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YTA. First, you made plans to go out of town with your girlfriend without checking with her. Even if she doesn’t have a relationship with her own mom, she could still have other plans that day.
Second, you doubled down that your mistake is somehow her fault because she won’t change her plans to bail you out of your own error.
Third, you are being selfish and ignoring the complexity of the holiday for your girlfriend. You said your girlfriend practically raised her little sister from age 9. It’s perfectly reasonable that your girlfriend wants to spend Mother’s Day with her little sister, for whom she is a maternal figure. It’s perfectly reasonable for both of the sisters to have complicated feelings about the holiday given their own mother’s failures. It’s perfectly reasonable that your girlfriend doesn’t want to play happy family with your mom on an emotionally fraught day.
It’s completely unreasonable of you to make a promise on your girlfriend’s behalf to your own mother without communicating that to your girlfriend in advance. Making the drive twice is annoying, but you’re the one who messed up.
YTA
You literally didnt forget you assumed she was free.
Also did you think maybe someone with a bad relationship with her mum wouldnt want to drive six hours to watch you be happy with yours? Maybe seeing her sister on a day rhat can be difficult for them is important?
Use your head and talk to your girlfriend next time, this wasnt even a surprise for her it was just to make your life easier
And you assumed wrong, so you definitely owe her an apology for that too.
You still think a 12 hour round trip road trip is a reasonable expectation? It’s not like you assumed she’d be free for a couple hours for brunch. You assumed she had no plans for an entire weekend and that she would *want* to do any of this
For some guy she’s been dating a handful of months.
YTA.
First of all, YTA for making ANY plan that involves someone else, without asking them. Period. That was an AH move.
Second, as you have so clearly described, GF has been in the role of mother to her sister for the last 13 years. You haven't even known your GF for a year, otherwise you would have known that they spend Mother's Day together. So YTA for not even knowing this about your GF who you are supposedly "getting serious" with.
You want your GF of 7 months to prioritize meeting your mother over spending a special day with her sister/adopted daughter, just to save yourself some time and gas money? GTFO.
I assume you did visit your mother alone last Sunday. If you don't come to your senses and apologize for this major mistake, I'm guessing your mother won't get to meet this one.
YTA. You just decided she was free and you could make plans for her. Regardless of it being mother's day, some people do other things on weekends, she could have had plans that had nothing to do with Mother's day. You are extremely presumptuous.
And, all that stuff about killing two birds with one stone and how hard it is to drive so far? Whine whine whine, blah blah blah. Apparently you don't really like your mother very much. Why should your girlfriend even want to visit when you're busy telegraphing that it's not going to be fun? You're acting like you're checking some kind of box on the relationship list, and trying to minimize the hassle to yourself while you're doing it. The whole thing is so totally centered around you you you.
It doesn't matter if she was planning to take the trash to the dump, she has every right to continue with the plans she had already made. In this situation, it sounds like having the day together is probably pretty important to her and her sister. I can understand why she has no intention of changing her plans for you.
If you don't reevaluate quickly, you're not going to have a girlfriend. Just saying.
> it was Mother’s Day, not sister day
Right, and it's not "boyfriend's mother's day" either - you go and see your mum, and tell her that you forgot to actually check if your girlfriend was busy. YTA.
Oh yeah big YTA here,
"Its mother's day, not sisters day" which is why your gfs younger sister wants to spend it with the person who raised her since she was 9? Yeah your gf is no contact with *her* mom but you seem to fail to recognize she is a caregiver in her own right, it's your gfs day too and you should have explained that to your mom in the first place instead of only thinking about saving yourself time
YTA
You assumed she was free but even if she WAS free you didn’t consider that Mother’s Day might be a rough day for her. You were wildly inconsiderate of her feelings assuming she’d be up for meeting your mom on a day that’s likely filled with of tough feelings and memories for her.
Additionally, it sounds like she had to become a mother figure at 18 years old and very sweet her sister wanted to be with her on that day. Maybe her sister wants to celebrate her being the mother figure in her life and show her some appreciation.
You made the mistake in making all of these assumptions and being insanely inconsiderate and then you asked your girlfriend to compensate for your poor planning and communication? YTA and learn to flex that little muscle called empathy pal
Yikes. You’re 32?? You promised something that involved someone else without even checking with that person? YTA to your mom AND your girlfriend. There’s a new red flag with every sentence. I would break up with you for the sisters’ day comment alone- you do realize your GF basically WAS her sister’s mother for half her young life, right? And there is also no such thing as sister day??? (At least not nearly as widely observers as Mother’s Day.). Not to mention you’re completely oblivious that this would be a meaningful and potentially difficult day for both of them considering their history with their actual mother?
