My wife whom I’ve been with for 8 years and I had an incredibly awkward first date for the first hour. There was physical attraction but we’re both awkward and shy. Conversation was so stale and forced that I texted a friend it wasn’t going well and could meet in an hour. Until for whatever reason she asked me if I had a zombie apocalypse plan, and I did, so we nerded out together over that and other topics flowed in more naturally.
We talked for four more hours and walked from South Keys to Rideau Center in Ottawa, walking that entire four hours.
One good shared topic can start something amazing.
>she asked me if I had a zombie apocalypse plan
So you got turned on by a woman with a zombie apocalypse plan?
What if she asked you about chainsaw massacres mate?
Looking back, the thing that should've been the biggest green flag about the woman I married was that she made just as much effort to see me as I did to see her. She texted me first, suggested hang-out times, and came up with date ideas just as often as I did. I don't think I realized it back then but I realize it now.
When we were first dating, my wife was in law school an hour and a half drive from her house. One night a week she would come to my house (she was temporarily living with her parents while she went back to school as a single parent), have date night, stay over, and get up at 4:30am to drive back.
That was 10 years ago, and she *still* always makes me feel appreciated at that kind of level. I try to up my game and respond back at that level, and I tell her that my goal in life is that she never realizes that I'm the one that got the better end of the deal when we got married!
You don’t realize hours have passed sitting and chatting wherever, you sit in your car at the end of the night and talk for another hour, and realize even after one date you genuinely miss their company
I knew my wife was the one when we made plans to watch arrested development at her house, but when I got there we just talked for 3 hours straight.
I can count on one hand the number of people I can talk to 3 hours straight no pauses and no “omg is this almost over”.
Oh hell yes. One great green flag. In fact that’s one of the things I love about my now wife. Every long drive (6-10hrs) we would have something to chat and as a result we get so into our conversations we’d lose our exits at least twice. Lol. At one point, we were heading to SoCal for family event, and despite knowing the way by heart, we still managed to miss our junction exit because of a conversation (it was about KPop / Kdrama).
Listening and reciprocating questions. I don't want to talk about myself the whole time but this isn't a job interview where I'm the employer. Ask questions about me! Haha. Also good manners go a long way.
We accidentally showed up at the wrong restaurant. Well, I showed up at one on the north end of town, she was at the one on the south end. She ended up coming to meet me halfway and after dinner we talked at a park at a lake until 2 in the morning and it felt like no time had passed. She wasn’t on her phone at all. I told her I don’t kiss on the first date just to make sure it’s not about a hookup. At the end of the night, as I was dropping her off at her car, she gave me a nervous smile and then kissed me. Then she gave me a hug and even texted me to see if I got home, as she ended up making it to her place before I got to mine. Anyway, we’ve been married for 8 years now.
I agree that this is definitely a good indicator for a lot of people, but not all. I was so awkward around my girl at first, even after a few dates. Fast forward a few years later and I can’t shut up around her, she’s my best friend.
When she puts her phone away. Hell of a green flag.
**EDIT**: I saw a couple of comments come through about safety - yeah I *completely* agree with that. Do whatever you need to do to feel safe for sure. I could have been a bit clearer in the original comment and said "phone is silent and she leaves it on the table" or something like that - I wanted to get across that I'd prefer her to talk with me and not people on the phone.
Ain’t that the truth, I understand checking messages but when you’re on it for more than 5 or so minutes, at least excuse yourself and make a phone call if it’s an emergency. Or if you’re not enjoying the date just say it
Right? Maybe it’s a generational thing but as a serial dater in his thirties, women put their phones away first thing pretty much 100% of the time. Sometimes they even make a little show of it to make sure I notice, which is really cute.
Yeah, same. I consider green flags nice to haves. Not absolutely the bare minimum. This one was similar to other comments of "she showed up". . . 🤣 Like I have to break it to you pal, if she ain't there it's not a date. Lol
gal here, never been on a date but i never got this phone thing. if i was on a date with someone, i would put my phone on silent and not look at it the whole night? unless there was an emergency. the only time i would check it is if i went to the loo maybe. i'm on a date with the guy not the phone? it's so rude
To me the fact that you had to put that edit after is ridiculous. People knew what you were talking about but just have to make nothing into something.
My adult daughter went on a first date with this guy she met on a dating app. We were worried sick, making sure she texted us her location every time she went somewhere else. She got very sick on the date and he took her to the ER, waiting with her for almost six hours. When she went back, he wasn’t allowed to go with her, so he instead went and got her Waffle House since they had missed dinner. She STILL wasn’t out after six hours, so he sat in his car with the heat on during Georgia summer so her food stayed hot. When she finally got out, he drove her home with her food because he wanted to make sure she got some rest since she was sick. They made plans to go on another date when she got to feeling better.
They got married three months ago. We love him, and I officiated the ceremony.
Totally agree! As a dad, I’ve always worried about having to be protective of my daughter with whoever she decides to be with. Her previous boyfriend was extremely emotionally abusive, and this guy? Nah, he’s pretty fucking awesome.
Let him know that:) Me and my ex of 10 years broke up and even though i dont have any contact with him anymore, i still talk and see his parents regularly. They have always treated me like family and that's never going to change. No bad sayings about my ex but his family is pure love. Wouldn't trade them for anything. I love them and always will
Well, you all need to watch the movie [The Big Sick](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Sick), if you haven't already. It's a true story about a story that's a bit more intense, but just as lovely as this one.
Food sitting in a car for 6 hours is a great way to get a food borne illness. Bacteria LOVES that.
Pt 2 of the story is her having diarrhea and him waiting by the bathroom door for the next day and a half.
I upvoted you, but the food wasn’t sitting in the car for six hours lol. It was sitting in the car for like an hour because he underestimated when they would let her go.
I compliment my man all the time, but it’s really men that need to compliment each other more. Most of the **genuine** compliments I get are from other women. I explained this to my man once and he started complimenting his friends and over time they all started complimenting each other.
Yes you deserve more compliments, but you also have to give more compliments to other guys as well.
