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YTA. I’m way over 30 and a parent. It’s our job to prepare our kids to leave us. She absolutely should have her license. That’s on you. You are the parent. What a wonderful opportunity for her. It’s inconvenient for you because you aren’t doing your job. She’s 17. She should absolutely be driving there and yes, filming a movie usually does take those kind of hours. You are failing your daughter.

Not to mention, that she’d be burning a lot of bridges is she pulls out because “the days are too long”. If she wants to use anyone involved as a reference or wants to attend that program, this could actually affect her career. If OP doesn’t want to wait around the whole time, show some good role modelling around relationships and problem solving - talk to your daughter about alternatives like carpooling with others (even just to a point closer to you) finding somewhere she can wait after calling you when she’s done, texting when it seems to be wrapping up so you can head out then and cut down on your waiting time etc. If this was a spouse’s career you wouldn’t (I hope) demand that she give it up because the first approach to it was inconvenient for you. Ordering your kid to quit because you don’t like waiting around is ageist and an abuse of your power as a parent.

Carpool with others? But those people could hurt her!!!! He’s better off locking her up in the basement; that way she will stay safe and be his little girl forrrrrrevvvvvvvvverrrrrrr. She will surely appreciate it. Kids love having their dreams destroyed by their own parents.

I work in film as a PA/AD, so the part about burning bridges is absolutely correct. Makes me really sad for her. It's hard enough to get gigs as it is, especially if you're just starting out. OP, if you’re reading this, 12 hour days are pretty much a norm. I suggest maybe talking to an adult on set and gaining some knowledge on the film world.

In my admittedly limited experience of "Having filled in for a buddy for a few days as a set medic", I was thinking "12 hour days? So they're taking it easy because they're a student production, huh?"

This is so true. The film community is a small, closed world. Burning bridges is a very bad idea. I’m a 68 yr old grandmother of 7 who has worked in the industry as have my kids. 12 hours is a standard day. This is true for the entire entertainment industry. Stage, screen, Disneyland, even regional theatre. You work incredible hours and then you don’t do anything…until the next time. You need to let your daughter grow up, get her license, and follow her dream. YTA

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I am 47. A mother. And I'm really appalled by OP's attitude. We parents chose to have kids. It's our Job to help them make their dreams come true.

No, she won't. And he can can pretty much guarantee that she won't be trying to attend that school, she will most likely move away for film school no matter what after this.

That part is especially telling. What a terrible adult he is...

This 30+ and a parent. I wanted nothing more than to act worked hard at it, etc. Invested so much money from my measly job to do it. At around OP's daughter's age my parents (who were originally supportive) made me stop because they didn't think it was a feasible career. I'll admit, I should have fought harder for my dream. But I still feel absolutely crushed that my parents didn't allow me to have a fair chance, and it's been over 15 years. OP, do what you want, since you aren't here to listen. But your daughter will never forget this.

Oofph. Similar to my story, though in mine my fave instructor died and the replacement made me uncomfortable than when I was just starting to be comfortable with her, she quit and my parents decided my brother's sports were more important because no other coaches were nearby for me and I was "hard to get to lessons anyway" and "chose television" (I was depressed and missed my coach... Like...)

I’m over 30, a parent and even homeschooled my now adult child. There’s no good reason your 17 year old doesn’t have a license - she’s been driving for two years, she’s not in class all day so has a lot more practice time than most teens. It seems to me that the only reason she doesn’t have it yet is because you and your wife are holding her back from this normal development stage AND are now punishing her because *you’ve chosen* to leave her dependent on you for transport. YTA for this. Actually 12-14 hour days ARE normal in the field she wants to work in. And while that IS a lot, she’s 17 - almost an adult and not far away from going to college herself and *this is only a two week commitment* which is perfectly manageable for a big stretch like this. You could have chosen to turn this into a teaching moment: talk about labour rights, have her research what the hours normally look like in this field and what protections are in place, who protects people in this field, what kind of issues does the industry have because of its hours… but nah, just make her quit. It’s nice you supported her short film, but that’s not the same as supporting her in the ways she NEEDS support. 1. This was her chance to learn how films are made in the industry and what that really looks like. Her short film does not offer the same insight or exposure as working in a more formal set/project. 2. If she wants to go to this school (which seems likely) now the only thing they know is that she quit part way through a project because of industry standard hours and therefore lacks maturity and professionalism. 3. Having already worked on a school based project connecting to the teaching staff and upper level students involved in it would have looked good on her school application. 4. More variety in experience is essential and invaluable for a resume. 5. Film making, maybe more than almost any other industry, relies on Who You Know, and you just negatively impacted that for her. She’d have been better off never volunteering than participating and pulling out part way through. 6. She had a project tons of kids her age would kill for and you just pulled it out of her because you seem to be stuck in the belief that your daughter is 14 and not 17 and about to be an adult. And you did it at a developmentally important stage in her life where she’s unlikely to forgive you easily. 7. Again, this could have been a teaching moment where you and her mother laid out your concerns and talked about the pros and cons of staying and quitting and allowed HER to make the primary decision, but if she stayed had to have a plan for transportation alternatives and address your concerns. You literally taught her nothing. You didn’t help her develop a sense of responsibility or autonomy or empower her in being in a difficult employment situation as an adult and making wise decisions there. You actively held her back. You chose your power and control over everything else. And even worse, the fact that you are here tells me that you not only expected her to just capitulate to you *continuing* to hold her back from natural developmental stages, you seem to expect her to happily accept you doing this. She’s not even allowed to be angry, frustrated or annoyed with you - or to take the time it takes to process what you’ve forced her to do. Yes. YTA. you’ve failed in your role as a parent of an almost adult. You failed as her primary educators. And you’re keeping your daughter tied down in a way that she’ll be developmentally behind her peers and not have any sense of being able to trust herself and her decision making.

All of this. I have no award to give, but I would if I could. You detailed everything perfectly.

Thank you!! Exactly this. 👏👏👏 And the edits just keep getting better. News flash, he's clearly supportive of her (temporary) dream.

Supportive as long as he isn't inconvenienced

And as long as he and his wife are controlling her dream.

His edit. >I know these posts have a penchant for attracting moody teenagers. then. >Can any PARENTS/30+ adults chime in? As if no parents that are 30+commented.

And when people who say YTA starting adding that they were in fact parents who are 30+, he adds another edit saying “things are being missed.” I think OP missed the part of the message you get after you make a post here that says you’re not here to defend your actions. He’s clearly resisting the YTA response he’s getting, he didn’t want to be told if he is or isn’t TA, he just wanted people to say he *isn’t* so he could feel better about his decision. I don’t get why people post here if they’re going to resist the answer they get.

Someone questioned him about his other 5 estranged kids not speaking to him and he responded with. >If I tell you were estranged, I'm sure you will fill in the holes with some outlandish claims instead of recognizing it's more complicated than that. So yeah she's going to end up no contact with him to.

So homeschooled kids and 5 children that are already estranged. Homeschooling on its own can be fine but the post and additional info paint a not particularly good picture.

And can I add… why on earth does the 11-year-old have to be in the car with him the entire time? Any self-sufficient 11 year old could stay by him- oh wait. OP doesn’t WANT their kids to be self-sufficient. That’s right. YTA and are going to have 7 estranged children if you don’t cut the shit.

I'm well over 30 and I'm a grandparent, I concur with the YTA judgement. This is an amazing opportunity for your daughter and all OP is concerned about is how much it puts them out.

Over 30 parent here too. YTA. Also, it’s not a two year project. You couldn’t let this go for two weeks?!? Cmon.

I missed that! Two weeks is nothing. I thought it was a month or so project. What the heck OP?

Agreed. 30+ years old here and OP, YTA.

