I checked all of the boxes I was supposed to (steady relationship, job, and house) and it felt underwhelming. At 29 I sat down and decided to throw all of my “blueprints” out the window. I ended a 4 year mediocre relationship, fixed my finances, solo traveled, moved, and generally just took responsibility for getting to where I wanted to be in the future.
I had a lot of down time at my job so I journaled in a word document so I looked like I was working. I knew I needed to end the relationship so that happened first. Then I read “You are a badass” and “Choosing me before we” and that was how I landed on financial freedom and travel being my priorities. I experimented with different possibilities for getting to that point and eventually landed on real estate. I met my husband at 31 and now we’re pursuing the dreams together.
I’m turning 28 this year and this is exactly where my life is headed. I’ve been feeling doubtful and afraid but this comment is giving me hope that it really is the best choice
17 years old, about a week before I went away to college, I pulled an 8 year old boy out of the water. He was cold. I performed CPR but couldn't save him.
I think of this kid every day. 45 years, and it sticks with me.
No one could have saved him, but at least you did something! You did the only thing he needed that many people are too scared to do. I hope you can be proud of this accomplishment. (and side note, people who do these things for a living still need help to process it years later. Don't be afraid to get help if you haven't already)
Hey mate, if it still affects you every day, therapy can help change your perspective on the event. Sounds like you did your best and it’s not your fault he passed away.
Ah, I love your list of little things. You have a poetic flair. Happiness is gratitude for all the little things. Right now, I have my cheek against the soft back of a green parrot. One of my favorite little things. I hope your life continues to be filled with gratitude and more peace and happiness.
I share in your grief, hence my username, but I just want to say the feeling of an organized cupboard or closet is one of the warmest feelings ever. Glad your hope is back. Mine came back too :)
It strikes me that you might like the community over at r/CPTSD as there are a lot of people who have dealt with heavy, traumatic things and don't shy away from talking about them
Wow, thank-you for sharing. My cousin found their Dad dead - he’d been there for a week before they found him. They’re still obviously dealing with that mentally over a year later, but they have 2 young kids, so they push forward. I don’t know how they’ve done it. Same with you. Rooting for you. I don’t know if inspiring is the right word, but it certainly gives perspective.
You’re awesome. You remind me of a girl (“woman” - why do I naturally first say “girl”, she is 30 years old) I worked with whose Mum died - her Mum was her best friend. But this woman was the best person I ever worked with. So good at their job and always helped me and others. I left that job 6 years ago and she’s the only person I still speak to frequently - she recently gave me a great reference for the job I’m in now.
I’m so sorry you went through all of that.
I come from a very large and poor family and I was raising babies and kids my whole life and I’ve missed out on having all my own milestones making sure everyone else was good including the adults (who where stressed and couldn’t take care of all the kids and decisions they made.) my question is, how to relate to people when it seems like no one else you meet every has an inkling of the life you where forced to live?
I have a role reversal. I found my dad dead on the kitchen floor about 10 years ago. Since then I've been the man of the house, doing all the chores that he did. Kinda hated the fact that I never sought help for my emotions but I'm dealing with them now. I hope you're ok also.
Damn ma’am. That’s quite a lot. I’m sorry you had to endure all of those things, and commend you for coming out stronger on the other side. I have the utmost respect for you and wish you nothing but the best for the rest of your life ♥️
My sister 21 was killed in a car accident, I was sixteen. My mom did not handle it well, six months later mom was diagnosed with cancer. I had to go to an alternative school so I could help take care of her and my dad could work and I had a little brother to help take care of. She passed only two yrs after my sister.
Thank you, it was not easy I had to grow up real fast. Met my husband after my mom passed, got married and had two kids. My dad passed after my second child and just buried my little brother last year from an overdose. I have buried my whole family. Death has just become a part of my life, I am a Christian so I know they are all together. I battle depression however have managed to find solice in my children, running and my work. You got to have an outlet to keep the peace.
How do you deal with the fact that you don’t? Like, the kid needs you and believes in you… how can you possibly live up to that expectation? I know people find a way, but it is so incredible what parents do.
Well at young ages its not all that complicated. I can operate a TV, dress and bathe him, cook food and play games with him, so he's pretty happy with me. But then again he's only 3 and a half so...
This, although reading some of the other replies above make this seem like a silly answer, but for me, when my oldest son was born I was able to let go of a lot of angst towards my parents, especially towards my father. When I became a father, and I knew I was just a person, I realized so was he, and I let that shit go.
I signed up for a husband and a kid. Not two kids.
But honestly my ex husband dove into drinking after our kid was born and I couldn’t tolerate it. 9 years later he’s a functional alcoholic, keeps his job but is homeless and still pays child support. I also make it a point to never talk badly about my child’s father. No kid wants that
My partner suddenly leaving this world last summer.
Ain't nothing that makes you grow up like a realisation that none of the people who love you and know you, are on this side of existence anymore. I've doubled up on nurturing and guarding myself.
my dad told me this as a kid and it is both depressing and liberating. nobody cares about your problems, so don't bother crying about it, but similarly, nobody cares enough about you, for you to care about being judged or embarrassed
I got a job that scared the shit out of me. Had to portray confidence when I was anything but. Had to bust my ass to become proficient. Had to show up and bring my A game every single day, even when I wanted to stay in bed and hide. Had to steady shaking hands and focus on my breathing when things were hard. Help wasn't coming and I was the adultiest adult in the room.
You're always going to have anxiety, self doubt and apprehension. 10 years into this scary job and I still second guess myself some days. You just can't let those things stop you.
See, I actively avoid things like this. I actively avoid anything that would demand too much. Mental issues are in remission but is it really worth throwing out all that progress for money or self-esteem?
I'm chronically bored and have been literally living on temp jobs for half a year.
There's a middle ground to be had. You don't need an intense, scary job. But you don't need to be stuck at home bored either! Go find a hobby that's a little out of your comfort bubble. It can literally be going out and walking one day a week. Self esteem will follow close behind
If you don't push yourself at least a little bit, you'll never learn how capable you really are. There's great satisfaction in conquering something you weren't sure you were capable of. It helps build the confidence to do things even when you're anxious.
Never seen this sub before, just popped into my feed. Interesting question.
After a decade of isolation, no friends, no dating, a lot of self hatred, self disgust (all of which continues to persist to at least some degree), - it just sort of hit me that I’m 31 and I’m a doctor (1 more year of residency into independent practice and freedom). I don’t have time to sulk or introspect anymore. No more time to be angsty or bitter. Those feelings exist within some void in my mind but my job is now to take care of people as a professional. Nobody owes me anything (never really believed that anyways). I think enough time has passed which has also made me numb. Im too tired to care about being a virgin or being friendless. Got my cat buddy and tons of money to be made to look forward to.
When I read some of the comments in this thread (such as the woman who saw her mother dead at 14, I realize that, in a way, im pretty luck too in comparison).
Around age 25, it hit me that I was a miserable person, yet I had no logical reason to be that way. From then on I started learning how to take responsibility for my own happiness. It wasn’t easy and it still isn’t. But that was the start of something much better.
Good question. In my case it was a result of getting out of my comfort zone and spending time with people who had a more positive outlook on life. Eventually it clicked for me (I mean it took years) that the only difference between me and them was attitude, and the only thing holding me back was me.
I think we’re all looking for instant gratification. It’s not just the work, it’s the work multiplied by time. Eventually the work pays off but we never know how long it’ll take. And that’s hard.
