I saw his grave!! It's in Welsh. The woman who runs the Winchelsea Court Hall Museum told me the church wouldn't allow the epitaph to be in English because it was too offensive 😂
My mom’s last words were, “see? I keep telling you my vision is going dark. I’m going.” And she slumped against my cousin while still seated on the toilet.
It was on April Fool’s Day, no less. She must’ve felt something was seriously wrong (on top of the symptoms of heart issues she’d been having but refused to get checked).
At lunch, she “jokingly” said to dad, “Let’s call the kids and you tell them, “Mom has fainted!”, then we’ll say, “April Fool!””
She hated hospitals. Had a fear of needles. So kept avoiding going to a doctor or hospital even in her last hours. Finally, she said to dad, “I think it we’ll be hard to make it through the night.”
No one thought to call an ambulance. Dad himself was in very ill-health. They finally convinced her to go to the hospital. She wanted to change her clothes. Dad said no. Wanted to use the toilet that was barely ten feet from her bed. A cousin helped her to it.
[Refer previous comment for next couple of minutes]
Cousin yells out to dad. He was just provide the bathroom, waiting with a wheel chair. But it was too late. Mom had fainted/ passed away.
Now how to get her out of there? A neighbor who was there ran out and brought with him a few guys (neighbors not known to us) who were standing outside the apartment building.
Together, they tried to pick up my not slim mom. No success. Hard to maneuver a dead weight through the small door.
There was another door to the bathroom that was usually blocked by a heavy piece of furniture on the outside. The furniture was removed, and the door opened for easier access. At this point, my mom is on the floor. My cousin is trying to get mom’s pants back on to protect her dignity, six or seven men are in that tiny bathroom.
Someone pulls a blanket and a sheet off the bed, they manage to put mom on it. Don’t ask me how, I wasn’t there.
They brought her out and placed her on the bed. Some of the women from the neighborhood has shown up by this time. One of them says mom is still alive and starts to massage mom’s feet. Someone tries to do their version of CPR - a few attempts at chest compressions - then chaos continues.
At this point, an ambulance that has been called at some point arrives. They declare mom is dead. Someone in the crowd (yes, but now it was a crowd) insists the medics do an ECG to confirm.
And that, folks is how I found ECG pads stuck on my mom, who was still wrapped in her own bedsheet and blanket, when we went to get her from the morgue three days later.
Family all around, crying, sad, wondering how they will fill this enormous hole in their lives, not being able to see that face, hear that voice for you are becoming but a memory.........
"Wanna see me hold my breath’? AHAHAHAHA"
The last intelligible thing my mother said came out of the blue with no context, and indeed, nothing said for minutes either side as she drifted through her old lady slumber. It was:-
BOLLOCKS
I think this is kind of cool, so I would happily repeat it
Nurses said (she died during COVID so we could not be by her side) my grandmother's last words were "just let me fucking sleep goddamnit".
She rarely cussed when she was alive, and I find this oddly fitting.
My dad…quite religious all his life…the day before he fell asleep for his remaining days…just looked at me and my sister and said “Christmas is bullshit”. He always loved Christmas (but I guess not?!) Omg we all burst out laughing so hard.
Sorry about your mom 💕
Same here.
It would either be me saying "I love you" to my family, or me telling Nancy Reagan's bitch ass ghost to watch its back, because I'm coming for her.
She knows why.
The last thing my father in law said and he wasn't good with words or emotions was "Do not cry be happy for me" while completely drugged out and dying from a peritonitis. This was the best thing he could have said
Yep. I hope I wish my husband goodnight like we do every night “Sleep well Angel. Love you very much” (or any similar thing). If those are my last words I will succeed in two things: 1) going peacefully in my sleep and 2) dying before him, so I don’t need to live without him.
Anne Springs Close, a noted conservationist, died at age 95 as a result of a tree branch falling on her. In the hospital, she quipped “I saved one too many trees.” Also of note, she was the last living person to have flown across the Atlantic aboard the German airship Hindenburg.
To my kids; I love you. I'm proud of you. You're the best parts of me.
I'll miss you, but I'll always be with you. In your heart, and in your soul.
You take care of Mom, ok.
To my wife; I'd do it all over again.
As long as you're with me. I love you.
