T O P

  • By -

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn’t find out what her dog ate and told her that it wasn’t my fault that her dog is sick, maybe I could have tried harder to find out and been more upset about the dog. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


mizfit0416

NTA - You asked her nicely not to bring the dog but yet she did. You asked her to leave but yet, she didn't. She wasn't even *WATCHING* her dog. If the dog dies, it's on her.


judgmentalbookcover

And don't let her bully you into paying vet bills or anything!!


Northern64

Ready up the uno reverse card and demand she repay you for the damaged crops/garden


flaunchery

But only after the dog dies to amplify the emotional carnage!


dontfkwitme

not the dogs fault, right - she's a terrible owner


emoruiva

fr what kind of person shows up to a party with their dog (that was not allowed) and does not keep an eye on the dog? she's irresponsible and should think twice before having another pet EDIT: misspelling


DanOfAllTrades80

The same kind that orders a fake "service dog" vest online so they can take their shitty, poorly trained dog everywhere with them.


[deleted]

Literally saw a "service dog" with a muzzle the other day. Ridiculous.


Beautiful_Delivery77

Are you sure it was a muzzle? My daughter’s trainer has her SD wear a [gentle leader](https://www.gentleleadercanada.com/). It’s been mistaken for a muzzle by people who aren’t familiar with it.


culnaej

Service animals with gentle leaders are fairly common, so I imagine that’s it. It’s usually used as a signal for the dog to be in “work mode” and to be prepared to provide their service. /u/Impressive-Bench9223 please respond and let us know if it was a gentle leader or a muzzle, hopefully this is new information for you


GratificationNOW

legit, my dog is often invited everywhere with me (I never even ask if he can come, he is actively welcomed because he's a friendly and smol boy) and even when people are like "relax he's being good!".... if I lose sight of him for 3 seconds I'm like "where is he? what's he doing?" (to be fair mostly to ensure noone is feeding him something they shouldnt, because he IS very good and doesn't get into things but there is a slight care about that too just in case he has a moment of naughtiness)


Delicate_Fury

OP is definitely NTA. My dog is a medium dog, not as well behaved as I’d like, but is sweet and friendly and cute (and knows it), so he also gets invited a lot. And even at dog friendly houses where I’m encouraged to let him off leash (so he can play with their dogs. Did I mention my dog’s legitimately friendly and sweet?), I’m *still* actively keeping an eye on him so he doesn’t jump on people or eat something he’s not supposed to or cause damage to my friends’ property or himself. And if they don’t have dogs of their own, or just an electric fence, he’s on leash by me the whole time. I cannot imagine just letting him roam around someone else’s yard without knowing he’d be safe.


canvasshoes2

Ha same. My friends are always like "where's shoedog?" I'm all "I left her home, I'm not getting up every 5 minutes to let her out because she's too stupid to use the dog door. (not sure why she has to pee so often at my friends).


mkmoore72

When my dog is with me I do same. Keep him on his short leash, next to me at all times. He is extremely well behaved and loves people and animals, but he is an animal, and no matter how well trained they are you can never 1000% control every situation that arises. I love my dog way to much to risk anything every happening to him something as simple as a child sharing a treat with him could end up deadly, if it's chocolate, or many plants are deadly to pets and my responsibility to ensure his safety


EdwrdSwshrHnds

Definitely the type to take an untrained big dog to the dog park off leash and get mad at other people for asking her to leave or put a leash on the dog… smh…


Friendly_Log_4082

I love taking my dog places but I ALWAYS ask if it’s okay first before I bring her and I would never go against someone’s wishes if they told me they didn’t want me to bring her


Dewhickey76

Still kinda sounds like the dog ate a bowlful of karma, even if it was his owner's karma, not his.


Responsible-Metal450

Still the owner’s karma too, confusion about what the problem can be, combined with possible death of her dog she must be really stressed.. vet bills pile up high especially if dog survives.. loss of a pet can be pretty devastating for some people.


Critical-Fault-1617

All could be avoided if she didn’t use her dog as her whole personality.


rosatter

Even though I am really sad for the dog, this situation is 100% her fault. I'm not indifferent to animals, in fact, I'm very attached to my pets. That being said, because I love my dogs and cat so much, I try and do all I can to prevent them from coming to harm, including not taking them to places where there could be unknown dangers. I'm well aware how much unexpected vet bills can cost. Over the course of his eleven years, my late dog tore both his CCLs and ate an ungodly amount of dangerous things that I never even thought a dog would eat, and finally ended his 11 year tenure on earth with stomach cancer. He probably cost us somewhere around $10,000 over his life for emergency care, with a couple of instances being over $2k at a time. Most recently, we had a puppy get into some ibuprofen (it was under our bathroom sink, he somehow got into it, and chewed the bottle). That was $800 and we had to eat ramen for a few weeks after but our dog lived. But it was ENTIRELY our fault. No one to blame but us. Even though we thought it was in a secure place, our puppy found a way to access it. We learned from it. She should eat the cost of saving her dog if he can be saved and use it as a valuable learning experience that almost cost her friend his life. But she's the one who brought this upon herself.


Artlearninandchurnin

I like you.


TaterMA

Well that's just shitty. Dog shouldn't pay the price for an awful owner


Kiltymchaggismuncher

At this point I doubt they will remain friends tbh. She won't pay shit, and if the dog dies she prob won't talk to op anymore. But it's entirely on her. Who just brings their dog over to someone's house without even asking? Let alone ignore the property owners request to remove it.


CameoProtagonist

Without supervising it?!!


irish_gnome

Baby parents supervise their kids. Doggy parents supervise their dog. Not that hard. NTA


Writerhowell

Not all baby parents supervise their kids, sorry to say.


