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Before I understood that I was asexual, I dabbled a bit trying to figure out what the big deal with sex was. I was fooling around with this guy, things were going okay and he went to get down to business. Started humping and sweating, like he was putting in that work and I was laying there thinking that something wasn't right. I couldn't feel anything. Turns out that he was humping the crack in the couch the entire time.
Not related to this topic, but something I used to do when working night shift at a hotel.
Among the spiel when guests checked in that included elevator location, breakfast hours, and whatnot. Every so often midway through I’d add “the safe word is Oklahoma” — no one called me on it, probably because no one was listening at that hour anyway 😆
This is why I struggle to believe this. Even as a virgins first time experience it seems odd that you'd be rubbing your dick between dry ass couch cushions and be convinced youre inside a vagina.
Yeah, he noticed after a while and by then I was over it. He had hyped himself up to be this expert too and we fell out years ago but I never forgot this. Lol
Maybe but there's not really any overall hating of sex when it comes to being asexual .
There's just a scale of "not my thing" to "I don't mind doing it" to " this is fun but it's more of a *want to* than a *need to*"
The downvotes were probably from the assumption that asexuals hate sex. Many enjoy it just as much as non-asexuals.
The confusion is understandable though. Asexuality is a vague term encompassing a lot of different situations that make it difficult to discuss.
Had this girl that smelled so bad. She pulled down her pants and I threw up in my mouth. Told her I’d be back I left the condoms in the car. Never talked to her again till this day. 😒
If the vagina smells that bad it's most likely not due to a lack of hygiene, it was more likely some medical issue that caused the smell. Such as an sti or an infection. Vaginas are selfcleaning and you should'nt wash the inside of it, showering wouldn't stop the smell.
That’s not true, anything can throw a woman’s ph off. Alcohol, too much sugar, certain foods, a man’s dirty fingers, etc. women having an “odor” time to time isn’t always an infection or sti please don’t spread wrong information
We don't know if op was being dramatic on the smell. She could have just had a long day of work, using the restroom, working out etc and hadn't shower yet. Give the girl the benefit of the doubt. op isn't the type to taste her day lol
The first time l tried anal 🤦🏾♀️ (l was used to small toys but this guy was PACKING - it's always the skinny nonchalant ones) l didn't have any \*proper lube besides his spit so l decided to use some 'Blue Magic' hair grease he had on his dresser 😫 you can't really wipe it off so after it was over not only did l have to go home with a sore booty hole 🕳️ but it was exacerbated by the Internal TINGLING Sensation ✨ of the hair grease 😅
https://preview.redd.it/svnfuz4yi65d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a97102b89256e3d06724279d50319edd8b3c018c
Pre-sex, this one just made me mad. As soon as he opened his apartment door like three roaches ran out past us. The reason it made me mad was because I was already fucking him in my head and now I gotta go home and distract myself with ugly ass Biology homework. I never saw him after that despite us having a class together that semester.
When I was younger, shawtie gave me a handjob and went down on me. The first, her hands were so rough she almost chafed the feeling out of my shit (it hurt) and the second she used all her teeth like I was with a meat grinder.
This traumatized me for from sexual activity for the rest of that summer, when a second girl came through and did both acts properly I was almost baffled lmao
This happened to me recently. I’m in my 30s. So was she. No excuse to be doing it like that. Her blowjob was all teeth, felt like she was grating cheese out that mf. Then started jerking me because my boner was starting to die from all the torture. She yanked my shit like it owed her years of child support. I just decided to fake like I couldn’t keep it up and sent her home. I didn’t mind coming off like the lame.
It’s hard to explain why I didn’t say anything. It’s like, I don’t want to continue if you’re that bad in bed. So if I tell you what you’re doing wrong, then maybe you’ll want to “fix it” and keep trying but I’m already over it at that point. Then it’s just awkward if I tell I’m done because you’re so bad. Maybe I should have said something but I feel like after a certain point you just gotta know, because this wasn’t just like a personal preference thing, I know no one would like that shit (unless you’re into cock and ball torture).
Same thing happened foe me. I finally got with this cutie I’d been pursuing for a while. We were making out and she pushed me down to start with the business. Felt like she was trying to scrape corn off the cob with her teeth. I had to stop her. We kept making out a bit. But that was the last time I saw her.
