Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I might be the asshole because my roommate and her fiancés mom are really close and I don’t want the mom to not trust her. But I don’t feel like I am mostly because I won’t live with an alcoholic.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Roommate in question here! I don’t trust her! This is not the first thing she’s done in the last couple of weeks that oversteps boundaries and breaks the trust we had :)
I’m more irritated than upset and MIL is not upset at me, she knows shit happens and this isn’t my fault. She’s even trying to encourage me to not hold a grudge and just move on from this friendship
Get out while you can. Don't live with roommates who steal your things and destroy them. OP's overreaction is not remotely normal. Today it's "I don't approve of alcohol, so I'm going to steal this shot glass." Tomorrow it's "I don't approve of short skirts so I am going to go through my roommate's closet and destroy all the clothes I don't like."
She needs therapy.
Just curious, but how did you find out about this post? Were you just browsing and said "hey! that's my story!", or did someone bring it to your attention?
A couple weeks ago she texted MY fiancés mom asking if she could come to their Fourth of July celebration. She’s friends with my fiancé but we all thought that was way inappropriate and crossing boundaries to ask to go to a family gathering. She then texted my best friend (they’re also friends) about it and tried acting like my response was crazy and I was being rude. I told her that was crossing a line and if she was invited there was any information to know I would tell her, but it was a family celebration with extended family and that was made known to her and she dropped it. She’s gotten upset at the fact that I’ve had sex with my fiancé in MY room at the apartment when she’s not even home. And there’s also the matter that her and my fiancé don’t even get along because she’s always crossed boundaries and made him and others feel uncomfortable, but she’s begging to go to his family gatherings. She also did that on Memorial Day weekend, she did however get to come to that but didn’t stay long because it was just us and his family
This may be a just trust me bro situation, I’m not really wanting to post screenshots from text conversations about it or anything because it’ll drop personal information. But yeah, she has turned out to be not a good roommate after all
Fair enough. I would never ask someone to post their personal info online. I do hope you can remove yourself from the toxicity of your roommate though.
I do have one question though… if you are the roommate in question… where does her aversion to alcohol come from? Cause honestly, at the age of 20, she’s a bit young to have such a strong aversion to something she can’t legally imbibe.
I honestly have no idea. Her parents don’t drink, I don’t think her grandparents do either. They’re very very conservative Christian’s but I don’t think that’s the reason because most Christian’s I know do drink. She’s never experienced any abuse from somebody that drank a lot either. She’s just uptight about some things, she’s also crazy against drugs even weed and hallucinogenics, but knows that my fiancé and his brother and I all do shrooms every now and then and hasn’t said a word about it other than asked us to let her know so she can be at her parents house instead. Idk why a shot glass was her final straw
Edit: typing that and reading it to myself has made me wonder why she’s lost her mind over my premarital sex life but not over my intake of shrooms in the apartment, idk what’s wrong with her lol.
If everything you say is true, and I’m not questioning your validity, but her sanity… then she’s absolutely mental and needs some therapy. Ffs… why is YOUR sex life HER business? Where does she even get the idea she’s entitled to an opinion about it? Or an opinion about anything you do? She isn’t your keeper. JFC! I hope you can get away from this mental patient.
YTA- what did you hope to accomplish by throwing away the shot glass? Don’t touch other peoples things. If you have an issue with it, you should’ve had her put it in her room. But at the end of the day you had no agreement about not drinking alcohol in the house so you either need to find a new roommate, move out or shut up and put up with it. And it sounds like the roommate is very respectful of your boundaries. You’re the one that’s breaking them.
YTA on so many levels;
Unless you’re a recovering alcoholic then your dislike of alcohol has no impact on whether your roommate can have booze in the house
You threw a glass away, that wasn’t your property to dispose of, and did it in a way that shows you knew you were in the wrong
You now need to own up to it, not just to your flatmate but also their future MiL so the MiL doesn’t blame the flatmate for your selfish action
Oh yeah
My dad is in recovery, has been for about 12 years and he'd get very judgy over people drinking in the house
Not even to get drunk but like 2 glasses of wine on a Friday night or a couple of beers
Some people seem to forget that not everyone suffers from addiction and that it's their issue to manage
While I get that and totally agree, remember that for an alcoholic the numbers are reversed. One is too many, two is not enough. For an alcoholic, seeing a shot glass is enough to trigger a relapse. If quitting is important to them, controlling the environment is suddenly literally life-threatening. Be kind to your dad. He's just trying to make his own survival dependant on your convenience.
I don't have this issue at all now I'm low contact with him
And while I do understand that, it is on the alcoholic to manage their recovery and leave the environment if they feel they're going to relapse to somewhere that it won't be an issue
I spent years getting judged for having a couple of beers hours apart on a weekend, even if I wasn't drinking near him or in front of him
YTA. You can't force your beliefs on anyone else. You don't touch other people's belongings. You can't stop her from drinking. She is showing you respect by not bringing hard liquor into the home. You should respect her belongings.
But she did bring in tequila. She’s keeping it in her closet because she knows I don’t want to see it. But imo that over steps my boundaries because it’s in the house and I know if I tell her that she won’t throw it away. Just continue to drink and not let me know
YTA OP and a horrible flatmate. Own up to your mistake.
I hate alcohol and have no interest in it. I don't police those who I live with to not drink it because I don't like it. If you don't want to live in a space with alcohol then get your own place so you don't have to share. If I were your roommate I'd never trust you again and would be looking forward to the day I could leave. The constant stress and pressure you'd put on your roommate did a) policing her alcohol consumption and b) her personal belongings wouldn't be worth it.
You can't throw someone's belongings out.
And why do you have such an issue with others drinking if you're not an alcoholic?
Just because you don't like it?? Yta.
So why would you possibly think it's even remotely reasonable to not only make rules for her but steal from her? I don't like the post you made so is it okay for me to decide you've broken by boundaries and come take your phone? No? Oh gee. YTA a thousand times over and likely in a thousand other ways. Daily.
> But imo that over steps my boundaries because it’s in the house and I know if I tell her that she won’t throw it away.
"No alcohol in the house" is not a boundary, it's a rule. Unless you and your room-mate agreed to that when you moved in together, it's an unenforceable rule. A boundary might be "I don't want to be around alchohol so if I see any, I will leave".
YTA - you flat out stole and disposed of something that wasn't harming you in any way because you neglected to make an agreement with your room-mate that your shared space was going to be dry.
And what about her boundaries? I should think that robbing your roommate is a major overstep. So is lying about it. I hope she finds out and cuts you off.
