Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I wore white to a baby shower.
(2) It might be inappropriate to wear white to a baby shower? The mom-to-be was offended.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I’ve been told it’s about the dress, but I’m starting to think it’s a body image thing. I’m not as thin as the rest of the girls in the group. Maybe Claire is upset that she is, FOR VERY GOOD REASON, the “big” one right now.
Could be, but its not not okay to take that out on you. Maybe after the situation cools a bit, you can talk to her and find out what's really going on in her head. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to guess.
Everyone has weird shitty ideas sometimes. If you can have a conversation and reach understanding there is no reason to end friendships here if OP doesn't wish to.
This is it. Friendship means sometimes being an a** , and getting to move past it. Sometimes you’re the a** and sometimes you are the recipient.
If this frankly bizarre behavior towards you isn’t a pattern - I’d just have an honest chat. You certainly didn’t mean anything and your preggo friend might be hormone bonkers. The mediating friends sound at best like bad mediators —at worst drama queens.
So really depends how honest and open the friendships are normally how I’d handle it. Maybe it’s time to find better friends. Maybe it’s time to have open and honest communication. 🍀
Y'all have never been the person who was turned on seemingly out of the blue by your whole "friend group" and then learned that damn near all of them had been talking shit about you behind your back and lying to your face about liking you for *years* until they got bored of it and decided to turn on you, huh?
Life's too short to deal with that petty Mean Girls bullshit. If they can't be honest about the reason for their behavior, they can go and be Perpetual High Schoolers without you.
You are assuming the whole friend group has turned on the OP. I do not see proof of this, and advising someone to apologize for peace in the group is not turning on the person. The fact nobody seems to be taking sides would prove to me they have not turned on her.
Yes I have, but what does that have to do with anything? The comment you replied to still 100% stands and is the mature way to deal with things. Perhaps if you were prone to cutting friends off entirely without discourse because you assumed it to be “mean girl behaviour “ when it may have been a misunderstanding, could that have contributed to why you were suddenly turned out - maybe they found it hard to address issues with you? Or perhaps they were just 100% crap friends - either way I’m sorry you had to experience that, and I hope you have found healing!
These aren’t her friends. If the OP is honest, I’m sure they’ve been pulling this crap for years. The dress had a blue floral pattern, and OP didn’t say she was wearing a matching dress with the host, so you have to assume they never liked her and wanted to embarrass her, so she gets the hint that she’s unwanted.
This is the answer. You could start a business selling bluey white floral dresses and maybe this will put an end to this attention seeking behaviour once and for all. Such a weird thing. Especially after you've been to a baby shower that ended in strep related still birth.
Agreed. Especially if OP got the baby a gift. I would be offended if I were OP. That’s super rude of the mother. Now if OP came without a gift, I could see the mom being irked. And maybe the mom is hormonal and in a mood. But overall, it sounds like the friendships here are not reciprocal.
Could it have been about the blue rather than the white? Was she intending telling everyone the baby's gender at the party? Either way, though, unless there is a code in your / her culture that prohibits certain colours at baby showers, or unless she asked you not to wear certain colours, you're not at fault. Although even if she asked you not to wear certain colours, I don't think you'd be at fault. I don't think host(esse)s should tell their guests what to wear.
So the blue should mean nothing unless she expected everyone to wear pink in which case she should have said so. I'm curious what everyone else wore. NTA she's being ridiculous. I have never heard of such a thing in my life. At my baby showers and at my daughter's people wore everything from jeans and nice blouses to nice dresses and I can't even really remember what any one person was wearing because what people wore wasn't an issue. I only cared that my friends and family were there to celebrate with and feeling happy I was surrounded by people who cared about us and the baby.
I didn’t really pay attention to what colors others were wearing while I was there, but based on the photos posted today at least two others wore blue.
This entire situation is BAFFLING to me. Definitely NTA, but I’d be so upset to be asked to leave a baby shower because of a blue and white dress. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Ease !?! I would just walk away and quickly. To me real friends wouldn’t ask another to tell you anything #1, #2 a real friend would explain what was going on for her piece of mind as well as yours and #3 a real friend would never have had an issue with this in the first place! There is no excuse that is acceptable, being pregnant and fat is part of being pregnant been there five times plus, the color of your dress would never come into play regardless of the sex of the baby, if you were true friends and you walked in looking stunning she would simply acknowledge this! True friends just don’t do this stupid shit to each other, yes everyone has arguments and everyone does stupid things but not hurtful and petty things, friend just don’t do that, real true friends lift each other up at all times! Period!
Wearing a white or floral dress isn’t a reason to be harassed or asked to leave. It’s not attention seeking. Being fat or thin or any body shape isn’t a valid reason either. Unless your dress was excessively skimpy, these people were majorly in the wrong. These people are not friends, they are frenemies and you’d be better off without all of the people who attacked you
I definitely did not talk about her size but I know her MIL has made comments about her weight gain, so maybe others were making her feel bad about her size. I’m totally speculating though. I didn’t hear anything at the party for the short time I was there.
You are NTA. Her MIL is definitely an AH for making comments like that. She’s also an AH for making you leave over a dress that shouldn’t have ever been an issue. Curious what color dress she had on for the shower?
Unless the flowers on OPs dress were decorated with twinkling flashing lights, or the dress was backless with a cleavage down to her bellybutton, there's no reason for a floral print to be ostracized as "attention-seeking."
The older ladies were dressed more conservatively. The younger ones were all in sundresses. My dress was far from the most showy or scandalous one there.
My sister talked shit about me at her baby shower and, after everyone left, pulled me to the side and told me my sundress was inappropriate. It was brown. Pregnant women are (understandably) out of their fucking minds.
Was anyone else wearing pink or blue? It's not a common rule or anything so you still didn't do anything wrong if the invitation didn't say so, but maybe they thought the blue signified the gender?
She said two other guests wore blue, so probably not. I love how it's so weird we're all trying to desperately grasp for straws that could explain this behavior
Let me put in my two cents worth. Some people develop their whole personality around triangulating against a few people so they can get sympathy and feel like the victim. It's an amazingly effective strategy, because people will align with someone being bullied or insulted amazingly quick. I think it's simply this. She may have only invited the OP with this in mind and may have been doing this behind her back on the regular.
I don't think she is your friend. Maybe none of these people are. Thats so incredibly rude to kick you out and not even talk to you. You should show them this Reddit post.
I hope you took your gift with you. Your so-called friend is rude and self-centered. I would not go to y of her events. It seems she just wants gifts more than the attendance of her friends.
I don’t see how it could be about the dress….I’ve never heard a “no white at baby showers” rule, and in any case your dress wasn’t white, it was floral & potentially would have been fine for a wedding guest
In any case, NTA
By the person that asked you to leave? Or speculation by someone else? Maybe you should reach out to the person that asked you to leave or the expectant mother to find out what went wrong (once things cool down).
