Dino Dix. They are gonna have a dinosaur tattoo inside them to encourage use 🤔
“You stealth me?”
“No babe I swear!”
“Show me the dinosaur!”
Edit to add: I’m glad everyone likes the idea haha. It’s honestly sort of stolen from an old I think Tumblr post about ways to make men wear condoms and someone joked about Dino tattoos. It was my first thought when I saw this thread 😂
I don’t know how the algorithm brought me here, but I want to invest. Send me your prospectus.
I’m not a rich man, but I’d pour my kids’ college funds in this ;-)
Yours is the best idea. Early stages of the relationship and he's as the urinal and sees his multicolored dick just plastered with overlapping dinosaurs and he just smiles to himself and can't wait to put the next one on
Low key genius idea on so many levels. Dudes wouldn’t even mind, they’d just show it off to their mates
Somehow only women and bottoms should be able to buy them 😂
Lol I remember that post, it was a great idea then and it’s a great idea now. Would definitely use them a lot more myself if I also got a temporary dinosaur tattoo on my junk after.
I just don't understand some men's hangup with condoms. Like, my intense aversion to having a child outweighed the desire not to wear a condom every damn time.
Mamba
”The condom for a squeezing feeling”
That was a real condom in Sweden in 70/80s. I think it was clever to advertise it that way instead of saying it was a S/XS sized condom.
I translated it to ”sqeeze” which is how anacondas kill their prey. But in swedish it’s the same word as ”hug”, so it perhaps sounds a lot nicer.
(Mamba is poisonous, I don’t know why they chose that snake instead of ananconda or python)
https://cust.kulturhotell.se/c24/sofie-secure-original/download/file?filename=92470b0816ba20339eaed13bf84734e8.JPG&c24-318376
I’m pretty sure that was the name of extended eyelashes in the 1800’s,prostitutes would wear them so they didn’t get STDs when a John would cum on their face
https://www.karenchesters.com/post/the-history-of-eyelashes
But I’m not totally sure if it is true
I don't know, but it definitely WOULDN'T be named after an army most famous for making a decoy gift designed to penetrate the enemy's walls so that all the soldiers could sneak out
Hoplite. You can trust us to hold back thousands of sperm.
This is a reference to the 300 Spartans and 2,500 other Greeks that held back thousands of Persians.
Admittedly, still better than naming your condoms after a people who had their city walls penetrated by a giant piece of wood, and flooded by Mycenaean sea men.
Naykid
Two fold meaning. Fucking awesome
Lol my first thought was "huh, what's the second one? What does a young horse have to do with it?" Lmao I need sleep.
Goat
No YOU the goat 😎🐐
They read it as “neigh” kid
That's their magnum line
I can't fold my dick once, let alone twice
Naekid if you're Scottish!
Or the XXL version would be 'Neighkid?'
"It's 'horse-irific'!"
Get this person a loan. Right now.
Rember when it comes to sex. Say nay, kids
“When you look to the future, think NayKid” This actually a brilliant name.
This one should be #1 because it’s clever!
Elon Musk is stealing this. Who am kidding, he doesn't know what a condom is.
Made the upvotes 69 🤝
absolutely fucking goated
The magnum/horse size could be called Neighkid
So this is a pretty good idea.
This guy markets.
like the protein drink? ewww!
Holy shit that's perfect
No kidding.
Lmao that cheered me up
Lmao
God damn it I was gonna say this.
Noborns
Bjorns Unborns
Baby unBjorn
Magnum dong.
I got to thinking, maybe I'm the Noborn and I just don't know it yet!
xD
Condoms? What the fuck are those? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
That thing our parents didn't use/ use correctly about 9 months before we were born. Papa's seed fetcher
Blanks. Edit: spelled blanks wrong...
Hopefully your hypothetical condoms have better accuracy
I upvoted this because of your edit. Lol.
Blanx. Gotta appeal to that Mountain Dew Extreme demographic.
