You don’t fuck family.
Just saying.
Lack of boundaries are reason enough to leave. The first years is to get to know each other and to see if you are compatible. You aren’t.
Don’t be surprised if he tries to get you back after his trip.
Edit: You don’t need time to set them. You just set them. And you don’t go on a trip with your ex. Why didn’t he invite you? And you don’t neglect your partner to chat with others.
This!! He also stated it was not the right time for his ex and him. What if the right time was a 1-2years from now he decides it is?? You definitely deserve better and he is throwing up some red flags with his ex. Updateme and let us know how it goes! Good luck! ❤️
Not overreacting, this is even worse. You’re competing with his ex and a mutual friend, and I I don’t mean to be harsh here, but it sounds like you’re in third place and he’s mad that you don’t want to be in third place. Is this mutual friend really your friend if your boyfriend talks about dating her? How does she feel about him? Are they also texting at 1am in your face while he ignores you?
It’s only been 3 months and this is way too much drama. Just get out now while the stakes are low. This guy is not ready to be in a relationship with anyone else, he’s already too busy with the ex and the friend.
I know. But that doesn’t make any difference.
There are a lot of red flag.
Lack of boundaries, travelling with ex, the comment about the mutual friend, him needing time, him realising you aren’t compatible but still want to work it out etc. He is not into you. He doesn’t feel enough for you to do everything to keep you. Let him be with his „family“.
Yeeeeah, I'm about to be that pick-me for a minute. I really don't intend to.
But I might be wary if you were my daughter and I saw he had a lot of female friends. Not because I don't think men and women can be strictly friends but because I remember me at that age.
I'm sure I've frustrated the hell out of some girlfriends of my male friends and I know now a lot of them would happily go from friends to friends with benefits and def had that as a target while i skipped along my happy "men and women can be friends" trail. I was also for sure an emotional affair partner to many,
The reason why I'd be wary, not of a man with a lot of female friends, but with how they interact, is because I know how well-spoken I was about this being right and how there's nothing to it but friendship and it's important to have someone to talk to. If your boyfriend was my friend I'd arm him with a ton of ammo to use against you trying to set boundaries and I was smart and well-spoken.
My tipping point was when I was setting up an evening with a friend I'd lost touch with and did so in our usual manner which included him spending the night and since there's only one bed, we'd always shared. I don't even think we ever cuddled, just talked and then slept.
He said to me "I can't spend the night, I have a girlfriend now I need to respect". And I have to say, that set me off - and that made me cut off that friendship right there.
There wasn't me too in my younger days and men weren't seen as predatory to the same degree as today so I never had any qualms sharing a bed with male friends out of necessity. I've only had one instance where that was a bad idea and I got that shut down quick.
But what he was REALLY saying to me there? That what had been happening between us for YEARS wasn't platonic - and I def hadn't consented to that! To me it was obvious that you'd find a way to handle having feelings for me if you truly wanted to be my friend and not use this practise as a creeper way to get closer to sex. I was pissed, have to say, and I felt violated.
My point is, 5 years earlier I would have handed this guy ammo to use against a girlfriend trying to set up boundaries and I would have given him GOOD ammo! The problem was that it came from MY point of view, a strictly platonic wish of friendship, and I thought the guys were telling the truth when they said all they'd wanted was the same. This proved to me what should have been obvious way sooner: Men sometimes don't tell the entire truth.
You have the ick about how close he is with these girls and how it sounds like it isn't strictly platonic for life and you're right to have those feelings. I'd have them too. I'd be pretty surprised if he wouldn't lose a part of his friendgroup if he was actually honest about who he'd sleep with if he had the chance. Another part would stay because they already know he wants to bang them and it's nice to have someone around to remind you that you're desireable.
Ooof, big relate, we had very similar younger years. LOVE getting fuckzoned by a guy you thought was legitimately your friend, that's just the BEST feeling ever.