50+ parent. YTA. Same as all of the above and to mention it was only for 2 week. She couldn’t let her have 2 weeks?

Parent adult 40+ here. I second this judgement. OP, you are coward. You should have been the one sending an e-mail to the team, inquiring about long hours. Maybe you would have worked something out with them. Instead, you forced your 17-yo daughter to act like she wanted to quit. YTA. You ruined such a wonderful opportunity for your daughter.

Parent also 40+ YTA, in fact you’re a major one. I can’t believe you’d pitch such a fit about a 2 week project and stomp all over your daughter’s dreams that way! OP you totally suck!

Over 30+ and a parent here too, OP YTA. The bridge that is going to burn is between you and your daughter. Really ask yourself why your inconvenience is more important than her dreams.

62 here and OP, YTA. This is valuable experience for her and will help her when she applies to film school. A good parent encourages independence so stop standing in her way and allow her to make her own choices.

I'm 50. And agree with this judgement. YTA. Yes, most dream jobs take 12 14-hour days and your daughter was willing to put in the hard time. You ruined a good opportunity for her.

Another 30+ parent. This would have looked great on her college apps and probably even on a resume for jobs. She could have used contacts for future opportunities and references, now they are just burned bridges. She is almost 18, do you really think a couple of months is going to make a difference in her endurance to work a 12 hour day? Also, I don’t think labor laws would apply here since she was volunteering (I admit I could be totally wrong, idk). But if that is really what you were concerned about, why not see if she could just cut back her hours some rather than scrap the whole project? If she wasn’t complaining, I don’t know why you were. Why were you hanging around town waiting for her to get off? Why not wait for her to call then go get her? She sounds a little sheltered tbh. She needs her license and a little more freedom to do what she chooses without a helicopter parent.

Well in defence, I'm 22 and still don't have a license, but can go places with bus/train/my parents drop me off and I need to plan accordingly to get back home

Even without the driver's license (some people have issues that prevent them from driving) she should be able to get around by herself by public transportation or taxi/Uber. OP made her miss a great opportunity. SHE didn't think it was too much work. He made her quit because HE wasn't comfortable with her waiting for too long, working for too long, driving there herself, picking her up this late etc. I know some teens need to be cuddled more than others, but this girl sounds like she's more capable than OP realize. He just keeps on cuddling her, suffocating her, controlling her. (And I'm 44 and a parent).

Just a 30+ individual commenting here. There are many professions that require the regular completion of 12+ hour rostered shifts. Saying this as a healthcare profession who started doing them at 18. YTA.

YTA. It is absolutely 100 percent normal in the production world. My adult son works for different productions for Netflix, it’s the way it is. It’s so unfortunate that you are not supporting your daughter. At this stage of her life as noted above she should have a drivers license and be able to transport herself. At the least you could go home and tell her when things are winding down to give you a heads up so she’s not waiting too long for you, and you are not pissing offtime waiting on her. It sounds like you were angry because it wasn’t convenient for YOU to hell with the valuable learning experience for her. And that’s a sad state of affairs for a 17 year old young woman who could possibly be moving out and going to college very soon. Stop babying her and start respecting her and her skills.

YTA, majorly. It is very normal for shifts to last more than 10 hours while shooting. You’re being extremely unsupportive by blaming her for the long hours. What is she going to do, never be part of a production because you can’t be supportive enough to handle those hours? Why do you have to be there the entire day? She can always just let you know when the shoot will be done and you can drive to pick her up. Don’t squash your daughter’s dream career before it begins because you want to be a helicopter parent. Also imagine it from her side- up on her feet, working for 12 hours only to hear a scolding from her father instead of comfort.

YTA. That's the real world, not whatever homeschooled power-bubble you've created at home. Have fun having a low/no contact daughter once she moves out.

Right I laughed at no license and a 12hr day at 17. At 17 I went to a physical school for 7.5hrs had 2-3hrs of practice and had a job. 12hr days for a 17yr old is nothing.

Honestly 17 is when you have the energy for those kinds of days. I get sleepy just thinking about it.

Yup. And if the kid went to a real school and did Drama club, Dad would be in for a rude awakening about how long the rehearsals sometimes go, especially on Show Week.

Oh, and, for the OP, I'm 58. Raised 2 kids, one of whom did Drama club. YTA.

I was tech and often wondered if I could swing sleeping in the booth during tech week.

Long days are immensely common in the film and entertainment world. Even outside of that world there are plenty of jobs that require long work days. It sounds like you were annoyed that it interrupted your day. YTA

I’m well beyond my teenage years and yes, YTA here. You’ve created this situation by sheltering your daughter from having freedom to drive and making friends who can drive her around - or even who might live closer to the movie set that she could crash with them. Your daughter got a GREAT opportunity here, to get connected with the university film program and with other people who may end up being important in her career. You made her quit because your hovering was inconvenient to you. Congrats, Parent of the Year, for spoiling this one thing that meant so much to your daughter, even though you dismiss it as a “temporary” dream. Now she can spend the summer plotting how to move away and stop talking to you.

Sheltering is the nicest term for what OP is doing to his daughter. Homescooled, won't let her get her license because he doesn't think she's ready at 17, waiting around for 12 plus hours and making her quit because OP doesn't have anything else he could be doing???

I grew up with a homeschool family that participated in the same extracurricular I did. Their family ended up moving next door to my parents later. After all of us had moved out... they had an adult son living in the basement, one daughter who stayed in college long enough to get her Mrs., and another who ended up having a mental health break because she *didn’t* get her Mrs. in college and didn’t know what to do with the rest of her life. Son eventually moved out around 40-yrs old, and the unmarried daughter still lives there.

"Get her Mrs. in college" Wow. People still say this? It was outdated b.s. when my college prof said it decades ago.

YTA you control freak. You're a super-asshole for the edit. I'm mid-40's with two mid-20's kids.

Thisssss. Let your daughter get her drivers license already, lord. You’re complaining about having to hang around when you created that problem for yourself. She’s almost 18. And yes, production days ARE long. It’s great she has an opportunity to learn that now and decide if that’s sustainable for her long term. I suspect you’re just trying to hold on to her in the last year before college but I got news for you: your daughter is growing up and you need to release the steel grip and let her do her thing.

I just realised that. He stayed around all the time? That's truly a self- created problem. My daughter goes horseback riding ant is at the stable 4 times a week. It's a 30 minutes drive. I bring her there and drop her off. She prepares her horse, rides, helps around the barn. When she' s finished she calls me and has to wait until I come, 30 to 40 minutes. She is 14. Guess what? That's life.

I love how he didn't like the responses he was getting so he resorted to calling everyone moody teenagers. You really get a picture of what this man is like in real life.

YTA It wasn’t a job she was volunteering. Student projects are not subject to labor laws. When she is a student it will be the same. Is that why you homeschooled her? So you could control her?

I'd love to know why a 12 year old was pulled out of school to be home schooled. Honestly, I think homeschooling should be outlawed. 99% of the people I've met (in person, online) who have been homeschooled have been done such a major disservice by it.

OP's response from another comment We began homeschooling at 12 because we are concerned about how middle/high school years are notorious for peer pressure and watering down students' individuality due to bullying. I remember visiting the local middle school right before she started 6th grade and seeing the rowdy kids and knowing what was waiting for her: a bunch of dumb peers encouraging dumb decisions in romantic/sexual relationships, possibly pressuring her to change her clothes/interests/whatnot.

It’s crazy for him to say that cause he’s actively trying to rob her of any independence and individuality

So instead she wound up with overprotective parents who won't let her drive although she is of age (oh the horrors of unknown places!) and don't really support her dreams. Was your way really better for her, OP?

