Finds quirky girl to date, thinks it's cute. Then immediately tries to get her to stop being quirky.
Just go find someone you actually like, instead of trying to snuff the fire out of this one.
Eh, it’s not like she was super into a hobby, he acted like it was cool until they got into a relationship, and then demanded she stopped. She ate food goofily one time, he thought it was funny she was goofing around, bit she actually does it all the time. That’s VERY different than trying to change the essence of someone you’re dating.
Why is OP getting dragged for finding rude manners gross, talking to his partner about it, and then being hurt she simply doesn’t care?
Eating like a frog and giggling weirdly would do my head in too. If my boyfriend suddenly picked up this “quirky little habit” I’d be less than amused 😂
Radical acceptance is one thing, literally being annoyed to death by some thing your partner CHOOSES to do for fun, is quite another.
I’ve been annoyed by things my partner does in the past- I politely asked him not to do them around me if possible, badda bing badda boom, he tries his best and here we are, still together. Same from his side.
He snores, he can’t help it, it drives me crazy- do I dump him? Nope- ear plugs. Solved.
This frogging it thing is a choice, that she can choose to do at literally any other time in her day. She continues to choose to do it at a time that makes a fun activity uncomfortable for her partner. Seems a bit of an AH move at this point.
I've noticed that it's always the most common sense and logical responses (like your one) that are buried beneath a pile of shitty comments.
Which leads me to believe that 90% of people on this Subreddit are more interested in:
1. Being emotionally reactive (and looking for a fight).
2. Getting some upvotes via a silly joke at the OP's expense.
3. Not reading or comprehending what the OP actually said.
4. Judging the OP based on what kind of person you *seem* to think that they are, rather than the actual situation listed in their post.
5. Insulting them rather than answering their question.
6. Judging them a butthead because they 'annoyed' you and nobody can prove otherwise.
Props to you u/No-Consideration8862 for keeping it real 👍
Most people can't do this which sets you apart from the average person.
NTB OP.
My personal favorite is "Wow, your post is just me me me, do you even care about [insert other person]". Like wow, OP comes here for advice and gives their perspective, no shit they're talking about themselves. Or my other favorite, when an OP comes in at the end of their rope feeling overwhelmed by parenting responsibilities: "You complained about [thing you do for your kid], clearly you hate your kid and the fact that you didn't provide us with a 20 page novella about your parenting history means that you're a deadbeat complaining about having to do the bare minimum."
These sorts of subs skew super young. Many of these people have low emotional intelligence and little to no experience with what a functional adult relationship looks like. It's why so many posts about solveable arguments and minor incompatibilities are filled to the brim with "lawyer up" advice. I've seen several posts over the years from returning OPs regretting torpedoing their relationships based on Reddit advice when the situation could have easily been solved by talking like adults.
I forgot to add:
* Asking an incessant number of unnecessary questions to OP until you can try to vaguely pin something on them (because the post itself is inoffensive) as a show of bad faith.
* Calling OP argumentative and not accepting your judgement when they clarify with the commentors with additional and pertinent context that one would think they need.
But I absolutely agree with you. I asked a post on here a week or two ago about not being able to attend my sister's birthday party (which was planned at a time when she knew I'd be at work). The plans were laid on me halfheartedly with the expectation that I show up, but zero compromise on my sister's end.
60-70% of the comments were in favor of me. But a solid 40% of the readership were more interested in calling me an asshole because I lamented at one point in the post that my sister didn't consult with me on her plans so that she could accommodate me.
*''You're an asshole if you expect your sister to 'consult' with you over HER party LOL. Not everything is about you. You sound like a real piece of work. YTB''*
My sister can do what she likes, that wasn't was the post asked. I asked if I am the butthead for not going to my sister's party when she planned it when I'll be at work and still expected me to come.
At some point, YES, it's not unreasonable to expect the person who expects you to show up to their party to actually consider you when making their plans. But that kind of nuance just goes out the window and people want to convince themselves you're the world's biggest asshole... until they read another post to get offended over.
Your last line is absolutely right. I've stopped relying on Reddit advice due to how God awful it mostly is. And you can't rely on the minority like u/No-Consideration8862 to always be there for you.
At this point, if I do post something onto Reddit, it's for my own amusement. Not for my to actually receive actionable advice over. But if I do get good advice from genuine people trying to help me then it's a bonus.
This is right along the same thought I had. My husband does some things that annoy me, and vice versa, but we communicate that and try to mind each other’s sensitivity to whatever it is. It’s simple and respectful of one another. NTB OP.
Because men can't find anything wrong with their women partners.
Because liking something in the beginning can start to really grate on one's nerves after a while. But only women are allowed to tell their partners to stop.
I hate it when people stick their tongues out onto the fork before they eat and think it's rude so this would drive me crazy
I mean do I encourage her quirky habits a lot. I primarily finance her different art stuff, have a ton of fun listening to her explain obscure YouTube drama, I see her in every performance I can, I drive her places because she doesn’t have a license, I listen to her random morning singing, and I love the way that she sees the world.
I definitely get how people are getting the impression that I don’t like my girlfriend though, I really didn’t mean for my post to come across like that because I love my girlfriend more than anything in the world.
I definitely want answers to this. With that additional info, this is sounding like someone older dating someone too young for them and being Pikachu shocked that she acts her age.
It's not relevant at all...
OP asked a question and people want to project into it by asking a bunch of unnecessary questions.
For example, I'm 30 and my girlfriend is 29. And if she started adopting this frogging habit it would personally aggravate me a lot.
So age has nothing to do with it other than you wanting to connect imaginary dots.
For some people it's an annoying habit (while for others it's nothing). That's fine. People ultimately need to decide what works for them and what doesn't. But many people on this subreddit seem to be unable to break this post down into its fundamentals...
1. Boy dates girl.
2. Girl partakes in completely optional but annoying habit.
3. Annoying habit aggravates boy.
4. Boy wants to know if he'd be a buttface for speaking to his girlfriend about her annoying habit.
The answer is no... he wouldn't. Because things frustrate people all the time — that's life. It's what makes some people compatible and some people incompatible. But what makes a relationship successful is compromise. Because once the honeymoon period is over all relationships are bound to have each person get on the other person's nerves from time to time...
Reasonable people and reasonable relationships do their best not to intentionally get on their loved one's nerves and try their best to compromise.
If his girlfriend isn't interested in compromising with her boyfriend over completely unnecessary behaviors then that says more about her. And I somehow doubt her future relationships will last very long. However, at the end of the day, it's still her choice to make...
But it is also his choice to determine whether they are ultimately compatible or not and leave her if she chooses to persist in this behavior around him when she knows it upsets him.
Is OP the asshole for being frustrated with his girlfriend's unnecessary behavior and wanting her to stop?...
No. Because if he tells her to stop, and she doesn't stop, he'll likely leave. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Wow it sounds like you do a lot for her and she can't stop doing this one gross habit that her parents should have taught her not to do as a child?
Honestly your best bet is to get up and leave every time she eats like this. It's not helping you destress after work, it's causing you more grief. She'll either realize you're more important than how she eats a snack in front of you or it'll give you some time to decompress and maybe think if you want to shower this person with.so much time, affection, and finances just for them to be so selfish and eat popcorn like a slob in front of you knowing it's causing you discomfort
I think partially, yes. I do have misophonia but it’s not just the sound that bothers me. Part of it is that she knows I don’t like it and continues to do it and part of it is that I think the whole thing is kinda gross
I can’t be in the room when my mom chews. I don’t know why her and not anyone else. She gets mad at me for leaving or not eating around her but the sound makes me unreasonably angry. Would it be possible to replace the popcorn snack with something else? You ultimately can’t dictate to her if and how she eats popcorn (nor should you try), but if she is willing to work with you and only eat popcorn when you can’t hear it that might help.
It should not make you angry that she eats popcorn the way she enjoys it even if she knows you don’t like it. Sit down and have a conversation and see if she is willing to snack on something else. If not, you will have to try to find a way to deal with the aggravation of the sound.
I do often have other snack options around and always ask her if she wants any particular snack before I go grocery shopping. It unfortunately doesn’t really change much. She’ll still choose to make popcorn anyways and is not like I’d be able to actually stop her from doing so.
The thing with earplugs and avoiding looking at her is that a lot of our tv watching time is more about spending time together destressing after work, we talk and joke and cuddle throughout so I can’t remove her from the equation. I really do appreciate your advice though
that's the POINT. if you put the earplugs in and avoid looking at her, she will realize and be annoyed and upset, and then you can bring up how annoyed and upset you were but she didn't care.
to the people who downvoted this, why?
she ISN'T being thoughtful to his feelings. stop defending this shitty behavior. it's not like he was mean and rude to her right away doing it, it's because it's become a CONSTANT. he asked her nicely and she said fuck off basically. why should he be more considerate when she isn't being considerate at all?
You got downvoted because you gave terrible advice. Deliberately bothering her by making her feel ignored until she somehow realizes she is bothering you by eating food the way she has always eaten food is not how adults in a healthy relationship conduct themselves. Upsetting your partner so you can tell them how much they upset you is childish, mean, and insufferable behaviour. Just have a conversation.
She is DELIBERATELY bothering him!! He told her nicely that it bothered him and asked her to stop and she said fuck off. SHE is childish, mean and being insufferable. Seriously the fact that you are ignoring how much of an ass she is to him is incredulous.
FYI this isn't actually why they were downvoted.
A quick cursory glance shows their comments are all respectably upvoted.
You don't have to agree with them of course, but please stop trying to deduce a cause & effect relationship with their votes. People upvote & downvote for a plethora of reasons. And now you just look silly.
Same! I have misophonia, but the only person who triggers it is my husband. He has the wettest chewing out of everyone I‘ve ever eaten with and it makes me so unreasonably angry. It’s a ME problem, but I didn’t realize it until I found out I had misophonia. u/nomorefroggingit said in his edit that it wasn’t a misophonia thing, but I actually think it is, because it sounds just like me when I’m freaking out at my poor husband while he just tries to eat his food like a normal person (while somehow making it sound like like a mop in a bucket of water)
That would actually be enough for me to not marry that person tbh lol. I have misophonia too, and even slightly loud chewing makes me lose my freaking mind to the point where I sometimes have to just leave the room. I wouldn’t wanna be that uncomfortable in my own home or around the person I’m married too.
