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NTA, especially with you paying half the rent and all the utilities?
I confess I don't think there is any salvaging this, the way you described it, the only possibility is moving on / out or getting other roommates.
I hope you find yourself a really nice small, clean appartment without any roommates that do things like this.
good for you, looks like you live with pretty toxic people. NTA, btw. I've been in the same situation: I work away from home even 3 or 4 weeks, without coming back home, and every time I found the house a mess and them saying "it''s your turn".
No way I clean your mess if I wasn't there XD
I cannot understand the audacity of people who try to do that. If you're literally gone for several days or weeks, how is a chore your responsibility? The ONLY exception I can think of is home maintenance like mowing the lawn or repairing minor fixes at a home, because those things happen automatically without people doing anything. Dishes and laundry only pile up if someone is MAKING them, so of course if you're gone for weeks and not making dishes/laundry you shouldn't be responsible for it.
I had that happen when I was in college living with roomates. We were 5 in one large house. 4 of us were clean and always put our stuff away....but 1 guy would constantly have bunch of friends over and create a huge mess and use up all the dishes and would never clean up after himself. The 4 of us refused to clean up after him and his friends until the landlady got pissed. Then this dude decided to make a chores list for everyone to make it fair...except the fact that all the mess was always created by him and his friends.
Lol my dad was a truck driver so he would be gone for a couple of weeks at a time, when he came home he wanted to relax. Once my mom told him to take put the trash and he said "Well none of its mine" and my mom pointed out she was working full time and raising me and my brother, so he could do some chores when hes home or he could move into the truck 😂😂😂
He decided to start helping with chores
Good for you! You should have been paying 1/3 of the rent and utilities instead of 1/2. You have been paying to support your male roommate's girlfriend all this time! Wonder if her boyfriend will start charging her half the rent and making her do dishes when you're gone? It doesn't matter - you will be free from that mess! Happy moving day!
OP, could you put this in your post, this is a critical detail as people are under the impression you have not started looking for a new place. That would be very helpful!
NTA, but don’t ever put yourself in this position again. There was absolutely no reason that you should have been paying half the rent and all the utilities, as well as letting yourself be used as an on demand pet sitter service. You need to ask yourself why you even put yourself into this position in the first place, and how to create and enforce healthy boundaries that will prevent you from ever being in this position again. You sound like a very kind person, unfortunately assholes like your roommates love to find kind people to take advantage of.
Good for you, being roommates with ppl who are espivally close or dating is always tricking cause they might do exactly what your roommates are doing. Glad your getting your own place :)))
Good, don't take crap from this type of people. I had similar roommates. Husband and I used to leave our dishes clean, but when we came home from work the sink was full with dirty dishes. Never washed them, but it was very annoying because I had no space for our dishes. We never spent time in the living room because they had guests 24/7 so we never cleaned that. We did the bathroom and our room, but that's all. We got kicked out because their deadbeat friend got kicked out by his wife and had to go somewhere.
NTA. OP, you may want to find a different situation. You should be paying 1/3 of the rent and only cleaning up your messes. Text them, "Please remove me from the chore chart. I am rarely home and clean up after myself when I am. You guys spend a lot more time there and are leaving massive messes, and I'll no longer be responsible for that."
NTA. In normal circumstances, I feel everyone should do their fair share, but this is so not normal. They keep saving up the dishes until it’s your turn. Does that mean they aren’t doing them when it is theirs? I think maybe it is time you moved elsewhere, especially since you pay the lion’s share anyway. Or find new roommates. Good luck.
I never shared dish duties since everyone uses dishes at their own pace. Only shared duties for communal space. And paying 50% share of the bill for an apartment with 3 people is not kosher at all. They were clearly taking advantage of Op.
The only time i shared dishes duties was when I had lighter schedule and I started making dinner for both me and my roommate so she offered to be the one doing the dishes. Thats how you coexist, make things easier for everyone not the other way around.
With OP covering most of the bills and 1 roommate who doesn't work at all, that roommate should be pulling the majority of of the household chores. The unemployed roommate has some balls to be demanding in any way.
There are some things that you can do on your own (do YOUR dishes, YOUR laundry, clean YOUR bathroom), and then there are somethings that have to be shared, like sweeping, vacuuming, and dusting. Those things can be alternated.
Plus unlike leaving all the dishes for one person to do when you know it's "their" day, you can't exactly make things extra dusty or shed hair only on a specific day so one roommate has to vacuum on "shedding" day.
OP's roommates are total AHs, partly because they left the place a mess, and partly because they demand he clean more than what is fair.
I'm not sure if they're AHs about the rent thing, because if OP's room is much bigger than his roommates and he has his own ensuite bathroom, them paying half the rent would be fair. But he didn't give us a breakdown, so I can't be sure.
NTA. Time to get new roommates. The three of you need to sit down and have a meeting regarding that chore list! Dishes should be done when you use them and not left in the sink for some else to do. That’s just bullshit! You should all take turn when it comes to vacuum, cleaning bathrooms, etc. the rest of it shouldn’t even matter because you should be cleaning up after yourselves. I’m assuming you’re all equal partners in the rent and place you rent together.
We all moved in at the same time. We worked with each other at a motorcycle shop and all race. And ig because I make the most money? I honestly don't know but don't have the mental energy to fight it.
Wow. They’re major assholes! Since you pay all the utilities, they should do ALL the chores! Just because you make more money doesn’t mean you should get stuck with all the utilities. Dang. Sounds like they take advantage of your generosity!
