*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for putting peppers in my gf's food to get her used to spice?**
My gf is 23 and I'm 25. I'm a huge spice guy. I love the feeling and seek out hot foods. I eat a lotttt of Thai, Korean, and Indian food just for the spice. Some Latin things too. My gf hates this so we don't really eat together. She doesn't even like the smell so she's always eating in the other room. Before we used to eat at the table together but she'd scarf her's down then leave. It always hurt my feelings. She's asked me to not eat such hot foods around her but I don't get how I'm supposed to do that? It's literally almost all I eat. I drink normal things but that's not food. I don't really like normal foods.
A few days ago I thought to just get her used to spicy foods. I've talked to her about it and she didn't really want to try, but my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy. She just needs a little push in 98% of situations. So, I just took it upon myself. I started to sprinkle in tiny bits of pepper or hot sauce into her food and watched her eat it just to start. She didn't really seem to even notice or mind so I thought I was in the clear.
More of this, putting spice into her food, and it's going great. She drank more during her meals but that happens when you learn to eat spice. The other day, I convinced her to eat ramen with me. She doesn't eat my ramen because it's too hot, but I said I'd make hers after mine. She said okay and I did what I needed to do. I made hers and put the spice in.
She immediately didn't like it. She started coughing and spit it out. I barely even put anything. She started yelling at me and I honestly got kinda pissed off. I was just trying to help. She was at the sink rinsing her mouth out over exaggerating. We ended up arguing and she called her sister and is staying with her parents. I got a bunch of angry texts later from her sister and my mom but I don't think I was wrong. I didn't expect her to not be able to handle the smallest bit I put in. I just want her to eat meals with me and not complain when I cook in the kitchen. It hurts my feelings that she won't even try.
In my opinion she's over exaggerating. It isn't even bad. I texted a friend of mine about it when I calmed down a bit and he said I'm all good. He agreed that I was just trying to help her out. You can't go your entire life not eating spicy foods. Most of the world has spicy foods. She just wants to argue for no reason.
AITA?
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What happens when he decides he is/is not ready to have kids? I bet he'd have zero compunction messing with her birth control. I hope she sees this for the giant red flag that it is and runs...
I read this:
>my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy
And that was literally my first thought, he’s gonna push sex and kids on her.
Right???? No doubt in my mind that he has pushed her on sex stuff in the past. I hope this is what wakes her up. Too many women have that “well, you can’t expect guys not to push for sex” default and just ignore that stuff, but maybe this is outside the box enough to get her attention.
Yeah, I'm guessing most of the instances of "something" she "really wants but just can't admit it" also involve some form of OOP doing something to her body that she doesn't want.
This. Plus, I bet she doesn't enjoy the things she's "pushed" to do, she's shy and doesn't want to say no. I highly doubt she ever has any fun, she just feels like she needs to because she's dating an asshole.
Yep. He's rapey. I'm not saying he *has* raped her. I don't know that. I'm saying that his attitude toward her suggests that he wouldn't stop just because she said no.
He’s one of those…. “Just try it, you’ll like it” or “you won’t even notice it’s in there!”
Took my dad nearly 35 years to finally get it and to stop trying to sneak ingredients I don’t like into food
>What happens when he decides he is/is not ready to have kids? I bet he'd have zero compunction messing with her birth control
You don't understand, she doesn't say what she means! She just needs a little push 98% of the time to see she's wrong! /s
This is my soon to be ex. His mom put stuff in my food every time that I'm allergic to. I saw messages he sent her saying, "She (meaning me) says she's allergic and is mad I'm not sticking up for her. There's nothing to stick up for. " Fucking trash humans, the lot of them.
This is the mustard psycho all over again. That sort of need for control and boundary pushing is a sign that shouldn't be ignored.
Edit: here is the [Boru](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxms57/my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like_mustard/)! Sorry I didn't link it before.
Oh, man. That was a crazy one. I remember when that one was happening. I love when someone in the comments is quick to provide for the people who’ve missed out. Thank you for your service LOL
I actually had not seen any of the updates past the one from November 2022, so thank you for pointing that out! I am very relieved that she got away and is safe. Her story is so scary and, unfortunately, much too common.
......Jesus. This is my ex. He was a full blown narcissist. He knew I didn't want kids but said he'd force me to have them, and openly bragged about how he'd physically abuse them to make them "respectful". I didn't marry him thank hell, but I did have to sleep out of my car for a few weeks to escape him.
The fact that she never made any more updates is really scary. I hope she's ok.
Had he written that it hurt his feelings one more time, it would've hurt mine not to find him and punch him in the face. If this one's rage bait, it's done the job well.
He said he can't not eat spicy food, it's all he eats, so yes he wants her to do what he wants all the time and can't compromise by eating what she can or likes ever.
Sorry! Super rough day here, super duper not defending him. Mostly making fun of him in the beginning, because he literally said "i can't...it's all I eat" and i heard it in my head in the most whiney voice ever. He's a complete jerk for just eating less spicey foods sometimes. He wants what he wants and pushes her to it. I hope she runs.
Same page! Poor baby can't eat food that isn't rated Thai extra hot.
ETA: My bf does all the cooking and he likes spicy food and I don't (generally). But he makes meals we both like and just adds more kick to his portion. It's called compromise. lol
Right?? I do most of the cooking, thankfully my fiance loves my food and he's not really picky but he doesn't like spicy good food, either. So guess what, I don't make spicy food. It's so easy to add spice in after the fact. Just add chili oil, gochujang, or Sriracha, it ain't rocket surgery.
I do that (albeit mostly unintentionally) and I still wouldn't surprise someone with spice. I even told my ex off when he added spice to the cottage pie I was making for his spice-hating family, even though I like a bit of bite to it myself. Would I find it difficult to be with someone who couldn't even be in the same room as my green curry or jambalaya? Yes, but then I'd break up with them, not basically poison them!
I like my food a lot of the time to be mega-spicy to nuclear-spicy. I love the feeling and flavor of incredibly spicy foods. My partner does NOT. So we compromise. Sometimes I’ll make a medium-spicy dinner we can both handle or I’ll make the food not spicy. We eat out often enough for me to get separate spice levels so we both get to enjoy food together with minimum compromise. I would never dream of forcing him to eat a Carolina reaper sandwich from Dave’s hot chicken just as much as he’d never keep me from getting that. That guy is fucking insane.
I LOVE super spicy food too. Some of my family do not like it as spicy as I do so I'll cook part of the meal, take a portion out and spice up the other portions. I enjoy cooking and it's one of the ways I show my family and friends I love them. So, I want them to actually like it.
I've found that when I do this, the non-spicy loving people aren't bothered by the spice smell because it's mixed with the non-spicy smell.
I like Asian food. A lot of that is spicy. My boyfriend doesn’t like spicy food. When we eat together I make Japanese food as 99% of that isn’t intended to be spicy. He’s happy, I’m happy, no one needs to spike anyone’s food. Why this moron needed spice so badly as to put it in a dish that’s just as good without it, I’ll never understand.
I also hate it that he says "i just don't like normal food". My father is Asian, what is not normal for him is normal for me 🤷🏻and yeah, (usually white) folks one upping other people about how much peppers they can eat are kinda cringe.
That was the tip off for me. What is food that is not normal? I love my spicy food but I don’t talk about it I just eat it. Except when I eat out at Thai places, they always ask me am I sure 😂
I'm more worried about what he means when he is pushing her to do things she doesn't want to do the "98% of the time". Or whatever he said, when he tries to get her out of her "comfort zone"
Sounds exactly like my ex. He purposely found me when I was young and inexperienced and used that to try to mold me into what he specifically wanted, even though it made me uncomfortable. He tried to convince me that it was normal, and something was wrong with me for not being the way he wanted. Every time he made me do something I didn't want to, he would always say, "see you liked it, you wanted to do that."
>You can't go your entire life not eating spicy foods.
Me, with a sensitive gut who gets diarrhea if I eat even the bare minimum over my comfort spice level: Watch me bro.
It’s been suggested that I have a pepper allergy. I thought I was just ridiculously white girl spice wimpy to any capsaicin… and then I learned that green bell peppers don’t have capsaicin and shouldn’t burn at all. But I find them painful.
Fuck that guy. Or don’t. Anybody. Ever.
