For me it's the reason for the casual lies.
*Some* things we have to lie about, and/or they're small enough that it doesn't really matter. Not good, but not actually bad either.
A sadly common one that comes up and isn't talked about enough: What gets me is the *pointless/needless* lying. Lying to hide things that are perfectly allowable.
Edit, examples of acceptable casual lies:
* Going behind his back to his best friend, lying about meeting up, so that you can find him a perfect gift or plan a surprise party.
* Her exboyfriend showed up at an event you were at, he got drunk, does not know that you are dating her now, and he said some very inappropriate stuff about her. She doesn't need to know that happened.
* You changed something in a recipe from his mother and he likes yours more but doesn't notice; you don't have to tell him you changed it. Just let him be happy that you and his mother have a connection through a recipe that he loves.
Right...people say "most people divorce because of money"
But that isn't quite true.
It's that money shows what values people hold and how they are as a person.
I dated a guy with a pet rabbit. Pet rabbit had no toys and was mostly given dry foods sometimes with an apple thrown in in the evening. Rabbit never really wanted to leave his cage even with the cage door open. Broke my heart to the point I offered to by the rabbit a burrowing toy. I ended it with the guy before I got the chance to help the rabbit. Poor thing. Think about it a lot too.
I was dating a girl a few years back and everything was going pretty great, until she confessed that she had daily dreams about murdering and torturing other people, including me. I quickly ended it shortly thereafter.
How she treats or what she says about her ex bf/ex husband. This shows how she would talk of you and therefore what she thinks of men and also her ability to take accountability.
“Expects” money and gifts
I have to do ALL the work. Examples: where to go on dates, what entertainment to go to. Dating is about sharing and enjoying each others views and hobbies, a relationship expands your life.
Is critical of me, if you do not like me, dont try to change me….just leave
EDIT: Smoking and definitely Tatoos
The ‘what she says about ex’ I would say is very nuanced. I speak highly of almost all of my exes, they were kind and devoted people, nice partners, we just weren’t on the same page in life (they were very family oriented and I’m not), but there’s one ex I will ‘shit on’ without catching my breath: he was a sociopath (diagnosed ASPD) and 3 years after him I’m still in therapy for severe CPTSD. He can rot in hell. Now and for several upcoming lifetimes.
Your comment shows balance, respect and lets blame lie where it lies ….. that is an example of a good potential partner. - I would see a woman who spoke of exes, in the manner you describe, in a positive light.
I do agree with everything that you say, but i have a question for you: you said that a relationship should expand your life right? I have a feeling that sometimes is also healthy and makes you grow if both people (not just the girl with the guy) are honest in case the other behaved a certain way that maybe didn't make the other feel great. That doesn't have to be conveyed in a critical way nor mean that she/he wants to change you, but maybe sometimes could also be a reason to grow? Not sure. In my case if someone wanted to change the fundamental aspects of my personality then yes sure, why are you dating me? But If there were some secondary aspects that I could also improve for myself then I'm all for it!
Hi OP,
Fundamentally it’s about compulsion to change versus desire to change. An old joke that guys tell goes along the lines of this: Bride stands at the end of the church with her father, ready to walk down the aisle. She looks down the aisle, at the altar and at him. Aisle, Alter, Him (I will alter him).
Look at my relationship, I have grown because she is very involved with horses so I have expanded my life by becoming involved in her care for and love for horses. I have grown from this, expands my life. My ex wife was into Kayaking, swimming and other things which I became involved in.
So a relationship expands your life out of a desire to support and enjoy life together. Maybe she will tell you that you dont know how to accept compliments (a real life example for me), thats ok because in that relationship there will be trust, your guard is down and therefore a willingness to listen. Again, being willing to listen does not involve compulsion. Compulsion is, “I dont like your friend and you have to get rid of him or I go”
We come together because we complete and enhance each other, the classic “you complete me” quote. Being together enhances your life because you trust each other and desire to sacrifice for the betterment of the other person. In other words, you are thinking about how to benefit the other and make their lives better. If you are both conscious of making the other happy it is balanced and is about trust, not compulsion.
ok I understood your perspective now, and I totally agree with you! I thought it could come more from a place of "I'm like this, good or bad, you either accept it or go", which I also partly agree with, but everyone has rough edges, I do recognize I have it too, and if in the relationship the other person helps me seeing them, not from a critical point of view but in my interest as well, then I'd like to know
Her inability to be heal from whatever past tragedies, I mean for things that happened years and years ago.
I am expecting no one to be fully healed, that takes time.
But when they dwell on the past, and let that harm the present, that becomes a red flag.
Emotional immaturity. This is not to say emotions are bad. Its emotional intelligence thats important. A woman throwing a fit like a brat or a psycho is an immediate red flag. I imagine it's the same in reverse. This could apply to men as well.
exactly, this was something I did think in reverse as well. I guess the way emotional immaturity is expressed can be different with men and women, or also amongst the same gender, but the basis still stands
Lying. Manipulation. Triangulation. Entitlement. Poor communication. No effort. Lack of empathy and understanding.
I know you asked for the biggest. There are so many, though. How I only pick one?
Yes it does actually, it’s called Narcissim unfortunately. All those words listed are the makeup of a narcissist. I know that word is thrown around so carelessly now, but those are classic traits of one.