I'm going to play devil's advocate here and just say, Misophonia is *hard*. You don't know why your triggers trigger you. They just do. Visual triggers can come along with audible triggers as well. However, it's OP's responsibility to discuss it with his partner, and they should be finding ways to handle it together.
Absolutely. It shouldn’t automatically be on her to change, there is discussion and understanding to be had. My ex had really bad Misophonia, to the point where we did not share meals in the same room. We worked together to minimize his triggers but ultimately he would remove himself if it got bad enough and would accept the issue as his personal responsibility, because it was.
I don't understand this, either. I have misophonia as well and also don't understand why that's being brought up - he's not upset by the sound of her chewing, he just doesn't like how she puts the popcorn into her mouth. That has nothing to do with noise sensitivity.
This doesn't affect him in any way. He needs to drop it, or his girlfriend is going to drop him.
Exactly! Misophonia would make sense but that isn’t even the complaint! I’m so confused as to what in the heck is grossing him out so much. There is nothing wrong with having delicate sensibilities and anyone can dislike anything for whatever reason, but making it the gf’s responsibility to change is the real issue.
The *only* possibility I can think of (outside of OP making a mountain out of a molehill due to his misophonia) is if she chews on a few pieces of popcorn and then rather than swallowing what is in her mouth, she goes for more, if that makes sense? Essentially eating with your mouth open but you're also then protruding your tongue. Idk
OP, have you discussed your Misophonia with your partner? It can put a huge strain on relationships if you're not having an open and honest dialog about it.
You should really add this information to your main post. Without that bit, it comes off as you being fussy, but the reality of it is that this affects your mental health in a very real way.
That said, you need to take steps to cope, like wearing ear plugs or sitting further away while she eats. Maybe come to an agreement she doesn't eat like that during snuggle time.
My partner knows my triggers and does his best to avoid them because he knows what it does to me internally. It's hard, and I still get irritated and have to leave the room sometimes, but at least he knows why. Does your GF know about the disorder and how it affects you? Have you sought help or delved into solutions yourself?
It's better to be open and make compromises than to leave her in the dark and let her feel like it's her fault. I wish you both all the best.
It can very well become one of the triggers. If she can not stop you have to show her it is a trigger. Stand up and stop watchin the show, go for a walk or take headphones.
And, frogging is gross. Keep your tongue and its saliva in your mouth. She is doing it on purpose.
I have misophonia too, a lot of sounds drive me absolutely insane, loud eating sounds are one of them. I think if my partner was able to make adjustments for that, I probably wouldn’t be able to stay with them. I don’t want to be uncomfortable around my partner, and I would be extremely uncomfortable if I had to listen to that all the time.
Here come the downvotes!!
If any man of mine did this, I would find it unsexy and gross and if he insisted on doing it after I asked him to stop, I would end it right there.
And no, this isn't controlling, it's common fucking courtesy. She can do that weird shit on her own time
Your girlfriend knows you find this behavior off-putting. It's much less of a big deal for her to just stop doing it in front of you than it is for you to have to tolerate witnessing this f disgusting nonsense
Break up with her. She sounds childish and exhausting.
Edit - NTB FFS. My God. The table manners of these commenters must be appalling
Leave it to GenX to go rogue with the unpopular response :)
Where I come from, if your SO asks you to stop doing something annoying & you still do it in front of them, you're being antagonistic. *Quirky* isn't an excuse for shitty behavior
I agree, while I understand people having their quirks, I think that eating properly is common courtesy. Loudly making noises while eating, or sticking your tongue into food is super weird and def something I would not be able to handle.
You would think table manners are common sense, but one of my exes would run his fingers across a plate if there was sauce leftover after eating...
He did this in public. At a nice restaurant. The first time meeting my parents 🫠
Dunno why but it feels like people wouldn’t be siding so hard if it was a guy doing weird popcorn tricks every single time he ate popcorn.
Regardless, NTB.
She’s being annoying and being a bit mean about it.
Asking her not to eat popcorn like a fkn frog when they watch something together is NOT the same as trying to change her entire being.
Eating popcorn weird and giggling is a choice, not an unchangeable personality trait.
Yall are weird.
FOR REAL. I can’t believe these comments calling OP childish! This sounds so fucking gross and rude. No one normal would continue to do this when they know it bothers someone! Why should he have to leave the room?
What if they went to a restaurant and she starts frogging her food? Fucking insanity. I truly don’t understand most of the people in this thread
This comment thread is bonkers for sure. I have some gross habits that I go out of my way to NOT do in front of my husband, because guess what he has to live with me everyday and I’d prefer not to drive him up the wall. People are really here saying OP is “dimming her light” like are you kidding? Tell me you’ve never been in an adult relationship without telling me you’ve never been in adult relationship.
Poor OP is trying to defend himself in the comments and say that he does truly love his gf and wants to spend quality time with her but this issue is just annoying. Guess what, most adults would find that annoying, i really don’t get the comments saying otherwise.
Seriously. Does she chew with her mouth open and eat ‘sketti with her bare hands too? It sounds like she’s trying way too hard to be quirky and adorable. Of course it’s annoying.
😂 if this was my biggest problem with my partner i would be absolutely thrilled
anyone who micromanaged my popcorn consumption would not be okay with me 😂
No one is telling the woman not to consume popcorn, they’re just asking her to do it in a way that isn’t gross and weird.
Come onnnn you really think maniacal giggling while “frogging it” is a hill to die on? It’s a choice man, and if your style of popcorn consumption is more important than a relationship that sounds pretty stable otherwise, then you can’t be reasoned with. I guess then you should find someone who eats popcorn the same way as you and you can be your froggy selves together.
imagine a whole personality being based around eating popcorn a certain way.
to me it seems so fucking trivial and easily solved. don’t eat popcorn together. DONE
it doesn’t sound like he ever communicated it in a way that conveys the severity of the problem for him. it sounded like he was telling her what to do over something dumb like the way someone breathes or eats popcorn.
i would be equally unaffected if anyone of any gender did this. it is simply just not that big of a deal. you could just as easily say he's being annoying and a bit mean by not just letting her eat the way she likes to in peace.
I eat popcorn the same way. if it bothers you ignore it, look away. If it makes her happy and it’s not hurting anybody, get over it
Edit dictation error
It’s great because popcorn is typically dry and your tongue is wet so it sticks right to it! It makes it super easy to get it into your mouth without getting your fingers greasy
And some people chew with their mouths open . . . All around, it's bad manners. Especially if the person, like op, has misophonia--and they're watching a movie *together*.
As someone who has misophonia (same as OP) tbh if someone wasn’t willing to make adjustments for me in that sense (trying not to eat so loud when I am around, etc) I wouldn’t be able to be with them.
Also, things that trigger misophonia are literally not things you can just get over easily, it will always be a problem. They also can’t just look away and ignore it lol, it’s the sounds that really bother them. So saying get over it, really doesn’t help lol, that’s like telling someone with anxiety to stop being anxious. It’s not like he just doesn’t like it, he has misophonia, which is not fun to have lol.
In my opinion, if someone cares more about eating popcorn in a silly way than they do about their partners being comfortable, they are a terrible partner.
NBH. I’ve eaten popcorn the same way and now I have a cute name for it. She can eat her food how she likes but I get that you don’t like hearing it. Perhaps you guys should switch to pretzels if you’re watching something together and leave popcorn as a solo snack.
Did you missed the comments were OP said he provides additional foods and has explicitly stated to her that he doesn’t enjoy that and she does it anyway and always office for the popcorn and ignores the other foods
You already have all the information you can have in this situation.
You want her to stop doing this.
She isn’t prepared to do so.
Either you learn to live with it, or leave.
What do you want from us?
NTB - you’re allowed to want to be attracted to your partner and if them doing something weird and childish (which this really is if she’s an adult) makes you less attracted to her that she absolutely has control of and does not need to do, you’re allowed to communicate that to her and not be the buttface. I have misophonia and would lose my mind at this but also would have a very hard time finding my wife attractive if she did this every single time we ate popcorn.
The part about it making her seem child-like stood out to me. I cannot feel attracted to someone who acts like a child. If my partner was only speaking in Elmo voice when we watched tv together, I would lose my mind and my attraction.
OP should remove all popcorn from the house and if she gets some on her own, pause the show and put something else on she likes, and go do a chore of some kind until she finishes the popcorn and then resume. It is disrespectful to continue doing a behaviour in front of someone who is obviously discomforted by it. Alternately OP could lean into it and talk like Kermit the Frog while she eats. She might like that but then maybe it can turn into something they do together.
I’ll disagree and say NTB. In my opinion her behaviour is childish and it would bother me too. It would be like watching someone eat with their mouth open. Having said that, it sounds like she doesn’t care that it bothers you, so your option is accept it or find another girlfriend.
I would also find this off-putting.
Asking your partner to do or not do something doesn't automatically mean you are controlling or trying to change them. It's part of the negotiations involved in spending a significant amount of time around another person. It becomes a problem if only one person is doing all the asking, or if only one is making adjustments for the other.
Is this one of many things you've asked her to change, or would like her to change? Conversely, do you feel that you have made changes yourself out of consideration for her, but she doesn't reciprocate? If either is true, you should examine this relationship. Otherwise, I would ask her why she is unable to accommodate this small request from you. Compromise by both parties is part of any healthy relationship. NTB.
Cringe is a personal/individual reaction. NGL it might (probably would) bug me a lot too. For whatever reasons. Can’t y’all remove popcorn from your together time?
I think you’re NTB. To me? This is comparable to *always* beginning to talk after a forkful of food.
I had a friend who *sucked* her fingers after every chip. Thumb & forefinger pick up a chip. Put it in the n her mouth. She chews and swallows chip. Before picking up the next chip? She’d put her *entire* thumb (down to the base) in her mouth and suck it clean while pulling it out. Followed by the *entire* forefinger (down to the base) sucked clean. Not a lick to the tips … *she sucked clean the entire digit*. ~shivvers~ Thank god she was just a friend so that I didn’t have to see (& hear!) that too often.
So I get that, in the beginning, “frogging it” might have been an amusing & cute quirk - but y’all might as well be telling OP that he has to sit back and accept his girlfriend’s quirk of picking her nose non-stop while sharing a bowl of popcorn when watching movies.
