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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I'm the asshole for telling my sister her son is only special to her but to everyone else, he's just a spoiled brat
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Same - hugs!!
Op’s sister is not the only one this happens to, I think the stats are something like 1 in 4 pregnancies?
It can be tragic and traumatic and something that never leaves you. It’s also something that lots of people can’t or won’t talk about which causes it’s own issues.
It’s still no excuse for raising an entitled child that no other person can stand to be around. It could be setting the poor child up for a difficult life and a difficult life for those around him.
4 losses myself here and going in for induction on Friday for our IVF wonder baby but I can’t imagine raising a child that feels entitled to everything.
Edit: I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented below. To have so many kind words from strangers on the internet is a refreshing change. ❤️❤️❤️
Thats great - hope everything goes well with induction & on meeting your baby! My son is my rainbow baby & just sent my husband this to say we are not raising our son to be like this!
My sister was 2 months premie - dad treated her as special and could do not wrong.
Today she is a raging narcissist. She has covert, overt, and communal narcissistic behaviors. No one in my family has anything to do with her.
Hopefully your sister gets it together and starts parenting him!
I have a cousin who is similar. She almost died as a baby. They honestly didn’t think she would live. She survived a surgery around a week old. Her mom spoiled her. She learned to pit her mom against her dad. She didn’t get the care type she wanted so she traded cars down in value several times to get the specific car type she wanted instead of the safer more reliable one her parents purchased for her. Now she is a narcissist.
Being a golden child or a scapegoat sucks. They are just two sides of the same, emotionally abusive, coin. Children should never be extensions of their emotionally immature parents’ sense of self.
I’m sorry your cousin wasn’t taught basic life skills at a young age and broke in a way that’s harmful to everyone around her. Cycles of abuse are painful to watch.
My twins were micropreemies and TTTS survivors. They are miracle babies and sometimes when I snuggle them I am overwhelmed with love and thankfulness for them.
But they can still be little turds, and need to be kept in line. I can't believe a FIVE year old would act this way, let alone not be corrected. That kid is in for a lifetime of struggle when he realizes the world doesnt look at him through rose coloured glasses.
I hate that you had to go through this but love that your breaking through and not continuing to be *that* person when it could have so easily stayed that way for you had you wanted yo stay that way. *the people around you thank you!*
No kidding, he's 5 so he should be starting school now if he hasn't already and if he has this behaviour in school, he's not going to have many friends, much less invites to birthday parties with the other kids because the other kids and their parents won't want him having a tanty and trying to destroy the party on their kids day because it's not all about him.
This is what gets me; how in the world do these parents think that raising a spoiled, entitled, antisocial and utterly sheltered kid is setting them up for a happy and fulfilling life? They are raising them exactly the right way to be lonely, embittered and unsuccessful adults.
Thank you so much for giving your perspective as the miracle baby, it is very insightful. Treating a child as special, to the point of said child being a selfish self-centered brat, sets that kid up for a VERY VERY lonely life. I'm glad you were able to get out from under all of that and get the help you needed. Wishing you a very happy life🙂
This seems to be a very common situation:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nue79c/aita\_for\_telling\_my\_sister\_her\_rainbow\_baby\_isnt/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nue79c/aita_for_telling_my_sister_her_rainbow_baby_isnt/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4hhwk/aita\_for\_telling\_my\_aunt\_just\_because\_her/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4hhwk/aita_for_telling_my_aunt_just_because_her/)
It should be illegal to struggle so hard to make a baby and then totally neglect actually raising them to be wonderful adults.
I'm childless and don't understand the feeling of losing a baby but I can't imagine going through so much to get them just to fail them again and again.
A friend of mine is pretty unstructured and undisciplined so I was pretty surprised when she was a somewhat strict parent. Loving, yes, setting boundaries, also yes. I mentioned my surprise at a point and she said "I love my kids so much I want them to meet a world that loves them at least half as much as I do - and the only way to give them that is to raise them well and to have good manners when going out. I couldn't bear being the one that failed them and have them be seen as brats and a nuissance". It makes SO much sense to me and her kids are awesome and met with tons of love everywhere because they aren't selfish brats. THAT'S love!
NTA, OP, someone needs to speak up for that kid.
My mom has delt with losing my twin and had a tubular pregnancy as well as a hard time getting pregnant. You can BET there's no way she would let me act like this let alone my dad
Similar story here Mom miscarried during her first pregnancy but you better believe she didn’t allow my sister or me behave anywhere near this spoiled.
My mother thought she was infertile (not sure why) and she had to come off birth control while they ran some tests. She kept having sex with my dad while off the pill because she figured it didn't matter if she couldn't get pregnant anyway. Tests were run, results came in, and the doctor said, "Well, the good news is that you're definitely not infertile. Also possibly good news - you're pregnant". She in no way expected that, and her family history gave her serious concerns about whether I'd come out intellectually disabled like her older sister. So double relief when I was fine in that regard. But with all that, no matter how special I was, she still raised me to not be a spoiled, entitled brat. Maybe the phrasing was less than ideal - of course nephew matters to other people - but he's not everyone's miracle, he is not the centre of the universe, and that's something the mother needs to understand. So NTA.
Similar. My parents struggled with infertility, and my mom only ever had one pregnancy: me and my twin. My twin stopped developing in-utero and got reabsorbed by my mom’s body. She had me at 37, and I was raised an only child. My mom would be *horrified* by OP’s sister.
Yes. For OP it was one ruined birthday party. But for her nephew life will be very, very hard. Most of the world will not think he's special and wont tolerate him acting like an ass.
Its way more common than people think, it just wasn't something people talked about or acknowledged for a long time which... can't have been healthy. Also, a **lot** of miscarriages happen early enough that the mother can't actually be certain they were even pregnant, so there are people walking around who've had miscarriages and never knew, which is an odd thought.
But yes, miscarriages of wanted (and often even of unwanted) pregnancies are traumatic and awful and can take a lot of time and effort to emotionally recover from. Quite a few of the women in my family and social circle have gone through them and while its been different for all of them its sucked every single time. Knowing its common doesn't make it easy, but I think it can help lessen the tendency to blame yourself and think of yourself as some unique failure of a woman because it happened to you, which I think used to be a lot more common before it was openly acknowledged as much as it is today.
I heard it's 30% after 7 weeks and the earlier we find out - the higher the chances. Was 2/3 chance for me, sadly. But still - if you want your kid(s) to have a good and easy life - don't enable the entitlement. A little timeout and a tantrum now can help you all avoid much bigger problems later.
I have too, last time I had to add it up I think I was at 9. A few of my miscarriages I was far enough along that I had already told close family. What an awful way to raise a child that she sees as her "miracle baby."
NTA - someone absolutely needed to tell her, maybe she'll read a parenting book.
Yeah, after the first time telling my family that I had a miscarriage I never told anyone except DH and medics until it was 13 weeks and passed genetic screening. Still hurts, but was easier this way
I've not gone through this yet so maybe this is something that's just me, but I see OP's sister's fertility issues and finally being able to birth a child, and the actual child as two different things. If anything I'd be happy for my sister bc it was her body doing that work - no reason to let her child get away with things! He doesn't know what happened in his mom's womb!
NTA, and you are 100% correct. While he is her miracle baby, no one else in the world is going to coddle him except her, and she is raising him to be a spoiled entitled brat which will only bring him issues later in life. He needs some manners and discipline and your sister needs a wake up call. What is she going to say to the police when he gets arrested for his bad behavior? But officer, he's my miracle baby, he didn't mean to steal/assault someone/whatever stupid thing he did because he thinks he can get away with it. It's better she realize this now than when he's older and there are real life consequences to his actions.
I am still stunded by how many people use, 'he is special' as an excuse for bad behavior or the need of special treatment, like being excluded from child free weddings.
Esucate your dame child and even if the child could use the force, IT DOESNT MATTER, education is needed.
Edit: some pointed out that I wrote 'child marriages', I meant 'child free weddings', so I corrected it. What I mean is when a couple decides to not allow guests below the age of 18/21.
English is not my first language.
Oh I love this comment, yes, you should've said this...
Kids of 3 and older should understand that not all parties are for them or about them, has he never been invited to a classmate's birthday party?
Oh sorry he is probably being unschooled and doesn't have friends, cause he is not allowed near anything that can make him sick either?
I’m still stunned that people use a natural part of life (and death) such as miscarriages to try to make themselves and their boon somehow above others.
I’m a rainbow baby myself (double whammy, my older brother died because of SA) did my mother put my on a pedestal? Not when it came to my developing as a human being. Maybe with expectations, but if I tried to shove some a cake off the counter she woulda snatched me up and disciplined me for being a little shit.
If he wasn't her rainbow baby, she would just find another reason to believe that he's special and should receive special treatment.
Well adjusted and healthy people don't think of reasons to feel superior. Maladjusted people will find any reason to feel superior.
I also experienced miscarriages. Did end up having 2 births. While I do bring this up about every 5-6 years if the conversation warrants it, "Why are your kids so far apart in age?" I share this bit of history. I teach a popular hobby. I am so perplexed at the women who start with this. If asked, What's your name, work, how many kids do you have, they answer with, 1 live birth and 4 miscarriages. I respond with, Oh. How difficult. How old is your child who lived now? Just to move the conversation forward.
You have put it perfectly. Like an award. It is very difficult to have them in class as they share their past "trauma's" and then the class devolves into oneupmanship. My cousin's SIL had... I call it the Oprah Effect (I am that old). While it is good to talk to someone/groups and share your experience, why do people WANT to stay in the past? Why don't they want to live and appreciate the present day anymore?
And in case you're still reading, NTA is my opinion.
I’m with you on this. Two children far apart in age, two miscarriages between them. I don’t think about the miscarriages often at all. Usually only when at a doctor’s appointment and the forms have that pair of questions—How many times have you been pregnant? How many live births?
(Come to think of it I may just start lying on those forms. It’s annoying. Why would they need that info for a dermatology appointment?)
Absolutely this. I'm a rainbow baby as well - mom had many miscarriages, and I had a younger brother die days after birth due to missing 1/4 of his heart. She does bring this up in her own way a fair amount, "God only let us keep one, thankfully he made him a good one."
