bed and the next morning we had sex (very reluctantly) > Because marriage counselling is taking for ages to organise I brought up yesterday whether I should just text the other wife to get the pain over with. She said she wanted to wait so “all the details” could be reviewed with the MC present. You think marriage counselling is going to help here? Why are you still taking orders from a woman who has a silicon copy of the dick she'd rather be fucking in her bedstand?
Wow, NTA to her, but you are to yourself. This woman has lied, misled, and manipulated you from the beginning. She's dangled carrots (and her APs clone a willy) in front of you and each time gives only a kernel of truth. How do you expect to be able to trust her again? Each conversation will have kernels of doubt as to whether the truth has been given fully. Remember that it's better to be divorced and happy than living together and resenting your life.
Just talk with a lawyer and burn down her life. Call his wife and burn his down too.
Put a silicone copy of your dick in the box with the divorce papers. BOOM!
She literally had his penis moulded for a dildo, grow a pair of balls and get the fuck out of this marriage. She doesn't love or respect you. By forgiving her you're just admitting that you're a spineless cuck.
She admits he had his tongue in her mouth and she loved it, And she opened her legs to let his cock inside her and she loved it. She came all over his cock. So much she has a replica of it so she come on it again and again. And I guess if she's willing to sacrifice her marriage vows to have the chance to suck him off, well OP you're done. She wants you strictly for your stability. Not for your lovemaking. How romantic is that? Her telling you 'the truth" is just her laying out her request for you to accept being a cuckold. Because this woman seems obsessed with this other dude, even if he is physically on the other side of the world. Actually he's in her head right now. She loves telling you 'the truth' because she gets to relive it. Maybe he's on the other side of the world, but she will look for a substitute for him close by. If she was a good woman, none of this bringing someone else into your marriage would have happened. But she's not and you are too good for her. She's left you already in her mind. So kick her out of your life. Good luck OP
No, you're not the AH. It's completely understandable to need space and distance after finding out this new information. It's a painful situation, and you're allowed to process it in your own way.
Why would you seriously want to stay with someone who does this to you?
Dude, reading your post just made me so angry. Do you not have a spine?
NTA. In fact, I would book a nice hotel room, tell the kids I love them and need to go out of town for a little while, tell your wife you appreciate her being truthful, but ask her to understand that the truth hurt you pretty bad and broke your trust, and then go take time alone to process things.
That would be great. I’ve got a week of forced downtime from my GP.
Bro why are you still with her? Just divorce her . Like she doesn't care about you emotionally so just move on.
So you found a dildo but somehow instantly knew it was a copy of his dick?
She has fought you every step of the way and denied everything until you have made it impossible to deny. There is still a high likelihood you don't have the full story. She is still trying to protect her AP at your expense. She is not remorseful or feeling guilt, she is only trying to do damage control and manipulate you into letting her get away with it. She only seems to regret having to manipulate you into not leaving her. For reconciliation to have any chance, she would need to be generally and fully on board, and even then, it would be hard. She is playing you for the chump and will likely stray again when the mood/opportunity strikes.
Leave her. Make her call the other wife and confess in front of you. I'd be so angry right now. Expose her to her friends and family.
Is this real?
NTA I’d have left her a long time ago
Just tell her the truth that you don't want to sleep in the same bed because sleeping in the same bed with her just makes you want to vomit. And with her trickle truthing giving you only bits and pieces and wanting to wait for therapy for the truth to come out Make sure you even sicker. I don't understand what she's thinking because she admitted that she f**** somebody else that now it should be okay. Tell her that the thought of having sex with her after she's had sex with another guy and has a mold of his dick to pleasure herself with is revolting. The fact that she has a mold of his dick and is still pleasing herself to it is far more worse it's like she's cheating with him every time she uses it reliving her experience it's like an ongoing affair but just with his penis. You do not want to be in the same bed with her You do not want to have sex with her. She definitely needs to know that there's consequences for her actions. And you just finding out for about this is making you sick. I would definitely try to contact this guy's wife Tell her about the affair and how they're still in communication and how he has sent her a mold of his penis I'm sure she would love to hear that one. I wouldn't be surprised if they video chat and she pleasures herself with the replica of his penis. I got to tell you out of all the stories that I've ever read or heard about someone cheating this one definitely takes the cake I've never ever ever heard of an affair partner making a mold of the other ones penis so they can pleasure themselves when they're not there wow. Got to believe that it's definitely been more than one time to have them mold of his penis. So sorry you have to go thru this. You have to stand strong and don't let her try and manipulate you into feeling sorry for her. Remember she chose to do this to go out side your relationship, to lie to you, to hide this from you to plot and plan this and to face you on a daily basis pretending like nothing ever happened straight to your face.
