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Agitated_Bar7856

How do you think you up-bringing was different from others ?


AshamedDoggo

We have to explain our situation to everyone and this is a huge pain in my ass. But anyways my childhood was ok.


ForgettableUsername

I heard a story a while ago about a white dude who'd been adopted and raised by an Asian family. When he'd go out places with his adopted sister, their parents' biological daughter, people would sometimes ask questions because they looked so different.. usually they asked "was *she* adopted?" because people are terrible and make assumptions. Anyway, the joke they worked out was when this happened they'd both pretend to look shocked and horrified and then he'd say in an anguished voice, "We weren't going to tell her! HOW COULD YOU!?"


sirenroses

Omg if ppl did this to me and my dad when I was young I think he would go feral. He’s a white man and my sister and I are darker skinned Asian girls. I literally never questioned at all if my parents were my bio parents. They eventually told me when I was 7 bc my 3rd grade teacher asked me if my dad “was my real dad”. I’m 23 now and to this day he has some…. choice words about her.


astronomersassn

my dad is white, mom is southeast asian and darker-skinned. as we go down the line, my siblings look more and more SEA, but i was the first and i am a carbon copy of my dad. i don't keep photos of him because i don't associate with him anymore (lowkey hate his guts), but i have plenty of my mom and siblings. my brother is also sort of white-looking, but takes after my mom slightly more - he and i are both blondes (i'm strawberry blonde, he's dirty blonde), but he's got brown eyes and my mom's face shape. my two younger sisters both definitely look SEA - one of them is also a redhead like me, though her hair is more auburn, and she also has my dad's facial structure and looks a lot like if i had some melanin, but if you didn't know we were related you wouldn't assume so. youngest sister just looks like my mom, straight-up. the amount of times people have assumed i was adopted is insane. like, i know i'm my mom's pasty white boy child. while it's definitely more common for children to share parents' traits, though... sometimes you do get a kid who's a carbon copy of one parent (in my family's case, i'm a carbon copy of my dad, my youngest sister is a carbon copy of my mom, the rest of the sibling squad is somewhere in between).


sirenroses

Very true, genetics are funny like that. I’m a Cambodian girl adopted by a small Filipino woman and a white man. My current bf had no idea I was adopted until I told him lol, most ppl assume I’m Filipino anyways but I def look Cambodian. I think it’s simply bc ppl of Filipino descent are the most prevalent SEAs in America.


astronomersassn

funny enough my mom is filipino lol i've also noticed sometimes people unfamiliar with some traits can't pick them out as easily - my fiance is mixed (white/chinese/native hawaiian, primarily) and i could tell right off the bat (not specifics, but that they were mixed) while a lot of people just assume they're white because they have pale skin. i think a lot of people just have limited info unless they're raised around different traits, tbh. heck, i can usually pick out southeast asians and pacific islanders pretty easily, even if i can't narrow down country, while a lot of people assume my mom's hispanic just because she doesn't have stereotypically asian facial features (she definitely looks filipino to other filipinos, but a lot of people who aren't filipino can't tell).


sirenroses

In Hawaii we call that hapa. When a person is mixed but it white passing.


athena_k

I love this! Such a great way to handle it


Agitated_Bar7856

That’s good 😊


Popular_Error3691

Does it take long to explain? Like I feel that's a 2 minute convo tops lol.


BigMax

Probably not long but it’s a pain when it’s a rando in line at Starbucks, or a teacher, or kid at school, or the millionth time you’ve had to explain in a week.


hotdawgwaterr

Don't be daft. It's none of anyone's business.


Popular_Error3691

OK and? She says she explains it all the time. Idk what your getting at


hotdawgwaterr

Dang you are daft then so sorry for you 😢


LambBotNine

Have you met your extended Asian family? If so what country are they from?


AshamedDoggo

My aunt is chinese and she doesn't know her Asian relatives. Her wife is japanese-american and yes, I know her family.


Carmella_Poole

Do you have a relationship with your adoptive grandparents?


JimmysCheek

Do you think you will grow up to be an Asian lesbian? Do they talk about boys with you


AshamedDoggo

Well, I'm not a lesbian, but my boyfriend is Asian.