To butcher a George Carlin bit, I would just start an argument where I know I’m wrong, and then tell the person that I’m arguing with that if I’m wrong then God could strike me down. Then die.
When I had a dream where I died and God asked me what is the last thing I wanted to do. To my surprise none of my family members came into my mind, the only word that came out of mouth was I want to write about the story of my life. And a pen and a page appeared before me.
It was an adventure
I've actually told my husband I want "It's an adventure" put on my memorial plaque. It's a phrase I say a lot and the core philosophy I live by. Attitude is so powerful so I try to live everything like an adventure with possibilities for joy or new learning.
**You're on your death bed,**
**Your family is crying their eyes out.**
**The room begins to get blurrier and blurrier, you mutter out the phrase:**
**"Deez nuts."**
*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*
"Wanna see a dead body?"
omg, this is hilarious. Reminds me of Jack Lemmon's gravestone which reads "Jack Lemmon in"
Spike Milligan’s says “I told you I was sick”.
I saw his grave!! It's in Welsh. The woman who runs the Winchelsea Court Hall Museum told me the church wouldn't allow the epitaph to be in English because it was too offensive 😂
Irish not Welsh. Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite Spike had an Irish father.
My mom’s last words were, “see? I keep telling you my vision is going dark. I’m going.” And she slumped against my cousin while still seated on the toilet.
While I'm sorry for your loss, that is just peak comedy. Thanks for sharing that memory with us.
That was a sneak preview. There was even more to it.
[удалено]
I’m sorry but you’ve reached your limit of free viewing. Please subscribe to see more.
It was on April Fool’s Day, no less. She must’ve felt something was seriously wrong (on top of the symptoms of heart issues she’d been having but refused to get checked). At lunch, she “jokingly” said to dad, “Let’s call the kids and you tell them, “Mom has fainted!”, then we’ll say, “April Fool!”” She hated hospitals. Had a fear of needles. So kept avoiding going to a doctor or hospital even in her last hours. Finally, she said to dad, “I think it we’ll be hard to make it through the night.” No one thought to call an ambulance. Dad himself was in very ill-health. They finally convinced her to go to the hospital. She wanted to change her clothes. Dad said no. Wanted to use the toilet that was barely ten feet from her bed. A cousin helped her to it. [Refer previous comment for next couple of minutes] Cousin yells out to dad. He was just provide the bathroom, waiting with a wheel chair. But it was too late. Mom had fainted/ passed away. Now how to get her out of there? A neighbor who was there ran out and brought with him a few guys (neighbors not known to us) who were standing outside the apartment building. Together, they tried to pick up my not slim mom. No success. Hard to maneuver a dead weight through the small door. There was another door to the bathroom that was usually blocked by a heavy piece of furniture on the outside. The furniture was removed, and the door opened for easier access. At this point, my mom is on the floor. My cousin is trying to get mom’s pants back on to protect her dignity, six or seven men are in that tiny bathroom. Someone pulls a blanket and a sheet off the bed, they manage to put mom on it. Don’t ask me how, I wasn’t there. They brought her out and placed her on the bed. Some of the women from the neighborhood has shown up by this time. One of them says mom is still alive and starts to massage mom’s feet. Someone tries to do their version of CPR - a few attempts at chest compressions - then chaos continues. At this point, an ambulance that has been called at some point arrives. They declare mom is dead. Someone in the crowd (yes, but now it was a crowd) insists the medics do an ECG to confirm. And that, folks is how I found ECG pads stuck on my mom, who was still wrapped in her own bedsheet and blanket, when we went to get her from the morgue three days later.
The fact that my first name is Justin I want my grave stone to simply read "Just In The Ground."
Wanna see me hold my breath’?
Family all around, crying, sad, wondering how they will fill this enormous hole in their lives, not being able to see that face, hear that voice for you are becoming but a memory......... "Wanna see me hold my breath’? AHAHAHAHA"
That's so good. I hope i remember this one for that day 🤣🤣
Relevant Cyanide & Happiness: https://explosm.net/comics/dave-comicbody
Wanna see something cool?
this one made me lol
Thanks to you i finally know what "lol" means.
look over longingly?
Lick old ladies?
[удалено]
"I told y'all I wasn't feeling well..."
Something similar is on Spike Millgan's grave stone...
