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OP is probably mad because she paid this girl $500 to date her clingy son and the girl realised thats not enough lmao
i mean, do any 13 year olds relationships last? did op think they were gonna get married lol
No you don’t get to break up with someone out of the blue the day before school starts when the weekend prior she told him she really liked him. Life doesn’t work like that.
You do realize you’re talking about 13 year olds, right? They are not exactly mature at that age. They’re learning how to have relationships. And, their relationships generally have a lifespan of a week or so.
You’re an enabler for teaching your son that you think it’s okay to violate boundaries in an effort to get what he wants. Your son is not the center of the universe. His wants don’t matter more than hers. She does not want to see him anymore, so that’s it.
Your kid sounds like he needs therapy, and quite frankly I think you do too if you think your behavior was at all acceptable.
They’re kids with under developed frontal lobes and prone to make childish decisions.
Your 1st mistake was to give her a $500 gift card. I don’t know how rich you are but I’ve never heard of a 13 year old girl getting such a gift from her boyfriend or the boyfriend’s mother.
Your second mistake was to think this gift somehow made her indentured to you or your son. It does not.
Your third mistake was to allow your son to get his friends to contact the poor girl when she obviously wants nothing to do him. That’s creepy af.
Your fourth mistake was to call and scare the poor girl.
Your final mistake was to justify your actions.
I’m a man, some would even call me a toxic male, and even I see red flags tattooed all over your body.
Than what would you be OP? You don’t even seem to care that the girl seemed to be scared by the way your son was acting. You can’t make people stay your sons friends and girlfriend. If you don’t wanna be out $500 I suggest you don’t try to buy people affection.
And you are not an enabler?
Let's see. Your kid was been bullied *by teachers and coaches* and it took you a year to get him out.
His mental state is failing and you don't get him into therapy.
He is going through a break up and instead of teaching him about boundaries and respect, you incentive and help bully a 13y?
She said she's getting scared of all the calls your son and his goons are making, and you *threatened* her too?
Tell me... would you like a daughter of yours to be receiving several calls from her ex, his friends, *his mom*? And during those calls, getting threatened?
After asking for mom's (you) help, by answering a call, you get threatened too?
You're a massive ASSHOLE.
Grow up. Do better for your kid. Put him on therapy, change school. Teach him respect and boundaries. BE A PARENT
YTA
Then your defense is worthless. I mean, you SHOULD let your kid break up with someone if they don't want to keep dating that person.
Would you force your son to date someone he doesn't want to date?
The whole team of teachers was against him?
Now at the new school all the coaches are?
And now a girl has not wanted to be with him because he is scary?
And if it wasn't for all the teachers, coaches and this one girl he would be the popular, genius athlete that only you seem to know he is?
YTA. Your son is failing school, dropped out of sports and a girl called him scary. Take off the rose-tinted glasses and you might see the red flags. Get him and yourself some help.
Lady..... stop.... my Gawd! Lady, you can't force people to be in a relationship with your son because you don't think their reasoning for breaking up is valid. You are setting your kid up to eventually catch charges. WTF is wrong with you? Do you really not see what you are doing here?
Behind every creepy ass dude, there's an enabling parent who thinks their baby can do no wrong..... I actually feel sorry for your kid...
We get people like that because of mothers like you. Making them feel entitled “no son she shouldn’t have left you how rude of her let’s call her out” are you 17? Should’ve just taught him to deal with rejection and move on you’re definitely the asshole op, you literally haven’t even approached the part where she said she was “scared” of his actions ummmmm.. sounds like our ex president babe. (Side note: ALSO WHOS WE??? Ahaha I did not have anything to do with him being elected)
Huh? That has nothing to do with the point being made which is that a child of 13 is allowed to break up with someone. That you called her to demand they get back together is bizarre. No wonder she is scared. She’s being bullied by his friends and his mother.
You think that teaching young girls that they have to maintain relationships with boys no matter the circumstances, even if they’re exhibiting concerning or upsetting behavior, is going to PREVENT the spread of Trumpism?
And what's the relation? In not in the US. I surely didn't vote for the orange decrepit man.
And I still think you're a unhinged, abusive, misogynistic, sorry excuse of a parent.
So here's the thing, you are failing you son on a variety of levels.
>For some background my son is 13 and has a genius level IQ, is an amazing athlete and was the most popular kid in his elementary school.
>
>Unfortunately the team of teachers at his first middle school legitimately picked on him and set out to ruin him as a person and he has never been the same
Nobody cares about this but you. Nobody will care in the future. Everything you have posted in the preamble here shows your son has absolutely no resiliency. People will not care about your special boy. He will face adversity in life. And he has no means of dealing with that because YOU haven't taught him that. As evidenced here:
>Of course we moved schools but he’s gotten all Fs since he’s been in middle school and his coaches also picked on him so he quit all of his sports.
>
>I asked him if he would like if I called her and he said he would like that, so I did.
>
>meaning momma bear could come out
Your son's solution is to come to mama to handle everything, and run away from challenges when mama can't solve them. That's, frankly speaking, pathetic. In the definitional way. I legitimately have pity for him. He has been failed so hard by you that he relented to having you call his middle school girlfriend to beg to take him back. He has no pride in himself nor ability to take one on the chin without shattering. That's entirely your fault.
> I told my sister yesterday she said my “momma bear schtick” was not only inappropriate I probably got the cops called on me
Your sister is correct. Your son is cyber stalking this girl, he is brigading her with his friends, and now even his mom is attacking her. She is allowed to date, or not date, however she wants. You say:
>I’m disgusted that she thinks she can do this to people.
To flip this around, you are disgusted that a young woman, likely only 13, has the self agency to say no. Your stance is saying the only legitimate stance this girl can have is to be with your son, in perpetuity, as long as he wants the relationship with no choices of her own. And you have joined in on the bullying to reinforce your view she has no value aside from being a salve for your son's ego. You should be teaching him how to move on and deal with breakups with dignity, maturity, and self awareness.
In short, YTA because:
* You have utterly failed as a mother by letting your son get so far with no resiliency
* You have shamefully failed as an adult by joining in on cyber bullying.
* You have entirely failed as a woman by degrading this poor girl to being nothing more than an object of your son's pleasure.
This is so well said and needs to be top comment. OP has made several comments thus far about self-righteous and entitled politicians, but doesn’t seem to understand that it is exactly THIS type of parenting that leads to adults who think that behavior is okay.
She needs to read this, and then read it again until it starts making sense. Society cannot continue to raise children this way. It leads to adult criminals thinking they can do no wrong because all their life mommy told them they were perfect and can do whatever they want. That is so dangerous.
YtA. Your sister is right, you went full psycho mode and harassed a girl and her family. You need to get your son some help to deal with HIS problems, not lash out at a teenager. From your post your son sounds clingy af
Want to bet her kid was good in elementary school coz he was smart enough to get by without trying too hard, or learning how to study, and middle school was harder and the teachers didn't cut him slack, and "momma bear" went full "psycho" on the teachers for giving her genius kid poor grades?
YTA. I hope this isn't real. You got in a fight with an eighth grader? As a grown women? Did you think your son was going to marry his first girlfriend? That's not how life works. If your son is depressed, get him therapy. That girl literally did nothing wrong
You tried to force a child to date your son, using a conditionless gift as leverage. That is manipulative and genuinely unhinged beahvior. Life tip, don’t give a gift if you’re gonna take it away the second that person disappoints you
What did your son do to scare her??? Maybe that should be your focus so that he doesn’t scare away the next one.
Your kid needs to learn to deal with disappointment and heartbreak. You can’t expect him to grow if you’re trying to solve everything in his life.
He was going to get an Uber to go see her on Wednesday of last week. First of all he can’t get an Uber, she’s 2 hours away and lastly why would she be scared and not flattered at the effort he was putting in to see her.
Funny. In a previous response you said, that people being allowed to end relationships has created a USA that elected DT.
I disagree and say that a mentality of "yeah she said no, but she should be flattered that he ignored that" actually enables people to overstep boundaries and harass their peers without repercussion.
I know this is lame, but :How would you feel if he broke up with her and she would send her friends and family to keep contacting him?
> I know this is lame, but :How would you feel if he broke up with her and she would send her friends and family to keep contacting him?
OP is so delusional they would probably think this is appropriate. Come, grovel before my golden child as you should.
She’s 14, she doesn’t know whether or not he’s telling the truth! And if she wanted space and he said he was going to come to her house, that would be scary! It almost sounds like a threat tbh
You still called her just to argue with her. And the main issue is that the girl didn't do anything wrong so there was no reason to lay into her or her mom 😭
YTA this reeks of narcissism. Not every teacher is picking on your kid. Not every coach is picking on your kid. That little girl isn’t picking on your kid. Not everyone is out to get your kid. You’re coddling your son into a bad mental situation making him thinking he’s special in every scenario. I’ve said before I’ll say it again YTA
YTA. You cannot force someone into dating your son. That’s insane. Also, they’re going into 8th grade; it’s not like she ditched him at the altar.
You are not doing your son any favors by acting like a psychopath and trying to fight these nonexistent battles for him. Also your son had his friends try to contact her to get around the fact that she blocked him, and then you did it too. If someone blocks them, you leave them alone. This is inappropriate stalker shit.
YTA. It's sad when an eighth grader has more emotional maturity than the parent of an eighth grader. You should never have gotten involved and I would not be shocked if you got a call from her parents.
Baby can't go to school because of a breakup? He and you think he's entitled to stay with this girl due to $500? Sounds like he's not the well-rounded kid you think he is.
How did they ruin him?? We’re missing a lot of info here. Breakups happen every single day, and its absurd to act like it’s malicious to end a relationship you don’t want to be in anymore.
She said she’s SCARED of him! Why would you want your son to have a girlfriend that fears him?!
When he went to middle school there was a team of 4 teachers, and they had it out for him on day one. I wad going to sue the school it was so bad. They told him everything he was doing was wrong, one threatened him with suspension, they wouldn’t adapt to his style of learning, it goes on and on.
The choices those adults made changed him forever.
It sounds like your son had some pretty intense behavior issues OP. Have you taken him to the school psychologist? Or maybe a behavior specialist.
It’s hard to accept your kid is having issues at school, but denying it doesn’t help anyone. Maybe they were 100% delusional and attacking him, and getting him properly evaluated could even prove that for you!
But if so many teachers had such a strong reaction, he clearly needs to be getting different support and help OUTSIDE of school
Also: you didn’t share what the behaviors are
> they wouldn’t adapt to his style of learning
What is his style of learning? Usually something that deviates away from the norm requires a 504 plan or an IEP.
