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Thank you. He was also the only person I'd ever been with, so I thought what I went through was "normal." I've since met someone incredible, so this year is literally the best!
I felt this. Ending things with my ex is possibly one of the best things I’ve ever done. I don’t get angry nearly as easily, I’m not as easily stressed, anxiety is only bad when I’m out in public and don’t have weed or a few drinks in me or when my friends are taking other drugs that are unknowingly laced. My friends love the “new me” and love that I kinda sorta in a way met someone that brings the good out in me (long story short with the “new” person is we met my last year of high school which was junior year since I graduated a year early, became friends and we were both crushing on each other then but I was with my ex at the time so nothing ever happened. They went by a different name at the time, I graduated and pretty much fell off with everyone from school then they went MIA for a couple years and I thought they had actually offed themself until one day they started posting again and then I met the new them earlier this year and we’ve kicked it off great since. We both admitted our feelings for each other even though I accidentally slipped while super drunk and when I was still with my ex at the time, but have since then shown them the care I’d give them if we ever get together)
how strong and resilient i am. how much i have grown and changed for the better despite this recent, crippling depression. i was certain this depression would kill me last year, but i am still here and persevering through my struggles. becoming a better and kinder person. this past year i’ve realized i deserve to be proud of myself and cherish myself no matter how much the world has taught me not to.
For each relationship I have chased, I have lost myself more. I have began to admire myself more after cutting off dead relationships with no explanation. Also have learned to see people and situations for what they are rather what I want them to be.. true eye opener.
Thank you. I so needed to hear this today. As I commented above, I’ve recently had a friend group splinter . I guess I’ve learned that I grieve the loss of friendship more than any stupid romance .
I still think about my lost friends daily. I was best friends with someone for five or so years and he one day out of the blue told me he never wanted to see me again and that he'd resented me for a long time prior to that and gave me a list of things I'd done that he hated, and I never knew. I've had such a hard time ever trusting anyone again. It was devastating.
THIS! I have an incredible capacity for loving and supporting others, romantic and not, and i need to stop giving it away to people who have low/unequal/no capacity to give it back because what ends up happening is I have to change/alter my lifestyle and go with my needs and wants unmet to support the other person on their timeline.
No more!
i hope you get filthy rich and able to shop without checking the price that it comes to the point that you will shop too much that you can’t enjoy anymore
Please tell more. How did you get there? I’ve had a friend group splinter recently. I don’t have anyone to go try that new club/ restaurant with, but don’t want to stay home because I don’t have an escort.
Failed friendships lead me here. Imagine thinking you have the best friend ever you are literally ready to take a bullet for them then boom they give you a backhanded compliment, insult you jokingly and so many silly things people are able to do. Now, i learnt to select my friends and never depend on anyone. They say « the more the merrier » it’s true to a certain extent but sometimes it’s better to do things alone and truly enjoy them rather than having a good day destroyed because of someone’s action or comment.
It’s been almost 10yrs since I became a wheelchair user and I finally like how I look. I lied about it for years, but it finally hit me I am pretty cute.
My social battery lifespan has shortened significantly since the pandemic. I have a job that requires me to have a long social battery AND a happy face for children. I come home and stare at the wall in silence, trying to recharge a little before my partner comes home from work
This is a current fear of mine while I'm applying for jobs. I don't care if my new one is WFH, I just haven't worked around people in so long that I'm afraid I'm going to muck up the being in an office around people again thing. I get exhausted when I rarely have to go to the office for meetings now.
The amount of energy I have to do social things now as a WFH worker vs when I used to have to go into the office is astounding to me. Being at work was like constantly having an app on in the background draining my battery.
Now I have the energy and interest to grab cocktails with friends during the week or some other get together that I would have avoided when I had to be around people all day. It's great to be able to spend my finite energy on the small group of people I value and keep close rather than a whole company of people that I have very little interest in socializing with.
Oh man I powered through the pandemic in the same job pre pandemic which was social battery to the MAX.
I’ve since quit that job and am figuring out what I want to do with my life but learned that I need to be gentle with myself and I’m much more introverted than I thought I was.
Library trips are my favorite now. Quiet. Nature sounds etc. I cannot be “on” 60 hours a week for a job. Not worth it.
I'm an ambivert but I have some cptsd that's pretty minimal for the most part but left me with constant hypervigilance. My brain and body are always on edge in those types of places. Then, on the rare occasion I can actually get into flow state for work someone will come by and make me jump out of my seat when they say hi. It's needlessly exhausting.
Libraries are one of my favorite places, too!
Totally agree! I remember getting very restless if I didn't get out and spend time with friends multiple times a week. Now it's hard to want to go out much at all, even though I know I'll have fun and feel better afterward. I think part of it is just getting older too, but it's a drag and I'm not a fan
My social anxiety is much more acute post-pandemic! I never thought of myself as having social anxiety, but in retrospect I definitely have it; I'm just really good at masking it. I'm also good at making others feel comfortable, even if I don't (which is why many are shocked to learn I'm a hardcore introvert lol). Also, "people skills" are called skills for a reason. After the pandemic I realized my skills had decreased, which is not something I ever would've guessed (bc, again, I've always been good at making others feel comfortable). Pretty fascinating how only being around people you know well can do to weaken your abilities to talk to strangers.
when you get up in the morning you should hype yourself in order to charge your power bank. It can be anything. You can even get in front of the mirror and give a speech to the imaginary crowd about what you are going to accomplish today how you are able to do it and so on. Right after that glass of wine to get tipsy on your way to work and there you go! you made it. You will even have half battery left when you come back home from the work.
You got this! I filed last year. I can honestly say I haven’t been this happy in a really long time. I’m learning to love myself and put myself first. You will too! I wish you peace, love, and happiness from here on out! You deserve love. You deserve happiness. You deserve peace.
Really take time to yourself and make sure you have some alone time (however much you want/need) then just don’t rush it, get to know your own body, see what you like and don’t like. Don’t just touch urself downstairs, try some other places you think you might like too. If its in your possibility you could get toys, imo it can greatly enhance pleasure. One last thing, try not to always do it to porn. Doing it with just erotic audios or even just music or nothing at all can help you focus on yourself.
I can attest to this. I started taking the time, cut out porn, and really pampered myself and learned I can orgasm without external stimulation at all. I’ve only ever been able to get off with a vibrator. I almost couldn’t believe it lol.
Get creative, go back to your childhood and do things you used to enjoy as a child, journal them, sing them, draw/paint them, dance and run them out and if need be let yourself melt into a puddle on the floor...as long as you are expressing them to yourself you are doing a good job...
Also congratulations for finding yourself again, under that grief, confusion, and anger are parts of you you've forgotten that have been waiting to see you again
That I actually enjoy solo traveling. I’m so extroverted that I thought I’d hate it just because it involves being alone, but it was super fun and relaxing.
I'm currently solo travelling in Italy. As a non-Italian, introverted and socially anxious person it has been tough. I've had some successes and some failures so far. Soon I'm going to travel to another town and it requires navigating trains and buses which makes me feel incredibly anxious. As someone who has solo travelled before, I was just wondering if there was anything you could suggest that might ease some of my anxieties and help to perhaps adopt some more extroverted behaviours?