I want to homeschool my kids but I'm always so torn on the legality of homeschooling. If I did it, I would be dedicated and do the best of my abilities to still socialize my kids properly. Unfortunately, I agree with you. The "normal" kids/adults I have met who were homeschooled are rare. Most had helicopter parents.

My sis home schools my nephew. She did it because the local school system where they’re at is abysmal. She joined the community pool and takes him to all sorts of social events/birthday parties/etc to keep him socialized. He’s got a nice network of kids he’s friends with and he’s by all measures a “normal” kid. You can pull it off, you just have to take a couple extra measures to make sure your kids stay socially integrated. Intramural sports are another great way to have kids make friends, since they’re related to Parks and Rec instead of school affiliated. Or church, if that’s your bag.

But here's the problem. How does the school system get any better if everyone keeps opting out of it?

The thing is, it’s not even a labor law issue. I work in the film industry. What it *is,* is a **union** issue. You can absolutely make someone work a 14 hour day. However, in my union, anything over 8 hours per shift immediately jumps to time and a half. Anything after 12 goes into *double salary time.* There are accommodations made to facilitate the long/unusual hours that film making requires in order to protect/compensate the crew fairly. Also, OP is a mega AH because depending on what direction she wants her career to go in, if she has to join her local union to get a job, and she will need production experience to do so. This production, being a non-union feature, is exactly the type of experience she could use to advance her professional career. He cut her legs out from under her.

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Oh man, OP tries to explain it elsewhere and short answer: Yes. Long answer: Aging happens, along with the requisite biological / sociological changes, so see the short answer.

info - why have you taken your daughter out of school and why aren't you comfortable with her driving on her own? I'm an adult 40+ so not a 'moody teenager' (as per your words)

Do you even need to ask? YTA. Your daughter deserves better!

YTA. Filming for only 2 weeks, and they're ONLY pulling 13 hour days? It sounds like you agreed to this without understanding what it means. Also wtf would you just wait around for her with your other kid? Don't you have anything else to do?? Homeschooling parents are so fucking entitled, go to therapy and stop trying to control your child

Wow, where to begin? You sure are the AH here. Why can't she get her license, and why do you have to wait for her? Can't anyone else give her a ride home? She's almost an adult. She's trying to follow her dreams, and you're shutting her down left and right. I'm positive her resentment towards you is growing every time you do something like this to her. It's only two weeks of doing this thing that could really help her in her professional future. Do you want her to give that up? Control your anger, dude. Is her school performance slipping because of this? If not, that especially makes you the AH. Do better. Your future relationship with your children will thank you. Edit: There isn't even school, this was during a winter break?!?! Jesus.... Apologize to your daughter, and show her this post!! Edit #2: It seems like no one here is "a moody teen." It seems as though everyone here is an adult and/or parent. Your edits and replies are making this even worse. Also, I'm in my 30s since that "matters."

That moody teen comment really pissed me off too lol I wonder if this is how he dismisses his kids' thoughts and opinions. What a toxic home and they can't even escape it to go to school bc he's trying to "protect them"

Parent here, 41m. YTA - here’s why: “She contacted the team and we all met together…” “She’s been learning how to drive off and on since she was 15 … we’re not comfortable with her driving on her own…” “It’s unfair to all of us…” Most damningly - you never once mentioned her take on this new, important chapter in her life. You are a clingy Dad. You are afraid of her doing anything on her own, you won’t even give her the opportunity to try it because it’s inconveniencing you (don’t drag your 11 Y/o into it, this is about you). The industry she wants to get into runs this way (go do your research). You never even mentioned how she felt about the thing, and you wouldn’t even let her meet about it without hovering over her. You’re so afraid of her going out on her own that you won’t even afford her the age-old right of passage to drive. I get it, they’re you’re babies. But if you don’t give her enough room to spread her wings, she’s going to likely abandon ship and never return the SECOND that she can. Stop stunting her growth and encourage her. Edit: grammar and spelling

YTA because you only took her there for only 3 days and then got so impatient, angry and selfish after such a short amount of time when you should have been patient. You should have at least tried to think of an alternative such as perhaps you and your wife could have taken turns taking her there and back or your daughter could have taken alternative transport. It's your job as a parent to bring out the best in your child if you can see they have a talent and passion for something. If this is her passion, you should be supporting her. Also the fact that she is working that hard shows that she is taking it seriously and is not a slacker; a lot of parents would love to have a kid working that hard to achieve a goal. Yes, it's volunteering for now but in future she will be paid when she lands a job because of the experience. This experience was important for her and something she is passionate about and also something she could be doing for her future job. She has the work ethic to probably make a career in that field a success so do you really want to get in the way of that just because you were tired after a short amount of time? Also she has been homeschooled so has probably not had much opportunity to meet others and socialise so doing this would be good for her. I think you need to apologise and try to get the volunteering position back for her again. Don't throw away an opportunity like this.

>You should have at least tried to think of an alternative Exactly. If the question was AITA for insisting that my 17 yr old leaves her volunteer job at 8pm? Then sure, there's a discussion that can be had. But you totally nailed it - OP was totally selfish and unreasonable.

Is she managing her school work? Is she acting responsibly? If the answer is yes, what's the problem? Your daughter seems to have a solid work ethic!

You sound like helicopter parents and you know you suck. YTA

YTA. Parent of multiple children from teens to adults. Not all jobs are 9-5. This is excellent career related experience that you're forcing her miss. You're sabotaging her future because you're too selfish to be inconvenienced for a couple of days.

You have 44 comments now and I don't see where the "moody teenagers" edit is coming from. If you don't like being judge actually AITA is not the right subreddit for you.

Fighting the judgement. OP is trying to dismiss every single person as " a moody teen" so OP can cherry pick any that happen to say n-t-a.

Yep and starting with the first comment calling him the AH. When I opened the post it was 30 comments and the edit was already there! After I had finished reading it was at 44. He must have expected overhelming support but after maybe three ytas went like tHeRe Is OnLy mOoDy tEeNaGeRs HeRe

I suspect that the ‘moody teenagers’ is his built-in clause to dismiss any reply not supporting him. Which is all of them so far.

YTA. This is something important to your daughter. She is working hard toward her future. And, you somehow made it all about you. She is lucky to know what she wants to do at a young age, and she is potentially making important contacts that will help her in her future career. It may be long hours, but so what? Is that hurting her? Or is she learning a good work ethic that will help her in her future? I don't understand your reasoning at all other than it isn't convenient for you, and that's all you care about. You sound very selfish and are not at all thinking about your daughter.

YTA This sounds like invaluable experience for your daughter - and she was happy to be doing it. It isn't as if it is going to be for months - its two weeks and its a project with a university film program - which is what she wants to do (so it will help with her college applications) If you were concerned about the long hours your first step should have been to talk to your daughter...and then, maybe ask her to talk to the person running the project.

Hi, as per your delightful request, adult here chiming in. You’re still TAH.

This made me laugh.

Lmao, these are killing me . Also, 30+ here adult to reaffirm that yea YTA.

YTA- that’s what film production is like. You could have googled that . Getting to work on a production was the chance of a lifetime and you took it away from her. No wonder she’s sulking. But, it was so inconvenient for you. You could have helped her out with cab money or an Uber

YTA Her quitting wasn’t because of the difficult long hours and you know it. You made her quit because you didn’t want to wait around and it was all about you. You homeschooled her and kept her from people, now she has a chance to be around people with the same interest as her and enjoy what she possibly wants to do as a career and you see her having a bit of potential freedom and you decide to rip it from her.

You sound like a controlling bully. Go and apologise to your daughter and make sure she gets her license asap so she can drive herself and doesn't have to deal with your attitude anymore.