NTA (if it is about the color of the dress).
Op, can you post a picture of the dress or a similar style from Google/amazon.. I've a feeling it has something to do with the dress style or how it fit/suit you very well and not particularly the colour...
Either way you're NTA. Unless the host has specified wat colour you should/shouldn't be wearing and you went against it and wore white
Legit… I wouldn’t have had an issue with this at my wedding, let alone a baby shower. Blame the hormones (silently lol), they do some wacky things.
Very cute dress OP!
That dress is totally appropriate! (and very cute!) I wouldn't even consider that a "white" dress. And "don't wear white to a baby shower" is NOT a rule.
If someone had a problem with the dress, it wasn't really because of the color. There's definitely something else going on, and your dress was cute & appropriate.
That dress is perfect for a baby shower. Your friend is 100% wrong and is being weird. I'd say that her hormones may be making her feel heightened emotions, but she needs to control herself.
Also, I've bookmarked this dress because it's adorable.
I know! I’m in the process of losing weight so everything I buy right now is either thrift or cheap Amazon but that site is definitely bookmarked for 40-50 pounds from now! 😂
I'm a 51 year old woman currently sitting in the most conservative state in the nation (WY). There is nothing remotely scandalous about that dress. The white clothing thing doesn't exist. Plus it's a blue floral pattern not a white dress. I bet you looked absolutely lovely!
The dress is very beautiful and is absolutely appropriate for a baby shower. I would be feeling very strongly offended if I were asked to leave because of this dress.
Claire acted super weird. Also, it's ugly that it's her who wanted you to leave. But asking other people to do her dirty job.
It's Claire TA here, not you at all.
Is it possible she wanted to buy that dress herself and couldn’t fit or afford it, and somehow thought you knew and bought it out from under her? Because that is the only reason I could think that the dress would be an issue.
It’s lovely and appropriate. Literally this dress should be in the section of the store/website called “baby shower dresses”. as a mid thirties mom I have been to upwards of 30 baby showers in the last few years- this would be a perfect dress for any summer/spring shower and would have fit in. Im sorry OP It must be something else.
That's beautiful. Seems exactly appropriate for a summer baby shower. Here's the deal, pregnant women can be nuts. Objectively so. Weird things will set them off. I don't know what the excuse is for the rest of the women, though. Is pregnant friend the "leader" of rhe group amd they just bend to her opinions?
If you like this friend I would just suck it up and give her a call or text in a few days and be like "Hey I'm sorry things didn't go well between us at your shower. I truly did not mean to offend anybody, and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well."
This dress is adorable and honestly perfect for a summer baby shower. Something else is going on with your “friend” I write it like that because I don’t know about you but I would not to keep in touch with someone who asks me to leave a shower and blaming it on something as innocuous as a dress.
I have “bigger” boobs (not really big, but bigger than my other friends) so a little boobage was inevitable, but another one of our friends wore a plunging neckline so I can’t imagine cleavage was the problem.
It’s weird that other friends in the group thought it was ok to kick you out over a dress, especially something so perfect for a baby shower, regardless of body type. I’m sorry this happened to you. Several rude and unreasonable people in your friend group.
It can be, though. My sister and I could wear the same exact thing and nobody would have an issue with me but would suggest to her that maybe she should cover up or wear something larger (in the case of something like a sweater). She just couldn't win sometimes.
In your shoes, I’d probably wind up texting asking to explain it to me like I’m 5, because I’m not picking up what they’re putting down. I like to avoid sensitive faux pas in social groups, but to do so I’d need to understand what precisely was wrong.
Agree and NTA. You might even approach it like “I am not sure if you know this, but (name) told me I needed to leave because the color of my dress was offensive. I did not want to say anything to interrupt your special day, but now that it is over I want to …..” apologize for leaving without saying goodbye (the only thing you could possibly be sorry for), find out if this was truly why you were kicked out, find out if she really was the one kicking you out, and/or find out what was so offensive about the dress. This whole thing seems very off in a way that pregnancy hormones does not seem to apply.
OP, may we please view the dress? Was it see thru or scandalous in any fashion? Wearing white to a baby shower is not cause enough to warrant the reaction you received and I'd like to see first hand before saying ye or nay on this.
That is a PERFECTLY LOVELY dress to wear to a baby shower. Don’t fret about it for one minute longer. Claire and the friend that asked you to leave were inexplicably rude. I would stop dwelling on it and move on. You have broken NO rules.
OP, I just clicked on the link and your (lovely, 100% appropriate _your friend is a total headbanger BTW_ ) dress has sold out 😂 I wonder if it's because of this thread. In your face, Claire!
She said it's this dress : [https://petalandpup.com/products/janie-midi-dress-blue-floral](https://petalandpup.com/products/janie-midi-dress-blue-floral)
Oh, thank you! Guess I didn't scroll far enough!
OP THIS DRESS IS BEYOND ACCEPTABLE! Normal, classy and gorgeous. What the hell is wrong with Claire?! Nothing that you've done, I'll tell you that!
The nerve of some people.
NTA. I’ve never once heard of not wearing white to a baby shower. Depending on the pattern and style, I’m not even sure I would consider a white and blue floral dress an absolute “no no” for a bridal shower. It sounds like she was feeling insecure and something about how you looked made her feel bad about herself. While that sucks, it’s not your fault.
I’ve always been the “bigger” girl in our group (I’m not actually overweight or anything but everyone else is very tall and slender and I’m short with wide hips) so maybe she’s feeling bad that she’s bigger than I am right now? But she SHOULD be bigger because she’s 8 months pregnant! And she looks fantastic!
Were you showing more cleavage than everyone else? I am just looking for any reason, as this doesn't make sense and one of your comments said something about your attention seeking outfit.
I have bigger boobs than our other friends, but I wasn’t showing an excessive amount of cleavage.
I mean, Claire’s best friend literally wore this and no one batted an eye: https://www.lulus.com/products/all-about-the-flowers-yellow-burnout-floral-ruffled-romper/2330871.html
Well I'm sorry you were treated that way. From the information you have given, there is no logical explanation. Perhaps it was pregnancy hormones and something about your overall look triggered her.
Don’t give pregnant women a pass for hormones. I have been pregnant four times. Hormones and pregnancy are tough, but we are still adults who have control over our behavior. Hormones are a piss poor excuse for being a jerk.
Thank you! I hate how some women think being pregnant is an excuse to be abusive to others. “Sorry, I’m/she’s pregnant.” No, you’re just an asshole using your baby as a buffer for your shitty attitude.
Exactly.
39F here.
And even if pregnancy hormones impacted behavior in this instance, people calm down and apologize. Her friend is still mad days later?
Even during PMS have definitely lost my patience and had to own up to my behavior later.
