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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) telling my dad he's not welcome at my wedding if he refuses to walk with me and my step sad
2) my father says it's his right to walk me down the aisle as my biological father and I'm taking that away from him
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Nta its your wedding. It is YOUR day. Have stepdad walk you down the aisle and be happy you have a person who cared about you do it. Let your father throw a tantrum
OP, bless your heart, but there is NOTHING there for you to have any relationship with that is even in the same solar system with "healthy". Ever hear the saying, "You can't get water from a dry well"? This is a perfect example. He has no love or care at all for you--none. He's made that painfully clear. You are on the verge of starting a new life; one of the best things you can do to start that off well is to remove all the toxic things and most especially people from your past and not let them be a part of your future. Uninvite him, block him and move into your new life surrounded by people who love and care for you and let the past go. There is nothing there worth wasting another breath or tear on. I hope you have a lovely wedding!
Hon, sometimes the only healthy relationship is no relationship. I know it hurts (my mom struggled with this with her mom) but in the end you deserve to put yourself first and surround yourself with healthy relationships. It’s ok to mourn what you can’t have because your bio dad refuses to act like a father or a decent human being.
NTA
NTA
I don't think your bio dad is capable of a healthy relationship. If he was, he would have been a dad for you.
It would probably be better for your mental health if you could accept that your bio dad will never be the dad you wish he would be and let this relationship go.
NTA
He's not only invited, but asked to participate. If he doesn't want to do so that's fine, but he doesn't get to decide who else participates. Is he financing any part of the wedding? I could understand considering his demands if he's paying for the wedding and your step-dad isn't contributing a cent, but ultimately it's your wedding and your decision.
Have your stepdad walk you and completely forget about your father. A parent is not who provided your genetic make, a parent is the person who raised you, stood by your side, loves you and takes care of you. And your stepdad is your father in this case.
NTA, you are inconsiderate of his feelings, and rightfully so. Stand your ground, sounds like he would make everybody miserable, including you, at your own wedding.
My people pleasing tendencies make it hard to swallow this pill but you're absolutely right. I don't have to be considerate of his feelings! He's done nothing to deserve it!
Yeah. You’re giving him more consideration than he has given you … so if he complains just say you learned it from him …
Don’t break your heart waiting for him to become a reasonable person -I’m sorry but that’s not going to happen HE WILL NOT CHANGE. And there’s a good chance he cannot change, especially at his age with no self awareness Move on with your new family and supportive parents.
NTA. Your wedding is supposed to be about you. It is a celebration of the life you are about to begin. You graciously offered to allow him to be a part of it, he declined. That's on him.
NTA. You have an emotionally abusive father. It may hurt you but I think you need to cut him and his shenanigans out of your life altogether. Don't let him come to the wedding. He will find a way to spoil it for you. Learn from what he did on your graduation day and multiply it by 10. He's toxic.
NTA. It sounds like your stepdad has been more of a father figure than your bio dad has, and your bio dad should be grateful you even offered to include him in the wedding at all. Good on you for standing your ground. I hope you have a fantastic wedding day
NTA. Frankly, your father does not deserve the title of "father," as he doesn't sound like he's been much of one to you. He's talking about his "right" to walk you down the aisle like such a thing exists. I know it's a tradition, but that doesn't make it a right, and even if it did, that should be dependent on the father actually being worthy of it.
NTA - if he loved you, he would support your decisions on your wedding day and would be happy to just be there for you. The fact that he can’t means he only cares about himself.
NTA-Your stepfather has been a part of your life for years, he’s your father in everything but blood. Your biological father is showing you over and over how little you mean to him. He wanted to walk you down the aisle to be seen as a dad who has a good place in your life and get all the attention that comes from being father of the bride. You aren’t wrong for refusing to give it to him.
NTA. Didn’t even need to read past the first example of him being a bad dad but I did. No matter what people say, we get to choose who we consider family.
NTA. And in light of his long history of selfish behavior, think now about whether a last-minute grudging acceptance of your terms would even be worth considering. If he won’t apologize to you for that blow-up — without you having to tell him to apologize — and if he won’t promise to be cordial and civil toward your mom and stepdad, then he’s not in the right mindset to attend your joyous occasion.
NFO
why do you want your bio-dad to walk you down the aisle in the first place, or even to be at your wedding, given what you've written about him in the post?
