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Let it tear you apart the two of you apart, quite frankly. You're 16 and he thinks he's in a position for moralistic grandstanding.
You've known each other for 6 months. That is: first of all, not long enough for you to know each other well enough to CONSIDER raising a child together, and second: absolutely not long enough for him to think he can advise you on major life choices or lecture you about his system of half-baked teenage beliefs.
Save your own life and livelihood. You can have a baby with a more competent partner in like 10 years.
How easy for him to say “ give it up for adoption” when he isn’t the one that has to go through a pregnancy and then give birth. Forget his opinion bc it means nothing.
Honey.. I'm an old man. I'll give your the same advice I gave my daughter. We fought damn hard to give you the right to make that choice. It's your body.. your choice.. not your parents.. not your bfs... not your priests and not your grandparents... There is a group of people in this country that want to confuse the issue... they are about 28% of the population. YOUR CHOICE.
If your bf doesn't respect your choice.. believe me.. he isn't the one.
This is all great advice. And also wanted to add that if your current bf really is “the one” Op, that he will not leave you or judge you for the choice you make. If he does, then it’s clear that he doesn’t care about *you* or your mental and physical health and safety. There’s no reason you can’t get an abortion now and then decide to have a baby in 10 or so years when you’re *BOTH* ready.
Hell, even in 2-4 years when they're in even a bit better spot than they are now.
Maybe he'll be up to $18/hour on a decent blue collar career path. Maybe she'll be more confident, and feel ready for a child by then.
My advice would be 24+. But even 18-20 is a TON better than 16 with a 17 y/o bf who thinks he can make it work for them in a 1 bedroom apartment and no car.
Agreed. I had my first (planned) baby at 20 and did not feel like i was too young. But I do feel that if I was not as financially secure or as secure in my relationship as I was then I probably wouldn’t have felt the same way.
Yeah 3 more dollars an hour is not enough to raise a child on. They both need to be making substantial incomes and have a nest egg before having a kid. OP do what is in your best interest.
You know the answer already, be brave. You can do this!
The first sentence here is absolutely golden perfection. It's everything. Abortion. Abortion. Abortion. Leave him behind. Forever.
I had an abortion in my early twenties. The relief when it was over was so powerful. I have never worried I did something wrong. I was five weeks along.
This fuckin 17 year old dummy. Just to be clear OP... you'll end up raising this child alone, chasing child support, and missing out on furthering your education. With the political climate right now I'd also avoid this situation.
Don't know where you live but jump soon if you're in the US. Don't wait a second longer than to call the clinic. Fuck your stupid boyfriend. Forever
Honestly, 6 months?
You’ll barely remember his name in ten years UNLESS you decide to procreate with him. And you won’t remember it for good reasons. You are young and barely know yourselves, much less each other and whether you’d be compatible long term. Don’t tie yourself to someone who will resent you and a baby forever. Because chances are he will, no matter what he says now. Don’t do that to a potential child. It doesn’t deserve to be resented.
Neither of you are in a place to truly take care of or want a baby right now. A lot of young guys are delusional about the reality of this because they don’t have to create the baby for 9+ months, birth it, breastfeed it (if you choose), and often opt out of raising it.
They’re just too immature to make good decisions about their own future. Doing let him make decisions about yours.
I think you are making the most ethical choice. Your bf (hopefully stbx) is being both delusional and selfish. Do what you need to do and focus on your future. Take better precautions in the future so if you do decide to settle down one day and have children, you can provide THEM a good life. Not just bring them into to a crappy situation because hormones.
It’s a difficult one but you have to make this decision for yourself. A 17 year old boy is not mature enough to understand the lifelong responsibility here.
He will not have to carry the baby or go through the pregnancy and it is socially acceptable for him to bugger off when it gets too hard.
Sorry to say that but that’s how it is.
You are not wrong here.
Yep - you're the one who has to carry all the risks, all the hormones, all the confusion, all the pressure (he doesn't really want you to give up the baby, so he's using adoption as a wedge to keep the door open to a full-court press from family and friends to compell you to keep the baby). If you want to have a baby, do it. If you don't, and you don't want to break your BF's heart, pretend to give in, get the pills, and have a "miscarriage". But whatever you do, do it soon. The easiest, most ethical abortion is a very early, chemical abortion.
As someone who was born to a teen mother, I know there’s a lot of situations I can’t wrap my head around so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I truly feel all decided abortions are ethical.
I think "easiest" is pretty clear. As far as ethics goes, what I mean is, the longer a pregnancy progresses, the more painful it is for everyone involved when it ends. So the most ethical thing to is to prevent that extra pain by getting it done quickly and painlessly.
Totally. I wasn’t trying to be contrarian, I’m just putting in my two cents as someone who was a product of the hard decision, in case anyone misinterprets the ethicality of choosing to have an abortion with when to have one. That being said, having a late one when you’re not ready is still better than having a baby when you’re not ready. Anyway I’m only speaking as someone who is a product of it, not someone who has had to face to difficult decision so I’m gonna shut up now.
I was also going to suggest getting the pills and having a “miscarriage” it might end up feeling like a lot of weight on OO though, so I believe she should also consider if she can happily lie to him about it or if she thinks she tell him eventually. If OP waits to tell them that may cause a lot more pain down the road.
If they were married, I would say tell him. But they're teenagers. The odds are really high that this relationship will end with college (or before) and she'll never have to tell him. And that means he'll never have to know, either.
It's not a huge lie. The medical terminology is interchangeable. A miscarriage is technically a "spontaneous abortion", so what's the big difference when it's a medical abortion?
I can support getting the abortion since she’s not ready, but lying to the boyfriend is wild. She should just leave him if she wants the abortion, no relationship can work with giant lies like that in my opinion.
I was married to a man and I was pregnant. One night he got drunk and put his hands on me. Even though it was the first time, I made it the last time. I knew I could not be tied to this man for the rest of my life so I told him I lost the baby and had an abortion. Sometimes a lie is the better option.
I don't think it's that big of a lie. A miscarriage is just a natural abortion. And a chemical abortion is just an induced miscarriage. It doesn't sound like she wants to leave him. So I'm trying to offer the advice that gives her what she wants (no pregnancy), him what he wants (no guilt and shame), and both of them what they want (a continued relationship free from acrimony).
I think it's a little white lie that allows them both to move on with their lives after a contraception failure. It's only a big deal if you think abortion/miscarriage is a huge distinction. I don't.
Right. A spontaneous abortion is when a woman’s uterus rejects a pregnancy. An elective abortion is when a woman’s brain rejects it. The same medications and procedures are commonly used to manage both. There is very little distinction.
This if she was with someone who respected her, he would be saying the same thing, and trying to prove he can handle the responsibility, not trying to control her
As a guy, I strongly feel abortion is ultimately the woman’s choice because it’s her who’s gonna carry the baby, deal with the pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, postpartum depression and then raise the child. His pay isn’t enough to raise a family and you both aren’t even adults yet. I don’t see a reason why you should keep the baby if you’re unsure. Pregnancy requires you to be mentally, physically and emotionally fit. If any one of these conditions are not met, you are screwed. In your case, all 3 cases are not fulfilled.
He can definitely have an opinion but he cannot make that decision. Neither can I or any one else here, in your family and beyond. It’s YOU who has to make that choice.
Definitely a ton of risks. She is still in school and caring for a newborn increases her risk of dropping out. She said her mom had complications and as a teen she would be higher risk especially since the healthiest time to give birth is in the mid-20s. I don’t think her parents would kick her out but sadly it’s not that uncommon for parents to kick out their kids if they get pregnant. So that’s another risk for her. Permanent health issues after giving birth as well. Some women become disabled. Honestly pregnancy is not really worth it unless it’s something you really want and willing to risk your life for.
Yep. Studies show that childbirth for women under 20 is high risk. Even more so than for a woman who’s 34.
Edit to add, not only is it less safe for the mother, women under 20 are significantly more likely to have a baby with serious health issues. It’s bad for both of them.
Pretty much going to be what I was going to say. He can have a say, but it’s primarily up to her.
To me, it really says a lot that he thinks they can make it work while making $15 an hour.
$15/hr is nothing when it comes to raising a child. I also feel they’re very young to raise a baby anyways. If they have the baby, they’d not be able to go to school realistically and his $15 won’t ever become $50 or more. I think he’s a very religious person and associates abortion with sin. That’s clouding his ability to rationally think through this situation. He doesn’t realize what’s going wrong.
Yeah I meant in the current scenario. Even if inflation does come down, the price of the products will have today won’t come down automatically. They’ll absolutely have to be on welfare, and if they dreamt of higher education by any chance, I think those dreams are over. Managing college with the kid isn’t practically physically, mentally and most importantly financially.
You’re right! Not sure if OP’s boyfriend is really that conservative because she also has to rethink the relationship if she doesn’t agree with those beliefs. Even if she does manage to get an abortion now, such an issue can come up again later.
If an abortion will tear you apart, what do you think a baby will do.
You need to do what you know you need to do, and not let what it's cloud your judgement. If he can't be with you and understand what it took to make your decision, then he isn't someone you should have a baby with in the first.
He's 16 and probably thinks it will bring them together. They may have no idea how much work a baby or a toddler is? You kinda have to spell it out, like you need to wake up every 3 hours, every night for \_ months to feed the baby, now try doing that for a week before saying no to abortion and see how you feel?
So much this. Also, lots of girls that age have babysitting experience. I sure did, so I had at least an inkling of how difficult it is to take care of infants and children all day. This boy likely has zero clue.
I had my baby in my teens and decided to keep him. I had a lot of support from my family to be able to do it. I’m not in my late thirties and although I do not regret my decision, I wanted to offer some advice in making your decision.
Firstly, it is ultimately your body and your choice. You need to do what is right for you and baby.
When I was pregnant and contemplating my options, I heard the same ole story from my boyfriend at the time. He always promised he’d step up for our son, and he would be committed to being a father. He didn’t want to contemplate any other options beside keeping him, and I listened to that.