I love to solo travel, and I do all the travel planning for my partner & I when we go... what's worked the best for me is getting a little notebook before the start of the trip and writing down a daily agenda with details -- one day per page -- with potential train/bus times, hotel reservation info, etc. Then the rest of the page gets filled in with little descriptions of what I did every morning, afternoon, evening. Having all the information in one place really helped me manage it, especially since I could put in exactly what info I needed rather than having to try and comprehend bus schedules every time I wanted to go somewhere.
Also I lean very heavily on Google Maps. Their transit info is generally pretty up to date. The Google Translate app is also very useful and will let you have rudimentary conversations across language barriers in real time. Also, many Italians can understand English and/or Spanish -- I ended up speaking a fair amount of Spanish while I was there to fill in the gaps in my Italian. Not foolproof but it worked well enough!
Hope this was helpful! Italy is so beautiful, and it must be especially so right now.
Sometimes we ignore/suppress these things because we have to save our mental energy for survival- managing job, kids, responsibilities. It hurts like hell when it surfaces. But there is a way forward. Don’t let it define you. Wishing you the best.
This is exactly it. I’ve been on survival mode my whole life. I’m so beyond exhausted, I push through because I CANNOT break. I feel so alone and hopeless some days. It’s a constant battle of wanting to do nothing but I don’t have the time to not do anything as I’ll spiral even darker if that makes sense. It’s a double edged sword.
I just want to be better. I’m so so tired…
I knew it, but it wasn't until my partner pointed weird quirks and behaviour out that I knew knew it.
I'm pretty fucked from verbal and emotional abuse from parents who thought that submission and shouting and hitting was the only right form of parenting.
Trying really hard to work on it out, especially since the corporate world doesn't really allow for this behaviour and for mental health reasons.
I was born without the sense of smell.
I cannot smell anything BUT few months ago I discovered that If I close my eyes I can "smell" and distinguish a can of crushed tomatoes from other things.
Till now I didn't discovered any other thing I can smell
I thought I was asexual but it turned out I am Demisexual. Someone in college helped me learn the difference and I’ve definitely confirmed that’s the case.
You know if you're ace by looking at your teenage years. Lots of people say they thought they were but just weren't attracted to their partner, but the true question is: did you always feel like sexual attraction was made up by Hollywood? Did you not understand your peers as they started talking about and having sex? Were you ever even slightly interested in it? Did the thought of having sex ever scare you?
Also there is still demisexuality.
I honestly thought women just went through the motion because that's what we are supposed to do.
I thought female orgasms were a made up thing to please the man.
I had sex all my life, but the whole time all I wanted was for it to hurry and end. It was boring and gross. I did it because that was what was expected of me, I provided a hole.
Then, when I looked back into my past and realized every single man I was ever with cheated on me, I had to look inwards to figure out why. I was a really bad fuck.
This describes the experience of many queer people who grew up in conservative environments fyi! Not just ace people. (I am grey-ace myself but feeling this way was definitely more connected to being a lesbian, for me. Everyone has diff experiences!)
I apparently give good advice and have my shit together more than I thought. Apparently it's possible for me to find friends and people who don't dislike me. I was just previously in an environment that squashed every ounce of life out of me.
i wish you the same. Having heard what childlessness means for some i feel truly sorry for you. I hope you find peace and means to have a fulfilling life despite not being able to get pregnant.
You still have worth. You are still a valuable member of society. You are more than your ability to bear a child. You are no less a woman. You are no less worthy of love.
Whoa. I’m in the same situation although I’ve had a few years to sit with it. Drs didn’t say I was infertile and in fact had no real reason to point to. We tried IUI but no luck and we were so distraught that we couldn’t face the IVF experience. Adoption was out of our reach. I try to think about how lucky I am - loving husband, amazingly fulfilling career, nieces and nephews. Still so hard. Thank you for sharing your story. My family/friends are not so sympathetic either.
I just got done living in the dorms and honestly it was not as bad people expect. Our bathrooms were usually clean, food is constantly available, you have independence for the first time. I met some of my best friends. Honestly, I loved living in the dorms and I would recommend it over living in suites.
I've got a perfect colon. That was very surprising since I had a colonoscopy because I thought it was broken.
Edit: technically that wasn't a discovery of me made by me. But it was still a discovery
I ways thought the same of my lungs being born premature. Turns out I have perfect oxygen levels, despite my anxiety making me feel like I'm not breathing enough.
I love being single and I’m also way more social than I realized. I think I’m just not built for romantic relationships. I’m also not really an introvert, I was just hanging out with exhausting people.
That I’m not a dumb, lazy, failure who deserves absolutely nothing good in life - I just have ADHD 😁 this new information would have helped me a lot in Highschool‼️
After 20 years of heavy drinking everyday, being sober feels really good! 👍
It’s torture at torture at first, but hey - I’d rather be 6 feet tall than 6 feet under.
Turns out I don't completely hate all men, I just had/have a lot of shitty ones in my life. And, consequently, I actually find them attractive sometimes, so I'm not as gay as I thought.
That I'm allowed to be angry, sad, disappointed, anxious. That I'm allowed to be scared. I'm allowed to have expectations. I'm allowed to want romance. I'm allowed to not be okay all the time and most importantly I'm allowed to just Be.
All I want to DO is BE.
I'm not lazy, I was underslept. Getting an appropriate amount of sleep and a proper diet has given me the energy to run around doing all sorts of things without thinking about it, which I always had to coax myself into doing before.
Oh and I didn't really have insomnia; I had bad discipline and sleep hygiene. I've gone to lengths to make sure I tire myself out during the day plus stick to bedtime, keep my phone at a minimum in the bedroom, and make the bedroom a place of calm to sleep.
I needed to read this today. Thank you!!
I'm going through a similar situation and have been considering that I really need to work on getting enough sleep and also eating better. I feel tired and lazy much too frequently!
I also have a severe lack of self-discipline that I need to address! That is the biggest challenge for me.
Glad to hear you've been able to take action to improve your energy. That's awesome!! Way to go!
After years of mentally preparing myself to have sex, I realized I actually don't like sex and I'm fine with never having it again. It just took a hookup to realize this.
You're probably right, but since I had it it just felt gross to me afterwards. Even with someone I love, I don't think I could do it again. Having it again seems to much of a hassle and I don't even particularly want it.
AGREED! the right person makes all the difference in the world. If you haven't really given it the old college try with different positions, people, and atmospheres, I'd urge you not to give up on it just yet. If you have and still think it's not for you, good for you! Sex just isn't for some people!
that just because I’m resilient, doesn’t mean that I have to suffer through abuse. It’s been a hard journey towards choosing happiness over stability, and I just hope I continue to keep choosing myself as I grow older :)
That I have serious triggers around bodily autonomy, and feeling cornered.
This is maybe actually a good thing though, because I’ve been struggling a long time, and trying to stop myself in triggered moments to recognize that I am triggered, and that it’s no one’s “fault” for triggering me, and I am working at digging down to the root of them so I can better recognize the threats and try to reframe in my new context.
My counselor reminds me that we sometimes carry behaviors that we needed to survive in a previous time, and sometimes those behaviors are hard to shed. We need to recognize when their purpose has been served and they are no longer helpful.