The Fact that y’all don’t seem to understand that there will -*and have to be*- compromises in a relationship … because each of us do, *or will do,* something that bugs the c-r-a-p out of a partner? Boggles the mind about your supposed “rights.” Cause there needs to be open & honest communication and, yes, *compromises* when in a relationship.
And if “frogging it” is OPs breaking point? Better to talk about it and set the foundation for communication *and compromise* in their relationship now … not wait 3yrs till every little thing the other person does is fingernails on a chalkboard AKA a “frogging it” bite & munch - or whatever comparable reference your generation gets.
NTB
I don't think you're overreacting, but people in this comment section def are. We all have little things that annoy us about our partners and just in general. You are not "dimming her light" because you nicely asked her to stop doing one thing that bothers you. It also doesn't mean you don't love her or that you should break up. It's so weird to me that someone wouldn't try and make an effort to stop doing something that bothers the person they love. I'm pretty sure she will be ok if she can't eat popcorn like a frog around you.
I'm going with ntb. Seems a lot of people enjoy listening to people making horrible lip smacking noises which is weird not quirky. Once or twice is fine but for every piece I think she's the one that needs to grow up. There are certain noises I can't stand it goes through me so my partner doesn't do them around me now. Cause he's respectful. Just like I don't do things that he doesn't like. Eating food in strange ways constantly isn't quirky it's weird. I'd just say you need to not do that so close to my ear, it's grating on me and it makes me resentful of you for not respecting that. We can cuddle or you can frog popcorn but it can't be both. While I wouldn't necessarily break up with someone over it (at first) if they chose that they couldn't possibly go a few hours not eating popcorn specifically or eating it normally and ended it I wouldn't waste my time crying over it.
Regardless of the reason, she smacks and makes a lot of noise when she eats. I also would be put off and not be able to be around that. Until she learns how to close her mouth when she eats, NTB. She chooses to chew that way, she can do better but of course you can't force her.
When people love each other, they make accommodations for each other's quirks and sensitivities. You've told her that this minor habit of hers bothers you, and she doesn't care about your discomfort. She refuses to change this minor thing to please you and make you more comfortable.
I think you should spend some time thinking about the balance in your relationship. Are you always the one that needs to accommodate her preferences, or does she ever adjust her behavior to accommodate you?
Her refusal to make this simple accommodation for you indicates to me that she is fairly selfish and doesn't care.very much about you. It seems to be a serious relationship problem, and I think you should suggest couples counseling to discuss it.
I would love to know the age range in the comments here because if my kid was doing this frogging I would put a stop to it, I cannot imagine a developmentally average adult woman is continuing to do this.
Certified "quirky girl" here. Made up vocabulary, goofy sense of humor, vintage inspired wardrobe, diagnosed ADHD, eclectic decor, brightly colored junk food habit, commitment issues, etc, etc.
Obnoxious "table manners" are not a quirk, they are gross. You have the right to draw the line there. She can frog when you're not around. You are not telling her to shrink herself, you are asking to enjoy the peace of what should be a peaceful moment.
NTB
You left out some important ass information by omitting you have misophonia. For someone without it, what you're describing is a very unreasonable reaction. For someone with it, that may not be the case, depending on severity. Its the difference between you being the buttface and there being no buttfaces here.
Fundamentally, she gets to eat popcorn the way she wants. If it genuinely is impacting your mental health, then you fundamentally have a duty to yourself to protect yourself. Finding a way to balance both of these needs is not unreasonable. If it wasn't for the misophonia, I'd be strongly encouraging you to examine why your mental health is being impacted byvthis, but I think the answer to that is pretty clear.
I get why people have their opinions changed based on my misophonia but I don’t think it’s the biggest problem I have with the situation, it’s more the principle? I guess?
She’s doing something that makes me uncomfortable, that I’ve told her makes me uncomfortable, that I’ve proved alternatives to, that I’ve repeatedly spoken to her about, and it feels like she’s ignored me. I realize that that may sound controlling and I definitely think it’s emotionally driven rather than pure logic
I don’t have misophonia and from your description I would not spend one more second of my life with someone who is giggling and squealing while eating snacks like a barn animal. No thank you, she can go back to the lilypad with her quirks.
If you think the reason you're uncomfortable is irrelevant to the conversation, then you are a buttface entirely independently of this. If your demand was unreasonable, then the answer would be that you have to suck it up, buttercup. Your misophonia is what makes you reasonable; if you don't care about that, then yeah, YTB.
if you LOVE the way you drink water, and see absolutely no reason to change it. ur gf thinks its disgusting and repeatedly tells you to stop. imagine this gave her ”mental issues”. Obviously youd feel shes being an ass? am i wrong? as this other persln said, the misophonia would be the only reason i can understand you. But you feel shes being inconsiderate, than its not really about her being childish. I think you really need to realize this is something uve got to drop and not be hung up on. Id go absolutely crazy if my bf told me not to drink water in a certain way, or eat a snack in a way i obv feel comfortable doing around him. and then he feels like im being inconsiderate of his feelings. I think you need to let this go. She shouldnt take ur feelings into account if its unreasonable. If its that unbearable obv ur not a great match and she can find someone else who will love her and tolerate her fucking inhaling of popcorn. Just drop it. it is controlling wether u like it or not. just cus ur not usually controlling doesnt mesb ur not being it abt this. As i said, if this was a reasonable request i could understand, but ur really being the buttface
You’re absolutely correct in my opinion. I really don’t see how it would be this big of a deal for you girlfriend to just eat popcorn in a different way for the sake of her partner
Info: How old is she and how old are you? Does she work or have income? Do you live together?
You mentioned in a comment that you “primarily finance her different art stuff” and that she doesn’t have a license.
With that additional info, plus your choice to omit your aged, it sounds like you might be older dating someone who is too young for you and are now shocked that she is acting young.
NTA Hi OP. I'm really wondering how you end up handling this and how it goes because--yeah, I get it.
When a friend or boyfriend is obviously uncomfortable with something I do--especially if this has been literally stated to me--I'D be the asshole to keep doing it anyway! Because that's basically saying: What you think and feel doesn't matter to me whatsoever, so suck it up.
Mean and disrespectful, right?!
So if your girlfriend wants to eat popcorn in a rude and annoying way, let her so her weird eating jive *when she's alone". There's plenty of other food to eat while doing things together!!
*Anything* that gets in the way of comfort and happiness in a relationship should be dumped: life's too short to suffer someone else's insufferable actions--no matter how much you love them. It comes down to your feelings being respected.
If your girlfriend refuses to respect you in such a small thing as not eating popcorn in a way it's offensive--then how is she going to act when there are big things that are bothering you?
If you can, if you can give us an update as to how this all worked out, that would be so awesome. But if not, I wish you luck with this. if you can't trust her with a little things, how on earth are you guys going to deal with things that are really big and in full things like money, housing, work functions, etc.
NAH
She's not an AH for eating in a way that's fun for her, but I also don't think you're an AH for being annoyed. If I was trying to watch a movie and someone was doing that right in my ear, it would be annoying and distracting for me. I'd start refusing to watch movies (or have snacks with movies) with a person who did that
NTB - you are triggered by this form of eating and she should be considerate of this. You are not asking her to completely change, *just to change this one thing when she is around you*. She can keep frogging when you are not around.
That sounds really gross. I'm not understanding this whole "don't date someone cute and quirky if you can't handle them!" when this doesn't sound cute or quirky, just gross and weird. If my partner was grossing me out, I'd tell him.
It's a stupid attention grabbing affectation. She's a wannabe manic pixie dream girl and they are so EXHAUSTING. I guess when I was very young I was like that when I was trying to figure out who I was in the world but realized how fake and pathetic it was. She's pretty shallow and inconsiderate.
Please explain how it is anymore unhygienic than any other way to eat popcorn? I mean I think it is ridiculous that she will not make this ONE TINY concession for him, but if she has her hand full of popcorn and uses her tongue to touch the piece of popcorn to eat it, it is no more or less hygienic than the way people normally eat it.
Oof. The name for it is disgusting. Sounds like a sexual act or walking around the house with her butt hanging out. I had no idea. The actual act would make me vomit. No joke. It sounds disgusting just reading the description. If she did this once I would find it kinda gross but that would be it. To only eat popcorn this way is maniacal. You say she has good qualities, but I’m wondering if she is displaying immature tendencies in other ways. I’d start watching for those and make decisions about whether or not I want to remain in a relationship with someone so gross and immature. If she won’t change it, then you have a decision to make. Personally, I’d be out. NTB.
NBH - stuff like this happens in relationships. Behaviors once deemed adorable or not thought about too much may turn into pet peeves over time.
You've established in the comments that you love your GF and this isn't a hill you will let your relationship die on. So please just talk to her, tell her how the "frogging" makes you feel irritated and you'd hate to let this get between you even further. Save movie night together and communicate stuff like that earlier in the future so you won't have to write to reddit because you're close to losing your mind over it.
Also, I kinda wanna try eating popcorn like your GF does now. I promise I won't do it in your presence tho OP ;)
YBF. "frogging" isn't from new girl. this is your problem. you don't get to draw the line between "quirky" and "childish", and tbh you sound like the kind of guy who dreamed about the "manic pixie girl" and then couldn't handle it when you realized she's an actual human being. either make your peace with it, or tell her you aren't emotionally mature enough and break up to work on yourself.
So I’m going with ESH because that’s how it seems.
OP she’s an adult and she gets to eat weird if that is what she wants to do.
In the interest of being a happy couple one would hope she would consider eating popcorn by herself or with others who don’t care and go to town however she likes.
You also as an adult get to have a boundary that you won’t sit with someone who can’t eat without sound effects. So if she wants to eat popcorn by frogging while you are together then she eats it alone. You aren’t making her stop nor are you telling her it’s bad. You’re only saying you don’t want to hear it. I personally wouldn’t be able to tolerate the lip smacking noise for even 5 minutes let alone 45 minutes.
So you all can find another snack to eat while cuddling during movie/tv time, she can eat popcorn and watch by herself until the popcorn is gone or you determine this is your hill to die on and you end the relationship.
