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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t plan on paying my friend $337 for my part of the Airbnb because I didn’t go to the bachelor weekend for his friend who I don’t really know
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YTA. You committed to going and the price for everyone was divided on the understanding x number of people were attending. Maybe some people decided to attend because the evenly split amount was in their budget and now your portion added changes that.
You committed to going, you pay your share.
This happened to me. My grandmother died and the funeral was scheduled the weekend of the bachelor party. I paid my share. I could have played the dead relative card, but we all committed and I felt it was my responsibility to hold up to my agreement.
This was the one case I was thinking would be a legit exception to begging off, and you still paid. Sorry for the loss of your grandma, but you did honor to her memory and she clearly had a hand in teaching you well.
I agree with this, YTA because you committed to go and the cost… BUT I also think it’s pretty petty for the rest of the group to not just swallow the cost. OP is not a close friend and was a friend of a friend invited. I personally think it’s pretty tacky that they’re after him for the money. Considering circumstances with work and all. Plus the weed gift which I’m sure they all enjoyed.
Yes, I would. Everyone would unanimously probably just be like “this guy (op) sucks, don’t invite him to shit any more” and just divvy up his share. OP is YTA and “the weed gift” is not worth anything in this situation, but it it seems worth it to just eat the cost and not deal with OP again. Someone who has work stuff that could come up literally the day before and prevent them from a whole weekend hang shouldn’t be committing to something unless they’re willing to pay even if they have to miss, but the fact that he doesn’t realize that just means he’s not worth dealing with in my opinion.
If you think they're only in it for your money you don't commit to going.
And if it's like $10 per person, sure. but $50+ per person because someone couldn't be bothered to plan his commitments well? No thanks.
Agree. When I read the title I thought that OP had declined the invitation from the start and still was sent a Venmo. But he agreed to go and only cancelled the day before.
Same thing is happening to me right now. TWO girls dropped out of the Bachelorette Weekend I planned because I'm the MOH (two girls I don't even know but are friends of the bride) after everyone already agreed to the amount, because they said they can't afford it. Well that would have been nice to know MONTHS ago when we discussed it and I booked it. Now I'm paying over $800 to go on a trip I planned for someone else, because I feel bad asking the rest of the girls to chip in just because my friend (the bride) is too nice, gullible, and trusting.
YTA. You cancelled last minute when they didn't have any way to find a replacement or change the reservation to a smaller unit. Is $337 worth losing a long term friend? Because stuff like this is how things like that happen.
I actually had a similar situation happen a month or so ago and the “argument” was the other, me insisting to still pay my share and my friends insisting that they’re happy to cover it and it’s unfair for me to pay money because I had a conflict come up
Weed isn't going to help someone that doesn't have the funds to pay for the weekend that has been booked. Some people, gasp, don't even smoke it. Imagine that.
Weed is not comparable to money, and it was a throwaway "gift" because of OP being TA.
We do need to remember that these aren’t his friends though; his friend invited him to the bachelor party of someone he’s met a few times along with other people he doesn’t know so I see why they’re not as lenient as normal friends would be. They don’t know him.
These friends were going on a trip not offering charity. You pay your debts as far as I’m concerned. Besides OP should have sent his money as soon as the trip was booked anyway.
Same here! Less money at stake, but had something come up and they had already bought the tickets. So (my kid's birthday) I brought what my friend refused in goods, instead
Agree 100%. Many years ago something similar happened to me. I had to cancel and didn’t have any problem paying my share. Until 2 months later when I found out 2 additional people went that were not in the original itinerary. I asked about that and was told they didn’t have to pay anything for the lodging because it was already covered with my portion. They just had to buy beer and food for everybody for the weekend. That didn’t sit well with me.
Yeah, that is messed up. at the very least cost should have been recalculated, the two pay their share, and everyone else gets money back.
What I would do is you get your money back, and the amount gets re-calibrated for one extra person, the two pay their fair share, and the rest of the people who already paid get a small return of money.
Well, that’s what I thought. They refused. I countered then I should get a weekend worth of beer too. No deal. Just gradually gravitated away from the friendships….
YTA
And being argumentative which means you only came to validate yourself not because you actually wanted to know if you did something wrong.
You agreed to plans. You cancelled last minute. You still need to pay your share. It's no one's fault you got called into work but it's definitely your fault for thinking you could get away with not paying for the Airbnb after already commiting.
If I was your friend, I'd either never invite you to anything that costs money, or make you be the only to pay upfront since you show lack of consideration for anyone but yourself.
Actually I'd probably just drop you as a friend and I really hope your friend does the same. Who needs enemies with Friends like OP willing to screw over their own friends for their self interest.
YTA - I hate friends like you, you commit and you cancel, you can always bullshit your way out of work. Either you didn't want to pay the shared amount or you just didn't want to go and made up a bullshit excuse. You are terrible friend.
If you really respect your friend, pay up your portion or just end the friendship
He already had the day off. He could say no to the employer asking him to come in anyway.
In most of the developed world, it's fully illegal for the employer to require him to come in on that off day. He should have said no, period. He just didn't want to go to the bachelor party, which is fine, but if you already agreed to go and you cancel last minute you should pay up.
Some jobs have production roles that really take priority and immidately cancel plans. They're salary exempt so there's no extra pay to always be 'on call'. I wouldn't rule out OP being a big jerk instead of maybe he actually has a high responsibility job.
I'm not picking up my fucking phone outside of paid work hours. "Sorry boss, I forgot my phone at home.". And even if it's a job that requires you to be on-call, they pay accordingly so OP should have no trouble chipping in his promised 300$
Depends…if they had already booked the Airbnb before inviting you then I say NTA. They would have already agreed to a higher price in the first place and were hoping to lower it by inviting you. But if you were included in the headcount before they booked, then they may have picked something a bit more expensive thinking you’d be there, and that would make YTA.
Yeah this is the most reasonable response. But also I feel for someone who has to pay hundreds of dollars for a trip they didn’t even get to go on. I would honestly not make him pay but I guess people feel differently.
That’s a good point I didn’t think about… if he was the dude on the couch or had to bring an air mattress I see it.
But if someone’s planning a big weekend rental with 10 beds and only 7 committed people at the time of booking, knowing they want to find 3 more but are ok to split the cost if they don’t…. I think there is some obligation if you’re guest #10 leaving an empty space last minute since they now don’t have any chance of finding someone else.
If OP had already paid his friends for the room and expected full money back I wonder how it would go.
No. That far out they had the option of changing the booking. So they could have decided it was too much and switched to a different place. By waiting so late to cancel he prevented them from having that option.
That really doesn’t matter. He cancelled last minute after agreeing to come and pay. They could’ve invited someone else. They booked it knowing we can have x many people either way and he took up a spot someone else could’ve taken. It’s up to them if they wanted to be nice and offer to divvy up his share but certainly he still has an obligation to offer to pay.
YTA - you've even stated it in your post.
'I couldn’t go because of work, now wants me to pay for my share of Airbnb'
Why would you expect someone to pay for 'your' share.
From what I see, it looks like they had already gotten the Airbnb before op agreed to go. I think he thought his friend had asked him to go so everyone else would have to pay less. I mean he doesn't really know anyone there except his friend. So I'm guessing he assumed they had previously agreed to an amount they would each pay, and that amount went down when he said he was going. He thinks he doesn't have to pay because since he didn't go, they would end up paying the original amount.
(My brain hurts)
YTA. A man is only a man if he keeps his word, and handles his obligations. You agreed to go. Plans were made, you couldn't go. You have a shit job, that's your problem, not theirs. It's not their responsibility to pick up your slack.
You have a lot of learning to do buddy.
NTA, if they were inviting you after booking just to lower cost then they already should have had enough to pay the air bnb. You had an actual excuse not just some lame one for not attending. You also gave them weed as a sorry gift. Not to mention you don’t even know the bachelor all that well so you aren’t entitled to alleviating the cost for him nor anybody else.
YTA. They agreed to a split that included you only after you agreed to go. It's not their fault you bailed last-minute. If you had purchased airline tickets to get there, those would not be refunded either... why should your lodging be?
Info: How long before the weekend were you invited? Most importantly, were you invited before they booked the house, or after? Because if they booked a larger house based on the understanding that they needed extra space for you as well, then you should pay.
