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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I got a new aquarium pet in my bedroom without asking my housemates
2) one of my housemates has a phobia of bugs and hates him. But I'm refusing to get rid of him because I love him
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YTA. I have no idea what a water bug is lol. But it’s not a pet, it doesn’t belong in an aquarium. Your friend has a known phobia to bugs, and yet you brought one into the house? Just knowing it’s there is enough to upset your friend. You should get rid of it asap and apologise. IDK why not just get some fish for your aquarium? They make ok pets and you’ll have fun decorating and setting up the tank too.
Considering OP mentioned a painful bite he probably is talking about an actual water bug, not the American Cockroach which for some reason people also like to call a waterbug.
If it's what I'm thinking and he's got a Giant Water Bug I'd frankly be more terrified of that than the roach. Those things are huge and have one of the most painful insect bites.
If it’s an actual cockroach that’s wrong on so many levels. The risk of disease and germs is very much real, as well as the risk of invading your home with bugs. I bet its babies could escape. That’s not a pet in any sense of the word, if it were my friend I’d do it a favour either free it far away outside or squash it followed by sterilisation with bleach.
Its like a cockroach but different. Also, its bite is horrific.
[https://www.familyhandyman.com/article/water-bug-vs-cockroach/](https://www.familyhandyman.com/article/water-bug-vs-cockroach/)
Imagine a cockroach. Then imagine a cockroach twice the size of a normal cockroach. Then imagine that instead of front legs it has two swords. That's a giant water bug. Other names for them are "electric light bug", "toe biter" or "fish killer". That should give you some idea...
So you get to decide what a pet is? Please tell us where the line is so we can all conform.
For the poster: NTA - lots of people keep insects as pets and other unusual animals. Why would housemate care if bug is kept in your room? Just make sure that Nemo absolutely can't get out and that housemate can't do anything nefarious to Nemo.
BTW, if your friend has a phobia to bugs please don't inform them of the many, many kinds of bugs that live on and in us.
Do people on Reddit really not understand that there is a difference between domesticated animals and wild ones? Yes, certain animals are not pets, because they aren't domesticated and will be unhappy (and sometimes even dangerous, or *in* danger) in confinement.
That **wild** insect (which has a painful, venomous bite and can carry diseases dangerous to humans) is 100% not happy in the tiny "aquarium" OP posted on their profile (which has no visible filter and probably contains chlorinated tap water). It is not a domesticated animal, and should not be kept as a pet in a tiny uncomfortable enclosure.
With bugs there really is no differentiation, and lots of people keep bugs as pets. Think spiders and cockroaches and such. Same applies to fish and many reptiles.
That would probably be the best thing you could here. You are prioritizing a creature you kidnapped from the wild over your “sister”. It’s not fair to her to have to live with something she’s terrified of.
I don't ask people I love to choose between things they love. Y'all are severely underestimating my autistic tendency to get extremely attached to things that might seem irrelevant to brains that aren't mine. And I didn't kidnap him I saved him, he was lost, stressed out and needed water. And she's only terrified of bugs when they are flying or running at her. I've seen her be super chill with moths on the wall if they aren't moving
I guess I’m actually severely overestimating how much someone would love a person they called their sister and have known practically their entire lives.
But I’m very much starting to think you are just a troll. Because no one would claim to love their “sister” the same amount as an insect they just found on the street.
I lost all respect for you when you decided to use Autism as an excuse to be selfish and inconsiderate towards someone you claim to love like a sister.
As an Autistic person, that's disgusting. (Not saying you don't have Autism, but that's not an excuse.)
Here's the thing: she has made it clear she doesn't want him in the house. Your attachment to him is irrelevant.
Furthermore, if you cared about Nemo, you'd relocate him to a body of water that isn't an aquarium in your house. A lake or a pond. That's where he belongs.
And that's where he's going to get the food he eats which, according to google, is tadpoles, small fishes, insects, and other arthropods. He'd have an easier time getting those in the wild than waiting for you to feed him.
And, no, you didn't "rescue" him. If you had rescued him, you'd have taken him to a lake or a pond, somewhere he belongs. Putting him in an aquarium is not rescuing him.
Also, as someone with a bug phobia, here's something that happens to me when I see bugs, especially big ones: I start to feel like they're crawling on me and I have nightmares. Not saying that's what's happening to your roommate, but it might.
Most importantly, you're just being very selfish. Your wants matter more than your roommate's mental health. This not how you treat someone you claim to love like a sister.
>Maybe me and Nemo will just have to move out
I had to Google *Giant Water Bug* to figure out what you're referring to. You're so "in love" with this insect that you disturbed its life to place it in captivity of a tiny container.
YTA
It has a life span of a year. That's it. You are preventing her cycle of reproduction, laying eggs before dying. Or if it's a male, caring for his young.
Not only are you killing years of friendship, you say you're willing to move out for it. For an insect that has already lived at least 30% of its life.
Seriously nuts.
Set it free and stop being selfish.
https://txmg.org/galveston/beneficials-in-the-garden-and-landscape/giant-water-bug/#:~:text=The%20life%20cycle%20of%20the,Adults%20live%20about%20one%20year.
That thing isn’t even going to last a year. Why not just let it go so it can live its short life in the wild where it belongs? You’re literally ruining life long friendships over a bug that probably won’t see Christmas.
I have genuinely spent so much time in my life catching any moths that come into the house. None of our other housemates have ever done that they don't care
Honey, you’re not ‘respecting her phobia’ if you only do it when it doesn’t affect you much. It’s great that you’ve been a decent person to your roommate this far, but that doesn’t give you the right to force her to confront her fear when it starts to affect you on a way you didn’t expect.
I didn't realise it would be any different to bringing home a fish. Ought I to have asked if I were to get a little fish in my room? I'm genuinely so baffled by this because I didn't know this was a thing. In my mind it's like asking before buying a new houseplant for my room. I'm so confused
No, I genuinely did not know. She's previously okayed me owning a tarantula, snake or ant farm, and I genuinely have no idea what makes this bug any worse
So if you know her phobia is specifically bugs that can fly, and she okayed bugs that cannot do those things, why didn't you ask? Just feels like you wanna do what you wanna do and have no thought towards her.
I don't know I think I might be a bit stupid. I just didn't think it would be a bother. And now I don't know what to do because releasing Nemo would break my heart but I miss my friend talking to me
Friend, I know you love Nemo, but that container is way too small for him. Would you like to be confined to a closet just because you technically have enough room to move around? Nemo belongs in a pond or lake where it can live comfortably. I'm not saying you can't keep insects or something like that, but 1. You do not have adequate space to keep him in. I would go with probably about a 5-10 gallon tank for a bug like that, this enclosure doesn't have nearly enough room for him to be a bug and do buggy things. There's also not enough hides/plants for him to hang out in. The plastic plants and cave are ok, but they tend to like to hide in large clusters of plants where they're not easily seen. He is not happy in his tank. 2. Your roommate won't even talk to you because you have this bug. Your roommate that you care about very much. And this bug? Depending on how old it is, won't last a year. That's just their lifespan. It just seems like you're throwing away a connection you care about for one that's not going to be there a year from now.
If you're truly set on keeping this insect, you need a bigger tank and a place where roommate won't have to worry about him. And what have you been feeding him? They have a fairly specific diet they need to adhere to to be healthy.
IT IS A *FLYING BUG*
THAT BITES AND CARRIES DISEASES
HOLY SHIT
Stop being deliberately obtuse. You didn't think this giant cockroach would actually be okay with your roommate, you just thought you'd get your own way by saying "but I'm attached to it!"
Set the damn bug free before it dies in a week or two in your inadequate tank, get a pet that doesn't terrify your roommate, and grow tf up.
This feels very much like a technicality to me. Your roommate hates flying bugs. ‘Nemo’ is a flying bug. You could have reasonably predicted that this would be a problem. Being willfully ignorant is not going to help your case.
"I knew she liked playing golf but I didn't realise that a punch to the face would bother her - they're both just swinging your fists!" - literally how thick you sound.
A houseplant is different from a pet. For one thing, although it may give off a scent, it won't smell in the same way a pet would. A pet also takes up more room; I'm guessing your aquarium isn't that small. Also, there's the possibility that the bug could accidentally get out and that would terrify your roommate.
This enclosure is actually way too small for a giant water bug. It's a Critter Keeper and they're known for being awful tanks for fish that people keep buying because they're small and cheaper than an actual tank. They'd need at the very least a 5-10 gallon to keep an insect like that.
You didn't even rescue that bug. It's not supposed to be kept in an aquarium; it should be free outside, not imprisoned in a small space foe the rest of its life.
I did rescue it, it was lost in the middle of town looking for water, it was really stressed out I tried putting it in the garden but it didn't like it and kept crawling back onto me. As soon as I got him home and put him in water he immediately looked so much more comfortable and settled right in. These bugs are ambush predators and barely move in the wild, similar to some snakes. He is super comfy in the aquarium. As long as he has water and food he's happy.
What's "supposed" to be kept in an aquarium anyway? By that logic we shouldn't have fish as pets either.
Honey no. You are anthropomorphizing this bug. Autism isn’t an excuse. I know we can get irrationally attached to things, but you have to realize it’s irrational. That’s what an emotionally mature person would do.
Also, what if he was stressed because he couldn’t find his family, and you took him even farther away from his family? If we’re assigning human emotions to bugs, then why not?
I’m less worried about your living arrangements and more worried how you’re going to react when Nemo inevitably dies in a few weeks, probably because of something you did while keeping him.
So then you *put it in a body of water.* Presumably you live close to a lake, yes? Put it back there.
You’re approaching this the way I did when I was five years old, hunting for caterpillars in the back garden. You’re simply too old to be using anthromorphization to justify this. It’s not cute. It’s not beneficial for the bug. You’re keeping a swimming, hunting predator bug in your house and handling it with your bare hands. These are not good decisions.
Of all the stupid shit I’ve read on here….
Even if it dies before you move, you need to move anyway. You sound exhausting and frustrating as all hell to live with.
If she was scared of fish, then yes. It’s still an animal that needs to be fed and your sister may end up having to feed to it if anything goes wrong.
A houseplant isn’t a living being that moves and can escape.
Any peet should be cleared with your roommate first if only as a formality. Who's going to look after it when you aren't around? Are you going to expect your roommate to do that on will you be giving someone else access to the apartment? Either way the things will affect your roommate so they should have a say in pets even if we ignore the phobia.
I have lived all over the Deep South of the US (including New Orleans) my whole life ....TRUST AND BELIEVE THEY FUCKING FLY. FREQUENTLY. AND grow about as long as my hand. Granted, they are not dirty, but NO NO NO to living with one! GODDESS TAKE THE WHEEL!!!
