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YTA - Just because it’s a social norm to not use the urinal next to someone doesn’t mean you get to call someone names if they choose to use it. If he’s an employee there it seems likely that he did this out of habit, not because he wanted to perv on your kid. You took an innocent situation and turned it aggressive, your son will likely remember this interaction.
Exactly, the employee is likely on autopilot or has a favorite urinal. On the other hand the employee walks into the restroom and sees a grown man watching a kid use the urinal, he could assume he's the dad or some weirdo freak.
Favorite stall. Favorite burner on the stove. Favorite stationary bike or treadmill in a row of identical stationary bikes or treadmills. We’re creatures of habit.
Mate I have two kids and just realised, you know how kids have cutlery sets?? Why don’t adults? There’s enough of us that have fucked up cutlery quirks… why not just have a set of your own that you use every time!! My house may be 50% autistic and 50% adhd so that’s a factor but… honestly I’m blown away by my genius. Then you also don’t have to wash the awful cutlery that everyone hates because the hand feel is wrong
I also read this and the first one is my favourite because of that!
... Now I wonder how many other women also read that and don't walk by the first stall 😂
Yes! We do! I have a favorite. It translate more into stall position as I tend to choose that location regardless of which public restroom it is. Of course, I will use any stall if it's busy.
I agree. I mean, was the guy trying to look towards the kid?. I doubt it. Most people look down to aim. Some look up. I tend to do both. Unless he was trying to size the kid up. It shouldn't have been an issue.
There are three shitters in my company's bathroom. If the one on the end is in use, I'll come back later. The other two are just fine. But that is the one I use.
Routine. We innately do things we know have success rates and safety, so when you used that stall maybe you felt particularly safe, or that it was clean and just right etc. so your body always tells you that one is best.
I know a couple people who have a touch of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). They each feel that they need to use their favorite urinal to pee & their favorite sink to wash their hands.
>Exactly, the employee is likely on autopilot or has a favorite urinal.
OP also doesn't bother to specify which direction the door was. Employee may have just used the closest available urinal bc that's what a lot of people do. (Maybe even most people? But I don't know)
I'd argue it is a social norm to not be immediately next to a stranger if you have another option. Applies in lots of places like buses, elevators, gyms and bathrooms.
People tend to like their personal space and privacy.
I agree,,, but it is not enough of a social norm that we dont all somewhat regularly experience people doing those things anyway. And I've NEVER decided to start shit with the people who decide to use the treadmill next to me even though there's a dozen others open, or sit right next to me on the train even though there are other options.
Honestly i was thinking the same.
Queer people tend to get shoved in the predator bin alot. Wouldn’t surprise me if op clocked the man and chose to target based on it.
Yeah, but I don't scream "weirdo freak" when someone sits next to me in public even though there were other open spaces.
Some people just go to the closet spot to them no matter what. And some people are just oblivious. They don't notice you.
I understand being upset and I'd probably move my kid to a stall but just sitting or standing next to someone isn't enough to say they are weirdo freaks.
Some people are more/less concerned with personal space than others. Part of it can depend on culture.
Like I'm someone who would rather wait for the next elevator than get crammed in so it was a culture shock to experience elevators and trains in other countries.
It is absolutely a social norm not to take a urinal next to anyone unless there is no other option. If you haven't noticed, you might have an issue picking up on social cues.
I do agree that is also not a social norm to scream at strangers (and not just in the restroom)
This guy could easily be on the spectrum and less aware of social cues than most, while also feeling that using his preferred urinal is far more important than neurotypical people might think is reasonable. Imo, it was far weirder for OP to call someone out for using an available urinal (even if he doesn't understand why that particular urinal may be preferred by the employee who uses that bathroom several times a day), than it was for the employee to go about his business in the middle urinal, ignoring the kid.
Now the kid is going to think everyone who pees next to him is some kind of predator, possibly holding it in and doing damage because he doesn't want to risk going to the bathroom where there could be "freaks". Not to mention the fact that he's just taught his kid that it's entirely acceptable to call people weirdo freaks in public for entirely benign behavior. Guess what the son's teacher is going to want to talk to OP about next week?
All around just excessively aggressive, intimidating, presumptuous behavior that fails to take into consideration that there are people in the world whose brains work differently to his.
The guy working at IKEA probably doesn't want to perv on your kid in front of you dude, and you were the one thinking weird stuff, not the guy just tryna take a piss. Teaching kids to trust and understand their intuition is far more important than aggressively "protecting them" from every little thing that happens in the world around them. Like "if you feel funny in your tummy about someone, get away" rather than, "hey fucker, stop pissing next to my kid you freak".
Neurodivergent person was one of my immediate thoughts too, or someone who just doesn’t pay too much attention to what others are doing.
Bathroom “ettiquette” is also very different outside of America. If the IKEA employee was from another culture, standing next to someone else may not even be something that occurs to them as weird.
Yea. I'm autisic and I've definetly peed next to kids and not notice until the kid gets to the sick.
Autopilot on the clock is STRONG. I just register "occupied or not occupied" and take the first free one since bathrooms are totally so busy around here that you take the first one you see when it's your turn.
It's not a social norm. What it is is toxic (and fragile) masculinity with a dash thinly veiled homophobia. I used to read maxim magazine too when I was a kid but then I grew up.
Username checks out - it is definitely a social norm. That doesn't exclude it from being based in toxic masculinity or stemming from a place of homophobia. Unfortunately, many social norms are still homophobic / built on toxic masculinity, but fortunately in certain places in the US at least we're seeing the tide finally turn.
A social norm is not to ~scream~ talk at strangers in the bathroom.
The fact OP thinks it is normal to scream at strangers minding their own business is phyco .
Exactly. Way to instill a huge lack of self confidence and fear of public bathrooms, dad. Better explain to the kid now he did nothing wrong and you were just overreacting and misjudged the situiation. Own up to the mistake OP. And keep the words "I was afraid or scared for you" out of your excuses, lest you make the situation worse and reinforce the fears.
YTA OP
Yeah, but the part he’s gonna be unpacking is how embarrassed/shamed/confused he felt in the wake of his fathers reaction (not that someone used the urinal next to him).
I personally have a favorite stall choice every public restroom I go to. Especially at work, def could be out of habit and the preferred urinal used on a daily.
Most employees tend to use their most frequented urinal or cubical. He probably went there out of habit. This guy is a weirdo freak. The employee was hardly likely to be trying
To catch a glimpse of a child’s privates while he’s at work in his uniform.