YTA I wish your daughter the best of luck in college and in her career. It’s long hours and a lot of work. Sounds like she understands that. Just saw your edit: I’m over fifty with three adult children who are actively involved in theatre, film, and media arts for over two decades. LONG hours of waiting around, driving, bringing food for the whole crew. Worth every second as their parent. YTA and you know it.

52 years old here. YTA. I have friends in the movie business, and long days are VERY normal. YTA for crushing your daughter's dream and leaving a black mark next to her name as an unreliable "employee". It's a smaller industry than you think, especially on the local level, and people are not going to work with someone who quits after three days.

I say your edit… parent & a children’s therapist here. YTA & your edits make you sound worse. I don’t feel the need to type a whole thing cause I’d just be repeating what a lot of people already said but this is not at all the appropriate response and you sound incredibly controlling and suffocating. Don’t be surprised when your child goes low contact when she’s older

Seriously, the edit is amazing. Clearly OP thought they would come here and Reddit would be all "no, you're totally fine to try to control 100% of your daughter's life even though she about to be an adult."

YTA (and especially for your edit) Long hours are extremely common in the film industry. She still doesn’t have her license because you are a control freak. There was no reason for you to “burn time” except for you to use it against your daughter, because again you are a control freak. Unless the film site was hours away you didn‘t have to waste your day waiting in the area for her call.

YTA. Your daughter has a passion for something and was given a great opportunity. Your daughter sounds as ready for adulthood and as independent as possible. Your parenting has to have played a part in that and you should be proud. However, you are not ready for your child to be an adult. You are the one now holding her back. You should have helped her get her license before the shoot. You didn’t need to stay in the area, and you could have trusted your daughter to ask for support if she needed it. She was okay with the long hours typical of a movie shoot - you were not. But this isn’t your career. She’s a year away from being a legal adult. It’s time to trust her. If your anxiety won’t allow you to let go then it’s time to get some help.

I was homeschooled from 2nd grade to graduation and hung out with a large number of other homeschool kids so I think I have a lot of experience in the field of witnessing various approaches homeschool parents have given. Most of them encourage passions and any chance they have to explore their passions especially if it will help further their career because the extra freedom to do that is a very invaluable benefit to homeschooling. Further more such a project gives a lot of important real world life experience that should be seen as such an unbelievably awesome thing. And then there’s the approach you just stated of giving a taste of their passion and will be invaluable to their future then ripping it away. Before you proceed you need to watch the South Park episode where there are homeschool kids and the parents are the stereotypical overly concerned homeschool parents, so you can see how you are coming across here. YTA and so is your wife.

YTA. What an amazing, potentially life-changing opportunity for a young filmmaker. Most parents would bend over backwards if their teenage was in this situation. This is why people have kids, no? To nurture their ambitions and see them right? Seems like having a kid is a massive pain in the arse for you. Hopefully the comments here will make you understand as they all seem to be saying the same thing. Find a way to make it work and your kid will love you forever. Its a no-brainer. If you keep at it like this, she’ll be talking about you in therapy for years to come.

YTA, You need to remember your child is a whole other person. And not all jobs are follow the 9-5. She is making her own way, respect that. Hell, you're obligated to respect that. You must really be a shit parent if you can't even trust your own kid. This short lease you're putting on her is going to backfire when she gets older. It sure did on my parents, I've been married for 10 years, we've only met 7 times since. You're gonna be wondering why she never talks to you in few years. Maybe 1, she's almost that age.

YTA. No one is exploiting a 17 year-old PA. They’re letting her hang out to get to understand how productions work. My husband is in the film industry and he will work 16-20 hour days most of the time. If that’s what she wants to do, she will do it whether or not she has your approval. But she will remember who supported her interests. As a parent, I get it, I wouldn’t particularly be thrilled if my daughter chose the film industry, but I know forcing her one way wouldn’t help either.

YTA. As per your request - I am a parent/30+ and you sound controlling as hell. You didn't let her drive/get her license, and now you made her quit because it was inconvenient for you. You don't care that it was she loves and this project will definitely look good in her college application.

So allow her to do something she is in love with, then take it away from her. Think, use your brain for two seconds and you will surely see that YTA!! That is going to bother her forever and as soon as she's 18 she can leave and you can't do sht. Bet she can't wait either, poor kid. Bet you were hoping us parents would justify you eh? Lmfao

Massive YTA. First of all, you come here for public opinion. You do NOT control who judges you. Secondly, you are ruining your daughter's life. How do you not process that you are a controlling, manipulative, overbearing parent? Helicopter parents like you are always in here acting like their kids are a prized bush in their garden.

Yeah the amount of judgement fighting OP is trying to do is impressive.

Hard YTA on so many levels. I’m not a parent but have lots of nieces and nephews and I am over 30. Homeschooled teenagers need to have some sort of social life and interaction with people outside of the nuclear family. It’s one of the ways they learn how to act around people from different backgrounds and how to act as an adult. I’m shocked that she still doesn’t have her drivers license and it sounds as if you are suppressing her ability to do so. As to traveling to unfamiliar locations, there are on line apps that provide directions. I use them frequently as the area in which I live doesn’t seem to like street signs and I didn’t grow up here. Having lived in LA for a long time, I had friends in the film industry and long days are the norm. You should be proud that your daughter has found her passion and displayed a wonderful work ethic. Yet you are more concerned about how it inconveniences YOU to provide her transportation to and from her volunteer job. That you did so after only THREE DAYS when she signed up for a two week project is doubling down on your selfish behavior. Hope you are preparing to have her go NC with you and your wife when she is an adult.

INFO: How far away is this place from your home AND how long will it be happening for?

I am a 30+ parent YTA. It's time for your daughter to get her license and start doing things on her own. Your role should be diminishing in her life now, just make sure your ringer is in and your ready when she needs you. She is preparing to be independent and preparing for her future and you are actively sabotaging her efforts instead of finding ways to support her.

60+ year old parent here and yes...you're the AH. So your teen has a passion, and found a local university doing something exactly in that passion, has signed on/been accepted and you order to bail completely after only three days? Many parents of teens would die if their child had something, anything their kid was passionate about aside from video games. So you found yourself inconvenienced for several days and your 'solution' is to quite altogether? There's public transportation, co-workers, or...this is the motivation for her to finally get serious and get her own license. Did you consider asking her to be considerate of your hours...that while you're very happy that she's pursuing her passion that her time involvement in the current dynamic has implications for you and her brother? In the end...you treated her as a 7 year old and set hard and fast 'parental rules' as opposed to challenging her to 'adulting' a better solution path for all involved. Meaning...she's soon to be a legal adult, is she ready to embrace that world or have you stymied her into remaining a home bound child forever?

YTA. You sound like a loving parent who is overprotective, and maybe just a bit misguided. As a parent, your goal should be to support your children to pursue their dreams. All you can do is raise them right and hope they make the right decisions. Here she is working 12-14 hr days as a 17 year old, you are doing alright man. Just relax and let her live a little or she will resent you forever. Also, it’s unfair to both “not feel comfortable with her driving herself” and be unwilling to drive her places.

YTA: your job as a parent is to prepare your kid for the day your aren't there. She's 17- get her a damn license. Then you wouldn't have an excuse to bully her into quitting because you're waiting around for her. She was volunteering and having fun. Being "exploited" is for her to decide and figure out. That is part of allowing kids to learn and mature. You sound like a control freak and at 18 don't be surprised if she bolts. I'm not a moody teen- I'm in my 30s and watched this play out with narc/controlling parents.

YTA. Im well beyond a teenager and I'm a parent too. I would have just dropped her off and waiting for her to call me to pick her up. You sound to protective, just go home and relax

YTA. You are the parent here and could have worked out other solutions. Did you try asking what the shooting schedules were to plan your days, for example? Your daughter has drive and initiative, things you should be encouraging not getting in the way of. And since it seems to matter to you, I am a parent in my mid 30s.

