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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Whether or not i’m the asshole for asking my roommate not to change the temperature from the 70° we agreed upon?
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This sounded like a classic argument between Sheldon and Leonard from The Big Bang Theory.
Youre NTA as you stated you've been paying the electricity bill most of the time and also offered to meet in the middle which she refused. So she's TA here. 70° seems like a reasonable temperature.
Draft a roommate agreement 🤣
This!! Absolutely
She can put in a sweater... 70 is more than adequate
As someone who is also ALWAYS cold and anemic... I dont even keep my house that warm... I keep it at like 68...I toss on a sweater in the winter and enjoy the warm summers.
If she needs to be able to walk around in shorts and a tank top year round, that's on her... we have seasons for a reason.
I can't fathom being that warm all the time!
NTA, I would go the route of asking her to pay larger utility if she is not adhering to the agreement you both made. There are plenty of other ways to keep herself personally warm without actually warming extra the entire place, but she won't go for them until she realizes how expensive her habit is.
NTA, you both agreed on a temperature, so that temperature should be it. Also it's not the solution to open the window to get colder, that is bad for your money and the environment. When she's really that cold, she can put on some clothes or take a blanket. I think, she sounds very selfish, because you had an agreement and you already met in the middle to make it more comfortable for you both but she is breaking that agreement. She doesn't sound like a good roommate.
NTA. if she's not paying the bill, she doesn't get to set a higher temperature. She can put on pants like the rest of us. And if she does pay, she needs to pay a higher percentage than half; heating is expensive! If it continues to be an issue, get a new thermostat that you can code protect or lock.
I would be sweltering in 75 degrees. Set it at 70 and tell her to put a sweater on. And I would also tell her if she doesn’t pay her share next time the thermostat goes to 65.
Disagreements over temperature are completely normal, annoying but normal. Just turn it down when you spot it, she's clearly not going to change so you'll have to force it.
However I would be more annoyed about her not paying the bills. You need to change the WiFi password and refuse to give it to her until she pays what she owes. If she's not paying for utilities I would turn it down to 60 any chance you get. If you can, take her name off the renters insurance. Tell her she can have full access to everything when she pays. She is walking all over you because you allow it.
NTA obviously but time to get tough!
NTA
Get a lockbox for the thermostat, after talking to your landlord. That's a temporary fix to some of the problem. But really, the temperature thing and lack of consideration for other people make her a shit roommate for you. Find another roommate/apartment.
NTA but I think you're just incompatible roommates.
Change the wifi password and don't give her access until she pays her share of the bills. Why do you have shared rental insurance? Each of you should have your own.
Do you pay the heat?
Not sure how long you've been roommates but you should move when the lease is up. It's unsustainable to pay her bills and live in an uncomfortable place
NTA. Show her the utility bill and tell her if she wants the temp at 75, she needs to lay 75% of the heating bill if she doesn’t want to compromise. Also tell her if she doesn’t compromise you will be looking for another roommate or apartment.
NTA
You compromised at 70. Hold her to it!
Have her pay you for those bills she's behind on. Then buy her a heavy weight duvet for her birthday and some wool socks for Christmas.
FYI: Some thermostats can be locked to a certain range. Maybe speak to your landlord about it.
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I [21F] and my roommate [19F] cannot for the life of us agree on the temperature.
For context, I grew up with a family who kept the heat at 60° to save money. She grew up with a dad who let her put it at whatever temperature she wanted.
We moved in around the end of October and very quickly I knew this would become an issue. We talked about it then and agreed on 70°. I prefer 68°, she wanted 72° so we met in the middle.
Every time I leave the apartment, if she is home she turns the heat up to 75°. I wouldn’t care if she did this while home alone, but she doesn’t turn it back down. Every time this happens I say something along the lines of “why is it so hot in here” and she always, without fail, gets snippy with me.
She always mentions that she is anemic and gets cold easily so she prefers it warm. I have been very patient with her about this, but it feels like at this point she is just throwing it in my face to get her way.
Growing up in a colder house, this is uncomfortably warm for me. It’s to the point where I have to sleep with my window open and keep waking up congested. Otherwise I can’t sleep comfortably.