"He doesn't fly" "they only fly rarely when they run out of food or need to find a mate"
Contradicting yourself here. YTA and trying to justify yourself for bringing in a fucking BUG that your roommate is terrified of is turbo-asshole territory.
Did everyone agree to the dog moving in is the important question. It doesn’t matter if you like it or not.
Okay it matters but not in context of this discussion.
YTA. Pets are an all yes situation before you bring them in.
Also, I really can't decide if you're using water bug in the accurate or colloquial sense. If it's a real water bug, then you should know that they *can* fly, so it still falls under the flying bug category. If it's not, and you're using water bug in the colloquial way to mean cockroach... At least make sure you're *really* washing your hands every time after you touch it, because if you think your roommates have issues with it now, just pray it doesn't give you guys rota virus.
People keep saying this "all yes" thing but I've never lived with that rule in any house. All the housemates I've had have always been really accepting of each other's choices even if we don't necessarily like it so this is very new and strange for me. And it is a giant water bug, I had been carrying it about half the night before I learnt from Google it can fly. But it doesn't actually fly, he never flew, so I thought he would be ok because they only fly so rarely and he'd be locked up. It's not like he's going to flap around the cage or anything like a moth. He's aquatic.
And they aren't roommates they are housemates. If they don't come into my room they'll never know the bug exists
It’s not that she doesn’t “necessarily like it”. She is terrified of it. Put it back into the wild. It’s a flying bug. She has a phobia. You would be a terrible roommate (house mate, same thing). Why would you not know you’re the AH??
I kinda hope roomie sprays poison in there. I fucking hate those bugs, the first time I saw one I couldn’t even figure out what I was seeing they’re so gross
I don’t think you understand what it means to love another living being. This bug has lived his whole life in the wild. You can’t take a living being from the wild and coop it up in a small enclosure like you have. You’re torturing this poor creature that you claim to love. Be kind to it, demonstrate your love, by setting it free back where you found it.
Your boss is probably not going to let you keep what is essentially a giant swimming cockroach on your work desk. You’re in a professional environment. Visiting clients are not going to want to see that, and if ‘Nemo’ gets out and starts biting people, that’s a huge liability.
I know how powerful ND obsessive brain can be. But use your logical head for a minute. You’re about to blow up your life for a bug that has no emotional connection to you, and that isn’t even meant to be kept in a tank.
Loving a living thing means making the choices that break your heart because it's best for them. If you can't see why keeping a bug in a tiny box isn't loving it, you aren't ready to love anyone or anything.
You are making these choices for your own benefit. Stop pretending that the bug is happy. The bug is not happy. The bug wants to hunt and mate and live out its last few months where it's meant to be
I love animals and am frequently rescuing lost or injured creatures. I always set them free or immediately hand them off to wildlife rehabers.
The animals we do "keep" are domesticated and often rescues/abandoned. We don't keep wild animals we find just because we think they're neat or whatever. Your little Nemo does not WANT to be trapped indoors unable to be with its own kind and follow its natural instincts.
Why do you have to possess what you love? This is a living thing from outdoors that you are keeping locked up and isolated. That isn't love.
Either you think it is just a bug and haven't consider how it feels (which would make your comment about it "loving you" just nonsense) or you understand that all living things are capable of feeling something and having wants and you are choosing to thwart its wants because you are bigger and can force your wants over it.
You claim to "love" both but all your decisions only take your want into considerations. That's not long is it's selfishness. Also blaming your assholeness on being autistic is a very asshole move.
She does not want it in the house. Quit making excuses. You’re not a child throwing a fit because you can’t keep a toy. Have some empathy towards your flatmate.
It just doesn't seem fair to me. I'm going to see if I can relocate Nemo to my office desk for the time being and look at moving out. I love bugs too much not to be able to keep them
Edit: Nemo is not a toy, I love him
But don’t you see that part of loving bugs means allowing them to live in their natural habitats? If you love something/someone only insofar as you can possess it, then I would argue that you don’t *really* love them/it. What you’re describing sounds more like an unregulated obsession.
It sounds like she *is* terrified of him, given that she is saying "You know I have a phobia of flying bugs, you cannot have that bug as a pet." You are being astonishingly obtuse.
You are so selfish I wonder if you’re a narcissist. You are determined to keep a living creature in a habit that is way to small for it because “you love it.” If you loved it you’d put it back on the edge of a pond where it belongs. Instead you’re keeping it in a tiny cage so you can have it near you. Even separate from the housemate issue, that’s horrible.
I'm glad to read this because I was thinking the sane thing. OP is basically keeping this bug with a short lifespan locked up in solitary confinement for the remainder if it's life. Ffs, this bug"s purpose in life is laid out more clearly than for humans, and it's cruel to deprive it of that for no good reason. They *love* this bug so much they're cool torturing it to kerp it around. And this is from someone who hates bugs and wouldn't mind if someone crushed it. Just so cruel and selfish AF. They clearly only care for themselves and are definitely being narcy with this. Interesting they overlook every comment that acknowledges how evil they're being.
You didn’t rescue it. You found a bug outside and brought it inside, removing it from its familiar environment. I understand you’re very attached to it, but if you actually do care about the bug and your friend, the best thing to do is to release it near a lake. Keeping it in a tiny aquarium (as opposed to what it’s been used to), is extremely selfish and possessive. You want to keep this bug and you’re willing to sacrifice the mental wellbeing of your ‘sister’ for it. Do the right thing and release it.
That bug hasn’t chosen you. It’s a bug, a wild creature, and it deserves to be in the wild where it belongs, not in a tiny tank in someone’s house. Put it outside. I don’t care what you have going on you can’t imprison a wild animal and start calling it your son and expect to be taken seriously. If you actually loved bugs like you claim to you wouldn’t keep it in that tiny enclosure where it can barely move.
I see why you feel it's harmless in the tank but also can understand why someone with a phobia of bugs is creeped out by Nemo the toe-biter (what we colloquially call them at the cottage for obvious reasons.) That said, this is a little bug with a short lifespan (about a year.... and he's already an adult.) Don't burn down a lifelong friendship over a bug who lives at most a year. Surely some kind of compromise can be arrived at here. This is not something to uproot your housing and friendship over.
Also... please don't put your hand in there, the bite is REALLY painful. I've never been bitten but I know people who have (including one who reacted badly to the venom and whose entire foot puffed up like a balloon.) Nemo is best as an 'eyes only!' pet.
YTA for bringing a pet into a shared home without the permission of the other people sharing that home, regardless of what the pet is or why they said no.
It is their home, too. Your desire for wanting the pet does not trump their right to feel safe and comfortable in their home.
You created the problem by bringing it home and bonding with it to begin with, your "but I love it" argument discounts responsibility for your actions. Either give it up or move out.
Look, you didn’t “rescue” anything. You picked up a bug on the street and have now trapped the thing in a very small cage. I guarantee you your “pet” is as miserable as your roommate. Let the thing go
YTA
Hey from one fellow autist to another: YTA twofold.
You are being extremely selfish, not only in regards to your housemate, but also to that poor bug. Imagine if your housemate killed that bug while you were out one day. Imagine how upset you'd be, how much you'd hate/distrust your friend for doing something she knew would hurt you. She'd say "but I hate him and that's more important than your feelings". That's what you're doing to her by knowingly bringing something she has a PHOBIA- not just a small fear, actual debilitating terror- of into her safe space and then ignoring her basic need to feel safe in her home.
As for the bug, it wasn't "lost" it was in its natural habitat. You kidnapped the poor guy from his home and are now holding him hostage, patting yourself on the back that you did a good thing. Put him back in his home, move out, then go to the pet store and buy an actual pet bug.
YTA because that is *a wild animal*. it doesn’t belong indoors in a tank. some comments here are unnecessarily cruel saying they’d harm it, but *you* are harming it too by keeping it in an environment it isn’t made for.
adding a pet to a household without an okay from the others is also a dick move. that’s not how you cohabitate.
i understand the quick attachment — i’m also autistic, i absolutely get that this feels special to you — but you’ve handled this in so many terrible ways for everyone involved. including nemo.
You do understand that thing is going to die all on its own in less than a year, right? If you want a water based buddy get an axolotl, they’re cute and have personalities.
YTA please god let this be fake
Feeder crickets from the pet shop. I am also looking into feeder fish from another pet shop. I have done my research and giant water bugs eat just about anything and are very hardy animals, crickets will suit him just fine
As someone who keeps unusual pets and is afraid of bugs, I can see both sides here. You're getting a lot of flack because it's a bug, but that has nothing to do with the real issue: you brought home a friend that your roommate doesn't feel safe around.
Some advice for you, don't move out for Nemo, if he's an adult, and you found him in an odd place, and he didn't bite you he might not last long... Even if he was in perfect health, he'd likely only live a couple more months.
Also, those plastic tanks do NOT inspire confidence in people who are afraid of bugs. I would get a 10 gal with a screen lid and put the plastic tank in there and see if the double containment makes her feel better.
Also tell your roommate about their behavior, they are sit and wait predators so when you open the tank to feed them, they will not be moving and they will not try to escape. And crickets are also scary flying insects so try mealworms/worms instead.
Tell your roommate all of the safety measures you have, all of the reasons why he won't escape, and that he won't be around for long. Then ask her if there is anything else you can do that will make her feel ok with having him in the house for a little while (getting a draft stopper for your door, keeping your door always closed, etc.)
And, even if she lets you keep him, DO NOT TAKE ANY MORE BUGS INTO THE HOUSE WITHOUT HER PERMISSION.
You also can't keep getting so attached to animals you find in the wild, I think that's therapist territory to sort that out. It's one thing if you've always wanted pink toed tarantula because you've been fascinated with them since a child. It's another thing to become attached to a *specific* invertebrate you found outside.
I hope you and your roommate can work it out.
YTA.
For not respecting your friend's phobia AND for bringing home a wild insect famously known for being agressive towards human.
You're throwing away your friendship for a bug you've known for less than a day, a bug that was just chilling on the sidewalk.
Your actions are selfish both toward your friend and the water bug (since you technically kidnapped it instead of returning it to his natural habitat)
Water bugs live less than a year and this one's already an adult. Is it really worth imploding your living situation to keep a toe-biter in a cage for a few months?
Nemo does not give a solitary fuck about you. Presumably, your roommate used to.
