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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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ChapterMasterCalgar

You? NTA Your husband? Big time AH. Let me explain why: >That being said we always agreed that while we would teach our son why we follow the lifestyles we do and hope to instil similar values in him that he is his own person, if he chooses to go vegan like me or start eating meat we will respect that. ​ >My husband is furious, he wants to sue the school for negligence and wants to go after the little boys parents for raising a “meat pusher”. ​ >His main issue is that this happened unsupervised and is a result of peer pressure as opposed to genuine curiosity, His main issue is that this happened without HIM being the one doing the peer pressure. You claim to be parents that want their kid to be his own person, yet you deny him exactly that.


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[deleted]

One of the most difficult and frustrating things about my relationship with my parents growing up was that they would pretend to allow me to make choices for myself. I say pretend because they always made it very clear what the right choice was. Getting baptized into the mormon church at 8 years old, was presented as a choice. But it sure as hell didn't feel like one to me. Please don't do this to your child. Don't give them the fake freedom to make a choice then make them suffer through your dissapointment.


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[deleted]

It's a great sign that he felt comfortable bringing this up to you and his dad in the first place. I'm just worried that your reaction will send him down the path of people pleasing. Your husband's reaction sounds terrifying for a 7 year old. Even if he didn't say those things in front of your kid, your kid can probably sense dad is angry.


Molenium

> He is not a disappointment and we would never want him to feel like he’s had this choice made for him But that’s exactly what your husband did. Was any of his blow up overreaction in front of your son? Cause if so, I think you’ve got a lot of work to do making sure he knows Dad’s response wasn’t OK and he won’t do it again.


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Molenium

When your husband wants to go after a little kid’s parents for turning him into a “meat pusher” I have a hard time believing that his reaction was 100% contained in front of your son. Kids pick up on a lot.


Major-Refrigerator23

The idea of it being done through peer pressure so it's a negative association is valid so you should still ask your kid if they mind waiting for a family space even if that means you cook it for him instead of waiting longer than a day. And if he wants meat then also teach him good meat portion control to stay ethical if he wants to do that.


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Wynfleue

> I have a lot of trauma surrounding being forced to eat meat at school, once he is enrolled on that menu he is stuck with it for a whole term, so I am naturally very reluctant to opt him in to something that he might end up hating I just saw your edit and want to point out that it's fairly easy to send him to school with an alternate snack for days that he doesn't want to eat the meat option. If you send him with some hummus and carrot sticks, or peanut butter and crackers (that one is shelf-stable so you can just keep some in his bag even if he's not eating it every day) then he can 1.) have a vegetarian and relatively filling alternative and 2.) have something vegetarian to supplement his meat meal and balance the proportions. That way he doesn't feel forced either way.


_annie_bird

Have you considered keeping the school meals veggie (since the source of meat they use is almost certainly not ethical or the healthiest if it’s a typical American school meal) and letting him start slowly trying meat with your guidance? Basically, turn it into something you can do together: exploring ethical meat options you have available (farmers markets might be good), researching ethical meat sources, etc. Make it an educational journey so he can slowly learn about the different kinds of meats and figure out what he like, while at the same time teaching him about the way animals are farmed and the ethical and environmental impacts (at an age appropriate level, of course). I recommend reaching out to local 4H groups (maybe even enroll him in one since you already have chickens!) I’m sure they’d love to talk to him about animal husbandry and the process of raising and processing meat animals. Consider raising meat chickens! It doesn’t have to be about “scaring” him vegan, just teach him stuff that farm kids his age would know.


RaefnKnott

It's kind of hilarious how much more your average farm kid knows about their food than a city adult. I'm currently growing my own herbs for the first time and that's enough for me for the time being considering I'm renting


kitty_howard

Did the kid say they were peer pressured? Or is the dad just making that up to fit a narrative?


dragon34

I think there's also the possibility that the school vegetarian meals aren't that good? I know there are some places who don't make vegetarian meals with enough protein to keep someone (especially a teenager) satiated.


chicksonfox

I’m jumping on your comment hoping you see this— I had meat for the first time at 9/10 after being vegetarian my whole life, and it destroyed my guts. Like “sleeping next to the toilet several times a week for a year” level destroyed. Make sure you talk to a doctor or other professional before you commit to anything. My parents started me on steak, which was a massive mis-steak (sorry I had to).


Sailorsruin20

OP this right here, I seen the edit about getting sick after eating fish. After having such a "restricted" diet meaning no proteins from meat, his body produces little to no enzymes to break down those kinds of proteins, it hasn't needed too. This will make his stomach upset because it's not used to breaking that food down and the body doesn't know what to do with it. So yes talk to his doctor, they can break it down for you and what are good starts and portions. Otherwise he's going to get confused on what's making him have that reaction. It's not necessarily the meat but his body not knowing what to do with it. It's a lot like going to a foreign country and drinking the water there, locals don't get sick because their body's produce what it knows it needs.


Mantisfactory

> peer pressure Only your peers can peer pressure you. Dear Old Dad's pressure is very sincerely *more impactful* than typical peer pressure from an individual peer.


man_willow

You're right Dad is not a peer. This is authoritative pressure.


Elinesvendsen

OP, while I agree with everyone saying you are NTA, I just want to point out that your son's digestive system could have a bad reaction to meat, because he's not used to digesting it. Same with milk, if he's never had milk from cows. So I would agree to let him eat meat, but keep an eye on if he suddenly starts to get diarrhea or stomach cramps. When changing to a whole other diet than you've eaten your whole life, this can happen.


Brennir10

It sounds like he is ALREADY eating meat though


rainyhawk

But how do you know it was peer pressure and not his curiosity? He’s 7 and could simply be curious about something he doesn’t see or get to eat at home. If he was there when your SO got so upset, he would now be afraid to try it as he now knows that eating meat will potentially greatly anger his father. Good luck separating all of this. You’re NTA, but I’m thinking your husband is having difficulty (maybe unconsciously)with your original decision to let your son try meat and decide on his own. Also, of course meat/fish might make him sick when he tries it as his system isn’t used to it. Having been stuck on a vegetarian diet his entire life, letting him now try meat is sort of a self fulfilled prophecy here. Never really had meat, now 7 years later gets to try meat, system rejects meat as it’s not used to it, he now associates meat with feeling sick, and voila he’s a vegetarian.


Lady1218

NTA. Let your kid have meat if he wants it. And seriously your husband has issues. Your post says his friends SHARED his meals with him, not that he pressured him to try it. I remember constantly sharing and trading food with my friends at school back in the day. Kids have done it for eons and will continue to. It's fun to share and experience different foods and it's nice to enjoy the fellowship of friends while sharing food. Tell your husband to get some therapy, and let your kid enjoy his meat


Blacksmithforge3241

Plus a 7 yr old Meat pusher? really???


OneDumbfuckLater

"Meat pusher" carries the exact same energy as "breeder"


OwnCandy8173

Agreed. And I’m a child-free vegetarian.