Do you have issues with potatoes, tomatoes, and/or eggplant, as well?
I ask because I have nightshade intolerance. I cannot eat nightshade plants (the above, and also peppers are in the nightshade family). Symptoms include gas, bloating, diarrhea, heartburn, achy joints and severe fatigue, and can also cause sweating and burning sensation while being eaten in more serious cases. I cannot tell you how sad it has made me -- coming from a meat and potatoes family -- not to be able to eat potatoes (and not to like meat that much either!) Ketchup will make my head sweat. They all give me intestinal "distress" to put it lightly.
I love peppers. They do not love me!
I'm allergic to capsaicin and nightshades! And it really sucks because I love potatoes, tomatoes and spicy foods. Eggplant isn't a huge loss, but I did like a few things with it. Even worse is the garlic and onion allergy, it's in everything!
Luckily, I never liked fries much. But I REALLY miss homemade mashed potatoes and baked potatoes! I love baked sweet potatoes, but it's just not the same.
Tomatoes: only raw, but I never tried to eat them in my memory because the texture is repulsive. Potatoes, eggplant - I love potatoes cooked in every way. Not enough eggplant exposure to know.
Wait wut. I always felt awful after eating pepper. My throat/tongue would tingle or feel swollen, my stomach would cramp. But everyone told me I was being a dramatic white girl…pepper allergies are a thing?
Yes, that's how people in my own family with the allergy react as well. I just keep some frozen sliced ones and add them to my food when no one else is home. So far it's ok, I'm careful of cross contamination, but they get upset stomach and heartburn so far and his father says they affect his breathing now so I'm sure I'll have to cute them out completely soon. It's the last thing in the house anyone is allergic too and I should stop holding on.
Yep it bums her out cause she loves Mexican food and also now cannot eat anything with pepper in it unless she wants to be itchy and have stomach issues the rest of the day, which sucks cause my dad and I cook a lot
People can be allergic to anything and everything. My mom is allergic to chicken meat. Not eggs, just the meat of grown chicken. Her skin breaks out into hives if she accidentally touches it (or any of its juices) and if she accidentally eats anything with it there's some seriously unfortunately GI issues for a day afterwards.
Most spicy foods contain nightshades (i.e. peppers) but nightshades are also white potatoes, green peppers (not spicy), eggplant, and tomato. I have a hyper inflammatory disorder that is triggered by nightshades - OOP would have put my in bed for a week or the hospital. I'm not "allergic" in the typical sense.
Sensitivity to nightshade of some level is fairly common - I happen to have a flaring disorder but a lot of other folks have some reaction that isn't a typical "I get itchy and can't breathe" allergy.
Also you definitely can go your entire life not eating spicy food. There are plenty of healthy, functioning adults who think black pepper is spicy.
Unless OOP thinks his (hopefully ex) gf will be in a situation where she is forced to eat spicy food at gunpoint.
I’m not even claiming some super-special-medical-condition. I just don’t really enjoy spicy foods.
These people who think every meal must be some gastronomical experience vs just what we have to live seem weird to me. Like, of course we want to enjoy our food but sometimes it’s just food.
If he can go his whole life only eating spicy foods and not liking "normal foods" (his words), it's wild he can't imagine her being fine with the opposite
\*Ireland has entered the chat\*
ETA: Scotland tried to enter, but their arteries are too hardened from all the fried foods and England isn't allowed to comment on anyone's cuisine as theirs is literally all stolen anyway.
Any country that eats scabs for breakfast shouldn't be throwing stones from their glass house (as someone who's gran was Scottish and made black pudding for too often.)
Not just the Midwest, but Atlantic coast (New England and further north into Canada) too. Meat, potatoes, salt and pepper, and onions. I (over a couple years) acclimatized myself to spice because there were things I wanted to try that were spicy.
I loved spicy food and never had any kind of problem with it. Then I got covid, and it screwed with the heat receptors in my mouth. Now anything more than mildly spicy ends up tasting like rancid static, so I have to hope it is possible to avoid spicy foods for the rest of your life.
Yeah, thanks to dad switching between starvation and spicy food as our only option, my digestive system is extremely messed up
This would put me in the hospital
I live 42 years perfectly fine without spicy food. My stomache can't handle it. The best was some spicy chips but since three years i also have problems with this.
And he seems to not even can live one meal without a spice bomb. If you can't eat non-spicy meals... THIS is worrying.
Same. I can handle some heat, but as soon as it starts to tip into tongue tingling territory I'm out. Like, I don't wanna feel miserable twice, thanks.
I used to love spicy food but now it does not love me back. Sometimes I will still indulge but it is on my own terms when I have a free evening where I don't have to be anywhere. Tampering with people's food is horrifying.
I have GERD and IBS, and same here. I even eat Thai and Indian food without spice! You just tell them when you order it that you don’t want it spicy, and they don’t make it spicy. It’s super easy!
He can’t go his entire life eating spice. Ask my husband. He had to cut at least 95% of the amount of spice he consumed. This is a guy once ate a ball of wasabi the size of a ping-pong ball. Just because he likes wasabi.
Thai, Korean, Indian and Latin have a way more to offer than spice. Why not go for a mild base with spicy side-dish (with a glass cover) for him and enjoy food together.
Also, multiple people can't eat spice for whatever reason or simply don't like it. Nobody shouldn't be forced to eat something as long they are independent adults or don't have specific healthy or have healthy diets.
I can do like medium-level spicy (medium salsas, a small amount of chili garlic paste in my food) most of the time. But that took a couple years of acclimatization, because I'm from a region where food is traditionally just meat, potatoes, salt and pepper, and onions.
I don't know a ton about Korean and Latin food, but Indian and Thai can be great even without the heat cranked up to 11.
There's no reason he couldn't serve his own portion the way he likes it, and leave a milder/no-spice version for her.
there are entire swaths of korean cuisine that don't even include spice; indeed, kimchi originally was made without, since peppers are a new world crop.
It sounds also like he is making his food intentionally spicier beyond what is “authentic”. The only ramen that is spicy is tantamen ramen. Most ramen isn’t spicy as-is.
I guarantee you OOP is the guy that orders the hottest option at the Thai restaurants because he is eating “authentic” meanwhile Thai people aren’t eating that hot since they want to actually taste their food.
This! I love spicy food but there's definitely a difference between tasty spices (e.g. Indian food) and just painful heat (all those gimmicky bazzilion scoville sauces). Idk why so many people pretend they enjoy feeling nothing but numb mouth and tears streaming down their face.
My husband was born and raised in India, he absolutely cannot tolerate spicy foods. We go to Indian restaurants and he has to ask for like the lowest spice level they can manage, and some times even that is too spicy! So it's definitely not a requirement, at least in India 😂
My mother hates peppers and onions. Always has. My dad loves them.
So you know what they do? He makes the base of whatever dish and finishes his portion separately with peppers and onions. He will even cook his meatloaf (with peppers and onions) in a different oven from my mom's meatloaf so the flavor doesn't get into hers.
Why? Because he respects her and loves her. They've been married 51 years. He's never tried to hide shit in her food.
This is what my husband and I do too. Like I make my tuna fish salad with no onion. He loves onion so I make it “regular” then split it in half and add extra onion to his. And with like salads that have cherry tomatoes on the side, I just give him mine and he gives the pickles on the side of his sandwiches. Win-Win!! 💖
My parents did the same for me when it was figured out that my aversion to mushrooms wasn't just me being a fussy kid but the fact that the texture of mushrooms make me retch - so they'd start to cook up mushrooms separately and only put them in the disk once I'd got my portion.
My gf regularly eats Buldak in a variety of flavors (spicy Korean ramen) I tried it once. That was enough. I'm okay with some spice, but that shit's serious. You know what my gf did? Nothing. She didn't try to trick me, she didn't add things to my food without telling me. And yeah, it can sometimes be a lot in the kitchen when she's cooking because it's very strong to me. (note: my kids LOVE Buldak as well)
Dude is absolutely TA.
Your gf and kids are troopers! I remember eating it once and getting a little over halfway before stopping. I like spicy stuff but that was rough. And I even had milk on standby too!