That dress is... Wow... So weird to wear that to a baby shower. Yours was lovely, though! NTA and I second the idea that you should wear that dress to every event for the next two years he he he
It’s not that weird a dress for some friend groups.
We had two baby showers for my wife. One was with parents/grandparents/etc and was far more “chaste”(and also we traveled to our home town for it) and the other was local friends. Our friends are pretty coarse and immodest and this dress would not have been out of place.
Eep, see, that seems too short to me for a shower. A BBQ, sure, but I wouldn't have worn it to a baby shower even when I was young. But even saying that, I would not have asked someone who did wear it to a shower to leave over it, because I don't police my friends for their fashion choices, like, wtf. NTA and I'm sorry they made you feel bad. It was mean of them.
Yeah, I know. Sorry if that wasn't clear. I was responding to OP's saying someone else wore that and no one complained, which suggests the revealing nature of any outfit could not have been the issue.
Ok, so I don't consider female dress etiquette to be my area of expertise, but FWIW:
I think Claire's reaction is Bat Excrement Insane. There's a huge amount of space in between "don't wear something that looks like a wedding dress to a wedding unless you're the bride" and "don't wear blue and white flowers to a baby shower unless you're the guest of honor."
EDIT I forgot to say NTA. If you want to apologize for upsetting her with your reasonable, appropriate actions, that's your call but I don't think it's an obligation. e.g. "I'm sorry you were upset, I never would have upset you on purpose."
EDIT 2 Changed "Claire" to "Claire's reaction"
I think "Claire is Bat Shit Crazy" is an appropriate statement but nice of you to edit. The baby is the guest of honour, not the fashion gatekeeper Mom. This whole thing is so strange 🙃
Agreed, Claire is acting like a petulant child, not a mom-to-be, indeed.
As for the guest of honor, is this a regional variable perhaps? In all the circles I have been in and otherwise noticed, the mother is the guest of honor, and her pregnancy and impending motherhood is the subject of celebration. I've never thought about it as the baby being the guest before.
While the event and gifts are baby-themed, the (historically female) guests attend to "shower her" with gifts and treats. The gifts are chosen based on what the mom registers for and so they are--as she is--focused on the baby, but some are decidedly for her. Pregnancy and post-pregnancy massages, spa services, breastfeeding tops, nipple creams, etc.
In the more contemporary-by-comparison couple's baby showers, I see even more focus on the parents than I have at moms-only showers, with gifts the couple will appreciate and not just appreciate using on the baby. Space-age material bed sheets, couple's massages, babysitting services and post-baby date night stuff...
Um, NO. NTA.
White is worn but the BRIDE at her wedding to imply that she is a virgin and therefore pure. At a baby shower, it’s pretty freaking clear that purity is not the topic we are celebrating. We got down, we got dirty and now we’re gettin’ a baby.
Let’s say this was a gender reveal and you knew ahead of time that it was a boy and you wore blue to say ha! I already knew! Or pink is a girl. Then you would be TAH. Wearing white to a baby shower is friggen harmless. My guess is that you looked pretty and the Mama to Be feels unattractive. That’s sad in the sense that pregnancy should be beautiful. But that sure as hell isn’t your fault.
NTA
It’s the veil that implies purity—which is a ridiculous thing to advertise, anyway.
Traditionally, a bride would wear her best dress for her wedding, not a special dress that was worn once.
White dresses became popular after Queen Victoria donned one for her wedding to Prince Albert, and her many daughters also wore white.
Having a white dress that would only be worn once was a way to show one’s wealth.
She is having a girl. I don’t think she had a gender preference. If she did, she didn’t tell us. Others wore blue though and it didn’t seem to be a problem.
When did this happen. Personally, if you really view this person as a good friend, call her and clear the air. Don't apologize for wearing a perfectly suitable dress. But I really think something else is going on with here. If you don't consider her a really good friend, move on from her and don't worry about it! Life's too short to sweat the small, ridiculous stuff! NTA!
This is the correct answer. If you're close to the showered one, call her and say you honestly wore your pretty dress as part of the celebration of her pregnancy, which is why dressing up with your friends for showers is so fun, and you would never hurt her purposely, so you want to know what was so upsetting to her. If not, this is not worth stressing over, though I know that's easier said than done.
Okay, this solidifies my NTA opinion further. If she didn’t even wear white, why TF couldn’t you wear a dress that has white in it?? Sorry you’re being treated this way by your “friends” OP. Sometimes we need to recognize when we’ve grown out of relationships. This is some stupid, childish BS.
You were told it was about the dress, but I guess I just have a feeling there’s something else going on with her and she’s trying to use the dress as an excuse for you to be the bad guy. Because the dress in itself is fine.
It's about your "friends" not liking you for whatever reason and not being mature enough to manage friendships like adults.
I'd honestly move on. Find better people. Life is too short to waste it on morons.
WTAF?!?! Claire is a super-sized A. Now pregnant people want ALL the attention on them at a baby shower - which is nothing more than a gift-grab GTFOYA
So very much NTA. You brought the B a gift and she was mad that you looked pretty? Bet better friends.
NTA. My opinion as a dude with way too many sisters I’ve been able to completely change what they thought about this so maybe I can help everyone. Women should not care what anyone else wears ever. Not at a party not at a baby shower not even a wedding if you care that’s a you issue and you should get over it. Anyone that disagrees that’s also a you issue and you should work on yourself and let go of your inner jealousy. Im gonna get attacked here but im right so who cares.
No I agree with you. The drama over white dresses is ludicrous, and yes, I mean at weddings too. Unless it's a wedding-y white dress, like someone is clearly deliberately trying to look bridal, who TF cares? And honestly, why let someone being an A H get to you on such a happy day? Everyone else thinks they're an A H, you're having a great time with the love of your life, literally why should you care.
The white dress thing has gotten so bad that when someone dressed *their infant* in a white floral dress at a wedding someone threatened to throw red wine on *the baby* for upstaging the bride. Actual aita post from a couple days ago.
You're _mostly_ right. If someone upset a friend or relative by wearing a white lacy merengue to their wedding I'd think they were an arsehole. Ditto if they organised a formal event and someone turned up in dirty jeans and trainers.
Whether you agree or not, there are times when dress matters and wearing certain things is a very clear statement. Not only women think that; it's a generally accepted societal norm.
The whole friend group went in on a Snoo for her, so I couldn’t take it back 🙃
I brought a book to give her at the shower though and I took it with me when I left. Unfortunately I wrote a message to the baby in it so I can’t regift it.
This is super easy to do. Here are Other things I’ve done since I get books thrifted for my niblings. Glue a picture of us over the old inscription. Glue either a similar looking solid color or coordinating pattern paper over the inscription then write a new one for the person you are gifting it to. Or simply glue the page to the other side or use exacto knife to remove the page.