I am just saying in general, if a woman gives you a compliment that doesn't mean that she is attracted to you. I compliment everyone all the time, regardless if I like them as a person or not, I just like acknowledging people, and telling them positives of what I see when I look at them
Yes THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS!!!
You know how many compliments I would rain down on my male friends/acquaintances/colleagues like candy if I was sure they wouldn’t look into it too much or think it’s me coming onto them??
I wish platonic compliments were more normalized.
This is why I preface any compliment to my guy pals with a hefty "MATE! You look like you've lost weight, you look amazing!" or "MATE! that colour looks brilliant on you!"
The odd "pal" works just as good.
Women are used to giving each other compliments and receiving compliments from men. Women I’ve dated were never very complimentary of me. Could be more of a reflection of me than a reflection of the sexes. 😂
Man that’s so sad! Whenever my boyfriend shows off new clothes or just looks plain sexy I go full girlfriend mode. ‘Damn, look at you! You look like a snack! Do a twirl for me!’
This should be normalized! I love boosting my boy
Conversion flows easily and naturally
You're able to talk about the big things like religion, politics and children without feeling like it's a potential argument
You're both laughing and relaxed the entire time and you leave the date itching for the next one
Edit: conversation!
I'm in this with someone really special right now, and I'm such a quirky, eccentric person. And the fact that I can just be myself around her has me feeling like it's so safe to fall in love. Pray for me, bro's. This one is really special, and I've never felt this before. I really hope I don't fuck it up.
This deserves a lot of upvotes
Having conversations that flows helps a lot to get to know a person and helps to build a fellowship with each other . Humans are very social, we love conversations and during dates it helps a lot.
Active conversation. She's asking questions, seems legitimately interested in what you have to say, not compulsively checking her phone or checking out in general. These are respectful things gents can do as well to keep things flowing well
Dude my biggest fear was after a rough breakup I finally dug myself out of my funk and matched with a girl who lived four hours away (this is why I believe in destiny cause my settings were not set to that far and neither were hers) we agreed to meet at a town 2 hours away from both of us so I drove two hours to meet her, I sat in that park for about 15 minutes absolutely terrified she wouldn’t show up, things went great, we dated for a couple months until her psycho ex went batshit crazy and lured her back in by what I think was poisoning his kids that she used to take care of and when she showed up beat the ever loving Christ out of her until she took him back. Yeah that took a turn, I never heard from her after she went to meet him and he started to text me from her phone. Do I know if all of that is true? Not really but no one would move to another state to be with someone just to turn around and move back 2 weeks later. In conclusion, people suck.
If you pay for the meal (or anything), she says "Thank You" and is genuinely appreciative.
A shocking, SHOCKING, amount of women won't even say thank you when you pay for stuff on a date.
Bonus points if she offers to split the check or idk, if you bought the movie tickets, she gets the popcorn... etc
Example: My now wife offered to split our first meal... I declined and paid. She thanked me. Then when we got a drink at the bar after, she said "let me get this round".
Knew she was a keeper.
Thank you for this. My girlfriend thanks me for every meal, and I need more intelligent and thoughtful remarks besides "No problem sweetie". This is wonderful.
I actually saw it on reddit a few years ago. Then about a month later, I drove my wife's aunt to a funeral and got to use it when she thanked me for the ride. People skills are an uphill battle for me.
I prefer going dutch because it makes me feel it's understood that I owe them nothing if things don't workout (not that anything is owed regardless, cause that has creepy implications), and it shows me how the guy responds to a woman modestly demonstrating her independence. Some guys will freak out when you try to pay and that tells me they're insecure or traditional in their relation to gender norms which isn't my vibe.
I value independence, but I appreciate this being done more artfully.
For example either party can pay for a first date. Like I'm appreciative if they say "I got this!" But if I got the first one, then I hope they got it next time, or if I plan the first date, I hope they plan/pay for one in the future. Hell I think the same way with doing shit with friends.
I think taking turns being generous feels like more of a foundation for building a team than keeping things seperate.
As a guy I'm always prepared to pay, assuming I was the inviter but I ask the others preference when the bill comes if splitting it hasn't been discussed yet by then.
If the girl wants to split that's great, if she offers to pay for the next date that's even better, because 2nd date.
Exactly what I do too even though I’ve been lacking with this as the discussions and awkwardness is exhausting. But just to point this out: having no problem with the woman paying: major green flag too
100% agree. I've been married for 21 years so it has been a longggg time since I was in the dating scene but the first date would have been the last if she cant even thank you. I think it was like our second or third date my wife grabbed the check when I went to the bathroom and I knew I was in love lol.
Lots of laughter and smiles.
You dont want the date to end.
She asks you questions about your life (instead of what you have or how much you earn) and she genuinely seems interested.
She's honest even if it's to share the less desireable side of her self or nature.
Came here for pretty much all of these. If she's willing to do something stupid or ridiculous, or even just tell a terrible joke for a laugh, instantly having a good time. Not taking yourself too seriously is absolutely key
I like to ask "If earning money wasn't an issue anymore, what would you be doing with your life?"
And I get the most interesting answers. Everyone's deepest desires come out from that question.
I bought opera tickets once for me and a lady because we were both into that.
It's very late when we're done, so I offer (and she accepts) a lunch date so we can talk about it.
The date went fine, and then she paid for it. I was a bit surprised (I'm of the belief that unless arrangements are made beforehand, payment is done by the one who offers the date).
Her: "You paid for the opera tickets and I had a great time then, and now. I'm not about to be greedy."
They listen and are actually interested in things you have to say. They talk too (obviously) and doesn't expect you to entertain them but rather has a nice conversation back and forth. No obvious expectations on food/drinks/pay whatever you're doing. For me it's a big green flag when they are admant on separate checks for the first date/s because it means they are serious and not just out for a free meal (no matter how the date goes). Honesty about intentions are a really big green flag too for me. Knowing if someone is possibly in for something serious with only you, or dating around a bit to find themselves and potentially eventually a nice partner helps in setting expectations on both parts and you might even find yourselves great friends instead even if things don't "click".
