Worked with someone who couldn't give a rats about his job, just turned up - did bare minimum - clocked off. His nickname was Harvey Norman. 5 years, no interest.

Heard that once before and cracked up so hard. That's such a rippa

Milo, because he isn't quick

Same theme, but a local here is called taillight, because he isn't bright enough to be a headlight

I knew two brothers with the surname Quick. They were chocolate and strawberry Quick because of the colour of their hair.

My Dad knew three brothers with the last name Spoon. Youngest was Tea, middle was Soup, and the eldest was Ladle.

My dads nickname is Nadsy, which is a derivative of "gonads" which is a term used to identify testicles 😂😂 When he was younger, his brother and friends were picking on him cause he was asking "what are nads/gonads" or something along those lines and they started calling him Nadsy. It's stuck to this day into his 50s 😂 Now that he has grandkids, he wants to be called "grandnads" 🫠🫠

Your dad is a legend 🤣

Thanks, I'm sure he'd appreciate it lmao. My grandma (his mum) is mortified over "grandnads" and I tried to fight it, saying granddad, but I've realised that resistance is futile and it'll be Grandnads no matter the effort I put in 😂😂😂 Edit: thankfully neither of my kids are talking yet 😂

I’m picturing a kid in kindergarten making a card for Father’s Day and writing “Dear Grandnad” and the teacher correcting it thinking they can’t spell.

This is 100% what my grandma said. People will think that they can't say granddad properly and being corrected 😂

Your dad is truly the last of a dying breed. Embrace the insult, wear it for life.

Worked with a bloke who we called "clock" had one arm significantly shorter than the other.

I worked with a guy who had one arm shorter than the other, whose name is Ben. He seemed nice enough and By the end of his first week he was comfortable enough to have given himself the nickname of “Big Ben” on his Nametag and was proudly showing a group of about 12 of us before our daily prestart meeting. I instantly told him that I thought it was a hilarious and clever joke (and I was impressed that he was prepared to take the piss out of himself for a lighthearted group laugh)but instead of saying thanks he looked confused and asked me what I meant. This then confused me so I said “Big Ben - like the clock. You know, because your name is Ben and you also have a little hand…” He didn’t speak to me for a while after that

>He didn’t speak to me for a while after that He got a bit wound up hey?

He’s now ticked off

Worked with a muscles type of dude that only worked the same machine on the same side and had one huge arm and one fucking ginormous arm.... He was muddy....

Lol why??

Mud crabs often have one claw much bigger then the other.

Worked with another tradie whose surname was Price and his height was about 5 ft 2. Everyone called him Half-Price.

If he’d been even shorter you could’ve called him Fisher Price.

Short stocky bloke my uncle worked with on a construction site back in Ireland called Anthony, everyone called him Shetland Tony. Also a really old fella who was one of the electricians called "Jurassic Spark".

A bald headed dude they called mudguard. Shiny on top, shit underneath.

Translated to proper Aussie would be even better - Mud flap

My mate played cricket with an ageing hippy type who had long flowing white hair and, from team shower legend, was extremely well endowed. His nickname was "Desert Orchid" (older redditors may need to google this; SFW).

Ok. I looked it up. FWIW, Desert Orchid was a gelding.

Hilarious stuff

I met a bloke once through a mate whose nickname was Flipper. Thought it was maybe something to do with dolphins but apparently he was with a woman for like 3 years but then she broke up with him because she came out, and then started dating women. His mates started calling him Flipper after that. When I heard it the first time it made me laugh, but then one of them told me it had happened like 10 years before, which I found weird because he basically had to explain to every new girl he dated why he was called Flipper.

Shit my dad had a friend called Flipper up in New Castle, and apparently, it was because he flipped overboard on a fishing boat 🤣

Is that what he told you?

Of course there’s the classic ‘Blister’.. always shows up after the hard works done

Daisy: some daisy works... most daisy doesn't.

Lantern - has to be carried

Sensor light only works when someone walks past

Similarly ‘Moth’. Hangs around all night until you turn the lights out.

Like showbags, full of shit and you've gotta carry him all day.

Mates with Foreskin. When it gets hard, he fucks off.

Met a guy before who was known as ‘The Sniper’ because he got a girl pregnant when he lost his virginity. All he needed was one shot. Another guy called ‘Spider’ because he once bought 4 pairs of trousers in one shopping trip.

Imagine just talking about your weekend buying clothes, and now your mates perpetually brand you 'spider' because you shop in bulk lmao

"I can never find pants that fit right, so when I found some at a decent price I bought multiples and in multiple colours."  "Sure thing spider."

