More accessible social spaces that aren't just alcohol, drugs or clubbing and aren't immediately taken over by obnoxious drunk/high idiots. I love sports bars or pubs with quiet vibes and chill atmospheres, I like the idea of local sports clubs or arcade spaces even more.
Modern society needs to be more open about socialising and try to make more a shift away from online.
And no gambling.
Maybe it's just here in Australia, but the only "quiet" places are just gambling parlours (pokies) and they are foul in so many ways.
Would love something halfway between a library and a decent pub.
Broke up with my gf, went to the pub, got smashed, played the pokies, won $130 on my first go and quit immediatelyđđ average Aussie interaction at the pokies
True, very true. Gambling is just another method of cheap dopamine addiction than the smartphones and micro-content that's causing loneliness epidemics to begin with, only gambling isn't cheap.
Hmmm, I wonder if thereâs a market for a drinking library?  A library with like a nicer hotel bar/lobby like area on the first floor,  some private side rooms for book clubs  to use for regular weekly or monthly meetings.  Maybe have the bar menu list some drinks favored by famous authors or some characters from their books.
Boomers and the earlier generations were members of social clubs like the Freemasons or Ancient Order of the Hibernians or what have you. At one point half of all men were members of fraternal orders. These served that exact purpose.
But I don't know anyone from my generation in any these organizations.
I used to bartend at a VFW, and it was depressing to watch it die.
Granted, the VFW requires you to be both a Veteran, and one who served overseas during war time, so there's already an innate level of gatekeeping there, but beyond that they gatekeep hard.
They always acted surprised that Iraq/Afghanistan vets didn't want to join, but then they didn't do anything to try and attract them.
Most of these orgs end up being 'Good Ol Boys' clubs, where these guys sit around and obsess about the past.
The jukebox shit the bed once and we replaced it with a digital one, and they were up in arms about it.
We'd host cook outs open to the public and they'd get all pissy about it being crowded.
Raised the price of coffee from $0.50 to $0.75 and people threatened to never come back.
The chip supplier ran out of barbecue so there are no BBQ chips this week. People threw a fit.
On top of that these dudes were often all sorts of bigoted.
Mexican family/Gay couple/women's sports team rents the banquet hall for a wedding/birthday party/end of season party? Wooooo boy. Prepare yourself to listen to shitty remarks all night.
We'd occasionally get younger members. Dudes in their late 20's-30's who were Iraq/Afghanistan veterans. They'd like the idea of the VFW because well, male loneliness is an epidemic at this point. It happened like once or twice a year. Guy would join up, come in, and get really active. Volunteer to help with shit like the cook outs, or re-painting the building. They'd make suggestions. Different outreach programs. Different events they thought we should host to attract more members. Anything. It would usually all get shot down. No one wanted to change anything.
The place looked like a time capsule to 1975. The newest piece of tech in the building was a 4k TV, and that's just because the old projection TV shit the bed after 20 years.
I imagine these places are going to die out with the boomers.
I actually know a fair amount of guys (and gals) who are members of the Divine 9 Fraternities and sororities. Its not really comparable though due to these being historically Black organizations that you need to join either while in school or after graduating (for grad chapters). Its not just something you can join by being friends with someone who's already a member like with being a mason.
I've had success with joining some running clubs as a social space that doesn't (have to) involve alcohol, drugs or clubbing although we do a fair amount of those things as well within the clubs. But just going to run club and chatting before, during, and after the run is great. Runners are some of the nicest people I've met too, if you're struggling on your run someone will slow down with you and help you through, along with just general encouragement in the various group chats and people showing up to the races to cheer you on as well. Not necessarily a male only or dominated space but still a social space for men that isn't destructive
A dramatic shift in how men view masculinity. We need to be better bros to each other, not rely on our romantic relationships for validation or emotional support, compliment each other, and learn to be vulnerable! Itâs moving in this direction I think, but isnât all the way there yet.
This is so important.
I have a couple of male friends who I can be fully open about my emotions with and vice versa, it makes so much difference to be able to be like âbro Iâm in a bad place at the moment, fancy grabbing a beer and having a chat?â
I have told many friends âIf you need anything let me know I am here for you.â Iâve only had girls respond to this except maybe 2 times. Itâs not gay or something to talk about your feelings.
My boyfriend has mostly female friends because of this. Every time he tries to have a serious conversation with his male âfriendsâ, he is met with awkward silences or dumb jokes to deflect. Men need to be open and vulnerable for each other, relying solely on your partner for emotional support is not healthy for the relationship.
I might be out of my lane here as a woman, but this is 100% something Iâve observed about men. Women are emotionally close to more than just their romantic partner; we have strong emotional bonds with our friends and family, especially our fellow women, that I just donât see most men doing on the same scale. Men have a tendency to place all their emotional needs on their partner, which is unhealthy for the men in question and not really fair to their partners either to have to take on that entire burden.
And I think this is because society discourages men from ever having feelings, which is supremely fucked up and the root of a lot of issues. This needs to change, and both men and women will be happier for it. True feminism recognizes this. And yet you see conservative pundits attack this idea as âfeminizing menâ and an âattack on masculinity.â Itâs neither, itâs just recognizing that half the population being perpetually emotionally constipated isâŠnot great.
Great insight. I'm trying to signal to my friends of being more vulnerable.