YTA, OP's really just gonna teach his kid that casual name calling and judging is just as normal to the human experience as taking a leak is. Shame on them for not setting a better example.
Agreed. OP took something completely normal (peeing) & added a sexualized element to it. This could be a formative moment for Jr, more likely for more ill than good.
It's not even a social norm. It's a stupid code because men are afraid they will look gay if they piss next to another dude. It's insecure and pathetic.
EDIT: I learned a lot about guy code lol
EDIT 2: This comment section is pure chaos and I'm 100% here for it
I'm not a guy and don't understand guy code so I may not be looking at this right and others can feel free to call me out. However I would say YTA for making such a big deal out of something that didn't need to be. You used a public bathroom. All bets are off. Not everyone is going to do things the way it should be done and it's ridiculous to expect someone to live up to your personal standards of right and wrong in a public space.
Ok, cool. Some other people are pointing out that since the guy works there he may have a specific urinal he usually goes to and may not have even been thinking about it, which I think is really valid. I mean, I usually prefer the middle stall for no reason whatsoever.
That or how instinct makes you take the one farthest from the door. There's a study about it. The employee might have come in and just picked next best option.
I do too but now seeing two other people say the same thing is making me wonder if that random fact ha spread too far and the first stall is becoming the new overused one.
I've walked in to bathrooms before with something else on my mind, maybe 4 urinals on the wall, and gone right up and started using one next to the only other person in the bathroom, only to think "man, I probably could have used a different one that's not next to this guy. Oh well, I'm just peeing. No biggie."
It's not a big deal at all. OP is being weird.
I've been in a rush, jumped on a bus and I sit down ASAP because I am flustered and I need to settle. And then I realize I've sat next to someone when there are free seats.
And then I want to move but I also don't want it to look like I am moving because of them and then I panic thinking what is the least rude option. 🙃
Most people will try to give other people the socially accepted amount of distance if possible, but sometimes for lots of different reasons that doesn't happen and you just shrug and accept it or move.
It could be that, but it could also be simpler. Sometimes you do things without thinking and there isn’t an underlying reason. The guy just wanted to piss and get back to work. It’s entirely possible, and even probable, that there is no reason at all for the choice of urinal.
Yeah, it's awkward the guy picked the middle urinal, but not anger worthy. It's really not fair to assume someone is a predator in a situation like this. (I guess I should note that I used to be a guy)
I think it's bizarre to even call the urinal choice awkward, tbh. It's just going to the bathroom. I could care less if someone is in the stall next to me. I'm AFAB NB, so never a urinal user, but if you're used to using them and choose them over toilet stalls, why would it matter if someone is using the one next to you or not? Use the stalls if you don't want someone close to you.
People are so fucking weird about the most random shit and make things uncomfortable for no reason, imo.
Edit: I hope it's clear I'm not attacking what you said, or even really disagreeing. Just piggybacking off it.
I'm not a guy, but when I worked in a place where the bathroom had stalls and not a private bathroom, I always used the same stall. Some people are creatures of habit.
Well I used to be a guy, and yes it's weird to use the next urinal if others are available, but definitely not weird enough to warrant OP's reaction.
When I still used the men's room I've stood next to other guys several times simply because my mind was somewhere else and I didn't read the room before starting to pee.
Additionally younger people Gen Z and below, aren't nearly as sexually repressed. That whole spacer rule was:
1. mainly to ensure, no one thought you were a homosexual
2. To prevent accidental splashing from someone else if there was no divider.
If you're splashing, you're not using the urinal correctly or you have a medical condition where you're not able to streamline your urine. It's mostly the former, where the stream is hitting the urinal at a wrong angle. For the latter, it's best to sit down. The spacer rule is mostly for ensuring that people know you're not gay.
Men's restroom etiquette is essentially to ignore each other and stay away from everyone else. Using a stall next to someone else when there's a free one wouldn't happen. Autopilot steers me to the ends first.
Especially when it comes to kids, I give them a wide berth and their privacy.
Don’t you find it weird that you automatically fear other men and are concerned with their behaviour? What does that say about your gender when you all can’t just go in and pee without having a system?
Oh. And girls don’t go in pairs solely for safety if you plan on mentioning that. We go in pairs to talk and gossip.
I'm a woman but I'll avoid taking the stall immediately next to someone if the rest are free. It's just allowing each other as much privacy as possible, nothing sinister.
There is no “code” for using the urinal. I have been along a row of 12 empty ones and had a guy sidle up to the one next to me. A bit strange, but we are pissing, who cares?
The rule I read is that the first person takes the urinal farthest from the door the next person takes one closest to the door(farthest from the first person). Each person after that takes alternative urinals trying to leave a gap of one.
But it is just a social convention and sometimes you are going to be peeing in peace and have a chatter show up next to you
YTA.
He came in, grabbed an empty urinal and was minding his own business.
You’re the one that made this an issue. Your kid doesn’t have special rights to have an open urinal next to him simply because he’s a child.
I originally didn’t realize OP was the dad and was confused because it’s a very normal thing in women’s bathrooms for moms to brings their sons into stalls with them or wait outside stalls while they use them - if OP had wanted his son to have privacy in the men’s bathroom, that was the obvious option to start with
Yeah OP is the weirdo freak. Just cuz I pull up to the urinal next to you doesn't mean I have any interest in checking out your piece... if there were 10 urinals all empty that'd be a liiiitle sus, but I definitely wouldn't make a whole thing about it.
Reminds me of the time a dad at my school hid in the girls bathroom and timed how long it took a staff member to find him, so he could prove how easily a perv could be hanging out in the little girl's bathroom....like dude, you're the only perv in the girls bathroom...wtf is wrong with you
YTA
I need this to be the weirdest thing I read all day…. (But this is Reddit so I’m sure not)
Dude just trying to take a whizz, and he’s got the bathroom police making it weird…
YTA if you don’t want someone to use the urinal beside your son then you should have had him use the stall in the first place. You in fact are the weirdo freak.
“Apparently a fucking terrible parent.”
“Why the fuck are you watching your son piss,”
Pretty normal for parents to go into the restroom and stand behind them while they go to the bathroom, the child is only 7 years old.
The dad is definitely YTA. But in an empty bathroom, it is kinda weird to use the urinal right next to a child when there is distance available between two people.
My mom didn't go in stalls with me when I was 7. I had to know how to use the toilet by myself before I could go to preschool. That's not to say she wasn't outside the stall, but certainly not standing over me.