Being poor in a small town, and your single parent losing their job. So I went and got a better job every year after, 12 years later I make more than most people with a degree and have moved across the county twice and seen most of it. Heading towards buying a house of my own something I’ve never experienced, retirement built up, and have everything I could need and most wants.
Good on you. When you’re young it can feel easier to “play it safe” but things have honestly been nothing but better since I took a chance/continue to grow/advance!!
When my liver enzymes were high at 28 years old.
Drank my 20s away. Wish I never would’ve drank, ever.
The stuff is pure poison and provides no positivity to anyone’s life no matter what they say.
It’s shit for your mental health as well.
Lack confidence? Drink! Sad? Drink! Celebrating? Drink!
You may think alcohol is helping those emotions but post drinking, they’re just gonna be worse.
Alcohol is the center of so many violent acts. Most fights happen when people are drinking. Domestic violence usually involves drinking. Drinking and driving. Etc.
Glad you’re here to tell the tale. I used to drink a lot, I guess that’s one way I’ve grown up, I don’t really drink anymore. I’m not sure how people do it, I feel shit for like 3 days after a heavy drinking session.
There was this one time when I got laid off from my job, and it was a huge wake-up call. I had to figure out how to pay bills, manage my finances, all that adulting stuff, pretty much overnight.
But even with those moments, it's like my default mode is still this mix of comfort and anxiety. Like, I'm always second-guessing myself, doubting my decisions, wondering if I'm on the right path. And then I look at people who are younger than me, and they just seem to have it all figured out, you know? It's like they're living life with this confidence and assurance that I'm still trying to find.
I am much younger than you but I have felt this way for basically my entire life, and I am just now starting to get over it.
Here is my biggest advice: trust yourself. When you start worrying about whether or not you're on the right path, or if you have made the right decision - trust yourself. Trust that you did, that you know yourself better than anyone else. Believe fully in your capabilities and decision-making. Trust that you know who you are and what you are doing. Do not dwell over doing something wrong, just trust that you did something right. You are not a wrecking ball waiting to destroy everything. You'll find that once you start trusting yourself more, you won't let yourself down.
Learning to try out techniques my psychologist taught me, for example, talking out loud to imagined past version of my self. When I’m alone sometimes I’ll comfort this person, congratulate them on growth, and boost up their self esteem. It sounds crazy but there’s definitely reasons why it works, otherwise the therapist wouldn’t have suggested it. It took me a while to be able to do it without feeling weird about it
I was sitting at home (living with my mom again) and I realized how tired I was. Tired of working shitty jobs and not getting anywhere, tired of wasting my money smoking, tired of not being as independent as other adults
So I quit smoking, saved some money, moved to the city and after a few years I landed the cushy union job I had been pining for. Ever since then I feel like I did the most growing up
My childhood ended when I was 9, after father’s major disease. I was struggling with several depression since I was 14.
Became a responsible adult for myself after trying to kill myself 2 years ago, cut off connections with family, visited psychiatrist,started therapy and was going through the process.
Now I’m 22, still struggling, but filling fine
Tbh sometimes I genuinely, unironically feel like my younger self was smarter than me now.
Why? Less anxiety, so that younger me just didn't give a fuck and did whatever they want lol.
Lots of wisdom we can learn from the children who live in ignorant bliss.
The repeated betrayals from women that I loved. Each one seemed to push me further into being an adult that refuses to let anyone do anything for them. I now believe that everyone should be able to take care of themselves, though it's okay to accept help. It's best to get to a point where you don't need it and then help people who do.
Having my life upended after getting kicked out at 16 for telling my mom to stop cheating on my dad. Had to figure shit out and start paying bills while also not dropping out of high school because being a high school dropout seemed like a dumb thing to do.
Luckily I'd already been working for a number of years and had a job that paid well so it wasn't as dire as it sounds, I actually traded up significantly when all was said and done - after crying my eyes out on a park bench before picking myself up and getting to work figuring shit out.
It's okay to feel emotions, just don't let them consume you.
Father passed, losing a job and my fiance gave up on my daughter and I within 6 months.
I have many difficult decisions suddenly and no partner to help me, I feel like I have aged 10 years. I went from constantly feeling 25 to my actual age overnight.
Spent 8 years in that shit and I'm still digging myself out of the hole I put myself in. I don't think I'll ever get over it all the way. Wasted a bunch of time
My 1st car payment on a car too expensive for me to afford. School of Har knocks learned me there. Had beans and rice for about a year before my salary went up some
Having my first baby be a stillborn a month before my 19th birthday, then getting pregnant with my son shortly after burying her, only for him to be born at 23 weeks. He's 16 years old now, but has significant physical and cognitive disabilities. Kicked my a$$ into adulthood real quick.
Abusive family. Knowing that I was the hated oldest child that wasn't good enough cause I was diabetic.
Age of 7 is when I realized I wasnt truly loved and only being cared for because I'm the offspring. 3 more children are born all treated a million times better while being a million times worse people.
Grew up quick. Took care of my own meals a lot of the time, same with school shit etc. Only times I was given anything is when everyone got something and I had to be included cause other families were around.
Getting into hs and after realized how shitty this world is and it all went up/downhill from there.
Now I'm estranged from said family on my own and dealing with life myself. Shit sucks but ya do what ya can do.
It’s gonna sound silly, but after graduating college I had about a year of basically nothing, just volunteering and working out.
I soon realized I needed a job so I worked at anything, that’s when I tried a day at Dunkin’ Donuts.
Absolutely HATED that job, it felt miserable and was such a waste of my skills and potential. After that humbling experience I locked it in and rekindled my passion for my career and future. Now in post graduate studies :]
It forced me to grow up and challenge the world because Dunkin’ Donuts was a place I never wanted to experience for a second more.
After graduating college, I worked for a few hours at Macy’s and couldn’t handle that. The anxiety of having a line of customers waiting while I tried to figure out how to work the register was just too much for me. Dunkin’ Donuts seems like it would’ve been fun though! 😄🍩
3rd grade, we lost our house to a house fire. My brother was the only one home at the time because he didn't want to go on the family vacation, and he was out of high school, so mom and dad thought it wouldn't be a problem. After it happened and we made it back home, I overheard so many people saying it looked suspicious, and then a few weeks later, I heard it had possibly been because my brother owed a dealer money. It was wild to think we lost everything because of his addiction and the path it took up the house I would have been in trouble.
At 17, I had a severe asthma attack to the point where my heart started to get sore cause I was taking my medicine for days without a break. I genuinely thought my life was over in that moment. Made me realize that I didn't have any meaningful connections and that no one would miss me if it was the end, didn't have a direction for my life and that I was destined to become the stereotypical "living in mom's basement gamer." I didn't want that. I felt very alone in that hospital and wanted to change.
When I got out, I made deeper friendships, met the love of my life (who I'm engaged to now), have a job with decent income, pets I call family, a place to call my own and finally feel like I have a life I'm proud of. But I definitely would not be successful right now if it wasn't for the near death experience, I wouldn't have had the drive to get my act together and to take the steps towards being successfully on my own.
Before I go into this, it’s important to know I am high-functioning autistic and have ADHD/depression/anxiety. I used to be extremely introverted and reserved.
The thing that really forced me into growing up was coming back to in-person classes after COVID during senior year of college, and my first crush as an adult (both happening right around the same time).