One month after our son was born, he left and we never heard from him again.
I don’t say this to influence your decision in any way, but to reiterate that you need to do what’s best for you and the baby. The decision you make will impact your life, and a baby is 18+ years with the father of the baby too.
I wish you the very best and I am cheering you on no matter the decision you make ❤️
OP, read this. It's a story as old as time itself. Your boyfriend has absolutely no idea what he's signing up for, and once the reality of having a baby (an exhausting, grinding, emotional experience for both parents, which culminates in a permanent, expensive, self-sacrificial responsibility) lands on him, he's very likely to bolt. Being a "father-to-be" is a lot of fun. Being responsible for an infant is no fun. He doesn't know what he's asking for, and once he finds out, how sure are you that he'll have the backbone to hang in there and suffer with you?
This is a great way to share your experience. It’s not the same choice for everyone, as everyone has different circumstances. Some people have support, some don’t. It makes all the difference.
Same here. Was sold the “happy family” story by him, and he dipped immediately when he realized it was not as easy as he thought it would be. I don’t regret my child, I regret allowing an 18 year old kid influence a life changing decision.
This is the comment. As long as you have a solid support net, you can do it. You’ll love that child and you won’t regret it in the long run, BUT it will come with sacrifice.
What you absolutely CANNOT do, is have this baby because your boyfriend thinks you guys are Romeo and Juliet. You know how that ends.
I would think very hard about what YOU want and what you’re willing to sacrifice for it. If this was a serious relationship I’d weigh his opinion more but the odds of you being with home boy in 3 months, let alone raising a lifelong child together is about 3%.
Get your abortion and if he can't support you, move on. He doesn't have to like it. But it's YOUR choice. Not his. You've done more than enough by even listening to his opinion.
NTA. You sound much more grounded than your boyfriend about the realities of your situation. Your boyfriend is facing none of the realities and has zero physical risk - and I guess doesn’t really care about the physical risk to you.
he's not pro-choice, he's pro-life. anyways, do whats best for YOU and get the abortion; men will come and go so you need to think about what you want out of your life
He's anti-choice.... my favorite. Their whole "pro-life" line was made intentionally, so it sounded like it was the better and more "respectful" choice. They're actually more about dictating & controlling other people.
oh def., they wanna say they're "pro-life" but then are fine w the overwhelming crowdedness in foster care systems, would rather fund a war than help those who need the help in our own country jus' cuz they "don't directly ask the gov for help", would rather put people in cages jus because they aren't from here- and oh, let's not forget about the fact that 90% of them would let a 12 year old almost die from giving birth because "it's not the r.p baby's fault" 🤡🤭
Abortion is one of those issues where a person’s stance on it tells a great deal about them. It’s informed by their opinions on gender equality, familial roles, the importance of science, religious influence, governmental reach, etc.
So, having the complete opposite stances from each other on this issue tells me that you 2 have fundamentally different principles and worldviews. You’re going to be torn apart eventually anyway. What you have to decide is do you want to be a single mother or do you just want to be single.
Once you have the abortion, tell him you miscarried. If you can get a parent to back that up, all the better. I have a feeling he will make your life hell if he knows you relocated his zygote.
Regardless of what he says, do not put yourself through an unwanted, possibly life-threatening pregnancy and birth to appease him. Do what is best for you. You are so young.
Get an abortion, this will ruin your life, fuck his opinion. This will literally ruin your life, you are at a before and after crossroads. Get the abortion and cut him out.
Honey, you're not wrong.
It's your body. It's your choice. You don't have a job and you're not in the mental space to have a child. It's your choice if you want to abort.
Good luck. I wish you well.
Sad as it is, the playing field is not level. Women carry all of the burden for pregnancy and delivery. There's zero health risk for the father. Therefore, YOU get the final say. It might not seem fair, but it's also unfair that men don't have to carry the fetus half the time. It is what it is.
This may not be a popular opinion, but you could have the abortion and tell him you miscarried. It might be the kindest thing you could do for him, assuming he never finds out. But again, YOU GET TO CHOOSE. This is a fork-in-the-road moment in your life. You decide which road to take.
You’ve established you do not want to care for nor are you able to care for a baby. That’s very true and a wise realization to have.
Now- you have to decide what is best for your mind, body, and spirit- not what’s going to keep him around.
1. Less than 8% of teen moms marry their baby daddies.
2. Over 51% of teen moms fail to get a high school diploma.
3. Teen pregnancy carries higher risks for pre-term labor, low birth weight, and death of mother and child.
You need to talk to your parents and figure out what is best for YOU
You both are too young to understand the full repercussions of having a child.
If you bring a baby to this world, you need to be fair to them and give them a good life.
ohh wow, that is a tough situation. I get where both of you are coming from. this might hurt him now but if it’s gonna be better for BOTH of you then it’s better long term. your right if your still in school, not financially stable, and don’t think you physically and mentally can manage it, don’t have a kid. if this is the hill you die on don’t give in to his wants. your the one who would have to carry the baby, and take the hit on your academics, body, mental space, everything, so it’s your choice
get the abortion. ultimately it’s only your decision and it’s for the better. coming from a teen mom who gave birth at 15. get the abortion. when it’s done it’s done. nothing he can do. if you break up you break up. which honestly you should break up. and it’s 10x easier for him to walk away from the consequences than you. if you were to keep the pregnancy. pregnancy and giving birth literally changes you forever.
Both of y’all’s lives are gonna be so much better if you get an abortion. Morally, it’s the better thing to do because parents who aren’t fit to raise children and don’t have their shit together should not have them. You’re doing the kid a favor.
He's not the one carrying the baby in his body. His opinion does not count. I'm sorry, it doesn't. Your body, your choice. This is one of those situations where you have to stop caring about other people's feelings and do what is best for you because the stakes are so high.
And in terms of adoption. I have heard some adopted people say that they honestly wish their parents had gotten an abortion, and that being separated from your birth family is inherently traumatic. Obviously this is not true for all adopted kids. But you would be burdening your child with a life long sorrow that they will have to work hard to cope with. And do you really want to go through the trauma of giving birth to a child and never seeing it again, spend your life knowing there is a kid out there with your blood who doesn't even know you? Im not sure I would want that.
I obviously cannot tell you what to do, but if I was your mom and you were my teenage daughter I would tell you to get an abortion. It is what's best for you. And frankly, it's what's best for the kid too. Let the baby return to the void, so that it never has to grow up not know who it's birth family is and it doesn't have to grow up with the burden of being raised by teen parents.
Whatever you do, do not make this decision so that he will stay with you. Make if for yourself and have no regrets. Also, he could still leave you after you have the baby. Imagine going against your gut and being left to raise the baby he wanted so badly alone...because unfortunately that it also a possibility.
I'm a man, and i still subscribe to the "Your body, your choice" idealogy.
I'll also add that there is a huge difference between what Pro Life originally meant before the religious nazi lobbyists got involved.
Plus, many of the pro lifers today are hypocrites anyway. If you told your boyfriend that if he insisted on you not getting an abortion, I would follow up with that you're breaking up with him, and that he should now get prepared to start paying child support for the next 18 years while you go start a life with someone else. In that scenario, I'd bet money that he suddenly has a change of heart about the whole idea of pushing Pro life bs on you.
Also, and don't take offense to this but you're still a child yourself. Children should not raise children. You might think you're going to be the most amazing mother at age 16/17, and maybe you would, but at what cost? If you personally feel you need to have this baby, fine, but not because you got peer fucking pressured to do so at the age of 16. Fuck that noise.
Your boyfriend likes the idea of a baby. He likes feeling moral by trying to make sure that baby is birthed
He does not know what parenthood is, he is not the one putting his body at risk, he is a selfish teenager and he has no idea what he's asking of you. If you guys break up over that, it'll probably suck, but there's absolutely no reason you should give birth to a child you don't want to appease a guy you probably won't even think about in ten years. And no, you're not in the wrong for not wanting to risk it.
You don't want to be with someone who doesn't care that you might die giving birth
If he wants a baby so badly he can go make one with someone who actually wants to have a baby with him
Your body. Your choice. And his opinion doesn't matter
Honestly even if he stays with you and you all keep the baby, it is going to impact your life more than his. Likely he will grow up finish school and go off to college, those things are going to 10x as harder for you accomplish.
Please get the abortion as soon as possible and if you're afraid of him retaliating tell him you unfortunately had a miscarriage. Do not date someone with opposing views in regards to this in the future, it can get really ugly.
He’s actually being Pro-Life, not Pro-Choice
Pro-Choice means that you have the right to decide whether or not you want the abortion.
That being said, this is still a very touchy subject and no matter what you decide, you are going to upset someone!
I believe (don’t quote me), some states recently passed that the father has to agree to the abortion. However, overall, abortion favors the mother (usually).
Ask him if he’s willing to have sole custody and financial responsibility for the child, without your help? Because while he may say he’ll never run out on either of you, it’s much easier for the father to runout on a newborn and family than it is the mother. Please understand that I’m not saying in anyway that it is right for anyone to walk out on anyone.
I could tell you a million and one different “what if…” scenarios, but overall, you have to carry the baby to term, your body has to go through the changes and hardships, and you know that you are not ready to be a mother yet, and it is ultimately your decision.
If he truly loves you, he will understand.
Your body your choice. At the end of the day children should not be raising children. If you can’t handle it then get an abortion. I’ll tell you right now you’ll definitely not be able to afford it.
You should do what you want to do, but you cannot expect that he will stay with you after it's done. You are the one who gets to make the decision, but it's still his kid too.
Somewhere in our society lives the notion in young men that making a woman pregnant and fathering a child makes them a man - A Real Man! I've even heard of some young men poking holes in a condom to make a girl pregnant. Tagging alongside this notion is a lack of knowledge and responsibility of how to raise a child, much less, knowing how life works.