You're being incredibly short sighted and letting your neurospicy get in the way of being stable and happy. As a fellow spicy, I get the urge, but you are making really really stupid choices over an insect that has a sooner expiration date than my coffee creamer
OK let’s list all the reasons why YTA
1. You brought an animal to a shared house no one agreed to live with.
2. Someone had a severe phobia to the animal.
3. The animal is a COCKROACH which anyone without a phobia wouldn’t be okay with
4. You removed said animal from their natural habitat to put it inside an aquarium in your room.
5. The animal flies and bites and you carry it around with you.
6. You claim to be sensitive but you are being insensitive to every person around you and even a freaking cockroach
7. You are using your autism diagnose as an excuse to be an ah
Yes YTA
It's actually sad to see your comments about this situation. Creating excuses even though you knew she was scared of flying bugs, saying the bugs "rarely fly" meaning they do fly, and chalking it all up to your intense attachment for a bug that is in way too small a container to begin with. Why don't you care about your friend's feelings?
YTA not only do you have a pet that your “sister” is afraid of, but you have to bring food for him/her that your “sister” would likely be afraid of too.
I’m pretty sure your boss will not give you the green light to keep a bug in the office. Things can happen and the bug can escape from the enclosure you keep it in.
That being said, bugs generally have a very short life span. The thing will die soon and you’re willing to make someone who you consider yourself close to uncomfortable for that short period of time. That is selfish behaviour and autism is not an excuse.
Another thing to consider is if any other landlord will even allow said bug into the property. From what I can tell, those things are generally considered pests and infestation can be a worry.
YTA
YTA. Yes this bug is aquatic, but it *can* and *does* fly, not matter how you try to rationalize that that isn’t true. They’re talented escape artists and their bite is very painful. Coyote Peterson (the dude literally known for having bugs with known painful bites or stings do that to him) has a video on YouTube about it biting him and it…does not look pleasant.
I don’t have a bug phobia and I wouldn’t be okay with having that in my home, I can’t image your poor roommate. Over and above that, **you didn’t kidnap this bug, you stole them from the wild and are forcing them to be in a very small tank.** if you love this bug, you should do the right thing for them.
It's not locked in a pretty little tank, you said you carry it around. INFO: Are you carrying this insect outside of your room? YWBTA if you are. Keep it in your room, make escape impossible, for the sanity of your roommates. Are you caring for it properly? Gut-loading its prey?
Yta, there is no such thing as rescuing a bug. You took a creature out of its natural environment for your own purposes. That bug never needed your help, it knew what it was doing. Water bugs only live for like 1 year and a half so you don’t have it for long. You chose to bring a bug without discussing it with your roommate that you know had a phobia into a shared household. Phobias don’t have to mean every bug ever just an easier way to communicate that bugs are an issue. You get bugs as a pet when you live alone or with someone who can at minimum tolerate them. You said you’ve discussed getting a tarantula or an ant farm with her and she seemed okay with it. Reality is she probably thought you were talking about when yall don’t live together. Or those don’t trigger her phobia. You’re out of line and an asshole to your roommate and the bug.
INFO: You're aware it's going to die in less than a year right? Like, probably a couple of weeks. From hatching to death, they only live about a year.
And no. You haven't saved it. You've doomed it.
YTA
You're the asshole both to your roommate and to the bug.
You're the asshole to your roommate for not being considerate of her phobia of flying insects (which giant water bugs are, doesn't matter if you didn't know that initially). You don't bring a pet into a house without prior approval from everyone else living there.
You're the asshole to the bug for taking it from the wild (where it belongs) and putting it into a tiny container where it will not have the space necessary to fly around. It cannot get the food and nutrition it needs unless you have the ability to provide all of that yourself. Taking a wild animal from nature is not "rescuing" it. Giant water bugs fly. If he was away from water, he would have been perfectly capable of flying back to a lake or pond himself.
As a fellow bug enjoying Autistic person, I understand to a degree. Bugs are cool. But it's also important to know that your love of a bug and wanting to have it should not take priority over that bug's needs to live a fulfilled life, nor should it take priority over a phobia of somebody you live with. Keeping it regardless is very selfish and not good for your friend or the bug you claim to love.
You say your bug is kept in a safe cage, but that you also let it out. What happens if you're holding Nemo and they bite you? All of a sudden you'll have a bug loose in the house. This is your sister's worst nightmare. Can you keep Nemo outside? They're adapted to your climate, it wouldn't hurt them.
YTA - first of all, don't ask your boss if it's cool to bring your bug to work, that's very unprofessional.
Any pet needs to be okayed by everyone. It doesn't matter if your friend said it's fine for you to have a dragon and you bring home a horse. You have to make sure everybody's OK with the creature you bring home. For some, a bug is a deal breaker while a spider or a lizard is not (frankly, I'd rather have a hippo in my house than a spider or a bug).
I didn’t even make it past the fact that your brought a freaking flyin cockroach home before I started cringing so bad I now need to go take a shower in bleach. Some of us are TERRIFIED of those things!!
In case you were wondering YTA!!
YTA you’re very selfish to bug who was just running around when you kidnapped it and put it in an enclosure. People who love animals, insects or bugs would not do that. So double YTA
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My housemate, friend and basically sister (has been my brother's best friend since I was 3) is no longer speaking to me because I brought a giant water bug home and she said I couldn't keep it but I kept it anyway because I thought having a little aquarium in my room wouldn't hurt anyone, right?
Wrong.
My housemate has a phobia of bugs, particularly flying bugs, that I didn't realise was so intense she'd forbid me from keeping a bug in a small, secure (and nicely decorated) tank in my bedroom.
But the problem is, I'm extremely attached to this bug. His name is Nemo, I found him lost on the sidewalk and had been taking care of him all night before I brought him home. I learnt later that giant water bugs bite really bad but I'd been carrying him around on my hands and he didn't bite me and I know it's stupid but I feel like he chose me.
I have been wanting a pet for so long and setting up Nemo's adorable new aquarium has brought me so much joy. I know he is just a bug but I'm a highly sensitive and emotional person and I actually love this bug as if Ive just bought a puppy. There are already two dogs and a cat in the house and I just want a pet of my own.
In my mind I can't understand how it's any different to having a fish and I think it's ridiculous that she would tell me I'm not allowed a bug. It doesn't make any noise, it barely even moves at all.
I've always been sensitive to her phobia. I know it's serious and I always rescue her when moths get in the house and empathise when she comes home from work with stories about bugs that scared her. I really had no idea the bugs would still be so scary when locked in a pretty little tank.
I've tried to apologise for upsetting her but she ignored me and walked away. She wants me to get rid of the bug but I can't because he is my son.
Am I the asshole? We are both autistic, if that matters lol
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YTA you chose a bug you found on the sidewalk over your sister after knowing she has a phobia of bugs. You should move out and you should definitely get the tank out of the apartment immediately.
In any situation, you'd be in the wrong for bringing in a pet without asking your roommate first. It's particularly bad you ended up with an animal your roommate is terrified of. I understand why you have an attachment to this bug, but you can't keep it. And anyway, it's really a wild animal- just take it back outside. YTA
OP: "I'm highly sensitive, so I already love this bug" yet shows no sensitivity toward her roommate for the severe phobia OP was aware of before bonding with the bug. Lol.
Hard YTA
YTA. I’m pretty sure that your whole house needs to be burned down now. That thing is…nightmare fuel. In fact I will probably have night terrors about it tonight so I’m going to send this thread to my husband in advance.
And I’m Autistic too. That’s a bad excuse for taking advantage of other people
LOL. When that thing bites you, believe me, you'll want to release it. Also, taking something from the wild, its home, is fucked up. If you love the bug, then you want whats best for it. Which is being released back into its natural habitat. If you and your friend are as close as you say, then care about her feelings more than you care about the bug. There are plenty of places to go to buy captive bread bugs if you really want a bug as a pet. I suggest getting one that doesn't fly. Its your housemates home, too, and they shouldn't be made to feel scared and uncomfortable in their own home. You're being incredibly selfish and not just to your roommate. How would you feel if someone plucked you out of your home and kept you in a small glass tank for the rest of your life? Because that's what you're doing. YTA.
Here’s some information on water bugs I learned from a subreddit where this was crossposted, since you seem to be only picking and choosing what suits your narrative: 1. the bug did not choose you. they play dead when handled out of nowhere like that. 2. their bite/sting is one of the most painful in the world and they carry a disease that can kill human beings. 3. they escape incredibly easily and as soon as the shock wears off that thing is going to get out and deliver that bite to you. 4. the cage you chose is inhumanely small. if you give a single damn about the bug like you claim to you would not defend keeping it in there. this also gives the bug more motivation to escape, and it will. 5. there is not a chance in hell your workplace will allow that.
Another incredibly important point— when that thing escapes, if you aren’t able to find it, you are going to single handedly ruin your roommates life. She won’t be able to live at your place anymore. She won’t trust any of her belongings. Nothing will be safe or sacred. Her phobia will be worsened tenfold for the rest of her life. And nothing you say will be able to fix it, or your relationship with her.
All of this in mind, you claim to be a sensitive and caring person, but you aren’t. You have failed for a single second throughout all of this to be sensitive and caring towards your roommate. Phobias are one of the most difficult things in the world to confront. Do some research on them if you’re really as good of a friend as you claim. What you’ve done is truly evil to her. If I were her, I wouldn’t be able to sleep or exist anywhere in that house without constant panic attacks. I’d be stuffing towels under my doorframe out of fear. You don’t get to blame this on your autism— yes, it makes things especially difficult for you and I won’t deny that, but an extra challenge isn’t an excuse. No one in the world gets a pass to do what you’re doing. None of my many autistic friends would do a thing like this to me knowing the intense fear I have of a certain kind of bug. I know your friend’s point of view first hand and I promise I would be looking at you differently after all of this.
You are being selfish and desperately clinging to a deluded state. You’re being cruel to that bug, your roommate, and yourself. You didn’t rescue it, you stole it from its natural habitat outdoors— they don’t spend all their time in water, so the behavior you witnessed was likely completely normal. I understand what it’s like to make a little bug friend and get attached, but you need to have the responsibility, emotional maturity, and respect for wildlife to enjoy the brief interactions you have and part ways.
I’m sorry that this is harsh, but these comments really don’t seem to be getting through to you and as someone with severe phobias this is an upsetting read for me. You are going to suffer the fallout of this in more ways than one. And when you do, you need to understand that it isn’t because you’re a caring soul who just couldn’t watch a bug suffer— it didn’t ever need rescuing. All of this is because you couldn’t step up, grow up, and stop making excuses for your self-centered lack of consideration. Please let that bug go where you found it, and carefully for your own sake. Then apologize to your friend more profusely than you ever thought possible. Then maybe get yourself one of the pets your roommate so graciously agreed on, if you really must, though I question the quality of care you’ll be able to provide seeing as you’re already not willing to upgrade your current tank.