No word of a lie, once was having lunch with a guy friend of mine and I invited him back to my apartment to play video games, while waiting for the bus he turned to me and straight-up asked if we were going to have sex. When I said no, since I was under the impression we were hanging out and I didn't think getting nachos in a greasy pub was secret sex code, he was just like "Oh, then I'm gonna go home" and walked away.
This foolishness, after three months? Yeah, no. He’s not the one. Three months is when he should be full-on head-over-heels honeymoon phase with you. Instead he’s busy asserting his right to be gallivanting off on trips with all his girls. At this point, you aren’t even first in line, not even at what’s supposed to be peak New Relationship Energy time.
Let him remove himself from your presence with as little fanfare as possible. You don’t fight to keep people who are so little invested in you. The rest of them can have him.
This is so true! 3 months in should still be the honeymoon phase where he doesn’t want to be around anyone BUT you. If it’s still that early and he already cares more about spending time with other girls than with you, that’s a huge red flag. This is not normal to be dealing with all this and this early on especially, OP.
This is way too much potential drama for a 3month relationship.
This ‘friendship’ will be an issue your whole relationship…walk away before you get too invested.
No way would I be ok with my boyfriend talking to an ex at midnight and going for a weekend visit 🚩
You really can't be that dumb into thinking that he's just friends with his ex like that... him saying she's like family is the equivalent of saying she fits my penis perfectly like a glove.
Definitely ask him how happy he’d be if you were going away on a weekend trip to see your ex the guy who used to sleep with. Men don’t handle that shit very well. They would be uncomfortable with it and he can lie through his teeth. Oh no, it would be fine, until it’s actually happening to him and then he wouldn’t be that fine with it. He’s right you guys aren’t compatible enough. Find a guy that doesn’t need to surround himself with female friends.. maybe just doesn’t know how to inter with real men
You weren’t wrong.
He didn’t respect your boundaries and you can’t see someone you’ve fucked as a sibling. You don’t put the genie back in the bottle.
He’s wrong for continually seeking female attention and ignoring you for them when you are “together”.
This is too much drama for a 3 month relationship. It seems to me you guys are not compatible. You’re ready to have a steady relationship while your BF wants to keep his options open. He’s keeping the ex in the bullpen warming up for when he’s ready to commit to her. Live and learn. There’s plenty of fish in the sea
No.
Just no.
If your friend was telling you their boyfriend was doing this to them, you would tell them to dump him.
Maybe your Dad doing this to your Mom?
You know you wouldn't think its ok for them. It is not ok for you either.
Ah, the "I'm not an asshole because I'm not a liar" asshole. People don't need to be okay with their partner having a ton of opposite sex friends they run around with and have small crushes on, that's just some dumb shit the children recently made up.
You mention that he's "big on boundaries." Does that mean he only sets boundaries that others aren't allowed to cross, or that he observes others' boundaries as well? Because it sounds as though he's allowed to have boundaries but you're not.
I think you actually are smart and have good boundaries . Good luck finding somebody that understands what a relationship with you as a priority looks like .
Better to establish these boundaries up front than to spend years with someone and have it hurt worse when it ends. Not overreacting, and I don’t think there would have been any benefit to waiting longer.
IMO there are too many red flags for various reasons and you are not fully invested in the relationship yet so giving yourself space is the right thing here. I do think he'll go the love bombing when he gets back so be ready for it.
Och OP, I feel so bad for you. :/ I understand if it is even just 3 months, but you still feel already in love and think that you can work out things. It is just a really difficult situation for you because if you want happy future relationships - these are not the ones...
So even though it is very difficult right now, you will be happy about leaving him now in the future so much!
You should be the number one and most special person in your partner's life. Which you are not for him. Idk if it is because he is young and dumb, or it's simply his ego - he thinks he can get attention from all the girls he wants and still have a backup always at home, who will be there no matter what he does. Honestly, I can't hardly keep my anger against him. What a selfish prick...