Agree. And they should have told OP before leaving that they still expected him to pay instead of saying nothing and accepting his good will gesture of a bunch of weed for having to cancel.
YTA, if you were staying by yourself in that Airbnb and you canceled last minute you’d be on the hook. Why? Because last minute cancellations are a big inconvenience for everyone involved. This is no different.
You prioritized work rather than time with your buddy, so you own the consequences of it. In this case, sticking your buddy with the bill for something you were in on but didn’t tell work you couldn’t do what they needed until the day you were due back.
Unless you are in the military or have a bad contract with your employer (which is still your problem for signing in the first place), no reason, just excuses.
That’s so insane that people think no one is ever asked to go to work outside normal hours. Grow up people have jobs and responsibilities not everyone is lucky enough to have that much flexibility.
YTA
I know it sucks hard, but listen, you bailed out at the last minute, they booked an Airbnb that could fit you all and suddenly you couldn’t go.
That’s a you problem and not fair to make it a them problem, they didn’t suddenly need an extra bed, you owe them the cost of that part of the Airbnb and you should pay it.
It doesn’t matter that you didn’t go, your ticket was X $ and you decided not to go after it had been booked and paid for, so you owe the money.
Clearly you know that and are just trying to weasel out of paying it.
Man up.
YTA I can’t believe you have the audacity to argue with commenters here who has called you out. They planed the whole thing based on you going, you literally cancelled last minute which leave them no time to find replacements. Get over yourself, I hope this friend you have ditches you and go no contact.
OP never said the group counted on him going when picking that rental. You are just assuming that. IF that was the case they should have told OP so before leaving and asked for his share. Instead, they say nothing. He apologized and gave them a bunch of weed as a gesture of good will. They accepted the weed, went on the trip, then hit him up afterwards for his share. D*ck move. If they now claim after the fact that they counted on his share then OP should pay them, minus the street value of the weed they accepted from him, and OP should be done with them. OP is NTA. Everyone responding should ask for more details before ganging up on OP unfairly.
NTA, I find it bizarre people think you should honor a supposed “commitment” to a stranger over your job.
The airbnb was already booked, friend got the idea to invite you as a convenience to THEM to lower the cost for everyone else. Especially if they didn’t get you to pay up front and accepted weed as an apology, they didn’t get any agreement from you and are probably just regretting how much they spent on alcohol and entertainment and want to get some back from you.
NTA. Why? Because the place was already booked independent of you. You weren't asked to pay in advance. And you didn't go. You don't pay for a place you never stayed at. Your buddy should've known that sometimes things happen.
NTA. You didn't go, why should you have to pay?
Other people are saying YTA for making the others pay more. I disagree with that. It wasn't even your choice to not go. Now you get fucked over on 2 fronts? Nah. They should have found something more affordable in the first place if it's that big of a deal. Not to mention, you still supplied party favors despite not going.
It sucks for everyone, so soft NTA.
It wasn’t their choice to have to pay for his share of the costs. He didn’t bail until it was too late for them to book something different, why is he the only one who gets to have choices?
They can split his cost amongst themselves. If one person bailing and no longer paying their part bankrupts you, you shouldn't be going on the trip in the first place. He gave y'all free weed too, get over it and live within your means.
It wasn't his choice not to go either
I agree with you. OP was not invited to the wedding or the party. Was attending as a guest of another guest who wasn’t close enough to be in the wedding party. NTA
Unpopular but NTA. In any other situation like this I would have said Y T A but it seems that you were invited only to lower the price. Given the fact that would have sleep on the couch (maybe the only one without a bed) it would not have been fair to split evenly from the beginning.
Another situation:
Your client said they want you at Toronto on Friday to meet him and that he will reimburse all related expenses.
You buy tickets.
The client has an emergency and must cancel on Thursday.
As you didn't come, according to your logic, your client should not reimburse you for your tickets ?
YTA
Don't accept an invitation involving such money when you can't commit
YTA You didn't go, we get that. Problem is you agreed to go and backed out last minute, whether your choice or not that's what happened. Everyone had an expectation of price as a result of who agreed to go and some might have done stuff differently if the price was different because the total was different. Now your argument to that is likely going to be"they wouldn't have" but that's not yours to guess. If you cancelled with months or even weeks notice, that'd be one thing but doing it the day before makes you the ah.
If everyone operated like you no one would want to go on trips like this because it'd be too risky with people not keeping their word and others getting sacked with bigger bills than they expected( truthfully, guy organizing should have made everyone pay for accommodation in advance, that's what I've always seen to avoid something like this from happening). I know your probably going to say it was only like 60 extra per person or something but again, that's not what matters, it's the fact that you agreed to go and had to back out last minute. I can tell by your replies that you just want us to say you're nta because you didn't go so you shouldn't have to pay and you can see from most replies, you are.
For the few who fed anything into the fact that you didn't know the bachelor well, that literally doesn't matter. You knew that when you were invited and you still agreed to go, I think it was just put in to throw yourself a bone but it shouldn't be relevant.
Info - was it booked before your invite or after
If before N T A - you being there or not only lowered/raised the already agreed prices to a certain threshold.
If after Y T A - you being there on not fundamentally changed prices - if you'd have declined well in advance they might have been able to book a smaller place with a ridiculously low cost compared to if they thought you were going
Fuck all these yta post. Your initial idea is correct. This wasn't contingent on your attendence. You where asked allong. And this was going to happen, with or without you. If you did want to come, that was your share. But you couldn't, so you didn't, so your share isn't your share anymore. NTA!!!
That’s like sending a bill a month later to the partner of someone you invited because they got sick and they already apologized and gave you enough wine for everyone at the party
NTA
Don’t pay, you didn’t go. I think this is a cultural thing. In my country, if one person can’t go, we just divide things among the ones that actually enjoyed the trip. It really depends on the case. For the house? They can just redivide the cost. But if they bought an experience, let’s say a wine tasting, and they can’t get a refund for your ticket, that you should pay.
So if a trip was booked for 12 people and 6 couldn’t make it, the other 6 would be just fine with having their cost double overnight? Are you all rich?
You act like he was invited.
He was not invited to the wedding
He was not invited to the bachelor party by the host, best man or anyone in the wedding party
This situation is different from any other invite
He was going to be guest of a guest
He gave said guest weed and apology before party
He was never told he would still have to pay until a week after the party
His buddy is TA and probably lying
You don’t go after or make pay or replace if someone you invite to anything doesn’t bring a guest or date.
NTA
this isn’t 6 people backing out. if they can’t afford a place they booked unless OP went then they shouldn’t have booked it at all. also they didn’t say anything until after they enjoyed the weed that OP gifted them as a sorry.
But that’s not the case, is it? This has happen to me before, actually. Someone not able to make it to the trip. Nothing much happens besides having more space. Lol. People are so extreme here. I stand by what I said, don’t pay. It’s ridiculous, especially if OP was going to sleep on the couch. And I’ll cut them off, sound like cheap “friends”.
But OP absolutely should've been mature enough to mention the $ that he agreed to pay for the Airbnb when he had the conversation with his buddy, the day before leaving ... That's a conversation that should be had before.... not after the event.
YTA. Here's the textbook definition of an AH: A person who, when encountering an inconvenience, pushes that inconvenience off on other people.
You were all set to go. You had agreed to all stipulations. Then, you encountered an inconvenience. It wasn't "fair," but the issue was yours, with your job. Why should that issue cost your friend over $300? It costs **you** that amount because it's your shit to deal with. Grow up and deal with it.
I would say soft YTA, but I think if multiple people can't afford to divide the remaining balance of 300 bucks, they shouldn't go on a trip. That amount won't brake the bank if divided.ppl shouldn't try to live beyond their means
Why is everyone saying he bailed lol are there no adults with jobs in this thread? Yeah it sucks he couldn’t go and offering to pay would be the better idea, but having work come up is more than a fair reason to not go and it’s not “bailing” it’s keeping your job and being an adult which his friend should also understand. Also it’s all over someone he barely knows bachelor party which he was mainly invited to for cost reasons they should’ve picked a cheaper place to begin with instead of recruiting acquaintances to try and get a nicer place
This is exactly why my friends and I don’t book anything until everyone has paid lol you back out last minute that’s on you, the cost was factored with the intent of you being there. YTA for not paying up.