I will say the following because I’ve found it to be true. When a partner in a relationship does something purposely knowing it bothers/grosses out/aggravates their SO it tends to start impacting other areas of the relationship. That’s because there is already irritation and then something else happens that usually might have been a meh but now it just pisses you off so the aggravation just grows.
I think it's not the way she eats her popcorn that bothers you, it's the acting childish that is a put off. It's making her less attractive in your eyes, and maybe that's the part you should have a conversation about. If I don't want a partner who acts childish, I make sure I pick one who is and acts more mature.
If it's really the popocorn that is gross to you, you can only imagine how a woman feels when their bf is around. The last man I lived with would have his hand is his boxers and be playing with his balls while we were eating dinner. That is just the tip of the iceberg, we clean their pee, wash their dirty underwear, pop their pimples, clean their dishes, etc. I'd take frogpopcorn over this anytime. If it bothers you, do the smart thing and remove yourself.
I feel your pain. As someone who has certain sensitivities to sounds (like eating sounds) I truly empathize. I dated a guy who when eating anything crunchy would open mouth, pop item in his mouth, CRUNCH!, then close his mouth to chew.
Yes I did have a whole conversation about the order of operations of chewing.
I framed it super apologetically because it’s 100% MY issue. I was very clear that he’s not wrong (arguable? 😭) and explained misophonia to him. I stated this is something that I’m working on being less sensitive too, and until I get there if he could support me by being more aware of his crunchy chewing habits I would be so appreciative. He was completely cool with it. He got better about it, I got better about it, and also invested in several pairs of earbuds for the days when I’m tired and can’t manage.
So don’t “tell” her she can’t do it anymore. YWBTB. Have an open conversation, explain to her what misophonia is, and ask for her support. Don’t make her wrong. Don’t judge her. And also, if you can figure out some coping skills to help manage your feelings/reactions to auditory triggers, even better.
You have your likes and dislikes just like everyone and that is definitely alright.
If she doesn’t want to change how she eats popcorn maybe you could get some of those tv headsets so it blocks out her munching in your ear and you can still watch the movie or you just don’t watch movies together snuggled on the lounge or last resort you don’t watch movies with her.
I’m the same as you i absolutely hate listening to people chewing especially if it’s open mouthed and right in your ear.
NTB. It's noisy, it's back washy. It's not even something cute that her family did in her childhood, it's just from a TV show.
Also some annoyance at gross noises is completely normal. My husband makes a noise with his sinuses that annoys me, so he does it around me less often.
NTB
Here is my reasoning:
1) I personally adore popcorn and the visual description you painted made me gag.
2) my grandma used to do this with popcorn because she had no teeth/the kernels would get stuck in her dentures and it made me sick to watch. She had no choice.
3) my husband has misophonia and we both have to work together on it; the very thought of doing exposure therapy with him on something like this makes my skin crawl.
She's an adult and can do whatever she wants, but I think she should be considerate around you if it makes you uncomfortable. This is the sort of thing in a relationship that can be compromised on. Maybe she could make extra buttery popcorn so that it sort of mashes up with the butter before eating?
if this was my man and it was the biggest problem we had i would get over it. it’s popcorn.
is she on the spectrum? bc having weird ways of eating things and getting a disproportionate amount of joy from it is a common thing here 😂
You are a fantastic writer!!! Also, I, too, have misophonia, so I get it. However, in this case, the name seems more offensive than anything else going on. Best of luck.
That's how I eat popcorn too! I've never heard the term "frog if" before, but I like it. I don't really get how it's louder or more obnoxious-sounding than eating popcorn the regular way. Wouldn't people still smack their lips either way?
ETB like. It's weird to get this defensive about it but if something bothers your partner that is easily stopped...stop.
Yall ain't gonna last at all. This is a fight over the stupidest thing I've ever heard, I can't see you compromising through a truly important issue.
Whether or not you are TBF Is dependent on how you expressed your discomfort with the popcorn eating.
If it really bothers you, it's better to say something, but it's just her eating a snack, so it's not something you really can feel outrage about rightfully, it's just a thing that bothers you. But still, better to say something. So you're only a partial butt face, and then only if you were rude.
I would ask her if there's one thing you do that really bugs her but she didn't want to bother you telling you. And then make an agreement that you will not do these two things in front of each other. Done deal.
Let her frog it. My boyfriend takes a big handful and shoves the whole thing into his mouth making a mess everywhere. I'd rather he frogged it every time.
You would really hate me. I lick all the salt off my potato chips before I eat them and I eat off the crunchy parts of popcorn and save the ball in my hand until I have a whole handful of balls and then I eat them all at once.
This sounds like a prompt for a modern day Seinfeld episode. I’m gonna go with ESH cause her eating popcorn that way is disgusting and immature and OP could just walk away or break up if it bothers them that much.
I was previously able to ignore it when it was a couple times a month but it’s recently become more and more common and become a bit unmanageable for me, I do wish I could just ignore it though
Does she make yoshi noises every time she eats a piece of popcorn? What noises are involved? I eat popcorn this way sometimes and there are no noises other than the normal chewing noises. Is she chewing with her mouth open?
Have you ever tried eating popcorn that way? What does eating popcorn “like a normal person” even mean? Putting one kernel in your mouth at a time? A few? A whole handful?
Leave the room every time she does it. I know you don’t want to give up your cuddle time, but this is the way. She will get the picture. If she doesn’t, you have another problem on your hands.
oh I'm not defending him, it would be a conclusion she could draw from him walking out.
I've got pending questions to him about the age and income situation given that he funds her art projects and she can't drive.
When will people learn you can’t tell them how to behave? You don’t get to tell her how to eat popcorn, and no you don’t get to pull out the “bad for my mental health” bullshit about it either.
What you can do is decide to break up with her. Or decide not to be in the same room when she eats popcorn. You can decide how /you/ will behave, not someone else.
im sure everyone has ”icks” or stuff w their partner they dislike. u either live w it or u dont. mby ur uncompatible. mby she should find someone who wont think shes disgusting by eating popcorn. she has no obligation to conform to the girl u want her to be, she is who she is. a real person. i feel like men have a real hard time to grasp this if girls dont conform. deal w it or leave. honestly
YTB
Anytime I hear someone say their GF or BF have this “quirky” trait that is cute, or endearing, or silly…and then they find it annoying because they realize that’s who the person is…
It’s so infuriating. So many people seem to think “quirky” habits are just going to pop up here and there and not how someone is always going to do something …
Homefry - you obviously love your lil weirdo. Just keep doing that and stfu about the popcorn and find a way to deal. Been with my husband nearly 20 years this mfer still CANNOT close a fucking door properly. Shit drives me mad!!!!
Do I say anything? No. Because it's not worth it. He adores me and practically worships me who the fuck am I to harp on something that takes me TWO SECONDS to fix.
Choose your battles wisely and well. The people we love will ALWAYS upset us the most and it is OUR job to make sure they only hear about it when that upset is VALID.
THIS is NOT valid.
YTB and your edit confirms it. You don’t need a sit down chat about how she eats popcorn. You don’t get to control that. You also CAN get up and walk away, you just choose not to and instead want to change how she eats a snack.
This is exactly how I eat popcorn. Especially if there’s butter on it, it keeps your hands from getting greasy. I don’t understand why you find it gross?
YTB
There are many things a relationship needs to withstand the turmoil.
How your gf eats popcorn is so freaking minor, a rational person would be willing to overlook it.
Get over it.
Ytb. She’s just eating in a way that makes her happy, if you hate it so much you can leave when she does it.
Sounds like you need a less interesting girlfriend. Let her be her true self, stop trying to dim her light
Finds quirky girl to date, thinks it's cute. Then immediately tries to get her to stop being quirky. Just go find someone you actually like, instead of trying to snuff the fire out of this one.
Eh, it’s not like she was super into a hobby, he acted like it was cool until they got into a relationship, and then demanded she stopped. She ate food goofily one time, he thought it was funny she was goofing around, bit she actually does it all the time. That’s VERY different than trying to change the essence of someone you’re dating. Why is OP getting dragged for finding rude manners gross, talking to his partner about it, and then being hurt she simply doesn’t care?
Eating like a frog and giggling weirdly would do my head in too. If my boyfriend suddenly picked up this “quirky little habit” I’d be less than amused 😂 Radical acceptance is one thing, literally being annoyed to death by some thing your partner CHOOSES to do for fun, is quite another.
She didn’t “suddenly start” she’s been doing it since before they were together.
But that’s why you chose not to date someone who does this.
I’ve been annoyed by things my partner does in the past- I politely asked him not to do them around me if possible, badda bing badda boom, he tries his best and here we are, still together. Same from his side. He snores, he can’t help it, it drives me crazy- do I dump him? Nope- ear plugs. Solved. This frogging it thing is a choice, that she can choose to do at literally any other time in her day. She continues to choose to do it at a time that makes a fun activity uncomfortable for her partner. Seems a bit of an AH move at this point.
I've noticed that it's always the most common sense and logical responses (like your one) that are buried beneath a pile of shitty comments. Which leads me to believe that 90% of people on this Subreddit are more interested in: 1. Being emotionally reactive (and looking for a fight). 2. Getting some upvotes via a silly joke at the OP's expense. 3. Not reading or comprehending what the OP actually said. 4. Judging the OP based on what kind of person you *seem* to think that they are, rather than the actual situation listed in their post. 5. Insulting them rather than answering their question. 6. Judging them a butthead because they 'annoyed' you and nobody can prove otherwise. Props to you u/No-Consideration8862 for keeping it real 👍 Most people can't do this which sets you apart from the average person. NTB OP.
My personal favorite is "Wow, your post is just me me me, do you even care about [insert other person]". Like wow, OP comes here for advice and gives their perspective, no shit they're talking about themselves. Or my other favorite, when an OP comes in at the end of their rope feeling overwhelmed by parenting responsibilities: "You complained about [thing you do for your kid], clearly you hate your kid and the fact that you didn't provide us with a 20 page novella about your parenting history means that you're a deadbeat complaining about having to do the bare minimum." These sorts of subs skew super young. Many of these people have low emotional intelligence and little to no experience with what a functional adult relationship looks like. It's why so many posts about solveable arguments and minor incompatibilities are filled to the brim with "lawyer up" advice. I've seen several posts over the years from returning OPs regretting torpedoing their relationships based on Reddit advice when the situation could have easily been solved by talking like adults.