Look for a better guy and best of luck!
NOR, you feel how you feel and it sounds like your instincts are feeling like there are issues coming soon if not already happening. It’s only 3 months, be happy you found out now instead of investing more time.
Not Overreacting at all.
This is what dating is for. I know I have old fashioned views but...
Get to know the person you're with, before doing something that ties you together for life.
Learning their values and boundaries takes more than a couple of drinks and a romp in bed. although for some people that's what they value.
At this phase either can let the other go for any reason or no reason at all.
getting off the soapbox now.
Time for him to go… I mean as a boyfriend. If he’s going somewhere where his exes is and you know it, he’s knows it and you don’t want him to and he still going… Time to find a new boyfriend. he doesn’t care about you.
Nah not overreacting. It's good you found out so early that this guy ain't it. Don't ever feel like it's "too early" to bring up problems because all waiting does is delay the problems into the future when you're possibly even more intertwined with that person. It's only been 3 months, time to move along to someone who doesn't have this big of an issue with basic care and respect for your feelings.
It may not be a popular opinion, but I'm old fashioned and I believe exes are exes for a reason. If you are in a relationship with somebody who wants to spend the weekend with their ex, just end it. You can't have a future dragging the past around with you.
Dude is sneaky testing out the boundaries after 3 months.
If this up set you next time and time time will too.
It will get worse not better only difference is you will be more emotionally attached by then
I think you did the right thing, he was in establishing boundouries that work FOR HIM, not ones that made you comfortable, it's better you end it this early.
Damn that mf is bold as hell! Thank god he showed his true colors early in the relationship. He probably thought you were gonna be a dumb bitch and sit back and let him go on these “friend trips” and fuck who ever he wants.
You two only been together for 3 months anyways lol don’t waste anymore time on his goofy ass. Block him and move on! By the end of summer this will all be water under the bridge. And no you definitely did not overreact. I know how you feel because I been there and it’s a shitty feeling but it gets better over time. I have faith that you’re gonna find a man thats gonna treat you with unconditional love, loyalty and happiness. Good luck and keep your head up 🙂🫶🏼
I think recognizing when you are not a fit with someone early on, listening to your gut, and respecting your own boundaries is very admirable.
His saying that being kind to you was not coming naturally is a huge red flag. He's either going to end up with his ex or have a string of unsuccessful relationships because of his attitude.
You are dodging a bullet. He’s “big on boundaries” but he goes on trips to see his ex and has multiple female friends who are too close for comfort?
This guy is a landmine of red flags and gaslighting.
Good riddance.
Shitty people would start acting right if we all collectively decided to just leave their stupid asses on the curb.
OP, if you were looking for a sign, this is it.
>...and if we could not come to agree on these things and compromise or set boundaries , *maybe him and I were not compatible.* ...
This right here.
He has close relationships with a lot of other people that he doesn't want to give up for a girlfriend of 3 months. You want a relationship that's more emotionally exclusive.
Both of you are reasonable in what you want, but you're right, the two of you are not compatible.
Even if he's not the A, he's inconsiderate, verging on cruel.
He knows how you felt but insists on going. Thats ok. You explained to him he had a choice and he made one. You have all the information you need to realise what he is like, where his values are and how your relationship will be if you continue to stay with him
You deserve better.
The talking with his ex at 1 in the morning while ignoring you is enough to end the relationship and just move on. It’s not going to get better and it’s not worth being with someone who you constantly have to battle for attention from. Tell him you’re going on a nice weekend trip with your ex and see how he feels about it 🙄 He’s delusional. And there’s no way to have a “family” relationship with someone you were previously having sex with. You don’t fuck your siblings or your parents. There’s just no way around it.
If you have this much trouble 3 months in, what do you expect 3 years in? 30 years in? It sounds like you were trying too hard and your boundaries are incompatible. I’d constantly worry on a guy like that cheating.