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say NTA because they would have had to pay the price of the air BNB regardless even if you weren't planning on coming from the beginning.
They didn't book that airbnb specifically so you could come too, they booked that airbnb without you and invited you after it was already booked. Honestly it sounds like they are using you for a cheaper place to stay which honestly would make me drop that friend to begin with.
If you’re being argumentative and defensive, why bother asking reddit AITA in the first place, OP?
Seems like you’ve made up your mind even before you posted — and that decision has been deemed by most as an asshole move. If you’re hell bent on your point then go on with it, don’t seek for validation. Like other people have mentioned, there are consequences of losing your good friend. You’ve made your bed, now lie on it.
I feel like your NTA, ….. nobody is mention the free weed you gave them….. also if they purchased the air b&b prior to inviting them it’s all gravy. I feel like why should you pay if you didn’t go…..would they really change the venue if you said you weren’t coming to begin with…..probably not….so why are you at fault to pay for something you didn’t use.
Wow I’m glad I’m not friends with any of you. OP didn’t bail because he didn’t feel like going or he forgot or he found something else to do, he got called into work. If this happened to me and one of my friends ( who all have careers, not shitty little jobs that they don’t care about ) and one of my friends had to bail last minute I would be fine with that. It would suck not having my friend there and yeah id have to cough up another $100 or so but I wouldn’t ever imagine trying to make someone pay for an airbnb that they didn’t go to, NTA shit happens and this says a lot about your friends
Was looking for a comment that made sense. Shit happens, I’d be livid if I were still being charged 300$ for something I wasn’t a part of. If they’re all well to do in their 30’s they can split the cost amongst themselves and drop this guy as a friend. Simple as that. ESH!
NTA. People on here are fucking tripping. You made a commitment but bc of work couldn't go. Why should you have to pay 300 bucks for a vacation you didnt attend? Let's say there were 8 guys at the party. 300/8 is not a lot of money and i think it's weird that they want you to pay even though you didnt go. Doesn't sound right to me.
I can see your point of view here. You didn’t use the airbnb so you don’t feel like you should have to pay. Especially since you don’t know the groom. I get that. That being said you committed to it. You changed at the last minute. Just pay what you agreed to.
YTA. This is the exact reason why I collect payments for group events etc up front. You commit and pay without a refund or don’t go. How would you feel if there was 15 people going and 10 people dropped out last minute expecting not to pay and now only 5 people have to share the expenses. If they would have known that there was going to be that many people drop out they could have gotten a smaller Airbnb etc.
If you said you would go, and they organised accommodation including you in the numbers, then you later pulled out, then YTA if you don’t pay up your share of the costs.
NTA - life happens. It's nothing personal. If friends can't understand that, then they shouldn't be your friends. If they're crying over $337, do you think they'd help you out if you were to lose your job?
NTA . If I understand you were kind of just asked to tag along you didn’t really know anyone accept your friend. It sucks but work unfortunately has to come first, also they accepted your weed and used it without you so if they want you to pay then maybe they should replace the weed
I’m surprised people are acting like this is so cut and dry. I understand why it’s complicated, but If I was your friend I wouldn’t expect you to pay for a trip you didn’t go on, unless maybe the place was booked specifically based on you going. Which from the comments seems like didn’t happen.
Kind of a dick move of them to accept the weed then hit you up for over $300. How many people were there? Maybe you could compromise and send a lesser amount. But the cynic in me wonders if your friend is making this up to be honest.
Anyway, you don’t even know most of these people. You could just ignore the request and other than maybe making things awkward with your friend it really wouldn’t affect you. NTA.
NTA. Work comes first that’s your main obligation. How many people were there? Let’s say there was ten other people are they really that upset about having to each pay an extra 33/34 dollars. When they had all the fun and you had to work. Not to mention got free party favors. OP don’t listen to all these YTA people. Clearly they never had obligations that were more important then having to party.
NTA. In this case, they were all going anyway regardless if you showed up or not. It isn't like the plan or expense hinged on you. I doubt they would have changed the accommodation if you were never going.
Your job cost you $337. Signs of being an employer that doesn’t care about you as a person, with a life. While it would be 100% fair to ask to be reimbursed for that expense—which was directly incurred because of their unplanned work requirement—I’m sure they would treat it as a strange and unwarranted request. Such is the way of the crappy one-way workplace. YTA, though, mo matter what your job suddenly demanded. You took on that commitment, and you flaked.
NTA. People don’t seem to understand sometimes you just have to miss things because of work. It sucks but let’s not act like it’s not reality for a lot of people. He
OP should not have to pay for something they didn’t experience. Don’t let these commenters spewing their misdirected vitriol make you believe you should pay. The strangers didn’t even talk to OP and discuss what they thought was unfair. They just decided OP was paying. Like, you could persuade me to do something with enough reason. But you’re not going to tell me what I’m going to do and decide for me.
It ain’t a doctors appointment. You’re a stranger to them, in a way. Even with a friend there, your friend won’t be around you 24/7. They should’ve thought it thru a lil better. Like, what if it was because you were sick? Would he still make you pay?
Yes, you confirmed it. But you didn’t sign a legally binding contract or something. Just let him cool down and talk about it later.
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My longtime friend invited me to his buddy’s bachelor party weekend at a house near the beach. I’ve met bachelor only a handful of times, same with a few of the other people attending; some I didn’t even know. I think my buddy invited me because he wanted to spend time with me because we don’t see each other that much and I also think he wanted to lower the cost of the Airbnb. He said I would have to pay $337 for my part of the Airbnb which I was fine to pay.
The day before leaving I got a call from my job that required me to work the Friday they were leaving so I wouldn’t be able to attend. I apologized to my friend but there was nothing I could do about missing work. A week after the bachelor weekend, I went to see him and he told me that everyone thought I should still have to pay. He sent me a venmo request. I honestly think that they should just divide up the amount I owe and make everyone else pay. I also gave my buddy a bunch of weed that I grew before he left as a sorry for not going and he gave it to all the people. I don’t plan on paying. AITA?
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It depends. Did the group plan to stay at the same AirBNB if you didn't agree to go? If they would have kept the exact same plans if you never agreed to go then they shouldn't be asking you to pay since your reason for canceling was legit.
If they chose that rental based on you going (cost divided by X # of people) then you should pay your share - minus the street value of the weed you gave them. Your friend shouldn't have accepted it if they planned to ask you AFTER the trip to still pay your share. That's shitty. You gave it as a gesture in lieu of not going & sharing the rental expense. They shouldn't accept it AND hit you up for your full share of the rental AFTER the trip is over. They should have told you before leaving they expected you to still pay.
NTA. It's an Airbnb, not a hotel room. And it sounds like they only invited you to defer some of the cost. If they keep pushing the issue, send them a venmo request for the price of the weed.
NTA. You don't owe them anything. They were already going to get their airbnb with or without you. You didn't go enjoy the party, so why would they expect you to pay for something you never received. Especially when the bachelor isn't someone you are close to.
They can all take a couple steps back and GFTS
ESH
You ATA for reneging in a promise.
The bachelor is TAH because he presumably only wanted you along to reduce the cost per person.
Your friend is TAH for wanting to use someone else’s bachelor party as a way to spend time with a friend who is little to done the bachelor.
Y’all are weird it’s an invite not a summons and some people actually can’t miss work. I’m not paying over 300 dollars for an experience I never had to make it affordable for people I barely know. NTA
If they rented a place based on the number of people who planned on going (you would have your own bedroom, or at least your own bed) then you should pay. A lot depends on the number of people and what the arrangements were. Were all of the guys covering the cost for the groom? If so, it might be fair to pay what your cost would have been but let his groomsmen split the cost for the groom. I don't think non-wedding party people should be asked to cover that.
NTA
You committed to a social event, but work got in the way, and work comes first. You didn't go, period, hence there's no share to pay. Besides, wtf would've happened if you got into an accident or died? Would you still have to pay "your share"?
Why get an Airbnb if you can't afford it? Seriously I'm baffled by the US wedding style, as if asking folks to finance their parties, or the wedding party guys and girls having to pay for events and things they can't afford.