I don't know how they do it! The kids like the cheesy ones, while my gf does the regular. Even milk wouldn't let me take more than a bite, and that hurt! It's my fault though...I found them watching Korean camping videos, and thought it would be fun to try :) It's now a staple of their diet.
I like Buldak a lot, but even the mildest flavours are very hot for someone who is not used to that kind of heat. I am sure OP used something like Buldak, and that is not OK. Just let the poor girl eat what she wants!
Messing with the food people put in their body for sustenance is such a profound violation of trust. Anyone who does it -- relative, friend, partner -- is a fucking ghoul who should be kept at arms' length forever after. They've proved they haven't earned the privilege of being treated like decent company.
He posted it again in AITAH and added more detail. Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1clo1s7/aita_for_putting_peppers_in_my_gfs_food_to_get/
New info:
>More detail: My gf doesn't have a problem medically with spice. You guys were saying that on the first post. There is nothing in her body to cause her to go to the er or something if she eats spicy food. We had talked about the spice thing multiple times too. No I'm not her dad, but I do help her out all the time with things she wants to do. She said she's wanted to get into spicy food, so I was just trying to help. How was I supposed to know when she wanted that to be? We've talked about it a lot. She should've been more clear or not flipped out at me when I was trying to help in my opinion.
>If I am still TA somehow, how do I fix it. I'm not going to break up with her.
This is the ex that stalks "His Woman" and spreads nasty rumors about her being stupid and mentally ill. She "doesn't know what she wants but I DO" territory.
I'm glad she has family she can trust.
Yeah I'm not believing his second post. If she really wants to start eating spicy food, then she would or she would have asked him to add a little bit to her food. She didn't or he wouldn't be doing it behind her back and then getting upset when she ate the spicy ramen spit it out and getting mad at him for adding it to her food.
"How was I supposed to know when she wanted that to be?"
There's this thing called COMMUNICATING. It works by opening your mouth and emitting words like "Would you like me to add a bit of spice to this?" and then respecting the answer.
This is such a good example of an early warning sign in a relationship that should make you run away quickly. He doesn't respect his gf, he cares ONLY about himself and violates her boundaries without a second thought because "he knows best".
> She just needs a little push in 98% of the situations
Who is willing to bet "a little push" is him insisting endlessly and being annoying so she has to say ok to make him stop
Okay, this:
>She’s asked me to not eat such hot foods around her but I don’t get how I’m supposed to do that?
Followed by this:
>It hurts my feelings that she won’t even try.
is funny and infuriating all at once. He doesn’t want her to meet him halfway; he’s not budging!
I also don’t get the obsession with having your partner eat the exact same things as you. My spouse likes foods I don’t, so I just make something different on those days. It’s not a big deal, at least if you’re not OOP.
Feed me capsicum in any quantity and I puke myself inside out. It's dreadful.
Give me anything seasoned with peppercorns and my mouth tingles and - if left - my face swells.
I suppose it would " hurt his feelings" if he accidentally got puked on after his silly little stunt.
:sighs: don't fuck with people's food, and don't try to "increase someone's tolerance" of something without their explicit consent and foreknowledge. Even exposure therapy for anxiety disorders will backfire unless the patient is all in and the therapist is extremely careful. That's why its exposure therapy and not "expose whomever I want to whatever I want because I said so"
My husband loves spice, and knows I hate it. Black pepper is enough to hurt my mouth. So he cooks whatever we are having and adds his spice to his own after he gives me my plate. It’s not hard to respect someone and not hurt them. This guy is such a dick.
See, my fiancé and I have the same difference in spice preferences. He loves spicy, and I hate it. And I'm the one cooking 90% of the time. What usually happens is, I make a joint meal, then add all the spicy stuff he could want to his portion. He would prefer if I could handle spicy stuff, but I can't. VERY occasionally, I'll allow him to test me with something that has some kick to it, but I usually can't deal, and I get a nice, tasty bland meal
They just need to break the fuck up. If it’s at the point that she can’t sit at the table and it’s hurting his feelings as well. Then it’s done.
No one should have to change. She shouldn’t have to learn to eat a pepper flake and he shouldn’t have to give it up. They should just go their separate ways if this is such an impasse.
Fucking weird impasse. But whatever.
I chose to build my spice tolerance up mostly because I wanted to try dishes from other cultures and be able to handle any spice. But if someone had forced me to do it, I would have kept calm and waited till my IBS decided I need to take a shit. Then I’d pull my pants down and shit on the floor. Grab my stuff and leave. We’re both gonna be dealing with shit we don’t want to that night.
I can't help but as I read this convert everything to sexual assault. This is the same way guys try to push any sort of boundary, an inch at a time, and if he'll ignore this boundary, he'll ignore others.
I'm not saying this guy is white, but for how strong the stereotype of white folks liking bland food is there sure is this weird subset of white guys that make liking hot/spicy food their whole personality.
I love Thai, Indian etc, but there is no need to eat it at full spicy heat. I used to: it isn't necessary. I have an ulcer now that won't tolerate it. And it's JUST AS GOOD without turning it into a gladiator competition.
isn’t it like a form of assault to mess with someones food without their consent?? or is that just a thing I made up??
edit because I quickly looked it up; I’m pretty sure this could be classified as food tampering and depending on where you live it could be considered a felony crime… However I didn’t get passed the first search page on google so I am willing to be corrected if anyone knows for sure!
Pet peeve of mine: “over exaggerating” is redundant. “Exaggerating” already means “blowing things out of proportion” by definition. You don’t need to add “over” to it that’s completely unnecessary
My brother’s partner literally has something physical about her tongue that makes spicy food (and some other things) painful for her to eat. It’s a thing.
But also even if it’s just a preference that’s valid and he is a dick.
wtf did he do to the ramen to make it spicy? Unless it’s buldak ramen it’s usually pretty mild? Buldak is also *not* something you want to feed even a consenting person who is just starting out building their spice tolerance. It’s fucking spicy
Also I hate him for the
>my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she’s shy
How much do we want to bet she’s actually meant every no but has felt uncomfortable with OOP so she just tried to wave it under the rug as to not make him angry/annoyed etc? From my own experience someone who doesn’t believe you when you say no will just continue to take it further and further. First it’s she actually wants to eat spicy foods and then it’s she actually wants to have sex with me she’s just being ShY about it.
I *love* spicy food. I'm not into the 15-gazillion Scoville units things, but I very much enjoy tasty food that has a kick to it. I went to a spicy food convention once, because it was local to me.
My *husband*, on the other hand, has the wimpiest taste buds known to man. Peppercorns can be too much for him. *Cumin* can be too much for him. Green bell peppers apparently hurt (though red bell peppers are fine).
So I don't feed him the spicy stuff. I make the mild stuff, and then doctor *mine* to whatever spice level I want at that moment. *It's not that hard.*
I love spice, and as someone who also cooks. I make sure the food is good to eat for everyone, not ONCE have I lied about what's in the food I make, I omit things if I make it just for myself aka dipping sauces I eat for one meal.
Why is he so determined to make her like spicy foods?? It's not like it's a factor to how good food is in the first place
The fact that the mods removed the post for violence should really say everything that needs to be said.
Also, holy fuck this guy comes off as such an obnoxious pick me.
>my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy. She just needs a little push in 98% of situations.
All hail King Dickhead.
he’s absolutely TA. my ex did something similar to me, except he ordered hot chicken and offered me a bite without telling me, i knew immediately and it was awful. his justification was “it’s not that spicy”. as someone with very VERY low spice tolerance there’s absolutely zero situations in which i would forgive someone for intentionally giving me spicy food.
> my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy. She just needs a little push in 98% of situations.
So he thinks no means yes. Gee, that's not horrifying at all.
This is a really good example of a seemingly minor thing that's actually the iceberg tip of a massive problem. He is unconcerned with her consent, preferences, or comfort. He knows what's best for her better than she does. He tries to make her do things he likes that she doesn't like. And he does not stop when she says no. I wonder what else he has given her a *little push* on?
> my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy.
This is a good example of why so many women are choosing the bear.
I bet he’s talking about buldak ramen.
Look I did not like spicy food that much as a kid but my husband looooooves it. As a result we have many hot sauces and other spicy additives in our house. I cannot handle the level of spice he likes. So when we order Indian or go to hot pot we accommodate everyone, I get a medium spicy or a milder broth, etc.