You’re not her mother. You’re not her supervisor. She doesn’t need your permission if she is of legal drinking age. If this was going to be a problem for you, you should have found a roommate that was younger than you.
If you don’t like alcohol, don’t drink it. You have no right to dictate what legal substances she can bring into her own home.
Boundaries are for ourselves, not others. If you don’t want to live with somebody who drinks, find someplace else to live. Remove yourself from the situation that makes you uncomfortable. But do not try to control another adult.
>But imo that over steps my boundaries
Ok, that's the worst. You don't get to do that.
First of all, boundaries are for YOU. You set them for yourself and you enforce them by removing yourself from the situation. If you don't want to live with someone who drinks, then don't. Move out. Don't want to? Then reconsider the boundary.
Boundaries are not "You have to do what I say" -- because I imagine that having her roommate sneakily steal her shot glass and throw it out was a violation of HER "boundaries" and whose boundaries count more? Hint: It's not you just because you ARE you.
Don't use therapy terms to bully/control other people. And if you have a boundary, then SET IT. You can't just say "I have decided that I have a boundary about your drinking and having a shot glass, so I will take the following invasive action" when you NEVER TOLD HER about any of this.
Though even if you had, YTA. This isn't your business. She's already respecting your dislike of alcohol. You didn't ask her to do more than she's doing. You're behaving like a kid. I truly hope she finds out what happened here -- from you -- because she deserves to know who she's living with and make her own choices about what she wants to do from there.
Well, throwing out the shot glass did nothing. She can drink it from a glass, or straight from the bottle. It's none of your business anyway, she's allowed to drink no matter how you feel about it. It's no longer a boundary when it extends to other's personal autonomy. Then it's just being controlling.
Why does she need to let you know when she’s drinking? And you call your stepsister controlling? Maybe you need to look into getting some help with understanding your own behavior.
...You do realize that if she wants to drink it she'll just us a regular glass or pour it into a cup or w.e right? You threw out a shotglass for no reason just because you were being petty, there is no way to frame it in a way that doesn't make you an asshole.
YTA. Just because YOU don't want alcohol in the house doesn't mean she has to adhere to it. It's not just YOUR space. It's HERS too. And what you did is theft and you need to own up to it. And she pays a little more than you. Yeah major AH. You don't get throw something away that isn't yours just because you don't like. You're extremely self centered and a major AH. Tell her, you don't deserve to he trusted and you don't get set boundaries like that. You don't like it, she does. Why do your boundaries triumph over what she likes? The boundary can be not to drink in your face or around you but not to avoid alcohol in the house. Again. Not just your space.
I don’t think you know what the term boundaries means. You seem to be confusing “boundaries” with “rules.
Rules are restrictions you put on another person. Boundaries are restrictions you place for yourself to keep yourself from harm. In simpler terms; boundaries are for yourself, whereas rules are for others.
You don't get to "set boundaries" which violate the rights of others. You need to grow tf up. Make this right. How foolish and pious. Maybe you need to transfer to one of the BYUs
And not let you know? I thought you didn't want to be around alcohol? Now it sounds like you want her to tell you if she is drinking... am I getting this right?
So this is how I’m finding out where the glass went? The glass that I washed and put away and when I asked if you knew where it was you said “no sorry” ??? You know I’m on Reddit dumbass. We will talk when I’m home
Ugh, yes, YTA.
This is a boundaries vs. control issue. You are allowed to not want to live with someone who drinks. But the way that you deal with that is not by trying to get an existing roommate to stop drinking (in space that is also her own!). It’s by moving out yourself if you can’t handle it, and seeking another roommate who is a fellow non-drinker.
If you said “I’d love to live with you but only if you’re fine with not bringing alcohol into the apartment”, and she explicitly agreed to that arrangement and then broke it, you should have had a reminder conversation wherein you gently shared that you were bothered she broke the agreement. Getting rid of her shot glass was unhinged.
By the way, I don’t drink a drop of alcohol, but I own shot glasses for espresso.
Please do everything you can to replace the shot glass.
YTA. You had no right to throw away something that didn't belong to you, and the least you can do now is tell her what you did, and apologize.
Also, your actions are pretty irrational. I understand that you are not comfortable with alcohol but this was a clean, empty glass.
If you didn't want a shot glass in the shared space, all you needed to do was to ask her to keep it in her own room.
If you were uncomfortable with her having tequila in the apartment, you needed to use your words and discuss that, and try to come to an agreement about what you have in the apartment.
And yes, learning that you deliberately threw away something which wasn't yours and that you then failed to tell her straight away when she asked you about it will probably cause her not to trust you, because you've shown you are not trustworthy. You will need to apologize and then work on regaining her trust. Continuing to lie to her (and pretending that you don't know what happened to the glass, when you stole it and threw it out, is lying by omission) it hardly going to be a good foundation for a continuing friendship, and the longer you leave it, the worse it will be.
Has the trash been collected since you took it? If not, you need to tell her **now**, and take steps to try to recover it.
Also - if what you really mean by saying that you are not comfortable around alcohol is that you want to live in a completely alcohol free home, then you need to be up front about that and look for a living situation where that's agreed with everyone. IT's her home as much as yours and she is perfectly entitled to enjoy a legal drink in her own home.
I’m pretty sure if I tell her she won’t resign the lease with me, and if she doesn’t do that then I won’t have a roommate or any furniture since all of it except for the couch and some book shelves are hers. I’m going to see if I can find another one like it but the more I’m learning it was from a vacation spot that her fiancés family went to a couple years ago. So I don’t know if I could replace it
...then why did you do something that would irreparably damage your relationship with your roommate? would you want to live with someone who throws away your things just because they don't agree with it? i wouldn't be surprised if she already suspects you did something to it given your stance on alcohol. coming clean is probably the only thing you can do to salvage the relationship.
You’re going to potentially destroy her relationship with her future MIL because you’re too selfish and scared to own up to stealing and destroying her things. This has nothing to do with alcohol. Nothing. You stole from her, now YOU need to own up to the consequence of it. Have some fucking integrity
So? You still have to own up to the theft and disposal of that shot glass. If she chooses not to live with you once the lease is up, that's the consequence you have to face. Are you really going to let that girl think she somehow lost a sentimental item that her future MIL lent her? Instead of actually being an adult and telling the truth, you'd rather let her relationships with that family potentially suffer so you can keep some furniture?? You don't deserve to live with anyone until you actually grow the fuck up.