I play in a band which I find an important social dynamic because I don't have an SO. Sometimes I have panic attacks about my insecurities and will emotionally dump on my bandmate. Trying to muster up the strength that I've had decades long issues of self esteem, rejection and SH so that's where a lot of it comes from.
This.
And I might be overstepping as a woman, but one of the core issues is how you treat emotions, feelings etc.
Just today there was a post on reddit asking men what's the best gift for them the way women adore flowers. So many men chimed up with blowjob. That is absolutely nothing wrong with good sexual fun but if that is the only sort of satisfaction you're fixated on, you're not going to have a satisfactory life.
The issue is awareness and work to be done, I trained as an actor in different conservatories and we did and I still do a lot of body and breath exercises to limber and connect to the body because tension is an emotion killer, and tension affects performance, creativity in a negative way. As we learn to push our boundaries, a lot of actors are not aware of their emotions and what theyâre feeling and many canât access their emotions even with all the exercises because of habitual and conditioning of the body that blocks emotions, but some progress as the training goes on. Even when we get the awareness, itâs still not easy to process the emotions because of the habitual physical defenses even after years of âexercisesâ and therapy (a lot of actors go to therapy) there are actors who still struggle with certain emotions and in processing and expressing them. This goes to show how much work needs to be done even after the awareness thereâs still a ton of work to do. I think society says âjust be vulnerableâ and itâs much harder than that, and a lot of it does come from childhood and teen years, after that it becomes more difficult to be vulnerable because of the conditioning, and makes it more difficult in adulthood if their current environment reinforces defenses, which are there to protect them in the first place, the issue with defenses are to protect the individual and at times at the expense of others.
Just wanna say that Iâm so glad my parents raised me on the most basic ideology known to man: âtreat others how you want to be treatedâ and âput yourself in their shoesâ. Equality and equity, with enough wiggle room between the two for me to choose where Iâd stand.
>!(This part isnât important)!< when I was in 3rd grade, a girl who wore boots almost every day would always kick me in the shins. I asked her to stop several times, and she didnât, so I kicked her in the shins once, not as hard as I could but a little harder than she kicked me. I was then brought into the principalâs office for hitting someone and the principal told me âyou canât hit women!â And I responded âshe hit me firstâ. He didnât view this as kids being kids, he viewed it as a man hitting a woman. The girl got no repercussions.
My point there is that people with authority have such a strong belief in the ideas of masculinity and femininity that they want to label children, kids that have no idea about gender roles or political bullshit, as better or worse because of how they act with their given gender. Moving away from the 3rd grade, in adulthood, if a guy flirts around, heâs a âplayerâ and not seen as nearly as bad as a girl who does the same, her being labeled a âwh!reâ.
The thing we really need to change is accountability, because gender shouldnât change how bad violence is, gender shouldnât change how bad adultery is, gender shouldnât change how much weâre allowed to experience.
TLDR; my parents raised me to believe in equality, I gave examples of how older ideas lead to present gender wars and unfairness/sexism. We shouldnât have sexism fr.
The top comment referring to third places is pretty relevant too. There is nowhere to go hang out anymore that doesnât cost money, or involve alcohol/drugs.
People all confused about how to help people when the answer is always relieve financial stresses and allow freedom to do whatever they want. Everything else is just cherry on topÂ
If you analyse all the escapism isekai fantasy garbage people are watching nowadays, it's clear what we need is a real life Hunter/Adventurer guild system.
Each Adventurer/hunter must pass an exam to determine their grade rank ( Rankings go from S - E with S being the highest)
Each guild has a job board.
Each job must be completed by a party ( party is either created voluntarily or selected randomly)
Jobs are ranked from easy to life threateningly dangerous
E.g
Easy E class job : **Community Gardening Reward: $100**
Extremely hard S class job: **Find Ophiocordyceps sinensis (Caterpillar Fungus) Reward: $ 1000000**
Party gets paid from completion.
There is an algorithm that calculates rank points based on the success of task completion and the difficulty of the job. These points are then used to facilitate rank upgrades.
This is how you cure loneliness.
Job advertisement and selection would be 100% voluntary.
I highly doubt a party would choose cleaning toilets unless the reward was sufficiently high.
Most jobs will have a solid risk and reward mixture.
The discomfort of isolation has to become greater than the discomfort of getting outside one's comfort zone, trying something new, and allowing oneself to be vulnerable.
When the scale tips in the direction of the greater pain, a person will either grow depressed and eventually, attempt to end their life or choose to grow by trying new and scary things, like finding a community, making a fool of oneself, becoming a beginner at something, walking into a new building, or even relying on others.
There is no one cure all. I do think self-improvement and self-care are important. Getting fit, finding a hobby, volunteering, learning life skills. But those are the supporting pillars. The main pillars should be connections with people. Family, friends and a partner. And while I think focusing on *just* getting a gf is ill-advised, finding one when you have all the other pillars in place can be the game changer. Because I think ultimately, the guys affected by this just want a companion.
Then get at least one new hobby with people your age that gets you out of the house.
If you want your circumstance to change without changing anything about yourself, you're asking for the impossible. Nobody will show up at your door and join your hobbies. That's not because you are bad or because your hobbies are bad, it's because everyone who knows where you live and shares your hobbies is like you: isolated and unwilling to travel out of their comfort zone to make new connections.