the posters on here are either liars or retards
She’s still lying to you and the fact that she has a ducking silicone copy of his cock should be enough evidence that this marriage is dead. The audacity of that bitch (sorry that bitch is still your wife but hopefully not much longer) to lie over & over and it wasn’t until you mentioned that you were going to contact the other wife (where the real truth would come out) so she basically had to come clean and then acts like you owe her now. What the hell?!
Well, if you want to stay for the kids- that’s cool. I would have checked out, probably would have done an open relationship if I was in denial that mending can help the relationship because we all know- the trust is gone, the relationship is gone.
Jesus dude I'm embarrassed for you. How could you try to salvage that wreck? Never ever forgive something like that ever ever ever ever. Should have made her homeless in the SPOT.
What has she done to try and save the relationship other than sitting around and waiting for someone else to do it for her and complain that you not feeling close to her is unfair to her? There's some things that I'd require her to move ahead with to show you that she is serious about being sorry and wanting to fix the relationship with you: - You get to choose your sleeping accommodations. You feel disgusting laying in the same bed as her knowing that she was sexting a guy likely from the bed you shared. - She shows you all of the messages and allows you to save and store them - She tells the wife about their affair. There's nothing to wait for. If she doesn't I'd just send the message and let her know - She turns on shared locations with you, allows you to check her phone and PC, your allowed to ask for receipts and pictures for anywhere she claims to go. For me the trust would be gone. Sure she'll act all perfect for now, but how wouldn't I question every work and personal relationship after that. How would I forget that I was looking after your kids while she was kissing on other guys. You also have to show your kids what a healthy relationship looks like and that it's okay to end things if it's not going well. They'll notice resentment, distance, and mistrust. It's not good to show them that's normal. You wouldn't want them sticking around with someone who is disrespectful towards their relationship. NTA.
YWBTA She has a silicone copy of his d•ck?! And reconciliation is not off the table?!? Sir, if you stay with her, you deserve every single bit of sh•t she is going to serve up to you. Oh man is she going to! Please update us! I’d love to hear how this sh•t show turns out for everyone.
A web of lies this deep you have every right to assume the worst. The way youre laying it out looks like she is stringing you along in hopes you just accept the infidelity. Doing and giving the minimum amount needed to "return to normal": Only giving you the truths you uncover yourself (highly likely there is a lot more she hasnt volunteered), stringing along couple therapy with no firm dates (id advise a personal therapist over a couples therapist), also appears to be blowing a smokescreen for her "partner" regarding maintaining his own marriage. Id advise some soul searching to determine if there is anything worth salvaging in this partnership, and if you stay, no judgement. It's hard to walk away from a life entrenched as yours with kids and property. Divorces are like a knife cutting a tumor out, painful and messy. If you decide on divorce, i believe the legal advise is to not leave the house or risk forfeiting it in the proceedings. Im of the opinion that the sex isn't the worst part of cheating, it's the breach of trust. She could be the perfect partner from this point to her death and it still wont wash away the knowledge that she chose to break that trust and you will always have to second guess every decision she makes going forwards.
Well, how large was the replica penis?
dude
Looks about average. I haven’t compared. She told me it didn’t work very well. I’m going to do something horrible to it when this is over.
To be honest, your wife seems like a bit manipulative. All lies aside, she didn't come forward on her own, you made her to confess. Even though she finally 'maybe' told you all truth, by making it step by step, she made being honest is more valued than the fact that she cheated on you. Do you know the hot water and the frog experiment? She didn't put you into the boiling water, but increased the temperature step by step, so at every lie, you have a relatively acceptable situation. But its really not. From the first paragraph, I knew that more has happened. But she just kept it from you. When she confessed, its not to be honest, but she is desperately trying to protect her comfort zone. Of course you know the best. But please try to see that, she is manipulating you and make your decision based on that. Otherwise, after couple of years, you will end up with resenting even to yourself.