We have an islander feller at work who looks like the rock but smaller so everyone calls him The Pebble.

NRL player back in the day called Phil Sigsworth. His nickname was "watsapacka".

Roy and HG coined that one, I believe. They also came up with “Smell Myfinger” for Mal Meninga and “Petrol Seventycentsalitre” for Petero Civoniceva.

My daughter use to sit next to me while we listened to Roy and HG and till this day says you can't have a nickname unless it is given to you by Roy anf HG.

I used to watch Roy and HG with my Dad when I was kid. I knew nothing about sports, but they were still very funny.

According to those two, Wendell Sailor's nickname was "Hello", and Shane Webcke was Big Pond.

I seem to recall Andrew Johns being called “The Unmade Bed.” Pretty sure Glen Lazarus was “The Brick With Eyes.” I have a vague memory of them mentioning “The Doctor’s Feet” but I can’t remember who they were referring to. My face used to hurt with laughter from listening to them call the Origin on Triple J.

Butternut Pumpkinpatch

And “back door Benny” lol a favourite of mine

I started calling one of my supervisors “Jockey”. He asked me why. I told him every time we asked him to do something he’d reply “I’ll get onto it”. He quickly stopped saying that.

We had a HR manager we called “mirrors” because he always replied either “I’ll look into it”

Noah, always took everything on board.

I knew a bloke whose nickname was Spongebob. He had a massive arse that was unusually square. As soon as I heard that nickname I lost my shit as it was so accurate.

Showbags. Because he was full of shit.

We've started calling a bloke at work Feathers. He is going bald and looks a bit like a plucked chicken. Surprisingly he finds it funny too and wearing the name as a bit of a badge of honour

All the best people get on board with nicknames, so long as they're given with love

Mate was pretty short and a cop. We called him 'short arm of the law' and 'officer low tower'

Saw one where a bloke on a building site was called “two stroke” because he’s noisey and smokes a lot

i’ve heard that nickname/insult used for blokes who experience premature ejaculation

We had an absolute bitch of a GM years ago who we named “Husqvarna” because she’d had two strokes

A guy I know worked with a bloke called Wayne Bruce. Everyone called him Man Bat.

My dad told me that story years ago 👀 might be the same guy! Sydney?

Yep, Sydney. Advertising industry, I believe.

Brilliant!

Bloke in the army had an unusual gait when marching. We called him god - because he moves in mysterious ways

Haha was expecting “snipers nightmare” with that one

Lol. I’ve heard ‘Sniper’s dream’ for a bloke with a big head.

Bob Mortimer's mate in Would I Lie to You? Bob's hilarious.

I worked with a guy years ago, in his same year at his boys high school, one of the lads only had one testy. They called him Only One Kenobi.

We had the same, we just called him Oddball

We had a dude nicknamed powerball due to a lost nut

My husband has a friend called "Shit Lips". All because when they were young blokes (17 give or take), he passed out in the backyard on some dog shit and it got his his upper lip. I asked my husband what his actual name is, and he just shrugged and said can't remember. They're 36 now 😂

I've had my nickname since I was probably 11, I'm 42 now and have mates that get confused when someone calls me my actual name. Some of them only realised what my real name was when Facebook came along

I know a shit lips too. He got that name because he hit a dog turd with the whipper snipper and it splattered on his mouth. 😂

I knew a guy who got the nickname 'Sauce' because he had red hair, eventually he got sick of being called that and decided to dye his hair black. In the end, his nickname changed ..... to Soy Sauce

We had a mate we called coffee cos he had stained teeth. He got them whitened one day and came into work smiling whilst saying “guess you can’t call me anymore” we all looked at each other then someone yells “COFFFFFEEEEEEE” and we all cracked up. His nickname remained coffee. He absolutely hated it

I knew a sexyfingers because everything he touched ended up fucked.

Yes I say passion fingers in my locale

Yep I know this guy but we call him Dickfingers

I like Errol (Flynn) for the same reason...

Passion Fingers also works

I worked with “Speedbump” who was short, black, and round. Went to school with “Ham”, which made no sense until I met his siblings “Cheese” and “Tomato”. All named for sandwich fillings, because they were inbred.

Ham, Cheese and Tomato. Inbred. I cant stop laughing

I'm fuckin dying..... 5 tradies on site crying their asses off. Shame I can only upvote once

Bloke at work who no matter what it was anyone had done he'd done it better or knew a better way to do it got the nickname Two Shits cause if you'd had one shit he'd had two.