First, I've never heard of a not-wearing-white-to-a-baby-shower rule, so I don't thing that's actually a thing. Second, although it's not always the case, in this case you shouldn't apologise when you're not wrong.
Perhaps there's something else going on you're not aware, but it seems unlikely that your friend's reaction was about your sundress.
NTA
NTA, but OP could use my son’s apology from when he was 10 and didn’t think he was wrong, but was forced to apologize. “Fine, I’m sorry.” “And what are you sorry for?” “Sorry you’re so stupid.”
NTA
I have three kids but the trend baby showers/ gender reveal/first sonogram picture showing is taking (becoming mini wedding) is ridiculous. Unless there was a specific dress code… I m rolling my eyes.
NTA-I attended a baby shower yesterday, and one of my cousin's friends was wearing an all-white dress. My cousin thought nothing of it. The friend was wearing a bridal shower dress that she had worn to her own bridal shower. So, your friend Claire is something else, tbh. Also, if I were you, I would question that friendship.
NTA. This isn’t about the color of your dress; That was the pathetic excuse you were given. Whoever pulled you aside owes you an explanation. Unless this is just hormones (possible)… your “friend” might not be anymore.
NTA - you need better friends. That is such a ridiculous argument it's not worth worrying about. It's a baby shower \[- not a wedding. The mom-to- be does not get to determine 'dress code'.
NTA
How ridiculous to be offended by what someone wore to the baby shower. I wouldnt apologize, you did nothing wrong (literally nothing).
The rule of thumb (or Miss Manners) is that 'light, bright, floral, pastels, ivory or white are perfect attire for a baby shower. Black is considered rude as that is for funerals and sad events'.
Out of curiosity, did you wear white to Claires wedding? It sounds like theres something else going on here that she is upset about. I would bluntly ask her.
Are you all in middle school? I surely hope not because of the pregnancy, but your friends sound like petty, ignorant, drama-seeking middle school girls. Get more mature friends. NTA
The fact that you were actually asked to leave is insane, and the other friends should have backed you. There must be more to the story here and the other friends must know what it is or they wouldn’t support it, right? If it really is just about the color of a dress, I wouldn’t be friends with any of those women anymore because that’s very toxic and manipulative behavior for grown adults.
NTA
I have lived on the (usa) east coast, south, midwest, and now west coast... there is no such thing as white being a restricted color for a baby shower.
These people aren't your friends, and were making up a reason to make you uncomfortable and leave.
NTA. You cannot claim colors for a baby shower. I get that Claire may be hormonal right now, given her current condition, but someone needs to tell her to snap out of it and stop being ridiculous.
NTA, but there’s something going on here. I’d do some investigating. See what this is really about. If “Claire” is truly a good friend, this should only be a matter of asking, “Hey, is everything okay?”
Maybe mention that you were asked to leave by some mutual and wanted to make sure nothing was the matter. It also shouldn’t hurt to ask if it was about the dress. It’s a little… unusual for someone to be asked to leave a baby shower for that reason. Was it perhaps the blue in the dress? Has the gender been revealed? Is it something “Claire” could’ve taken as a “spoiler” or indication of implication?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I wore white to a baby shower. (2) It might be inappropriate to wear white to a baby shower? The mom-to-be was offended. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, that's not a thing. Are you sure the color of the dress was the issue? It seems nonsensical.
I’ve been told it’s about the dress, but I’m starting to think it’s a body image thing. I’m not as thin as the rest of the girls in the group. Maybe Claire is upset that she is, FOR VERY GOOD REASON, the “big” one right now.
Could be, but its not not okay to take that out on you. Maybe after the situation cools a bit, you can talk to her and find out what's really going on in her head. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to guess.
I wouldn’t give any of this another thought! Except that I might not go to any more of these non- friends baby showers
Or...make this the "baby shower dress". Wear it to every single one of your friend's showers!
They are not her friends.
Everyone has weird shitty ideas sometimes. If you can have a conversation and reach understanding there is no reason to end friendships here if OP doesn't wish to.
This is it. Friendship means sometimes being an a** , and getting to move past it. Sometimes you’re the a** and sometimes you are the recipient. If this frankly bizarre behavior towards you isn’t a pattern - I’d just have an honest chat. You certainly didn’t mean anything and your preggo friend might be hormone bonkers. The mediating friends sound at best like bad mediators —at worst drama queens. So really depends how honest and open the friendships are normally how I’d handle it. Maybe it’s time to find better friends. Maybe it’s time to have open and honest communication. 🍀
Y'all have never been the person who was turned on seemingly out of the blue by your whole "friend group" and then learned that damn near all of them had been talking shit about you behind your back and lying to your face about liking you for *years* until they got bored of it and decided to turn on you, huh? Life's too short to deal with that petty Mean Girls bullshit. If they can't be honest about the reason for their behavior, they can go and be Perpetual High Schoolers without you.
You are assuming the whole friend group has turned on the OP. I do not see proof of this, and advising someone to apologize for peace in the group is not turning on the person. The fact nobody seems to be taking sides would prove to me they have not turned on her.
Yes I have, but what does that have to do with anything? The comment you replied to still 100% stands and is the mature way to deal with things. Perhaps if you were prone to cutting friends off entirely without discourse because you assumed it to be “mean girl behaviour “ when it may have been a misunderstanding, could that have contributed to why you were suddenly turned out - maybe they found it hard to address issues with you? Or perhaps they were just 100% crap friends - either way I’m sorry you had to experience that, and I hope you have found healing!
This!! Friends don’t exclude friends for no reason!!
Agree. I think they didn't want her there for some other reason.
Something clearly shady here…
These aren’t her friends. If the OP is honest, I’m sure they’ve been pulling this crap for years. The dress had a blue floral pattern, and OP didn’t say she was wearing a matching dress with the host, so you have to assume they never liked her and wanted to embarrass her, so she gets the hint that she’s unwanted.
This is the answer. You could start a business selling bluey white floral dresses and maybe this will put an end to this attention seeking behaviour once and for all. Such a weird thing. Especially after you've been to a baby shower that ended in strep related still birth.
wat
Agreed. Especially if OP got the baby a gift. I would be offended if I were OP. That’s super rude of the mother. Now if OP came without a gift, I could see the mom being irked. And maybe the mom is hormonal and in a mood. But overall, it sounds like the friendships here are not reciprocal.
The dress sounds like a perfect summer outfit. Unless everyone else was in pajamas, how could you steal her thunder? 🦜
My thoughts immediately went to some stupid reason like that when Iread your post. You probably looked lovely in that dress and she felt fat and ugly.