If you are lonely it's because you've built a life where you don't interact with people who could be your friends. You must go looking. You must change something about your weekly routine. That's the only way
thatâs so true, Iâve been feeling lonely for a month (I was a procrastinator lvl 100) until I finally decided to call my buddy for a hangout cuz the situation was getting worse every day.
While not a rock climbing gym I will second that an exercise based place is pretty good for not feeling lonely. For me it run clubs, the people are super nice, and encouraging, wanting to share tips, talk about what gear you have or they have, etc.
most people dont seem to get ya brother. being alone and enjoying my own company has nothing to do with loneliness.
There is no cure brother. At least none that I know of. I managed to cope and reflect on myself. Who I am and what I am and work on my past traumas to be a better me. A better me will be better with people and with myself. Its going to be hard, its going to be rough. But make sure to enjoy the small things and small interactions with people and maybe family.
Really good way to get to learn new people is voluntary work.
Or dating apps but your mental suffers more on there than anywhere else xdd
I think the first step is to stop thinking about it and live your life.
There is a correlation between living your life, being authentic and loneliness. Itâs sort of magical, in that it just happens. The moment you stop thinking about yourself and start doing, things just start to happen.
The less you think about yourself, the more you let go, paradoxically the more you get back.
Get off the computer, shut down the games and get out...triangle on the cheap is a newsletter that lists all kinds of things to do in the Raleigh Durham area, check out meet up groups for activities that sound interesting, volunteer at something you like...built in people that like the same things
You need to find and make friends, people who you share an interest with. A dog can also really help relieve loneliness to a degree. Not called man's best friend for nothing.
It has a lot to do with the culture among men that is constantly being reinforced by society from they are very young: you cannot show weakness.
It translates into many of the symptoms we see in society.
Men will solve their mental problems by drinking
Men are much more likely to commit suicide
Men are more likely to be lonely, because admitting that you don't have friends can be a sign of weakness.
It's crazy how far some men will go before they admit they need help.
I have lived 30 years as a man and 1 Year as a woman.
The difference is insane.
As a man you don't have anyone to talk to about your feelings and how you are sometimes struggling because of the invisible barrier between men. A barrier they may not be aware of but one that they very much enforce themselves.
As a woman I have had deep emotional conversation with people I have only know for a few months. There is an inherent feeling of support among women that men could learn from.
I am of course generalizing here, but my point remans the same.
Mens fear of appearing weak prevents them from asking for help, support and generally socializing
How receptive how you found others compared to when you were a man and now because without blaming anyone I feel men are treated more harshly by everyone and have fewer opportunities to open up
Get at least one new hobby with people your age that gets you out of the house.
If you want your circumstance to change without changing anything about yourself, you're asking for the impossible. Nobody will show up at your door and join your hobbies. That's not because you are bad or because your hobbies are bad, it's because everyone who knows where you live and shares your hobbies is like you: isolated and unwilling to travel out of their comfort zone to make new connections.
If you are lonely it's because you've built a life where you don't interact with people who could be your friends. You must go looking. You must change something about your weekly routine. That's the only way
Less time spent on your phone while out, the better. Ideally turn it off entirely once you're at the location.
I've already given up the idea of marriage. More than 50% of marriages en in divorce! Girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever is good. But don't marry, bad idea.
Music cafes. Places where people can just come and sit to sing or listen to songs. People who can play instruments can jam along.
If nothing, just chat about life.
My pup has done wonders for me. I'm at the point where I pretty much take him everywhere and my plans revolve around him being able to join. This means less bars and more outdoor activities. Means that pretty much everyone who's a dog person has an opening to break the ice and say hi. Gives me an excuse to bail on things I don't want to do and more or less forces me into a healthier routine. Look into fostering if you're not sure about it, but pets are pretty rad. I hang out with my best friend all day every day.
You need friends, a personal relationship, a work life balance , support ......there is so much to loneliness.
Of course you need people. Some people work a specific job for the people they get to associate with, Find your employment in a more sociable setting and people will find you at work.
How To Fight Loneliness"
How to fight loneliness
Smile all the time
Shine you teeth til meaningless
Sharpen them with lies
And whatevers going down
Will follow you around
Thats how you fight loneliness
You laugh at every joke
Drag your blanket blindly
Fill your heart with smoke
And the first thing that you want
Will be the last thing you ever need
Thats how you fight it
Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time
Mountain biking, skiing, hiking, anything outdoors really. If youâre new to these, there are probably local meet ups in your area you can find via Facebook groups and other social media.
Meeting like minded individuals and not wasting time on people who aren't passionate about the same things as you.
Then once you are not lonely anymore you can branch out and meet people with different perspectives.
Go to events you enjoy. Are you a nerd who likes card games? There's are definitely card shops that host events that you can go to and socialize. But that's just one example, if you become a regular at any spot you'll get to know people
Lonely guy here that has gone through phases of lonely and not lonely. Unless you're significantly disfigured, all people need to do is put more time into the gym or career. Either one will fix loneliness for most people. The problem is people have no energy to do that.Â
you are being sarcastic but this shit works. There is a difference between loneliness and male loneliness. Male loneliness is specific. A hooker fixes that, at least it did for me.