YTA, he pissed in a place meant for pissing. You were in fact the "weirdo freak" in that situation. Stranger Danger is made up, the vast majority of crimes against children involve a close relative or authority figure (pastor, coach, daycare, etc)
Stranger Danger is not wholly made up, but I would agree it is overblown. The panic has gotten so that many people, especially men, are very reluctant to lend a hand where needed, and where the eagerness to accuse confirms that reluctance.
As a man who brings my 1 year old to the park, I have gotten weird stares from the moms there like im some sort of pervert for existing with near where children are playing. People have danced around accusations of my son not being mine (we dont look like twins but theres definitely some of me in there) when I interact with him, and god forbid some other child wanders over and wants to play catch or something... I just have to ignore them, and it literally hurts my heart. My son doesnt have my last name so thats an even more annoying thing im gonna have to deal with when he starts school im sure. Idk, its fucked up. Obviously people just want kids to be safe but demonizing men to the point of us checking out rather than engaging civically is so shitty
One of the useful things I have learned from Reddit is to have a few pictures of yourself with your child with you so that you can prove that you have an ongoing relationship.
Also, if someone calls police on you, push for prosecution of them, whether it is abuse of police/911 services or whatever else can be charged - assault if it applies, kidnapping if they either take your child away or confine you, whatever applies.
the guy likely was just trying to go in do his business and get back to work but you made it an issue now as a guy I get the whole urinal thing but belittling someone because of what most people do is just being an ass your kid might also think that’s how to deal with a situation like that as well
In short yes, yes YTA
(Edit:How did I not notice all these upvotes)
Is it weird/freaky to use a urinal next to someone else ? I’m a woman but I’ve never heard of that. I find urinals wild personally, since you’re just peeing in the room communally anyways. Have your son use a stall if peeing in the middle of the room is weird for you. Don’t just expect to have the whole (public) bathroom to yourself ? YTA and rude af for calling a stranger minding their business a weirdo freak in front of your child. If anything that was the worst thing he witnessed in that PUBLIC bathroom.
It's considered strange in a lot of situations to be immediately next to a stranger when there are other options.
Other situations where this may apply:
- Sitting next to a person on the bus with many open seats
- Using a treadmill right next to another occupied treadmill when treadmills are available that don't have an occupied treadmill next to it.
- Sitting right next to someone on a bench when the rest of the bench is free.
- Standing right next to a stranger in an otherwise empty elevator.
People like their personal space, it can give a sense of privacy, and some people have dealt with creeps pushing into their personal space by doing some of the stuff described above.
Hi, a man here. For your edification, let's just say this is all part of the ever expanding book of unwritten rules known as the Guy Code.
If there are 3 urinals, the only time you use the middle one is if the two ends are occupado. Basically, you never pee next to another dude in a public lavatory if you have a choice. Like all the other entries in the Guy Code, it has its roots in the fear of being seen as gay. It's the same way two men going to a movie together will always keep a seat between them.
That said, I can't see reacting the way this guy did.
So it's similar to couch etiquette? Like if someone is sitting to one side, you don't sit in the middle close to them. You sit on the farthest side and leave the middle empty? If this is the case, it was weird for the guy to do that...
It's customary to only use a urinal next to someone if there aren't any other options. The guy should've used the other open urinal. With that said, OP is still an AH and his response was way over the top.
Parent here. YTA.
All guys know that you should try not to use the urinal right next to someone if there are other options. But I’ve never heard of someone freaking out about it. Way to unnecessarily unlock a new fear for your kid.
Exactly. OP is making huge assumptions about this guy and maybe he is projecting a bit. Seems like OP has filthy creepy intentions when he uses a urinal next to someone and that's why he assumed the other guy was some kind of creep. OP keep your eyes to yourself u fuckin weirdo
Uh yeah YTA. You're not entitled to what urinals people use. It is a public bathroom. If the man wasn't doing anything openly weird around your kid then who gives a shit? Grow up.
I had no idea there were rules of etiquette in the men’s room. Could have just been habit and not a perv thing. I always hit the same stalls in public restrooms. Don’t know why. Like sitting in the same seat in church or in school. At the store I go to most often I always use the same stall. I think you overreacted. Probably frightened your kid too. What kind of pervert is going to do something with the parent right there? YTA.
I feel like if there has been like 10 empty urinals and he used the one right next to the kid that might have been weird, but if there's only 3 I don't see how one urinal space makes much of a difference
Yta. Fuck why are you so weird about this. It’s a urinal. People piss in it. You ever been to a crowded bar or sports game? What the fuck is wrong with you. I would have pissed on your child while maintaining eye contact with you, assert dominance.
YTA. Newsflash, some people don't care about maximum spacing in the bathroom. They just need to pee and get out - especially when they are employees on the clock.
Yta, it's a urinal in a public bathroom. You run the risk of someone standing next to you. If you want privacy? Tell your kid to use the stall, and wipe up after him!
YTA maybe that guy just likes to use the same urinal. At my work, I always use the same toilet. It's become a routine.
Here's a thought, maybe change your mindset? Also, what example are you setting for your child, if you're casually insulting random strangers?
There's a term called autopilot used in speedrunning however its applicable to all things. It's when you've done something so many time repetitively that you just do it unconsciously.
Many people have been going to the urinal next to someone or parking right next to someone with plenty of open spaces.
Now I was raised to park away from people and use the farthest urinal but not many people have not been programmed to do so.
Long story short he may have been on autopilot
uh... You're right that he might have been on autopilot, but "autopilot" originates from aircrafts, not speedrunning. Just... Just thought you should know that it's not a speedrunning term specifically, it was an aviation term and has been used for over a century for describing repetitive unconscious actions.
Thank you for saying that. I was just about to type up a similar response.
It's really not that hard to infer the etymology of autopilot either... Pretty intuitive, one would think.
YTA I understand skipping a urinal but it's not a big deal if you don't do it. The poor guy probably had a few minutes before he had to get back to the floor and just ran to a urinal. You were acting much more weird than he was when you freaked out over nothing.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I upset an Ikea worker by calling him a weirdo freak for using the urinal next to by kid and it upset him.
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A little strange; I’ll admit as a woman I don’t really understand how the urinal thing works; other than it’s weird to be directly beside someone when given the choice not to be right? From my understanding it’s just a respect of privacy? So I mean if he had the choice to be directly beside your kid or not and decided to be right beside it’s a bit weird IMO and would probably send red signals through my head if I were a parent as well, that being said you are TA because you didn’t have to belittle him or really say much, just moving your son away was enough…I get protecting your kid is top priority but in that moment you also taught your kid it’s okay to judge a complete stranger and call them names…maybe something to think about. Don’t forget in all situations to your children you’re setting an example of how to handle similar circumstances.