NTA by the way
Honey, he abandoned you a long time and is now emotionally abusing you.
He does not deserve to be there on your day. He is already trying to make your day about him. He is selfish, insecure, and unloving. Giving him your love will not help him or make him more capable of showing love. Save your love for the people who actually reciprocate, like step dad.
Oh dear, your new to AITA aren't you - the answer to posts like yours is always the same. Go NC
f
You can most certainly abandon family - especially when their as toxic as your bio-dad appears to be.
I agree with everything that u/boysenberry6745 has said in their reply,
And to add - cut him out of the wedding completely and out of your life.
I was always manipulated through life to have the belief that this is just something you deal with. It doesn't matter how they treat you. You must love them. They're family, after all.
I didn't realize how wrong this was...
How naive I was...
How much happier I could've been if I cut him off so much sooner in my life.
NTA. "Real" Dad is not about DNA.
The title belongs to the dad that was real enough to support you through the good, bad & indifferent.
If whining and protesting about facts we did nothing to improve actually changed them, I'd have J-Lo's body and Oprah's money. But I've earned (and thus own) neither & would be absurd to demand them. But even that would make more sense, because I never actively rejected J-Lo or Oprah.
I remember there was a time I accidently called my step Dad, dad, and my father LOST it on me.
I genuinely have panic attacks if I accidentally misidentified a parent in someone else's life because I thought it was a huge sign of disrespect.
I did it in front of my fiances Dad and Step-Mom, and they didn't react. I apologized profusely, but they responded with, "It's okay, we're not insecure about our position in his life."
NTA, but you are far nicer than I am. I would not have given him the opportunity to walk me down the aisle at all. Your stepdad sounds like a decent human, and worthy of the honor.
NTA. I learned long ago not to deal with people who are bad for me and mine. Your dad is one of those people in your life. I’d block him and move on with your life.
If this isn't the most accurate "sum up my dad" sentence, I don't know what is! I believe he wants the title of dad without the responsibility of being a dad. Any time I would try to place my boundaries with him, I would get "YOU CANT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THIS, IM YOUR FATHER"
But this time, I told him, " You may be my father, but that entitles you to nothing."
I think honouring the man who put in the work is the LEAST insensitive thing you could do, he did all the dadding, he earned that proud dad feeling with love, care and attention *gavel tap* NTA 😂
I'm proud of myself for this - he did not get an invitation.
This conversation happened before they were sent out, so he has no idea where it's happening.
I've learned it's the unrealistic belief that he could change or maybe would change for his daughter... I've always been told that I have no right cutting out my family. They're blood, and that means they have a right to be in your life. Very toxic.. But I was naive to keep the hope for change for so long..
I agree with everyone else, it's your day your wedding! If all he can do is act like a child it's not Wirth the effort. He's done nothing but make you upset and that's something you don't need in your life! NTA!!!!
NTA. Your father sounds very psychologically abusive. He is behaving entitled, rage-filled, petulant, and self-righteous.
You’re here caring about his feelings, but has he ever cared for yours? My assumption is doubtful. Why sacrifice your mental health for someone so awful?
Thanks! I definitely will let my wedding party know about it so they can keep an eye on it.
Luckily, he never got an invitation, so he won't know where it is. And he doesn't know or talk to anyone that's going because he's either a stranger or estranged!
Because I'm desperate for him to be the dad I need and struggle to face the ideal that he's not capable of loving me.. That if I don't love him, no one will, and he will be alone. That breaks my heart.
I guess it's out of an unrealistic obligation I've set on myself...
I'm going to say something that may seem harsh, but please know that it's coming from a place of caring.
**You don't love him.**
You *want* to love him, and part of that stems from the sense of filial obligation.
No adult is entitled to love. He had an obligation to love you and failed to. But now that his choices have left him alone and without love, he's dug his heels into the narrative that because he's your father, you must love him. This is a poison in your heart that he wants to keep there for his own benefit. He is choosing to hurt you so that he doesn't have to confront his own life. He's not your father. He's your sperm donor.
You have a father who has given you an actual life of love. Compare the two side by side and ask yourself who your real father is.
I can't help you with the hurt you feel at the thought of letting go; that's part of the poison he's deliberately planted through gaslighting so that you won't. But I can tell you that his loneliness is not your burden to bear. You are not his wife, his gf, or his partner. You are not his therapist, his friend, or his bartender. Your only responsibility to him is to be happy. If he deliberately gets in the way of that, then let go.