I collect shot glasses, and I have a few that are from places that I went to with people I love and that I likely will never have a chance to go back to. If someone threw out any of those shot glasses, I would be EXTREMELY upset. It sounds like this was a decorative, commemorative shot glass - if so, how did that not say to you "this is a reminder of something special"? You need to confess to your roommate - and then deal with the consequences. She would have every right to ask the landlord to let her out of the lease because she doesn't want to live with a THIEF. Hope you enjoy sleeping on that couch.
Your an idiot and an asshole. Maybe don't be a holier than thou prick and stay in your own lane. Go live with your mommy if your going to act like a pouty child. Also stealing and lying is far worse then a legal adult drinking in their own home.
Darn skippy she won’t want to resign with you! But it’s probably the lying, stealing, and being unable to share a space that concerns her a lot more than your dislike of alcohol. You crossed so many lines and then on top of it you’re only sorry bc it is irreplaceable, not that you did it. You are a massive YTA, and I hope she finds alternate housing immediately now that you’ve publicly said you just want her furniture and half of the rent. Unbelievable.
YTA. just because you don't drink alcohol doesn't mean she's not allowed to. you had no right to throw away the glass because it wasn't yours to begin with. you need to own up to your decisions.
what did you even hope to achieve from this? throwing away a shot glass won't stop her from drinking alcohol.
YTA you threw away someone's property. Even if it was your roommates still YTA. When you live with other people you don't get to dictate thier life and what they do.
YTA! Like what the actual hell? Why would you do that? Your roommate lives in your house too you can’t dictate what she has in the house and you also can’t just throw things away because they make you feel uncomfortable! You need to go find a therapist and work on whatever you have going on and also start looking for a one bedroom where you can live alone. Also it seems like you knew what you were doing was wrong from the start because you buried it in the trash to hide it.
I got called an alcoholic by my mother for always having a bottle of Smirnoff Ice in my room. She didn't get that it was the same bottle every time because I'd got it as a three for one offer and didn't like it enough to drink the third (second went to my girlfriend at the time). It just got kicked across the floor/put on the dresser/table if it was in my way for a few months before I binned it as I was never going to drink it.
That's what made my eyes roll. In addition to my collectible shot glasses, I have a couple of ordinary glass ones that I use for mixed drinks. They get used MAYBE two or three times a YEAR.
>Alcohol is a dangerous path
Irrelevant
>I didn't like that stuff
YOU didn't like that stuff. Not her. You still threw away something that is not yours
YTA. shot glasses have other uses other than alcohol: I use them to hold spices when I'm cooking. Take responsibility. You need to talk to your roommate and offer to replace it. And actually do your best to replace it.
YTA, you don't like booze don't drink it but that's her property and she's allowed to have a drink in her home, your dislike of alcohol isn't her problem. You can't be that entitled living with people.
Major YTA if you don't tell her and if possible dig it out of the trash and clean it for her too.
Yta. You feel bad because you did something shitty because you’re a shitty person. Fess up
Also it’s her fucking house too and she’s allowed to drink. If you got a problem with it go sleep in your car.
Send me your address so I can come over and throw all your shit out
And this is coming from someone who absolutely hates alcohol
YTA, go back to the twenties if you want your own personal Prohibition. Your passive aggressiveness and the tone of your writing make you sound like a really annoying person.
'Alcohol is a dangerous path' so is theft and destruction of property. The latter is more likely to lead to prison.
YTA. She is an adult. You do not have the right to destroy her belongings because of your views. If you are this bad then live alone.
Oh you a really big A. You threw away something that doesn’t belong to you cause you were angry. A reasonable person wouldn’t react this way. You should confess to tossing it and you should offer to replace it. You have out your friend in an awkward situation. You knew when you tossed it you were wrong cause you buried it in the trash. Fix it. And be a better roommate and human.
YTA. You’re not fit to live with people if you can’t accept that they may have different beliefs. She didn’t have to stop bringing alcohol home, but still did it for your sake. How do you show appreciation? By throwing her stuff away. God! What’s next? Controlling what she eats because you’re not comfortable with certain foods?
YTA, she was polite, kept hard drinks out of the house and didn't involve you with her alcohol consumption and even washed it. She complied with your request and you thanked her by throwing away her stuff. You might benefit from further self-reflection, as this is petty, petulant and selfish.
You could help remedy the situation by either having another one made or tracking one down through eBay or similar. If you're feeling extra brave, you could buy a nicer one, and claim you might've thrown the previous one away without realising. Then give her the nicer one with an apology and accept that you behaved poorly.
YTA YTA YTA!!!
Your discomfort around alcohol is your problem. You need to learn to deal with it in a world that’s very tolerant of alcohol.
Your roommate pays rent to live there and has the right to live how she wants.
Please do the right thing and confess to the truth. Let her see you for what you are and allow her to decide whether she wants to live with you anymore.
It was not your property to throw away. Doing so made you a thief. Not telling her the truth makes you a liar. Of course she won’t trust you. Why should she? You’ve done a terrible thing. At least have the guts to be decent and honest about it.
YTA, In what world are you not? Your relationship with alcohol has NOTHING to do with anything. Your room mate turned 21 and was celebrating legally. You, on the other hand, are a rotten little thief for stealing and destroying what wasn't yours.
Why do you even ask. If you throw away someone else's property in purpose you are a giant asshole. There is no need to ask. Everyone knows that people who throw away other people's property are assholes.
YTA.
Not only form throwing it away but also for asking this question. Only a true utter asshole would ask this.
Get over yourself! YTA. You just decided that someone isn't allowed to do something you don't like, then took personal property and got rid of it? I feel bad for your roommate. I hope she can get away from you soon!
YtA!! You’re judging your roommate and throwing her things away! I hope she find this or finds out because you are untrustworthy and I wouldn’t want to live with you. Wow
Roommate in question here! I don’t trust her! This is not the first thing she’s done in the last couple of weeks that oversteps boundaries and breaks the trust we had :)
YTA. You are a controlling, selfish asshole and a liar. She shouldn't trust you because you literally robbed her and lied about it. I hope she finds out and moves out. And I hope she tells everyone about what a selfish liar you are.
I was about to call BS on this story because there's no way someone is stupid enough to think this was okay. Until I saw the roommate post a response.
Which just shows how dumb OP is. You know your roommate also uses reddit, and you post the whole story about trashing their things.
YTA, but also kind of an idiot.
May the odds be ever in your favor. You're gonna need em.
YTA because only assholes throw out belongings that are not theirs. If your issues relating to alcohol are *this* extreme you need to get some help from AlAnon or something similar. You have absolutely no right to control another person's lifestyle in this manner. Whatever problems you or your family have that's given you the impression you get to do this need to be addressed with the help of someone who is licensed to help you.