If she has any interest in any kind of nonmonogamy, instant disqualifier.
Any kind of sex work, regardless of if it's in the past or current. Not relationship material, period.
Being prissy with service workers. People in my circle are actually more polite to workers than to each other, so that’s my standard. If she doesn’t measure up, she’s gone.
Don't generalize, a lot of us care, I wouldnt date nor fuck some manwhore. And I know a lot of girls that think like me. There's always a certain type of people who dont care who enters their bed, on both genders, thats all.
I can and will generalize. It is true for the vast majority of women. If it weren't true. then attractive men wouldn't be able to get laid nearly as much. There's no such thing as a "manwhore". There are attractive men who fuck; and unattractive men who don't. THere might be a "lot" of girls (2 or 3) who allegedly think like you; but they act differently, I'd bet.
If you were correct, attractive men wouldn't get laid as much as they do. The fact that a small minority of women claim not to engage in casual sex doesn't mean you're correct.
I absolutely will generalize about this. What I said is generally true. And most people here know it.
Sure, maybe 5 to 10% of women care about a man's promiscuity.
Most do not. So what I wrote is generally true.
IF the standard is "always 100% true 100% of the time" in intersexual relationships, then no one can ever make any representations about anything and no one can ever really know anything. That's not workable and not true and not reflective of how life actually works.
Lmao well that's because it's not true. Women don't care about that stuff like men do. All evidence points to the contrary. Maybe you do but as a general rule no.
You're very wrong there. If he has zero standards on who he sleeps with (not in terms of beauty but personality and hygiene) or if he has OF that's a hard no for 80% women at least even if he looks great.
So you say. But logically follow the facts. Most men either get lots of girls or very few girls. Therefore we can conclude women prefer to have sex with men with high bodycounts, thus why they have high bodycounts. If women preferred low body count men, those men would not have low body counts. Sure women may have a preference however it's so low in terms of priority it almost isn't even a thing.
Why have women for decades wanted Brad Pitt for example? Is he the definition of someone who does not sleep around? I'm sure his body count is no more than 3 right? Smh.
Why aren't women salivating over male virgins in a Catholic church? Weird how there is no evidence to support what you're saying.
Coming from a guy that fits a lot of those categories... Yes the fuck they do care.
Arguably more than men; men are just more vocal about it up front. Women create all kinds of stories and justifications as to why they're not bad for rejecting men for the same stuff that they defend their fellow women over, but they still do it. A lot.
* With men it's just a "If she has this or does that, it's a no for me dawg."
* With women it's "Well if he has this or does that... then it also might be a sign that this happens or he'll do that... and there's the potential for this other thing. And I have too much self-respect for myself to lower my standards on something like that... and... blah blah blah... so overall I understand it and it's a no for me, but that doesn't make me shallow, I just have standards"
Just say it: You're the same person.
It's so much so that I often drop that just to screen out "weak" women or as a way to get them to stop talking to me once I'm annoyed.
(To clarify, in this context being "annoyed" is in relation to their being SWERFs and using a lot of slut shaming and anti-SW language openly, without realizing they're talking to someone that fits that. It would be like having to sit through a conversation with a woman who is dropping a bunch of low key homophobic language, then just telling her that you're gay.)
Personally never experienced this even one time. And I'm an ex stripper and porn actor with a medium 3 digit body count. Never once dropped this information and had a woman deny me. Not once.
On the other hand why are hundreds of women trying to fuck me? Hmm. Strange. From both angles seems like women don't care.
It is correct that I have several women that as that as a bonus, but most do not. In general, it has created more opportunities that a lot of men don't have.
But it they've never expressed that as a concern, that's clearly survivorship bias. You won't hear it from them. Just like I rarely have it said to my face but I do overhear it a lot because they don't know I'm involved.
It's not survivir bias because they didn't know it. I don't like have a sign over my head that says my body count.
> ...but I do overhear it a lot because they don't know I'm involved.
This I believe but I think most women say things that are not quite true. I agree women probably prefer a man with a normal body count... but they prefer a hot successful man more. So when presented with name a rapper, sports star or any man with a high bodycount... he has it for a reason and so in practice they do not care. If they did care they would not fuck men with high body count but they mostly fuck men with high body counts.
If I just met her, it might sound shallow but her body type, I just need to be attracted to her and the body type is the biggest thing for it for me.
If we are already involved, if I find out she is lazy.
I don't want to spend my life with someone that is lazy.
I'd give a qualified agree with this.
The woman I'm dating is carying a little extra than I'd normally go for at the moment, but she also had major surgery last October and hasn't been able to do her usual stuff.
We actually met when she was just starting to get back into doing stuff like walking and yoga etc
I don't find it shallow at all is the same for women, that is the first thing you see! Do you think that could change if she had the best personality/charm?
Not at all.
It can only make an already attractive person more attractive but it can't make someone I'm not attracted to more attractive.
She'd be a cool friend to have though
Is it only like immediete and very obvious that they don’t match your standards at first glance or sometimes it’s already after seeing each other naked? I’m always so stressed about it as a woman (that someone wouldn’t like me with my clothes off) 🙈
Its probably always on a first glance.
