Just wanted to direct you to /r/SingleAndHappy. I don't qualify on account of being happily married, but I am of the fervent believe that there are about as many ways to lead a happy and fulfilling life as there are people to do it. There are pros and cons to everything, and while I prefer the set I signed up for, I can certainly understand the appeal of the other side.
I feel like I'm somewhat selfish to not want to compromise my own time (little of that, that I have). I'm starting to care even less as the years go by.
I’m 44 and just recently got out of a 10-year relationship. A few friends have asked about dating again and honestly I think I’m 100% done. I want control over my own life — my money, my home, my plans and my goals. To each his own; I know lots of people are happy in relationships, and that’s great for them. I just think I’m not wired that way. Nobody is interesting, funny or wonderful enough that I want to be around them 24/7 forever.
I had two long term relationships that were both good and bad. Mostly good, still, I never felt like having a partner after the age of forty. I'm 62 now and I'd rather have a good circle of friends and come home to my life the way I like it, with peace and quiet.
My dream, my only real future goal, is to be able to come home and have it all be exactly as I left it. Clean and quiet and perfect.
I was a fool and had a second kid at 35 with an unfaithful s.o.b.- just when my older one was getting to puberty and things were getting easy.
So it’s gonna be awhile yet, but a girl can dream.
If I get lonely, I’m gonna get a mini goat to be my side kick and walk her around town on a leash. I’ll be the crazy old goat lady with the pink hair. I’ll teach her to headbutt dirty old men in the shins and eat their bootlaces.
Same. Ended a not terrible 34 year marriage (he bankrupted us twice in 17 years) and three years into singleness at 59 and I am so content and at peace only having to concern myself with ME (and cat).
This is exactly how I describe my life after 1 year of being out of an 11 yr marriage/ almost 17 yr relationship. I’m so content in my mid 40s and so happy I have no desire to add anyone to it in that way. No thanks!
I mean you could still have this if you were in a relationship e.g. you could both live in a different house, have your own bank accounts etc. Maybe with time if you grew closer, your perception on what to share with them might change. I'm not sure.
I’ll be 42 on April 14, and I feel this in my soul. If it happens it happens, if not then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m too old to chase anyone or change myself to accommodate them.
I have zero desire to date due to trauma and the amount of healing that I need to still do. I have a history of very toxic and abusive relationships. I do have a desire to meet new friends but it seems pretty impossible as an adult. Bumble BFF makes me cringe. People are so wrapped up in their own shit and lives, I don’t see how I’ll meet anyone
Met one of my dearest friends on Bumble BFF and that was now 6 years ago - she was one of 5 or 6 BFFs I met up with and at first I thought everyone was just going to be totally insincere or incompatible. I was wrong! Stick with it, be forthright, maintain your boundaries and you can meet wonderful friends online - on your own timeline
I’ve met about 4 or 5 of my (now) closest girlfriends via Bumble BFF! I live in LA and am far enough away from where I grew up (still in SoCal) that I needed to met new women to go out with all the time.
Amazing friendships have come out of that app!
37, single for five years. First was recovering from the last relationship, then was covid, now I’m just really enjoying being alone. All I hear from married friends are chore issues, jealousy, money problems, etc etc.
You know who does the dishes that I used? Me. Who decides where the money is spent? Me. Who I spend time with? Me. What to watch on tv? Me. Whether I should eat dessert? Me. How many nights I play volleyball? Me. Whether the dog can be in the bed or not? Me. (obviously in. Single or not I love to cuddle)
No fights, no compromising. I love my family, and friends, and have wonderful relationships with my nieces and nephews so I don’t feel the need to procreate any germ factories.
I get to be completely selfish about my life choices without being made to feel guilty about it. It would take the love of the millennia for me to consider adding a partner to my life.
Hahaha. Sand in the summer and court in the winter. Columbus has a robust volleyball scene believe it or not.
That made it in bc two friends (one male, one female, married to other people and with no kids) are limited bc of “deals” with their spouses on how much they can play. I get that it works for them but glad I get to make my own choices lol.
Nice! I travel a lot and have found volleyball everywhere I go. I prefer outdoor to indoor.
Yep, deals on who you can play pickup and tournaments with are a regular thing lol It doesn’t help that the community can be pretty incestuous. Still love it though!
Me? 36 now and longterm I’d still like to get into a relationship down the road. But I’ve had an uphill battle with my mental health for a while now, and some major life turmoil this year that I’m working through.
So for now I’m focusing on me, getting my life back on track, trying to improve my mental health, and seeking joy in the simple pleasures. For me, music is a huge passion, so I spend free time playing guitar. As far as subs, I’ve enjoyed connecting with other fans of some of my favorite artists.
On the same boat. The struggle is so real that dating is the last thing on my mind to the point it wouldn't be fair to date when you have things to work on yourself. Also dating can be (understandably to an extent) disingenuous and dating apps make that even worse. That peace of mind, self work and simple pleasures really become more worthwhile than dating and if it happens in the future, then cool
Same here, I just turned 36 last month and I’m working on my mental health as well and just taking pleasure in the little things. Now that summer is coming up, I will be traveling more, I’m an aunt once more for the third time and those kiddos take all my time and money🤦🏽♀️🤣❤️🥰🙏🏽 Love them so much!! And well, I’d like to meet someone one day if it’s gods plan but time will tell.
Much younger, but I had that same battle with my mental health. Now, whenever I talk to women around my age I just cringe at the behavior and the red flags. It feels like it's all of them. I just don't really care to meet women at this point.
Me. Honestly, I love coming home to no one. lol (sorry if that sounds terrible). I have a very busy social life, lots of friends, all sorts of community work, etc.... After a long day of work I want to come home, enjoy dinner, watch some tv and catch up on whatever I need to do. I also like to travel and I love just deciding to go and leaving whenever I want. No one to coordinate with.
There's not one way to live a life. I think we all need to do what makes each of us happy with our lives. It's far too short to be miserable.
Well, I'm in involved in the arts community where I live and do a lot of events and meetups within that group. I'm also into tabletop RPGs, so I have a few ongoing games with friends.
I'm 48F and just got divorced last year. Im so happy being by myself that I have no real interest in dating right now. I get to eat whatever I want for dinner and watch whatever I want on TV...no more fighting for the remote. Lol it's great
When I think about dating at this age after divorce it seems like I’m interviewing for my next boss. I get to make decisions that are good for me. I used to have to hope that my hopes would be taken into consideration. Why would I give this up?
Late 40's here and I stopped making effort to meet new people. Past relationships only gave me headache and disappointment. I'd rather be depressed alone than being depressed with someone and pretend everything is ok.
26 years old (f), single and childfree. I am happy with these choices. I may one day start dating and find my future wife. However, right now I am going to be focusing on myself. I don’t need the extra responsibility and stress that relationships/dating can bring. I am working on me first. I don’t have interest in being with anyone. I probably won’t be interested in it until my 40s. Meh. I mean, I know that one day I want a relationship but it may take a while before I actually care enough to make the effort to look for one.
Same. I was an only child with parents who couldn’t be any less interested in spending time with me so I’ve always been good on my own. I always said I wouldn’t mind meeting someone when I’m in my 40s who had kids who were ready to leave home, but for now, I just want to enjoy my 20s on my own.
Well, I'm aroace, so my motivations are maybe a little different than someone who experiences sexual/romantic attraction and just opts out of the associated social norms. That said, yep! I'm in my 30s and simply am not interested in sharing my time and effort this way. I'm very happy only ever having to worry about myself and, sometimes, my friends and immediate family. I think people who manage to start and maintain long term relationships are very impressive, but that level of commitment is not for me. I don't even want a pet in my house, let alone another breathing, thinking adult person!
I think this kind of social move is pretty common, these days. The fact that investing in marriage, parenting, etc. is so emotionally, mentally, and financially prescriptive these days will probably make it even more common for folks to maintain a single lifestyle.
No sub recs, but that's just 'cos I'm still kinda new to Reddit and don't know what's out there.
Yo, fellow aroace! :D you could check out r/aromantic r/asexual r/aroace and relevant queer meme subs you’ll find along the way :)
And yeah, a *lot* of people aren’t getting married and having kids these days for… a variety of reasons. Horrible economy + inflation, political unrest, global warming and pollution, most of our time awake is spent working (if you work full-time) and a *lot* of younger folks are barely able to support themselves financially and emotionally, let alone a partner and kids.