Does he have accommodations, a 504, or an IEP?? The school needs to understand why he NEEDS the digital format. They can’t just give him something that no one else has without a real reason.
I’m actually a teacher myself, and I will do ANYTHING I can to accommodate the kids. But I need to know what they need and how it’s to be used. Every single kid would rather work on an iPad or laptop instead of a paper! If I give it to one kid without any sort of proper documentation, I’m gonna have five parents calling me the next day demanding their kids get the same!
What channels have you gone through to get your son the accommodation he needs?
I tried to get him tested for gifted but his awful 5th grade teacher would not sign off on him taking the test for a second time and I’ve had to move him schools 5 times in 6th and 7th grade because people pick on him so badly that we haven’t been able to do the testing an frankly I get offended when I hear the words “special education.”
For a SECOND time?!?
Lady, he's not that special from the sounds of it.
Your thinking is he's a perfect angel, and everyone else in the entire world is out to get him. It sounds like he may need tailored teaching methods, which the "special" part of special education. But *you* have to be willing to hear that he's not a genius in order for him to get the help he really needs.
Okay so you’re definitely in denial which is just hurting your kid!
I’m disabled and “special Ed” also offends me but for different reason. It’s an outdated term and a bit ableist.
But if you’re asking for your kid to have special treatment at school, you’re using the special Ed resources! You want him to be a tech kid, well then you need the special Ed team to evaluate him and decide on the accommodations that would best suit him!
You don’t get to ask for special treatment and they deny your kid might need help from the special Ed team.
You’re hurting your kid by refusing to get him proper help. And you’re making it worse by denying it and trying to steam roll over anyone who criticizes y’all.
Again, if that’s really the case, you would need to have a plan approved by the school. You can’t just go in and demand each classroom do that without one. Because then every kid would just do whatever the fuck they want and it would be chaos. This person won’t use paper, this person only wants to use watercolor paints, this person doesn’t believe in homework so they’re just not going to do any.
Your son needs to adapt to the real world. You don’t always get your way.
If someone does not have the ability to do something he does not want to do, even when the result is ruinous, it reveals a fundamental inability on the part of the individual, not the society.
Not doing homework or classwork is unacceptable. Get the special education evaluation.
Hmm. And it seems the choices you are making in raising him will make sure he won't change for the better. UNLESS you actually go do something about that with therapy for the both of you (I am starting to doubt you will be able to give him the tools he needs to navigate life on your own)
Not only his teachers that year, but his karate coach, the dad who coached the soccer team. It was like a conspiracy because every adult in his life turned on him. I watched it happen first hand and he’s never been the same
Queen, if everyone is saying it, it might actually be true. Bring him to a child psychologist and let him get evaluated. If he’s fine, then you get to tell all those adults to fuck off and stop bullying your kid.
But if something is wrong, you might just get him the help he needs to stop acting out at school, during his sports, and towards his peers.
You gotta ask yourself why everyone would be out for your kid. It’s far more likely that he’s actually dealing with behavioral issues.
Okay. I am in martial arts. You know how much it takes until a kid gets thrown out? He would have needed to have deliberately hurt other students on multiple occasions for that to happen, or attack a teacher, not listen at all to the point it gets too disruptive and possibly dangerous. So what happened there? If the teacher was just too strict... well.. tough luck. Martial arts is about discipline, behavior towards others, self control, respect and perfectioning techniques. We often have kids complaining when they get told to behave or when they get punished for doing too much shit but discipline is important. You can't get into such a sport when you can't follow the rules.
And when the dad with the soccer team turned on him I really wanna know what happened. That is mainly a very friendly and helpful environment so what is that about.
I really wanna know what happened there...
Ok if you must know the coach was teaching things wrong, my son knew the right way but the coach refused to listen so my son lost his temper and kicked over some water bottles and one hit a little sister who was sitting on the side of the mats. No Jayden should not have kicked the water bottles but it would have cost that coach nothing to listen to his opinions and try it his way. That and all the crap he was dealing with at school when the dojo should have been his refuge, it was too much for him.
Oh sure. We know. Everyone else is always wrong, and your son never is. Guess what, your kid learned nothing during his time at the dojo if his response was to throw a tantrum, kick some water bottles and potentially injure a bystander. Your kid, quite frankly, sucks.
Okay. So actual answer from someone teaching children at the dojo due to the color of my belt.
Your son was more than out of line. He displayed a danger on the mat and you don't teach aggressive people more techniques to hurt others even more. Your son has an aggression problem.
The easy answer is that martial arts is difficult and kids tend to think they know it all. Yes your son said he knew the techniques better than the trainer but did he? Sometimes you want to show students a different but similar technique or a variation for a different scenario (bigger/smaller attacker for example) and other kids chime in saying you are doing the one technique they know wrong. But you don't because there are variations and different but similar ones.
We have a kick to the front for example. You can do a similar kick that goes the same but you kick to the outside at the last moment and another one where you kick to the other side and more downwards to hit the knee.
Your son is probably still in a lower belt area and therefore has less experience. He should have accepted that his trainer showed it different from the beginning.
This is what I said about respect. When you start to disrespect the teacher and then on top get aggressive and hurt someone that is such a big nono.
The dojo is my safe space and it could have been his. But no matter how I feel, if I like a technique, if I think it is right or wrong. I need to behave and respect.
If hejust asked " hey, but I learned it like this and that" the trainer could have explained differences. But he couldn't accept that. He needed to be rightover the teacher.
This sport is dangerous, that is why we have so many rules. It probably also wasn't the only incident.
My best friend is above me in belt rank.
When I do smth wrong he tells me as such. When I do something inefficient he tells me to change it up.
That sometimes hits a nerve or to especially because he can sound quite harsh and strict. That doesn't mean I can yell, throw stuff, kick stuff, hurt him etc...
That's the nature of life and this sport. It is hard sometimes to keep it together but that is exactly what he needs to learn. Being stoic when faced with difficulties, keeping calm when getting angry.
You should have talked to the trainer honestly on how you can help your son. And the first step is to recognize that your son tends to get aggressive when faced with difficulties that would need him to stay calm and quiet.
You need to stop seeing everyone as an enemy and try to get people on your side. What you are doing is antagonizing this trainer. Because the only option in your mind is that your son was right and the outbreak wasn't even that bad.
Stop doing that we have all kinds of kids in our dojo shy, angry, sad, overbearing, hyperactive etc... the importance is that the parents trust us as trainers and understand that their children have flaws. That's not wrong or bad. But it needs work....
Still doesn't make it right to try to force someone to date him, so yeah don't do that. You should know better. And honestly based on your post and replies I am afraid to know how they "ruined" him. What did they do?
YTA - Does it suck for your son? Yes. But the best thing to do is teach him how to handle this in a way that gives him the tools to deal with disappointment and failure. The fact you basically tried to pay her to spend time with him is not okay. Then trying to take back the money because she won't do it is an even more red flag.
You also seem to look at your son through rose tinted glasses. You don't know how he is with other people or in different environments.
It seems with this attitude you're setting up your son for failure. You are showing him none of the skills he needs to handle things in a mature way. Also a lot of gifted kids struggle the higher they get in education because they actually never had to learn to study. Give him the tools he needs to go through life, that will be way bigger help than calling people who hurt your little boy's feelings.
That doesn’t make him a genius level IQ. I’m not saying your kid is dumb as rocks, but schools have testing for gifted students. Has he taken any? The fact that his school doesn’t believe he is a gifted student makes me think he hasn’t or that the results showed otherwise.
No they would not allow him to take the test because his 5th grade teacher was in her first year and she did not know how to advocate for her students. The principal got a whole lot of phone calls from me that year, trust me.
That still doesn’t make any sense. Parents or guardians are usually the ones who apply for their children for whatever gifted program the school has, from there the testing/interviews happen.
I’m sorry that wasn’t clear. I demanded he be tested, over and over again. He couldn’t sit still for the test the first time because he stayed up really late the night prior and was overstimulated. When the spring test came around his teacher would not sign the form because she did not know how to advocate properly for students who have special talents and actually said, in writing, he’s average or below average. When all of his previous teachers said that he was well above average.
But that is typical. In the first few years when basic stuff is teached some kids seem to be geniuses bc for example reading and writing comes easy to them as a skill. Now when they proceed and do advanced stuff that is when it starts to crumble bc you suddenly need more knowledge overall, more in deph understanding of materials all those things.
Kids that excel at the first often go into the next school thinking it will be just as easy, don't learn enough and don't concentrate in class so they fail. When your son has such bad grades it is because he fails. Go over his hework with him see how he does, get him learning help if needed and explore therapy and different learning methods. If he was gifted he wouldn't have failed the test, because excitement and less sleep do not mean he should perform so bad that he is too bad for the next test. To get all F you need to sit there and do nothing. No homework, no answers in class etc.
He isn't gifted in the age group he is in and you are holding him back even more with the expectation and demanding that he is. Does he still want to do his sport? If yes he needs to train let him do it in his free time.
Monitor his learning.
He is 13 and failing at life and the only thing you do is yell and bark at everyone that could maybe be at fault.
This is not going to help him. He is sitting there failing with his emotional intelligence and you don't support him. They had a short relationship, she was scared. Did you ask what scared her ? I would be soo worried hearing that my son scared a girl so bad she broke up with him. The only thing you focus on is that she did it. She is 13, she doesn't have to get in her big girl pants. She is a child and did nothing wrong. Would you keep on having a relationship with someone that scares you?
You need to sit down and really do something. You have yelled and ordered your way till here and you don't succeed. Focus on your child and make him a good man. Rn he is a possibel danger, it seems he could be sliding into incel behaviors and you enable him.
He will get rejected in life if it's schools, gifted programs, girlfriends, girls in a bar, universities, etc.... he will need to learn with that feeling. You set him up to fail
I actually have a lot of sympathy for you here OP. Gifted programs often fail kids who are not neurotypical. It sounds like your kid may have adhd or something else going on, and it sucks that his intelligence gets overlooked because of behavioral issues.
But you gotta start taking the behaviors seriously! He’s very smart, but they can’t accept him because of the behaviors. He’s also scaring young women his age with the way he acts.
You NEED to get this kid some help. I fear that your helicopter parenting may be stunting his social emotional development. Over involved parents lead to children who are reliant on those parents and prevents them from gaining independence as they get older.
You think you’re helping, but you’re just preventing him from experiencing the real ups and downs of life and learning from it
The only one who seems to hold him back is you actually. Seems the school doesn't consider him to be gifted. Take him to be tested at an independent facility if you really believe he's a genius. Also, not every kid has to be a damn genius. Whether or not he is, what he needs right now from is support in a healthy and mature way.