Edit: forgot my official vote for YTA
2nd edit: oh wait yes I did include it
YTA
Sorry this "killing 2 birds" trip didn't work out but you need to let your mother know it was your fault so this doesn't affect her opinion of your gf. Then you apologize to your gf for calling her unreasonable. Everything was your mistake and since things are getting serious you should rethink your behavior, everything you did was a red flag for your gf.
YTA.
So.
You made serious plans for her, on Mother’s Day, when she effectively raised her little sister, without talking to her first, and she’s the unreasonable one?
You dont make the meet your mom plans without talking to your girlfriend first. Ever.
Yta it was inconsiderate for you to not check in and it was rude to ask her to change her plans. It's probably very cathartic for her and her sister to spend mother's day together, she did take up a motherly role in her sisters life by taking care of her. You can't expect her to ditch her sister just cause you don't want to drive, that's unreasonable
YTA - you assumed she didn’t have plans, you assumed she wanted to go on a 12 hour round trip road trip with you, and you assumed she wanted to meet your mom. She is not being unreasonable. You are. You were rude, dismissive and throwing off massive red flags.
YTA. If you didn't want to be inconvenienced, you should have asked your gf what her plans were before making a commitment that involved 6 hours of driving. Lesson learned. Go see your mom, tell your gf you're sorry and won't do it again, and stop assuming that what's convenient for you is convenient for anyone else.
Did it occur to you that your gf *raised* her sister? She pretty much is her *mom*. You know, the person most people celebrate on mothers day.
I guarantee she was raising her before their birth giver took off, too.
YTA
YTA did you read what you wrote before you posted it?? Or are you really that delusional?? The only unreasonable person on this story is you!!
Not only you did plans without telling her, you also promised to your mother something that was not possible, and soured your girlfriend and mom relationship before it begins.
And on top of that, when she told you that she already had plans you dismissed them and tried to make her change them. And now you are throwing a tantrum because she was clear with her limits. Seriously how can you thing that you are not the asshole??
YTA. You made a bad assumption and didn't even remember to tell your gf you had made this plan on her behalf. She is not obligated to change her plan because of your mistake.
YTA
No you cannot assume someone is available, regardless of whether it's a holiday & regardless of whether you're dating the person. When/if you are MARRIED you still have to treat your spouse as a person with their own schedule. If you have kids, when they are older you have to treat them as people with their own schedules.
YTA - you made plans for her and now, you aren't giving any respect for her plans.
You don't get to tell her what to do. What her plans are don't even matter, but she is probably like a mother to her little sister. They have good reason to want to spend Mother's Day together.
YTA. You assumed she didn't have plans and promised your mother something you now cannot deliver. This is all on you. Your excuse "I promised my mom" does not hold much weight. You committed your GF to something despite the fact 1. she had plans. 2. never agreed to meet your mother on mother's day 3. you insulted her relationship with her sister. Yes genetically they are sisters, but your GF raised her little sister. That is a parent/child dynamic.
You assumed. You never asked. You didn't ask your GF if she would like to meet your mother on Mother's day. Just because she is no contact with her mother doesn't mean she doesn't have plans or traditions for such a day. Is she up for a long road trip to meet your mother on holiday celebrating mothers?
Rather than apologize for promising your mother when your GF already had plans, you just apologized for "forgetting" and are trying to guilt your GF into changing her plans to suit yours.
In no way shape or form is your GF being unreasonable. She raised her sister and you just dumped on that dynamic. She acted as a parent to her sister and she and her sister have plans together she does not want to reschedule just because you made a promise to your mom that you cannot keep.
A lot of people are saying she is like a mother to her sister but I disagree. I've seen them together and they act more like siblings than parent/child. They call eqch other idiot ffs, I don't think that if she view her sister as her child or if her sistee view her as a parent they would dare to call the other "Idiot".
Well clearly your girlfriend sees it that way otherwise she wouldn't have gotten upset that you said it wasn't sister's Day and still wanted to stay with her sister on *mother's Day* plus the fact that she raised her sister since she was 9
I would like to introduce you to my kids, who do not hesitate to tell me when I'm being an idiot.