I forgot to add: * Asking an incessant number of unnecessary questions to OP until you can try to vaguely pin something on them (because the post itself is inoffensive) as a show of bad faith. * Calling OP argumentative and not accepting your judgement when they clarify with the commentors with additional and pertinent context that one would think they need. But I absolutely agree with you. I asked a post on here a week or two ago about not being able to attend my sister's birthday party (which was planned at a time when she knew I'd be at work). The plans were laid on me halfheartedly with the expectation that I show up, but zero compromise on my sister's end. 60-70% of the comments were in favor of me. But a solid 40% of the readership were more interested in calling me an asshole because I lamented at one point in the post that my sister didn't consult with me on her plans so that she could accommodate me. *''You're an asshole if you expect your sister to 'consult' with you over HER party LOL. Not everything is about you. You sound like a real piece of work. YTB''* My sister can do what she likes, that wasn't was the post asked. I asked if I am the butthead for not going to my sister's party when she planned it when I'll be at work and still expected me to come. At some point, YES, it's not unreasonable to expect the person who expects you to show up to their party to actually consider you when making their plans. But that kind of nuance just goes out the window and people want to convince themselves you're the world's biggest asshole... until they read another post to get offended over. Your last line is absolutely right. I've stopped relying on Reddit advice due to how God awful it mostly is. And you can't rely on the minority like u/No-Consideration8862 to always be there for you. At this point, if I do post something onto Reddit, it's for my own amusement. Not for my to actually receive actionable advice over. But if I do get good advice from genuine people trying to help me then it's a bonus.
Now those would be a good read
Yes. Thank you for this unpopular yet needed response that I tried my best to word in a comment above.
This is right along the same thought I had. My husband does some things that annoy me, and vice versa, but we communicate that and try to mind each other’s sensitivity to whatever it is. It’s simple and respectful of one another. NTB OP.
Because men can't find anything wrong with their women partners. Because liking something in the beginning can start to really grate on one's nerves after a while. But only women are allowed to tell their partners to stop. I hate it when people stick their tongues out onto the fork before they eat and think it's rude so this would drive me crazy
I mean do I encourage her quirky habits a lot. I primarily finance her different art stuff, have a ton of fun listening to her explain obscure YouTube drama, I see her in every performance I can, I drive her places because she doesn’t have a license, I listen to her random morning singing, and I love the way that she sees the world. I definitely get how people are getting the impression that I don’t like my girlfriend though, I really didn’t mean for my post to come across like that because I love my girlfriend more than anything in the world.
you finance things and she can't drive? what are the ages? do you live together? does she work?
I definitely want answers to this. With that additional info, this is sounding like someone older dating someone too young for them and being Pikachu shocked that she acts her age.
26 and 28...why do you people always assume the woman is some poor child???
she can't drive and he funds her lifestyle. screams 19.
It's not relevant at all... OP asked a question and people want to project into it by asking a bunch of unnecessary questions. For example, I'm 30 and my girlfriend is 29. And if she started adopting this frogging habit it would personally aggravate me a lot. So age has nothing to do with it other than you wanting to connect imaginary dots. For some people it's an annoying habit (while for others it's nothing). That's fine. People ultimately need to decide what works for them and what doesn't. But many people on this subreddit seem to be unable to break this post down into its fundamentals... 1. Boy dates girl. 2. Girl partakes in completely optional but annoying habit. 3. Annoying habit aggravates boy. 4. Boy wants to know if he'd be a buttface for speaking to his girlfriend about her annoying habit. The answer is no... he wouldn't. Because things frustrate people all the time — that's life. It's what makes some people compatible and some people incompatible. But what makes a relationship successful is compromise. Because once the honeymoon period is over all relationships are bound to have each person get on the other person's nerves from time to time... Reasonable people and reasonable relationships do their best not to intentionally get on their loved one's nerves and try their best to compromise. If his girlfriend isn't interested in compromising with her boyfriend over completely unnecessary behaviors then that says more about her. And I somehow doubt her future relationships will last very long. However, at the end of the day, it's still her choice to make... But it is also his choice to determine whether they are ultimately compatible or not and leave her if she chooses to persist in this behavior around him when she knows it upsets him. Is OP the asshole for being frustrated with his girlfriend's unnecessary behavior and wanting her to stop?... No. Because if he tells her to stop, and she doesn't stop, he'll likely leave. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Wow it sounds like you do a lot for her and she can't stop doing this one gross habit that her parents should have taught her not to do as a child? Honestly your best bet is to get up and leave every time she eats like this. It's not helping you destress after work, it's causing you more grief. She'll either realize you're more important than how she eats a snack in front of you or it'll give you some time to decompress and maybe think if you want to shower this person with.so much time, affection, and finances just for them to be so selfish and eat popcorn like a slob in front of you knowing it's causing you discomfort
Affectations aren't fire. They're smoke and mirrors. She's fake fake fake. Ooooo look at me! Right down to the idiotic giggle.
Not trying to internet diagnose just genuinely asking, is this a misophonia thing?
I think partially, yes. I do have misophonia but it’s not just the sound that bothers me. Part of it is that she knows I don’t like it and continues to do it and part of it is that I think the whole thing is kinda gross
I can’t be in the room when my mom chews. I don’t know why her and not anyone else. She gets mad at me for leaving or not eating around her but the sound makes me unreasonably angry. Would it be possible to replace the popcorn snack with something else? You ultimately can’t dictate to her if and how she eats popcorn (nor should you try), but if she is willing to work with you and only eat popcorn when you can’t hear it that might help. It should not make you angry that she eats popcorn the way she enjoys it even if she knows you don’t like it. Sit down and have a conversation and see if she is willing to snack on something else. If not, you will have to try to find a way to deal with the aggravation of the sound.
I do often have other snack options around and always ask her if she wants any particular snack before I go grocery shopping. It unfortunately doesn’t really change much. She’ll still choose to make popcorn anyways and is not like I’d be able to actually stop her from doing so. The thing with earplugs and avoiding looking at her is that a lot of our tv watching time is more about spending time together destressing after work, we talk and joke and cuddle throughout so I can’t remove her from the equation. I really do appreciate your advice though
that's the POINT. if you put the earplugs in and avoid looking at her, she will realize and be annoyed and upset, and then you can bring up how annoyed and upset you were but she didn't care.
to the people who downvoted this, why? she ISN'T being thoughtful to his feelings. stop defending this shitty behavior. it's not like he was mean and rude to her right away doing it, it's because it's become a CONSTANT. he asked her nicely and she said fuck off basically. why should he be more considerate when she isn't being considerate at all?
You got downvoted because you gave terrible advice. Deliberately bothering her by making her feel ignored until she somehow realizes she is bothering you by eating food the way she has always eaten food is not how adults in a healthy relationship conduct themselves. Upsetting your partner so you can tell them how much they upset you is childish, mean, and insufferable behaviour. Just have a conversation.
Thing is she has been told it's upsetting to op and she doesn't care. So maybe a visual representation is needed
She is DELIBERATELY bothering him!! He told her nicely that it bothered him and asked her to stop and she said fuck off. SHE is childish, mean and being insufferable. Seriously the fact that you are ignoring how much of an ass she is to him is incredulous.
FYI this isn't actually why they were downvoted. A quick cursory glance shows their comments are all respectably upvoted. You don't have to agree with them of course, but please stop trying to deduce a cause & effect relationship with their votes. People upvote & downvote for a plethora of reasons. And now you just look silly.
Same! I have misophonia, but the only person who triggers it is my husband. He has the wettest chewing out of everyone I‘ve ever eaten with and it makes me so unreasonably angry. It’s a ME problem, but I didn’t realize it until I found out I had misophonia. u/nomorefroggingit said in his edit that it wasn’t a misophonia thing, but I actually think it is, because it sounds just like me when I’m freaking out at my poor husband while he just tries to eat his food like a normal person (while somehow making it sound like like a mop in a bucket of water)
That would actually be enough for me to not marry that person tbh lol. I have misophonia too, and even slightly loud chewing makes me lose my freaking mind to the point where I sometimes have to just leave the room. I wouldn’t wanna be that uncomfortable in my own home or around the person I’m married too.
Why is it gross? Because you see her tongue for a second? Literally what is gross about it??
I'm going to play devil's advocate here and just say, Misophonia is *hard*. You don't know why your triggers trigger you. They just do. Visual triggers can come along with audible triggers as well. However, it's OP's responsibility to discuss it with his partner, and they should be finding ways to handle it together.
Absolutely. It shouldn’t automatically be on her to change, there is discussion and understanding to be had. My ex had really bad Misophonia, to the point where we did not share meals in the same room. We worked together to minimize his triggers but ultimately he would remove himself if it got bad enough and would accept the issue as his personal responsibility, because it was.
I don't understand this, either. I have misophonia as well and also don't understand why that's being brought up - he's not upset by the sound of her chewing, he just doesn't like how she puts the popcorn into her mouth. That has nothing to do with noise sensitivity. This doesn't affect him in any way. He needs to drop it, or his girlfriend is going to drop him.
Exactly! Misophonia would make sense but that isn’t even the complaint! I’m so confused as to what in the heck is grossing him out so much. There is nothing wrong with having delicate sensibilities and anyone can dislike anything for whatever reason, but making it the gf’s responsibility to change is the real issue.
The *only* possibility I can think of (outside of OP making a mountain out of a molehill due to his misophonia) is if she chews on a few pieces of popcorn and then rather than swallowing what is in her mouth, she goes for more, if that makes sense? Essentially eating with your mouth open but you're also then protruding your tongue. Idk
I mean by that logic that just say it's totally acceptable, and not rude or gross the eat and chew with your mouth open...
I personally don’t think chewing with your mouth open and picking up a piece of popcorn with the tip of your tongue are equal.
OP, have you discussed your Misophonia with your partner? It can put a huge strain on relationships if you're not having an open and honest dialog about it. You should really add this information to your main post. Without that bit, it comes off as you being fussy, but the reality of it is that this affects your mental health in a very real way. That said, you need to take steps to cope, like wearing ear plugs or sitting further away while she eats. Maybe come to an agreement she doesn't eat like that during snuggle time. My partner knows my triggers and does his best to avoid them because he knows what it does to me internally. It's hard, and I still get irritated and have to leave the room sometimes, but at least he knows why. Does your GF know about the disorder and how it affects you? Have you sought help or delved into solutions yourself? It's better to be open and make compromises than to leave her in the dark and let her feel like it's her fault. I wish you both all the best.