I’ve tried to bring it up to her in an understanding way, mentioning how it’s easier to layer up then it is to strip down. And then she complains “well i like to sleep/walk around in shorts.” As do I, but at this point I literally have to in order to live comfortably.
It doesn’t seem like she has any consideration for how I feel about this, and it’s becoming very frustrating. I came home from work tonight and immediately got very warm. I look at the thermostat and it was 75° in the apartment. I turned it down and all she said was “whoops forgot to change it.”
I changed my clothes and came back out to the living room and mentioned how warm it was and to that she responded “Yeah you already said that, open your window if it’s that bad.”
I don’t feel like I should have to adjust my circumstances to accommodate what she wants. Our thermostat controls the temperature of the entire apartment.
I really don’t think i’m in the wrong here, but she seems to disagree. I told her I thought 75° was an outrageous temperature to live in comfortably and she just says “maybe for you but for me it’s comfortable.” If I were to change the temperature to 65° she would freak out on me, and I know that. I just don’t understand why she expects me to live uncomfortably in my own apartment. I feel like meeting in the middle is a reasonable compromise.
Another reason this has become so frustrating for me is the fact that she hasn’t paid for electricity more then once since we moved in. We agreed to splitting the cost of all of the bills, but I’ve been the one covering the entire electricity bill, wifi, and our rental insurance.
So, AITA for asking to keep it at 70°?
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NTA
I would be looking at my options for either moving out or replacing her IF that is an option.
Otherwise, sit down and have a Frank conversation with her, if you have to spell it out then do so! Explain that she is wholly inconsiderate and that things need to change!
If she's not paying for the heat, there's no way she should be increasing the cost of it. I could maybe see it if she were being careful to only increase it when she's there alone but it's ridiculous for you to need the window open to let the heat YOU'VE paid for to go right out the window. NTA to want to control your expenses to what you both agreed to. Install a thermostat lock and set it to 70. Tell her to buy a sweat suit and fuzzy slippers. That's what being a roommate is all about, learning how to compromise. You've done more than your fair share, it's time for her to do likewise. She can start paying her share of the bills and dressing warmer.
**NTA**
>She always mentions that she is anemic and gets cold easily so she prefers it warm.
If she's anemic, that's for her to address with a doctor.
* Put the electricity in her name right now.
* Total up the electricity bills, wifi, and insurance. Divide by 2, subtract her payments then give her a bill.
* Buy a $20-$30 programmable thermostat that will automatically lower the temperature to agreed levels when she isn't there. You don't need a fancy wifi connected unit, a basic programmable one will do.
* Tell her she needs to get a down comforter (warm yet light) and/or get a space heater for her room and that you will pay for any increase in electricity.
NTA. You are the only one paying the bills and so this is something only you get to control. Buy a thermostat lock box and set it at 70. She won't be able to do anything about it. She should continue not having a say until she contributes to the household. At this point she's not a roomie, just an extraordinarily entitled guest.
NTA, roommate should be paying more of the electric. If I were OP, I'd start walking around in bra and panties. But negotiate her paying a larger portion of electric if she wants it that hot
ESH
You are both refusing to compromise and factor in the other.
Honestly it depends on how well your place is insulated and how good your windows are.
70 is very borderline if you don't have good insulation. I would be a bit cool at that temp and I run hot generally.
Your real issue is that she isn't contributing towards the cost.
72/3 is prob a good compromise. She may well run cold. And you may well run hot. Something in the middle means you might need to wear a tshirt and she might need to wear a hoodie but both are totally reasonable.
NTA. You should not live with this person.
She’s not paying the bills and she’s insisting that as an anemic person she needs to be able to walk around in shorts. She can get a space heater for her room and turn it into a sauna, but the public areas and your room need to be set to a public temperature- and you two already agreed on a temp!