Its hard to hide an overweight body for example Unless she wears really baggy clothes that don't show legs, waist, arms etc.. and even then you can usually tell by the face
Has kids. Fat. Smokes. Trashy. Loud. Has an attitude. Long fake nails. Cheap tattoos. Bad teeth. Has to always tell us about her period. Bad with money. Bad hygiene. Lies. Double standards.
When she has a lot of guy friends and/or a guy best friend. There is a non-zero, and even a good chance, that at least one of those guys are just waiting for when you get in an argument to swoop in. I’ve seen the guy best friend try to sabotage relationships (and even her friendships with other men) out of jealousy. I’m not saying that women can’t be friends with who they want, and maybe it’s not always a turn off. But I’ve seen too many “oh he’s just a friend don’t worry about him” turn into “hey it was a mistake I was sad/stressed out/angry/whatever else and we had sex this weekend”. No guy has fucked more wives and girlfriends than the guy who’s “just a friend”.
Interest misalignment is the answer to most of these questions. The specifics don’t actually matter and aren’t generalizable because well, they’re specific
A shitty attitude, and how she treats others; especially those in the service industry.
You can tell a lot about a person by how they act when they think nobody is watching.
Pick-Me types: the ones who say "I get along better with men" or "I think women are too fake/manipulative"
Especially if they have a disproportionate amount of male friends, and extra especially if they have a male "best friend" that they spend a lot of time with alone.
These are red flag #1, they ALWAYS end up being unfaithful cheating types, who despite their "preference" for male friendship always end up being toxic misandrists.
They are also likely the type to be involved in some kind of sex worker scheme like onlyfans or snapchat bs.
Which is the other 100% red flag type #2, do not EVER date these women. They are for the streets and sell intimacy for money. They have a price, and can be bought.
If she slurps her food.
The sound is absolutely maddeningly annoying. Especially if they do it with that sucking “pfff” noise. Is it that hard to eat quietly lol
Omission. "All men suck" mentality. The need for drama. Baby daddy drama.(Last thing i need is a drunk/angry/emotional dude on my front lawn at 2am hollering about some bs)
Gold digger. "I am the table/prize" mentality.
Alcoholic. Brick wall to talk to. Obesity. Being late too often.
Lack of intelligence. (Even if i disagree with you, at least have a solid point)
Low EQ.
And Narcissism.
Ahahahhahahaa ok this image is ruining the idea of high waisted clothes for me too😂 now I’ll think of an old man with that everytime I’m about to wear something high waisted Ahahha
Zero. I have alco addicts in my family and traumas linked with that. Also i've seen to many stupid shit people do/ say while drinking alco/ using other drugs. There's no place for it in my home.
If our values are not compatible.
If we can't agree on how to raise future kids, if we even want kids, stance on major controversial issues, etc. then I don't see how we could stay together long term
I once had a woman expect me to take her and her toddler both out for dinner as a first date...
I made it clear almost immediately that this would be a friendship and not a relationship, because poor kid. Based on her positive reaction to that, I did take them out and buy them dinner as friends.
We're still friends to this day, but she's still single. This was maybe 7 years ago?
If she is impulsive or financially irresponsible. I'm not going to take on a woman's debt or deal with the fallout from her impulsive behavior. I will want to keep my distance. Impulsive can be fun though.
Also, if she's a nag or controlling. I've seen too many men with shrews for wives and they seem absolutely miserable. Might still see her if she's tolerable in short bursts, but again, would keep my distance.
Entitlement
Tendency towards drama and/or mindgames
If she doesn't consider it a problem, if her expences supersedes her income
Personality like a chihuahua
Finding out she defends male celebrities after they have clearly done morally irreprehensible things. Makes you question if she has any morals herself and where her priorities lie. If someone is so blinded by lust they sacrifice their own integrity for it, they’ll fuck you over in a heartbeat
Y’all go out, have a good time, go back to her place, y’all get naked, feeling and kissing each other, palm her but cheek with one hand, a play doh substance sticks to your finger, she turns the light on and it’s your worst nightmare, a piece of shit. In that moment, you reevaluate this women and this is where I draw the line.
If I discover that she's a shitty person. If I discover that she's dishonest or spoiled or cruel, I stop wanting her. I have enough shitty people in my life. I don't need another one.
High bodycount.
Dishonesty (especially so called "white lies")
Single mother status
If she has a bad case of "how-come-you-but-not-me"
Social media addiction or really any dependence on her phone.
An aggressive attitude.
Most women I come across are not good people. What's become "normal" for women is to be entitled, conceited, misanthropist, spoiled, greedy, selfish, belligerent, hateful, amoral and unaccountable (nothing is EVER her fault).
There is no way in hell I'm going to let a person like that into my life. Any indication that she has any of these qualities will make me look into who she is more closely. If my suspicions are confirmed, I get rid of her. She's poison.
hahaha ok that is definitely a nono! But I can say that there are soo many women that are not like that, trust me (I'm a woman, a bit curious about this topic and wanted to see the different opinions)
high body count. a sexual history of doing the wrong things with the wrong people, ie only dates drug dealers or got gang banged etc
a history of drug abuse or child abuse. serious criminal history.
Several things. Keep in mind this is for serious relationships. For short term things none of these things are a real problem, except for the smell thing.