Now I couldnt give a shit. I dont care about sex like that anymore (being a male who isnt dead yet, I still do, but not to the point of loneliness)
I dont want to be in a relationship, I'll jerk off or make a phone call when I need to.
real purpose. something he would be willing to die for. idle hands are the devil's plaything. Don't chase after cars, clothes, sluts or money. Used to work with a guy who couldn't stop bragging about his Audi R8. He was an empty vessel. You need to chase after something worth while something you would be willing to die for. You usually attract what you think about. Trust me, 50 years from now all your past struggles will be a thing of the past. Fight for something you won't regret. Other guys will become your friends once they see who you really are.
Ending the heteronormative spell they have you all under would probably help haha
Take a stand!
You all work for them and slave away paying taxes so they can go murder babies in the Middle East for oil
Stop paying for their death cult with your very life and âjobâ and stand. The f. Up.
The students around the world are trying.
But you all laugh at them.
While driving to âworkâ. On oil they steal and make you pay for.
To drive to work for them, to pay taxes back to them.
Taxes used to kill babies.
For their oil and power wars
It would be hilarious if it wasnât true
social media promoting reasonable expectations. Every girl from a 2 on on up thinks she deserves Henry Cavill. lol and every dude form from a 5 on up think he can pull Scarlett Johansson.
For some, there is no cure. The same advice is given every time this topic comes up, but people just tell you why they can't, instead of figuring something out. There will always be a big back and forth where some try giving advice, others just explain that nothing ever works, and nothing ever will work.
The intention isn't actually to explain this on reddit in hopes that someone will have the answer, the intention is to justify it to themselves. If they can convince strangers on the internet that it truly is hopeless, maybe they can finally convince themselves.
All I can say to these people is, if you're always making excuses, if you don't even try, you're not a failure, you're a coward.
Hobbies.
Find a hobby that includes a social element. Board games. Warhammer. Team sports. Trivia night. Darts or pool. Find a group and know them.
My husband plays with people who he doesn't even know the name of, and yet they go, have coffee, people pay for the others without asking, joke around, and geniunely have a good time. Hobbies really bring people together and for men it's a godsend.
Kinda a catch 22. There's legitimate reason to be afraid of monsters, but you really shouldn't expect them to become anything else when you treat them like monsters.
This might sound harsh, but: **male usefulness**.
I had spent the majority of my life dodging menial tasks, sighing when people asked me to help them lift heavy things, move them, etc. At one point, someone expressed gratitude for my help in a sincere way that reached beyond the task and touched me as a person. I started relishing the opportunity to help this particular person.
Shortly thereafter, my general attitude toward helping others shifted and I stopped thinking and acting like I had somewhere else I'd rather be. I stopped complaining and started seeing tasks as activities. I suppose I started to be perceived as more positive and helpful because others started to ask.
Here's the kicker: I didn't just become a workhorse. Helping others was the platform to fostering deeper and more reciprocal relationships. After moving, we'd have a beer and talk. While working on the car, we'd joke around and plan other projects. These same people would come and help me when I needed it. I got invited to fun stuff.
I feel like us men are a wildcard. When we're positive and well balanced, we're super helpful and great to have around. When we're not, we're the scariest things on Earth. The seeming majority languishing in the middle of these two extremes are often, to the cautious, treated like they're in the second category.
It's a lonely existence when the social world seemingly bends around you.
More accessible social spaces that aren't just alcohol, drugs or clubbing and aren't immediately taken over by obnoxious drunk/high idiots. I love sports bars or pubs with quiet vibes and chill atmospheres, I like the idea of local sports clubs or arcade spaces even more. Modern society needs to be more open about socialising and try to make more a shift away from online.
And no gambling. Maybe it's just here in Australia, but the only "quiet" places are just gambling parlours (pokies) and they are foul in so many ways. Would love something halfway between a library and a decent pub.
Broke up with my gf, went to the pub, got smashed, played the pokies, won $130 on my first go and quit immediatelyđđ average Aussie interaction at the pokies
True, very true. Gambling is just another method of cheap dopamine addiction than the smartphones and micro-content that's causing loneliness epidemics to begin with, only gambling isn't cheap.
Hmmm, I wonder if thereâs a market for a drinking library?  A library with like a nicer hotel bar/lobby like area on the first floor,  some private side rooms for book clubs  to use for regular weekly or monthly meetings.  Maybe have the bar menu list some drinks favored by famous authors or some characters from their books.
Boomers and the earlier generations were members of social clubs like the Freemasons or Ancient Order of the Hibernians or what have you. At one point half of all men were members of fraternal orders. These served that exact purpose. But I don't know anyone from my generation in any these organizations.
I used to bartend at a VFW, and it was depressing to watch it die. Granted, the VFW requires you to be both a Veteran, and one who served overseas during war time, so there's already an innate level of gatekeeping there, but beyond that they gatekeep hard. They always acted surprised that Iraq/Afghanistan vets didn't want to join, but then they didn't do anything to try and attract them. Most of these orgs end up being 'Good Ol Boys' clubs, where these guys sit around and obsess about the past. The jukebox shit the bed once and we replaced it with a digital one, and they were up in arms about it. We'd host cook outs open to the public and they'd get all pissy about it being crowded. Raised the price of coffee from $0.50 to $0.75 and people threatened to never come back. The chip supplier ran out of barbecue so there are no BBQ chips this week. People threw a fit. On top of that these dudes were often all sorts of bigoted. Mexican family/Gay couple/women's sports team rents the banquet hall for a wedding/birthday party/end of season party? Wooooo boy. Prepare yourself to listen to shitty remarks all night. We'd occasionally get younger members. Dudes in their late 20's-30's who were Iraq/Afghanistan veterans. They'd like the idea of the VFW because well, male loneliness is an epidemic at this point. It happened like once or twice a year. Guy would join up, come in, and get really active. Volunteer to help with shit like the cook outs, or re-painting the building. They'd make suggestions. Different outreach programs. Different events they thought we should host to attract more members. Anything. It would usually all get shot down. No one wanted to change anything. The place looked like a time capsule to 1975. The newest piece of tech in the building was a 4k TV, and that's just because the old projection TV shit the bed after 20 years. I imagine these places are going to die out with the boomers.