Currently, the world is on the verge of collapse due to an over-population of violent, selfish, and greedy consumers. I think the show would run better if casual, 'Hey, let's make babies!' wasn't around.
Keep your own counsel, sister. You are the one who will carry the burden for the rest of your life.
Have you seen **Man With 1000 Kids** on YouTube.. It's about a serial sperm donor.. He is talented and outgoing with curly blonde hair.. So people keep choosing him.. The problem is that he added too many of the same genes to the genetic pool..
Neither of you are mentally mature or financially secure enough to raise a child. You’re still kids yourselves. You have to do what’s best not only for you but the baby. It’s not a conscious being yet, so I would abort. Waiting for it to come to term and putting it up for adoption just adds to the mental and physical duress you’d endure. Don’t let the Bible thumpers and political fanatics get in your head. This is your body, and your choice.
If he thinks abortion is morally wrong he isn't pro choice. Simple as that. Nta. Do what's best for you, you're the one who has to go through a pregnancy, labour and raising of a child.
It's your body thus should be your choice. A lot of guys don't really grasp the magnitude of pregnancy until they've lived with someone while they went through it and gave birth--even then some don't get it.
You have to decide if your relationship with this person is more important to you than the way that pregnancy and birth and raising a child will change your life.
You're definitely not the asshole.
If the abortion doesn’t tear you apart, something else will. You guys are teenagers. Do yourself a favor and get the abortion, and if he decides to leave because of it then no more worries about getting pregnant.
Your bf is 17 and will not be primarily responsible for a baby, I am not telling you what to do but that should be all the necessary information you need
I'm 26 and am still working on taking care of myself, I can't imagine having a child at 16. Your boyfriend does not understand what being a parent means, and he is being extremely selfish.
If you are confident in your choice, have the abortion. It might separate you, but that is way better than having a baby, separating anyway because having a baby is fucking hard and you guys are not ready
Bro fuck what your boyfriend thinks, your gonna be the one suffering the most right now so you need to decide if you want it or not, if you don’t want it get rid of it because you know it’s not gonna have a good childhood if it lives. And even for adoption it’s still gonna hurt and by then you might get to attached to give it away. Please get rid of the baby
>I know I want the abortion but I’m scared it’s going to tear us apart.
Would keeping the child not also do the same? I hate to say it, but it seems that this is going to be a point of contention either way. Either he resents you for the abortion, or you resent him for making you keep the child.
ItOf course you're not the asshole. It's your body and ultimately your choice. He can have whatever opinion and feelings he wants, but it's not okay to guilt you over this. Believe me when I say you are both so young. If this decision breaks you apart, it's honestly for the best. It's not the right time
It's ultimately your decision
If he can't handle that he can move on
This will change your body and your life dramatically and it's entirely your decision at the end of the day-- he can easily walk away and have almost any problems with his own life
If you decided the abortion is the best option you shouldn't let anyone talk you out of it
A baby is not something to compromise on. Both people have to want the child. You will have to carry it and birth it. Also, women are always the default parent. He can walk away at any moment unpunished. At the end of the day the choice is yours to make.
Listen…”early miscarriages are very common”. Your body YOUR choice. Teen boys are by far the dumbest they will ever be. Get the abortion and either tell him the truth or spare his feelings. Having a huge fundamental difference in opinion on this is a red flag because it comes down to how you view women as people. He is welcome to say if I were a woman I could never do it because I want kids that badly or whatever , but saying no woman should because it’s morally wrong? He does not see you as someone who has a life beyond your ability to carry a child. If you can live with that being the mindset of your partner then okay, but don’t force yourself into having a kid or stay together because this doesn’t seem like that big of a problem.
He doesn't get a vote or a say in this . This is your decision and your decision alone. He may hate you for it. You can't control that. But you will hate yourself even more if you go through with this pregnancy just to appease him. Make the decision you feel is right for you, and don't let anyone decide for you.
You’re 16. A relationship that is statistically unlikely to last for more than two years beyond now matters FAR less than a decision that could cost your life and WILL permanently affect your body. Please prioritize your health. I’m 16 too, and I sincerely doubt anyone our age could handle having a kid.
You’re giving up your body and your youth for that baby. Saying abort never feels great but at the same time it shouldn’t be at the sacrifice of your own happiness. Be a little selfish. If you want the kid that’s great. If not don’t feel like an asshole for it. it’s a HUGE decision.
Your boyfriend needs to support you one way or the other. He can have an opinion but that’s all. He ain’t pushing out that baby and the strain on you is overwhelmingly more than what is on him. If he decides to try and manipulate you that’s pretty fucked up… not saying you should run but…. Not saying you shouldn’t either…
Whether you get an abortion or not is entirely your choice. Understand the difficulties of teen pregnancy before you go through with it.
However, you should be transparent with it to your boyfriend. Afterwards, it is his right to decide to leave the relationship if he so wishes, but don’t let this change your opinion
The fact that you were trying to prevent it says all that needs to be said, in my opinion. You were trying to prevent it because you're both not ready. It is your choice. Men so often bail especially with unplanned pregnancies, and are shit fathers. Don't let him guilt you, but do sit down with him and be firm once you make your decision. We don't have a crystal ball to see what your lives would look like in 10 years, but we kinda do. Best of luck to you. 🫂
Tell him to stop being a tardo. He's not the one who has to carry it to term for 9 months and possibly die because of it. If he fights against your wishes on this you need to break up, and if he's still fighting about it, you need to let him know youre suspicious (even if you're not) of him possibly trying to trap you by secretly taking the condom off or sabotaging it somehow. You have to fight crazy (prolifers) with crazy, this is serious business. I'm sorry you're in this situation, and you probably love him, but he has to be onboard with whatever your wishes are and that's final.
Your choice. Not his. Also, 8 out of 10 teen dads bail. So the choice is really up to you and your parents. You’ll be the ones responsible for raising the child.
It’s your choice. But you two disagree on something VERY important. Break up. Seek advice from a trusted adult. Make the choice you decide to make. Absolutely do not stay with this man. It’s not fair to either of you.
It is your body and therefore ONLY YOUR choice. You are only 16 and have your entire life ahead of you. Take back your life. Study hard, go to college, get a STEM degree and a good job, and have kids much later, if and when you decide you're ready. That might be with your current bf, but statistically, it won't be. Don't tie yourself down before you've had a chance to even try to fly on your own.
Do you have any idea how many teen fathers *actually* stick around for a year? Five years? Ten? Look it up, it is astonishingly low. He. Is. Not. The. Exception. The baby will be yours forever and his when he feels like it. Make YOUR choice.
LMAO it will haunt him forever of fucking course. He doesn't have to be pregnant or suffer childbirth. Moral code my dick.
And the idea that adoption is easier is also bullshit. Movies and stories never really talk about everything that happens after: your body still produces milk. you are still able to have PPD.
dump his ass, get the abortion, never speak to him again.
In looking through your post history, your boyfriend tried to wear a polo and jeans to prom. This alone reeks of immaturity. He’s not the one who has to carry and deliver a baby regardless of whether you choose to keep it or give it up for adoption. I know plenty of women who have had life-saving abortions AND elective abortions. Not one of them regrets it. At all.
As someone who had a a baby at 16 and also had an abortion later, I might as well have had the baby. This is because later on after I had kids as an adult, I wondered what the baby would have been like.
Also, consider your boyfriend’s opinion, I mean Fathers have rights too.
You can go to Preborn.com or call 800-941-0151 they allow you to listen to the baby’s heartbeat before you make up your mind.
I may be downvoted but it is a huge decision with two different ideas.
When I was 18 I thought it’s not alive yet, clump of cells it’s ok I’m not ready for 2 children. The children I birthed had heartbeats and I loved them to bits.
If you decide to keep your baby, have a talk with parents, relatives and secure help promises lol. So you two can finish school until you’re on your own. People that can have your back steady for I’d say 5-6 years.
It takes a village when you’re very young, it’s going to be ok.
Best of luck in your decision and take care of yourself, hon 😊
Honey, I had my kids when I was 21 and while I love them to death, honestly I felt like I was just starting to live my life and be free then all of a sudden I had to give it up for kids and being responsible and you're not even that age yet. So really live your life for a while girl. I'm happier as a mother later on
I got pregnant at 18, I was shocked to find myself pregnant and while I wanted to keep my son I was unsure if I was able to do so at the moment due to financial reasons and other things going on in my life; and my parents quite literally said we will not support you and your child so you WILL put this baby up for adoption. I moved half away across the country to stay with a family for the last few months of my pregnancy and picked a family from this agency and wham bam thank you ma’am, 4 days after I had my son, he was off to live with his new family.
A year and a half later I was in a relationship and found myself pregnant again and we were in no way ready to be parents, and I was in no way going to go through a pregnancy again just to give up my child because someone told me to; so we decided to have an abortion. It was just the best thing for my mental health.
You have to do what is best for you, is what I am saying. Not what he is saying. There is no reason for you to carry this baby to full term to give it up for adoption. There are so many children waiting to be adopted, to be fostered already. It has been proven that children who are adopted suffer as well. They suffer from abandonment issues, anxiety, separation anxiety and much more. Even if they are adopted into a good and loving home. Source: I am adopted for one. Two, I have now been in contact with my biological son. Three research the issue.
It’s your body, your choice. Do what is best for you!