--she smells weird
--she smokes cigarettes or vapes
--she uses illegal drugs
--she has ever been treated for a substance abuse problem
--she has ever been treated for any kind of mental/emotional disorder
--has an incurable STI (HIV or herpes)
--N > 10
--lots of body "art"
--has a lot of debt/money management problems
--unpleasant personality
--poor relationship with her father
--has child(ren)
No. Men and women are different. Women don't seem to mind what a man's N is - in fact most women like men with higher Ns because it indicates the man is sexually attractive.
It's easy for women to get a lot of men to sleep with her. It's very difficult for a man to get a lot of women to sleep with him.
EDIT: You're downvoting me, but everything I wrote is the truth and you know it.
What if a woman is being treated for their mental health, but it's managed and not dysfunctional? It's very common for people to go to therapy to work on things about themselves, even if they don't have a disorder but to better themselves. That's a turnoff??
Yes, it's a turnoff, and no, she's still not acceptable for a long term relationship. Too risky. What if she relapses? What if the issues resurface?
She might have problems and might genuinely be getting better, but I'm not going to suffer because of those problems or help her through it. No. Absolutely not.
Wow. I really hope you never have any mental health issues of your own.... That'd be like saying you under no circumstance would want a woman who goes to the Dr to make sure she's physically and medically healthy. Why is mental health to you not supported?
It's a standard borne of personal experience.
I'm not saying don't go for checkups. I'm saying I don't want someone with a mental/emotional disorder.
You are lying about what I said. I never once said I don't support mental health. I said I don't want a LTR with someone who has been treated for a mental/emotional disorder. That does NOT mean I don't support mental health.
I don't want an LTR with someone who has/had a mental/emotional disorder for the reasons I just stated. Risky. Risk of relapse. Women with mental and emotional disorders make their current men suffer because of those problems.
"She might have problems and might genuinely be getting better, but I'm not going to suffer because of those problems or help her through it. No. Absolutely not."
.........that's being supportive???? I think not. I get your opinion is your opinion, but don't be a hypocrite of your own words. I'm not lying about what you said.....you made it very plain and clear! I truly feel sorry for whoever you end up with or in a relationship with because the lack of empathy of being a human is astounding! Best of luck to you!
I said I don't want someone for an LTR with a mental/emotional disorder.
You lied and said "I don't support mental health".
I'm not required to sacrifice my own health and money to take care of a woman with mental health problems from the very outset of the relationship. That just means I'll suffer. No. Not going to take that on. No. Absolutely not. And that does NOT mean I lack empathy. My need to take care of myself does not require that I also take care of someone else with mental health problems.
I'm not required to take care of someone else's mental health problems.
I'm not required to get into a relationship with someone with mental health problems from the very start of the relationship. That means I'll suffer too. No. Absolutely not.
Finding out she casually lies about certain things or behaves otherwise untrustworthy
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me
For me it's the reason for the casual lies. *Some* things we have to lie about, and/or they're small enough that it doesn't really matter. Not good, but not actually bad either. A sadly common one that comes up and isn't talked about enough: What gets me is the *pointless/needless* lying. Lying to hide things that are perfectly allowable. Edit, examples of acceptable casual lies: * Going behind his back to his best friend, lying about meeting up, so that you can find him a perfect gift or plan a surprise party. * Her exboyfriend showed up at an event you were at, he got drunk, does not know that you are dating her now, and he said some very inappropriate stuff about her. She doesn't need to know that happened. * You changed something in a recipe from his mother and he likes yours more but doesn't notice; you don't have to tell him you changed it. Just let him be happy that you and his mother have a connection through a recipe that he loves.
Someone who screams, yells, throws things, and breaks things when she’s upset. These are all red flags to me of someone who is likely to be abusive.
Likely? 😂
I’ll also add saying hurtful things when they’re upset. “I was angry” is too often used as an excuse for saying something horrible to a partner.
For me it's if she needs drama in her life and acts stupid or gossipy in a negative way to get it
A shitty attitude and personality
If our life goals are not compatible
What would be an example of this?
Children vs no children.
Kids vs no kids. Religion and whether to bring kids up in it. Whether both work full time or one stays home. Frugality (or lack there of).
Right...people say "most people divorce because of money" But that isn't quite true. It's that money shows what values people hold and how they are as a person.
jobless, multiple kids, and massive debt.
If she treats her animal poorly. Encountered this with a cute girl recently. I think about her dog a lot lately.
I dated a guy with a pet rabbit. Pet rabbit had no toys and was mostly given dry foods sometimes with an apple thrown in in the evening. Rabbit never really wanted to leave his cage even with the cage door open. Broke my heart to the point I offered to by the rabbit a burrowing toy. I ended it with the guy before I got the chance to help the rabbit. Poor thing. Think about it a lot too.
I was dating a girl a few years back and everything was going pretty great, until she confessed that she had daily dreams about murdering and torturing other people, including me. I quickly ended it shortly thereafter.
Rule #1: Do not the crazies
Problem is: Crazies often don't reveal themselves for a while
Exactly this. I tend to fall for them, and it's taken months if not years every single time before the real crazy is showing.