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This sounded like a classic argument between Sheldon and Leonard from The Big Bang Theory. Youre NTA as you stated you've been paying the electricity bill most of the time and also offered to meet in the middle which she refused. So she's TA here. 70° seems like a reasonable temperature. Draft a roommate agreement 🤣
This!! Absolutely She can put in a sweater... 70 is more than adequate As someone who is also ALWAYS cold and anemic... I dont even keep my house that warm... I keep it at like 68...I toss on a sweater in the winter and enjoy the warm summers. If she needs to be able to walk around in shorts and a tank top year round, that's on her... we have seasons for a reason. I can't fathom being that warm all the time!
NTA, I would go the route of asking her to pay larger utility if she is not adhering to the agreement you both made. There are plenty of other ways to keep herself personally warm without actually warming extra the entire place, but she won't go for them until she realizes how expensive her habit is.
She needs to buy a space heater, and to help pay the bills.
NTA, you both agreed on a temperature, so that temperature should be it. Also it's not the solution to open the window to get colder, that is bad for your money and the environment. When she's really that cold, she can put on some clothes or take a blanket. I think, she sounds very selfish, because you had an agreement and you already met in the middle to make it more comfortable for you both but she is breaking that agreement. She doesn't sound like a good roommate.
NTA. if she's not paying the bill, she doesn't get to set a higher temperature. She can put on pants like the rest of us. And if she does pay, she needs to pay a higher percentage than half; heating is expensive! If it continues to be an issue, get a new thermostat that you can code protect or lock.
This.
I would be sweltering in 75 degrees. Set it at 70 and tell her to put a sweater on. And I would also tell her if she doesn’t pay her share next time the thermostat goes to 65.
Disagreements over temperature are completely normal, annoying but normal. Just turn it down when you spot it, she's clearly not going to change so you'll have to force it. However I would be more annoyed about her not paying the bills. You need to change the WiFi password and refuse to give it to her until she pays what she owes. If she's not paying for utilities I would turn it down to 60 any chance you get. If you can, take her name off the renters insurance. Tell her she can have full access to everything when she pays. She is walking all over you because you allow it. NTA obviously but time to get tough!
NTA Get a lockbox for the thermostat, after talking to your landlord. That's a temporary fix to some of the problem. But really, the temperature thing and lack of consideration for other people make her a shit roommate for you. Find another roommate/apartment.
NTA if that was the agreed temperature but I think it's time to find a new room mate
Definitely. The heat is just the tip of the iceberg. 19-year old roommate doesn't have a clue about sharing space or paying her bills .
NTA but I think you're just incompatible roommates. Change the wifi password and don't give her access until she pays her share of the bills. Why do you have shared rental insurance? Each of you should have your own. Do you pay the heat? Not sure how long you've been roommates but you should move when the lease is up. It's unsustainable to pay her bills and live in an uncomfortable place
NTA. Show her the utility bill and tell her if she wants the temp at 75, she needs to lay 75% of the heating bill if she doesn’t want to compromise. Also tell her if she doesn’t compromise you will be looking for another roommate or apartment.
NTA You compromised at 70. Hold her to it! Have her pay you for those bills she's behind on. Then buy her a heavy weight duvet for her birthday and some wool socks for Christmas. FYI: Some thermostats can be locked to a certain range. Maybe speak to your landlord about it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I [21F] and my roommate [19F] cannot for the life of us agree on the temperature. For context, I grew up with a family who kept the heat at 60° to save money. She grew up with a dad who let her put it at whatever temperature she wanted. We moved in around the end of October and very quickly I knew this would become an issue. We talked about it then and agreed on 70°. I prefer 68°, she wanted 72° so we met in the middle. Every time I leave the apartment, if she is home she turns the heat up to 75°. I wouldn’t care if she did this while home alone, but she doesn’t turn it back down. Every time this happens I say something along the lines of “why is it so hot in here” and she always, without fail, gets snippy with me. She always mentions that she is anemic and gets cold easily so she prefers it warm. I have been very patient with her about this, but it feels like at this point she is just throwing it in my face to get her way. Growing up in a colder house, this is uncomfortably warm for me. It’s to the point where I have to sleep