* Teach him to handle is emotions properly (which means handling rejection, not sending other people to a 13-yeard old girl because she's scared of him)
* Help him develop proper study habits and tricks that work FOR him (it really is dependent on the person how they learn best)
* Get him some therapy
* Get yourself some therapy as well actually. This transactional thinking you got going on, along with the rose tinted view towards your son (news flash, no one is perfect, everyone has faults and behaviours others may not like) is not healthy for him or you.
YTA
Your son and this girl were in different places in their maturity and development, and they clearly were not a perfect match, and that is ok.
What is not ok is you trying to buy her by giving her expensive gifts, and then behaving as if she owes your son anything.
Are you sure you are the mother? Because this reads like an incel fantasy, where little girls are traded by mothers, so every boy has the required girlfriend, who is not allowed independent action or her own preferences.
You're obviously not. You're turning your son into an incel who will probably continue harassing women and probably grow to start assaulting them. Soooooo..... get your shit together, if you think any of this is OK then something is very wrong with you.
This not just a yta case, it's downright scary.
People have a right to leave a relationship, even if that means heartbreak.
Would you rather want your son to be in a relationship with someone who's only there because of outside pressure and inernally resents him and you?
Respect the boundaries of that girl.
And the gift card was a gift. You didn't need to do that, you bought it and gave it to her by your own choice.
Take it as a lesson - you can't buy love, and teenage romance is sadly often short lived.
Get your son some actual help. It's not some teenage girl's job to fix your son's mental health.
YTA. I don't know where YOU get off treating someone that way. Let alone a CHILD. Her actions were perfectly reasonable, yours were unhinged. You are doing your son a great disservice.
YTA look you both need some counseling desperately. You changed schools and sounds like it had not gotten better only worse. You both need help with boundaries. You can not put his mental health on a 13 year old. All the calling by friends and especially you is not healthy. Leave the girl and her family alone. This is not “momma bear”but way inappropriate and becoming stalking behavior. Get counseling for both of you now.
Same, it sounds fake. Between the fawning about how great her son is to and then…the was broken and failed everything and the coaches hated him so he gave up so we moved schools and then…this girl helped him get better so I gave her a $500 gc but then… she broke his heart so I decided to bully the girl and fight her. The sister hook at the end really solidified it for me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve interacted with some crazy moms so it’s not 100% out of the realm of possibility but it does seem a bit far fetched. If it’s that bad, kid needs help, not a “momma bear” going after other kids
Just wanted to clear some things up....
Your kid is not a genius - I also guarantee he has never been tested.
Your kid is not the best athlete.
Your kid is not the most popular kid.
I know all of these above statement's to be true, because you are quite clearly mental. You may even possibly be a narcissist. You are also an enabler, and you definitely don't have many brain cells in you own head, if you are calling up a young girl as a grown ass adult to yell at her about breaking up with your son.
Also, stop fucking up your son. Your going to give him a complex. If he's failing school get him a tutor. He's not being picked on, he's a problem to everyone. Probably because of you.
Edit: Because I forgot - YTA - I bet people talk about you A LOT behind your back.
YTA. Back off trying to fix your son's problems otherwise he will have a very difficult early adulthood. Your son is not owed a relationship and it sounds like you are teaching him to be entitled and creepy with your own actions.
I have no idea why people continue to use "momma bear" as a badge of honor. Invariably when I see it in this sub it's just another word for being an AH.
Don't forget it's a momma bear of a genius level IQ kid! ;)
And OP, yes, YTA here. Can't help but wonder also what sort of relationship do you think your son would have with someone you had to convince and to BRIBE into staying with him...
YTA. I'm sorry for your son but no one owes him a relationship. They are young. Of course it wouldn't last. You can put all that responsibility of his emotional wellbeing on her. And who gives a $500 gift card to a child? It's your own fault...
So much to unpack here.... I don't even know where to begin..... you need to teach your genius child what boundaries are and model that sort of behaviour yourself. How dare you, a grown woman, harass somebody else's child? Clearly you lack foresight... what would you have done if that little girl's mom and dad would've caught your as\* at the grocery store and cursed you TF out? Or called the cops on you, then proceed to get a restraining order against you and your kid? Where is your son's father in all this? What does he have to say?
Instead of putting all of this energy into harassing teenagers, you should be constantly in contact with the school, putting plans in place and keeping diaries of incidences so that your son has a better school experience.
Teach your child to tolerate negative feelings and to deal with rejection in a healthy way, because one day he will be an adult and what you are teaching him will land his behind in jail.
YTA
Totally the AH. Yes your kid keep contacting her to get back together is scary and stalker and you contacting her to get involved in a summer fling of a 13 year old is psycho
YTA
You have no business speaking to this girl AT ALL and it’s completely inappropriate what you’ve done. Not to mention she’s 14!!!! She’s a young child and you have zero reason to even speak to her.
You’re also doing your son a MAJOR disservice. Can you imagine how you’d feel if your mom berated a dude you dated when you were young? I think everyone can agree that’s embarrassing and unhinged behavior!
Your son will never grow up and gain independence if you insert yourself into every part of his life. Heartbreak happens, making your mommy yell at the girl who hurt you isn’t gonna solve anything
ETA: what did your son do to scare her?! Maybe you should spend more time focusing on your son’s potentially harmful behavior, behavior that he clearly is learning from you!!
YTA . This was the time to teach your son that relationships ends and how to deal with the emotions, instead you’ve gone to harass a child. It’s funny you called her mama bear when you were doing even worse. Also, you don’t give a present and ask for it back, it’s such a bad example for your kid. I really hope your son will be ok
YTA. You need boundaries!! First, you paid a young girl to be your son’s girlfriend and now you’re harassing her because she changed her mind?? And they are in grade 8, slow the Eff down. Your son and you need major counselling.
YTA
A grown adult demanding a 13 year old girl explain her dating life???? If this is real you’re insane!!
You’re not doing your son any favours by being so overbearing and you need to let him live his own life , I don’t blame that poor girl and her mother for being frightened of you and your son
Keep acting the way you are and the police WILL show up one of these days and you’ll be wondering why your son can’t keep friends
Seek some help OP
>It was so good for him and I was so thankful to her that I gave her a $500 gift card to her favorite store.
I find that exorbitant.
>I’m disgusted that she thinks she can do this to people.
I'm not. I think it is entirely possible that your son's, or your, affinity for her could alienate a reasonable person and come across as smothering. And that's before we get to the matter that their age is far too young for a committed relationship. Having a non-exclusive dating life is perfectly appropriate.
I agree 100% with your sister.
Lady. You *harassed a thirteen-year-old*. I’m sorry that your son is sad, but this girl is allowed to not want to date him. You’re not doing your kid any favors by acting this way.
YTA. And, also? You might want to have a chat with your son about why his ex said that he was scaring her.
YTA
you used a throwaway because you didnt want to embarrass your kid yet you called his ex gf to ask why she dumped him? THATS embarrassing!
sounds like you want to date your son yourself........
and you gave a teenager a $500 gift card? haha more fool you
i dont blame this girl, sounds like she had a lucky escape from dating a boy that has a mother like you.
YTA: and based on the post and replies, I hope your son manages to escape from you and get the massive amount of therapy he's going to need to recover from his childhood.
YTA. Instead of using this as a teaching moment with your son, you crossed a couple of lines. Calling a child who is no relation to you to berate them for being a fickle teenager? Demanding that she apologize and take your son back? Why would you even want someone who would do that to your son to date him in the first place?
I really hope your son has other people in his life to help him learn how to cope with rejection.
Girls are allowed to choose who they date, and ending a relationship is not “being a fickle teenager”. Especially when the boy is stalking her and getting everyone he knows to harass her - including his mom.
You're right, i worded that poorly. I would say there's an argument that breaking up before school started simply because you want to be single is fickle. But i also think it's a girl's or woman's prerogative to be fickle (and probably in our best interest to be so when dating, particularly at such a young age) or break up with someone for any reason.
In other words, i think a 13-year old girl being fickle about dating is a good thing.
It probably wouldn't be a stretch to guess who the boy learned his behaviour from.
YTA. That poor girl.
She has every right to break up a relationship that isn’t working for her. She does not need to take him back because he’s suffering from the breakup. I get that it’s distressing to see your kid like that, but that’s life. People get together, people break up. Especially since they’re so young.
Also, maybe your golden child isn’t as golden as you’re painting him. You should work on your boundaries and your son should probably see a therapist to help him navigate through disappointment.
You expected a 8th grader to “fix” your son? Instead of teaching your son coping skills you tried to coerce a 8th grade girl to do what exactly..... ??? Stay with him forever? I hope her Mom reported you fir harassment of a minor.
At any point have you consulted a professional (pediatrician, psychologist) or do you just blame others for your son’s issues?
YTA
YTA
Your son is clearly depressed and needs counseling. If he was getting all of his happiness from this relationship, he was co-dependent on her. She was right to break up with him. He needs to grow and mature as a person. You have no say in other people's relationships
YTA. Your kid is going to have many issues from your behaviour
Also 13 year old should not be in relationships. They have zero understanding of what it means
Ew, YTA
You're forcing a 13 year old girl to be in a relationship she doesn't want to protect YOUR son's feelings?
They're kids! Breakups happen, especially at that age, and frankly both your and your son's behavior is starting to scare me.
Oh, no. She had an attitude when she talked to you. OF COURSE SHE DID! You're the mother, that paid her for dating your son? Then called to make her take him back, but above all, 13 year olds are mostly made of attitude, because they're children.
So instead of addressing your son's behavior, or helping him through this rough time, you chose to berate a child.
Do the world a favor, and stay out of your son's relationships.
Also, you gifted her a gift card. Gifts are freely given, with no strings attached. If you want this back because she is no longer with him, this means you did not intend for it to be a gift, and we're using it to pay her for her time spent with your son, which is gross.
Not only YTA, you are also a psycho. When your son is older, are you also going to call the companies who rejected his job application? There is being protective, and straight up coddle and over-stepping a parent's boundary. You need to get a reality check.
Uh that's insane behaviour, YTA. At worst you should've called her mom, not harassed a 13yo child!!! Jesus Christ. Parents who get overly involved like this always always alienate their own kid in the long run. And did you ask her what her son was doing that was scaring her?? Maybe you should look at your precious little boy first.
YTA lady.
Take a look in the mirror and then at your son. The ONE CONSTANT in these scenarios is YOUR SON.
There are bad teachers and coaches, but rarely they are ALL bad at the same time to one child.
Think about what you are blatantly ignoring in this, and you will find the problem.
YTA, she broke up with him, she wasn't even mean or anything. She did nothing wrong.