30, been single past 7 years, don't plan on another relationship at all. I just don't have the time and energy to put toward a relationship. That and I really enjoy coming home, and having just pure silence. No nagging, no having to respond to anyone, just silence, it's my comfort zone.
I have zero desire to date due to trauma and the amount of healing that I need to still do. I have a history of very toxic and abusive relationships. I do have a desire to meet new friends but it seems pretty impossible as an adult. Bumble BFF makes me cringe. People are so wrapped up in their own shit and lives, I don’t see how I’ll meet anyone
>"I can't envision myself being in a relationship. It seems to exhausting and constricting. I don't want to make any plans with someone, consider other person's plans, spend time getting to know someone etc."
There is a psychological construct for what you're describing, and it's called an "avoidant attachment style". If this is new to you, take a look into it and see what you find, just might be a very important discovery about yourself that could lead to improvements in your life. My recommendation for info are the early episodes of a podcast called "The Place We Find Ourselves". The word attachment is in the episode titles.
Don't you love it when people pathologise differences. If they don't want to shack up with someone there's something wrong with you!
Funny, they used to think shacking up with the "wrong person" (eg same sex, different race) was also a symptom of mental illness...
They only took my sexuality out of the DSM in the last edition.
47 and happily single. I've had good relationships before, but I like being on my own too much.
If you are generally attracted to people, you may want to look for aromantic subs? On the other hand, if you don't feel a burning interest to sleep with folks, look into whether asexuality or demisexual might describe you.
Me.
I’m middle aged with kids at home. I’m demisexual. I’m not interested in dating. I’ve been married. I don’t want to be in a relationship again. I’m happy on my own.
When I tried dating I found it to be a tedious. I’d rather spend my time having fun or making money.
People don't have the attention span to date demis, they want to fuck within a month and if they can't coerce you into sex sooner than that they bounce. No thank you!
22 (M) been single 5 years now and I'm starting to enjoy it. Life is too stressful and complicated for meeting someone at the moment and most people my age are still in the party scene drinking/doing drugs when I'd rather just chill at home or take up other hobbies that don't become addictions in the long run.
I never avoided the trap. I just experienced it young and fought all my battles with addiction earlier then some and overcame my crippling alcohol addiction that costed me my job, car, savings etc. all in the span of a few months of being recklessly addicted. Been sober since October and even I too wish I could start my life over.
I feel ya. I lost my house, car, job and gf. It gets better. I promise. Exercise daily and taking AG1 daily has helped me a lot. Feel free to message me if you need to vent or need new ideas to keep sober. God bless ya champ. Congratulations
I know what you mean and I'm glad it's gotten better for you. I've noticed small improvements here and there plus I started lifting which helps as well. I know this may sound hypocritical and I'm not trying to encourage it but I recently tried DMT about a month ago and it's given me a completely different perspective on this life. I no longer feel nearly as suicidal/depressed as I once was and I'm learning to love myself again and not let little things get to me as much. I still have my days like everyone else but this tool has shown me what I need to work on and lots about myself/existence and I feel like I've got a chance now.
You may want to look into aromanticism, it sounds like you're potentially describing similar feelings to this. I'm asexual and do not experience sexual attraction to others, and I'm also on the aromantic spectrum, albeit slightly different than what you're describing. There are others like you out there!
I, for one, need physical touch. It has been proven scientifically that physical touch has a soothing healing effect on us. I am missing ít in my life and feel the lack. I have resolved to find the RIGHT woman. Low aggravation, high touch, independent and self satisfied with a similar desire for physical closeness. As I look for her, I will continue to inadequately meet those needs in other ways and try to enjoy the process.
The RIGHT partner is a life enhancing accessory with the potential of being a lot more.. The wrong one is the bane of one's existence. I have faith and cling to the belief that I can find the one. Patience is key.
Mm-hmm. You sound a bit bitter. I had decided that I want a partner but I want a particular kind of partner and I am prepared to cast off any candidates that don't meet my qualifications. I've made a very specific list and I run down it with anybody I talk to. Since I'm still single, you can tell that my strategy has not yet succeeded. I just refused to give up. I want it and I'm going to find a way.
You sound bitter, "casting off" "candidates." These are human beings with their own wants and needs, not job applicants. You sound a bit desperate, tbh, telling everyone about your list of requirements. It's understandable that you're single; desperation is not attractive.
I'm very happy being single and having no responsibilities to be a constant companion. I like more space in my relationships. That's contentment, not bitterness.
37 m. Hard to trust plus if I’m not happy with myself, how can I expect someone to be happy with me? I hate when family says you are to handsome to be single,…
Well, 41F over here about to turn 42 in San Francisco. I’ve always lived in cities and dated on and off for the past 10 years when I realized how much I was spending trying to line up dates and talking to people on apps only to be ghosted.
I have not gone on a single date these past 3 -4 years and occasionally I take a peek at what’s out there to date on the apps but ultimately end up deleting my account.
I don’t think men over 40 that are single on the apps are attractive. I don’t know why they all look like they need a shower and some grooming.
Being solo is peaceful! I just need a couple of dogs and I’m set!!
42 and I've been single for about 12 years now. I just have very little interest in a relationship. The idea of living with a partner overall feels stifling. In some ways it might make things easier.. shit I can barely afford to be alive right now despite working 2 jobs and being frugal. I just don't see myself ever finding a person that I click with and relate to enough, who can also give me my own space.
30M, been single for a good half of my life and never really bothered to. The only reason why is I do have needs mainly to socialize and be intimate if need be. Otherwise I'm not committing or settling down with anyone.
I suspect having some abandonment issues so I reject before I can even establish. I’ve got lots of issues for sure, too many to get into right here but yes, past experiences make me feel safe only alone right now.
While I do want to find a partner, I choose to be single until I own my home, finish my bachelors, and am comfortable in my career. I do not date . I do not even give people my number . Single for I think 2 or 3 years. I’m 23.
36 and have not had a romantic or sexual relationship since I was 29. It’s… fine? Actually?
I don’t feel like I am missing anything. I hang out with friends, have hobbies, a stable job. I tried dating apps for a month or so about 6 months back thinking maybe I could give that a shot again, but I realized that I honestly just do not have anything to say to about 99% of people I encounter.
There isn’t anything wrong with you, or me, or anyone else who isn’t feeling dating. Maybe it’s the modern era (which if we’re all honest is a little bit fucking extra) or maybe it’s just a personality type that was pretty well repressed in previous eras.
So to answer your question if anyone else relates: yes! There are literally dozens of us!
I’m 51 (I’ll be 52 in about a week). I have been single for over ten years. I love it. I have zero desire to date anyone. I like to be able to eat what I want and watch what I want. And just do whatever I want to do.
I used to be all about sensuality and such when I was in my 20s in my relationships. So much so I looked up a significant other recently and discovered she opened a legitimate business based on that (and no, nothing naughty or anything like that).
I do wonder how she ever wanted to be with a weirdo like me but anyways, looking back, I'm nothing like this person at all today. It doesn't even cross my mind but I'd like to think it's one of those "been there and done that" type of things. I'm pretty content not having to touch anyone actually.
I am in the exact same place in my life. Just turned 39 on Monday, and I find the whole dating scene exhausting, too. I will never use dating apps again in my life. It's just a bunch of dudes wanting to hook up, and I don't do random hookups. I'm just focusing on advancing my career and self-improvement. 🤷🏻♀️
Honestly I wish everyone had your level of self awareness and radical honesty. I see so many people being shitty partners to others because they don't realize that they're not capable of being a decent partner to someone else. Are least you're not making someone miserable by being withholding while you're in a relationship with them.
I told my husband that if anything should happen to him or our marriage that I’m not doing it again. He is the best, so I’m not tolerating anything less. Men currently are too dangerous and too much of a liability to include in day to day life anymore, and create much more work for a single woman than we would create on our own. I couldn’t imagine exposing myself to the risks now that I’m an adult who sees things like this, but I am happy I was young and ignorant to it all before so that I could meet my husband and spend my life with him.
Looks like I'm headed that way as well. I don't mind meeting people as friends, but as I age it seems when romance is involved, all manners and kindness and decency fly out tht window.
I also refuse to settle just to not be alone.
Tho I do get a little sad sometimes knowing that I'll never meet someone in my young years who wants to grow with me.