Oh My GOD
How she treats or what she says about her ex bf/ex husband. This shows how she would talk of you and therefore what she thinks of men and also her ability to take accountability. “Expects” money and gifts I have to do ALL the work. Examples: where to go on dates, what entertainment to go to. Dating is about sharing and enjoying each others views and hobbies, a relationship expands your life. Is critical of me, if you do not like me, dont try to change me….just leave EDIT: Smoking and definitely Tatoos
The ‘what she says about ex’ I would say is very nuanced. I speak highly of almost all of my exes, they were kind and devoted people, nice partners, we just weren’t on the same page in life (they were very family oriented and I’m not), but there’s one ex I will ‘shit on’ without catching my breath: he was a sociopath (diagnosed ASPD) and 3 years after him I’m still in therapy for severe CPTSD. He can rot in hell. Now and for several upcoming lifetimes.
Your comment shows balance, respect and lets blame lie where it lies ….. that is an example of a good potential partner. - I would see a woman who spoke of exes, in the manner you describe, in a positive light.
I do agree with everything that you say, but i have a question for you: you said that a relationship should expand your life right? I have a feeling that sometimes is also healthy and makes you grow if both people (not just the girl with the guy) are honest in case the other behaved a certain way that maybe didn't make the other feel great. That doesn't have to be conveyed in a critical way nor mean that she/he wants to change you, but maybe sometimes could also be a reason to grow? Not sure. In my case if someone wanted to change the fundamental aspects of my personality then yes sure, why are you dating me? But If there were some secondary aspects that I could also improve for myself then I'm all for it!
Hi OP, Fundamentally it’s about compulsion to change versus desire to change. An old joke that guys tell goes along the lines of this: Bride stands at the end of the church with her father, ready to walk down the aisle. She looks down the aisle, at the altar and at him. Aisle, Alter, Him (I will alter him). Look at my relationship, I have grown because she is very involved with horses so I have expanded my life by becoming involved in her care for and love for horses. I have grown from this, expands my life. My ex wife was into Kayaking, swimming and other things which I became involved in. So a relationship expands your life out of a desire to support and enjoy life together. Maybe she will tell you that you dont know how to accept compliments (a real life example for me), thats ok because in that relationship there will be trust, your guard is down and therefore a willingness to listen. Again, being willing to listen does not involve compulsion. Compulsion is, “I dont like your friend and you have to get rid of him or I go” We come together because we complete and enhance each other, the classic “you complete me” quote. Being together enhances your life because you trust each other and desire to sacrifice for the betterment of the other person. In other words, you are thinking about how to benefit the other and make their lives better. If you are both conscious of making the other happy it is balanced and is about trust, not compulsion.
ok I understood your perspective now, and I totally agree with you! I thought it could come more from a place of "I'm like this, good or bad, you either accept it or go", which I also partly agree with, but everyone has rough edges, I do recognize I have it too, and if in the relationship the other person helps me seeing them, not from a critical point of view but in my interest as well, then I'd like to know
I wish you happiness OP
Manipulation tactics. Once you've dated someone like that, you can sniff it out like a bloodhound.
Her inability to be heal from whatever past tragedies, I mean for things that happened years and years ago. I am expecting no one to be fully healed, that takes time. But when they dwell on the past, and let that harm the present, that becomes a red flag.
This is a really interesting one you know, is the first time I see someone mentioning something like this, and you're so right!
Karenish behavior
I know exactly what you mean but Karenish is a new word for me. Count that day lost when you don't learn something.
Emotional immaturity. This is not to say emotions are bad. Its emotional intelligence thats important. A woman throwing a fit like a brat or a psycho is an immediate red flag. I imagine it's the same in reverse. This could apply to men as well.
exactly, this was something I did think in reverse as well. I guess the way emotional immaturity is expressed can be different with men and women, or also amongst the same gender, but the basis still stands
Emotional baggage and narcissism. High maintenance.
She hates men, or speaks negatively about men as an entire gender.
If she flexes her past infidelity, she is literally saying that she will cheat on you, if she hasn't already.
Lying. Manipulation. Triangulation. Entitlement. Poor communication. No effort. Lack of empathy and understanding. I know you asked for the biggest. There are so many, though. How I only pick one?
One word doesn’t fit in the list.
man i hate it when these women locate me via my proximity to 3 fixed points
Yes it does actually, it’s called Narcissim unfortunately. All those words listed are the makeup of a narcissist. I know that word is thrown around so carelessly now, but those are classic traits of one.
Infidelity
If she has any interest in any kind of nonmonogamy, instant disqualifier. Any kind of sex work, regardless of if it's in the past or current. Not relationship material, period.
Magic chemistry that isn't there. Lying.
Being prissy with service workers. People in my circle are actually more polite to workers than to each other, so that’s my standard. If she doesn’t measure up, she’s gone.
Anything slut stuff. Slept around alot, has only fans, ex escort, sex videos online... shes undateable to me after those things.
☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾 I get shouted down every time I say this but it’s absolutely true for both genders.
No, it's not true for both genders. Women don't care nearly as much about men's promiscuity.
Don't generalize, a lot of us care, I wouldnt date nor fuck some manwhore. And I know a lot of girls that think like me. There's always a certain type of people who dont care who enters their bed, on both genders, thats all.