YTA. If you tossed it into a hole in the ground can't you just dig it back up?
You have no right to throw out *anything* that doesn't belong solely to you.
YTA.
You sound like an impossible roommate and control freak. You are never entitled to throw/give away someone else's property without their consent.
Also, calm TF down about drinking. Because you clearly have issues with it doesn't mean everyone else does.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (20f) and my roommate (21f) have lived together since September and she has a fiancé (20m) who she does not live with. She turned 21 in February and I’ve told her my discomfort with alcohol, and she hasn’t brought any serious alcoholic drinks home (some mikes hard and wine) but I know she drinks with her fiancés mom and brother and her co workers. Last week I came home and she was doing shots of tequila that she told me she bought earlier that day and had a shot glass she was using. She washed the glass and put it away. Later that night I tossed it in the trash and buried it. That was almost a week ago, and earlier she texted me asking if I knew where it was and informed me it was her fiancés moms and she had let her borrow it until she bought her own and apparently it has some sentimental value. I feel bad now, I know they have a really close relationship and she is often being lent things and always returns them. She doesn’t know I threw it away, I don’t know if I should tell her because she won’t trust me. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
What were you hoping to accomplish? She’s not going to give up drinking just because a shot glass went missing
Hell, if anything, the shot glass going missing would just encourage her to drink more, as she would have to use a different sized cup and might accidentally pour more than a standard shot
I’ve never touched alcohol in my life despite being well above the legal limit, but it’s her life, not your life or mine
YTA
I know voting’s done, but I just stumbled across this one and had to comment.
Fess up and stop being an asshole. You don’t get to say whether or not your roommate drinks. You don’t get to throw away other people’s property.
You’re withholding the information now because you suspect (rightly so) that your roommate won’t re-sign the lease with you, and you need a roommate and also your roommate owns all the damn furniture. So you’re not only an asshole, but an incredibly selfish asshole. And you clearly think you’re better than everyone else.
Grow up, realize that you were a bad person here, and try not to be a bad person going forward. Your opinions and beliefs are your own problem, no one else’s
YTA just because you don't like alcohol or drink doesn't mean you can police your adult roommate, you also have no right to throw away her possessions she's your roommate, not your child
YTA. Didn't your parent(s) teach you not to take things that aren't yours? Also: why the everloving fuck do you think you get to control your roommate's life and what she puts into her body?
YTA. You don’t have to like alcohol but you had no right to do that. You’re a thief. This is her place to not just yours. “Alcohol is a dangerous path” My friend people drink alcohol. It’s legal. If it was really that dangerous it would be. Not everyone becomes an alcoholic. P
YTA. You don't screw around with other people's things. You had no right. I don't care about your motives. Your not her parent, stop trying to control her.
YTA. It is not your place to decide what someone else can eat/drink/ do with their body. That alone makes you TA. Mind your business and don't project your views on others.
YTA- of course she's not going to trust you. You took the liberty to throw her stuff away because you didn't like it. You act like her mother. Own up to it! And grow up. I grew up in an alcoholic home and you're just making a mockery out of it for those of us who had the displeasure of dealing with alcoholism in any way.
You are underage. You shouldn’t have such strong feeling about alcohol at your age unless you are a recovering teenage alcoholic or you are the child of an alcoholic. Either way, if your feelings about alcohol are that strong, you should be living on your own. You do not say that there is a formal written stipulation in your lease that there is no drinking on the property… so, your roommate has every right to drink whatever the hell she wants I. HER OWN HOME!
YTA and you know it! Own up to what you did and tell your roommates soon to be MIL it’s your fault the shot glass she had sentimental value attached to is in some landfill somewhere.
. Later that night I tossed it in the trash and buried it.
WTF did you touch it for? If I was the roommate, I'd be drinking shots of tequila from a pitcher, just to piss you off. If you have a problem with alcohol, you should have found a roommate that doesn't drink. Holy YTA!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel I might be the asshole because my roommate and her fiancés mom are really close and I don’t want the mom to not trust her. But I don’t feel like I am mostly because I won’t live with an alcoholic. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Don't touch stuff that isn't yours. She shouldn't trust you.
Roommate in question here! I don’t trust her! This is not the first thing she’s done in the last couple of weeks that oversteps boundaries and breaks the trust we had :)
I'm really sorry about your bf's mom's glass, you must be so upset :(
I’m more irritated than upset and MIL is not upset at me, she knows shit happens and this isn’t my fault. She’s even trying to encourage me to not hold a grudge and just move on from this friendship
Sounds like a great family to marry into :) horrible roommate, though.
Get out while you can. Don't live with roommates who steal your things and destroy them. OP's overreaction is not remotely normal. Today it's "I don't approve of alcohol, so I'm going to steal this shot glass." Tomorrow it's "I don't approve of short skirts so I am going to go through my roommate's closet and destroy all the clothes I don't like." She needs therapy.
Just curious, but how did you find out about this post? Were you just browsing and said "hey! that's my story!", or did someone bring it to your attention?
My fiancés brother actually saw this first and sent it to me, he’s a lot more on this app than I am
What else did she do? We need to know how far this rabbit hole goes.
A couple weeks ago she texted MY fiancés mom asking if she could come to their Fourth of July celebration. She’s friends with my fiancé but we all thought that was way inappropriate and crossing boundaries to ask to go to a family gathering. She then texted my best friend (they’re also friends) about it and tried acting like my response was crazy and I was being rude. I told her that was crossing a line and if she was invited there was any information to know I would tell her, but it was a family celebration with extended family and that was made known to her and she dropped it. She’s gotten upset at the fact that I’ve had sex with my fiancé in MY room at the apartment when she’s not even home. And there’s also the matter that her and my fiancé don’t even get along because she’s always crossed boundaries and made him and others feel uncomfortable, but she’s begging to go to his family gatherings. She also did that on Memorial Day weekend, she did however get to come to that but didn’t stay long because it was just us and his family
How do we know you are the roommate in question? And, the situation you describe is the roommate from hell. I do hope you get away from this girl.
This may be a just trust me bro situation, I’m not really wanting to post screenshots from text conversations about it or anything because it’ll drop personal information. But yeah, she has turned out to be not a good roommate after all
Fair enough. I would never ask someone to post their personal info online. I do hope you can remove yourself from the toxicity of your roommate though. I do have one question though… if you are the roommate in question… where does her aversion to alcohol come from? Cause honestly, at the age of 20, she’s a bit young to have such a strong aversion to something she can’t legally imbibe.