I've been there. Not in the same way, but I've been there. Learning, and more importantly, accepting the loss of a parent who is still alive, is hard. In your case, you need to accept the loss of the idea of a parent, which in many ways is harder. Ideas aren't tangible, and they have a way of festering.
But that idea? It exists already in your stepfather.
Try to look for all the qualities you expected from your father and ask yourself if you already have them in your step. Look at him and shed the lens of his not being your biological father; look at him as if he were your biological father and ask yourself if he's everything you wanted.
I think doing this will help.
I will for sure be talking to my therapist about this haha,
I know I have a lot of work ahead of me reframing my brain to undo all the trauma but it's okay, I can do it ! I have a huge support system that he was never part of.
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I (the bride) am getting married this summer. The date was finally set, and I let my father know. My partner and I decided to set a date about four months away, so I wanted to clear some things up with everyone and get things organized asap.
I expressed to my father that I wanted to have him and my step-dad walk me down the aisle because my step-dad has been in my life since I was three. My father blew up and told me I was kicking him in the nuts, metaphorically stabbing him in the back, disrespecting him, and taking away his right as a father to do this. He believes that no stepfather should have the right to walk down the aisle with another man's daughter.
I am absolutely devastated and torn because I love my father, but my stepdad has been there through everything. He has been more of a father to me than my father, and I feel like he deserves this, too.
For context, my father has never really been a main part of my life. I've never really felt like I mattered to him. Here's some examples;
He moved to a different province because he said there was nothing for him here.. Even though I live in this province.
In the last 14 years, I have seen my father 10 times. It usually ends with me having a mental breakdown or crying or a huge argument.
He only started putting effort into our relationship when he was no longer contractively obligated to pay for me through child support and I had a say in if I wanted to see him. He came around, using the excuse that I am all he has, and he doesn't have much time left (he's 56 and not sick). He never made his visits and told me it was too hard for him to make the drive.
He chose my college graduation day to serve my mother child support cancelation papers, then expected someone to drive him to the airport an hour away, an hour before my party and got mad when no one could. He chose to sit in an airport for 27 hours instead of celebrating my graduation with me and texted me the whole time about how miserable he was.
When he has the opportunity to visit, he chooses times that benefit him more. For example, he could have visited on my birthday or Father's Day, and he chose fathers Day. Even if I express that doesn't work for me.
He refused to get vaccinated for me so he could travel to see me during covid, and only did so because it became mandatory for work.
He has made me feel in this situation that I am being incredibly inconsiderate of his feelings. I stood my ground and told him that I'm not bending for this. He can either accept what I want or he doesn't come. I told him I would not be dealing with this, and it's his choice. He hasn't talked to me since. Am I the Asshole?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) telling my dad he's not welcome at my wedding if he refuses to walk with me and my step sad 2) my father says it's his right to walk me down the aisle as my biological father and I'm taking that away from him Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Nta its your wedding. It is YOUR day. Have stepdad walk you down the aisle and be happy you have a person who cared about you do it. Let your father throw a tantrum
Honestly, I am surprised you are inviting him at all. He doesn’t deserve to even be a guest. NTA.
I've been trying to establish a healthy relationship with him for a while, he had some progress bur this is just too much for me.
OP, bless your heart, but there is NOTHING there for you to have any relationship with that is even in the same solar system with "healthy". Ever hear the saying, "You can't get water from a dry well"? This is a perfect example. He has no love or care at all for you--none. He's made that painfully clear. You are on the verge of starting a new life; one of the best things you can do to start that off well is to remove all the toxic things and most especially people from your past and not let them be a part of your future. Uninvite him, block him and move into your new life surrounded by people who love and care for you and let the past go. There is nothing there worth wasting another breath or tear on. I hope you have a lovely wedding!
Hon, sometimes the only healthy relationship is no relationship. I know it hurts (my mom struggled with this with her mom) but in the end you deserve to put yourself first and surround yourself with healthy relationships. It’s ok to mourn what you can’t have because your bio dad refuses to act like a father or a decent human being. NTA
NTA I don't think your bio dad is capable of a healthy relationship. If he was, he would have been a dad for you. It would probably be better for your mental health if you could accept that your bio dad will never be the dad you wish he would be and let this relationship go.