It made me realize I was lonely and actually wanted people around. I doubled down on improving my social skills, put effort into making and keeping friends, and started pushing myself to grow as a person. The crush part also motivated me a ton. That was fall of 2021. I’m still growing. I have my own apartment now, a good job, and more/better friends and hobbies than I ever have before. I still have a long way to go.
Had a mental breakdown because I ran out of money for weed, the breakdown happened like 4 days after. In the mean time I went out got drunk, got punched (not my fault), then went to work the next day and bam hit me like a truck. Basically it was a combination of withdrawals, starvation, lack of sleep stress, and a realization at work that I was being a shit employee and that wasn't actually okay. It made me look at myself. After the withdrawals stopped my memory came back in full force and I realised how much better my life was before weed and how being sober is actually a better high than any high I'd experienced while doing drugs.
There were many things
\-needing to work a job at 15/16 to help my single mom pay bills while still in high school
\-my first break up
\-my first long lasting relationship (lasting for more than 1 year) ending
\-becoming homeless for a few months
Every single time a big life event like these happened, I learned something new and tried my best to apply those lessons to my life and ethics.
Stepping forward about my teacher abusing me. There were arrests, a criminal trial, a civil case, etc. from 18-21 I was a normal college student with all of that going on in the background. It took a lot out of me and had me having to mature a lot faster than my peers
Going with the flow until I find myself in my 30's trying to support a family on mostly one income and realizing it's barely enough. I'm 10 years into a career in the trades and I feel poorer than ever. Home ownership is a pipe dream. I have a side hustle just to have more than $10/month spending money. I'm trying to transition to new career but it's going to take years and will likely have to involve starting my own business.
my mom committed suicide when i was 23
quit drugs & booze when i was 48
taking care of my mental health issues
realizing that no one owes me anything/i’m not entitled to anything
It wasn’t until I ended up here actually, in a shelter. I’m now almost sober and taking on the responsibility myself to get what I want. The whole house husband kid thing was trash.
I’m turning 28 in august and I feel like I’m just now maturing. Four years ago I stopped drinking alcohol and I think that was the most impactful thing in my life. Suddenly I had to deal with life without this layer of fog on my brain. Feeling every emotion unfiltered, coping with difficult situations instead of running away from them. It took a lot of growing up and taking responsibility to get to where I’m at right now. Few months ago I moved into the first flat I live alone in, got my first job after finishing my apprenticeship. Couldn’t have done it if I was still drinking alcohol.
I was crying because I was having financial problems, in a sushi restaurant with my mom. Mom looked at me and said "Stop crying, this is embarrassing.". Knew then I had to hold it in and handle my shit on my own....
Getting fired - I wasted college and got fired from my first job out of college. I was way too arrogant for a kid with a shitty gpa and a firing now on my record - had to do a lot of growing up and hustling to make up for that start, but it’s paid off imo now a decade later. Good house, married, expecting, on track for retirement.
Having everyone around me that I thought were good people all one by one stab me in the back & then call me crazy for my reactions. Gave me some real adult humble pie.
My parents divorce when I was 13.
That was when my dad really started to get real with me, he taught me how life will almost always suck but you just have to always push and thug it out. Realest advice that probably helped me mature faster than others.
My dad's attempted suicide when I was 21. I stopped him and was with him when they picked him up. Since the rest of my family abandoned him, I also had to deal with the aftermath and get him out of the clinic.
It was a hard lesson to learn, that you have to rely just on yourself. It's nice if people support you but never rely on it.
Doesn't matter how long you know somebody, just because they were there when you were struggling doesn't mean they have the best interests at heart for you. They can turn their backs on you real quick if you start making big and then things starts to fall apart.
I was groomed and in a "relationship" with a guy in his twenties when I was 13. Was exposed to a lot of things I wasn't ready for. Right before my 16th birthday I broke up with him (though I couldn't get rid of him until I was nearly 18). That day I walked away from him the world felt different, I felt different. Innocence was taken away from me.
>But I just seem to have these factory settings of comfort and anxiety and doubt and apprehension.
Growing up doesn't mean these feelings go away. Growing up means doing things even when you feel those feelings, and learning to tell the difference between anxiety and your gut
I (34M) realized in just the last handful of years that close friendships and even family relationships to some extent were a product of familiarity and proximity more than anything. Not to imply they’re completely trivial but you get the point. For example, once I stopped drinking that often, I stopped getting texts or calls from a good number of people I thought were fairly close friends. Now, I can go months and years and never hear from them outside social media and group chats. If anyone told me that 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have believed it. Been spending a lot of time to myself, with my dog and with my son (rarely socialize more than a few times a month) and it’s peaceful.
Having depression and anxiety for 2.5 years and finally becoming suicidal.
Like the guy on the top comment, I also had steady relationship, job, and house. Everyone around me would always wonder why I was so depressed. Depression does not care where you are at in life.
When I finally escaped that I realized so many things and felt myself grow so much as a person.
Few things that I learned are:
1. everyone has two lives. the second one begins when you realize that there is only one.
2. past causes depression and future causes anxiety. so focus on the present moment.
3. exercising, eating healthy and staying away from any addicting habits will improve your life immensely (this one is 100% guaranteed to work).
4. stop comparing yourself to others (this one is hard but becomes easier as you age 30+)
Sometimes it's the safety net of a parent that makes u feel small. U need to be on ur own trying ur own strength, making ur own judgments. That's what helped me feel like a grownup.
Balancing on the edge of suicide for about 6 months during the worst depressive episode of my life. I guess that isn’t the part that made me grow up, but it was the catalyst to seek treatment. To feel so intensely alienated and disaffected is hard to put into words. I still feel it some days. It will never leave. There have been days where I wake at 5am and in the cold lonely hours of the early morning it feels like the perfect scene to kill myself. The scarlet message written upon the snow. As everyone rises and begins their days, my train leaves the station.
I spoke to my doctor a few days ago and she removed half of my diagnoses as I no longer meet the criteria. I was a ghost of a person before treatment. I never had a life to return to. The whole process wasn’t so much about relearning to live but just learning how to live in the first place. Intensive therapy programs for a full year, and ongoing maintenance has made me into such a strong but gentle man. I am fragile as a person. I’m extremely sensitive, prone to mental suffering and melancholy. Life hurts so terribly with its abrasive unfairness and it really bothers me. Thing is, someone has to carry this weight. Man’s inheritance is to be burdened with agony. Don’t other people feel it too? When you sit by yourself and have every reason to be happy, why is that hollowness still there? That small bitter feeling somehow hurts more than the deep cuts of an acute episode. Will it ever leave? Am I never free?
You own it. You own your pain because as terrible as it is, it’s a part of you. It’s unfair, cruel, brutal, and ugly, but it leaves its mark on you. I have so many scars. Emotional and physical. They decorate my body like ribbons to a war hero. I deeply value and admire honesty and transparency. Being as sensitive as I am definitely has its drawbacks, but the thing I found most beautiful about this frailty is the ability to connect and empathize. For all those who suffer, it’s so easy to feel completely alone. You may find another soul bearing the same wounds as you; and you realize you are not alone. Your kindness compels you to want the best for them, and your love extends its hand to them. Though we wish we were never harmed to begin with, we carry our scars to show ourselves that healing is real. We may wish the mending process left no visible trace; but with all our scars we may have also built something new and beautiful. Something to not just undo the hurt, but something strong enough carve new tracks into your skin. Tracks that don’t tread the same marred ground you already know, but ones that point towards the horizon. Pointing in new directions, to unknown sunshine that you can step into.