Could it have been about the blue rather than the white? Was she intending telling everyone the baby's gender at the party? Either way, though, unless there is a code in your / her culture that prohibits certain colours at baby showers, or unless she asked you not to wear certain colours, you're not at fault. Although even if she asked you not to wear certain colours, I don't think you'd be at fault. I don't think host(esse)s should tell their guests what to wear.
She told everyone the gender when she made her pregnancy announcement. It’s a girl.
This is NOT a friend.
This should be the top comment.
So the blue should mean nothing unless she expected everyone to wear pink in which case she should have said so. I'm curious what everyone else wore. NTA she's being ridiculous. I have never heard of such a thing in my life. At my baby showers and at my daughter's people wore everything from jeans and nice blouses to nice dresses and I can't even really remember what any one person was wearing because what people wore wasn't an issue. I only cared that my friends and family were there to celebrate with and feeling happy I was surrounded by people who cared about us and the baby.
Is it because of that then? Did anyone else wear blue when they knew she’s having a girl? NTA
I didn’t really pay attention to what colors others were wearing while I was there, but based on the photos posted today at least two others wore blue.
This entire situation is BAFFLING to me. Definitely NTA, but I’d be so upset to be asked to leave a baby shower because of a blue and white dress. I’m sorry this happened to you.
If I'm asked to leave a baby shower, best believe I'm taking my gift with me and returning it to get my money back.
Same here
PERIOD!!!!!!!!! It sounds like she has a nice shape &’the dress looked really good on her…I’m sensing pure jealousy
Yeah I don’t get it either. Sounds like maybe you might want to ease out of this so called friendship.
Ease !?! I would just walk away and quickly. To me real friends wouldn’t ask another to tell you anything #1, #2 a real friend would explain what was going on for her piece of mind as well as yours and #3 a real friend would never have had an issue with this in the first place! There is no excuse that is acceptable, being pregnant and fat is part of being pregnant been there five times plus, the color of your dress would never come into play regardless of the sex of the baby, if you were true friends and you walked in looking stunning she would simply acknowledge this! True friends just don’t do this stupid shit to each other, yes everyone has arguments and everyone does stupid things but not hurtful and petty things, friend just don’t do that, real true friends lift each other up at all times! Period!
OP, you need new friends.
Wearing a white or floral dress isn’t a reason to be harassed or asked to leave. It’s not attention seeking. Being fat or thin or any body shape isn’t a valid reason either. Unless your dress was excessively skimpy, these people were majorly in the wrong. These people are not friends, they are frenemies and you’d be better off without all of the people who attacked you
Did you take your gift with you when you left?
That doesn’t make any sense unless you were talking about how she is bigger now.
I definitely did not talk about her size but I know her MIL has made comments about her weight gain, so maybe others were making her feel bad about her size. I’m totally speculating though. I didn’t hear anything at the party for the short time I was there.
You are NTA. Her MIL is definitely an AH for making comments like that. She’s also an AH for making you leave over a dress that shouldn’t have ever been an issue. Curious what color dress she had on for the shower?
That is a great question...what colour was the woman wearing?!
Did you take your gift home with you? I hope so.
Did the friend elaborate on what "attention seeking behavior" meant?
Unless the flowers on OPs dress were decorated with twinkling flashing lights, or the dress was backless with a cleavage down to her bellybutton, there's no reason for a floral print to be ostracized as "attention-seeking."
Was everyone else dressed more casually? Conservatively? What was the vibe?
The older ladies were dressed more conservatively. The younger ones were all in sundresses. My dress was far from the most showy or scandalous one there.
My sister talked shit about me at her baby shower and, after everyone left, pulled me to the side and told me my sundress was inappropriate. It was brown. Pregnant women are (understandably) out of their fucking minds.
Was anyone else wearing pink or blue? It's not a common rule or anything so you still didn't do anything wrong if the invitation didn't say so, but maybe they thought the blue signified the gender?
She said two other guests wore blue, so probably not. I love how it's so weird we're all trying to desperately grasp for straws that could explain this behavior
I guess you're just too pretty! That's the only explanation I can think of lol
Because it is So confusing we're just trying to make heads or tails of it. But sometimes crazy is just crazy. NTA
>But sometimes crazy is just crazy. This seems to be it 😆
Let me put in my two cents worth. Some people develop their whole personality around triangulating against a few people so they can get sympathy and feel like the victim. It's an amazingly effective strategy, because people will align with someone being bullied or insulted amazingly quick. I think it's simply this. She may have only invited the OP with this in mind and may have been doing this behind her back on the regular.
sounds like my whole grade school experience
Communication is a beautiful thing. Although guessing is fun too.
A guest wearing blue wouldn't lead anyone to think the sex of the baby is male. Mom and dad wearing it might, but not a random guest. She's just odd.
I don't think she is your friend. Maybe none of these people are. Thats so incredibly rude to kick you out and not even talk to you. You should show them this Reddit post.
I hope you took your gift with you. Your so-called friend is rude and self-centered. I would not go to y of her events. It seems she just wants gifts more than the attendance of her friends.
I don’t see how it could be about the dress….I’ve never heard a “no white at baby showers” rule, and in any case your dress wasn’t white, it was floral & potentially would have been fine for a wedding guest In any case, NTA
NTA - you can wear white to a baby shower. You sure it was just about the dress tho?
I’ve been specifically told it was about the color of the dress. It could be something else but I don’t know what that would be.
By the person that asked you to leave? Or speculation by someone else? Maybe you should reach out to the person that asked you to leave or the expectant mother to find out what went wrong (once things cool down). NTA (if it is about the color of the dress).
From that friend, as well as a couple others.
Op, can you post a picture of the dress or a similar style from Google/amazon.. I've a feeling it has something to do with the dress style or how it fit/suit you very well and not particularly the colour... Either way you're NTA. Unless the host has specified wat colour you should/shouldn't be wearing and you went against it and wore white
I don’t feel comfortable posting a photo of myself, but this is the exact dress I wore: https://petalandpup.com/products/janie-midi-dress-blue-floral
Cute dress! You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t apologize. This is very bizarre!
Hold up. And it has pockets! Perfect dress for a summertime shower
Pockets are a game changer!
Wait!! Maybe that’s the issue! Baby Mama didn’t have pockets in her dress! 👗
Lol I love the solidarity we have abt dresses woth pockets. I will never not get excited qhen someone goes "and it has POCKETS!!"
We love pockets! This woman is acting irrational
That dress is actually so cute, and extremely appropriate for a baby shower! NTA
It is the perfect baby shower dress!
How is that even classified as white?!
Right? I expected a full white dress with a tiny bit of blue flowers. Shees this doesn't count as white
I imagined the same thing. I would consider this a blue dress.
Legit… I wouldn’t have had an issue with this at my wedding, let alone a baby shower. Blame the hormones (silently lol), they do some wacky things. Very cute dress OP!