ATC533

“Meat Pusher” my brain went straight to the movie PCU and the flying hamburger.


Dashcamkitty

And if this man tries to stop his son from eating meat now, it will just backfire ant make the boy meat obsessed.


atealein

NTA, your son tried dinners from his friend's dish because they looked interesting and obviously tasted good to him. There was no peer pressure there, but there seems to be peer pressure at home. You are good to fight for your son's wishes, even if they conflict with your beliefs. Food choices should not be a religion.


IMAGINARIAN_photos

Exactly! “He tried dinners from his friend’s dish…” It’s not peer pressure, as the dad fumed. The kid wanted to try it. As a parent and grandmother, I can say, without fear of contradiction, that it’s almost impossible to get most kids to try new foods, when their minds are set. It’s a good thing that this kid wants to try different foods.


Aggressive_Day_6574

At home is also worse in a way, because his parents aren’t his peers. OP seems reasonable about her child making his own decisions but for dad it’s definitely my way or the highway. How does he expect his son to make an unbiased choice when he’s treating meat like drugs?


TheDangerousAlphabet

Friends can definitely influence our choices, even without being exactly peer pressure. My kid was in a situation when she was 4 yrs in daycare with few other kids. You could say they were the peer pressure. But opposite this. Our daycare has only vegetarian and vegan options. While they were eating it came up that one of the kids ate chicken at home. None of the others did. And they were amazed. They hadn't ever heard that anyone could eat chicken (yes. Were are in a weird bubble). I heard later that the kid had stopped eating chicken. Others hadn't apparently said anything like "eww" but it was enough that they themselves didn't eat chicken and thought it odd. We of course had talk at home that you don't ever say anything negative about anyone's food. I stopped eating onions for years because someone I thought was cool said that he didn't eat onions. He wasn't commenting that it was disgusting. I just wanted be like him.


AllyEmmie

Veganism and Vegetarianism is A CHOICE. Don't take choice away from children. They aren't dolls to play with. They're just small people. YOU ARE NTA by giving them a choice.


life1sart

It is a choice for most people yes. Some people are however physically incapable of making the essential amino acids from a vegetarian diet and need to actually eat meat. I know, because I'm one of them. I went vegetarian for a year as a teenager and got super skinny and tired and my skin turned grey. Actually grey. So we went to the doctor. He couldn't find anything. We went over met diet and he said it should be fine, but I might just be one of those people who lacked the gene for making one of those essential amino acids from a vegetarian diet. The only way to be sure was to see if eating meat again would get me back in shape. So I went back to eating meat, within a month I had my energy back and was no longer grey skinned. So yeah, I could be vegetarian if I supplemented my diet with pills that provide those vital amino acids. But since they make those pills by extracting the amino acids from meat that sort of defeats the whole point. I do however try to buy my meat from ethical sources. And I don't need meat every meal/day.


Ashley9225

ALSO!!!: some people like myself are INCREDIBLY prone to hypoalbuminemia, which is a lack of a protein called albumin in the blood. It's caused by malnutrition, and can occur sometimes in vegetarians, because the human body is designed to absorb the protein from meat MUCH easier, quicker, etc than plant proteins. I'd have to eat SO MUCH PROTEIN as a vegetarian, enough that I'd be chewing like a cow with cud for hours, to avoid developing hypoalbuminemia.


VioletsEverywhere51

Try Pernicious Anemia… it nearly killed me. Because of my vegan diet. So, healthy? Mmmm not for everyone. It sure as hell isn’t.


slendernan

I sure hope your little talks about ethical food won't continue even when he's already made his choice. Cuz it kinda sounds to me a bit like you want him to make the "right" choice, aka. the same choice you are making instead of making the choice he actually wants to make and that you'll continue to pester and guilt him until he gives in.


natalud7

🛎️🛎️🛎️


[deleted]

NTA for the title. However, if you are disappointed in your son for wanting to have meat, fine. Be disappointed privately. If you are openly showing him you are disappointed, you are not only an a-hole, but very much so, a hypocrite. You suffered for wanting your food choices. Doesn't mean he has to suffer for wanting his. Your husband is a major a-hole, and very controlling. He's going to lose a healthy relationship with your son if he doesn't support his wishes for something that is completely safe and healthy.


young_coastie

Meat pusher? Unsupervised meat eating? Jesus you guys are extremists. No wonder your kid wants a bit of autonomy over his diet.


natalud7

I've never met an un-extreme vegan tbh. Lol.


Old-Ad-5573

Unfortunately I second this. I have met several un-extreme vegetarians however.


PurpleFanCdn

I was going to say, OP's whole tone and account of husband's blow up sounded like this is a religion to these people.


StatementElectronic7

I’m going with a soft YTA… solely based on some of your comments here. You say you want him to make informed decisions about the food he’s consuming while labeling food as “good” “bad” or “ethical”. You are ranking his food which is going to give him a complex about food that may result in an eating disorder. He is seven for goodness sake. He’s not going to know the ins and outs of animal byproducts his brain isn’t there yet. It’s apparent he was worried about telling you and your husband he wants to try meat.. not because he knows you don’t like meat but because he was scared of the reaction. Take into consideration that disregarding his request is going to make him feel like he can’t come to you guys to talk and that “making sure he’s well informed” is going to come off as you trying to change his mind. Again, he is seven so he will likely want to please his parents and conform to whatever you say. But he will get the impression he can’t communicate his wants/needs to his parents. Know he will still try meat, it’ll just be behind your back and he will tell neither you nor your husband… and he will get away with it. Do you really want your son to start hiding things from you at such a young age? Your husband tho.. Huge AH. ETA: Also, I hate to be the one to break it to you but… [You’re not vegan.](https://www.veganfoodandliving.com/features/can-vegans-eat-eggs-from-backyard-hens/) No matter how ethical those eggs are vegans don’t eat animal byproducts.


Effin_tired

I was waiting for someone to point out that comment on her being vegan BUT eating eggs....


CakeEatingRabbit

ESH Both of you are in denial about what you are doing but your husband is in way deeper. You want him to not as meat, but you also want it to be his choice. He does understand that chicken the meat comes from chicken the animal and that is the same animal as in your back yard.


FlyBoi16

Your children are not vegetarian. They are children who mostly eats a vegetarian diet. There's a difference. Good on you OP for acting the way you do. Your hubby is a major AH tho.


Elle_Degenerate

NTA > if he chooses to go vegan like me or start eating meat we will respect that. It seems like your husband really only planned to respect your son's choice as long it was the choice he wanted him to make.


tomatofrogfan

very well said. here’s poor man’s gold🏅


miss_trixie

OP you are *probably* NTA but omg your husband is an AH to the nth degree. i just hope that you are able to stop husband's madness before he either makes a fool of himself at school or a fool of your son. and that if you manage to prevent that, and give him the all clear to eat meat for the rest of the school term, that you don't try to force him to give it up once you have your little talk over the summer. if he wants to eat meat, let him. and seriously, sue the school for negligence?! your husband is delusional.