Sorry, this relationship is all one-sided. You're the only one making an effort.
Let it go. He will never be the father or person you need want or deserve
NTA He showed his true colors throughout your life. Your step father has been there for you. Your wedding is about you and your groom, not your dad
NTA. It sounds like he was lucky you asked him to share aisle walking privileges at all.
NTA He's not only invited, but asked to participate. If he doesn't want to do so that's fine, but he doesn't get to decide who else participates. Is he financing any part of the wedding? I could understand considering his demands if he's paying for the wedding and your step-dad isn't contributing a cent, but ultimately it's your wedding and your decision.
He is actually not contributing at all, whereas my stepdad is paying for a lot.
Have your stepdad walk you and completely forget about your father. A parent is not who provided your genetic make, a parent is the person who raised you, stood by your side, loves you and takes care of you. And your stepdad is your father in this case.
Yeah, that's what I assumed. Definitely NTA.
NTA, you are inconsiderate of his feelings, and rightfully so. Stand your ground, sounds like he would make everybody miserable, including you, at your own wedding.
My people pleasing tendencies make it hard to swallow this pill but you're absolutely right. I don't have to be considerate of his feelings! He's done nothing to deserve it!
Yeah. You’re giving him more consideration than he has given you … so if he complains just say you learned it from him … Don’t break your heart waiting for him to become a reasonable person -I’m sorry but that’s not going to happen HE WILL NOT CHANGE. And there’s a good chance he cannot change, especially at his age with no self awareness Move on with your new family and supportive parents.
NTA. Your wedding is supposed to be about you. It is a celebration of the life you are about to begin. You graciously offered to allow him to be a part of it, he declined. That's on him.
NTA. You have an emotionally abusive father. It may hurt you but I think you need to cut him and his shenanigans out of your life altogether. Don't let him come to the wedding. He will find a way to spoil it for you. Learn from what he did on your graduation day and multiply it by 10. He's toxic.
NTA. It sounds like your stepdad has been more of a father figure than your bio dad has, and your bio dad should be grateful you even offered to include him in the wedding at all. Good on you for standing your ground. I hope you have a fantastic wedding day
NTA. Frankly, your father does not deserve the title of "father," as he doesn't sound like he's been much of one to you. He's talking about his "right" to walk you down the aisle like such a thing exists. I know it's a tradition, but that doesn't make it a right, and even if it did, that should be dependent on the father actually being worthy of it.
NTA - if he loved you, he would support your decisions on your wedding day and would be happy to just be there for you. The fact that he can’t means he only cares about himself.
NTA-Your stepfather has been a part of your life for years, he’s your father in everything but blood. Your biological father is showing you over and over how little you mean to him. He wanted to walk you down the aisle to be seen as a dad who has a good place in your life and get all the attention that comes from being father of the bride. You aren’t wrong for refusing to give it to him.
NTA. If he wanted to be treated like the bride's father, he should have been the bride's father all along.
NTA. Didn’t even need to read past the first example of him being a bad dad but I did. No matter what people say, we get to choose who we consider family.
NTA. And in light of his long history of selfish behavior, think now about whether a last-minute grudging acceptance of your terms would even be worth considering. If he won’t apologize to you for that blow-up — without you having to tell him to apologize — and if he won’t promise to be cordial and civil toward your mom and stepdad, then he’s not in the right mindset to attend your joyous occasion.
This is my biggest fear! That's one thing I said to him when we got into the argument. "How am I supposed to trust that you'll behave on the day of"
You can't.
NTA. Good riddance, frankly. He sounds insanely self centered. Let the man that was actually there for you walk you down the aisle.
NFO why do you want your bio-dad to walk you down the aisle in the first place, or even to be at your wedding, given what you've written about him in the post? NTA by the way
The toxic belief that you can't abandon family 😅
Honey, he abandoned you a long time and is now emotionally abusing you. He does not deserve to be there on your day. He is already trying to make your day about him. He is selfish, insecure, and unloving. Giving him your love will not help him or make him more capable of showing love. Save your love for the people who actually reciprocate, like step dad.
Oh dear, your new to AITA aren't you - the answer to posts like yours is always the same. Go NC f You can most certainly abandon family - especially when their as toxic as your bio-dad appears to be. I agree with everything that u/boysenberry6745 has said in their reply, And to add - cut him out of the wedding completely and out of your life.