I can and will generalize. It is true for the vast majority of women. If it weren't true. then attractive men wouldn't be able to get laid nearly as much. There's no such thing as a "manwhore". There are attractive men who fuck; and unattractive men who don't. THere might be a "lot" of girls (2 or 3) who allegedly think like you; but they act differently, I'd bet. If you were correct, attractive men wouldn't get laid as much as they do. The fact that a small minority of women claim not to engage in casual sex doesn't mean you're correct. I absolutely will generalize about this. What I said is generally true. And most people here know it.
That's not a true statement for all women.
Sure, maybe 5 to 10% of women care about a man's promiscuity. Most do not. So what I wrote is generally true. IF the standard is "always 100% true 100% of the time" in intersexual relationships, then no one can ever make any representations about anything and no one can ever really know anything. That's not workable and not true and not reflective of how life actually works.
Lmao well that's because it's not true. Women don't care about that stuff like men do. All evidence points to the contrary. Maybe you do but as a general rule no.
You're very wrong there. If he has zero standards on who he sleeps with (not in terms of beauty but personality and hygiene) or if he has OF that's a hard no for 80% women at least even if he looks great.
So you say. But logically follow the facts. Most men either get lots of girls or very few girls. Therefore we can conclude women prefer to have sex with men with high bodycounts, thus why they have high bodycounts. If women preferred low body count men, those men would not have low body counts. Sure women may have a preference however it's so low in terms of priority it almost isn't even a thing. Why have women for decades wanted Brad Pitt for example? Is he the definition of someone who does not sleep around? I'm sure his body count is no more than 3 right? Smh. Why aren't women salivating over male virgins in a Catholic church? Weird how there is no evidence to support what you're saying.
Coming from a guy that fits a lot of those categories... Yes the fuck they do care. Arguably more than men; men are just more vocal about it up front. Women create all kinds of stories and justifications as to why they're not bad for rejecting men for the same stuff that they defend their fellow women over, but they still do it. A lot. * With men it's just a "If she has this or does that, it's a no for me dawg." * With women it's "Well if he has this or does that... then it also might be a sign that this happens or he'll do that... and there's the potential for this other thing. And I have too much self-respect for myself to lower my standards on something like that... and... blah blah blah... so overall I understand it and it's a no for me, but that doesn't make me shallow, I just have standards" Just say it: You're the same person. It's so much so that I often drop that just to screen out "weak" women or as a way to get them to stop talking to me once I'm annoyed. (To clarify, in this context being "annoyed" is in relation to their being SWERFs and using a lot of slut shaming and anti-SW language openly, without realizing they're talking to someone that fits that. It would be like having to sit through a conversation with a woman who is dropping a bunch of low key homophobic language, then just telling her that you're gay.)
Personally never experienced this even one time. And I'm an ex stripper and porn actor with a medium 3 digit body count. Never once dropped this information and had a woman deny me. Not once. On the other hand why are hundreds of women trying to fuck me? Hmm. Strange. From both angles seems like women don't care.
It is correct that I have several women that as that as a bonus, but most do not. In general, it has created more opportunities that a lot of men don't have. But it they've never expressed that as a concern, that's clearly survivorship bias. You won't hear it from them. Just like I rarely have it said to my face but I do overhear it a lot because they don't know I'm involved.
It's not survivir bias because they didn't know it. I don't like have a sign over my head that says my body count. > ...but I do overhear it a lot because they don't know I'm involved. This I believe but I think most women say things that are not quite true. I agree women probably prefer a man with a normal body count... but they prefer a hot successful man more. So when presented with name a rapper, sports star or any man with a high bodycount... he has it for a reason and so in practice they do not care. If they did care they would not fuck men with high body count but they mostly fuck men with high body counts.
You're concentrating on body count. I'm concentrating on sex-work.
If I just met her, it might sound shallow but her body type, I just need to be attracted to her and the body type is the biggest thing for it for me. If we are already involved, if I find out she is lazy. I don't want to spend my life with someone that is lazy.
I'd give a qualified agree with this. The woman I'm dating is carying a little extra than I'd normally go for at the moment, but she also had major surgery last October and hasn't been able to do her usual stuff. We actually met when she was just starting to get back into doing stuff like walking and yoga etc
I don't find it shallow at all is the same for women, that is the first thing you see! Do you think that could change if she had the best personality/charm?
Not at all. It can only make an already attractive person more attractive but it can't make someone I'm not attracted to more attractive. She'd be a cool friend to have though
Is it only like immediete and very obvious that they don’t match your standards at first glance or sometimes it’s already after seeing each other naked? I’m always so stressed about it as a woman (that someone wouldn’t like me with my clothes off) 🙈
Its probably always on a first glance. Its hard to hide an overweight body for example Unless she wears really baggy clothes that don't show legs, waist, arms etc.. and even then you can usually tell by the face
fat. smells bad. smokes Tabacco. has children. is mean. is overly loud in public. too anxious to function. we are sexually incompatible.
My favourite I’ve encountered was ‘Yeah I have 7 kids but don’t worry I don’t have custody of them…’
oh noo, this actually happened?
Yep :s
If she says sex doesn’t mean anything to her in the relationship that means she will likely cheat on you as the very act is meaningless to her.
Negativity. I have no room in my life for someone who sees the glass as half empty. Our time here is way too short to be pessimistic and unhappy.