My life throughout treatment and maintenance has truly been the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Suicide cuts me so deep. Having been there myself I so dearly wish others would be spared. I put in an insane amount of work to recover and build myself into a man that I am proud of. I’m a testament to the legitimacy of treatment, and I’m so truly happy. I just got my own place recently and the first thing I did after moving all my stuff in was cry. Cry for myself, cry for my friends, and cry for everyone who lost their own battle. I knelt before a memorial I made to my favorite musician and wept like a child. I’m not sure what afterlife may or may not exist, but I hope my words reach that far. Tears in my eyes, I really meant it when I wrote the words “I miss you!!!” Life is so cold and unbearably lonely so much of the time. It’s our duty as people to care for one another. In humanity there is such a paradox of weakness and strength. In our vulnerability exists the strength of our spirit. We feel every cut, scrape, scratch and blow; but we dust ourselves off and carry on. Isn’t that just so admirable? You’ve got to try. Try because you’re here!! Try for those who can’t anymore. Try to make a life you are proud of, and lend your hand to another. We’re all here together.
I do dream of an afterlife. I will never overcome the unfairness of life, and so I carry sorrow with me forever. I wish we could all go somewhere together. All our pain would be lifted off our shoulders and we could all enjoy the beauty of harmony. For there to be a light at the end of the tunnel. To eventually get respite and happiness in the end. To make right all the wrongs and love because love is our nature. Our capacity for empathy is evidence enough of something we all carry. Whatever reason it is, isn’t it so beautiful to know our hearts can feel on behalf of another? We might feel alone, but we’re wired to do the exact opposite. We affect and change those around us. Our actions send ripples into the sea we all swim in. When those actions are loving and kind and gentle, we may save someone else from drowning.
I’ve tried to articulate the following feeling to my peer support and I don’t know how well it landed. I came so close to death, I feel a strange sort of suicide survivors guilt. I feel like I cheated death. Like I am living a borrowed life and it is no longer my own. I have to make it count. I can still live for myself and make myself happy, but my ultimate purpose is to help others. I don’t mind the thought one bit. So be it. Mental illness or no, I likely would’ve ended up here anyhow. All I want to do is live beautifully and make the world a better place. Even if it’s just on the small scale interpersonal level; being a good friend, making memories, making art that people connect with - that’s enough for me!
I’m 41F, Asian (Taiwanese American) and short (5”0’).
People perpetually treating me like I was either under age or any age but my age (read: 10-15 years younger than what I actually was), and/or thinking they could treat me like I actually served in the military (I just ran with veterans and/or people who wanted to join). So long story short, no one would/had taken me seriously in certain bouts of my life (love, career)
My friends never looked out for me. But I looked out for them timelessly. I was never respected. So I pretty much disbanded myself. Did everything on my own. Became very self-sufficient. I realized that you can only count on yourself in anything. You can't even count on your partner. Never even went to their weddings even thought they sent me an invite cause of the disrespect. I was invited out of pitty.
When I had to deal with the fact that my brothers and I had all been abused by one of our uncles, we all thought it was just us and never said anything. One night all 5 of us were hanging out and drinking and my younger brother said something about it. We then realized that all 5 of us had been put through hell, we talked to my mom about it( my 3 older brothers had a different mom) and she said she knew about it happening to my oldest brother, but thought that it stopped with him. It didn't, she failed to protect us like a parent should. Our dad knew nothing about it, when he found out he almost killed our uncle. Since then I've forgiven my uncle but haven't said a word to him in over 20 years. I've forgiven my mom, she didn't want to hurt her sister so she never said anything, I understand but I'll never agree with it. I love my mom but there's still that voice in the back of my head that blames her.
My mom died in about 9 months from cancer when I was 22. My dad passed when she was 5 months pregnant with me so I was their only born child. This made me grow up real fast. The only downfall was that it put me in a sort of fight or flight/ survival mode for the rest of my life.
I checked all of the boxes I was supposed to (steady relationship, job, and house) and it felt underwhelming. At 29 I sat down and decided to throw all of my “blueprints” out the window. I ended a 4 year mediocre relationship, fixed my finances, solo traveled, moved, and generally just took responsibility for getting to where I wanted to be in the future.
Same age and I feel a bit similar. How did you realize you weren’t happy? And how did you find out where you wanted to be in the future?
I had a lot of down time at my job so I journaled in a word document so I looked like I was working. I knew I needed to end the relationship so that happened first. Then I read “You are a badass” and “Choosing me before we” and that was how I landed on financial freedom and travel being my priorities. I experimented with different possibilities for getting to that point and eventually landed on real estate. I met my husband at 31 and now we’re pursuing the dreams together.
Amazing! I’m glad you found a happier path. Thank you for the tips and the books recommendations
YEESSSSSSS!!!!
I’m turning 28 this year and this is exactly where my life is headed. I’ve been feeling doubtful and afraid but this comment is giving me hope that it really is the best choice
THIS! Same age and restart over again.
Hey I just did the same thing last year. Go us!
Thissss!! I’m discovering stability isn’t always fulfilling and since I have free will and it is my life, why should I settle?
This!!! “Stability isn’t always fulfilling”. I’m learning that actual LIVING in fulfilling. Not just checking off boxes.
This is inspiring!
Dude can I ask you if I can Shadow you or you can mentor me or something like that I'm 28 right now and could really use some guidance
17 years old, about a week before I went away to college, I pulled an 8 year old boy out of the water. He was cold. I performed CPR but couldn't save him. I think of this kid every day. 45 years, and it sticks with me.
No one could have saved him, but at least you did something! You did the only thing he needed that many people are too scared to do. I hope you can be proud of this accomplishment. (and side note, people who do these things for a living still need help to process it years later. Don't be afraid to get help if you haven't already)
EMDR can work wonders, you did a heroic thing back then.
Hey mate, if it still affects you every day, therapy can help change your perspective on the event. Sounds like you did your best and it’s not your fault he passed away.
Jfc
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That is awful. I hope you've found some peace and happiness as an adult.
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Ah, I love your list of little things. You have a poetic flair. Happiness is gratitude for all the little things. Right now, I have my cheek against the soft back of a green parrot. One of my favorite little things. I hope your life continues to be filled with gratitude and more peace and happiness.
This internet stranger is rooting for you
Same here. Sending you love and Hugs ❤️❤️⭐️⭐️
I share in your grief, hence my username, but I just want to say the feeling of an organized cupboard or closet is one of the warmest feelings ever. Glad your hope is back. Mine came back too :)
I hope you realize you accomplished and got through more hurdles than a lot of people couldn’t handle. You’re a tough mfer
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It strikes me that you might like the community over at r/CPTSD as there are a lot of people who have dealt with heavy, traumatic things and don't shy away from talking about them
Honestly quite inspiring to read, to me at least. Hope you’re doing well.
You're in good company my friend
I know I'm just a stranger on the Internet, but I appreciate your honesty about still struggling so, so much. You're in my prayers.
Wow, thank-you for sharing. My cousin found their Dad dead - he’d been there for a week before they found him. They’re still obviously dealing with that mentally over a year later, but they have 2 young kids, so they push forward. I don’t know how they’ve done it. Same with you. Rooting for you. I don’t know if inspiring is the right word, but it certainly gives perspective.