No, you're not.
If this were reversed he'd be furious, and he knows it. That's how you know this is his lopsided expectations and lack of common respect.
>he is big on communication and boundaries.
>I have been repeatedly upset by his lack of boundaries
Well which one is it? You aren't making any sense when you say that he respects boundaries yet not even a sentence later you say he doesn't respect boundaries.
>I knew going into this that his friends were primarily female.
You aren't overreacting but you are an naïve for going into this relationship knowing all of this. You know how there's those girls who say "I only have guy friends because girls are so toxic and I don't like drama", when in reality she only has guy friends is because SHE is the one that brings toxicity and drama.
So congrats you found the male version of that girl, there's a reason why he only primarily has female friends and his male friends keep him at a distance.
For someone in a 3 month relationship, you didn’t technically “overreact”, but you gave him a very valid reason to see that it wasn’t going to be a good fit.
I would have bounced if I were him too. I’m very good friends with a lot of my exes because most of my relationships are healthy. My most recent ex and I broke up in November. We just went on a fishing trip in April, planned after the breakup, just the two of us, slept in the same bed. We didn’t do anything sexual, at all. We had a blast.
That’s much more recent and “just the two of us”-y than someone he dated four years ago. If someone I had barely started dating told me that I couldn’t go on a trip with my best friend, emergency contact, my dad talks to him more than I do, I wouldn’t have been as polite as he was.
But babes, you didn’t overreact at all. I too would have hesitation about it if I weren’t friends with most all of my exes and it’s normalized to me.
You’re both better off for ending and able to pursue relationships where the boundaries are more defined from the beginning.
You both came out on top. Good luck:)
He just doesn't want to be with you he said your not his person so move on and stop stewing on it you cannot change your personality and its wrong you wanting to change him. Either love the person as they are or move on. Because forcing someone to change is only temporary as you can't keep up with the charade forever. Cracks start to show. You are who you are......
Also just wanted to point out he left you... why are you changing the narrative in your head. Does it give you a sense of control if you ended it. And makes you feel like if you don't get back together it's cause you chose that not him????.
Not surprised he left you honestly......
No, not wrong, you two are not compatible. Next time, maybe don't date someone his age with mostly female friends, then try to control his access to his friends - not a winning combination.
You've fought THIS much after dating only three months?
That was pretty painful to read through in its complete lack of self-awareness on both you and your ex's part.
You can't change people if they don't want to change, especially friendships that existed long before you. You sound insecure and controlling. If you knew about his female friendships before you started dating, then it's up to YOU to break up with HIM if YOU cannot handle it. It's not for you to essentially demand he cut ties with women he's friends with and considers family simply because you cannot get your shit together.
Which is exactly what he did when he realized he didn't want to handle how you reacted.
Totally 100% overreacting. Hopefully this is a situation you can reflect on and see how to learn from it.
Three months? I would end a three month relationship over much less. No, you aren't overreacting.
You don’t fuck family. Just saying. Lack of boundaries are reason enough to leave. The first years is to get to know each other and to see if you are compatible. You aren’t. Don’t be surprised if he tries to get you back after his trip. Edit: You don’t need time to set them. You just set them. And you don’t go on a trip with your ex. Why didn’t he invite you? And you don’t neglect your partner to chat with others.
This!! He also stated it was not the right time for his ex and him. What if the right time was a 1-2years from now he decides it is?? You definitely deserve better and he is throwing up some red flags with his ex. Updateme and let us know how it goes! Good luck! ❤️
You guys are so right ! And thank you 💗 but he made that comment about our mutual friend , not his ex
Not overreacting, this is even worse. You’re competing with his ex and a mutual friend, and I I don’t mean to be harsh here, but it sounds like you’re in third place and he’s mad that you don’t want to be in third place. Is this mutual friend really your friend if your boyfriend talks about dating her? How does she feel about him? Are they also texting at 1am in your face while he ignores you? It’s only been 3 months and this is way too much drama. Just get out now while the stakes are low. This guy is not ready to be in a relationship with anyone else, he’s already too busy with the ex and the friend.