If arnold does this it would be legendary
I left a million dollars in the...(dies)
[deleted because fuck reddit]
Good ole' Smiler Grogan, everybody's friend....
"a big dubya"
He just went sailin’ right out there
DM I would like to cast speak with dead
Roll a d20 for persuasion to see if u/Substantial-Fly-9433 will actually speak to you
actually genius
Just a million? Can’t even buy a house with that…
Tis but a scratch!
(is actually completely bleeding out)
A Scratch?! Your Arm’s Off!!!
No it isn't!
Then what’s that?
I’ve had worse!
You Liar!
I think I'll go for a little walk...
No you're not...you're nearly dead.
I'm getting better!
Tis but a flesh wound!
The true people of culture.
“I bet I can jump that far”
Yes you can Marshall
The last intelligible thing my mother said came out of the blue with no context, and indeed, nothing said for minutes either side as she drifted through her old lady slumber. It was:- BOLLOCKS I think this is kind of cool, so I would happily repeat it
Nurses said (she died during COVID so we could not be by her side) my grandmother's last words were "just let me fucking sleep goddamnit". She rarely cussed when she was alive, and I find this oddly fitting.
Imagine you have a gun to your head and you say, "oh bother".
My dad…quite religious all his life…the day before he fell asleep for his remaining days…just looked at me and my sister and said “Christmas is bullshit”. He always loved Christmas (but I guess not?!) Omg we all burst out laughing so hard. Sorry about your mom 💕
What even are you? While looking at a void space away from my family.
I'm coming, my family just wants to say goodbye first
"Erase my browser history"
Instructions unclear history posted to reddit
[Post removed by Reddit and is under investigation by authorities]
Haha I'm deceased mf what u gonna do re-alive me?
the only real answer
A certain anime quite literally had the guy say before dying "throw my pc into the tub and destroy it" So they did LOL
Destroy my hard disk
“Destroy my hard dick” works too
And a one and a two and a… *death rattle*
***beeeeeeeeep***
And a one, and a two, and a -----------------------------------
"What are you gonna do, stab me? Bitch."
cause of death: pneumonia
"Before we continue this life, I'd like to thank our sponsor, NordV-" BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... (Cutoff with reverb)
This life was sponsored by Raid Shadow Lege..uhhhhh.
"Since you did not fulfil the sponsorship contract terms, your payment is retained."
You'll never take me alive!
Underrated comment
Goodbye student loan officer!
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out
**Doesn't die**
Come back tomorrow and let's try this again
I I I wanna go o o
Don't worry, I'm not gonna do what everyone thinks I'm gonna do and flip out, man. All I wanna know is who's coming with me?
Nice 👍
Yes Cuban B
Sorry for always making bad puns. I promise I'll be *dead* serious from now on.
Imma steal this
I'll gladly share.
“I love you” to my family
This is it for me.
Yep. If my husband and/or kids are there I wanna go out telling them how much I love them.
Same here. It would either be me saying "I love you" to my family, or me telling Nancy Reagan's bitch ass ghost to watch its back, because I'm coming for her. She knows why.
The last thing my father in law said and he wasn't good with words or emotions was "Do not cry be happy for me" while completely drugged out and dying from a peritonitis. This was the best thing he could have said
I also choose to say 'I love you' to this person's family
My son's last words. "Love you, too."
Yep. I hope I wish my husband goodnight like we do every night “Sleep well Angel. Love you very much” (or any similar thing). If those are my last words I will succeed in two things: 1) going peacefully in my sleep and 2) dying before him, so I don’t need to live without him.
be sure to like and subscribe
and you’ll be unsubscribing!
Self Destruct sequence initiated. 3, 2, 1...
Alternatively "Run fools, this body's gonna blow up!"
"My terrible secret is--"
Whoever’s directing this is a master of suspense!
“My only regret is that I have boneitis”.
r/unexpectedfuturama
WITH MY LAST BREATH, I CURSE ZOIDBERG!!!
"Tell my wife... hello."
You filthy Neutral.
What makes a man go neutral?
Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
Look at my best friend, “you’re still a bitch” haha
Hold my beer
My husband passed away 6 years ago and his last wish was a beer and a joint. Easy to please
Sounds like a wise man.