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You’re awesome. You remind me of a girl (“woman” - why do I naturally first say “girl”, she is 30 years old) I worked with whose Mum died - her Mum was her best friend. But this woman was the best person I ever worked with. So good at their job and always helped me and others. I left that job 6 years ago and she’s the only person I still speak to frequently - she recently gave me a great reference for the job I’m in now.
I’m so sorry you went through all of that. I come from a very large and poor family and I was raising babies and kids my whole life and I’ve missed out on having all my own milestones making sure everyone else was good including the adults (who where stressed and couldn’t take care of all the kids and decisions they made.) my question is, how to relate to people when it seems like no one else you meet every has an inkling of the life you where forced to live?
im sorry you went through all of that.
I have a role reversal. I found my dad dead on the kitchen floor about 10 years ago. Since then I've been the man of the house, doing all the chores that he did. Kinda hated the fact that I never sought help for my emotions but I'm dealing with them now. I hope you're ok also.
Wow! You are amazing.
Jesus, I’m so sorry.
Damn ma’am. That’s quite a lot. I’m sorry you had to endure all of those things, and commend you for coming out stronger on the other side. I have the utmost respect for you and wish you nothing but the best for the rest of your life ♥️
My sister 21 was killed in a car accident, I was sixteen. My mom did not handle it well, six months later mom was diagnosed with cancer. I had to go to an alternative school so I could help take care of her and my dad could work and I had a little brother to help take care of. She passed only two yrs after my sister.
Oh man I’m so sorry ❤️ could not have been easy. Hope you are doing okay these days?
Thank you, it was not easy I had to grow up real fast. Met my husband after my mom passed, got married and had two kids. My dad passed after my second child and just buried my little brother last year from an overdose. I have buried my whole family. Death has just become a part of my life, I am a Christian so I know they are all together. I battle depression however have managed to find solice in my children, running and my work. You got to have an outlet to keep the peace.
I am shattered just by reading your comments. Has having a husband and kids helped?
🙏🏼🥹
When my first kid arrived.
Its really wild when they look to you like you're supposed to have it all figured out.
How do you deal with the fact that you don’t? Like, the kid needs you and believes in you… how can you possibly live up to that expectation? I know people find a way, but it is so incredible what parents do.
Well at young ages its not all that complicated. I can operate a TV, dress and bathe him, cook food and play games with him, so he's pretty happy with me. But then again he's only 3 and a half so...
This, although reading some of the other replies above make this seem like a silly answer, but for me, when my oldest son was born I was able to let go of a lot of angst towards my parents, especially towards my father. When I became a father, and I knew I was just a person, I realized so was he, and I let that shit go.
Me too
Same. Changed from a “kid” to and adult life immediately
When I brought my newborn son to his first pediatrician appointment. That’s when I was like fackkk, I’m an adult
I signed up for a husband and a kid. Not two kids. But honestly my ex husband dove into drinking after our kid was born and I couldn’t tolerate it. 9 years later he’s a functional alcoholic, keeps his job but is homeless and still pays child support. I also make it a point to never talk badly about my child’s father. No kid wants that
I was looking for this comment. Having kids will Make you grow up in a way nothing else can.
My partner suddenly leaving this world last summer. Ain't nothing that makes you grow up like a realisation that none of the people who love you and know you, are on this side of existence anymore. I've doubled up on nurturing and guarding myself.
🫂
Realising noone cared about me but the show still has to go on
Realizing how many people that care (or lack there of) will humble you quick.
Yep, we come into the world alone and we'll leave it alone
my dad told me this as a kid and it is both depressing and liberating. nobody cares about your problems, so don't bother crying about it, but similarly, nobody cares enough about you, for you to care about being judged or embarrassed
This will hurt a lot. But pain demands to be felt. So there's really no way around.
For me it was realizing life is just a constant struggle
I got a job that scared the shit out of me. Had to portray confidence when I was anything but. Had to bust my ass to become proficient. Had to show up and bring my A game every single day, even when I wanted to stay in bed and hide. Had to steady shaking hands and focus on my breathing when things were hard. Help wasn't coming and I was the adultiest adult in the room. You're always going to have anxiety, self doubt and apprehension. 10 years into this scary job and I still second guess myself some days. You just can't let those things stop you.
Glad to hear this. I always feel like I've experienced and learned so much but at the same time I'm still incompetent and anxious about a lot of stuff
I think most people feel this way, some just hide it better than others.
See, I actively avoid things like this. I actively avoid anything that would demand too much. Mental issues are in remission but is it really worth throwing out all that progress for money or self-esteem? I'm chronically bored and have been literally living on temp jobs for half a year.
There's a middle ground to be had. You don't need an intense, scary job. But you don't need to be stuck at home bored either! Go find a hobby that's a little out of your comfort bubble. It can literally be going out and walking one day a week. Self esteem will follow close behind
If you don't push yourself at least a little bit, you'll never learn how capable you really are. There's great satisfaction in conquering something you weren't sure you were capable of. It helps build the confidence to do things even when you're anxious.
This is my exact position right now, and I have the boss from hell. Thank you. I needed to hear this.
Never seen this sub before, just popped into my feed. Interesting question. After a decade of isolation, no friends, no dating, a lot of self hatred, self disgust (all of which continues to persist to at least some degree), - it just sort of hit me that I’m 31 and I’m a doctor (1 more year of residency into independent practice and freedom). I don’t have time to sulk or introspect anymore. No more time to be angsty or bitter. Those feelings exist within some void in my mind but my job is now to take care of people as a professional. Nobody owes me anything (never really believed that anyways). I think enough time has passed which has also made me numb. Im too tired to care about being a virgin or being friendless. Got my cat buddy and tons of money to be made to look forward to. When I read some of the comments in this thread (such as the woman who saw her mother dead at 14, I realize that, in a way, im pretty luck too in comparison).
You wanna feel *really* lucky? Volunteer for medicine sans frontiers. You will find sudden gratitude for shit you never considered in your life.
And you’ll make a bigger impact than you can even comprehend. Service trips and global travel have made me grow tremendously as well
Around age 25, it hit me that I was a miserable person, yet I had no logical reason to be that way. From then on I started learning how to take responsibility for my own happiness. It wasn’t easy and it still isn’t. But that was the start of something much better.
how did you do that? books, therapy, etc?
Good question. In my case it was a result of getting out of my comfort zone and spending time with people who had a more positive outlook on life. Eventually it clicked for me (I mean it took years) that the only difference between me and them was attitude, and the only thing holding me back was me.
It really is weird that we have to try so hard to do the things that we know will be good for us.
I think we’re all looking for instant gratification. It’s not just the work, it’s the work multiplied by time. Eventually the work pays off but we never know how long it’ll take. And that’s hard.
Being poor in a small town, and your single parent losing their job. So I went and got a better job every year after, 12 years later I make more than most people with a degree and have moved across the county twice and seen most of it. Heading towards buying a house of my own something I’ve never experienced, retirement built up, and have everything I could need and most wants.
Good on you. When you’re young it can feel easier to “play it safe” but things have honestly been nothing but better since I took a chance/continue to grow/advance!!
Moving out, bills are no joke man
I just moved out of my parents' house this month it is a lot
When my liver enzymes were high at 28 years old. Drank my 20s away. Wish I never would’ve drank, ever. The stuff is pure poison and provides no positivity to anyone’s life no matter what they say.