KaoruVanity

But baby parents go to parties to get mad at people for not watching their kids as they wander off without asking or saying anything /s


Puzzleheaded-Desk399

Hey an Opie posted something like this around the end of April, beginning of May. They were at a pool party and some parents when into the host's house. They just left the kids outside with OP without saying anything. I guess OP wasn't paying much attention to the kids when one of them started walking towards the pool, one of the parent saw this and ran outside. These parents started fussing at OP for not watching **THEIR** kids. SMH, as a parent, I generally watch out for all kids because I know their sneaky asses can get unknowingly into dangerous situations. But I never left my kids alone, especially alone with people who chooses to be child-free (only because they aren't usually aware of the stuff kids can get into).


Jupitersatonme

I have had this happen to me just because I worked in childcare.


hebejebez

That's the bit that got me just let it wander off solo on clearly a larger area of land. Long enough to eat shit it shouldn't, lots of harmful to dogs things in gardens too. Can see that request for op to foot the bill coming like a road train though.


Bebe_Bleau

Not only that but she had been ignoring her dog. So she has no idea if anything the dog ate from the garden was what was making him sick. It could have been anything that he chewed on anywhere else


Puzzleheaded-Desk399

>It could have been anything that he chewed on anywhere else Or maybe the gardener placed fertilizer, weed & feed or insecticide in the garden. These companies actively tell customers not to let pets outside for a while.


Crafty-Kaiju

Unless those were sprayed just that day that isn't much of risk. I'm willing to bet the dog ate some daffodil bulbs, which are poisonous.


hebejebez

It could have attacked the cats that actually live there even. How bloody rude is this guest honestly. She'd never be invited back I know that much


Covert_Pudding

My dog got violently ill from eating half a caterpillar once. It really could have been *anything* (which is why people should watch their dogs).


peeba83

“Who just brings this dog over to someone’s house without even asking?” Not this lady; she asked and was told “no”.


Defiant_McPiper

Sounds like the friendship won't be that big of a loss


ArwensRose

I would say they weren't really friends to begin with


Speakinmymind96

Exactly! And why make things all that more awkward by not leaving when asked to remove the dog, and instead letting it off leash?


Kyestrike

Its worse than if she didnt ask, the "friend" brought her dog when pets were explicitly communicated to be not welcome.


QueerBooplesnoot

No, this wasn't a case of just not asking, this was a case of being specifically told NOT to bring the dog


SazedsEarring

Someone who is an AH lol


marnas86

And not on a leash! I’m generally terrified of most dogs. I would have left the party on seeing an unleashed dog running around.


muffins776

Also for the gardener's wages.


ariesgal11

This! I was like she better be paying the damages to OPs garden. OP is NTA at all in this situation. Sorry your dog died cause you can't listen to boundaries


Inconceivable44

I was going to say the same thing. That's destruction of property with photo evidence.


Sharp_Equipment5135

Heck part of me would want to send a bill - because she had the garden professional done. That is not cheap. She was told NO several times. Then she not only did it but then because of her actions, the dog is now possibly dying. That is like taking your child to a public pool closed to the public with no lifeguard - being told not to be there and not only breaking in but leave a toddler alone and then coming back to a child drowning and raising hell at the pool owners. Dogs are basically toddlers - they will stick anything in their mouth and require supervision. They require an adult to pay attention and ensure the dog is safe - not rely upon others - who clearly stated NO DOGS to make sure their dog is ok. She should not have brought the dog, and when you told her no at the door and to go home - she should have taken it home. People don't realize the world does not want to deal with your pets. Leave them at home. I like dogs - love cats - defin. more of a cat person but I don't want someone bringing their cats to my house because then my cats gonna fight their cats and that will cause injury.


judgmentalbookcover

The toddler in the pool is a good comparison.


irish_gnome

The toddler in the pool that was not supposed to be at the party


VividTortiose

Dogs can be trained not to eat anything without their owners say so, but it takes a lot of work and a dedicated owner. Which she clearly isn’t if she just let her dog roam around somewhere she was told he wasn’t allowed.


Sharp_Equipment5135

I agree dogs can be trained and I agree this one seems to be on the dense side so the whole train my dog verses endangering it means if this pup makes it, that it will be unlikely to train it because if she does not understand no. She is not going to understand train your dog. Poor dog. Bet she lied to the vet about the circumstances and would not put it past her to take no accountability for this mess she made.


Sandra-lee-2003

A dog person asked me once if I take my cat on play dates. I was like... have you ever met a cat?? Lmao


Sharp_Equipment5135

As odd as it may sound, I had a neighbor with a cat we named Bob. His real name apparently was Toby, but for months I had no idea who Bob belonged to or why he would come visit. He would just stroll in and join my cats. Literally in my house with my cats (he arranged his own play dates with my cats). Weirdest thing ever until I found out the visits started when they got a puppy. 🐶 We enjoyed Bob's visits. Some cats are social and enjoy other people's homes. Especially if there is a new puppy. ;-) He was the only cat who did not live here to get away with it. I have had my kids friends bring over their pets. But like most typical cats they would fight. So I Did get the point of no guest animals.


OldWolfNewTricks

The feline equivalent of going to the bar to bitch about a new coworker/roommate.


Sharp_Equipment5135

Pretty much. When the neighbor came over for a visit and saw his cat on our living room floor just chilling is when we learned his name and Bob showed no shame, at all. It was pretty funny, I knew by his coat and girth he was well cared for, he just wanted a break from the puppy. My cats liked him so he would come and visit daily.