But oh well 🤷🏾
I'm 39 and single, as well. It's not so much that I don't want to make or consider someone else's plans, etc; I just am content with where I'm at. If someone were to come along, great. If not, that's great, too. I'm very happy with what I've accomplished, and continue to accomplish, with my life.
I was in a common law relationship through most of my 20s. Split just before I turned 30. Had one very I'll advised rebound relationship. I was a caregiver to my elderly grandfather for the last 5 years. Plus helping my disabled mom and a single mom to a son with Autism/adhd. All living together. I'm about to get my own place with my son and the idea of having another person need anything from me (time, energy, emotional investment, consideration) sends me into a full out panic.
Me. I will never be in another relationship or get married. I went thru a horrible divorce and at my age, what I want in a guy is difficult to come by. I'll admit I'm picky, but I refuse to enter a relationship that I don't want, even if the guy is seemingly perfect in other ways.
If I could date. I definitely would. I wouldn't call myself a incel. Because I know what I need to do to improve myself. But I'm not going to work harder in life just to have a person make me hate my life more than I already do.
I’m willingly single at the moment. Since my divorce, I’ve focused on building a tribe, not isolating myself in a monogamous relationship. The ideal outcome for me is that my friends becomes friends with each other. Then I have a group of friends.
I did relationship hunting in my 20s for sure. Got married, divorced, then had a 3 year partner afterwards which fell apart. I’m pretty happy being single in my 30s. BUT I will say that I am thankful for having loved and lost than to have never loved at all lol.
40 and I’ve been single for 7 years after a divorce. I briefly dated after the divorce and decided pretty quickly that I had absolutely no interest in sorting through the absolute mass of potential dates to find one that I might get along with. I enjoy being alone and enjoy living my life exactly how I want it without having to compromise.
I'm 47 and single for 5 years. I have so much fun being alone, that at this point in my life someone would have to be amazing to make me even think about maybe kinda giving up my free time. If I was good enough to warrant someone that amazing I would probably have found them by now. No great loss. I am loved and happy with my life. I am where I need to be, and where i am supposed to be.
Strange. I do enjoy being by myself. I have routines for Friday and Saturday nights: I wouldn’t want to go on dates. But saying that, I feel like half of a whole.
60 and recently divorced, been living alone for the last three years and loving it. After 40 years in a relationship I just may be happy to stay single.
36 here. Tried dating, went on one date in the last 2 1/2 years. I just find i have no energy anymore to involve another person in my life. So I’ll stay single. I have my daughter from a failed marriage over a decade ago. I’m good. I find more happinesses doing things on my terms these days. I’ll hang out with a few gamer friends here and there. But ultimately, I’ll likely stay alone. No shame in that.
I could be wrong here but I’m assuming you still want to have sex. I don’t think being in a relationship is necessary at all to be happy. But I do think there’s some science behind human touch. You might already do or have done this. But I’d be curious to see if occasional hookups made you feel better or not.
I'm single and definitely not happy about it, but also not doing the dating/apps thing.
It's just that I'm older (I'd say I'm "middle aged", the feds say I'm "elderly") so I'm substantially less desirable, and I'm a bear (a large hairy gay man) so I'm also substantially less desirable from that, and I'm ugly so I'm also substantially less desirable from that, and I'm a cripple so I'm also substantially less desirable from that, and I'm gay so you can rule out 90% of whoever is left right there. Put them all together and you have someone with near 0% chance of ever finding Mr. Right, and I'm just sick to death of being mistreated every damn time I stick my neck out.
If I go to a bar, there's about a 100% chance that someone will act nasty to me and ruin the night, even if all I expected and hoped for was to hang out with people around and have a drink from the bar with nobody to talk to. (In other words, I set a pretty low bar for what would make me happy and they manage to ruin things for me anyway.) If I get on an app, I better be there to just look at the pretty pictures, because I never meet anyone on dating apps. (On average I hear from about 5 people a year, of whom 3 are over 2000 miles away and the other 2 are clearly ugly desperate old men who are responding to every profile to see who actually replies.)
So I'm not failing to use apps and meet people because I'm happy, I'm choosing not to use apps and meet people because I know I'm never going to meet anyone worth meeting and I'm tired of being mistreated.
I hear you and I’m sorry world is cruel to you for no reason. People suck and some pretty people have the nastiest shithole of a soul. I’m also gay so hugs from a far.
50. Been single for 7 years. I am so happy not having to work around someone else’s habits and expectations. I no longer stay up all night wondering if/when my partner will come home.
Things stay where I put them. My life is clean and drama-free and it’s splendid.
Why do divorces cost so much?
>!because they are worth it!<
I've been happy with my wife and my girlfriend in a LTR, but I got no problem being single now either, I could still be in a relationship or dating , but I do have broader boundaries and a more narrow focus on who appeals to me.
48 here. Been single 10 years. I'm super lonely and touch starved. Most nights I ask God to take me away so I don't have to suffer anymore. But I don't think he exists, so here I am.
i'm 38 and have been single for 13 years. i've gone on some dates here and there but nothing really goes anywhere. i lack a lot of entheusiasm for dating, but i go on them sometimes on the off-chance i meet someone who will inspire some entheusiasm to do it. i just never really do.
i have an uncle on my dad's side who has terminal cancer. i think it was last summer when my dad got the news that the doctors gave my uncle three years to live. this uncle has always been single. i remember one time years ago my dad made a comment about me always being single and that i'd "wind up like Uncle Jimmy." and i asked, "is that a bad thing? Uncle Jimmy always has a smile on his face."
my uncle actually is dating someone now, funny enough. it's at the end of his life, but i'm sure he'd say he was always happy.
I did for four years. I think it’s really important that everyone gets very good at being alone. I’m 35 and just got engaged but same. The idea of a relationship was just exhausting to me (my last one was very abusive) it’s so nice to not have to worry about someone else’s input and opinions. You want spaghetti is for dinner? Cool. There are a lot of people out there like that. When I met my fiancé we both had the mentality of we are so good at being alone that if I lose you, I’ll be fine moving on. Now obviously we have deeper feelings but being single is a great thing.
Every fleeting idealized relationship I’ve imagined for brief moments before going to sleep have been more satisfying and enjoyable than any real relationships I’ve had in life… And there’s been a couple good ones.
I truly enjoy my small house. Stretching across the entire couch and watching whatever I’m in the mood for. I appreciate the quiet relaxing evenings and enjoying my coffee ritual lazily in the mornings.
I do get bouts of loneliness from time to time, but I get so much pleasure from being nearly totally unencumbered in my day to day goings on.
43, been single since 2015. I’ve been thru too much and I’m not willing to put up with a single iota of shit. Its fine for now; maybe I’ll try again when my daughter is grown.
I am 50F. I was married for 18 years and have been divorced for 8. I dated off and on for at the beginning of my single life, but have found I am a better, happier person being single. I thrive on my independence. I have 2 older daughters who I can devote any time I want to, I can come and go a I please, do things with my friends and spend my money on things that I want. The few times I feel lonely are nothing compared to the fabulousness of being single.
Like many commenters, I am newly into my forties and absolutely opposed to any kind of relationship. Up until last year I was intentional in looking for a long term partner, but I very suddenly realized why I’ve been single now for 6 years: I simply do not want to be in a relationship at all, likely ever again.
I date a lot, tbh, but I’m just having wonderful fun meeting new gentlemen and having lovely conversations. Then I get to go home to my own space, where I get to live exactly the way I want; focusing on anything I wish to do with fabulous friends and all kinds of adventures.
I was stunned to realize the idea of committing to anyone (or really, anything) sounds like death. An absolute death sentence is to be responsible to or for anything other than myself, to be exact.
In my case there’s a history behind it: I lost my childhood taking care of a younger sibling with a disability (and generally being my family’s punching bag and it’s punchline). I married a narcissistic sociopath right out of my freshman year of college, and did everything for him (all the housework, sole income earner, while we were both in undergrad!), and while I grew weaker and weaker he flourished.
After I ended that (my mom disinherited me at right around the same time), I was absolutely free. I think I lost the ability (not just the desire) to ever be responsible for/to anyone/anything again.
Me (38F, Swiss, childfree)
I had two LTRs (2004-2007; 2010-2019). Amicable splits, I don't regret the relationships.
Online dating came into existence during my last LDR. From all the stories I hear, I have 0 inclinations to try them.