I was a pregnant teen 12 years ago and I'm still living in subsidized housing, divorced, and broke as fuck bc I believed he would stay with me. I mean... He married me and whatnot but he cheated. I love my kids and wouldnt undo anything but like... 12 years ago it was impossible as teens with retail jobs. Things have gotten exponentially worse since then. It's not impossible necessarily but it's going to fucking suck SO BAD the entire time and I would bet every penny I have that you two break up eventually. Not to be an asshole but because that is how it goes. He's already showing he has no respect for your choices or autonomy. Do not sacrifice yourself to keep a boy you won't want when you're 20. His opinion should not matter at all in this. You're young and it's risky and difficult in every sense of the words and it's 99% going to fall back on you only. My back hasn't stopped hurting for 12 years bc my body was not grown enough to be doing all that. He is not the one who's body will be changed for the rest of his life for this. He's not the one taking a huge medical risk. Let him go and live your life... Maybe a little more carefully moving forward.
to you, sixteen-year-old, minor, teenager, it is your decision. it would not make you an asshole simply because YOU ARE STILL A KID. he could talk about how it's morally wrong to "kill" a clump of cells, but you know you could not raise a child, as you are a CHILD without stable income, emotional ability, or maturity to have the best environment, so would going through with having the kid to a life where you knew they couldn't have the best life, would that also not me immoral?
also, it would be nine months of pregnancy in YOUR body, not to mention the pain of birth and your risks considering your age and your mother's experience as well. a boyfriend should not make immature decisions about someone else's body, especially if it impacts your well-being and, y'know, your life?
it is not unreasonable to be concerned about the possible outcomes, financial instability, mental impact, the long, uncomfortable 9 months, the painful and potentially FATAL birth, along with how fucked up the adoption system is, and most importantly, your age and YOUR WELL-BEING.
six months feels long when you are a teenager, young love is overwhelming, but i could not imagine telling my girlfriend that she should go through a pregnancy that she does not want, that might KILL HER, and that abortion is immoral yet letting another kid in the system isn't, and not even considering to let you make your own decision. the fact you feel shitty for being logical, the fact you know that putting your safety, happiness, future, and comfort over your own, valid, and mature judgement of a bad idea... that is not what love is. if it will tear you two apart that just means your boyfriend would rather have a baby put up for adoption over you, healthy and alive.
you should not feel guilty for being logical and mature. remember that guys mature later than girls, and he's being selfish, immature, and generally stupid. it wouldn't be a guarantee that either of you would live, you are young, and you could die. if he cannot handle that, if he values a child that does not exist yet over your life, he can go fuck himself. because someone, one day, will love you truly, will hold your life, your opinions, your safety and feelings, they will make that feel important. if he won't recognize or make you and your thoughts feel important, (it's cliché, but:) someone else will. he seems like a completely selfish dick (although this is only a snippet of a person, and i am simply some person on the internet) and he does not respect you.
of course, i am biased, i am pretty left-wing and very much a "woke" pro-choice feminist, but i can say from experience that you should prioritize yourself, your safety, your happiness, and your well-being. it feels repetitive but your well-being is everything. in the end, it is your decision, and everyone should accept your decision.
and to him? womp womp, love your girlfriend and, obviously, value her LIFE??? her health, and mind?? you talk a lot about morals when your girlfriend feels shitty about not wanting to shove a child into a not-amazing start, and she feels shitty about worrying about dying??? hello??? the audacity....
NTA It’s better to potentially lose your boyfriend that you want, and regret it for a few months, than have a child you don’t want, and regret it for the rest of your life.
He isnt pro choice or he would be saying it's your choice.
You are 16, get the abortion and drop him. Trying to force you to give birth to a child, he needs to stop having sex until he is married of he feels this way.
You also know how you could have prevented this baby, by not having sex at 16. You dont want to lose him, you dont even get what love is. Coz trying to get you to have a baby at this age and even give it up for adoption, isnt love. Its him trying to control you.
I’m pro choice when it comes to late term abortion but you don’t want to ruin your future with adding a baby into your life when your not even grown taking care of yourself yet
Get an abortion and a new boyfriend. You can’t let someone else’s morals guide you, and if he wants to put his morals above your needs, you aren’t important to him.
Kid, an unplanned child at your age and in your situation will wreak havoc on your life, and likely, you and your BF would drift apart due to that anyway.
Think of yourself first - your health, your life, your future.
Do it
You dont know him enough to know if you want a kid
The universe is infinite, that fetus with no conciousness wont matter, what will matter is the baby causing you issues in life, plus if you guys split, thats not the best life for the baby arguably
I would say this is your choice alone. However the laws have changed in many places and now say this is your guardian's choice because you're a minor. Better get mom and dad on this ASAP. The window to abort is closing fast.
Adoption is not a terrible choice, but that puts a lot on you.
"I dont have a job, and he makes 15$ an hour"
just read that line back to yourself slowly, and then read it to him even slower, you guys should be able to figure something out after that
if he leaves you because you dont want to raise a child that you are incapable of raising, then it just saves you time finding out hes a piece of shit down the road later
Why bring someone into this world just for them to suffer right from the start?
I already have it hard enough sometimes, even without having any trauma and living a normal childhood. I would have gladly chosen oblivion over having to struggle the first half of my life and continue to know struggle my entire life if my mom or god gave me the choice while I was still in the womb. Imagine throwing lifelong trauma into that mix as well.
Idk how you childhood trauma survivors do it but bless ya’ll because Ive seen and heard so much dark stories.
no you arent. yall are teenagers in no position to raise a child. adoption isnt always a good option because the pregnancy will still heavily impact you. while i do understand his point, hes not being realistic in my opinion. any future you were planning on having is now being put on hold. in my opinion i would go through with the abortion
It's your choice, and a choice that affects the WHOLE rest of your life. Are you confident you're OK with this guy, who doesn't respect your boundaries and choices about your body, health, and the entire trajectory of your life, being the father of your child and remaining in your life for at least the next two decades - until you're in your mid thirties? Something we all have to learn at some point is as much as you love your partner, at a certain point you have to put your wellbeing first. Only you can decide, but for me, I'd say this is probably at that point.
ETA: And no, of course you're not an asshole, it's your own body and health.
You're 16 for chrissakes. Do that embryo a favor, and don't let it be subject to your poor decision making. Abortion is a clear, and responsible option.
Your boyfriend is a moron.
is your boyfriend pregnant? no? who gives a shit what he thinks. you are the one who the responsibility will fall on. it is your choice. i wouldn't go through with it for a man. that relationship is temporary, a child is permanent.
Your boyfriend is not pro-choice. Even though you were being very careful, there is a very real possibility your boyfriend wasn't and may have actually trapped you. It's shocking how often it happens. Not only would I not have a child with someone at your age to keep or to give away, I would not tell him that you are still pregnant and I would let him know that you got your period. I would then immediately plan an abortion. At some point soon, I would break up with him for another reason or start using another method of birth control without telling him.
If you have an abortion and it tears you apart then he wasn’t worth keeping in the first place.
He has no idea what he’s asking of you or what he’s trying to sign up for.
You need to do what is in your best interest regardless of what he thinks.
All of your reasons for wanting to terminate the pregnancy are very logical and valid.
He’s not providing any sort of logic or plan for how he intends to support you and the baby.
Also- The fact that he is guilt tripping you with morals for making a medical decision about your own body is a huge red flag.
Whatever choice you do make, make sure it feels right for you.
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Let it tear you apart the two of you apart, quite frankly. You're 16 and he thinks he's in a position for moralistic grandstanding. You've known each other for 6 months. That is: first of all, not long enough for you to know each other well enough to CONSIDER raising a child together, and second: absolutely not long enough for him to think he can advise you on major life choices or lecture you about his system of half-baked teenage beliefs. Save your own life and livelihood. You can have a baby with a more competent partner in like 10 years.
How easy for him to say “ give it up for adoption” when he isn’t the one that has to go through a pregnancy and then give birth. Forget his opinion bc it means nothing.
Honey.. I'm an old man. I'll give your the same advice I gave my daughter. We fought damn hard to give you the right to make that choice. It's your body.. your choice.. not your parents.. not your bfs... not your priests and not your grandparents... There is a group of people in this country that want to confuse the issue... they are about 28% of the population. YOUR CHOICE. If your bf doesn't respect your choice.. believe me.. he isn't the one.
This is all great advice. And also wanted to add that if your current bf really is “the one” Op, that he will not leave you or judge you for the choice you make. If he does, then it’s clear that he doesn’t care about *you* or your mental and physical health and safety. There’s no reason you can’t get an abortion now and then decide to have a baby in 10 or so years when you’re *BOTH* ready.
Hell, even in 2-4 years when they're in even a bit better spot than they are now. Maybe he'll be up to $18/hour on a decent blue collar career path. Maybe she'll be more confident, and feel ready for a child by then. My advice would be 24+. But even 18-20 is a TON better than 16 with a 17 y/o bf who thinks he can make it work for them in a 1 bedroom apartment and no car.
Agreed. I had my first (planned) baby at 20 and did not feel like i was too young. But I do feel that if I was not as financially secure or as secure in my relationship as I was then I probably wouldn’t have felt the same way.
One bedroom apartment, no car, and he's not marrying her. He's saying , "Will you be my baby momma and shack up with me?" This is horrible.
Yeah 3 more dollars an hour is not enough to raise a child on. They both need to be making substantial incomes and have a nest egg before having a kid. OP do what is in your best interest. You know the answer already, be brave. You can do this!
OP, it took me 5 years to realise my EX wasn't good for me. You don't want to make this risk after just 6 months.
The first sentence here is absolutely golden perfection. It's everything. Abortion. Abortion. Abortion. Leave him behind. Forever. I had an abortion in my early twenties. The relief when it was over was so powerful. I have never worried I did something wrong. I was five weeks along. This fuckin 17 year old dummy. Just to be clear OP... you'll end up raising this child alone, chasing child support, and missing out on furthering your education. With the political climate right now I'd also avoid this situation. Don't know where you live but jump soon if you're in the US. Don't wait a second longer than to call the clinic. Fuck your stupid boyfriend. Forever
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/sxhMgHAl0k Let me just put this here
Honestly, 6 months? You’ll barely remember his name in ten years UNLESS you decide to procreate with him. And you won’t remember it for good reasons. You are young and barely know yourselves, much less each other and whether you’d be compatible long term. Don’t tie yourself to someone who will resent you and a baby forever. Because chances are he will, no matter what he says now. Don’t do that to a potential child. It doesn’t deserve to be resented. Neither of you are in a place to truly take care of or want a baby right now. A lot of young guys are delusional about the reality of this because they don’t have to create the baby for 9+ months, birth it, breastfeed it (if you choose), and often opt out of raising it. They’re just too immature to make good decisions about their own future. Doing let him make decisions about yours. I think you are making the most ethical choice. Your bf (hopefully stbx) is being both delusional and selfish. Do what you need to do and focus on your future. Take better precautions in the future so if you do decide to settle down one day and have children, you can provide THEM a good life. Not just bring them into to a crappy situation because hormones.