Making the more money doesn't place you in the default position of beingresponsible for someone else's portion of the bills.
I say this gently; hopefully this experience will be a good learning opportunity for you. They have been taking advantage from the beginning.. You sound like a really decent guy who doesn't deserve this, and I hope the next go around you're able to be more critical of what everyone is responsible for.
OP. No. The fact you make more money than them doesn't mean shit. You're just random roommates, you should each be paying your share. One person pays the utilities, others send their share of the bill to that person. That's how it worked with me, anyway... I looked at the bill, divided the number by two, sent that amount to my roommate, she paid the bill.
She made more money than me. I was on a very tight student aid budget. That was irrelevant, I just lived more cheap than her.
That's not how rent and bills work.
You aren't family or married, so why you ever thought this was reasonable is baffling. Everyone pays their portion, and your earnings have nothing to do with it. If they can't afford their share, they leave.
That's not how rent and bills work.
You aren't family or married, so why you ever thought this was reasonable is baffling. Everyone pays their portion, and your earnings have nothing to do with it. If they can't afford their share, they leave.
Holy fkn NTA!
She's not contributing *monetarily, and you're essentially paying for her to live there and are their free pet sitter; you're being taken for a ride.
Good luck with the inlaw suite! I hope you have a much more equitable situation there, because this is some bullshit.
*edited egregious swypo
Please tell me the bills are in their names. Please tell me they don't know you're moving out. I would love to see their Pikachu faces when the last thing they see is your suitcase rolling behind you!
Update us OP!
I hope they come to realize they are the problem. I know others who have this mentality of "oh that wasnt me, it's always messy because of third party". Its a scapegoat in a relationship or household.
NTA and majorly so.
You are not their housemaid. Thus is your home as much as theirs.
Tell them that you prefer they clean up after themselves as you do after yourself, and that you expect them to do the dishes daily, vacuum every other day (pets), clean the bathroom weekly (two people using it) or whatever you prefer.
They can now the lawn as you petsit and pay the utilities
Not to mention most of the time if you are making a roomie chore chart it's like for the cleaning of living room, moping, vacuuming, taking out trash. When everyone is an adult, you do your own dishes.
Chores you guys should have a plan for:
-bathroom
-kitchen (not dishes)
-floors (vacuuming and sweeping)
-taking trash out
At least that was our plan in my old apartment with roommates. You had one of this chores for a week and you should do it once during this week (except for the trash, this needed to be done whenever the trash can was full).
But everyone was responsible to clean up after him/herself when they used the kitchen.
Seemed fair to us, maybe you can propose this to your roomates. And i hope they don't gang up on you. If so, then i would start looking for a new apartment
NTA.
Get a new living space as soon as you can. If they are in a relationship you are going to be outvoted and miserable. If the break up, well then you are just going to be extra miserable.
How did you get stuck with 1/2 the rent and all of the utilities anyway? What do they do extra for maintenance that makes it fair that you are responsible for the outside yard?
Edit: saw you are moving out. Good on you.
Yeah, they are taking advantage of you, big time. Asking a guy on graveyard shift to mow the lawn is unsat and using up all the dishes and filling the sink with dishes expecting someone else to clean them is being a slob.
Never live with couples. They always poll their "votes" against you and claim to be "one" voice while double teaming you
NTA
NTA. Do the chores and next rent is split entirely even by 3. When they ask about that, tell em you considerd them doing the chores being the missing payment compensated and see how fast they want the old arrangement back.
NTA
If you're paying ALL the utilities then they have to pick up the household slack. That's just a given.
Lay down the law. People wash THEIR OWN dishes, and if they will pick up half the utilities you'll start taking up the weekly mowing and maybe some other chores cleaning the things you deal with in the house. Otherwise, if you're the one laying out utility money then the cleaning will be on them from now on (Save for your dishes, that's always a you thing)
"and needed someone to take care of their pets which I'm always voluntold to do" ... youa re fine to say no.
"that I pay half the rent and all the utilities. " - You have one room, they have one room - change it to half the rent and a third of the utilities. **They are exploiting you, and you let them do it.**
Why not kick them out / or move out an life with a more considerate roommate instead?
I think with general cleaning - dishes, bathroom, laundry, etc people should clean as they go, like you mention, with the bigger stuff - cleaning the bathroom, cutting the lawn etc maybe those should be on a schedule. You guys need to sit down and talk it through, they can't just make demands on you.
Out of curiosity - is there a reason you pay all the utilities?
NTA, and fuck all that. If the dishes were piled up when it was my time to do them maliciously, I'd only do a couple for me to use. The chores get done by those who create them, you obviously clean you own dishes so that makes you un-eligible. Sweeping/vacuuming the floor sure, taking out the trash sure, but not the dishes, and fuck them for trying to throw the lawn at you.
Also, I'd stop doing any chores unless they cough up their 66% of utilities.
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I (24 m) have two roommates (25 F and 28 M) they are dating. I work graveyard shift and eat and shower at work. I'm a diesel mechanic and don't want to get grease in my car. My F roommate doesn't work so really just sits at home all day or goes to hang out with their family. She decided I wasn't helping enough with chores and without saying anything made a chore list. Your typical stuff. When I do eat at the house which is rare I always wash my dishes and put them in the machine. But when its my day to do dishes the sink is always over flowing. For example I was staying at my now exs house for 3 weeks and came back home because my roommates were going to be gone for a week and needed someone to take care of their pets which I'm always voluntold to do. And when I came home they were already gone and I was left with 0 clean dishes and washed them all. Now if I see it like that which is only on my day to do them I refuse saying I didn't make the mess and if everyone just cleaned up after them selves we wouldn't need a schedule. They threatened to kick me out for not doing them until I pointed out the fact that I pay half the rent and all the utilities. Also they wanted me to mow the lawn when I get off work, I said no because I get off work at 4am and I'm not going to risk that fight with the neighbors.