I know. But that doesn’t make any difference. There are a lot of red flag. Lack of boundaries, travelling with ex, the comment about the mutual friend, him needing time, him realising you aren’t compatible but still want to work it out etc. He is not into you. He doesn’t feel enough for you to do everything to keep you. Let him be with his „family“.
Yeeeeah, I'm about to be that pick-me for a minute. I really don't intend to. But I might be wary if you were my daughter and I saw he had a lot of female friends. Not because I don't think men and women can be strictly friends but because I remember me at that age. I'm sure I've frustrated the hell out of some girlfriends of my male friends and I know now a lot of them would happily go from friends to friends with benefits and def had that as a target while i skipped along my happy "men and women can be friends" trail. I was also for sure an emotional affair partner to many, The reason why I'd be wary, not of a man with a lot of female friends, but with how they interact, is because I know how well-spoken I was about this being right and how there's nothing to it but friendship and it's important to have someone to talk to. If your boyfriend was my friend I'd arm him with a ton of ammo to use against you trying to set boundaries and I was smart and well-spoken. My tipping point was when I was setting up an evening with a friend I'd lost touch with and did so in our usual manner which included him spending the night and since there's only one bed, we'd always shared. I don't even think we ever cuddled, just talked and then slept. He said to me "I can't spend the night, I have a girlfriend now I need to respect". And I have to say, that set me off - and that made me cut off that friendship right there. There wasn't me too in my younger days and men weren't seen as predatory to the same degree as today so I never had any qualms sharing a bed with male friends out of necessity. I've only had one instance where that was a bad idea and I got that shut down quick. But what he was REALLY saying to me there? That what had been happening between us for YEARS wasn't platonic - and I def hadn't consented to that! To me it was obvious that you'd find a way to handle having feelings for me if you truly wanted to be my friend and not use this practise as a creeper way to get closer to sex. I was pissed, have to say, and I felt violated. My point is, 5 years earlier I would have handed this guy ammo to use against a girlfriend trying to set up boundaries and I would have given him GOOD ammo! The problem was that it came from MY point of view, a strictly platonic wish of friendship, and I thought the guys were telling the truth when they said all they'd wanted was the same. This proved to me what should have been obvious way sooner: Men sometimes don't tell the entire truth. You have the ick about how close he is with these girls and how it sounds like it isn't strictly platonic for life and you're right to have those feelings. I'd have them too. I'd be pretty surprised if he wouldn't lose a part of his friendgroup if he was actually honest about who he'd sleep with if he had the chance. Another part would stay because they already know he wants to bang them and it's nice to have someone around to remind you that you're desireable.
Ooof, big relate, we had very similar younger years. LOVE getting fuckzoned by a guy you thought was legitimately your friend, that's just the BEST feeling ever. No word of a lie, once was having lunch with a guy friend of mine and I invited him back to my apartment to play video games, while waiting for the bus he turned to me and straight-up asked if we were going to have sex. When I said no, since I was under the impression we were hanging out and I didn't think getting nachos in a greasy pub was secret sex code, he was just like "Oh, then I'm gonna go home" and walked away.
*bama intensifies*
This foolishness, after three months? Yeah, no. He’s not the one. Three months is when he should be full-on head-over-heels honeymoon phase with you. Instead he’s busy asserting his right to be gallivanting off on trips with all his girls. At this point, you aren’t even first in line, not even at what’s supposed to be peak New Relationship Energy time. Let him remove himself from your presence with as little fanfare as possible. You don’t fight to keep people who are so little invested in you. The rest of them can have him.
This is so true! 3 months in should still be the honeymoon phase where he doesn’t want to be around anyone BUT you. If it’s still that early and he already cares more about spending time with other girls than with you, that’s a huge red flag. This is not normal to be dealing with all this and this early on especially, OP.