Probably best to bin the fake cock and the faking wife tbh
Yta, If you stay you a bad father my guy, can't let your kids see you bieng made a bitch and crawling back
Jesus Christ man!!! She don't care about staying with you. She just wants to use you to finance her hobby of collecting other guys silicone dicks. You noticed she never had your silicone dick anywhere...
Reconciliation? I bet you also buy vehicles with salvage title(flooded ones) when the seller tells you he was truthful about the vehicle being caught by a flood before after trickle truthing many times.
YTA to yourself for putting up with this shit. Where’s your fucking self respect?
D.i.v.o.r.c.e.
Your children will see this dynamic and think it’s ok.
Divorce the cheating harlot. She had a dildo modeled after her affair partners dick. Grow a pair and kick her out and divorce her.
YTA if you stay with this liar and cheater.
I’m really sorry you are going through this. As a female that went through a similar situation a rather long time ago now, I really empathize. Trust me when I say, it only gets worse if you stay. The resentment alone and lack of trust to even do anything just bleeds into everything. You deserve to be with someone you completely trust and feel safe to give your heart to. Always remember, closure isn’t necessary finding out all the details of why, when, where, how, it’s often times just in the acceptance that this isn’t a healthy situation for you to be in anymore and it’s time for a change. As you move forward, heal and don’t make others pay for what some dumb girl did to you. I was able to do this and now I’m marrying the absolute love of my life this year. I’ve never trusted someone more or ever been treated so well in my entire life.
> She said that it was my choice but because she was honest this time she felt I should stay. NTA what about all the other times she wasn't honest? Seriously does she want a gold star now? You have confronted multiple times, and she has shown no intention of stopping the affair sounds kind of like trickle truth to me.
I don’t know you, op, but this is not right and no one deserves to be treated like this. I would’ve left long time ago and the fact that she holds her “honesty” against you and trying to get you to bend around her because of it is manipulative. You deserve so much more, stay strong!
I don’t know you, op, but this is not right and no one deserves to be treated like this. I would’ve left long time ago and the fact that she holds her “honesty” against you and trying to get you to bend around her because of it is manipulative. You deserve so much more, stay strong!
In the end, everyone has to make their own decisions. We are all the authors of our life's story. But, I'm just sayin:"One month ago I found a silicone copy of his penis in a drawer." Dude, that's kinda a Bridge Too Far. How do you come back from that one. Your wife prefers a rubber dick to you. What are we missing here? "She said they’d had some sexy chats but nothing else happened." **Fool me once, shame on you.** "they’d kissed while I minded the kids" Trickle truth, woman have trouble taking responsibility for their adultery. **Fool me twice, shame on ME!** She's slept with him. She's lying to you. She's probably had other lovers too. "AITAH for not staying in the same bed with my wife when she made herself vulnerable by telling the truth," Wake up. I'd wish you good luck, but I'm not sure you'd know what to do with it.
How can your wife call herself honest. She betrayed you! What would happen if you didn't find out about it. Would she tell you? That would be honest. Dump her, let her move and find a sollution for the kids.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Just know that if you stay. Whatever the issue that caused her to cheat, her response was not a mature adult/responsible one.
Divorce her she’s trash
She had an ongoing affair with a guy and was so attached she had a silicone model of his dick made… the fact she thinks being honest now gets her off the hook basically is wild. RUN dude. File for divorce. NTA
Cheating Wife: I can save our marriage! You: How? Cheating Wife: The power of *Sociopathy!* Also I cheated on you a bunch. You: …Are you sure about that? Cheating Wife: I told you everything and was honest and therefore I am entitled to even more of your time because I forbid you to leave me you feeble whelp- NTA. Do what you feel is best for you. But it’s your decision to make, not ours.
Run for the hills. You'll never be able to trust her again. Have a dildo of the guys junk is a line that can't be come back from.
NTA The only reason the affair ending is because he moved... the dildo model should tell you enough. She is grasping at straws thinking because she was "honest" with you after YEARS of lying it makes it all fine. 1) She cheated on you back then 2) She lied for years 3) She is at least emotionally cheating on you all this time, otherwise in what world she would have kept a model of him and continue communication after he moved away? I´m sorry that this happened to you, but don´t let her manipulate you... Start getting your affairs in order.
INFO; Do you have all of this in writing? If not, make sure you do before leaving. I guarantee you the second you step out, that dildo is going to be a random one she bought, and I bet you 100 bucks she'll tell a judge under path that she bought it to please you.