YTA! Are you serious??? She's 17 years old, and she's getting real experience in something she's passionate about. She can not get that from a class in school, seeing as she is homeschooled, and this is a great opportunity for her. You can not teach certain things at home unless you yourself have done it. This is one of those things! She's close to graduating and she is considering film school . It's 2 freaking weeks, not a permanent job. On top of that, if and when she does go to school, for film or not, she's going to have a lot of very long days and nights. Welcome to the real world. The fact that the inconvenience of you driving her back and forth and the times in which to do so for a couple weeks is so "hard on you" is what's the obvious issue. (Also, I am a 37 year old Adult.)

YTA. Is 35 enough of an adult to weigh in for you? You know you can just go home and hang there. Let her do this. She loves it and you already have her homeschooled, won’t let her get her license…cut the cord. Or do you want to keep her under lock and key forever?

Hi, I'm in my 30s and also did not have my license at 17. Guess what my parents did? Drove me where I needed to be, even when it was inconvenient for them. Because if you don't want to be inconvenienced you have no business procreating in the first place. And this was only for two weeks! Your daughter may never forgive you for this, and that's not teenage hyperbole. If her career doesn't go as well as she wants, there will always be some part of her wondering if she'd just had this experience, what might have been? YTA, you and your wife both.

INFO: how long is the drive to the production from your house? ETA: Since it's only an hour for a 2-week stint that will give her amazing experience... YTA

Who cares? If he can't handle it, let her drive. Oh, but he can't let her drive because that'd be giving up control.

This is a valid question, but it wouldn't change the YTA verdict given it is OPs choice why he had to drive his daughter instead of letting her get her driver's license.

I never comment on these things, but I gotta say, that edit really bothers me. Not everybody who disagrees with your decision is a "moody teen" with a vendetta against their own parents. I'm 29, an uncle, not a parent so maybe this isn't the opinion you want, but it also sounds like maybe it's one you just don't want to hear. I get where you're coming from on the labor laws thing, but I agree with what other people have said - it was a two week project, your daughter wanted to do it, and also she's *17*. She's old enough to have agency and make those kinds of choices. I was homeschooled, with kind of overbearing parents, and occasionally was in situations similar to this. It sounds like you want to protect your daughter, but it also sounds like this situation was about you and your impatience. I don't know exactly why you felt like you had to wait for her all day, but that's absolutely something you should have figured out before you said yes, and something you should have tried to problem solve before you took something really important away from her. If you haven't already, I hope you can apologize to your daughter, and mean it. And if you can remember being 17 at all, understand that she doesn't have to forgive you right now. You did something that hurt her and if you can validate those feelings without getting defensive, I suspect that might help in the long run. YTA but it doesn't have to mean you're a bad person or parent. I hope you can learn from this.

>She found out that the big university in **our city** has a film program >I have to stay in that part of town to pick her up How big is your city that you "have to stay in that part of town"? *You* decided you had to stay close. *You* then decided that it was too much of an inconvenience. And it's your daughter suffering the consequences of *your* decisions. Face it. This isn't about your daughter; it's about you you you. Hopefully this won't affect any connections she made with the other volunteers. >Can any PARENTS/30+ adults chime in? I'm 34. Is that old enough for you to listen when I say YTA?

Incoming OP edit: Can any PARENTS (who homeschool their children and agree with me) chime in?

48y/o mother of 4 and therapist here. You’re not only TA, you’re a reminder of every parent of adult children that has ever sat on my couch crying about why they have no idea how it could happen that A. their children have moved far away and have no contact or B. Their children have come of age and royally fucked up their lives with risky behaviors even tho you were such a great parent. Stop setting your kids up to fail. Stop failing them every chance you get. Boo hoo for you. Let her grow, learn, and be her own person. YTA.

YTA. She’s already home schooled, how much more do you want to control her? When she turns 18 expect to not see her very much.

Yes, YTA. You are very overprotective and overbearing. You are smothering your daughter, trying to protect her from things the way you think they should be, when you should be preparing her for the real world. She has been driving for two years but you won't let her drive herself because *you* are uncomfortable with it. Not that she isn't a safe driver, or that she isn't legally allowed to do so. That fact alone would tell any reasonable person that you are letting your own personal preferences, and not what is best for your daughter or what would make her happy or successful in life. You likely don't trust and respect her, and you're setting her up for a life of failure. Without her parents teaching her how to be trusted, she will never be able to know when future relationships are violating her trust or disrespecting her. She will have to figure these things out for herself, and is going to make a lot worse mistakes along the way. Let your daughter decide if she is capable of working these types of jobs. It is her life and her future that this is a trial run for. Let her drive herself. And if she makes a mistake, she is 17. Be the parents you should be by letting her make mistakes while she still has a safe and judgment free home to come back to. This was a trial run for her dream career and you blew it. You could possibly be 100% right and your daughter would have agreed with you but you could be driving her to a life she actually wouldn't enjoy just to spite you. You NEVER have a right to control the lives of other adults, and that includes the decisions that a minor has for themselves that will decide their adult life. No. YTA. You've got a possibility to make it right. Apologize to your daughter. Apologize to the film crew. Beg for your daughter's position back and promise to stay out of it until production wraps or until your daughter comes to you for help. And then, this is the most imperative part, stick to that and DO NOT INTERFERE IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE WHEN YOU'RE NOT WANTED. Do that and you'll make it right. Until then, YTA.

YTA, she's 17 for christ sake.. and working on something she seems to love. She is going to resent you, and you deserve it.

YTA. She doesn't seem to mind the long work days, doing something she's passionate about. She's got a good opportunity that you agreed to! Surely you can find a solution to her transport issue, such as carpooling or getting her license or public transport! This shouldn't be a wasted opportunity for her career just because you haven't figured out how to timetable! You could even tell her to wrap up at a certain agreed-upon time, which would be approved by her supervisors, instead of cancelling the whole thing?? Feels bad for her! Be Creative. \*Sorry I'm in my early 20s, my advice won't be up to standard since I'm moody\*

YTA You straight up broke her heart. She'll never forget it. You say she's not ready for driving. It's you job to help her be ready. Practice practice practice. No one just wakes up on day and exclaims, "I'm ready to drive!" She's going to be 18 and going to college. Help her feel confident about her independence. How far away is this college from home? Did you absolutely have to stay nearby or did you just decide that's what you were going to do? She could have made friends who could give her a ride. Any other family members in the area to help? Family friends? This was an incredible opportunity. I can't believe you did this.

Soft YTA I’m a male parent of 2 kids (19f and 16m). I don’t think it’s really acceptable practice, but this is a huge opportunity and chance for experience. It can’t be sustained for a long time, but 2 weeks is sort of reasonable. She is probably being taken advantage of (i assume unpaid), but again would be great experience for her. I also don’t know but assume that this is probably normal for the film industry, so if she can’t handle that, it’s the wrong career.

Nothing soft about the YTA here. OP is literally trying to control his daughter's life.

The dad is the one who can't handle it.

YTA. Movie production has long hours. Your error was in not asking questions about length of day.

Doesn't take a parent to see YTA here. That's what movie productions are like. It's not against any labor law. Your daughter is 17 not 12, and I'm assuming she could use an out of home experience like this considering her schooling. She's nearly 18. Get that poor girl a license and some freedom.

65+ adult here. You are smothering your daughter and failing to prepare her for an independent, adult life. She is 17, not 12. Opportunities like this are rare. And she is correct about the long days in the film industry. Why do I get the feeling that you are a home schooler to "protect" her from the reality of the world and indoctrinate her into a narrow worldview as well? But this is just supposition. In any case, YTA.