OP, please please please please listen to this!
This person is right.
It’s a difficult one but you have to make this decision for yourself. A 17 year old boy is not mature enough to understand the lifelong responsibility here. He will not have to carry the baby or go through the pregnancy and it is socially acceptable for him to bugger off when it gets too hard. Sorry to say that but that’s how it is. You are not wrong here.
Yep - you're the one who has to carry all the risks, all the hormones, all the confusion, all the pressure (he doesn't really want you to give up the baby, so he's using adoption as a wedge to keep the door open to a full-court press from family and friends to compell you to keep the baby). If you want to have a baby, do it. If you don't, and you don't want to break your BF's heart, pretend to give in, get the pills, and have a "miscarriage". But whatever you do, do it soon. The easiest, most ethical abortion is a very early, chemical abortion.
As someone who was born to a teen mother, I know there’s a lot of situations I can’t wrap my head around so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I truly feel all decided abortions are ethical.
I think "easiest" is pretty clear. As far as ethics goes, what I mean is, the longer a pregnancy progresses, the more painful it is for everyone involved when it ends. So the most ethical thing to is to prevent that extra pain by getting it done quickly and painlessly.
Totally. I wasn’t trying to be contrarian, I’m just putting in my two cents as someone who was a product of the hard decision, in case anyone misinterprets the ethicality of choosing to have an abortion with when to have one. That being said, having a late one when you’re not ready is still better than having a baby when you’re not ready. Anyway I’m only speaking as someone who is a product of it, not someone who has had to face to difficult decision so I’m gonna shut up now.
I hear you. Thanks for the constructive and clarifying conversation about a tricky subject. Respect.
I was also going to suggest getting the pills and having a “miscarriage” it might end up feeling like a lot of weight on OO though, so I believe she should also consider if she can happily lie to him about it or if she thinks she tell him eventually. If OP waits to tell them that may cause a lot more pain down the road.
If they were married, I would say tell him. But they're teenagers. The odds are really high that this relationship will end with college (or before) and she'll never have to tell him. And that means he'll never have to know, either.
It's not a huge lie. The medical terminology is interchangeable. A miscarriage is technically a "spontaneous abortion", so what's the big difference when it's a medical abortion?
I can support getting the abortion since she’s not ready, but lying to the boyfriend is wild. She should just leave him if she wants the abortion, no relationship can work with giant lies like that in my opinion.
She's 16. What are the odds that this was going to last anyway? With the way he's reacting she needs to get rid of him.
That's what i was thinking. Its teen love, there really is no down the road for the relationship, unless she has the baby.
Yeah, no need to lie just leave him. That’s exactly what I said💀
He's the one being the AH.
I was married to a man and I was pregnant. One night he got drunk and put his hands on me. Even though it was the first time, I made it the last time. I knew I could not be tied to this man for the rest of my life so I told him I lost the baby and had an abortion. Sometimes a lie is the better option.
I don't think it's that big of a lie. A miscarriage is just a natural abortion. And a chemical abortion is just an induced miscarriage. It doesn't sound like she wants to leave him. So I'm trying to offer the advice that gives her what she wants (no pregnancy), him what he wants (no guilt and shame), and both of them what they want (a continued relationship free from acrimony). I think it's a little white lie that allows them both to move on with their lives after a contraception failure. It's only a big deal if you think abortion/miscarriage is a huge distinction. I don't.
Right. A spontaneous abortion is when a woman’s uterus rejects a pregnancy. An elective abortion is when a woman’s brain rejects it. The same medications and procedures are commonly used to manage both. There is very little distinction.
OP, Guy here. Despite that, this is your call. Period. If you're not ready, enough said.
This if she was with someone who respected her, he would be saying the same thing, and trying to prove he can handle the responsibility, not trying to control her
THIS!!?
Also a guy echoing this comment. This decision is all you. It shouldn't have to be, but it is. Take care of yourself first.
This 100 percent.
It is not socially acceptable for him to leave his child lmao what
Yes. It’s not remotely his call, even if he were a mature adult husband of yours. YOUR body, YOUR choice. OP is not wrong to do what’s best for HER.
You get to decide what happens. He gets to decide whether he stays with you. Reddit’s opinion doesn’t matter.
As a guy, I strongly feel abortion is ultimately the woman’s choice because it’s her who’s gonna carry the baby, deal with the pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, postpartum depression and then raise the child. His pay isn’t enough to raise a family and you both aren’t even adults yet. I don’t see a reason why you should keep the baby if you’re unsure. Pregnancy requires you to be mentally, physically and emotionally fit. If any one of these conditions are not met, you are screwed. In your case, all 3 cases are not fulfilled. He can definitely have an opinion but he cannot make that decision. Neither can I or any one else here, in your family and beyond. It’s YOU who has to make that choice.
Definitely a ton of risks. She is still in school and caring for a newborn increases her risk of dropping out. She said her mom had complications and as a teen she would be higher risk especially since the healthiest time to give birth is in the mid-20s. I don’t think her parents would kick her out but sadly it’s not that uncommon for parents to kick out their kids if they get pregnant. So that’s another risk for her. Permanent health issues after giving birth as well. Some women become disabled. Honestly pregnancy is not really worth it unless it’s something you really want and willing to risk your life for.
Yep. Studies show that childbirth for women under 20 is high risk. Even more so than for a woman who’s 34. Edit to add, not only is it less safe for the mother, women under 20 are significantly more likely to have a baby with serious health issues. It’s bad for both of them.
Pretty much going to be what I was going to say. He can have a say, but it’s primarily up to her. To me, it really says a lot that he thinks they can make it work while making $15 an hour.
$15/hr is nothing when it comes to raising a child. I also feel they’re very young to raise a baby anyways. If they have the baby, they’d not be able to go to school realistically and his $15 won’t ever become $50 or more. I think he’s a very religious person and associates abortion with sin. That’s clouding his ability to rationally think through this situation. He doesn’t realize what’s going wrong.
Not to mention there’s nothing preventing him, other than what morals he has, from him just saying “peace out” when the kid is born.
True
It used to be enough but now they’ll likely have to go on welfare. Probably The WIC, EBT, daycare assistance and rent assistance.
Yeah I meant in the current scenario. Even if inflation does come down, the price of the products will have today won’t come down automatically. They’ll absolutely have to be on welfare, and if they dreamt of higher education by any chance, I think those dreams are over. Managing college with the kid isn’t practically physically, mentally and most importantly financially.
Yup pretty much and once you get into that cycle you might as well just keep popping out babies, or become a narco trafficker on welfare as well.
You’re right! Not sure if OP’s boyfriend is really that conservative because she also has to rethink the relationship if she doesn’t agree with those beliefs. Even if she does manage to get an abortion now, such an issue can come up again later.
His pay is probably about enough for 80% of his car insurance bill and nothing else
If an abortion will tear you apart, what do you think a baby will do. You need to do what you know you need to do, and not let what it's cloud your judgement. If he can't be with you and understand what it took to make your decision, then he isn't someone you should have a baby with in the first.
That’s a great way to put it tbh. If an abortion will ruin your relationship, imagine what raising a LIFE will do!!
He's 16 and probably thinks it will bring them together. They may have no idea how much work a baby or a toddler is? You kinda have to spell it out, like you need to wake up every 3 hours, every night for \_ months to feed the baby, now try doing that for a week before saying no to abortion and see how you feel?
So much this. Also, lots of girls that age have babysitting experience. I sure did, so I had at least an inkling of how difficult it is to take care of infants and children all day. This boy likely has zero clue.
I had my baby in my teens and decided to keep him. I had a lot of support from my family to be able to do it. I’m not in my late thirties and although I do not regret my decision, I wanted to offer some advice in making your decision. Firstly, it is ultimately your body and your choice. You need to do what is right for you and baby. When I was pregnant and contemplating my options, I heard the same ole story from my boyfriend at the time. He always promised he’d step up for our son, and he would be committed to being a father. He didn’t want to contemplate any other options beside keeping him, and I listened to that. One month after our son was born, he left and we never heard from him again. I don’t say this to influence your decision in any way, but to reiterate that you need to do what’s best for you and the baby. The decision you make will impact your life, and a baby is 18+ years with the father of the baby too. I wish you the very best and I am cheering you on no matter the decision you make ❤️
OP, read this. It's a story as old as time itself. Your boyfriend has absolutely no idea what he's signing up for, and once the reality of having a baby (an exhausting, grinding, emotional experience for both parents, which culminates in a permanent, expensive, self-sacrificial responsibility) lands on him, he's very likely to bolt. Being a "father-to-be" is a lot of fun. Being responsible for an infant is no fun. He doesn't know what he's asking for, and once he finds out, how sure are you that he'll have the backbone to hang in there and suffer with you?
This is a great way to share your experience. It’s not the same choice for everyone, as everyone has different circumstances. Some people have support, some don’t. It makes all the difference.
This needs to be higher.
Beautifully stated.
Same here. Was sold the “happy family” story by him, and he dipped immediately when he realized it was not as easy as he thought it would be. I don’t regret my child, I regret allowing an 18 year old kid influence a life changing decision.