It really is absolutely horrible for our bodies.
Is it bad that I drink every weekend? My life feels so boring right now. I think that's why I do it
Curious to know more about your take on the negatives of alcohol that aren’t related to physical health
It’s shit for your mental health as well. Lack confidence? Drink! Sad? Drink! Celebrating? Drink! You may think alcohol is helping those emotions but post drinking, they’re just gonna be worse. Alcohol is the center of so many violent acts. Most fights happen when people are drinking. Domestic violence usually involves drinking. Drinking and driving. Etc.
Glad you’re here to tell the tale. I used to drink a lot, I guess that’s one way I’ve grown up, I don’t really drink anymore. I’m not sure how people do it, I feel shit for like 3 days after a heavy drinking session.
There was this one time when I got laid off from my job, and it was a huge wake-up call. I had to figure out how to pay bills, manage my finances, all that adulting stuff, pretty much overnight. But even with those moments, it's like my default mode is still this mix of comfort and anxiety. Like, I'm always second-guessing myself, doubting my decisions, wondering if I'm on the right path. And then I look at people who are younger than me, and they just seem to have it all figured out, you know? It's like they're living life with this confidence and assurance that I'm still trying to find.
I am much younger than you but I have felt this way for basically my entire life, and I am just now starting to get over it. Here is my biggest advice: trust yourself. When you start worrying about whether or not you're on the right path, or if you have made the right decision - trust yourself. Trust that you did, that you know yourself better than anyone else. Believe fully in your capabilities and decision-making. Trust that you know who you are and what you are doing. Do not dwell over doing something wrong, just trust that you did something right. You are not a wrecking ball waiting to destroy everything. You'll find that once you start trusting yourself more, you won't let yourself down.
Being thrown out at 18 because I took a trip to Mexico with friends to celebrate high school graduation. No choice but to grow up after that
Was the trip worth it?
Absolutely. I wouldn’t go back and change a thing
🕊️
That is great to hear
Did you forget to tell your parents?
They knew. They were just too scared to travel internationally themselves and wanted me to follow suit. Never.
I’m glad you went out and explored the world. Life’s too short
❤️
Why do some parents have such a ridiculous way of thinking and want to force that onto their kids..
Having my daughter and living my life for her and my wife
Learning to try out techniques my psychologist taught me, for example, talking out loud to imagined past version of my self. When I’m alone sometimes I’ll comfort this person, congratulate them on growth, and boost up their self esteem. It sounds crazy but there’s definitely reasons why it works, otherwise the therapist wouldn’t have suggested it. It took me a while to be able to do it without feeling weird about it
First real serious job where my coworkers were older than me. Age 27
I was sitting at home (living with my mom again) and I realized how tired I was. Tired of working shitty jobs and not getting anywhere, tired of wasting my money smoking, tired of not being as independent as other adults So I quit smoking, saved some money, moved to the city and after a few years I landed the cushy union job I had been pining for. Ever since then I feel like I did the most growing up
How long did it take you?
From the day I quit smoking to the day I landed the awesome job, about 8 years
Smoking weed or tobacco
I quit cigarettes. I still smoke weed
My ex left me for someone else and suddenly I was alone with my son and no income. I had to figure things out pretty quick
Accepting I will not create a family with people I dont love nor people I have never built something with Sad and relieving at the same time
My childhood ended when I was 9, after father’s major disease. I was struggling with several depression since I was 14. Became a responsible adult for myself after trying to kill myself 2 years ago, cut off connections with family, visited psychiatrist,started therapy and was going through the process. Now I’m 22, still struggling, but filling fine
Glad you are alive to share your story and are making progress.
Nothing really. Each and every experience that should have made me feel more „ grown up“ only worsened my anxiety.
Yeah it’s like the more I know the more I realise I don’t know.
Fuq!! ^ this is me. The phrase “when I was young and much much smarter” come to play way more often then I care to admit.
Tbh sometimes I genuinely, unironically feel like my younger self was smarter than me now. Why? Less anxiety, so that younger me just didn't give a fuck and did whatever they want lol. Lots of wisdom we can learn from the children who live in ignorant bliss.
I used to think pain would make me stronger, but it's just made me substantially more pathetic.
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🙏🏼😢
My dad leaving when I was 5.. I'm still in my early teens (don't ask why I'm here) and act like a full on adult sometimes
Thats okay you are here! I’m glad you are! You will probably learn some valuable stuff ❤️ hope you have a great young adulthood!
The repeated betrayals from women that I loved. Each one seemed to push me further into being an adult that refuses to let anyone do anything for them. I now believe that everyone should be able to take care of themselves, though it's okay to accept help. It's best to get to a point where you don't need it and then help people who do.
9/11 Crash of 2008 Covid Realizing I’d been sold a lie my entire life and not have to deal with the consequences.
I guess living on my own without an apartment roommate after graduating was what really made the adulthood set in.
Having my life upended after getting kicked out at 16 for telling my mom to stop cheating on my dad. Had to figure shit out and start paying bills while also not dropping out of high school because being a high school dropout seemed like a dumb thing to do. Luckily I'd already been working for a number of years and had a job that paid well so it wasn't as dire as it sounds, I actually traded up significantly when all was said and done - after crying my eyes out on a park bench before picking myself up and getting to work figuring shit out. It's okay to feel emotions, just don't let them consume you.
Parenthood. The sudden realization that this tiny human was relying on me for everything was the ultimate wake-up.
Joined the Navy at 17. Kinda had to "grow up."
An empty wallet and a broken heart
Father passed, losing a job and my fiance gave up on my daughter and I within 6 months. I have many difficult decisions suddenly and no partner to help me, I feel like I have aged 10 years. I went from constantly feeling 25 to my actual age overnight.
I took a bit too many 🍄 once
The moment I felt my unborn child roundhouse kick my internal organs… I was changed forever.
My mother got cancer when I was 11. She passed away when I was a Junior in high school. This was in the 90’s.
Combination of helping out more at home when my mom first got real sick. And also after she passed, and helping my dad with the utilities.
Addiction really made me have to put on the big boy pants honestly becomea complicated
Spent 8 years in that shit and I'm still digging myself out of the hole I put myself in. I don't think I'll ever get over it all the way. Wasted a bunch of time
I suppose. I won't get down on myself though
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^SoDiSaPoINtEdInYoU: *Addiction really* *Made me have to put on the* *Big boy pants honestly* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Yep good job repeating bot
My 1st car payment on a car too expensive for me to afford. School of Har knocks learned me there. Had beans and rice for about a year before my salary went up some
Having my first baby be a stillborn a month before my 19th birthday, then getting pregnant with my son shortly after burying her, only for him to be born at 23 weeks. He's 16 years old now, but has significant physical and cognitive disabilities. Kicked my a$$ into adulthood real quick.
Also raising a special needs son. I know how difficult that is.
Abusive family. Knowing that I was the hated oldest child that wasn't good enough cause I was diabetic. Age of 7 is when I realized I wasnt truly loved and only being cared for because I'm the offspring. 3 more children are born all treated a million times better while being a million times worse people. Grew up quick. Took care of my own meals a lot of the time, same with school shit etc. Only times I was given anything is when everyone got something and I had to be included cause other families were around. Getting into hs and after realized how shitty this world is and it all went up/downhill from there. Now I'm estranged from said family on my own and dealing with life myself. Shit sucks but ya do what ya can do.