Right!! I'd probably think twice about wearing it to a wedding, but that is like the baby-shower-guestest dress I've ever seen!
I could see wearing it to an informal summer wedding, as it does not evoke a bridal gown look whatsoever.
I had a garden party themed wedding and would have been excited to see someone wearing this.
This is less white than the "gold" dress another posted about wearing to a wedding. That one was definitely white white gold accents.
That dress is totally appropriate! (and very cute!) I wouldn't even consider that a "white" dress. And "don't wear white to a baby shower" is NOT a rule. If someone had a problem with the dress, it wasn't really because of the color. There's definitely something else going on, and your dress was cute & appropriate.
It’s not even a rule for a bridal shower, although many bridezillas are trying to make it one.
I saw a post where someone's "friend" got mad at them for wearing white to her *birthday party*. It's out of control at this point.
That dress is perfect for a baby shower. Your friend is 100% wrong and is being weird. I'd say that her hormones may be making her feel heightened emotions, but she needs to control herself. Also, I've bookmarked this dress because it's adorable.
It’s a very comfy dress and it has pockets!!! I’ve had quality issues with clothing from this site before but this dress is great.
pockets?! omg that was my biggest issue with the sundress i wore, might have to splurge 👀
I know! I’m in the process of losing weight so everything I buy right now is either thrift or cheap Amazon but that site is definitely bookmarked for 40-50 pounds from now! 😂
I just bought this dress 😂
Right. I want it too. So cute. And so baby shower appropriate. Damn it even says blue in the description not white.
That is also in no way, shape or form a white dress.
I'm a 51 year old woman currently sitting in the most conservative state in the nation (WY). There is nothing remotely scandalous about that dress. The white clothing thing doesn't exist. Plus it's a blue floral pattern not a white dress. I bet you looked absolutely lovely!
The dress is very beautiful and is absolutely appropriate for a baby shower. I would be feeling very strongly offended if I were asked to leave because of this dress. Claire acted super weird. Also, it's ugly that it's her who wanted you to leave. But asking other people to do her dirty job. It's Claire TA here, not you at all.
What a cute dress.
Is it possible she wanted to buy that dress herself and couldn’t fit or afford it, and somehow thought you knew and bought it out from under her? Because that is the only reason I could think that the dress would be an issue.
That dress is adorable! NTA, btw. You can wear white to a baby shower.
It’s lovely and appropriate. Literally this dress should be in the section of the store/website called “baby shower dresses”. as a mid thirties mom I have been to upwards of 30 baby showers in the last few years- this would be a perfect dress for any summer/spring shower and would have fit in. Im sorry OP It must be something else.
That's beautiful. Seems exactly appropriate for a summer baby shower. Here's the deal, pregnant women can be nuts. Objectively so. Weird things will set them off. I don't know what the excuse is for the rest of the women, though. Is pregnant friend the "leader" of rhe group amd they just bend to her opinions? If you like this friend I would just suck it up and give her a call or text in a few days and be like "Hey I'm sorry things didn't go well between us at your shower. I truly did not mean to offend anybody, and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well."
This dress is adorable and honestly perfect for a summer baby shower. Something else is going on with your “friend” I write it like that because I don’t know about you but I would not to keep in touch with someone who asks me to leave a shower and blaming it on something as innocuous as a dress.
Whaaa? That’s adorable. Were your straps tied so the dress would go lower? Were you rocking too much cleavage?
I have “bigger” boobs (not really big, but bigger than my other friends) so a little boobage was inevitable, but another one of our friends wore a plunging neckline so I can’t imagine cleavage was the problem.
It’s weird that other friends in the group thought it was ok to kick you out over a dress, especially something so perfect for a baby shower, regardless of body type. I’m sorry this happened to you. Several rude and unreasonable people in your friend group.
It can be, though. My sister and I could wear the same exact thing and nobody would have an issue with me but would suggest to her that maybe she should cover up or wear something larger (in the case of something like a sweater). She just couldn't win sometimes.
This dress is so lovely! The issue is absolutely with you looking gorgeous and her self esteem problems!
Who tf gets into a tizzy about the fit of one's dress?
A pregnant woman who feels ugly and fat
I've rolled my eyes harder at this post than ever before.
In your shoes, I’d probably wind up texting asking to explain it to me like I’m 5, because I’m not picking up what they’re putting down. I like to avoid sensitive faux pas in social groups, but to do so I’d need to understand what precisely was wrong.
Agree and NTA. You might even approach it like “I am not sure if you know this, but (name) told me I needed to leave because the color of my dress was offensive. I did not want to say anything to interrupt your special day, but now that it is over I want to …..” apologize for leaving without saying goodbye (the only thing you could possibly be sorry for), find out if this was truly why you were kicked out, find out if she really was the one kicking you out, and/or find out what was so offensive about the dress. This whole thing seems very off in a way that pregnancy hormones does not seem to apply.
Is she having a girl and you wore a “boy color”? Either way it’s dumb and NTA
Two other guests were wearing blue as well and weren't kicked out. NTA
OP, may we please view the dress? Was it see thru or scandalous in any fashion? Wearing white to a baby shower is not cause enough to warrant the reaction you received and I'd like to see first hand before saying ye or nay on this.
This was the dress: https://petalandpup.com/products/janie-midi-dress-blue-floral
???? A perfectly appropriate summer dress. I have no idea what this is really about, but it’s not the dress.
That is a PERFECTLY LOVELY dress to wear to a baby shower. Don’t fret about it for one minute longer. Claire and the friend that asked you to leave were inexplicably rude. I would stop dwelling on it and move on. You have broken NO rules.
OP, I just clicked on the link and your (lovely, 100% appropriate _your friend is a total headbanger BTW_ ) dress has sold out 😂 I wonder if it's because of this thread. In your face, Claire!
This was all secretly a ruse to get everybody to buy this dress using OPs affiliate link.
this looks like literally the most perfect dress to wear to a baby shower
Gorgeous. Not inappropriate. Chalk it up to weird pregnancy hormones. What a total weirdo for being upset about that.
OP posted the link (https://petalandpup.com/products/janie-midi-dress-blue-floral) it’s a cute spring/summer dress
She said it's this dress : [https://petalandpup.com/products/janie-midi-dress-blue-floral](https://petalandpup.com/products/janie-midi-dress-blue-floral)
Oh, thank you! Guess I didn't scroll far enough! OP THIS DRESS IS BEYOND ACCEPTABLE! Normal, classy and gorgeous. What the hell is wrong with Claire?! Nothing that you've done, I'll tell you that! The nerve of some people.
NTA please wear the same outfit the next time you see her
I came here to say this, LMAO.
Yes. Wear it to all events from now on.
This is a great idea, but honestly I would never hang out with these people again. They're not friends.
Make it the baby shower dress and wear it to all her friends' showers.