This is the comment. As long as you have a solid support net, you can do it. You’ll love that child and you won’t regret it in the long run, BUT it will come with sacrifice. What you absolutely CANNOT do, is have this baby because your boyfriend thinks you guys are Romeo and Juliet. You know how that ends. I would think very hard about what YOU want and what you’re willing to sacrifice for it. If this was a serious relationship I’d weigh his opinion more but the odds of you being with home boy in 3 months, let alone raising a lifelong child together is about 3%.
Your boyfriend is an idiot. Get the abortion, finish school, find a new boyfriend.
Get your abortion and if he can't support you, move on. He doesn't have to like it. But it's YOUR choice. Not his. You've done more than enough by even listening to his opinion.
NTA. You sound much more grounded than your boyfriend about the realities of your situation. Your boyfriend is facing none of the realities and has zero physical risk - and I guess doesn’t really care about the physical risk to you.
Bot account, they were supposedly 14 years old 9-months ago
And 20 years old, 12 days ago...
he's not pro-choice, he's pro-life. anyways, do whats best for YOU and get the abortion; men will come and go so you need to think about what you want out of your life
"Pro birth"
He's pro-forced birth
He's anti-choice.... my favorite. Their whole "pro-life" line was made intentionally, so it sounded like it was the better and more "respectful" choice. They're actually more about dictating & controlling other people.
oh def., they wanna say they're "pro-life" but then are fine w the overwhelming crowdedness in foster care systems, would rather fund a war than help those who need the help in our own country jus' cuz they "don't directly ask the gov for help", would rather put people in cages jus because they aren't from here- and oh, let's not forget about the fact that 90% of them would let a 12 year old almost die from giving birth because "it's not the r.p baby's fault" 🤡🤭
*pro clump of cells that can die without you realising it fixed it
Forced Birth.
Probably a language barrier or AI thing bc this post is bait
You were 20 and your boyfriend was 21 just 12 days ago. What's your secret to aging backward?
And 299 days ago she was 14. The math ain’t mathin’! I just don’t get the point in all these dang rage posts.
And 9 months ago they were 14...
Damn, this post got me.
He won’t stick around to raise that baby anyway- get rid of it
Abortion is one of those issues where a person’s stance on it tells a great deal about them. It’s informed by their opinions on gender equality, familial roles, the importance of science, religious influence, governmental reach, etc. So, having the complete opposite stances from each other on this issue tells me that you 2 have fundamentally different principles and worldviews. You’re going to be torn apart eventually anyway. What you have to decide is do you want to be a single mother or do you just want to be single. Once you have the abortion, tell him you miscarried. If you can get a parent to back that up, all the better. I have a feeling he will make your life hell if he knows you relocated his zygote.
Regardless of what he says, do not put yourself through an unwanted, possibly life-threatening pregnancy and birth to appease him. Do what is best for you. You are so young.
Let me hold your hand as I say this: You're sixteen. In a year he won't be there, but a baby will be. Your job is to do what's best for you.
Get the abortion
Get an abortion, this will ruin your life, fuck his opinion. This will literally ruin your life, you are at a before and after crossroads. Get the abortion and cut him out.
Honey, you're not wrong. It's your body. It's your choice. You don't have a job and you're not in the mental space to have a child. It's your choice if you want to abort. Good luck. I wish you well.
Sad as it is, the playing field is not level. Women carry all of the burden for pregnancy and delivery. There's zero health risk for the father. Therefore, YOU get the final say. It might not seem fair, but it's also unfair that men don't have to carry the fetus half the time. It is what it is. This may not be a popular opinion, but you could have the abortion and tell him you miscarried. It might be the kindest thing you could do for him, assuming he never finds out. But again, YOU GET TO CHOOSE. This is a fork-in-the-road moment in your life. You decide which road to take.
You’ve established you do not want to care for nor are you able to care for a baby. That’s very true and a wise realization to have. Now- you have to decide what is best for your mind, body, and spirit- not what’s going to keep him around. 1. Less than 8% of teen moms marry their baby daddies. 2. Over 51% of teen moms fail to get a high school diploma. 3. Teen pregnancy carries higher risks for pre-term labor, low birth weight, and death of mother and child. You need to talk to your parents and figure out what is best for YOU
Unless he has a uterus it’s your decision.
You both are too young to understand the full repercussions of having a child. If you bring a baby to this world, you need to be fair to them and give them a good life.
ohh wow, that is a tough situation. I get where both of you are coming from. this might hurt him now but if it’s gonna be better for BOTH of you then it’s better long term. your right if your still in school, not financially stable, and don’t think you physically and mentally can manage it, don’t have a kid. if this is the hill you die on don’t give in to his wants. your the one who would have to carry the baby, and take the hit on your academics, body, mental space, everything, so it’s your choice
your body is your choice. get an abortion ASAP when you already know you cant take care of the kid, everything else would be egoistic.
get the abortion. ultimately it’s only your decision and it’s for the better. coming from a teen mom who gave birth at 15. get the abortion. when it’s done it’s done. nothing he can do. if you break up you break up. which honestly you should break up. and it’s 10x easier for him to walk away from the consequences than you. if you were to keep the pregnancy. pregnancy and giving birth literally changes you forever.
Both of y’all’s lives are gonna be so much better if you get an abortion. Morally, it’s the better thing to do because parents who aren’t fit to raise children and don’t have their shit together should not have them. You’re doing the kid a favor.
He's not the one carrying the baby in his body. His opinion does not count. I'm sorry, it doesn't. Your body, your choice. This is one of those situations where you have to stop caring about other people's feelings and do what is best for you because the stakes are so high. And in terms of adoption. I have heard some adopted people say that they honestly wish their parents had gotten an abortion, and that being separated from your birth family is inherently traumatic. Obviously this is not true for all adopted kids. But you would be burdening your child with a life long sorrow that they will have to work hard to cope with. And do you really want to go through the trauma of giving birth to a child and never seeing it again, spend your life knowing there is a kid out there with your blood who doesn't even know you? Im not sure I would want that. I obviously cannot tell you what to do, but if I was your mom and you were my teenage daughter I would tell you to get an abortion. It is what's best for you. And frankly, it's what's best for the kid too. Let the baby return to the void, so that it never has to grow up not know who it's birth family is and it doesn't have to grow up with the burden of being raised by teen parents.
Whatever you do, do not make this decision so that he will stay with you. Make if for yourself and have no regrets. Also, he could still leave you after you have the baby. Imagine going against your gut and being left to raise the baby he wanted so badly alone...because unfortunately that it also a possibility.
Do what you feel is right and fuck whatever position your boyfriend takes. He probably poked holes in the condom. Sounds like a piece of shit.
I'm a man, and i still subscribe to the "Your body, your choice" idealogy. I'll also add that there is a huge difference between what Pro Life originally meant before the religious nazi lobbyists got involved. Plus, many of the pro lifers today are hypocrites anyway. If you told your boyfriend that if he insisted on you not getting an abortion, I would follow up with that you're breaking up with him, and that he should now get prepared to start paying child support for the next 18 years while you go start a life with someone else. In that scenario, I'd bet money that he suddenly has a change of heart about the whole idea of pushing Pro life bs on you. Also, and don't take offense to this but you're still a child yourself. Children should not raise children. You might think you're going to be the most amazing mother at age 16/17, and maybe you would, but at what cost? If you personally feel you need to have this baby, fine, but not because you got peer fucking pressured to do so at the age of 16. Fuck that noise.
Your boyfriend likes the idea of a baby. He likes feeling moral by trying to make sure that baby is birthed He does not know what parenthood is, he is not the one putting his body at risk, he is a selfish teenager and he has no idea what he's asking of you. If you guys break up over that, it'll probably suck, but there's absolutely no reason you should give birth to a child you don't want to appease a guy you probably won't even think about in ten years. And no, you're not in the wrong for not wanting to risk it.
Your body, your decision.
I wonder if he would change his tune if he knew that he’d be on the hook for child support until he turns 35 (at the earliest)?
You don't want to be with someone who doesn't care that you might die giving birth If he wants a baby so badly he can go make one with someone who actually wants to have a baby with him Your body. Your choice. And his opinion doesn't matter
It's your body and future, not his.
Who gives a shit what he wants lol, don't ruin your life because your 17 year old boyfriend has some feelings about it.
Honestly even if he stays with you and you all keep the baby, it is going to impact your life more than his. Likely he will grow up finish school and go off to college, those things are going to 10x as harder for you accomplish.
Yeah, have an abortion and get a new partner.
It’s YOUR body, NOT his.
Please get the abortion as soon as possible and if you're afraid of him retaliating tell him you unfortunately had a miscarriage. Do not date someone with opposing views in regards to this in the future, it can get really ugly.
He’s actually being Pro-Life, not Pro-Choice Pro-Choice means that you have the right to decide whether or not you want the abortion. That being said, this is still a very touchy subject and no matter what you decide, you are going to upset someone! I believe (don’t quote me), some states recently passed that the father has to agree to the abortion. However, overall, abortion favors the mother (usually). Ask him if he’s willing to have sole custody and financial responsibility for the child, without your help? Because while he may say he’ll never run out on either of you, it’s much easier for the father to runout on a newborn and family than it is the mother. Please understand that I’m not saying in anyway that it is right for anyone to walk out on anyone. I could tell you a million and one different “what if…” scenarios, but overall, you have to carry the baby to term, your body has to go through the changes and hardships, and you know that you are not ready to be a mother yet, and it is ultimately your decision. If he truly loves you, he will understand.
Your body your choice, at 16 you are far too young, having a baby will ruin or severely hinder your future at this age.
It’s your body. You choose.
Your body your choice. At the end of the day children should not be raising children. If you can’t handle it then get an abortion. I’ll tell you right now you’ll definitely not be able to afford it.
You should do what you want to do, but you cannot expect that he will stay with you after it's done. You are the one who gets to make the decision, but it's still his kid too.