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The girlfriend sounds really entitled, but they both are probably doing you dirty on the dishes so they both suck. Why doesn't the girlfriend do the majority of chores since she isn't contributing financially? NTA
NTA. Go on strike. And look for another place to live. Why you paying half the rent with 3 people living there? They not going to kick you out. Whose name is on the lease?? If not your name look for another place to live. You living with AH. Stop babysitting their pets.
Nta
Wait. You pay 50% rent.. so they pay 25% each?! That is BS how they're treating you. If you can find somewhere else to live with the 50% you are currently paying, do it. And don't even tell them you're leaving, they are using you and expect you to do more while they do the bare minimum.
NTA
I saw you're moving so it really doesn't even matter, but you pay 1/2 rent and ALL utilities? That's.... crazy. I get not splitting equally in 3rds if they share a room, and coming up with a different agreement, but at minimum I would think 1/2 rent and THEY pay utilities. And if someone who is NOT my mother or my partner tried to give me a chore chart I would laugh directly in their face.
They sound a lot like the roommates my bf and I used to have. Except I was the only one who cleaned. Even how the girl stayed at home and didnt work is the same..
NTA. They seem overly dependent on you and are attempting to manipulate you. Usually sharing responsibilities is great, but you don’t seem to be the one contributing to the messes that need to be cleaned up.
NTA. I made a chore board for housemates once. Frist off we all agreed to it. Second things like do dishes wasn't a chore everyone was expected to wash their bigger stuff and risen and put small stuff in the washer. So instead Empty the Dishwasher was a chore. That way we weren't cleaning up after someone just doing our part.
NTA. Stuff that is individual (dishes, etc) is the responsibility of the one who made the mess in the first place. This is basic "how to live with roommates" stuff.
NTA.
Your roommates are a couple and as such, they are ganging up on you, the outsider, to get you to do their share of the chores and mowing the lawn under threat of tossing you out. If you are on the lease, they can't toss you out. However, they will try and make your life miserable since it's two agains one.
You pay half the rent and all the utilities. You should be paying 1/3 of the rent and 1/3 of the utilities. They probably can't afford to live there without your money. I think you need to find a new place and new roommates. They can do the dishes since you always do your dishes anyway, and they can mow the lawn. And you should renegotiate the amount they pay for rent and utilities under threat that you will move out and leave them with all the costs.
Stop watching their pets for them, too, unless you charge them a chunky fee!
Idk i feel like there is some information missing. But i dont think ur an AH, if everyone does there part. ON PICKING UP after themselves then everyone should be ok
Ha! Nta! If it was me, I’d take their threat as an opportunity— knowing what you know, that is, paying half rent and all utilities— and be like “cya! Have fun!”
NTA. But wait. There are three people and you pay half the rent no no no it doesn’t work like that you should all pay a third. They are taking advantage of you and it’s time to find somewhere else to live.
Honestly you should take them up on that 4am extremely noisy working. Don't mow the lawn, but pick up a nice relaxing hobby like jumping jacks, listening to loud music, loudly washing a few dishes, watching a workout tape etc... Just for about 30 mins or so, every day.
NTA. It sounds like you basically have one roommate and one leech. His girlfriend doesn't work, doesn't pay any bills, and she thinks she gets a say in how the house is run? It sounds like she's tired of cleaning up after her slob bf and wants to foist it off on you. Not to mention, the actual roommate doesn't pay any of the utilities? Gross. And yes, mowing the lawn at 4am would be a terrible idea, as many places have a noise ordinance. Where I'm at, it's 10pm to 7am.
I would really love to see an update of how they react when you move out, lol.
I hope you can legally move out without owing them any money. If you do it all the wrong way it could legally cost you a lot.
NTA at all and I hope your move goes smoothly!
YOU PAY ALL THE UTILITIES. The way it should work is you divide the rent by the amount of space people use and utilities by the person what the fuck. Yea I need to either move out or kick them out and find a new roommate there’s no way to get around this
NTA I so thought I was going to judge this one differently as usually roommates should be splitting the chores fairly despite work schedules. But you're paying half the rent and all of the utilities. Tell them you'll be happy to pick up your share of chores when they want to each pitch in one-third of the rent (unless they are sharing a room and then it should be 60% of the rent between the two of them) and one-third of the utilities. Until then, you're happy to clean up after yourself (clean dishes you use, do your own laundry, pick up your own trash, etc), but that's all.
NTA and I like the agreement of everyone washing their own dishes. Everything would be easier!!! But worth to note that they may be demanding that if it has been a family thing when they grew up. In my family, one of us (my brother or I) have to wash everyone's dishes, cups, pans, other stuff used for cooking, etc., during a week, and there's a lot to wash. I disagree with all of that (and have no option but to do it) but your roomates, just like my family, may see it normal.
clearly NTA - you are a victim and repeatedly being taken advantage of.
3 ppl use the utilities but WHY do u pay 100% of it?
3 ppl live in the house but WHY do you pay 50% of it?