Sea-Parking-6215

I'm changing to N T A but I still think there is a lot going on in this post that the adults need to sort out. You are implicitly restricting his choices because you buy the groceries and pay for the school lunches. Obviously this is unavoidable, but I feel like you should recognize that you are, in fact, controlling and restricting your children. The better option would be for him to have free choice of either school lunch option, so he could try meat at his discretion. Our school has a vegetarian choice and a meat choice every day that my daughter (also 7) can choose for herself. Also how are you a an egg-eating vegan lol


Adhdpenguin813

Yta because you made a whole paragraph about how your kid can choose what he wants and then the moment he reluctantly tries to tell you you freak out. Obviously he had to be curious somewhere bc although you’re saying you have had him try it, it’s probably not consistent and he could never make a real opinion. But without your watching eyes he made an opinion that wasn’t in line with yours and now you want to reprimand a school for him having friends who share? Come on really? Your husband is wild. The school and his friends are not “pushing meat” on him. He is curious and you are downright not tolerant at all if you think this is how it should be handled. You literally said how your parents controlling your diet effected you negatively. This will cause him to not trust you and not tell you things. It will create a divide.


amjay8

You keep saying it’s fine if he wants to eat meat, but the intensity of the reaction here implies it may not actually be fine. Have you considered that your son knows how mad his dad is & the intense pressure that just put on him. It’s just a little contradictory- “it’s totally okay if you choose to try meat, but we consider it unethical & talk about suing the school & call your friends meat pushers.” Do you see the mixed messaging?


bakedjennett

Op and husband are in blatant denial


ThomzLC

NTA I'm glad you are giving your child the option to make his own choices in terms of his dietary habits - like you said, it's unfair that you as a vegan in your childhood was ostracised, therefore someone who loves meat shouldn't have to experience the same thing in their childhood. Getting a taste of meat from his classmate is perfectly fine, your husband's intepretation that it is "unsupervised peer pressure meat eating" is overreacting.


ThanksAanderton

Meat has essential nutrients that aren’t found in any plants and missing this out makes people have to rely on unnatural supplements to attempt to balance nutrient deficiency or overload. NTA let him eat meat and be healthy.


Sajem

I was hoping to see this stated somewhere. OP this is definitely a true statement and I do hope your and your sons (and eventually daughters) diet includes supplements (some or if not many can be found in non meate or dairy products) to make up for the lack of meat and dairy products that are essential.


Opposum_curieux

Lot of countries has been vegetarian during centuries it is such an ignorant statement to have. And since they eat eggs really I can't see any nutriment they can't get easily. And for information I eat meat and come from an household when we can eat meat like 3 times a day. But I just did my research like a normal adult.


ThanksAanderton

There have been groups that have been vegetarian yes, however they have historically always had much higher rates of disease, cancer, adhd and tooth decay than their neighbouring meat eating people. It’s all very fascinating. Edit: I’m case you’re interested there was a study on the Masai tribe eating meat blood and milk vs the kikuyu tribe eating vegetarian food which shows results along the lines of what I wrote. Allegedly the Masai were 50% stronger and 5 inches taller and the kikuyu had more bone deformities and dental problems. Even more interestingly they were given supplements which didn’t really make a difference and only once they were given meat did the problems start to clear up.


Sajem

> e have our own chickens in the backyard for our eggs (I will eat these as I know they are ethical) Don't call yourself a vegan, eggs are an animal product. **You are lying to yourself** > my husband is furious, he wants to sue the school for negligence and wants to go after the little boys parents for raising a “meat pusher” LOL that is so funny 🤣 > That being said we always agreed that while we would teach our son why we follow the lifestyles we do and hope to instil similar values in him that he is his own person, And so what happened to your precious values that your husband is carrying on like a two bob watch?


Neilio20576

Husband is major AH…and you’re a minor one. If the kid wants meat he can have it…nd neither of you should be indoctrinating him that it is wrong and you are right. Wanting to talk to him about the error of his ways during holidays is indoctrinating him to be like you…which is just plain wrong.


Ultearismycatloll

NTA, but your husband is. Your son wants to eat meat and your husband turned the school into a villain. Children share lunches constantly, there was no way to stop it.


just_awallflower

“I am deeply hurt and upset” why? Honestly what’s the reason behind that


Rfg711

NTA - though I do have to say, you’re not vegan if you eat eggs just because you own the chickens. Vegan doesn’t mean “ethically sourced” it means you use no animal products.


iwishiwasasparrow

This post reads kinda fake tbh. A person who has “been vegan for 10 years” knows eggs aren’t vegan.


Rfg711

Kinda my thoughts too.


regus0307

I don't think he felt pressured or pushed to have meat at school. I think there is a good chance that he didn't feel comfortable asking for meat at home, once he decided he'd like to try it. He wasn't sure what reaction he'd get, so he tried it in what he felt was a 'safe space'. You sound pretty open, but your husband's reaction makes me think your son was afraid to ask his dad to eat meat.


Calm-Association2774

NTA but also YTA. NTA for the question and actually standing up for your child this time. But YTA and so is your husband for pushing your beliefs on a child and then saying it’s their choice but not actually giving the choice. It’s obviously not a choice with how your husband reacted. Also the man you described in the post won’t give an informed opinion on vegetarianism, he’ll do anything in his power to control their choice to make sure it’s what he thinks is right that they do


TheMaltesefalco

100% agree here. YTA. You kept reiterating that while it was your sons “choice” you kept “educating” “informing” and whatever other code words to influence your son.


ElectronicGround2486

NTA - Your son is old enough to make his own choices and try new things. If you and your husband don't support him in trying new things, when he grows up he will hide things from you. Overtime this could lead to him resenting you for being overly controlling. If your son came out as LGBTQ, would you support his ability to make his own choices for himself? What if he decided to be Christian/Muslim/Buddist/etc, would you support his religious freedom to choose? Being vegan/vegetarian/meat-eater is also a choice for who he wants to be.


[deleted]

YTA and so is your husband You claim you’re ok with your kid making his own choice, then when he does aren’t accepting it. There’s no way you can say he ate meat from peer pressure. You weren’t there. Your son said his friend SHARED their food, how is that automatically a result of peer pressure and not possibly your son showing curiosity and asking to try something? Your post and responses to other comments make it clear you’re not actually ok with your kids eating meat or making a choice you disagree with.


bambina821

A conditional NTA for you, OP. An unconditional YTA for your husband. The conditional part is because you say you're going to let him make up his mind, but then you plan to "talk to him about it properly" over the summer. Will you do this without trying to influence his choice? If not, you're the YTA. I can imagine how hard this is for you, but consider this: if he's been swapping food, the kid(s) he's swapped with have learned that vegan/vegetarian food is delicious. Also, remember that your lessons have already been instilled with him. He may change his mind later and go vegan. Or he may go vegetarian and have meat only once in a great while. The less you pressure him, the more likely it is he'll follow your lead.