NTA … but She didn’t make herself vulnerable by telling you the truth. Just no. She tells you a little more each time you push. It’s highly unlikely you have the “whole” truth. Be prepared to get more “truths” later. I’m also confused at how you knew this was a silicone copy of his penis? Did she tell you? Is it stamped or something?
Once a cheater always a cheater.
Sex one time and she has a silicone dick of his?
WAKE. THE. FUCK. UP.
>Reconciliation is not off the table. WTF? Just divorce her cheating ass and be better off for your kids.
Reconciliation is still on the table? Mate, she's made and kept a copy of his dick, that she most definitely took a number of spins on.
YTA. Dumbass.
NTA. It would be better if the different bed that you're sleeping in is in another dwelling, unless it makes sense to stay where you are to protect any financial interests you have in your home in the event of divorce. u/No_Professional_1362 did an excellent job listing the five-step trickle truthing she has engaged in. Don't wait for trickle truths 6, 7, 8...
Bro.... Wtf.. grow a spine I get instant rage when I see crap like this. Your wife is a horrible human and you are spineless. She has done much more and probably has multiple guys she is sleeping with. Get out now NTA... But you are ah to yourself
does this dude just have spare silicon models of his dick to hand out, or were they serious enough to discuss making one for her to have as a reminder when she wants to cheat on you by proxy? How on earth is reconciliation still on the table? Get the (british pronunciation on that word only) fuck out.
If a woman has a silicone copy of a man’s dick….do you really think they only fucked a few times? Do you really think she wasn’t invested in him emotionally???? Just think about it man
NTA. GTFO of there, ASAP. It's already over.
The only reason she is still married to you is because the other guy moved to the other side of the world. She was so emotionally and physically invested that she had a silicone replica made of his dick. Don't believe that they only had sex once, because her behavior will tell you otherwise.
Seriously man, you’re considering reconciliation? She was sexting this guy, is trying to protect him (she’s preventing you from telling the spouse), finally comes clean and expects you just to get over it, and she has his penis mold of him. Wtf man! Do you really lack that much self respect? If you stay, you deserve anything that comes to you.
you’re nta but you are a fool
Don't get hooked on pills. If you cannot make peace with what she has done, you have to leave, if it were me I would be gone already.
A one time thing and she has a sex toy of him that she also decided to keep? Right...
Im so confused how she has a silicone model of his dick. She’s manipulating you with sex. I’m really sorry this is happening to you brother. Take care of yourself and your kids.
OP, you know the path forward. First off, reconciliation ought to be off the table. I know I'm just a random redditor, but I want you to have more respect for yourself. Your wife trickle-truthed you hard. She's lied and misled you. The fact that she had a clone-a-willy of her AP is beyond gross, it's disgusting. She doesn't respect you, she just doesn't want the world to crash down around her and it come out that she's not a worthy partner. Secondly, you owe it to the AP wife to reach out. Just as much as your wife hasn't respected you or your marriage, the same is equally true of the AP. Put yourself in her shoes, if she found out about the affair first, would you have wanted her to let you know?
Have some self respect. It took years to get the, we fucked once?? Don't do it for the kids, trust me they'll be much happier if you are happy, even if it's in two homes. She's done nothing to warm your trust, respect, or love during this. She's lied, gaslighted, and honestly played you like a fool. It doesn't get better, not really. It may get to a point where it's livable, but you got one life. Why waste it with someone that doesn't give two shits about you?
Bro is becoming a doormat cuck.RIP self respect..Once a cheater always a cheater.A penis cast of her AP is like taking infidelity to the infinity and beyond.Read this and don't be a pussy. https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/s/877mpCnL64 If you still reconcile I think it's better for you to watch her get railed and jerk off at the side.Bcoz that's what you like.A fucking casted penis.Goddamn it.I would have told otherwise if it was a rape or a drunk ONS.But that dildo says that she thinks about AP while OP fucks her.**You won't die in peace dude.Don't do it 🥺🥺
Come on dude, there’s no way you’re wanting us to let you stay in such a horrible situation right?