For more "quick" green flags for what I find myself falling for in a date (like I did with my wife) I'd say:
Instant attraction. - It's important for both parts in a sexual relationship. Can't have a long term romantic relationship without attraction (unless you're asexual ofc).
Having fun together. - My wife is also best friend! I still love hanging out with her after 8 years together.
Intellectually compatability. - Equally smart (or in our case equally stupid). We understand each other well both in laungage and references. We argue and discuss things from similar points of understanding even when we disagree. To us it's the cornerstone of our relationship because even when we get into fights we can take a step back and reason to a point of understanding. We might still not agree but at least we understand why.
Similar core beliefs. - Things like religion, how we look at people, how we consider kids, war, death, revenge, the meaning of life, money, career, family etc. The BIG questions that shape how we go through life. They kind of NEED to be alligned for a long and healthy relationship and if you find out early that they don't you can save yourself some heartache. Many people might disagree on this one but if I believe if you want a lasting relationship without one or both of you constantly having to censor/alter their views to avoid arguing you need to have a similar "core" to begin with.
This got longer than I intended for it and I don't think anyone will read it anyway so...
I love you my beautiful wife!
And REFILL THE DAMN TOILETPAPER EVERY NOW AND THEN PLEASE.
I was sick with something. Lot of pollen where I’m from.
We’d barely been talking a week on a dating website and I had mention my sore throat and runny nose.
She asked me for my address, me being a dude thought nothing of it and figured it was for the date coming up (I didn’t have a car so she’d figured out how to pick me up as she didn’t have one either).
Two hours later I get a knock on the front door.
A bag of assorted cough drops, tissues, cough medicine… just everything you could think of. Hot chocolate included.
We had our first date the next day and boy was I sappy
See girls always say they'd beat me in mario kart as a flirt. But the don't realize I'm deadly with a green shell and will crush them. I can't help it 😂
I just told a friend a few days ago that I would play smash with him and he was surprised that I play at all, I 3-stocked him before telling him I've won a tournament before lol
My sister sucks at video games. We all grew up in the 80s, she didn't play Nintendo or PlayStation like my brother and I did. We're all in our 40s now. I have no idea where she got it, but she will absolutely kick anyone's ass in Mario Cart. Just Mario Cart.
My wife kicks my ass (and probably yours, too) at tiger woods golf. Just tiger woods golf. Savant level. She's the sniper for my tank on fps coop, though.
My first date with the person I ended up marrying went like this:
We met online, got to know each other a little, then agreed to meet after a while at a bar they were familiar with. We sat, talked, had a few drinks, had some bar food, and got along like we had known each other for years. After the bar closed we sat in their car (it was winter time) for another couple of hours and just BS'd with each other. I knew then I might have found someone special.
my wife and I aren't drinkers. Our first date consisted of us walking around a park for hours, talking easily about who we were. We left and i definitely wanted something romantic with her, she wanted to go on another hike with me, and it took until the 3rd date when she thought of me in romantic terms.
The emphasis is conversation. sex at the very most can only really take up an average of 30 minutes/day, find someone you can talk to in life. it'll go better.
> sex at the very most can only really take up an average of 30 minutes/day,
Have had this convo with a number of friends over the years. If you have only great sex in common, it's not going to make for a long term relationship.
If you had the most delicious prime rib, but you ate it for dinner every single day, you'd become tired of it eventually...
My wife was 30-40 minutes late to our first date, and the first time we had ever met. She was very apologetic and once she settled down from feeling bad about being late she asked me questions no other gal ever had. Nothing crazy but just questions genuinely interested in me. She has been the same sweet angel every day since then too and shes also given me 2 amazing daughters. Hard to explain but her green flags were/are everywhere. Aside from her punctuality. ;)
Wow..... Was not expecting how fast people commenting on this post. Anyways, wanted to see if anyone still had good experience instead all the bad ones. Thank you for the comments strangers.
Edit: thx for upvote as well!
She laughs and helps you clean up the Udon that you spilled when you were nervous on your first date.
Then she still wants a second date. Absolute keeper
Look like your pictures.
Help carry the conversation.
Actually share information about yourself, don’t stick with generic answers for whatever reason.
Don’t interact with your phone. Although I get it if I just came back from the rest room.
Be on time.
Well, I've been on quite a few first and second dates in the last 3 years. Some were a ton of fun, and some really sucked. The ones that ended up going anywhere had most of these in common: on time, conversation flows easily, she asks questions and contributes. If we're having fun, going to a second location is a good sign. At the end of the date, if she leans in for a kiss or even asks you to her place. She's gotta be polite to staff and if I pay for the date, being thanked is nice. Also being straight forward about her dating goals from the start.
They don’t want it to end. Excuses or suggesting places to go after the main date to keep talking. Or if that’s not possible (maybe one of us is working the next day) her texting once she gets home or if she’s in a taxi home her messaging as soon as you leave one another
I met my wife on tinder. We talked for a while and really hit it off and eventually planned to meet at her place to hookup. When I got there we ended up sitting on her couch and just talked. And talked. And talked. This was the first time meeting in person and our planned hookup had instead turned into nearly 4 hours of wonderful conversation.
Been together 5 years, married her back in September. Easily the best nonhookup I ever had.
* They're not on the phone during the date.
* They accept your compliments graciously and compliment you as well.
* The conversation is relaxed and both of you are comfortable.
* They offer to split the tab.
Plus side: We fear sexual assault a lot less
Downside: We are socially expected to carry the conversation, pick up the check, bear the burden of initiating sexually (often without any reasonable cues), and take a backseat to whatever is on a girls phone at any given second
If she genuinely cares about how you’re doing in life, if she makes efforts to understand you as a person and if she chooses to split after all that : )
I'm an old widower, but for me, green flags were open honesty, vaguely similar thoughts on politics and religion, absolutely NO facade stuff, and taking turns asking questions about each other and paying attention to each others answers.
Wasn't a first date, but a hook up at a party. I was chatting to her and her friends. When she asked if she could kiss me. It was so odd, but she was super cute about it. I agreed, but I think it should be private. She asked what room was mine, as the party was at our hotel at the time. We ran up and met in the room.