I honestly have no idea. Her parents don’t drink, I don’t think her grandparents do either. They’re very very conservative Christian’s but I don’t think that’s the reason because most Christian’s I know do drink. She’s never experienced any abuse from somebody that drank a lot either. She’s just uptight about some things, she’s also crazy against drugs even weed and hallucinogenics, but knows that my fiancé and his brother and I all do shrooms every now and then and hasn’t said a word about it other than asked us to let her know so she can be at her parents house instead. Idk why a shot glass was her final straw Edit: typing that and reading it to myself has made me wonder why she’s lost her mind over my premarital sex life but not over my intake of shrooms in the apartment, idk what’s wrong with her lol.
If everything you say is true, and I’m not questioning your validity, but her sanity… then she’s absolutely mental and needs some therapy. Ffs… why is YOUR sex life HER business? Where does she even get the idea she’s entitled to an opinion about it? Or an opinion about anything you do? She isn’t your keeper. JFC! I hope you can get away from this mental patient.
Pls OP!! The people wanna know 😂 Edit: not OP but y’all know what I meant lol
[удалено]
???? I was replying to other people on her other post
& im literally just copying and pasting my answers to reply to other people
YTA- what did you hope to accomplish by throwing away the shot glass? Don’t touch other peoples things. If you have an issue with it, you should’ve had her put it in her room. But at the end of the day you had no agreement about not drinking alcohol in the house so you either need to find a new roommate, move out or shut up and put up with it. And it sounds like the roommate is very respectful of your boundaries. You’re the one that’s breaking them.
Why would you ever think it was ok to throw away another person's property?
YTA on so many levels; Unless you’re a recovering alcoholic then your dislike of alcohol has no impact on whether your roommate can have booze in the house You threw a glass away, that wasn’t your property to dispose of, and did it in a way that shows you knew you were in the wrong You now need to own up to it, not just to your flatmate but also their future MiL so the MiL doesn’t blame the flatmate for your selfish action
Even if she is a recovering alcoholic she still doesn’t get a say on whether her roommate can or can’t drink alcohol
Oh yeah My dad is in recovery, has been for about 12 years and he'd get very judgy over people drinking in the house Not even to get drunk but like 2 glasses of wine on a Friday night or a couple of beers Some people seem to forget that not everyone suffers from addiction and that it's their issue to manage
While I get that and totally agree, remember that for an alcoholic the numbers are reversed. One is too many, two is not enough. For an alcoholic, seeing a shot glass is enough to trigger a relapse. If quitting is important to them, controlling the environment is suddenly literally life-threatening. Be kind to your dad. He's just trying to make his own survival dependant on your convenience.
I don't have this issue at all now I'm low contact with him And while I do understand that, it is on the alcoholic to manage their recovery and leave the environment if they feel they're going to relapse to somewhere that it won't be an issue I spent years getting judged for having a couple of beers hours apart on a weekend, even if I wasn't drinking near him or in front of him
Absolutely, I'm unable to agree more!
YTA. You can't force your beliefs on anyone else. You don't touch other people's belongings. You can't stop her from drinking. She is showing you respect by not bringing hard liquor into the home. You should respect her belongings.
But she did bring in tequila. She’s keeping it in her closet because she knows I don’t want to see it. But imo that over steps my boundaries because it’s in the house and I know if I tell her that she won’t throw it away. Just continue to drink and not let me know
Who owns the house
We are both on the lease and split rent 60/50. It’s an apartment, but she pays $75 more for her cat and the master bedroom and bath
You know you stole from her right? That's theft. And YTA.
YTA OP and a horrible flatmate. Own up to your mistake. I hate alcohol and have no interest in it. I don't police those who I live with to not drink it because I don't like it. If you don't want to live in a space with alcohol then get your own place so you don't have to share. If I were your roommate I'd never trust you again and would be looking forward to the day I could leave. The constant stress and pressure you'd put on your roommate did a) policing her alcohol consumption and b) her personal belongings wouldn't be worth it.
Do you see the problem?
bruh why r u like this YTA
Your not her mum you don't get to decide what she can and can't have in her room or to drink no one is making you drink it
You can't throw someone's belongings out. And why do you have such an issue with others drinking if you're not an alcoholic? Just because you don't like it?? Yta.
So why would you possibly think it's even remotely reasonable to not only make rules for her but steal from her? I don't like the post you made so is it okay for me to decide you've broken by boundaries and come take your phone? No? Oh gee. YTA a thousand times over and likely in a thousand other ways. Daily.
> But imo that over steps my boundaries because it’s in the house and I know if I tell her that she won’t throw it away. "No alcohol in the house" is not a boundary, it's a rule. Unless you and your room-mate agreed to that when you moved in together, it's an unenforceable rule. A boundary might be "I don't want to be around alchohol so if I see any, I will leave". YTA - you flat out stole and disposed of something that wasn't harming you in any way because you neglected to make an agreement with your room-mate that your shared space was going to be dry.
And what about her boundaries? I should think that robbing your roommate is a major overstep. So is lying about it. I hope she finds out and cuts you off.
You’re not her mother. You’re not her supervisor. She doesn’t need your permission if she is of legal drinking age. If this was going to be a problem for you, you should have found a roommate that was younger than you.
If you don’t like alcohol, don’t drink it. You have no right to dictate what legal substances she can bring into her own home. Boundaries are for ourselves, not others. If you don’t want to live with somebody who drinks, find someplace else to live. Remove yourself from the situation that makes you uncomfortable. But do not try to control another adult.
>But imo that over steps my boundaries Ok, that's the worst. You don't get to do that. First of all, boundaries are for YOU. You set them for yourself and you enforce them by removing yourself from the situation. If you don't want to live with someone who drinks, then don't. Move out. Don't want to? Then reconsider the boundary. Boundaries are not "You have to do what I say" -- because I imagine that having her roommate sneakily steal her shot glass and throw it out was a violation of HER "boundaries" and whose boundaries count more? Hint: It's not you just because you ARE you. Don't use therapy terms to bully/control other people. And if you have a boundary, then SET IT. You can't just say "I have decided that I have a boundary about your drinking and having a shot glass, so I will take the following invasive action" when you NEVER TOLD HER about any of this. Though even if you had, YTA. This isn't your business. She's already respecting your dislike of alcohol. You didn't ask her to do more than she's doing. You're behaving like a kid. I truly hope she finds out what happened here -- from you -- because she deserves to know who she's living with and make her own choices about what she wants to do from there.
Well, throwing out the shot glass did nothing. She can drink it from a glass, or straight from the bottle. It's none of your business anyway, she's allowed to drink no matter how you feel about it. It's no longer a boundary when it extends to other's personal autonomy. Then it's just being controlling.