Somewhere in our society lives the notion in young men that making a woman pregnant and fathering a child makes them a man - A Real Man! I've even heard of some young men poking holes in a condom to make a girl pregnant. Tagging alongside this notion is a lack of knowledge and responsibility of how to raise a child, much less, knowing how life works. Currently, the world is on the verge of collapse due to an over-population of violent, selfish, and greedy consumers. I think the show would run better if casual, 'Hey, let's make babies!' wasn't around. Keep your own counsel, sister. You are the one who will carry the burden for the rest of your life.
Have you seen **Man With 1000 Kids** on YouTube.. It's about a serial sperm donor.. He is talented and outgoing with curly blonde hair.. So people keep choosing him.. The problem is that he added too many of the same genes to the genetic pool..
Neither of you are mentally mature or financially secure enough to raise a child. You’re still kids yourselves. You have to do what’s best not only for you but the baby. It’s not a conscious being yet, so I would abort. Waiting for it to come to term and putting it up for adoption just adds to the mental and physical duress you’d endure. Don’t let the Bible thumpers and political fanatics get in your head. This is your body, and your choice.
Go get your damn abortion before it's too late, ditch your dumbass of a bf, and learn how to select better more positive people in your life.
If he thinks abortion is morally wrong he isn't pro choice. Simple as that. Nta. Do what's best for you, you're the one who has to go through a pregnancy, labour and raising of a child.
It's your body thus should be your choice. A lot of guys don't really grasp the magnitude of pregnancy until they've lived with someone while they went through it and gave birth--even then some don't get it. You have to decide if your relationship with this person is more important to you than the way that pregnancy and birth and raising a child will change your life. You're definitely not the asshole.
If the abortion doesn’t tear you apart, something else will. You guys are teenagers. Do yourself a favor and get the abortion, and if he decides to leave because of it then no more worries about getting pregnant.
In my opinion you are to young to financially support a child. There will be time later after you finish school and get your own address
Your bf is 17 and will not be primarily responsible for a baby, I am not telling you what to do but that should be all the necessary information you need
Abort the fetus, dump the boyfriend too if he won't respect your decision.
OP, did you mean to say that your bf is pro-life and not pro-choice? Just based on your story, it sounds like he leans more towards it
I'm 26 and am still working on taking care of myself, I can't imagine having a child at 16. Your boyfriend does not understand what being a parent means, and he is being extremely selfish.
This is your decision. You’re the one whose life would be changed by going through with the pregnancy. He’s too young to understand that.
If you are confident in your choice, have the abortion. It might separate you, but that is way better than having a baby, separating anyway because having a baby is fucking hard and you guys are not ready
If your boyfriend is against abortion, he is not pro choice. He is anti-abortion.
NTA. It is your body. It is your choice. That dude has no obligations and if you keep it, it's all on you.
Uhh, if your bf is pro choice, then he should be fine with it if it is the best option for your scenario.
Bro fuck what your boyfriend thinks, your gonna be the one suffering the most right now so you need to decide if you want it or not, if you don’t want it get rid of it because you know it’s not gonna have a good childhood if it lives. And even for adoption it’s still gonna hurt and by then you might get to attached to give it away. Please get rid of the baby
>I know I want the abortion but I’m scared it’s going to tear us apart. Would keeping the child not also do the same? I hate to say it, but it seems that this is going to be a point of contention either way. Either he resents you for the abortion, or you resent him for making you keep the child.
You’re the one with the embryo not him.
Do you want an actual future or to end up having a child at 16 and ending up as a single mother within a few years?
ItOf course you're not the asshole. It's your body and ultimately your choice. He can have whatever opinion and feelings he wants, but it's not okay to guilt you over this. Believe me when I say you are both so young. If this decision breaks you apart, it's honestly for the best. It's not the right time
It's ultimately your decision If he can't handle that he can move on This will change your body and your life dramatically and it's entirely your decision at the end of the day-- he can easily walk away and have almost any problems with his own life If you decided the abortion is the best option you shouldn't let anyone talk you out of it
A baby is not something to compromise on. Both people have to want the child. You will have to carry it and birth it. Also, women are always the default parent. He can walk away at any moment unpunished. At the end of the day the choice is yours to make.
Listen…”early miscarriages are very common”. Your body YOUR choice. Teen boys are by far the dumbest they will ever be. Get the abortion and either tell him the truth or spare his feelings. Having a huge fundamental difference in opinion on this is a red flag because it comes down to how you view women as people. He is welcome to say if I were a woman I could never do it because I want kids that badly or whatever , but saying no woman should because it’s morally wrong? He does not see you as someone who has a life beyond your ability to carry a child. If you can live with that being the mindset of your partner then okay, but don’t force yourself into having a kid or stay together because this doesn’t seem like that big of a problem.
Not related to your problem, but I'm 17 and only make $11 an hour. How do you make $15an hour?
McDonald’s near me starts at $15 an hour.
You’re 16. It’s your body. Go with your gut. But… you think you’ll struggle to raise a child at this time, and you’re almost certainly right.
He doesn't get a vote or a say in this . This is your decision and your decision alone. He may hate you for it. You can't control that. But you will hate yourself even more if you go through with this pregnancy just to appease him. Make the decision you feel is right for you, and don't let anyone decide for you.
Your body your choice
No your boyfriends opinion is irrelevant its your decision and your decision alone
Absolutely not
You’re 16. A relationship that is statistically unlikely to last for more than two years beyond now matters FAR less than a decision that could cost your life and WILL permanently affect your body. Please prioritize your health. I’m 16 too, and I sincerely doubt anyone our age could handle having a kid.
You’re giving up your body and your youth for that baby. Saying abort never feels great but at the same time it shouldn’t be at the sacrifice of your own happiness. Be a little selfish. If you want the kid that’s great. If not don’t feel like an asshole for it. it’s a HUGE decision. Your boyfriend needs to support you one way or the other. He can have an opinion but that’s all. He ain’t pushing out that baby and the strain on you is overwhelmingly more than what is on him. If he decides to try and manipulate you that’s pretty fucked up… not saying you should run but…. Not saying you shouldn’t either…
neither of you are old enough to be parents there is nothing wrong with abortion "pro-life" is just code for "anti female autonomy"
Get rid of that burden, girl. There's no shame in preserving the life you want for yourself. Don't make the same mistake twice.
Nope. Get the abortion, you don’t need to ruin your life at 16. Also, get rid of the boyfriend and be single for 5-7 years.
Regardless of pregnancy, you two are incompatible. I'd advise you to break-up and seek guidance from your mom or another trusted adult in your life.
Whether you get an abortion or not is entirely your choice. Understand the difficulties of teen pregnancy before you go through with it. However, you should be transparent with it to your boyfriend. Afterwards, it is his right to decide to leave the relationship if he so wishes, but don’t let this change your opinion
The fact that you were trying to prevent it says all that needs to be said, in my opinion. You were trying to prevent it because you're both not ready. It is your choice. Men so often bail especially with unplanned pregnancies, and are shit fathers. Don't let him guilt you, but do sit down with him and be firm once you make your decision. We don't have a crystal ball to see what your lives would look like in 10 years, but we kinda do. Best of luck to you. 🫂
Kids shouldn’t and can’t raise a baby easily now a days more than ever. Get the abortion. He has a fantasy in mind.
I should probably say this in a more evenhanded way, but… Get to the women’s health clinic a.s.a.p.!
Not to be a pessimist, but you’re young and will probably break up anyways. I would say don’t have the baby because you’re too young
Tell him to stop being a tardo. He's not the one who has to carry it to term for 9 months and possibly die because of it. If he fights against your wishes on this you need to break up, and if he's still fighting about it, you need to let him know youre suspicious (even if you're not) of him possibly trying to trap you by secretly taking the condom off or sabotaging it somehow. You have to fight crazy (prolifers) with crazy, this is serious business. I'm sorry you're in this situation, and you probably love him, but he has to be onboard with whatever your wishes are and that's final.
Your choice. Not his. Also, 8 out of 10 teen dads bail. So the choice is really up to you and your parents. You’ll be the ones responsible for raising the child.
It’s your choice. But you two disagree on something VERY important. Break up. Seek advice from a trusted adult. Make the choice you decide to make. Absolutely do not stay with this man. It’s not fair to either of you.
It is your body and therefore ONLY YOUR choice. You are only 16 and have your entire life ahead of you. Take back your life. Study hard, go to college, get a STEM degree and a good job, and have kids much later, if and when you decide you're ready. That might be with your current bf, but statistically, it won't be. Don't tie yourself down before you've had a chance to even try to fly on your own.
Do you have any idea how many teen fathers *actually* stick around for a year? Five years? Ten? Look it up, it is astonishingly low. He. Is. Not. The. Exception. The baby will be yours forever and his when he feels like it. Make YOUR choice.
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LMAO it will haunt him forever of fucking course. He doesn't have to be pregnant or suffer childbirth. Moral code my dick. And the idea that adoption is easier is also bullshit. Movies and stories never really talk about everything that happens after: your body still produces milk. you are still able to have PPD. dump his ass, get the abortion, never speak to him again.
I’m a pro life male but in all honesty it’s your body your choice
In looking through your post history, your boyfriend tried to wear a polo and jeans to prom. This alone reeks of immaturity. He’s not the one who has to carry and deliver a baby regardless of whether you choose to keep it or give it up for adoption. I know plenty of women who have had life-saving abortions AND elective abortions. Not one of them regrets it. At all.
get the abortion it's not his body
As someone who had a a baby at 16 and also had an abortion later, I might as well have had the baby. This is because later on after I had kids as an adult, I wondered what the baby would have been like. Also, consider your boyfriend’s opinion, I mean Fathers have rights too. You can go to Preborn.com or call 800-941-0151 they allow you to listen to the baby’s heartbeat before you make up your mind. I may be downvoted but it is a huge decision with two different ideas. When I was 18 I thought it’s not alive yet, clump of cells it’s ok I’m not ready for 2 children. The children I birthed had heartbeats and I loved them to bits. If you decide to keep your baby, have a talk with parents, relatives and secure help promises lol. So you two can finish school until you’re on your own. People that can have your back steady for I’d say 5-6 years. It takes a village when you’re very young, it’s going to be ok. Best of luck in your decision and take care of yourself, hon 😊
Your body, your choice. Someone who loves you would understand that. Don't have a child if you don't want a child.