FeistyIrishWench

Theres that story about a dog that naps at someone's house daily for a few weeks. The nap host eventually sent a note on the dog's collar inquiring about who owns the dog and informing them the dog naps daily at her house. The next day he arrived with a note saying that he lives with 6 kids and mom asked if she can come with him tomorrow.


blueweimer13

Your point about "the world does not want to deal with your pets".......EXACTLY. I don't have kids, I have three dogs. I adore my dogs. I love being with them. BUT, they stay at home. Because they're assholes. They're not well trained. They're fine here, but can't trust them elsewhere. I also think it's much less stressful for them not to have to go somewhere unfamiliar.


Jedisilk015

Oh yeah she'll definitely try to get OP to pay. Text her: I told you not to bring your dog. I told you to bring him home. YOU CHOSE to disregard my wishes and your dog may be sick because YOU weren't watching him...and send that to her AND ANYBODY ELSE who tries to guilt you. NTA


jrobinson9108

But do it in a way that gets her to CONFIRM that you told her to leave / bring her dog home/ went against your wishes and then left her dog unattended and ruining your garden etc. Get it in text as PROOF in case it goes to court etc


Crococrocroc

"Did I not tell you to bring your dog? Yes or no? Did you leave your dog unsupervised in my garden? Yes or no? This is why I told you not to bring him." Best sent before the inevitable.


Wizzardaniu

Send her the screen shot of the original text, asking her not to bring the dog


XRaiderV1

this. OP NTA


jupiter235

This. OP, if you see this, keep those pictures of the damage her dog did just in case she tries to take you to court.


APotatoPancake

If anything send her the bill for the damaged garden...


BelkiraHoTep

I love dogs. Yes, I'm one of those people who like animals more than other people. People suck. I do not like OP's friend. She's not a dog person. A dog person would pay attention to what their dog was doing, would never take their dog into a situation where they're not wanted, and would never let their dog off leash in a large garden where they do not know what plants are around and what could be toxic to their dog. NTA, OP. I know that you'll feel bad if the dog dies, it just did what dogs do. Your friend is a problem...


False-Importance-741

NTA I am a Dog person, Grew up with dogs and had them the majority of my life. We occasionally pet sit our friend dogs, one even sleeps in the bed with us on occasion. That said this whole situation is totally on the friend. She made mistakes at every turn. 1) Do not bring dogs where they are expressly not wanted. 2) You do not allow your dog off leash at gatherings (Thus preventing it from tearing up people's stuff/eating strange foods/digging up odd things.. on and on) 3) Not immediately taking pictures of the things he was in and being aware that dogs/cats are often attracted to things are harmful to them OP is in no way responsible for her negligence, but it would be a good idea for him to get a hold of witnesses and documentation in case the friend decides to try pressuring/suing him for vet bills.


kfisch2014

I was looking for this kind of a post. I am also a dog person. When my dog is invited to an event, and where it is safe for him to be off leash, I do not sit down and my eyes do not come off my dog. My dog is friendly and generally well behaved. However, that doesn't mean I am willing to risk his health. I am always watching to make sure people who do not know him/dogs do not give him something he isn't supposed to have and to make sure he doesn't discover something brand new he isn't supposed to have. OP, you are NTA. Your friend is not properly taking care of their dog. The moment the dog got into the garden the friend should have taken pictures and called animal poison control. This is all aside from the fact that your friend should not have brought their dog in the first place. I am someone who is super attached to my dog, and even I do not bring my dog places that he is not welcome, I always ask first.


vctrlzzr420

That was my first thought, the friend has no business owning a dog.


KneeDeepinDownUnder

I agree 100% here. Each day that I age, I love dogs more and more. I would happily spend the rest of my life surrounded by dogs and see people by zoom. That being said, it would never, ever occur to me to bring my dog somewhere I knew he wasn’t 100% welcome. It is ludicrous to bring a dog to a party hosted by a well-known non dog person. Unfathomable to put my pup in such a situation, then to leave him roam the yard, unmonitored so much that he injests something dangerous?!?! That is no dog lover. If this poor dog dies, OP it is absolutely not your fault. Not even remotely. Please reconsider calling the dog’s owner your friend. She is not one. I do hope the dog is okay.


Dismal_Committee_296

Same here. I’m usually the person rabidly (excuse the pun) in favor of animals over humans but OP is NTA. Friend brought her dog without asking. After being told the dog wasn’t welcome, friend came in anyway and LET HER DOG OFF LEASH AT A PARTY??? When asked a second time to find her dog, friend shrugged. There’s definitely an A in this story. Good lord.


zendetta

So: 1) you asked her not to bring the dog 2) she brought the dog anyway 3) you told her she needed to take the dog away and you thought she did 4) she didnt monitor her dog and it destroyed and ate some of your plants 5) she’s thinks you’re at fault and somehow are responsible for knowing which part of your property the dog she couldnt be bothered to watch ate. Yeah, NTA.


Kirin2013

What I don't get is why isn't she taking the dog to the emergency animal hospital to get his stomach pumped pronto? They can also try to figure out what he got into. My husband's dog once got into slug bait and the vet was able to figure it out and save her. Only because husbands mom (he was a kid at the time) took her in immediately after noticing something wasn't right with her (the dog)! Later they found out the neighbor had put slug bait in their garden and that's how she got into it. More free roaming dogs back then. OP is def not the asshole and that \*friend\* needs to make a visit to the vet ASAP. Have you tried calling the gardener rather than texting btw? I will hear a phone call, I don't always hear a text ding.


randomdude2029

Exactly. What precisely was eaten is less important as the first step. First get to the vet and get the stomach pumped or give an emitic so the dog throws up, both to reduce poisoning and to see what was eaten. Most likely it was flower bulbs, which are very dangerous to dogs (not just tulip or daffodil type bulbs, but also onion and garlic - never feed your dog human food with any kind of bulb in it!) The dog probably needs stomach lavage, activated charcoal, oxygen and iv fluids.


unsecolofam

Hell, I don't have any pets and even I realize that the first step is take them to the vet as an emergency and *then* figure out what might have happened. So they dug up stuff in a garden? I'm sure a vet would be able to work with that, or at least know where to start.