Some years back, I was messing with some younger lady who was depressed with college, so she would show up to get pounded out as some stress reliever.
One faithful night, I mounted her on my room desk, arched her back down, and deep stroked her from the back till she was shaking, vibrating, then she passed out. Literally passed out. I scrambled to the kitchen, naked, dick swinging, trying to get some water to pour on her face. Did not work.
I started panicking internally for a couple of minutes, contemplating whether to call 911, then I decided to go get some cleaning product from the bathroom to have her smell it. When I came back she was awake, already proceeded to the bed and started talking about she needed another one of that. I asked her if she knows what had happened? She said she had an orgasm. I told her she passed out, she thought I was crazy and asked me what I was talking about?
Safe to say, I didn't want to get charged for sending someone's family member to the Netherrealm. That was the end of the situationship for me. Which was sad cause the sex was good but my life and freedom is more important.
Homie slayed a bih with dick 😭 you better than me man, her ass hitting the Wendy Williams from just penetration and wanting to go again??? Rings would've been bought
Girlfriend came to visit. Had a blast. She had a migraine after, continued the next day and lost vision in her one eye. Aneurysm. Brain surgery. I thought I literally fucked her to death.
The initial night was whatever but the events after where insane.
Met her at a bar and the next morning out of nowhere she told me to pay her. Turns out she was actually a hooker that got bored of being on the streets. When I told her no she went crazy, I kicked her out but she stole my social security number and found my parents address and proceeded to try and blackmail me and threaten them.
She then proceeded to commit multiple acts of ID fraud by opening up (or trying to) a credit card and bought two iPhones in my name that I now have to pay for because they already received them and T-Mobile can't get them back. Reluctantly tried the cops who of course were useless and offered no help.
Therapy didn't help and I'm still kinda fucked up from it but my parents are alright and mom has the Glock on deck.
My ex was super possessive and one of her biggest turn ons was biting me in places where I won't be able to cover up the hickies so that people will know that I'm "hers".
Oh that isn't even close to the worst, but I always feel bad because the stories of her tend to make her sound way worse than she was. Or maybe my tolerance for her shit was just really high. Idk.
I’m with you. I was hooking up with this chick a while back pretty regularly. One time she came over and I think she was a little drunk cause she kept acting hella strange. She bit me REALLY hard on the nipple (wtf) while we were in the middle of it and I yelled out. She kept doing it and I eventually told her really firmly to stop doing it. She kept doing that shit though! So I finally just stopped and told her to leave. Like if you’re into that shit and you talk about it, cool, but if I tell you I’m not into some shit during sex and you just do that shit anyway that’s a wrap. Fuck outta here. I did not come here to bleed.
I fell asleep while he was on top, I only knew I did so because he try to “thrust” me awake but it felt more like a he just nudged me. It was also my first time realizing bad sex do exist.
Something kinda similar happen with me tho her and i still laugh about it. Long story short 2 parties back to back, didn't sleep in between.
her and I got home around 3 or 4 in the morning, I took a good shower, we eat a quickly fixed meal.
The combo of digestion and not having slept for over 48hrs made it that the moment I stopped being fully active and she got on top of me, I fell asleep and started snoring. 🤣
We finished what we started when we woke up the next day and been laughing our asses of about it to this day.
I mean, being sober made the lesson more valuable! 🤣
But yeah , what did help make it a fun memory was that her and I were already friend for a few years prior to that, great sex but to quote her "we wouldn't have lasted a month in a relationship". I like to stay inside too much, she loves to go out in the wild all the time, that kinda "small" but major stuff that would 'it have worked out.
Hey, there was a lotta truth in that since I've been happily married for 10 years and her for 7.