Why does she need to let you know when she’s drinking? And you call your stepsister controlling? Maybe you need to look into getting some help with understanding your own behavior.
YOUR BOUNDARIES? You fucked up hers because you "don't like that stuff". You're 20, grow up already
Did you say that alcohol couldn't be brought in the house or did you just assume she wouldn't because you don't like it?
...You do realize that if she wants to drink it she'll just us a regular glass or pour it into a cup or w.e right? You threw out a shotglass for no reason just because you were being petty, there is no way to frame it in a way that doesn't make you an asshole.
Her closet is none of your business, you’re the one tearing down boundaries
YTA. How about her boundaries about not having her things stolen? You care about that boundary at all?
It's a kindness that she's keeping it in her closet. Remember that her personal space is NOT "in the house"
YTA. Just because YOU don't want alcohol in the house doesn't mean she has to adhere to it. It's not just YOUR space. It's HERS too. And what you did is theft and you need to own up to it. And she pays a little more than you. Yeah major AH. You don't get throw something away that isn't yours just because you don't like. You're extremely self centered and a major AH. Tell her, you don't deserve to he trusted and you don't get set boundaries like that. You don't like it, she does. Why do your boundaries triumph over what she likes? The boundary can be not to drink in your face or around you but not to avoid alcohol in the house. Again. Not just your space.
Boundaries are there to protect oneself not to control others
Just like you threw away the shot glass and won't let her know?
I don’t think you know what the term boundaries means. You seem to be confusing “boundaries” with “rules. Rules are restrictions you put on another person. Boundaries are restrictions you place for yourself to keep yourself from harm. In simpler terms; boundaries are for yourself, whereas rules are for others.
You don't get to "set boundaries" which violate the rights of others. You need to grow tf up. Make this right. How foolish and pious. Maybe you need to transfer to one of the BYUs
And not let you know? I thought you didn't want to be around alcohol? Now it sounds like you want her to tell you if she is drinking... am I getting this right?
It's always an asshole move to throw away someone else's belongings without their permission. YTA
So this is how I’m finding out where the glass went? The glass that I washed and put away and when I asked if you knew where it was you said “no sorry” ??? You know I’m on Reddit dumbass. We will talk when I’m home
GET HER ASS
Honey you've got a thief in the house, and she's gotta go. Next she'll be stealing money, you name it!
Ohhhh, we will be waiting on an update on the verbal ass-whooping you give her!
Lmao so not only is your roommate an uptight asshole but also a complete moron? Bless you for living with her. Get outta that lease ASAP.
Ugh, yes, YTA. This is a boundaries vs. control issue. You are allowed to not want to live with someone who drinks. But the way that you deal with that is not by trying to get an existing roommate to stop drinking (in space that is also her own!). It’s by moving out yourself if you can’t handle it, and seeking another roommate who is a fellow non-drinker. If you said “I’d love to live with you but only if you’re fine with not bringing alcohol into the apartment”, and she explicitly agreed to that arrangement and then broke it, you should have had a reminder conversation wherein you gently shared that you were bothered she broke the agreement. Getting rid of her shot glass was unhinged. By the way, I don’t drink a drop of alcohol, but I own shot glasses for espresso. Please do everything you can to replace the shot glass.
This is an excellent reply
YTA. You had no right to throw away something that didn't belong to you, and the least you can do now is tell her what you did, and apologize. Also, your actions are pretty irrational. I understand that you are not comfortable with alcohol but this was a clean, empty glass. If you didn't want a shot glass in the shared space, all you needed to do was to ask her to keep it in her own room. If you were uncomfortable with her having tequila in the apartment, you needed to use your words and discuss that, and try to come to an agreement about what you have in the apartment. And yes, learning that you deliberately threw away something which wasn't yours and that you then failed to tell her straight away when she asked you about it will probably cause her not to trust you, because you've shown you are not trustworthy. You will need to apologize and then work on regaining her trust. Continuing to lie to her (and pretending that you don't know what happened to the glass, when you stole it and threw it out, is lying by omission) it hardly going to be a good foundation for a continuing friendship, and the longer you leave it, the worse it will be. Has the trash been collected since you took it? If not, you need to tell her **now**, and take steps to try to recover it. Also - if what you really mean by saying that you are not comfortable around alcohol is that you want to live in a completely alcohol free home, then you need to be up front about that and look for a living situation where that's agreed with everyone. IT's her home as much as yours and she is perfectly entitled to enjoy a legal drink in her own home.
I’m pretty sure if I tell her she won’t resign the lease with me, and if she doesn’t do that then I won’t have a roommate or any furniture since all of it except for the couch and some book shelves are hers. I’m going to see if I can find another one like it but the more I’m learning it was from a vacation spot that her fiancés family went to a couple years ago. So I don’t know if I could replace it
You don't deserve a roommate, if this is how you treat people. You are so selfish and sanctimonious .
YTA. Soon you'll be on the street with nothing to show except a couch and your judgmental ways.
You’re a thief. And if you can’t stop yourself from stealing, you shouldn’t live with people.
You still want to be her roommate after this??
Well duh! She has great furniture and pays more rent...now if only she'd stop having free will. That pesky personal autonomy is just troublesome. /s
...then why did you do something that would irreparably damage your relationship with your roommate? would you want to live with someone who throws away your things just because they don't agree with it? i wouldn't be surprised if she already suspects you did something to it given your stance on alcohol. coming clean is probably the only thing you can do to salvage the relationship.
YTA If this happens it will be well deserved.
You are a gaslighting abusive thief. If you think this behavior is ok you should really try therapy.
You’re going to potentially destroy her relationship with her future MIL because you’re too selfish and scared to own up to stealing and destroying her things. This has nothing to do with alcohol. Nothing. You stole from her, now YOU need to own up to the consequence of it. Have some fucking integrity
So? You still have to own up to the theft and disposal of that shot glass. If she chooses not to live with you once the lease is up, that's the consequence you have to face. Are you really going to let that girl think she somehow lost a sentimental item that her future MIL lent her? Instead of actually being an adult and telling the truth, you'd rather let her relationships with that family potentially suffer so you can keep some furniture?? You don't deserve to live with anyone until you actually grow the fuck up.