SOMETIMES I will go harder on spice. Like I’ve had da bomb and drooled and cried for like 10 minutes. I am not afraid of spice.
This is a dick move.
As someone who is violently allergic to peppers (all kinds), this guy would make me very sick. I'm honestly tired of the capsaicin addicts thinking everyone on the planet has to partake of their obsession.
What a dickweed. I don't eat spicy food because of health reasons and I simply don't like it. My SO loves spicy food. We work around this like healthy adults by him eating spicy food and me not eating spicy food.
If he didn't like eating something and she tricked him into it, you know he'd have a massive tantrum.
Dude is out here admitting that he doesn’t care for or respect his girlfriend or her preferences, opinions and choices and will cheerfully bulldoze over her whenever he desires. He is lucky she just doesn’t like spice and isn’t allergic to it. This is the sort of shit that sent me to the hospital.
I can barely handle spicy anymore, my body just doesn’t like it. My partners on the other hand, INHALE everything spicy. They never try to force me to eat it and will go out of their way to make sure my food isn’t spicy at all. This is just abusive thinking by this guy
Something close to this was the first of many signs a relationship I had wasn't going to work. He was British-born but his family were from another country where spice is used a lot. He wasn't too pleased that I said I not only wouldn't cook spicy food but I wouldn't have it in my kitchen. He told me if I ever went to visit his parents, they would be making spicy food a lot and may even put it in my food without telling me, so I could eat it or not, and he wouldn't tell them not to.
Except the reason I dislike most spicy food is that I'm allergic to peppers. I can have very small amounts of paprika with tolerable symptoms, but Mild Bell Peppers give me a rash, stomach cramps and other gastric issues, and while I haven't fully experimented, last time I accidentally took a single bite (and immediately spat out) of something with jalapeños in, I was struggling to breathe within 10 minutes and so itchy that I made myself bleed. But he still would've let his family poison me.
The only allowable reason to hide things in food if if they're your kids and you've snuck in some vegetables, and even then with caution.
Some people have health problems (and may not know it yet) where certain foods can cause serious GI problems. My mom can’t eat anything spicy because she’ll end up with terrible stomach problems, and her doctor hasn’t found the exact cause yet. So she has to avoid eating anything spicy along with a lot of other foods.
Not to mention that screwing with someone’s food is psychopathic behavior.
This reminds me of the story of the woman whose (now ex) husband went bonkers just because she didn't like mustard. He also forced her to do things in bed she didn't really want to just to avoid major consequences, hopefully she divorced him and is in another state away from him where she's getting therapy and support as well as starting a new life on her own.
the guy is an arsehole, a massive arsehole
the slime is saying 'she doesn't know what is best for her, but i do' whilst tampering with her food,.
if this prick truly knew what was better for her he would vacate the position of boyfriend.
Separate meals - It’s the best way. My husband and I don’t have similar tastes - there are a few dishes we’ll both eat but that’s about it. We each prepare our own meals and time it so we can eat around the same time. No arguments about food, and if one of us has something the other can’t stand the smell of, we open a window and sit opposite ends of the room. I like to think I’m empathetic but I really struggle to understand people who get offended when their partner doesn’t have the same tastes as them. I want a partner, not a twin.
I hope he's the stbx at this point. He wants to be able to eat at the table with his gf but she can't even handle the smell of his spicy food. His solution is to start adulterating her food with spices to get her used to it so that he gets his way. He won't consider giving up eating the spicy food he likes because he can't eat normal food. It doesn't occur to him that she can't eat his level of spice.
Yes, you can go your entire life not eating spicy foods. It's a choice. Just because it isn't spicy, doesn't mean it isn't seasoned.
OOP is manipulative and coercive. So many red flags!
Yo, I got a history of bleeding ulcers. Someone "trying to help me get used to spice" could literally cause damage to my stomach that makes me bleed to death.
>”I'm a huge spice guy. I love the feeling and seek out hot foods. I eat a lotttt of Thai, Korean, and Indian food just for the spice. Some Latin things too…It's literally almost all I eat. I drink normal things but that's not food. I don't really like normal foods.“
TIL spicy, Thai, Korean and Indian food are not “normal foods.”
Okay what I don’t understand is how they can’t even eat those foods together? My boyfriend LOVES spice and I don’t but we eat Thai food together all the time. It’s just that he orders his as a level 4 spice and I order mine with none. This seems like it should not be an issue except that this dude can’t accept that someone has different tastes that he does???
It doesn't mean that gf can handle OOP's smallest bit, she can handle other small bits🤣.
When I was younger, my family eats with spicy dips almost everyday. I would never dare. When I got older, I was able to enjoy spicy dips, slowly then spicy food. Now, the present me would rather have tears in my eyes and snot in my nose than stop eating spicy food (as long as it it in beginner to medium spicy). I am trying to up my tolerance because I want to enjoy food in their original recipe. What I'm trying to say is, IT IS MY CHOICE TO TRY SPICY FOOD. People would just offer but not trick me. Had I been tricked, my taste buds will still remain as it was when I was younger.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for putting peppers in my gf's food to get her used to spice?** My gf is 23 and I'm 25. I'm a huge spice guy. I love the feeling and seek out hot foods. I eat a lotttt of Thai, Korean, and Indian food just for the spice. Some Latin things too. My gf hates this so we don't really eat together. She doesn't even like the smell so she's always eating in the other room. Before we used to eat at the table together but she'd scarf her's down then leave. It always hurt my feelings. She's asked me to not eat such hot foods around her but I don't get how I'm supposed to do that? It's literally almost all I eat. I drink normal things but that's not food. I don't really like normal foods. A few days ago I thought to just get her used to spicy foods. I've talked to her about it and she didn't really want to try, but my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy. She just needs a little push in 98% of situations. So, I just took it upon myself. I started to sprinkle in tiny bits of pepper or hot sauce into her food and watched her eat it just to start. She didn't really seem to even notice or mind so I thought I was in the clear. More of this, putting spice into her food, and it's going great. She drank more during her meals but that happens when you learn to eat spice. The other day, I convinced her to eat ramen with me. She doesn't eat my ramen because it's too hot, but I said I'd make hers after mine. She said okay and I did what I needed to do. I made hers and put the spice in. She immediately didn't like it. She started coughing and spit it out. I barely even put anything. She started yelling at me and I honestly got kinda pissed off. I was just trying to help. She was at the sink rinsing her mouth out over exaggerating. We ended up arguing and she called her sister and is staying with her parents. I got a bunch of angry texts later from her sister and my mom but I don't think I was wrong. I didn't expect her to not be able to handle the smallest bit I put in. I just want her to eat meals with me and not complain when I cook in the kitchen. It hurts my feelings that she won't even try. In my opinion she's over exaggerating. It isn't even bad. I texted a friend of mine about it when I calmed down a bit and he said I'm all good. He agreed that I was just trying to help her out. You can't go your entire life not eating spicy foods. Most of the world has spicy foods. She just wants to argue for no reason. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What happens when he decides he is/is not ready to have kids? I bet he'd have zero compunction messing with her birth control. I hope she sees this for the giant red flag that it is and runs...
I read this: >my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy And that was literally my first thought, he’s gonna push sex and kids on her.
Right???? No doubt in my mind that he has pushed her on sex stuff in the past. I hope this is what wakes her up. Too many women have that “well, you can’t expect guys not to push for sex” default and just ignore that stuff, but maybe this is outside the box enough to get her attention.
There is a strong chance the bit you quote refers to sex things. She's shy! She just needs cough*encouragement*cough to try anal!
Yeah, I'm guessing most of the instances of "something" she "really wants but just can't admit it" also involve some form of OOP doing something to her body that she doesn't want.
This. Plus, I bet she doesn't enjoy the things she's "pushed" to do, she's shy and doesn't want to say no. I highly doubt she ever has any fun, she just feels like she needs to because she's dating an asshole.
Involving duct tape... Rde flag territory
No, she doesn't like spicy shit. Pure and simple. A concept that goes completely over OOP's head, like everything else
Yep. He's rapey. I'm not saying he *has* raped her. I don't know that. I'm saying that his attitude toward her suggests that he wouldn't stop just because she said no.