Let’s not forget they want to feed it crickets, another insect that would scare her. Why not little minnows tadpoles, or anything that isn’t an insect?
>I brought a giant water bug home and she said I couldn't keep it but I kept it anyway because I thought having a little aquarium in my room wouldn't hurt anyone, right?
"I blatantly ignored my friend and showed little to no care about her or her opinions and thought only what I wanted mattered. Turns out the world doesn't revolve around me."
Oh don't get it mistaken OP. Your "sister" knows how much you love Nemo. Enought to know that you love Nemo sooo much you don't give 2 flying Frick flap applejacks about her, her feelings, or her phobia. I wish death on no one's pet because I know how it feels to have a beloved pet die. But when you are all alone. Wondering why your roomie stopped talking to you. You'll be faced with how little you cared about anybody but yourself. And Nemo will be your only comfort.
YTA
YTA. First of all, stop taking wild animals as pets, it can be really damaging. They are needed as they regulate population in ponds and lakes.
Second, you clearly know nothing about bugs. Is Nemo male? Female? How old? What will you do if it bites you? What will you do if it’s a female and she needs to lay eggs? They need to stay as a pair as both male and female are needed to look after the eggs. Then you end up with 150 hatchlings.
You’re a massive AH willing to throw away a friendship for less than a year of forcing a wild animal into a tank way too small, and robbing it of its natural life.
YTA - You don't own your house, you are cohabitating with another person and brought in a disgusting bug into the house that you KNEW that they were terrified of without asking.
Release the bug and get a damn hamster.
YTA both for this post and for the very obvious fact that you didn't come here looking for people's opinions, you came for validation and you're mad that you didn't get it.
This is a lot of words to say you care about a bug you just met more than her. Find a way to keep it without her having to go through anxiety over it or leave. YTA.
Hang on. in another post you state you live with your mother and partner.
ARE YOU LEAVING OUT THE DETAIL THAT YOU'RE ACTIVELY TORMENTING YOUR ***MOTHER***?!?!?
Friend, pal, buddy... My dude.
YTA on way more levels than you even realise....
First of all, that tank isn't adequate for your venomous friend, are those even real plants? How are you feeding it? Do you know anything at all about caring for a water bug?
Second of all, THAT'S YOUR MOTHER?!?!?!
Third of all, you genuinely need to see a therapist for this level of attachment, it's fine to hyperfixate and even get a bug from a reputable breeder (honestly hissing Cockroaches are pretty fun little dudes, look into them), but make sure that you have all the information to properly care for an animal before you take one, and buy a proper setup BEFORE you bring your multi legged friend home.
And lastly: I would avoid bringing home anything with a big escape risk. Like I love octopi, but I'd never get one as a pet because they're extremely clever and frequently Houdini.
YTA
I fucking hate bugs of any kind, and if you know her as well as you say you do, you know this too.
Are you scared or creeped out by any creatures? Spiders? Snails? Snakes?
Imagine if she brought home a stonkin great big one home after you told her you really didn’t like them.
YTA. Of all my time on here, this has the be the stupidest post I have ever seen. I'm just amazed, OP you need some serious help if you think a close friends is the same as a bug you've had for a day. And you can't use autism as an excuse for your unhinged behavior regarding the bug.
YTA. You clearly don’t care about your “sister’s” feelings or frankly the bug’s quality of life. If you don’t care about those things, but genuinely “love” Nemo (I promise you don’t) release it to save whatever’s left of “Nemo’s” life. From what I’m reading, it sounds like water bugs can easily escape. That tank you have looks flimsy as hell. If Nemo escapes and flies at your sister, I guarantee it will be swatted down by one of your housemates. “Save” your bug “friend” again by setting it free.
If its actually a toe biter giant Waterbug and not just a random roach I hope OP updates us when the bugger inevitably bites them with their excruciating venomous bite.
YTA! You don’t love this bug, if you did you’d put its needs above your wants. It was happily living its life in its natural habitat and you’ve basically thrown it in prison so you can look at it. That’s NOT LOVE. Let the bug go.
NTA
Maybe I’m a bit slow, but I don’t get why everyone is reacting so hard about a stupid bug in a tank. It’s an irrational fear, so I don’t blame her, but your roommate can’t really police what you have in your room as long as you keep everything clean and controlled. Her phobia isn’t really your business. If she had a phobia of a particular plant locked in your room and was asking you to get rid of it, would everyone be taking her side like they are now ?
You mentioned another roomate’s untrained dog in the house, the living situation sounds quite chaotic. I’m with you on not understanding what the big deal is, but the solution would be to get rid of the waterbug, get her to accept it being here (unlikely) or one of you moving out.
Besides, if you get to keep the bug, get a proper tank, environnement…etc to my knowledge they’re ok to keep in captivity, you’ll have to feed it small prey. And handle it carefully, don’t touch it with your bare hands if possible, or don’t be surprised if you get stung.
Good luck! Don’t listen to the hate :)
Edit : just saw the tank on your profile lol, poor thing. It’s either doubling down and managing to keep the bug and update its tank (it’s going to cause a lot of conflict and possibly end badly), or get rid of it somewhere appropriate (it’s a wild bug, it’ll be ok) and learn about proper aquarium etiquette to get a fish or a frog or something (an animal that won’t cause trouble)
And it’s okay to love a bug and find it cute (waterbugs are cute, they bite but they look good) but maybe don’t let it get too intense ? It’s a bug, it doesn’t love you back.
Thank you that's what I thought. I just started doubting myself when another housemate took the first housemates side saying Ive been really inconsiderate
Lots of wrong answers on here. As a fellow bug person, NTA, as long as you're only keeping it in your room so the roommate doesn't have to see it. Don't carry it around and definitely don't let it loose. But as long as it's contained, you should be able to keep it. I don't care if it's a roach, your roommate shouldn't be able to dictate what you keep in your room if it's not harmful or interfering.
E: INFO wait, you've got it in an aquarium full of water, what is this bug exactly? Is it a roach or a toe biter? This thing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belostomatidae?wprov=sfla1
You found it on the sidewalk? Roaches don't live in water, and water bugs are predators that need prey. Are you knowledgeable on how to keep it? Thinking of taking back my NTA.
You deserve better, bro. I’m sorry so many people are being assholes about your pet, and about your friends phobia. I have a severe fear of insects too, and yet I still understand that anyone can bond with anything. There are many cultures around the world that keep and domesticate pets that we would consider pests or food, and I don’t think ragging on anyone’s pet is cool. Regardless of the culture they come from.
At the same time, I understand your friends phobia being triggered every time she sees or remembers the insect in her home, or sees you carrying it around.
You both deserve to feel safe in your home, and you both deserve to have a pet that you love and connect with in your home. Having a pet around is good for your health! I know nothing about giant water bugs, but it doesn’t sound like it’s a threat to your or your roommates physical health to have Nemo around.
I think moving out would be a good idea, or getting a lock on your door. Or seeing if you and your roommate can sit down and discuss her fears and see if there’s anything you can do to make living with Nemo more manageable for her before she moves out.
Bringing a puppy home to a roommate that has a deep fear of dogs doesn’t seem like a very considerate action, but the way you’re looking for ways to care for Nemo and respect your roommates wishes (bringing him to work, moving out) is much more considerate. This is a tough one, and I wish you luck. Sending you compassion, homie
this all feels like a lot over a bug. everybody is overreacting. christ. I really don't see the issue with having a bug that is secured in a tank in your own bedroom, assuming you have your own bedroom and don't share which is what it sounds like. also assuring that you give the bug a good, full life (trade off for the bug is freedom for safety, l think). just don't show her the bug and I don't understand why it's an issue? I really don't understand
Your housemate needs to go to a psychologist. Phobias are perfectly treatable. I don't see why you have to do her will when it's her the one with a problem. If she has a phobia, she needs to take care of it not tell you what to do with your life and bedroom.
Edit: what ages are you both? Why is she needing "rescue" from moths? Either way, she needs a doctor.
NAH. i do think you should have communicated to everyone in the house before bringing any kind of pet in. but i sympathize with you keeping it quietly in your room and your housemates phobia. hope you can find an agreement that works for both of you,
That's the thing, I don't see how we can reach an agreement if I won't get rid of Nemo and she won't be okay with me keeping Nemo. This feels so silly and I don't know what to do
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YTA. I have no idea what a water bug is lol. But it’s not a pet, it doesn’t belong in an aquarium. Your friend has a known phobia to bugs, and yet you brought one into the house? Just knowing it’s there is enough to upset your friend. You should get rid of it asap and apologise. IDK why not just get some fish for your aquarium? They make ok pets and you’ll have fun decorating and setting up the tank too.
It's a cockroach :(
Considering OP mentioned a painful bite he probably is talking about an actual water bug, not the American Cockroach which for some reason people also like to call a waterbug. If it's what I'm thinking and he's got a Giant Water Bug I'd frankly be more terrified of that than the roach. Those things are huge and have one of the most painful insect bites.
If it’s an actual cockroach that’s wrong on so many levels. The risk of disease and germs is very much real, as well as the risk of invading your home with bugs. I bet its babies could escape. That’s not a pet in any sense of the word, if it were my friend I’d do it a favour either free it far away outside or squash it followed by sterilisation with bleach.
It’s a *large* cockroach
Its like a cockroach but different. Also, its bite is horrific. [https://www.familyhandyman.com/article/water-bug-vs-cockroach/](https://www.familyhandyman.com/article/water-bug-vs-cockroach/)
They are not actually, they are related to stinkbugs.
Imagine a cockroach. Then imagine a cockroach twice the size of a normal cockroach. Then imagine that instead of front legs it has two swords. That's a giant water bug. Other names for them are "electric light bug", "toe biter" or "fish killer". That should give you some idea...
So you get to decide what a pet is? Please tell us where the line is so we can all conform. For the poster: NTA - lots of people keep insects as pets and other unusual animals. Why would housemate care if bug is kept in your room? Just make sure that Nemo absolutely can't get out and that housemate can't do anything nefarious to Nemo. BTW, if your friend has a phobia to bugs please don't inform them of the many, many kinds of bugs that live on and in us.
Do people on Reddit really not understand that there is a difference between domesticated animals and wild ones? Yes, certain animals are not pets, because they aren't domesticated and will be unhappy (and sometimes even dangerous, or *in* danger) in confinement. That **wild** insect (which has a painful, venomous bite and can carry diseases dangerous to humans) is 100% not happy in the tiny "aquarium" OP posted on their profile (which has no visible filter and probably contains chlorinated tap water). It is not a domesticated animal, and should not be kept as a pet in a tiny uncomfortable enclosure.
With bugs there really is no differentiation, and lots of people keep bugs as pets. Think spiders and cockroaches and such. Same applies to fish and many reptiles.