YTA for all the reasons already listed. Do not be surprised if, when your daughter turns 18, she moves and limits contact with you so she can actually do her own thing, make her own decisions and grow as a person. You've taken an amazing opportunity away from your daughter, in a field that is ridiculously competitive and hard to get into, and potentially tarnished her reputation. (At least on a local level) but by making her appear unreliable...all because you have control issues and can't handle that you're daughter is growing up. Go apologise to her and hope she forgives you. And since it matters so much....I'm in my 30s, not a moody teen.

YTA - yes, it seems to be more work/time than expected. But she loved it. It made her happy and was great experience for college applications. And you took that away because it inconvenienced you. You tried to add that you thought she was being taken advantage of, but if that were true you would have tried to discuss it and reach a compromise. Instead, you threw a temper tantrum about having to wait (which btw, even if it’s an hour away, you can drive home in between!). She has every right to be mad.

YTA what I would have given to get the late nights done in 2 weeks. It is absolutely normal for kids her age to be gone 12 -15 hours a day. Anyone who participates in high school sports, theater, band, or orchestra knows this. They leave the house between 6 and 8 am for school, followed by practice, a game or rehearsals that can last until 9 at night or later if they have to travel somewhere for a game or it's dress rehearsals week. This goes on for months during the school year and on Saturdays all day with some sports and theater clubs. Come complain when you have to do it for 2 -3 months daily and on Saturdays. She knew what she was getting into. Apparently, you didn't. You call it work, but I bet she was loving every minute of it, and you ruined it for her. It was just for 2 weeks!

I'm 46 and have an 11yo. YTA.

I'm an over 40 year adult and YTA for thinking all the YTAs must be because people don't get it. They do. You're simply an asshole for babying your teenager and making your inconvenience more important than her future. Also, >Not to mention, I have to stay in that part of town to pick her up, not knowing when she'd call Nah you don't. Ask her to call you when she have an approximate idea of when she is done and show up around then.

YTA, and I can't wait until you come back here after she turns 18 and goes NC. By the way I'm over 50.

I'm 30+ and a film producer, and YTA. it is a HUGE opportunity for a 17 year old who's passionate about film to get work experience on a feature set. massive. some people don't set foot on a set until they're in their late 20s. this will be amazing on her resume and set her apart from other film students before she's even begun at film school. I'm so happy for her that she can gain this experience. whether YOU (a person who doesn't work in film, and has no plans to work in film) like it or not, 12+ hour days are normal for film. you are a control freak, and it was absolutely ridiculous and absurd for you to HANG AROUND for 12 hours waiting for her. I laughed out loud when I read that part. get a grip.

Oh look all of these people over 30 that have kids still calling you TA isn’t that hilarious??

I sorely hope this comment was made by OP's 17 year old daughter. Cause that is a kick*ss screen name.

YTA. I am 36. I did a little theater in HS and wanted to do more. My step dad refused to let me do more then 2 semesters. My BF at the time (now ex) went to college to do electrical engineering and did theater the entire time, and got a job in VT and lived in NY, then back to VT . We had at least 30 students in my school I knew who were passionate about theater and did it as classes, extracurricular, and college and tried to or did get into it for work. It was an AMAZING opportunity for so many, and yes the hours were long and grueling. Think of it like an athlete during the on season has to give it their all and get prepared for the superbowl. And maybe they will compete with other productions, on a state or national level. We had that opportunity while I was in HS. I was lucky that was one of the semesters I was allowed to participate. I also did band and it ate up hours of after school and weekends, esp when we had performances, marches and catching up after summer break. Unfortunately your daughter is right. If you want to be an athlete, in film, theater, art, music, automotive, gymnastics, the students spend 2-8 hours a day practicing, studying, working at it. And she’s not just doing a school extracurricular, it’s more like a FT job she’s VOLUNTEERING for. So yeah, no labor laws, this is a internship into professional theater. She has to treat it like a profession. When it’s a little kid doing basketball, it’s cute that they get up at 6 am to shoot and dribble, they go to school and stay until 6pm for practice, go home and do another hour /2 at home and you fight them to do their homework instead after dinner. But because she’s doing you don’t understand- you went nuclear. She NEEDS to learn to drive. You need to come up with a compromise/ balance in the meantime. This could be a HUGE experience for her and foot in the door to a career. Theater also beaches into so many industries she could find a passion for. 17 is old enough to now learn how to grind, how to develop work ethic and work on a team. Please go in and see what they do for an evening of work. You will be proud of who she is becoming and what she’s learning there. It was the most incredible experience I had in any and all schooling. Maybe she can be 3 or 4 days only until she drives. Can she figure out a carpool sometimes? Bike there? But don’t take this away form her!!! A

YTA. Stop being so protective and let your child live. You are already straining her experiences

Yta. It’s called a job. How about googling about film production and the long hours that are put into making a film. It’s not a 9-5 job. Also your daughter is 17, she needed her drivers license a year ago.

I'm 45 and a parent and YTA. You sound controlling and afraid of the outside world to a degree that you are impacting your children negatively. There is no reason for you to find reasons to stay in the area, there is no justification for staying in what you provided. Your daughter isn't in peril just because she is working some distance from the house. I hope she knows her worth and lives a real life away from you.

YTA- Parent over 30 here, with a history of working this field when I was younger. This absolutely is how it works, long days for weeks/months and then a nice long break of a month or so, or whenever you can find your next gig. This chance that she has doesn’t happen for a lot of kids and this is a *HUGE* stepping stone in the launch of her career. This is where she makes her base connections and can network herself to other producers/directors/costumers/set designers working on the film. If she makes a great impression, she will be remembered and thought of for future projects. Please don’t shoot down this chance for her. It’s absolutely a massive thing. Also, she needs to get her license like, yesterday. She’s going to be an adult soon, and I get you want what’s best for her. But what you think is best for her and how she wants to live her life and work her career is ultimately her choice and you need to take comfort in the fact that you raised her well enough to know what she can and can’t handle.

I worked as a production manager in the film business. Twelve hour and longer days are absolutely normal. It was a two week assignment. You couldn’t suck it up to let your daughter gain some experience. You apparently won’t let her get her license either. Uber does exist but I’m willing to bet she not allowed to use that either. Instead you have to be a martyr, make it all about you and spoil a two week learning experience for your kid. Way to go Dad. You are controlling and YTA.

Why is she homeschooled? Why can't she drive herself? Now you made her resign from a wonderful opportunity that could help her discern if this career is right for her and create connections, what is your obsession with holding your daughters back? YTA

I'm 30 and have worked in a few short films and even headed a couple of them, and let me tell you that long work days are very commonplace. You are doing your daughter a disservice by making her quit she is getting very valuable experience in filmmaking. The problem here is you. You don't seem to want to give your daughter any independence. That is going to put her at a huge disadvantage when she gets older. In short yeah YTA.

YTA, I completely understand that you are worried about her, but all you are doing is trying to completely control her. You pulled her out of school, refuse to let her drive and now took away something she is passionate about. Nothing in your comments show any care about your daughters feelings. Why could you not drive home and than go and get her? Why drive around for 12 hours and than blame her because you are tired of it? Yta

YTA I have kids. I'm Over 30. You're weird man. Alot of what you said is weird. I'm not kidding.

36 years old and work in the film industry. YTA. Film production is a small world and when it comes to jobs, is largely reliant on word of mouth and recommendations. You did your daughter a major disservice by doing this.

YTA. Parent in their 40’s. Those days are normal in the film world. You chose to stay that whole time. Go home, wait for her call. Ask her to find someone to wait for her until you pick her up.

YTA. Lol at the addition to ask for people over the age of 30 to comment as if they also won’t call you an asshole.