My character is not preset and is not pre-determined for the rest of my life. Just because something is overwhelming or outside my comfort zone does not mean that it's unachievable and even (eventually) joyful.
That my "rejection" of having kids was not because I don't want them, it was because I simply cannot afford supporting another human being entirely, when I can barely support myself in my home country. Came to live somewhere else, where the system helps you so much, and saw that in this country you can have a familiy if you want, and with average income you can have a decent quiet life. I started opening my mind and heart about the idea an realized how beautiful it looks like when you see a parent having fun and actually enjoying spending time with their children. How a wished and wanted maternity looks like. Turns out I'd love to have kids of my own and the love of a husband. Didn't see this coming at all!
That with the right person loving me and supporting me, I can deal with rough patches of life without my mental health spiraling and without relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Also, how much fun and energy I can still bring without alcohol.
That I'm much more resilient than what I thought was possible.
In the past 4 months I lost a three yr. relationship, my job, and got into a major accident that gave my son a severe brain injury and broke my leg along with my car being totaled, so lost car lmao.
I still feel pretty optimistic overall. I'm moving, getting a new car, a new job, and hopefully starting college in the winter semester as my son and I are both in physical therapy at the moment to learn how to walk/gain mobility again. My son will hopefully get to start preschool next fall depending on how well his brain heals but he'll get to go to daycare and be social in the meantime.
I'm mentally stronger than I realized. Also sadly, all the people who I thought cared about me really do not care so I stopped dealing with them. But I'm ok. I accomplished so many things without anyone's help! I underestimate myself constantly I guess. I'm working on not doing that.
Setting boundaries feels fucking GREAT. And doing it once, in the most difficult circumstance, made it super easy to see all the other areas of my life in which I’d let my boundaries be trampled on, and do the work to rectify that. I have grown so confident in standing up for myself and cutting off people and things that are not honoring of my peace. I am a lot stronger and more capable of being exactly who I wanted to be all this time, and now I get to do it without the negative voices trying to drag me down. It is life giving.
I don't know if I envision myself growing old with someone. It would be nice, but I'm tired of settling for men who do not have their shit together. I am tired of being the partner that does the heavy lifting and wants to resolve conflicts. I am exhausted being an emotional support crutch for men who can't take a hard look at themselves. I am ending my free therapy services.
I discovered that I'm actually human. Sounds weird, I know. I've been struggling with depression for I don't know how long. I always felt numb. Didn't really feel like I'm living. It was just existing or surviving. I never made decisions based on my needs or wants. Everything was logical, and I did them because they made sense.
I took a huge risk around March. I made a decision based on my gut feelings and desires. It can still go horribly wrong. This decision makes me miserable 50% of the time. But holy shit I can actually feel. I felt sad, embarrassed, disgusted, and furious. I also felt good and strong.
I know this isn't normal or ideal. But life isn't that easy. Feeling the pain is hell of a lot better than feeling numb.
That my chronic pain & brain inflammation was killing my libido … it wasn’t a lack of attraction or psychological! And now that I found a great doctor helping me with pain management & taking low dose naltrexone for my fibromyalgia pain … It was like a huge reversal in only 3 months and I finally got my mojo back and enjoy being with my hubby. It’s been great
I actually enjoy going fishing. It started out with my son asking to go fishing, and me stressing about it because I didn’t really know how to deal with bait or fishing rods or anything. But I would do mostly anything for my kids and I try to maintain an “I’ll try anything once” attitude to most new experiences, so I brought my kids fishing. And surprisingly I found I actually enjoy it and want to one day go fishing by myself. I like the idea of being quietly out in nature, on the water, playing the lowest-stakes lottery possible.
I have the ovarian cancer gene. My mother has it, her sisters’ have it. I never wanted kids and this just proves that I’ve made the right choice. Besides fucking up a daughter(which is a family tradition) I would also curse her.
Going to events alone and actually enjoying the time to myself :)
I've gone to a few conventions alone (gaming/anime, etc). I've gone to two concerts alone so far. It is liberating :)
Not a surprise once I put the pieces together but that I am autistic and have ADHD. Struggled for 30+ years to fit in, in jobs, all forms of relationships, emotional regulation, and more because of it.
That I enjoy doing things alone like going to a movie.
I absolutely prefer to limit being social.
I don't have to do things I don't like just to spend time with someone because I'm desperate to feel connected to them.
How to listen to my limits and plan out how much I can actually handle.
I have a lot more deep seated trauma from an ex that I need to work through and finding more as time goes by. I thought I’d be further along, but remembering it takes time
Also, it’s important to give myself rest and mental health days, my body doesn’t bounce back like it used to.
Kinda nsfw but… I can squirt I guess. Lmao.
On a more serious note, I’ve noticed I’m slightly aggressive for no reason. I’m never angry. It was just part of my personality. I rarely was upset at anyone for anything, and if it was I would calmly tell them. Then people started mentioning it, saying they were scared of me and I made them nervous… like wtf? I thought I was a sweetheart. So now I’m much more conscious of the way I talk and act around people. Don’t need people thinking I’m angry
When I was a teenager I was terrified of gaining weight because you know, society and in the past year I've started to do just that. I was surprised that I've been able to roll with it, loving the shape of my stomach and thighs and arms even though they're bigger now. Going to the gym has helped not hating my body though
I have daddy issue. Not in a sexy way.
Just realized that my father never really care for me and my siblings, and treats my mom like a maid. So I went through rough patch in relationship because I didn’t know how a man should treat me and what are the boundaries. Lesson learned. I appreciate his existence. Now I’m noting down my new standards
I think differently from everyone I interact with. My thinking isn’t way left field, but it’s a little left of center. Still figuring out how I feel about that. In some ways it’s great to think outside of the norm, in other ways it feels quite isolating.
That I truly don't care what happens to my mother anymore. Got the call that she's suffering from dementia and I should go see her before it's too late.
Well for ME, it's too late. I just don't care anymore. Years of being gaslit and made out to be the bad guy then 7 years NC (by my choice).... I just don't care.
That I can trust myself and put trust in myself. I won’t, in fact, shapeshift into totally different person without the my current competencies if I start a new thing.
I (42F) am a homeowner of a very old house. So old in fact, that there are no closets anywhere (not even in the bedrooms). However, I have a decent sized room in the back of the house that has been my catch all for well over a decade; and I recently decided to go through it all and clean it out. Upon doing so I was quick to learn that over time, I had slowly become a hoarder of blankets and Halloween costumes. I’m talking an insane amount of blankets and Halloween costumes! Even Halloween costumes for animals!!
I donated 3 industrial garbage bags full of blankets to the local animal shelter, but found myself struggling to even give those away despite still keeping way more than I will ever need / have ever needed. I cannot bring myself to part with the costumes.
I can’t stand clutter (so fortunately everything was in great condition, folded, and stacked) but never once have I even thought of myself as a hoarder of any kind! This discovery has been a bit shocking. The fact I struggled to give some blankets away is also very concerning to me. I mean, blankets and Halloween costumes! Nothing else in this volume. Seems so strange to me. Is this how it starts? Have I finally reached that age??