I actually know a fair amount of guys (and gals) who are members of the Divine 9 Fraternities and sororities. Its not really comparable though due to these being historically Black organizations that you need to join either while in school or after graduating (for grad chapters). Its not just something you can join by being friends with someone who's already a member like with being a mason.
Most of these male only social groups were systematically dismantled for excluding women.
Would love social places with no alcohol, only fun just fun without anything alcoholic/drugs/anything as such
I've had success with joining some running clubs as a social space that doesn't (have to) involve alcohol, drugs or clubbing although we do a fair amount of those things as well within the clubs. But just going to run club and chatting before, during, and after the run is great. Runners are some of the nicest people I've met too, if you're struggling on your run someone will slow down with you and help you through, along with just general encouragement in the various group chats and people showing up to the races to cheer you on as well. Not necessarily a male only or dominated space but still a social space for men that isn't destructive
Chicken biryani.
Ahhh, eating ones depression and feelings. A classic response, yet still...there are lonely Indian men.
I'm more a shrimp biryani person myself but more power to you my dude
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
This guy gets it
A dramatic shift in how men view masculinity. We need to be better bros to each other, not rely on our romantic relationships for validation or emotional support, compliment each other, and learn to be vulnerable! Itâs moving in this direction I think, but isnât all the way there yet.
This is so important. I have a couple of male friends who I can be fully open about my emotions with and vice versa, it makes so much difference to be able to be like âbro Iâm in a bad place at the moment, fancy grabbing a beer and having a chat?â
I have told many friends âIf you need anything let me know I am here for you.â Iâve only had girls respond to this except maybe 2 times. Itâs not gay or something to talk about your feelings.
My boyfriend has mostly female friends because of this. Every time he tries to have a serious conversation with his male âfriendsâ, he is met with awkward silences or dumb jokes to deflect. Men need to be open and vulnerable for each other, relying solely on your partner for emotional support is not healthy for the relationship.
I might be out of my lane here as a woman, but this is 100% something Iâve observed about men. Women are emotionally close to more than just their romantic partner; we have strong emotional bonds with our friends and family, especially our fellow women, that I just donât see most men doing on the same scale. Men have a tendency to place all their emotional needs on their partner, which is unhealthy for the men in question and not really fair to their partners either to have to take on that entire burden. And I think this is because society discourages men from ever having feelings, which is supremely fucked up and the root of a lot of issues. This needs to change, and both men and women will be happier for it. True feminism recognizes this. And yet you see conservative pundits attack this idea as âfeminizing menâ and an âattack on masculinity.â Itâs neither, itâs just recognizing that half the population being perpetually emotionally constipated isâŠnot great.
Great insight. I'm trying to signal to my friends of being more vulnerable. I play in a band which I find an important social dynamic because I don't have an SO. Sometimes I have panic attacks about my insecurities and will emotionally dump on my bandmate. Trying to muster up the strength that I've had decades long issues of self esteem, rejection and SH so that's where a lot of it comes from.
This. And I might be overstepping as a woman, but one of the core issues is how you treat emotions, feelings etc. Just today there was a post on reddit asking men what's the best gift for them the way women adore flowers. So many men chimed up with blowjob. That is absolutely nothing wrong with good sexual fun but if that is the only sort of satisfaction you're fixated on, you're not going to have a satisfactory life.
Flowers are a great gift for men as well, because flowers are just nice to have around.
The issue is awareness and work to be done, I trained as an actor in different conservatories and we did and I still do a lot of body and breath exercises to limber and connect to the body because tension is an emotion killer, and tension affects performance, creativity in a negative way. As we learn to push our boundaries, a lot of actors are not aware of their emotions and what theyâre feeling and many canât access their emotions even with all the exercises because of habitual and conditioning of the body that blocks emotions, but some progress as the training goes on. Even when we get the awareness, itâs still not easy to process the emotions because of the habitual physical defenses even after years of âexercisesâ and therapy (a lot of actors go to therapy) there are actors who still struggle with certain emotions and in processing and expressing them. This goes to show how much work needs to be done even after the awareness thereâs still a ton of work to do. I think society says âjust be vulnerableâ and itâs much harder than that, and a lot of it does come from childhood and teen years, after that it becomes more difficult to be vulnerable because of the conditioning, and makes it more difficult in adulthood if their current environment reinforces defenses, which are there to protect them in the first place, the issue with defenses are to protect the individual and at times at the expense of others.