Not getting what you want And fucking up
It’s gonna sound silly, but after graduating college I had about a year of basically nothing, just volunteering and working out. I soon realized I needed a job so I worked at anything, that’s when I tried a day at Dunkin’ Donuts. Absolutely HATED that job, it felt miserable and was such a waste of my skills and potential. After that humbling experience I locked it in and rekindled my passion for my career and future. Now in post graduate studies :] It forced me to grow up and challenge the world because Dunkin’ Donuts was a place I never wanted to experience for a second more.
After graduating college, I worked for a few hours at Macy’s and couldn’t handle that. The anxiety of having a line of customers waiting while I tried to figure out how to work the register was just too much for me. Dunkin’ Donuts seems like it would’ve been fun though! 😄🍩
3rd grade, we lost our house to a house fire. My brother was the only one home at the time because he didn't want to go on the family vacation, and he was out of high school, so mom and dad thought it wouldn't be a problem. After it happened and we made it back home, I overheard so many people saying it looked suspicious, and then a few weeks later, I heard it had possibly been because my brother owed a dealer money. It was wild to think we lost everything because of his addiction and the path it took up the house I would have been in trouble.
At 17, I had a severe asthma attack to the point where my heart started to get sore cause I was taking my medicine for days without a break. I genuinely thought my life was over in that moment. Made me realize that I didn't have any meaningful connections and that no one would miss me if it was the end, didn't have a direction for my life and that I was destined to become the stereotypical "living in mom's basement gamer." I didn't want that. I felt very alone in that hospital and wanted to change. When I got out, I made deeper friendships, met the love of my life (who I'm engaged to now), have a job with decent income, pets I call family, a place to call my own and finally feel like I have a life I'm proud of. But I definitely would not be successful right now if it wasn't for the near death experience, I wouldn't have had the drive to get my act together and to take the steps towards being successfully on my own.
Before I go into this, it’s important to know I am high-functioning autistic and have ADHD/depression/anxiety. I used to be extremely introverted and reserved. The thing that really forced me into growing up was coming back to in-person classes after COVID during senior year of college, and my first crush as an adult (both happening right around the same time). It made me realize I was lonely and actually wanted people around. I doubled down on improving my social skills, put effort into making and keeping friends, and started pushing myself to grow as a person. The crush part also motivated me a ton. That was fall of 2021. I’m still growing. I have my own apartment now, a good job, and more/better friends and hobbies than I ever have before. I still have a long way to go.
Had a mental breakdown because I ran out of money for weed, the breakdown happened like 4 days after. In the mean time I went out got drunk, got punched (not my fault), then went to work the next day and bam hit me like a truck. Basically it was a combination of withdrawals, starvation, lack of sleep stress, and a realization at work that I was being a shit employee and that wasn't actually okay. It made me look at myself. After the withdrawals stopped my memory came back in full force and I realised how much better my life was before weed and how being sober is actually a better high than any high I'd experienced while doing drugs.
There were many things \-needing to work a job at 15/16 to help my single mom pay bills while still in high school \-my first break up \-my first long lasting relationship (lasting for more than 1 year) ending \-becoming homeless for a few months Every single time a big life event like these happened, I learned something new and tried my best to apply those lessons to my life and ethics.
My parents death, both within a year when I was 24.
Stepping forward about my teacher abusing me. There were arrests, a criminal trial, a civil case, etc. from 18-21 I was a normal college student with all of that going on in the background. It took a lot out of me and had me having to mature a lot faster than my peers
my dad passing away unexpected when i was 22 and finding him after he passed. changed the trajectory of my life entirely
Going with the flow until I find myself in my 30's trying to support a family on mostly one income and realizing it's barely enough. I'm 10 years into a career in the trades and I feel poorer than ever. Home ownership is a pipe dream. I have a side hustle just to have more than $10/month spending money. I'm trying to transition to new career but it's going to take years and will likely have to involve starting my own business.
my mom committed suicide when i was 23 quit drugs & booze when i was 48 taking care of my mental health issues realizing that no one owes me anything/i’m not entitled to anything
It wasn’t until I ended up here actually, in a shelter. I’m now almost sober and taking on the responsibility myself to get what I want. The whole house husband kid thing was trash.
What made me grow up the most was living on my own unemployed about a year out of college.
Having kids
Having to pay a speeding ticket. That sucked.
I’m turning 28 in august and I feel like I’m just now maturing. Four years ago I stopped drinking alcohol and I think that was the most impactful thing in my life. Suddenly I had to deal with life without this layer of fog on my brain. Feeling every emotion unfiltered, coping with difficult situations instead of running away from them. It took a lot of growing up and taking responsibility to get to where I’m at right now. Few months ago I moved into the first flat I live alone in, got my first job after finishing my apprenticeship. Couldn’t have done it if I was still drinking alcohol.
Financial insecurity growing up
A chronic medical condition made me sick when I was 19.
When my dad died when I was 20. Nothing says “welcome to adulthood” like losing a parent
Hey, I lost my mom at 20! It really made me wake up
Almost died from alcoholism
My dad dying. I had to man up.
I was crying because I was having financial problems, in a sushi restaurant with my mom. Mom looked at me and said "Stop crying, this is embarrassing.". Knew then I had to hold it in and handle my shit on my own....
Getting fired - I wasted college and got fired from my first job out of college. I was way too arrogant for a kid with a shitty gpa and a firing now on my record - had to do a lot of growing up and hustling to make up for that start, but it’s paid off imo now a decade later. Good house, married, expecting, on track for retirement.
Probably when I quit drinking, or when my pop's died
My parents addictions. My sister and I had to grow up fast and look out for one another.
Drug addiction and arrest at 15
Having everyone around me that I thought were good people all one by one stab me in the back & then call me crazy for my reactions. Gave me some real adult humble pie.
Starving
Cameron Diaz in The Mask
Dad died at 16, became a cop at 22. That will do it. I was a trust fund baby. My momma trusted me to go fund myself.
My parents divorce when I was 13. That was when my dad really started to get real with me, he taught me how life will almost always suck but you just have to always push and thug it out. Realest advice that probably helped me mature faster than others.
My dad's attempted suicide when I was 21. I stopped him and was with him when they picked him up. Since the rest of my family abandoned him, I also had to deal with the aftermath and get him out of the clinic. It was a hard lesson to learn, that you have to rely just on yourself. It's nice if people support you but never rely on it.
People leaving me because I relied too much on them without anything in return.
Doesn't matter how long you know somebody, just because they were there when you were struggling doesn't mean they have the best interests at heart for you. They can turn their backs on you real quick if you start making big and then things starts to fall apart.
I was groomed and in a "relationship" with a guy in his twenties when I was 13. Was exposed to a lot of things I wasn't ready for. Right before my 16th birthday I broke up with him (though I couldn't get rid of him until I was nearly 18). That day I walked away from him the world felt different, I felt different. Innocence was taken away from me.
>But I just seem to have these factory settings of comfort and anxiety and doubt and apprehension. Growing up doesn't mean these feelings go away. Growing up means doing things even when you feel those feelings, and learning to tell the difference between anxiety and your gut
I (34M) realized in just the last handful of years that close friendships and even family relationships to some extent were a product of familiarity and proximity more than anything. Not to imply they’re completely trivial but you get the point. For example, once I stopped drinking that often, I stopped getting texts or calls from a good number of people I thought were fairly close friends. Now, I can go months and years and never hear from them outside social media and group chats. If anyone told me that 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have believed it. Been spending a lot of time to myself, with my dog and with my son (rarely socialize more than a few times a month) and it’s peaceful.