>I’ll admit as a woman I don’t really understand how the urinal thing works; other than it’s weird to be directly beside someone when given the choice not to be right?
As a woman, this code still exists for me in our bathrooms. I will never understand in a row of open stalls why someone decides to pee right next to me, but I suppose that's just me and I prefer to have a bit of space from people in general in life when I can.
With that being said, the reaction by OP about it is absolutely over the top and they get a YTA for that.
I mean if it's such a issue there wouldn't be stalls neclxt to eachother or urinals, I know it's space but cmon we all been to public restrooms and like 70% of the toilets are a fkin mess so your forced to go next to someone.
I like my space too but that's because I'm uncomfortable going to the bathroom and ppl hearing me but ugh like how can anyone go to the bathroom and leave a fkin mess behind I swear there's only 2 good stalls every freaking time
Way to give your kid a complex about public bathrooms. He probably didn't think anything of it until you said something. Now he's not going to be able to "go" if anyone else is in there. Or was that just me?
If I was that guy I'd took a piss on you like you have no right to call someone a weirdo for taking a piss next to your kid, you pretty much called him a Pedi at that point get your shit together if your so worried about your kid take him to the disable or the ladies toilet
If a weirdo freak is talking to you while you are midstream peeing at a Urinal you should not be rude and have your back toward him. You should politely turn to face them to better hear what they are saying. If you happen to pee all over them that is their fault for not waiting until you were done peeing before talking to you.
YTA
What kind of paranoid nonsense is this? The guy is at work and needs to pee. He can use whatever urinal he likes. It's you that's being a "weirdo freak" by assuming nefarious intentions for no reason at all.
YTA,There was only 3 available, wtf? You’re making it sound like there was 50 that were all empty and he chose to purposely come next to you😂😂😂 dude probably had to take a piss and just chose a urinal
YTA. I don’t enjoy public restrooms and I’d be annoyed if someone used a urinal next to me when others were available but not only did you overreact but you also taught your kid a lesson in how to be an asshole to a stranger that didn’t do anything wrong.
YTA for jumping straight to that conclusion. Yeah of course in general you go to the farthest one away but this guy could have had any number of reasons not to use the other one including just needing to go badly and not thinking about convention.
Maybe he’s just used to using that one out of habit? If you’re that protective just have your son use the stall from now on. Don’t call people names in front of your son!
YTA. It's pretty common knowledge to use the furthest urinal if possible, but I've also broken this rule when I'm busy or have things on the mind or if I just have to pee real bad and don't care. When this has happened I've realized mid-pee that I could've chosen a different urinal, but too late. What am I supposed to do, stop mid-stream, zip up, move over, and resume? GTFOH. TBH as a parent I would've noticed too, but would've kept my mouth shut. You could've just kept a watchful eye and if all was good you could've moved on. And if he leaned over to take a peek at your kid or something you could've engaged. But by my account you just embarrassed and insulted a dude trying to make ends meet working a crappy job.
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YTA - Just because it’s a social norm to not use the urinal next to someone doesn’t mean you get to call someone names if they choose to use it. If he’s an employee there it seems likely that he did this out of habit, not because he wanted to perv on your kid. You took an innocent situation and turned it aggressive, your son will likely remember this interaction.
Exactly, the employee is likely on autopilot or has a favorite urinal. On the other hand the employee walks into the restroom and sees a grown man watching a kid use the urinal, he could assume he's the dad or some weirdo freak.
Favorite urinal is a mood. Sometimes it's the one you feel the most comfortable using for no reason why.
Us non-penis having folks also tend to have a favorite stall for no reason whatsoever.
Favorite stall. Favorite burner on the stove. Favorite stationary bike or treadmill in a row of identical stationary bikes or treadmills. We’re creatures of habit.
Favorite cutlery even! I honestly always feel a bit mad when my roommate is using my favourite spoon :')
Also we have our least favorite cutlery. I refuse to use that fork that’s identical to the others!
there's this one spoon with a slightly different handle and I refuse to use it. same for the spoon that's rounder instead of egg shaped
Curse the round spoon!
I will cut you if you take my favorite pen.
‘We’re going to call him Steve and we’re not going to like him and that’s just how this is going to work’ -Chuggaaconroy-
Mate I have two kids and just realised, you know how kids have cutlery sets?? Why don’t adults? There’s enough of us that have fucked up cutlery quirks… why not just have a set of your own that you use every time!! My house may be 50% autistic and 50% adhd so that’s a factor but… honestly I’m blown away by my genius. Then you also don’t have to wash the awful cutlery that everyone hates because the hand feel is wrong
Front right burner superiority
I defo have a favourite treadmill.
Third one from the door. Whenever possible. I don't know why.
Mine is the furthest to the right. No idea why, but when it’s occupied I get mad lol
I don't like being in between two stalls, if I can help it. Not sure why. Just a habit I started to really notice while at work.
I read somewhere years ago that the first stall is generally the cleanest since most people walk by it. That is my favourite.
I also read this and the first one is my favourite because of that! ... Now I wonder how many other women also read that and don't walk by the first stall 😂
Yes! We do! I have a favorite. It translate more into stall position as I tend to choose that location regardless of which public restroom it is. Of course, I will use any stall if it's busy.
I agree. I mean, was the guy trying to look towards the kid?. I doubt it. Most people look down to aim. Some look up. I tend to do both. Unless he was trying to size the kid up. It shouldn't have been an issue.
Hell I’m a woman and I have a favorite stall at work, this dude went waaaaay overboard
"My Favorite Urinal." Great band name.
This. As an employee he probably has a regular urinal and went to it on autopilot. YTA. Not everyone in the world exists to perv on children.
Yep. I tend to use the same stall if I can.
There are three shitters in my company's bathroom. If the one on the end is in use, I'll come back later. The other two are just fine. But that is the one I use.
Unrelated, but men have favorite urinals? That's interesting.
You don't have a favorite stall? Like I'll use other ones, but I do have a preference. I have zero idea why.
Routine. We innately do things we know have success rates and safety, so when you used that stall maybe you felt particularly safe, or that it was clean and just right etc. so your body always tells you that one is best.
It’s so weird, isn’t it? There’s no rhyme or reason to it. Me, it’s the second stall from the entry. I don’t know why either.
You don't have a favorite stall at work?
