You're absolutely justified in feeling angry and hurt by her comment. I wouldn't say you need to 'deal with it'. Why not try to talk it out with her when you're calmer and then decide whether to let it go? You'll know whether she's genuinely remorseful or not.
I genuinely hate confrontation of any kind, especially in matters that I’m directly involved in. I will speak to her about it. Apparently one of the other staff members asked her what was wrong when she came back to the other staff and she said “I fucked up, I made a shit comment”
If it's not the first time then she isn't remorseful. Apologies need action, otherwise they are just words. If she is constantly apologizing for the same behaviors, then she isn't sorry she did the behavior, otherwise she would work on correcting it.
I would make her order me the correct size at least.
Also, start documenting these things. Just date/time, what was said and who heard it or was present.
When you get enough, if you have a higher up or HR department, then go to them with it.
That's a decent response. What are you hoping that taking it further will achieve? I know you don't like conflict, but talking to her about it will probably have the most positive outcome.
>I genuinely hate confrontation of any kind, especially in matters that I’m directly involved in.
I empathise. I dislike it too, but it sounds like a great opportunity to practise an important life skill and advocate to yourself. She should think more before speaking and she should know that. Maybe if you can make clear the impact of her words, this time around it'll get through to her and she'll improve.
I've always carried a lot of my weight around my thighs and bum too, and though I hated my legs when I was a teen, I now know that thick thighs save lives. Never forget!
I am sorry you were hurt by her comments. It definitely falls into the category of "should never be said to anyone" statements.
I am a firm believer in 'we are all human and make mistakes, it is how we react and what we do afterwards is a reflection of the true character of a person'.
It sounds like she accepts ownership of the mistake and didn't try and brush off or minimise your feelings.
Of course you get to feel angry and hurt! Joke or not, that is something that should not have been said at all. There is no reason to toughen up.
I am proud of you for having body positivity! Beauty comes in a shapes and sizes and it is past time we start owning that.
I am not sure if you take it further. Your boss knows she fucked up, and it sounds like everyone that was there knows it, too. You have to determine what you want to come from taking it further. You are in your right if that is what you decide.
Whatever you do, own your beauty!!
What a sucky comment. She knows it, everyone knows it that was there and you know it. It’s totally valid to take it personally, but in context it was more about the shorts… like, it wasn’t a lose weight comment as much as a ‘fit them any way possible, it’s all we have’ comment.
You could raise it with her in private and I bet she’s remorseful because it was a thoughtless comment. Raise it by asking what you’ll be expected to wear as a uniform while they’re waiting for your correct size to come in.
Would it help you to know that she almost certainly wouldn’t have said that if she thought you were overweight?
She absolutely shouldn’t have said it, but she likely only did because she thinks that there’s no way you could be self-conscious about your weight because you look good.
Just thought that might help.
Firstly, it's crucial to acknowledge that your manager's comment about your weight was highly inappropriate and unprofessional. Making remarks about someone's body or weight in a workplace setting is not acceptable under any circumstances, whether intended as a joke or not. This type of behavior demonstrates a serious lapse in judgment and violates professional standards.
Furthermore, the fact that your manager followed you into the bathroom to apologize, despite your clear request for space, raises additional concerns about boundaries and respect for your feelings. It's inappropriate and intrusive for someone to corner you in a private space like a bathroom, especially after making such a hurtful comment.
You are absolutely justified in feeling angry and hurt by your manager's comment. Your feelings are valid, and you have the right to address this issue without feeling like you need to "toughen up" or minimize your emotions.
I strongly advise you to take this matter further by reporting the incident to your supervisor or HR department. This type of behavior should be documented and addressed through proper channels to ensure that it doesn't happen again and to prevent a hostile work environment.
Seeking guidance and support from your supervisor or HR personnel can help facilitate a resolution and provide you with the appropriate steps to address this issue effectively. Remember, you have the right to work in an environment free from harassment and discrimination based on your appearance or body shape.
Do not hesitate to take action to resolve this situation. Your well-being and professional dignity deserve to be respected, and addressing this matter through proper channels is essential for maintaining a healthy workplace culture.