NOR this person isn’t ready to be in a relationship.
Well he is, just with multiple people at the same time!
This is way too much potential drama for a 3month relationship. This ‘friendship’ will be an issue your whole relationship…walk away before you get too invested. No way would I be ok with my boyfriend talking to an ex at midnight and going for a weekend visit 🚩
https://preview.redd.it/o9iv8hou8l8d1.jpeg?width=1178&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bbe0113cc543a9ef460a6c51747f8979b06615a5 This. This is enough to end it.
Yep. The only valid reason to be communicating with an ex at that hour would be if their child had a medical emergency or was in danger.
I’d be done too.
You really can't be that dumb into thinking that he's just friends with his ex like that... him saying she's like family is the equivalent of saying she fits my penis perfectly like a glove.
Ask him how he would feel if you told him you were going to go visit your ex boyfriend
You barely know him & he is already causing issues...why invest more into someone who clearly does not give a single fuck about you?
Time to move on. Block him everywhere
Does *he* know he's your boyfriend...? Just end it. You have 90 days or less invested in this loser.
Definitely ask him how happy he’d be if you were going away on a weekend trip to see your ex the guy who used to sleep with. Men don’t handle that shit very well. They would be uncomfortable with it and he can lie through his teeth. Oh no, it would be fine, until it’s actually happening to him and then he wouldn’t be that fine with it. He’s right you guys aren’t compatible enough. Find a guy that doesn’t need to surround himself with female friends.. maybe just doesn’t know how to inter with real men
You weren’t wrong. He didn’t respect your boundaries and you can’t see someone you’ve fucked as a sibling. You don’t put the genie back in the bottle. He’s wrong for continually seeking female attention and ignoring you for them when you are “together”.
Not o ed reacting. He’ll be single for the rest of his life.
This is too much drama for a 3 month relationship. It seems to me you guys are not compatible. You’re ready to have a steady relationship while your BF wants to keep his options open. He’s keeping the ex in the bullpen warming up for when he’s ready to commit to her. Live and learn. There’s plenty of fish in the sea
he can go but there would be noone to come back to.
No. Just no. If your friend was telling you their boyfriend was doing this to them, you would tell them to dump him. Maybe your Dad doing this to your Mom? You know you wouldn't think its ok for them. It is not ok for you either.
Ah, the "I'm not an asshole because I'm not a liar" asshole. People don't need to be okay with their partner having a ton of opposite sex friends they run around with and have small crushes on, that's just some dumb shit the children recently made up.
You mention that he's "big on boundaries." Does that mean he only sets boundaries that others aren't allowed to cross, or that he observes others' boundaries as well? Because it sounds as though he's allowed to have boundaries but you're not.
End it expeditiously tbh
NOR There are so many red flags flying around this guy and you’d be justified in leaving him for any one of them.
I think you actually are smart and have good boundaries . Good luck finding somebody that understands what a relationship with you as a priority looks like .
He's fucking these other women and will be when he's with his ex. It's been 3 months, walk away.
Find a new BF
Better to establish these boundaries up front than to spend years with someone and have it hurt worse when it ends. Not overreacting, and I don’t think there would have been any benefit to waiting longer.
No one should be friends with an ex unless you are coparenting with them. That’s it
He’s has no boundaries, move on and block him. He sounds like he would cheat if given the chance.
IMO there are too many red flags for various reasons and you are not fully invested in the relationship yet so giving yourself space is the right thing here. I do think he'll go the love bombing when he gets back so be ready for it.
Och OP, I feel so bad for you. :/ I understand if it is even just 3 months, but you still feel already in love and think that you can work out things. It is just a really difficult situation for you because if you want happy future relationships - these are not the ones... So even though it is very difficult right now, you will be happy about leaving him now in the future so much! You should be the number one and most special person in your partner's life. Which you are not for him. Idk if it is because he is young and dumb, or it's simply his ego - he thinks he can get attention from all the girls he wants and still have a backup always at home, who will be there no matter what he does. Honestly, I can't hardly keep my anger against him. What a selfish prick... Look for a better guy and best of luck!