It can very well become one of the triggers. If she can not stop you have to show her it is a trigger. Stand up and stop watchin the show, go for a walk or take headphones. And, frogging is gross. Keep your tongue and its saliva in your mouth. She is doing it on purpose.
I have misophonia too, a lot of sounds drive me absolutely insane, loud eating sounds are one of them. I think if my partner was able to make adjustments for that, I probably wouldn’t be able to stay with them. I don’t want to be uncomfortable around my partner, and I would be extremely uncomfortable if I had to listen to that all the time.
Here come the downvotes!! If any man of mine did this, I would find it unsexy and gross and if he insisted on doing it after I asked him to stop, I would end it right there. And no, this isn't controlling, it's common fucking courtesy. She can do that weird shit on her own time Your girlfriend knows you find this behavior off-putting. It's much less of a big deal for her to just stop doing it in front of you than it is for you to have to tolerate witnessing this f disgusting nonsense Break up with her. She sounds childish and exhausting. Edit - NTB FFS. My God. The table manners of these commenters must be appalling
Finally. I couldn't agree more, I feel like I'm in the fucking Twilight Zone reading these comments.
A man is saying he doesn't like something a woman does, so this sub responds in the predictable way by enabling gross behavior.
cuz they're qUiRkY too! Sounds rude, tbh, but I was raised by humans, not TV dramas.
Leave it to GenX to go rogue with the unpopular response :) Where I come from, if your SO asks you to stop doing something annoying & you still do it in front of them, you're being antagonistic. *Quirky* isn't an excuse for shitty behavior
I agree, while I understand people having their quirks, I think that eating properly is common courtesy. Loudly making noises while eating, or sticking your tongue into food is super weird and def something I would not be able to handle.
You would think table manners are common sense, but one of my exes would run his fingers across a plate if there was sauce leftover after eating... He did this in public. At a nice restaurant. The first time meeting my parents 🫠
Oh sweet baby Jesus. I'd be begging the floor to swallow me whole
U sound miserable
Hey, if you wanna blow bubbles in your milk, have at it. You're just not getting in my pants
Dunno why but it feels like people wouldn’t be siding so hard if it was a guy doing weird popcorn tricks every single time he ate popcorn. Regardless, NTB. She’s being annoying and being a bit mean about it. Asking her not to eat popcorn like a fkn frog when they watch something together is NOT the same as trying to change her entire being. Eating popcorn weird and giggling is a choice, not an unchangeable personality trait. Yall are weird.
FOR REAL. I can’t believe these comments calling OP childish! This sounds so fucking gross and rude. No one normal would continue to do this when they know it bothers someone! Why should he have to leave the room? What if they went to a restaurant and she starts frogging her food? Fucking insanity. I truly don’t understand most of the people in this thread
This comment thread is bonkers for sure. I have some gross habits that I go out of my way to NOT do in front of my husband, because guess what he has to live with me everyday and I’d prefer not to drive him up the wall. People are really here saying OP is “dimming her light” like are you kidding? Tell me you’ve never been in an adult relationship without telling me you’ve never been in adult relationship. Poor OP is trying to defend himself in the comments and say that he does truly love his gf and wants to spend quality time with her but this issue is just annoying. Guess what, most adults would find that annoying, i really don’t get the comments saying otherwise.
Seriously. Does she chew with her mouth open and eat ‘sketti with her bare hands too? It sounds like she’s trying way too hard to be quirky and adorable. Of course it’s annoying.
😂 if this was my biggest problem with my partner i would be absolutely thrilled anyone who micromanaged my popcorn consumption would not be okay with me 😂
No one is telling the woman not to consume popcorn, they’re just asking her to do it in a way that isn’t gross and weird. Come onnnn you really think maniacal giggling while “frogging it” is a hill to die on? It’s a choice man, and if your style of popcorn consumption is more important than a relationship that sounds pretty stable otherwise, then you can’t be reasoned with. I guess then you should find someone who eats popcorn the same way as you and you can be your froggy selves together. imagine a whole personality being based around eating popcorn a certain way.
to me it seems so fucking trivial and easily solved. don’t eat popcorn together. DONE it doesn’t sound like he ever communicated it in a way that conveys the severity of the problem for him. it sounded like he was telling her what to do over something dumb like the way someone breathes or eats popcorn.
i would be equally unaffected if anyone of any gender did this. it is simply just not that big of a deal. you could just as easily say he's being annoying and a bit mean by not just letting her eat the way she likes to in peace.
I eat popcorn the same way. if it bothers you ignore it, look away. If it makes her happy and it’s not hurting anybody, get over it Edit dictation error
I've never heard of this before, but we're setting up to have a movie day at home today and I am 100% going to eat my popcorn this way
It’s great because popcorn is typically dry and your tongue is wet so it sticks right to it! It makes it super easy to get it into your mouth without getting your fingers greasy
Except she’s holding the popcorn in her hand while she does it, so that negates her fingers getting greasy.
And some people chew with their mouths open . . . All around, it's bad manners. Especially if the person, like op, has misophonia--and they're watching a movie *together*.
same!! but i call it eating like a chicken
As someone who has misophonia (same as OP) tbh if someone wasn’t willing to make adjustments for me in that sense (trying not to eat so loud when I am around, etc) I wouldn’t be able to be with them. Also, things that trigger misophonia are literally not things you can just get over easily, it will always be a problem. They also can’t just look away and ignore it lol, it’s the sounds that really bother them. So saying get over it, really doesn’t help lol, that’s like telling someone with anxiety to stop being anxious. It’s not like he just doesn’t like it, he has misophonia, which is not fun to have lol. In my opinion, if someone cares more about eating popcorn in a silly way than they do about their partners being comfortable, they are a terrible partner.
NBH. I’ve eaten popcorn the same way and now I have a cute name for it. She can eat her food how she likes but I get that you don’t like hearing it. Perhaps you guys should switch to pretzels if you’re watching something together and leave popcorn as a solo snack.
Exactly. This is so easy. No need to control or annoy each other— just change snacks or don’t have a snack while cuddling.
EXACTLY! Can’t it be a boundary that their together snacks exclude popcorn?
Did you missed the comments were OP said he provides additional foods and has explicitly stated to her that he doesn’t enjoy that and she does it anyway and always office for the popcorn and ignores the other foods
My post was one of the very early ones before the OP added that information or made any comments. Thx!
You already have all the information you can have in this situation. You want her to stop doing this. She isn’t prepared to do so. Either you learn to live with it, or leave. What do you want from us?
💯
NTB - you’re allowed to want to be attracted to your partner and if them doing something weird and childish (which this really is if she’s an adult) makes you less attracted to her that she absolutely has control of and does not need to do, you’re allowed to communicate that to her and not be the buttface. I have misophonia and would lose my mind at this but also would have a very hard time finding my wife attractive if she did this every single time we ate popcorn.
100% agree. Cannot believe how many people are siding with FrogGirl.
The part about it making her seem child-like stood out to me. I cannot feel attracted to someone who acts like a child. If my partner was only speaking in Elmo voice when we watched tv together, I would lose my mind and my attraction. OP should remove all popcorn from the house and if she gets some on her own, pause the show and put something else on she likes, and go do a chore of some kind until she finishes the popcorn and then resume. It is disrespectful to continue doing a behaviour in front of someone who is obviously discomforted by it. Alternately OP could lean into it and talk like Kermit the Frog while she eats. She might like that but then maybe it can turn into something they do together.
NTB She squeals and giggles while she eats? That’s not “quirky” that’s borderline mental.
I’ll disagree and say NTB. In my opinion her behaviour is childish and it would bother me too. It would be like watching someone eat with their mouth open. Having said that, it sounds like she doesn’t care that it bothers you, so your option is accept it or find another girlfriend.
I would also find this off-putting. Asking your partner to do or not do something doesn't automatically mean you are controlling or trying to change them. It's part of the negotiations involved in spending a significant amount of time around another person. It becomes a problem if only one person is doing all the asking, or if only one is making adjustments for the other. Is this one of many things you've asked her to change, or would like her to change? Conversely, do you feel that you have made changes yourself out of consideration for her, but she doesn't reciprocate? If either is true, you should examine this relationship. Otherwise, I would ask her why she is unable to accommodate this small request from you. Compromise by both parties is part of any healthy relationship. NTB.
I don’t blame you at all. Listening to people chew and smack like that makes me want to rip out my eardrums
I can't believe people think this is a normal thing for her to be doing, it's disgusting. That made me gag just thinking about it holy shit
Omg just dump her, that’s so gross and inmature.
Cringe is a personal/individual reaction. NGL it might (probably would) bug me a lot too. For whatever reasons. Can’t y’all remove popcorn from your together time?
I think you’re NTB. To me? This is comparable to *always* beginning to talk after a forkful of food. I had a friend who *sucked* her fingers after every chip. Thumb & forefinger pick up a chip. Put it in the n her mouth. She chews and swallows chip. Before picking up the next chip? She’d put her *entire* thumb (down to the base) in her mouth and suck it clean while pulling it out. Followed by the *entire* forefinger (down to the base) sucked clean. Not a lick to the tips … *she sucked clean the entire digit*. ~shivvers~ Thank god she was just a friend so that I didn’t have to see (& hear!) that too often. So I get that, in the beginning, “frogging it” might have been an amusing & cute quirk - but y’all might as well be telling OP that he has to sit back and accept his girlfriend’s quirk of picking her nose non-stop while sharing a bowl of popcorn when watching movies. The Fact that y’all don’t seem to understand that there will -*and have to be*- compromises in a relationship … because each of us do, *or will do,* something that bugs the c-r-a-p out of a partner? Boggles the mind about your supposed “rights.” Cause there needs to be open & honest communication and, yes, *compromises* when in a relationship. And if “frogging it” is OPs breaking point? Better to talk about it and set the foundation for communication *and compromise* in their relationship now … not wait 3yrs till every little thing the other person does is fingernails on a chalkboard AKA a “frogging it” bite & munch - or whatever comparable reference your generation gets.