That my anxiety and depression were never as bad as I thought, I was just drinking alcohol. After I quit and took care of my health with probiotics, supplements etc my mental health has been better than I could ever imagine. Fuck alcohol!
That after helping 43 people with their cycles I guess I can say for certain im a period advocate which shows a lot of progress since I was never taught anything about them when I was a teenager. I’ve also had my 3rd gynecologist appointment inside of a year which feels so strange to say.
For context I found out 2 years ago that im intersex and have a monthly cycle and since I was raised as a guy it just upended everything. Its difficult to deal with all the mental gymnastics but im trying to adjust and learn everything I can.
I no longer have time for people who will not make time for our relationship. It’s been really hard. I’m one of the only ones in my friend group who has kids and they all seem to forget to include me now because I’m a mom. It really sucks, but I’d rather spend time with people who want are relationship to continue regardless of me being a mom. Just because I have kids doesn’t mean I don’t want to hang out.
That all my friends were fake and I keep attracting such people because of not loving myself! Being on my own is hard and I'm still learning how to do things alone.
That I like hiking. I hated all kinds of sports since I was a kid - I was never good at PE, always last in class, that sort of thing. Now I'm undoing the damage PE left in me and finding sports I actually enjoy. Turns out I'm kinda masochist as I really like hiking up some hills 😅 fortunately I live in a really hilly country. I hiked up a 1100 m tall mountain at the end of last summer and I feel so proud of myself! Planning a higher one this summer :)
I never learned to love myself truly. Which cascaded into self-doubt, self destruction, lack of self-belief. I projected so much onto everything around me, I lost everything good for me. Now I'm in my rising Phoenix from the ashes phases. But currently, I am still in the ashes.
I’m a lot more resilient than I thought. The last 8 months have been absolute hell, yet I’m still standing. Still getting out of bed every day, still laughing, though it’s hard sometimes. But goddamnit, I’m doing it!
I thought I was bad at math. Barely got by in high school and didn't like the subject. Took a college level math course this past semester and not only did I get an A but I actually enjoyed it!
I'm more athletic than I thought I was.
I played sports all throughout my childhood but dropped it all during my very turbulent teens. I started working at an elementary school this year and was surprised by how much I loved playing sports with the kids.
I just joined a slow pitch league and it's so much fun! Also- if I dare say so- I play a lot better than I thought I ever would.
It's been so much fun rediscovering this part of myself and I can't wait to challenge myself with other sports!
That I am more able to be my true self around people my age/in the same life stage. Otherwise I always feel like the big sis or young person and it stops me from feeling like myself.
That I don't have to get stoned to enjoy things. I had been smoking weed all day damn near every day for the last 16 years. Quit cold turkey just to see if I could. It's been 3 months and I don't think I'll start again.
So many things. I was in a longterm relationship my entire adult life until a year ago so my first year being single and dating around and trying new things was jam fucking packed. A couple:
-turns out I really am bi
-I have a higher social battery now than I’ve ever had before
-maybe I have more anxiety than I thought I did
-I can actually take rejection and my whole life I’ve made it out to be a bigger deal than it actually was
Things happen to ppl for a reason. You dont have to be good or bad. Of course, luck is a bit involved, but otherwise, it's your personality and the choices you make that determine the outcome . I don't know why, but when i stopped playing the victim and tried to understand why this and that happened to me, i was shocked to discover that it was completely my fault. I chose to fight the wrong fights and was too afraid to choose the right ones. I chose the wrong ppl and the wrong places and expected something right to happen !!!! I lacked wisdom and purpose, and that was it. And i know there are ppl with pure luck that can get them through anything, but most ppl have average luck like myself.
that i can still manage my emotions whilst having bpd! it feels like a gift to be able to do that now.. especially since i’ve never been the best at handling emotions
Im not as introverted as I thought! For years I confused my social anxiety with introversion. Now that my anxiety has gotten better I find myself craving social interactions more
I’m smart. For years I listened to people and even on my journey to my career people cast their doubts on me. I passed my licensure exam the first try. I don’t feel so stupid now.
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I love this for you!
Thank you. He was also the only person I'd ever been with, so I thought what I went through was "normal." I've since met someone incredible, so this year is literally the best!
Omg, same. My anxiety is so much better since I left him. My self esteem is still a work in progress.
I felt this. Ending things with my ex is possibly one of the best things I’ve ever done. I don’t get angry nearly as easily, I’m not as easily stressed, anxiety is only bad when I’m out in public and don’t have weed or a few drinks in me or when my friends are taking other drugs that are unknowingly laced. My friends love the “new me” and love that I kinda sorta in a way met someone that brings the good out in me (long story short with the “new” person is we met my last year of high school which was junior year since I graduated a year early, became friends and we were both crushing on each other then but I was with my ex at the time so nothing ever happened. They went by a different name at the time, I graduated and pretty much fell off with everyone from school then they went MIA for a couple years and I thought they had actually offed themself until one day they started posting again and then I met the new them earlier this year and we’ve kicked it off great since. We both admitted our feelings for each other even though I accidentally slipped while super drunk and when I was still with my ex at the time, but have since then shown them the care I’d give them if we ever get together)
how strong and resilient i am. how much i have grown and changed for the better despite this recent, crippling depression. i was certain this depression would kill me last year, but i am still here and persevering through my struggles. becoming a better and kinder person. this past year i’ve realized i deserve to be proud of myself and cherish myself no matter how much the world has taught me not to.
Keep going!!!!! You’re amazing!
I’m proud of you! You’re a wonderful, strong person!
You should absolutely be proud of yourself. The struggles are hard, but the bad time does pass.
For each relationship I have chased, I have lost myself more. I have began to admire myself more after cutting off dead relationships with no explanation. Also have learned to see people and situations for what they are rather what I want them to be.. true eye opener.
Thank you. I so needed to hear this today. As I commented above, I’ve recently had a friend group splinter . I guess I’ve learned that I grieve the loss of friendship more than any stupid romance .
Loosing a friend is the worst pain I have ever felt. I hope you are doing okay.
I still think about my lost friends daily. I was best friends with someone for five or so years and he one day out of the blue told me he never wanted to see me again and that he'd resented me for a long time prior to that and gave me a list of things I'd done that he hated, and I never knew. I've had such a hard time ever trusting anyone again. It was devastating.
THIS! I have an incredible capacity for loving and supporting others, romantic and not, and i need to stop giving it away to people who have low/unequal/no capacity to give it back because what ends up happening is I have to change/alter my lifestyle and go with my needs and wants unmet to support the other person on their timeline. No more!
I adore hanging out with myself. Yes, I don’t mind eating alone in a restaurant or shopping by myself it’s just so much better.
I love shopping alone but I catch myself talking out loud about cute things I see in stores 😂
« Oh that’s so pretty!! » *checks the price* *quietly puts it back*
i hope you get filthy rich and able to shop without checking the price that it comes to the point that you will shop too much that you can’t enjoy anymore
I talk to myself all the time. Getting older and running out of fucks to give is the best thing ever.
Solo shopping sprees are so fun! Buying some lipgloss/body spray then getting a pretzel at the food court? Bliss. 💕🥨
Please tell more. How did you get there? I’ve had a friend group splinter recently. I don’t have anyone to go try that new club/ restaurant with, but don’t want to stay home because I don’t have an escort.