Run!
NOR, you feel how you feel and it sounds like your instincts are feeling like there are issues coming soon if not already happening. It’s only 3 months, be happy you found out now instead of investing more time.
Seems fine to me. I wouldn't be happy with him either.
This is a good time to figure out who he is and if you don't like it, end it
No. You don't sleep with family, and what if the right time for them is while he is visiting her?
Yike
Not Overreacting at all. This is what dating is for. I know I have old fashioned views but... Get to know the person you're with, before doing something that ties you together for life. Learning their values and boundaries takes more than a couple of drinks and a romp in bed. although for some people that's what they value. At this phase either can let the other go for any reason or no reason at all. getting off the soapbox now.
You absolutely did the right thing. Better to end it now than later when he prioritised those relationships over you.
Time for him to go… I mean as a boyfriend. If he’s going somewhere where his exes is and you know it, he’s knows it and you don’t want him to and he still going… Time to find a new boyfriend. he doesn’t care about you.
You made the right decision. Don’t take him back when he calls in a few weeks. You will never be his priority. Updateme
Nah not overreacting. It's good you found out so early that this guy ain't it. Don't ever feel like it's "too early" to bring up problems because all waiting does is delay the problems into the future when you're possibly even more intertwined with that person. It's only been 3 months, time to move along to someone who doesn't have this big of an issue with basic care and respect for your feelings.
You’re three months in and having all these issues. Have some respect for yourself and leave.
He’s a POS.
It may not be a popular opinion, but I'm old fashioned and I believe exes are exes for a reason. If you are in a relationship with somebody who wants to spend the weekend with their ex, just end it. You can't have a future dragging the past around with you.
Your second paragraph was enough reasons to end the relationship. You are not compatible.
Dude is sneaky testing out the boundaries after 3 months. If this up set you next time and time time will too. It will get worse not better only difference is you will be more emotionally attached by then
I think you did the right thing, he was in establishing boundouries that work FOR HIM, not ones that made you comfortable, it's better you end it this early.
Leave now or you’ll face a lot more grief and arguments in the future.
Damn that mf is bold as hell! Thank god he showed his true colors early in the relationship. He probably thought you were gonna be a dumb bitch and sit back and let him go on these “friend trips” and fuck who ever he wants. You two only been together for 3 months anyways lol don’t waste anymore time on his goofy ass. Block him and move on! By the end of summer this will all be water under the bridge. And no you definitely did not overreact. I know how you feel because I been there and it’s a shitty feeling but it gets better over time. I have faith that you’re gonna find a man thats gonna treat you with unconditional love, loyalty and happiness. Good luck and keep your head up 🙂🫶🏼
I think recognizing when you are not a fit with someone early on, listening to your gut, and respecting your own boundaries is very admirable. His saying that being kind to you was not coming naturally is a huge red flag. He's either going to end up with his ex or have a string of unsuccessful relationships because of his attitude.
You are dodging a bullet. He’s “big on boundaries” but he goes on trips to see his ex and has multiple female friends who are too close for comfort? This guy is a landmine of red flags and gaslighting. Good riddance.
Shitty people would start acting right if we all collectively decided to just leave their stupid asses on the curb. OP, if you were looking for a sign, this is it.
>...and if we could not come to agree on these things and compromise or set boundaries , *maybe him and I were not compatible.* ... This right here. He has close relationships with a lot of other people that he doesn't want to give up for a girlfriend of 3 months. You want a relationship that's more emotionally exclusive. Both of you are reasonable in what you want, but you're right, the two of you are not compatible.