SeparateCzechs

Makes sense. We imprint on a standard of beauty as toddlers.


supercoolmanchu2020

As if Asians aren’t beautiful unless you grew up around them lol


SeparateCzechs

Wow you’re reaching. I also find Asian people attractive. That is probably why my firstborn is half Korean. Her brothers are 13 and 15 years younger than she. She became their standard of beauty. When my elder son started dating, his girlfriend resembled my daughter in unexpected ways. They weren’t dead ringers. My daughter is Irish and Korean. Looks hauntingly like Lukita Maxwell. His girlfriend was Swedish, but with a round face, green eyes and dark hair. She smiled like my daughter and tilted her head in the same way. None of us picked up on the resemblance until sister and girlfriend were in the same room for the first time. One of the lads my daughter babysat as a teen mentioned that she was his first crush and said she set the standard. He’s now married to a Vietnamese lady. Do you understand the point I was trying to make?


pinkjello

Source? Anecdotally hard disagree from my own life, where I was uniquely equipped to evaluate this. My experience directly contradicts this idea.


SeparateCzechs

I read it fairly often when I was in college for social work. I’m sure you can google it. Wait till you get to the stuff about scent and pheromones!


rificolona

Thanks, Dr Freud.


SeparateCzechs

You’re welcome. I’m sure you can look it up for yourself.


boredomspren_

My mom was a fat white lady and I married a skinny brown Asian so...


SeparateCzechs

Ok. But who is saying that your mother is your standard of beauty? My dad was a skinny, 5’2” Irish man. I spent my youth chasing people who looked markedly different from my own family. I Married a 6’2” barrel chested bearded guy. But, the rise of his brow to his hairline is the same steep climb as all my cousins: his legs, though much longer than my dads are the same shape. Small patella’s and ankles and curved muscle in between. There are points of familiarity that you seek out to fit that standard and enough points of difference to still register as not related. My daughter married a man who looks nothing like our family, but his understated humor and quiet, competent nature is spot on like her dad.


RadRaqs

Does the same apply for whites?


SeparateCzechs

White whats? Humans imprint on the people around them as toddlers and when nature tend to find themselves attracted to people reminiscent of that standard with enough points of difference to not be closely related.


PrimalSeptimus

Obviously, they are the normal and default standard of beauty. EDIT: /s for the slower folks.


JimmysCheek

Kawasaki


CoffeeExtraCream

What was your favorite dish they made growing up?


AshamedDoggo

Lasagne. But we mostly order food. They are not so good cooks.


CoffeeExtraCream

What's your favorite sitdown chain restaurant?


AshamedDoggo

Red Lobster.


[deleted]

Girl same


Just_Visiting_Town

I love the thought of a white girl, with gay Asian moms, eating lasagna. I think that is just amazing.


bhyellow

I love the thought of them eating at red lobster. In fact, I’m hungry for red lobster.


cosmiccaller

USA USA USA 🇺🇸


Upstairs-Ad8823

America!


redrover334

That’s funny. I was about to ask - do you / can you use chopsticks. I learned to use them when my friends parents were visiting. They found it amusing but was encouraging. They said my holding of chopsticks was very formal. I told them I picked it up from YouTube. We had a good chuckle.


Turturret

Well, they usually eat out, which could explain it.


mazon-jar

Did they make any traditional Asian dishes?


travellingathenian

They are Asian and can’t cook? 🤯


don-again

Have you ever traveled to very conservative places where your moms wouldn’t be accepted as they are and had to act like sisters or cousins? I’m thinking like Saudi Arabia, etc


AshamedDoggo

No.


rificolona

Or Tennessee


Upstairs-Ad8823

Serious understatement


Phoenix_ashfire

Yeah as a Tennesseean for their safety stay clear. Have a nice day! Also what is your stance on hot tea?


jisachamp

You all fear monger, gays are accepted in red states stop the fear mongering


Gingeronimoooo

I was on an alabama sub yesterday and there were Nazis holding signs on the side of the road. There were more comments supporting their signs content than not. And Reddit skews liberal.


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helpfulskeptic

It’s nearly impossible to travel to Saudi Arabia unless you are sponsored by a Saudi company and have business there. It’s not really open for tourism. And if you are an unmarried woman, good luck getting a visa.


RadRaqs

What! Full stop LOL I am not Muslim, Arab or have any ties with KSA — went there as a solo female traveler a few years ago without being any of what you mentioned in your comment. Yiesh people need to get informed on this world. SMH


Flat-Woodpecker9267

That’s not true anymore, there are massive Saudi tourism advertisement campaigns in the West.


don-again

Yeah it’s a good point… but there are other very conservative places - I just didn’t want her thinking I was saying Florida or something like I was trying to start an online argument.


bluesky383

Where did you read all of this? You obviously don’t travel much.