Lmao sex is embarrassing. Most of the time. Even when u get it done right with age and wisdom.It’s messy and it’s sometimes weird and awkward. It just also feels good lol it’s okay to be embarrassed lol. My most embarrassing story was the first time I tried to deepthroat a dude I vomited on his dick 🤣I managed to swallow it back enough he didn’t need clean up but he DEFF felt it cuz he said it got super hot all of a sudden lmao. It happens. U live and learn lol let’s stop being embarrassed and start giving eachother tips 🤣 (I’m Ace btw but tht was during my “try to be ‘normal’” phase or “allo” )
I’ll admit I may have had too many shots at the time 😭🤣🤣🤣we had just gone bar hopping tho! I mean come on 🤣 thankfully I kno he knew the truth but he didn’t blame me and let me keep my dignity by pretending it didn’t happen after I said I had no idea what he meant wen he made the initial comment 🤣🤣🤣🫶🏻🤢
Lmao I didn’t say to Everyone did I? Lmao it happens. To some people. Just like some ppl like the other commenter’s bf or whoever is fucking the sofa and not them. Lol. I am not the first to have their gag reflex tested. And I’m sure they’re not the first to miss the…orifice. Worlds pretty big Lol and virgins r pretty lost. I don’t judge. Even if it’s the first time something happens so what? First time for everything 🤷🏻♀️
I remember a while ago I hooked up with a cop I saw on my shift frequently. We started getting down and dirty, the talk started getting hot and heavy, pieces of uniforms were flying off left and right. Y'know, the usual. I've got him in doggy, eating his ass out and he's moaning like a bitch in heat. He's all loose and good so I stick my meat in. It's the usual, we're going hard but then he asks me to pull out for a second. I do and he lets rip a fat ass fart. There's dead air for a second or two and then we laugh. I stick it back in and we're back to our regularly schedule fucking. Eventually, he gets this funny look and suddenly reaches down and yanks out my dick, and his ass proceeds to paint my crotch area, pubes and stomach light brown.
I have a few but since it’s social media we’ll go with one from social media- we met on FB.
Dude comes to my house. We smoke. We fuck, a few times- each short lived, I never cum, he doesn’t offer to go down or anything like that either. Just keeps smoking my weed and getting his.
So when he’s posting later on FB about how great he is for being a man who loves to eat pussy, I commented “is the man who loves eating pussy in the room with us? Because he wasn’t at my house”
This was 2016. He still finds me on social media and tries to slide in the DMs for another chance. Bro we went quite a few rounds, those were all chances. Even if I had the five minutes to spare again for disappointment, it’s a no from me.
I’ve also had men ask me “are you gonna suck my dick?” before sex. “Are you gonna eat me out?” I respond. When they say no, I let them know they answered for both of us - which is a real shame because the best cocksuckers are those who love doing it, but I’m not sharing my talents and passion with a man who won’t reciprocate.
I guy I thought was cute while in HS popped up on my college campus. We hook up and he’s going at it but I can’t feel anything. I wasn’t very experienced, but knew something wasn’t matching up. He stopped and said, “You can’t feel me, can you?” I silently shook my head. He admitted to having a small penis, which did not bother me, but I really couldn’t feel anything. I found out later in life that I’m a size queen. We were cool after that, running into each other periodically but never brought it up again.
Only thing that comes to mind are a few instances of the good old "whiskey dick".
Meeting a girl for drinks or just meeting someone randomly at a bar or club. Go back to wherever to hook up but I was too drunk to perform. Yet just sober enough to be aware of it and remember it.
He went to feel me up while grinding in me and while massaging my chest he goes “ do you like it when I touch your boobies?” Ya does that feel good” sucked my pussy back in like a sea anemone and got out of there.
I wasn’t fully over having food poisoning but this girl I had been wanting finally gave me a chance. We got back to her place and she started riding which was fine, then she really got into it and started bouncing. After about 4 good bounces it was Montezuma’s revenge all over her bed.
Almost lost my virginity at 19.
Met up with a girl I used to work with, she got fired or quit I can't really remember. She has been living out of her car cause he preacher/pastor dad had found a dildo of hers and kicked her out or something.
Well we.gotnto talking, I took her to McDonald's for breakfast after my overnight shift ended, took her back to my parents place, while the parents were away in another town for some weekend with external family.
Things got heated fast, pants came off, started to go down on her and only thing I knew about oral on a girl was to practice ABCs on the clit. Clit was easy to find, did a little licking and hear some light moaning for about a minute.