When in the room, I started joking about how random this was, and my quirky personality kinda slipped out. She just mirrored off my energy. Every quirk, joke, stupid slip-up, and action just worked with her. It was like we've always known each other. 9pm quickly turned in 5am. I knew this was something special, and I could tell she felt the same.
We moved in together within 3 months and have been side by side for 16 years.
Edit: The green flags it just works
Met a woman for a first date at a local mom & pop restaurant serving Polish food. We both get the Pierogi variety plate.
I can't eat beef, and she can't eat pork. We had discussed this before meeting, so I gave her my beef pierogi, and she gave me her pork ones.
Now, that's *already* pretty fuckin' cute, right?
At one point, as we are both talking and laughing, I start having an asthma attack. It takes me a minute to find my inhaler, take a puff, and start to come back from it.
And *just* as my breathing comes back to normal, she says "So I took your breath away, huh?"
I laughed so hard, I needed to hit the inhaler again.
It astounds me people dare TOUCH their phone on a first date of all things. I've never gone on a date with someone who's not my partner so I have no idea how they work really, but sitting on your phone sounds so awfully awkward as if it's not already awkward enough to just BE there
The only reason i can figure would be because you need to show them a pic of your dog or you need to google some factoid that came up your conversation. Or something like that where it is actually both of you looking at your phone. Otherwise the only reason to look at your phone is possibly an emergency text from the babysitter.
She was just.. really genuine and honest and was just as nervous as I was to meet her. She also had brought me a small gift that she knew I would love. She was honest about her intentions and expectations in dating, but what really topped it off for me was how quickly we were able to laugh and be silly together.
Red flag - you have to carry the conversation.
Green flag - the conversation takes on a life of its own, you both constantly laugh, and you find yourself laughing harder with this one person than everyone you’ve ever known before. She’s your kind of weird and she gets your outdated cultural references.
An ultimate green flag is that the conversation flows naturally and both sides.
I remember the first date (though we did not call it date to avoid it bein labelled, it was rather a meetup) with my SO I met on Tinder. We met up at a public coffee place and the talk was just endless covering a lot of topics.
When we realized that it's already getting dark we still wanted to continue talking and it was a 3 hour conversation already. By the time we both got to our homes it was 11pm and I could not believe that such thing happened.
I am horrible at reading people.
Many years ago I learned a little trick.
You invite someone to do something in the future, but you leave out an obvious detail.
If they ask for the detail, they probably are actually interested.
Example:
A group of us are going bowling next Thursday after work, would you like to come.
If she says yes but doesn't ask what time exactly or which bowling alley, she isn't coming.
She listens sincerely and talks sincerely
When you find a common talking point and she genuinely adds to not only the conversation but your view on said topic. Good conversation gets me going!
My wife whom I’ve been with for 8 years and I had an incredibly awkward first date for the first hour. There was physical attraction but we’re both awkward and shy. Conversation was so stale and forced that I texted a friend it wasn’t going well and could meet in an hour. Until for whatever reason she asked me if I had a zombie apocalypse plan, and I did, so we nerded out together over that and other topics flowed in more naturally. We talked for four more hours and walked from South Keys to Rideau Center in Ottawa, walking that entire four hours. One good shared topic can start something amazing.
>she asked me if I had a zombie apocalypse plan So you got turned on by a woman with a zombie apocalypse plan? What if she asked you about chainsaw massacres mate?
Looking back, the thing that should've been the biggest green flag about the woman I married was that she made just as much effort to see me as I did to see her. She texted me first, suggested hang-out times, and came up with date ideas just as often as I did. I don't think I realized it back then but I realize it now.
When we were first dating, my wife was in law school an hour and a half drive from her house. One night a week she would come to my house (she was temporarily living with her parents while she went back to school as a single parent), have date night, stay over, and get up at 4:30am to drive back. That was 10 years ago, and she *still* always makes me feel appreciated at that kind of level. I try to up my game and respond back at that level, and I tell her that my goal in life is that she never realizes that I'm the one that got the better end of the deal when we got married!
Same for my wife. You mean I don't have to figure out ALL the plans and initiate ALL the conversations? Whaaat
You don’t realize hours have passed sitting and chatting wherever, you sit in your car at the end of the night and talk for another hour, and realize even after one date you genuinely miss their company
I knew my wife was the one when we made plans to watch arrested development at her house, but when I got there we just talked for 3 hours straight. I can count on one hand the number of people I can talk to 3 hours straight no pauses and no “omg is this almost over”.
I was thinking that her wanting to watch arrested developed was the green flag, smart lady!
I was on a 4 hour date. Never once did either one of us look at our phones. She ended up ghosting me after that date
damn that fucking sucks. I think the person was probably scared of falling in lurv
Oh hell yes. One great green flag. In fact that’s one of the things I love about my now wife. Every long drive (6-10hrs) we would have something to chat and as a result we get so into our conversations we’d lose our exits at least twice. Lol. At one point, we were heading to SoCal for family event, and despite knowing the way by heart, we still managed to miss our junction exit because of a conversation (it was about KPop / Kdrama).
Listening and reciprocating questions. I don't want to talk about myself the whole time but this isn't a job interview where I'm the employer. Ask questions about me! Haha. Also good manners go a long way.
Adjacent point: one should be asking questions of the employer in an interview
Instructions unclear: went out with my employer
We accidentally showed up at the wrong restaurant. Well, I showed up at one on the north end of town, she was at the one on the south end. She ended up coming to meet me halfway and after dinner we talked at a park at a lake until 2 in the morning and it felt like no time had passed. She wasn’t on her phone at all. I told her I don’t kiss on the first date just to make sure it’s not about a hookup. At the end of the night, as I was dropping her off at her car, she gave me a nervous smile and then kissed me. Then she gave me a hug and even texted me to see if I got home, as she ended up making it to her place before I got to mine. Anyway, we’ve been married for 8 years now.
I'm sorry, but I almost fell in love with your wife. That's beautiful!
I too choose th- yk what, imma let him have it this time
Nah fuck that noise I want Jesse's girl over there goddamnit!