Every_Caterpillar945

Yeah, you need to be very careful here. It starts with eating the meat from a friend, then he will start to buy his own meat and starting to smoke it and will go very fast to inject it directly into his venes. He will not be able to pay for all the meat from his allowance anymore and will start prostituting himself. Its a terrible cycle and your husband should absolutly sue the school, the friends, the friends parents and everybody who ever shook hands with the friend or the friends parents (they are supporters and could become your sons best costumers as soon he will have to start to sell his body for meat). Your husband should also dress up like a student and do undercover investigation in the school to gather evidence against the friend. Sadly, its too late to stop the whole cycle completly. Your son will become pregnant. You will most likely not be able to convince your son to stay clean of meat during his pregnany and he will be a teenagemom living in your house forever and you guys have to deal with a newborn going through whitedrawl while still having to watch your son making stupid decision to somehow get his daily meat dose. Its so so sad how meat destroys families, sometimes for several generations. :( /s NTA, let your son eat meat if he wants.


TheOneGecko

YTA. Raising children as vegetarian stunts their growth. Period. Its not as healthy as allowing them to eat meat.


weewoowah36

This is absolutely not true.


lemonringpop

This is so dumb, are you aware there are whole cultures and religions where everyone is vegetarian and they turn out fine?


TheOneGecko

They are also smaller then people who are raised in cultures that eat meat.


bloodraven6565

You are definitely NTA, and your husband comparing eating meat to smoking could be the dumbest thing I've ever heard.


RMaua

NTA >My husband is furious, he wants to sue the school for negligence and wants to go after the little boys parents for raising a “meat pusher”. Overreaction much? The school can't police children sharing their lunches. And he has no way of knowing whether it was a request from your son out of curiousity or the other kid 'peer pressuring' your kid to eat meat. As with all things, you need to teach your kid the values he needs to learn at home and support him as he finds his way. The only way to influence how he engages with the world outside your home is the values you instill within him when he is at home. A 'thou shalt not' attitude will only lead to rebellion as he gets older. You are taking the correct approach mama. Continue to teach your child your values and allow him to explore so that the decision he makes for himself are his and therefore more likely to stick longer term.


lokiismycopilot

NTA, for wanting to let your son try meat, but your husband is definitely TAH Your kids are not extensions of you. Both of them will have their own likes and dislikes, especially as they get older. And eating meat may be beneficial for them as they grow, even if they are eating well at home.


Motor_Business483

NTa ​ "My husband is furious, he wants to sue the school for negligence and wants to go after the little boys parents for raising a “meat pusher”." .. your husband is ridiculous, and an AH. ​ LET your son decide himself what he likes to eat. ​ ​ "t the end of the day it is his decision to make and we are going to support that," .. That's a lie,a nd you know it.. oyu are causing drama over it and massively guilting him.


SmittenBlackKitten

I think the worry about him throwing up makes sense, but fish is very different from other kinds of meats. It's one of the more polarizing foods in the world. People seem to either love it or hate it. My fiancé loves it but I HATE it. If anything is too fishy, I start gagging. It sounds like he's tried a few different options now and has been fine, and that's not peer pressure btw. It's just kids sharing food. It happens all the time. It's actually good that kids are curious and want to try what other kids have. It expands their palate and lets them try new foods. NTA, and I'm glad your husband is calming down because he was definitely TA.


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redheaddanielle

I’m not sure how your son’s school lunch works, but I know at my son’s school (as well as any schools I attended, k-12, both public & private) we get a meal schedule in advance. & you can pick & choose which days you get school lunch & which days you bring one. There are meals my son doesn’t eat, so on those days I pack him a lunch. Is that not an option? If lunch that days is something he is unsure about because it’s a meal he’s never had before, can’t you just send him with a pb&j or something along those lines? Then he gets to try the food, & you don’t have to worry about him going hungry if it turns out he didn’t like. NTA for trying to ensure he is conscientious about what he eats, but you would be if take that to mean you are repeatedly “reminding” him (aka trying to guilt him) about his food choices.


Pluckt007

ESH Your husband is crazy ridiculous and you for waiting until summer to berate him with 1 sided facts and opinions to change his mind about a choice he's aleady made.


high-up-in-the-trees

You're handling this really well and giving vegans a good name. So NTA. Your husband, on the other hand, is the kind of vego that gives people ample fodder for dumping on us. Here's what will probably happen: he'll have the meat option for a while, it'll probably be pretty tasty (you say school dinners so I'm assuming this is in the UK and at a school where the food is decent) but his guts aren't going to like it so much. I've been strict vegetarian for a number of years, my partner goes through periods of eating meat for iron/protein (we both get deficient pretty easy) and omg the farts and toilet issues it causes lol. The one time I ate meat in the last 4 years - a slice of pizza as it was the only food in the house - left me feeling really queasy after. Not for the fact it was meat, my body just couldn't handle it. If your husband gets his way meat will turn into a forbidden fruit that he's going to sneak in anyway. Comparing it to vaping is utterly ridiculous and he's acting hysterical


13PumpkinHead

is she a vegan when she eats eggs tho? I thought vegans just don't eat any animal products regardless whether it's ethical or not because any animal products for vegans (that I know of) are never ethical.


high-up-in-the-trees

Totally glossed over that part I have to confess, was just going by her description of herself. I do think there are vegans who default to that position because there's no way of being able to ensure animal products are ethical (because capitalism innit) so it's easier to just avoid them altogether


AssociateMany102

Your son will have hundreds of encounters and make thousands of decisions outside of your home. As a parent you cannot "sue anyone" that influences ur child in a way that is different than ur life or your ideals. Educating your son on why you have made your dietary decision is , allowing him to explore, try out and decide on different things than what you do is inevitable. You can only have a few "hills that you'll die on" so pick wisely what is most important to you (i chose no lying, be kind, and be respectful)


Cyarsonix

you sure sound disappointed in your son. also fish and meat shouldn't always be on the same menu. just mark him as fish free if possible. throwing up can be a sign of intolerance. but definitely see if you can get a lunch calendar. my school has it, maybe yours does. and the foods you know he can't eat maybe send a lunch that day. OR maybe send him to school with meat to accompany his vegetarian diet. i would set your mind to problem solving for the issues you worry will pop up.


Big-Cloud-6719

Sorry, if you restrict his food choices, then you are doing no better by him than your parents did by you. So, going with NTA for you and a HUGE YTA for your husband.


boomosaur

YTA, not overly, but your biases are really messing up how you approach this situation. You admit to having trauma regarding meat, and you want to make sure your son is "informed" about dietary choices, but I have a feeling you're going to skew the information you provide. Not all vegan food is healthy, not all meat is unhealthy.