No you aren’t “sensitive to her phobia”. As per your entire post describing how insensitive you are being to her phobia. YTA
Maybe me and Nemo will just have to move out
That would probably be the best thing you could here. You are prioritizing a creature you kidnapped from the wild over your “sister”. It’s not fair to her to have to live with something she’s terrified of.
I don't ask people I love to choose between things they love. Y'all are severely underestimating my autistic tendency to get extremely attached to things that might seem irrelevant to brains that aren't mine. And I didn't kidnap him I saved him, he was lost, stressed out and needed water. And she's only terrified of bugs when they are flying or running at her. I've seen her be super chill with moths on the wall if they aren't moving
I guess I’m actually severely overestimating how much someone would love a person they called their sister and have known practically their entire lives. But I’m very much starting to think you are just a troll. Because no one would claim to love their “sister” the same amount as an insect they just found on the street.
I lost all respect for you when you decided to use Autism as an excuse to be selfish and inconsiderate towards someone you claim to love like a sister. As an Autistic person, that's disgusting. (Not saying you don't have Autism, but that's not an excuse.) Here's the thing: she has made it clear she doesn't want him in the house. Your attachment to him is irrelevant. Furthermore, if you cared about Nemo, you'd relocate him to a body of water that isn't an aquarium in your house. A lake or a pond. That's where he belongs. And that's where he's going to get the food he eats which, according to google, is tadpoles, small fishes, insects, and other arthropods. He'd have an easier time getting those in the wild than waiting for you to feed him. And, no, you didn't "rescue" him. If you had rescued him, you'd have taken him to a lake or a pond, somewhere he belongs. Putting him in an aquarium is not rescuing him. Also, as someone with a bug phobia, here's something that happens to me when I see bugs, especially big ones: I start to feel like they're crawling on me and I have nightmares. Not saying that's what's happening to your roommate, but it might. Most importantly, you're just being very selfish. Your wants matter more than your roommate's mental health. This not how you treat someone you claim to love like a sister.
>Maybe me and Nemo will just have to move out I had to Google *Giant Water Bug* to figure out what you're referring to. You're so "in love" with this insect that you disturbed its life to place it in captivity of a tiny container. YTA It has a life span of a year. That's it. You are preventing her cycle of reproduction, laying eggs before dying. Or if it's a male, caring for his young. Not only are you killing years of friendship, you say you're willing to move out for it. For an insect that has already lived at least 30% of its life. Seriously nuts. Set it free and stop being selfish. https://txmg.org/galveston/beneficials-in-the-garden-and-landscape/giant-water-bug/#:~:text=The%20life%20cycle%20of%20the,Adults%20live%20about%20one%20year.
Probably for the best, and then you don't have to worry about the dog that pisses on everything.
Bugs gunna be dead before you can even find a place.
You would move out of a home with your supposed best friend because of a bug you found on the street
That thing isn’t even going to last a year. Why not just let it go so it can live its short life in the wild where it belongs? You’re literally ruining life long friendships over a bug that probably won’t see Christmas.
Finally a good idea.
I have genuinely spent so much time in my life catching any moths that come into the house. None of our other housemates have ever done that they don't care
Honey, you’re not ‘respecting her phobia’ if you only do it when it doesn’t affect you much. It’s great that you’ve been a decent person to your roommate this far, but that doesn’t give you the right to force her to confront her fear when it starts to affect you on a way you didn’t expect.
YTA. It's unfair and inconsiderate to bring home a pet when not all your roommates are on board with it.
I didn't realise it would be any different to bringing home a fish. Ought I to have asked if I were to get a little fish in my room? I'm genuinely so baffled by this because I didn't know this was a thing. In my mind it's like asking before buying a new houseplant for my room. I'm so confused
You didn't know the difference between getting an animal that you knew your roomie hated versus getting....a plant?
I didn't know she would hate it!! I knew she hated flying bugs but had no idea a little guy enclosed in my room would be a bother
You did know, you just chose to ignore it for your preference.
No, I genuinely did not know. She's previously okayed me owning a tarantula, snake or ant farm, and I genuinely have no idea what makes this bug any worse
So if you know her phobia is specifically bugs that can fly, and she okayed bugs that cannot do those things, why didn't you ask? Just feels like you wanna do what you wanna do and have no thought towards her.
I don't know I think I might be a bit stupid. I just didn't think it would be a bother. And now I don't know what to do because releasing Nemo would break my heart but I miss my friend talking to me
Not stupid. Selfish.
Friend, I know you love Nemo, but that container is way too small for him. Would you like to be confined to a closet just because you technically have enough room to move around? Nemo belongs in a pond or lake where it can live comfortably. I'm not saying you can't keep insects or something like that, but 1. You do not have adequate space to keep him in. I would go with probably about a 5-10 gallon tank for a bug like that, this enclosure doesn't have nearly enough room for him to be a bug and do buggy things. There's also not enough hides/plants for him to hang out in. The plastic plants and cave are ok, but they tend to like to hide in large clusters of plants where they're not easily seen. He is not happy in his tank. 2. Your roommate won't even talk to you because you have this bug. Your roommate that you care about very much. And this bug? Depending on how old it is, won't last a year. That's just their lifespan. It just seems like you're throwing away a connection you care about for one that's not going to be there a year from now. If you're truly set on keeping this insect, you need a bigger tank and a place where roommate won't have to worry about him. And what have you been feeding him? They have a fairly specific diet they need to adhere to to be healthy.
You're not stupid. You're inconsiderate.
And intolerable.
Seems like you’re a lot stupid. And mean
It flies. And you know she has a phobia of insects that fly.
It CAN fly but doesn't actually fly like a moth flapping all over the place. It's aquatic like a fish
Right. It is a flying bug. Exactly what she has a phobia of.
Her phobia of bugs
IT IS A *FLYING BUG* THAT BITES AND CARRIES DISEASES HOLY SHIT Stop being deliberately obtuse. You didn't think this giant cockroach would actually be okay with your roommate, you just thought you'd get your own way by saying "but I'm attached to it!" Set the damn bug free before it dies in a week or two in your inadequate tank, get a pet that doesn't terrify your roommate, and grow tf up.
This feels very much like a technicality to me. Your roommate hates flying bugs. ‘Nemo’ is a flying bug. You could have reasonably predicted that this would be a problem. Being willfully ignorant is not going to help your case.
Now you do and you don’t care. Which makes you a huge asshole
"I knew she liked playing golf but I didn't realise that a punch to the face would bother her - they're both just swinging your fists!" - literally how thick you sound.
A houseplant is different from a pet. For one thing, although it may give off a scent, it won't smell in the same way a pet would. A pet also takes up more room; I'm guessing your aquarium isn't that small. Also, there's the possibility that the bug could accidentally get out and that would terrify your roommate.
This enclosure is actually way too small for a giant water bug. It's a Critter Keeper and they're known for being awful tanks for fish that people keep buying because they're small and cheaper than an actual tank. They'd need at the very least a 5-10 gallon to keep an insect like that.
The aquarium is smaller than most of my plants. And doesn't give off any smell at all. Escape not a possibility, the enclosure is secure
You didn't even rescue that bug. It's not supposed to be kept in an aquarium; it should be free outside, not imprisoned in a small space foe the rest of its life.
I did rescue it, it was lost in the middle of town looking for water, it was really stressed out I tried putting it in the garden but it didn't like it and kept crawling back onto me. As soon as I got him home and put him in water he immediately looked so much more comfortable and settled right in. These bugs are ambush predators and barely move in the wild, similar to some snakes. He is super comfy in the aquarium. As long as he has water and food he's happy. What's "supposed" to be kept in an aquarium anyway? By that logic we shouldn't have fish as pets either.
Honey no. You are anthropomorphizing this bug. Autism isn’t an excuse. I know we can get irrationally attached to things, but you have to realize it’s irrational. That’s what an emotionally mature person would do. Also, what if he was stressed because he couldn’t find his family, and you took him even farther away from his family? If we’re assigning human emotions to bugs, then why not? I’m less worried about your living arrangements and more worried how you’re going to react when Nemo inevitably dies in a few weeks, probably because of something you did while keeping him.
There’s no way you could tell that the bug was lost 😂 omg this is ridiculous
He talks to her, she says.
So then you *put it in a body of water.* Presumably you live close to a lake, yes? Put it back there. You’re approaching this the way I did when I was five years old, hunting for caterpillars in the back garden. You’re simply too old to be using anthromorphization to justify this. It’s not cute. It’s not beneficial for the bug. You’re keeping a swimming, hunting predator bug in your house and handling it with your bare hands. These are not good decisions.
Of all the stupid shit I’ve read on here…. Even if it dies before you move, you need to move anyway. You sound exhausting and frustrating as all hell to live with.
You are putting way too many emotions on a bug
If she was scared of fish, then yes. It’s still an animal that needs to be fed and your sister may end up having to feed to it if anything goes wrong. A houseplant isn’t a living being that moves and can escape.
YOUR ROOMMATE DOES NOT HAVE A PHOBIA OF FISH. THIS IS NOT THE SAME THING.
Any peet should be cleared with your roommate first if only as a formality. Who's going to look after it when you aren't around? Are you going to expect your roommate to do that on will you be giving someone else access to the apartment? Either way the things will affect your roommate so they should have a say in pets even if we ignore the phobia.
Oh FML that's a flying cucaracha. I am Wiccan and pretty much love all animals but THAT????? NO NO NO NONSTOP TO FUCKTHATVILLE! 🤮 YTA
thank you for your service in saving me from looking up a pic
🤣🤣🤣
He doesn't fly, they only fly rarely when they run out of food or need to find a mate. He's a cute little water buddy.
So they do fly. And your roommate has a phobia. YTA. Let it go. Put it back into the wild where it belongs.
You and your comments are actually insufferable
> He doesn't fly, they only fly rarely I want you to see how dumb these two phrases are next to each other.
I have lived all over the Deep South of the US (including New Orleans) my whole life ....TRUST AND BELIEVE THEY FUCKING FLY. FREQUENTLY. AND grow about as long as my hand. Granted, they are not dirty, but NO NO NO to living with one! GODDESS TAKE THE WHEEL!!!
"He doesn't fly" "they only fly rarely when they run out of food or need to find a mate" Contradicting yourself here. YTA and trying to justify yourself for bringing in a fucking BUG that your roommate is terrified of is turbo-asshole territory.
so then what happens when he gets to the point in his lifecycle that he needs to find a mate?
YTA - when you have a shared living arrangement, pets are an all yes/one no issue.