Even if he's not the A, he's inconsiderate, verging on cruel. He knows how you felt but insists on going. Thats ok. You explained to him he had a choice and he made one. You have all the information you need to realise what he is like, where his values are and how your relationship will be if you continue to stay with him You deserve better.
The talking with his ex at 1 in the morning while ignoring you is enough to end the relationship and just move on. It’s not going to get better and it’s not worth being with someone who you constantly have to battle for attention from. Tell him you’re going on a nice weekend trip with your ex and see how he feels about it 🙄 He’s delusional. And there’s no way to have a “family” relationship with someone you were previously having sex with. You don’t fuck your siblings or your parents. There’s just no way around it.
If you have this much trouble 3 months in, what do you expect 3 years in? 30 years in? It sounds like you were trying too hard and your boundaries are incompatible. I’d constantly worry on a guy like that cheating.
Sounds like you know the answer. Good luck in the future!
You stood firm on your beliefs. You dogged a bullet.
No definitely not
No, you're not. If this were reversed he'd be furious, and he knows it. That's how you know this is his lopsided expectations and lack of common respect.
>he is big on communication and boundaries. >I have been repeatedly upset by his lack of boundaries Well which one is it? You aren't making any sense when you say that he respects boundaries yet not even a sentence later you say he doesn't respect boundaries. >I knew going into this that his friends were primarily female. You aren't overreacting but you are an naïve for going into this relationship knowing all of this. You know how there's those girls who say "I only have guy friends because girls are so toxic and I don't like drama", when in reality she only has guy friends is because SHE is the one that brings toxicity and drama. So congrats you found the male version of that girl, there's a reason why he only primarily has female friends and his male friends keep him at a distance.
Smart move. You know your worth. He is not worth the trouble. He’s not just visiting them ex. ……
He's not the one and you are not overreacting. Go find someone who respects you.
For someone in a 3 month relationship, you didn’t technically “overreact”, but you gave him a very valid reason to see that it wasn’t going to be a good fit. I would have bounced if I were him too. I’m very good friends with a lot of my exes because most of my relationships are healthy. My most recent ex and I broke up in November. We just went on a fishing trip in April, planned after the breakup, just the two of us, slept in the same bed. We didn’t do anything sexual, at all. We had a blast. That’s much more recent and “just the two of us”-y than someone he dated four years ago. If someone I had barely started dating told me that I couldn’t go on a trip with my best friend, emergency contact, my dad talks to him more than I do, I wouldn’t have been as polite as he was. But babes, you didn’t overreact at all. I too would have hesitation about it if I weren’t friends with most all of my exes and it’s normalized to me. You’re both better off for ending and able to pursue relationships where the boundaries are more defined from the beginning. You both came out on top. Good luck:)
You guys aren't compatible. Move on!
He just doesn't want to be with you he said your not his person so move on and stop stewing on it you cannot change your personality and its wrong you wanting to change him. Either love the person as they are or move on. Because forcing someone to change is only temporary as you can't keep up with the charade forever. Cracks start to show. You are who you are......
Also just wanted to point out he left you... why are you changing the narrative in your head. Does it give you a sense of control if you ended it. And makes you feel like if you don't get back together it's cause you chose that not him????. Not surprised he left you honestly......
No, not wrong, you two are not compatible. Next time, maybe don't date someone his age with mostly female friends, then try to control his access to his friends - not a winning combination.
You've fought THIS much after dating only three months? That was pretty painful to read through in its complete lack of self-awareness on both you and your ex's part. You can't change people if they don't want to change, especially friendships that existed long before you. You sound insecure and controlling. If you knew about his female friendships before you started dating, then it's up to YOU to break up with HIM if YOU cannot handle it. It's not for you to essentially demand he cut ties with women he's friends with and considers family simply because you cannot get your shit together. Which is exactly what he did when he realized he didn't want to handle how you reacted. Totally 100% overreacting. Hopefully this is a situation you can reflect on and see how to learn from it.