And you better believe my parents kept solid, *consistent* forms of discipline going. She made sure to tell me no on acting like a crazy child, and she made sure I knew that no means no. I was spoiled by the benefits of being an only child to two very intelligent and happy people, but I was very directly raised to never be considered above everyone else.
I think my children are super duper special. So i wont do them the disservice of not raising them right.
If you really cared about your children and their happiness you would prepared them for the world and give them the tools they needs. Not raise and entitled brat that nobody wants to be around.
Imagine him telling his teachers that he doesn't have to write the assigned essay, he's special. Or telling his boss that his mom had ten miscarriages before he was born so he doesn't have to work on saturday.
I'm a teacher in a secondary school. I had a mum tell me I could not punish her 12-year-old (the "punishment" was to spend recess inside, she could eat, drink, go to the toilet... and it was appropriate according to the school rules). But her little girl had never been punished before - she was a rainbow baby. She was flaggergasted when I told her at school that made no difference and rules applied to everyone. Then the mum started to cry and told me I had given the kid a trauma and she was making sure she received therapy. I truly hope she did find a good therapist to the girl, she really needed one with a mum like that. I also hope the mum found a good therapist for herself.
Seems wild that parents who, after tragedy, get blessed with the chance of having a normal child just like everyone else which is what they desperately wanted more than anything...then they proceed to raise them in a completely bizarre way to ensure they grow up mentally damaged from such a sheltered and spoiled upbringing.
I mean if my kid couldn't handle a recess detention I'd be absolutely terrified that something was seriously wrong with her if she was so maladjusted from the way I raised her that a single time-out required therapy. It's like they want to raise the kid for 18 years completely free of any consequences for their actions without any thought to the devastating impact that kind of upbringing will have when the kid reaches the real world and the intense difficulties they will face for the rest of their life as a result of that.
I had several miscarriages and the two pregnancies that resulted in my children were far more traumatic than the miscarriages because of the sheer amount of complications I had (spent 2 months hospitalized with both, a month prior and a month after birth; had DVTs; eclampsia, gestational diabetes, plus dealing with chronic pain). When I miscarried, even though I wanted the babies that would result, I was literally relieved because I didn't have to go through all that hell again. I just... I *hated* being pregnant. So much. With the fiery passion of a million and a half suns. I love my kids to death, but if I could have gotten them in a different manner, I would have.
Both kids ended up born a month early and spent up to four weeks in the NICU. They're both special to *me* and my *husband*. To everyone else, they're just kids. Our son is quite autistic but we've taught him that while it's not his fault that he is, it is his responsibility to live with it and make sure he fits in socially and we'll do everything we can to help with that (therapists, psychiatrists, medications).
I'll be honest: I've never understood the concept of a "rainbow baby". It's *such* a common and normal thing to go through - from what I heard from Mama Doctor Jones, many pregnancies end in miscarriage without you even knowing you were pregnant! So to make such a huge deal about your baby and expect everyone else to follow suit is quite delusional, in my opinion.
My BiL and his wife have tried for a baby for thirteen years. They've had miscarriage after miscarriage; tried many rounds of IVF and IUI and anything else they can think of. They decided enough was enough and they'd rather adopt. And then she got pregnant. It was an incredibly high risk pregnancy and luckily, she carried the little girl to term! We're all so freakin' happy for her.
But both her and my BiL wouldn't be caught dead making their daughter believe that she's special just because she was born. They know she's special to *them*, but they literally laugh if someone tries to imply that they should treat her daughter like OP's sister treats her Tazmanian devil.
>*no one else in the world is going to coddle him except her, and she is raising him to be a spoiled entitled brat which will only bring him issues later in life. He needs some manners and discipline and your sister needs a wake up call.*
*"If you don't discipline your children, the world will do it for you. And the world does not love them."*
That's what a lot of these parents don't realize. No one is going to love their baby more than they do. They world doesn't owe their child any special treatment
It's so heartbreaking to think about because this person wanted so badly to be a mother, through no fault of their own was denied that ability for a long time, has now finally become one, and is doing a poor job of being one.
Yeah, the part that people often forget is that spoiling a child to this degree is actually HARMFUL to the child. He couldn't even enjoy his cousin's birthday party because he couldn't understand or accept that everything doesn't exist just for him. He is going to have an incredibly miserable life because he hasn't been taught to deal with disappointment, regulate feelings, understand that his actions affect others... Parents really need to remember that the word discipline comes from a word that means "to teach", if you don't teach your child, you've failed as a parent and you and that child will have to deal with the ramifications for the rest of your lives.
There have been so many stories about “miracle babies” and parents letting them get away with anything and wanting everyone else’s world to revolve around them. Do they really think that their special child is untouchable??? It’ll definitely be a wake up call when the child goes too far and actually has to face consequences. Then the parent(s) will lash out at the fam and blame them
The president of the Spanish Football Federation, which is kind of a pretty big deal in Spain, has been suspended for sexually harrasing at least one of the Spanish players that just won the woman's world cup. There's video of the incident.
So, his mother just went into a hunger strike because his son is a good person and is being unfairly persecuted:https://www.sport.es/en/news/fuera-de-juego/rubiales-mother-continues-hunger-strike-and-claims-i-dont-mind-dying-91424640
This. I don't understand how "I went through pain on the way to having this child, so I'm going to parent in a way that sets them up to fail in life" makes sense to anyone. It's wrong when they abuse the child, and it's wrong here.
You said it right away. He HER miracle. To everyone else, he's just a kid. It's great she got to have him, but that doesn't make him immune to reality.
NTA.
Being a “rainbow baby” isn’t an excuse to be terrible.
Your sister is neglecting parenting her child because of the difficulty in having him. That’s a road to disaster.
A strong wake up call was needed.
Agreed. I’ve suffered several miscarriages and would never tolerate any of my kids acting like that. Kids need boundaries to help them feel safe and to teach them social norms. Letting him run riot is setting him up for failure now and in the future. OP is NTA and her sister is making her own life harder.
100% agree with all your points. Just reading about the son’s behavior made me cringe. His mom needs to discipline her son because I’d hate to find out how he’d act out when he doesn’t get his way when he’s a teenager or young adult.
NTA but OP could have gone about saying it in a nicer way.
I agree OP could have said it in a nicer way... but her nephew had just ruined her baby's first birthday party, while her sister did nothing to stop him and even excuse his behaviour because "he's special". I can understand she was not feeling exactly calm and relaxed at the moment.
People use "you need therapy" as an insult far too often, but I think OP's sister may actually benefit greatly from therapy. She is probably still dealing with a lot of stuff that never got adequately addressed.
I went to group therapy right after my spouse and I had our miscarriage. It was incredibly helpful. It's the only kind of therapy I've ever found valuable.
Totally agree. My cousin went through a few miscarriages and fertility issues prior to carrying her son full term. She has expressed to me feeling even more pressure to be a "good" mom due to this, and she says she is grateful for "getting to parent," even finding the value and growth in the discipline parts. So, basically the opposite of how OP's sister is approaching motherhood.
She is not acting in the child's best interests, and that's the bottom line. She wanted to be a parent, so she needs to *parent*.
>She continued to believe that until her sister stabbed her to death in 2009 for reasons that were never made clear.
She what?! Damn, it's no wonder Koresh ended up how he did. A lot going on in that family.
There are 2 fantastic books by author Jeff Guinn (I love his books and writing BTW) about Jones and Koresh. Both men came from very dysfunctional, turbulent, and toxic upbringings with rampant abuse, fathers that were not involved, lack of education, etc. Basically not ideal circumstances growing up that would lay the groundwork for chaos in their lives. It was very sad for both. And 10/10 recommend Jeff Guinn's books!
Hitler had a sister -- Paula. He had a LOT of family issues but he wasn't an only child. Jim Jones and his mother's obsession with him being a 'great man' was indeed super creepy though.
There were a few, he had a sister called Angela and a brother called Alois after their father (half brother iirc), and another younger brother along with Paula. Alois married an Irish woman he met in England and had a son called William Patrick. Hitlers nephew literally went by Paddy Hitler, which as an Irish person is hilarious to me.
FYI (As I learnt it) This nephew ended up fighting against the Nazi's. He had four sons and three of them made a pact to never have childred so the bloodline would end. The fourth son didn't agree but died childless.
I never did like that whole pact thing.
Something about Hitlers descendants sitting around talking how much "bloodlines" matter is inherently unsettling to me.
I mean also view it as "any kids we could have would inevitably be absolutely harassed for being related to Hitler (something they themselves probably dealt with) and between whatever the fuck went wrong in uncles brain and the way the world is and would treat those poor kids they'd would have be in for a rough go and decided not to do that to them
I always feel sad when I remember Charles Manson Jr. He spent years dealing with crap like reporters shoving microphones in his face, asking if he was afraid evil was "genetic." He later unalived himself. I think Hitler's nephews realized it wouldn't be fair to condemn someone to that, considering how nasty people can be.
This was a great rabbit hole to be sucked down. The youngest of the 4 sons is 58 so theoretically he could still procreate. The 3rd son is the one who died, in a MVA and was engaged at the time. Courtesy of Wikipedia.
And we can't know for sure that none of them DID procreate. But that's unimportant, really. I agree with the above poster; a focus on "bloodlines" is distasteful. I'd like to think the world as a whole is moving beyond that.
Hmmm I see this less as "bloodlines" and more as "genes" (mental or physical illnesses). I personally am not inclined to have a bio child because I like my body as is and don't feel like passing my genetics down. I've had a similar discussion with my sister. I can imagine that feeling being heightened considering the context of hitler.
He even had 2 half siblings of his father’s second wife (first wife had no children with Adolfs father). The mother of Adolf had 3 children before she had him, but they all died before Adolf was born. Then he got another brother Edmund and sister Paula indeed. The point that he was born after multiple deceased children and his mother probably spoiled him because he was also often sick still stands. But the argument he was an only child doesn’t. He was 3 when his brother Edmund was born and he already had 2 other half siblings whom lived with them because their mother (Adolf father’s second wife) had also died. His third wife is Adolf Hitler’s mother.