I collect shot glasses, and I have a few that are from places that I went to with people I love and that I likely will never have a chance to go back to. If someone threw out any of those shot glasses, I would be EXTREMELY upset. It sounds like this was a decorative, commemorative shot glass - if so, how did that not say to you "this is a reminder of something special"? You need to confess to your roommate - and then deal with the consequences. She would have every right to ask the landlord to let her out of the lease because she doesn't want to live with a THIEF. Hope you enjoy sleeping on that couch.
lol you are fucked. you made your bed and now have to sleep in it yta
Good. Your roommate deserves better. YTA.
You are not mature enough to live on your own yet, you are such a fucking asshole.
She shouldnt resign the release with you. You are controlling and a thief.
YTA. too late, she’s seen it. you’re toast, and i am absolutely *beaming* about that.
Your an idiot and an asshole. Maybe don't be a holier than thou prick and stay in your own lane. Go live with your mommy if your going to act like a pouty child. Also stealing and lying is far worse then a legal adult drinking in their own home.
Darn skippy she won’t want to resign with you! But it’s probably the lying, stealing, and being unable to share a space that concerns her a lot more than your dislike of alcohol. You crossed so many lines and then on top of it you’re only sorry bc it is irreplaceable, not that you did it. You are a massive YTA, and I hope she finds alternate housing immediately now that you’ve publicly said you just want her furniture and half of the rent. Unbelievable.
Fingers crossed op ends up alone in a hovel even a homeless person would reject.
Very obviously YTA.
YTA. just because you don't drink alcohol doesn't mean she's not allowed to. you had no right to throw away the glass because it wasn't yours to begin with. you need to own up to your decisions. what did you even hope to achieve from this? throwing away a shot glass won't stop her from drinking alcohol.
YTA you threw away someone's property. Even if it was your roommates still YTA. When you live with other people you don't get to dictate thier life and what they do.
YTA! Like what the actual hell? Why would you do that? Your roommate lives in your house too you can’t dictate what she has in the house and you also can’t just throw things away because they make you feel uncomfortable! You need to go find a therapist and work on whatever you have going on and also start looking for a one bedroom where you can live alone. Also it seems like you knew what you were doing was wrong from the start because you buried it in the trash to hide it.
You have to be irrational to confuse having a shot glass in your home with that making you an alcoholic. Those are not remotely the same things.
I got called an alcoholic by my mother for always having a bottle of Smirnoff Ice in my room. She didn't get that it was the same bottle every time because I'd got it as a three for one offer and didn't like it enough to drink the third (second went to my girlfriend at the time). It just got kicked across the floor/put on the dresser/table if it was in my way for a few months before I binned it as I was never going to drink it.
Also it took the roommate a week to notice the glass was missing. That does not sound like a problem drinker to me.
That's what made my eyes roll. In addition to my collectible shot glasses, I have a couple of ordinary glass ones that I use for mixed drinks. They get used MAYBE two or three times a YEAR.
better not tell op she may come to your house and throw them in the trash
YTA, this wasn’t your property and now you’re responsible for this item that had sentimental value to others
YT. You don’t throw away other people’s possessions
>Alcohol is a dangerous path Irrelevant >I didn't like that stuff YOU didn't like that stuff. Not her. You still threw away something that is not yours
YTA. shot glasses have other uses other than alcohol: I use them to hold spices when I'm cooking. Take responsibility. You need to talk to your roommate and offer to replace it. And actually do your best to replace it.
YTA also wtf is wrong with you?
YTA, you don't like booze don't drink it but that's her property and she's allowed to have a drink in her home, your dislike of alcohol isn't her problem. You can't be that entitled living with people. Major YTA if you don't tell her and if possible dig it out of the trash and clean it for her too.
Yta. You feel bad because you did something shitty because you’re a shitty person. Fess up Also it’s her fucking house too and she’s allowed to drink. If you got a problem with it go sleep in your car. Send me your address so I can come over and throw all your shit out And this is coming from someone who absolutely hates alcohol
YTA, go back to the twenties if you want your own personal Prohibition. Your passive aggressiveness and the tone of your writing make you sound like a really annoying person.
'Alcohol is a dangerous path' so is theft and destruction of property. The latter is more likely to lead to prison. YTA. She is an adult. You do not have the right to destroy her belongings because of your views. If you are this bad then live alone.
YTA Come clean, take responsibility for your actions, and face the fallout. And get some therapy for your issues. YOu are a toxic AH.
YTA- be a grown up and fess up. She can have alcohol in the house that she pays rent in if she wants She is of legal age.
💯 the asshole!! That was not YOURS to touch!! How would you feel if she took something of your ms and threw it away??? Wow! You really messed up!!
INFO to clarify, you threw out YOUR ROOMATE'S shot glass because YOU don't like alcohol? Did I read that right?
YTA. That's just a weird thing to do.
Oh you a really big A. You threw away something that doesn’t belong to you cause you were angry. A reasonable person wouldn’t react this way. You should confess to tossing it and you should offer to replace it. You have out your friend in an awkward situation. You knew when you tossed it you were wrong cause you buried it in the trash. Fix it. And be a better roommate and human.
Think you forgot to vote
YTA. You’re not fit to live with people if you can’t accept that they may have different beliefs. She didn’t have to stop bringing alcohol home, but still did it for your sake. How do you show appreciation? By throwing her stuff away. God! What’s next? Controlling what she eats because you’re not comfortable with certain foods?
YTA, she was polite, kept hard drinks out of the house and didn't involve you with her alcohol consumption and even washed it. She complied with your request and you thanked her by throwing away her stuff. You might benefit from further self-reflection, as this is petty, petulant and selfish. You could help remedy the situation by either having another one made or tracking one down through eBay or similar. If you're feeling extra brave, you could buy a nicer one, and claim you might've thrown the previous one away without realising. Then give her the nicer one with an apology and accept that you behaved poorly.
YTA. WTF is wrong with you?
YTA YTA YTA!!! Your discomfort around alcohol is your problem. You need to learn to deal with it in a world that’s very tolerant of alcohol. Your roommate pays rent to live there and has the right to live how she wants. Please do the right thing and confess to the truth. Let her see you for what you are and allow her to decide whether she wants to live with you anymore. It was not your property to throw away. Doing so made you a thief. Not telling her the truth makes you a liar. Of course she won’t trust you. Why should she? You’ve done a terrible thing. At least have the guts to be decent and honest about it.
YTA, In what world are you not? Your relationship with alcohol has NOTHING to do with anything. Your room mate turned 21 and was celebrating legally. You, on the other hand, are a rotten little thief for stealing and destroying what wasn't yours.
Just a heads up, the voting bot counts the first acronym as your vote
Thanks!
Why do you even ask. If you throw away someone else's property in purpose you are a giant asshole. There is no need to ask. Everyone knows that people who throw away other people's property are assholes. YTA. Not only form throwing it away but also for asking this question. Only a true utter asshole would ask this.