Failed friendships lead me here. Imagine thinking you have the best friend ever you are literally ready to take a bullet for them then boom they give you a backhanded compliment, insult you jokingly and so many silly things people are able to do. Now, i learnt to select my friends and never depend on anyone. They say « the more the merrier » it’s true to a certain extent but sometimes it’s better to do things alone and truly enjoy them rather than having a good day destroyed because of someone’s action or comment.
Yes!
I agree with the going to a restaurant by myself. But I'm colour blind so going shopping with someone really helps.
It’s been almost 10yrs since I became a wheelchair user and I finally like how I look. I lied about it for years, but it finally hit me I am pretty cute.
I'm so happy for you! Everyone deserves to think they're cute :)
Thank you. And very true.
My social battery lifespan has shortened significantly since the pandemic. I have a job that requires me to have a long social battery AND a happy face for children. I come home and stare at the wall in silence, trying to recharge a little before my partner comes home from work
This is a current fear of mine while I'm applying for jobs. I don't care if my new one is WFH, I just haven't worked around people in so long that I'm afraid I'm going to muck up the being in an office around people again thing. I get exhausted when I rarely have to go to the office for meetings now.
The amount of energy I have to do social things now as a WFH worker vs when I used to have to go into the office is astounding to me. Being at work was like constantly having an app on in the background draining my battery. Now I have the energy and interest to grab cocktails with friends during the week or some other get together that I would have avoided when I had to be around people all day. It's great to be able to spend my finite energy on the small group of people I value and keep close rather than a whole company of people that I have very little interest in socializing with.
Oh man I powered through the pandemic in the same job pre pandemic which was social battery to the MAX. I’ve since quit that job and am figuring out what I want to do with my life but learned that I need to be gentle with myself and I’m much more introverted than I thought I was. Library trips are my favorite now. Quiet. Nature sounds etc. I cannot be “on” 60 hours a week for a job. Not worth it.
I'm an ambivert but I have some cptsd that's pretty minimal for the most part but left me with constant hypervigilance. My brain and body are always on edge in those types of places. Then, on the rare occasion I can actually get into flow state for work someone will come by and make me jump out of my seat when they say hi. It's needlessly exhausting. Libraries are one of my favorite places, too!
Totally agree! I remember getting very restless if I didn't get out and spend time with friends multiple times a week. Now it's hard to want to go out much at all, even though I know I'll have fun and feel better afterward. I think part of it is just getting older too, but it's a drag and I'm not a fan
I resonate so much with this. People are exhausting. All of them.
My social anxiety is much more acute post-pandemic! I never thought of myself as having social anxiety, but in retrospect I definitely have it; I'm just really good at masking it. I'm also good at making others feel comfortable, even if I don't (which is why many are shocked to learn I'm a hardcore introvert lol). Also, "people skills" are called skills for a reason. After the pandemic I realized my skills had decreased, which is not something I ever would've guessed (bc, again, I've always been good at making others feel comfortable). Pretty fascinating how only being around people you know well can do to weaken your abilities to talk to strangers.
Omg you just described me... Pls share any tips on how to extend battery life!
Me too 💁🏼♀️
when you get up in the morning you should hype yourself in order to charge your power bank. It can be anything. You can even get in front of the mirror and give a speech to the imaginary crowd about what you are going to accomplish today how you are able to do it and so on. Right after that glass of wine to get tipsy on your way to work and there you go! you made it. You will even have half battery left when you come back home from the work.
Me to. It's really hard.
Holy cow! I used to be social and it changed after pandemic
Pediatric nurse? Cuz I feel that
That I love myself, and I deserve to be loved.
that’s exactly right!!!!
SAY IT AGAIN SIS!!!!
This! I'm choosing to love myself by ending an unhappy (to me) marriage. I deserve the love I give.
You got this! I filed last year. I can honestly say I haven’t been this happy in a really long time. I’m learning to love myself and put myself first. You will too! I wish you peace, love, and happiness from here on out! You deserve love. You deserve happiness. You deserve peace.
Self pleasure can be so much more then just going for a big release. Much more the entire process can be so good
What are some tips? I feel like I’m not patient enough to go for anything other than the big release with self pleasure
Really take time to yourself and make sure you have some alone time (however much you want/need) then just don’t rush it, get to know your own body, see what you like and don’t like. Don’t just touch urself downstairs, try some other places you think you might like too. If its in your possibility you could get toys, imo it can greatly enhance pleasure. One last thing, try not to always do it to porn. Doing it with just erotic audios or even just music or nothing at all can help you focus on yourself.
I can attest to this. I started taking the time, cut out porn, and really pampered myself and learned I can orgasm without external stimulation at all. I’ve only ever been able to get off with a vibrator. I almost couldn’t believe it lol.
I can feel feelings. I'm heartbroken like in the truest sense for the first time. And I don't know what to do with all these feelings.
Get creative, go back to your childhood and do things you used to enjoy as a child, journal them, sing them, draw/paint them, dance and run them out and if need be let yourself melt into a puddle on the floor...as long as you are expressing them to yourself you are doing a good job... Also congratulations for finding yourself again, under that grief, confusion, and anger are parts of you you've forgotten that have been waiting to see you again
I don't know what you should do either, but please, do not keep these inside. Let. them. all. out. you got this
That I actually enjoy solo traveling. I’m so extroverted that I thought I’d hate it just because it involves being alone, but it was super fun and relaxing.
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I'm currently solo travelling in Italy. As a non-Italian, introverted and socially anxious person it has been tough. I've had some successes and some failures so far. Soon I'm going to travel to another town and it requires navigating trains and buses which makes me feel incredibly anxious. As someone who has solo travelled before, I was just wondering if there was anything you could suggest that might ease some of my anxieties and help to perhaps adopt some more extroverted behaviours?
I love to solo travel, and I do all the travel planning for my partner & I when we go... what's worked the best for me is getting a little notebook before the start of the trip and writing down a daily agenda with details -- one day per page -- with potential train/bus times, hotel reservation info, etc. Then the rest of the page gets filled in with little descriptions of what I did every morning, afternoon, evening. Having all the information in one place really helped me manage it, especially since I could put in exactly what info I needed rather than having to try and comprehend bus schedules every time I wanted to go somewhere. Also I lean very heavily on Google Maps. Their transit info is generally pretty up to date. The Google Translate app is also very useful and will let you have rudimentary conversations across language barriers in real time. Also, many Italians can understand English and/or Spanish -- I ended up speaking a fair amount of Spanish while I was there to fill in the gaps in my Italian. Not foolproof but it worked well enough! Hope this was helpful! Italy is so beautiful, and it must be especially so right now.
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How traumatized, anxiety ridden, depressed and extra low self worth/love I really am. Suppressed it for so long and it all came rushing out.
Sometimes we ignore/suppress these things because we have to save our mental energy for survival- managing job, kids, responsibilities. It hurts like hell when it surfaces. But there is a way forward. Don’t let it define you. Wishing you the best.