Let your son be a person and deal with his feelings. Stop being a helicopter parent jesus, you're only making things worse for him. He won't learn how to deal with life situations, he will be ridiculed when people find out his mom called his ex to tell her to apologize to him and to go back to dating him for simply having broken up with him. They are teenagers, dating when being a teenager means that you'll break up sooner rather than later.
Also that "genuis level IQ".
Both your sister and your son's ex's mom are right.
I feel sorry for your son to be honest. "momma bear" should hibernate more often. Let him deal with it on his own, be there to hear him out if he wants to talk but under no circumstances try to do anything else involving his ex or her family. Leave them be.
I hope this is fake.
Yta. Your son was harassing little girl and when he didn't get his way, mommy decided to harass a young girl. You're gonna turn your son into Brock turner.
YTA. You see your son in Rose colored glasses. If he has all these problems even after changing his Environment, he is the problem / creates these problems. The way you describe him sounds like he is the Messias reborn. I think you might not see his flaws, that he definitly has since he is a human being.
Also, his ex has a right to break up for it. If the mother of an ex would call and do this, i would be super embarassed. Also, you are harassing his ex. The thing you should do as a parent is to help him accept his loss.
Is this post bait?
YTA. So... you're trying to bully a child for not being into your son anymore? Make her stay with him because of ... fear?
Girl, you and your son both need counseling yesterday. You are not doing him any favours. Kids date, they break up. It's life. It's not this girl's responsibility to make your son happy. He has to be happy with himself first. And he has to learn from relationships and learn to move on. You are literally retarding his emotional development.
Get thee to therapy. Immediately. Before you damage him irreparably.
INFO WTH is wrong with you? We can all see why your son is having so much difficulties adapting to not being “the best” because of you and how your acting, but I’m generously curious on what is wrong with you? Clearly your son needs therapy to help him deal with his emotions but my to you need it too. Please seek therapy out for your child so he doesn’t need outside validation to be happy and please make sure he has other role models in his life so he doesn’t end up like you thinking everything is owed to him because mama bear told him he was so special. That’s how incel are raised and we could leave with less of them.
YTA
your next step should be for your son and yourself to seek therapy.
your son and yourself have some how become so entitled over this girl that you think she is property and that the $500.00 is a down payment on her being his girlfriend.
he was acting scary cause he want taking her no as an answer, he was using what ever tools he could to contact her, then you offered to do so. That's over bearing.
Her not wanting to be his girlfriend is enough of a reason for her not to continue relationship. but honestly is sounds like you both loved bombed her, her instinct kicked in and she most likely relises this was a situation she want to be in, you acted like she was a sugar baby by paying her to be his girlfriend, that's got ick written all over it, and considering you now looking to either she continues a relationship with your son or be reimbursed I'm taking as you see it that way too.
At this point in time your failing your son by insisting he's so special, he mist likely disent even want to try because when he dose you try and push him harder, and I don't think either of you are able to relise that.
he's as special as everyone else
YTA
When everyone in your son's life is going out of their way to avoid him or be mean, they're not the problem. Do you honestly believe your sons *teachers* were bullying him? Or were they simply holding him accountable for bad behaviour?
It sounds like your son was a bully if he scares people and as people get older, they aren't putting up with it as much. But the big problem here is you. Your parenting is alarming and how dare you treat a 13yo like an emotional support person for your son. You are the biggest problem here. How do you hear that your son has scared someone and ignore it??
Get your son a therapist to help him with his depression and hopefully help him to mature. And get yourself one too. Because you're going to ruin your sons future if you keep behaving like this.
YTA
You need individual therapy, and quickly. Nothing about your family is on a healthy track (well, maybe that your sister is sane and you are still listening to her) and unless you redirect the ship your son will only get worse.
Your son needs individual therapy too, but I'm not sure if it's better to wait until you get your head on straight first, or if he is not so far gone that he can't get help while you are getting help.
If you don't stop immediately turn around and swim for shore, this is where you are leading your son and yourself:
- paranoid victim hood (everyone out to get both of you)
- zero self confidence or sense of self worth (your son cannot succeed unless a girl supports him, and she will only do that if she's paid)
- entitlement (his needs supersede other people's freedom)
- incel mentality (girls are useful for how they make boys feel, and boys are entitled to claim that)
- stalking and harassment (both of you have done this at least once already)
Omg 😳 😳 you are so YTA and I would imagine that the reason your son finds it difficult to cope with life is that you are always hovering and 'trying to help'.....
The role of the parent is to support and bring up confident children that are able to cope with challenges.
I cannot believe that you even thought it was okay to call her.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took is I called my sons ex girlfriend at his request to try and get him back together with her and get him out of the middle school doldrums he’s been in since his teachers set out to ruin him in 6th grade. I may be the asshole because while I was absolutely doing the best thing for my son, my method may not have been great.
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I’m using a throwaway because the last thing I want to do is embarrass my child. For some background my son is 13 and has a genius level IQ, is an amazing athlete and was the most popular kid in his elementary school. Unfortunately the team of teachers at his first middle school legitimately picked on him and set out to ruin him as a person and he has never been the same. Of course we moved schools but he’s gotten all Fs since he’s been in middle school and his coaches also picked on him so he quit all of his sports.
I say this because over the summer he met a girl online who he met in person a few times and it was like the brilliant, happy kid I knew him to be growing up was back for a few weeks and really and truly it was all because of her. They would talk for hours over the Xbox and on FaceTime and I would drive him to her town on the weekends so they could see each other in person. It was so good for him and I was so thankful to her that I gave her a $500 gift card to her favorite store.
School started on Monday and literally Sunday night she called him and said she “didn’t want to be attached” going into her 8th grade year and said she was moving on. My son has been devastated ever since, he’s refusing to go to school, he won’t eat, she apparently has blocked him so he’s had his friends try to call her to get back together with him and nothing has worked. I’m disgusted that she thinks she can do this to people.
I asked him if he would like if I called her and he said he would like that, so I did. She answered right away and I said who I was and she said in this snide little voice that all the things my son was doing were “scaring” her. I tried to remain calm but she hung up on me and I we livid. I called her back and it wasn’t her but it was now her mom—meaning momma bear could come out and I laid into her mom about how she can’t treat people like this and her daughter need to not only apologize but take my son back and if she didn’t I want the gift card back. She called me an asshole and a “psycho” and hung up and I guess blocked my number. It was heartbreaking to have to tell Jayden that I failed him.
I legitimately thought I did the right thing but when I told my sister yesterday she said my “momma bear schtick” was not only inappropriate I probably got the cops called on me. I told her she was being ridiculous but she said I went way too far. I’ve been up all night thinking of what my sister said and also what my next step will be. So I’m very tired and my heart is breaking for my son and so while I think of what to, AITA?
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YTA. Helicopter mother and micro manager. Please get therapy so you can change your parenting techniques and therapy for your poor 13 yr old boy who will have been affected by your parenting. And leave the girl and her family the hell alone. You are way off the scale for acceptable behaviour
YTA. There’s also quite a bit more in this story that you are very clearly leaving out. A 13 year old child does NOT owe your son a relationship. That’s messed up.
YTA — “my son was a genius and the school ruined him”. No, you’re a terrible parent who spoils your kid and blames your parenting on everyone else. What makes you think it was appropriate calling this girl. Maybe she was tired of your son playing on video games all the time or his personality because you never let him develop.
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okay new comment. you are NTA, for wanting to be your sons hero. YTA for the same reason, so my judgment is rendered moot by bias once again so just follow ur heart hahaha ESH for never being taught to foster lasting human connections for reasons other than trauma bonding xoxoxoxoxo just an internet opinion
She did everything wrong. If anything this would make the ex be assured she was right to break up with him because his mother is unhealthy attached to him, a helicopter parent gone to the extreme.
A grown adult called a child to force her into a relationship she did not want to be in.
There was nothing for Mom to be scared about, breakups happen, they are children.
What mom did was weird, creepy, and borderline harassment.
OPs SON is scaring the girlfriend??? Also, if you think your child might hurt themselves, get them help? Don’t try and force and someone into a relationship, especially with some they’re SCARED of.
OP intent may have been great, her actions were not. She 100% did something wrong.
yeah i wrote an updated independent comment with my new opinion haha i don’t manufacture much
edit3- i’m just trying to widen people’s perception of what we can understand as a species lol we’re capable than this black and white - accident = bad person mind set. haha ridicule as u need.
sorry for this haha i’m very autistic but i accept it.
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YTA You scared a little girl and stunted your son’s social and emotional growth. Keep this up and he’ll remain single for the rest of his life.
Well in my defense, clearly her parents are enablers if they allow her to do things like this.
Do what? Break up with someone? That's life...
OP is probably mad because she paid this girl $500 to date her clingy son and the girl realised thats not enough lmao i mean, do any 13 year olds relationships last? did op think they were gonna get married lol
No you don’t get to break up with someone out of the blue the day before school starts when the weekend prior she told him she really liked him. Life doesn’t work like that.
Newsflash. It does work like that. You don't know what she is feeling or thinking
Well then she needs to explain it us using her big girl words; not act like a cruel little snit
Yes you do. Life does indeed work like that. They’re 13. THIRTEEN.
You do realize you’re talking about 13 year olds, right? They are not exactly mature at that age. They’re learning how to have relationships. And, their relationships generally have a lifespan of a week or so.
It happens, even more so when they're just teenagers.
You’re an enabler for teaching your son that you think it’s okay to violate boundaries in an effort to get what he wants. Your son is not the center of the universe. His wants don’t matter more than hers. She does not want to see him anymore, so that’s it. Your kid sounds like he needs therapy, and quite frankly I think you do too if you think your behavior was at all acceptable.
They’re kids with under developed frontal lobes and prone to make childish decisions. Your 1st mistake was to give her a $500 gift card. I don’t know how rich you are but I’ve never heard of a 13 year old girl getting such a gift from her boyfriend or the boyfriend’s mother. Your second mistake was to think this gift somehow made her indentured to you or your son. It does not. Your third mistake was to allow your son to get his friends to contact the poor girl when she obviously wants nothing to do him. That’s creepy af. Your fourth mistake was to call and scare the poor girl. Your final mistake was to justify your actions. I’m a man, some would even call me a toxic male, and even I see red flags tattooed all over your body.
Than what would you be OP? You don’t even seem to care that the girl seemed to be scared by the way your son was acting. You can’t make people stay your sons friends and girlfriend. If you don’t wanna be out $500 I suggest you don’t try to buy people affection.