That was 100% unprofessional and unacceptable. You should check out out this site. It's great for advice on how to handle that and all things job and career related.
www.askamanager.org
I’d absolutely report this. I’m so sorry for you having to deal with it. She was horribly inappropriate, then doubled down and ignored your wishes by not giving you the space you needed. The next person may not be as strong, may have an eating disorder, may have deep depression, etc. A comment like this could have easily destroyed a lot of people. If she doesn’t learn boundaries from top to bottom, she’s going to do this to someone else.
Your reaction is valid. She seemed aware that her comment was hurtful, or very least had the potential. Second, she did invaded your space when you became visibly upset and asked for space. Whether her numerous apologies were genuine or not, she seems to struggle with basic respect and maturity. I would consider previous encounters you’ve experienced or witnessed
Heh work somehow missed my break and when I complained to the manager he said "you haven't missed a meal" (referring to my fatness) and I just responded without thinking "oh fuck you!"
Later he brought me aside to counsel me on swearing at him but he also apologized so I guess it worked out.
I’m sorry but our generation is literally fucking ridiculous. It was obviously a joke, you fit into 32 UK jeans, she maybe didn’t expect you to be so sensitive. Thought you’d have a laugh or bite back at her, the next time someone says something like that to you say right back “says you!” rather than running off to the bathroom crying, seriously.
Regardless, if she thought you needed to lose weight and told you so that would be one persons opinion and not fact nor truth. You live in your body, with your body, and know your body better than anyone else. You need to have your own back in this world. Some people are dicks and will think/say things that are not true to your perception, are maybe even down right lies because they are jealous of you or a projection of how unhappy in themselves they are.
I implore you to have your own back, do not take the words that people say so to heart and with desire to “take it further”. Words can hurt, yes, but you are stronger than that. Let that shit go, do not dwell on it, have faith in how hard you work, how healthy/sporty you know you are and fuck what anyone else says about you. People do not say these kinds of things because they are trying to help you or genuinely constructively criticise you based on your true and honest self, it is most often a projection of themselves.
Yeah this is something you take the nuclear option for. I had a manager do this to me years ago after I'd been on prednisone for a couple of years. Ended up with her getting the sack.
You are completely justified. She followed you she cornered you because she knows what she has done justifies you taking it to the higher ups and she wanted to ensure you wouldn’t do so. It’s completely up to you, but know that it’s 100% understandable if you do. Most people would.
Thank you for this, the people I spoke to in person about it didn’t find anything wrong with following me into the bathroom. When it made me just as angry as her comment
You’re welcome sweetheart ❤️ I’ve been in the same position multiple times. And of course it made you angry! She publicly insulted you then refused to give you the space and privacy you needed, which she clearly did only because she realized how seriously wrong what she had done was. If she was really concerned about your feelings she would have listened to your needs in that moment, she was concerned about her job. I’m sure she regrets it, but she’s a person in a position of power which means she has to be very careful about the way she talks to her co-workers. Making comments about peoples bodies is almost never ok, whether it’s calling them skinny, fat, short, tall, whatever. Everyone has some issue that they struggle with when it comes to their appearance. Is she was a man saying that same thing everyone would be telling you to talk to HR, it’s inappropriate.
Of course you get to feel angry and hurt! Joke or not, that is something that should not have been said at all. There is no reason to toughen up.
I am proud of you for having body positivity! Beauty comes in a shapes and sizes and it is past time we start owning that.
I am not sure if you take it further. Your boss knows she fucked up, and it sounds like everyone that was there knows it, too. You have to determine what you want to come from taking it further. You are in your right if that is what you decide.
Whatever you do, own your beauty!!
She's just because big bottom girls make the world go around.
You have every right to feel hurt. She spoke out of turn and then followed it up by forcing you to hear her apologize when you just wanted some space.
You're absolutely justified in feeling angry and hurt by her comment. I wouldn't say you need to 'deal with it'. Why not try to talk it out with her when you're calmer and then decide whether to let it go? You'll know whether she's genuinely remorseful or not.
I genuinely hate confrontation of any kind, especially in matters that I’m directly involved in. I will speak to her about it. Apparently one of the other staff members asked her what was wrong when she came back to the other staff and she said “I fucked up, I made a shit comment”
So I think she is remorseful, but it’s not the first time she’s said something hurtful without thinking, other staff included.