This is exactly it. I’ve been on survival mode my whole life. I’m so beyond exhausted, I push through because I CANNOT break. I feel so alone and hopeless some days. It’s a constant battle of wanting to do nothing but I don’t have the time to not do anything as I’ll spiral even darker if that makes sense. It’s a double edged sword. I just want to be better. I’m so so tired…
I knew it, but it wasn't until my partner pointed weird quirks and behaviour out that I knew knew it. I'm pretty fucked from verbal and emotional abuse from parents who thought that submission and shouting and hitting was the only right form of parenting. Trying really hard to work on it out, especially since the corporate world doesn't really allow for this behaviour and for mental health reasons.
I was born without the sense of smell. I cannot smell anything BUT few months ago I discovered that If I close my eyes I can "smell" and distinguish a can of crushed tomatoes from other things. Till now I didn't discovered any other thing I can smell
That I may be asexual. Its a term I never head of until recently but it explains SOOOOO much.
On the other hand, I’ve confirmed I’m bisexual!
Almost seems like a trade
Conservation of sexuality 🤷🏼♀️
I thought I was asexual for years but it turns out I just wasn’t attracted to my partner…
I thought I was asexual but it was just hormonal birth control making me have absolutely no libido
Omg this too!! Totally changed when I got off of the pill
I thought I was asexual but it turned out I am Demisexual. Someone in college helped me learn the difference and I’ve definitely confirmed that’s the case.
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You know if you're ace by looking at your teenage years. Lots of people say they thought they were but just weren't attracted to their partner, but the true question is: did you always feel like sexual attraction was made up by Hollywood? Did you not understand your peers as they started talking about and having sex? Were you ever even slightly interested in it? Did the thought of having sex ever scare you? Also there is still demisexuality.
I honestly thought women just went through the motion because that's what we are supposed to do. I thought female orgasms were a made up thing to please the man. I had sex all my life, but the whole time all I wanted was for it to hurry and end. It was boring and gross. I did it because that was what was expected of me, I provided a hole. Then, when I looked back into my past and realized every single man I was ever with cheated on me, I had to look inwards to figure out why. I was a really bad fuck.
Honestly, even if that’s true, that is no reason to cheat on somebody.
This describes the experience of many queer people who grew up in conservative environments fyi! Not just ace people. (I am grey-ace myself but feeling this way was definitely more connected to being a lesbian, for me. Everyone has diff experiences!)
I thought I was bisexual and then I found asexuality and was like... oh. That actually sounds like me. So I totally relate!
I thought I was too during my last relationship and while I was single. Turns out I just needed to feel loved and desired to want to have sex!
I’ve learned I’m demisexual!
I apparently give good advice and have my shit together more than I thought. Apparently it's possible for me to find friends and people who don't dislike me. I was just previously in an environment that squashed every ounce of life out of me.
That I'm unable to get pregnant
I'm so sorry! Hopefully you'll be able to have children by other means, if that's what you want.
Thank you ❤️
i wish you the same. Having heard what childlessness means for some i feel truly sorry for you. I hope you find peace and means to have a fulfilling life despite not being able to get pregnant.
Ya'll have been more supportive here in this reddit community than my real life friends and family. Thank you for the kind words.
You still have worth. You are still a valuable member of society. You are more than your ability to bear a child. You are no less a woman. You are no less worthy of love.
I still don't know what to say to you. But, we are all here for you nonetheless.
Was this positive or negative in your world view, if it's not too much to ask?
Negative. Got the career, the husband, the home and then BOOM, infertility.
Whoa. I’m in the same situation although I’ve had a few years to sit with it. Drs didn’t say I was infertile and in fact had no real reason to point to. We tried IUI but no luck and we were so distraught that we couldn’t face the IVF experience. Adoption was out of our reach. I try to think about how lucky I am - loving husband, amazingly fulfilling career, nieces and nephews. Still so hard. Thank you for sharing your story. My family/friends are not so sympathetic either.
the thought of living in the dorms with three other people my age is *disgusting* and sharing a bathroom? *shudders* forget it
I just got done living in the dorms and honestly it was not as bad people expect. Our bathrooms were usually clean, food is constantly available, you have independence for the first time. I met some of my best friends. Honestly, I loved living in the dorms and I would recommend it over living in suites.
I've got a perfect colon. That was very surprising since I had a colonoscopy because I thought it was broken. Edit: technically that wasn't a discovery of me made by me. But it was still a discovery
I ways thought the same of my lungs being born premature. Turns out I have perfect oxygen levels, despite my anxiety making me feel like I'm not breathing enough.
It was a discovery _about_ yourself so I think it's valid
When maturing, you have to leave people behind.
I love being single and I’m also way more social than I realized. I think I’m just not built for romantic relationships. I’m also not really an introvert, I was just hanging out with exhausting people.
That I’m not a dumb, lazy, failure who deserves absolutely nothing good in life - I just have ADHD 😁 this new information would have helped me a lot in Highschool‼️
I just got diagnosed a month ago too. How the HELL did we make it so long?
How much higher my sex drive actually is
Right there with you!!! I’m 34 and honestly I swear it’s just gone up
Right?? I'm 29 n it's just like my body keeps saying "mooooore! I WANT MOOOOORRRRE!!" 🤣
32, same!
After 20 years of heavy drinking everyday, being sober feels really good! 👍 It’s torture at torture at first, but hey - I’d rather be 6 feet tall than 6 feet under.
Turns out I don't completely hate all men, I just had/have a lot of shitty ones in my life. And, consequently, I actually find them attractive sometimes, so I'm not as gay as I thought.
That I'm allowed to be angry, sad, disappointed, anxious. That I'm allowed to be scared. I'm allowed to have expectations. I'm allowed to want romance. I'm allowed to not be okay all the time and most importantly I'm allowed to just Be. All I want to DO is BE.
I'm not lazy, I was underslept. Getting an appropriate amount of sleep and a proper diet has given me the energy to run around doing all sorts of things without thinking about it, which I always had to coax myself into doing before. Oh and I didn't really have insomnia; I had bad discipline and sleep hygiene. I've gone to lengths to make sure I tire myself out during the day plus stick to bedtime, keep my phone at a minimum in the bedroom, and make the bedroom a place of calm to sleep.
I needed to read this today. Thank you!! I'm going through a similar situation and have been considering that I really need to work on getting enough sleep and also eating better. I feel tired and lazy much too frequently! I also have a severe lack of self-discipline that I need to address! That is the biggest challenge for me. Glad to hear you've been able to take action to improve your energy. That's awesome!! Way to go!
After years of mentally preparing myself to have sex, I realized I actually don't like sex and I'm fine with never having it again. It just took a hookup to realize this.
Was it the only time you had sex? Being in love and being with someone you care for and trust makes the sex infinitely better.
You're probably right, but since I had it it just felt gross to me afterwards. Even with someone I love, I don't think I could do it again. Having it again seems to much of a hassle and I don't even particularly want it.
Perfectly fine, there are many people who feel the same way as well.
AGREED! the right person makes all the difference in the world. If you haven't really given it the old college try with different positions, people, and atmospheres, I'd urge you not to give up on it just yet. If you have and still think it's not for you, good for you! Sex just isn't for some people!
I might need a therapist, after all. I lost mine last year and have been thinking I'm fine, but on occasion, a therapist would be helpful.