LazuliArtz

It's not like plants have a specific antivenom to cure their poison. I imagine the procedure for poisoning from most plants is the same - run diagnostic tests to check organ functioning, pump their stomach, use charcoal or induce vomiting, and get them on an IV. There's not really much else you can do


CymraegAmerican

Agreed. The moment the friend unleashed her dog to wander around unsupervised was when all culpability landed on her. She is liable for OP's garden,too, if she have any desire to push that. NTA,OP.


ImKiliW

The minute she brought the dog she was in the wrong.


[deleted]

And THAT is why the friend is so angry and upset. Immature and irresponsible, she won't take accountability for it being her fault so she's pointing her finger at OP


UsualConferenceSnack

I mostly just feel sorry for the dog having such an irresponsible parent. Your yard wasn't dog safe, but you made it pretty clear the dog wasn't welcome. Your friend ignored that, and it is her dog who almost paid the price for it. Super sad and you are NTA. Your friend is a super-duper-mega-asshole though. She is saying you don't care if her dog dies, but she ought to look at herself... Poor doggo deserves better.


CymraegAmerican

The friend actually took the dot off the leash! Who does that at an outdoor party with lots of people -- let alone having no permission to even have the dog there?


RealLifeLizLemon

Especially at a home with four cats!!! I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and hope that the cats were indoors, but if you take a dog off the leash it can easily get indoors!! Poor puppy, I hope it’s ok


literallylateral

If you take a dog off the leash, it can easily get indoors. If you take a dog off the leash and make no attempt to supervise it, it can get anywhere - inside, in the road, for fuck’s sake it could’ve gotten into someone else’s yard where it had exactly as much permission to be and eaten anything, gotten in a fight with any animal, person, child. The friend is a menace to the people and animals around them and deserves to have the dog removed from their house and be fined for animal endangerment.


Classic-Opportunity2

Decades ago my elementary school friend came to school crying one day. His new Lab puppy had been hit by a car and killed. They opened the front door for only a few seconds, and she ran out into the street. A young woman had looked away for just a few moments and hit the dog. It takes only seconds for a disaster to happen when it comes to dogs, especially the more active breeds, like German Shepherds and Labs. You're completely right, people need to be a lot more careful if they want to own dogs like these. They will run themselves right into very serious hazards.


KuriousKhemicals

I had a dog that was hit by a car even though we had only let her into a fenced yard (she was ok - had surgery and then lived many years after). She somehow found a weakness in the fence. Imagine letting a dog go out unrestrained on purpose cuz idk it will just be fine.


marleezy123

Who gets told they can’t have their dog there and to take it off the property, and decides that the best course of action would be to let it off leash and just not attend it instead????? What the fuck? I thought this was gonna go “so she put her dog in the car but it was hot out and the dog overheated and she’s blaming me for not letting the dog in my yard where it is cooler AITA” But this is ridiculous


dutchie_gopher

Exactly what I thought it would be.


Xavius20

Even then, it's still on her to take the dog home and not leave it in a hot car and attempt to guilt the OP into allowing the dog in the yard.


Effwhatiwant

Seriously, I thought this post was going to be about someone leaving the gate open and the dog getting lost in a strange neighborhood. Who lets their dog run loose in a strange environment like that? It’s dangerous for dogs to be off leash in most situations. People make me so mad sometimes lol


dutchie_gopher

I thought it was going to be that she just put the dog in the car and the car got hotter than she expected and the dog was suffering from heat exhaustion. I was not expecting this level of disrespect to the OP and the dog.


ribbons_undone

Exactly! What if someone there has a fear of dogs, what if the dog just straight up ran away; like...SO irresponsible.


atmasabr

>She told me I obviously don’t care if her dog dies Well, who set the bar on negligence? You set a boundary not once, not twice, but **three times**, and each time your friend exercised less and less judgment, until she was actually negligent. I take you at your word that you actually made an effort to find out what her dog ate. I fail to see how you possibly could have done anything different other than express remorse. I do not believe your friend was owed any remorse. \[Edit: I note the commenters who believe a more heroic effort was possible and warranted. Fine. Possible I agree with. Warranted I do not--it is not your dog.\] \[Edit: YIKES! Did I forget to vote? Oh well, guess I'm stuck persuading.\]


Sharp_Equipment5135

I got all kinds of plants that grow wildly in my yard - I don't know half of them. I don't know that I could name any plants in my yard other than my rose bush. People with animals should know what their animal is putting in its mouth when not at home. Of course, there is training dogs not to dig or rip into gardens. I have had lots of dogs and I have cats. I have taught my critters not to dig or eat whatever. If she wants to take her dog out - she needs to train the dog not to eat/dig into plants. Most Christmas and Easter plants are dangerous - and there are things that grow wild when you walk a dog. Sounds like if pooch lives - which I hope for the puppy's sake that she teachers it how to walk or visit places and not do a repeat and rinse of this.


mouse_attack

If she actually just kept the dog on a leash, she wouldn't even have to garden-train it. Not that it should have been there at all.


paradoxical_anomaly8

If she had simply not brought the dog in the first place, as she was told ahead of time, that the dog was not welcome, none of this would have happened either. Honestly, I think op needs to rethink her friend circle without this specific friend. If she has such little regard for op, op's boundaries, or personal property to a degree that she's negligent regarding her own dog, that's not really a friend.


mouse_attack

She not only *brought* the dog, she let it off leash in an environment with unknown dangers. I believe the phrase you're looking for is "willingly negligent" or even "maliciously negligent." She just expected her hostile behavior to impact OP more than it would impact her. But she clearly brought this on herself (and her poor pup). NTA


AbleRelationship6808

The word is “reckless.” She was aware of the dangers, but ignored them.


mouse_attack

It would have been reckless if she showed up to a place she didn't know, and just let her dog off leash to explore it. What pushes this into malicious territory is the fact that she was told directly to leave, and made a conscious decision to not only defy the homeowner, but allow her dog to go around unsupervised.