You are definitely the asshole. You sound like an insanely over bearing parent. Your daughter is correct— 12+ hour days are very common in the film industry, and that sounds like it would’ve been a great opportunity for her. It’s sad that you took that away from her. What does that mean anyway: “having to stop a temporary dream for her?” Best of luck to your daughter in having parents that support her better in the future. By the way, 50+ years old here.

YTA and not doing your children any favors by sheltering her from the world.

YTA. I find that most parents who homeschool coddle or suffocate the hell out of their children. They're so used to being their child's whole world that anything outside of that is threatening or "too much". As a parent your job is to raise an independent person who can survive outside of your walls. Your kid is almost an adult. They need to experience things like this to avoid the "shock" of the real world hitting them in the face all at once.

YTA. (Adult responding here too!). Your daughter is trying to gain experience in her chosen field. She was aware of the hourly commitment and isn’t bothered and it is not deterring her or her excitement for this field. You, however, are killing an amazing opportunity. Maybe this is a chance to encourage her to get her license, but also allow her to drive herself if she has it. You say you wouldn’t let her to unknown areas but you could have done practice drives and be prepared.

YTA for the way you treat your 17-yr-old. Home schooled, won't let her get her license, you accompanied her to HER interview? What??? You must realize this is not normal, nor is it ok. You're doing much more damage than good at this point. You're failing to prepare her for life outside of your controlling bubble. Once she gets out on her own, don't be surprised if she goes no contact with you. As far as your concerns about labor laws, there's this thing called Google where you can type a few words like "child labor laws (insert state here)". Try utilizing that instead of looking for strangers on Reddit to support you, I don't think it's working for you tbh.

YTA As an actor myself, I have had the privilege of being on several movie sets. I never step onto the set without knowing I will be there a minimum of 10 hours. Usually more like 12 or 14 hours. That's just the way the industry works. Best she learns that now. Does it suck that they go that long? Yes, but it takes a lot of work, and money to make a movie. Most people don't realize that. If she is lucky enough to be part of a union, she will get well paid for her long hours.

YTA. I'm a parent & over 30. Everyone knows those long hours are part of filmmaking. It's 2 weeks, and it can help her career. If she thinks she can handle it, LET HER.

As an over 30 who also has some experience in these fields, YTA. When you choose this life you know what you’re getting into. If my kid wanted to do something like this, part of the conversation would be setting the expectation for long days or maybe even overnights. When she is at the school she would be doing the same thing AND you’re just setting her up to be “that girl whose parents wouldn’t let her commit.” This is a great opportunity for her and you’re taking it away from her. Help her get her license and in the meantime get her back on that set.

Grandparent chiming in here... This was a rare opportunity for your daughter and you should have sucked it up for two weeks. You state your children are home schooled. You have had 24/7/365 for seventeen years. You are failing as a parent. If you were succeeding your seventeen year old would be able to drive herself across the country for college. Your job was to work yourself out of a job. Her lack of driving skills is on no one but you. She was managing the long days and hard work, matter of fact, sounds like she was thriving. YTA

YTA it was two weeks. You sound incredibly overbearing as a parent and it’s clear to me that your daughter resents you and you may have fractured your relationship forever. She’s almost an adult. You only have so much control over her left. Stop trying to make her small enough that she’ll have to stay with you forever. It’s a pathetic way to parent. You calling it a “temporary” dream is so fucking telling of your character. She’s been working toward this for YEARS. You’re a shit parent.

Parent here. This is your screw up. If you had spent even a nanosecond researching what film shoots are like, you would have known what you were in for. Now you're depriving her of what sounds like a truly amazing experience that could have helped her shape her career decisions. I only wish you had asked before you made her quit. YTA.

YTA. Listen. I have a degree in Film Production. Your daughter got an amazing opportunity that would stand her in good stead going forwards, and you blew it for her. Those hours are normal in media production. It's a competitive industry and she got her foot in the door only for you to yank it right out again. How cruel.

YTA and before you dismiss my words as those of a "Moody teenager" let me disabuse you of that notion. I'm 62 and raised successfully three young adults, one of them who studied film and got his degree in it. We were also part of a religious group with so many homeschooling families I watched do very similar things to their kids as you are doing. You are purposely willfully delaying the maturation and opportunities of your *ALMOST* adult child. This will not serve to make her a well rounded adult fully able to navigate life's challenges! Why does she not have a drivers license at that age? All my kids did and access to a car for school and work. I would bet earnest money you've done the same things with her education, holding her back because you don't wish for her to know anything that might led to her being out of your control, because this is what this is 100% you controlling your daughter to her own detriment.. Do you know what happens in many families this happens in? Most of the time the young adults go no contact with the parents. Is that what you want? Please, change, do it now before you alienate all of your children.

YTA. I was an extra on a film when I was in my 20's. I was stuck in a local night club from 6 am til 8:30 pm. I went for two days and knew this was not for me. You made her quit for you and not her. You need to admit that and ease up on her.

33yr old parent, here. YTA and your daughter is probably going to resent you forever over this. This is a great opportunity for her and you took it away for selfish reasons.

The details of time expectations should have been addressed when *you* meet together with the crew beforehand. That was your chance you set some expectations with her and the crew for how long and often she would be able to join their perfectly normal production schedule. Personally I agree that those hours are inappropriate for a 17yo but I have no idea why that question wasn't on your mind when arranging the opportunity for her. So definitely YTA now to shut it down completely. Late 30sc parent of two btw

YTA - and not preparing your daughter to live in the real world. I’m a parent and way over 30 - you are having trouble seeing your daughter as an emerging adult and not allowing her to grow. Sorry.

I'm 30 and YTA

YTA for not teaching your kid about public transportation. You sound really over protective. My mom did the same thing to me, kept me from driving, wouldn't let me take public transportation, wouldn't let me get a job. She used to get mad at me and "throw me" out of the house to go live with my father (divorced kid here) and the very last time she did, I refused to go back home. My dad didn't have a lot of rules but they included I needed to get a job on the weekends and I needed to learn how to ride the bus until we could figure out how to afford for me to have a car. I didn't get my license until I was 18 but learning how to get from point a to point b on a bus or train absolutely was a life skill I needed. I've worked in the entertainment industry. 12 hour days are really common. Would you be so pissed at your kid if they were working at a power plant or something, because 12 hour shifts are really common in that field. For reference, I'm 43 now. And a woman. And I have flown, ridden the bus, taken the train and driven all over the country solo, thanks to my dad teaching me to take care of myself.

YTA. I'm over 30 & have a little experience in the film industry. It's YOUR fault you have to wait for her to be done, since you won't let her get her license. You are the one insisting on not returning home in between when 12 hrs is the bare minimum expected. You are the one that allowed her to do this in the first place while being far enough you don't want to return home.

As a 45+ yo parent to 4 adult-ish humans YTA You are being inconvenienced…and that is your right as a parent to feel like that sometimes. Parenting sucks. We have to do things FOR THE BEST INTEREST of our kids future that we don’t necessarily like or want to do. However, you asked - we told.

I’m 26 and not a parent, so not a kid but also not the 30+ you asked for. I do have some familiarity with the industry though and your daughter is right. Long days like that are quite common for a multitude of reasons, and think of it this way. Your daughter wants to work in this industry for the rest of her life. Would you rather she struggle through something difficult now when it’s only two weeks and she hasn’t poured in hundreds of hours of school and study and work and made it her life, only to find out that the schedule is too much for her? This is a good way for her to experience what those long days mean in real life. How they feel and how hard they really are. Better now when the stakes are low! Also, she’s 17! She’s never going to have more energy than she does now. Those days will only feel longer and harder as she ages. Let her enjoy doing something she loves while she’s young and spry enough for it to be fun, and while it’s still novel to her! And for the love of god. She’s 17. She’ll be 18 soon. She needs to get her full license.