SoupNo682

" he is his own person, if he chooses to go vegan like me or start eating meat we will respect that"? no, you won´t. you just say that to feel better with yourselves.


stargazerwillow

NTA YOU are on the right track. Your husband is TA for trying to go on a tirade. You had an agreement and now he wants to go back on that?


Hippo_Hour1847

NTA - your husband is being one though. I was raised as a veggie (which was tough in the 90s), and have still never eaten meat. Sounds like my mum did what your parents did to you, but the other way round. Meat was baddd, and I was not allowed it, I should never eat it and couldn’t even be curious. I’ve raised my children as veggie, but as soon as they’ve been curious, I’ve informed them of what it means to eat meat, and let them decide with all the information I can give them. I have 2 meaties and 2 veggies. I will not force anything on them, I will not give them issues around food and I will not allow my mum to do to them what she did to me.


sunshineandstraws

Wanted to chime in since I too was raised veggie in the 90s/00s and had the same experience. Meat was bad and I was forbidden to eat it. I developed a fear of food because I could never tell what was in it( did it have an animal product). My parents also were against all processed foods so when I would go over to friend’s houses and they had Doritos for instance I would over indulge since it was a forbidden food( often caused stomach aches and I would have to leave). Fast forward to now I am not a veggie now and having to retrain myself on how to eat a well balanced meal (I am overweight) due to my strange relationship to food. Please let you kid eat meat, but go a step further and educate them on things like protein, carbs, and fats. How to build a healthy vegetarian and non vegetarian food. This way when they decide in the future they know how to do so it a healthy way.


Inner-Nothing7779

YTA Your husband is acting like the Vegans we all love to hate. Because your son came to you sheepishly, that tells me everything I need to hear. That your 7 year old son has been taught how "bad" eating meat is and because he wants, and likes it, he is now thinking that HE is bad. That craving, and liking something very natural to humans, is bad. That's pretty sad.


[deleted]

Mild YTA to you Huge YTA to your husband for wanting to sue and go after the parents of the friend that share meat from his lunch.


MegaNymphia

the husband is the one wanting to sue, not OP


Old_Bandicoot_1014

You are NTA OP but your husband is AH. Let your child have choices.


[deleted]

NTA - Your husband is being the AH. You have both said you want him to make his own choices, and when he does your husband gets angry. It sounds like “yes, he can make his own choices, as long as they are the ones I want him to make”. All he will do is go behind you back and eat meat, and just not tell you things anymore. As for suing the school and getting his friends in trouble, that behaviour is why people hate vegans and vegetarians. You can’t possibly expect the school to monitor every single thing your child eats. He was given it by a friend, and he wanted to eat it. He needs to calm down.


Substantial-Air3395

NTA - it's a very cultish was too think. Let the bit experiment with food, it won't harm him.


Aphophysi

NTA. I was like your kid, my parents raised me vegetarian and would not let me eat meat. My friends did and it smelled so good. So I stared eating it when I was 16. I paid for my first cheeseburger myself with my own money from my job. My parents couldn't stop me, but they were absolute asses about it. They were rude to me, they would get upset if I ate a meat option in front of them. They were otherwise terrible parents so when I turned 18 and went low contact, the meat versus vegetarian thing wasn't entirely why, it was just a symptom of a bigger problem. Anyway, fast forward 15 years. My sister struggled because she actually loves being vegan, but being around our parents actually makes her want meat because she feels icky with them thinking that her veganism is tied to them in anyway. I don't think about my parents much, but they turned vegetarianism into a way to make us feel bad, which ruined vegetarianism in general for us.


HaitchanM

Laughed out loud at the ‘meat pusher’ child. Your husband has problems.


waynecheat

butcher? Good heavens, he talks about eating meat as a crime, you have to be ignorant to see things in such an extremist way, I myself am not a big fan of meat but even I know that it is necessary and that it is part of life to kill and consume, you and your husband sound insufferable poor boy who has to deal with this, your husband sucks YTA


AshBlackstone78

YTA, and especially your husband. Pressuring your children into your lifestyle is gross. Worst people on here in 2023.


UnbelievableTxn6969

YTA You are restricting your child's exploration due to your trauma and prejudices.


belle-delalune

I don’t have a verdict, I just think it’s funny you talk about meat like it’s booze or drugs.


holisarcasm

YTA for claiming you are vegan while eating eggs.


Z_witha_ZED

You are not vegan. You eat eggs. Explain that to your child.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BiQueenBee

Why does it matter?


HopefulLake5155

Op, just a heads up, your son is likely to get some bad stomachs if he starts eating meat. I would look up small ways to introduce it to him so his body can adapt.


Ok_Total_4385

I do want to jump in here and say PLEASE don’t force your own views about the agriculture industry onto your children. I get it, there are bad people out there but the 1 in 10 bad people to good people ratio isn’t that great. I urge you to look into animal population control (especially deer in the Midwest). There’s a lot of things that aren’t ethical, like the cotton industry but you probably unknowingly support that. It’s the world we live in and since you have chickens then you would know that chickens who aren’t raised free range don’t wonder what’s out there and have thoughts outside of food, egg laying, and reproducing. I have had chickens for years.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context I (34F) am a vegan, I have been for just over a decade now, and my partner (35M) is a vegetarian. We are raising our son (7) as a vegetarian and will do with our 1 year old daughter too. That being said we always agreed that while we would teach our son why we follow the lifestyles we do and hope to instil similar values in him that he is his own person, if he chooses to go vegan like me or start eating meat we will respect that. As a child I always wanted to be a vegetarian and was constantly denied and belittled by my parents, I never want to put my children through that trauma as I developed a toxic relationship with food as a result. We experiment with lots of different foods and love to involve the kids in our cooking, we have our own chickens in the backyard for our eggs (I will eat these as I know they are ethical) and we grow as much of our own produce as we can so they can learn where their food comes from. Up until last year our son took a packed lunch to school however this year he requested to move to school dinners. While I’m not exactly thrilled with the idea he is old enough now to make his own decisions, I had to tell myself they won’t be serving him poison and he eats very well at home, so we agreed. Last night he approached us very sheepishly and told us that he would like to switch to having the meat options. We were both shocked as we have never seen him show any interest in meat before nor did we think he’d ever really had more than a bite from a relatives fork to try, but he revealed a friend of his had been sharing his dinners with him and he began to enjoy meat. My husband is furious, he wants to sue the school for negligence and wants to go after the little boys parents for raising a “meat pusher”. While I am also deeply hurt and upset I can accept that there’s no real way to monitor the kids 24/7 and that at this age there’s no real understanding of what he’s asking for. I’m wanting to let him go on the meat option for the last term and then we can talk to him about it properly in the summer holidays, husband wants to deny him the meat option completely but has said that he can start trying meat properly at a relatives house when we go over for a weekly family meal. His main issue is that this happened unsupervised and is a result of peer pressure as opposed to genuine curiosity, he doesn’t want to encourage it and is comparing it to the kids that have started vaping at early ages because of their friends in school. I don’t want to be dismissive of my husbands concerns, but I also don’t want to do to my son what was done to me with my diet preference. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

I’m not sure why everyone is saying YTA unless you’ve edited your post to a different version. I think NTA but your husband is TA. What I am reading now is that you want to support your child in exploring new foods that he has decided he wants to explore which is really good parenting. Kids will be kids and explore there’s no monitoring that. You’re putting your preferences aside and letting him discover, hoping the school meat is from as ethical a source possible. You’re right this is totally different to children vaping because vaping can pose health risks, though less than smoking does, eating meat has been a part of human diets for a long time and balanced diet with good meat does not cause health risk. Your husband needs to calm down and let his kid find his way in life. You can teach why you believe it’s better to not eat meat without a bias approach and let your son decide as he grows what he prefers. My opinion is that animals have been getting killed for food since time began, it’s just a part of how the world works. Lions and the likes won’t stop doing it. I do think that the way some meat is produced these days is wrong. Unfortunately we’re no longer going out with spears and killing by hand. The farms around my area treat their animals with respect though.