I love my life alone (4 years and counting) and have profited hugely from being on my own.
I actually don't wish for a a partner anymore. But if I meet someone, ok... I want it to je a weekend relationship or at least keep my own place. Let's see if that person shows up. But I'm not waiting. I love my life too much.
Kind of. I am the type of person that hates the beginning phase of dating. I would rather be single or basically jump into the mentality as if we were multiple years into it. I need to be able to be comfortable around someone and the mental discomfort of the first couple months is not worth it at the moment.
I had to double check your username because this sounds exactly like something I would write, so I was like "Did I create a sleeping-pill-induced post and not remember??"
24 (M), it wasn't so much a choice as a natural result of being mildly autistic and having a difficult childhood that resulted in low self esteem and depression. Couple that with only being rejected everytime I made friends with a girl in HS and college and being overweight and a nerdy autist I just more or less gave up. Sometimes I feel disgusted at myself for feeling attracted to woman, because no matter how hard my conscious tries to ignore the urge, my subconscious refuses to yield causing me much mental anguish. Sometimes I think about wanting to get castrated so I no longer have any more desire, but I fear that it would be unsuccessful. What scares me the most is becoming attached to a woman, and knowing that as a highly neurodivergent individual most people will inevitable view me as crazy, deluded, and out of touch with the world. Sometimes it is better to suffer in imagination than in reality.
Anyways that's my rant of why I'm on track to be the 40 year old virgin playing video games my entire life.
True, but it is difficult to explain the difficulty of interacting with strangers in a city where I know nobody when my instinct when I see a pretty girl look at me is to look at my floor and feel too nervous to talk, and God forbid I do start interacting and oversharing embarrassing stories as it typically gets a rise out if people. Anyways it's hard to explain, I have a hard time often coming off as extremely vulnerable or as serious and shy. People are so fucking weird, once I hit a threshold with people and start sharing my zanier world views I typically begin to see myself begin to be treated differently. They say don't change who you are, but this world frustrates me. Most my family thinks I'm extremely intelligent, but I'm only smart enough to realize what a moron I am and how the vast majority of the world is dumber than a box of bricks and when you realize how stupid people act over "love". I honestly don't know how something so morally grey and dubious Is something that ought to be pursued.
21(M) Took the words right out my mouth brother. The whole world is slowly becoming what’s happening in Japan. Make peace with yourself though and you’ll never be alone.
Not a troll post, I'm used to this treatment on the internet. I'm not looking for pitty, just saw the thread and said damn this speaks to me, maybe ill share my experiences; but as usual people love to be rude to me :) I don't care about upvotes, I care about being true to who I really am and I don't give a fuck if everyone in the world wants to downvote me.
I am middle aged and I have always put through zero effort, and also have never been approached, which suits me fine because I am very picky and I like being by myself and have never wanted kids. That being said, if I found a great guy that checked some main boxes I would not be opposed to having a relationship, I just don't need to pursue one.
So I am almost 20 years older than you, and my last serious relationship ended when I was 30. I was single, by choice, until about 3 years ago. I was terrified of online dating, mainly due to a lack of self confidence, and just wasn't sure I wanted someone in my life! Then a friend introduced me to my BF, who is a bit older than I am. We hit it off, and have been together since 2019. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship. I wasn't sure I would find anyone, but now that I have, I'm glad I did.
I'm 42/F and my last relationship ended about 13 years ago.
At that point, I'd had enough. That was it. I no longer cared about things I used to be self conscious about, like going to see a movie alone, or wearing my slippers to Walmart.
I'm not looking to impress or hook up with anyone. I'm done.
I don't have the time or energy.
Life is stressful enough as it is without someone standing behind me getting pissed off about every little thing I'm doing or not doing.
And for what? To get that little poke in my back at 2am when I've got to go to work the next morning?
Fuck that.
28 tbh I just don’t have the emotional care or effort to take girls out on dates anymore. I lift, train BJJ, travel for music festivals and go clubbing.
Why tf am I going to invest time and effort to take a girl out I might not even have a connection with when I can just go out and hook up with someone lmao.
When I was in a relationship I was putting on so much damn weight and wasn’t seeing my friends regularly because my ex would freak out if I went out with them. (She’s not a bad person, just clingy I hope she’s happy.)
Now I’m shredded, literally better looking than any point in my life prior and am having more fun than ever with more money in my pocket than ever.
I don’t see a point in dating anymore.
So this doesn't exactly answer your question but it's close. I've never ever had trouble dating. I am easy to get along with, I enjoy being in a relationship because the rules make sense to me. Everything is as equitable as possible. My husband and I are partners, no matter what. FRIENDS on the other hand are fucking insane variables. They have absolutely no loyalty for you and if they do they have no real reason to maintain it. You have no chemical sexual bond to get you through the hard times, or at least, you probably don't. Friends come with other mutual friends who you might fucking hate but they'll insist on bringing them around anyway and because they're not your spouse it's totally fucking weird to insist on alone time with them more than a few times a year.
Just saying... I got married a decade ago, and the only images from that day that make me wince are the ones with my former maid of honor because we don't talk anymore. I'd like to avoid those situations going forward.
I’ve been in a long term relationships and I was miserable. My friends what got me through. I’m sorry you had bad friendships but glad you have your husband. I guess, since you’re happily married this question doesn’t relate to you.
Just wanted to direct you to /r/SingleAndHappy. I don't qualify on account of being happily married, but I am of the fervent believe that there are about as many ways to lead a happy and fulfilling life as there are people to do it. There are pros and cons to everything, and while I prefer the set I signed up for, I can certainly understand the appeal of the other side.
I was just going to suggest someone start a single and NOT miserable sub... but lo and behold... there it is
I'd like a single and not miserable sub. Single and happy is *way* too much pressure.
Man, 'not miserable' is a pretty high bar... Is there like a 'single and maybe kinda just surviving' one?
Perhaps happy should be changed to content. Many are happy to just be content. No pressure.
Omg there’s a sub for everything! Joined. Thank you!
I can't do it. I know myself. I want and NEED love.
Hey, that's valid too man. Everyone's different. I hope you find the love you're looking for. :)
42, have been single for 7 years. I've tried dating since then, I just don't have the patience for all the bullshit that goes along with it.
This is me. I’m 38 and life is so much more peaceful not trying to date.
I’m open to a relationship if it happens, but yea…not interested in dating at all
Me too! Stopped dating at 42. No time for the drama.
I feel this at 25🥲
I hate to say it, but it only gets worse as you get older and more settled 😬
Same bro
This ... I absolutely agree 🙌🙌
Now kiss.
We did it Reddit!
Lol
Yep, that's me right here
God there is so much bullshit.
Couldn’t agree more. I can’t think of anything I need less than a relationship.
I feel like I'm somewhat selfish to not want to compromise my own time (little of that, that I have). I'm starting to care even less as the years go by.
I’m 44 and just recently got out of a 10-year relationship. A few friends have asked about dating again and honestly I think I’m 100% done. I want control over my own life — my money, my home, my plans and my goals. To each his own; I know lots of people are happy in relationships, and that’s great for them. I just think I’m not wired that way. Nobody is interesting, funny or wonderful enough that I want to be around them 24/7 forever.
I had two long term relationships that were both good and bad. Mostly good, still, I never felt like having a partner after the age of forty. I'm 62 now and I'd rather have a good circle of friends and come home to my life the way I like it, with peace and quiet.
My dream, my only real future goal, is to be able to come home and have it all be exactly as I left it. Clean and quiet and perfect. I was a fool and had a second kid at 35 with an unfaithful s.o.b.- just when my older one was getting to puberty and things were getting easy. So it’s gonna be awhile yet, but a girl can dream. If I get lonely, I’m gonna get a mini goat to be my side kick and walk her around town on a leash. I’ll be the crazy old goat lady with the pink hair. I’ll teach her to headbutt dirty old men in the shins and eat their bootlaces.
I'm the NPC dirty old man in this dream, and even I am like "hell yeah crazy ol' goat lady."
Lmao! Watch it old man! I’ll sick my goats on you.
Damn, you sound like a neighbor i’d be happy to get to know. ❤️
I can't believe you mentioned the goats, because I just had an epiphany that goats are the one thing missing from my life!
This is me. Always has been. Always will be.