Or my own mother l, who is quite accustomed to her four children calling her out when she does/says something ridiculous.
YTA because you didn't check with her first. Stop making plans involving your gf without her input!! She is right, she can visit your mom on another weekend.
YTA. Your failure to plan, and tell those who are involved in the plan timely, was the cause of the problem here. You want her to change plans to save face with your mom that you don’t have to change plans with her.
YTA. Regardless of it was Mother’s Day or not, your plan is taking your girlfriend’s entire weekend. Visiting someone 6 hours away isn’t something you just agree to on someone’s behalf. Even if she *was* free, how do you know she wants to go on a 12 hour round trip?
YTA
Don't speak for other people and what they have planned unless it's your job. She could have her own mother's day tradition she hasn't shared with you or just wants to meet mom on a different day. Not her fault she assumed she was free when you never told her the plan.
YTA… you had a chance to make this not a big deal and just fall on the sword of your own fuck up like any sane adult would. Then you went and wrote your last paragraph. She’s not being unreasonable, you are. Suck it up and introduce them at another time. Also Mother’s Day is weird day to introduce your gf to your mom for the first time. Maybe I’m somewhat biased as an American and Texan, but a 6 hour drive is a cake walk.
YTA. If you make plans for another person without clearing it with them then that's a YOU problem.
Don't make plans for others. They are never obligated to fulfill your commitments
YTA. You don't get to make glans for your gf without asking her first. And you definitely don't get to ask your gf to cancel her plans to go to yours.
How on earth are you calling your gf unreasonable when all of this is your fault?! Your gf has integrity. She's keeping the important plans she made. Meanwhile you're trying to emotionally manipulate her into doing what you want when you didn't even ask.
Ugh, I can't with you. Get it together or she's gonna dump you and you'll deserve it.
YTA first of all you messed up, you made plans for your girlfriend without asking if she was available (or interested). The correct response when you’ve messed up is apologizing and asking what efforts you can make to make amends. Not bullying the person to change their life to fit yours. Second it is totally natural for your girlfriend to want to spend Mother’s Day with the sister she raised and was a maternal figure to. Third even if they weren’t mother related people make plans even on Mother’s Day. You owe her a huge apology and honestly that may not even be enough at this point
YTA. Forget all the stuff about you making plans for someone without checking with the. Let's focus on the fact that you dont get to decide who should be celebrated on Mother's Day. Obviously, your girlfriend had a hand raising her sister, and she may want to celebrate your GF on that day.
YTA. 1. Made plans for people without checking with them first. 2. Once you found out she couldn't do it, you argued that SHE was being unreasonable. 3. Of COURSE she wanted to be with her sister for mother's day. They became close due to what their mother did to them and your gf stepped up as a sort of mother figure for her younger sister.
Now you're learning why it's not appropriate to make plans for others without checking with them. The reasonable response to finding out what your gf and her sister werea doing would have been to be understanding and supportive, and instead you were whiny, unreasonable, and selfish. Lol let me guess, did you tell your mom your gf was unreasonable and selfish because she didn't come with you? 🙄
YTA. You are pretty entitled to make plans without checking. Then the real AH move is expecting her to change HER plans bc you f’d up.
Mother’s Day is loaded for many people, and I imagine especially so for your gf and her sister. Im horrified that you glibly dismiss for her it as “not sisters day,” without recognizing how complicated it must be for her and her sister.
Then you don’t have the good grace to apologize. You double down and check with Reddit to see if we agree with you. We don’t.
I hope she sees this as the serious red flag it is. If you can’t understand how unreasonable and self centered you are, if you can’t seriously apologize and take a good hard look at yourself, and change, she should dump you. On second thought, she should dump
you anyway. You’re entitled, obtuse, and lacking any shred of empathy.
YTA. Your GF was a mother figure to her sister. Her sister is coming for Mothers Day in appreciation of your GF filling in the role in her life. Not up to you to understand. You should have respected her and asked her before committing her to be somewhere that she doesn't want to be.
YTA.
Dude, even if she hadn't had plans with her sister you'd be the asshole. You do not commit someone else to something like this without their consent.
YTA.
*You* made plans to leave town with your GF and didn't bother to check her availability, let alone if she was interested. Be honest, you didn't "forget" to inform your GF of your plans, you simply didn't bother. It was the weekend, your GF, like many people, can have plans over the weekend regardless of it being the Mother's Day holiday and her being estranged from her mom.