This but in the logo the X is over a sperm
you had ONE job
He blew it
Never saw the pre-edited comment... but if it was Blacks, it was already pretty funny.
Nope, it was blancs.
So, a French Letter. 10 points for historical accuracy! 😁
Dino Dix. They are gonna have a dinosaur tattoo inside them to encourage use 🤔 “You stealth me?” “No babe I swear!” “Show me the dinosaur!” Edit to add: I’m glad everyone likes the idea haha. It’s honestly sort of stolen from an old I think Tumblr post about ways to make men wear condoms and someone joked about Dino tattoos. It was my first thought when I saw this thread 😂
I don’t know how the algorithm brought me here, but I want to invest. Send me your prospectus. I’m not a rich man, but I’d pour my kids’ college funds in this ;-)
I'd pour my future kids into it, thereby saving myself the college tuition.
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Is the dino a surprise, or you can buy your favourite one?
They come in both variety packs and all one type. Pick your adventure! :)
wholetyouhaveredditfrfr
You have to collect them all!
Yours is the best idea. Early stages of the relationship and he's as the urinal and sees his multicolored dick just plastered with overlapping dinosaurs and he just smiles to himself and can't wait to put the next one on
Men get a badge of honor for practicing safe sex? Women get reassurance after the fact? Why haven't you taken this to shark tank??
Wait I want this
They'll turn you into a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus!
Aw fuck yeah, I got a stegosaurus!
*Looks down* ***FUCKING COMPSOGNATHUS***
All I got was a magasaurass (mega sore ass)
The biggest size is Brachiosaurus.
How do I invest?
Low key genius idea on so many levels. Dudes wouldn’t even mind, they’d just show it off to their mates Somehow only women and bottoms should be able to buy them 😂
Lol I remember that post, it was a great idea then and it’s a great idea now. Would definitely use them a lot more myself if I also got a temporary dinosaur tattoo on my junk after.
I just don't understand some men's hangup with condoms. Like, my intense aversion to having a child outweighed the desire not to wear a condom every damn time.
Bust Blocker
Blockbuster but reverse cowgirl
In‘N‘Out
What would someone get if they ordered the “animal style” version of In-n-Out? 😁😁
Depends, did you order the cat or the duck ones?
I’m both impressed by the knowledge in this comment and disgusted by thought of it. 10/10.
Leopard print for pizzazz
Those would be those ones made from sheep skin
5 Guys?
TRUSTY THRUSTYS!
Under rated comment😂
Love Gloves!!
Actually there is already a condom company with that name.
He gonna get sued real quick haha
That's actually good tbh
Aw this one’s kind of cute! 😂😂
SEX BALLOONS
99 SEX BALLOONS !!!!!!!
SEX BALLOONS !!!!!
Do they come in packs of 99?
Cock-a-doodle-don't
Oooo! I'll hijack my own comment because I just came up with another good one - BABIES R'nt US
Love this
Plan A
Plan D could work too
Plan Deez nutz
Disney
After just making this comment you can probably expect a cease and desist letter in the coming days 😭
How about Steamboat Willy? That's out of copyright
Creamboat Willy.
And yet the lawsuit still wouldn't be as expensive as having a kid
Datney
Demney, dozney
“Donald Dick” from Disney. Makes you quack in no time.
Sweet corn pattern printed and flavoured condoms Corn on the nob
Do you have baby corn size?
Spermicidal Tendencies
Take my money!
McNuttin
when you get the combo, you get a free glass of milk for only $7.99!
Baby Barriers
This is my fav so far. It's actually kinda hard to come up with a funny/punny condom brand name...