That not the arrangement we have in my house. No one likes this housemates dog it is badly trained and pisses on everything
Did everyone agree to the dog moving in is the important question. It doesn’t matter if you like it or not. Okay it matters but not in context of this discussion.
YTA. Pets are an all yes situation before you bring them in. Also, I really can't decide if you're using water bug in the accurate or colloquial sense. If it's a real water bug, then you should know that they *can* fly, so it still falls under the flying bug category. If it's not, and you're using water bug in the colloquial way to mean cockroach... At least make sure you're *really* washing your hands every time after you touch it, because if you think your roommates have issues with it now, just pray it doesn't give you guys rota virus.
People keep saying this "all yes" thing but I've never lived with that rule in any house. All the housemates I've had have always been really accepting of each other's choices even if we don't necessarily like it so this is very new and strange for me. And it is a giant water bug, I had been carrying it about half the night before I learnt from Google it can fly. But it doesn't actually fly, he never flew, so I thought he would be ok because they only fly so rarely and he'd be locked up. It's not like he's going to flap around the cage or anything like a moth. He's aquatic. And they aren't roommates they are housemates. If they don't come into my room they'll never know the bug exists
It’s not that she doesn’t “necessarily like it”. She is terrified of it. Put it back into the wild. It’s a flying bug. She has a phobia. You would be a terrible roommate (house mate, same thing). Why would you not know you’re the AH??
I'm not putting him back in the wild I love him. I may talk to my boss about keeping him on my office desk
You love him? Seriously, I advise you to get some help. You are putting a bug over a human being.
I kinda hope roomie sprays poison in there. I fucking hate those bugs, the first time I saw one I couldn’t even figure out what I was seeing they’re so gross
That would be kinder to Nemo than what OP is doing as well
Luckily their adult life span is only a year, and with this set up it’ll probably be less than that.
I don’t think you understand what it means to love another living being. This bug has lived his whole life in the wild. You can’t take a living being from the wild and coop it up in a small enclosure like you have. You’re torturing this poor creature that you claim to love. Be kind to it, demonstrate your love, by setting it free back where you found it.
if you love him, the wild is exactly where you’re putting him
Your boss is probably not going to let you keep what is essentially a giant swimming cockroach on your work desk. You’re in a professional environment. Visiting clients are not going to want to see that, and if ‘Nemo’ gets out and starts biting people, that’s a huge liability. I know how powerful ND obsessive brain can be. But use your logical head for a minute. You’re about to blow up your life for a bug that has no emotional connection to you, and that isn’t even meant to be kept in a tank.
Loving a living thing means making the choices that break your heart because it's best for them. If you can't see why keeping a bug in a tiny box isn't loving it, you aren't ready to love anyone or anything. You are making these choices for your own benefit. Stop pretending that the bug is happy. The bug is not happy. The bug wants to hunt and mate and live out its last few months where it's meant to be
You're fucking insufferable lmao
I love animals and am frequently rescuing lost or injured creatures. I always set them free or immediately hand them off to wildlife rehabers. The animals we do "keep" are domesticated and often rescues/abandoned. We don't keep wild animals we find just because we think they're neat or whatever. Your little Nemo does not WANT to be trapped indoors unable to be with its own kind and follow its natural instincts. Why do you have to possess what you love? This is a living thing from outdoors that you are keeping locked up and isolated. That isn't love. Either you think it is just a bug and haven't consider how it feels (which would make your comment about it "loving you" just nonsense) or you understand that all living things are capable of feeling something and having wants and you are choosing to thwart its wants because you are bigger and can force your wants over it.
If you loved the bug you would let it love in the wild
You claim to "love" both but all your decisions only take your want into considerations. That's not long is it's selfishness. Also blaming your assholeness on being autistic is a very asshole move.
She's only terrified of bugs /when they're flying/ or if they run at her. She's not terrified of him
She does not want it in the house. Quit making excuses. You’re not a child throwing a fit because you can’t keep a toy. Have some empathy towards your flatmate.
It just doesn't seem fair to me. I'm going to see if I can relocate Nemo to my office desk for the time being and look at moving out. I love bugs too much not to be able to keep them Edit: Nemo is not a toy, I love him
But don’t you see that part of loving bugs means allowing them to live in their natural habitats? If you love something/someone only insofar as you can possess it, then I would argue that you don’t *really* love them/it. What you’re describing sounds more like an unregulated obsession.
It sounds like she *is* terrified of him, given that she is saying "You know I have a phobia of flying bugs, you cannot have that bug as a pet." You are being astonishingly obtuse.
"she's not terrified of him" you say right after making a whole post about how your roommate is scared of and despises him
Okay, follow-up INFO: why did you come to AITA just to argue with everyone?
Like a cockroach, one troll will die and another will take its place
You are so selfish I wonder if you’re a narcissist. You are determined to keep a living creature in a habit that is way to small for it because “you love it.” If you loved it you’d put it back on the edge of a pond where it belongs. Instead you’re keeping it in a tiny cage so you can have it near you. Even separate from the housemate issue, that’s horrible.
I'm glad to read this because I was thinking the sane thing. OP is basically keeping this bug with a short lifespan locked up in solitary confinement for the remainder if it's life. Ffs, this bug"s purpose in life is laid out more clearly than for humans, and it's cruel to deprive it of that for no good reason. They *love* this bug so much they're cool torturing it to kerp it around. And this is from someone who hates bugs and wouldn't mind if someone crushed it. Just so cruel and selfish AF. They clearly only care for themselves and are definitely being narcy with this. Interesting they overlook every comment that acknowledges how evil they're being.
You didn’t rescue it. You found a bug outside and brought it inside, removing it from its familiar environment. I understand you’re very attached to it, but if you actually do care about the bug and your friend, the best thing to do is to release it near a lake. Keeping it in a tiny aquarium (as opposed to what it’s been used to), is extremely selfish and possessive. You want to keep this bug and you’re willing to sacrifice the mental wellbeing of your ‘sister’ for it. Do the right thing and release it.
That bug hasn’t chosen you. It’s a bug, a wild creature, and it deserves to be in the wild where it belongs, not in a tiny tank in someone’s house. Put it outside. I don’t care what you have going on you can’t imprison a wild animal and start calling it your son and expect to be taken seriously. If you actually loved bugs like you claim to you wouldn’t keep it in that tiny enclosure where it can barely move.
You're basically keeping a cockroach as a pet.
YTA. You're about to burn down a lifelong friendship for a bug that will be alive less than a year.
A week in the Tupperware-sized "aquarium" she's keeping it in.
I see why you feel it's harmless in the tank but also can understand why someone with a phobia of bugs is creeped out by Nemo the toe-biter (what we colloquially call them at the cottage for obvious reasons.) That said, this is a little bug with a short lifespan (about a year.... and he's already an adult.) Don't burn down a lifelong friendship over a bug who lives at most a year. Surely some kind of compromise can be arrived at here. This is not something to uproot your housing and friendship over. Also... please don't put your hand in there, the bite is REALLY painful. I've never been bitten but I know people who have (including one who reacted badly to the venom and whose entire foot puffed up like a balloon.) Nemo is best as an 'eyes only!' pet.
No no, let OP get a love bite from their bestie
…. It’s a bug You sound unhinged btw. You found him and had him for a hours and you love him!?! Are you ok in the head?? Coz you don’t seem like it
YTA for bringing a pet into a shared home without the permission of the other people sharing that home, regardless of what the pet is or why they said no. It is their home, too. Your desire for wanting the pet does not trump their right to feel safe and comfortable in their home. You created the problem by bringing it home and bonding with it to begin with, your "but I love it" argument discounts responsibility for your actions. Either give it up or move out.
You give me normon bates vibes how the fuck do you connect with a bug 😭😂😂
Look, you didn’t “rescue” anything. You picked up a bug on the street and have now trapped the thing in a very small cage. I guarantee you your “pet” is as miserable as your roommate. Let the thing go YTA
Hey from one fellow autist to another: YTA twofold. You are being extremely selfish, not only in regards to your housemate, but also to that poor bug. Imagine if your housemate killed that bug while you were out one day. Imagine how upset you'd be, how much you'd hate/distrust your friend for doing something she knew would hurt you. She'd say "but I hate him and that's more important than your feelings". That's what you're doing to her by knowingly bringing something she has a PHOBIA- not just a small fear, actual debilitating terror- of into her safe space and then ignoring her basic need to feel safe in her home. As for the bug, it wasn't "lost" it was in its natural habitat. You kidnapped the poor guy from his home and are now holding him hostage, patting yourself on the back that you did a good thing. Put him back in his home, move out, then go to the pet store and buy an actual pet bug.
YTA because that is *a wild animal*. it doesn’t belong indoors in a tank. some comments here are unnecessarily cruel saying they’d harm it, but *you* are harming it too by keeping it in an environment it isn’t made for. adding a pet to a household without an okay from the others is also a dick move. that’s not how you cohabitate. i understand the quick attachment — i’m also autistic, i absolutely get that this feels special to you — but you’ve handled this in so many terrible ways for everyone involved. including nemo.
You do understand that thing is going to die all on its own in less than a year, right? If you want a water based buddy get an axolotl, they’re cute and have personalities. YTA please god let this be fake
>phobia of bugs >I didn't realise was so intense Is this your first time hearing of phobias? Extreme is literally in the definition. YTA
how old are you?
Based off the profile, op is about 24-ish
ah so definitely WAY too old for this shit lol
what are you feeding the water bug?
Feeder crickets from the pet shop. I am also looking into feeder fish from another pet shop. I have done my research and giant water bugs eat just about anything and are very hardy animals, crickets will suit him just fine
Hell yeah, I was just curious.
Yeah he's a very cool and interesting bug. Sort of like an aquatic praying mantis
I believe in my country we call them water scorpion? not sure. I'd be interested to see a picture of the setup you should share it!!
I would love to!! Lemme figure out how to use Reddit real quick and get back to you 😂
Check my page now, I posted him
That tank is too tiny for a goldfish, and I don't see any filter or aerator. If I had to guess, Nemo will be dead within five days.