BUT, my big mouth said something like "it's an odd smell" not knowing that's just natural, so we try for sex. She's had experience with 1 or 2 other guys, but she didn't help me at all. I was trying to put it in too low or too high and just couldn't penetrate at all. Offered to take her back to her car in a Walmart parking lot where we met up initially.
I think about her and how she's doing, can't remember her name though.
I was getting on great with this girl, went to her place, got hot and heavy, I started fingering her and my whole hand slipped in, I've never felt anything like that before and just lost my hard on immediately, didn't think I could satisfy so made and excuse and fucked off. She was asking me to stay, but I just got the fuck out of there.
I got two.
1- I(late 20s) met up with this dude(early 40s) just to fuck. We both knew what it was. I get him undressed, and this grown ass man is wearing tighty whities. Alright, whatever, at least they’re clean. Pull em down, nothing to behold. Hung as a button. He had been going off about how big he was and how he was gonna make me shake. So I put in some mouth work, because I am a player with a love for the game, and nothing. Nothing I did worked. He even tried to get himself motivated and nothing. He didn’t offer to take care of me or anything. So I just got up and left.
2- I went over to dudes(late 40s) house for a quick one on lunch break once. House was hotter than hell, which normally I wouldn’t notice but it helped make the experience subpar. I go to his room, like he told me to, and he’s already on the bed, stark naked, and he tells me to get undressed and lay on the bed. In my experience, when a man tells me, lay on the bed, this shit about to be good. It wasn’t. He gets up, manages to wrestle on a condom on a flaccid dick, and starts rubbing himself, with the condom on. I offered to suck him, he told me “No don’t talk like that” and just kept rubbing. Then he gets on top of me, and sticks it in. I’m as dry as my bank account on the first of the month and it was torture. He didn’t kiss me, didn’t touch me, nothing. I was APPALLED. Then this mf had the nerve to text me a few days later and say he just wants to be friends, like he didn’t just serve me some of the whackest dick I’ve ever gotten
I smelled some slight funk on my first experience with a woman and not knowing what is unacceptable funk to smell down there I went to go down and after one lick I had to stop myself from vomiting. I then knew what was unacceptable.
Holy crap…..I met a fb dating women ,
Okay red flags
Anyways first meet up a long conversation in a parked car my garage uptown Charlotte nc ,
Anyways day two second meet,
Boom um I get a hotel,
She instantly comes in takes her jeans off
Fake sleep next to me
I meet 5 minutes
Um okay
I swear to god lol
Before she showed I hid a condom under the pillow
Second meet up within 5 mins her I’m a thong
Boom
We start doing the deed
When we were done
She kept going on
Hear me out
The tampon fell off
It eventually got lodge into her um yea
So we done
She says it’s in her va jay jay
I laugh thinking she joking
She walks to the bathroom
30 mins pass okay it’s not a joke a condom is stuck
After 30 mins
I ask should I call an ambulance
Long story short
She spread her legs
We both were drunk didn’t wanna call th ambulance
I had to take two finger her legs up
To pull a tampon out her v jay
That was the first time we did it
,
The most awkward moment ever I was to drunk to take her to the emergency room
Ohhh yea this random girl first time having sex got a tampon stuck in her ***
I dated her probably two months after
Lmao
Bad choice
Never have I ever had to take 8 mins to take out a missing tampon
Bro
She was so horny she did it with the tampon still in
Lost my virginity to a woman 5 years older than me. She’d been teasing me all night. Lasted all of 10 pumps before I blew all over her stomach. I was embarrassed af so decided to grab some paper towel so she could clean up. I hand it to her, she asks if I’m finished. I didnt think **she** wanted to keep going (idfk I was young and embarrassed 😂), and my dumb ass says “Nah, it’s ok”, took a shower, and left. When I came out of the shower she was reading and obviously pissed. Didn’t even glance up at me or say anything as I walked out the door. I never saw her again after that, thank god. Ain’t no way I was hanging around after that.
Was participating in a random hookup because it had been a while. The guy didn’t fit because I wasn’t turned on at all. He kept trying positional changes (and trying to sand off my clit) but I was not opening up at all. It was all because he had weird tasting saliva. He would kiss me and it tasted SOUR. I had to stop myself from gagging multiple times. He tried to cuddle me after the fact and I rolled all the way to the edge of the bed.