It sounds like you don't even want to be home often and stay away as much as you can, and when you come back you have to clean up their mess and babysit their pet?
PLEASE, stand up for yourself, pay for only your share (33.33%) of rent/utilities so you can save up some money and move out ASAP away from these horrible leechers and energy drainers. take care of yourself, these people will empty you.
NTA. Find new roommates as soon as you can if they won’t shape up. Having dish days is fine if meals are shared, but if there dishes left from someone else’s dish day, they need to do them. Easiest thing, especially if meals are individual, you dirty a dish, you clean it.
NTA, you are probably the only reason they can afford anything of the stuff they do and have so they should be a little mor grateful. They are the assholes here.
NTA
I had a roommate who I had to firmly explain to that I was willing to do shared chores but not disproportionate to the mess I made. She always wanted me to take out the trash every other day. I would create maybe a small waste bins worth of trash like every week because I was hardly home and if I was I didn't leave my room, but I always ate in the campus food halls. She however was suuuuuper fond of prepackaged food and juice boxes and was filling a kitchen trash can every day and then would just leave like six bags of trash in the hall and ask why I hadn't taken any of it out after a while.
You are not their mom or maid.
NTA. Due to health reasons, I'm currently staying with family.
My brother (not his house, btw) bitches about my not doing dishes despite the fact I usually eat off a paper plate in reuse as 90% of my meals are sandwich's & i use a refillable bottle for drinks I wash myself.
And they have a 2 year old who, god love her, makes more dishes than 4 adults.
(I also do dishes if someone else cooks a family meal. Which sucks as a side effect of my health is my sternum hurting when I stand in one place)
For the last 2 weeks I've washed every dish that I've dirtied and put it in the strainer. I've even had to wash butter knives to spread condiments on my sandwhich & then clean it again after, as they won't wash them till they got through all the utinsels. But I won't do their mess. Im just waiting to be challenged in it.
NTA. You are cleaning up after yourself and paying half the rent, although there are three of you. They can't leave 1 clean dishes for you and give you a chore list.
MOVE OUT. They are taking advantage of you.
NTA!!!! On the lawn note if you know the neighbours tell them you are going to mown the law at 4 am to prove a point use you mechanical skill to your advantage ramp up that mower to a Glorious 11 on the sound dial and cut that glorious revenge grass for all your worth!!! Channel your Tim the tool man Taylor Home Improvement Binford 5000 appliances and show them what happens when you mess with the guy who actually is keeping things going!!!!
YTA, even though they may be too. Sit down with them and redo the chore list. Each of you have to clean after yourselves (like, dishes and your own rooms) but the shared spaces you all use need to be taken care of by everyone, not only by your female roommate who you says "does nothing" ha! Highly doubt that if she got to a point where she ended up doing a list and taking on the mental load. Your work schedule is your problem, but you live there too, you need to contribute to the general upkeep. She's not your mother, girlfriend and least your maid. Show some initiative and step up, or leave.
YTA - You could possibly decrease your proportion (or even sponsor to pay for a cleaner), but as you are still using the common areas of the house so you should do the chores. For example, you can pick sweeping the floor or moving the garbage bin which has little time constraint.
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NTA, especially with you paying half the rent and all the utilities? I confess I don't think there is any salvaging this, the way you described it, the only possibility is moving on / out or getting other roommates. I hope you find yourself a really nice small, clean appartment without any roommates that do things like this.
I actually am moving next weekend. My mechanic for my dirt bikes has a mother in law suite connected to his shop and I'm moving in there by myself
Good for you!! I hope you're happy there!
good for you, looks like you live with pretty toxic people. NTA, btw. I've been in the same situation: I work away from home even 3 or 4 weeks, without coming back home, and every time I found the house a mess and them saying "it''s your turn". No way I clean your mess if I wasn't there XD
I cannot understand the audacity of people who try to do that. If you're literally gone for several days or weeks, how is a chore your responsibility? The ONLY exception I can think of is home maintenance like mowing the lawn or repairing minor fixes at a home, because those things happen automatically without people doing anything. Dishes and laundry only pile up if someone is MAKING them, so of course if you're gone for weeks and not making dishes/laundry you shouldn't be responsible for it.
I had that happen when I was in college living with roomates. We were 5 in one large house. 4 of us were clean and always put our stuff away....but 1 guy would constantly have bunch of friends over and create a huge mess and use up all the dishes and would never clean up after himself. The 4 of us refused to clean up after him and his friends until the landlady got pissed. Then this dude decided to make a chores list for everyone to make it fair...except the fact that all the mess was always created by him and his friends.
Lol my dad was a truck driver so he would be gone for a couple of weeks at a time, when he came home he wanted to relax. Once my mom told him to take put the trash and he said "Well none of its mine" and my mom pointed out she was working full time and raising me and my brother, so he could do some chores when hes home or he could move into the truck 😂😂😂 He decided to start helping with chores
Thats pretty funny
Also it's against the law and would get them fined if he mowed the lawn before 8 am or whatever time the city ordinance is
I'm glad to know someone has been in the same position
Great news! You'll **immediately** start enjoying the peacefulness of not having AH roommates! ENJOY!
Good for you! You should have been paying 1/3 of the rent and utilities instead of 1/2. You have been paying to support your male roommate's girlfriend all this time! Wonder if her boyfriend will start charging her half the rent and making her do dishes when you're gone? It doesn't matter - you will be free from that mess! Happy moving day!