Why are you not seeing that spending time with her sister on Mother's Day is just as important to your GF as you going to see your mom? Yes, they're sisters. But, since your GF raised her sister when their mother walked out, they also have a mother-daughter bond. Hence, wanting to spend the day together.
YTA.
You unilaterally made a plan for her that will take up her entire day *without asking her* if that was something she wanted to do. She's a person. Not an accessory to parade around when you want to do it.
Learn your lesson now. You want to do something with someone? ASK THEM. Don't make plans for them without their knowledge and then act all clueless surprised pikachu when they rightfully tell you no.
You owe your girlfriend an apology.
YTA just because she wouldn't see her mother on that day doesn't automatically mean you can sign her up for plans, it honestly reads like this plan would work best for you not for the others involved.
Also meeting someone's mother is a big deal and meeting them during a big day won't be some people's ideal way to do it, as it won't be the best opportunity to bond/ get to know each other as there will be other things planned.
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YTA, she made plans and you asked her to change them, she said no. Now you’re bent out of shape because you committed her to something and she won’t be there, that’s on you.
Based on title alone - YTA You do not make plans for others without checking. Full stop.
After reading the post - you are sooooo YTA
You did not talk to your GF to see if a) she was available and b) if she even wanted to meet your mom on Mother's Day.
You did not consider her relationship with her sister to be important, despite your GF raising her from elementary school age.
You seem to think distance plays a factor here "my mother is farther away so clearly beats your sister".
Then, because you backed yourself into a corner, you lashed out at her, blaming HER for YOUR fuck up. Her attitude is unreasonable? Get some extra strength febreeze cuz your attitude stinks!
Would not surprise me that you are now an ex. Do better next time.
YTA it doesn’t matter who lives farther. You never make plans for another person without talking to that person. It’s not her fault you made a promise you had no right to make.
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My GF (31) and I (M32) have been together since October last year, and it’s starting to get serious. My mom wants to meet her, but she (my mom) lives 6 hours away. I thought, since I was driving 6 hours to see her on Mother’s Day anyway, maybe I could kill two birds with one stone and take my GF with me to see her on Mother’s Day, so I don’t have to drive another 6 hours on a different weekend.
Now, the reason why I assumed my GF didn’t have plans for Mother’s Day is because she is No Contact with her mom. Apparently, her mom wasn’t great when my GF was a child, and when my GF was 18 years old, she walked out of her life, leaving my GF’s then 9-year-old little sister with her (Sister is now 22). Dad was never in the picture, so my GF had to take care of her sister by herself while she was barely an adult. You can imagine she doesn’t have a lot of positive things to say about her mom. So I thought it was a fair assumption that she wouldn’t have plans for Mother’s Day, and it didn’t occur to me to double-check with her.
Well, last week she told me that her sister (who goes to university in another city) is going to be visiting on Mother’s Day, and she has plans with her sister. I told her I promised my mom we would visit her, and she said I never told her about this plan; she assumed I was visiting my mom alone.
I apologized because I forgot to tell her earlier that I promised my mom I would take her with me too, and asked her if she could see her sister another weekend. The university the sister attends is 2 hours away; it’s not too far away that these plans cannot be rescheduled. She said no, she wants to see her sister on Mother’s Day, and that she can visit my mom another weekend.
I told her she was being unreasonable because my mom lives farther away, and it was Mother’s Day, not sister day; she can have plans with her sister another weekend. Well, she is upset now and hasn’t spoken to me since Saturday. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here, but her attitude is making me doubt myself. Reddit, AITA?
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> I should've double checked first if she was available before making plans.
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YTA.
There's a saying that applies here: "If you make plans without me, you make plans **without** me".
And maybe take this opportunity to also learn not to make promises on other people's behalf.
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YTA. First, you made plans to go out of town with your girlfriend without checking with her. Even if she doesn’t have a relationship with her own mom, she could still have other plans that day. Second, you doubled down that your mistake is somehow her fault because she won’t change her plans to bail you out of your own error. Third, you are being selfish and ignoring the complexity of the holiday for your girlfriend. You said your girlfriend practically raised her little sister from age 9. It’s perfectly reasonable that your girlfriend wants to spend Mother’s Day with her little sister, for whom she is a maternal figure. It’s perfectly reasonable for both of the sisters to have complicated feelings about the holiday given their own mother’s failures. It’s perfectly reasonable that your girlfriend doesn’t want to play happy family with your mom on an emotionally fraught day. It’s completely unreasonable of you to make a promise on your girlfriend’s behalf to your own mother without communicating that to your girlfriend in advance. Making the drive twice is annoying, but you’re the one who messed up.