Interesting fact: there are still blood relatives of Adolf Hitler alive. But they are determined to let the blood line die with them.
>Interesting fact: there are still blood relatives of Adolf Hitler alive. But they are determined to let the blood line die with them.
IIRC, they all voluntarily sterilized themselves to ensure that they would never accidentally have children.
> The point that he was born after multiple deceased children and his mother probably spoiled him because he was also often sick still stands
His dad beat him a lot, did not thought much of him and mom was rather submissive to dad. Hitler was not really a spoiled kid based on biography I have read by any reasonable standard. More like, grew to be as intolerant and my-way-or-highway kind of guy as his dad.
The final audio recording of those moments is so creepy and I do not recommend anyone listen to them - saying this as a serial clicker on weird shit out of curiosity, this got to me more than anything else I've ever seen, and there wasn't even video.
On the one hand, yes, these people were thoroughly brainwashed and their deaths were murders carried out by a deranged cult leader. But on the other hand, the audio of him explaining that they all have to die now is accompanied by so many "mmhmm"s and "amen"s. You can hear some people arguing about whether this is necessary, and other people argue against that person, more siding with Jones than the dissenters. Like holy *fuck* it is dark.
I had to stop after they started handing out the first doses of poison and you could hear the standard cries of babies turning into screams of pain because their parents fucking ...
Yeah I'd rather binge WatchPeopleDie than listen to that again.
There was another guy, I can’t remember the names… his parents and his three sisters thought he was the next messiah. He eventually went on, with his entire family’s (his mom, dad, and three sisters) support, to slaughter his mom and two of his sisters (his other sister was at work) in their little apartment. He beat them to death with a wooden hanger while his dad played the organ. The son first went into his parents’ bedroom where they were taking a nap. He didn’t like the way his mom looked at him, or something like that, so got a wooden hanger out of the closet and started beating her to death with it. This was something the family knew was coming, something they referred to as “the killing hour.” They thought he was doing them, the “dirty women,” a solid bc he was transcending them right to heaven.
While the son was beating the mom, the dad went into the living room and started playing the organ. The mom rearranged herself on the bed face down to give her son a better angle to beat her to death from.
The two daughters who were home heard the commotion; upon going to check what was going on, dad told them that the killing hour was upon them, so they went and sat on the floor in the living room, patiently waiting for their brother to come kill them as well. Side note, the son was also allowed to have sex w the mom and sisters.
The son and dad, after cutting off the women’s sexual organs and breasts and nailing them to the wall, then went on to where the last living daughter was working as a housekeeper for a doctor. Right in front of the doctor, they told the sister how the son killed the others. The daughter hugged them and said she was sure they did what needed to be done. The doctor then went and called the authorities, who arrested I think all three of them.
Actually, according to his niece his father was really abusive and treated all his children like garbage.
Her biography of Trump is really interesting since she knew him quite well and she’s a psychologist.
True, but she still makes it clear that Donald was the favorite. While his dad was still abusive to him, he also pretty much gave him whatever he wanted and fixed or removed any obstacles to that. It struck me as a golden child situation. It's still absolutely abuse, but he definitely got preferential treatment and was built up as daddy's heir.
Yeah. Parents who let their "special angels" get away with stuff are just dooming their kids to be dysfunctional adults. It is possible to love and discipline your child at the same time.
OP is definitely NTA.
> Yeah. Parents who let their "special angels" get away with stuff are just dooming their kids to be dysfunctional adults.
I agree, but I also think the opposite is true, you have to strike a healthy medium. People who ignore and neglect their kids are also potentially dooming them to be dysfunctional adults.
Refusing to discipline your kid IS ignoring and neglecting them. Little kids don't know what is and is not okay so they test boundaries and break rules to try and learn what they're allowed to do. If you don't show them that negative behaviors have negative consequences, they learn the wrong things. Discipline is vital to raising a healthy adult.
I work with a lad who has never been told “no” by his parents. His attitude stinks and if a woman dares tell him what to do (his manager and both team leaders are women) he sulks for ever.
forget about these folks. just look at the current situation in Spanish Women's Soccer. Luis Rubiales sexually assaulted a woman on the world stage, and his mother has locked herself in a church on a hunger strike because she feels the world is persecuting her son.
OP, you are not the asshole. Your sister is, and she's raising an asshole as well.
> I'm not sure why I put Hitler in there.
Because people who make stuff up like to include Hitler for emphasis? Jones' mother was neglectful and not maternal, while his father was ill, leaving it up to neighbors to raise him and family to give them enough money to live in a shack without electricity or plumbing.
In other words, he was the opposite of spoiled. So at best you're one for three, and that might only be because I don't feel like looking up the one example commenters seem to think you have right.
I'll give you this - with all the repeated misinformation on Reddit, you've sure found something new.
Anyway, the sister's behavior seems mostly likely to make her son into someone who's not even able enough to have a competent adulthood, let alone one with the skills to lead a murderous movement.
According to th wiki page on him - "according to multiple Jones biographers, his mother had "no natural maternal instincts" and as a result, she frequently neglected her son."
NTA and tell the flying monkeys that your sister is actively harming her child by not preparing him for living with others in same society. Kid will go to school soon and it will be really hard for the kid if mom doesn’t get her head out of her ass!
Edit: sorry for shouting and lecturing but parents like that hit a nerve. Eventually this “rainbow baby” thing will be clarified as child abuse - at least I hope so
Yeah. I never understood stories like these... don't these parents understand no one else give a shit about their "special" baby? Are they delusional, or do they secretly hate their kids?
And how much hate do you have for your kids that you refuse to teach them the basic skill of living in society?
I feel like some of these parents look at their rainbow babies less as people and more like shiny Pokémon they finally caught. Psychologically-speaking, it kinda makes sense that one would have to depersonalize babies because grief, but egads.
Yep. They're not processing that part at all. You could pass by a dozen miracle babies before lunch and never even know it. The guy that cut you off in traffic on the way to work could have been the result of a decades worth of pain and frustration, disappointments and false hopes, miscarriages, and fertility treatments, and all he'll ever be to you is some normal looking jackass in a Dodge. If you don't realize this about your kids - that they'll just be another face in the crowd to everyone else - you'll raise them to stand out for all the wrong reasons.
Yeah OP’s sister isn’t doing her son any favors for once he hits school. Not many parents are going to put up with that kind of behavior at their own kids birthdays, sleepovers, play dates, etc. Abby is setting her son up for a lonely childhood if she doesn’t put a stop to it now. Plus other parents won’t be as nice as OP in explaining why her “special little boy” isn’t invited anywhere.
Had a girl who acted like this in several of my classes when I was in elementary school. Eventually none of the parents or kids wanted to deal with her anymore so she stopped being invited to anything. Her mom threw a fit and demanded to know why. None of the other parents held back in explaining why they weren’t dealing with her spoiled brat anymore.
We had a kid like this in our friend group as well did everything OPs nephew did and we never invite her to anything. Luckily the parents got the message and she's bearable now but the damage had already been done so it's going to take a bit more work before she's invited
Yep. On top of which she's just...not teaching him healthy expectations and ways to deal with his emotions, which will just set him up for more pain down the line even if he does manage to make friends/be invited to things. Like, is it better for him to be upset over not getting presents and cake for himself at other people's birthdays, or is it better for him to understand that everyone gets their special day and sometimes the fun is in celebrating someone else? Not saying every five year old is going to be able to internalize that idea completely, but by not establishing any boundaries she's not even trying to teach him!
I completely agree. I’m currently a nanny for two little boys and me and their parents have worked hard at making them understand “today is so and so’s special day. You will get a special day but it’s not today.” It either of them had behaved like this they would have been removed from the party.
I agree about the rainbow baby stuff. It’s also a lot of pressure for the kid! If you tell a kid they’re special, they’re a miracle, how does the kid feel when they’re average? You don’t have to do anything to be worthy of love, affection, kindness, whatever. Special is fine, but it’s rare. It’s perfectly fine to just be a normal person. What matters is being kind, doing your best, and being who you are. If you’re special, that’s great too, but not a requirement.
It’s really messing up kids head: you don’t have to do anything right to be best, but you know that you are not? I have understood that some of these kids get really messed up idea of self and have no self confidence.
Unfortunately those kids only make it harder for other kids, because they feel superior and believe they can get away with anything. And somehow they do.
Seriously good advice. Just bc they're ~~toddlers~~ kids, doesn't mean they can't do serious damage. My neighbor's 4yo got a reeeeally bad concussion when his 5yo cousin punched him in the back of the head. My neighbor felt like such a moron for not cutting that kid out of bbqs after his first dozen violent incidents bc "he's family."
You are correct. Her allowing this behavior will escalate to the point where no one will want to be near him or her. Ntah a miscarriage doesn’t allow for oh well he’s special and gets a free pass at being an ah
Abby is setting her son up for a lonely childhood once he hits school. No parents are going to want to deal with that behavior at birthday parties and playdates and kids aren’t going to like him either.
i had a really shitty dad and home life, and this is exactly what happened to me. It took so long for me to see why these things were happening to me and what needed to change because it was the only reality i knew. It made me so lonely while also feeling like a failure. Things changed for the better and im proud of who i am now, but damn some people are just set up to fail from the beginning because of other peoples apathy and selfishness. Makes me look at assholes in a different light. What kind of childhood did they have that set them up to be this way? did they ever have any support? can they even see a way out? those are questions people from good homes rarely have to ask, and that is a privilege many do not have.
NTA. Ya'll did well to not crush her moment, but the kid's 5. It's time to start crushing those moments when he wants to push your child's birthday cake to the floor.
I had a "rainbow baby" after a miscarriage. My sister will soon have hers too, after a lot of miscarriages and an operation for endometriosis.
And I hate that term "rainbow baby". It's a baby. No more no less. Sometimes she's a little angel, sometimes a little devil. And at other time just a child.
Trying to make your baby shoulder your past with such a term as "rainbow baby" is abusive in my opinion. Your children don't have to bear your past.