They had video sex. Probably often. She had his silicone dick and he egged her on. SMH. Subscribeme
Damn dude, your wife is some piece of work. >I said I was sleeping downstairs. She said that it was my choice but because she was honest this time she felt I should stay. She desperately doesn’t want to lose me and feels open disclosure should make me want to stay more. I don’t want to get trapped into sex again. I’m getting triggered by looking at her and having all sorts of intruding visions. Basically, this here is your wife demonstrating a mastery of using therapy speak as a means of control. She guilt trips you on the ground that she was honest, so you should be willing to stay in bed with her and possibly have sex with her, but frankly sex isn't a requirement on your part and she isn't deserving of it. More than that, she should have been honest from the get go, but she has been **trickle truthing you.** That is to say, she's been feeding you a drip feed of info to control the reaction, because she knows if she tells you the full extent of her affair you will more than likely leave her and out her. You need to remind yourself that in no fashion is your wife an innocent victim here, she's not some beleaguered martyr of circumstance, she's a cheating spouse in total of herself. She actively chose to engage in a protracted affair that included potentially multiple meetups and the dude giving her a **cast** of his dick. That isn't a small affair. Frankly, at this point you should know that you'll probably never know the full extent of the affair. There will always be a little bit more she can give to "satisfy" your desire to know without causing you to make a final decision that would leave her out in the streets. NTA, because sleeping in another bed is the very least you should be doing in this situation.
Desperately doesn't want to loose you lol. NTA
A friend was his the same situation and it crushed him. 15 years together with three kids so he was willing to work it out. She beg and pleaded for him to stay and said she would never do it again. They did mc for awhile and everything seemed good. 6 months later he had some suspicions come to find out her work meetings were actually fuck meetings. He left her that same day. It’s been almost two years he is at peace and is dating and she kept harassing him to the point a restraining order was filed. My advice, if you want to protect your mental health part ways amicably and heal yourself
She has a dildo of the other guys junk and you're still there?
Trickle truth and a silicone dick copy? Nah man wtf are you waiting for? Bounce immediately! Jesus.
Bro She has a copy of his penis that she Masterbates with. What is there to sort out ? Go talk to a divorce lawyer with out telling her. Contact the affair partners wife and tell her you found a silicone replica of jer husband's penis in your eofes possion and she admitted they have had sex
NTA, you should call the guys wife, since he sees no problem destroying your marriage its only right you destroy his, send her a picture of his dick he left your wife and that picture.
The other guy doesn’t want her so she wants you to stay. Don’t be second choice.
How did you know it was a copy before you confronted her?
Fake AF
Dude you deserve so much better than this, you need to get out of this marriage and recover.
!updateme
bro... hes stringing you along and youre just letting him. have some self respect pls, youre a person inherently deserving of value and he clearly does not. you gotta look out for #1 here
You’re NTA but you’re very naive to think your wife deserves a second chance or even marriage counseling. She does not respect you. The silicone dick thing is pretty damn bad. She likely has much worse she’s done that you either will never find out or you’ll find out as time progresses.
YTA to yourself. Why are you torturing yourself with this evil woman. Like just why?? If you choose to stay with this serial cheater who literally has a silicone model of her affair partner, that’s your choice. And don’t complain or come on here, because you’re choosing to stay with this. You need to leave man
She has lied at every possible turn. TF are you doing? You are only TA if you stay
Dude she has a silicon version of another man's cock. Just throw her back to the streets from whence she came
“Just sexy chats…” “Well we kissed…” “Ok, so I have a dildo copy of his dick…”(WTF) “Ok, we only had sex once…” You still don’t know everything. I don’t see a path towards reconciliation while she has continued to lie and try to minimize all the way through.
She. Had. A. Silicone. Model. Of his DICK. So either that's something he just has around, or she was so into him she had him make it for her before fe left town. You can reconcile if you like, but you will always be the backup safe choice. She WILL choose exciting again...
I think it is pretty obvious OP has a tiny penis and the mold of the super long has crushed his will to live. That's the ugly particle explanation I can think of for a "man" to act this weak and pathetic. Reconciliation is not off the table. Neither is being a fucking idiot, apparently. YTA.
Would like to see you have more self respect... find someone who actually cares about you and won't betray you like that...
I would still suggest going to a lawyer to see what divorce looks like. Require her to write everything out as this is required if reconciliation is even possible. Get all the evidence off her devices and destroy that vibrator after getting a pic. This is all evidence to send to his wife later. Have her contact the AP’s wife and explain what happened. Good luck
"If she cheats... it's over. No exceptions." -Wayne
It’s always “we had sex, but only once, we used protection and I didn’t enjoy it” She forgot the “I didn’t enjoy it” part. She should read the cheater’s handbook again.