YTA You literally didnt forget you assumed she was free. Also did you think maybe someone with a bad relationship with her mum wouldnt want to drive six hours to watch you be happy with yours? Maybe seeing her sister on a day rhat can be difficult for them is important? Use your head and talk to your girlfriend next time, this wasnt even a surprise for her it was just to make your life easier
He must assumed that any gf should be happy meeting his mother
And driving 12 hours round trip for the privilege.
I assumed she would like to meet the mother of the man she is seeing. And she wouldn't have been driving 12 hours, I would.
Man, you just keep digging. Never assume anyone wants a 12 hour round trip even if they're being chauffeured.
And you assumed wrong, so you definitely owe her an apology for that too. You still think a 12 hour round trip road trip is a reasonable expectation? It’s not like you assumed she’d be free for a couple hours for brunch. You assumed she had no plans for an entire weekend and that she would *want* to do any of this For some guy she’s been dating a handful of months.
YTA. First of all, YTA for making ANY plan that involves someone else, without asking them. Period. That was an AH move. Second, as you have so clearly described, GF has been in the role of mother to her sister for the last 13 years. You haven't even known your GF for a year, otherwise you would have known that they spend Mother's Day together. So YTA for not even knowing this about your GF who you are supposedly "getting serious" with. You want your GF of 7 months to prioritize meeting your mother over spending a special day with her sister/adopted daughter, just to save yourself some time and gas money? GTFO. I assume you did visit your mother alone last Sunday. If you don't come to your senses and apologize for this major mistake, I'm guessing your mother won't get to meet this one.
YTA. You just decided she was free and you could make plans for her. Regardless of it being mother's day, some people do other things on weekends, she could have had plans that had nothing to do with Mother's day. You are extremely presumptuous. And, all that stuff about killing two birds with one stone and how hard it is to drive so far? Whine whine whine, blah blah blah. Apparently you don't really like your mother very much. Why should your girlfriend even want to visit when you're busy telegraphing that it's not going to be fun? You're acting like you're checking some kind of box on the relationship list, and trying to minimize the hassle to yourself while you're doing it. The whole thing is so totally centered around you you you. It doesn't matter if she was planning to take the trash to the dump, she has every right to continue with the plans she had already made. In this situation, it sounds like having the day together is probably pretty important to her and her sister. I can understand why she has no intention of changing her plans for you. If you don't reevaluate quickly, you're not going to have a girlfriend. Just saying.
YTA >she said I never told her about this plan You didn’t. >I told her she was being unreasonable She’s not. You are.
> it was Mother’s Day, not sister day Right, and it's not "boyfriend's mother's day" either - you go and see your mum, and tell her that you forgot to actually check if your girlfriend was busy. YTA.
Oh yeah big YTA here, "Its mother's day, not sisters day" which is why your gfs younger sister wants to spend it with the person who raised her since she was 9? Yeah your gf is no contact with *her* mom but you seem to fail to recognize she is a caregiver in her own right, it's your gfs day too and you should have explained that to your mom in the first place instead of only thinking about saving yourself time
YTA You assumed she was free but even if she WAS free you didn’t consider that Mother’s Day might be a rough day for her. You were wildly inconsiderate of her feelings assuming she’d be up for meeting your mom on a day that’s likely filled with of tough feelings and memories for her. Additionally, it sounds like she had to become a mother figure at 18 years old and very sweet her sister wanted to be with her on that day. Maybe her sister wants to celebrate her being the mother figure in her life and show her some appreciation. You made the mistake in making all of these assumptions and being insanely inconsiderate and then you asked your girlfriend to compensate for your poor planning and communication? YTA and learn to flex that little muscle called empathy pal
Yikes. You’re 32?? You promised something that involved someone else without even checking with that person? YTA to your mom AND your girlfriend. There’s a new red flag with every sentence. I would break up with you for the sisters’ day comment alone- you do realize your GF basically WAS her sister’s mother for half her young life, right? And there is also no such thing as sister day??? (At least not nearly as widely observers as Mother’s Day.). Not to mention you’re completely oblivious that this would be a meaningful and potentially difficult day for both of them considering their history with their actual mother? Edit: forgot my official vote for YTA 2nd edit: oh wait yes I did include it
YTA Sorry this "killing 2 birds" trip didn't work out but you need to let your mother know it was your fault so this doesn't affect her opinion of your gf. Then you apologize to your gf for calling her unreasonable. Everything was your mistake and since things are getting serious you should rethink your behavior, everything you did was a red flag for your gf.