YTA. You do know you've probably blown this for her now don't you? An amazing opportunity for her and it's gone. As word travels fast In that world,she's going to be known as the one with the hard work dad. A 12 hour day is probably about right for a movie filming day. You should have sucked it up for 2 weeks oh and when is your daughter actually going to be allowed to grow up and pursue her dreams??

YTA for that edit alone. I'm about your age and I think you need to acknowledge that your daughter is months away from legal adulthood and deserves more respect and autonomy than you're giving her.

YTA and created the problem. Your daughter has a chance to be out doing what she loves. Why haven’t you helped her get her license? Why do you have to stay out the whole time if the University is in your city? I’m a parent and if my teens needed picked up at a public place after dark, they texted me to a little early to let me know when they would be done.

You are the asshole. First off, long days on film sets are completely normal. A friend of mine is in a film adjacent career and he often asks crew when they last had a day off. Secondly, it seems like the only person feeling put out about the long hours is you. Lastly, if you don't want to be driving your daughter to all of this, help her get her driver's license. And, since you seem to think it is only 'moody teenagers', I am a 45 year old woman.

YTA. It’s only two weeks. You don’t have to drive around all day. It’s pretty clear you can go home for at least ten hours before she’s going to call.

YTA. Not to mention overbearing, self-congratulatory and smug. People like you shouldn't be homeschool, let alone be parents. I feel sorry for your 11 year old.

66 yo grandmother here. You are a major AH. Major! This decision of yours had nothing to do with the hours and everything to do with your desire to control your daughter's life. You want to ensure that she never leaves home, and you don't want her to have a future outside of that. If you were MY child, I would be ashamed of you! Here's what's going to happen: one day, you'll wake up and discover that your prisoner has escaped. You'll try to find her and won't be able to. You'll try to use your phone to find her, only to discover that the phone is sitting on your daughter's bed. And you'll probably come back to Reddit crying, "why did my daughter leave and go NC? I did EVERYTHING for her."

I’m not *Quite* 30 yet but I am 29, and have a fantastic relationship with my parents and have no knowledge of the film world. I don’t know if the long days are normal, but it sounds to me like you decided without any real compromise on your part for this and that a large part of your reasoning had more to do with YOUR comfort and what not. I would say you don’t actually HAVE to stay in that part of town she clearly has a phone that she can use to call you or emergency services if it’s needed, I would personally set a time limit frame on how long before you’ll be there to get her, say 8-10 hours. She’s getting experience, but she is young enough I would say she doesn’t need to be there the WHOLE day as she’ll have plenty of time to get this kind of experience as college. That being said, yes YTA. There IS a middle ground and you went from A to Z with no consideration about her.

YTA. I’m over 30 and a parent to a kid the same age as yours. This mistake of yours might cost you more than you think- your entire future relationship with your kid. 14 hour days ARE the norm in that industry, and in others as well. This experience was teaching her work ethic, as well as all of the other industry related experience. Because you have made her quit three days in, she will not likely be allowed to volunteer again- you’ve single handedly made everyone she was working with consider her unreliable and ‘not able to follow through’. You are the one that decided you needed to hang about on that side of town, there is absolutely no reason for you to do so, she can wait for you to pick her up or figure out how to tell when things are winding down to give you half an hour notice. Honestly this was a great opportunity for her that would have been an asset on her uni applications, as well as any future projects she wanted to do. Now she can’t include it, because you made her quit. You’ve tainted all of those connections she was building. She could have had her license but you don’t actually want her driving- you are holding her back. She is not a baby anymore, I moved out of the house at her age. How is she supposed to go from not even being allowed to drive to living on her own and chasing her dreams? Your protective ideas are a cage and you are failing at teaching her how to be an adult, how to work hard at something she wants even if it is difficult. All you taught her is that what you want is more important than what she wants and she should just quit and give up to make you happy instead of teaching her that you support her and will do whatever you can to help her achieve her dreams. You failed at one of the most important things of being a parent. I’m disappointed in you. You started off well and then completely, utterly, failed.

YTA. I'm over 30, a parent, and I've done work in the film industry. I've been an extra and done make up/special effects make up for a few indie films. Long days are the norm. You took away a huge opportunity. She's potentially burned bridges by having to stop working. Being down one crew member can really screw up the whole production. So her name may very well go on the blacklist. It'll be especially damaging if she goes to that school.

Yta Over 40 here. 1. I have to friends who work in the film industry one does camera work the other set design etc. 12 - 14 hrs is normal. 2.You should've made sure she had her license long ago if you didn't want I stick around in the area. 3. Making her quit because you were upset is not going to fall on you in the terms of consequences it'll fall on her. So way to make her quit and force her to deal with consequences that you caused 4. My 25f daughter works easily 12 hrs a day at her job, her husband works 12+ hrs. My 18m son works two jobs and easily surpasses 45 hrs a week while still doing his vo-tech classes 1-2 days a week. If you really think the time she spent working there was bad what do you expect her to do if she ends up in film school, just drop everything and walk off after 8hrs?

YTA. Kudos to your 17yo for having the drive and work ethic to work 12-14hr days. Shows she's passionate. Don't kill that.

*posts on Reddit for an opinion* *argues with everyone giving their opinion*

Not a parent but also not a moody teenager. YTA through and through. Not sure why people like you have kids when you don’t want to be inconvenienced.

Yta. She should go no contact with you for good.

You are SO the AH and possibly destroyer of goals by pulling her off the project in that manner. Some of the most successful people in the industry had supportive parents, not dream-killers. And yes, long days like that is normal in the industry. Kids remember when their parents didn’t support them. If she’s successful some day, she certainly won’t have you to thank for helping her succeed.

YTA. I'm a 43 year old with a 16 year old son. If he found something he was passionate about, reached out to volunteer for experience and was enjoying doing it, I'd be all in. She seems like a high archiver already. Driving your child away from something they love will simply drive them away from you. The controlling parent role always ends poorly.

Parent here with 3 grown children. YTA. Yep, those hours suck. You all met to talk about her joining the team. Did you ask what her hours would be? Did you discuss a schedule at all? No. That’s on you. Since she is underage and doesn’t have s drivers license it was 💯 on you to have all this figured out in advance. You aster all are the parent. Instead of doing your due diligence, you blew up at a teenager and crushed her dreams. Nice work dad.

44 year old mom here. Not only are YTA for taking away a very important opportunity for your daughter, but YTA for assuming that only people who are “moody teenagers” would think YTA. At 17 she’s old enough to take an UBER there and home, plus her work ethic is amazing. Great way to squelch it.

YTA. You couldn't suck it up for 2 weeks? My son is a film major and is currently on set filming a student movie. Yes, the hours are long, but if you committed to the project, you should have kept the commitment.

YTA. Parent to a almost 17yo here 👋. It was a 2 week, volunteer commitment that would've opened so many doors for her. And yet you pulled the plug after 3 days because you were inconvenienced. You didn't even try to make this work. (Since she was volunteer, why didn't you just tell the person in charge that you would be picking her up at 6:00 p.m. daily? Ask if there was flexibility?) You homeschool her and don't let her drive. You are handicapping her. Let her grow up.

Ok since you're carding Redditors, I'm 60+F w/two grown kids who were theater kids in school. You make sacrifices for your kids. A two-week film project would give your kid insight, connections, possible references, and so on, in a field of her interest. You changed your mind after the third day and forced her to quit. YTA, and good God, your responses to comments are so arrogant!

30+, no kids but a spouse in the industry that regularly works these hours for weeks on end. YTA. Teach your daughter how to be an adult before the world does in a not so nice way. You are setting her up for failure in more than one way.