StatementElectronic7

Read some of OPs replies on this post. She’s def an AH here too. Just not as severe as her husband.


[deleted]

Oh yikes, I was just going by what I’ve read on the post (unless she’s edited it or something by the time I am writing this)…


StatementElectronic7

I was too ngl. Saw a few of their comments lower down in the post and sheesh.. big yikes


[deleted]

Omg I also use that phrase big yikes, it must be a big yikes moment then 😅😅


StatementElectronic7

Yeahh… ranking a 7 year olds food as “good” “bad” or “ethical” is a big yikes. I do love the phrase tho. 😇


[deleted]

Oh yes, kids need nutrition. I’d rather the food was ethical but what does make a food “good” or “bad” you know?


[deleted]

Plus I can’t talk, I have not got the money to pay for ethical meat, I buy what I can get in LIDL and ALDI, it says British I hope the standards are good


Lady_Fel001

I tried tuna for the first time in school, my mother NEVER bought it at home and didn't for the longest time, and I would swap my sandwiches with my friends if we felt like a change. That's not "peer pressure", it's a mutual decision and the kids see it as a benefit to them. NTA, I'd say hubby needs some therapy to deal with his reaction to something perfectly normal. I do like that he's open to your son eating meat at family dinners hosted outside the home. That said, be careful in how you talk to your son whenever you do have the conversation (like you said over the summer) - he shouldn't be made to feel guilty or ashamed of his food choices.


RightHandRider

Clear NTA


Secret_Double_9239

NTA, I feel like your response is reasonable but your husband needs to calm down


Fangschreck

If your husband really would like to have your kid follow your diet in the future he should shut the fuck and support your sons choices. And that means without any passive agressive moral preaching shit later. Otherwise he will probably resent veggie diets at some point and do what he wants as soon as he is an adult anyways. With a much lesser chance at considering your lifestyle. He eats what you eat at home and right now already knows that a vegetaian diet is tasty ( assuming you give even a little bit of shit in cooking meals). So teach him cooking when he is old enough, live by example and don´ t make a problem out of other peoples food choices. Your husband is the AH


xShesToxic

NTA. But your husband is. I would see if the school offers a menu on what they serve for the month and then go over it with your son on what he would like to try.


Watertribe_Girl

NTA. But your husband didn’t really want to respect your sons choices, unless he chose to be vegetarian


SoupSatireSleep

NTA. Children have very little choice in the running of their lives, choosing school dinners is a Safe choice that they can make. Pushing him will lead to rebellion and angry feelings, your husband needs to take an emotional step back.


b_sara

NTA. Your son's friend is not a "meat pusher". Your son was probably intrigued by his friend's lunch and wanted to try it and he ended up liking it. He made a decision regarding his eating habits and that should be respected. Your husband, on the other hand, sounds very immature.


Nevilicious

NTA good on you for allowing your son to make his own food choices. It's better that he won't have to hide his eating habits. Otherwise he would probably eat it in secret when outside the house and develop an unhealthy relationship with food. It's common for people who eat meat the first few times to get cramps/sick because their body isn't used to digesting it. I'd definitely recommend he stick with small portions when trying new meat so his body can adjust


GinPineapple92

NTA. You are encouraging a healthy attitude to food exploring. He may in time choose to return to vegetarianism or veganism or not. He may be a "less and better" meat eater. Either way restriction will only encourage him to hide his eating from you. Better open honesty than lose his trust


MegC18

Children are curious. They need to get it out of their system. I don’t eat red meat by the way. Never ever wanted to. I was caned by nuns as a 5 year old (convent school!) for not eating my mince and potatoes lunch but you couldn’t make me eat that garbage on pain of physical punishment.


Still-Peanut-6010

NTA The proper way for him to try anything is at home. This is the same for any new food no matter what diet you are following. My concern with him eating away from home is stomach problems. My understanding is that eating vegan changes your digestive enzymes so suddenly adding meat could make him sick. If he has already been trying meat though he may be okay. You may want to plan for him not liking something like fish though while letting him explore. Will the school allow him to keep a snack on him that he can eat if he does not like lunch? Can he get a second helping of sides if needed? What options does he have if he does not eat the meat?


Beneficial-Crow-4051

NTA. Your son wants meat. Let him try it and eat it. When he is grown up he can make a choice. Strict vegetarian meals are not healthy enough for a growing child. They will be deprived of proper nutrients. I’m a nutritionist and a vegan.


runiechica

NTA but you will be if you don’t get your kid signed up for the meat option. It sounds like your husband is angry since he didn’t get to control it. I also love that he jumped to “meat pusher” for all you know your son was like “can I try a chicken nugget?” “Sharing” food is a very gentle term. He didn’t say some kid force fed him cheeseburgers until he craves them. You claim you’ve always said you’ll let your kids choose their own paths it’s time to live up to that. Also the way your husband is behaving sounds like the behavior your parents did when you wanted to be a vegetarian.


Molenium

That’s a major overreaction from your husband over a topic that’s completely normal, and your kid *should* be able to talk with you openly about. I know I’ve got anxiety issues myself, but if I ever got an overreaction like that about a normal topic from my parents, I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing up much else with them in the future. I’m guessing your husband just caused a lot of damage to the trust in your relationship with your kids. Just wait for the next time your son wants to try something new, and knows it’s better not to tell dad about it because he blows up over every little topic that doesn’t go his way. I think you’ve got some damage control to do.


haterhurter1

My husband is furious, he wants to sue the school for negligence and wants to go after the little boys parents for raising a “meat pusher”. can you hear my eyes rolling? that'd never be taken by any court. His main issue is that this happened unsupervised and is a result of peer pressure as opposed to genuine curiosity did your son say that or did your husband assume it? ​ NTA, let your son decide his own diet as long as he's healthy.


Morrighu87

NTA. Let the kid try new foods. He’s a kid. While I know that it is possible to raise healthy children on a 100% vegan diet, humans are omnivores - our teeth say that - and it is easier to grow when you get the nutrient dense meat options involved.