SHUT UP AND WATCH YOU PITIFUL FOOL, IT’S JUST GETTING GOOD *smacks ‘em upside the head*
The fact that she texted to make sure you made it home is a huge green flag in and of itself
Some guys get all the luck.
[удалено]
Some guys get all the breaks
[удалено]
Tremendous first date story
lol i read a duolingo story just like this yesterday
I'm also choosing this guy's wife
You feel comfortable talking
So simply put yet often unattainable.
Truer words have never been spoken. Haven’t found it yet, but this is all I’m looking for
I agree that this is definitely a good indicator for a lot of people, but not all. I was so awkward around my girl at first, even after a few dates. Fast forward a few years later and I can’t shut up around her, she’s my best friend.
She has a level of confidence. Nothing crazy but you can tell she has an idea what she wants.
When she puts her phone away. Hell of a green flag. **EDIT**: I saw a couple of comments come through about safety - yeah I *completely* agree with that. Do whatever you need to do to feel safe for sure. I could have been a bit clearer in the original comment and said "phone is silent and she leaves it on the table" or something like that - I wanted to get across that I'd prefer her to talk with me and not people on the phone.
Ain’t that the truth, I understand checking messages but when you’re on it for more than 5 or so minutes, at least excuse yourself and make a phone call if it’s an emergency. Or if you’re not enjoying the date just say it
It’s sad that being present on a date is a green flag
I donno, it's more of a bare minimum
Right? Maybe it’s a generational thing but as a serial dater in his thirties, women put their phones away first thing pretty much 100% of the time. Sometimes they even make a little show of it to make sure I notice, which is really cute.
Yeah, same. I consider green flags nice to haves. Not absolutely the bare minimum. This one was similar to other comments of "she showed up". . . 🤣 Like I have to break it to you pal, if she ain't there it's not a date. Lol
gal here, never been on a date but i never got this phone thing. if i was on a date with someone, i would put my phone on silent and not look at it the whole night? unless there was an emergency. the only time i would check it is if i went to the loo maybe. i'm on a date with the guy not the phone? it's so rude
Exactly! Peek when peeing (at the phone, not people).
The bar is on the floor.
yeah if she on her phone constantly then red flag
To me the fact that you had to put that edit after is ridiculous. People knew what you were talking about but just have to make nothing into something.
When she brings the 1977-2011 flag of Libya to the first date. Big green flag.
Old Canadian Flag from the 50's though? That's a Red Flag.
If she brings up her support of the Soviet Union? _That_ is a huge red flag.
Current Swiss flag: mostly red but it's a big plus
Also reassuring if they bring the Swiss flag: it's a big plus.
Username checks out
My adult daughter went on a first date with this guy she met on a dating app. We were worried sick, making sure she texted us her location every time she went somewhere else. She got very sick on the date and he took her to the ER, waiting with her for almost six hours. When she went back, he wasn’t allowed to go with her, so he instead went and got her Waffle House since they had missed dinner. She STILL wasn’t out after six hours, so he sat in his car with the heat on during Georgia summer so her food stayed hot. When she finally got out, he drove her home with her food because he wanted to make sure she got some rest since she was sick. They made plans to go on another date when she got to feeling better. They got married three months ago. We love him, and I officiated the ceremony.
This one actually made me tear up. What a man and what a lovely addition to your family <3
Totally agree! As a dad, I’ve always worried about having to be protective of my daughter with whoever she decides to be with. Her previous boyfriend was extremely emotionally abusive, and this guy? Nah, he’s pretty fucking awesome.
Let him know that:) Me and my ex of 10 years broke up and even though i dont have any contact with him anymore, i still talk and see his parents regularly. They have always treated me like family and that's never going to change. No bad sayings about my ex but his family is pure love. Wouldn't trade them for anything. I love them and always will
Aw i love this ❤️
Well, you all need to watch the movie [The Big Sick](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Sick), if you haven't already. It's a true story about a story that's a bit more intense, but just as lovely as this one.
I haven’t seen that one yet, but I love Nanjiani. I’ll give it a shot.
Food sitting in a car for 6 hours is a great way to get a food borne illness. Bacteria LOVES that. Pt 2 of the story is her having diarrhea and him waiting by the bathroom door for the next day and a half.
I upvoted you, but the food wasn’t sitting in the car for six hours lol. It was sitting in the car for like an hour because he underestimated when they would let her go.
I appreciate you having a sense of humor and closing the loop on the story! I wish them a happy marriage.
She compliments you and how you look
That's my go to thing, if I like something about a guy im telling him
You now have every man available to you. We dont hear compliments enough.
I compliment my man all the time, but it’s really men that need to compliment each other more. Most of the **genuine** compliments I get are from other women. I explained this to my man once and he started complimenting his friends and over time they all started complimenting each other. Yes you deserve more compliments, but you also have to give more compliments to other guys as well.
I could not agree more.
Yes I hear that men need compliments too! But also they need to give them back ( if they are feeling me or I just don’t know)
I am just saying in general, if a woman gives you a compliment that doesn't mean that she is attracted to you. I compliment everyone all the time, regardless if I like them as a person or not, I just like acknowledging people, and telling them positives of what I see when I look at them
Yes THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS!!! You know how many compliments I would rain down on my male friends/acquaintances/colleagues like candy if I was sure they wouldn’t look into it too much or think it’s me coming onto them?? I wish platonic compliments were more normalized.
This is why I preface any compliment to my guy pals with a hefty "MATE! You look like you've lost weight, you look amazing!" or "MATE! that colour looks brilliant on you!" The odd "pal" works just as good.
Women are used to giving each other compliments and receiving compliments from men. Women I’ve dated were never very complimentary of me. Could be more of a reflection of me than a reflection of the sexes. 😂
Man that’s so sad! Whenever my boyfriend shows off new clothes or just looks plain sexy I go full girlfriend mode. ‘Damn, look at you! You look like a snack! Do a twirl for me!’ This should be normalized! I love boosting my boy
Conversion flows easily and naturally You're able to talk about the big things like religion, politics and children without feeling like it's a potential argument You're both laughing and relaxed the entire time and you leave the date itching for the next one Edit: conversation!