Glad to see I’m not the only one sensing this line was ominous
He’s one of those…. “Just try it, you’ll like it” or “you won’t even notice it’s in there!” Took my dad nearly 35 years to finally get it and to stop trying to sneak ingredients I don’t like into food
>What happens when he decides he is/is not ready to have kids? I bet he'd have zero compunction messing with her birth control You don't understand, she doesn't say what she means! She just needs a little push 98% of the time to see she's wrong! /s
Yep, 98% of the time he bullies her into doing things his way and when she didn't give in this time, he tampered with her food. What a winner.
He'd probably do this to prove she's not allergic or insensitive to food. He's the kind who would say it's all in her head.
This is my soon to be ex. His mom put stuff in my food every time that I'm allergic to. I saw messages he sent her saying, "She (meaning me) says she's allergic and is mad I'm not sticking up for her. There's nothing to stick up for. " Fucking trash humans, the lot of them.
Wow!
Hopefully OOP's gf doesn't waste decades of her life like I did
Yeah, I hope she doesn't.
the OOP is from Camp No Means Yes.
This is the mustard psycho all over again. That sort of need for control and boundary pushing is a sign that shouldn't be ignored. Edit: here is the [Boru](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxms57/my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like_mustard/)! Sorry I didn't link it before.
What's this mustard psycho story?
[Good luck.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxms57/my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like_mustard/)
Oh, man. That was a crazy one. I remember when that one was happening. I love when someone in the comments is quick to provide for the people who’ve missed out. Thank you for your service LOL
Did you see her update she posted six months ago? Glad she is doing better and far away from him.
I actually had not seen any of the updates past the one from November 2022, so thank you for pointing that out! I am very relieved that she got away and is safe. Her story is so scary and, unfortunately, much too common.
Yeah
I just read it and it made my black little soul so happy that she's got away and is safe and finding herself again 🥰
It’s terrifying and sad that the husband sounded exactly like my ex. I lived that hell for two decades and continue to do so post-separation.
......Jesus. This is my ex. He was a full blown narcissist. He knew I didn't want kids but said he'd force me to have them, and openly bragged about how he'd physically abuse them to make them "respectful". I didn't marry him thank hell, but I did have to sleep out of my car for a few weeks to escape him. The fact that she never made any more updates is really scary. I hope she's ok.
Fucking hell.
A dude basically threatened to kill himself and his wife over her not liking mustard on her hotdogs
Bloody hell. My husband doesn't like mustard. I see it as more for me.
Oh man, I remember this one because I was baffled by everyone claiming it couldn't be real.
Don't you know that she is shy and needs a push in the "right direction"? /s just in case it ain't obvious
Because anything remotely close to saying no "hurts his feelings".
Had he written that it hurt his feelings one more time, it would've hurt mine not to find him and punch him in the face. If this one's rage bait, it's done the job well.
I know people like to say most stories on Reddit are fake, but this one sounds all too real.
100% he pushed her to have sex before she was ready.
I love how he just wants her to eat with him. But it never occurs to him to make food they would both like.
He said he can't not eat spicy food, it's all he eats, so yes he wants her to do what he wants all the time and can't compromise by eating what she can or likes ever.
I can't tell if that's sarcasm or meant to be a defense of OOP.
Sorry! Super rough day here, super duper not defending him. Mostly making fun of him in the beginning, because he literally said "i can't...it's all I eat" and i heard it in my head in the most whiney voice ever. He's a complete jerk for just eating less spicey foods sometimes. He wants what he wants and pushes her to it. I hope she runs.
Same page! Poor baby can't eat food that isn't rated Thai extra hot. ETA: My bf does all the cooking and he likes spicy food and I don't (generally). But he makes meals we both like and just adds more kick to his portion. It's called compromise. lol
Right?? I do most of the cooking, thankfully my fiance loves my food and he's not really picky but he doesn't like spicy good food, either. So guess what, I don't make spicy food. It's so easy to add spice in after the fact. Just add chili oil, gochujang, or Sriracha, it ain't rocket surgery.
(off topic, but I hope your day gets better)
thank you! I just keep reminding myself that it can't spiral forever and something good has to come eventually.
OP is definitely the type to brag about how spicy the food is that he eats
I do that (albeit mostly unintentionally) and I still wouldn't surprise someone with spice. I even told my ex off when he added spice to the cottage pie I was making for his spice-hating family, even though I like a bit of bite to it myself. Would I find it difficult to be with someone who couldn't even be in the same room as my green curry or jambalaya? Yes, but then I'd break up with them, not basically poison them!
I like my food a lot of the time to be mega-spicy to nuclear-spicy. I love the feeling and flavor of incredibly spicy foods. My partner does NOT. So we compromise. Sometimes I’ll make a medium-spicy dinner we can both handle or I’ll make the food not spicy. We eat out often enough for me to get separate spice levels so we both get to enjoy food together with minimum compromise. I would never dream of forcing him to eat a Carolina reaper sandwich from Dave’s hot chicken just as much as he’d never keep me from getting that. That guy is fucking insane.
I LOVE super spicy food too. Some of my family do not like it as spicy as I do so I'll cook part of the meal, take a portion out and spice up the other portions. I enjoy cooking and it's one of the ways I show my family and friends I love them. So, I want them to actually like it. I've found that when I do this, the non-spicy loving people aren't bothered by the spice smell because it's mixed with the non-spicy smell.
It's his whole personality.
I like Asian food. A lot of that is spicy. My boyfriend doesn’t like spicy food. When we eat together I make Japanese food as 99% of that isn’t intended to be spicy. He’s happy, I’m happy, no one needs to spike anyone’s food. Why this moron needed spice so badly as to put it in a dish that’s just as good without it, I’ll never understand.
I like to go all in with spice and salt. Not really sure what part of that there is to brag about.
I also hate it that he says "i just don't like normal food". My father is Asian, what is not normal for him is normal for me 🤷🏻and yeah, (usually white) folks one upping other people about how much peppers they can eat are kinda cringe.
That was the tip off for me. What is food that is not normal? I love my spicy food but I don’t talk about it I just eat it. Except when I eat out at Thai places, they always ask me am I sure 😂
I'm more worried about what he means when he is pushing her to do things she doesn't want to do the "98% of the time". Or whatever he said, when he tries to get her out of her "comfort zone"
Dude has def forced her to do things in bed and thinks he did her a favor with that too.
Sounds exactly like my ex. He purposely found me when I was young and inexperienced and used that to try to mold me into what he specifically wanted, even though it made me uncomfortable. He tried to convince me that it was normal, and something was wrong with me for not being the way he wanted. Every time he made me do something I didn't want to, he would always say, "see you liked it, you wanted to do that."
This is probably a cover up for "I'm trying to convince my girlfriend to have anal by pushing her limits. Feel sorry for me"
>You can't go your entire life not eating spicy foods. Me, with a sensitive gut who gets diarrhea if I eat even the bare minimum over my comfort spice level: Watch me bro.
It’s been suggested that I have a pepper allergy. I thought I was just ridiculously white girl spice wimpy to any capsaicin… and then I learned that green bell peppers don’t have capsaicin and shouldn’t burn at all. But I find them painful. Fuck that guy. Or don’t. Anybody. Ever.
Do you have issues with potatoes, tomatoes, and/or eggplant, as well? I ask because I have nightshade intolerance. I cannot eat nightshade plants (the above, and also peppers are in the nightshade family). Symptoms include gas, bloating, diarrhea, heartburn, achy joints and severe fatigue, and can also cause sweating and burning sensation while being eaten in more serious cases. I cannot tell you how sad it has made me -- coming from a meat and potatoes family -- not to be able to eat potatoes (and not to like meat that much either!) Ketchup will make my head sweat. They all give me intestinal "distress" to put it lightly. I love peppers. They do not love me!
I'm allergic to capsaicin and nightshades! And it really sucks because I love potatoes, tomatoes and spicy foods. Eggplant isn't a huge loss, but I did like a few things with it. Even worse is the garlic and onion allergy, it's in everything!
I miss french fries with catsup. Sweet potato/yam fries are fine but...every once in a while I just want fast food fries.
Luckily, I never liked fries much. But I REALLY miss homemade mashed potatoes and baked potatoes! I love baked sweet potatoes, but it's just not the same.