I know a couple people who have a touch of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). They each feel that they need to use their favorite urinal to pee & their favorite sink to wash their hands.
>Exactly, the employee is likely on autopilot or has a favorite urinal. OP also doesn't bother to specify which direction the door was. Employee may have just used the closest available urinal bc that's what a lot of people do. (Maybe even most people? But I don't know)
It's not a social norm. A social norm is not to scream at strangers in the bathroom.
I'd argue it is a social norm to not be immediately next to a stranger if you have another option. Applies in lots of places like buses, elevators, gyms and bathrooms. People tend to like their personal space and privacy.
I agree,,, but it is not enough of a social norm that we dont all somewhat regularly experience people doing those things anyway. And I've NEVER decided to start shit with the people who decide to use the treadmill next to me even though there's a dozen others open, or sit right next to me on the train even though there are other options.
Honestly it think the urinal is less about personal space and internal homophobia and insecurity
Honestly i was thinking the same. Queer people tend to get shoved in the predator bin alot. Wouldn’t surprise me if op clocked the man and chose to target based on it.
Yeah, but I don't scream "weirdo freak" when someone sits next to me in public even though there were other open spaces. Some people just go to the closet spot to them no matter what. And some people are just oblivious. They don't notice you. I understand being upset and I'd probably move my kid to a stall but just sitting or standing next to someone isn't enough to say they are weirdo freaks.
Some people are more/less concerned with personal space than others. Part of it can depend on culture. Like I'm someone who would rather wait for the next elevator than get crammed in so it was a culture shock to experience elevators and trains in other countries.
You kind of have to accept you're going to give up some personal space and privacy if you're intentionally going into an Ikea, though.
It is absolutely a social norm not to take a urinal next to anyone unless there is no other option. If you haven't noticed, you might have an issue picking up on social cues. I do agree that is also not a social norm to scream at strangers (and not just in the restroom)
This guy could easily be on the spectrum and less aware of social cues than most, while also feeling that using his preferred urinal is far more important than neurotypical people might think is reasonable. Imo, it was far weirder for OP to call someone out for using an available urinal (even if he doesn't understand why that particular urinal may be preferred by the employee who uses that bathroom several times a day), than it was for the employee to go about his business in the middle urinal, ignoring the kid. Now the kid is going to think everyone who pees next to him is some kind of predator, possibly holding it in and doing damage because he doesn't want to risk going to the bathroom where there could be "freaks". Not to mention the fact that he's just taught his kid that it's entirely acceptable to call people weirdo freaks in public for entirely benign behavior. Guess what the son's teacher is going to want to talk to OP about next week? All around just excessively aggressive, intimidating, presumptuous behavior that fails to take into consideration that there are people in the world whose brains work differently to his. The guy working at IKEA probably doesn't want to perv on your kid in front of you dude, and you were the one thinking weird stuff, not the guy just tryna take a piss. Teaching kids to trust and understand their intuition is far more important than aggressively "protecting them" from every little thing that happens in the world around them. Like "if you feel funny in your tummy about someone, get away" rather than, "hey fucker, stop pissing next to my kid you freak".
Neurodivergent person was one of my immediate thoughts too, or someone who just doesn’t pay too much attention to what others are doing. Bathroom “ettiquette” is also very different outside of America. If the IKEA employee was from another culture, standing next to someone else may not even be something that occurs to them as weird.
Yea. I'm autisic and I've definetly peed next to kids and not notice until the kid gets to the sick. Autopilot on the clock is STRONG. I just register "occupied or not occupied" and take the first free one since bathrooms are totally so busy around here that you take the first one you see when it's your turn.
It's not a social norm. What it is is toxic (and fragile) masculinity with a dash thinly veiled homophobia. I used to read maxim magazine too when I was a kid but then I grew up.
Is it toxic masculinity and thinly veiled homophobia that I can't shit with someone else in the bathroom?
Nah that's just performance anxiety. You're alright shit-break. 👍🏼
Username checks out - it is definitely a social norm. That doesn't exclude it from being based in toxic masculinity or stemming from a place of homophobia. Unfortunately, many social norms are still homophobic / built on toxic masculinity, but fortunately in certain places in the US at least we're seeing the tide finally turn.
A social norm is not to ~scream~ talk at strangers in the bathroom. The fact OP thinks it is normal to scream at strangers minding their own business is phyco .
Where did you get that he screamed? "dude really" does not sound like a scream phrase to me.
You really think a weirdo freak like him would be calm?
Kid's gonna be unpacking this in therapy in 20 years.
Facts! Now he might be secretly afraid of public bathrooms and only work out why way later on.
Exactly. Way to instill a huge lack of self confidence and fear of public bathrooms, dad. Better explain to the kid now he did nothing wrong and you were just overreacting and misjudged the situiation. Own up to the mistake OP. And keep the words "I was afraid or scared for you" out of your excuses, lest you make the situation worse and reinforce the fears. YTA OP
Yeah, but the part he’s gonna be unpacking is how embarrassed/shamed/confused he felt in the wake of his fathers reaction (not that someone used the urinal next to him).
I personally have a favorite stall choice every public restroom I go to. Especially at work, def could be out of habit and the preferred urinal used on a daily.
Most employees tend to use their most frequented urinal or cubical. He probably went there out of habit. This guy is a weirdo freak. The employee was hardly likely to be trying To catch a glimpse of a child’s privates while he’s at work in his uniform.
YTA, OP's really just gonna teach his kid that casual name calling and judging is just as normal to the human experience as taking a leak is. Shame on them for not setting a better example.
Agreed. OP took something completely normal (peeing) & added a sexualized element to it. This could be a formative moment for Jr, more likely for more ill than good.
Yeah and you’re teaching your son to call people names??
The kid's 7, he's gonna be half the height of an adult. Auto-piloting employee probably didn't even see him lol
It's not even a social norm. It's a stupid code because men are afraid they will look gay if they piss next to another dude. It's insecure and pathetic.
EDIT: I learned a lot about guy code lol EDIT 2: This comment section is pure chaos and I'm 100% here for it I'm not a guy and don't understand guy code so I may not be looking at this right and others can feel free to call me out. However I would say YTA for making such a big deal out of something that didn't need to be. You used a public bathroom. All bets are off. Not everyone is going to do things the way it should be done and it's ridiculous to expect someone to live up to your personal standards of right and wrong in a public space.
I’m a guy. OP is a drama queen. It’s not social convention, but on the scale of big deals, this is a strong zero.