Totally schaudenfraude but I'd love an update on your roommate's reaction when they learned you're moving out lol
Me, too 🌺
Me, three! I mean me, too! LOL
OP, could you put this in your post, this is a critical detail as people are under the impression you have not started looking for a new place. That would be very helpful!
With your schedule that makes the most sense. Good idea, plus your old roommates seem like dbags
If you are moving next weekend what's the point of this post? You aren't going to be around them anymore and not having to deal with this long term.
Glad someone stopped jerking OP off for a second to ask that. Why even worry about it, much less type it up, much less ask for “advice”? Yta
Hahaha. Now they have to pay all the rent and all the utilities and do all their own dishes!
Adios, slobs
Great move :-).
Nta. Congrats on moving out! Having roommates is almost always a terrible idea. You get to grow better when you live in your own space too.
Living alone is the absolute best, and I hope you love it! I did it for years before getting married and it was wonderful.
NTA, but don’t ever put yourself in this position again. There was absolutely no reason that you should have been paying half the rent and all the utilities, as well as letting yourself be used as an on demand pet sitter service. You need to ask yourself why you even put yourself into this position in the first place, and how to create and enforce healthy boundaries that will prevent you from ever being in this position again. You sound like a very kind person, unfortunately assholes like your roommates love to find kind people to take advantage of.
Good for you, being roommates with ppl who are espivally close or dating is always tricking cause they might do exactly what your roommates are doing. Glad your getting your own place :)))
Nice! I hope you've given them the minimum of notice required 🙂
Good, don't take crap from this type of people. I had similar roommates. Husband and I used to leave our dishes clean, but when we came home from work the sink was full with dirty dishes. Never washed them, but it was very annoying because I had no space for our dishes. We never spent time in the living room because they had guests 24/7 so we never cleaned that. We did the bathroom and our room, but that's all. We got kicked out because their deadbeat friend got kicked out by his wife and had to go somewhere.
perfect! Good luck to them shouldering all the bills then!
Congrats! It sucks that you have to go through the hassle of moving, but sounds like it will be for the best.
Perfect! And your ex roommates will have to sort their mess themselves.
Leave the dishes :)
Make sure you're talking all your stuff with you.
Yay! I was going to say NTA and move out. But you already did that. Let them figure out by themselves with the chores, haha.
BTW, mowing the lawn at 4 am is asking for a trouble with neighbors....can't your soon to be ex roomies get it? Wow......they're truly whacked.
Ah - I love happy endings!
Good for you!!! You seem like the best roommate
NTA. OP, you may want to find a different situation. You should be paying 1/3 of the rent and only cleaning up your messes. Text them, "Please remove me from the chore chart. I am rarely home and clean up after myself when I am. You guys spend a lot more time there and are leaving massive messes, and I'll no longer be responsible for that."
NTA. In normal circumstances, I feel everyone should do their fair share, but this is so not normal. They keep saving up the dishes until it’s your turn. Does that mean they aren’t doing them when it is theirs? I think maybe it is time you moved elsewhere, especially since you pay the lion’s share anyway. Or find new roommates. Good luck.
I never shared dish duties since everyone uses dishes at their own pace. Only shared duties for communal space. And paying 50% share of the bill for an apartment with 3 people is not kosher at all. They were clearly taking advantage of Op.
The only time i shared dishes duties was when I had lighter schedule and I started making dinner for both me and my roommate so she offered to be the one doing the dishes. Thats how you coexist, make things easier for everyone not the other way around.
With OP covering most of the bills and 1 roommate who doesn't work at all, that roommate should be pulling the majority of of the household chores. The unemployed roommate has some balls to be demanding in any way.
There are some things that you can do on your own (do YOUR dishes, YOUR laundry, clean YOUR bathroom), and then there are somethings that have to be shared, like sweeping, vacuuming, and dusting. Those things can be alternated. Plus unlike leaving all the dishes for one person to do when you know it's "their" day, you can't exactly make things extra dusty or shed hair only on a specific day so one roommate has to vacuum on "shedding" day. OP's roommates are total AHs, partly because they left the place a mess, and partly because they demand he clean more than what is fair. I'm not sure if they're AHs about the rent thing, because if OP's room is much bigger than his roommates and he has his own ensuite bathroom, them paying half the rent would be fair. But he didn't give us a breakdown, so I can't be sure.
NTA. Time to get new roommates. The three of you need to sit down and have a meeting regarding that chore list! Dishes should be done when you use them and not left in the sink for some else to do. That’s just bullshit! You should all take turn when it comes to vacuum, cleaning bathrooms, etc. the rest of it shouldn’t even matter because you should be cleaning up after yourselves. I’m assuming you’re all equal partners in the rent and place you rent together.
I do help with chores like that. And like I said in the post I pay half the rent and all the utilities
Was it your place to begin with. Why do you pay all the utilities?
We all moved in at the same time. We worked with each other at a motorcycle shop and all race. And ig because I make the most money? I honestly don't know but don't have the mental energy to fight it.
Wow. They’re major assholes! Since you pay all the utilities, they should do ALL the chores! Just because you make more money doesn’t mean you should get stuck with all the utilities. Dang. Sounds like they take advantage of your generosity!
Making the more money doesn't place you in the default position of beingresponsible for someone else's portion of the bills. I say this gently; hopefully this experience will be a good learning opportunity for you. They have been taking advantage from the beginning.. You sound like a really decent guy who doesn't deserve this, and I hope the next go around you're able to be more critical of what everyone is responsible for.
Because they take advantage of you.