[deleted]

What asian country they are from? if i may ask that?


AshamedDoggo

My aunt is adopted from China, her wife is a many generation japanese-american.


techy098

Do they seem different from regular americans from other races? Seems like both have them spent most of their life in America.


Jabberwocky613

Not OP, but this is an interesting question that I am trying to understand. My husband is Japanese American and his family has been in the US for a couple of generations. He seems like a "regular American " but of course honors his Japanese culture too. How does a "regular American " act?


techy098

>How does a "regular American " act? Someone who did not have an separate identity, kind of hard to say since even white americans from small towns in south have different preferences. It's kind of hard to explain. But many people try too hard to stay attached to their culture/way-of-life/food even after 10 years living in america. It becomes a little hard to be around them if you are not from the same place. IMO, Asian lesbians who would have grown up here and spent more than say 25 years would be not much different than white lesbians or black lesbians. Lesbians by nature would be very liberal and would not have strong affinity to their culture or race, but I may be wrong with all these views though.


Jabberwocky613

I find this to be an odd take. My husband's family will honor their heritage in many ways, while still being American. Family reunions are filled with amazing food and certain customs that are very much Japanese. At home, we both use Japanese words for certain things (mostly food related, such as calling soy sauce shoyu). His grandfather was a decorated veteran in WW2 (in Europe obviously) despite many in his family being confined to internment camps. My husband and his brothers have all served in the military and very much love their country, even though it hasn't always looked favorably on his culture. We are a melting pot society. It is ok and possible to hold onto your cultures and traditions, while still being a "good American ".


techy098

>hold onto your cultures and traditions Keep in mind, I am just meandering on this subject. I do not have strong opinions. I am ok with people being different. I am sorry if my previous comment came out offensive. I am just making an attempt to understand how some people assimilate easily while others struggle. My comment was just that I have seen some people struggle to be a roman while they are in rome. I have no objection to folks liking their culture but I have seen some folks not comfortable with anything other than their culture/group/food, etc. As in that's what they prefer to eat. And that's the group they want to hang out most.


Previous-Sir5279

Why do they have to be a Roman while in Rome? Btw, mixing cultures is exactly what the US is about. We’re not a monolith like many other countries. We’re a melting pot. There’s nothing wrong with repping multiple cultures. Not for the Ukrainians who have come here more recently, nor for the Irish who have been here for generations.


Chilledlemming

There is a certain fallacy in the way of thinking. I too have nostalgia for a “traditional ideal” of America, but what does that really mean? A white - often a euro-connected tradition held many many generations after immigrating. But then that’s not really the America I believe in anymore. It excludes so many varieties of experience in it. And allowing the broadest range of human experience equally is what I hope the promise of America is. Or whatever country leads the world forward.


I_Fix_Aeroplane

What exactly do you mean by regular American?


wyntah0

It's an ama dude


IndividualNegative92

are you close with their parents? do they have a relationship with their parents?


AshamedDoggo

They are kinda grandparents to me.


LikesToLurkNYC

Kind or kind of?


[deleted]

kinda


AlwaysGoToTheTruck

Do you say “moms?” I love it when my neighbor girl with lesbian moms says it.


AshamedDoggo

No, I call them by their names.


Tr101748

My friend is also the child of a lesbian couple. I think he called one “Mom” and one “momma” growing up


AshamedDoggo

But I knew from the start that they are my aunt and her partner.


Allgoochinthecooch

Awe wack. What I’m about to say probably doesn’t apply to you Idek you. But Idk why but as a kid the kids I knew that called their parents by name usually ended up being entitled/rude


keIIzzz

They’re not her parents though, that’s why she doesn’t refer to them as mom


Allgoochinthecooch

That’s the role they play tho. But again, I’m not saying she’s like that I can only speak about the people I’ve interacted with


eeggrroojj

If you had to pick, what's your favorite crime? Mine is speeding.


AshamedDoggo

Arson.


terella2021

are they "tiger" moms type? strict with education?


AshamedDoggo

Nope.


CatEatsFeet

Would you say your cooking is noticeably better or worse than your peers? My bet is on better.


AshamedDoggo

Lol no. We are just not a cooking family.