with my window open and keep waking up congested. Otherwise I can’t sleep comfortably. I’ve tried to bring it up to her in an understanding way, mentioning how it’s easier to layer up then it is to strip down. And then she complains “well i like to sleep/walk around in shorts.” As do I, but at this point I literally have to in order to live comfortably. It doesn’t seem like she has any consideration for how I feel about this, and it’s becoming very frustrating. I came home from work tonight and immediately got very warm. I look at the thermostat and it was 75° in the apartment. I turned it down and all she said was “whoops forgot to change it.” I changed my clothes and came back out to the living room and mentioned how warm it was and to that she responded “Yeah you already said that, open your window if it’s that bad.” I don’t feel like I should have to adjust my circumstances to accommodate what she wants. Our thermostat controls the temperature of the entire apartment. I really don’t think i’m in the wrong here, but she seems to disagree. I told her I thought 75° was an outrageous temperature to live in comfortably and she just says “maybe for you but for me it’s comfortable.” If I were to change the temperature to 65° she would freak out on me, and I know that. I just don’t understand why she expects me to live uncomfortably in my own apartment. I feel like meeting in the middle is a reasonable compromise. Another reason this has become so frustrating for me is the fact that she hasn’t paid for electricity more then once since we moved in. We agreed to splitting the cost of all of the bills, but I’ve been the one covering the entire electricity bill, wifi, and our rental insurance. So, AITA for asking to keep it at 70°? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA I would be looking at my options for either moving out or replacing her IF that is an option. Otherwise, sit down and have a Frank conversation with her, if you have to spell it out then do so! Explain that she is wholly inconsiderate and that things need to change!
THATS SO FUNNY
If she's not paying for the heat, there's no way she should be increasing the cost of it. I could maybe see it if she were being careful to only increase it when she's there alone but it's ridiculous for you to need the window open to let the heat YOU'VE paid for to go right out the window. NTA to want to control your expenses to what you both agreed to. Install a thermostat lock and set it to 70. Tell her to buy a sweat suit and fuzzy slippers. That's what being a roommate is all about, learning how to compromise. You've done more than your fair share, it's time for her to do likewise. She can start paying her share of the bills and dressing warmer.
**NTA** >She always mentions that she is anemic and gets cold easily so she prefers it warm. If she's anemic, that's for her to address with a doctor. * Put the electricity in her name right now. * Total up the electricity bills, wifi, and insurance. Divide by 2, subtract her payments then give her a bill. * Buy a $20-$30 programmable thermostat that will automatically lower the temperature to agreed levels when she isn't there. You don't need a fancy wifi connected unit, a basic programmable one will do. * Tell her she needs to get a down comforter (warm yet light) and/or get a space heater for her room and that you will pay for any increase in electricity.
NTA. You are the only one paying the bills and so this is something only you get to control. Buy a thermostat lock box and set it at 70. She won't be able to do anything about it. She should continue not having a say until she contributes to the household. At this point she's not a roomie, just an extraordinarily entitled guest.
NTA, roommate should be paying more of the electric. If I were OP, I'd start walking around in bra and panties. But negotiate her paying a larger portion of electric if she wants it that hot
ESH You are both refusing to compromise and factor in the other. Honestly it depends on how well your place is insulated and how good your windows are. 70 is very borderline if you don't have good insulation. I would be a bit cool at that temp and I run hot generally. Your real issue is that she isn't contributing towards the cost. 72/3 is prob a good compromise. She may well run cold. And you may well run hot. Something in the middle means you might need to wear a tshirt and she might need to wear a hoodie but both are totally reasonable.
NTA. You should not live with this person. She’s not paying the bills and she’s insisting that as an anemic person she needs to be able to walk around in shorts. She can get a space heater for her room and turn it into a sauna, but the public areas and your room need to be set to a public temperature- and you two already agreed on a temp!
Y T A for not keeping what is very obviously a lizard masquerading as a roommate in a terrarium heated to reptillian needs smh 😂 NTA
ESH Wow! Your utility company must love you. I can’t imagine what your utility bills are.
Esh. Honestly I think 70 is pretty cool. Seems she wants 75 and you want 68. 72 is a more appropriate compromise imo. That’s what I keep my house at.