Trickle truth. Get away from her! She has done so much more. Probably multiple guys too.
Are you a chicken because all I can hear is "CUCK CUCK"
NTA Don’t ever feel guilty about sleeping in another bed. You’re dealing with a lot. I’d be sleeping in another house.
NTA you need to run. That is not something that you are going to forget or forgive. It's better for the kids that they have a happy dad than one who is miserable and hates his cheating whore of a wife. I mean just think of planning and effort it took to get a copy of his dick and for her to be brazen enough to keep it in your home. Then she tries to take the high road by trickle truthing you to try to manipulate you to stay.
She is trickle truthing the whole time. Wake up my guy. If she was truly sorry she would have come clean with everything but she isn’t. The only reason she isn’t Fing the guy now is because he moved away and is done with her.
She did something called the trickle truth. She had no intentions of telling the full truth, but only enough each time to placate you to stay longer, and gradually more complacent once the full truth comes out. It is conscious lying, and intended to protect her only at the expense of your emotions and sanity. It is a way to eleviate her guilt only. I had an ex do this about having a sugar daddy but only went on a lunch date. Then she only went to his house once but nothing happened. Then they only kissed. Then they only had sex once. Then it happened multiple times. Then it never continued through our relationship. You get the picture, you can never fully trust the "honesty", it will always eat away at you. It is infinitely difficult to reconcile.
Wow she's really laying the gaslighting on thick. She doesn't get a medal for finally being little honest. I doubt she's ever going to come clean 100%, she's trying to make you feel bad when she spread wide and lied to you. She's used up trash. We throw that out.
Yta. Just end it you f doormat.
NTA. > Reconciliation is not off the table. It should be!
After the messages is one thing. Ok. We could maybe move past. But having his dick mold is a deal breaker. I would have called my lawyer instant. NTA
Run ….she will do this again
She hid a custom dildo of his dick man. She intentionally met with him and lied to you for way too long and actually fucked him while you watched the kids. Run from her, she will do it again and she will just change the ways she keeps in contact with him.
The sad part? She believes she's being honest, when she's been "trickle truth" from the beginning, let me tell you she is lying about a lot, she has plastic dick of his, I mean come on, if you belive they only did it once you really are in the dark.
Sir, you are completely lost in the sauce. How, I'm asking HOW COULD YOU BE THE AH??
How the hell did you stay after finding the dildo?
"Open disclosure" is beyond insulting to you, considering she trickle truthed you literally the entire time. I understand the hesitation to leave, but it would take A LOT for me to even consider trusting someone like this ever again. She's not honest, and she's not concerned with your feelings; only her own. She only gives as much info as she has to in order to skate by. I wouldn't be surprised if they'd had sex more than once, but that's just my opinion.
The cynical part of me wonders if she had sex with you because she found out she was pregnant and wanted it to seem like the baby was yours.
Dude, 1. Contact his wife with all the details. 2. Consult a divorce attorney 3. Quit being a doormat as your wife is walking all over you. She is lying, gaslighting and manipulating you. YTA for putting up with all of this. Updateme
By staying you are just compounding the pain. Figure a way out. Your kids are now your main concern.
Buddy, your wife is so mentally Ill. run........
Dude leave the fact she can’t be honest at once is a sign she doesn’t or hasn’t changed
The details don’t come out all at once. They came out grudgingly, haltingly, over time. She was trying mitigate damage at every step. This is not someone who will ever be completely honest with you.
Whether you choose to stay is up to you. I would definitely tell the other guy’s wife immediately.
To not only did she have an emotional fair but she had a physical affair. Just cause she think she tells you that it’s fine. Bullshit and then she had a silicone copy of his deck made so she fuck herself with it and pretend it’s him does she pretend you’re him, dude, you need to get reconciliation off the table. You will feel so much better therapy for you and then be the best coparent you can be.
Here’s the thing: she only told you the truth as a manipulation tactic, a stratagem. She’s not telling you the truth out of remorse or because she believes in transparency. So, no, she doesn’t get brownie points for that. You should be able to control yourself enough to not have sex with her if you claim you don’t want to have sex. You’re a grown man. Have some self-restraint. Sleep separately from her if that’s what you want. What she wants is invalid for right now. If she wanted her wishes considered, she should have stayed within the marriage.