Myantra

>What pushes this into malicious territory is the fact that she was told directly to leave, and made a conscious decision to not only defy the homeowner, but allow her dog to go around unsupervised. For that matter, she was told in advance to not bring the dog in the first place. From the OP, I gather that OP made sure that she, in particular, was informed that no pets were allowed. She thought she could impose her will by simply showing up with the dog, and OP would cave. Instead, OP told her to take the dog home or elsewhere. Then she doubled down by remaining, and letting the dog off leash. I really hope the dog does not suffer a tragic fate, because his human could not be bothered to behave with simple politeness and propriety. I also hope he ends up with a better human.


AbleRelationship6808

OP, same as the poor dog’s owner, didn’t supervise the dog and thus doesn’t know what it ate. But OP, unlike the dog’s owner, isn’t responsible for the dog. NTA


[deleted]

[удалено]


DJ_HouseShoes

What's important right now is that you find out what the dog ate and then bill your friend for the lost plants and their replacement. Also NTA.


TheCornStarMum

I was thinking of asking them to pay for the damage, not sure now though!


Plenty-Helicopter-73

If your cats have access to your garden I think it's important to find out what plants you have there regardless


TheCornStarMum

My cats are house cats.


Raccoonsr29

Because unlike some you are actually a good pet owner ♥️


AliceInNegaland

Cats are terrible for local wildlife 💯


MoldynSculler

As are humans.


Taylor34

All cats are house cats! I hate seeing owners justify letting their cats run rampant. I could never rest easy without them being home anyway.


BadgeringMagpie

I live where there are coyotes, bobcats, mountain lions, and black bears. Letting your cat wander around outside is animal abuse no matter what excuses people use. We found our neighbor's cat gutted in our backyard. His owners learned better with their next cats and only bring them outside (leashed) if they're out there with them.


Taylor34

I just don’t see how anybody that loves their cat could let them roam unsupervised. Mine are fucking dumb as rocks anyway, one scared of people’s voices, the other of storms. They’d last all of two minutes.


JianFlower

I have four adopted former feral cats who live outside and are very closely monitored, vaccinated, and sterilized. They usually hang out in and around my (and my cat-friendly next door neighbor's) yards. I am constantly stressed over their welfare and would not have outdoor roaming cats if I could help it. But these are only partly domesticated and have only ever known living outdoors. All I can do is my best to keep them safe, which includes making my fenced and gated yard as cat-friendly as possible, keeping food and water for them, and taking them to the vet as necessary. My other three cats are very strictly indoor animals and never go outside without a leash, harness, and ID tag.


TurmUrk

Yeah the only “outside” cats I’ve ever had were adopted strays/ferals, we fed them once or twice, they hung around the house, started letting us pet them, and then around winter were aloud in the garage and eventually inside, forcing a cat that’s spent a significant portion of its life outside to only live inside seems a little cruel to me, but my current cat is a rescue that’s only ever lived inside and her only outside time is on my fenced 2nd story porch where she can chase bugs and look at birds/squirrels, she’d be mincemeat in the wild, way to playful and care free, the one time she got out we went out looking for her everywhere panicked and when we came back to regroup she was under the chair on my patio with a look on her face that said “let me back in the fucking house”


redwolf1219

Even if someone doesn't have those dangers, there's still other dangers, like cars, people intentionally poisoning your pet, your pet eating something they shouldn't, other cats or dogs, really the list could go on. And on top of that, the damage they do to the local fauna. Cats have caused the extinction of 60+ small species


Timely_Egg_6827

I'd be looking for daffodils and lilies. Allium plants, including onions, aren't great for cats or dogs. Edit: Friend recently lost a pup and it was initially felt poisoning due to these but was sadly congential. Vets can treat but hit and miss.


not_bonnakins

I’ve had the same two pieces of paper attached to my fridge for thirty years or so (now I feel ancient). One is a list of plants that are toxic to children I ripped out of a reader’s digest and the other is a list of plants that are toxic to cats I got at the vet, broken down by symptoms. There are twenty nine plants on the cat list alone. Before I bring anything home, I always consult the lists. That poor dog deserves better.


awsomeX5triker

I think the medical outcome will play a large roll on whether or not you should ask for them to pay for the replacement plants. 100% losing this friend if the dog dies AND you ask them to pay for the plants. (Even though I believe they should offer to pay for the plants regardless of medical outcome.)


Humble_Plantain_5918

This is not a friendship OP should keep regardless of the outcome, and they should absolutely bill them for the damage to the garden. Friend is a boundary stomping, negligent AH. Good riddance, although I hope the dog makes it and runs away to the home of a more responsible person.


evelbug

Darth Sidious voice: Do it!


TheCornStarMum

Lol


Yellow-beef

Regardless of the outcome, she should pay for the damages to your garden. She ignored your entirely reasonable requests. This is all on her.


musicmama888

I'm currently of the opinion they should pay to fix the gardening regardless of what happens to the dog, because actions have consequences, and not just for her. She needs to understand she needs to have consideration for other people and not just live her life like she can do whatever she wants. If what you are saying is 100% accurate, then she was showing a blatant disrespect for you and your home. Bringing the dog after you said no would have been bad enough, not leaving when you told her the dog wasn't welcome was unacceptable (although I never would have let them in), but letting it off leash was essentially a middle finger straight to your face in your own home. NTA, you should end this friendship and make her learn what respect is.