Has kids. Fat. Smokes. Trashy. Loud. Has an attitude. Long fake nails. Cheap tattoos. Bad teeth. Has to always tell us about her period. Bad with money. Bad hygiene. Lies. Double standards.
Shitty behavior.
If she stresses me out
History of being a P* or OF girl
Frequent break up threats over minor 'issues'. Makes it impossible to see things working in the long term.
When she has a lot of guy friends and/or a guy best friend. There is a non-zero, and even a good chance, that at least one of those guys are just waiting for when you get in an argument to swoop in. I’ve seen the guy best friend try to sabotage relationships (and even her friendships with other men) out of jealousy. I’m not saying that women can’t be friends with who they want, and maybe it’s not always a turn off. But I’ve seen too many “oh he’s just a friend don’t worry about him” turn into “hey it was a mistake I was sad/stressed out/angry/whatever else and we had sex this weekend”. No guy has fucked more wives and girlfriends than the guy who’s “just a friend”.
Interest misalignment is the answer to most of these questions. The specifics don’t actually matter and aren’t generalizable because well, they’re specific
A shitty attitude, and how she treats others; especially those in the service industry. You can tell a lot about a person by how they act when they think nobody is watching.
Pick-Me types: the ones who say "I get along better with men" or "I think women are too fake/manipulative" Especially if they have a disproportionate amount of male friends, and extra especially if they have a male "best friend" that they spend a lot of time with alone. These are red flag #1, they ALWAYS end up being unfaithful cheating types, who despite their "preference" for male friendship always end up being toxic misandrists. They are also likely the type to be involved in some kind of sex worker scheme like onlyfans or snapchat bs. Which is the other 100% red flag type #2, do not EVER date these women. They are for the streets and sell intimacy for money. They have a price, and can be bought.
There's a few, but the easiest to screen for is a high bodycount especially when accrued outside of comitted monogamous relationships.
If she slurps her food. The sound is absolutely maddeningly annoying. Especially if they do it with that sucking “pfff” noise. Is it that hard to eat quietly lol
Too much jealousy. I dont mind a small micro dose.
Making things that should be easy and without headache more difficult than they should be.
She's the type to just sleep with anyone
If she did OF
Craziness, laziness, poor hygiene and lack of goals. Basically, her personality.
what about being extremely shy? What do you think of it?
No problem. My wife is extremely shy.
Define Lazy, please
Lack of effort in almost every aspect of life.
Inappropriate friendships- friends with an ex and opposite sex best friend who isn’t gay.
Evidence of cluster B disorders of any kind.
Racist, dirty, clingy, stupid, fat, ugly and I’m not choosy.
Omission. "All men suck" mentality. The need for drama. Baby daddy drama.(Last thing i need is a drunk/angry/emotional dude on my front lawn at 2am hollering about some bs) Gold digger. "I am the table/prize" mentality. Alcoholic. Brick wall to talk to. Obesity. Being late too often. Lack of intelligence. (Even if i disagree with you, at least have a solid point) Low EQ. And Narcissism.
Promiscuity Sex work Drugs Entitledd Rude, argumentative. Lying
High waisted clothes.
haahahah come on they are not too bad ;)
Oh yes they are. Do you like the look of an older man with his pants so high that his belt would cover his nipples?
Ahahahhahahaa ok this image is ruining the idea of high waisted clothes for me too😂 now I’ll think of an old man with that everytime I’m about to wear something high waisted Ahahha
I’ve never seen a high waisted piece of clothing make a girl look better than low waisted. This goes for all body types!!!
Are you old enough to remember the muffin top era?
Oh, I’m old enough! Much better!
Drinking alco/ using other drugs/ smoking nicotine/ weed.
Drinking alco like heavy drinking or a glass of wine with dinner also counts?
Zero. I have alco addicts in my family and traumas linked with that. Also i've seen to many stupid shit people do/ say while drinking alco/ using other drugs. There's no place for it in my home.
Stupidity
If our values are not compatible. If we can't agree on how to raise future kids, if we even want kids, stance on major controversial issues, etc. then I don't see how we could stay together long term
Zero efforts or enthusiasm in the bedroom.
Smoking
Respect and cooperation
A shitty attitude and excess negativity.
I mean, not being on the same page with you on the core things - marriage, religion, family, kids, money, and fidelity.
Single mom is a automatic no,
The lack of respect for my boundaries or the inability to communicate in a simple and direct way.
Any dishonesty, bad hygiene.
Lying.
Disloyalty
I once had a woman expect me to take her and her toddler both out for dinner as a first date... I made it clear almost immediately that this would be a friendship and not a relationship, because poor kid. Based on her positive reaction to that, I did take them out and buy them dinner as friends. We're still friends to this day, but she's still single. This was maybe 7 years ago?
If she is impulsive or financially irresponsible. I'm not going to take on a woman's debt or deal with the fallout from her impulsive behavior. I will want to keep my distance. Impulsive can be fun though. Also, if she's a nag or controlling. I've seen too many men with shrews for wives and they seem absolutely miserable. Might still see her if she's tolerable in short bursts, but again, would keep my distance.
an unhealthy interest in conspiracy theories
Entitlement Tendency towards drama and/or mindgames If she doesn't consider it a problem, if her expences supersedes her income Personality like a chihuahua
Finding out she defends male celebrities after they have clearly done morally irreprehensible things. Makes you question if she has any morals herself and where her priorities lie. If someone is so blinded by lust they sacrifice their own integrity for it, they’ll fuck you over in a heartbeat
Y’all go out, have a good time, go back to her place, y’all get naked, feeling and kissing each other, palm her but cheek with one hand, a play doh substance sticks to your finger, she turns the light on and it’s your worst nightmare, a piece of shit. In that moment, you reevaluate this women and this is where I draw the line.