OP. No. The fact you make more money than them doesn't mean shit. You're just random roommates, you should each be paying your share. One person pays the utilities, others send their share of the bill to that person. That's how it worked with me, anyway... I looked at the bill, divided the number by two, sent that amount to my roommate, she paid the bill. She made more money than me. I was on a very tight student aid budget. That was irrelevant, I just lived more cheap than her.
That's not how rent and bills work. You aren't family or married, so why you ever thought this was reasonable is baffling. Everyone pays their portion, and your earnings have nothing to do with it. If they can't afford their share, they leave.
That's not how rent and bills work. You aren't family or married, so why you ever thought this was reasonable is baffling. Everyone pays their portion, and your earnings have nothing to do with it. If they can't afford their share, they leave.
Holy fkn NTA! She's not contributing *monetarily, and you're essentially paying for her to live there and are their free pet sitter; you're being taken for a ride. Good luck with the inlaw suite! I hope you have a much more equitable situation there, because this is some bullshit. *edited egregious swypo
NTA they are taking the piss out of you! Kick them out!
I'm moving out next weekend
Good for you don't do any dishes this week 😉
I'm still doing mine just to prove a point lol
Well done, sir.
You have to give us an update if they lose the apartment. They deserve they sound like dicks.
clean yours and pack it to the new place
Please tell me the bills are in their names. Please tell me they don't know you're moving out. I would love to see their Pikachu faces when the last thing they see is your suitcase rolling behind you! Update us OP!
I hope they come to realize they are the problem. I know others who have this mentality of "oh that wasnt me, it's always messy because of third party". Its a scapegoat in a relationship or household.
Make sure to take your name off any bills, and the lease.
What did they say when you told them you were moving out?
NTA. Sounds like your roommates are taking advantage of you
NTA and majorly so. You are not their housemaid. Thus is your home as much as theirs. Tell them that you prefer they clean up after themselves as you do after yourself, and that you expect them to do the dishes daily, vacuum every other day (pets), clean the bathroom weekly (two people using it) or whatever you prefer. They can now the lawn as you petsit and pay the utilities
Not to mention most of the time if you are making a roomie chore chart it's like for the cleaning of living room, moping, vacuuming, taking out trash. When everyone is an adult, you do your own dishes.
Chores you guys should have a plan for: -bathroom -kitchen (not dishes) -floors (vacuuming and sweeping) -taking trash out At least that was our plan in my old apartment with roommates. You had one of this chores for a week and you should do it once during this week (except for the trash, this needed to be done whenever the trash can was full). But everyone was responsible to clean up after him/herself when they used the kitchen. Seemed fair to us, maybe you can propose this to your roomates. And i hope they don't gang up on you. If so, then i would start looking for a new apartment
Exactly this- everyone should help with common spaces and maintenance, but ffs adults can mind their own laundry/dishes.
NTA. Get a new living space as soon as you can. If they are in a relationship you are going to be outvoted and miserable. If the break up, well then you are just going to be extra miserable. How did you get stuck with 1/2 the rent and all of the utilities anyway? What do they do extra for maintenance that makes it fair that you are responsible for the outside yard? Edit: saw you are moving out. Good on you.
Yeah, they are taking advantage of you, big time. Asking a guy on graveyard shift to mow the lawn is unsat and using up all the dishes and filling the sink with dishes expecting someone else to clean them is being a slob. Never live with couples. They always poll their "votes" against you and claim to be "one" voice while double teaming you NTA
NTA. Do the chores and next rent is split entirely even by 3. When they ask about that, tell em you considerd them doing the chores being the missing payment compensated and see how fast they want the old arrangement back.
I'd have told them as soon as we split the bills 3ways I'll start doing more, until then , not a chance.
NTA If you're paying ALL the utilities then they have to pick up the household slack. That's just a given. Lay down the law. People wash THEIR OWN dishes, and if they will pick up half the utilities you'll start taking up the weekly mowing and maybe some other chores cleaning the things you deal with in the house. Otherwise, if you're the one laying out utility money then the cleaning will be on them from now on (Save for your dishes, that's always a you thing)
"and needed someone to take care of their pets which I'm always voluntold to do" ... youa re fine to say no. "that I pay half the rent and all the utilities. " - You have one room, they have one room - change it to half the rent and a third of the utilities. **They are exploiting you, and you let them do it.** Why not kick them out / or move out an life with a more considerate roommate instead?
Sounds like you need new roommates
I think with general cleaning - dishes, bathroom, laundry, etc people should clean as they go, like you mention, with the bigger stuff - cleaning the bathroom, cutting the lawn etc maybe those should be on a schedule. You guys need to sit down and talk it through, they can't just make demands on you. Out of curiosity - is there a reason you pay all the utilities?
NTA - I read where you are moving. It’s the only real answer. Good riddance.
NTA, and fuck all that. If the dishes were piled up when it was my time to do them maliciously, I'd only do a couple for me to use. The chores get done by those who create them, you obviously clean you own dishes so that makes you un-eligible. Sweeping/vacuuming the floor sure, taking out the trash sure, but not the dishes, and fuck them for trying to throw the lawn at you. Also, I'd stop doing any chores unless they cough up their 66% of utilities.