Same. Ended a not terrible 34 year marriage (he bankrupted us twice in 17 years) and three years into singleness at 59 and I am so content and at peace only having to concern myself with ME (and cat).
This is exactly how I describe my life after 1 year of being out of an 11 yr marriage/ almost 17 yr relationship. I’m so content in my mid 40s and so happy I have no desire to add anyone to it in that way. No thanks!
I split with my partner at 44, and are still great friends, but man, I love having my own home! 62 as well!
This! Sounds like a dream honestly 😌
I mean you could still have this if you were in a relationship e.g. you could both live in a different house, have your own bank accounts etc. Maybe with time if you grew closer, your perception on what to share with them might change. I'm not sure.
47. No time for BS. If it happens I met someone, awesome! If not, no loss.
I’ll be 42 on April 14, and I feel this in my soul. If it happens it happens, if not then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m too old to chase anyone or change myself to accommodate them.
100% - same for me
...wasting my precious energy." https://youtu.be/V6hQ9HSKlIE
Exactly
Yup
51 and this is me.
I saw a meme…. “Those who make fun of crazy cat ladies just don’t seem to get that their company isn’t as good as the cat.” This is me.
36 here and same.
I have zero desire to date due to trauma and the amount of healing that I need to still do. I have a history of very toxic and abusive relationships. I do have a desire to meet new friends but it seems pretty impossible as an adult. Bumble BFF makes me cringe. People are so wrapped up in their own shit and lives, I don’t see how I’ll meet anyone
I relate so much :(
🥹
Met one of my dearest friends on Bumble BFF and that was now 6 years ago - she was one of 5 or 6 BFFs I met up with and at first I thought everyone was just going to be totally insincere or incompatible. I was wrong! Stick with it, be forthright, maintain your boundaries and you can meet wonderful friends online - on your own timeline
I’ve met about 4 or 5 of my (now) closest girlfriends via Bumble BFF! I live in LA and am far enough away from where I grew up (still in SoCal) that I needed to met new women to go out with all the time. Amazing friendships have come out of that app!
37, single for five years. First was recovering from the last relationship, then was covid, now I’m just really enjoying being alone. All I hear from married friends are chore issues, jealousy, money problems, etc etc. You know who does the dishes that I used? Me. Who decides where the money is spent? Me. Who I spend time with? Me. What to watch on tv? Me. Whether I should eat dessert? Me. How many nights I play volleyball? Me. Whether the dog can be in the bed or not? Me. (obviously in. Single or not I love to cuddle) No fights, no compromising. I love my family, and friends, and have wonderful relationships with my nieces and nephews so I don’t feel the need to procreate any germ factories. I get to be completely selfish about my life choices without being made to feel guilty about it. It would take the love of the millennia for me to consider adding a partner to my life.
Lmao at “How many nights I play volleyball”. Best comment in this whole thread. Sand, grass or indoor?
Hahaha. Sand in the summer and court in the winter. Columbus has a robust volleyball scene believe it or not. That made it in bc two friends (one male, one female, married to other people and with no kids) are limited bc of “deals” with their spouses on how much they can play. I get that it works for them but glad I get to make my own choices lol.
Nice! I travel a lot and have found volleyball everywhere I go. I prefer outdoor to indoor. Yep, deals on who you can play pickup and tournaments with are a regular thing lol It doesn’t help that the community can be pretty incestuous. Still love it though!
I love this so much! Well said—sounds like a wonderful life :)
Are you willing to Photoshop a germ factory?
Me? 36 now and longterm I’d still like to get into a relationship down the road. But I’ve had an uphill battle with my mental health for a while now, and some major life turmoil this year that I’m working through. So for now I’m focusing on me, getting my life back on track, trying to improve my mental health, and seeking joy in the simple pleasures. For me, music is a huge passion, so I spend free time playing guitar. As far as subs, I’ve enjoyed connecting with other fans of some of my favorite artists.
On the same boat. The struggle is so real that dating is the last thing on my mind to the point it wouldn't be fair to date when you have things to work on yourself. Also dating can be (understandably to an extent) disingenuous and dating apps make that even worse. That peace of mind, self work and simple pleasures really become more worthwhile than dating and if it happens in the future, then cool
Same here, I just turned 36 last month and I’m working on my mental health as well and just taking pleasure in the little things. Now that summer is coming up, I will be traveling more, I’m an aunt once more for the third time and those kiddos take all my time and money🤦🏽♀️🤣❤️🥰🙏🏽 Love them so much!! And well, I’d like to meet someone one day if it’s gods plan but time will tell.
Same here - many similarities as you posted and not actively looking for a relationship
#samehere#gettingbetter
Much younger, but I had that same battle with my mental health. Now, whenever I talk to women around my age I just cringe at the behavior and the red flags. It feels like it's all of them. I just don't really care to meet women at this point.
Me. Honestly, I love coming home to no one. lol (sorry if that sounds terrible). I have a very busy social life, lots of friends, all sorts of community work, etc.... After a long day of work I want to come home, enjoy dinner, watch some tv and catch up on whatever I need to do. I also like to travel and I love just deciding to go and leaving whenever I want. No one to coordinate with. There's not one way to live a life. I think we all need to do what makes each of us happy with our lives. It's far too short to be miserable.
How do you keep a busy social life? I'm curious haha. What kind of community work do you do? I'd love to get ideas from you.
Well, I'm in involved in the arts community where I live and do a lot of events and meetups within that group. I'm also into tabletop RPGs, so I have a few ongoing games with friends.
Tabletop rpgs sound interesting! What kind of games?
I'm 48F and just got divorced last year. Im so happy being by myself that I have no real interest in dating right now. I get to eat whatever I want for dinner and watch whatever I want on TV...no more fighting for the remote. Lol it's great
When I think about dating at this age after divorce it seems like I’m interviewing for my next boss. I get to make decisions that are good for me. I used to have to hope that my hopes would be taken into consideration. Why would I give this up?
That's exactly how i've felt about dating in my late 30s. It's like interviewing for a job that neither of you is sure you even want.
🙌 45F, living my best single life with my 2 dogs!
This is goals!!!
dogs > people
No. Reindeer > people
But humans smell better than reindeer~~
Always
46 and single. No interest in dating. After my divorce i did dating and the apps for 5 years and it was exhausting.
Dating apps did me in. No more dating for me.
I called it tinder food stamps because at least once in awhile id get a free meal
Late 40's here and I stopped making effort to meet new people. Past relationships only gave me headache and disappointment. I'd rather be depressed alone than being depressed with someone and pretend everything is ok.
26 years old (f), single and childfree. I am happy with these choices. I may one day start dating and find my future wife. However, right now I am going to be focusing on myself. I don’t need the extra responsibility and stress that relationships/dating can bring. I am working on me first. I don’t have interest in being with anyone. I probably won’t be interested in it until my 40s. Meh. I mean, I know that one day I want a relationship but it may take a while before I actually care enough to make the effort to look for one.
Same. I was an only child with parents who couldn’t be any less interested in spending time with me so I’ve always been good on my own. I always said I wouldn’t mind meeting someone when I’m in my 40s who had kids who were ready to leave home, but for now, I just want to enjoy my 20s on my own.
[удалено]
34 and I’ve been single for a few years. I still meet and mingle with people from time to time, but it’s never serious enough for me to continue.
Well, I'm aroace, so my motivations are maybe a little different than someone who experiences sexual/romantic attraction and just opts out of the associated social norms. That said, yep! I'm in my 30s and simply am not interested in sharing my time and effort this way. I'm very happy only ever having to worry about myself and, sometimes, my friends and immediate family. I think people who manage to start and maintain long term relationships are very impressive, but that level of commitment is not for me. I don't even want a pet in my house, let alone another breathing, thinking adult person! I think this kind of social move is pretty common, these days. The fact that investing in marriage, parenting, etc. is so emotionally, mentally, and financially prescriptive these days will probably make it even more common for folks to maintain a single lifestyle. No sub recs, but that's just 'cos I'm still kinda new to Reddit and don't know what's out there.
Yo, fellow aroace! :D you could check out r/aromantic r/asexual r/aroace and relevant queer meme subs you’ll find along the way :) And yeah, a *lot* of people aren’t getting married and having kids these days for… a variety of reasons. Horrible economy + inflation, political unrest, global warming and pollution, most of our time awake is spent working (if you work full-time) and a *lot* of younger folks are barely able to support themselves financially and emotionally, let alone a partner and kids.