Tomatoes: only raw, but I never tried to eat them in my memory because the texture is repulsive. Potatoes, eggplant - I love potatoes cooked in every way. Not enough eggplant exposure to know.
Wait wut. I always felt awful after eating pepper. My throat/tongue would tingle or feel swollen, my stomach would cramp. But everyone told me I was being a dramatic white girl…pepper allergies are a thing?
Yes, that's how people in my own family with the allergy react as well. I just keep some frozen sliced ones and add them to my food when no one else is home. So far it's ok, I'm careful of cross contamination, but they get upset stomach and heartburn so far and his father says they affect his breathing now so I'm sure I'll have to cute them out completely soon. It's the last thing in the house anyone is allergic too and I should stop holding on.
Yes they are. My mom has this issue and it is very much a thing. She talked about it with her doctor so we have confirmation.
Well that would have been great to know a few decades ago. Better late than never!
Well my mind is blown
Yep it bums her out cause she loves Mexican food and also now cannot eat anything with pepper in it unless she wants to be itchy and have stomach issues the rest of the day, which sucks cause my dad and I cook a lot
People can be allergic to anything and everything. My mom is allergic to chicken meat. Not eggs, just the meat of grown chicken. Her skin breaks out into hives if she accidentally touches it (or any of its juices) and if she accidentally eats anything with it there's some seriously unfortunately GI issues for a day afterwards.
My cat is also allergic to chiken meat. Guess what is 90% of cat food made with?
spicy food doesnt cause tingling or swelling they cause burning and pain depending on how spicy, thats deff an allergy
Yes, and that sounds like you could eventually get anaphylaxis. Please don't eat any more peppers.
Most spicy foods contain nightshades (i.e. peppers) but nightshades are also white potatoes, green peppers (not spicy), eggplant, and tomato. I have a hyper inflammatory disorder that is triggered by nightshades - OOP would have put my in bed for a week or the hospital. I'm not "allergic" in the typical sense. Sensitivity to nightshade of some level is fairly common - I happen to have a flaring disorder but a lot of other folks have some reaction that isn't a typical "I get itchy and can't breathe" allergy.
Also you definitely can go your entire life not eating spicy food. There are plenty of healthy, functioning adults who think black pepper is spicy. Unless OOP thinks his (hopefully ex) gf will be in a situation where she is forced to eat spicy food at gunpoint.
I’m not even claiming some super-special-medical-condition. I just don’t really enjoy spicy foods. These people who think every meal must be some gastronomical experience vs just what we have to live seem weird to me. Like, of course we want to enjoy our food but sometimes it’s just food.
If he can go his whole life only eating spicy foods and not liking "normal foods" (his words), it's wild he can't imagine her being fine with the opposite
Right? He refuses to eat anything that isn’t spicy? He’s the weird one in this scenario.
I feel like there's a huge swath of the midwest US that has eaten non-spicy food for generations.
\*Ireland has entered the chat\* ETA: Scotland tried to enter, but their arteries are too hardened from all the fried foods and England isn't allowed to comment on anyone's cuisine as theirs is literally all stolen anyway.
Hey, as an English person I'm offended by that. We stole way more than just food...
Scotland is here you thank you and my arteries are smooth like silk. Come ahead and let me adjust your attitude. Blaggard.
Any country that eats scabs for breakfast shouldn't be throwing stones from their glass house (as someone who's gran was Scottish and made black pudding for too often.)
And apparently we're a bunch of hicks who don't know anything about food.
Not just the Midwest, but Atlantic coast (New England and further north into Canada) too. Meat, potatoes, salt and pepper, and onions. I (over a couple years) acclimatized myself to spice because there were things I wanted to try that were spicy.
lmfao, its actually incredibly easy to never eat spicy food. you could go without ever eating a fruit if you really wanted to
I loved spicy food and never had any kind of problem with it. Then I got covid, and it screwed with the heat receptors in my mouth. Now anything more than mildly spicy ends up tasting like rancid static, so I have to hope it is possible to avoid spicy foods for the rest of your life.
"Rancid static" is brilliantly descriptive. Also, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, thanks to dad switching between starvation and spicy food as our only option, my digestive system is extremely messed up This would put me in the hospital
I live 42 years perfectly fine without spicy food. My stomache can't handle it. The best was some spicy chips but since three years i also have problems with this. And he seems to not even can live one meal without a spice bomb. If you can't eat non-spicy meals... THIS is worrying.
Same. I can handle some heat, but as soon as it starts to tip into tongue tingling territory I'm out. Like, I don't wanna feel miserable twice, thanks.
I used to love spicy food but now it does not love me back. Sometimes I will still indulge but it is on my own terms when I have a free evening where I don't have to be anywhere. Tampering with people's food is horrifying.
I have GERD and IBS, and same here. I even eat Thai and Indian food without spice! You just tell them when you order it that you don’t want it spicy, and they don’t make it spicy. It’s super easy!
Last time my dad ate spicy food, his mouth literally swole. It was bad.
He can’t go his entire life eating spice. Ask my husband. He had to cut at least 95% of the amount of spice he consumed. This is a guy once ate a ball of wasabi the size of a ping-pong ball. Just because he likes wasabi.
Yeah my dad has IBS and can’t handle even a little spice. I can handle only a very little amount. It’s totally possible to never eat spicy food.
Thai, Korean, Indian and Latin have a way more to offer than spice. Why not go for a mild base with spicy side-dish (with a glass cover) for him and enjoy food together. Also, multiple people can't eat spice for whatever reason or simply don't like it. Nobody shouldn't be forced to eat something as long they are independent adults or don't have specific healthy or have healthy diets.
I can do like medium-level spicy (medium salsas, a small amount of chili garlic paste in my food) most of the time. But that took a couple years of acclimatization, because I'm from a region where food is traditionally just meat, potatoes, salt and pepper, and onions. I don't know a ton about Korean and Latin food, but Indian and Thai can be great even without the heat cranked up to 11. There's no reason he couldn't serve his own portion the way he likes it, and leave a milder/no-spice version for her.
there are entire swaths of korean cuisine that don't even include spice; indeed, kimchi originally was made without, since peppers are a new world crop.
It sounds also like he is making his food intentionally spicier beyond what is “authentic”. The only ramen that is spicy is tantamen ramen. Most ramen isn’t spicy as-is.
I guarantee you OOP is the guy that orders the hottest option at the Thai restaurants because he is eating “authentic” meanwhile Thai people aren’t eating that hot since they want to actually taste their food.
This is the kind of guy that can only taste heat.
This! I love spicy food but there's definitely a difference between tasty spices (e.g. Indian food) and just painful heat (all those gimmicky bazzilion scoville sauces). Idk why so many people pretend they enjoy feeling nothing but numb mouth and tears streaming down their face.
My husband was born and raised in India, he absolutely cannot tolerate spicy foods. We go to Indian restaurants and he has to ask for like the lowest spice level they can manage, and some times even that is too spicy! So it's definitely not a requirement, at least in India 😂
My mother hates peppers and onions. Always has. My dad loves them. So you know what they do? He makes the base of whatever dish and finishes his portion separately with peppers and onions. He will even cook his meatloaf (with peppers and onions) in a different oven from my mom's meatloaf so the flavor doesn't get into hers. Why? Because he respects her and loves her. They've been married 51 years. He's never tried to hide shit in her food.
This is what my husband and I do too. Like I make my tuna fish salad with no onion. He loves onion so I make it “regular” then split it in half and add extra onion to his. And with like salads that have cherry tomatoes on the side, I just give him mine and he gives the pickles on the side of his sandwiches. Win-Win!! 💖
no-tomato people 🤜🤛 yes-tomato people
I always set aside my own portion of tuna or chicken salad before I mix in the eggs.
Your dad rocks :)
My son doesn't like any spice in his food, except for salt. So when I make steak, for instance, I cook his own piece with no seasonings.
My parents did the same for me when it was figured out that my aversion to mushrooms wasn't just me being a fussy kid but the fact that the texture of mushrooms make me retch - so they'd start to cook up mushrooms separately and only put them in the disk once I'd got my portion.
My gf regularly eats Buldak in a variety of flavors (spicy Korean ramen) I tried it once. That was enough. I'm okay with some spice, but that shit's serious. You know what my gf did? Nothing. She didn't try to trick me, she didn't add things to my food without telling me. And yeah, it can sometimes be a lot in the kitchen when she's cooking because it's very strong to me. (note: my kids LOVE Buldak as well) Dude is absolutely TA.