Ok, cool. Some other people are pointing out that since the guy works there he may have a specific urinal he usually goes to and may not have even been thinking about it, which I think is really valid. I mean, I usually prefer the middle stall for no reason whatsoever.
That or how instinct makes you take the one farthest from the door. There's a study about it. The employee might have come in and just picked next best option.
Haha I saw a study once saying the first stall is the least used and likely to be the cleanest. I always use the first for that reason.
Same. I think a lot of people assume the first one is used the most when the opposite it actually true.
I do too but now seeing two other people say the same thing is making me wonder if that random fact ha spread too far and the first stall is becoming the new overused one.
We’re one comment away from “which goblet has the iocane powder in it?”.
Then we will know who is right and who is dead.
I've walked in to bathrooms before with something else on my mind, maybe 4 urinals on the wall, and gone right up and started using one next to the only other person in the bathroom, only to think "man, I probably could have used a different one that's not next to this guy. Oh well, I'm just peeing. No biggie." It's not a big deal at all. OP is being weird.
I've been in a rush, jumped on a bus and I sit down ASAP because I am flustered and I need to settle. And then I realize I've sat next to someone when there are free seats. And then I want to move but I also don't want it to look like I am moving because of them and then I panic thinking what is the least rude option. 🙃 Most people will try to give other people the socially accepted amount of distance if possible, but sometimes for lots of different reasons that doesn't happen and you just shrug and accept it or move.
It could be that, but it could also be simpler. Sometimes you do things without thinking and there isn’t an underlying reason. The guy just wanted to piss and get back to work. It’s entirely possible, and even probable, that there is no reason at all for the choice of urinal.
Yeah, it's awkward the guy picked the middle urinal, but not anger worthy. It's really not fair to assume someone is a predator in a situation like this. (I guess I should note that I used to be a guy)
He traumatized his own kid over nothing.
I think it's bizarre to even call the urinal choice awkward, tbh. It's just going to the bathroom. I could care less if someone is in the stall next to me. I'm AFAB NB, so never a urinal user, but if you're used to using them and choose them over toilet stalls, why would it matter if someone is using the one next to you or not? Use the stalls if you don't want someone close to you. People are so fucking weird about the most random shit and make things uncomfortable for no reason, imo. Edit: I hope it's clear I'm not attacking what you said, or even really disagreeing. Just piggybacking off it.
I'm not a guy, but when I worked in a place where the bathroom had stalls and not a private bathroom, I always used the same stall. Some people are creatures of habit.
It's not awkward, it's the fucking bathroom. Op is a raging lunatic at other times too I bet.
Well I used to be a guy, and yes it's weird to use the next urinal if others are available, but definitely not weird enough to warrant OP's reaction. When I still used the men's room I've stood next to other guys several times simply because my mind was somewhere else and I didn't read the room before starting to pee.
That's the thing, I know there's a whole 'code' and everything, but not something to make a big deal about.
The thing with unwritten rules is, if you start pointing them out, you become equally much of a weirdo as the ones breaking them.
Additionally younger people Gen Z and below, aren't nearly as sexually repressed. That whole spacer rule was: 1. mainly to ensure, no one thought you were a homosexual 2. To prevent accidental splashing from someone else if there was no divider.
If you're splashing, you're not using the urinal correctly or you have a medical condition where you're not able to streamline your urine. It's mostly the former, where the stream is hitting the urinal at a wrong angle. For the latter, it's best to sit down. The spacer rule is mostly for ensuring that people know you're not gay.
It would be weird as fuck to call someone out for double dipping a chip on Feb 24, 1993. That Seinfeld episode aired the next day.
Nah. Double dipping was already called out when I was in high school in the early 80s.
Exactly and he gave his son a toxic example on how to act if someone doesn’t live up to your personal standards in public.
Men's restroom etiquette is essentially to ignore each other and stay away from everyone else. Using a stall next to someone else when there's a free one wouldn't happen. Autopilot steers me to the ends first. Especially when it comes to kids, I give them a wide berth and their privacy.
Don’t you find it weird that you automatically fear other men and are concerned with their behaviour? What does that say about your gender when you all can’t just go in and pee without having a system? Oh. And girls don’t go in pairs solely for safety if you plan on mentioning that. We go in pairs to talk and gossip.
Doesn’t seem like a fear thing as much as a “trying to make sure everybody has maximal privacy in a minimally private facility” thing.
I'm a woman but I'll avoid taking the stall immediately next to someone if the rest are free. It's just allowing each other as much privacy as possible, nothing sinister.
There is no “code” for using the urinal. I have been along a row of 12 empty ones and had a guy sidle up to the one next to me. A bit strange, but we are pissing, who cares?
My favorite urinals are the one that are just big trough with ice. It’s like a carnival game.
There used to be some internet game/test about which urinal to choose. There were 10-20 examples. Wish I still had the link to it.
The rule I read is that the first person takes the urinal farthest from the door the next person takes one closest to the door(farthest from the first person). Each person after that takes alternative urinals trying to leave a gap of one. But it is just a social convention and sometimes you are going to be peeing in peace and have a chatter show up next to you
YTA. He came in, grabbed an empty urinal and was minding his own business. You’re the one that made this an issue. Your kid doesn’t have special rights to have an open urinal next to him simply because he’s a child.
Also… there’s three available. If OP is that worried, just stand in the middle one and pretend.
Or send the kid to a stall in the first place.
I originally didn’t realize OP was the dad and was confused because it’s a very normal thing in women’s bathrooms for moms to brings their sons into stalls with them or wait outside stalls while they use them - if OP had wanted his son to have privacy in the men’s bathroom, that was the obvious option to start with
I'm wondering how the kid stopped mid-stream to then go to the stall. Must have pelvic muscles of a god.
Then HE'D be the be a weirdo freak standing next to a kid peeing
Yeah OP is the weirdo freak. Just cuz I pull up to the urinal next to you doesn't mean I have any interest in checking out your piece... if there were 10 urinals all empty that'd be a liiiitle sus, but I definitely wouldn't make a whole thing about it.
Reminds me of the time a dad at my school hid in the girls bathroom and timed how long it took a staff member to find him, so he could prove how easily a perv could be hanging out in the little girl's bathroom....like dude, you're the only perv in the girls bathroom...wtf is wrong with you
Lmao what a guy. Proving how easy it is to be a creep... by being a creep.
YTA I need this to be the weirdest thing I read all day…. (But this is Reddit so I’m sure not) Dude just trying to take a whizz, and he’s got the bathroom police making it weird…
If he wanted to perv on a kid, why would he do it *directly* in front of his dad? Poor guy lol. YTA
Additionally, is one stall distance going to be that much harder if he planned on being a perv?