And you are not an enabler? Let's see. Your kid was been bullied *by teachers and coaches* and it took you a year to get him out. His mental state is failing and you don't get him into therapy. He is going through a break up and instead of teaching him about boundaries and respect, you incentive and help bully a 13y? She said she's getting scared of all the calls your son and his goons are making, and you *threatened* her too? Tell me... would you like a daughter of yours to be receiving several calls from her ex, his friends, *his mom*? And during those calls, getting threatened? After asking for mom's (you) help, by answering a call, you get threatened too? You're a massive ASSHOLE. Grow up. Do better for your kid. Put him on therapy, change school. Teach him respect and boundaries. BE A PARENT YTA
Do what - breakup with a mentally unstable kid? Nah.
Then your defense is worthless. I mean, you SHOULD let your kid break up with someone if they don't want to keep dating that person. Would you force your son to date someone he doesn't want to date?
Ma’am, you’re the enabler. 😂
this is what i was trying to imply. just avoid her in the future, okay? if ur meant to reconnect u will.
The whole team of teachers was against him? Now at the new school all the coaches are? And now a girl has not wanted to be with him because he is scary? And if it wasn't for all the teachers, coaches and this one girl he would be the popular, genius athlete that only you seem to know he is? YTA. Your son is failing school, dropped out of sports and a girl called him scary. Take off the rose-tinted glasses and you might see the red flags. Get him and yourself some help.
Who’s the common denominator here, hmm???
We’re allowed to break up with anyone for any reason we want. Teach your son to take rejection so he doesn’t end up scaring anymore young girls
I 100% disagree and attitudes like that are how we end up in the world were in
Lady..... stop.... my Gawd! Lady, you can't force people to be in a relationship with your son because you don't think their reasoning for breaking up is valid. You are setting your kid up to eventually catch charges. WTF is wrong with you? Do you really not see what you are doing here? Behind every creepy ass dude, there's an enabling parent who thinks their baby can do no wrong..... I actually feel sorry for your kid...
Elaborate.
Oh you’re op HAA of course you don’t think like that but it’s wrong. We are allowed to and it’s something you should be teaching your son too
Did you not see who we elected as president in 2106? Just grab whoever you want, do whatever you want, don’t pay taxes, and on ans on and on.
We get people like that because of mothers like you. Making them feel entitled “no son she shouldn’t have left you how rude of her let’s call her out” are you 17? Should’ve just taught him to deal with rejection and move on you’re definitely the asshole op, you literally haven’t even approached the part where she said she was “scared” of his actions ummmmm.. sounds like our ex president babe. (Side note: ALSO WHOS WE??? Ahaha I did not have anything to do with him being elected)
but you are enabling your son to do exactly that "grab her" figuratively speaking, although she said no. All she wanted to do is to "un-grab" him
Huh? That has nothing to do with the point being made which is that a child of 13 is allowed to break up with someone. That you called her to demand they get back together is bizarre. No wonder she is scared. She’s being bullied by his friends and his mother.
You think that teaching young girls that they have to maintain relationships with boys no matter the circumstances, even if they’re exhibiting concerning or upsetting behavior, is going to PREVENT the spread of Trumpism?
And what's the relation? In not in the US. I surely didn't vote for the orange decrepit man. And I still think you're a unhinged, abusive, misogynistic, sorry excuse of a parent.
So you want a world where someone become enslaved to someone else? Becuase that's what you're saying right now.
YTA. i don’t even need to read the whole thing beyond “genius level iq” you’re a classic narcissist mother.
Or fantasist. My eyes rolled so hard. YTA.
Delusional
So here's the thing, you are failing you son on a variety of levels. >For some background my son is 13 and has a genius level IQ, is an amazing athlete and was the most popular kid in his elementary school. > >Unfortunately the team of teachers at his first middle school legitimately picked on him and set out to ruin him as a person and he has never been the same Nobody cares about this but you. Nobody will care in the future. Everything you have posted in the preamble here shows your son has absolutely no resiliency. People will not care about your special boy. He will face adversity in life. And he has no means of dealing with that because YOU haven't taught him that. As evidenced here: >Of course we moved schools but he’s gotten all Fs since he’s been in middle school and his coaches also picked on him so he quit all of his sports. > >I asked him if he would like if I called her and he said he would like that, so I did. > >meaning momma bear could come out Your son's solution is to come to mama to handle everything, and run away from challenges when mama can't solve them. That's, frankly speaking, pathetic. In the definitional way. I legitimately have pity for him. He has been failed so hard by you that he relented to having you call his middle school girlfriend to beg to take him back. He has no pride in himself nor ability to take one on the chin without shattering. That's entirely your fault. > I told my sister yesterday she said my “momma bear schtick” was not only inappropriate I probably got the cops called on me Your sister is correct. Your son is cyber stalking this girl, he is brigading her with his friends, and now even his mom is attacking her. She is allowed to date, or not date, however she wants. You say: >I’m disgusted that she thinks she can do this to people. To flip this around, you are disgusted that a young woman, likely only 13, has the self agency to say no. Your stance is saying the only legitimate stance this girl can have is to be with your son, in perpetuity, as long as he wants the relationship with no choices of her own. And you have joined in on the bullying to reinforce your view she has no value aside from being a salve for your son's ego. You should be teaching him how to move on and deal with breakups with dignity, maturity, and self awareness. In short, YTA because: * You have utterly failed as a mother by letting your son get so far with no resiliency * You have shamefully failed as an adult by joining in on cyber bullying. * You have entirely failed as a woman by degrading this poor girl to being nothing more than an object of your son's pleasure.
This whole post screams good reason to break up! “Mama bear” is clearly blind to it.
This is so well said and needs to be top comment. OP has made several comments thus far about self-righteous and entitled politicians, but doesn’t seem to understand that it is exactly THIS type of parenting that leads to adults who think that behavior is okay. She needs to read this, and then read it again until it starts making sense. Society cannot continue to raise children this way. It leads to adult criminals thinking they can do no wrong because all their life mommy told them they were perfect and can do whatever they want. That is so dangerous.
YtA. Your sister is right, you went full psycho mode and harassed a girl and her family. You need to get your son some help to deal with HIS problems, not lash out at a teenager. From your post your son sounds clingy af
Want to bet her kid was good in elementary school coz he was smart enough to get by without trying too hard, or learning how to study, and middle school was harder and the teachers didn't cut him slack, and "momma bear" went full "psycho" on the teachers for giving her genius kid poor grades?
YTA. I hope this isn't real. You got in a fight with an eighth grader? As a grown women? Did you think your son was going to marry his first girlfriend? That's not how life works. If your son is depressed, get him therapy. That girl literally did nothing wrong
this girl is probably going to need therapy now thanks to OP too!
I did not getting into a “fight” with an 8th grader. I was very calm talking to her, now I had no issues laying into her mom that is true.
You tried to force a child to date your son, using a conditionless gift as leverage. That is manipulative and genuinely unhinged beahvior. Life tip, don’t give a gift if you’re gonna take it away the second that person disappoints you What did your son do to scare her??? Maybe that should be your focus so that he doesn’t scare away the next one. Your kid needs to learn to deal with disappointment and heartbreak. You can’t expect him to grow if you’re trying to solve everything in his life.
He didn’t do anything to scare her, she’s over reacting to nothing and making excuses
What did she CLAIM he did. It seems you may genuinely be in denial of your sons behaviors. You’re doing a disservice by not getting him help :(
He was going to get an Uber to go see her on Wednesday of last week. First of all he can’t get an Uber, she’s 2 hours away and lastly why would she be scared and not flattered at the effort he was putting in to see her.
Funny. In a previous response you said, that people being allowed to end relationships has created a USA that elected DT. I disagree and say that a mentality of "yeah she said no, but she should be flattered that he ignored that" actually enables people to overstep boundaries and harass their peers without repercussion. I know this is lame, but :How would you feel if he broke up with her and she would send her friends and family to keep contacting him?
> I know this is lame, but :How would you feel if he broke up with her and she would send her friends and family to keep contacting him? OP is so delusional they would probably think this is appropriate. Come, grovel before my golden child as you should.
She’s 14, she doesn’t know whether or not he’s telling the truth! And if she wanted space and he said he was going to come to her house, that would be scary! It almost sounds like a threat tbh
What was that nothing?
You still called her just to argue with her. And the main issue is that the girl didn't do anything wrong so there was no reason to lay into her or her mom 😭
Oh yeah, I’m sure verbally assaulting her mother will make her want to be around your family.
YTA this reeks of narcissism. Not every teacher is picking on your kid. Not every coach is picking on your kid. That little girl isn’t picking on your kid. Not everyone is out to get your kid. You’re coddling your son into a bad mental situation making him thinking he’s special in every scenario. I’ve said before I’ll say it again YTA
Reading OP's post gave me anxiety. Momma Bear? Lady do you realize the girls mother is HER Momma Bear? Get over yourself. YTA in a big and creepy way.
YTA. You cannot force someone into dating your son. That’s insane. Also, they’re going into 8th grade; it’s not like she ditched him at the altar. You are not doing your son any favors by acting like a psychopath and trying to fight these nonexistent battles for him. Also your son had his friends try to contact her to get around the fact that she blocked him, and then you did it too. If someone blocks them, you leave them alone. This is inappropriate stalker shit.
OP didnt force the girl, she PAID her and she still didnt want her dusty assss son hahaha
YTA. It's sad when an eighth grader has more emotional maturity than the parent of an eighth grader. You should never have gotten involved and I would not be shocked if you got a call from her parents. Baby can't go to school because of a breakup? He and you think he's entitled to stay with this girl due to $500? Sounds like he's not the well-rounded kid you think he is.
He’s suffering because a group of adults decided he was going to be the kid they were going to ruin and make an example of. He’s never been the same.
How did they ruin him?? We’re missing a lot of info here. Breakups happen every single day, and its absurd to act like it’s malicious to end a relationship you don’t want to be in anymore. She said she’s SCARED of him! Why would you want your son to have a girlfriend that fears him?!
When he went to middle school there was a team of 4 teachers, and they had it out for him on day one. I wad going to sue the school it was so bad. They told him everything he was doing was wrong, one threatened him with suspension, they wouldn’t adapt to his style of learning, it goes on and on. The choices those adults made changed him forever.
It sounds like your son had some pretty intense behavior issues OP. Have you taken him to the school psychologist? Or maybe a behavior specialist. It’s hard to accept your kid is having issues at school, but denying it doesn’t help anyone. Maybe they were 100% delusional and attacking him, and getting him properly evaluated could even prove that for you! But if so many teachers had such a strong reaction, he clearly needs to be getting different support and help OUTSIDE of school Also: you didn’t share what the behaviors are
> they wouldn’t adapt to his style of learning What is his style of learning? Usually something that deviates away from the norm requires a 504 plan or an IEP.
He’s a digital kid who doesn’t want to write things on paper. They need to adapt to that.