NTA- save to move.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24 m) have two roommates (25 F and 28 M) they are dating. I work graveyard shift and eat and shower at work. I'm a diesel mechanic and don't want to get grease in my car. My F roommate doesn't work so really just sits at home all day or goes to hang out with their family. She decided I wasn't helping enough with chores and without saying anything made a chore list. Your typical stuff. When I do eat at the house which is rare I always wash my dishes and put them in the machine. But when its my day to do dishes the sink is always over flowing. For example I was staying at my now exs house for 3 weeks and came back home because my roommates were going to be gone for a week and needed someone to take care of their pets which I'm always voluntold to do. And when I came home they were already gone and I was left with 0 clean dishes and washed them all. Now if I see it like that which is only on my day to do them I refuse saying I didn't make the mess and if everyone just cleaned up after them selves we wouldn't need a schedule. They threatened to kick me out for not doing them until I pointed out the fact that I pay half the rent and all the utilities. Also they wanted me to mow the lawn when I get off work, I said no because I get off work at 4am and I'm not going to risk that fight with the neighbors. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA ,but you've been living with a couple of them.. can't believe their attitude 😅
The girlfriend sounds really entitled, but they both are probably doing you dirty on the dishes so they both suck. Why doesn't the girlfriend do the majority of chores since she isn't contributing financially? NTA
NTA. Go on strike. And look for another place to live. Why you paying half the rent with 3 people living there? They not going to kick you out. Whose name is on the lease?? If not your name look for another place to live. You living with AH. Stop babysitting their pets.
NTA- Time to move out and find your own place or new mates to rent with. They are slowly trying their best to make you a live in butler to them.
Nta. At all. Congrats on moving out and good luck 👍🏼
The moment I read that they were a couple I was thinking you should move out. Read to the end and I realllly think you should move our
NTA. Everyone should clean up after themselves. I would also get new roommates.
NTA wow...no. They are way off base if they think this is equitable in any way
Lol am I the only one who cleans the entirety of my house so that I don’t have to worry about chores for who watches it or for when I get back? 😂
NTA. Move out to smaller apartment for yourself bro. Or get new roomates. You deserve better
NTA, but honey, you need new roommates. Get out of there ASAP!
Nta Wait. You pay 50% rent.. so they pay 25% each?! That is BS how they're treating you. If you can find somewhere else to live with the 50% you are currently paying, do it. And don't even tell them you're leaving, they are using you and expect you to do more while they do the bare minimum.
NTA I saw you're moving so it really doesn't even matter, but you pay 1/2 rent and ALL utilities? That's.... crazy. I get not splitting equally in 3rds if they share a room, and coming up with a different agreement, but at minimum I would think 1/2 rent and THEY pay utilities. And if someone who is NOT my mother or my partner tried to give me a chore chart I would laugh directly in their face.
If they share a bedroom, you pay 1/2 the rent and 33% of the utilities. Why are you paying so much more?
NTA. Time to find new roommates and ditch these two freeloaders.
They sound a lot like the roommates my bf and I used to have. Except I was the only one who cleaned. Even how the girl stayed at home and didnt work is the same..
NTA, why are you paying al the utilities?
NTA. They seem overly dependent on you and are attempting to manipulate you. Usually sharing responsibilities is great, but you don’t seem to be the one contributing to the messes that need to be cleaned up.
NTA. I made a chore board for housemates once. Frist off we all agreed to it. Second things like do dishes wasn't a chore everyone was expected to wash their bigger stuff and risen and put small stuff in the washer. So instead Empty the Dishwasher was a chore. That way we weren't cleaning up after someone just doing our part.
NTA. Stuff that is individual (dishes, etc) is the responsibility of the one who made the mess in the first place. This is basic "how to live with roommates" stuff.
NTA. Your roommates are a couple and as such, they are ganging up on you, the outsider, to get you to do their share of the chores and mowing the lawn under threat of tossing you out. If you are on the lease, they can't toss you out. However, they will try and make your life miserable since it's two agains one. You pay half the rent and all the utilities. You should be paying 1/3 of the rent and 1/3 of the utilities. They probably can't afford to live there without your money. I think you need to find a new place and new roommates. They can do the dishes since you always do your dishes anyway, and they can mow the lawn. And you should renegotiate the amount they pay for rent and utilities under threat that you will move out and leave them with all the costs. Stop watching their pets for them, too, unless you charge them a chunky fee!
Idk i feel like there is some information missing. But i dont think ur an AH, if everyone does there part. ON PICKING UP after themselves then everyone should be ok
Ha! Nta! If it was me, I’d take their threat as an opportunity— knowing what you know, that is, paying half rent and all utilities— and be like “cya! Have fun!”
NTA. But wait. There are three people and you pay half the rent no no no it doesn’t work like that you should all pay a third. They are taking advantage of you and it’s time to find somewhere else to live.
Honestly you should take them up on that 4am extremely noisy working. Don't mow the lawn, but pick up a nice relaxing hobby like jumping jacks, listening to loud music, loudly washing a few dishes, watching a workout tape etc... Just for about 30 mins or so, every day.
NTA. It sounds like you basically have one roommate and one leech. His girlfriend doesn't work, doesn't pay any bills, and she thinks she gets a say in how the house is run? It sounds like she's tired of cleaning up after her slob bf and wants to foist it off on you. Not to mention, the actual roommate doesn't pay any of the utilities? Gross. And yes, mowing the lawn at 4am would be a terrible idea, as many places have a noise ordinance. Where I'm at, it's 10pm to 7am. I would really love to see an update of how they react when you move out, lol.
NTA - Get new room mates....
Why you payin half when 3 live there?????? Don't play fool to anyone!