Personally, I wouldn't charge someone who didn't make to an event. That's on me, but anyways, don't pay, just know that the friendship is likely over and it seems will be for the best
Haha see semantics. I just bought a amtrak ticket and it states if you don't make you train (not going) you get your money back. Thank you for proving my point.
YTA. You remind me exactly of a friend I have that often cancels shit last minute, gets into messy situations and then blames everything else. However, your friends aren’t too great either, if I was them, I would ask you to pay a smaller portion, sit you down and tell you why you had to pay, which is that the others relied on your share to bring the collective price down. For example, I play for a sports league and last season someone got injured the first game and didn’t show up for the entire season, he still had to pay his team registration portion as he was technically taking up space in the roster and our cost calculation was distributed evenly among all. We also couldn’t get someone else in as the season had already started. He, unlike you , understood this and was more than willing to pay the full share even though we asked him to pay a discounted fee.
How far ahead of time were you invited, and was it after the trip was planned? Did they have to make any changes to the plan to accommodate you before you bailed?
Did you tell them when you accepted the invite that you might have to cancel last minute for work?
Need more context? Was this trip planned prior to your invitation, or was it made afterward? Did you contribute anything outside of the price of the airbnb other than the weed? You're lacking much needed detail.
NTA. I don't get the people saying Y T A. The OP clearly states that they were **required** to go to work. Some jobs can and do penalize you if you refuse to go in, even if it is on short notice. Yes, OP had made a commitment but last-minute things do come up in life. OP didn't stay in the Airbnb so why should he have to pay for it?
Edit: Downvoting this comment because you disagree with it is a violation of rule #2 on this subreddit. Just reply why you disagree instead.
NTA. I don't understand all the non-NTA comments. All of yall who say that don't understand how demanding work can be. All yall are spoiled and entitled except for OP
NTA. While it was shitty that you bailed last minute, it was not your responsibility since you did not go.
>I honestly think that they should just divide up the amount I owe and make everyone else pay.
I agree with this part. They should have just divided it out by the number of people that *actually* went. Since you did not go, you are not liable for the "portion" they think you owe.
The only part that I disagree with, or that leaves me on the fence is that you agreed to the amount beforehand. Since you stated you were okay with paying, you knew that they were depending on your share. If you do not pay, someone else will have to fork up the extra cash that your "friends" were expecting from you.
YTA if you committed to going and agreed to pay your share, everyone else should not be penalized with a higher price because you failed to clear your work schedule.
NTA. I see from your comments that you were going to sleep on the COUCH so you already should not have been paying the same as everyone else. Also redistributing your share amongst 6 people means they only had to pay about $50 more each. Get new friends cause these people ain’t it.
I'm going to buck the trend and say NTA. You were invited simply so they could lower the cost, and I'm betting the AirBnb was reserved well before you got the invite. You aren't really even part of that friend group, and you offered an apology of relatively equal value.
NTA though you committed, life happens. Everybody has setbacks, the $300 is a fortune for most, but if divided by those who actually attended, it is but a minor inconvenience to their pockets. Prolly the same they would've paid for dinner out, no big deal.
You didn't enjoy the party, why should you have to bankroll a group of strangers? You have a terrible friend, lose them.
Grown adults shouldn't fight over $300. You probably shouldn't have agreed if you weren't really into the bachelor and his party....but honestly I can't imagine hounding someone for $300 when they couldn't make because of a legitimate reason. Should you pony it up, yes, it's the right thing to do. Should they actually ask, no. It's $300.
Was the B&B booked before you were invited? Was it per room? Was the cost going to be the same regardless of if you went or not and we’re you only invited so it would be cheaper all around? If it’s a situation like this is a nice place let’s book it and hey maybe let’s invite someone else so it’ll be cheaper as an afterthought that’s different than booking a place with an extra room or whatever specifically for you.
YTA
Committed to it so they planned for you. Cancelled last minute so the onus is on you. It doesn't matter you don't know the other friends or the bachelor that well, you committed to going.
You are assuming facts not in evidence. If the group chose that rental based on his contribution, then they should have said so before leaving and asked for his share. Instead, they said nothing, accepted his gesture of a bunch of free weed for having to cancel, then AFTER returning from the trip hit OP up for his share? D*ck move.
If they counted on his share but for some weird reason never said so, OP should pay his share MINUS the street value of the weed he gave them. OP is NTA. The guys in that group are.
YTA You have to pay, you agreed to go & cancelled the day before. I know it might be out of your control, but you should of asscessed that before agreeing to go. you definitely could of sorted something out with your work.
Going against the grain here and I'm bordering on yes and no. but how much weed enough to cover expenses of you not going. Were they intending to buy weed to go? Did you save them that expense. If so NTA, but if you just gave it when they weren't orginally buying it as an apology hoping you'd get out of the bill YTA.
I've accepted my fate 😌 lol
YTA - Unfortunately people like you are the reason contracts needs to exist. That was money they budgeted, planned out, and some possibly only had enough for food and drinks and are now expected to come up with your money because you decided to go for whatever reason. Work has nothing to do with it.
YTA
If you commit to go, and you cancel last minute, you should pay your share.
You gave them weed, but I don't think the hotel takes weed payments. You also didn't charge them for the weed, so it could be interpreted as a gift.
YTA. You committed to going and they booked a place with space for you, increasing the group cost. That’s your bill, buddy. Stop being a cheapass and do the right thing.
YTA.
Hotels make you pay a cancellation fee; this is the same thing. You don’t have to contribute to anything else for the bachelor party weekend (since you couldn’t partake), but you should pay your share for the AirBnB as it was your agreement with the other travelers.
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YTA. You committed to going and the price for everyone was divided on the understanding x number of people were attending. Maybe some people decided to attend because the evenly split amount was in their budget and now your portion added changes that. You committed to going, you pay your share.
Also, it was a weekend. So OP couldn't leave Friday, why not meet them Friday night or Saturday morning? YTA
It depends. It might have been a flight away, which is not easy to change the day before.
This happened to me. My grandmother died and the funeral was scheduled the weekend of the bachelor party. I paid my share. I could have played the dead relative card, but we all committed and I felt it was my responsibility to hold up to my agreement.
You’re a good dude. RIP Grandma.
You’re a good grandson and a good friend. Respect.
This was the one case I was thinking would be a legit exception to begging off, and you still paid. Sorry for the loss of your grandma, but you did honor to her memory and she clearly had a hand in teaching you well.
Respect. This is how to keep a commitment while also knowing ones priorities. Hats-off.
Sorry for your loss but good decision to forego the party but still pay
Airbnb doesn’t take payment in weed
Well they fuckin should!
I left a week cookie I made as a little tip once. Got a great review back. Lmao.
I agree with this, YTA because you committed to go and the cost… BUT I also think it’s pretty petty for the rest of the group to not just swallow the cost. OP is not a close friend and was a friend of a friend invited. I personally think it’s pretty tacky that they’re after him for the money. Considering circumstances with work and all. Plus the weed gift which I’m sure they all enjoyed.
It depends how many were on the trip. Would you happily absorb an extra $50 of accommodation expenses for someone you don't know?
Depends on your perspective. As an introvert, I would probably pay a stranger $50 not to stay with me.
Yes, I would. Everyone would unanimously probably just be like “this guy (op) sucks, don’t invite him to shit any more” and just divvy up his share. OP is YTA and “the weed gift” is not worth anything in this situation, but it it seems worth it to just eat the cost and not deal with OP again. Someone who has work stuff that could come up literally the day before and prevent them from a whole weekend hang shouldn’t be committing to something unless they’re willing to pay even if they have to miss, but the fact that he doesn’t realize that just means he’s not worth dealing with in my opinion.
If you think they're only in it for your money you don't commit to going. And if it's like $10 per person, sure. but $50+ per person because someone couldn't be bothered to plan his commitments well? No thanks.
Not everyone can just swallow the cost
Agree. When I read the title I thought that OP had declined the invitation from the start and still was sent a Venmo. But he agreed to go and only cancelled the day before.
Same thing is happening to me right now. TWO girls dropped out of the Bachelorette Weekend I planned because I'm the MOH (two girls I don't even know but are friends of the bride) after everyone already agreed to the amount, because they said they can't afford it. Well that would have been nice to know MONTHS ago when we discussed it and I booked it. Now I'm paying over $800 to go on a trip I planned for someone else, because I feel bad asking the rest of the girls to chip in just because my friend (the bride) is too nice, gullible, and trusting.