As someone who keeps unusual pets and is afraid of bugs, I can see both sides here. You're getting a lot of flack because it's a bug, but that has nothing to do with the real issue: you brought home a friend that your roommate doesn't feel safe around. Some advice for you, don't move out for Nemo, if he's an adult, and you found him in an odd place, and he didn't bite you he might not last long... Even if he was in perfect health, he'd likely only live a couple more months. Also, those plastic tanks do NOT inspire confidence in people who are afraid of bugs. I would get a 10 gal with a screen lid and put the plastic tank in there and see if the double containment makes her feel better. Also tell your roommate about their behavior, they are sit and wait predators so when you open the tank to feed them, they will not be moving and they will not try to escape. And crickets are also scary flying insects so try mealworms/worms instead. Tell your roommate all of the safety measures you have, all of the reasons why he won't escape, and that he won't be around for long. Then ask her if there is anything else you can do that will make her feel ok with having him in the house for a little while (getting a draft stopper for your door, keeping your door always closed, etc.) And, even if she lets you keep him, DO NOT TAKE ANY MORE BUGS INTO THE HOUSE WITHOUT HER PERMISSION. You also can't keep getting so attached to animals you find in the wild, I think that's therapist territory to sort that out. It's one thing if you've always wanted pink toed tarantula because you've been fascinated with them since a child. It's another thing to become attached to a *specific* invertebrate you found outside. I hope you and your roommate can work it out.
yo why am I getting downvoted to oblivion just for wanting to see the setup 😭
The hate is flowing freely through this thread
YTA. For not respecting your friend's phobia AND for bringing home a wild insect famously known for being agressive towards human. You're throwing away your friendship for a bug you've known for less than a day, a bug that was just chilling on the sidewalk. Your actions are selfish both toward your friend and the water bug (since you technically kidnapped it instead of returning it to his natural habitat)
Water bugs live less than a year and this one's already an adult. Is it really worth imploding your living situation to keep a toe-biter in a cage for a few months? Nemo does not give a solitary fuck about you. Presumably, your roommate used to. You're being incredibly short sighted and letting your neurospicy get in the way of being stable and happy. As a fellow spicy, I get the urge, but you are making really really stupid choices over an insect that has a sooner expiration date than my coffee creamer
OK let’s list all the reasons why YTA 1. You brought an animal to a shared house no one agreed to live with. 2. Someone had a severe phobia to the animal. 3. The animal is a COCKROACH which anyone without a phobia wouldn’t be okay with 4. You removed said animal from their natural habitat to put it inside an aquarium in your room. 5. The animal flies and bites and you carry it around with you. 6. You claim to be sensitive but you are being insensitive to every person around you and even a freaking cockroach 7. You are using your autism diagnose as an excuse to be an ah Yes YTA
Please release this luckless creature. It wasn't " lost", it was minding its own business when you scooped it up.
It's actually sad to see your comments about this situation. Creating excuses even though you knew she was scared of flying bugs, saying the bugs "rarely fly" meaning they do fly, and chalking it all up to your intense attachment for a bug that is in way too small a container to begin with. Why don't you care about your friend's feelings?
Moving out is probably a good idea but I’m honestly unsure what landlord will take a tenant willing to bring a water roach into their unit/house…
YTA and I’d have smashed your bug
YTA not only do you have a pet that your “sister” is afraid of, but you have to bring food for him/her that your “sister” would likely be afraid of too.
I’m pretty sure your boss will not give you the green light to keep a bug in the office. Things can happen and the bug can escape from the enclosure you keep it in. That being said, bugs generally have a very short life span. The thing will die soon and you’re willing to make someone who you consider yourself close to uncomfortable for that short period of time. That is selfish behaviour and autism is not an excuse. Another thing to consider is if any other landlord will even allow said bug into the property. From what I can tell, those things are generally considered pests and infestation can be a worry. YTA
YTA. Yes this bug is aquatic, but it *can* and *does* fly, not matter how you try to rationalize that that isn’t true. They’re talented escape artists and their bite is very painful. Coyote Peterson (the dude literally known for having bugs with known painful bites or stings do that to him) has a video on YouTube about it biting him and it…does not look pleasant. I don’t have a bug phobia and I wouldn’t be okay with having that in my home, I can’t image your poor roommate. Over and above that, **you didn’t kidnap this bug, you stole them from the wild and are forcing them to be in a very small tank.** if you love this bug, you should do the right thing for them.
It's not locked in a pretty little tank, you said you carry it around. INFO: Are you carrying this insect outside of your room? YWBTA if you are. Keep it in your room, make escape impossible, for the sanity of your roommates. Are you caring for it properly? Gut-loading its prey?
YTA. Put the bug back outside- it's a wild creature and you're probably scaring it. Why would you want it to live in a cage?
Yta, there is no such thing as rescuing a bug. You took a creature out of its natural environment for your own purposes. That bug never needed your help, it knew what it was doing. Water bugs only live for like 1 year and a half so you don’t have it for long. You chose to bring a bug without discussing it with your roommate that you know had a phobia into a shared household. Phobias don’t have to mean every bug ever just an easier way to communicate that bugs are an issue. You get bugs as a pet when you live alone or with someone who can at minimum tolerate them. You said you’ve discussed getting a tarantula or an ant farm with her and she seemed okay with it. Reality is she probably thought you were talking about when yall don’t live together. Or those don’t trigger her phobia. You’re out of line and an asshole to your roommate and the bug.
INFO: You're aware it's going to die in less than a year right? Like, probably a couple of weeks. From hatching to death, they only live about a year. And no. You haven't saved it. You've doomed it.
YTA You're the asshole both to your roommate and to the bug. You're the asshole to your roommate for not being considerate of her phobia of flying insects (which giant water bugs are, doesn't matter if you didn't know that initially). You don't bring a pet into a house without prior approval from everyone else living there. You're the asshole to the bug for taking it from the wild (where it belongs) and putting it into a tiny container where it will not have the space necessary to fly around. It cannot get the food and nutrition it needs unless you have the ability to provide all of that yourself. Taking a wild animal from nature is not "rescuing" it. Giant water bugs fly. If he was away from water, he would have been perfectly capable of flying back to a lake or pond himself. As a fellow bug enjoying Autistic person, I understand to a degree. Bugs are cool. But it's also important to know that your love of a bug and wanting to have it should not take priority over that bug's needs to live a fulfilled life, nor should it take priority over a phobia of somebody you live with. Keeping it regardless is very selfish and not good for your friend or the bug you claim to love.
You say your bug is kept in a safe cage, but that you also let it out. What happens if you're holding Nemo and they bite you? All of a sudden you'll have a bug loose in the house. This is your sister's worst nightmare. Can you keep Nemo outside? They're adapted to your climate, it wouldn't hurt them.
YTA - first of all, don't ask your boss if it's cool to bring your bug to work, that's very unprofessional. Any pet needs to be okayed by everyone. It doesn't matter if your friend said it's fine for you to have a dragon and you bring home a horse. You have to make sure everybody's OK with the creature you bring home. For some, a bug is a deal breaker while a spider or a lizard is not (frankly, I'd rather have a hippo in my house than a spider or a bug).
I didn’t even make it past the fact that your brought a freaking flyin cockroach home before I started cringing so bad I now need to go take a shower in bleach. Some of us are TERRIFIED of those things!! In case you were wondering YTA!!
YTA you’re very selfish to bug who was just running around when you kidnapped it and put it in an enclosure. People who love animals, insects or bugs would not do that. So double YTA
i'm also autistic with a severe bug phobia and i would literally hate you after this. id also be promptly moving out if you refused to get rid of it
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My housemate, friend and basically sister (has been my brother's best friend since I was 3) is no longer speaking to me because I brought a giant water bug home and she said I couldn't keep it but I kept it anyway because I thought having a little aquarium in my room wouldn't hurt anyone, right? Wrong. My housemate has a phobia of bugs, particularly flying bugs, that I didn't realise was so intense she'd forbid me from keeping a bug in a small, secure (and nicely decorated) tank in my bedroom. But the problem is, I'm extremely attached to this bug. His name is Nemo, I found him lost on the sidewalk and had been taking care of him all night before I brought him home. I learnt later that giant water bugs bite really bad but I'd been carrying him around on my hands and he didn't bite me and I know it's stupid but I feel like he chose me. I have been wanting a pet for so long and setting up Nemo's adorable new aquarium has brought me so much joy. I know he is just a bug but I'm a highly sensitive and emotional person and I actually love this bug as if Ive just bought a puppy. There are already two dogs and a cat in the house and I just want a pet of my own. In my mind I can't understand how it's any different to having a fish and I think it's ridiculous that she would tell me I'm not allowed a bug. It doesn't make any noise, it barely even moves at all. I've always been sensitive to her phobia. I know it's serious and I always rescue her when moths get in the house and empathise when she comes home from work with stories about bugs that scared her. I really had no idea the bugs would still be so scary when locked in a pretty little tank. I've tried to apologise for upsetting her but she ignored me and walked away. She wants me to get rid of the bug but I can't because he is my son. Am I the asshole? We are both autistic, if that matters lol *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA you chose a bug you found on the sidewalk over your sister after knowing she has a phobia of bugs. You should move out and you should definitely get the tank out of the apartment immediately.
YTA this is bad for the bug. Take him to a pond. You’ll kill him in a tank.
YTA. it’s a roach.
In any situation, you'd be in the wrong for bringing in a pet without asking your roommate first. It's particularly bad you ended up with an animal your roommate is terrified of. I understand why you have an attachment to this bug, but you can't keep it. And anyway, it's really a wild animal- just take it back outside. YTA
Jesus, mary and joseph i just googled waterbug...What the actual fuckery? YTA!
OP: "I'm highly sensitive, so I already love this bug" yet shows no sensitivity toward her roommate for the severe phobia OP was aware of before bonding with the bug. Lol. Hard YTA
YTA. I’m pretty sure that your whole house needs to be burned down now. That thing is…nightmare fuel. In fact I will probably have night terrors about it tonight so I’m going to send this thread to my husband in advance. And I’m Autistic too. That’s a bad excuse for taking advantage of other people
LOL. When that thing bites you, believe me, you'll want to release it. Also, taking something from the wild, its home, is fucked up. If you love the bug, then you want whats best for it. Which is being released back into its natural habitat. If you and your friend are as close as you say, then care about her feelings more than you care about the bug. There are plenty of places to go to buy captive bread bugs if you really want a bug as a pet. I suggest getting one that doesn't fly. Its your housemates home, too, and they shouldn't be made to feel scared and uncomfortable in their own home. You're being incredibly selfish and not just to your roommate. How would you feel if someone plucked you out of your home and kept you in a small glass tank for the rest of your life? Because that's what you're doing. YTA.