Does he have accommodations, a 504, or an IEP?? The school needs to understand why he NEEDS the digital format. They can’t just give him something that no one else has without a real reason. I’m actually a teacher myself, and I will do ANYTHING I can to accommodate the kids. But I need to know what they need and how it’s to be used. Every single kid would rather work on an iPad or laptop instead of a paper! If I give it to one kid without any sort of proper documentation, I’m gonna have five parents calling me the next day demanding their kids get the same! What channels have you gone through to get your son the accommodation he needs?
I tried to get him tested for gifted but his awful 5th grade teacher would not sign off on him taking the test for a second time and I’ve had to move him schools 5 times in 6th and 7th grade because people pick on him so badly that we haven’t been able to do the testing an frankly I get offended when I hear the words “special education.”
For a SECOND time?!? Lady, he's not that special from the sounds of it. Your thinking is he's a perfect angel, and everyone else in the entire world is out to get him. It sounds like he may need tailored teaching methods, which the "special" part of special education. But *you* have to be willing to hear that he's not a genius in order for him to get the help he really needs.
If he was such a genius, surely he would’ve passed the first time…
Okay so you’re definitely in denial which is just hurting your kid! I’m disabled and “special Ed” also offends me but for different reason. It’s an outdated term and a bit ableist. But if you’re asking for your kid to have special treatment at school, you’re using the special Ed resources! You want him to be a tech kid, well then you need the special Ed team to evaluate him and decide on the accommodations that would best suit him! You don’t get to ask for special treatment and they deny your kid might need help from the special Ed team. You’re hurting your kid by refusing to get him proper help. And you’re making it worse by denying it and trying to steam roll over anyone who criticizes y’all.
Again, if that’s really the case, you would need to have a plan approved by the school. You can’t just go in and demand each classroom do that without one. Because then every kid would just do whatever the fuck they want and it would be chaos. This person won’t use paper, this person only wants to use watercolor paints, this person doesn’t believe in homework so they’re just not going to do any. Your son needs to adapt to the real world. You don’t always get your way.
If someone does not have the ability to do something he does not want to do, even when the result is ruinous, it reveals a fundamental inability on the part of the individual, not the society. Not doing homework or classwork is unacceptable. Get the special education evaluation.
Yeah no, your son needs to adapt. He won't always get what he wants. Writing on paper is hardly an issue.
No, they don’t. There are rules and procedures in schools. This screams entitlement.
Hmm. And it seems the choices you are making in raising him will make sure he won't change for the better. UNLESS you actually go do something about that with therapy for the both of you (I am starting to doubt you will be able to give him the tools he needs to navigate life on your own)
Oh please. Sure, crappy teachers exist, but ALL of them at this school decided to join forces to persecute your son?? Give me a break.
Not only his teachers that year, but his karate coach, the dad who coached the soccer team. It was like a conspiracy because every adult in his life turned on him. I watched it happen first hand and he’s never been the same
Queen, if everyone is saying it, it might actually be true. Bring him to a child psychologist and let him get evaluated. If he’s fine, then you get to tell all those adults to fuck off and stop bullying your kid. But if something is wrong, you might just get him the help he needs to stop acting out at school, during his sports, and towards his peers. You gotta ask yourself why everyone would be out for your kid. It’s far more likely that he’s actually dealing with behavioral issues.
There is no conspiracy, he's not that special. It sounds like you both need professional help, I hope you're willing to get it.
Okay. I am in martial arts. You know how much it takes until a kid gets thrown out? He would have needed to have deliberately hurt other students on multiple occasions for that to happen, or attack a teacher, not listen at all to the point it gets too disruptive and possibly dangerous. So what happened there? If the teacher was just too strict... well.. tough luck. Martial arts is about discipline, behavior towards others, self control, respect and perfectioning techniques. We often have kids complaining when they get told to behave or when they get punished for doing too much shit but discipline is important. You can't get into such a sport when you can't follow the rules. And when the dad with the soccer team turned on him I really wanna know what happened. That is mainly a very friendly and helpful environment so what is that about. I really wanna know what happened there...
Ok if you must know the coach was teaching things wrong, my son knew the right way but the coach refused to listen so my son lost his temper and kicked over some water bottles and one hit a little sister who was sitting on the side of the mats. No Jayden should not have kicked the water bottles but it would have cost that coach nothing to listen to his opinions and try it his way. That and all the crap he was dealing with at school when the dojo should have been his refuge, it was too much for him.
Oh sure. We know. Everyone else is always wrong, and your son never is. Guess what, your kid learned nothing during his time at the dojo if his response was to throw a tantrum, kick some water bottles and potentially injure a bystander. Your kid, quite frankly, sucks.
Okay. So actual answer from someone teaching children at the dojo due to the color of my belt. Your son was more than out of line. He displayed a danger on the mat and you don't teach aggressive people more techniques to hurt others even more. Your son has an aggression problem. The easy answer is that martial arts is difficult and kids tend to think they know it all. Yes your son said he knew the techniques better than the trainer but did he? Sometimes you want to show students a different but similar technique or a variation for a different scenario (bigger/smaller attacker for example) and other kids chime in saying you are doing the one technique they know wrong. But you don't because there are variations and different but similar ones. We have a kick to the front for example. You can do a similar kick that goes the same but you kick to the outside at the last moment and another one where you kick to the other side and more downwards to hit the knee. Your son is probably still in a lower belt area and therefore has less experience. He should have accepted that his trainer showed it different from the beginning. This is what I said about respect. When you start to disrespect the teacher and then on top get aggressive and hurt someone that is such a big nono. The dojo is my safe space and it could have been his. But no matter how I feel, if I like a technique, if I think it is right or wrong. I need to behave and respect. If hejust asked " hey, but I learned it like this and that" the trainer could have explained differences. But he couldn't accept that. He needed to be rightover the teacher. This sport is dangerous, that is why we have so many rules. It probably also wasn't the only incident.
My best friend is above me in belt rank. When I do smth wrong he tells me as such. When I do something inefficient he tells me to change it up. That sometimes hits a nerve or to especially because he can sound quite harsh and strict. That doesn't mean I can yell, throw stuff, kick stuff, hurt him etc... That's the nature of life and this sport. It is hard sometimes to keep it together but that is exactly what he needs to learn. Being stoic when faced with difficulties, keeping calm when getting angry. You should have talked to the trainer honestly on how you can help your son. And the first step is to recognize that your son tends to get aggressive when faced with difficulties that would need him to stay calm and quiet. You need to stop seeing everyone as an enemy and try to get people on your side. What you are doing is antagonizing this trainer. Because the only option in your mind is that your son was right and the outbreak wasn't even that bad. Stop doing that we have all kinds of kids in our dojo shy, angry, sad, overbearing, hyperactive etc... the importance is that the parents trust us as trainers and understand that their children have flaws. That's not wrong or bad. But it needs work....
how do you know that?
Still doesn't make it right to try to force someone to date him, so yeah don't do that. You should know better. And honestly based on your post and replies I am afraid to know how they "ruined" him. What did they do?
YTA - Does it suck for your son? Yes. But the best thing to do is teach him how to handle this in a way that gives him the tools to deal with disappointment and failure. The fact you basically tried to pay her to spend time with him is not okay. Then trying to take back the money because she won't do it is an even more red flag. You also seem to look at your son through rose tinted glasses. You don't know how he is with other people or in different environments. It seems with this attitude you're setting up your son for failure. You are showing him none of the skills he needs to handle things in a mature way. Also a lot of gifted kids struggle the higher they get in education because they actually never had to learn to study. Give him the tools he needs to go through life, that will be way bigger help than calling people who hurt your little boy's feelings.
That’s a whole other can of worms is the school doesn’t think he’s gifted so he’s held back in that way too.
So what you’re saying is that *you* just think he has a genius level IQ, not that he actually does. Got it. Makes sense now. Delusional all around.
His 2nd-4th grade teachers all told me he was one of the brightest and most socially developed kids they’d ever seen.
That doesn’t make him a genius level IQ. I’m not saying your kid is dumb as rocks, but schools have testing for gifted students. Has he taken any? The fact that his school doesn’t believe he is a gifted student makes me think he hasn’t or that the results showed otherwise.
No they would not allow him to take the test because his 5th grade teacher was in her first year and she did not know how to advocate for her students. The principal got a whole lot of phone calls from me that year, trust me.
That still doesn’t make any sense. Parents or guardians are usually the ones who apply for their children for whatever gifted program the school has, from there the testing/interviews happen.
Correct, Munabaer is delusional.
I’m sorry that wasn’t clear. I demanded he be tested, over and over again. He couldn’t sit still for the test the first time because he stayed up really late the night prior and was overstimulated. When the spring test came around his teacher would not sign the form because she did not know how to advocate properly for students who have special talents and actually said, in writing, he’s average or below average. When all of his previous teachers said that he was well above average.
But that is typical. In the first few years when basic stuff is teached some kids seem to be geniuses bc for example reading and writing comes easy to them as a skill. Now when they proceed and do advanced stuff that is when it starts to crumble bc you suddenly need more knowledge overall, more in deph understanding of materials all those things. Kids that excel at the first often go into the next school thinking it will be just as easy, don't learn enough and don't concentrate in class so they fail. When your son has such bad grades it is because he fails. Go over his hework with him see how he does, get him learning help if needed and explore therapy and different learning methods. If he was gifted he wouldn't have failed the test, because excitement and less sleep do not mean he should perform so bad that he is too bad for the next test. To get all F you need to sit there and do nothing. No homework, no answers in class etc. He isn't gifted in the age group he is in and you are holding him back even more with the expectation and demanding that he is. Does he still want to do his sport? If yes he needs to train let him do it in his free time. Monitor his learning. He is 13 and failing at life and the only thing you do is yell and bark at everyone that could maybe be at fault. This is not going to help him. He is sitting there failing with his emotional intelligence and you don't support him. They had a short relationship, she was scared. Did you ask what scared her ? I would be soo worried hearing that my son scared a girl so bad she broke up with him. The only thing you focus on is that she did it. She is 13, she doesn't have to get in her big girl pants. She is a child and did nothing wrong. Would you keep on having a relationship with someone that scares you? You need to sit down and really do something. You have yelled and ordered your way till here and you don't succeed. Focus on your child and make him a good man. Rn he is a possibel danger, it seems he could be sliding into incel behaviors and you enable him. He will get rejected in life if it's schools, gifted programs, girlfriends, girls in a bar, universities, etc.... he will need to learn with that feeling. You set him up to fail
I actually have a lot of sympathy for you here OP. Gifted programs often fail kids who are not neurotypical. It sounds like your kid may have adhd or something else going on, and it sucks that his intelligence gets overlooked because of behavioral issues. But you gotta start taking the behaviors seriously! He’s very smart, but they can’t accept him because of the behaviors. He’s also scaring young women his age with the way he acts. You NEED to get this kid some help. I fear that your helicopter parenting may be stunting his social emotional development. Over involved parents lead to children who are reliant on those parents and prevents them from gaining independence as they get older. You think you’re helping, but you’re just preventing him from experiencing the real ups and downs of life and learning from it
Go pay to have him tested. You will then have paperwork to prove your hypothesis.
i think OP should save that money for therapy for this boy, hes gonna need it!