I'm in this with someone really special right now, and I'm such a quirky, eccentric person. And the fact that I can just be myself around her has me feeling like it's so safe to fall in love. Pray for me, bro's. This one is really special, and I've never felt this before. I really hope I don't fuck it up.
Wow. As a woman, this makes me want to start dating again. Men like you are not easy to find.
I totally agree u/PutStuffInMyDickHole
Do NOT, and I mean do NOT, look at u/putstuffinmydickhole posts. Some things you just can't unsee.
I did it. Username most definitely checks out.
Congratulations on your bravery
Haha dude!!! You could've warned me /s
This deserves a lot of upvotes Having conversations that flows helps a lot to get to know a person and helps to build a fellowship with each other . Humans are very social, we love conversations and during dates it helps a lot.
Active conversation. She's asking questions, seems legitimately interested in what you have to say, not compulsively checking her phone or checking out in general. These are respectful things gents can do as well to keep things flowing well
She showed up.
You down bad 😭😭😭
You'd be surprised how flaky people can be.
Dude my biggest fear was after a rough breakup I finally dug myself out of my funk and matched with a girl who lived four hours away (this is why I believe in destiny cause my settings were not set to that far and neither were hers) we agreed to meet at a town 2 hours away from both of us so I drove two hours to meet her, I sat in that park for about 15 minutes absolutely terrified she wouldn’t show up, things went great, we dated for a couple months until her psycho ex went batshit crazy and lured her back in by what I think was poisoning his kids that she used to take care of and when she showed up beat the ever loving Christ out of her until she took him back. Yeah that took a turn, I never heard from her after she went to meet him and he started to text me from her phone. Do I know if all of that is true? Not really but no one would move to another state to be with someone just to turn around and move back 2 weeks later. In conclusion, people suck.
Holy shit dude sorry that happened
Is she ok now?
Hella down bad 😭😭
That's not always a green flag. There are times you wish that she had forgotten the date had ever existed in the first place.
bonus points if they are actually on time first dates are already anxious enough without her being late
Ah yes I too am desperate and lonely.
It doesn’t happen often, but when I think something before checking the comments and then I see the thing I was thinking, I get a little rush.
If you pay for the meal (or anything), she says "Thank You" and is genuinely appreciative. A shocking, SHOCKING, amount of women won't even say thank you when you pay for stuff on a date. Bonus points if she offers to split the check or idk, if you bought the movie tickets, she gets the popcorn... etc Example: My now wife offered to split our first meal... I declined and paid. She thanked me. Then when we got a drink at the bar after, she said "let me get this round". Knew she was a keeper.
LPT: Whenever someone thanks you for a meal, say "Thanks for the company."
Thank you for this. My girlfriend thanks me for every meal, and I need more intelligent and thoughtful remarks besides "No problem sweetie". This is wonderful.
I actually saw it on reddit a few years ago. Then about a month later, I drove my wife's aunt to a funeral and got to use it when she thanked me for the ride. People skills are an uphill battle for me.
This is as green as they get.
Manz found she-hulk
I prefer going dutch because it makes me feel it's understood that I owe them nothing if things don't workout (not that anything is owed regardless, cause that has creepy implications), and it shows me how the guy responds to a woman modestly demonstrating her independence. Some guys will freak out when you try to pay and that tells me they're insecure or traditional in their relation to gender norms which isn't my vibe.
I value independence, but I appreciate this being done more artfully. For example either party can pay for a first date. Like I'm appreciative if they say "I got this!" But if I got the first one, then I hope they got it next time, or if I plan the first date, I hope they plan/pay for one in the future. Hell I think the same way with doing shit with friends. I think taking turns being generous feels like more of a foundation for building a team than keeping things seperate.
As a guy I'm always prepared to pay, assuming I was the inviter but I ask the others preference when the bill comes if splitting it hasn't been discussed yet by then. If the girl wants to split that's great, if she offers to pay for the next date that's even better, because 2nd date.
Exactly what I do too even though I’ve been lacking with this as the discussions and awkwardness is exhausting. But just to point this out: having no problem with the woman paying: major green flag too
Dude is she broccoli? That’s about as green as it gets
100% agree. I've been married for 21 years so it has been a longggg time since I was in the dating scene but the first date would have been the last if she cant even thank you. I think it was like our second or third date my wife grabbed the check when I went to the bathroom and I knew I was in love lol.
Lots of laughter and smiles. You dont want the date to end. She asks you questions about your life (instead of what you have or how much you earn) and she genuinely seems interested. She's honest even if it's to share the less desireable side of her self or nature.
Came here for pretty much all of these. If she's willing to do something stupid or ridiculous, or even just tell a terrible joke for a laugh, instantly having a good time. Not taking yourself too seriously is absolutely key
Lol i just use the Rachel green's "where'd you grow up?" Move
One time I went back packing through the foothills of Mount Tibadabo...
I like to ask "If earning money wasn't an issue anymore, what would you be doing with your life?" And I get the most interesting answers. Everyone's deepest desires come out from that question.
She asks questions about yourself.
This is a big one. Worst thing in the world is to date a narcissist.
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I bought opera tickets once for me and a lady because we were both into that. It's very late when we're done, so I offer (and she accepts) a lunch date so we can talk about it. The date went fine, and then she paid for it. I was a bit surprised (I'm of the belief that unless arrangements are made beforehand, payment is done by the one who offers the date). Her: "You paid for the opera tickets and I had a great time then, and now. I'm not about to be greedy."