NTA, but I would be worried about all this family enabling her. Maybe time to read the don't rock the boat analogy: [https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont\_rock\_the\_boat/](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/)
I have 3 kids. Each one of them is after a miscarriage and a frozen pregnancy. Neither my family (except husband) nor the kids are aware of that. I don't want any expectations on them or any attached grief. They are just kids. Loved and cherished. They are all special to me, especially praised for being kind and caring. I'm trying to reward behavior that I would love to see in happy functional adults
NTA. What you said was harsh but it sounds like it’s what she needs to hear. When things cool down you might apologize for saying it in a mean way, but that you do mean what you said - she is so focused on how “special” he is that she is hurting other people - and she certainly isn’t doing him any favors. You may point out that when he starts school, none of the other kids are going to care if he’s a rainbow baby- they’re just straight up not going to want to play with him. You could probably workshop that to make it sound better but overall, she needed a wake up call.
While I do agree with you, I don't think the sister is going to accept it that way. If she made such a big deal out of the whole situation, she isn't going to acknowledge that her child isn't special to everybody and that she does have to do some parenting. It's more likely that she will just stop talking to the sister completely because of this.
But deff NTA, OP did the right thing with some harsh love.
> they’re just straight up not going to want to play with him.
As an elementary teacher, this is the #1 thing we dread. Even in kindergarten, students who "can't play with each other" are going to struggle hard. Whether it's ostracization by other kids, actually getting in trouble with the teacher, unable to self-regulate behaviors, or inability to transition from one activity to another...you do NOT want your child to be 'that' kid.
- The one not invited to birthday parties
- The one who doesn't have any playdates after school
- The one who gets talked about by "other parents" (because their own kids go home and tattle about everything)
- The one who will then act out for attention (negative or otherwise)
Now, I'm not saying we won't try to teach them. Or facilitate/model how to play. Or put them in group dynamics where they will have success. But by the time they are 5 or 6 years old...there is already so much INNATE behaviors that are extremely difficult to change.
Ages 2-4 have to be about socialization, socialization, socialization or you are setting your kid up for a difficult time in school.
I agree, Sister is setting her son up to be a bully and a possible criminal as an adult. Someone needed to tell her years ago, because at five, the damage is much harder to reverse.
NTA, protect your baby from this kid, he sounds dreadful. It is awful loosing babies this way, but sister needs to teach and love her son, not just spoil him, kids crave boundaries.
NTA. Once a child arrives in the world, how they got there should have no bearing on how they are treated/disciplined. I've got an ivf baby and I try to forget we even went through all that because honestly it's irrelevant now. A baby is a baby. My personal emotional baggage shouldn't give her permission to be awful. As for your sister, who knows if the message will sink in. Keep focusing on how you won't accept his bad behavior in your home. It's up to her if she finds a way to teach him manners.
NTA.
Lots of people have fertility issues before finally successfully having a child. It's not excuse for lack of discipline.
You could have handled the conversation better though. Maybe a slight esh.
Nta and don't let someone tell you otherwise. No doubt every child is special but for Abby to think that this world would treat her son different because he's a miracle to her would be ignorant. Abby sounds delusional please make sure in your further meetings that your daughter doesn't have to compromise
NTA. I’m extremely “lucky” to have my son but that doesn’t give him a reason to be a little asshole. She needs to watch the Bluey episode “Library”.
(Dad) Stripe: You know how I said you’re the most special kid in the world?
(Child) Muffin: Yes?
Stripe: Well, you’re not.
Muffin: Oh.
Stripe: I mean, you are to me and your mum. We love you more than anything. But, you’re probably not special to everyone else.
Muffin: Oh, okay!
Stripe: So, you have to follow the same rules as everyone, okay?
Muffin: Bluey! Bingo! I have great news!
Bluey: what!?
Muffin: I’m not special anymore!
Everyone: HURRAY!
(I had to scroll way too far to find the reference to my second favorite Bluey episode. )
Absolutely NTA and while he’s absolutely her miracle baby it doesn’t mean she should raise him entitled and spoiled. It doesn’t excuse his bratty behavior. He still needs to be taught and disciplined like any other child would be.
She’s failing him by not doing so. The kid’s going to grow up thinking he can do or have whatever he wants, will be nothing but trouble in school, and will even affect him as an adult. Throwing tantrums along the way with no consequence for his action. The adult world isn’t going to care that he’s her miracle child!!
NTA.
Your sister is a terrible parent. Because she had miscarriages she gets to inflict this brat upon the world? Nope.
Best thing you can do as an aunt and sister is to put them both in check in your presence. Give the kid discipline and let the fallout occur. At the very least he will learn the valuable lesson that he can't go full brat everywhere all the time, and the sooner he learns that the better for him.
At this rate, once he hits school the other kids will grow to hate him, and then he'll be isolated, and the vicious cycle begins. All because his mom let him act out his worst behaviors (that all children have) and didn't teach him how to act right.
NTA
You may have been a bit rough, but your sister needs a serious wake up call. It's easy for parents to turn their rainbow baby into a spawn from hell.
NTA
Sure he is a “miracle baby” but Abby and her husband need to follow through with the “miracle” and give the child the tools he needs in the adult world, instead of treating him like he can do no wrong.
NTA
Being special doesn't exclude having rules and boundaries applied! It's just a lame excuse for a parent unwilling to deal with the tantrum a child will throw when it doesn't get its will!
NTA. The unfortunate events that led up to Abby’s son’s birth are not excuses for unacceptable behavior. HE will be the AH as an adult if he continues to get special treatment constantly.
NTA
Parents like those do their children a disservice. He’s not being taught how to behave properly, which is a skill he needs in life.
People sure do throw around the word “miracle” a lot. Nature, uh, finds a way.
Every single one of these threads I read, it's always the same routine.
OP knows from his account he's 100% in the right and knows for certain that Reddit will agree he was put in a terrible position and had no option but to make the decision chosen.
Sub should be called r/PleaseConfirmThatImObviouslyNotTheAsshole
I bet most of the time there is another side to the story which would makes it much less clearer.
In my experience if you're being called an asshole the situation is probably not as black and white as you make out.
Hey Reddit, do you ever read between the lines? When you are an asshole, and I mean really an asshole, and you retell the story - so you depict it accurately? Do you paint some areas less harsh as they maybe actually were? The reason I ask is because we allow these posters to concoct their fantasy retelling without really any challenging. It’s hard being completely honest, most people will not tell you the asshole acts they truly engaged in. They will soften the blow. I imagine you were an asshole OP. I also imagine you’re not telling us all the facts. I imagine your sister was probably an asshole too, but that’s a pretty mean comment you made to her, and I’m sure there is more to the story.
OP said they only invited their older sibling because everyone else was. Wtf kind of relationship do you have with your older sister than you wouldn't invite them to your child's first birthday?
NTA. I totally understand why Abby is over the moon to finally have a baby. I totally get it. But now her job is to raise that child to be a good human. And she's failing.
NTA.
People don’t get a free pass to ruin their children because they, themselves are hurting. Your sister’s use of her son to salve her own pain is exactly how families end up with intergenerational trauma. Someone needs to step in.
ESH - in five years no one has told your sister the truth, and lashing out at her at your child's party was not the ideal time or place to do it for the first time. So you lost the message with your delivery. Time to have a sit-down conversation with your sister and talk about this like adults, including apologizing for the way you handled things on your daughter's birthday in front of the entire family.
NTA- you are right. Him being your sister's special miracle baby doesn't mean he isn't a spoiled little asshole. My cousin was my aunt's miracle baby, too, and she was also a spoiled asshole that no one else her age really liked. Luckily she eventually grew out of it when the rest of the world didn't coddle her like mommy did - but a lot of kids are set up for failure because they are "too special" to be disciplined.
NTA. Even special rainbow babies need to learn how to behave properly. He'll stop being invited to parties once his pattern of misbehaving becomes more widely known and he's going to have a hard time making friends. She's setting up her miracle baby for failure.
NTA but your sister and her "miracle" is. It's great that's she's been able to convince after such a struggle but that doesn't make him exception to rules. She needs to teach him no and that the world isn't revolving around him. When he becomes a 35 year old man he can't claim he is a rainbow baby and throw tantrums at parties.
Where I live calling a kid “special” is a nice way to say they do not have the cognitive abilities to behave like other kids their age and need special accommodations.
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So, I have dealt with multiple miscarriages and do understand the pain. Still NTA
Same - hugs!! Op’s sister is not the only one this happens to, I think the stats are something like 1 in 4 pregnancies? It can be tragic and traumatic and something that never leaves you. It’s also something that lots of people can’t or won’t talk about which causes it’s own issues. It’s still no excuse for raising an entitled child that no other person can stand to be around. It could be setting the poor child up for a difficult life and a difficult life for those around him.
4 losses myself here and going in for induction on Friday for our IVF wonder baby but I can’t imagine raising a child that feels entitled to everything. Edit: I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented below. To have so many kind words from strangers on the internet is a refreshing change. ❤️❤️❤️
Thats great - hope everything goes well with induction & on meeting your baby! My son is my rainbow baby & just sent my husband this to say we are not raising our son to be like this!
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My sister was 2 months premie - dad treated her as special and could do not wrong. Today she is a raging narcissist. She has covert, overt, and communal narcissistic behaviors. No one in my family has anything to do with her. Hopefully your sister gets it together and starts parenting him!
I have a cousin who is similar. She almost died as a baby. They honestly didn’t think she would live. She survived a surgery around a week old. Her mom spoiled her. She learned to pit her mom against her dad. She didn’t get the care type she wanted so she traded cars down in value several times to get the specific car type she wanted instead of the safer more reliable one her parents purchased for her. Now she is a narcissist.
Being a golden child or a scapegoat sucks. They are just two sides of the same, emotionally abusive, coin. Children should never be extensions of their emotionally immature parents’ sense of self. I’m sorry your cousin wasn’t taught basic life skills at a young age and broke in a way that’s harmful to everyone around her. Cycles of abuse are painful to watch.
My twins were micropreemies and TTTS survivors. They are miracle babies and sometimes when I snuggle them I am overwhelmed with love and thankfulness for them. But they can still be little turds, and need to be kept in line. I can't believe a FIVE year old would act this way, let alone not be corrected. That kid is in for a lifetime of struggle when he realizes the world doesnt look at him through rose coloured glasses.