YUP. My main concern for gf (aside from having a jerk for a bf) was that now mom thinks SHE'S the jerk for what HE did.
YTA. So. You made serious plans for her, on Mother’s Day, when she effectively raised her little sister, without talking to her first, and she’s the unreasonable one? You dont make the meet your mom plans without talking to your girlfriend first. Ever.
Yta it was inconsiderate for you to not check in and it was rude to ask her to change her plans. It's probably very cathartic for her and her sister to spend mother's day together, she did take up a motherly role in her sisters life by taking care of her. You can't expect her to ditch her sister just cause you don't want to drive, that's unreasonable
YTA - you assumed she didn’t have plans, you assumed she wanted to go on a 12 hour round trip road trip with you, and you assumed she wanted to meet your mom. She is not being unreasonable. You are. You were rude, dismissive and throwing off massive red flags.
YTA. If you didn't want to be inconvenienced, you should have asked your gf what her plans were before making a commitment that involved 6 hours of driving. Lesson learned. Go see your mom, tell your gf you're sorry and won't do it again, and stop assuming that what's convenient for you is convenient for anyone else.
Did it occur to you that your gf *raised* her sister? She pretty much is her *mom*. You know, the person most people celebrate on mothers day. I guarantee she was raising her before their birth giver took off, too. YTA
YTA did you read what you wrote before you posted it?? Or are you really that delusional?? The only unreasonable person on this story is you!! Not only you did plans without telling her, you also promised to your mother something that was not possible, and soured your girlfriend and mom relationship before it begins. And on top of that, when she told you that she already had plans you dismissed them and tried to make her change them. And now you are throwing a tantrum because she was clear with her limits. Seriously how can you thing that you are not the asshole??
YTA. You made a bad assumption and didn't even remember to tell your gf you had made this plan on her behalf. She is not obligated to change her plan because of your mistake.
YTA No you cannot assume someone is available, regardless of whether it's a holiday & regardless of whether you're dating the person. When/if you are MARRIED you still have to treat your spouse as a person with their own schedule. If you have kids, when they are older you have to treat them as people with their own schedules.
YTA. Your plans and social decisions aren't better than hers. Next time, don't make agreements in other people's names.
YTA. My husband's mother has been dead for 13 years and I still wouldn't plan a weekend for him without asking, much less a 12-hour round trip.
YTA - you made plans for her and now, you aren't giving any respect for her plans. You don't get to tell her what to do. What her plans are don't even matter, but she is probably like a mother to her little sister. They have good reason to want to spend Mother's Day together.
YTA. You assumed she didn't have plans and promised your mother something you now cannot deliver. This is all on you. Your excuse "I promised my mom" does not hold much weight. You committed your GF to something despite the fact 1. she had plans. 2. never agreed to meet your mother on mother's day 3. you insulted her relationship with her sister. Yes genetically they are sisters, but your GF raised her little sister. That is a parent/child dynamic. You assumed. You never asked. You didn't ask your GF if she would like to meet your mother on Mother's day. Just because she is no contact with her mother doesn't mean she doesn't have plans or traditions for such a day. Is she up for a long road trip to meet your mother on holiday celebrating mothers? Rather than apologize for promising your mother when your GF already had plans, you just apologized for "forgetting" and are trying to guilt your GF into changing her plans to suit yours. In no way shape or form is your GF being unreasonable. She raised her sister and you just dumped on that dynamic. She acted as a parent to her sister and she and her sister have plans together she does not want to reschedule just because you made a promise to your mom that you cannot keep.
A lot of people are saying she is like a mother to her sister but I disagree. I've seen them together and they act more like siblings than parent/child. They call eqch other idiot ffs, I don't think that if she view her sister as her child or if her sistee view her as a parent they would dare to call the other "Idiot".