If it's not the first time then she isn't remorseful. Apologies need action, otherwise they are just words. If she is constantly apologizing for the same behaviors, then she isn't sorry she did the behavior, otherwise she would work on correcting it. I would make her order me the correct size at least. Also, start documenting these things. Just date/time, what was said and who heard it or was present. When you get enough, if you have a higher up or HR department, then go to them with it.
Most people do. You don't "hate", you're afraid of conflict and havent found the strength yet to be brave and self-advocate, despite the fear.
That's a decent response. What are you hoping that taking it further will achieve? I know you don't like conflict, but talking to her about it will probably have the most positive outcome.
At this point, taking it further will probably cause for hassle and tension for me than for her. I’m still very 50/50 about it.
>I genuinely hate confrontation of any kind, especially in matters that I’m directly involved in. I empathise. I dislike it too, but it sounds like a great opportunity to practise an important life skill and advocate to yourself. She should think more before speaking and she should know that. Maybe if you can make clear the impact of her words, this time around it'll get through to her and she'll improve. I've always carried a lot of my weight around my thighs and bum too, and though I hated my legs when I was a teen, I now know that thick thighs save lives. Never forget!
I am sorry you were hurt by her comments. It definitely falls into the category of "should never be said to anyone" statements. I am a firm believer in 'we are all human and make mistakes, it is how we react and what we do afterwards is a reflection of the true character of a person'. It sounds like she accepts ownership of the mistake and didn't try and brush off or minimise your feelings.
Of course you get to feel angry and hurt! Joke or not, that is something that should not have been said at all. There is no reason to toughen up. I am proud of you for having body positivity! Beauty comes in a shapes and sizes and it is past time we start owning that. I am not sure if you take it further. Your boss knows she fucked up, and it sounds like everyone that was there knows it, too. You have to determine what you want to come from taking it further. You are in your right if that is what you decide. Whatever you do, own your beauty!!
This was needed, thank you!
I would feel hurt and angry, too. She knows she upset you, and genuinely tried to apologize multiple times. Let it go.
Tell her to eat ass
Mine? lol
Sounds like your manager crossed a line there. It's important to set boundaries and let her know that her comment was hurtful and inappropriate
What a sucky comment. She knows it, everyone knows it that was there and you know it. It’s totally valid to take it personally, but in context it was more about the shorts… like, it wasn’t a lose weight comment as much as a ‘fit them any way possible, it’s all we have’ comment. You could raise it with her in private and I bet she’s remorseful because it was a thoughtless comment. Raise it by asking what you’ll be expected to wear as a uniform while they’re waiting for your correct size to come in.
Would it help you to know that she almost certainly wouldn’t have said that if she thought you were overweight? She absolutely shouldn’t have said it, but she likely only did because she thinks that there’s no way you could be self-conscious about your weight because you look good. Just thought that might help.
Firstly, it's crucial to acknowledge that your manager's comment about your weight was highly inappropriate and unprofessional. Making remarks about someone's body or weight in a workplace setting is not acceptable under any circumstances, whether intended as a joke or not. This type of behavior demonstrates a serious lapse in judgment and violates professional standards. Furthermore, the fact that your manager followed you into the bathroom to apologize, despite your clear request for space, raises additional concerns about boundaries and respect for your feelings. It's inappropriate and intrusive for someone to corner you in a private space like a bathroom, especially after making such a hurtful comment. You are absolutely justified in feeling angry and hurt by your manager's comment. Your feelings are valid, and you have the right to address this issue without feeling like you need to "toughen up" or minimize your emotions. I strongly advise you to take this matter further by reporting the incident to your supervisor or HR department. This type of behavior should be documented and addressed through proper channels to ensure that it doesn't happen again and to prevent a hostile work environment. Seeking guidance and support from your supervisor or HR personnel can help facilitate a resolution and provide you with the appropriate steps to address this issue effectively. Remember, you have the right to work in an environment free from harassment and discrimination based on your appearance or body shape. Do not hesitate to take action to resolve this situation. Your well-being and professional dignity deserve to be respected, and addressing this matter through proper channels is essential for maintaining a healthy workplace culture.