The only one who seems to hold him back is you actually. Seems the school doesn't consider him to be gifted. Take him to be tested at an independent facility if you really believe he's a genius. Also, not every kid has to be a damn genius. Whether or not he is, what he needs right now from is support in a healthy and mature way. * Teach him to handle is emotions properly (which means handling rejection, not sending other people to a 13-yeard old girl because she's scared of him) * Help him develop proper study habits and tricks that work FOR him (it really is dependent on the person how they learn best) * Get him some therapy * Get yourself some therapy as well actually. This transactional thinking you got going on, along with the rose tinted view towards your son (news flash, no one is perfect, everyone has faults and behaviours others may not like) is not healthy for him or you.
YTA Your son and this girl were in different places in their maturity and development, and they clearly were not a perfect match, and that is ok. What is not ok is you trying to buy her by giving her expensive gifts, and then behaving as if she owes your son anything. Are you sure you are the mother? Because this reads like an incel fantasy, where little girls are traded by mothers, so every boy has the required girlfriend, who is not allowed independent action or her own preferences.
Oh please, I’m as progressive as they come. Take that nonsense somewhere else
Progressive? About what? Forcing children to be in relationships they don't want? I'm sorry, you PAID her to be the relationship. That's different 🙄
Good for you, but then you know the girl has the right to end the relationship, and your job is to help your son deal with it, not to stalk her.
"she had no legitimate reason to not be with my son" - the nonsense is coming from inside the house....
You're obviously not. You're turning your son into an incel who will probably continue harassing women and probably grow to start assaulting them. Soooooo..... get your shit together, if you think any of this is OK then something is very wrong with you.
This not just a yta case, it's downright scary. People have a right to leave a relationship, even if that means heartbreak. Would you rather want your son to be in a relationship with someone who's only there because of outside pressure and inernally resents him and you? Respect the boundaries of that girl. And the gift card was a gift. You didn't need to do that, you bought it and gave it to her by your own choice. Take it as a lesson - you can't buy love, and teenage romance is sadly often short lived. Get your son some actual help. It's not some teenage girl's job to fix your son's mental health.
This!
YTA. I don't know where YOU get off treating someone that way. Let alone a CHILD. Her actions were perfectly reasonable, yours were unhinged. You are doing your son a great disservice.
YTA this can't be real, it sounds like a lousy plot intro to a slasher flick.
The backstory to how the serial killer became a serial killer
Pretty much. With mummy telling the cops he isn't home while he chows down on body parts in the dining room.
It’s giving Norman Bates vibes for sure. I’m sure one day he’ll have OP stuffed in a nice rocking chair when the time comes.
Agree. It’s ticked too many of the boxes and OP has tried too hard
YTA look you both need some counseling desperately. You changed schools and sounds like it had not gotten better only worse. You both need help with boundaries. You can not put his mental health on a 13 year old. All the calling by friends and especially you is not healthy. Leave the girl and her family alone. This is not “momma bear”but way inappropriate and becoming stalking behavior. Get counseling for both of you now.
I don't believe the story.
Same, it sounds fake. Between the fawning about how great her son is to and then…the was broken and failed everything and the coaches hated him so he gave up so we moved schools and then…this girl helped him get better so I gave her a $500 gc but then… she broke his heart so I decided to bully the girl and fight her. The sister hook at the end really solidified it for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve interacted with some crazy moms so it’s not 100% out of the realm of possibility but it does seem a bit far fetched. If it’s that bad, kid needs help, not a “momma bear” going after other kids
I’d swear I’ve seen this same story posted before.
Just wanted to clear some things up.... Your kid is not a genius - I also guarantee he has never been tested. Your kid is not the best athlete. Your kid is not the most popular kid. I know all of these above statement's to be true, because you are quite clearly mental. You may even possibly be a narcissist. You are also an enabler, and you definitely don't have many brain cells in you own head, if you are calling up a young girl as a grown ass adult to yell at her about breaking up with your son. Also, stop fucking up your son. Your going to give him a complex. If he's failing school get him a tutor. He's not being picked on, he's a problem to everyone. Probably because of you. Edit: Because I forgot - YTA - I bet people talk about you A LOT behind your back.
YTA. Back off trying to fix your son's problems otherwise he will have a very difficult early adulthood. Your son is not owed a relationship and it sounds like you are teaching him to be entitled and creepy with your own actions. I have no idea why people continue to use "momma bear" as a badge of honor. Invariably when I see it in this sub it's just another word for being an AH.
Don't forget it's a momma bear of a genius level IQ kid! ;) And OP, yes, YTA here. Can't help but wonder also what sort of relationship do you think your son would have with someone you had to convince and to BRIBE into staying with him...
YTA. I'm sorry for your son but no one owes him a relationship. They are young. Of course it wouldn't last. You can put all that responsibility of his emotional wellbeing on her. And who gives a $500 gift card to a child? It's your own fault...
So much to unpack here.... I don't even know where to begin..... you need to teach your genius child what boundaries are and model that sort of behaviour yourself. How dare you, a grown woman, harass somebody else's child? Clearly you lack foresight... what would you have done if that little girl's mom and dad would've caught your as\* at the grocery store and cursed you TF out? Or called the cops on you, then proceed to get a restraining order against you and your kid? Where is your son's father in all this? What does he have to say? Instead of putting all of this energy into harassing teenagers, you should be constantly in contact with the school, putting plans in place and keeping diaries of incidences so that your son has a better school experience. Teach your child to tolerate negative feelings and to deal with rejection in a healthy way, because one day he will be an adult and what you are teaching him will land his behind in jail. YTA
YTA Oh my, so, so many red flags in this post. Too many to even list. You’re scary.
Totally the AH. Yes your kid keep contacting her to get back together is scary and stalker and you contacting her to get involved in a summer fling of a 13 year old is psycho
YTA You have no business speaking to this girl AT ALL and it’s completely inappropriate what you’ve done. Not to mention she’s 14!!!! She’s a young child and you have zero reason to even speak to her. You’re also doing your son a MAJOR disservice. Can you imagine how you’d feel if your mom berated a dude you dated when you were young? I think everyone can agree that’s embarrassing and unhinged behavior! Your son will never grow up and gain independence if you insert yourself into every part of his life. Heartbreak happens, making your mommy yell at the girl who hurt you isn’t gonna solve anything ETA: what did your son do to scare her?! Maybe you should spend more time focusing on your son’s potentially harmful behavior, behavior that he clearly is learning from you!!
YTA . This was the time to teach your son that relationships ends and how to deal with the emotions, instead you’ve gone to harass a child. It’s funny you called her mama bear when you were doing even worse. Also, you don’t give a present and ask for it back, it’s such a bad example for your kid. I really hope your son will be ok
YTA. You need boundaries!! First, you paid a young girl to be your son’s girlfriend and now you’re harassing her because she changed her mind?? And they are in grade 8, slow the Eff down. Your son and you need major counselling.
YTA A grown adult demanding a 13 year old girl explain her dating life???? If this is real you’re insane!! You’re not doing your son any favours by being so overbearing and you need to let him live his own life , I don’t blame that poor girl and her mother for being frightened of you and your son Keep acting the way you are and the police WILL show up one of these days and you’ll be wondering why your son can’t keep friends Seek some help OP
>It was so good for him and I was so thankful to her that I gave her a $500 gift card to her favorite store. I find that exorbitant. >I’m disgusted that she thinks she can do this to people. I'm not. I think it is entirely possible that your son's, or your, affinity for her could alienate a reasonable person and come across as smothering. And that's before we get to the matter that their age is far too young for a committed relationship. Having a non-exclusive dating life is perfectly appropriate. I agree 100% with your sister.
Lady. You *harassed a thirteen-year-old*. I’m sorry that your son is sad, but this girl is allowed to not want to date him. You’re not doing your kid any favors by acting this way. YTA. And, also? You might want to have a chat with your son about why his ex said that he was scaring her.
YTA you used a throwaway because you didnt want to embarrass your kid yet you called his ex gf to ask why she dumped him? THATS embarrassing! sounds like you want to date your son yourself........ and you gave a teenager a $500 gift card? haha more fool you i dont blame this girl, sounds like she had a lucky escape from dating a boy that has a mother like you.
YTA: and based on the post and replies, I hope your son manages to escape from you and get the massive amount of therapy he's going to need to recover from his childhood.
YTA. Instead of using this as a teaching moment with your son, you crossed a couple of lines. Calling a child who is no relation to you to berate them for being a fickle teenager? Demanding that she apologize and take your son back? Why would you even want someone who would do that to your son to date him in the first place? I really hope your son has other people in his life to help him learn how to cope with rejection.
Girls are allowed to choose who they date, and ending a relationship is not “being a fickle teenager”. Especially when the boy is stalking her and getting everyone he knows to harass her - including his mom.
You're right, i worded that poorly. I would say there's an argument that breaking up before school started simply because you want to be single is fickle. But i also think it's a girl's or woman's prerogative to be fickle (and probably in our best interest to be so when dating, particularly at such a young age) or break up with someone for any reason. In other words, i think a 13-year old girl being fickle about dating is a good thing. It probably wouldn't be a stretch to guess who the boy learned his behaviour from.
YTA. That poor girl. She has every right to break up a relationship that isn’t working for her. She does not need to take him back because he’s suffering from the breakup. I get that it’s distressing to see your kid like that, but that’s life. People get together, people break up. Especially since they’re so young. Also, maybe your golden child isn’t as golden as you’re painting him. You should work on your boundaries and your son should probably see a therapist to help him navigate through disappointment.