I hate that you had to go through this but love that your breaking through and not continuing to be *that* person when it could have so easily stayed that way for you had you wanted yo stay that way. *the people around you thank you!*
This is the correct answer. This special child is in for a lifetime of misery when he leaves fantasyland for the real world.
No kidding, he's 5 so he should be starting school now if he hasn't already and if he has this behaviour in school, he's not going to have many friends, much less invites to birthday parties with the other kids because the other kids and their parents won't want him having a tanty and trying to destroy the party on their kids day because it's not all about him.
This is what gets me; how in the world do these parents think that raising a spoiled, entitled, antisocial and utterly sheltered kid is setting them up for a happy and fulfilling life? They are raising them exactly the right way to be lonely, embittered and unsuccessful adults.
Thank you so much for giving your perspective as the miracle baby, it is very insightful. Treating a child as special, to the point of said child being a selfish self-centered brat, sets that kid up for a VERY VERY lonely life. I'm glad you were able to get out from under all of that and get the help you needed. Wishing you a very happy life🙂
This seems to be a very common situation: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nue79c/aita\_for\_telling\_my\_sister\_her\_rainbow\_baby\_isnt/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nue79c/aita_for_telling_my_sister_her_rainbow_baby_isnt/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4hhwk/aita\_for\_telling\_my\_aunt\_just\_because\_her/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4hhwk/aita_for_telling_my_aunt_just_because_her/)
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It should be illegal to struggle so hard to make a baby and then totally neglect actually raising them to be wonderful adults. I'm childless and don't understand the feeling of losing a baby but I can't imagine going through so much to get them just to fail them again and again. A friend of mine is pretty unstructured and undisciplined so I was pretty surprised when she was a somewhat strict parent. Loving, yes, setting boundaries, also yes. I mentioned my surprise at a point and she said "I love my kids so much I want them to meet a world that loves them at least half as much as I do - and the only way to give them that is to raise them well and to have good manners when going out. I couldn't bear being the one that failed them and have them be seen as brats and a nuissance". It makes SO much sense to me and her kids are awesome and met with tons of love everywhere because they aren't selfish brats. THAT'S love! NTA, OP, someone needs to speak up for that kid.
THIS! Spoiling children rotten is abuse, period. The two surest ways to mess a kid up are by giving them everything they want, or nothing they want.
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Good luck!
Congratulations and good luck. Those hard earned years, they are going to keep you young, I'm sure.
I hope it’s a success!! Good luck!
Congratulations and best of luck!
OH!! Best wishes for your procedure.
Just wanted to say I hope you have a safe and smooth delivery. ♥️
My mom has delt with losing my twin and had a tubular pregnancy as well as a hard time getting pregnant. You can BET there's no way she would let me act like this let alone my dad
Similar story here Mom miscarried during her first pregnancy but you better believe she didn’t allow my sister or me behave anywhere near this spoiled.
My mother thought she was infertile (not sure why) and she had to come off birth control while they ran some tests. She kept having sex with my dad while off the pill because she figured it didn't matter if she couldn't get pregnant anyway. Tests were run, results came in, and the doctor said, "Well, the good news is that you're definitely not infertile. Also possibly good news - you're pregnant". She in no way expected that, and her family history gave her serious concerns about whether I'd come out intellectually disabled like her older sister. So double relief when I was fine in that regard. But with all that, no matter how special I was, she still raised me to not be a spoiled, entitled brat. Maybe the phrasing was less than ideal - of course nephew matters to other people - but he's not everyone's miracle, he is not the centre of the universe, and that's something the mother needs to understand. So NTA.
Similar. My parents struggled with infertility, and my mom only ever had one pregnancy: me and my twin. My twin stopped developing in-utero and got reabsorbed by my mom’s body. She had me at 37, and I was raised an only child. My mom would be *horrified* by OP’s sister.
Yes. For OP it was one ruined birthday party. But for her nephew life will be very, very hard. Most of the world will not think he's special and wont tolerate him acting like an ass.
Well, you can be a special, unique jerk with rainbow and glitter. And people would avoid you in a special way. Special doesn't mean good
>And people would avoid you in a special way Perfection
Its way more common than people think, it just wasn't something people talked about or acknowledged for a long time which... can't have been healthy. Also, a **lot** of miscarriages happen early enough that the mother can't actually be certain they were even pregnant, so there are people walking around who've had miscarriages and never knew, which is an odd thought. But yes, miscarriages of wanted (and often even of unwanted) pregnancies are traumatic and awful and can take a lot of time and effort to emotionally recover from. Quite a few of the women in my family and social circle have gone through them and while its been different for all of them its sucked every single time. Knowing its common doesn't make it easy, but I think it can help lessen the tendency to blame yourself and think of yourself as some unique failure of a woman because it happened to you, which I think used to be a lot more common before it was openly acknowledged as much as it is today.
I heard it's 30% after 7 weeks and the earlier we find out - the higher the chances. Was 2/3 chance for me, sadly. But still - if you want your kid(s) to have a good and easy life - don't enable the entitlement. A little timeout and a tantrum now can help you all avoid much bigger problems later.
I have too, last time I had to add it up I think I was at 9. A few of my miscarriages I was far enough along that I had already told close family. What an awful way to raise a child that she sees as her "miracle baby." NTA - someone absolutely needed to tell her, maybe she'll read a parenting book.
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Yeah, after the first time telling my family that I had a miscarriage I never told anyone except DH and medics until it was 13 weeks and passed genetic screening. Still hurts, but was easier this way
I've not gone through this yet so maybe this is something that's just me, but I see OP's sister's fertility issues and finally being able to birth a child, and the actual child as two different things. If anything I'd be happy for my sister bc it was her body doing that work - no reason to let her child get away with things! He doesn't know what happened in his mom's womb!
NTA, and you are 100% correct. While he is her miracle baby, no one else in the world is going to coddle him except her, and she is raising him to be a spoiled entitled brat which will only bring him issues later in life. He needs some manners and discipline and your sister needs a wake up call. What is she going to say to the police when he gets arrested for his bad behavior? But officer, he's my miracle baby, he didn't mean to steal/assault someone/whatever stupid thing he did because he thinks he can get away with it. It's better she realize this now than when he's older and there are real life consequences to his actions.
I am still stunded by how many people use, 'he is special' as an excuse for bad behavior or the need of special treatment, like being excluded from child free weddings. Esucate your dame child and even if the child could use the force, IT DOESNT MATTER, education is needed. Edit: some pointed out that I wrote 'child marriages', I meant 'child free weddings', so I corrected it. What I mean is when a couple decides to not allow guests below the age of 18/21. English is not my first language.
If the kid is so godamned special, why is he such a little shit?
that only makes him a special kinde of shit
Oh I love this comment, yes, you should've said this... Kids of 3 and older should understand that not all parties are for them or about them, has he never been invited to a classmate's birthday party? Oh sorry he is probably being unschooled and doesn't have friends, cause he is not allowed near anything that can make him sick either?
It would make sense if he’s never been invited, given his attitude.
I’m still stunned that people use a natural part of life (and death) such as miscarriages to try to make themselves and their boon somehow above others. I’m a rainbow baby myself (double whammy, my older brother died because of SA) did my mother put my on a pedestal? Not when it came to my developing as a human being. Maybe with expectations, but if I tried to shove some a cake off the counter she woulda snatched me up and disciplined me for being a little shit.
If he wasn't her rainbow baby, she would just find another reason to believe that he's special and should receive special treatment. Well adjusted and healthy people don't think of reasons to feel superior. Maladjusted people will find any reason to feel superior.
Very wise words.
I also experienced miscarriages. Did end up having 2 births. While I do bring this up about every 5-6 years if the conversation warrants it, "Why are your kids so far apart in age?" I share this bit of history. I teach a popular hobby. I am so perplexed at the women who start with this. If asked, What's your name, work, how many kids do you have, they answer with, 1 live birth and 4 miscarriages. I respond with, Oh. How difficult. How old is your child who lived now? Just to move the conversation forward. You have put it perfectly. Like an award. It is very difficult to have them in class as they share their past "trauma's" and then the class devolves into oneupmanship. My cousin's SIL had... I call it the Oprah Effect (I am that old). While it is good to talk to someone/groups and share your experience, why do people WANT to stay in the past? Why don't they want to live and appreciate the present day anymore? And in case you're still reading, NTA is my opinion.
I’m with you on this. Two children far apart in age, two miscarriages between them. I don’t think about the miscarriages often at all. Usually only when at a doctor’s appointment and the forms have that pair of questions—How many times have you been pregnant? How many live births? (Come to think of it I may just start lying on those forms. It’s annoying. Why would they need that info for a dermatology appointment?)
Absolutely this. I'm a rainbow baby as well - mom had many miscarriages, and I had a younger brother die days after birth due to missing 1/4 of his heart. She does bring this up in her own way a fair amount, "God only let us keep one, thankfully he made him a good one." And you better believe my parents kept solid, *consistent* forms of discipline going. She made sure to tell me no on acting like a crazy child, and she made sure I knew that no means no. I was spoiled by the benefits of being an only child to two very intelligent and happy people, but I was very directly raised to never be considered above everyone else.
I think my children are super duper special. So i wont do them the disservice of not raising them right. If you really cared about your children and their happiness you would prepared them for the world and give them the tools they needs. Not raise and entitled brat that nobody wants to be around.
Imagine him telling his teachers that he doesn't have to write the assigned essay, he's special. Or telling his boss that his mom had ten miscarriages before he was born so he doesn't have to work on saturday.
I'm a teacher in a secondary school. I had a mum tell me I could not punish her 12-year-old (the "punishment" was to spend recess inside, she could eat, drink, go to the toilet... and it was appropriate according to the school rules). But her little girl had never been punished before - she was a rainbow baby. She was flaggergasted when I told her at school that made no difference and rules applied to everyone. Then the mum started to cry and told me I had given the kid a trauma and she was making sure she received therapy. I truly hope she did find a good therapist to the girl, she really needed one with a mum like that. I also hope the mum found a good therapist for herself.