I knew I'd find some fellow aroaces somewhere in the comments. Hello!
ME! Happily, at 53, after MANY MANY MANY short and LTRs, I am finally at peace being on my own.
30, been single past 7 years, don't plan on another relationship at all. I just don't have the time and energy to put toward a relationship. That and I really enjoy coming home, and having just pure silence. No nagging, no having to respond to anyone, just silence, it's my comfort zone.
It’s the best and so hard to let go of.
I find this thread…refreshing. I plan on being single for quite some time because….reasons
Me too! I did not expect it to blow up like that. I can’t keep up with so many single and happy adults
I have zero desire to date due to trauma and the amount of healing that I need to still do. I have a history of very toxic and abusive relationships. I do have a desire to meet new friends but it seems pretty impossible as an adult. Bumble BFF makes me cringe. People are so wrapped up in their own shit and lives, I don’t see how I’ll meet anyone
>"I can't envision myself being in a relationship. It seems to exhausting and constricting. I don't want to make any plans with someone, consider other person's plans, spend time getting to know someone etc." There is a psychological construct for what you're describing, and it's called an "avoidant attachment style". If this is new to you, take a look into it and see what you find, just might be a very important discovery about yourself that could lead to improvements in your life. My recommendation for info are the early episodes of a podcast called "The Place We Find Ourselves". The word attachment is in the episode titles.
Thank you, it’s 100% stems from childhood. I need therapy, I know but I’m so happy in my own little world
Don't you love it when people pathologise differences. If they don't want to shack up with someone there's something wrong with you! Funny, they used to think shacking up with the "wrong person" (eg same sex, different race) was also a symptom of mental illness... They only took my sexuality out of the DSM in the last edition.
47 and happily single. I've had good relationships before, but I like being on my own too much. If you are generally attracted to people, you may want to look for aromantic subs? On the other hand, if you don't feel a burning interest to sleep with folks, look into whether asexuality or demisexual might describe you.
Me. I’m middle aged with kids at home. I’m demisexual. I’m not interested in dating. I’ve been married. I don’t want to be in a relationship again. I’m happy on my own. When I tried dating I found it to be a tedious. I’d rather spend my time having fun or making money.
I feel like the odds of finding someone are really stacked against us demis.
People don't have the attention span to date demis, they want to fuck within a month and if they can't coerce you into sex sooner than that they bounce. No thank you!
22 (M) been single 5 years now and I'm starting to enjoy it. Life is too stressful and complicated for meeting someone at the moment and most people my age are still in the party scene drinking/doing drugs when I'd rather just chill at home or take up other hobbies that don't become addictions in the long run.
Smart move, being “cool” at your age makes you “not cool” later on, I fell down that trap. Would love to start life over
I never avoided the trap. I just experienced it young and fought all my battles with addiction earlier then some and overcame my crippling alcohol addiction that costed me my job, car, savings etc. all in the span of a few months of being recklessly addicted. Been sober since October and even I too wish I could start my life over.
I feel ya. I lost my house, car, job and gf. It gets better. I promise. Exercise daily and taking AG1 daily has helped me a lot. Feel free to message me if you need to vent or need new ideas to keep sober. God bless ya champ. Congratulations
I know what you mean and I'm glad it's gotten better for you. I've noticed small improvements here and there plus I started lifting which helps as well. I know this may sound hypocritical and I'm not trying to encourage it but I recently tried DMT about a month ago and it's given me a completely different perspective on this life. I no longer feel nearly as suicidal/depressed as I once was and I'm learning to love myself again and not let little things get to me as much. I still have my days like everyone else but this tool has shown me what I need to work on and lots about myself/existence and I feel like I've got a chance now.
You may want to look into aromanticism, it sounds like you're potentially describing similar feelings to this. I'm asexual and do not experience sexual attraction to others, and I'm also on the aromantic spectrum, albeit slightly different than what you're describing. There are others like you out there!
I, for one, need physical touch. It has been proven scientifically that physical touch has a soothing healing effect on us. I am missing ít in my life and feel the lack. I have resolved to find the RIGHT woman. Low aggravation, high touch, independent and self satisfied with a similar desire for physical closeness. As I look for her, I will continue to inadequately meet those needs in other ways and try to enjoy the process. The RIGHT partner is a life enhancing accessory with the potential of being a lot more.. The wrong one is the bane of one's existence. I have faith and cling to the belief that I can find the one. Patience is key.
If i want touch, I'll hire a masseuse.
That's one way to do it. Although I prefer a more affectionate touch.
You can hire a cuddle buddy or a sex worker. No commitment there.
I'd rather not have to deal with the rest of the work that comes with the "affectionate" touch. 🙄
Mm-hmm. You sound a bit bitter. I had decided that I want a partner but I want a particular kind of partner and I am prepared to cast off any candidates that don't meet my qualifications. I've made a very specific list and I run down it with anybody I talk to. Since I'm still single, you can tell that my strategy has not yet succeeded. I just refused to give up. I want it and I'm going to find a way.
You sound bitter, "casting off" "candidates." These are human beings with their own wants and needs, not job applicants. You sound a bit desperate, tbh, telling everyone about your list of requirements. It's understandable that you're single; desperation is not attractive. I'm very happy being single and having no responsibilities to be a constant companion. I like more space in my relationships. That's contentment, not bitterness.
Find the right one to meet your needs or hers? Accessory ? Lol
I feel you, brother. Very much. May you find her or cross path with her one day, soon.
37 m. Hard to trust plus if I’m not happy with myself, how can I expect someone to be happy with me? I hate when family says you are to handsome to be single,…
37 and totally ok with never being in another relationship. I can totally relate.
Well, 41F over here about to turn 42 in San Francisco. I’ve always lived in cities and dated on and off for the past 10 years when I realized how much I was spending trying to line up dates and talking to people on apps only to be ghosted. I have not gone on a single date these past 3 -4 years and occasionally I take a peek at what’s out there to date on the apps but ultimately end up deleting my account. I don’t think men over 40 that are single on the apps are attractive. I don’t know why they all look like they need a shower and some grooming. Being solo is peaceful! I just need a couple of dogs and I’m set!!
56 and single for about the last 20 years except for one year of dating. It’s not worth the heartbreak.
42 and I've been single for about 12 years now. I just have very little interest in a relationship. The idea of living with a partner overall feels stifling. In some ways it might make things easier.. shit I can barely afford to be alive right now despite working 2 jobs and being frugal. I just don't see myself ever finding a person that I click with and relate to enough, who can also give me my own space.
Me 🙋♀️ I’m 25
30M, been single for a good half of my life and never really bothered to. The only reason why is I do have needs mainly to socialize and be intimate if need be. Otherwise I'm not committing or settling down with anyone.
Me now at 31but now I'm starting to feel like it comes from not wanting to open up to others. Lol therapyyy
I suspect having some abandonment issues so I reject before I can even establish. I’ve got lots of issues for sure, too many to get into right here but yes, past experiences make me feel safe only alone right now.
36 and habitually single. I just do not care that much.
Yes, dating is “meh” at its best. I’d rather spend money on power tools haha
While I do want to find a partner, I choose to be single until I own my home, finish my bachelors, and am comfortable in my career. I do not date . I do not even give people my number . Single for I think 2 or 3 years. I’m 23.
36 and have not had a romantic or sexual relationship since I was 29. It’s… fine? Actually? I don’t feel like I am missing anything. I hang out with friends, have hobbies, a stable job. I tried dating apps for a month or so about 6 months back thinking maybe I could give that a shot again, but I realized that I honestly just do not have anything to say to about 99% of people I encounter. There isn’t anything wrong with you, or me, or anyone else who isn’t feeling dating. Maybe it’s the modern era (which if we’re all honest is a little bit fucking extra) or maybe it’s just a personality type that was pretty well repressed in previous eras. So to answer your question if anyone else relates: yes! There are literally dozens of us!
I’m 51 (I’ll be 52 in about a week). I have been single for over ten years. I love it. I have zero desire to date anyone. I like to be able to eat what I want and watch what I want. And just do whatever I want to do.
56 and feel exactly the same. I've been married twice, apparently I'm not good at it.