They listen and are actually interested in things you have to say. They talk too (obviously) and doesn't expect you to entertain them but rather has a nice conversation back and forth. No obvious expectations on food/drinks/pay whatever you're doing. For me it's a big green flag when they are admant on separate checks for the first date/s because it means they are serious and not just out for a free meal (no matter how the date goes). Honesty about intentions are a really big green flag too for me. Knowing if someone is possibly in for something serious with only you, or dating around a bit to find themselves and potentially eventually a nice partner helps in setting expectations on both parts and you might even find yourselves great friends instead even if things don't "click". For more "quick" green flags for what I find myself falling for in a date (like I did with my wife) I'd say: Instant attraction. - It's important for both parts in a sexual relationship. Can't have a long term romantic relationship without attraction (unless you're asexual ofc). Having fun together. - My wife is also best friend! I still love hanging out with her after 8 years together. Intellectually compatability. - Equally smart (or in our case equally stupid). We understand each other well both in laungage and references. We argue and discuss things from similar points of understanding even when we disagree. To us it's the cornerstone of our relationship because even when we get into fights we can take a step back and reason to a point of understanding. We might still not agree but at least we understand why. Similar core beliefs. - Things like religion, how we look at people, how we consider kids, war, death, revenge, the meaning of life, money, career, family etc. The BIG questions that shape how we go through life. They kind of NEED to be alligned for a long and healthy relationship and if you find out early that they don't you can save yourself some heartache. Many people might disagree on this one but if I believe if you want a lasting relationship without one or both of you constantly having to censor/alter their views to avoid arguing you need to have a similar "core" to begin with. This got longer than I intended for it and I don't think anyone will read it anyway so... I love you my beautiful wife! And REFILL THE DAMN TOILETPAPER EVERY NOW AND THEN PLEASE.
I was sick with something. Lot of pollen where I’m from. We’d barely been talking a week on a dating website and I had mention my sore throat and runny nose. She asked me for my address, me being a dude thought nothing of it and figured it was for the date coming up (I didn’t have a car so she’d figured out how to pick me up as she didn’t have one either). Two hours later I get a knock on the front door. A bag of assorted cough drops, tissues, cough medicine… just everything you could think of. Hot chocolate included. We had our first date the next day and boy was I sappy
If the person can win against me in mariokart
See girls always say they'd beat me in mario kart as a flirt. But the don't realize I'm deadly with a green shell and will crush them. I can't help it 😂
I know to hang on to my banana
I just told a friend a few days ago that I would play smash with him and he was surprised that I play at all, I 3-stocked him before telling him I've won a tournament before lol
you're a menace for directly picking your main to steamroll your mate lmao
My sister sucks at video games. We all grew up in the 80s, she didn't play Nintendo or PlayStation like my brother and I did. We're all in our 40s now. I have no idea where she got it, but she will absolutely kick anyone's ass in Mario Cart. Just Mario Cart.
My wife kicks my ass (and probably yours, too) at tiger woods golf. Just tiger woods golf. Savant level. She's the sniper for my tank on fps coop, though.
The only one she loses to is my 9 year old, because she fends off the other drivers for him to win.
My first date with the person I ended up marrying went like this: We met online, got to know each other a little, then agreed to meet after a while at a bar they were familiar with. We sat, talked, had a few drinks, had some bar food, and got along like we had known each other for years. After the bar closed we sat in their car (it was winter time) for another couple of hours and just BS'd with each other. I knew then I might have found someone special.
my wife and I aren't drinkers. Our first date consisted of us walking around a park for hours, talking easily about who we were. We left and i definitely wanted something romantic with her, she wanted to go on another hike with me, and it took until the 3rd date when she thought of me in romantic terms. The emphasis is conversation. sex at the very most can only really take up an average of 30 minutes/day, find someone you can talk to in life. it'll go better.
> sex at the very most can only really take up an average of 30 minutes/day, Have had this convo with a number of friends over the years. If you have only great sex in common, it's not going to make for a long term relationship. If you had the most delicious prime rib, but you ate it for dinner every single day, you'd become tired of it eventually...
That's why I always have a 45 minute conversation with my rib before I eat it.
It could be the best steak you've ever had, but if it's the only thing you eat you'll still be undernourished.
My wife was 30-40 minutes late to our first date, and the first time we had ever met. She was very apologetic and once she settled down from feeling bad about being late she asked me questions no other gal ever had. Nothing crazy but just questions genuinely interested in me. She has been the same sweet angel every day since then too and shes also given me 2 amazing daughters. Hard to explain but her green flags were/are everywhere. Aside from her punctuality. ;)
Wow..... Was not expecting how fast people commenting on this post. Anyways, wanted to see if anyone still had good experience instead all the bad ones. Thank you for the comments strangers. Edit: thx for upvote as well!
When she tells me about her STDs and they are the same as mine.
Clap? *Clap*
Lights on!
Awww
Spread the love.
She listes well and is fun to listen to.
“Text me when you get home”. Love that.
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She laughs and helps you clean up the Udon that you spilled when you were nervous on your first date. Then she still wants a second date. Absolute keeper
She cusses like a sailor. I have a type don’t judge.
it’s actually nice to read this because i’ve always been told that my choice of words isn’t ladylike and/or unattractive, so thanks LOL
My dad has told me that he doesn't like when women swear a lot. I told him we'll have to agree to disagree.
Tell your dad to get fucked
I like women that can be polite and formal when the need arises but swear to your hearts content outside of those situations.
That’s me. But it my family and society in general it’s frowned upon when a woman swears. I hate double standards! Not that it fucking stops me.
Ruth from Ozark?
Green flag: doesn’t know shit about fuck
Personally, I'd prefer that my date know a good deal of shit about fuck. More exciting that way lol
I prefer my shit territory never to infringe upon my fuck territory, and vice-versa. I find the type of bravery to mix the two very admirable though.
If they're polite to customer service people, its usually a better sign than if they are nice to you.
Not on phone, not talking about ex, seems engaged in the conversation.
Look like your pictures. Help carry the conversation. Actually share information about yourself, don’t stick with generic answers for whatever reason. Don’t interact with your phone. Although I get it if I just came back from the rest room. Be on time.
You guys do more stuff than you initially had planned for the date
My boyfriend and I both loved this about each other right from the beginning — we make each other calm.
My girl tells me, “you ground me”. Awesome.