Getting sober from alcoholism.
Losing a parent.
Having depression and anxiety for 2.5 years and finally becoming suicidal. Like the guy on the top comment, I also had steady relationship, job, and house. Everyone around me would always wonder why I was so depressed. Depression does not care where you are at in life. When I finally escaped that I realized so many things and felt myself grow so much as a person. Few things that I learned are: 1. everyone has two lives. the second one begins when you realize that there is only one. 2. past causes depression and future causes anxiety. so focus on the present moment. 3. exercising, eating healthy and staying away from any addicting habits will improve your life immensely (this one is 100% guaranteed to work). 4. stop comparing yourself to others (this one is hard but becomes easier as you age 30+)
Sometimes it's the safety net of a parent that makes u feel small. U need to be on ur own trying ur own strength, making ur own judgments. That's what helped me feel like a grownup.
Balancing on the edge of suicide for about 6 months during the worst depressive episode of my life. I guess that isn’t the part that made me grow up, but it was the catalyst to seek treatment. To feel so intensely alienated and disaffected is hard to put into words. I still feel it some days. It will never leave. There have been days where I wake at 5am and in the cold lonely hours of the early morning it feels like the perfect scene to kill myself. The scarlet message written upon the snow. As everyone rises and begins their days, my train leaves the station. I spoke to my doctor a few days ago and she removed half of my diagnoses as I no longer meet the criteria. I was a ghost of a person before treatment. I never had a life to return to. The whole process wasn’t so much about relearning to live but just learning how to live in the first place. Intensive therapy programs for a full year, and ongoing maintenance has made me into such a strong but gentle man. I am fragile as a person. I’m extremely sensitive, prone to mental suffering and melancholy. Life hurts so terribly with its abrasive unfairness and it really bothers me. Thing is, someone has to carry this weight. Man’s inheritance is to be burdened with agony. Don’t other people feel it too? When you sit by yourself and have every reason to be happy, why is that hollowness still there? That small bitter feeling somehow hurts more than the deep cuts of an acute episode. Will it ever leave? Am I never free? You own it. You own your pain because as terrible as it is, it’s a part of you. It’s unfair, cruel, brutal, and ugly, but it leaves its mark on you. I have so many scars. Emotional and physical. They decorate my body like ribbons to a war hero. I deeply value and admire honesty and transparency. Being as sensitive as I am definitely has its drawbacks, but the thing I found most beautiful about this frailty is the ability to connect and empathize. For all those who suffer, it’s so easy to feel completely alone. You may find another soul bearing the same wounds as you; and you realize you are not alone. Your kindness compels you to want the best for them, and your love extends its hand to them. Though we wish we were never harmed to begin with, we carry our scars to show ourselves that healing is real. We may wish the mending process left no visible trace; but with all our scars we may have also built something new and beautiful. Something to not just undo the hurt, but something strong enough carve new tracks into your skin. Tracks that don’t tread the same marred ground you already know, but ones that point towards the horizon. Pointing in new directions, to unknown sunshine that you can step into. My life throughout treatment and maintenance has truly been the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Suicide cuts me so deep. Having been there myself I so dearly wish others would be spared. I put in an insane amount of work to recover and build myself into a man that I am proud of. I’m a testament to the legitimacy of treatment, and I’m so truly happy. I just got my own place recently and the first thing I did after moving all my stuff in was cry. Cry for myself, cry for my friends, and cry for everyone who lost their own battle. I knelt before a memorial I made to my favorite musician and wept like a child. I’m not sure what afterlife may or may not exist, but I hope my words reach that far. Tears in my eyes, I really meant it when I wrote the words “I miss you!!!” Life is so cold and unbearably lonely so much of the time. It’s our duty as people to care for one another. In humanity there is such a paradox of weakness and strength. In our vulnerability exists the strength of our spirit. We feel every cut, scrape, scratch and blow; but we dust ourselves off and carry on. Isn’t that just so admirable? You’ve got to try. Try because you’re here!! Try for those who can’t anymore. Try to make a life you are proud of, and lend your hand to another. We’re all here together. I do dream of an afterlife. I will never overcome the unfairness of life, and so I carry sorrow with me forever. I wish we could all go somewhere together. All our pain would be lifted off our shoulders and we could all enjoy the beauty of harmony. For there to be a light at the end of the tunnel. To eventually get respite and happiness in the end. To make right all the wrongs and love because love is our nature. Our capacity for empathy is evidence enough of something we all carry. Whatever reason it is, isn’t it so beautiful to know our hearts can feel on behalf of another? We might feel alone, but we’re wired to do the exact opposite. We affect and change those around us. Our actions send ripples into the sea we all swim in. When those actions are loving and kind and gentle, we may save someone else from drowning. I’ve tried to articulate the following feeling to my peer support and I don’t know how well it landed. I came so close to death, I feel a strange sort of suicide survivors guilt. I feel like I cheated death. Like I am living a borrowed life and it is no longer my own. I have to make it count. I can still live for myself and make myself happy, but my ultimate purpose is to help others. I don’t mind the thought one bit. So be it. Mental illness or no, I likely would’ve ended up here anyhow. All I want to do is live beautifully and make the world a better place. Even if it’s just on the small scale interpersonal level; being a good friend, making memories, making art that people connect with - that’s enough for me!
Two big ones: 1) divorce 2) dad dying
Holding my son
Rehab
Having a cat
I’m 41F, Asian (Taiwanese American) and short (5”0’). People perpetually treating me like I was either under age or any age but my age (read: 10-15 years younger than what I actually was), and/or thinking they could treat me like I actually served in the military (I just ran with veterans and/or people who wanted to join). So long story short, no one would/had taken me seriously in certain bouts of my life (love, career)
Disability and others’ reactions to it/things I need/assuming things for me. I’m so tired.
Having kids. Kids change you
Being financially aware at young age and became the breadwinner of the family while still studying in college.
Buying a house I could barely afford..
My friends never looked out for me. But I looked out for them timelessly. I was never respected. So I pretty much disbanded myself. Did everything on my own. Became very self-sufficient. I realized that you can only count on yourself in anything. You can't even count on your partner. Never even went to their weddings even thought they sent me an invite cause of the disrespect. I was invited out of pitty.
horrible abusive relationship with someone when I was like 15-17. I was so depressed I lost a massive amount of weight and nearly ended my life
When I had to deal with the fact that my brothers and I had all been abused by one of our uncles, we all thought it was just us and never said anything. One night all 5 of us were hanging out and drinking and my younger brother said something about it. We then realized that all 5 of us had been put through hell, we talked to my mom about it( my 3 older brothers had a different mom) and she said she knew about it happening to my oldest brother, but thought that it stopped with him. It didn't, she failed to protect us like a parent should. Our dad knew nothing about it, when he found out he almost killed our uncle. Since then I've forgiven my uncle but haven't said a word to him in over 20 years. I've forgiven my mom, she didn't want to hurt her sister so she never said anything, I understand but I'll never agree with it. I love my mom but there's still that voice in the back of my head that blames her.
My mom died in about 9 months from cancer when I was 22. My dad passed when she was 5 months pregnant with me so I was their only born child. This made me grow up real fast. The only downfall was that it put me in a sort of fight or flight/ survival mode for the rest of my life.
Married and kids