There was a rugby leage player named Matt Hilder. His nicname was waltzing. Waltzing Matilda.

Bloke at the pub called Perth because he is 3 hours behind everybody else, also wouldn't shout if a shark bit him.

Knew someone who was very dour and un-energetic at work. Really slow to do anything. Her colleagues called her Monsoon. A slow moving depression

Not a person but a thing. In the first Gulf War (1991) the British Army introduced a new rifle, the SA80. It had multiple teething problems, including jamming very easily from sand. Less than ideal in a desert environment. It very quickly earned the nickname “the civil servant” (a government employee for those not British) because it never worked and couldn’t be fired.

Not mine, however. A dude nicknamed "Rice", cause his name was Barry Mathews.. Baz Matty..

Bloke who had a toe missing.....they called him milk....lacked toes......

I love how creative Aussie nicknames can be, often with a second layer of explanation lol

If it explains itself it isn't a good nickname

Knew a guy at school (in the 80s) whose nickname was Pope. His actual first name was Jean-Paul. This was quite unusual in Australia in the 80s.

My grandad worked on the waterfront, pre-containerisation, with a bloke nicknamed the Judge because he was always sitting on a case.

My Stepdad worked with a very dumb man. He nicknamed him Cement Head. Cement Head was asked why that was his nickname and he replied "because I own a boat!" He thought my Stepdad was calling him Seaman Ted.

This reminds me of a book I read where one of the characters was called "Cat Molester" because when asked what he wanted to be called, that's what he said. Later on in the book another character asks why he's called that and "Cat Molester" said something like "well they asked what I wanted to be called and I said Captain Lester, but they misheard me and I couldn't be bothered correcting them."

The slowest rigger I ever worked with got the nickname Mortis.

Penfold. She thought it was because she liked drinking wine. But in reality we named her after the character from danger mouse because she was also a mole.

On a footy trip we nicknamed the bus driver Jungle because he was thick and dense. I worked with my Dad for a few years for BOC gases. His workmates in the office starting calling him SOC - silly old cunt. He loved it. Mum was aware of the joke but told peeps it was Silly Old Coot

Aww bless your sweet mum

"The Mower" Referring to a guy called Victor. We joke he's louder and causes more damage than the aformentioned garden machinery. PS Trigger alert if this comes across as too cutting.

I forgot - he's not in the last bit forlorn....

But was he a good ride? Did he cut your grass (as in move in on the girl you were chatting up) Likely to be up early on weekends?

During high school, my friends and I had many nicknames for people. More like code names because we didn’t speak to these people, we’d just reference them as so. One was clock-fart. Why? Because during class the clock fell off the wall and landed with a smash, startling him and causing him to fart loudly.

I was working on a construction project in Mexico City and the crew kept calling our excavator operator the Immortal. I asked why. They said since he only had one leg that he’d never be able to “kick the bucket”. This was all said in Spanish so it had a bit more humour to it.

When living in London years ago I worked with a guy called Oliver Sheppard. He introduced himself as "Oliver Sheppard - with two Ps". He was instantly nicknamed "Two Ps", which quickly became "Tuppance" as in the slang for a 2 penny coin. Brilliant.

There was a bloke called ‘Hydraulic’ cos he’d lift anything decent thrown in the bin.

Midnight Spares was a bloke in my home town, he built an entire car for $10.

A bloke I worked with was called daisy.. some days he turned up some days he didn't...

my 1st year apprentice chef came in after his days off with a bad rash on his top lip and nostrils...I knew he was on a bender all weekend... After racking my brain for a bit I realised he had been sniffing Amyl Nitrate all weekend... His nickname became NITRO.

Lantern. Not very bright and has to be carried… Gunna, always “gunna” do something but rarely does

>Lantern. Not very bright and has to be carried Just remembered Fluoro. From fluorescent light - flickers for the longest time before it finally switches on.

Shiny was easily distracted. Bowling ball wasn't particularly sharp. Shooter was super angry at work. Hurricane is the guy who comes into the room, causes mass destruction then disappears to continue the chaos elsewhere.

Seagull works for hurricane too Comes in squawks a lot Shits on everything And leaves

Damn. There is a really specific coworker I'm never going to be able to think of the same way again.

