Never, and I mean never, have I ever heard of a therapist or a practice give a client feedback about what didn’t work for them. That is absolutely wild. That’s actively harmful for a client.
Thankfully where I work is ND affirming and doesn’t necessitate eye contact as something to be concerned about.
That was so unprofessional of him to tell you what didn’t work for him. What the heck. The therapy sessions are about you, not him, and as a therapist he needs to be able to deal with whatever a persons issues are or whatever they are like. That makes me so mad. I’m so sorry he was like that. Try not to let that experience with him effect your quest of getting help. I know its discouraging and can be really difficult, but there are good therapists out there. They can be hard to find, but I do believe you can find someone one day who can understand you and help you.
I gave up on talk therapy and started purposefully spending the amount that would have been my copay on things to improve my life and functioning in tangible ways and after lots of work and trial and error, i feel like this has been a better investment than therapy has ever been. Some examples are yoga and meditation classes, other forms of somatic healing like tapping, good quality food that i'll actually eat (and being gentle with myself when i dont) home accomodations like headphones and weighted blankets and a trampoline, keeping deodorant in my car..things in that nature. basically just troubleshooting my life as it comes to me
What the hell. The only thing that needed to work for him was you paid him money for a service. I've never heard of a therapist giving feedback to a client on their behaviour. That's disgusting. I'd honestly be leaving a negative review about that. Lots of people - and not just neurodivergent people - don't make eye contact when opening up to someone about trauma etc. Imagine the stereotype of you lie on a couch whilst they talk - it's more comfortable for EVERYONE sometimes if you're talking about vulnerable things and not having to stare at a persons face.
Yeah :/ he also told me at an earlier appointment that I’d probably have an easier time connecting with others if I made eye contact with them.
I didn’t even bother telling him that this isn’t true because if I’m making eye contact, I’m actually masking and not being authentic with other people, which has actually gotten in the way of me connecting with others. They can usually tell I’m “faking,” and it makes them uncomfortable or feel like something was off about me/the encounter. And jokes on him: I found my most recent relationship in part because neither of us liked to make eye contact 😆 Was it the best relationship in the world? No, because he had a lot of shit to work through and honestly, so did I. But at least we fucking understood each other
It was just pretty clear to me that he saw my lack of eye contact as an insult when, in reality, it just means I’m really making a concerted effort to be myself with someone
This is horrible, just plain horrible. I am so sorry you had to go through this. It's like "sure, take 1 of my insecurities I hold about myself and shove it in my face while I pay you to listen to me." Unbelievable. I hope you're able to find someone who understands autism in women (or autism at all, tbh). It took me years, but I finally found an autistic therapist (like she, herself, has autism and was late diagnosed), and I have never felt more understood in my life. I promise, they're out there.
My brain started freaking out having jumped to the first sentence of the second paragraph before reading really anything else. And wow, that doesn’t sit right a service provider giving the client feedback like that. If I did that in any of my previous jobs (server, barista) I would be fired. Please leave reviews and complaints where they should go for this professional
This kind of just happened to me too! I used to work with a. Autism specialist and everything was looking up, I was less anxious, etc. but then I moved to a tiny town in a conservative state and am having trouble finding a new therapist. Finally found one that I thought would work and at the end of the session he told me I wasn't autistic and he needs me to explain how my "symptoms" are autistic traits. Like... being stressed around change is a common thing with autistic people! Turns out his "vast experience" with working with people on the spectrum is that he thinks he is "autistic-y" (self diagnoses is totally valid but not when you're misrepresenting your skillset).
I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you find the right person. A professional can make all the difference.
Sorry for hijacking your post, OP.
Oh, no need to apologize at all! I love hearing others stories, even if I’m very, very sorry that you had to go through that. We deserve better.
I’m starting with a new therapist next Friday, and I’m so scared I’m going to have this experience. I told him on the intake forms that I strongly suspect I may be autistic, and I’m so worried he’s just going to completely invalidate without hearing me out
Good luck! I hope this time is different, truly. I had a therapist once that didn't work for me but she referred me to the right person! Fingers crossed for you.
Shit like this is why I gave up on CBT therapy from NT therapists. And I'm in the same boat, non traditional forms of therapy done by professionals that actually do research on all my diagnosis aren't covered by my insurance. Being a broke woman stuck in the American healthcare system makes me wanna throw hands daily
Never, and I mean never, have I ever heard of a therapist or a practice give a client feedback about what didn’t work for them. That is absolutely wild. That’s actively harmful for a client. Thankfully where I work is ND affirming and doesn’t necessitate eye contact as something to be concerned about.