I don’t have a sexual disorder and I’m not demisexual, I’m just a lesbian.
I am more creative than I give myself credit for
That I am a good mom and my daughter's first year was easier and more rewarding than I expected.
that just because I’m resilient, doesn’t mean that I have to suffer through abuse. It’s been a hard journey towards choosing happiness over stability, and I just hope I continue to keep choosing myself as I grow older :)
I have high sexual/physical intimacy needs when I’m with someone I feel safe with.
That I have serious triggers around bodily autonomy, and feeling cornered. This is maybe actually a good thing though, because I’ve been struggling a long time, and trying to stop myself in triggered moments to recognize that I am triggered, and that it’s no one’s “fault” for triggering me, and I am working at digging down to the root of them so I can better recognize the threats and try to reframe in my new context. My counselor reminds me that we sometimes carry behaviors that we needed to survive in a previous time, and sometimes those behaviors are hard to shed. We need to recognize when their purpose has been served and they are no longer helpful.
My character is not preset and is not pre-determined for the rest of my life. Just because something is overwhelming or outside my comfort zone does not mean that it's unachievable and even (eventually) joyful.
That my "rejection" of having kids was not because I don't want them, it was because I simply cannot afford supporting another human being entirely, when I can barely support myself in my home country. Came to live somewhere else, where the system helps you so much, and saw that in this country you can have a familiy if you want, and with average income you can have a decent quiet life. I started opening my mind and heart about the idea an realized how beautiful it looks like when you see a parent having fun and actually enjoying spending time with their children. How a wished and wanted maternity looks like. Turns out I'd love to have kids of my own and the love of a husband. Didn't see this coming at all!
That with the right person loving me and supporting me, I can deal with rough patches of life without my mental health spiraling and without relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms. Also, how much fun and energy I can still bring without alcohol.
I can orgasm. Wow. Worth the hell of a divorce (almost.)
That I'm much more resilient than what I thought was possible. In the past 4 months I lost a three yr. relationship, my job, and got into a major accident that gave my son a severe brain injury and broke my leg along with my car being totaled, so lost car lmao. I still feel pretty optimistic overall. I'm moving, getting a new car, a new job, and hopefully starting college in the winter semester as my son and I are both in physical therapy at the moment to learn how to walk/gain mobility again. My son will hopefully get to start preschool next fall depending on how well his brain heals but he'll get to go to daycare and be social in the meantime.
I'm mentally stronger than I realized. Also sadly, all the people who I thought cared about me really do not care so I stopped dealing with them. But I'm ok. I accomplished so many things without anyone's help! I underestimate myself constantly I guess. I'm working on not doing that.
Setting boundaries feels fucking GREAT. And doing it once, in the most difficult circumstance, made it super easy to see all the other areas of my life in which I’d let my boundaries be trampled on, and do the work to rectify that. I have grown so confident in standing up for myself and cutting off people and things that are not honoring of my peace. I am a lot stronger and more capable of being exactly who I wanted to be all this time, and now I get to do it without the negative voices trying to drag me down. It is life giving.
I don't know if I envision myself growing old with someone. It would be nice, but I'm tired of settling for men who do not have their shit together. I am tired of being the partner that does the heavy lifting and wants to resolve conflicts. I am exhausted being an emotional support crutch for men who can't take a hard look at themselves. I am ending my free therapy services.
I feel this!! Currently in a relationship with a man where I feel this and thinking of leaving..
I discovered that I'm actually human. Sounds weird, I know. I've been struggling with depression for I don't know how long. I always felt numb. Didn't really feel like I'm living. It was just existing or surviving. I never made decisions based on my needs or wants. Everything was logical, and I did them because they made sense. I took a huge risk around March. I made a decision based on my gut feelings and desires. It can still go horribly wrong. This decision makes me miserable 50% of the time. But holy shit I can actually feel. I felt sad, embarrassed, disgusted, and furious. I also felt good and strong. I know this isn't normal or ideal. But life isn't that easy. Feeling the pain is hell of a lot better than feeling numb.
What I’m capable of when I stop letting other people dictate how I should live my life.
That my chronic pain & brain inflammation was killing my libido … it wasn’t a lack of attraction or psychological! And now that I found a great doctor helping me with pain management & taking low dose naltrexone for my fibromyalgia pain … It was like a huge reversal in only 3 months and I finally got my mojo back and enjoy being with my hubby. It’s been great
I actually enjoy going fishing. It started out with my son asking to go fishing, and me stressing about it because I didn’t really know how to deal with bait or fishing rods or anything. But I would do mostly anything for my kids and I try to maintain an “I’ll try anything once” attitude to most new experiences, so I brought my kids fishing. And surprisingly I found I actually enjoy it and want to one day go fishing by myself. I like the idea of being quietly out in nature, on the water, playing the lowest-stakes lottery possible.
I have the ovarian cancer gene. My mother has it, her sisters’ have it. I never wanted kids and this just proves that I’ve made the right choice. Besides fucking up a daughter(which is a family tradition) I would also curse her.
I do too. Hey, fellow BRCA carrier.
I’m sorry, that sounds scary. Wishing all BRCA long healthy and happy lives secure in their self-knowing and whatever decisions need to be made.
That I can drive a minibus better than a man. *Yes, I can!*
How good it is to be single & happy. Truly content right now. Took a while to get to this place, but it feels amazing!
Going to events alone and actually enjoying the time to myself :) I've gone to a few conventions alone (gaming/anime, etc). I've gone to two concerts alone so far. It is liberating :)
I want to do this but feel scared..do you end up socializing with people there?
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Not a surprise once I put the pieces together but that I am autistic and have ADHD. Struggled for 30+ years to fit in, in jobs, all forms of relationships, emotional regulation, and more because of it. That I enjoy doing things alone like going to a movie. I absolutely prefer to limit being social. I don't have to do things I don't like just to spend time with someone because I'm desperate to feel connected to them. How to listen to my limits and plan out how much I can actually handle.
That I'm a lot more resilient than me or my family thought. Which is a major fuck you to my family and a major boost for me!
I have a lot more deep seated trauma from an ex that I need to work through and finding more as time goes by. I thought I’d be further along, but remembering it takes time Also, it’s important to give myself rest and mental health days, my body doesn’t bounce back like it used to.
Kinda nsfw but… I can squirt I guess. Lmao. On a more serious note, I’ve noticed I’m slightly aggressive for no reason. I’m never angry. It was just part of my personality. I rarely was upset at anyone for anything, and if it was I would calmly tell them. Then people started mentioning it, saying they were scared of me and I made them nervous… like wtf? I thought I was a sweetheart. So now I’m much more conscious of the way I talk and act around people. Don’t need people thinking I’m angry
I DO like working out!! 😂
I found out that I’m more than okay dating all types of people and not just cis men. :)
That I really do want to live.
When I was a teenager I was terrified of gaining weight because you know, society and in the past year I've started to do just that. I was surprised that I've been able to roll with it, loving the shape of my stomach and thighs and arms even though they're bigger now. Going to the gym has helped not hating my body though
I thought I had changed. I was wrong, I'm just better at hiding things.