I hope you can legally move out without owing them any money. If you do it all the wrong way it could legally cost you a lot. NTA at all and I hope your move goes smoothly!
NTA, and dishes shouldn’t be a communal chore.
YOU PAY ALL THE UTILITIES. The way it should work is you divide the rent by the amount of space people use and utilities by the person what the fuck. Yea I need to either move out or kick them out and find a new roommate there’s no way to get around this
NTA I so thought I was going to judge this one differently as usually roommates should be splitting the chores fairly despite work schedules. But you're paying half the rent and all of the utilities. Tell them you'll be happy to pick up your share of chores when they want to each pitch in one-third of the rent (unless they are sharing a room and then it should be 60% of the rent between the two of them) and one-third of the utilities. Until then, you're happy to clean up after yourself (clean dishes you use, do your own laundry, pick up your own trash, etc), but that's all.
NTA. You should be kicking them out and finding new roommate(s).
NTA, those people are not your friends, you don't treat people you really care about that way.
NTA and I like the agreement of everyone washing their own dishes. Everything would be easier!!! But worth to note that they may be demanding that if it has been a family thing when they grew up. In my family, one of us (my brother or I) have to wash everyone's dishes, cups, pans, other stuff used for cooking, etc., during a week, and there's a lot to wash. I disagree with all of that (and have no option but to do it) but your roomates, just like my family, may see it normal.
clearly NTA - you are a victim and repeatedly being taken advantage of. 3 ppl use the utilities but WHY do u pay 100% of it? 3 ppl live in the house but WHY do you pay 50% of it? It sounds like you don't even want to be home often and stay away as much as you can, and when you come back you have to clean up their mess and babysit their pet? PLEASE, stand up for yourself, pay for only your share (33.33%) of rent/utilities so you can save up some money and move out ASAP away from these horrible leechers and energy drainers. take care of yourself, these people will empty you.
NTA. Find new roommates as soon as you can if they won’t shape up. Having dish days is fine if meals are shared, but if there dishes left from someone else’s dish day, they need to do them. Easiest thing, especially if meals are individual, you dirty a dish, you clean it.
NTA. Time to redraw up the chore list and communal space rules...without asking their input.
NTA the roommate who doesn't work should be taking care of the house. I think it's time you found a new place to live asap
Unless there is a ton of info you're not sharing, NTA. Glad to hear you're moving out.
NTA, you are probably the only reason they can afford anything of the stuff they do and have so they should be a little mor grateful. They are the assholes here.
NTA I had a roommate who I had to firmly explain to that I was willing to do shared chores but not disproportionate to the mess I made. She always wanted me to take out the trash every other day. I would create maybe a small waste bins worth of trash like every week because I was hardly home and if I was I didn't leave my room, but I always ate in the campus food halls. She however was suuuuuper fond of prepackaged food and juice boxes and was filling a kitchen trash can every day and then would just leave like six bags of trash in the hall and ask why I hadn't taken any of it out after a while. You are not their mom or maid.
NTA. Due to health reasons, I'm currently staying with family. My brother (not his house, btw) bitches about my not doing dishes despite the fact I usually eat off a paper plate in reuse as 90% of my meals are sandwich's & i use a refillable bottle for drinks I wash myself. And they have a 2 year old who, god love her, makes more dishes than 4 adults. (I also do dishes if someone else cooks a family meal. Which sucks as a side effect of my health is my sternum hurting when I stand in one place) For the last 2 weeks I've washed every dish that I've dirtied and put it in the strainer. I've even had to wash butter knives to spread condiments on my sandwhich & then clean it again after, as they won't wash them till they got through all the utinsels. But I won't do their mess. Im just waiting to be challenged in it.
NTA you pay half the rent for these jokesters?!? Hell no
NTA. Glad you have something better coming up.
You should just get your own place and let them live in their own filth.
NTA, so she literally sits on her butt all day and expects you to clean up after her and her bf!?! Yeah no.
NTA. You are cleaning up after yourself and paying half the rent, although there are three of you. They can't leave 1 clean dishes for you and give you a chore list. MOVE OUT. They are taking advantage of you.
Nta sounds like a good thing I saw in another comment you were moving out!
NTA you don’t eat at home so having you do the dishes is an unfair chore.
INFO Do either of them work?
NTA - and why do U pay half the rent. Tell Ms. 'Im not working' that her part of the rent is to clean and mow the lawn. Time for new room mates.
No sir you are NTA.
NTA!!!! On the lawn note if you know the neighbours tell them you are going to mown the law at 4 am to prove a point use you mechanical skill to your advantage ramp up that mower to a Glorious 11 on the sound dial and cut that glorious revenge grass for all your worth!!! Channel your Tim the tool man Taylor Home Improvement Binford 5000 appliances and show them what happens when you mess with the guy who actually is keeping things going!!!!
YTA
YTA, even though they may be too. Sit down with them and redo the chore list. Each of you have to clean after yourselves (like, dishes and your own rooms) but the shared spaces you all use need to be taken care of by everyone, not only by your female roommate who you says "does nothing" ha! Highly doubt that if she got to a point where she ended up doing a list and taking on the mental load. Your work schedule is your problem, but you live there too, you need to contribute to the general upkeep. She's not your mother, girlfriend and least your maid. Show some initiative and step up, or leave.
YTA - You could possibly decrease your proportion (or even sponsor to pay for a cleaner), but as you are still using the common areas of the house so you should do the chores. For example, you can pick sweeping the floor or moving the garbage bin which has little time constraint.
Did you even read the story?