Before cell phones and internet was prevalent I had slid up on the sister of my homeboys BM and told her I was digging those come and get me shorts she had on. She proceeded to laugh so I knew I had her. Didn’t take much work and I was clapping cheeks with her somewhat regularly as we both were enjoying it. She lived with an aunt which in the end saved me because one evening she called me over for a smang session and of course I was down, I’m like 19. No cellphones she hit the landline and I dipped off. Well I knock on the door thinking it’s on, and some fella around the same age as me answered. Fuck. Wasn’t prepared for this. I ain’t know who tf man this was. Found out I was the fucking sneaky link whole time I was smashing. Had to play it off like I was there for her aunt and luckily homegirl was gone. What’s crazy is she still kept letting me hit after that lol
In high school I was about to eat a chick out before beating cheeks so she took her pants off and was about to take off her undies and queefed right in my face . I immediately got dressed kicked her out my house and made her walk back by herself .
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Before I understood that I was asexual, I dabbled a bit trying to figure out what the big deal with sex was. I was fooling around with this guy, things were going okay and he went to get down to business. Started humping and sweating, like he was putting in that work and I was laying there thinking that something wasn't right. I couldn't feel anything. Turns out that he was humping the crack in the couch the entire time.
The sofa pulled out but he didn’t?
The sofa is responsible.
Safe word was ikea.
Not related to this topic, but something I used to do when working night shift at a hotel. Among the spiel when guests checked in that included elevator location, breakfast hours, and whatnot. Every so often midway through I’d add “the safe word is Oklahoma” — no one called me on it, probably because no one was listening at that hour anyway 😆
iii-Keyyy-YYYAAAAAHHH… that’s what he rode.
Nine months later they had a lovely ottoman
His dad was a pull-out sofa.
He thought a pair of dry couch cushions was your vagina? Was he a virgin? Did he describe your boobs like bags of sand?
I couldn't tell you for sure but he was giving that couch his all.
I bet the couch couldn't recline for a while haha
Had itself a nice little cigarette after it was over though. Haha
That's how you get house fires
Was he an animated character from Netflix’s Big Mouth?
This is why I struggle to believe this. Even as a virgins first time experience it seems odd that you'd be rubbing your dick between dry ass couch cushions and be convinced youre inside a vagina.
He's a Furny
get that man outta ikea
Ain’t no way. 😂😂
You should have seen the way he was sweating. 🫠
He didn't even check? What a lazy boy
 New meaning of "fuck yo couch"
Did he finally notice?
Yeah, he noticed after a while and by then I was over it. He had hyped himself up to be this expert too and we fell out years ago but I never forgot this. Lol
You might say that he expertly humped that couch like it was never humped before….. No? I’ll see myself out…..
This experience haunts him for sure, dude wants to bury this event from his memory
That nigga a couch fucker for real. He knew what he was doing
Ain’t no way you don’t notice the chafing.
How did he not see that??😭
Precum and suede?
Lube and leather
Maybe my meat is too little. But how does the physics for this even work?
If he was little how did he pass her entire middle to reach below the bottom into the cushions? I have so many questions and not enough internet porn
That's why I admit it might be a me thing. My meat must be way too small for this.
Yikes. You didn’t stop him?
Sofa-blocked 
This was sofa king hot.
He was sofa king
So- if you’re asexual- and HATE sex… this would actually be a more PLEASANT experience than being railed, no?
Maybe but there's not really any overall hating of sex when it comes to being asexual . There's just a scale of "not my thing" to "I don't mind doing it" to " this is fun but it's more of a *want to* than a *need to*"
Lol who knows, maybe you maybe nobody but why would people downvote my comment lmao how is that offensive
The downvotes were probably from the assumption that asexuals hate sex. Many enjoy it just as much as non-asexuals. The confusion is understandable though. Asexuality is a vague term encompassing a lot of different situations that make it difficult to discuss.
Had this girl that smelled so bad. She pulled down her pants and I threw up in my mouth. Told her I’d be back I left the condoms in the car. Never talked to her again till this day. 😒
What's she say when you talked to her today?