Definitely tell the wife of the AP, also remember you are showing your key ds what is acceptable in a relationship (secrets have a way of coming out). Do you want them to think it's okay to cheat/be cheated on. Your wife is a POS
NTA. She cheated and lied over and over and over again. Now she expects you to be thanking her for finally (hopefully) telling you the whole truth. Fuck no. You don't owe her anything. Do what you feel like you need to do to work through your feelings. Honestly though, if I were you I would be out. I've forgiven a cheater before and the relationship was never the same. The paranoia killed me. It's hard to get the trust back.
You are a weak man
You should be telling the APs with EVERYTHING.
When and why did you do a paternity test on your kids? You made the appointment for paternity testing, did the test and you got results before you were able to start counselling?
GTFO, she would have continued the affair if he hadn't moved away, hence the silicone copy, divorce and move on.
If she needs a marriage counselor to help her admit just how badly she cheated then no amount of marriage counseling is going to save your relationship. Just prepare for divorce right now
"Open disclosure should make you want to stay more" So her angle is to only tell the truth so she can weaponize it to control your autonomy in this relationship? That's nice. NTA, you need to run OP, she sounds like a sociopath.
Sir, she has given you exactly what you need to leave her. Go talk to an attorney. If you stay, she will do this again because you are giving her permission to do so. You can and will be much happier once you get out of this and start to really heal. She won’t ever know the full truth. And go ahead and contact the wife. She needs to know immediately.
NTA, Your soon to be exwife is the classic trickle truth cheater who likes her AP’s D’’’ enough to keep a prototype when she has the urge. Dump her you deserve better plus your mental wellbeing will improve.
A model of the guys junk? Cmon, time to roll out
NTA. Leave her for your own sake. You will never get the entire truth from her because she will either lie or you will not trust what she says. How many copies of these guy’s penis are actually in your house ? She might have another one. Just end it.
Have some fuckin pride dude. Get out and don't look back
Nah, that shit is vindictive as fuck. I told the truth, I was being vulnerable so you HAVE to forgive me and treat me kindly... even though the truth is I cheated. You also DO NOT KNOW that was the truth, her saying it is means nothing because she keeps lying. She has a silicon copy of his dick, even after he cut off contact she kept messaging him for a year. The affair ended because HE ran away, not because she wanted it to end. She kept fucking herself with his dick replica, while trying to get back with him for a year, she loved him, she cheated, she lied to you and she's weaponising her trickle truthing you to forgive her. First it was barely anything so you must forgive her, then it was something more and she lied again to convince you to stay. Then finally she told you the supposed whole truth and now you have to still forgive because she told the truth? Fuck her, run away, she has manipulated you at every single turn and you can never know the full truth, just what she states is the truth, which has already changed numerous times. She's a cheated, a liar and is using anything she tells you to manipulate you. YOu can't even be sure this is the only guy she cheated on you with but her behaviour, the constant manipulation, just shows she's a consistent and unapologetic liar, there is no future with someone like that.
I would have immediately contacted AP's wife, she has the right to know and AP must suffer for her mistakes. As for your wife, not only has she cheated on you, she's also messing with you. Trust is gone forever, nc and divorce.
Not saying I'm right, but I just have problems but leaving that someone who had a silicone copy of another guy's junk only had sex once with him.
Grow a goddamn spine and divorce that lying whore. She did NOT tell the truth. She was backed into a corner and gad no choice, and even then she fed you lies and trickle-truthed you.
She has to ‘read’ something to understand that being truthful is important? Take a photo of her silicone penis and send it to AP’s wife and ask her if it looks familiar. If she’s through with him, why would she keep that around? Why would she be playing with that instead of your very real dingus? She may desperately not want to lose you but she’s not over him at all. He’s still her #1 and you’re the reliable side piece. She needs to get her head screwed on straight and ask herself if she really loves you. Until you get all of that straightened out, take the pains to personalize your new sleeping quarters and use it consistently. Do NOT return to your marital bed (or any other location if you get my drift) until this is fully resolved. This may take 6-9 months but if you resume marital relations it will impact your thinking process and your ability to pull the pin if she can’t recommit herself to you and your marriage. One last thing—because she cannot validate any of the truths she is telling you, and she has already lied to you, don’t trust anything she tells you. NOTHING.
Reconciliation is not an option. Get your dignity and self respect back. Divorce her yesterday