YTA. You cancelled last minute when they didn't have any way to find a replacement or change the reservation to a smaller unit. Is $337 worth losing a long term friend? Because stuff like this is how things like that happen.
I actually had a similar situation happen a month or so ago and the “argument” was the other, me insisting to still pay my share and my friends insisting that they’re happy to cover it and it’s unfair for me to pay money because I had a conflict come up
[удалено]
Nah, the right thing to do would be to offer to pay. Friends may or may not be in a position to decline the offer.
[удалено]
Weed isn't going to help someone that doesn't have the funds to pay for the weekend that has been booked. Some people, gasp, don't even smoke it. Imagine that. Weed is not comparable to money, and it was a throwaway "gift" because of OP being TA.
Yeh, agree with that. As soon as he failed to offer it became very awkward and perhaps could have been handled better.
Well, only 1 of the guys was his friend. He said he didn't really know the others, and I'm sure those guys were not happy about having to pay extra.
We do need to remember that these aren’t his friends though; his friend invited him to the bachelor party of someone he’s met a few times along with other people he doesn’t know so I see why they’re not as lenient as normal friends would be. They don’t know him.
These friends were going on a trip not offering charity. You pay your debts as far as I’m concerned. Besides OP should have sent his money as soon as the trip was booked anyway.
Same here! Less money at stake, but had something come up and they had already bought the tickets. So (my kid's birthday) I brought what my friend refused in goods, instead
It depends on the conflict. Did your dad die? Yea, you don't pay.
I could see that happening if the entire group is friends with each other but OP only had one friend in the group (maybe none now?)
Agree 100%. Many years ago something similar happened to me. I had to cancel and didn’t have any problem paying my share. Until 2 months later when I found out 2 additional people went that were not in the original itinerary. I asked about that and was told they didn’t have to pay anything for the lodging because it was already covered with my portion. They just had to buy beer and food for everybody for the weekend. That didn’t sit well with me.
Yeah, that is messed up. at the very least cost should have been recalculated, the two pay their share, and everyone else gets money back. What I would do is you get your money back, and the amount gets re-calibrated for one extra person, the two pay their fair share, and the rest of the people who already paid get a small return of money.
Well, that’s what I thought. They refused. I countered then I should get a weekend worth of beer too. No deal. Just gradually gravitated away from the friendships….
That is so shitty…
This is why you should have to pay the person who booked it your share a few weeks prior to the trip.
On the flip side, for the aggrieved friend$337 is a cheap price to identify a shitty friend and get a toxic cheapskate out his life.
YTA And being argumentative which means you only came to validate yourself not because you actually wanted to know if you did something wrong. You agreed to plans. You cancelled last minute. You still need to pay your share. It's no one's fault you got called into work but it's definitely your fault for thinking you could get away with not paying for the Airbnb after already commiting. If I was your friend, I'd either never invite you to anything that costs money, or make you be the only to pay upfront since you show lack of consideration for anyone but yourself. Actually I'd probably just drop you as a friend and I really hope your friend does the same. Who needs enemies with Friends like OP willing to screw over their own friends for their self interest.
But but but he gave them a free bag of shitty home grown weed
This is also an example of people placing their job over others and wondering why people are mad.
YTA - I hate friends like you, you commit and you cancel, you can always bullshit your way out of work. Either you didn't want to pay the shared amount or you just didn't want to go and made up a bullshit excuse. You are terrible friend. If you really respect your friend, pay up your portion or just end the friendship
You cannot always bullshit your way out of work. WTF is your job history?
"Yea sorry boss, Im already on the plane"
He already had the day off. He could say no to the employer asking him to come in anyway. In most of the developed world, it's fully illegal for the employer to require him to come in on that off day. He should have said no, period. He just didn't want to go to the bachelor party, which is fine, but if you already agreed to go and you cancel last minute you should pay up.
Some jobs have production roles that really take priority and immidately cancel plans. They're salary exempt so there's no extra pay to always be 'on call'. I wouldn't rule out OP being a big jerk instead of maybe he actually has a high responsibility job.
High responsibility normally equals high pay, so if we are speculating then it makes sense that he should easily afford to pay the 300
If you have that day off, you have the day off. Atleast where I am from. And the employer can't do shit about that.
I'm not picking up my fucking phone outside of paid work hours. "Sorry boss, I forgot my phone at home.". And even if it's a job that requires you to be on-call, they pay accordingly so OP should have no trouble chipping in his promised 300$
YTA Why do you think you should not pay?
Depends…if they had already booked the Airbnb before inviting you then I say NTA. They would have already agreed to a higher price in the first place and were hoping to lower it by inviting you. But if you were included in the headcount before they booked, then they may have picked something a bit more expensive thinking you’d be there, and that would make YTA.
Yep. Unless we know this detail it’s impossible to know. Although he doesn’t clarify, so it’s hard to absolve him.
Yeah this is the most reasonable response. But also I feel for someone who has to pay hundreds of dollars for a trip they didn’t even get to go on. I would honestly not make him pay but I guess people feel differently.
I partially agree, because even if they had booked it before, if OP hadn't agreed to come, they might have invite someone else.
You people keep saying They invited him. They didn’t. He tagging along with a guest. NTA
This
Even if that was the case the could have probably invited someone else but not at short notice. Still the AH
That’s a good point I didn’t think about… if he was the dude on the couch or had to bring an air mattress I see it. But if someone’s planning a big weekend rental with 10 beds and only 7 committed people at the time of booking, knowing they want to find 3 more but are ok to split the cost if they don’t…. I think there is some obligation if you’re guest #10 leaving an empty space last minute since they now don’t have any chance of finding someone else. If OP had already paid his friends for the room and expected full money back I wonder how it would go.
No. That far out they had the option of changing the booking. So they could have decided it was too much and switched to a different place. By waiting so late to cancel he prevented them from having that option.
That really doesn’t matter. He cancelled last minute after agreeing to come and pay. They could’ve invited someone else. They booked it knowing we can have x many people either way and he took up a spot someone else could’ve taken. It’s up to them if they wanted to be nice and offer to divvy up his share but certainly he still has an obligation to offer to pay.
YTA - you've even stated it in your post. 'I couldn’t go because of work, now wants me to pay for my share of Airbnb' Why would you expect someone to pay for 'your' share.
From what I see, it looks like they had already gotten the Airbnb before op agreed to go. I think he thought his friend had asked him to go so everyone else would have to pay less. I mean he doesn't really know anyone there except his friend. So I'm guessing he assumed they had previously agreed to an amount they would each pay, and that amount went down when he said he was going. He thinks he doesn't have to pay because since he didn't go, they would end up paying the original amount. (My brain hurts)
YTA. A man is only a man if he keeps his word, and handles his obligations. You agreed to go. Plans were made, you couldn't go. You have a shit job, that's your problem, not theirs. It's not their responsibility to pick up your slack. You have a lot of learning to do buddy.
Absolutely! People forget that one decision like this can establish your entire reputation forever.
Replace man with human. Anyone. Period.
YTA Bro, you agreed, then bailed. I can’t believe you need the internet to explain this to you.
NTA, if they were inviting you after booking just to lower cost then they already should have had enough to pay the air bnb. You had an actual excuse not just some lame one for not attending. You also gave them weed as a sorry gift. Not to mention you don’t even know the bachelor all that well so you aren’t entitled to alleviating the cost for him nor anybody else.
Thank you! I am baffled with the responses here
Yeah because there's no way anyone could ever find someone else to fill that spot with more than a day's notice. Get real.
You mean incite someone else you don’t really want their to lower the cost? That’s an asshole move too.
Even if it was booked before, they would have invited someone else instead of they knew
YTA. They agreed to a split that included you only after you agreed to go. It's not their fault you bailed last-minute. If you had purchased airline tickets to get there, those would not be refunded either... why should your lodging be?
Info: How long before the weekend were you invited? Most importantly, were you invited before they booked the house, or after? Because if they booked a larger house based on the understanding that they needed extra space for you as well, then you should pay.
Agree. And they should have told OP before leaving that they still expected him to pay instead of saying nothing and accepting his good will gesture of a bunch of weed for having to cancel.