"did u find the condoms?"
Tragically, they were lost in the sulfur mines.
Never did bruhh 😂
They said that because you typed "till this day" instead of "to" lol
"nah they're still in the car, I'll be right back!"
We never brought it up. We both knew what it was.
My horny ass would have said hey baby girl, let's take a shower first together to get ourselves all sensual n shit. Lol
If the vagina smells that bad it's most likely not due to a lack of hygiene, it was more likely some medical issue that caused the smell. Such as an sti or an infection. Vaginas are selfcleaning and you should'nt wash the inside of it, showering wouldn't stop the smell.
That’s not true, anything can throw a woman’s ph off. Alcohol, too much sugar, certain foods, a man’s dirty fingers, etc. women having an “odor” time to time isn’t always an infection or sti please don’t spread wrong information
She could have eaten asparagus a few hours before
We don't know if op was being dramatic on the smell. She could have just had a long day of work, using the restroom, working out etc and hadn't shower yet. Give the girl the benefit of the doubt. op isn't the type to taste her day lol
If I had tried that I would have delivered that line like Bernie Mac or something. No way I could do that naturally
Learned this the hard way. Never try to go down on a woman after she danced for about 3 hours at a nightclub. Somebody will die
[удалено]
Okay, so wash your hands? My dude, we just had a whole pandemic about that
I had this experience. Except the forces of Horny won that day. I took an hour-long shower to wash her off.
The first time l tried anal 🤦🏾♀️ (l was used to small toys but this guy was PACKING - it's always the skinny nonchalant ones) l didn't have any \*proper lube besides his spit so l decided to use some 'Blue Magic' hair grease he had on his dresser 😫 you can't really wipe it off so after it was over not only did l have to go home with a sore booty hole 🕳️ but it was exacerbated by the Internal TINGLING Sensation ✨ of the hair grease 😅 https://preview.redd.it/svnfuz4yi65d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a97102b89256e3d06724279d50319edd8b3c018c
https://preview.redd.it/1s6dkodqp25d1.jpeg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=72c17c356c1e75a99f47f116cafa312ac3ed462a
https://preview.redd.it/tumule54q35d1.jpeg?width=1283&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=befe359393f5555efc1a2691e51c9b4d894f1a66
https://preview.redd.it/8yz3tytps25d1.jpeg?width=668&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=353bbf07dc93f6bd624094ba28b7f55ed3621119 Ma’am…
https://preview.redd.it/haoczv0pg35d1.jpeg?width=1223&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=797c45cc72559b503428a8269afd4f887352069d
https://i.redd.it/zc0cjqtzw25d1.gif Aye I feel you 🤷🏾♂️. Wifey and I stay with a jar of coconut oil purely this this occasion lol.
Same brother. Coconut oil works so well’
Ma'am
https://preview.redd.it/yjqqs7u2a35d1.jpeg?width=637&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cff5787ed0d2a847bea52d02ed45eea987968f7c
https://preview.redd.it/t6c60ekhi35d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=178fd16b1a0a0a6fd8791b125446e687bf32336c
Omg no
https://preview.redd.it/txzeqj11v35d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9bc7028fe891c705f4c189809cffc85824ec461d
https://i.redd.it/8v4st5sq735d1.gif
sounds like it was a real pain in the ass >!(I'm sorry, nobody else had made that joke yet)!<
 :/
At least it wasn’t Shine n’ Jam
How long did the pain last?
Pre-sex, this one just made me mad. As soon as he opened his apartment door like three roaches ran out past us. The reason it made me mad was because I was already fucking him in my head and now I gotta go home and distract myself with ugly ass Biology homework. I never saw him after that despite us having a class together that semester.
Adding another item to the “…before GTA 6” list: Cockblocking roaches
Naw bro, what else is on this list?
- A Lego version of Kendrick Lamar - Surgery on a grape - The existence of the Riddler during the Drake-Kendrick beef Just to name a few
Aye? What's the Riddler going on with Drake-Kendrick beef??