Lmao, I love this! This made me laugh
Wear the outfit when she gets to meet the baby 😂
We would be friends
NTA. I’ve never once heard of not wearing white to a baby shower. Depending on the pattern and style, I’m not even sure I would consider a white and blue floral dress an absolute “no no” for a bridal shower. It sounds like she was feeling insecure and something about how you looked made her feel bad about herself. While that sucks, it’s not your fault.
I’ve always been the “bigger” girl in our group (I’m not actually overweight or anything but everyone else is very tall and slender and I’m short with wide hips) so maybe she’s feeling bad that she’s bigger than I am right now? But she SHOULD be bigger because she’s 8 months pregnant! And she looks fantastic!
Were you showing more cleavage than everyone else? I am just looking for any reason, as this doesn't make sense and one of your comments said something about your attention seeking outfit.
I have bigger boobs than our other friends, but I wasn’t showing an excessive amount of cleavage. I mean, Claire’s best friend literally wore this and no one batted an eye: https://www.lulus.com/products/all-about-the-flowers-yellow-burnout-floral-ruffled-romper/2330871.html
Well I'm sorry you were treated that way. From the information you have given, there is no logical explanation. Perhaps it was pregnancy hormones and something about your overall look triggered her.
Don’t give pregnant women a pass for hormones. I have been pregnant four times. Hormones and pregnancy are tough, but we are still adults who have control over our behavior. Hormones are a piss poor excuse for being a jerk.
Thank you! I hate how some women think being pregnant is an excuse to be abusive to others. “Sorry, I’m/she’s pregnant.” No, you’re just an asshole using your baby as a buffer for your shitty attitude.
Exactly. 39F here. And even if pregnancy hormones impacted behavior in this instance, people calm down and apologize. Her friend is still mad days later? Even during PMS have definitely lost my patience and had to own up to my behavior later.
That dress is... Wow... So weird to wear that to a baby shower. Yours was lovely, though! NTA and I second the idea that you should wear that dress to every event for the next two years he he he
It’s not that weird a dress for some friend groups. We had two baby showers for my wife. One was with parents/grandparents/etc and was far more “chaste”(and also we traveled to our home town for it) and the other was local friends. Our friends are pretty coarse and immodest and this dress would not have been out of place.
Eep, see, that seems too short to me for a shower. A BBQ, sure, but I wouldn't have worn it to a baby shower even when I was young. But even saying that, I would not have asked someone who did wear it to a shower to leave over it, because I don't police my friends for their fashion choices, like, wtf. NTA and I'm sorry they made you feel bad. It was mean of them.
That’s what someone else wore. OP posted in another comment that this is what she wore: https://petalandpup.com/products/janie-midi-dress-blue-floral
Yeah, I know. Sorry if that wasn't clear. I was responding to OP's saying someone else wore that and no one complained, which suggests the revealing nature of any outfit could not have been the issue.
Ok, so I don't consider female dress etiquette to be my area of expertise, but FWIW: I think Claire's reaction is Bat Excrement Insane. There's a huge amount of space in between "don't wear something that looks like a wedding dress to a wedding unless you're the bride" and "don't wear blue and white flowers to a baby shower unless you're the guest of honor." EDIT I forgot to say NTA. If you want to apologize for upsetting her with your reasonable, appropriate actions, that's your call but I don't think it's an obligation. e.g. "I'm sorry you were upset, I never would have upset you on purpose." EDIT 2 Changed "Claire" to "Claire's reaction"
I think "Claire is Bat Shit Crazy" is an appropriate statement but nice of you to edit. The baby is the guest of honour, not the fashion gatekeeper Mom. This whole thing is so strange 🙃
Agreed, Claire is acting like a petulant child, not a mom-to-be, indeed. As for the guest of honor, is this a regional variable perhaps? In all the circles I have been in and otherwise noticed, the mother is the guest of honor, and her pregnancy and impending motherhood is the subject of celebration. I've never thought about it as the baby being the guest before. While the event and gifts are baby-themed, the (historically female) guests attend to "shower her" with gifts and treats. The gifts are chosen based on what the mom registers for and so they are--as she is--focused on the baby, but some are decidedly for her. Pregnancy and post-pregnancy massages, spa services, breastfeeding tops, nipple creams, etc. In the more contemporary-by-comparison couple's baby showers, I see even more focus on the parents than I have at moms-only showers, with gifts the couple will appreciate and not just appreciate using on the baby. Space-age material bed sheets, couple's massages, babysitting services and post-baby date night stuff...
Um, NO. NTA. White is worn but the BRIDE at her wedding to imply that she is a virgin and therefore pure. At a baby shower, it’s pretty freaking clear that purity is not the topic we are celebrating. We got down, we got dirty and now we’re gettin’ a baby. Let’s say this was a gender reveal and you knew ahead of time that it was a boy and you wore blue to say ha! I already knew! Or pink is a girl. Then you would be TAH. Wearing white to a baby shower is friggen harmless. My guess is that you looked pretty and the Mama to Be feels unattractive. That’s sad in the sense that pregnancy should be beautiful. But that sure as hell isn’t your fault. NTA
It’s the veil that implies purity—which is a ridiculous thing to advertise, anyway. Traditionally, a bride would wear her best dress for her wedding, not a special dress that was worn once. White dresses became popular after Queen Victoria donned one for her wedding to Prince Albert, and her many daughters also wore white. Having a white dress that would only be worn once was a way to show one’s wealth.
Same with the cake because sugar was $$$ expensive. Same with the diamond rings.... There's a pattern.
Does Claire own the color white? NTA.
Claire didn’t even wear white! She wore pastel pink.
And, oh by the way, **it was not a wedding**.
Even if it were…wearing white while also very pregnant ain’t exactly consistent with the tradition of things.
Is it possible she’s having a girl and wanted a boy?
She is having a girl. I don’t think she had a gender preference. If she did, she didn’t tell us. Others wore blue though and it didn’t seem to be a problem.
When did this happen. Personally, if you really view this person as a good friend, call her and clear the air. Don't apologize for wearing a perfectly suitable dress. But I really think something else is going on with here. If you don't consider her a really good friend, move on from her and don't worry about it! Life's too short to sweat the small, ridiculous stuff! NTA!
This is the correct answer. If you're close to the showered one, call her and say you honestly wore your pretty dress as part of the celebration of her pregnancy, which is why dressing up with your friends for showers is so fun, and you would never hurt her purposely, so you want to know what was so upsetting to her. If not, this is not worth stressing over, though I know that's easier said than done.
"the showered one" 😂
Okay, this solidifies my NTA opinion further. If she didn’t even wear white, why TF couldn’t you wear a dress that has white in it?? Sorry you’re being treated this way by your “friends” OP. Sometimes we need to recognize when we’ve grown out of relationships. This is some stupid, childish BS.