It’s magic, he suddenly can’t see anything if it’s like 2 ft further away.
The day is young
YTA if you don’t want someone to use the urinal beside your son then you should have had him use the stall in the first place. You in fact are the weirdo freak.
That's exactly what I said, too 😂
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“Apparently a fucking terrible parent.” “Why the fuck are you watching your son piss,” Pretty normal for parents to go into the restroom and stand behind them while they go to the bathroom, the child is only 7 years old. The dad is definitely YTA. But in an empty bathroom, it is kinda weird to use the urinal right next to a child when there is distance available between two people.
It is weird. But so much weirder to make a big stink about it!
Oh 100% agree with YTA. Definitely wouldn’t have made it a thing.
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My mom didn't go in stalls with me when I was 7. I had to know how to use the toilet by myself before I could go to preschool. That's not to say she wasn't outside the stall, but certainly not standing over me.
YTA, he pissed in a place meant for pissing. You were in fact the "weirdo freak" in that situation. Stranger Danger is made up, the vast majority of crimes against children involve a close relative or authority figure (pastor, coach, daycare, etc)
Totally agree. How dare the worker pee in an open urinal.
I hope the employee is a redditor so he can see the masses talking about his bathroom break and defending his right to choose!
Stranger Danger is not wholly made up, but I would agree it is overblown. The panic has gotten so that many people, especially men, are very reluctant to lend a hand where needed, and where the eagerness to accuse confirms that reluctance.
As a man who brings my 1 year old to the park, I have gotten weird stares from the moms there like im some sort of pervert for existing with near where children are playing. People have danced around accusations of my son not being mine (we dont look like twins but theres definitely some of me in there) when I interact with him, and god forbid some other child wanders over and wants to play catch or something... I just have to ignore them, and it literally hurts my heart. My son doesnt have my last name so thats an even more annoying thing im gonna have to deal with when he starts school im sure. Idk, its fucked up. Obviously people just want kids to be safe but demonizing men to the point of us checking out rather than engaging civically is so shitty
One of the useful things I have learned from Reddit is to have a few pictures of yourself with your child with you so that you can prove that you have an ongoing relationship. Also, if someone calls police on you, push for prosecution of them, whether it is abuse of police/911 services or whatever else can be charged - assault if it applies, kidnapping if they either take your child away or confine you, whatever applies.
YTA He didn’t do anything wrong. You’re just an asshole.
the guy likely was just trying to go in do his business and get back to work but you made it an issue now as a guy I get the whole urinal thing but belittling someone because of what most people do is just being an ass your kid might also think that’s how to deal with a situation like that as well In short yes, yes YTA (Edit:How did I not notice all these upvotes)
Is it weird/freaky to use a urinal next to someone else ? I’m a woman but I’ve never heard of that. I find urinals wild personally, since you’re just peeing in the room communally anyways. Have your son use a stall if peeing in the middle of the room is weird for you. Don’t just expect to have the whole (public) bathroom to yourself ? YTA and rude af for calling a stranger minding their business a weirdo freak in front of your child. If anything that was the worst thing he witnessed in that PUBLIC bathroom.
Right! My son always uses a stall just because that's his preference. It would certainly solve weirdo OP's problem.
If the toilet is clean, sitting is much more comfortable. Also stage fright can happen at the urinal.
It's considered strange in a lot of situations to be immediately next to a stranger when there are other options. Other situations where this may apply: - Sitting next to a person on the bus with many open seats - Using a treadmill right next to another occupied treadmill when treadmills are available that don't have an occupied treadmill next to it. - Sitting right next to someone on a bench when the rest of the bench is free. - Standing right next to a stranger in an otherwise empty elevator. People like their personal space, it can give a sense of privacy, and some people have dealt with creeps pushing into their personal space by doing some of the stuff described above.
It’s just some bullshit homophobia and paranoid parents made up to assume everyone is gonna look. Stupid really.
Hi, a man here. For your edification, let's just say this is all part of the ever expanding book of unwritten rules known as the Guy Code. If there are 3 urinals, the only time you use the middle one is if the two ends are occupado. Basically, you never pee next to another dude in a public lavatory if you have a choice. Like all the other entries in the Guy Code, it has its roots in the fear of being seen as gay. It's the same way two men going to a movie together will always keep a seat between them. That said, I can't see reacting the way this guy did.
So it's similar to couch etiquette? Like if someone is sitting to one side, you don't sit in the middle close to them. You sit on the farthest side and leave the middle empty? If this is the case, it was weird for the guy to do that...
It's customary to only use a urinal next to someone if there aren't any other options. The guy should've used the other open urinal. With that said, OP is still an AH and his response was way over the top.
Parent here. YTA. All guys know that you should try not to use the urinal right next to someone if there are other options. But I’ve never heard of someone freaking out about it. Way to unnecessarily unlock a new fear for your kid.
And for teaching them to call names
YTA Sounds like you're the weirdo freak
Exactly. OP is making huge assumptions about this guy and maybe he is projecting a bit. Seems like OP has filthy creepy intentions when he uses a urinal next to someone and that's why he assumed the other guy was some kind of creep. OP keep your eyes to yourself u fuckin weirdo
YTA you projecting bro?
This.
YTA and you're being the pervy one here as that's the first thing that leaps to your mind.
It’s always the accusation = confession with these people.
YTA. Yeah it's not the "social norm" but it also doesn't require you to be an ass about it. He did NOTHING to your child.
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As an employee the other guy might know something about the far urinal that OP didn't.
Every employee learns to avoid the haunted urinal.
Get over it. YTA.
YTA the weirdo here isn't the guy.
Uh yeah YTA. You're not entitled to what urinals people use. It is a public bathroom. If the man wasn't doing anything openly weird around your kid then who gives a shit? Grow up.
YTA. Holy mother of overreaction, it's not that serious.
I had no idea there were rules of etiquette in the men’s room. Could have just been habit and not a perv thing. I always hit the same stalls in public restrooms. Don’t know why. Like sitting in the same seat in church or in school. At the store I go to most often I always use the same stall. I think you overreacted. Probably frightened your kid too. What kind of pervert is going to do something with the parent right there? YTA.
YTA. There were only three urinals. Are you the bathroom police?