Here’s some information on water bugs I learned from a subreddit where this was crossposted, since you seem to be only picking and choosing what suits your narrative: 1. the bug did not choose you. they play dead when handled out of nowhere like that. 2. their bite/sting is one of the most painful in the world and they carry a disease that can kill human beings. 3. they escape incredibly easily and as soon as the shock wears off that thing is going to get out and deliver that bite to you. 4. the cage you chose is inhumanely small. if you give a single damn about the bug like you claim to you would not defend keeping it in there. this also gives the bug more motivation to escape, and it will. 5. there is not a chance in hell your workplace will allow that. Another incredibly important point— when that thing escapes, if you aren’t able to find it, you are going to single handedly ruin your roommates life. She won’t be able to live at your place anymore. She won’t trust any of her belongings. Nothing will be safe or sacred. Her phobia will be worsened tenfold for the rest of her life. And nothing you say will be able to fix it, or your relationship with her. All of this in mind, you claim to be a sensitive and caring person, but you aren’t. You have failed for a single second throughout all of this to be sensitive and caring towards your roommate. Phobias are one of the most difficult things in the world to confront. Do some research on them if you’re really as good of a friend as you claim. What you’ve done is truly evil to her. If I were her, I wouldn’t be able to sleep or exist anywhere in that house without constant panic attacks. I’d be stuffing towels under my doorframe out of fear. You don’t get to blame this on your autism— yes, it makes things especially difficult for you and I won’t deny that, but an extra challenge isn’t an excuse. No one in the world gets a pass to do what you’re doing. None of my many autistic friends would do a thing like this to me knowing the intense fear I have of a certain kind of bug. I know your friend’s point of view first hand and I promise I would be looking at you differently after all of this. You are being selfish and desperately clinging to a deluded state. You’re being cruel to that bug, your roommate, and yourself. You didn’t rescue it, you stole it from its natural habitat outdoors— they don’t spend all their time in water, so the behavior you witnessed was likely completely normal. I understand what it’s like to make a little bug friend and get attached, but you need to have the responsibility, emotional maturity, and respect for wildlife to enjoy the brief interactions you have and part ways. I’m sorry that this is harsh, but these comments really don’t seem to be getting through to you and as someone with severe phobias this is an upsetting read for me. You are going to suffer the fallout of this in more ways than one. And when you do, you need to understand that it isn’t because you’re a caring soul who just couldn’t watch a bug suffer— it didn’t ever need rescuing. All of this is because you couldn’t step up, grow up, and stop making excuses for your self-centered lack of consideration. Please let that bug go where you found it, and carefully for your own sake. Then apologize to your friend more profusely than you ever thought possible. Then maybe get yourself one of the pets your roommate so graciously agreed on, if you really must, though I question the quality of care you’ll be able to provide seeing as you’re already not willing to upgrade your current tank.
Let’s not forget they want to feed it crickets, another insect that would scare her. Why not little minnows tadpoles, or anything that isn’t an insect?
>I brought a giant water bug home and she said I couldn't keep it but I kept it anyway because I thought having a little aquarium in my room wouldn't hurt anyone, right? "I blatantly ignored my friend and showed little to no care about her or her opinions and thought only what I wanted mattered. Turns out the world doesn't revolve around me." Oh don't get it mistaken OP. Your "sister" knows how much you love Nemo. Enought to know that you love Nemo sooo much you don't give 2 flying Frick flap applejacks about her, her feelings, or her phobia. I wish death on no one's pet because I know how it feels to have a beloved pet die. But when you are all alone. Wondering why your roomie stopped talking to you. You'll be faced with how little you cared about anybody but yourself. And Nemo will be your only comfort. YTA
YTA. First of all, stop taking wild animals as pets, it can be really damaging. They are needed as they regulate population in ponds and lakes. Second, you clearly know nothing about bugs. Is Nemo male? Female? How old? What will you do if it bites you? What will you do if it’s a female and she needs to lay eggs? They need to stay as a pair as both male and female are needed to look after the eggs. Then you end up with 150 hatchlings. You’re a massive AH willing to throw away a friendship for less than a year of forcing a wild animal into a tank way too small, and robbing it of its natural life.
YTA - You don't own your house, you are cohabitating with another person and brought in a disgusting bug into the house that you KNEW that they were terrified of without asking. Release the bug and get a damn hamster.
You rescued a cockroach my dude
YTA both for this post and for the very obvious fact that you didn't come here looking for people's opinions, you came for validation and you're mad that you didn't get it.
That bug is being tormented for your amusement. You are a selfish person that truly only cares about your own joy. YTA.
This is a lot of words to say you care about a bug you just met more than her. Find a way to keep it without her having to go through anxiety over it or leave. YTA.
Hang on. in another post you state you live with your mother and partner. ARE YOU LEAVING OUT THE DETAIL THAT YOU'RE ACTIVELY TORMENTING YOUR ***MOTHER***?!?!? Friend, pal, buddy... My dude. YTA on way more levels than you even realise.... First of all, that tank isn't adequate for your venomous friend, are those even real plants? How are you feeding it? Do you know anything at all about caring for a water bug? Second of all, THAT'S YOUR MOTHER?!?!?! Third of all, you genuinely need to see a therapist for this level of attachment, it's fine to hyperfixate and even get a bug from a reputable breeder (honestly hissing Cockroaches are pretty fun little dudes, look into them), but make sure that you have all the information to properly care for an animal before you take one, and buy a proper setup BEFORE you bring your multi legged friend home. And lastly: I would avoid bringing home anything with a big escape risk. Like I love octopi, but I'd never get one as a pet because they're extremely clever and frequently Houdini.
YTA I fucking hate bugs of any kind, and if you know her as well as you say you do, you know this too. Are you scared or creeped out by any creatures? Spiders? Snails? Snakes? Imagine if she brought home a stonkin great big one home after you told her you really didn’t like them.
YTA. Of all my time on here, this has the be the stupidest post I have ever seen. I'm just amazed, OP you need some serious help if you think a close friends is the same as a bug you've had for a day. And you can't use autism as an excuse for your unhinged behavior regarding the bug.
YTA. You clearly don’t care about your “sister’s” feelings or frankly the bug’s quality of life. If you don’t care about those things, but genuinely “love” Nemo (I promise you don’t) release it to save whatever’s left of “Nemo’s” life. From what I’m reading, it sounds like water bugs can easily escape. That tank you have looks flimsy as hell. If Nemo escapes and flies at your sister, I guarantee it will be swatted down by one of your housemates. “Save” your bug “friend” again by setting it free.
If its actually a toe biter giant Waterbug and not just a random roach I hope OP updates us when the bugger inevitably bites them with their excruciating venomous bite.
This guys is definitely gonna grow up the be the cockroach guy from Powerpuff Girls
YTA! You don’t love this bug, if you did you’d put its needs above your wants. It was happily living its life in its natural habitat and you’ve basically thrown it in prison so you can look at it. That’s NOT LOVE. Let the bug go.
NTA Maybe I’m a bit slow, but I don’t get why everyone is reacting so hard about a stupid bug in a tank. It’s an irrational fear, so I don’t blame her, but your roommate can’t really police what you have in your room as long as you keep everything clean and controlled. Her phobia isn’t really your business. If she had a phobia of a particular plant locked in your room and was asking you to get rid of it, would everyone be taking her side like they are now ? You mentioned another roomate’s untrained dog in the house, the living situation sounds quite chaotic. I’m with you on not understanding what the big deal is, but the solution would be to get rid of the waterbug, get her to accept it being here (unlikely) or one of you moving out. Besides, if you get to keep the bug, get a proper tank, environnement…etc to my knowledge they’re ok to keep in captivity, you’ll have to feed it small prey. And handle it carefully, don’t touch it with your bare hands if possible, or don’t be surprised if you get stung. Good luck! Don’t listen to the hate :) Edit : just saw the tank on your profile lol, poor thing. It’s either doubling down and managing to keep the bug and update its tank (it’s going to cause a lot of conflict and possibly end badly), or get rid of it somewhere appropriate (it’s a wild bug, it’ll be ok) and learn about proper aquarium etiquette to get a fish or a frog or something (an animal that won’t cause trouble) And it’s okay to love a bug and find it cute (waterbugs are cute, they bite but they look good) but maybe don’t let it get too intense ? It’s a bug, it doesn’t love you back.
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Thank you that's what I thought. I just started doubting myself when another housemate took the first housemates side saying Ive been really inconsiderate
Lots of wrong answers on here. As a fellow bug person, NTA, as long as you're only keeping it in your room so the roommate doesn't have to see it. Don't carry it around and definitely don't let it loose. But as long as it's contained, you should be able to keep it. I don't care if it's a roach, your roommate shouldn't be able to dictate what you keep in your room if it's not harmful or interfering. E: INFO wait, you've got it in an aquarium full of water, what is this bug exactly? Is it a roach or a toe biter? This thing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belostomatidae?wprov=sfla1 You found it on the sidewalk? Roaches don't live in water, and water bugs are predators that need prey. Are you knowledgeable on how to keep it? Thinking of taking back my NTA.
You deserve better, bro. I’m sorry so many people are being assholes about your pet, and about your friends phobia. I have a severe fear of insects too, and yet I still understand that anyone can bond with anything. There are many cultures around the world that keep and domesticate pets that we would consider pests or food, and I don’t think ragging on anyone’s pet is cool. Regardless of the culture they come from. At the same time, I understand your friends phobia being triggered every time she sees or remembers the insect in her home, or sees you carrying it around. You both deserve to feel safe in your home, and you both deserve to have a pet that you love and connect with in your home. Having a pet around is good for your health! I know nothing about giant water bugs, but it doesn’t sound like it’s a threat to your or your roommates physical health to have Nemo around. I think moving out would be a good idea, or getting a lock on your door. Or seeing if you and your roommate can sit down and discuss her fears and see if there’s anything you can do to make living with Nemo more manageable for her before she moves out. Bringing a puppy home to a roommate that has a deep fear of dogs doesn’t seem like a very considerate action, but the way you’re looking for ways to care for Nemo and respect your roommates wishes (bringing him to work, moving out) is much more considerate. This is a tough one, and I wish you luck. Sending you compassion, homie
NTA
this all feels like a lot over a bug. everybody is overreacting. christ. I really don't see the issue with having a bug that is secured in a tank in your own bedroom, assuming you have your own bedroom and don't share which is what it sounds like. also assuring that you give the bug a good, full life (trade off for the bug is freedom for safety, l think). just don't show her the bug and I don't understand why it's an issue? I really don't understand
Your housemate needs to go to a psychologist. Phobias are perfectly treatable. I don't see why you have to do her will when it's her the one with a problem. If she has a phobia, she needs to take care of it not tell you what to do with your life and bedroom. Edit: what ages are you both? Why is she needing "rescue" from moths? Either way, she needs a doctor.
NAH. i do think you should have communicated to everyone in the house before bringing any kind of pet in. but i sympathize with you keeping it quietly in your room and your housemates phobia. hope you can find an agreement that works for both of you,
That's the thing, I don't see how we can reach an agreement if I won't get rid of Nemo and she won't be okay with me keeping Nemo. This feels so silly and I don't know what to do
Nemo will die before you pack your shit to leave.
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