Honey, I had my kids when I was 21 and while I love them to death, honestly I felt like I was just starting to live my life and be free then all of a sudden I had to give it up for kids and being responsible and you're not even that age yet. So really live your life for a while girl. I'm happier as a mother later on
I got pregnant at 18, I was shocked to find myself pregnant and while I wanted to keep my son I was unsure if I was able to do so at the moment due to financial reasons and other things going on in my life; and my parents quite literally said we will not support you and your child so you WILL put this baby up for adoption. I moved half away across the country to stay with a family for the last few months of my pregnancy and picked a family from this agency and wham bam thank you ma’am, 4 days after I had my son, he was off to live with his new family. A year and a half later I was in a relationship and found myself pregnant again and we were in no way ready to be parents, and I was in no way going to go through a pregnancy again just to give up my child because someone told me to; so we decided to have an abortion. It was just the best thing for my mental health. You have to do what is best for you, is what I am saying. Not what he is saying. There is no reason for you to carry this baby to full term to give it up for adoption. There are so many children waiting to be adopted, to be fostered already. It has been proven that children who are adopted suffer as well. They suffer from abandonment issues, anxiety, separation anxiety and much more. Even if they are adopted into a good and loving home. Source: I am adopted for one. Two, I have now been in contact with my biological son. Three research the issue. It’s your body, your choice. Do what is best for you!
I was a pregnant teen 12 years ago and I'm still living in subsidized housing, divorced, and broke as fuck bc I believed he would stay with me. I mean... He married me and whatnot but he cheated. I love my kids and wouldnt undo anything but like... 12 years ago it was impossible as teens with retail jobs. Things have gotten exponentially worse since then. It's not impossible necessarily but it's going to fucking suck SO BAD the entire time and I would bet every penny I have that you two break up eventually. Not to be an asshole but because that is how it goes. He's already showing he has no respect for your choices or autonomy. Do not sacrifice yourself to keep a boy you won't want when you're 20. His opinion should not matter at all in this. You're young and it's risky and difficult in every sense of the words and it's 99% going to fall back on you only. My back hasn't stopped hurting for 12 years bc my body was not grown enough to be doing all that. He is not the one who's body will be changed for the rest of his life for this. He's not the one taking a huge medical risk. Let him go and live your life... Maybe a little more carefully moving forward.
to you, sixteen-year-old, minor, teenager, it is your decision. it would not make you an asshole simply because YOU ARE STILL A KID. he could talk about how it's morally wrong to "kill" a clump of cells, but you know you could not raise a child, as you are a CHILD without stable income, emotional ability, or maturity to have the best environment, so would going through with having the kid to a life where you knew they couldn't have the best life, would that also not me immoral? also, it would be nine months of pregnancy in YOUR body, not to mention the pain of birth and your risks considering your age and your mother's experience as well. a boyfriend should not make immature decisions about someone else's body, especially if it impacts your well-being and, y'know, your life? it is not unreasonable to be concerned about the possible outcomes, financial instability, mental impact, the long, uncomfortable 9 months, the painful and potentially FATAL birth, along with how fucked up the adoption system is, and most importantly, your age and YOUR WELL-BEING. six months feels long when you are a teenager, young love is overwhelming, but i could not imagine telling my girlfriend that she should go through a pregnancy that she does not want, that might KILL HER, and that abortion is immoral yet letting another kid in the system isn't, and not even considering to let you make your own decision. the fact you feel shitty for being logical, the fact you know that putting your safety, happiness, future, and comfort over your own, valid, and mature judgement of a bad idea... that is not what love is. if it will tear you two apart that just means your boyfriend would rather have a baby put up for adoption over you, healthy and alive. you should not feel guilty for being logical and mature. remember that guys mature later than girls, and he's being selfish, immature, and generally stupid. it wouldn't be a guarantee that either of you would live, you are young, and you could die. if he cannot handle that, if he values a child that does not exist yet over your life, he can go fuck himself. because someone, one day, will love you truly, will hold your life, your opinions, your safety and feelings, they will make that feel important. if he won't recognize or make you and your thoughts feel important, (it's cliché, but:) someone else will. he seems like a completely selfish dick (although this is only a snippet of a person, and i am simply some person on the internet) and he does not respect you. of course, i am biased, i am pretty left-wing and very much a "woke" pro-choice feminist, but i can say from experience that you should prioritize yourself, your safety, your happiness, and your well-being. it feels repetitive but your well-being is everything. in the end, it is your decision, and everyone should accept your decision. and to him? womp womp, love your girlfriend and, obviously, value her LIFE??? her health, and mind?? you talk a lot about morals when your girlfriend feels shitty about not wanting to shove a child into a not-amazing start, and she feels shitty about worrying about dying??? hello??? the audacity....
NTA It’s better to potentially lose your boyfriend that you want, and regret it for a few months, than have a child you don’t want, and regret it for the rest of your life.
He isnt pro choice or he would be saying it's your choice. You are 16, get the abortion and drop him. Trying to force you to give birth to a child, he needs to stop having sex until he is married of he feels this way. You also know how you could have prevented this baby, by not having sex at 16. You dont want to lose him, you dont even get what love is. Coz trying to get you to have a baby at this age and even give it up for adoption, isnt love. Its him trying to control you.
I’m pro choice when it comes to late term abortion but you don’t want to ruin your future with adding a baby into your life when your not even grown taking care of yourself yet
Get an abortion and a new boyfriend. You can’t let someone else’s morals guide you, and if he wants to put his morals above your needs, you aren’t important to him.
Yes.
Kid, an unplanned child at your age and in your situation will wreak havoc on your life, and likely, you and your BF would drift apart due to that anyway. Think of yourself first - your health, your life, your future.
Do it You dont know him enough to know if you want a kid The universe is infinite, that fetus with no conciousness wont matter, what will matter is the baby causing you issues in life, plus if you guys split, thats not the best life for the baby arguably
I would say this is your choice alone. However the laws have changed in many places and now say this is your guardian's choice because you're a minor. Better get mom and dad on this ASAP. The window to abort is closing fast. Adoption is not a terrible choice, but that puts a lot on you.
"I dont have a job, and he makes 15$ an hour" just read that line back to yourself slowly, and then read it to him even slower, you guys should be able to figure something out after that if he leaves you because you dont want to raise a child that you are incapable of raising, then it just saves you time finding out hes a piece of shit down the road later
Why bring someone into this world just for them to suffer right from the start? I already have it hard enough sometimes, even without having any trauma and living a normal childhood. I would have gladly chosen oblivion over having to struggle the first half of my life and continue to know struggle my entire life if my mom or god gave me the choice while I was still in the womb. Imagine throwing lifelong trauma into that mix as well. Idk how you childhood trauma survivors do it but bless ya’ll because Ive seen and heard so much dark stories.
Get the abortion. No child should enter the world unwanted. You can always have another when you are both ready.
How do you know he didn’t remove the condom when yall had sex? You cant say that so its a list of possibilities. The condom could also have broken
Best advice I received from the nurse who confirmed my pregnancy: “Whatever you decide is the right choice.”
Never let a dick attached to an anti-choice man come anywhere near you, ever. Ever ever ever.
no you arent. yall are teenagers in no position to raise a child. adoption isnt always a good option because the pregnancy will still heavily impact you. while i do understand his point, hes not being realistic in my opinion. any future you were planning on having is now being put on hold. in my opinion i would go through with the abortion
It's your choice, and a choice that affects the WHOLE rest of your life. Are you confident you're OK with this guy, who doesn't respect your boundaries and choices about your body, health, and the entire trajectory of your life, being the father of your child and remaining in your life for at least the next two decades - until you're in your mid thirties? Something we all have to learn at some point is as much as you love your partner, at a certain point you have to put your wellbeing first. Only you can decide, but for me, I'd say this is probably at that point. ETA: And no, of course you're not an asshole, it's your own body and health.
your body, your choice!
NTA at all. Your body, your choice. If *you* are certain just get it done ASAP, there is no baby yet, just cells.
You're 16 for chrissakes. Do that embryo a favor, and don't let it be subject to your poor decision making. Abortion is a clear, and responsible option. Your boyfriend is a moron.
is your boyfriend pregnant? no? who gives a shit what he thinks. you are the one who the responsibility will fall on. it is your choice. i wouldn't go through with it for a man. that relationship is temporary, a child is permanent.
You already know what the right thing to do is. Good luck, and know you're not alone.
I think your title may have a typo, it does not sound like your boyfriend is "pro choice". It sounds like he is "pro-fored-birth".
A 17 year old boys opinions on reproductive health are about at useful as I am at sports trivia, not in the slightest
Just leave him now, he won't respect you after he feels you murdered his kiddo... So yea I would leave now...
Your boyfriend is not pro-choice. Even though you were being very careful, there is a very real possibility your boyfriend wasn't and may have actually trapped you. It's shocking how often it happens. Not only would I not have a child with someone at your age to keep or to give away, I would not tell him that you are still pregnant and I would let him know that you got your period. I would then immediately plan an abortion. At some point soon, I would break up with him for another reason or start using another method of birth control without telling him.
That he’s pro choice, and not onboard with your decision is a huge red flag.
If you have an abortion and it tears you apart then he wasn’t worth keeping in the first place. He has no idea what he’s asking of you or what he’s trying to sign up for. You need to do what is in your best interest regardless of what he thinks. All of your reasons for wanting to terminate the pregnancy are very logical and valid. He’s not providing any sort of logic or plan for how he intends to support you and the baby. Also- The fact that he is guilt tripping you with morals for making a medical decision about your own body is a huge red flag. Whatever choice you do make, make sure it feels right for you.