I've worked with "Wheelbarrow" because he only worked when pushed. We've had a guy that got called "Jesse" after the dog in family guy, because he had no legs to stand on. We also have a guy with a lazy eye. He's called "Hughesy, hughesy looking at" "Blew eyes, one blew this way, one blew that way" or "Mortgage eyes, one fixed, one variable"

I worked with a guy with a lazy eye. You could take the piss out of him for everything else but he'd go off if you mentioned his eye. Occasionally we'd adjust one side of his spotlights on his F100 up and across to the left mirroring his natural gaze. He threatened to pulverise anyone if he caught them doing it.

Wowcastle. Guy was so dumb he was like a gold fish swimming around a small bowl. Every lap he’d see the little castle in there with him and say “wow, castle!”

Heard this one on the radio. Guy with one leg shorter than the other so he would wobble when he walked. Got called "The Snipers Nightmare"

I was at a bush pub getting a beer, and the bartender looks over my shoulder ‘oh hey Wingnut!’ Bloke had massive ears

We’re a family of wingnuts. We call my brother Trophy, just to distinguish him from the others.

Garfield, he was a fat lazy ranga.

A guy we called “Bing”. He had been hanging out of a moving car window doing dumb shit and his head hit a metal road sign on a pole. “Bing” was the sound his head made when hitting it. He almost died.

I worked as sound crew. There were mechs and loaders who went by “Monster”, “Crash”, and “Cuntox”. We were working the Sound install for [Big American Musical] and the fancy touring FOH guy asked for “The name of the forklift driver, I just want to move those subs about a foot offstage.” My mate Shaneo: “That’s Cuntox” Fancy FOH guy: (big pause) “You’re serious. I can’t call him that”. Shaneo: “HEY CUNTOX!” Cuntox (for it is he): “Yeah what?” Shaneo: “Can ya bump that pallet of subs another foot offstage?” Cuntox (for this is what he was called): “Yeah righto”.

As a not Australian dude who’s been to your awesome country six times so far (mostly military exchange training stuff) I absolutely love the level of thought that goes into your nicknames and insults. It’s absolutely inspiring.

No worries Doll.

Nicely done

There was one courier who delivered to my workplace, who wore a high visibility turban. One of my workmates nicknamed him "the turbanator".

Had this dude at school who liked to big mouth about how good he was at stuff (and invariably when put to the test, wasn’t). His last name was Plenty so his nickname was POB - Plenty Of Bullshit.

That Aussie cricketer they called Hanoi, coz he gets bombed every night.

Chocolate teapot. Impressive but melts when it does the job its supposed to do

This thread is HILARIOUS. I’m sitting on my lounge laughing/crying. Choked on my coffeee too

My small, hairy mate worked at Maccas back in the early 2000's... people called him Nugget McBaggins.

Hot Wheels as his name was often shortened to Matt L.

Watching a doco on RAAF fighter pilots and there was a guy they called "Doughnuts". Had his name painted on an F18 in a later scene and his surname was Duncan.

Used to call my old bosses wife Gastro. Because she gave everyone the shits

When I lived in Darwin, I shared a house with three other blokes. My nickname was Skinny because I was the only one with a foreskin lol.

Worked with a guy they called Paddles, took me months to learn his actual name was Rowan

Allegedly, Ewan McGregor’s brother is or was a RAF pilot in the UK, where his call sign was Obi Two.

About thirty years ago I met a woman called Breathalyser - she was the bag all the drunks blew into.

That's brutal.

A girl I went to school with, incredibly beautiful. She got a job in a very bloke-heavy workplace. Like 90% men. She thought they called her Spanner because it rhymed with her name. It was really because, when she walked past, she tightened their nuts.

Paint: name was Matt White Espresso: because he was short and black Cadbury: got pissed after 1.5 beers

A couple from over the years. 1. This guy talked a million miles an hour and mumbled - "Turbo" 2. This one had pretty bad nerve damage in his joints (diabetes) and had an interesting walking style - "Sprinter"

Knew a guy called blunder. Was amazing at his job and a hard worker. But will forever be remembered for that one thing that happened on the first day of his apprenticeship.... Also chopper. Sure, he was a chef.. but it was his fingers that regularly got the sharp end of the knife.

Also knew someone nicknamed pothole but the reason was because he was always in the road

Knew a guy who knew a guy at high school called Morgan. The other boys called him Big M. Because “big M, little organ.”

A bloke I worked with had a short temper so I called him ‘Landmine’.. had to watch where you stepped with him or he’d blow up..

We had a teacher we called Claymore cos if you pissed him off he'd shout ya face off

Knew a guy called Rowan once, we started calling him outboard and he asked one day why. We told him he must get sick of Rowan

A bloke with a hyphenated surname. Nickname: two dads.