I don’t have anxiety I just had a terrible job LOL
I have daddy issue. Not in a sexy way. Just realized that my father never really care for me and my siblings, and treats my mom like a maid. So I went through rough patch in relationship because I didn’t know how a man should treat me and what are the boundaries. Lesson learned. I appreciate his existence. Now I’m noting down my new standards
As I get older the more afraid I am of things.
That I'm trans, so actually a boy... Guess I should leave this sub then
If you want to leave, go ahead, but please don't feel it's necessary. We do welcome male contributors as well, so long as they don't speak over women.
I think differently from everyone I interact with. My thinking isn’t way left field, but it’s a little left of center. Still figuring out how I feel about that. In some ways it’s great to think outside of the norm, in other ways it feels quite isolating.
That I am very happy at my job and i actually love work. I was just in the wrong field before.
The rate at which I'm sabotaging my life
That I truly don't care what happens to my mother anymore. Got the call that she's suffering from dementia and I should go see her before it's too late. Well for ME, it's too late. I just don't care anymore. Years of being gaslit and made out to be the bad guy then 7 years NC (by my choice).... I just don't care.
That I can trust myself and put trust in myself. I won’t, in fact, shapeshift into totally different person without the my current competencies if I start a new thing.
I (42F) am a homeowner of a very old house. So old in fact, that there are no closets anywhere (not even in the bedrooms). However, I have a decent sized room in the back of the house that has been my catch all for well over a decade; and I recently decided to go through it all and clean it out. Upon doing so I was quick to learn that over time, I had slowly become a hoarder of blankets and Halloween costumes. I’m talking an insane amount of blankets and Halloween costumes! Even Halloween costumes for animals!! I donated 3 industrial garbage bags full of blankets to the local animal shelter, but found myself struggling to even give those away despite still keeping way more than I will ever need / have ever needed. I cannot bring myself to part with the costumes. I can’t stand clutter (so fortunately everything was in great condition, folded, and stacked) but never once have I even thought of myself as a hoarder of any kind! This discovery has been a bit shocking. The fact I struggled to give some blankets away is also very concerning to me. I mean, blankets and Halloween costumes! Nothing else in this volume. Seems so strange to me. Is this how it starts? Have I finally reached that age??
That my anxiety and depression were never as bad as I thought, I was just drinking alcohol. After I quit and took care of my health with probiotics, supplements etc my mental health has been better than I could ever imagine. Fuck alcohol!
Im violent.
that the world actually ain't that bad, I was just sad and lonely
Doing childlike things in public like no one is watching makes me happy.
That after helping 43 people with their cycles I guess I can say for certain im a period advocate which shows a lot of progress since I was never taught anything about them when I was a teenager. I’ve also had my 3rd gynecologist appointment inside of a year which feels so strange to say. For context I found out 2 years ago that im intersex and have a monthly cycle and since I was raised as a guy it just upended everything. Its difficult to deal with all the mental gymnastics but im trying to adjust and learn everything I can.
I no longer have time for people who will not make time for our relationship. It’s been really hard. I’m one of the only ones in my friend group who has kids and they all seem to forget to include me now because I’m a mom. It really sucks, but I’d rather spend time with people who want are relationship to continue regardless of me being a mom. Just because I have kids doesn’t mean I don’t want to hang out.
That all my friends were fake and I keep attracting such people because of not loving myself! Being on my own is hard and I'm still learning how to do things alone.
That I like hiking. I hated all kinds of sports since I was a kid - I was never good at PE, always last in class, that sort of thing. Now I'm undoing the damage PE left in me and finding sports I actually enjoy. Turns out I'm kinda masochist as I really like hiking up some hills 😅 fortunately I live in a really hilly country. I hiked up a 1100 m tall mountain at the end of last summer and I feel so proud of myself! Planning a higher one this summer :)
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Just updated my pronouns to she/they in the last week! I've been reflecting on it since last summer, so it took me a while to get here 😅
I never learned to love myself truly. Which cascaded into self-doubt, self destruction, lack of self-belief. I projected so much onto everything around me, I lost everything good for me. Now I'm in my rising Phoenix from the ashes phases. But currently, I am still in the ashes.
I’m a lot more resilient than I thought. The last 8 months have been absolute hell, yet I’m still standing. Still getting out of bed every day, still laughing, though it’s hard sometimes. But goddamnit, I’m doing it!
I can survive and be happy *alone.*
I thought I was bad at math. Barely got by in high school and didn't like the subject. Took a college level math course this past semester and not only did I get an A but I actually enjoyed it!
That I’m not a lazy sack of poo, I just have ADHD lol
That I LOVE romcom novels.
I'm more athletic than I thought I was. I played sports all throughout my childhood but dropped it all during my very turbulent teens. I started working at an elementary school this year and was surprised by how much I loved playing sports with the kids. I just joined a slow pitch league and it's so much fun! Also- if I dare say so- I play a lot better than I thought I ever would. It's been so much fun rediscovering this part of myself and I can't wait to challenge myself with other sports!
That I am more able to be my true self around people my age/in the same life stage. Otherwise I always feel like the big sis or young person and it stops me from feeling like myself.
I’m better being sober.
That I don't have to get stoned to enjoy things. I had been smoking weed all day damn near every day for the last 16 years. Quit cold turkey just to see if I could. It's been 3 months and I don't think I'll start again.
So many things. I was in a longterm relationship my entire adult life until a year ago so my first year being single and dating around and trying new things was jam fucking packed. A couple: -turns out I really am bi -I have a higher social battery now than I’ve ever had before -maybe I have more anxiety than I thought I did -I can actually take rejection and my whole life I’ve made it out to be a bigger deal than it actually was
Things happen to ppl for a reason. You dont have to be good or bad. Of course, luck is a bit involved, but otherwise, it's your personality and the choices you make that determine the outcome . I don't know why, but when i stopped playing the victim and tried to understand why this and that happened to me, i was shocked to discover that it was completely my fault. I chose to fight the wrong fights and was too afraid to choose the right ones. I chose the wrong ppl and the wrong places and expected something right to happen !!!! I lacked wisdom and purpose, and that was it. And i know there are ppl with pure luck that can get them through anything, but most ppl have average luck like myself.
I’m braver than I thought. And I like the outcomes when I choose to be brave.
After 5 years of being a complete sub in two different relationships, my new partner has helped me realized that I am definitelyyy a switch 😈
that i can still manage my emotions whilst having bpd! it feels like a gift to be able to do that now.. especially since i’ve never been the best at handling emotions
Im pretty sure I have an eating disorder
That I’m powerless over drugs and alcohol and that my life has become unmanageable.
that I'm autistic. not exactly surprising but YIKES is the gist of the experience.
My bisexuality, that I am closer to my faith now than ever and who truly are my friends😊
Im not as introverted as I thought! For years I confused my social anxiety with introversion. Now that my anxiety has gotten better I find myself craving social interactions more
I lacked sufficient boundaries. So embarrassing and cringe. Glad my frontal lobe finally developed
I’m smart. For years I listened to people and even on my journey to my career people cast their doubts on me. I passed my licensure exam the first try. I don’t feel so stupid now.
Perception is not always reality. And I’ve learned to love my own company. I love spending time alone.