If I discover that she's a shitty person. If I discover that she's dishonest or spoiled or cruel, I stop wanting her. I have enough shitty people in my life. I don't need another one.
Being untrustworthy.
Thinking her immaturity is cute
She’s adamant about not wanting kids. As a Mexican who trying to start a second family it’s a real hassle.
Being male seems to be the latest "ick".
Being unreliable, agreeing she'll do something then doesn't bother showing up.
High bodycount. Dishonesty (especially so called "white lies") Single mother status If she has a bad case of "how-come-you-but-not-me" Social media addiction or really any dependence on her phone. An aggressive attitude.
Masculine tendencies
Lack of effort or hygiene
Being a liar, showing no respect ext for me it’s mostly behavioral turn offs because I wouldn’t lead a woman on. Attraction has to be there as well
If she is a liberal or woke in any way. She has a right to believe whatever she wants, but I will respectfully end the relationship.
Most women I come across are not good people. What's become "normal" for women is to be entitled, conceited, misanthropist, spoiled, greedy, selfish, belligerent, hateful, amoral and unaccountable (nothing is EVER her fault). There is no way in hell I'm going to let a person like that into my life. Any indication that she has any of these qualities will make me look into who she is more closely. If my suspicions are confirmed, I get rid of her. She's poison.
hahaha ok that is definitely a nono! But I can say that there are soo many women that are not like that, trust me (I'm a woman, a bit curious about this topic and wanted to see the different opinions)
If she has/wants kids.
high body count. a sexual history of doing the wrong things with the wrong people, ie only dates drug dealers or got gang banged etc a history of drug abuse or child abuse. serious criminal history.
BPD
Several things. Keep in mind this is for serious relationships. For short term things none of these things are a real problem, except for the smell thing. --she smells weird --she smokes cigarettes or vapes --she uses illegal drugs --she has ever been treated for a substance abuse problem --she has ever been treated for any kind of mental/emotional disorder --has an incurable STI (HIV or herpes) --N > 10 --lots of body "art" --has a lot of debt/money management problems --unpleasant personality --poor relationship with her father --has child(ren)
ooh this are really interesting! Can I ask you one more question? I saw the N>10 and I'm a bit curious, does that same number apply to the guy?
No. Men and women are different. Women don't seem to mind what a man's N is - in fact most women like men with higher Ns because it indicates the man is sexually attractive. It's easy for women to get a lot of men to sleep with her. It's very difficult for a man to get a lot of women to sleep with him. EDIT: You're downvoting me, but everything I wrote is the truth and you know it.
What if a woman is being treated for their mental health, but it's managed and not dysfunctional? It's very common for people to go to therapy to work on things about themselves, even if they don't have a disorder but to better themselves. That's a turnoff??
Yes, it's a turnoff, and no, she's still not acceptable for a long term relationship. Too risky. What if she relapses? What if the issues resurface? She might have problems and might genuinely be getting better, but I'm not going to suffer because of those problems or help her through it. No. Absolutely not.
Wow. I really hope you never have any mental health issues of your own.... That'd be like saying you under no circumstance would want a woman who goes to the Dr to make sure she's physically and medically healthy. Why is mental health to you not supported?
It's a standard borne of personal experience. I'm not saying don't go for checkups. I'm saying I don't want someone with a mental/emotional disorder. You are lying about what I said. I never once said I don't support mental health. I said I don't want a LTR with someone who has been treated for a mental/emotional disorder. That does NOT mean I don't support mental health. I don't want an LTR with someone who has/had a mental/emotional disorder for the reasons I just stated. Risky. Risk of relapse. Women with mental and emotional disorders make their current men suffer because of those problems.
"She might have problems and might genuinely be getting better, but I'm not going to suffer because of those problems or help her through it. No. Absolutely not." .........that's being supportive???? I think not. I get your opinion is your opinion, but don't be a hypocrite of your own words. I'm not lying about what you said.....you made it very plain and clear! I truly feel sorry for whoever you end up with or in a relationship with because the lack of empathy of being a human is astounding! Best of luck to you!
I said I don't want someone for an LTR with a mental/emotional disorder. You lied and said "I don't support mental health". I'm not required to sacrifice my own health and money to take care of a woman with mental health problems from the very outset of the relationship. That just means I'll suffer. No. Not going to take that on. No. Absolutely not. And that does NOT mean I lack empathy. My need to take care of myself does not require that I also take care of someone else with mental health problems.
.....because you don't support someone's mental health journey. That's the same damn thing! You're insufferable!
I'm not required to take care of someone else's mental health problems. I'm not required to get into a relationship with someone with mental health problems from the very start of the relationship. That means I'll suffer too. No. Absolutely not.
....I truly hope you never have mental health problems.. or maybe you already do! 🤔