Seems wild that parents who, after tragedy, get blessed with the chance of having a normal child just like everyone else which is what they desperately wanted more than anything...then they proceed to raise them in a completely bizarre way to ensure they grow up mentally damaged from such a sheltered and spoiled upbringing. I mean if my kid couldn't handle a recess detention I'd be absolutely terrified that something was seriously wrong with her if she was so maladjusted from the way I raised her that a single time-out required therapy. It's like they want to raise the kid for 18 years completely free of any consequences for their actions without any thought to the devastating impact that kind of upbringing will have when the kid reaches the real world and the intense difficulties they will face for the rest of their life as a result of that.
I had several miscarriages and the two pregnancies that resulted in my children were far more traumatic than the miscarriages because of the sheer amount of complications I had (spent 2 months hospitalized with both, a month prior and a month after birth; had DVTs; eclampsia, gestational diabetes, plus dealing with chronic pain). When I miscarried, even though I wanted the babies that would result, I was literally relieved because I didn't have to go through all that hell again. I just... I *hated* being pregnant. So much. With the fiery passion of a million and a half suns. I love my kids to death, but if I could have gotten them in a different manner, I would have. Both kids ended up born a month early and spent up to four weeks in the NICU. They're both special to *me* and my *husband*. To everyone else, they're just kids. Our son is quite autistic but we've taught him that while it's not his fault that he is, it is his responsibility to live with it and make sure he fits in socially and we'll do everything we can to help with that (therapists, psychiatrists, medications). I'll be honest: I've never understood the concept of a "rainbow baby". It's *such* a common and normal thing to go through - from what I heard from Mama Doctor Jones, many pregnancies end in miscarriage without you even knowing you were pregnant! So to make such a huge deal about your baby and expect everyone else to follow suit is quite delusional, in my opinion. My BiL and his wife have tried for a baby for thirteen years. They've had miscarriage after miscarriage; tried many rounds of IVF and IUI and anything else they can think of. They decided enough was enough and they'd rather adopt. And then she got pregnant. It was an incredibly high risk pregnancy and luckily, she carried the little girl to term! We're all so freakin' happy for her. But both her and my BiL wouldn't be caught dead making their daughter believe that she's special just because she was born. They know she's special to *them*, but they literally laugh if someone tries to imply that they should treat her daughter like OP's sister treats her Tazmanian devil.
>*no one else in the world is going to coddle him except her, and she is raising him to be a spoiled entitled brat which will only bring him issues later in life. He needs some manners and discipline and your sister needs a wake up call.* *"If you don't discipline your children, the world will do it for you. And the world does not love them."*
That's what a lot of these parents don't realize. No one is going to love their baby more than they do. They world doesn't owe their child any special treatment
It's so heartbreaking to think about because this person wanted so badly to be a mother, through no fault of their own was denied that ability for a long time, has now finally become one, and is doing a poor job of being one.
What a compassionate way to look at the situation!
Yeah, the part that people often forget is that spoiling a child to this degree is actually HARMFUL to the child. He couldn't even enjoy his cousin's birthday party because he couldn't understand or accept that everything doesn't exist just for him. He is going to have an incredibly miserable life because he hasn't been taught to deal with disappointment, regulate feelings, understand that his actions affect others... Parents really need to remember that the word discipline comes from a word that means "to teach", if you don't teach your child, you've failed as a parent and you and that child will have to deal with the ramifications for the rest of your lives.
There have been so many stories about “miracle babies” and parents letting them get away with anything and wanting everyone else’s world to revolve around them. Do they really think that their special child is untouchable??? It’ll definitely be a wake up call when the child goes too far and actually has to face consequences. Then the parent(s) will lash out at the fam and blame them
The president of the Spanish Football Federation, which is kind of a pretty big deal in Spain, has been suspended for sexually harrasing at least one of the Spanish players that just won the woman's world cup. There's video of the incident. So, his mother just went into a hunger strike because his son is a good person and is being unfairly persecuted:https://www.sport.es/en/news/fuera-de-juego/rubiales-mother-continues-hunger-strike-and-claims-i-dont-mind-dying-91424640
This. I don't understand how "I went through pain on the way to having this child, so I'm going to parent in a way that sets them up to fail in life" makes sense to anyone. It's wrong when they abuse the child, and it's wrong here.
You said it right away. He HER miracle. To everyone else, he's just a kid. It's great she got to have him, but that doesn't make him immune to reality.
NTA. Being a “rainbow baby” isn’t an excuse to be terrible. Your sister is neglecting parenting her child because of the difficulty in having him. That’s a road to disaster. A strong wake up call was needed.
Agreed. I’ve suffered several miscarriages and would never tolerate any of my kids acting like that. Kids need boundaries to help them feel safe and to teach them social norms. Letting him run riot is setting him up for failure now and in the future. OP is NTA and her sister is making her own life harder.
100% agree with all your points. Just reading about the son’s behavior made me cringe. His mom needs to discipline her son because I’d hate to find out how he’d act out when he doesn’t get his way when he’s a teenager or young adult. NTA but OP could have gone about saying it in a nicer way.
I agree OP could have said it in a nicer way... but her nephew had just ruined her baby's first birthday party, while her sister did nothing to stop him and even excuse his behaviour because "he's special". I can understand she was not feeling exactly calm and relaxed at the moment.
People use "you need therapy" as an insult far too often, but I think OP's sister may actually benefit greatly from therapy. She is probably still dealing with a lot of stuff that never got adequately addressed.
I have to say, so many people could benefit greatly from therapy, myself included. But yeah, OP's sister is one of them.
I went to group therapy right after my spouse and I had our miscarriage. It was incredibly helpful. It's the only kind of therapy I've ever found valuable.
Totally agree. My cousin went through a few miscarriages and fertility issues prior to carrying her son full term. She has expressed to me feeling even more pressure to be a "good" mom due to this, and she says she is grateful for "getting to parent," even finding the value and growth in the discipline parts. So, basically the opposite of how OP's sister is approaching motherhood. She is not acting in the child's best interests, and that's the bottom line. She wanted to be a parent, so she needs to *parent*.
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>She continued to believe that until her sister stabbed her to death in 2009 for reasons that were never made clear. She what?! Damn, it's no wonder Koresh ended up how he did. A lot going on in that family.
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stabortion
Sounds like her sister got tired of the bullshit. TL;DR OP will eventually stab her sister
There are 2 fantastic books by author Jeff Guinn (I love his books and writing BTW) about Jones and Koresh. Both men came from very dysfunctional, turbulent, and toxic upbringings with rampant abuse, fathers that were not involved, lack of education, etc. Basically not ideal circumstances growing up that would lay the groundwork for chaos in their lives. It was very sad for both. And 10/10 recommend Jeff Guinn's books!
Hitler had a sister -- Paula. He had a LOT of family issues but he wasn't an only child. Jim Jones and his mother's obsession with him being a 'great man' was indeed super creepy though.
There were a few, he had a sister called Angela and a brother called Alois after their father (half brother iirc), and another younger brother along with Paula. Alois married an Irish woman he met in England and had a son called William Patrick. Hitlers nephew literally went by Paddy Hitler, which as an Irish person is hilarious to me.
FYI (As I learnt it) This nephew ended up fighting against the Nazi's. He had four sons and three of them made a pact to never have childred so the bloodline would end. The fourth son didn't agree but died childless.
I never did like that whole pact thing. Something about Hitlers descendants sitting around talking how much "bloodlines" matter is inherently unsettling to me.
I mean also view it as "any kids we could have would inevitably be absolutely harassed for being related to Hitler (something they themselves probably dealt with) and between whatever the fuck went wrong in uncles brain and the way the world is and would treat those poor kids they'd would have be in for a rough go and decided not to do that to them
I always feel sad when I remember Charles Manson Jr. He spent years dealing with crap like reporters shoving microphones in his face, asking if he was afraid evil was "genetic." He later unalived himself. I think Hitler's nephews realized it wouldn't be fair to condemn someone to that, considering how nasty people can be.
I mean, on the one hand I can't disagree with you, but on the other hand the problem does sort of sort itself out in the long run...
This was a great rabbit hole to be sucked down. The youngest of the 4 sons is 58 so theoretically he could still procreate. The 3rd son is the one who died, in a MVA and was engaged at the time. Courtesy of Wikipedia.
And we can't know for sure that none of them DID procreate. But that's unimportant, really. I agree with the above poster; a focus on "bloodlines" is distasteful. I'd like to think the world as a whole is moving beyond that.
Hmmm I see this less as "bloodlines" and more as "genes" (mental or physical illnesses). I personally am not inclined to have a bio child because I like my body as is and don't feel like passing my genetics down. I've had a similar discussion with my sister. I can imagine that feeling being heightened considering the context of hitler.
He even had 2 half siblings of his father’s second wife (first wife had no children with Adolfs father). The mother of Adolf had 3 children before she had him, but they all died before Adolf was born. Then he got another brother Edmund and sister Paula indeed. The point that he was born after multiple deceased children and his mother probably spoiled him because he was also often sick still stands. But the argument he was an only child doesn’t. He was 3 when his brother Edmund was born and he already had 2 other half siblings whom lived with them because their mother (Adolf father’s second wife) had also died. His third wife is Adolf Hitler’s mother. Interesting fact: there are still blood relatives of Adolf Hitler alive. But they are determined to let the blood line die with them.
>Interesting fact: there are still blood relatives of Adolf Hitler alive. But they are determined to let the blood line die with them. IIRC, they all voluntarily sterilized themselves to ensure that they would never accidentally have children.
> The point that he was born after multiple deceased children and his mother probably spoiled him because he was also often sick still stands His dad beat him a lot, did not thought much of him and mom was rather submissive to dad. Hitler was not really a spoiled kid based on biography I have read by any reasonable standard. More like, grew to be as intolerant and my-way-or-highway kind of guy as his dad.
Jim Jones was so much ick. Those poor people did not commit mass suicide. They were murdered.
The final audio recording of those moments is so creepy and I do not recommend anyone listen to them - saying this as a serial clicker on weird shit out of curiosity, this got to me more than anything else I've ever seen, and there wasn't even video. On the one hand, yes, these people were thoroughly brainwashed and their deaths were murders carried out by a deranged cult leader. But on the other hand, the audio of him explaining that they all have to die now is accompanied by so many "mmhmm"s and "amen"s. You can hear some people arguing about whether this is necessary, and other people argue against that person, more siding with Jones than the dissenters. Like holy *fuck* it is dark. I had to stop after they started handing out the first doses of poison and you could hear the standard cries of babies turning into screams of pain because their parents fucking ... Yeah I'd rather binge WatchPeopleDie than listen to that again.