Just wanna say that Iâm so glad my parents raised me on the most basic ideology known to man: âtreat others how you want to be treatedâ and âput yourself in their shoesâ. Equality and equity, with enough wiggle room between the two for me to choose where Iâd stand. >!(This part isnât important)!< when I was in 3rd grade, a girl who wore boots almost every day would always kick me in the shins. I asked her to stop several times, and she didnât, so I kicked her in the shins once, not as hard as I could but a little harder than she kicked me. I was then brought into the principalâs office for hitting someone and the principal told me âyou canât hit women!â And I responded âshe hit me firstâ. He didnât view this as kids being kids, he viewed it as a man hitting a woman. The girl got no repercussions. My point there is that people with authority have such a strong belief in the ideas of masculinity and femininity that they want to label children, kids that have no idea about gender roles or political bullshit, as better or worse because of how they act with their given gender. Moving away from the 3rd grade, in adulthood, if a guy flirts around, heâs a âplayerâ and not seen as nearly as bad as a girl who does the same, her being labeled a âwh!reâ. The thing we really need to change is accountability, because gender shouldnât change how bad violence is, gender shouldnât change how bad adultery is, gender shouldnât change how much weâre allowed to experience. TLDR; my parents raised me to believe in equality, I gave examples of how older ideas lead to present gender wars and unfairness/sexism. We shouldnât have sexism fr.
This should be the top comment
The top comment referring to third places is pretty relevant too. There is nowhere to go hang out anymore that doesnât cost money, or involve alcohol/drugs.
I basically came here to say this. This comment should end the thread
Money and time for hobbies
Liveable wage for only 8h of work.
People all confused about how to help people when the answer is always relieve financial stresses and allow freedom to do whatever they want. Everything else is just cherry on topÂ
8 hours of work a day? Tons of people do that.
No, 8 hours total.
Per life?
That sounds like too much work already
Yeah those fucker trying to squeeze out even the last bit of productivity from us
If you analyse all the escapism isekai fantasy garbage people are watching nowadays, it's clear what we need is a real life Hunter/Adventurer guild system. Each Adventurer/hunter must pass an exam to determine their grade rank ( Rankings go from S - E with S being the highest) Each guild has a job board. Each job must be completed by a party ( party is either created voluntarily or selected randomly) Jobs are ranked from easy to life threateningly dangerous E.g Easy E class job : **Community Gardening Reward: $100** Extremely hard S class job: **Find Ophiocordyceps sinensis (Caterpillar Fungus) Reward: $ 1000000** Party gets paid from completion. There is an algorithm that calculates rank points based on the success of task completion and the difficulty of the job. These points are then used to facilitate rank upgrades. This is how you cure loneliness.
We need to develop a magic system as well and we can form adventuring groups hunting orcs
Exactly: local community + achieving common goal
Shit, I'd be down
this sounds awesome. sign me up
ok, your first job is cleaning toilets for 14h/day. good luck!
wait a second, this sounds like a 9-5 job with unpaid overtime.
Job advertisement and selection would be 100% voluntary. I highly doubt a party would choose cleaning toilets unless the reward was sufficiently high. Most jobs will have a solid risk and reward mixture.
I'm in
This is the way
Men actually putting forth the effort to tell their friends they value them. Oh and hobbies.
The discomfort of isolation has to become greater than the discomfort of getting outside one's comfort zone, trying something new, and allowing oneself to be vulnerable. When the scale tips in the direction of the greater pain, a person will either grow depressed and eventually, attempt to end their life or choose to grow by trying new and scary things, like finding a community, making a fool of oneself, becoming a beginner at something, walking into a new building, or even relying on others.
Spending time with them lol
Are you *the* Paris Milan? đł
I am lol, I'm new to reddit
A third computer monitor
Being emotionally present, aware, and vulnerable. And good luck with that.
Friendship.
Ultimate...fuckin...Frisbee
Disc golf worked for me
Robot catgirls
You son of a bitch, I'm in
We need more funding for this
YES
There is no one cure all. I do think self-improvement and self-care are important. Getting fit, finding a hobby, volunteering, learning life skills. But those are the supporting pillars. The main pillars should be connections with people. Family, friends and a partner. And while I think focusing on *just* getting a gf is ill-advised, finding one when you have all the other pillars in place can be the game changer. Because I think ultimately, the guys affected by this just want a companion.
4000 pounds of hummus
less work hours
Motorcycles
Become schizophrenic
Can't feel lonely when the voices in your head are always with you
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Hang out with other lonely men.
The first rule of Fight clubâŠ.
Blackjack and hookers
Government issued big tiddy goth GF's
Get out of the house and get some friends
I don't have friends, who do I go out with?
Join a club that will get you out meeting people. Something like archery or martial arts is a good bet for example.
What if I am not interested in neither? None of my hobbies include people my age.
Then get at least one new hobby with people your age that gets you out of the house. If you want your circumstance to change without changing anything about yourself, you're asking for the impossible. Nobody will show up at your door and join your hobbies. That's not because you are bad or because your hobbies are bad, it's because everyone who knows where you live and shares your hobbies is like you: isolated and unwilling to travel out of their comfort zone to make new connections. If you are lonely it's because you've built a life where you don't interact with people who could be your friends. You must go looking. You must change something about your weekly routine. That's the only way
Thanks I'm cured.
Or just mope and do nothingÂ
thatâs so true, Iâve been feeling lonely for a month (I was a procrastinator lvl 100) until I finally decided to call my buddy for a hangout cuz the situation was getting worse every day.
That's cool unless you and all your friends are type-a and it's fun but you need a break and time to reset after.
thatâs right
Honestly this is the only answer. Just get out the house and start talking to new people.
What are the good places where you can meet other people without coming off as intrusive or a creep.