Your gf and kids are troopers! I remember eating it once and getting a little over halfway before stopping. I like spicy stuff but that was rough. And I even had milk on standby too!
I don't know how they do it! The kids like the cheesy ones, while my gf does the regular. Even milk wouldn't let me take more than a bite, and that hurt! It's my fault though...I found them watching Korean camping videos, and thought it would be fun to try :) It's now a staple of their diet.
I like Buldak a lot, but even the mildest flavours are very hot for someone who is not used to that kind of heat. I am sure OP used something like Buldak, and that is not OK. Just let the poor girl eat what she wants!
My first thought is that's what he was using.
She says no when she really means yes because she's shy?? WTF? Serious rapey vibes there.
Messing with the food people put in their body for sustenance is such a profound violation of trust. Anyone who does it -- relative, friend, partner -- is a fucking ghoul who should be kept at arms' length forever after. They've proved they haven't earned the privilege of being treated like decent company.
People like this are absolutely unbearable. I hope she leaves him and never looks back.
He posted it again in AITAH and added more detail. Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1clo1s7/aita_for_putting_peppers_in_my_gfs_food_to_get/ New info: >More detail: My gf doesn't have a problem medically with spice. You guys were saying that on the first post. There is nothing in her body to cause her to go to the er or something if she eats spicy food. We had talked about the spice thing multiple times too. No I'm not her dad, but I do help her out all the time with things she wants to do. She said she's wanted to get into spicy food, so I was just trying to help. How was I supposed to know when she wanted that to be? We've talked about it a lot. She should've been more clear or not flipped out at me when I was trying to help in my opinion. >If I am still TA somehow, how do I fix it. I'm not going to break up with her.
>I'm not going to break up with her. That's okay, because she's going to do it for you.
This is the ex that stalks "His Woman" and spreads nasty rumors about her being stupid and mentally ill. She "doesn't know what she wants but I DO" territory. I'm glad she has family she can trust.
Yeah I'm not believing his second post. If she really wants to start eating spicy food, then she would or she would have asked him to add a little bit to her food. She didn't or he wouldn't be doing it behind her back and then getting upset when she ate the spicy ramen spit it out and getting mad at him for adding it to her food.
I bet she said something like "Maybe another time" when he nagged her about it and he took that as carte blanche to stealth spice her food.
That's possible. Either way he's still an AH.
"How was I supposed to know when she wanted that to be?" There's this thing called COMMUNICATING. It works by opening your mouth and emitting words like "Would you like me to add a bit of spice to this?" and then respecting the answer.
"How was I suppose to know when she wanted that to be?" When she tells you, assface. Also calling BS on "she said she wanted to get into spicy food"
This is such a good example of an early warning sign in a relationship that should make you run away quickly. He doesn't respect his gf, he cares ONLY about himself and violates her boundaries without a second thought because "he knows best".
he won't compromise either, he refuses to eat less spicy food even some of the time
Exactly. You date people to find out of you're compatible with them. These people are quite clearly NOT compatible.
I agree completely. Time to call it over and find a better fit.
He gives off the vibe who would push his girlfriend to do something uncomfortable in the bedroom because she’s shy
> She just needs a little push in 98% of the situations Who is willing to bet "a little push" is him insisting endlessly and being annoying so she has to say ok to make him stop
Okay, this: >She’s asked me to not eat such hot foods around her but I don’t get how I’m supposed to do that? Followed by this: >It hurts my feelings that she won’t even try. is funny and infuriating all at once. He doesn’t want her to meet him halfway; he’s not budging! I also don’t get the obsession with having your partner eat the exact same things as you. My spouse likes foods I don’t, so I just make something different on those days. It’s not a big deal, at least if you’re not OOP.
I hope someone mentioned that he's doing the same, he's refusing to accomodate her at all and this has gone past just hurting her feelings.
"It hurts my feelings" Boy is throwing a tantrum over someone not liking the food he likes yet she's somehow in the wrong?
People who make spicy food into a personality are insufferable.
Feed me capsicum in any quantity and I puke myself inside out. It's dreadful. Give me anything seasoned with peppercorns and my mouth tingles and - if left - my face swells. I suppose it would " hurt his feelings" if he accidentally got puked on after his silly little stunt.
:sighs: don't fuck with people's food, and don't try to "increase someone's tolerance" of something without their explicit consent and foreknowledge. Even exposure therapy for anxiety disorders will backfire unless the patient is all in and the therapist is extremely careful. That's why its exposure therapy and not "expose whomever I want to whatever I want because I said so"
My husband loves spice, and knows I hate it. Black pepper is enough to hurt my mouth. So he cooks whatever we are having and adds his spice to his own after he gives me my plate. It’s not hard to respect someone and not hurt them. This guy is such a dick.
" but my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy" THE FX!? NO! Run girl run!
See, my fiancé and I have the same difference in spice preferences. He loves spicy, and I hate it. And I'm the one cooking 90% of the time. What usually happens is, I make a joint meal, then add all the spicy stuff he could want to his portion. He would prefer if I could handle spicy stuff, but I can't. VERY occasionally, I'll allow him to test me with something that has some kick to it, but I usually can't deal, and I get a nice, tasty bland meal
They just need to break the fuck up. If it’s at the point that she can’t sit at the table and it’s hurting his feelings as well. Then it’s done. No one should have to change. She shouldn’t have to learn to eat a pepper flake and he shouldn’t have to give it up. They should just go their separate ways if this is such an impasse. Fucking weird impasse. But whatever.
He made a 2nd post when he didn't get the answers he wanted from the first one
I chose to build my spice tolerance up mostly because I wanted to try dishes from other cultures and be able to handle any spice. But if someone had forced me to do it, I would have kept calm and waited till my IBS decided I need to take a shit. Then I’d pull my pants down and shit on the floor. Grab my stuff and leave. We’re both gonna be dealing with shit we don’t want to that night.
I can't help but as I read this convert everything to sexual assault. This is the same way guys try to push any sort of boundary, an inch at a time, and if he'll ignore this boundary, he'll ignore others.
Anything that involves tampering with someone's food, especially to "teach" them anything, automatically makes said tamperer the asshole.
He reposted elsewhere thinking it would “get a better response.”
Classic abuser behavior. Doesn't like to hear that he's an assface so tries to find an echo chamber.
I'm not saying this guy is white, but for how strong the stereotype of white folks liking bland food is there sure is this weird subset of white guys that make liking hot/spicy food their whole personality.
I love Thai, Indian etc, but there is no need to eat it at full spicy heat. I used to: it isn't necessary. I have an ulcer now that won't tolerate it. And it's JUST AS GOOD without turning it into a gladiator competition.
isn’t it like a form of assault to mess with someones food without their consent?? or is that just a thing I made up?? edit because I quickly looked it up; I’m pretty sure this could be classified as food tampering and depending on where you live it could be considered a felony crime… However I didn’t get passed the first search page on google so I am willing to be corrected if anyone knows for sure!
Pet peeve of mine: “over exaggerating” is redundant. “Exaggerating” already means “blowing things out of proportion” by definition. You don’t need to add “over” to it that’s completely unnecessary
My brother’s partner literally has something physical about her tongue that makes spicy food (and some other things) painful for her to eat. It’s a thing. But also even if it’s just a preference that’s valid and he is a dick.
wtf did he do to the ramen to make it spicy? Unless it’s buldak ramen it’s usually pretty mild? Buldak is also *not* something you want to feed even a consenting person who is just starting out building their spice tolerance. It’s fucking spicy Also I hate him for the >my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she’s shy How much do we want to bet she’s actually meant every no but has felt uncomfortable with OOP so she just tried to wave it under the rug as to not make him angry/annoyed etc? From my own experience someone who doesn’t believe you when you say no will just continue to take it further and further. First it’s she actually wants to eat spicy foods and then it’s she actually wants to have sex with me she’s just being ShY about it.
The dude thinks her being shy is the reason she doesn’t like spicy food. He will do anything to rationalize his controlling behavior.