RescuesStrayKittens

I would 100% ask them to pay for the damage. All of this is their fault. They might ask you to pay for vet bills, do not pay. This friendship is probably over.


RafflesiaArnoldii

wait what happens to the dog first, asking them for damages right after their pet dies is a bit of a jerk move even if its her own darn fault. if the dog recovers send the bill after that.


Scoobs_Dinamarca

Small claims court?


TheCornStarMum

I’ll probably post a new AITA in the near future when I ask for the money for the damages! Honestly I imagine this ending up in small claims! Nightmare!


Bright-Reason-617

Definitely here for part 2!


tulipvonsquirrel

NTA. As far as I know, the type of plant is irrelevant. She should have taken the dog to the vet so it could be given activated charcoal to induce vomiting and absorb the toxins. Its not like there are special medications given depending on which plant the dog ate.


TheCornStarMum

I did sorta think this. I think she didn’t go to the vets until the dog was quite sick.


UnspecifiedBat

So she not only ignored you telling her to get off your property, then didn’t watch her dog but she also let it get to a point where the dog was already extremely sick without taking it to the vet? Your “friend” is an abusive pet owner and should have the poor dog taken away from her


Jatulintarha

After OP found the dog and told her he was in the garden (I assume they did), the "friend" should have put him in her car and gone to see herself what the damage was! Any dog owner who's done even the bare minimum of research would know that quite a few raw or un-ripe vegetables and such are toxic to dogs. Thus, she would have seen what he ate, and would have known that if he shows any symptoms she should take him to the vet. (Sometimes they eat so little compared to their size that nothing bad happens, and sometimes it's just about the individual dog. So no need to necessarily panic if the dog seems completely fine, but if anything seems wrong it's best to go to the vet instead of waiting to see if it will just pass.)


punkassjim

Given what we know, she’d have left the windows rolled up on a 95° day, and the pup would be a goner anyway.


black_rose_

dude i literally thought that's how the post was going to go. "where's your dog?" "oh i put him in the car." 5 minutes later the dog has heat stroke


Particular-Tell-1332

Veterinarian here! The type of plant may actually be relevant, as there are different treatments for some different toxic plants. Animal poison control often assists with these cases and gives recommendations based on the type of plant. However, usually the main treatments are inducing vomiting if the ingestion was recent enough and supportive care. I would be skeptical about the actual cause of the dogs illness- as in, is it truly due to a toxic plant or something completely unrelated? Was the plant actually toxic or did it cause an intestinal obstruction? (When you said crops my immediate thought was a corn cob will fuck a dog up real quick with GI obstruction). Either way NTA, do not give this person any money. Agree with other comments that it’s not a bad idea to know what plants you have, but you should not feel any remorse about not being sure. I don’t even know exactly what plants I have in my own yard, but my dog is always on leash and supervised when outside, as you friends dog should’ve been. At her own home and not yours!


HeNeedsSomeMiiiiiilk

Veterinary Nurse. Came here to say just this! NTA, btw.


Still-Peaking

Not to be the “well, actually…” guy but, yes, there are! If you know the dog ate, for example, a hepatotoxic vs cardiotoxic plant, you can tailor your treatment to what they’ve ingested. There’s a lot of overlap with decontamination (emesis, activated charcoal, lavage, etc.) but the other supportive drugs and therapies can be specific to the toxin. If your pet ever eats something weird, gather as much info as you can to take to the vet and/or the animal poison control hotline (if in the US)! (And OP, you’re most def NTA - pet parents need to parent)


winning-colors

That’s the first thing I would have done! Vet hospitals will also give them IV fluids to flush anything toxic from the kidneys.


KCatty

Some plants (think lilies and cats) that can kill a pet within 24 hours even with aggressive treatment. The treatment protocol foe that is much different than that for a pet that's ingested a plant that will cause an upset stomach.


weebu123

NTA she obviously doesn't care about her dog either if she's just letting him wander out of sight. You had clearly told her he wasn't allowed, her turn to learn that our choices have consequences.


oLynxXo

I don't think she is going to learn anything. She'll just keep blaming OP.


Equivalent-Cry-5175

NTA your friend was told not to bring her dog she did anyways and then, She didn’t even keep track of it? What a lousy dog mom. She doesn’t deserve a dog. What a lousy friend.


[deleted]

NTA. This is a classic case of fuck around and find out.


diddygem

Unfortunately it’s the pup that is finding out 😭


jess-kaa

NTA. It’s sad about the dog, but your friend should have been more responsible. It’s pretty common knowledge that there are many plants known to be toxic to dogs/upset their stomachs. And regardless of that, the dog was never welcome to begin with. Had she just never brought the dog or left instead of “popping in”, dog would be fine.


Icelandia2112

NTA. She should be happy you aren't charging her for your ruined plants.


evelbug

The friendship is over either way. May as well be the asshole and take her to small claims for the cost of repairing the garden.


awsomeX5triker

I’d take mutual friendships into consideration first. As it stands, most impartial people will take OP’s side in this interaction, including their other friends. Going full asshole could result in souring other friendships. Not saying the friend shouldn’t pay for the damage, but picking that fight might cost OP more friends.


evelbug

I'm going on the assumption that every story on this sub is made up. In the unlikely event that this is real, I would not actually go forward with small claims court off the bat. I would however, document and save every interaction with the dog owner and save the invoice when the gardner fixes the garden and be ready to counter sue if the friend tries to take up to court over the vet bill.


awsomeX5triker

Definitely agree. I can easily see a scenario where the friend raises the bar on what a contextually appropriate level of assholery is.