YTA, if you were staying by yourself in that Airbnb and you canceled last minute you’d be on the hook. Why? Because last minute cancellations are a big inconvenience for everyone involved. This is no different. You prioritized work rather than time with your buddy, so you own the consequences of it. In this case, sticking your buddy with the bill for something you were in on but didn’t tell work you couldn’t do what they needed until the day you were due back. Unless you are in the military or have a bad contract with your employer (which is still your problem for signing in the first place), no reason, just excuses.
That’s so insane that people think no one is ever asked to go to work outside normal hours. Grow up people have jobs and responsibilities not everyone is lucky enough to have that much flexibility.
YTA I know it sucks hard, but listen, you bailed out at the last minute, they booked an Airbnb that could fit you all and suddenly you couldn’t go. That’s a you problem and not fair to make it a them problem, they didn’t suddenly need an extra bed, you owe them the cost of that part of the Airbnb and you should pay it. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t go, your ticket was X $ and you decided not to go after it had been booked and paid for, so you owe the money. Clearly you know that and are just trying to weasel out of paying it. Man up.
YTA I can’t believe you have the audacity to argue with commenters here who has called you out. They planed the whole thing based on you going, you literally cancelled last minute which leave them no time to find replacements. Get over yourself, I hope this friend you have ditches you and go no contact.
OP never said the group counted on him going when picking that rental. You are just assuming that. IF that was the case they should have told OP so before leaving and asked for his share. Instead, they say nothing. He apologized and gave them a bunch of weed as a gesture of good will. They accepted the weed, went on the trip, then hit him up afterwards for his share. D*ck move. If they now claim after the fact that they counted on his share then OP should pay them, minus the street value of the weed they accepted from him, and OP should be done with them. OP is NTA. Everyone responding should ask for more details before ganging up on OP unfairly.
NTA, I find it bizarre people think you should honor a supposed “commitment” to a stranger over your job. The airbnb was already booked, friend got the idea to invite you as a convenience to THEM to lower the cost for everyone else. Especially if they didn’t get you to pay up front and accepted weed as an apology, they didn’t get any agreement from you and are probably just regretting how much they spent on alcohol and entertainment and want to get some back from you.
NTA. Why? Because the place was already booked independent of you. You weren't asked to pay in advance. And you didn't go. You don't pay for a place you never stayed at. Your buddy should've known that sometimes things happen.
NTA. You didn't go, why should you have to pay? Other people are saying YTA for making the others pay more. I disagree with that. It wasn't even your choice to not go. Now you get fucked over on 2 fronts? Nah. They should have found something more affordable in the first place if it's that big of a deal. Not to mention, you still supplied party favors despite not going. It sucks for everyone, so soft NTA.
It wasn’t their choice to have to pay for his share of the costs. He didn’t bail until it was too late for them to book something different, why is he the only one who gets to have choices?
They can split his cost amongst themselves. If one person bailing and no longer paying their part bankrupts you, you shouldn't be going on the trip in the first place. He gave y'all free weed too, get over it and live within your means. It wasn't his choice not to go either
Divide the $300 by the number that actually stayed at the Airbnb, it's way less than what he was but up for.
Agree, and he gave a gift as a sorry. They gladly accepted that.
I agree with you. OP was not invited to the wedding or the party. Was attending as a guest of another guest who wasn’t close enough to be in the wedding party. NTA
Unpopular but NTA. In any other situation like this I would have said Y T A but it seems that you were invited only to lower the price. Given the fact that would have sleep on the couch (maybe the only one without a bed) it would not have been fair to split evenly from the beginning.
I agree. I think they were just using OP to lower the over cost of place they already picked.
I'm just curious if they invited you prior or after to booking the Airbnb.
Another situation: Your client said they want you at Toronto on Friday to meet him and that he will reimburse all related expenses. You buy tickets. The client has an emergency and must cancel on Thursday. As you didn't come, according to your logic, your client should not reimburse you for your tickets ? YTA Don't accept an invitation involving such money when you can't commit
INFO: I haven’t seen you respond to questions about whether they selected the AirBnB before you said yes or after.
I am not sure when the Airbnb was selected unfortunately
Now is as good a time as any to ask your friend, since that’s a pretty significant detail in determining if you should pay.
YTA You didn't go, we get that. Problem is you agreed to go and backed out last minute, whether your choice or not that's what happened. Everyone had an expectation of price as a result of who agreed to go and some might have done stuff differently if the price was different because the total was different. Now your argument to that is likely going to be"they wouldn't have" but that's not yours to guess. If you cancelled with months or even weeks notice, that'd be one thing but doing it the day before makes you the ah. If everyone operated like you no one would want to go on trips like this because it'd be too risky with people not keeping their word and others getting sacked with bigger bills than they expected( truthfully, guy organizing should have made everyone pay for accommodation in advance, that's what I've always seen to avoid something like this from happening). I know your probably going to say it was only like 60 extra per person or something but again, that's not what matters, it's the fact that you agreed to go and had to back out last minute. I can tell by your replies that you just want us to say you're nta because you didn't go so you shouldn't have to pay and you can see from most replies, you are. For the few who fed anything into the fact that you didn't know the bachelor well, that literally doesn't matter. You knew that when you were invited and you still agreed to go, I think it was just put in to throw yourself a bone but it shouldn't be relevant.
YTA. You bailed the day before and think they should have to pick up your portion? Hows that fair?
Info - was it booked before your invite or after If before N T A - you being there or not only lowered/raised the already agreed prices to a certain threshold. If after Y T A - you being there on not fundamentally changed prices - if you'd have declined well in advance they might have been able to book a smaller place with a ridiculously low cost compared to if they thought you were going
Fuck all these yta post. Your initial idea is correct. This wasn't contingent on your attendence. You where asked allong. And this was going to happen, with or without you. If you did want to come, that was your share. But you couldn't, so you didn't, so your share isn't your share anymore. NTA!!!
That’s like sending a bill a month later to the partner of someone you invited because they got sick and they already apologized and gave you enough wine for everyone at the party NTA
Don’t pay, you didn’t go. I think this is a cultural thing. In my country, if one person can’t go, we just divide things among the ones that actually enjoyed the trip. It really depends on the case. For the house? They can just redivide the cost. But if they bought an experience, let’s say a wine tasting, and they can’t get a refund for your ticket, that you should pay.
So if a trip was booked for 12 people and 6 couldn’t make it, the other 6 would be just fine with having their cost double overnight? Are you all rich?
You act like he was invited. He was not invited to the wedding He was not invited to the bachelor party by the host, best man or anyone in the wedding party This situation is different from any other invite He was going to be guest of a guest He gave said guest weed and apology before party He was never told he would still have to pay until a week after the party His buddy is TA and probably lying You don’t go after or make pay or replace if someone you invite to anything doesn’t bring a guest or date. NTA
He absolutely was invited. That he was invited by a guest instead of the host does not make him not invited.
this isn’t 6 people backing out. if they can’t afford a place they booked unless OP went then they shouldn’t have booked it at all. also they didn’t say anything until after they enjoyed the weed that OP gifted them as a sorry.
But that’s not the case, is it? This has happen to me before, actually. Someone not able to make it to the trip. Nothing much happens besides having more space. Lol. People are so extreme here. I stand by what I said, don’t pay. It’s ridiculous, especially if OP was going to sleep on the couch. And I’ll cut them off, sound like cheap “friends”.
But OP absolutely should've been mature enough to mention the $ that he agreed to pay for the Airbnb when he had the conversation with his buddy, the day before leaving ... That's a conversation that should be had before.... not after the event.
YTA. Here's the textbook definition of an AH: A person who, when encountering an inconvenience, pushes that inconvenience off on other people. You were all set to go. You had agreed to all stipulations. Then, you encountered an inconvenience. It wasn't "fair," but the issue was yours, with your job. Why should that issue cost your friend over $300? It costs **you** that amount because it's your shit to deal with. Grow up and deal with it.