I feel like if there has been like 10 empty urinals and he used the one right next to the kid that might have been weird, but if there's only 3 I don't see how one urinal space makes much of a difference
Yta. Fuck why are you so weird about this. It’s a urinal. People piss in it. You ever been to a crowded bar or sports game? What the fuck is wrong with you. I would have pissed on your child while maintaining eye contact with you, assert dominance.
YTA. Newsflash, some people don't care about maximum spacing in the bathroom. They just need to pee and get out - especially when they are employees on the clock.
Yta, it's a urinal in a public bathroom. You run the risk of someone standing next to you. If you want privacy? Tell your kid to use the stall, and wipe up after him!
Lmao dude is prob standing there going wtf
lol burnt out at work and just needed to take a piss
YTA. Everybody was obeying the rules for using the bathroom the way they’re supposed to. You’re the one who made this weird.
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YTA. If it was this important to you, you should have had your kid in the stall to begin with.
YTA maybe that guy just likes to use the same urinal. At my work, I always use the same toilet. It's become a routine. Here's a thought, maybe change your mindset? Also, what example are you setting for your child, if you're casually insulting random strangers?
There's a term called autopilot used in speedrunning however its applicable to all things. It's when you've done something so many time repetitively that you just do it unconsciously. Many people have been going to the urinal next to someone or parking right next to someone with plenty of open spaces. Now I was raised to park away from people and use the farthest urinal but not many people have not been programmed to do so. Long story short he may have been on autopilot
uh... You're right that he might have been on autopilot, but "autopilot" originates from aircrafts, not speedrunning. Just... Just thought you should know that it's not a speedrunning term specifically, it was an aviation term and has been used for over a century for describing repetitive unconscious actions.
Thank you for saying that. I was just about to type up a similar response. It's really not that hard to infer the etymology of autopilot either... Pretty intuitive, one would think.
Thank you for this. I really cringed at them saying it comes from speedrunning lol
YTA I understand skipping a urinal but it's not a big deal if you don't do it. The poor guy probably had a few minutes before he had to get back to the floor and just ran to a urinal. You were acting much more weird than he was when you freaked out over nothing.
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YTA, he was just trying to pee... unless he was staring at your son or something this isn't really inappropriate.
YTA. If the urinal is empty, people can use it... Even if you were concerned, you didn't have to call him a weirdo freak.
YTA. Get a grip
YTA- you made a normal situation into a weird one
A little strange; I’ll admit as a woman I don’t really understand how the urinal thing works; other than it’s weird to be directly beside someone when given the choice not to be right? From my understanding it’s just a respect of privacy? So I mean if he had the choice to be directly beside your kid or not and decided to be right beside it’s a bit weird IMO and would probably send red signals through my head if I were a parent as well, that being said you are TA because you didn’t have to belittle him or really say much, just moving your son away was enough…I get protecting your kid is top priority but in that moment you also taught your kid it’s okay to judge a complete stranger and call them names…maybe something to think about. Don’t forget in all situations to your children you’re setting an example of how to handle similar circumstances.
>I’ll admit as a woman I don’t really understand how the urinal thing works; other than it’s weird to be directly beside someone when given the choice not to be right? As a woman, this code still exists for me in our bathrooms. I will never understand in a row of open stalls why someone decides to pee right next to me, but I suppose that's just me and I prefer to have a bit of space from people in general in life when I can. With that being said, the reaction by OP about it is absolutely over the top and they get a YTA for that.
I mean if it's such a issue there wouldn't be stalls neclxt to eachother or urinals, I know it's space but cmon we all been to public restrooms and like 70% of the toilets are a fkin mess so your forced to go next to someone. I like my space too but that's because I'm uncomfortable going to the bathroom and ppl hearing me but ugh like how can anyone go to the bathroom and leave a fkin mess behind I swear there's only 2 good stalls every freaking time
Way to give your kid a complex about public bathrooms. He probably didn't think anything of it until you said something. Now he's not going to be able to "go" if anyone else is in there. Or was that just me?
If I was that guy I'd took a piss on you like you have no right to call someone a weirdo for taking a piss next to your kid, you pretty much called him a Pedi at that point get your shit together if your so worried about your kid take him to the disable or the ladies toilet
If a weirdo freak is talking to you while you are midstream peeing at a Urinal you should not be rude and have your back toward him. You should politely turn to face them to better hear what they are saying. If you happen to pee all over them that is their fault for not waiting until you were done peeing before talking to you.
YTA because you low key accused someone of being far more than a ‘weirdo’.
YTA The only AH in this story is you.
YTA - he is allowed to pee wherever he wants.
Yta. Just let the man piss. If the urinal is free someone is gonna use it
YTA. The whole urinal etiquette thing is so overdone. Use whatever available spot you want, just keep your eyes to yourself.
What is wrong with you? It's a urinal. It's free. The poor bloke is just trying to piss and you made it weird. YTA
YTA What kind of paranoid nonsense is this? The guy is at work and needs to pee. He can use whatever urinal he likes. It's you that's being a "weirdo freak" by assuming nefarious intentions for no reason at all.
YTA,There was only 3 available, wtf? You’re making it sound like there was 50 that were all empty and he chose to purposely come next to you😂😂😂 dude probably had to take a piss and just chose a urinal
YTA - you made an issue out of a guy (literally) minding his own business. And you likely distressed the kid as well.
YTA, you probably should not be allowed in public.
YTA. I don’t enjoy public restrooms and I’d be annoyed if someone used a urinal next to me when others were available but not only did you overreact but you also taught your kid a lesson in how to be an asshole to a stranger that didn’t do anything wrong.
YTA fs
Naaa, this shit def fake. YTA
YTA for jumping straight to that conclusion. Yeah of course in general you go to the farthest one away but this guy could have had any number of reasons not to use the other one including just needing to go badly and not thinking about convention.
Maybe he’s just used to using that one out of habit? If you’re that protective just have your son use the stall from now on. Don’t call people names in front of your son!
Sounds like you're the freak tbh, if that's the first place your mind goes I'd like to see your hard drive.
YTA. It's pretty common knowledge to use the furthest urinal if possible, but I've also broken this rule when I'm busy or have things on the mind or if I just have to pee real bad and don't care. When this has happened I've realized mid-pee that I could've chosen a different urinal, but too late. What am I supposed to do, stop mid-stream, zip up, move over, and resume? GTFOH. TBH as a parent I would've noticed too, but would've kept my mouth shut. You could've just kept a watchful eye and if all was good you could've moved on. And if he leaned over to take a peek at your kid or something you could've engaged. But by my account you just embarrassed and insulted a dude trying to make ends meet working a crappy job.