Mamba ”The condom for a squeezing feeling” That was a real condom in Sweden in 70/80s. I think it was clever to advertise it that way instead of saying it was a S/XS sized condom. I translated it to ”sqeeze” which is how anacondas kill their prey. But in swedish it’s the same word as ”hug”, so it perhaps sounds a lot nicer. (Mamba is poisonous, I don’t know why they chose that snake instead of ananconda or python) https://cust.kulturhotell.se/c24/sofie-secure-original/download/file?filename=92470b0816ba20339eaed13bf84734e8.JPG&c24-318376
That’s a fair enough name
Probably because Anacondas and Pythons are both bloody large snakes, I dont think you wanna use a Large snake name for the XS/S snake condoms 👀
My anaconda don't want none unless you give good hugs.
Baby proof Human sausage casing
Kidnappers
slippery when wet
Shot through the heart, and you're to blame
Bon Jovi reference
Cumbrella
I’m pretty sure that was the name of extended eyelashes in the 1800’s,prostitutes would wear them so they didn’t get STDs when a John would cum on their face https://www.karenchesters.com/post/the-history-of-eyelashes But I’m not totally sure if it is true
Inconceivable
30 seconds of fun
Cuminme
lol read this as cumin me like the spice
Well, I'm sure people like it spicy
wouldn't the goal be to prevent that
The "me" is the condom.
Putin - Condoms for stupid little fuckers that don’t know when to pull out
I remember that before the war, there actually was a condom brand "Put In" with a picture of putin giving you a wink 😉
Do It
Would the packaging have a Nike swish or a picture of Palpatine?
We all know it'd be a stylized Shia LeBeouf
Execute order 69.
“Snake charmer “
Baby Snatchers
SCP : Secure. Contain. Protect.
Firewall
The condom for techies. Sadly that’s an untapped market 😂
For true packet loss and anti-virus protection.
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Endurance. Lasts 25 years as long as it's not opened.
Pump Dump
Glovely
Costco Members Only
Gotta show a receipt when I pull out?
Rubber Fuckie
Sung by Ernie as he wraps it over Bert's head
Shaggy's
A Scooby doo theme with the Mystery Machine on the box with the slogan: "Preventing more than just crime....."
Reading my mind
I don't know, but it definitely WOULDN'T be named after an army most famous for making a decoy gift designed to penetrate the enemy's walls so that all the soldiers could sneak out
That's what she said
Expired - For no ones pleasure
Counter Cockwise
4-Skin
Hoplite. You can trust us to hold back thousands of sperm. This is a reference to the 300 Spartans and 2,500 other Greeks that held back thousands of Persians.
From one ancient history nerd to another, this is both hilarious and fantastic
Didn’t the Persians out flank the Greeks in Thermopylae, by coming in through the back?
....well condoms do stop like 99% of all sperm so I think a few might get through 😂
Admittedly, still better than naming your condoms after a people who had their city walls penetrated by a giant piece of wood, and flooded by Mycenaean sea men.
So true! I think the reason it was named Trojan was because condoms were first made there.
antibabies
Well in Germany we actually call contraceptive pills "anti-baby-pill"
“Rbbrz” Literally just take the vowels out and add a Z instead of an S and anything can be marketed to the new world
Money Savers
Onan's Pride
“Blue Moon” and there would only be one in a box.
Condoms- if you’re poor, use them.
Ballbags
I think you're putting it on wrong. Also, username checks out?
Just do it (we'll take care of the rest)
NoMoreAnnoyingBrothers
Schwing-y-dings
No frozen -> avoid watching frozen 15 times in a row
Piping bag
G-shock
I’d do a german brand: Fitznicentight
Army Of One
the cocksock
Pound Town Gowns🤑
Try me!
I don’t know the brand, but my main birth control is children straight up 💀
Wrapt
Splooge Tube
Boney's Boner Cloaks "They're cheaper than children"
Jizzn't
Cumsock
The SuperFucker. And if marketed to women, the SuperFuck-Her.
World's thinnest condom-D!©Skin 😂
Safe&Sound idk I have no idea rly
Financial Security
Cum Catchers™️
Tap Wrap or Wrap-n-Tap
Frank's Weiner Wraps
I'm going with "PregNot".
Crowd control.
Dont kid
„Magnum Dong“ the Philadelphia way
Small Joys