Well, I've been on quite a few first and second dates in the last 3 years. Some were a ton of fun, and some really sucked. The ones that ended up going anywhere had most of these in common: on time, conversation flows easily, she asks questions and contributes. If we're having fun, going to a second location is a good sign. At the end of the date, if she leans in for a kiss or even asks you to her place. She's gotta be polite to staff and if I pay for the date, being thanked is nice. Also being straight forward about her dating goals from the start.
They don’t want it to end. Excuses or suggesting places to go after the main date to keep talking. Or if that’s not possible (maybe one of us is working the next day) her texting once she gets home or if she’s in a taxi home her messaging as soon as you leave one another
I met my wife on tinder. We talked for a while and really hit it off and eventually planned to meet at her place to hookup. When I got there we ended up sitting on her couch and just talked. And talked. And talked. This was the first time meeting in person and our planned hookup had instead turned into nearly 4 hours of wonderful conversation. Been together 5 years, married her back in September. Easily the best nonhookup I ever had.
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* They're not on the phone during the date. * They accept your compliments graciously and compliment you as well. * The conversation is relaxed and both of you are comfortable. * They offer to split the tab.
*Being a girl going down these comments* Really? These just feels like common decency. Dating must suck for guys.
Plus side: We fear sexual assault a lot less Downside: We are socially expected to carry the conversation, pick up the check, bear the burden of initiating sexually (often without any reasonable cues), and take a backseat to whatever is on a girls phone at any given second
This is my thought as well. It’s common sense like a date is for both of you not just for the one who got asked out.
If she genuinely cares about how you’re doing in life, if she makes efforts to understand you as a person and if she chooses to split after all that : )
kindness towards service staff - if she does that, she cares about other people even if she doesn't have to
I turned up 5 minutes early and she was already there.
I'm an old widower, but for me, green flags were open honesty, vaguely similar thoughts on politics and religion, absolutely NO facade stuff, and taking turns asking questions about each other and paying attention to each others answers.
Wasn't a first date, but a hook up at a party. I was chatting to her and her friends. When she asked if she could kiss me. It was so odd, but she was super cute about it. I agreed, but I think it should be private. She asked what room was mine, as the party was at our hotel at the time. We ran up and met in the room. When in the room, I started joking about how random this was, and my quirky personality kinda slipped out. She just mirrored off my energy. Every quirk, joke, stupid slip-up, and action just worked with her. It was like we've always known each other. 9pm quickly turned in 5am. I knew this was something special, and I could tell she felt the same. We moved in together within 3 months and have been side by side for 16 years. Edit: The green flags it just works
Met a woman for a first date at a local mom & pop restaurant serving Polish food. We both get the Pierogi variety plate. I can't eat beef, and she can't eat pork. We had discussed this before meeting, so I gave her my beef pierogi, and she gave me her pork ones. Now, that's *already* pretty fuckin' cute, right? At one point, as we are both talking and laughing, I start having an asthma attack. It takes me a minute to find my inhaler, take a puff, and start to come back from it. And *just* as my breathing comes back to normal, she says "So I took your breath away, huh?" I laughed so hard, I needed to hit the inhaler again.
If she snorts when you make her laugh.
She’s not on her phone at all
It astounds me people dare TOUCH their phone on a first date of all things. I've never gone on a date with someone who's not my partner so I have no idea how they work really, but sitting on your phone sounds so awfully awkward as if it's not already awkward enough to just BE there
The only reason i can figure would be because you need to show them a pic of your dog or you need to google some factoid that came up your conversation. Or something like that where it is actually both of you looking at your phone. Otherwise the only reason to look at your phone is possibly an emergency text from the babysitter.
My gf farted, no shame, simply said excuse me and we both laughed. I swear we sound like a damn horn section when we’re together. She’s the best.
You missed the chance to go with “she’s a blast!”??
When she gets a call and rejects it. That's usually a friend calling to end the date 'just in case'.
She receives the opt-out phone call and ignores it.
Y’all know about that?
\*\*Taking Notes\*\*, so that my next date won't go as bad as my last one.
She doesn’t compare everything you do to her ex
When she looks comfortable, at ease and is actually engaging in conversation. Smiles and laughs are great too.
If you meet for the date and the person looks like their profile
She was just.. really genuine and honest and was just as nervous as I was to meet her. She also had brought me a small gift that she knew I would love. She was honest about her intentions and expectations in dating, but what really topped it off for me was how quickly we were able to laugh and be silly together.
Her appearance matches the photos she sent you. If she’s telling the truth about simple things like that, that’s a green flag out of the gate.
The biggest green flag (and believe this pretty rear) is the girl saying "thank you" after I pay the check.
Most important, you both keep on talking effortlessly
Red flag - you have to carry the conversation. Green flag - the conversation takes on a life of its own, you both constantly laugh, and you find yourself laughing harder with this one person than everyone you’ve ever known before. She’s your kind of weird and she gets your outdated cultural references.
She asks questions
Easy to talk to. Seems interested in me. Not on her phone. Already hinting at another date or hangout.
I wish we talked more about green flags and positives and less about red ones! Love this idea!
An ultimate green flag is that the conversation flows naturally and both sides. I remember the first date (though we did not call it date to avoid it bein labelled, it was rather a meetup) with my SO I met on Tinder. We met up at a public coffee place and the talk was just endless covering a lot of topics. When we realized that it's already getting dark we still wanted to continue talking and it was a 3 hour conversation already. By the time we both got to our homes it was 11pm and I could not believe that such thing happened.
Interest, whenever they show interest in any way it’s the best feeling
She doesn’t mention an ex the entire night
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Happiness. If she's in a good mood and has smile lines it's a good sign.
I am horrible at reading people. Many years ago I learned a little trick. You invite someone to do something in the future, but you leave out an obvious detail. If they ask for the detail, they probably are actually interested. Example: A group of us are going bowling next Thursday after work, would you like to come. If she says yes but doesn't ask what time exactly or which bowling alley, she isn't coming.
Ahoy, you wilely dog! I'm stealing this one ;)
Dives face first into a plate of Ribs like it owes her money and comes up looking like a Jackson pollack painting.
When they say “text me so I know you got home ok”. Most people don’t care about men so just this tiny thing means a lot