Well clearly your girlfriend sees it that way otherwise she wouldn't have gotten upset that you said it wasn't sister's Day and still wanted to stay with her sister on *mother's Day* plus the fact that she raised her sister since she was 9
I would like to introduce you to my kids, who do not hesitate to tell me when I'm being an idiot. Or my own mother l, who is quite accustomed to her four children calling her out when she does/says something ridiculous.
Some families look and act differently than yours. Hope this helps!
YTA it was your fault. You asked her and she said no and you double down? That’s AH behavior.
YTA - you made plans on her behalf and you don't get to get mad when she makes plans on her own.
YTA, lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on her part.
YTA because you didn't check with her first. Stop making plans involving your gf without her input!! She is right, she can visit your mom on another weekend.
YTA. Your failure to plan, and tell those who are involved in the plan timely, was the cause of the problem here. You want her to change plans to save face with your mom that you don’t have to change plans with her.
Didn’t need to read far for this. YTA
idk how you wrote all this out without realizing that YTA but i hope you double-down in the comments
YTA. Regardless of it was Mother’s Day or not, your plan is taking your girlfriend’s entire weekend. Visiting someone 6 hours away isn’t something you just agree to on someone’s behalf. Even if she *was* free, how do you know she wants to go on a 12 hour round trip?
YTA and the nerve you have to think you're not being unreasonable is astounding lol
lol YTA
YTA Don't speak for other people and what they have planned unless it's your job. She could have her own mother's day tradition she hasn't shared with you or just wants to meet mom on a different day. Not her fault she assumed she was free when you never told her the plan.
YTA… you had a chance to make this not a big deal and just fall on the sword of your own fuck up like any sane adult would. Then you went and wrote your last paragraph. She’s not being unreasonable, you are. Suck it up and introduce them at another time. Also Mother’s Day is weird day to introduce your gf to your mom for the first time. Maybe I’m somewhat biased as an American and Texan, but a 6 hour drive is a cake walk.
YTA. If you make plans for another person without clearing it with them then that's a YOU problem. Don't make plans for others. They are never obligated to fulfill your commitments
YTA. You don't get to make glans for your gf without asking her first. And you definitely don't get to ask your gf to cancel her plans to go to yours. How on earth are you calling your gf unreasonable when all of this is your fault?! Your gf has integrity. She's keeping the important plans she made. Meanwhile you're trying to emotionally manipulate her into doing what you want when you didn't even ask. Ugh, I can't with you. Get it together or she's gonna dump you and you'll deserve it.
YTA first of all you messed up, you made plans for your girlfriend without asking if she was available (or interested). The correct response when you’ve messed up is apologizing and asking what efforts you can make to make amends. Not bullying the person to change their life to fit yours. Second it is totally natural for your girlfriend to want to spend Mother’s Day with the sister she raised and was a maternal figure to. Third even if they weren’t mother related people make plans even on Mother’s Day. You owe her a huge apology and honestly that may not even be enough at this point
YTA. Forget all the stuff about you making plans for someone without checking with the. Let's focus on the fact that you dont get to decide who should be celebrated on Mother's Day. Obviously, your girlfriend had a hand raising her sister, and she may want to celebrate your GF on that day.
YTA. 1. Made plans for people without checking with them first. 2. Once you found out she couldn't do it, you argued that SHE was being unreasonable. 3. Of COURSE she wanted to be with her sister for mother's day. They became close due to what their mother did to them and your gf stepped up as a sort of mother figure for her younger sister. Now you're learning why it's not appropriate to make plans for others without checking with them. The reasonable response to finding out what your gf and her sister werea doing would have been to be understanding and supportive, and instead you were whiny, unreasonable, and selfish. Lol let me guess, did you tell your mom your gf was unreasonable and selfish because she didn't come with you? 🙄
YTA. You are pretty entitled to make plans without checking. Then the real AH move is expecting her to change HER plans bc you f’d up. Mother’s Day is loaded for many people, and I imagine especially so for your gf and her sister. Im horrified that you glibly dismiss for her it as “not sisters day,” without recognizing how complicated it must be for her and her sister. Then you don’t have the good grace to apologize. You double down and check with Reddit to see if we agree with you. We don’t. I hope she sees this as the serious red flag it is. If you can’t understand how unreasonable and self centered you are, if you can’t seriously apologize and take a good hard look at yourself, and change, she should dump you. On second thought, she should dump you anyway. You’re entitled, obtuse, and lacking any shred of empathy.