MaxGoldfinch25

NTA. When I went travelling in my early 20s I met a guy (as part of a hostel circle) that had been raised strictly vegetarian and had never tried meat. When in NZ he thought he'd give bacon a try, and had what he described as a biblical level epiphany as he couldn't believe it could taste SO DAMN GOOD. He ended up furious at his parents for denying him that option all his life and it made him look at them in a whole new light. Basically, let your boy try it. If he likes it you can introduce ethically sourced products at home and explain where meat comes from. If he doesn't like it, no dramas, but at least he'll know that he can come to you for an open conversation about any topic.


mladyhawke

Meat Pusher


Frustratedparrot123

YTA. forbidden fruit is sweeter. If you just let him have it, while teaching him your values and ethics, he will probably end up vegetarian. If you make it forbidden your guaranteeing a meat ester


NightsisterMerrin87

NTA. If you're concerned about him struggling with the meat options, could you pack him a few extra bits in his bag in case the meat disagrees with him?


PA_Archer

YTA You can’t handle that he’s no longer an accessory to your lives, but is becoming his own person.


Amalthea_The_Unicorn

*we have our own chickens in the backyard for our eggs (I will eat these as I know they are ethical)* If you eat eggs you're not a vegan. Also taking their eggs away causes them to lay eggs more frequently, which depletes nutrients in their bodies, leading to calcium deficiencies. You're actually supposed to feed their own eggs back to them if it's the hens' welfare you have in mind. Wild chickens only lay 10 to 15 eggs a year, domestic ones lay more like 300 a year because people keep taking them.


wanderingbookwhore

OP, just be wary of digestive issues this will cause. As he's never been exposed to meat, his body won't know how to process it and he may end up with a tummy bug. A very gradual introduction is necessary here, the same as when someone who has been veggie a long time as an adult would need to do.


Blacksmithforge3241

NAH?(with edit). My understanding is that the gut bacteria may not be set up for meats/fish which could be why son nearly threw up. I can see why you would prefer he try these things in your home/or in a location where you can supervise--for that exact reason. talking to a nutritionist/doctor sounds like a good idea at this point, to make sure your son gets what he needs to support his decisions.


Redditor4235

you say your son is 7 so im assuming his school friend is 7 too, peer pressure seems a bit much in this instance, little kids like to share and explore together so he likely doesnt understand why your son hasnt eaten meat and simply wants to share with him. i can understand the frustration and dilema for both of you but your husband does seem to be acting a bit of a child himself blowing up like that over something he has decided is your sons choice to make anyway. let him change his menu if he really wants to try but remind him that it wont be easy to change it back. (i assume your school does a menu option once a term like my sons) suggest he try meat with a relative or yourselves first so he can really be sure before he commits and explain what you need to about your reasons for choosing not to eat meat and explain that there are meat eaters out there who do care about animals and only buy from places where animals are raised well and looked after etc as well as there being meat eaters who dont care or simply dont realise (dont brand us all as demons) and remind your husband that 7 yr olds like to share and are not "meat pushers" lol and that the school cant watch every child who is eating all at once to see who is feeding who what as the emphasis would be on making sure the kids with deadly alergies eat properly before they would have time for anything else.


[deleted]

ESH but have fun when he tries food in the future. Your diet choices are a choice and not for health or spiritual reasons. So your husbands blow up is ridiculous and is only go to show your son not to trust him in the future. Even with your edits; I hope your husband learns that expecting his son to follow in his path and then blow up when he didn’t is only going to alienate him and probably your future daughter.


Mamacita_MD

NTA, your husband on the other hand….


Educational-Glass-63

NTA. Your kid too so you get a say.


ayleidanthropologist

NTA. Husband is an idiot. Vegans sound so extra after reading this. “Meat pusher” lmaoo


Meschugena

You, NTA. Dad = AH. My only issue with restrictive diets for kids are getting kids to explore not only different foods but also embrace different cultures whose cuisine centers around specific types of meats - fish, poultry, pork, beef, lamb, goat, etc. I understand restrictive diets for religious reasons. That is entirely different and has deeper meanings than just emotional/ethical. Personally I would want my child (aside from any actual allergy concerns) to happily try things that a friend might bring. Especially if that friend is a different ethnicity and what they have is a cultural item. My kids were always allowed to try anything and everything they desired to help them outside their comfort zones for food. My son's newest best friend is Mexican and invited my son for a sleep-over. The mother had homemade tamales and my son had never had them. He tried them and loved them. So he asked me to make them. I had never done so, so I asked his friend's mom to show me. While doing so, my son was there and participated in the process. The mother told the story of how tamales were created and why and all kinds of historical things about Mexico and the foods they eat. It was a really fun time for us all and we learned a lot in the process. Now I make them in volume and freeze them for him to eat whenever he wants one. Food is the single universal language that bonds every human and does not require the same spoken language to communicate. You can learn so much about a different culture by the foods that are staples in most households and food is a 'language' concept that children understand very easily. The cuisines often tell a story of the history of that culture and kids seek to understand new things better when you introduce it in a way they understand - eating tasty (& maybe not so tasty -looking at you, vegemite) things. At least when I was in elementary school in the 80s, our geography class end-of-unit activities were eating snacks and foods common to that region. No obligation to try them and no grade attached. It was simply a fun thing that our teachers did for us. I would be sad to hear a child deprived of a cultural learning experience because of a dietary choice made for them out of other reasons besides religion.


thePLATYPUSPERRY

Did you ever really taught your kid why you guys don't eat meat?? Like educate him why eating dead animals is wrong and then if he still wants to try meat dishes then sure let him do that.


No-Throat9567

No no no no no. What happens when you deprive the child of something he/she wants is later on that child will develop a craving for it. It may be peer pressure or not, don't take up this particular fight. If you try to force it, it will backfire on you. NTA. Let him have his meat at school. Continue to be vegan/vegetarian at home, and tell the child that you will not be serving him meat at home because of your own values. Your husband is overreacting. He needs to cool his jets. Kids do this, after all.


Applewhore2

Whether or not anyone is an asshole is less important to me than the issue of raising kids to be vegetarian. Let me explain. I was raised vegetarian but was functionally vegan due to dietary restrictions. My dad insisted, my mom obliged, and while my mom tried to ensure we got all our vitamins and nutrients, she didn’t do an adequate job and my dad put in pretty much no effort. I have neurological damage from the chronic vitamin B-12 deficiency I suffered from my diet, and I was anemic for my entire adolescence until I started properly supplementing in my 20’s. Puberty was horrible, I couldn’t exercise and I would frequently pass out from very little exertion. This lasted until my mid-20’s when I started buckling down on my nutrition and discovered what proper, healthy vegetarian cooking looks like. I don’t assume you or your husband are as neglectful of healthy eating as my parents were, but please consider that the nutrition you introduce to your children will affect them physically for the rest of their lives. I myself don’t believe children should be raised vegetarian or vegan, but if you disagree, please make sure your kids get all the vitamins and proper iron they need to grow. If they want to go vegetarian later in life, they can do so.