Question: how do you deal with touch starvation
Don’t have it, can’t comprehend it, am happy with people leaving me tf alone 🤷🏻♀️🌵😂
I used to be all about sensuality and such when I was in my 20s in my relationships. So much so I looked up a significant other recently and discovered she opened a legitimate business based on that (and no, nothing naughty or anything like that). I do wonder how she ever wanted to be with a weirdo like me but anyways, looking back, I'm nothing like this person at all today. It doesn't even cross my mind but I'd like to think it's one of those "been there and done that" type of things. I'm pretty content not having to touch anyone actually.
I don't have the time, the patience, or the energy for all the drama and all the other stuff involved.
I am in the exact same place in my life. Just turned 39 on Monday, and I find the whole dating scene exhausting, too. I will never use dating apps again in my life. It's just a bunch of dudes wanting to hook up, and I don't do random hookups. I'm just focusing on advancing my career and self-improvement. 🤷🏻♀️
45F. I'm sick of listening to people's problems. I gave up 3 years ago. Feel great 😃
44F. No interest whatsoever in the Homo sapiens
i just hate commitments,, though im still working on my consistency and committing to my careers first and im 19
Honestly I wish everyone had your level of self awareness and radical honesty. I see so many people being shitty partners to others because they don't realize that they're not capable of being a decent partner to someone else. Are least you're not making someone miserable by being withholding while you're in a relationship with them.
I told my husband that if anything should happen to him or our marriage that I’m not doing it again. He is the best, so I’m not tolerating anything less. Men currently are too dangerous and too much of a liability to include in day to day life anymore, and create much more work for a single woman than we would create on our own. I couldn’t imagine exposing myself to the risks now that I’m an adult who sees things like this, but I am happy I was young and ignorant to it all before so that I could meet my husband and spend my life with him.
Me! I genuinely cannot imagine being in a relationship ever again. The cons outweigh any benefits by a long shot for me.
Looks like I'm headed that way as well. I don't mind meeting people as friends, but as I age it seems when romance is involved, all manners and kindness and decency fly out tht window. I also refuse to settle just to not be alone. Tho I do get a little sad sometimes knowing that I'll never meet someone in my young years who wants to grow with me. But oh well 🤷🏾
I'm 39 and single, as well. It's not so much that I don't want to make or consider someone else's plans, etc; I just am content with where I'm at. If someone were to come along, great. If not, that's great, too. I'm very happy with what I've accomplished, and continue to accomplish, with my life.
Internal peace is where happiness is. Some relationship enhance it. Here’s to you and your accomplishments!
I was in a common law relationship through most of my 20s. Split just before I turned 30. Had one very I'll advised rebound relationship. I was a caregiver to my elderly grandfather for the last 5 years. Plus helping my disabled mom and a single mom to a son with Autism/adhd. All living together. I'm about to get my own place with my son and the idea of having another person need anything from me (time, energy, emotional investment, consideration) sends me into a full out panic.
Me. I will never be in another relationship or get married. I went thru a horrible divorce and at my age, what I want in a guy is difficult to come by. I'll admit I'm picky, but I refuse to enter a relationship that I don't want, even if the guy is seemingly perfect in other ways.
If I could date. I definitely would. I wouldn't call myself a incel. Because I know what I need to do to improve myself. But I'm not going to work harder in life just to have a person make me hate my life more than I already do.
Your comment history is very telling my friend. I hope you heal
Why did I have to look?
Women everywhere thank you.
I’m willingly single at the moment. Since my divorce, I’ve focused on building a tribe, not isolating myself in a monogamous relationship. The ideal outcome for me is that my friends becomes friends with each other. Then I have a group of friends.
I'm 35 and I've been single since I was 23. I'm happy and have no desire to use dating apps or going to bars to meet people
I did relationship hunting in my 20s for sure. Got married, divorced, then had a 3 year partner afterwards which fell apart. I’m pretty happy being single in my 30s. BUT I will say that I am thankful for having loved and lost than to have never loved at all lol.
40 and I’ve been single for 7 years after a divorce. I briefly dated after the divorce and decided pretty quickly that I had absolutely no interest in sorting through the absolute mass of potential dates to find one that I might get along with. I enjoy being alone and enjoy living my life exactly how I want it without having to compromise.
I'm 47 and single for 5 years. I have so much fun being alone, that at this point in my life someone would have to be amazing to make me even think about maybe kinda giving up my free time. If I was good enough to warrant someone that amazing I would probably have found them by now. No great loss. I am loved and happy with my life. I am where I need to be, and where i am supposed to be.
Strange. I do enjoy being by myself. I have routines for Friday and Saturday nights: I wouldn’t want to go on dates. But saying that, I feel like half of a whole.
I'd like to say I have it in me to date again, but I know I don't. I can't trust people anymore.
60 and recently divorced, been living alone for the last three years and loving it. After 40 years in a relationship I just may be happy to stay single.
If by willing you mean resigned. I'm here.
Resigned? Are you happy in single hood or it’s circumstantial?
36 here. Tried dating, went on one date in the last 2 1/2 years. I just find i have no energy anymore to involve another person in my life. So I’ll stay single. I have my daughter from a failed marriage over a decade ago. I’m good. I find more happinesses doing things on my terms these days. I’ll hang out with a few gamer friends here and there. But ultimately, I’ll likely stay alone. No shame in that.
[удалено]
Love that. I also don’t struggle without sex. Like it’s great but I’d rather nap lol
I could be wrong here but I’m assuming you still want to have sex. I don’t think being in a relationship is necessary at all to be happy. But I do think there’s some science behind human touch. You might already do or have done this. But I’d be curious to see if occasional hookups made you feel better or not.
me for the past 9 yrs. I like my low drama life and am self sufficient.
I'm single and definitely not happy about it, but also not doing the dating/apps thing. It's just that I'm older (I'd say I'm "middle aged", the feds say I'm "elderly") so I'm substantially less desirable, and I'm a bear (a large hairy gay man) so I'm also substantially less desirable from that, and I'm ugly so I'm also substantially less desirable from that, and I'm a cripple so I'm also substantially less desirable from that, and I'm gay so you can rule out 90% of whoever is left right there. Put them all together and you have someone with near 0% chance of ever finding Mr. Right, and I'm just sick to death of being mistreated every damn time I stick my neck out. If I go to a bar, there's about a 100% chance that someone will act nasty to me and ruin the night, even if all I expected and hoped for was to hang out with people around and have a drink from the bar with nobody to talk to. (In other words, I set a pretty low bar for what would make me happy and they manage to ruin things for me anyway.) If I get on an app, I better be there to just look at the pretty pictures, because I never meet anyone on dating apps. (On average I hear from about 5 people a year, of whom 3 are over 2000 miles away and the other 2 are clearly ugly desperate old men who are responding to every profile to see who actually replies.) So I'm not failing to use apps and meet people because I'm happy, I'm choosing not to use apps and meet people because I know I'm never going to meet anyone worth meeting and I'm tired of being mistreated.
I hear you and I’m sorry world is cruel to you for no reason. People suck and some pretty people have the nastiest shithole of a soul. I’m also gay so hugs from a far.
50. Been single for 7 years. I am so happy not having to work around someone else’s habits and expectations. I no longer stay up all night wondering if/when my partner will come home. Things stay where I put them. My life is clean and drama-free and it’s splendid.
Why do divorces cost so much? >!because they are worth it!< I've been happy with my wife and my girlfriend in a LTR, but I got no problem being single now either, I could still be in a relationship or dating , but I do have broader boundaries and a more narrow focus on who appeals to me.
I’m lucky I got off cheaply by never marrying!
48 here. Been single 10 years. I'm super lonely and touch starved. Most nights I ask God to take me away so I don't have to suffer anymore. But I don't think he exists, so here I am.
i'm 38 and have been single for 13 years. i've gone on some dates here and there but nothing really goes anywhere. i lack a lot of entheusiasm for dating, but i go on them sometimes on the off-chance i meet someone who will inspire some entheusiasm to do it. i just never really do. i have an uncle on my dad's side who has terminal cancer. i think it was last summer when my dad got the news that the doctors gave my uncle three years to live. this uncle has always been single. i remember one time years ago my dad made a comment about me always being single and that i'd "wind up like Uncle Jimmy." and i asked, "is that a bad thing? Uncle Jimmy always has a smile on his face." my uncle actually is dating someone now, funny enough. it's at the end of his life, but i'm sure he'd say he was always happy.