NTB It's not too much to ask of your partner not to eat like a fucking animal.
NTB I don't think you're overreacting, but people in this comment section def are. We all have little things that annoy us about our partners and just in general. You are not "dimming her light" because you nicely asked her to stop doing one thing that bothers you. It also doesn't mean you don't love her or that you should break up. It's so weird to me that someone wouldn't try and make an effort to stop doing something that bothers the person they love. I'm pretty sure she will be ok if she can't eat popcorn like a frog around you.
I'm going with ntb. Seems a lot of people enjoy listening to people making horrible lip smacking noises which is weird not quirky. Once or twice is fine but for every piece I think she's the one that needs to grow up. There are certain noises I can't stand it goes through me so my partner doesn't do them around me now. Cause he's respectful. Just like I don't do things that he doesn't like. Eating food in strange ways constantly isn't quirky it's weird. I'd just say you need to not do that so close to my ear, it's grating on me and it makes me resentful of you for not respecting that. We can cuddle or you can frog popcorn but it can't be both. While I wouldn't necessarily break up with someone over it (at first) if they chose that they couldn't possibly go a few hours not eating popcorn specifically or eating it normally and ended it I wouldn't waste my time crying over it.
Regardless of the reason, she smacks and makes a lot of noise when she eats. I also would be put off and not be able to be around that. Until she learns how to close her mouth when she eats, NTB. She chooses to chew that way, she can do better but of course you can't force her.
I came to this post boutta yell at you for not letting your gf crochet.
NTb, but decide if you want to live with her; she does something that she knows annoys you, and won’t stop.
When people love each other, they make accommodations for each other's quirks and sensitivities. You've told her that this minor habit of hers bothers you, and she doesn't care about your discomfort. She refuses to change this minor thing to please you and make you more comfortable. I think you should spend some time thinking about the balance in your relationship. Are you always the one that needs to accommodate her preferences, or does she ever adjust her behavior to accommodate you? Her refusal to make this simple accommodation for you indicates to me that she is fairly selfish and doesn't care.very much about you. It seems to be a serious relationship problem, and I think you should suggest couples counseling to discuss it.
NTBF. That's gross.
NTB. I’m actually surprised at some of the comments in here.
I would love to know the age range in the comments here because if my kid was doing this frogging I would put a stop to it, I cannot imagine a developmentally average adult woman is continuing to do this.
Certified "quirky girl" here. Made up vocabulary, goofy sense of humor, vintage inspired wardrobe, diagnosed ADHD, eclectic decor, brightly colored junk food habit, commitment issues, etc, etc. Obnoxious "table manners" are not a quirk, they are gross. You have the right to draw the line there. She can frog when you're not around. You are not telling her to shrink herself, you are asking to enjoy the peace of what should be a peaceful moment. NTB
You left out some important ass information by omitting you have misophonia. For someone without it, what you're describing is a very unreasonable reaction. For someone with it, that may not be the case, depending on severity. Its the difference between you being the buttface and there being no buttfaces here. Fundamentally, she gets to eat popcorn the way she wants. If it genuinely is impacting your mental health, then you fundamentally have a duty to yourself to protect yourself. Finding a way to balance both of these needs is not unreasonable. If it wasn't for the misophonia, I'd be strongly encouraging you to examine why your mental health is being impacted byvthis, but I think the answer to that is pretty clear.
I get why people have their opinions changed based on my misophonia but I don’t think it’s the biggest problem I have with the situation, it’s more the principle? I guess? She’s doing something that makes me uncomfortable, that I’ve told her makes me uncomfortable, that I’ve proved alternatives to, that I’ve repeatedly spoken to her about, and it feels like she’s ignored me. I realize that that may sound controlling and I definitely think it’s emotionally driven rather than pure logic
I don’t have misophonia and from your description I would not spend one more second of my life with someone who is giggling and squealing while eating snacks like a barn animal. No thank you, she can go back to the lilypad with her quirks.
If you think the reason you're uncomfortable is irrelevant to the conversation, then you are a buttface entirely independently of this. If your demand was unreasonable, then the answer would be that you have to suck it up, buttercup. Your misophonia is what makes you reasonable; if you don't care about that, then yeah, YTB.
Just politely ask her to do it when she’s not cuddling you. Like sit next to you or a seat away and then cuddle when she’s done.
if you LOVE the way you drink water, and see absolutely no reason to change it. ur gf thinks its disgusting and repeatedly tells you to stop. imagine this gave her ”mental issues”. Obviously youd feel shes being an ass? am i wrong? as this other persln said, the misophonia would be the only reason i can understand you. But you feel shes being inconsiderate, than its not really about her being childish. I think you really need to realize this is something uve got to drop and not be hung up on. Id go absolutely crazy if my bf told me not to drink water in a certain way, or eat a snack in a way i obv feel comfortable doing around him. and then he feels like im being inconsiderate of his feelings. I think you need to let this go. She shouldnt take ur feelings into account if its unreasonable. If its that unbearable obv ur not a great match and she can find someone else who will love her and tolerate her fucking inhaling of popcorn. Just drop it. it is controlling wether u like it or not. just cus ur not usually controlling doesnt mesb ur not being it abt this. As i said, if this was a reasonable request i could understand, but ur really being the buttface
He does go on to say it’s primarily not the misophonia though. It’s thinking it’s childish.
Then he should take himself out to the curb with the rest of the trash. "I like people who are quirky and whimsical! Not *that* quirky and whimsical!"
NTB, I would find this off putting, especially since she's nearing 30
How about not stocking popcorn, or hiding it when she’s visiting?
NTA! Dealbreaker
You’re absolutely correct in my opinion. I really don’t see how it would be this big of a deal for you girlfriend to just eat popcorn in a different way for the sake of her partner
Info: How old is she and how old are you? Does she work or have income? Do you live together? You mentioned in a comment that you “primarily finance her different art stuff” and that she doesn’t have a license. With that additional info, plus your choice to omit your aged, it sounds like you might be older dating someone who is too young for you and are now shocked that she is acting young.
He's 26 she's 28
Oh good, at least that’s not a factor, then!
NBF. She shouldn’t completely ignore your feelings on this. So many commenters here are ridiculous
NTA Hi OP. I'm really wondering how you end up handling this and how it goes because--yeah, I get it. When a friend or boyfriend is obviously uncomfortable with something I do--especially if this has been literally stated to me--I'D be the asshole to keep doing it anyway! Because that's basically saying: What you think and feel doesn't matter to me whatsoever, so suck it up. Mean and disrespectful, right?! So if your girlfriend wants to eat popcorn in a rude and annoying way, let her so her weird eating jive *when she's alone". There's plenty of other food to eat while doing things together!! *Anything* that gets in the way of comfort and happiness in a relationship should be dumped: life's too short to suffer someone else's insufferable actions--no matter how much you love them. It comes down to your feelings being respected. If your girlfriend refuses to respect you in such a small thing as not eating popcorn in a way it's offensive--then how is she going to act when there are big things that are bothering you? If you can, if you can give us an update as to how this all worked out, that would be so awesome. But if not, I wish you luck with this. if you can't trust her with a little things, how on earth are you guys going to deal with things that are really big and in full things like money, housing, work functions, etc.
NAH She's not an AH for eating in a way that's fun for her, but I also don't think you're an AH for being annoyed. If I was trying to watch a movie and someone was doing that right in my ear, it would be annoying and distracting for me. I'd start refusing to watch movies (or have snacks with movies) with a person who did that
NTB - you are triggered by this form of eating and she should be considerate of this. You are not asking her to completely change, *just to change this one thing when she is around you*. She can keep frogging when you are not around.
That sounds really gross. I'm not understanding this whole "don't date someone cute and quirky if you can't handle them!" when this doesn't sound cute or quirky, just gross and weird. If my partner was grossing me out, I'd tell him.
It's a stupid attention grabbing affectation. She's a wannabe manic pixie dream girl and they are so EXHAUSTING. I guess when I was very young I was like that when I was trying to figure out who I was in the world but realized how fake and pathetic it was. She's pretty shallow and inconsiderate.
"There is only so much frogging a man can take." I will find a way to slip this into normal conversation. Thank you!
Please tell me that you understand how unhygienic it is especially if you share a bowl of popcorn.
Please explain how it is anymore unhygienic than any other way to eat popcorn? I mean I think it is ridiculous that she will not make this ONE TINY concession for him, but if she has her hand full of popcorn and uses her tongue to touch the piece of popcorn to eat it, it is no more or less hygienic than the way people normally eat it.
Oof. The name for it is disgusting. Sounds like a sexual act or walking around the house with her butt hanging out. I had no idea. The actual act would make me vomit. No joke. It sounds disgusting just reading the description. If she did this once I would find it kinda gross but that would be it. To only eat popcorn this way is maniacal. You say she has good qualities, but I’m wondering if she is displaying immature tendencies in other ways. I’d start watching for those and make decisions about whether or not I want to remain in a relationship with someone so gross and immature. If she won’t change it, then you have a decision to make. Personally, I’d be out. NTB.
I found a new way to eat popcorn. Thanks.
NBH - stuff like this happens in relationships. Behaviors once deemed adorable or not thought about too much may turn into pet peeves over time. You've established in the comments that you love your GF and this isn't a hill you will let your relationship die on. So please just talk to her, tell her how the "frogging" makes you feel irritated and you'd hate to let this get between you even further. Save movie night together and communicate stuff like that earlier in the future so you won't have to write to reddit because you're close to losing your mind over it. Also, I kinda wanna try eating popcorn like your GF does now. I promise I won't do it in your presence tho OP ;)
YBF. "frogging" isn't from new girl. this is your problem. you don't get to draw the line between "quirky" and "childish", and tbh you sound like the kind of guy who dreamed about the "manic pixie girl" and then couldn't handle it when you realized she's an actual human being. either make your peace with it, or tell her you aren't emotionally mature enough and break up to work on yourself.