Yeah, I was pretty shocked when he did that, like I couldn’t believe my ears
That was so unprofessional of him to tell you what didn’t work for him. What the heck. The therapy sessions are about you, not him, and as a therapist he needs to be able to deal with whatever a persons issues are or whatever they are like. That makes me so mad. I’m so sorry he was like that. Try not to let that experience with him effect your quest of getting help. I know its discouraging and can be really difficult, but there are good therapists out there. They can be hard to find, but I do believe you can find someone one day who can understand you and help you.
I gave up on talk therapy and started purposefully spending the amount that would have been my copay on things to improve my life and functioning in tangible ways and after lots of work and trial and error, i feel like this has been a better investment than therapy has ever been. Some examples are yoga and meditation classes, other forms of somatic healing like tapping, good quality food that i'll actually eat (and being gentle with myself when i dont) home accomodations like headphones and weighted blankets and a trampoline, keeping deodorant in my car..things in that nature. basically just troubleshooting my life as it comes to me
Wow, if he gets uncomfortable by a lack of eye contact, wait until one of his clients needs to work through something traumatic. 🙄
What the hell. The only thing that needed to work for him was you paid him money for a service. I've never heard of a therapist giving feedback to a client on their behaviour. That's disgusting. I'd honestly be leaving a negative review about that. Lots of people - and not just neurodivergent people - don't make eye contact when opening up to someone about trauma etc. Imagine the stereotype of you lie on a couch whilst they talk - it's more comfortable for EVERYONE sometimes if you're talking about vulnerable things and not having to stare at a persons face.
Yeah :/ he also told me at an earlier appointment that I’d probably have an easier time connecting with others if I made eye contact with them. I didn’t even bother telling him that this isn’t true because if I’m making eye contact, I’m actually masking and not being authentic with other people, which has actually gotten in the way of me connecting with others. They can usually tell I’m “faking,” and it makes them uncomfortable or feel like something was off about me/the encounter. And jokes on him: I found my most recent relationship in part because neither of us liked to make eye contact 😆 Was it the best relationship in the world? No, because he had a lot of shit to work through and honestly, so did I. But at least we fucking understood each other It was just pretty clear to me that he saw my lack of eye contact as an insult when, in reality, it just means I’m really making a concerted effort to be myself with someone
This reminds of a George Carlin bit. ”Somewhere there is the world’s worst doctor, and some poor bastard has an appointment.”
This is horrible, just plain horrible. I am so sorry you had to go through this. It's like "sure, take 1 of my insecurities I hold about myself and shove it in my face while I pay you to listen to me." Unbelievable. I hope you're able to find someone who understands autism in women (or autism at all, tbh). It took me years, but I finally found an autistic therapist (like she, herself, has autism and was late diagnosed), and I have never felt more understood in my life. I promise, they're out there.
My brain started freaking out having jumped to the first sentence of the second paragraph before reading really anything else. And wow, that doesn’t sit right a service provider giving the client feedback like that. If I did that in any of my previous jobs (server, barista) I would be fired. Please leave reviews and complaints where they should go for this professional
He’s toxic, not you
This kind of just happened to me too! I used to work with a. Autism specialist and everything was looking up, I was less anxious, etc. but then I moved to a tiny town in a conservative state and am having trouble finding a new therapist. Finally found one that I thought would work and at the end of the session he told me I wasn't autistic and he needs me to explain how my "symptoms" are autistic traits. Like... being stressed around change is a common thing with autistic people! Turns out his "vast experience" with working with people on the spectrum is that he thinks he is "autistic-y" (self diagnoses is totally valid but not when you're misrepresenting your skillset). I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you find the right person. A professional can make all the difference. Sorry for hijacking your post, OP.
Oh, no need to apologize at all! I love hearing others stories, even if I’m very, very sorry that you had to go through that. We deserve better. I’m starting with a new therapist next Friday, and I’m so scared I’m going to have this experience. I told him on the intake forms that I strongly suspect I may be autistic, and I’m so worried he’s just going to completely invalidate without hearing me out
Good luck! I hope this time is different, truly. I had a therapist once that didn't work for me but she referred me to the right person! Fingers crossed for you.
Shit like this is why I gave up on CBT therapy from NT therapists. And I'm in the same boat, non traditional forms of therapy done by professionals that actually do research on all my diagnosis aren't covered by my insurance. Being a broke woman stuck in the American healthcare system makes me wanna throw hands daily