YTA. Your GF was a mother figure to her sister. Her sister is coming for Mothers Day in appreciation of your GF filling in the role in her life. Not up to you to understand. You should have respected her and asked her before committing her to be somewhere that she doesn't want to be.
YTA. For all the reasons everyone else has listed.
YTA. Dude, even if she hadn't had plans with her sister you'd be the asshole. You do not commit someone else to something like this without their consent.
YTA. *You* made plans to leave town with your GF and didn't bother to check her availability, let alone if she was interested. Be honest, you didn't "forget" to inform your GF of your plans, you simply didn't bother. It was the weekend, your GF, like many people, can have plans over the weekend regardless of it being the Mother's Day holiday and her being estranged from her mom. Why are you not seeing that spending time with her sister on Mother's Day is just as important to your GF as you going to see your mom? Yes, they're sisters. But, since your GF raised her sister when their mother walked out, they also have a mother-daughter bond. Hence, wanting to spend the day together.
YTA. You unilaterally made a plan for her that will take up her entire day *without asking her* if that was something she wanted to do. She's a person. Not an accessory to parade around when you want to do it. Learn your lesson now. You want to do something with someone? ASK THEM. Don't make plans for them without their knowledge and then act all clueless surprised pikachu when they rightfully tell you no. You owe your girlfriend an apology.
YTA just because she wouldn't see her mother on that day doesn't automatically mean you can sign her up for plans, it honestly reads like this plan would work best for you not for the others involved. Also meeting someone's mother is a big deal and meeting them during a big day won't be some people's ideal way to do it, as it won't be the best opportunity to bond/ get to know each other as there will be other things planned.
It’s nice to see the sub unanimously agree on something. Which is that YTA.
YTA (huge one)
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YTA.
YTA, she made plans and you asked her to change them, she said no. Now you’re bent out of shape because you committed her to something and she won’t be there, that’s on you.
Based on title alone - YTA You do not make plans for others without checking. Full stop. After reading the post - you are sooooo YTA You did not talk to your GF to see if a) she was available and b) if she even wanted to meet your mom on Mother's Day. You did not consider her relationship with her sister to be important, despite your GF raising her from elementary school age. You seem to think distance plays a factor here "my mother is farther away so clearly beats your sister". Then, because you backed yourself into a corner, you lashed out at her, blaming HER for YOUR fuck up. Her attitude is unreasonable? Get some extra strength febreeze cuz your attitude stinks! Would not surprise me that you are now an ex. Do better next time.
YTA it doesn’t matter who lives farther. You never make plans for another person without talking to that person. It’s not her fault you made a promise you had no right to make.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My GF (31) and I (M32) have been together since October last year, and it’s starting to get serious. My mom wants to meet her, but she (my mom) lives 6 hours away. I thought, since I was driving 6 hours to see her on Mother’s Day anyway, maybe I could kill two birds with one stone and take my GF with me to see her on Mother’s Day, so I don’t have to drive another 6 hours on a different weekend. Now, the reason why I assumed my GF didn’t have plans for Mother’s Day is because she is No Contact with her mom. Apparently, her mom wasn’t great when my GF was a child, and when my GF was 18 years old, she walked out of her life, leaving my GF’s then 9-year-old little sister with her (Sister is now 22). Dad was never in the picture, so my GF had to take care of her sister by herself while she was barely an adult. You can imagine she doesn’t have a lot of positive things to say about her mom. So I thought it was a fair assumption that she wouldn’t have plans for Mother’s Day, and it didn’t occur to me to double-check with her. Well, last week she told me that her sister (who goes to university in another city) is going to be visiting on Mother’s Day, and she has plans with her sister. I told her I promised my mom we would visit her, and she said I never told her about this plan; she assumed I was visiting my mom alone. I apologized because I forgot to tell her earlier that I promised my mom I would take her with me too, and asked her if she could see her sister another weekend. The university the sister attends is 2 hours away; it’s not too far away that these plans cannot be rescheduled. She said no, she wants to see her sister on Mother’s Day, and that she can visit my mom another weekend. I told her she was being unreasonable because my mom lives farther away, and it was Mother’s Day, not sister day; she can have plans with her sister another weekend. Well, she is upset now and hasn’t spoken to me since Saturday. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here, but her attitude is making me doubt myself. Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. There's a saying that applies here: "If you make plans without me, you make plans **without** me". And maybe take this opportunity to also learn not to make promises on other people's behalf.