I was always manipulated through life to have the belief that this is just something you deal with. It doesn't matter how they treat you. You must love them. They're family, after all. I didn't realize how wrong this was... How naive I was... How much happier I could've been if I cut him off so much sooner in my life.
NTA He showed his true colors throughout your life. Your step father has been there for you. Your wedding is about you and your groom, not your dad
NTA - It’s your wedding, YOUR wedding.
NTA!! Your dad is a weight around your neck. Don’t let him ruin your wedding and your emotional health.
He never deserved to be invited in the first place. Your life will be much happier, and will contain much less drama, if you just cut him off now. NTA
NTA. No one has rights or entitlements at someone else’s wedding.
NTA - you are an adult and you get to choose. Unfortunately, so does he. Best wishes on a beautiful wedding. Don’t let him steal your joy.
NTA.
NTA, idk why you’re having your bio-dad walk you down the aisle at all tbh.
I don't even know anymore 😕
NTA. "Real" Dad is not about DNA. The title belongs to the dad that was real enough to support you through the good, bad & indifferent. If whining and protesting about facts we did nothing to improve actually changed them, I'd have J-Lo's body and Oprah's money. But I've earned (and thus own) neither & would be absurd to demand them. But even that would make more sense, because I never actively rejected J-Lo or Oprah.
If he acted like that at your graduation he would probably be a lot worse at your wedding since he doesn't want your real daddy to be there with you.
I remember there was a time I accidently called my step Dad, dad, and my father LOST it on me. I genuinely have panic attacks if I accidentally misidentified a parent in someone else's life because I thought it was a huge sign of disrespect. I did it in front of my fiances Dad and Step-Mom, and they didn't react. I apologized profusely, but they responded with, "It's okay, we're not insecure about our position in his life."
Do you think it's about time to cut your dad off completely? I ask this just for your own sanity.
Oh no doubt. I'm hoping he's done it for me now, cause he won't talk to me but if he hasn't, I won't forgive him.
In the sense of letting him back in my life. I will cope, greive, move on. But fool me for the 28th year, shame on me. 🤣
NTA. Take the no contact. He hasn't been a father for years.
NTA He made his choice a long time ago. He's mad you're not a prop in his fantasy world.
NTA, but you are far nicer than I am. I would not have given him the opportunity to walk me down the aisle at all. Your stepdad sounds like a decent human, and worthy of the honor.
NTA. I learned long ago not to deal with people who are bad for me and mine. Your dad is one of those people in your life. I’d block him and move on with your life.
NTA. He should be grateful you want both.
Ah another “half ass man wants full ass privileges , without doing full ass work” post
If this isn't the most accurate "sum up my dad" sentence, I don't know what is! I believe he wants the title of dad without the responsibility of being a dad. Any time I would try to place my boundaries with him, I would get "YOU CANT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THIS, IM YOUR FATHER" But this time, I told him, " You may be my father, but that entitles you to nothing."
I think honouring the man who put in the work is the LEAST insensitive thing you could do, he did all the dadding, he earned that proud dad feeling with love, care and attention *gavel tap* NTA 😂
NTA. I would rescind the invitation. He’s not your father, he’s your sperm donor. Let your dad who has raised you walk you down the aisle.
I'm proud of myself for this - he did not get an invitation. This conversation happened before they were sent out, so he has no idea where it's happening.
NTA but why even have contact with him sounds like he's a crappy father
I've learned it's the unrealistic belief that he could change or maybe would change for his daughter... I've always been told that I have no right cutting out my family. They're blood, and that means they have a right to be in your life. Very toxic.. But I was naive to keep the hope for change for so long..
I agree with everyone else, it's your day your wedding! If all he can do is act like a child it's not Wirth the effort. He's done nothing but make you upset and that's something you don't need in your life! NTA!!!!
NTA. Your father sounds very psychologically abusive. He is behaving entitled, rage-filled, petulant, and self-righteous. You’re here caring about his feelings, but has he ever cared for yours? My assumption is doubtful. Why sacrifice your mental health for someone so awful?
NTA but make sure people know that he's not welcome. I don't trust him not to try to crash the wedding.