Apprehensive_Size484

I have 3 dogs, so I do love dogs, but at same time, since they are neither service, nor support, dogs, I would NEVER take them somewhere the host/s said NO animals/pets allowed. She brought her dog anyway, then instead of taking it home, she stashed it in your garden. You're NTA, and not only is SHE an AH, she's a very irresponsible and oblivious pet parent.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Yeah, service dogs don't get admission to my house either; my allergies are too severe.


BansheeShriek

A service dog wouldn't wander off and destroy a garden. They're trained to not do that kind of thing. Source: am service dog trainer


ailuromancin

I have a cat who lost a leg somehow before we got him, and the reason is unknown since he was just found with the injury and taken in for treatment but he seems to have a ptsd-like reaction to the sound of dogs barking so I wonder…and I would be absolutely furious at anyone who brought their dog to my house after I told them not to, no matter the reason.


scorch762

This is the problem with dog people. So many of them think the dog can go everywhere.


TheCornStarMum

Right! It’s not so much that I dislike dogs, I dislike entitled dog people!


GlitterQuein

I’m a dog person that also hates entitled dog people!!! Fuckem


nonthreateningwife

I LOVE dogs. I don't understand people who bring their dogs everywhere, especially someone else's house without express permission. And then she didn't keep an eye on the dog? Come on. You contacted your gardener, maybe taking a picture and sending it to her to research could help, but the whole ordeal is not your fault and not your responsibility. NTA


TheCornStarMum

I did take pictures, but the dog dug up so much I dunno what it ate. She wants me to make the plant it ate, but I have no clue!


TeamShadowWind

You have more patience than me. After so many demands I'd tell her "I don't KNOW what plants your dog ate, since I wasn't watching the dog, and the dog was NOT supposed to be in my garden."


RangerDangerfield

She’s also assuming it’s the plants that made the dog sick. It could be another environmental toxin like fertilizer or pesticides. It could be an obstruction from eating rocks or mulch. Dogs can get into a lot of trouble in non-pet safe gardens.


nonthreateningwife

Yeah you're good, I hope the dog is okay but this is not on you


miningthecraft

Read the title and immediately thought- don’t care what the context is Y T A but then I did take the time to read it and Damn that title is misleading! You are in no way to blame that your friend ignored your no pets request, ignored your request for them to leave, ignored their pet and then blamed you for the result, If anything I think you’re a saint for not saying “I told you not to bring them!” (But that maybe my AH tendencies 😂) DEFINITELY NTA! Edit: fixed some incorrect ‘yours’ and the Y T A


CanAggravating6401

You should space out the Y T A, so the NTA gets counted, the system only takes the first one


Agitated_Fun_7628

NTA You didn't kill her dog. Her selfish recklessness killed her dog. This is entirely her fault, but she's obviously an entitled brat. Why are you friends with her? You don't even like her.


TheCornStarMum

You’re right, I don’t really like her, she’s more my friends friend, but I always thought she was okay until this.


Agitated_Fun_7628

Sry if I sounded harsh, I'm just a matter-of-fact person. I read this and could tell you think she's an obnoxious ass so I was sitting here like "Girl you hate her, why are you putting yourself through this?"


the_greek_italian

- Pet owner ignores rules about no pets - The same pet owner doesn't keep an eye on her dog, who eats stuff from the garden and destroys some of it - Rather than immediately take the dog to the vet, the pet owner just blames you for their dog being sick. NTA. You weren't responsible for her dog. Also, given that the dog was in the garden, it could be a few things that the dog got sick of. What kind of crops or plants do you have? Are you aware if the gardener puts any snail bait or pesticides in the garden? What country do you live in? (I know that places like Australia are known to have ticks that will cause tick poisoning on animals)


TheCornStarMum

I have no clue what the gardener plants. I just tell him to keep it pretty and keep some that is edible. (fruit & veg) Honestly the dog dug up soooo much I don’t know what it ate and what it just wrecked.


BestAd5844

You should charge your friend for your gardener’s overtime…


Training_Regular3291

NTA - not even slightly. If you let a pet loose on someone's property, especially after you have been asked to get them off the property, it's all on you!


wuirkytee

Dog people. SMH


Acrobatic_End6355

We aren’t all this air-headed. Some of us understand the word NO 😂


candb82314

NTA You told her what was what and she just let the dog roam. Her responsibility to be looking after HER dog. Smh people.


P00perSc00per89

If the dog was a service dog, that would be a different conversation (still allowed to set boundaries and not allow dogs on your private property, this is your home, not a business.) But a service dog is working when out with their owner, and doesn’t run off a dig up plants. NTA. Your friend is hugely the asshole, and probably let her dog run around to spite you for setting boundaries in advance and then sticking to them when she showed up with her dog, thinking you’d just let them both stay and not try to send them home. She noticed that you didn’t watch her leave, so she took advantage and probably wanted to “stick it to you”. Super asshole move on her part. But serious question: why are you friends with someone who clearly has no respect for you and your boundaries, and tries to steamroll them at your own home?


TheCornStarMum

So it’s not a service dog, but she calls him her emotional support dog, doesn’t have anything official, but she tries to use it to take the dog to shops and stuff. She’s more of a friends friend, I thought she was okay until this, but she’s always been a bit meh.


Sad-Ad8901

I *hate* the emotional support animal thing and have many clinicians in my circles who do as well. There's no requirement to show that the animal benefits the person, much less that it's trained in any way. She's just blowing hot air.