You expected a 8th grader to “fix” your son? Instead of teaching your son coping skills you tried to coerce a 8th grade girl to do what exactly..... ??? Stay with him forever? I hope her Mom reported you fir harassment of a minor. At any point have you consulted a professional (pediatrician, psychologist) or do you just blame others for your son’s issues? YTA
YTA Your son is clearly depressed and needs counseling. If he was getting all of his happiness from this relationship, he was co-dependent on her. She was right to break up with him. He needs to grow and mature as a person. You have no say in other people's relationships
YTA. Your kid is going to have many issues from your behaviour Also 13 year old should not be in relationships. They have zero understanding of what it means
Ew, YTA You're forcing a 13 year old girl to be in a relationship she doesn't want to protect YOUR son's feelings? They're kids! Breakups happen, especially at that age, and frankly both your and your son's behavior is starting to scare me. Oh, no. She had an attitude when she talked to you. OF COURSE SHE DID! You're the mother, that paid her for dating your son? Then called to make her take him back, but above all, 13 year olds are mostly made of attitude, because they're children. So instead of addressing your son's behavior, or helping him through this rough time, you chose to berate a child. Do the world a favor, and stay out of your son's relationships. Also, you gifted her a gift card. Gifts are freely given, with no strings attached. If you want this back because she is no longer with him, this means you did not intend for it to be a gift, and we're using it to pay her for her time spent with your son, which is gross.
Not only YTA, you are also a psycho. When your son is older, are you also going to call the companies who rejected his job application? There is being protective, and straight up coddle and over-stepping a parent's boundary. You need to get a reality check.
Uh that's insane behaviour, YTA. At worst you should've called her mom, not harassed a 13yo child!!! Jesus Christ. Parents who get overly involved like this always always alienate their own kid in the long run. And did you ask her what her son was doing that was scaring her?? Maybe you should look at your precious little boy first.
YTA lady. Take a look in the mirror and then at your son. The ONE CONSTANT in these scenarios is YOUR SON. There are bad teachers and coaches, but rarely they are ALL bad at the same time to one child. Think about what you are blatantly ignoring in this, and you will find the problem.
YTA, she broke up with him, she wasn't even mean or anything. She did nothing wrong. Let your son be a person and deal with his feelings. Stop being a helicopter parent jesus, you're only making things worse for him. He won't learn how to deal with life situations, he will be ridiculed when people find out his mom called his ex to tell her to apologize to him and to go back to dating him for simply having broken up with him. They are teenagers, dating when being a teenager means that you'll break up sooner rather than later. Also that "genuis level IQ". Both your sister and your son's ex's mom are right. I feel sorry for your son to be honest. "momma bear" should hibernate more often. Let him deal with it on his own, be there to hear him out if he wants to talk but under no circumstances try to do anything else involving his ex or her family. Leave them be. I hope this is fake.
Yta and so is your son
Yta. Your son was harassing little girl and when he didn't get his way, mommy decided to harass a young girl. You're gonna turn your son into Brock turner.
YTA. You see your son in Rose colored glasses. If he has all these problems even after changing his Environment, he is the problem / creates these problems. The way you describe him sounds like he is the Messias reborn. I think you might not see his flaws, that he definitly has since he is a human being. Also, his ex has a right to break up for it. If the mother of an ex would call and do this, i would be super embarassed. Also, you are harassing his ex. The thing you should do as a parent is to help him accept his loss. Is this post bait?
YTA. So... you're trying to bully a child for not being into your son anymore? Make her stay with him because of ... fear? Girl, you and your son both need counseling yesterday. You are not doing him any favours. Kids date, they break up. It's life. It's not this girl's responsibility to make your son happy. He has to be happy with himself first. And he has to learn from relationships and learn to move on. You are literally retarding his emotional development. Get thee to therapy. Immediately. Before you damage him irreparably.
INFO WTH is wrong with you? We can all see why your son is having so much difficulties adapting to not being “the best” because of you and how your acting, but I’m generously curious on what is wrong with you? Clearly your son needs therapy to help him deal with his emotions but my to you need it too. Please seek therapy out for your child so he doesn’t need outside validation to be happy and please make sure he has other role models in his life so he doesn’t end up like you thinking everything is owed to him because mama bear told him he was so special. That’s how incel are raised and we could leave with less of them.
YTA Putting aside being a "momma bear" Words actually fail me!
Well, you really did your son a disservice here…
YTA your next step should be for your son and yourself to seek therapy. your son and yourself have some how become so entitled over this girl that you think she is property and that the $500.00 is a down payment on her being his girlfriend. he was acting scary cause he want taking her no as an answer, he was using what ever tools he could to contact her, then you offered to do so. That's over bearing. Her not wanting to be his girlfriend is enough of a reason for her not to continue relationship. but honestly is sounds like you both loved bombed her, her instinct kicked in and she most likely relises this was a situation she want to be in, you acted like she was a sugar baby by paying her to be his girlfriend, that's got ick written all over it, and considering you now looking to either she continues a relationship with your son or be reimbursed I'm taking as you see it that way too. At this point in time your failing your son by insisting he's so special, he mist likely disent even want to try because when he dose you try and push him harder, and I don't think either of you are able to relise that. he's as special as everyone else
YTA When everyone in your son's life is going out of their way to avoid him or be mean, they're not the problem. Do you honestly believe your sons *teachers* were bullying him? Or were they simply holding him accountable for bad behaviour? It sounds like your son was a bully if he scares people and as people get older, they aren't putting up with it as much. But the big problem here is you. Your parenting is alarming and how dare you treat a 13yo like an emotional support person for your son. You are the biggest problem here. How do you hear that your son has scared someone and ignore it?? Get your son a therapist to help him with his depression and hopefully help him to mature. And get yourself one too. Because you're going to ruin your sons future if you keep behaving like this.
YTA You need individual therapy, and quickly. Nothing about your family is on a healthy track (well, maybe that your sister is sane and you are still listening to her) and unless you redirect the ship your son will only get worse. Your son needs individual therapy too, but I'm not sure if it's better to wait until you get your head on straight first, or if he is not so far gone that he can't get help while you are getting help. If you don't stop immediately turn around and swim for shore, this is where you are leading your son and yourself: - paranoid victim hood (everyone out to get both of you) - zero self confidence or sense of self worth (your son cannot succeed unless a girl supports him, and she will only do that if she's paid) - entitlement (his needs supersede other people's freedom) - incel mentality (girls are useful for how they make boys feel, and boys are entitled to claim that) - stalking and harassment (both of you have done this at least once already)
Omg 😳 😳 you are so YTA and I would imagine that the reason your son finds it difficult to cope with life is that you are always hovering and 'trying to help'..... The role of the parent is to support and bring up confident children that are able to cope with challenges. I cannot believe that you even thought it was okay to call her.
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m using a throwaway because the last thing I want to do is embarrass my child. For some background my son is 13 and has a genius level IQ, is an amazing athlete and was the most popular kid in his elementary school. Unfortunately the team of teachers at his first middle school legitimately picked on him and set out to ruin him as a person and he has never been the same. Of course we moved schools but he’s gotten all Fs since he’s been in middle school and his coaches also picked on him so he quit all of his sports. I say this because over the summer he met a girl online who he met in person a few times and it was like the brilliant, happy kid I knew him to be growing up was back for a few weeks and really and truly it was all because of her. They would talk for hours over the Xbox and on FaceTime and I would drive him to her town on the weekends so they could see each other in person. It was so good for him and I was so thankful to her that I gave her a $500 gift card to her favorite store. School started on Monday and literally Sunday night she called him and said she “didn’t want to be attached” going into her 8th grade year and said she was moving on. My son has been devastated ever since, he’s refusing to go to school, he won’t eat, she apparently has blocked him so he’s had his friends try to call her to get back together with him and nothing has worked. I’m disgusted that she thinks she can do this to people. I asked him if he would like if I called her and he said he would like that, so I did. She answered right away and I said who I was and she said in this snide little voice that all the things my son was doing were “scaring” her. I tried to remain calm but she hung up on me and I we livid. I called her back and it wasn’t her but it was now her mom—meaning momma bear could come out and I laid into her mom about how she can’t treat people like this and her daughter need to not only apologize but take my son back and if she didn’t I want the gift card back. She called me an asshole and a “psycho” and hung up and I guess blocked my number. It was heartbreaking to have to tell Jayden that I failed him. I legitimately thought I did the right thing but when I told my sister yesterday she said my “momma bear schtick” was not only inappropriate I probably got the cops called on me. I told her she was being ridiculous but she said I went way too far. I’ve been up all night thinking of what my sister said and also what my next step will be. So I’m very tired and my heart is breaking for my son and so while I think of what to, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Jeez, if I was a girl, I couldn't imagine dating a boy AND his parent. YTA
YTA. Helicopter mother and micro manager. Please get therapy so you can change your parenting techniques and therapy for your poor 13 yr old boy who will have been affected by your parenting. And leave the girl and her family the hell alone. You are way off the scale for acceptable behaviour
YTA, you’re literally so weird for this. They’re kids. If I was her mom I promise you’d be hearing more from me
YTA. There’s also quite a bit more in this story that you are very clearly leaving out. A 13 year old child does NOT owe your son a relationship. That’s messed up.
YTA — “my son was a genius and the school ruined him”. No, you’re a terrible parent who spoils your kid and blames your parenting on everyone else. What makes you think it was appropriate calling this girl. Maybe she was tired of your son playing on video games all the time or his personality because you never let him develop.
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okay new comment. you are NTA, for wanting to be your sons hero. YTA for the same reason, so my judgment is rendered moot by bias once again so just follow ur heart hahaha ESH for never being taught to foster lasting human connections for reasons other than trauma bonding xoxoxoxoxo just an internet opinion
you did not do anything wrong, you are NTA. she was scared for u and you were scared for your baby.
She did everything wrong. If anything this would make the ex be assured she was right to break up with him because his mother is unhealthy attached to him, a helicopter parent gone to the extreme.
A grown adult called a child to force her into a relationship she did not want to be in. There was nothing for Mom to be scared about, breakups happen, they are children. What mom did was weird, creepy, and borderline harassment.
Another boy mom, I presume?
no i just get ppl
thru life experiences and thinking of others feelings+intent equally hahahaha
Scared of what?!
scared of her hurting herself. you have a natural sense to protect people, no?
OPs SON is scaring the girlfriend??? Also, if you think your child might hurt themselves, get them help? Don’t try and force and someone into a relationship, especially with some they’re SCARED of. OP intent may have been great, her actions were not. She 100% did something wrong.
yes he’s gonna learn in his adolescence thru mistakes. like you and i both have haha
We’re talking about OPs inappropriate actions…
yeah i wrote an updated independent comment with my new opinion haha i don’t manufacture much edit3- i’m just trying to widen people’s perception of what we can understand as a species lol we’re capable than this black and white - accident = bad person mind set. haha ridicule as u need. sorry for this haha i’m very autistic but i accept it.
you can’t manipulate nature taking course. just raise responsible humans and learn to trust.
talking as a youth that resents my parents for such reasons haha
people’s denial of human nature feels so stifling to me 🥶
being scared for your baby is a higher priority than what a friend thinks lolol i know it’s hard to remember sometimes.