Shared a house with 4 other guys back in the party days, mate had a chick he used to pick up every week on a Thursday night and she would be gone by early Friday morning (we all knew and she thought we didn’t). We came to calling her TNC (Thursday night chick) because we didn’t know what her name was. She found this out after about a year of them dating properly and she wasn’t impressed…

Steele Sidebottom, arguably the most laughable name on earth already, going by "Rusty" always tickles me.

Mate of mine worked with a bloke called SNAB, apparently he was a sensitive new age bogan.

Two I liked. A guy at work called Joe Cox we used to call Comedy Cow. And a footballer in the premier league called Fitz Hall was onesize

Showbag - because he was full of shit and you had to carry him all day.

On a similar line, Esky - because you put beer in him and then have to carry him around all day.

Knew a guy called Fatta, he was the Bobcat operator in a landscaping crew. One day he drove the Bobcat over some Greek builders concrete while it was wet and they all started shouting at him and calling him a fatta cunt and Fatta just stuck.

We call a bloke from work whisper because he never shouts

Had a mate ages ago whose nickname was Ted. Was years before I learned it was short for Shithead.

I used to work with a bloke called Graham Hunt. I nicknamed him Pork, and soon everyone was saying it. Pork hated it too, which was a shame. My Dad was in the RAN for 30 years, and worked with a shifty thieving cunt. His nickname was Hydraulic. Because he'd lift anything.

Whale Rider. She was dating a man who was… not slim

The locals at the pub I used to work at got into the habit of calling one of semi-regulars “Kiddy Fiddler”……. He was a music teacher who taught kids the fiddle & violin. The amount of times they called him that and we would have to stop a fight because someone overheard who wasn’t in on the joke 🤦‍♂️ eventually we had to tell them to stop

Some old favourites not listed so far Ankles, (it’s all you see cause he’s that far up the bosses arse) Pylon - just stands there and does nothing, holds things up. Drill bit - small boring tool Victa... Mrs said he came in 2 or 4 strokes. Thrush - irritating cunt Mudguard - Shiny on the outside, full of shit under neath Media Watch - That person that reads the news online all day everyday and does no work. 2 dicks - can't be that much of a wanker with one! Seaweed - because they're so ugly even the tide won't take them out Rainbows - makes colourful promises but all just an illusion broken arrow - doesn't work and can't be fired Daylight Saving - Lose an hour when you speak to her Two stroke - hard to get working and smokes a lot Seagull – Flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits on everything, flies off again. Margarine - soft and full of artificial shit Boot laces -coz he’s so far up the bosses arse all you can see are his boot laces. Crime- never pays (for a round of drinks) Thermometer - coz if he was any further up your arse he could take your temperature Koala - never get in the shit, coz he’s a protected species- usually a relation to the boss somehow Boomerang — every task you throw to them ends up coming back for you to do Ambidextrous- useless with both hands. 007 - 0 skill, 0 motivation and 7 smoke breaks. Sideshow - stands in the same place all day looking around with their mouth hanging open. Polly - can't say/do anything the boss hasn't told them first Foreskin - Disappears when things get hard Mirrors - Always replies “let me look into it for you”

Yabbie- big solid body with a head full of shit. Rowdy- guy I worked with for two years, probably heard him say 10 words in that time.

Joel Corey - Smithy since he doesn't have a surname "Insert" Coyne - a rugby league player from a few years back Turtle - everytime she ends up on her back she's f$cked Blisters - always turns up after the work is done Nick "Suva" Larkey - AFL Roos

School cleaner was very slow and lazy so they called him 'Ajax' the lightning cleaner

An old bartender legend at the RSL I used to work at, always shuffled about his work slowly, even during a rush. His nickname was Flash ⚡️

Not mine but a rigger called Tony, nickname Pasta.

Used to work with a builder we called ‘nosefuck’. His surname was Hall

In a commercial kitchen, you can’t have two people with the same name. Doesn’t work. So we had a guy start named Michael. Already had one. He was a bit of an abrasive cunt. So we named him sandy. As in sand in the vag and always angry. I’m not sure if he caught on to the meaning behind it, but we called him sandy for 3 years with him not complaining about it

We've got a guy who works at the local fruit shop with a teardrop tattoo... We call him "Womack"

Had a mate whos name was Ian unfortunately he only had 1 eye So his nickname was AN as he didn't have a I

Firey mate has a work colleague known as The Oracle. Many opinions, invariably wrong.