Just sit your ass at a bar and eventually, someone will strike a convo with you.
Maybe checkout what volunteering possibilities are there in your community
I got a membership at the rock climbing gym. After so many years my social skills leveled up enough to be considered a normie.Â
While not a rock climbing gym I will second that an exercise based place is pretty good for not feeling lonely. For me it run clubs, the people are super nice, and encouraging, wanting to share tips, talk about what gear you have or they have, etc.
That costs money though
most people dont seem to get ya brother. being alone and enjoying my own company has nothing to do with loneliness. There is no cure brother. At least none that I know of. I managed to cope and reflect on myself. Who I am and what I am and work on my past traumas to be a better me. A better me will be better with people and with myself. Its going to be hard, its going to be rough. But make sure to enjoy the small things and small interactions with people and maybe family. Really good way to get to learn new people is voluntary work. Or dating apps but your mental suffers more on there than anywhere else xdd
Hangout with the homies
Actively dedicate some of your time to doing good in the world.
I think the first step is to stop thinking about it and live your life. There is a correlation between living your life, being authentic and loneliness. Itâs sort of magical, in that it just happens. The moment you stop thinking about yourself and start doing, things just start to happen. The less you think about yourself, the more you let go, paradoxically the more you get back.
Get off the computer, shut down the games and get out...triangle on the cheap is a newsletter that lists all kinds of things to do in the Raleigh Durham area, check out meet up groups for activities that sound interesting, volunteer at something you like...built in people that like the same things
Hookers
Get rich
Socialisation.Â
You need to find and make friends, people who you share an interest with. A dog can also really help relieve loneliness to a degree. Not called man's best friend for nothing.
Dogs, music, comedy, weed, Internet.
It has a lot to do with the culture among men that is constantly being reinforced by society from they are very young: you cannot show weakness. It translates into many of the symptoms we see in society. Men will solve their mental problems by drinking Men are much more likely to commit suicide Men are more likely to be lonely, because admitting that you don't have friends can be a sign of weakness. It's crazy how far some men will go before they admit they need help. I have lived 30 years as a man and 1 Year as a woman. The difference is insane. As a man you don't have anyone to talk to about your feelings and how you are sometimes struggling because of the invisible barrier between men. A barrier they may not be aware of but one that they very much enforce themselves. As a woman I have had deep emotional conversation with people I have only know for a few months. There is an inherent feeling of support among women that men could learn from. I am of course generalizing here, but my point remans the same. Mens fear of appearing weak prevents them from asking for help, support and generally socializing
How receptive how you found others compared to when you were a man and now because without blaming anyone I feel men are treated more harshly by everyone and have fewer opportunities to open up
Fighting machines
I watch reruns of the Golden Girls. It doesnât always get me there but I donât go to sleep disappointed either.
Enjoy yourself
A dog; manâs best friend.
Feeling needed. How to make that happen? Good question.
Working out at the GYM!
Join a club
Get at least one new hobby with people your age that gets you out of the house. If you want your circumstance to change without changing anything about yourself, you're asking for the impossible. Nobody will show up at your door and join your hobbies. That's not because you are bad or because your hobbies are bad, it's because everyone who knows where you live and shares your hobbies is like you: isolated and unwilling to travel out of their comfort zone to make new connections. If you are lonely it's because you've built a life where you don't interact with people who could be your friends. You must go looking. You must change something about your weekly routine. That's the only way Less time spent on your phone while out, the better. Ideally turn it off entirely once you're at the location.
Self improvement
Open world games
Self-worth, therefore allowing you to be with another without depending on another
Some sort of military grade robot that forcibly huge people.Â
Being married to a good woman.
Solution lvl: impossible
No need to give up.
I've already given up the idea of marriage. More than 50% of marriages en in divorce! Girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever is good. But don't marry, bad idea.
All lives end in death. I don't think that's a good reason not to get married.
True friends, unluckily, its very rare
dog
or cat...
Music cafes. Places where people can just come and sit to sing or listen to songs. People who can play instruments can jam along. If nothing, just chat about life.
Couch co-op.
Learn to love yourself
My pup has done wonders for me. I'm at the point where I pretty much take him everywhere and my plans revolve around him being able to join. This means less bars and more outdoor activities. Means that pretty much everyone who's a dog person has an opening to break the ice and say hi. Gives me an excuse to bail on things I don't want to do and more or less forces me into a healthier routine. Look into fostering if you're not sure about it, but pets are pretty rad. I hang out with my best friend all day every day.
You need friends, a personal relationship, a work life balance , support ......there is so much to loneliness. Of course you need people. Some people work a specific job for the people they get to associate with, Find your employment in a more sociable setting and people will find you at work.
1 million dollars
How To Fight Loneliness" How to fight loneliness Smile all the time Shine you teeth til meaningless Sharpen them with lies And whatevers going down Will follow you around Thats how you fight loneliness You laugh at every joke Drag your blanket blindly Fill your heart with smoke And the first thing that you want Will be the last thing you ever need Thats how you fight it Just smile all the time Just smile all the time Just smile all the time Just smile all the time
Get a dog.
Pokémon cards
Looxmaxxing
Hobbies and interests
Swords. Lots of them.
Mountain biking, skiing, hiking, anything outdoors really. If youâre new to these, there are probably local meet ups in your area you can find via Facebook groups and other social media.