AioliNeat640

ESH cut the shit with the ethical informed decision. There is no ethical consumption so just eat a damn burger every now and then. If you wanted to be ethical you shouldn't have had kids, if you want to really help the planet commit genocide like Genghis Khan.


PrivateNoLlamaDrama

This is where a compromise comes in. No one wants to be stuck on a menu they hate, so keep him on the veg plan that you know he likes and start sending meat options from home. You know where it’s coming from and if he doesn’t like it he still has a whole meal. NTA.


CandidPercentage5549

Just for context, you, are not a vegan. I don’t care why you eat eggs, but if you do, you’re not vegan. Just call yourself an ethical eater, cause that’s more accurate.


Content_Tooth_8513

Never push your dietary preferences. Especially on children. They can make that decision. I can't stress this enough.


iFallDownOften

🤣🤣🤣 Sue the school?!?! WTF kind of crazy is going on in your house?! I feel SOOO bad for your child. You are “THOSE parents”. Good luck with the no contact in the not so distant future. The amount of control you’re both exhibiting will drive your child away. I had parents just like you…they get one visit/year, one call/week. That’s your future.


Solid_Parsley_

NTA. I applaud your willingness to let your son find his own way, develop his own ideals, all of that. HOWEVER, I do think your husband has a little bit of a point about your son starting to eat meat in an uncontrolled environment, like a school. I was vegetarian for almost ten years, and just started eating meat again in the last few months. Without getting too graphic, it caused absolute mayhem for my digestive system for a while. I would hate (and I know you would too) for your son to find himself in an embarrassing position in front of his peers. Maybe he should start by eating meat at the weekly family dinners for the rest of the term, so his body can adjust, and then switch him to the meat option for the school lunches next term if he's still interested?


[deleted]

NTA, your husband needs therapy, he's bordering on abusive behavior here and has a terrible relationship with food.


bakedjennett

You’re not an AH for this specific situation, but based on your comments YTA for how you’re easing him. You said you don’t want your kids to have the trauma you had growing up with good because you couldn’t be vegetarian so instead you’re going the opposite way and giving him trauma because he doesn’t want to be. The way he came to you asking if he can try meat and y’all’s reaction shows that plainly enough. You don’t want him to make his own choices. You want him to make the “right choice.”


Cold-Consideration23

Husband is TA


crackpotpourri

Your son ate meat because of “peer pressure?!” How do you not realize how deluded that sounds? Your and your husband are the ones peer pressuring him for saying “it’s his choice” but then piling on like no tomorrow about how your choices are better than others’. And before you say that’s not what you’re literally telling him, give me a break—whether or not you say it explicitly, *that is what you’re teaching him and you know it* because that’s what you believe. Despite your claim to openness, you know damn well that you will see your son as being disappointing in this way if he chooses to continue to eat meat, and that is *not* openness or support. Your husband is more obviously psychotic about it, but it’s the same attitude all around. In any case, eating eggs isn’t vegan, FYI. So maybe before forcing your kids into your lifestyle you should actually know what it is or isn’t. At least that way when other kids pick on him for all this nonsense, it won’t be because he ate an egg and said he’s vegan.


orangepinkroses

Take your kid to some zoos and some farms and let them pet cows and calves and baby lambs and baby goats. Explain to them where meat comes from and then let them choose. At least their choices will be informed.


Terrible_Ad3534

I didn’t read your whole post. You are NTA but the meat pusher comment from your husband tells me you need to be homeschooling with this type of response to a kid sharing food with yours.


Brennir10

It seems to me like this could be a non issue if you let it. Let him try the school dinners bc he is supposed to have a choice. He MAY want what his friends have, he may be pushing limits, he may be testing you he may truly love the taste of meat. Whatever reason he is doing it the bigger deal you make out of him trying some meat the more power you give meat and the more interesting it becomes. Serve vegan/veggie at home and continue to explain why you make the choices you do at home. Let him meet some farm animals like cows, sheep, pigs so meat isn’t just a patty on a plate to him. Help him develop compassion and empathy in all the ways parents do. He will probably end up returning to your lifestyle. As a person who still has powerful cravings for food I was denied as a child, particularly foods I don’t even LIKE—-don’t make a big deal about it. I’m 48 and still have the urge to stuff my face with things like twinkies ( which I hate the taste of) just bc of how strict my diet was as a kid. You don’t want him gorging on burgers as an act of rebellion as a teen. Make veggie things he loves at home and it will become his “comfort food” when he is older.


aussielover165

Your husband is TA. If you want your son to be "fully informed" only about meatless options then home school him where you can watch him 24/7. Otherwise, you're going to have to learn the hard lesson that children do not always do things their parents approve of.


SmallTownAttorney

I am a little confused you claim to be a vegan and yet you eat eggs from your own chickens? So not strictly a vegan but more strict than a vegetarian. At any rate NTA I was glad to see your husband is calming down.


MotherBike

NTA- But I think the main concern is the frequency. His body is not used to digesting these things, and the portions might be insurmountable for a 7 yr old vegetarian. Maybe it can be a symbiotic relationship at school with this boy. Your boy shares a small helping of his options in exchange for a small helping meat. That way it can gradually be introduced, and perhaps that other kid will is interested in the alternative lifestyle of vegetarianism, but doesn't have the option with their parent. Could be an all around win tbh.


No-Cod-776

ESH for “raising a 1 year old” as a vegetarian. Would you raise a dog as a vegetarian?


[deleted]

Mostly NTA, so long as you do actually respect your kid's wishes if he decides to eat meat. I really respect vegans, even though I'm not one myself. I respect the ethical stand they're taking. However, I don't really respect the bending the truth saying "my vegetarian son". At that age, without really the ability to decide for himself, he's not vegetarian, he's on a vegetarian diet set by you. He himself isn't vegetarian.


HexStarlight

NTA it's hard when you are stuck on one option per term, I would talk to your son and explain that moving to the full meat option when at school could be difficult if he doesn't like it. Work with him so he can try things in a more controlled environment then if he still wants to move menu he can. Also check that ge understands that he is choosing to eat animals. He doesn't need full details but understanding that choice is important.


Nononono35

No my


[deleted]

YTA, let the kid decide.


MonolithOfTyr

ESH except the kids. Developing children shouldn't be on a restricted diet like this. I'm going to enjoy a steak tonight for all of you.


Princessmeanyface

I just would like to add that just bc he didn’t do well with fish doesn’t mean he will do the same with other meats. I myself eat meat. Mostly chicken but can absolutely not stand to eat fish. I think it’s disgusting. I give you props for being understanding and support of his decision. Your husband needs to work on his reaction tho.


Algebralovr

NTA Kids at school OFTEN share foods with one another. It is VERY difficult for the school to stop children from sharing.