Strappy. He's a compulsive liar. Came to the pub one day with his arm strapped up claiming a broken collar bone. Went home drunk. Came back the next day oblivious he had strapped up the wrong arm.

Might be unfair growing up in Scotland and Scottish women being ruthless but my mate Andy was ways called snipers dream on account of his fucking giant head.

We had a guy at work that was called 'Coach'. He wasn't a coach of any team or even that into team sports. He was a big guy and thought he was as tough as they come. He was often seen walking around with arms out to his sides looking like he had imaginary basketballs under them.

We had a guy with a similar walk. We called him the watermelon farmer.

Invisible lat syndrome, it's a terrible disease inflicted on guys who think they are tough /s

We had bloke we called Coathanger because he walked around with his arms out wide like he'd left it in his shirt. He also had the name 'tumbleweed' due to him getting thrown across the ground for a fair distance by an aircrafts jet wash. Funny as fark.

Had a useless bloke we called Ryobi. Cheap arse tool that worked for an hour at most before having a breakdown and sitting in the corner the rest of the day smoking

Bondi - nowhere near Manly

Scott. scott no mates

Guy at my old work got the nickname 'Two Stroke' after his second stroke!

Had a fella who'd wander off every few minutes. Called him Roomba.

We had a chick at work I called Lava Lamp. Pretty to look at but not real bright.

Used to have a friend we called ‘Whisper’ because he never shouted beers

Pancake. Because he lost one of his bum cheeks in an accident, so now he’s flat as a pancake.

We call one of our mates “Stacy” even though he’s a mid 20’s guy all because back in high school a bunch of other students (10-15 people all up) would try to hit on his mum.

We had a guy who would break every tool he came into contact with. He was called “sex fingers” because he fucked everything he touched.

Sensor light - only switches on when someone comes passed. Mastercard - Takes credit for everything

Named an apprentice Copperfield coz he kept disappearing

A guy that worked in mechanical shop in Perth was by all counts named Cyclone, the slow moving depression

The sports team coach called Taxi. Short for taxidermist, because when he was finished with you, you were stuffed.

“Family Guy”, for a dude who looked exactly like Peter Griffin. He then lost the nickname when a new person joined the workplace whose name literally was Peter Griffin. “Squid”, for a guy who operated a massive drilling machine - because only something with multiple arms could so efficiently operate a machine with 10+ levers in its controls.

My sister in law is known by the rest of the family as “the nugget” because of all the shitty nuggets of advice s she likes to hand out

Called him "Jungle" cause he was so thick. The brilliant Sir Terry Pratchett also used "Mayonaisse" to describe someone as "oily, rich and thick".

Wicket-keeper - puts on the gloves and stands back. Sensor light - only works if someone walks past. Wheelbarrow – only works when pushed. Cordless – charges all night but only works for 2 hours. English fog – someone who won’t lift anything. Muffler – someone who is always exhausted. Cane toad – every time he stops working he sits down. Devondale – someone who always does the cream jobs. Paper straw – someone who works but not for long. Seaweed – just floats around all day and stinks. (can also have stinks replaced with "and does fuck all") Blister – appears when the hard work is done. Brake Pad - gets worn out easily then starts to squeal Edit adding more after here Showbags - full of shit Grenade – always waiting for him to pull the pin. Daisy – some days he is here, some days he isn’t. Lantern – not very bright, and always has to be carried. Penguin – always on the ice. Deck chair – always folds under pressure. G-spot – you can never find him. 2-stroke – hard to get started, and constantly smokes. Morphine – slow-moving dope. Bushranger – always holding everyone up. Broken Arrow – doesn’t work and can’t be fired. 1 grit – as rough as they come. Cane toad – every time he stops working he sits down. Trapdoor – because he comes out and grabs anyone who walks past his bay for a gossip. Pothole – cause they’re always in the road. Pluto – far out and not very bright. Bottle – empty from the neck up. Golf ball – someone who is hard to find. Slinky – good for nothing but fun to push down the stairs. Paper straw – someone who works but not for long. Shania – they don’t impress you much. English fog – someone who won’t lift anything. Egon – where has he gone again? Lightning – someone who can never hit the same spot twice. Cold Sore – no matter how much crap you put on them, they keep coming back. Platypus – bosses son. Protected species. Hostage – someone who is always tied up with something. Squinter – someone who lives in The Hills District and finds themselves squinting against the direct sunlight when driving home on the M4. Feta – someone who always crumbles under pressure. Mastercard – someone who always takes credit for someone else’s work. The Florist - Because he makes his own arrangements/roster