I *love* spicy food. I'm not into the 15-gazillion Scoville units things, but I very much enjoy tasty food that has a kick to it. I went to a spicy food convention once, because it was local to me. My *husband*, on the other hand, has the wimpiest taste buds known to man. Peppercorns can be too much for him. *Cumin* can be too much for him. Green bell peppers apparently hurt (though red bell peppers are fine). So I don't feed him the spicy stuff. I make the mild stuff, and then doctor *mine* to whatever spice level I want at that moment. *It's not that hard.*
Of course another man said "he's in the clear". Not like other men already don't see women as people. No, couldn't be that.
I love spice, and as someone who also cooks. I make sure the food is good to eat for everyone, not ONCE have I lied about what's in the food I make, I omit things if I make it just for myself aka dipping sauces I eat for one meal. Why is he so determined to make her like spicy foods?? It's not like it's a factor to how good food is in the first place
The fact that the mods removed the post for violence should really say everything that needs to be said. Also, holy fuck this guy comes off as such an obnoxious pick me.
I hope this is fake. Can someone explain to me what is “normal food”? Cuz all the foods he named are normal foods. Spicy food is normal food.
Op is a walking red 🚩🚩, I can't take too much spicy food to long my tongue be on fire.
This is that guy who “surprises” women with anal sex without their consent, and says he thought they’d like it once he stuck it in.
>my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy. She just needs a little push in 98% of situations. All hail King Dickhead.
he’s absolutely TA. my ex did something similar to me, except he ordered hot chicken and offered me a bite without telling me, i knew immediately and it was awful. his justification was “it’s not that spicy”. as someone with very VERY low spice tolerance there’s absolutely zero situations in which i would forgive someone for intentionally giving me spicy food.
> my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy. She just needs a little push in 98% of situations. So he thinks no means yes. Gee, that's not horrifying at all. This is a really good example of a seemingly minor thing that's actually the iceberg tip of a massive problem. He is unconcerned with her consent, preferences, or comfort. He knows what's best for her better than she does. He tries to make her do things he likes that she doesn't like. And he does not stop when she says no. I wonder what else he has given her a *little push* on?
> my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy. This is a good example of why so many women are choosing the bear.
>I don't get how I'm supposed to do that? That's fair, it's literally impossible.
I bet he’s talking about buldak ramen. Look I did not like spicy food that much as a kid but my husband looooooves it. As a result we have many hot sauces and other spicy additives in our house. I cannot handle the level of spice he likes. So when we order Indian or go to hot pot we accommodate everyone, I get a medium spicy or a milder broth, etc. SOMETIMES I will go harder on spice. Like I’ve had da bomb and drooled and cried for like 10 minutes. I am not afraid of spice. This is a dick move.
As someone who is violently allergic to peppers (all kinds), this guy would make me very sick. I'm honestly tired of the capsaicin addicts thinking everyone on the planet has to partake of their obsession.
What a dickweed. I don't eat spicy food because of health reasons and I simply don't like it. My SO loves spicy food. We work around this like healthy adults by him eating spicy food and me not eating spicy food. If he didn't like eating something and she tricked him into it, you know he'd have a massive tantrum.
"I was just trying to help" Classic abuser language.
Hope she leaves him lmao
Dude is out here admitting that he doesn’t care for or respect his girlfriend or her preferences, opinions and choices and will cheerfully bulldoze over her whenever he desires. He is lucky she just doesn’t like spice and isn’t allergic to it. This is the sort of shit that sent me to the hospital.
I can barely handle spicy anymore, my body just doesn’t like it. My partners on the other hand, INHALE everything spicy. They never try to force me to eat it and will go out of their way to make sure my food isn’t spicy at all. This is just abusive thinking by this guy
Something close to this was the first of many signs a relationship I had wasn't going to work. He was British-born but his family were from another country where spice is used a lot. He wasn't too pleased that I said I not only wouldn't cook spicy food but I wouldn't have it in my kitchen. He told me if I ever went to visit his parents, they would be making spicy food a lot and may even put it in my food without telling me, so I could eat it or not, and he wouldn't tell them not to. Except the reason I dislike most spicy food is that I'm allergic to peppers. I can have very small amounts of paprika with tolerable symptoms, but Mild Bell Peppers give me a rash, stomach cramps and other gastric issues, and while I haven't fully experimented, last time I accidentally took a single bite (and immediately spat out) of something with jalapeños in, I was struggling to breathe within 10 minutes and so itchy that I made myself bleed. But he still would've let his family poison me. The only allowable reason to hide things in food if if they're your kids and you've snuck in some vegetables, and even then with caution.
what if she had a peptic ulcer or IBS/IBD? what a dick.
Some people have health problems (and may not know it yet) where certain foods can cause serious GI problems. My mom can’t eat anything spicy because she’ll end up with terrible stomach problems, and her doctor hasn’t found the exact cause yet. So she has to avoid eating anything spicy along with a lot of other foods. Not to mention that screwing with someone’s food is psychopathic behavior.
Playing with someone’s food is a dealbreaker.
This reminds me of the story of the woman whose (now ex) husband went bonkers just because she didn't like mustard. He also forced her to do things in bed she didn't really want to just to avoid major consequences, hopefully she divorced him and is in another state away from him where she's getting therapy and support as well as starting a new life on her own.
the guy is an arsehole, a massive arsehole the slime is saying 'she doesn't know what is best for her, but i do' whilst tampering with her food,. if this prick truly knew what was better for her he would vacate the position of boyfriend.
What a controlling AH. Mustard man part 2.
My GERD is making me hurt just reading this. I really hope this girl left his sorry ass.
Omg. I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to spice - mikd salsa is too spicy - and this would cause me to throw up.
Separate meals - It’s the best way. My husband and I don’t have similar tastes - there are a few dishes we’ll both eat but that’s about it. We each prepare our own meals and time it so we can eat around the same time. No arguments about food, and if one of us has something the other can’t stand the smell of, we open a window and sit opposite ends of the room. I like to think I’m empathetic but I really struggle to understand people who get offended when their partner doesn’t have the same tastes as them. I want a partner, not a twin.
Jesus what an idiot. The hypocrisy is astounding. He cant eat her food but he should eat his food. What a fucking cockwaffle.
Once in a while peppers cause my throat to start to close and I feel like I’m choking. Once, merely the fumes of my friend’s spicy food triggered it.
I hope he's the stbx at this point. He wants to be able to eat at the table with his gf but she can't even handle the smell of his spicy food. His solution is to start adulterating her food with spices to get her used to it so that he gets his way. He won't consider giving up eating the spicy food he likes because he can't eat normal food. It doesn't occur to him that she can't eat his level of spice. Yes, you can go your entire life not eating spicy foods. It's a choice. Just because it isn't spicy, doesn't mean it isn't seasoned. OOP is manipulative and coercive. So many red flags!
This man is dangerous.
Yo, I got a history of bleeding ulcers. Someone "trying to help me get used to spice" could literally cause damage to my stomach that makes me bleed to death.
Wtf is he talking about? Plenty of people go their entire lives not eating spicy foods... God he sounds so annoying
>”I'm a huge spice guy. I love the feeling and seek out hot foods. I eat a lotttt of Thai, Korean, and Indian food just for the spice. Some Latin things too…It's literally almost all I eat. I drink normal things but that's not food. I don't really like normal foods.“ TIL spicy, Thai, Korean and Indian food are not “normal foods.”
So is this the new mustard guy?
Okay what I don’t understand is how they can’t even eat those foods together? My boyfriend LOVES spice and I don’t but we eat Thai food together all the time. It’s just that he orders his as a level 4 spice and I order mine with none. This seems like it should not be an issue except that this dude can’t accept that someone has different tastes that he does???
It doesn't mean that gf can handle OOP's smallest bit, she can handle other small bits🤣. When I was younger, my family eats with spicy dips almost everyday. I would never dare. When I got older, I was able to enjoy spicy dips, slowly then spicy food. Now, the present me would rather have tears in my eyes and snot in my nose than stop eating spicy food (as long as it it in beginner to medium spicy). I am trying to up my tolerance because I want to enjoy food in their original recipe. What I'm trying to say is, IT IS MY CHOICE TO TRY SPICY FOOD. People would just offer but not trick me. Had I been tricked, my taste buds will still remain as it was when I was younger.
Wouldn't it be so much easier to just break up with her?