Thank you for the advice, it really helped rationalise what I’ve been feeling the whole day❤️
Thank you for confirming that /u/bi-loser99 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Really glad to help!
That was 100% unprofessional and unacceptable. You should check out out this site. It's great for advice on how to handle that and all things job and career related. www.askamanager.org
Will definitely look into the link, thank you!
I’d absolutely report this. I’m so sorry for you having to deal with it. She was horribly inappropriate, then doubled down and ignored your wishes by not giving you the space you needed. The next person may not be as strong, may have an eating disorder, may have deep depression, etc. A comment like this could have easily destroyed a lot of people. If she doesn’t learn boundaries from top to bottom, she’s going to do this to someone else.
Your reaction is valid. She seemed aware that her comment was hurtful, or very least had the potential. Second, she did invaded your space when you became visibly upset and asked for space. Whether her numerous apologies were genuine or not, she seems to struggle with basic respect and maturity. I would consider previous encounters you’ve experienced or witnessed
I’d take this further because it’s not okay iv had people above me fat shame me when I was skinny and fit it does mental damage it’s not okay
Heh work somehow missed my break and when I complained to the manager he said "you haven't missed a meal" (referring to my fatness) and I just responded without thinking "oh fuck you!" Later he brought me aside to counsel me on swearing at him but he also apologized so I guess it worked out.
I’m sorry but our generation is literally fucking ridiculous. It was obviously a joke, you fit into 32 UK jeans, she maybe didn’t expect you to be so sensitive. Thought you’d have a laugh or bite back at her, the next time someone says something like that to you say right back “says you!” rather than running off to the bathroom crying, seriously. Regardless, if she thought you needed to lose weight and told you so that would be one persons opinion and not fact nor truth. You live in your body, with your body, and know your body better than anyone else. You need to have your own back in this world. Some people are dicks and will think/say things that are not true to your perception, are maybe even down right lies because they are jealous of you or a projection of how unhappy in themselves they are. I implore you to have your own back, do not take the words that people say so to heart and with desire to “take it further”. Words can hurt, yes, but you are stronger than that. Let that shit go, do not dwell on it, have faith in how hard you work, how healthy/sporty you know you are and fuck what anyone else says about you. People do not say these kinds of things because they are trying to help you or genuinely constructively criticise you based on your true and honest self, it is most often a projection of themselves.
Take it further. You are justified.
Yeah this is something you take the nuclear option for. I had a manager do this to me years ago after I'd been on prednisone for a couple of years. Ended up with her getting the sack.
You are completely justified. She followed you she cornered you because she knows what she has done justifies you taking it to the higher ups and she wanted to ensure you wouldn’t do so. It’s completely up to you, but know that it’s 100% understandable if you do. Most people would.
Thank you for this, the people I spoke to in person about it didn’t find anything wrong with following me into the bathroom. When it made me just as angry as her comment
You’re welcome sweetheart ❤️ I’ve been in the same position multiple times. And of course it made you angry! She publicly insulted you then refused to give you the space and privacy you needed, which she clearly did only because she realized how seriously wrong what she had done was. If she was really concerned about your feelings she would have listened to your needs in that moment, she was concerned about her job. I’m sure she regrets it, but she’s a person in a position of power which means she has to be very careful about the way she talks to her co-workers. Making comments about peoples bodies is almost never ok, whether it’s calling them skinny, fat, short, tall, whatever. Everyone has some issue that they struggle with when it comes to their appearance. Is she was a man saying that same thing everyone would be telling you to talk to HR, it’s inappropriate.
Of course you get to feel angry and hurt! Joke or not, that is something that should not have been said at all. There is no reason to toughen up. I am proud of you for having body positivity! Beauty comes in a shapes and sizes and it is past time we start owning that. I am not sure if you take it further. Your boss knows she fucked up, and it sounds like everyone that was there knows it, too. You have to determine what you want to come from taking it further. You are in your right if that is what you decide. Whatever you do, own your beauty!!
Report this to HR. That was inapprooriate and unorofessional.
She's just because big bottom girls make the world go around. You have every right to feel hurt. She spoke out of turn and then followed it up by forcing you to hear her apologize when you just wanted some space.
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Running? Never would have thought of that one. Not that I’m doing a solid amount of sport during the week.