It's like asking what is cure for male Cancer or male Aids
Read Reverend Insanity
open a business :)) you can hire peoples you like to chat
Being enough for yourself, loving yourself.
The Third Place
Companionship.
Go to the gym, you will feel more confident to go out and be social. Assuming you do not already go to the gym.
Masturbation... And beer
Fallout New Vegas.
Marriage and kids.
Not calling them gay if they say theyâre alone and feel like crying.
Meeting like minded individuals and not wasting time on people who aren't passionate about the same things as you. Then once you are not lonely anymore you can branch out and meet people with different perspectives.
Alcohol
Go to events you enjoy. Are you a nerd who likes card games? There's are definitely card shops that host events that you can go to and socialize. But that's just one example, if you become a regular at any spot you'll get to know people
Strong right arm đȘ đđ€Ł
walkable cities with plenty of public open space for socializing.
Weed
Kendrick Lamar
Lonely guy here that has gone through phases of lonely and not lonely. Unless you're significantly disfigured, all people need to do is put more time into the gym or career. Either one will fix loneliness for most people. The problem is people have no energy to do that.Â
Mans club, they all gone....
a prostitute? /s
you are being sarcastic but this shit works. There is a difference between loneliness and male loneliness. Male loneliness is specific. A hooker fixes that, at least it did for me. Now I couldnt give a shit. I dont care about sex like that anymore (being a male who isnt dead yet, I still do, but not to the point of loneliness) I dont want to be in a relationship, I'll jerk off or make a phone call when I need to.
I get it. was just trying to sneak it through and not be railed for it
real purpose. something he would be willing to die for. idle hands are the devil's plaything. Don't chase after cars, clothes, sluts or money. Used to work with a guy who couldn't stop bragging about his Audi R8. He was an empty vessel. You need to chase after something worth while something you would be willing to die for. You usually attract what you think about. Trust me, 50 years from now all your past struggles will be a thing of the past. Fight for something you won't regret. Other guys will become your friends once they see who you really are.
Femboy
Ending the heteronormative spell they have you all under would probably help haha Take a stand! You all work for them and slave away paying taxes so they can go murder babies in the Middle East for oil Stop paying for their death cult with your very life and âjobâ and stand. The f. Up. The students around the world are trying. But you all laugh at them. While driving to âworkâ. On oil they steal and make you pay for. To drive to work for them, to pay taxes back to them. Taxes used to kill babies. For their oil and power wars It would be hilarious if it wasnât true
Do what they love, freedom
AI female android companions a.k.a. Marilyn Monrobots
social media promoting reasonable expectations. Every girl from a 2 on on up thinks she deserves Henry Cavill. lol and every dude form from a 5 on up think he can pull Scarlett Johansson.
Good woman.
Thailand
Brotherhood
Delete the goddamn internet.
Pornhub
For some, there is no cure. The same advice is given every time this topic comes up, but people just tell you why they can't, instead of figuring something out. There will always be a big back and forth where some try giving advice, others just explain that nothing ever works, and nothing ever will work. The intention isn't actually to explain this on reddit in hopes that someone will have the answer, the intention is to justify it to themselves. If they can convince strangers on the internet that it truly is hopeless, maybe they can finally convince themselves. All I can say to these people is, if you're always making excuses, if you don't even try, you're not a failure, you're a coward.
Teach women that men are allowed to exist.
Play sports. Language group classes. Dance classes. Gym. Do a job. Start a business.
Alcohol
Sleep. Sunshine. Getting off the damn phone.Â
Beers with the boys
I don't drink đ©
Non alcoholic beers are a thing đ»đ»đ»
Money.
Purpose. Finding ones purpose is the cure to all human loneliness
Self-reflection, self-improvement, and learning to love your own company. Also, serving your fellow human also helps with loneliness.
Hobbies. Find a hobby that includes a social element. Board games. Warhammer. Team sports. Trivia night. Darts or pool. Find a group and know them. My husband plays with people who he doesn't even know the name of, and yet they go, have coffee, people pay for the others without asking, joke around, and geniunely have a good time. Hobbies really bring people together and for men it's a godsend.
Kinda a catch 22. There's legitimate reason to be afraid of monsters, but you really shouldn't expect them to become anything else when you treat them like monsters.
This might sound harsh, but: **male usefulness**. I had spent the majority of my life dodging menial tasks, sighing when people asked me to help them lift heavy things, move them, etc. At one point, someone expressed gratitude for my help in a sincere way that reached beyond the task and touched me as a person. I started relishing the opportunity to help this particular person. Shortly thereafter, my general attitude toward helping others shifted and I stopped thinking and acting like I had somewhere else I'd rather be. I stopped complaining and started seeing tasks as activities. I suppose I started to be perceived as more positive and helpful because others started to ask. Here's the kicker: I didn't just become a workhorse. Helping others was the platform to fostering deeper and more reciprocal relationships. After moving, we'd have a beer and talk. While working on the car, we'd joke around and plan other projects. These same people would come and help me when I needed it. I got invited to fun stuff. I feel like us men are a wildcard. When we're positive and well balanced, we're super helpful and great to have around. When we're not, we're the scariest things on Earth. The seeming majority languishing in the middle of these two extremes are often, to the cautious, treated like they're in the second category. It's a lonely existence when the social world seemingly bends around you.
I didn't know loneliness had a gender.
They're asking for a specific gender's loneliness, yes