I would say soft YTA, but I think if multiple people can't afford to divide the remaining balance of 300 bucks, they shouldn't go on a trip. That amount won't brake the bank if divided.ppl shouldn't try to live beyond their means
Why is everyone saying he bailed lol are there no adults with jobs in this thread? Yeah it sucks he couldn’t go and offering to pay would be the better idea, but having work come up is more than a fair reason to not go and it’s not “bailing” it’s keeping your job and being an adult which his friend should also understand. Also it’s all over someone he barely knows bachelor party which he was mainly invited to for cost reasons they should’ve picked a cheaper place to begin with instead of recruiting acquaintances to try and get a nicer place
YTA, ya gotta pay
This is exactly why my friends and I don’t book anything until everyone has paid lol you back out last minute that’s on you, the cost was factored with the intent of you being there. YTA for not paying up.
If you confirmed you were in and paying your share then dropped out yeah I'd say you're on the hook for it.
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say NTA because they would have had to pay the price of the air BNB regardless even if you weren't planning on coming from the beginning. They didn't book that airbnb specifically so you could come too, they booked that airbnb without you and invited you after it was already booked. Honestly it sounds like they are using you for a cheaper place to stay which honestly would make me drop that friend to begin with.
Using him after smoking all his weed NTA
If you’re being argumentative and defensive, why bother asking reddit AITA in the first place, OP? Seems like you’ve made up your mind even before you posted — and that decision has been deemed by most as an asshole move. If you’re hell bent on your point then go on with it, don’t seek for validation. Like other people have mentioned, there are consequences of losing your good friend. You’ve made your bed, now lie on it.
Looking for strangers to validate and tell him he’s right. Looks like it backfired.
I feel like your NTA, ….. nobody is mention the free weed you gave them….. also if they purchased the air b&b prior to inviting them it’s all gravy. I feel like why should you pay if you didn’t go…..would they really change the venue if you said you weren’t coming to begin with…..probably not….so why are you at fault to pay for something you didn’t use.
Wow I’m glad I’m not friends with any of you. OP didn’t bail because he didn’t feel like going or he forgot or he found something else to do, he got called into work. If this happened to me and one of my friends ( who all have careers, not shitty little jobs that they don’t care about ) and one of my friends had to bail last minute I would be fine with that. It would suck not having my friend there and yeah id have to cough up another $100 or so but I wouldn’t ever imagine trying to make someone pay for an airbnb that they didn’t go to, NTA shit happens and this says a lot about your friends
Was looking for a comment that made sense. Shit happens, I’d be livid if I were still being charged 300$ for something I wasn’t a part of. If they’re all well to do in their 30’s they can split the cost amongst themselves and drop this guy as a friend. Simple as that. ESH!
NTA it isnt that much for everyone else to absorb. You didnt flake on purpose.
NTA you had work come up. You got invited by somebody that got invited. These things aren’t written in stone.
Info- I don't understand why you couldn't just tell your boss you can't work?
NTA. People on here are fucking tripping. You made a commitment but bc of work couldn't go. Why should you have to pay 300 bucks for a vacation you didnt attend? Let's say there were 8 guys at the party. 300/8 is not a lot of money and i think it's weird that they want you to pay even though you didnt go. Doesn't sound right to me.
I can see your point of view here. You didn’t use the airbnb so you don’t feel like you should have to pay. Especially since you don’t know the groom. I get that. That being said you committed to it. You changed at the last minute. Just pay what you agreed to.
YTA. This is the exact reason why I collect payments for group events etc up front. You commit and pay without a refund or don’t go. How would you feel if there was 15 people going and 10 people dropped out last minute expecting not to pay and now only 5 people have to share the expenses. If they would have known that there was going to be that many people drop out they could have gotten a smaller Airbnb etc.
If you said you would go, and they organised accommodation including you in the numbers, then you later pulled out, then YTA if you don’t pay up your share of the costs.
NTA - life happens. It's nothing personal. If friends can't understand that, then they shouldn't be your friends. If they're crying over $337, do you think they'd help you out if you were to lose your job?
NTA . If I understand you were kind of just asked to tag along you didn’t really know anyone accept your friend. It sucks but work unfortunately has to come first, also they accepted your weed and used it without you so if they want you to pay then maybe they should replace the weed
I honestly think Nta
I’m surprised people are acting like this is so cut and dry. I understand why it’s complicated, but If I was your friend I wouldn’t expect you to pay for a trip you didn’t go on, unless maybe the place was booked specifically based on you going. Which from the comments seems like didn’t happen. Kind of a dick move of them to accept the weed then hit you up for over $300. How many people were there? Maybe you could compromise and send a lesser amount. But the cynic in me wonders if your friend is making this up to be honest. Anyway, you don’t even know most of these people. You could just ignore the request and other than maybe making things awkward with your friend it really wouldn’t affect you. NTA.
NTA. Work comes first that’s your main obligation. How many people were there? Let’s say there was ten other people are they really that upset about having to each pay an extra 33/34 dollars. When they had all the fun and you had to work. Not to mention got free party favors. OP don’t listen to all these YTA people. Clearly they never had obligations that were more important then having to party.
NTA. These people here are stupid. Why should I have to pay if I didn’t get to stay at the place?
NTA. In this case, they were all going anyway regardless if you showed up or not. It isn't like the plan or expense hinged on you. I doubt they would have changed the accommodation if you were never going.
Your job cost you $337. Signs of being an employer that doesn’t care about you as a person, with a life. While it would be 100% fair to ask to be reimbursed for that expense—which was directly incurred because of their unplanned work requirement—I’m sure they would treat it as a strange and unwarranted request. Such is the way of the crappy one-way workplace. YTA, though, mo matter what your job suddenly demanded. You took on that commitment, and you flaked.
You are not the a hole!
NTA. People don’t seem to understand sometimes you just have to miss things because of work. It sucks but let’s not act like it’s not reality for a lot of people. He OP should not have to pay for something they didn’t experience. Don’t let these commenters spewing their misdirected vitriol make you believe you should pay. The strangers didn’t even talk to OP and discuss what they thought was unfair. They just decided OP was paying. Like, you could persuade me to do something with enough reason. But you’re not going to tell me what I’m going to do and decide for me.
It ain’t a doctors appointment. You’re a stranger to them, in a way. Even with a friend there, your friend won’t be around you 24/7. They should’ve thought it thru a lil better. Like, what if it was because you were sick? Would he still make you pay? Yes, you confirmed it. But you didn’t sign a legally binding contract or something. Just let him cool down and talk about it later.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My longtime friend invited me to his buddy’s bachelor party weekend at a house near the beach. I’ve met bachelor only a handful of times, same with a few of the other people attending; some I didn’t even know. I think my buddy invited me because he wanted to spend time with me because we don’t see each other that much and I also think he wanted to lower the cost of the Airbnb. He said I would have to pay $337 for my part of the Airbnb which I was fine to pay. The day before leaving I got a call from my job that required me to work the Friday they were leaving so I wouldn’t be able to attend. I apologized to my friend but there was nothing I could do about missing work. A week after the bachelor weekend, I went to see him and he told me that everyone thought I should still have to pay. He sent me a venmo request. I honestly think that they should just divide up the amount I owe and make everyone else pay. I also gave my buddy a bunch of weed that I grew before he left as a sorry for not going and he gave it to all the people. I don’t plan on paying. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It depends. Did the group plan to stay at the same AirBNB if you didn't agree to go? If they would have kept the exact same plans if you never agreed to go then they shouldn't be asking you to pay since your reason for canceling was legit. If they chose that rental based on you going (cost divided by X # of people) then you should pay your share - minus the street value of the weed you gave them. Your friend shouldn't have accepted it if they planned to ask you AFTER the trip to still pay your share. That's shitty. You gave it as a gesture in lieu of not going & sharing the rental expense. They shouldn't accept it AND hit you up for your full share of the rental AFTER the trip is over. They should have told you before leaving they expected you to still pay.
NTA
NTA. It's an Airbnb, not a hotel room. And it sounds like they only invited you to defer some of the cost. If they keep pushing the issue, send them a venmo request for the price of the weed.
Seriously, how nickel and dime are these losers that they’re bitching about an extra 37 dollars a person. Party must have been a blast 😂
NTA. You don't owe them anything. They were already going to get their airbnb with or without you. You didn't go enjoy the party, so why would they expect you to pay for something you never received. Especially when the bachelor isn't someone you are close to. They can all take a couple steps back and GFTS
ESH You ATA for reneging in a promise. The bachelor is TAH because he presumably only wanted you along to reduce the cost per person. Your friend is TAH for wanting to use someone else’s bachelor party as a way to spend time with a friend who is little to done the bachelor.