There was another guy, I can’t remember the names… his parents and his three sisters thought he was the next messiah. He eventually went on, with his entire family’s (his mom, dad, and three sisters) support, to slaughter his mom and two of his sisters (his other sister was at work) in their little apartment. He beat them to death with a wooden hanger while his dad played the organ. The son first went into his parents’ bedroom where they were taking a nap. He didn’t like the way his mom looked at him, or something like that, so got a wooden hanger out of the closet and started beating her to death with it. This was something the family knew was coming, something they referred to as “the killing hour.” They thought he was doing them, the “dirty women,” a solid bc he was transcending them right to heaven. While the son was beating the mom, the dad went into the living room and started playing the organ. The mom rearranged herself on the bed face down to give her son a better angle to beat her to death from. The two daughters who were home heard the commotion; upon going to check what was going on, dad told them that the killing hour was upon them, so they went and sat on the floor in the living room, patiently waiting for their brother to come kill them as well. Side note, the son was also allowed to have sex w the mom and sisters. The son and dad, after cutting off the women’s sexual organs and breasts and nailing them to the wall, then went on to where the last living daughter was working as a housekeeper for a doctor. Right in front of the doctor, they told the sister how the son killed the others. The daughter hugged them and said she was sure they did what needed to be done. The doctor then went and called the authorities, who arrested I think all three of them.
Well Donald Trump was raised to believe he was special. Look at him destroying the USA !!!
And he also has a creepy cult-like following
Actually, according to his niece his father was really abusive and treated all his children like garbage. Her biography of Trump is really interesting since she knew him quite well and she’s a psychologist.
True, but she still makes it clear that Donald was the favorite. While his dad was still abusive to him, he also pretty much gave him whatever he wanted and fixed or removed any obstacles to that. It struck me as a golden child situation. It's still absolutely abuse, but he definitely got preferential treatment and was built up as daddy's heir.
Yeah. Parents who let their "special angels" get away with stuff are just dooming their kids to be dysfunctional adults. It is possible to love and discipline your child at the same time. OP is definitely NTA.
> Yeah. Parents who let their "special angels" get away with stuff are just dooming their kids to be dysfunctional adults. I agree, but I also think the opposite is true, you have to strike a healthy medium. People who ignore and neglect their kids are also potentially dooming them to be dysfunctional adults.
Refusing to discipline your kid IS ignoring and neglecting them. Little kids don't know what is and is not okay so they test boundaries and break rules to try and learn what they're allowed to do. If you don't show them that negative behaviors have negative consequences, they learn the wrong things. Discipline is vital to raising a healthy adult.
I work with a lad who has never been told “no” by his parents. His attitude stinks and if a woman dares tell him what to do (his manager and both team leaders are women) he sulks for ever.
I want to know more stories about this guy... I just love when things like this happen
Umm op please don't let your nephew apply for art school
Or bribe the school to let him in
forget about these folks. just look at the current situation in Spanish Women's Soccer. Luis Rubiales sexually assaulted a woman on the world stage, and his mother has locked herself in a church on a hunger strike because she feels the world is persecuting her son. OP, you are not the asshole. Your sister is, and she's raising an asshole as well.
The edit made this whole post worthwhile. NTA Her son is going to end up as a massive pain in everyone's ass.
> I'm not sure why I put Hitler in there. Because people who make stuff up like to include Hitler for emphasis? Jones' mother was neglectful and not maternal, while his father was ill, leaving it up to neighbors to raise him and family to give them enough money to live in a shack without electricity or plumbing. In other words, he was the opposite of spoiled. So at best you're one for three, and that might only be because I don't feel like looking up the one example commenters seem to think you have right. I'll give you this - with all the repeated misinformation on Reddit, you've sure found something new. Anyway, the sister's behavior seems mostly likely to make her son into someone who's not even able enough to have a competent adulthood, let alone one with the skills to lead a murderous movement.
Dude Hitler was beaten and abused as a kid
So was I and I have yet to invade Poland
Have you had the opportunity yet?
Shit, good point
Please don’t visit Europe.
Just remember, don’t try and invade Russians during winter, didn’t turn out well for Napoleon, didn’t work for Hitler, it won’t go good for you
And never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
And don't get involved in a land war in Asia
I dunno. If you're a failed artist as well, it may just be a matter of time.
Does failed writer count? I suppose I should start gathering troops
Judging by the German's coordination on r/place this year, they would be ready in moments notice.
Yet. There's still time. I hear some invaders don't start until later in life
Yet 😈 I'm biding my time
Not with that attitude
Don't be so down on yourself. There's still time if you stop being so damn lazy.
Ted Bundy, only child, no father and major mommy issues
Okay and? Plenty of other monstrous people in history who had the complete opposite upbringing
Agree, this reply went a little nuclear. There are a LOT of spoiled only sons, there are far fewer sociopaths.
According to th wiki page on him - "according to multiple Jones biographers, his mother had "no natural maternal instincts" and as a result, she frequently neglected her son."
And Hitler was violently beaten by his step father
Bro this kid is a dick but are you really comparing him to serial killers overthrowing a fit
That first paragraph is really dialled to 11 considering this post is about a bratty kid at a birthday party
wtf. a bit far dont ya think
NTA and tell the flying monkeys that your sister is actively harming her child by not preparing him for living with others in same society. Kid will go to school soon and it will be really hard for the kid if mom doesn’t get her head out of her ass! Edit: sorry for shouting and lecturing but parents like that hit a nerve. Eventually this “rainbow baby” thing will be clarified as child abuse - at least I hope so
Yeah. I never understood stories like these... don't these parents understand no one else give a shit about their "special" baby? Are they delusional, or do they secretly hate their kids? And how much hate do you have for your kids that you refuse to teach them the basic skill of living in society?
They don’t understand that their children are human beings
I feel like some of these parents look at their rainbow babies less as people and more like shiny Pokémon they finally caught. Psychologically-speaking, it kinda makes sense that one would have to depersonalize babies because grief, but egads.
“It’s not a child, it’s a MiRaclE”
Yep. They're not processing that part at all. You could pass by a dozen miracle babies before lunch and never even know it. The guy that cut you off in traffic on the way to work could have been the result of a decades worth of pain and frustration, disappointments and false hopes, miscarriages, and fertility treatments, and all he'll ever be to you is some normal looking jackass in a Dodge. If you don't realize this about your kids - that they'll just be another face in the crowd to everyone else - you'll raise them to stand out for all the wrong reasons.
Yeah OP’s sister isn’t doing her son any favors for once he hits school. Not many parents are going to put up with that kind of behavior at their own kids birthdays, sleepovers, play dates, etc. Abby is setting her son up for a lonely childhood if she doesn’t put a stop to it now. Plus other parents won’t be as nice as OP in explaining why her “special little boy” isn’t invited anywhere. Had a girl who acted like this in several of my classes when I was in elementary school. Eventually none of the parents or kids wanted to deal with her anymore so she stopped being invited to anything. Her mom threw a fit and demanded to know why. None of the other parents held back in explaining why they weren’t dealing with her spoiled brat anymore.
Besides that, he's going to get beat up. If she doesn't teach him boundaries and limits, then someone else will, and they're not going to hold back.
Tale as old as Time, song as old as rhyme, they'll knock out his teeth
beauty and the *beef*
We had a kid like this in our friend group as well did everything OPs nephew did and we never invite her to anything. Luckily the parents got the message and she's bearable now but the damage had already been done so it's going to take a bit more work before she's invited
Yep. On top of which she's just...not teaching him healthy expectations and ways to deal with his emotions, which will just set him up for more pain down the line even if he does manage to make friends/be invited to things. Like, is it better for him to be upset over not getting presents and cake for himself at other people's birthdays, or is it better for him to understand that everyone gets their special day and sometimes the fun is in celebrating someone else? Not saying every five year old is going to be able to internalize that idea completely, but by not establishing any boundaries she's not even trying to teach him!
I completely agree. I’m currently a nanny for two little boys and me and their parents have worked hard at making them understand “today is so and so’s special day. You will get a special day but it’s not today.” It either of them had behaved like this they would have been removed from the party.
I agree about the rainbow baby stuff. It’s also a lot of pressure for the kid! If you tell a kid they’re special, they’re a miracle, how does the kid feel when they’re average? You don’t have to do anything to be worthy of love, affection, kindness, whatever. Special is fine, but it’s rare. It’s perfectly fine to just be a normal person. What matters is being kind, doing your best, and being who you are. If you’re special, that’s great too, but not a requirement.
It’s really messing up kids head: you don’t have to do anything right to be best, but you know that you are not? I have understood that some of these kids get really messed up idea of self and have no self confidence.
I agree it’s abuse. It’s deliberate neglect of a child’s needs.
Unfortunately those kids only make it harder for other kids, because they feel superior and believe they can get away with anything. And somehow they do.
NTA Stop inviting her places where your kid will be. Keep that aggressive kid away from your infant/toddler.
Seriously good advice. Just bc they're ~~toddlers~~ kids, doesn't mean they can't do serious damage. My neighbor's 4yo got a reeeeally bad concussion when his 5yo cousin punched him in the back of the head. My neighbor felt like such a moron for not cutting that kid out of bbqs after his first dozen violent incidents bc "he's family."
5 years old is definitely not a toddler either. 5 is school age in North America.
We have also stopped inviting certain people to things. No regrets.
You are correct. Her allowing this behavior will escalate to the point where no one will want to be near him or her. Ntah a miscarriage doesn’t allow for oh well he’s special and gets a free pass at being an ah
Abby is setting her son up for a lonely childhood once he hits school. No parents are going to want to deal with that behavior at birthday parties and playdates and kids aren’t going to like him either.
i had a really shitty dad and home life, and this is exactly what happened to me. It took so long for me to see why these things were happening to me and what needed to change because it was the only reality i knew. It made me so lonely while also feeling like a failure. Things changed for the better and im proud of who i am now, but damn some people are just set up to fail from the beginning because of other peoples apathy and selfishness. Makes me look at assholes in a different light. What kind of childhood did they have that set them up to be this way? did they ever have any support? can they even see a way out? those are questions people from good homes rarely have to ask, and that is a privilege many do not have.