I did for four years. I think it’s really important that everyone gets very good at being alone. I’m 35 and just got engaged but same. The idea of a relationship was just exhausting to me (my last one was very abusive) it’s so nice to not have to worry about someone else’s input and opinions. You want spaghetti is for dinner? Cool. There are a lot of people out there like that. When I met my fiancé we both had the mentality of we are so good at being alone that if I lose you, I’ll be fine moving on. Now obviously we have deeper feelings but being single is a great thing.
Every fleeting idealized relationship I’ve imagined for brief moments before going to sleep have been more satisfying and enjoyable than any real relationships I’ve had in life… And there’s been a couple good ones. I truly enjoy my small house. Stretching across the entire couch and watching whatever I’m in the mood for. I appreciate the quiet relaxing evenings and enjoying my coffee ritual lazily in the mornings. I do get bouts of loneliness from time to time, but I get so much pleasure from being nearly totally unencumbered in my day to day goings on.
43, been single since 2015. I’ve been thru too much and I’m not willing to put up with a single iota of shit. Its fine for now; maybe I’ll try again when my daughter is grown.
I am 50F. I was married for 18 years and have been divorced for 8. I dated off and on for at the beginning of my single life, but have found I am a better, happier person being single. I thrive on my independence. I have 2 older daughters who I can devote any time I want to, I can come and go a I please, do things with my friends and spend my money on things that I want. The few times I feel lonely are nothing compared to the fabulousness of being single.
Like many commenters, I am newly into my forties and absolutely opposed to any kind of relationship. Up until last year I was intentional in looking for a long term partner, but I very suddenly realized why I’ve been single now for 6 years: I simply do not want to be in a relationship at all, likely ever again. I date a lot, tbh, but I’m just having wonderful fun meeting new gentlemen and having lovely conversations. Then I get to go home to my own space, where I get to live exactly the way I want; focusing on anything I wish to do with fabulous friends and all kinds of adventures. I was stunned to realize the idea of committing to anyone (or really, anything) sounds like death. An absolute death sentence is to be responsible to or for anything other than myself, to be exact. In my case there’s a history behind it: I lost my childhood taking care of a younger sibling with a disability (and generally being my family’s punching bag and it’s punchline). I married a narcissistic sociopath right out of my freshman year of college, and did everything for him (all the housework, sole income earner, while we were both in undergrad!), and while I grew weaker and weaker he flourished. After I ended that (my mom disinherited me at right around the same time), I was absolutely free. I think I lost the ability (not just the desire) to ever be responsible for/to anyone/anything again.
Me (38F, Swiss, childfree) I had two LTRs (2004-2007; 2010-2019). Amicable splits, I don't regret the relationships. Online dating came into existence during my last LDR. From all the stories I hear, I have 0 inclinations to try them. I love my life alone (4 years and counting) and have profited hugely from being on my own. I actually don't wish for a a partner anymore. But if I meet someone, ok... I want it to je a weekend relationship or at least keep my own place. Let's see if that person shows up. But I'm not waiting. I love my life too much.
Kind of. I am the type of person that hates the beginning phase of dating. I would rather be single or basically jump into the mentality as if we were multiple years into it. I need to be able to be comfortable around someone and the mental discomfort of the first couple months is not worth it at the moment.
I had to double check your username because this sounds exactly like something I would write, so I was like "Did I create a sleeping-pill-induced post and not remember??"
Haha cool to know I have a mind twin
Want true love, get a rottweiler.
24 (M), it wasn't so much a choice as a natural result of being mildly autistic and having a difficult childhood that resulted in low self esteem and depression. Couple that with only being rejected everytime I made friends with a girl in HS and college and being overweight and a nerdy autist I just more or less gave up. Sometimes I feel disgusted at myself for feeling attracted to woman, because no matter how hard my conscious tries to ignore the urge, my subconscious refuses to yield causing me much mental anguish. Sometimes I think about wanting to get castrated so I no longer have any more desire, but I fear that it would be unsuccessful. What scares me the most is becoming attached to a woman, and knowing that as a highly neurodivergent individual most people will inevitable view me as crazy, deluded, and out of touch with the world. Sometimes it is better to suffer in imagination than in reality. Anyways that's my rant of why I'm on track to be the 40 year old virgin playing video games my entire life.
Weird autistic people find partners all the time. Please don't give up if you truly want a relationship.
True, but it is difficult to explain the difficulty of interacting with strangers in a city where I know nobody when my instinct when I see a pretty girl look at me is to look at my floor and feel too nervous to talk, and God forbid I do start interacting and oversharing embarrassing stories as it typically gets a rise out if people. Anyways it's hard to explain, I have a hard time often coming off as extremely vulnerable or as serious and shy. People are so fucking weird, once I hit a threshold with people and start sharing my zanier world views I typically begin to see myself begin to be treated differently. They say don't change who you are, but this world frustrates me. Most my family thinks I'm extremely intelligent, but I'm only smart enough to realize what a moron I am and how the vast majority of the world is dumber than a box of bricks and when you realize how stupid people act over "love". I honestly don't know how something so morally grey and dubious Is something that ought to be pursued.
21(M) Took the words right out my mouth brother. The whole world is slowly becoming what’s happening in Japan. Make peace with yourself though and you’ll never be alone.
If this isn't a troll post Sad its being downvoted
Not a troll post, I'm used to this treatment on the internet. I'm not looking for pitty, just saw the thread and said damn this speaks to me, maybe ill share my experiences; but as usual people love to be rude to me :) I don't care about upvotes, I care about being true to who I really am and I don't give a fuck if everyone in the world wants to downvote me.
I am middle aged and I have always put through zero effort, and also have never been approached, which suits me fine because I am very picky and I like being by myself and have never wanted kids. That being said, if I found a great guy that checked some main boxes I would not be opposed to having a relationship, I just don't need to pursue one.
So I am almost 20 years older than you, and my last serious relationship ended when I was 30. I was single, by choice, until about 3 years ago. I was terrified of online dating, mainly due to a lack of self confidence, and just wasn't sure I wanted someone in my life! Then a friend introduced me to my BF, who is a bit older than I am. We hit it off, and have been together since 2019. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship. I wasn't sure I would find anyone, but now that I have, I'm glad I did.
I'm 42/F and my last relationship ended about 13 years ago. At that point, I'd had enough. That was it. I no longer cared about things I used to be self conscious about, like going to see a movie alone, or wearing my slippers to Walmart. I'm not looking to impress or hook up with anyone. I'm done. I don't have the time or energy. Life is stressful enough as it is without someone standing behind me getting pissed off about every little thing I'm doing or not doing. And for what? To get that little poke in my back at 2am when I've got to go to work the next morning? Fuck that.
You sound really selfish, so that's good you don't waste anyone's time.
Ok I’ll bite, how would I sound not selfish talking about my life?
28 tbh I just don’t have the emotional care or effort to take girls out on dates anymore. I lift, train BJJ, travel for music festivals and go clubbing. Why tf am I going to invest time and effort to take a girl out I might not even have a connection with when I can just go out and hook up with someone lmao. When I was in a relationship I was putting on so much damn weight and wasn’t seeing my friends regularly because my ex would freak out if I went out with them. (She’s not a bad person, just clingy I hope she’s happy.) Now I’m shredded, literally better looking than any point in my life prior and am having more fun than ever with more money in my pocket than ever. I don’t see a point in dating anymore.
So this doesn't exactly answer your question but it's close. I've never ever had trouble dating. I am easy to get along with, I enjoy being in a relationship because the rules make sense to me. Everything is as equitable as possible. My husband and I are partners, no matter what. FRIENDS on the other hand are fucking insane variables. They have absolutely no loyalty for you and if they do they have no real reason to maintain it. You have no chemical sexual bond to get you through the hard times, or at least, you probably don't. Friends come with other mutual friends who you might fucking hate but they'll insist on bringing them around anyway and because they're not your spouse it's totally fucking weird to insist on alone time with them more than a few times a year. Just saying... I got married a decade ago, and the only images from that day that make me wince are the ones with my former maid of honor because we don't talk anymore. I'd like to avoid those situations going forward.
I’ve been in a long term relationships and I was miserable. My friends what got me through. I’m sorry you had bad friendships but glad you have your husband. I guess, since you’re happily married this question doesn’t relate to you.
Me. Not for any real negative reason or anything bad that happened. Just the things I do and enjoy women do not and that’s perfectly cool with me.