Get over yourself! YTA. You just decided that someone isn't allowed to do something you don't like, then took personal property and got rid of it? I feel bad for your roommate. I hope she can get away from you soon!
You buried a shot glass? What the fuck is wrong with you? YTA
YtA!! You’re judging your roommate and throwing her things away! I hope she find this or finds out because you are untrustworthy and I wouldn’t want to live with you. Wow
Roommate in question here! I don’t trust her! This is not the first thing she’s done in the last couple of weeks that oversteps boundaries and breaks the trust we had :)
Get out of there. No point living with someone you don’t trust.
Why did you bury it? Because you knew you shouldn't have thrown it out. So why even bother asking if you're the asshole if you know you are? YTA.
YTA. You are a controlling, selfish asshole and a liar. She shouldn't trust you because you literally robbed her and lied about it. I hope she finds out and moves out. And I hope she tells everyone about what a selfish liar you are.
I bet you walk around wondering why people dislike you!! YTA LOL
I was about to call BS on this story because there's no way someone is stupid enough to think this was okay. Until I saw the roommate post a response. Which just shows how dumb OP is. You know your roommate also uses reddit, and you post the whole story about trashing their things. YTA, but also kind of an idiot. May the odds be ever in your favor. You're gonna need em.
YTA. ***You had no reason to throw her stuff away.***
YTA because only assholes throw out belongings that are not theirs. If your issues relating to alcohol are *this* extreme you need to get some help from AlAnon or something similar. You have absolutely no right to control another person's lifestyle in this manner. Whatever problems you or your family have that's given you the impression you get to do this need to be addressed with the help of someone who is licensed to help you.
YTA. If you tossed it into a hole in the ground can't you just dig it back up? You have no right to throw out *anything* that doesn't belong solely to you.
I think by "buried" she means she put more trash on top of it, not that she literally buried it in the ground.
YTA. You sound like an impossible roommate and control freak. You are never entitled to throw/give away someone else's property without their consent. Also, calm TF down about drinking. Because you clearly have issues with it doesn't mean everyone else does.
As a recovering alcoholic, why would you go and do that? I don't drink anymore, but it's not my job to police others.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20f) and my roommate (21f) have lived together since September and she has a fiancé (20m) who she does not live with. She turned 21 in February and I’ve told her my discomfort with alcohol, and she hasn’t brought any serious alcoholic drinks home (some mikes hard and wine) but I know she drinks with her fiancés mom and brother and her co workers. Last week I came home and she was doing shots of tequila that she told me she bought earlier that day and had a shot glass she was using. She washed the glass and put it away. Later that night I tossed it in the trash and buried it. That was almost a week ago, and earlier she texted me asking if I knew where it was and informed me it was her fiancés moms and she had let her borrow it until she bought her own and apparently it has some sentimental value. I feel bad now, I know they have a really close relationship and she is often being lent things and always returns them. She doesn’t know I threw it away, I don’t know if I should tell her because she won’t trust me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA What were you hoping to accomplish? She’s not going to give up drinking just because a shot glass went missing Hell, if anything, the shot glass going missing would just encourage her to drink more, as she would have to use a different sized cup and might accidentally pour more than a standard shot I’ve never touched alcohol in my life despite being well above the legal limit, but it’s her life, not your life or mine
Yta what gives you the right to control her actions and dispose of things that are NOT yours?
YTA I know voting’s done, but I just stumbled across this one and had to comment. Fess up and stop being an asshole. You don’t get to say whether or not your roommate drinks. You don’t get to throw away other people’s property. You’re withholding the information now because you suspect (rightly so) that your roommate won’t re-sign the lease with you, and you need a roommate and also your roommate owns all the damn furniture. So you’re not only an asshole, but an incredibly selfish asshole. And you clearly think you’re better than everyone else. Grow up, realize that you were a bad person here, and try not to be a bad person going forward. Your opinions and beliefs are your own problem, no one else’s
YTA what cult did you grow up in honey? Don't throw out other people's stuff.
YTA. Boo hoo you don’t like alcohol. You don’t get to control your roommate and you certainly don’t get to trash other people’s things.
You have poison in your mind and the fact that you can't see it makes me so sad
YTA just because you don't like alcohol or drink doesn't mean you can police your adult roommate, you also have no right to throw away her possessions she's your roommate, not your child
YTA. Didn't your parent(s) teach you not to take things that aren't yours? Also: why the everloving fuck do you think you get to control your roommate's life and what she puts into her body?
YTA. You don’t have to like alcohol but you had no right to do that. You’re a thief. This is her place to not just yours. “Alcohol is a dangerous path” My friend people drink alcohol. It’s legal. If it was really that dangerous it would be. Not everyone becomes an alcoholic. P
YTA, dont steal people's stuff. I think your parents are the real assholes here for not teaching you the most basic stuff about being a human being.
YTA
you’re an absolutely horrible human being
YTA and a bad roommate. You gave you the right to touch and throw your roommate's stuff. How entitled are you?
YTA. You don't screw around with other people's things. You had no right. I don't care about your motives. Your not her parent, stop trying to control her.
YTA. It is not your place to decide what someone else can eat/drink/ do with their body. That alone makes you TA. Mind your business and don't project your views on others.
>but alcohol is a dangerous path Oh, you po', ig'nant child... YTA
you poignant child
No OP you're not allowed to steal and destroy other people's property and you're old enough to know that. YTA
YTA- of course she's not going to trust you. You took the liberty to throw her stuff away because you didn't like it. You act like her mother. Own up to it! And grow up. I grew up in an alcoholic home and you're just making a mockery out of it for those of us who had the displeasure of dealing with alcoholism in any way.
YTA. Alcohol is a dangerous path? Weird behaviour.
You are underage. You shouldn’t have such strong feeling about alcohol at your age unless you are a recovering teenage alcoholic or you are the child of an alcoholic. Either way, if your feelings about alcohol are that strong, you should be living on your own. You do not say that there is a formal written stipulation in your lease that there is no drinking on the property… so, your roommate has every right to drink whatever the hell she wants I. HER OWN HOME! YTA and you know it! Own up to what you did and tell your roommates soon to be MIL it’s your fault the shot glass she had sentimental value attached to is in some landfill somewhere.
. Later that night I tossed it in the trash and buried it. WTF did you touch it for? If I was the roommate, I'd be drinking shots of tequila from a pitcher, just to piss you off. If you have a problem with alcohol, you should have found a roommate that doesn't drink. Holy YTA!