NTA. Ya'll did well to not crush her moment, but the kid's 5. It's time to start crushing those moments when he wants to push your child's birthday cake to the floor.
Time for sister to get some therapy and take some parenting classes. The family needs to back op up and stop enabling this little terror. NTA
I had a "rainbow baby" after a miscarriage. My sister will soon have hers too, after a lot of miscarriages and an operation for endometriosis. And I hate that term "rainbow baby". It's a baby. No more no less. Sometimes she's a little angel, sometimes a little devil. And at other time just a child. Trying to make your baby shoulder your past with such a term as "rainbow baby" is abusive in my opinion. Your children don't have to bear your past. NTA, but I would be worried about all this family enabling her. Maybe time to read the don't rock the boat analogy: [https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont\_rock\_the\_boat/](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/)
I have 3 kids. Each one of them is after a miscarriage and a frozen pregnancy. Neither my family (except husband) nor the kids are aware of that. I don't want any expectations on them or any attached grief. They are just kids. Loved and cherished. They are all special to me, especially praised for being kind and caring. I'm trying to reward behavior that I would love to see in happy functional adults
Very well said. Love that answer.
NTA. What you said was harsh but it sounds like it’s what she needs to hear. When things cool down you might apologize for saying it in a mean way, but that you do mean what you said - she is so focused on how “special” he is that she is hurting other people - and she certainly isn’t doing him any favors. You may point out that when he starts school, none of the other kids are going to care if he’s a rainbow baby- they’re just straight up not going to want to play with him. You could probably workshop that to make it sound better but overall, she needed a wake up call.
While I do agree with you, I don't think the sister is going to accept it that way. If she made such a big deal out of the whole situation, she isn't going to acknowledge that her child isn't special to everybody and that she does have to do some parenting. It's more likely that she will just stop talking to the sister completely because of this. But deff NTA, OP did the right thing with some harsh love.
> they’re just straight up not going to want to play with him. As an elementary teacher, this is the #1 thing we dread. Even in kindergarten, students who "can't play with each other" are going to struggle hard. Whether it's ostracization by other kids, actually getting in trouble with the teacher, unable to self-regulate behaviors, or inability to transition from one activity to another...you do NOT want your child to be 'that' kid. - The one not invited to birthday parties - The one who doesn't have any playdates after school - The one who gets talked about by "other parents" (because their own kids go home and tattle about everything) - The one who will then act out for attention (negative or otherwise) Now, I'm not saying we won't try to teach them. Or facilitate/model how to play. Or put them in group dynamics where they will have success. But by the time they are 5 or 6 years old...there is already so much INNATE behaviors that are extremely difficult to change. Ages 2-4 have to be about socialization, socialization, socialization or you are setting your kid up for a difficult time in school.
I agree, Sister is setting her son up to be a bully and a possible criminal as an adult. Someone needed to tell her years ago, because at five, the damage is much harder to reverse. NTA, protect your baby from this kid, he sounds dreadful. It is awful loosing babies this way, but sister needs to teach and love her son, not just spoil him, kids crave boundaries.
NTA. Once a child arrives in the world, how they got there should have no bearing on how they are treated/disciplined. I've got an ivf baby and I try to forget we even went through all that because honestly it's irrelevant now. A baby is a baby. My personal emotional baggage shouldn't give her permission to be awful. As for your sister, who knows if the message will sink in. Keep focusing on how you won't accept his bad behavior in your home. It's up to her if she finds a way to teach him manners.
NTA. She is doing a disservice to her son by treating him like king of the world.
Well, I'm not sure I want to stick around and see another Joffrey ~~Lannister~~ Baratheon around just because "momma told me I'm the king"
NTA. Lots of people have fertility issues before finally successfully having a child. It's not excuse for lack of discipline. You could have handled the conversation better though. Maybe a slight esh.
NTA. You are right in that its not a free pass for her son's bad behavior.
NTA. Her fertility issues aren’t reason to be a bad parent.
Nta and don't let someone tell you otherwise. No doubt every child is special but for Abby to think that this world would treat her son different because he's a miracle to her would be ignorant. Abby sounds delusional please make sure in your further meetings that your daughter doesn't have to compromise
NTA. I’m extremely “lucky” to have my son but that doesn’t give him a reason to be a little asshole. She needs to watch the Bluey episode “Library”. (Dad) Stripe: You know how I said you’re the most special kid in the world? (Child) Muffin: Yes? Stripe: Well, you’re not. Muffin: Oh. Stripe: I mean, you are to me and your mum. We love you more than anything. But, you’re probably not special to everyone else. Muffin: Oh, okay! Stripe: So, you have to follow the same rules as everyone, okay?
Muffin: Bluey! Bingo! I have great news! Bluey: what!? Muffin: I’m not special anymore! Everyone: HURRAY! (I had to scroll way too far to find the reference to my second favorite Bluey episode. )
Absolutely NTA and while he’s absolutely her miracle baby it doesn’t mean she should raise him entitled and spoiled. It doesn’t excuse his bratty behavior. He still needs to be taught and disciplined like any other child would be. She’s failing him by not doing so. The kid’s going to grow up thinking he can do or have whatever he wants, will be nothing but trouble in school, and will even affect him as an adult. Throwing tantrums along the way with no consequence for his action. The adult world isn’t going to care that he’s her miracle child!!
It doesn't mean he is everyone else's miracle baby!!!!
NTA. Your sister is a terrible parent. Because she had miscarriages she gets to inflict this brat upon the world? Nope. Best thing you can do as an aunt and sister is to put them both in check in your presence. Give the kid discipline and let the fallout occur. At the very least he will learn the valuable lesson that he can't go full brat everywhere all the time, and the sooner he learns that the better for him. At this rate, once he hits school the other kids will grow to hate him, and then he'll be isolated, and the vicious cycle begins. All because his mom let him act out his worst behaviors (that all children have) and didn't teach him how to act right.
NTA You may have been a bit rough, but your sister needs a serious wake up call. It's easy for parents to turn their rainbow baby into a spawn from hell.
NTA Sure he is a “miracle baby” but Abby and her husband need to follow through with the “miracle” and give the child the tools he needs in the adult world, instead of treating him like he can do no wrong.
NTA Being special doesn't exclude having rules and boundaries applied! It's just a lame excuse for a parent unwilling to deal with the tantrum a child will throw when it doesn't get its will!
NTA. The unfortunate events that led up to Abby’s son’s birth are not excuses for unacceptable behavior. HE will be the AH as an adult if he continues to get special treatment constantly.
NTA Parents like those do their children a disservice. He’s not being taught how to behave properly, which is a skill he needs in life. People sure do throw around the word “miracle” a lot. Nature, uh, finds a way.
NTA. Her personal tragedies in the past does not give her son license to be an asshole.
NTA Yeah you could have handled the situation better. But the kid does sound extremely spoilt and in need of discipline.
Every single one of these threads I read, it's always the same routine. OP knows from his account he's 100% in the right and knows for certain that Reddit will agree he was put in a terrible position and had no option but to make the decision chosen. Sub should be called r/PleaseConfirmThatImObviouslyNotTheAsshole I bet most of the time there is another side to the story which would makes it much less clearer. In my experience if you're being called an asshole the situation is probably not as black and white as you make out.
Hey Reddit, do you ever read between the lines? When you are an asshole, and I mean really an asshole, and you retell the story - so you depict it accurately? Do you paint some areas less harsh as they maybe actually were? The reason I ask is because we allow these posters to concoct their fantasy retelling without really any challenging. It’s hard being completely honest, most people will not tell you the asshole acts they truly engaged in. They will soften the blow. I imagine you were an asshole OP. I also imagine you’re not telling us all the facts. I imagine your sister was probably an asshole too, but that’s a pretty mean comment you made to her, and I’m sure there is more to the story.
OP said they only invited their older sibling because everyone else was. Wtf kind of relationship do you have with your older sister than you wouldn't invite them to your child's first birthday?
NTA. I totally understand why Abby is over the moon to finally have a baby. I totally get it. But now her job is to raise that child to be a good human. And she's failing.
NTA. People don’t get a free pass to ruin their children because they, themselves are hurting. Your sister’s use of her son to salve her own pain is exactly how families end up with intergenerational trauma. Someone needs to step in.
ESH - in five years no one has told your sister the truth, and lashing out at her at your child's party was not the ideal time or place to do it for the first time. So you lost the message with your delivery. Time to have a sit-down conversation with your sister and talk about this like adults, including apologizing for the way you handled things on your daughter's birthday in front of the entire family.
NTA- you are right. Him being your sister's special miracle baby doesn't mean he isn't a spoiled little asshole. My cousin was my aunt's miracle baby, too, and she was also a spoiled asshole that no one else her age really liked. Luckily she eventually grew out of it when the rest of the world didn't coddle her like mommy did - but a lot of kids are set up for failure because they are "too special" to be disciplined.
Wowwwww these comments have people bringing up literal murderers. It’s a whiny kid, guys, calm down.
NTA. Even special rainbow babies need to learn how to behave properly. He'll stop being invited to parties once his pattern of misbehaving becomes more widely known and he's going to have a hard time making friends. She's setting up her miracle baby for failure.
NTA If she loved the child, she would raise him right. She just loves being a parent
NTA These children grow to be adults who throw tantrums. Unfortunately your sister will raise one…
NTA that kid is going to be a total AH when he grows up. Wow.
NTA but your sister and her "miracle" is. It's great that's she's been able to convince after such a struggle but that doesn't make him exception to rules. She needs to teach him no and that the world isn't revolving around him. When he becomes a 35 year old man he can't claim he is a rainbow baby and throw tantrums at parties.
ESH, you definitely could have been nicer but she needs to nip that behavior in the bud
Where I live calling a kid “special” is a nice way to say they do not have the cognitive abilities to behave like other kids their age and need special accommodations.