[deleted]

Do you ever compare your life to Michael Jackson's children


techy098

If you do not mind can you elaborate a bit, I am out of the loop on this?


AshamedDoggo

Every day.


masterteck1

Cool did you learn to speak too languages


AshamedDoggo

No. I could, but I didn't.


masterteck1

That sucks. Is everything ok are you doing good


AshamedDoggo

Yup.


masterteck1

?? Why are you ashamed? Dog? Your probably a great person


AshamedDoggo

Hey, it's a cute name!


masterteck1

I don't want to be rude but it sounds like you don't like your self. Are you ok


AshamedDoggo

Yeah, I thought it's cute and funny. Like the videos where dogs are ashamed when the owner sees what they did.


masterteck1

Oooo ok I got it now I understand . I'm sorry.. it is cute when you see that kind of stuff. I glad your a happy person/ loveable traits. Just don't be hard on your self because you're different. Or live a different lifestyle . Just be you and keep on bringing your best


[deleted]

I don't think its that deep


KingDodoBirdy999

please stop talking to girls this shit isn’t working


block0079

It's just a username lol why you tryna read into it so much


sonichedgehog23198

Does the stereotype of Asian parents still hold up if their lesbian? Or are they to far from their Asian roots to even be the stereotype in general?


AshamedDoggo

One of them is adopted, the other was born in US, so no.


Wuffy_RS

So they are not pushing you to be Doctor, Engineer, Lawyer? 


CalzoneMan46774

lol


Ok-Chef-5150

Are you gay?


AshamedDoggo

No. Are you?


Ok-Chef-5150

No


[deleted]

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Funny-Top-1759

Do you make a habit of bullying 16 year old girls to feel special? Or just this time?


AshamedDoggo

People usually can't put two and two together.


seeminglyrandomqs

She's 16


DrizzleDrake88

Are you still in contact with bio mom’s family?


AshamedDoggo

Yes, the grandparents.


NeverEndingCoralMaze

lol I’m high as hell so my vision is blurred and I thought this said Alien lesbians and I was curious AF.


blrmkr10

That would be a way more interesting AMA lol


NeverEndingCoralMaze

Yeah Reddit would definitely probe OP on that one


Redplushie

Do you live in white suburbia or a more mixed community?


AshamedDoggo

Mildly mixed.


KananJarrusEyeBalls

How did they come to get custody of you after your mother passed away?


AshamedDoggo

Yes.


bobbyfiend

This is my favorite answer.


valariester89

My mom died and my grandparents raised me for the most part. Everyone else in my family is some shade of queer. In the fourth grade, it was time to make our family tree project. The teacher tried to mark me down because of the several lesbian Auntiea who had invitro fertilization. It was the first time I experienced bigotry against my family and my future biself. Did you experience similar reactions to your family situation?


scottshilala

I really thought the title said alien lesbians. They’re not aliens, right? I’m terribly sorry about your mom, but very happy her sister and wife became your parents.


Thisismyusername6002

Do your mom jokes do double damage?


BehaveRight

43/M raised by lesbians in the 90s when people wanted to fight over it. Did you ever have to fight?


Upstairs-Ad8823

Very sorry for your loss. It’s great you have 2 wonderful women in your life. Were they friends of your parents? Stay strong!


Beckerthehuman

Favorite part of living with them? Least favorite part?


Massive-Teach-8345

How happy have you been growing up? Are they more open minded? Less? Average? I’m a lesbian parent and I know we’re kinda known for teaching kids to recognize men’s BS at a very early age in order to choose a good man OR not become that kind of man, ergo for being very feminist. Is this your experience?


BFRC

Both of your mothers are Asian? Where they born in USA or they come from another place? Do you have more affinity to Asian people? Do you speak any other language? They have another culture? You were adopted at baby? are you bisexual? Do you have more friends Asian?


detour33

My daughter's mom is with a girl, is there something I can tell her(daughter) when she's older to help her explain to others gently?


Snaz5

Do they feel more like your parents than your late mother? Im not sure I remember what my emotional intelligence was like at 4..


jalapenny

What is your relationship like with your aunts? Do you feel supported and nurtured by them?