Goda6511

As someone with a service dog, I hate people like this. Emotional support animals aren’t allowed to go everywhere like service animals, and they’re dangerous to those of us with working animals.


Ok_Register3005

Nta and you're not responsible.


takerofskulls

NTA. You’re not upset and that’s because you’re not at all responsible for any of this. Your friend is understandably worried about their dog but they’re lashing out at you which is not ok.


Fantastic_Debate_548

Hey, Suzanne. Glad you're here so we can address you directly. Whatever your dog ate is no one's fault but yours. As a pet owner you should already be well aware that certain plants are poisonous to dogs but you didn't care about anyone but yourself. You are a neglectful pet owner and a terrible friend. When asked to not bring your dog, you did anyway. When asked to take your dog away, you let your dog destroy someone else's property and now your poor dog is paying the price. If it were a child you were that neglectful with, CPS would be involved. Not only is this all your fault, you need to pay for the damages. Gardens aren't cheap. To the OP, she was never your friend and you know this was in no way your fault at all. Congratulations getting rid of someone so self-centered who refuses to take responsibility for her own poor choices. I'm sorry about your garden.


Time-Scene7603

NTA. Hopefully she's an ex friend now. If someone let their dog destroy my garden *after I'd told them to leave with the dog* I'd be livid.


DontAskMeChit

NTA. You told her not to bring the dog, and you even told her to leave. Because of HER actions her dog is now sick. Please follow up with the gardener to see if you can get her an answer.


andie1235

NTA. Your friend’s dog will not die because of you. Your friend herself is to blame if her dog dies. She was negligent and irresponsible. You told her that her dog wasn’t allowed on your property. She chose to ignore you- and now she is experiencing the consequences of her actions. It’s also not your fault if the gardener doesn’t respond in a timely manner. Some people turn off their phones or don’t have their phones within reach 24/7. It’s not reasonable to believe that you can somehow make the gardener respond.


Enough-Process9773

NTA. You are not responsible for someone bringing a dog into your garden when you told them not to, not removing the dog from your garden when you told them to, and ignoring their dog as their dog ate All The Things (as dogs do). If your ex-friend's dog dies, that's on your ex-friend. They may need to blame someone else so much they claim YOU are to blame, but, no. They are. And the angrier your ex-friend gets about this, the more she knows it.


Kovz88

NTA- she shrugged when you asked where the dog was. Could’ve been dead in a ditch at that point and she wasn’t worried.


[deleted]

Even if you had allowed the dog, it wouldn't be your fault. Plants can be toxic; it's one of the reasons my cats are indoor only and all bouquets must be lily free and stored up on a counter they can't get to. NTA Also, not only is she not your friend, why would you even want a friend like that?


TheCornStarMum

My cats are house cats for the same reason. My garden is huge and my gardener grows a lot of things at the back, I have no idea what he grows! I just leave him to it!


hitchcockbrunette

Check OP’s posting history. They make stuff up on this sub (and others) to incite outrage/acquire validation. I’m willing to bet this didn’t happen and this post is just a way of riling up the dogfree vs. pet lover crowds. If it was true I would lean towards ESH, on account of OP’s purposefully inflammatory title.


[deleted]

NTA- you literally feel sad that the dog is sick. It isn’t your fault and you do care about the well being of the dog. What does she want you to do, hunt down your gardener and force him to describe the exact flora in your garden ?


Speakinmymind96

So you know if the friend took the dog to the emergency vet? Hopefully she wasn’t sitting around waiting for a plant identification.


TheCornStarMum

She won’t speak to me now. I think the dog is at the vets, but honestly I don’t know!


TerraelSylva

NTA If you have any lilies in the garden, they are extremely toxic to cats and dogs. Even the pollen getting licked off their fur might shut down their kidneys. Onion and garlic too. There are so many toxic plants and foods that could potentially kill cats and dogs. She was an idiot and an A H for leaving her dog unattended around unknown dangers. However, a lot of things are toxic to cats and dogs. It might not hurt to figure out what happened, and make sure there's no chance it could happen to your cats.


Tantrums_and_Tiaras

You should actually bill her for the damage and cost of replacing the plants and the cost of the gardener's hours to replant. Tell her to download a plant identification app like PictureThis or PlantNet and upload the photos you sent to see what it identifies. Or tell her she is free to come and take some samples. She's a negligent dog owner and should be reported - she doesnt deserve to look after any animal. Also he is the one who doesnt care - she left her dog unattended in a place she was told the dog wasnt allowed to be in.


Ganjow

You are NTA at all , you told her you don't want it in the party , im a huge dog lover but i would never impose mine on others ​ but i feel bad for that dog who don't diserve to suffer because her owner is just dumb and entitled , she should grow up and learn to treat her dog better than this


IamblichusSneezed

NTA. Your responsibility began and ended with saying no pets allowed.


Sea_no_evil

Dog owner here....and seeing red. This is the kind of irresponsible dog owner sh\*\* that ruins it for the rest of us. And the poor dog is the one suffering. NTA.


Forward_Ad_7988

this made me sooo mad. your friend is an incredible AH and an awful dog owner... how could she just let her dog wander around and not keep an eye on him, when she should know that her dog is prone to eating stuff?! that is just incredibly irresponsible to her own pet! and this is not to mention that she let her dog off the leash in the home of someone who clearly told her dogs are not welcome. overall NTA, but for the dogs sake you may have put a bit more effort into finding out what he could've ate. it's not the poor dog's fault that he has an idiotic owner


angel9_writes

NTA. You told her to leave with her dog. You informed her that you didn't want him in your garden. She decided to not listen to your boundary and not watch her dog. All of this is on her. Wishing the dog the best and a better owner.