He was the best
I'm very sorry for your loss What a legend
It’s our favorite family story 😂
“i know what I’m do-“
Leroy Jenkins!
Wow I've read it in his voice
At least I have chicken
Anne Springs Close, a noted conservationist, died at age 95 as a result of a tree branch falling on her. In the hospital, she quipped “I saved one too many trees.” Also of note, she was the last living person to have flown across the Atlantic aboard the German airship Hindenburg.
"Hey look over there" then they look back and I'm out
"To infinity and beyond."
This is a good one!
Thanks, I came up with it.
This was funnier than your first reply lol
Life is a scam, don’t live as long as I did
“Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I’ll be back!”
Brb
Fuck off,im about to take the sweetest nap ever!
I told you I was sick
Aiiiight then
I love you... I couldnt imagine any better words for my wife and kids.
'Rosebud'.
*family inherits 1000 simoleons*
In case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night
*standing applause at my tv*
OH GOD NO, PLEASE NO!
There is no spoon.
To my kids; I love you. I'm proud of you. You're the best parts of me. I'll miss you, but I'll always be with you. In your heart, and in your soul. You take care of Mom, ok. To my wife; I'd do it all over again. As long as you're with me. I love you.
What are you gonna do? Kill me?
… **beeeeeeeeep**
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
**MORE WEIGHT**
Giles Corey is that you?
Yo why am I going down why am I going down WHY AM I GOING DOWN *WHY IS MY SOUL GOING DOWN*
Plot twist the got kicked out of heaven and is hurtling back to earth
"Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!"
No regrets
NO REGRATS
No regerts is the correct spelling
ONE PIECE IS REAL!
Avenge me
Wanna hear a joke? Refuses to elaborate further* Dies*
Fck this sht imma out
The money is buried behind the hgngnnbnnnn..n...nnnn....
[deleted because fuck reddit]
Gazpacho soup
Rimmer? That you?
Second technician Arnold J Rimmer Bsc Ssc at your service
Fuck you Ezekiel.
FUCK YOU TONY.
No one will ever top Che Guevara’s. “Shoot, coward! You’ll only be killing a man.” In other words, the revolution will live on.
Wanna see me kick this bucket?
To butcher a George Carlin bit, I would just start an argument where I know I’m wrong, and then tell the person that I’m arguing with that if I’m wrong then God could strike me down. Then die.
“Before I became old I tried to live well; now that I am old, I shall try to die well; but dying well means dying gladly.”
To blave
Hey y’all watch this!
The gold bars are buried under the...groan DIE
I wish I spent more time at the office
Guess what? *dies*
Family: literally sobbing The grandchild: chicken butt
"You are next."
I lived a life full of passion, love, and adventure.
AS Yoouuuuu WWiisshhh!
Yo let's go see the Titanic
Pay the hooker and drug dealer.
Follow the trail to my riches. There is no trail.
Don't look at my browser history!
“Nothing at all…nothing at all…nothing at all!”
I'd want to say I love you to my friends one last time.
“get rekt bitches” and bonus points if im old af cause it’ll make it really funny
Oh, so you DO exist!
If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine
“Usurper, Eren Jaeger — Any last words?”
KIDDING. Probably “I’ll be seeing you.” Because goodbye is much harder to say.
Penis
When I had a dream where I died and God asked me what is the last thing I wanted to do. To my surprise none of my family members came into my mind, the only word that came out of mouth was I want to write about the story of my life. And a pen and a page appeared before me.
I think I'm gonna cum
la ilaha illallah muhammadur rasulullah
Wanna get high
The afterlife is so awesome 😎
Amma haunt everyone here that does not make me a Day is the Dead altar in November.
It’s been real, and it’s been fun… but it ain’t been real fun.
Moist
In truth- Lord please forgive me for my sins.
More cowbell
Can I play as Luigi now?
It was an adventure I've actually told my husband I want "It's an adventure" put on my memorial plaque. It's a phrase I say a lot and the core philosophy I live by. Attitude is so powerful so I try to live everything like an adventure with possibilities for joy or new learning.
I honestly want it to be Deez nuts
**You're on your death bed,** **Your family is crying their eyes out.** **The room begins to get blurrier and blurrier, you mutter out the phrase:** **"Deez nuts."** *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*