FunnyNameHere02

As someone who 60 some years later still does not even know why my parents had me since I was clearly not wanted I would say just having two people care about you like that is pretty special. We as kids cannot pick and choose our parents or guardians but they (your guardians) on the other hand chose to take you in when they didn’t have to. How wonderful it must be to have someone to cheer you on and make you feel wanted.


rightwist

Do you have male/masculine role models? Do you think there's any thing you lack compared to having a masculine person around and caring for you on a daily basis? No offense intended and I don't have any assumptions about it, just figure since I've heard the line that kids need two parents (and typically that's within a hetero context) I'd ask someone who has relevant experience


Sea_Understanding770

Were you shocked at the amount of rice consumed? I'm white and married Asian and I was shocked how much we continue to make. Every meal


JesusDied4U316

Do you like rice? I feel like every culture has their carb that shows up daily. Italians - pasta Asians - rice French - bread Idk, something like that.


drcatmom22

Americans - pasta with potatoes in it and a side of bread… with dessert to follow


JesusDied4U316

The only pasta with potatoes in it i know of is gnocchi. Mmm!


Sea_Understanding770

I do now


Iwon271

This is sooooo interesting. Do your mothers practice any sort of Asian culture? Like related to clothes or decorations or cuisine, etc


sp_donor

Are they stereotypical Tiger Moms and raised you the way Asian kids are raised in those "Emotional Damage" Youtube videos? DISCLAIMER: **I know that's comedy and stereotypes** :) But I also know stereotypes exist for a reason.


Tiny_Bad1383

what is your favorite and least favorite fake fruit flavor


jay_Da

Were ypu raised since birth? Or atleast toddler years? Were ypur experiences more on an Asian upbringing?


Ok_Advantage7623

Just explain that you don’t eat Chinese food so of course you would never look like them.


Kindly_devbi8970

Do you know their language if they speak other language? And what language is it?


Stepneyp

To clarify, your mom that passed was your bio or adopted mom? Was she Asian to?


Baboon_Stew

This is the total opposite of the lesbian adoption stereotype.


suhwaggi

Do they have an open relationship, or are they monogamous?


Mori_Affi

Bet you had a lot of Doritos bags in your house growing up


[deleted]

What kind of Asian? And do you speak any Asian languages?


toughguy375

What did you think of the movie The Kids Are Alright?


Level-Substance6194

Do you know how to cook rice properly and if so how?


KittyTsunami

Do people actually still think this is a big deal.


Excellent_Rough9439

What is your favorite breakfast option at hotels?


OftenNew

Is this the reverse of Lilly from modern family?


BoringDirector4850

What did you learn from doing this reddit AMA?


therealbobwaterson

In like 3 years I'll be the same as you!


SquiddyJohnson

You have parents. Okay, cool, and....?


Adorable_Ladder_38

Does fatbers day bother you and make you feel left?


Adorable_Ladder_38

Left out.


AshamedDoggo

My father is the one, who is left out. He was a random person anyways.


ForgettableUsername

I never know what to do on fatber's day.....


Adorable_Ladder_38

Ya I know. Can't spell thats me.


Radical_Posture

What is your favourite band/artist?


ClydePincusp

What do your parents think of that?


tylerwarnecke

Do you have any sort of romantic feelings towards women yourself?


Vreddit33

Man, I'll bet they were STRICT!


[deleted]

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Dependent_Bug7346

Your family doesn't seem asian. Just American as it gets except two moms instead of a mom and dad. Your the modern day version of my two dads.


SirKevin_Xx

Aren’t all these fake?


manateefourmation

Are you sexually fluid?


Cool_Penglin

Isnt asians white too


isca31

Are you happy?


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Heavy_Expression_323

Have you written a screenplay yet? I think you could sell this story to Netflix.


Quick-Reception168

Luucky uou


Roll-tide-Mercury

I bet you are awesome. I bet they are too.


Bingo_88

Serious question - did they try to do any Asian customs from where they’re from or do they just act like white people?


Willing-University81

So are you allowed to date non Asian cis men?


Desperate_Garbage_63

To keep the trend so multi-racial, do you date other black teens at your school


N0VOCAIN

When they brainwashed you as a lesbian did they keep your eyes open with toothpicks? /s


Kicks4meFromyou

You like Kimchi fried rice with a little sriracha in it?


Redflowrr

Hot


TSJenniN

Do you want to date Asian women? Are you into women? Do you like ladyboys? (Bonus question)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Jabberwocky613

You don't have to. I doubt she cares.


Schmed_lap

Can u use chopsticks