INFO Is it actually about the dress?
If it’s not about the dress, I don’t know what it’s actually about 🤷🏽♀️
You were told it was about the dress, but I guess I just have a feeling there’s something else going on with her and she’s trying to use the dress as an excuse for you to be the bad guy. Because the dress in itself is fine.
It's about your "friends" not liking you for whatever reason and not being mature enough to manage friendships like adults. I'd honestly move on. Find better people. Life is too short to waste it on morons.
WTAF?!?! Claire is a super-sized A. Now pregnant people want ALL the attention on them at a baby shower - which is nothing more than a gift-grab GTFOYA So very much NTA. You brought the B a gift and she was mad that you looked pretty? Bet better friends.
I get the GTFO part but what's YA? "You Asshole"?
Get the \*\*\*\* over yourself already
Oh OK, thanks. This forum is so educational!
You do know u can actually say fuck right?
NTA. My opinion as a dude with way too many sisters I’ve been able to completely change what they thought about this so maybe I can help everyone. Women should not care what anyone else wears ever. Not at a party not at a baby shower not even a wedding if you care that’s a you issue and you should get over it. Anyone that disagrees that’s also a you issue and you should work on yourself and let go of your inner jealousy. Im gonna get attacked here but im right so who cares.
Well, I'm a female, and I agree with you.
He doesn’t care. He knows he’s right already. I agree with you agreeing with him though.
No I agree with you. The drama over white dresses is ludicrous, and yes, I mean at weddings too. Unless it's a wedding-y white dress, like someone is clearly deliberately trying to look bridal, who TF cares? And honestly, why let someone being an A H get to you on such a happy day? Everyone else thinks they're an A H, you're having a great time with the love of your life, literally why should you care. The white dress thing has gotten so bad that when someone dressed *their infant* in a white floral dress at a wedding someone threatened to throw red wine on *the baby* for upstaging the bride. Actual aita post from a couple days ago.
You're _mostly_ right. If someone upset a friend or relative by wearing a white lacy merengue to their wedding I'd think they were an arsehole. Ditto if they organised a formal event and someone turned up in dirty jeans and trainers. Whether you agree or not, there are times when dress matters and wearing certain things is a very clear statement. Not only women think that; it's a generally accepted societal norm.
I just hope you took your present with you when you left. Claire is insane.
The whole friend group went in on a Snoo for her, so I couldn’t take it back 🙃 I brought a book to give her at the shower though and I took it with me when I left. Unfortunately I wrote a message to the baby in it so I can’t regift it.
My petty ass would be asking the friend who approached me to leave; for my portion of the gift back. Send her an invoice on venmo or cash app.
I must be petty too, cause this was my exact thought as well!
Good, she doesn't deserve the book! Could you glue a sticker over it?
This is super easy to do. Here are Other things I’ve done since I get books thrifted for my niblings. Glue a picture of us over the old inscription. Glue either a similar looking solid color or coordinating pattern paper over the inscription then write a new one for the person you are gifting it to. Or simply glue the page to the other side or use exacto knife to remove the page.
As an optimist, I’m hoping sometime sooner than later, the mom-to-be apologizes to you and you can bring the book to the baby once she’s born.
First, I've never heard of a not-wearing-white-to-a-baby-shower rule, so I don't thing that's actually a thing. Second, although it's not always the case, in this case you shouldn't apologise when you're not wrong. Perhaps there's something else going on you're not aware, but it seems unlikely that your friend's reaction was about your sundress. NTA
NTA, but OP could use my son’s apology from when he was 10 and didn’t think he was wrong, but was forced to apologize. “Fine, I’m sorry.” “And what are you sorry for?” “Sorry you’re so stupid.”
My "go to" is "I'm sorry YOU are having those feelings." That said, when I'm in the wrong I'm the first to make a sincere and abject apology.
NTA I have three kids but the trend baby showers/ gender reveal/first sonogram picture showing is taking (becoming mini wedding) is ridiculous. Unless there was a specific dress code… I m rolling my eyes.
These moments have become giant Instagram shoots where emotionally stunted and neurotic hostesses declare themselves “Queen for a day.” Exhausting.
These girls are not your friends. This is super weird. NTA.
NTA-I attended a baby shower yesterday, and one of my cousin's friends was wearing an all-white dress. My cousin thought nothing of it. The friend was wearing a bridal shower dress that she had worn to her own bridal shower. So, your friend Claire is something else, tbh. Also, if I were you, I would question that friendship.
Is the baby getting married?
NTA. This isn’t about the color of your dress; That was the pathetic excuse you were given. Whoever pulled you aside owes you an explanation. Unless this is just hormones (possible)… your “friend” might not be anymore.
NTA Sounds like someone was jealous how good you looked in the dress, not the color of it
If there's a baby, I'm pretty sure purity is gone lol. No white for weddings, wear black for funerals. Fuck this Claire person. NTA
NTA - you need better friends. That is such a ridiculous argument it's not worth worrying about. It's a baby shower \[- not a wedding. The mom-to- be does not get to determine 'dress code'.
NTA How ridiculous to be offended by what someone wore to the baby shower. I wouldnt apologize, you did nothing wrong (literally nothing). The rule of thumb (or Miss Manners) is that 'light, bright, floral, pastels, ivory or white are perfect attire for a baby shower. Black is considered rude as that is for funerals and sad events'. Out of curiosity, did you wear white to Claires wedding? It sounds like theres something else going on here that she is upset about. I would bluntly ask her.
Are you all in middle school? I surely hope not because of the pregnancy, but your friends sound like petty, ignorant, drama-seeking middle school girls. Get more mature friends. NTA
The fact that you were actually asked to leave is insane, and the other friends should have backed you. There must be more to the story here and the other friends must know what it is or they wouldn’t support it, right? If it really is just about the color of a dress, I wouldn’t be friends with any of those women anymore because that’s very toxic and manipulative behavior for grown adults.
NTA I have lived on the (usa) east coast, south, midwest, and now west coast... there is no such thing as white being a restricted color for a baby shower. These people aren't your friends, and were making up a reason to make you uncomfortable and leave.
NTA. You cannot claim colors for a baby shower. I get that Claire may be hormonal right now, given her current condition, but someone needs to tell her to snap out of it and stop being ridiculous.
NTA, but there’s something going on here. I’d do some investigating. See what this is really about. If “Claire” is truly a good friend, this should only be a matter of asking, “Hey, is everything okay?” Maybe mention that you were asked to leave by some mutual and wanted to make sure nothing was the matter. It also shouldn’t hurt to ask if it was about the dress. It’s a little… unusual for someone to be asked to leave a baby shower for that reason. Was it perhaps the blue in the dress? Has the gender been revealed? Is it something “Claire” could’ve taken as a “spoiler” or indication of implication?