Thanks! I definitely will let my wedding party know about it so they can keep an eye on it. Luckily, he never got an invitation, so he won't know where it is. And he doesn't know or talk to anyone that's going because he's either a stranger or estranged!
Good to hear that! Enjoy your wedding!
Info: ...Why do you think you love him?
Because I'm desperate for him to be the dad I need and struggle to face the ideal that he's not capable of loving me.. That if I don't love him, no one will, and he will be alone. That breaks my heart. I guess it's out of an unrealistic obligation I've set on myself...
I'm going to say something that may seem harsh, but please know that it's coming from a place of caring. **You don't love him.** You *want* to love him, and part of that stems from the sense of filial obligation. No adult is entitled to love. He had an obligation to love you and failed to. But now that his choices have left him alone and without love, he's dug his heels into the narrative that because he's your father, you must love him. This is a poison in your heart that he wants to keep there for his own benefit. He is choosing to hurt you so that he doesn't have to confront his own life. He's not your father. He's your sperm donor. You have a father who has given you an actual life of love. Compare the two side by side and ask yourself who your real father is. I can't help you with the hurt you feel at the thought of letting go; that's part of the poison he's deliberately planted through gaslighting so that you won't. But I can tell you that his loneliness is not your burden to bear. You are not his wife, his gf, or his partner. You are not his therapist, his friend, or his bartender. Your only responsibility to him is to be happy. If he deliberately gets in the way of that, then let go.
You are absolutely correct, and I don't think you're being harsh, just real. A real father wouldn't have done this to me.
I've been there. Not in the same way, but I've been there. Learning, and more importantly, accepting the loss of a parent who is still alive, is hard. In your case, you need to accept the loss of the idea of a parent, which in many ways is harder. Ideas aren't tangible, and they have a way of festering. But that idea? It exists already in your stepfather. Try to look for all the qualities you expected from your father and ask yourself if you already have them in your step. Look at him and shed the lens of his not being your biological father; look at him as if he were your biological father and ask yourself if he's everything you wanted. I think doing this will help.
I will for sure be talking to my therapist about this haha, I know I have a lot of work ahead of me reframing my brain to undo all the trauma but it's okay, I can do it ! I have a huge support system that he was never part of.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (the bride) am getting married this summer. The date was finally set, and I let my father know. My partner and I decided to set a date about four months away, so I wanted to clear some things up with everyone and get things organized asap. I expressed to my father that I wanted to have him and my step-dad walk me down the aisle because my step-dad has been in my life since I was three. My father blew up and told me I was kicking him in the nuts, metaphorically stabbing him in the back, disrespecting him, and taking away his right as a father to do this. He believes that no stepfather should have the right to walk down the aisle with another man's daughter. I am absolutely devastated and torn because I love my father, but my stepdad has been there through everything. He has been more of a father to me than my father, and I feel like he deserves this, too. For context, my father has never really been a main part of my life. I've never really felt like I mattered to him. Here's some examples; He moved to a different province because he said there was nothing for him here.. Even though I live in this province. In the last 14 years, I have seen my father 10 times. It usually ends with me having a mental breakdown or crying or a huge argument. He only started putting effort into our relationship when he was no longer contractively obligated to pay for me through child support and I had a say in if I wanted to see him. He came around, using the excuse that I am all he has, and he doesn't have much time left (he's 56 and not sick). He never made his visits and told me it was too hard for him to make the drive. He chose my college graduation day to serve my mother child support cancelation papers, then expected someone to drive him to the airport an hour away, an hour before my party and got mad when no one could. He chose to sit in an airport for 27 hours instead of celebrating my graduation with me and texted me the whole time about how miserable he was. When he has the opportunity to visit, he chooses times that benefit him more. For example, he could have visited on my birthday or Father's Day, and he chose fathers Day. Even if I express that doesn't work for me. He refused to get vaccinated for me so he could travel to see me during covid, and only did so because it became mandatory for work. He has made me feel in this situation that I am being incredibly inconsiderate of his feelings. I stood my ground and told him that I'm not bending for this. He can either accept what I want or he doesn't come. I told him I would not be dealing with this, and it's his choice. He hasn't talked to me since. Am I the Asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You should have went no contact with him to avoid your pain.
I have realized over time that it was a fairy tale to think my father could be a father to me. I should've cut him out when I was younger.
No internet randos can tell you what you should’ve or shouldn’t have done. But your father is a classic narcissist.