So I’m going with ESH because that’s how it seems. OP she’s an adult and she gets to eat weird if that is what she wants to do. In the interest of being a happy couple one would hope she would consider eating popcorn by herself or with others who don’t care and go to town however she likes. You also as an adult get to have a boundary that you won’t sit with someone who can’t eat without sound effects. So if she wants to eat popcorn by frogging while you are together then she eats it alone. You aren’t making her stop nor are you telling her it’s bad. You’re only saying you don’t want to hear it. I personally wouldn’t be able to tolerate the lip smacking noise for even 5 minutes let alone 45 minutes. So you all can find another snack to eat while cuddling during movie/tv time, she can eat popcorn and watch by herself until the popcorn is gone or you determine this is your hill to die on and you end the relationship. I will say the following because I’ve found it to be true. When a partner in a relationship does something purposely knowing it bothers/grosses out/aggravates their SO it tends to start impacting other areas of the relationship. That’s because there is already irritation and then something else happens that usually might have been a meh but now it just pisses you off so the aggravation just grows.
I think it's not the way she eats her popcorn that bothers you, it's the acting childish that is a put off. It's making her less attractive in your eyes, and maybe that's the part you should have a conversation about. If I don't want a partner who acts childish, I make sure I pick one who is and acts more mature. If it's really the popocorn that is gross to you, you can only imagine how a woman feels when their bf is around. The last man I lived with would have his hand is his boxers and be playing with his balls while we were eating dinner. That is just the tip of the iceberg, we clean their pee, wash their dirty underwear, pop their pimples, clean their dishes, etc. I'd take frogpopcorn over this anytime. If it bothers you, do the smart thing and remove yourself.
How long have you known about her way of eating popcorn?
I feel your pain. As someone who has certain sensitivities to sounds (like eating sounds) I truly empathize. I dated a guy who when eating anything crunchy would open mouth, pop item in his mouth, CRUNCH!, then close his mouth to chew. Yes I did have a whole conversation about the order of operations of chewing. I framed it super apologetically because it’s 100% MY issue. I was very clear that he’s not wrong (arguable? 😭) and explained misophonia to him. I stated this is something that I’m working on being less sensitive too, and until I get there if he could support me by being more aware of his crunchy chewing habits I would be so appreciative. He was completely cool with it. He got better about it, I got better about it, and also invested in several pairs of earbuds for the days when I’m tired and can’t manage. So don’t “tell” her she can’t do it anymore. YWBTB. Have an open conversation, explain to her what misophonia is, and ask for her support. Don’t make her wrong. Don’t judge her. And also, if you can figure out some coping skills to help manage your feelings/reactions to auditory triggers, even better.
Show her this post and let her make her own decision.
You have your likes and dislikes just like everyone and that is definitely alright. If she doesn’t want to change how she eats popcorn maybe you could get some of those tv headsets so it blocks out her munching in your ear and you can still watch the movie or you just don’t watch movies together snuggled on the lounge or last resort you don’t watch movies with her. I’m the same as you i absolutely hate listening to people chewing especially if it’s open mouthed and right in your ear.
Stop eating snacks while you guys are watching TV together.
NTB. It's noisy, it's back washy. It's not even something cute that her family did in her childhood, it's just from a TV show. Also some annoyance at gross noises is completely normal. My husband makes a noise with his sinuses that annoys me, so he does it around me less often.
NTB Here is my reasoning: 1) I personally adore popcorn and the visual description you painted made me gag. 2) my grandma used to do this with popcorn because she had no teeth/the kernels would get stuck in her dentures and it made me sick to watch. She had no choice. 3) my husband has misophonia and we both have to work together on it; the very thought of doing exposure therapy with him on something like this makes my skin crawl. She's an adult and can do whatever she wants, but I think she should be considerate around you if it makes you uncomfortable. This is the sort of thing in a relationship that can be compromised on. Maybe she could make extra buttery popcorn so that it sort of mashes up with the butter before eating?
if this was my man and it was the biggest problem we had i would get over it. it’s popcorn. is she on the spectrum? bc having weird ways of eating things and getting a disproportionate amount of joy from it is a common thing here 😂
I think you're confusing regular annoyance with "mental health". They are not interchangeable.
I think it’s bizarre that yall eat popcorn often enough for this to be an actual issue. Maybe get her some different snacks?
You are a fantastic writer!!! Also, I, too, have misophonia, so I get it. However, in this case, the name seems more offensive than anything else going on. Best of luck.
That’s gross and weird. It would be cute if it was once in a while. She needs to grow up and learn how to eat like a normal adult.
This is amazing please give your gf my number 😂
Stop buying and making popcorn no popcorn no frogging it problem solved
Dump her You can't tell her how or what to eat. But if it drives you crazy, end the relationship. She sounds disgusting.
That's how I eat popcorn too! I've never heard the term "frog if" before, but I like it. I don't really get how it's louder or more obnoxious-sounding than eating popcorn the regular way. Wouldn't people still smack their lips either way?
ETB like. It's weird to get this defensive about it but if something bothers your partner that is easily stopped...stop. Yall ain't gonna last at all. This is a fight over the stupidest thing I've ever heard, I can't see you compromising through a truly important issue.
Whether or not you are TBF Is dependent on how you expressed your discomfort with the popcorn eating. If it really bothers you, it's better to say something, but it's just her eating a snack, so it's not something you really can feel outrage about rightfully, it's just a thing that bothers you. But still, better to say something. So you're only a partial butt face, and then only if you were rude. I would ask her if there's one thing you do that really bugs her but she didn't want to bother you telling you. And then make an agreement that you will not do these two things in front of each other. Done deal.
suck up and maybe hold it as a pass card saying you've made her feel safe to be her childlike self and get an indulgence of yourself
I love frogging
Making a mountain out of molehill?
Let her frog it. My boyfriend takes a big handful and shoves the whole thing into his mouth making a mess everywhere. I'd rather he frogged it every time.
Absolutely yes
More info needed: have you yourself tried frogging?
You would really hate me. I lick all the salt off my potato chips before I eat them and I eat off the crunchy parts of popcorn and save the ball in my hand until I have a whole handful of balls and then I eat them all at once.
As someone with misophonia, I’d sooner kill myself than sit next to someone doing that lol
Lol I know it's awful and the weirdest part is I have moderate misophonia just not for myself.
This sounds like a prompt for a modern day Seinfeld episode. I’m gonna go with ESH cause her eating popcorn that way is disgusting and immature and OP could just walk away or break up if it bothers them that much.
YTB Just ignore it if it bothers you bro
I was previously able to ignore it when it was a couple times a month but it’s recently become more and more common and become a bit unmanageable for me, I do wish I could just ignore it though
Why are you eating so much popcorn?? Just stop.
Does she make yoshi noises every time she eats a piece of popcorn? What noises are involved? I eat popcorn this way sometimes and there are no noises other than the normal chewing noises. Is she chewing with her mouth open? Have you ever tried eating popcorn that way? What does eating popcorn “like a normal person” even mean? Putting one kernel in your mouth at a time? A few? A whole handful?
Leave the room every time she does it. I know you don’t want to give up your cuddle time, but this is the way. She will get the picture. If she doesn’t, you have another problem on your hands.
The picture being her bf is a dumbass?
No, the girl being a dumbass thinking her frogging is cute.
or that he has misophonia and is excusing himself
hes said its not the misophonia but rather her ”not being considerate of his feelings”
oh I'm not defending him, it would be a conclusion she could draw from him walking out. I've got pending questions to him about the age and income situation given that he funds her art projects and she can't drive.
mildly controlling/ manipulative suggestion. and childish aswell
Or a hard boundary ? I can’t chance what you do, it bothers me, I can excuse myself until you’re finished. Win win. Not manipulative.
This is like telling her that you hate her laugh or smile. YTB
It’s really not like either of those things at all lmao
OMG I thought I was the only one who does that! I didn't even know it had a name, Well I'll be darned. 🐸
When will people learn you can’t tell them how to behave? You don’t get to tell her how to eat popcorn, and no you don’t get to pull out the “bad for my mental health” bullshit about it either. What you can do is decide to break up with her. Or decide not to be in the same room when she eats popcorn. You can decide how /you/ will behave, not someone else.
Good gods. Get over yourself.
im sure everyone has ”icks” or stuff w their partner they dislike. u either live w it or u dont. mby ur uncompatible. mby she should find someone who wont think shes disgusting by eating popcorn. she has no obligation to conform to the girl u want her to be, she is who she is. a real person. i feel like men have a real hard time to grasp this if girls dont conform. deal w it or leave. honestly
Ugh YTB chief
YTA build a bridge and get over it.
YTB. Get over it. Stop trying to control her, you have no right.
YTB Anytime I hear someone say their GF or BF have this “quirky” trait that is cute, or endearing, or silly…and then they find it annoying because they realize that’s who the person is… It’s so infuriating. So many people seem to think “quirky” habits are just going to pop up here and there and not how someone is always going to do something …
I approve of girlfriend
Annoying? Absolutely. But…If this is your only complaint YTB. Maybe make an agreement never to eat popcorn in each other’s presence. Problem solved.
Problem: gf doesn’t seem to want to not eat popcorn when with him as even when he provides other snacks she likes she only picks popcorn
Are you 5 bro? Seriously First World Problems. You wouldn’t BIBF you’d be TFAH!
This would drive me nuts!! But YTA either you find a way to deal with it or break up with her
YTB. I’ve definitely enjoyed popcorn that way, though I never called if such a genius name.
There are plenty of wars to pick in a relationship, this is not one of them. Let the girl eat her damn popcorn and get over it
Homefry - you obviously love your lil weirdo. Just keep doing that and stfu about the popcorn and find a way to deal. Been with my husband nearly 20 years this mfer still CANNOT close a fucking door properly. Shit drives me mad!!!! Do I say anything? No. Because it's not worth it. He adores me and practically worships me who the fuck am I to harp on something that takes me TWO SECONDS to fix. Choose your battles wisely and well. The people we love will ALWAYS upset us the most and it is OUR job to make sure they only hear about it when that upset is VALID. THIS is NOT valid.
YTB and your edit confirms it. You don’t need a sit down chat about how she eats popcorn. You don’t get to control that. You also CAN get up and walk away, you just choose not to and instead want to change how she eats a snack.
This is exactly how I eat popcorn. Especially if there’s butter on it, it keeps your hands from getting greasy. I don’t understand why you find it gross?
Get over yourself dude
YTB There are many things a relationship needs to withstand the turmoil. How your gf eats popcorn is so freaking minor, a rational person would be willing to overlook it. Get over it.