Y’all are weird it’s an invite not a summons and some people actually can’t miss work. I’m not paying over 300 dollars for an experience I never had to make it affordable for people I barely know. NTA
If they rented a place based on the number of people who planned on going (you would have your own bedroom, or at least your own bed) then you should pay. A lot depends on the number of people and what the arrangements were. Were all of the guys covering the cost for the groom? If so, it might be fair to pay what your cost would have been but let his groomsmen split the cost for the groom. I don't think non-wedding party people should be asked to cover that.
Tell Him get fucked.
NTA You committed to a social event, but work got in the way, and work comes first. You didn't go, period, hence there's no share to pay. Besides, wtf would've happened if you got into an accident or died? Would you still have to pay "your share"? Why get an Airbnb if you can't afford it? Seriously I'm baffled by the US wedding style, as if asking folks to finance their parties, or the wedding party guys and girls having to pay for events and things they can't afford. Personally, I wouldn't charge someone who didn't make to an event. That's on me, but anyways, don't pay, just know that the friendship is likely over and it seems will be for the best
Fark em!! Shit happens!!
Haha see semantics. I just bought a amtrak ticket and it states if you don't make you train (not going) you get your money back. Thank you for proving my point.
YTA. You remind me exactly of a friend I have that often cancels shit last minute, gets into messy situations and then blames everything else. However, your friends aren’t too great either, if I was them, I would ask you to pay a smaller portion, sit you down and tell you why you had to pay, which is that the others relied on your share to bring the collective price down. For example, I play for a sports league and last season someone got injured the first game and didn’t show up for the entire season, he still had to pay his team registration portion as he was technically taking up space in the roster and our cost calculation was distributed evenly among all. We also couldn’t get someone else in as the season had already started. He, unlike you , understood this and was more than willing to pay the full share even though we asked him to pay a discounted fee.
Everyone thought you should pay, huh? Venmo a request for cash for the weed. Everybody who gave them the weed thinks you should be paid for it.
NTA...work called you in, you went. These things happen. You let them know. You just didn't show up. You're not on the hook for that money.
How far ahead of time were you invited, and was it after the trip was planned? Did they have to make any changes to the plan to accommodate you before you bailed? Did you tell them when you accepted the invite that you might have to cancel last minute for work?
No not really
NTA, they are just trying to keep the price point down based on a decision they made without your input.
NTA, not your fault you couldn’t go AND you weren’t even there so you shouldn’t have to pay plus the weed you gave sooo
Need more context? Was this trip planned prior to your invitation, or was it made afterward? Did you contribute anything outside of the price of the airbnb other than the weed? You're lacking much needed detail.
NTA, y'all are crazy. This dude didnt choose to not go he had to work. Split up the extra cost amongst those who went.
NTA. I don't get the people saying Y T A. The OP clearly states that they were **required** to go to work. Some jobs can and do penalize you if you refuse to go in, even if it is on short notice. Yes, OP had made a commitment but last-minute things do come up in life. OP didn't stay in the Airbnb so why should he have to pay for it? Edit: Downvoting this comment because you disagree with it is a violation of rule #2 on this subreddit. Just reply why you disagree instead.
NTA. I don't understand all the non-NTA comments. All of yall who say that don't understand how demanding work can be. All yall are spoiled and entitled except for OP
*** nta he accepted the weed as an apology and shared it amongst the people who are mad
NTA I’m sure they got someone to fill the spot
NTA. While it was shitty that you bailed last minute, it was not your responsibility since you did not go. >I honestly think that they should just divide up the amount I owe and make everyone else pay. I agree with this part. They should have just divided it out by the number of people that *actually* went. Since you did not go, you are not liable for the "portion" they think you owe. The only part that I disagree with, or that leaves me on the fence is that you agreed to the amount beforehand. Since you stated you were okay with paying, you knew that they were depending on your share. If you do not pay, someone else will have to fork up the extra cash that your "friends" were expecting from you.
YTA if you committed to going and agreed to pay your share, everyone else should not be penalized with a higher price because you failed to clear your work schedule.
NTA. I see from your comments that you were going to sleep on the COUCH so you already should not have been paying the same as everyone else. Also redistributing your share amongst 6 people means they only had to pay about $50 more each. Get new friends cause these people ain’t it.
It depends, was it $337 worth of weed?
>everyone thought I should still have to pay. Then everyone's wrong. NTA.
YTA, you made a commitment, and then bailed on it. Other people were counting on you. It's not their fault you had to work. You kinda suck OP.
NTA
NTA. Don't pay.
I'm going to buck the trend and say NTA. You were invited simply so they could lower the cost, and I'm betting the AirBnb was reserved well before you got the invite. You aren't really even part of that friend group, and you offered an apology of relatively equal value.
NTA though you committed, life happens. Everybody has setbacks, the $300 is a fortune for most, but if divided by those who actually attended, it is but a minor inconvenience to their pockets. Prolly the same they would've paid for dinner out, no big deal. You didn't enjoy the party, why should you have to bankroll a group of strangers? You have a terrible friend, lose them.
If AirBNB was booked before you were invited NTA If your agreement was prior to it being booked, YTA
Grown adults shouldn't fight over $300. You probably shouldn't have agreed if you weren't really into the bachelor and his party....but honestly I can't imagine hounding someone for $300 when they couldn't make because of a legitimate reason. Should you pony it up, yes, it's the right thing to do. Should they actually ask, no. It's $300.
Was the B&B booked before you were invited? Was it per room? Was the cost going to be the same regardless of if you went or not and we’re you only invited so it would be cheaper all around? If it’s a situation like this is a nice place let’s book it and hey maybe let’s invite someone else so it’ll be cheaper as an afterthought that’s different than booking a place with an extra room or whatever specifically for you.
YTA Committed to it so they planned for you. Cancelled last minute so the onus is on you. It doesn't matter you don't know the other friends or the bachelor that well, you committed to going.
YTA you committed yo going just because you got ropes jnto work doesnt change that it was budgeted for worh you attending in mind
You are assuming facts not in evidence. If the group chose that rental based on his contribution, then they should have said so before leaving and asked for his share. Instead, they said nothing, accepted his gesture of a bunch of free weed for having to cancel, then AFTER returning from the trip hit OP up for his share? D*ck move. If they counted on his share but for some weird reason never said so, OP should pay his share MINUS the street value of the weed he gave them. OP is NTA. The guys in that group are.
YTA You have to pay, you agreed to go & cancelled the day before. I know it might be out of your control, but you should of asscessed that before agreeing to go. you definitely could of sorted something out with your work.
Going against the grain here and I'm bordering on yes and no. but how much weed enough to cover expenses of you not going. Were they intending to buy weed to go? Did you save them that expense. If so NTA, but if you just gave it when they weren't orginally buying it as an apology hoping you'd get out of the bill YTA. I've accepted my fate 😌 lol
YTA - Unfortunately people like you are the reason contracts needs to exist. That was money they budgeted, planned out, and some possibly only had enough for food and drinks and are now expected to come up with your money because you decided to go for whatever reason. Work has nothing to do with it.
I was already at YTA for this situation but reading your responses makes me think YTA in life.
[удалено]
“Is 337 worth losing a long time friend?” This guy gets it
YTA. Short notice
YTA, everyone else has explained it already
YTA.
Your post and comments sounds insufferable, YTA
YTA If you commit to go, and you cancel last minute, you should pay your share. You gave them weed, but I don't think the hotel takes weed payments. You also didn't charge them for the weed, so it could be interpreted as a gift.
YTA. You committed to going and they booked a place with space for you, increasing the group cost. That’s your bill, buddy. Stop being a cheapass and do the right thing.
you're definitely TA, best to just accept it
NTA. Add up the value of the weed and then deduct🤷🏻♀️
Was OP suppose to stay at the Airbnb?
I did the same thing recently. I paid half. Try that.
YTA. Hotels make you pay a cancellation fee; this is the same thing. You don’t have to contribute to anything else for the bachelor party weekend (since you couldn’t partake), but you should pay your share for the AirBnB as it was your agreement with the other travelers.