When I was younger, shawtie gave me a handjob and went down on me. The first, her hands were so rough she almost chafed the feeling out of my shit (it hurt) and the second she used all her teeth like I was with a meat grinder. This traumatized me for from sexual activity for the rest of that summer, when a second girl came through and did both acts properly I was almost baffled lmao
Damn, you said the first girl had your meat like 
Why you retraumatizing him? 😂😂
This happened to me recently. I’m in my 30s. So was she. No excuse to be doing it like that. Her blowjob was all teeth, felt like she was grating cheese out that mf. Then started jerking me because my boner was starting to die from all the torture. She yanked my shit like it owed her years of child support. I just decided to fake like I couldn’t keep it up and sent her home. I didn’t mind coming off like the lame. It’s hard to explain why I didn’t say anything. It’s like, I don’t want to continue if you’re that bad in bed. So if I tell you what you’re doing wrong, then maybe you’ll want to “fix it” and keep trying but I’m already over it at that point. Then it’s just awkward if I tell I’m done because you’re so bad. Maybe I should have said something but I feel like after a certain point you just gotta know, because this wasn’t just like a personal preference thing, I know no one would like that shit (unless you’re into cock and ball torture). 
Same thing happened foe me. I finally got with this cutie I’d been pursuing for a while. We were making out and she pushed me down to start with the business. Felt like she was trying to scrape corn off the cob with her teeth. I had to stop her. We kept making out a bit. But that was the last time I saw her.
[“What are you doing??”](https://youtu.be/Zv6oay0F1tc?feature=shared)
[удалено]
Are you still a quick draw 🤔
That DAMNED rain check!
I’ve had smelly, I’ve had teeth, I’ve had 2 pumps, I’ve gone so long I’ve faked it, pushed roped, etc. etc. it’s all part of the journey my boi 😂
Pushed rope 💀
Some years back, I was messing with some younger lady who was depressed with college, so she would show up to get pounded out as some stress reliever. One faithful night, I mounted her on my room desk, arched her back down, and deep stroked her from the back till she was shaking, vibrating, then she passed out. Literally passed out. I scrambled to the kitchen, naked, dick swinging, trying to get some water to pour on her face. Did not work. I started panicking internally for a couple of minutes, contemplating whether to call 911, then I decided to go get some cleaning product from the bathroom to have her smell it. When I came back she was awake, already proceeded to the bed and started talking about she needed another one of that. I asked her if she knows what had happened? She said she had an orgasm. I told her she passed out, she thought I was crazy and asked me what I was talking about? Safe to say, I didn't want to get charged for sending someone's family member to the Netherrealm. That was the end of the situationship for me. Which was sad cause the sex was good but my life and freedom is more important.
Homie slayed a bih with dick 😭 you better than me man, her ass hitting the Wendy Williams from just penetration and wanting to go again??? Rings would've been bought
Waiver my man.
Girlfriend came to visit. Had a blast. She had a migraine after, continued the next day and lost vision in her one eye. Aneurysm. Brain surgery. I thought I literally fucked her to death.
The initial night was whatever but the events after where insane. Met her at a bar and the next morning out of nowhere she told me to pay her. Turns out she was actually a hooker that got bored of being on the streets. When I told her no she went crazy, I kicked her out but she stole my social security number and found my parents address and proceeded to try and blackmail me and threaten them. She then proceeded to commit multiple acts of ID fraud by opening up (or trying to) a credit card and bought two iPhones in my name that I now have to pay for because they already received them and T-Mobile can't get them back. Reluctantly tried the cops who of course were useless and offered no help. Therapy didn't help and I'm still kinda fucked up from it but my parents are alright and mom has the Glock on deck.
https://preview.redd.it/j84ztthbs35d1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a7509f4d6ed909882e827c2e19dc0b4f0f34681d
Why was your ssn just laying around lol
Exactly. Why wasn’t it under the mattress with the rest if your important documents
https://preview.redd.it/1k5v0tcm745d1.jpeg?width=753&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ffc5249d19b9c9c3722f662adedfee29efd3b380
I've had a wild life
Tell me your worst sex story. Well my cousin and I … 
????????
my worst was with someone that liked to bite playfully. every time i bring it up people think it’s wild but it might be more normal than i think
My ex was super possessive and one of her biggest turn ons was biting me in places where I won't be able to cover up the hickies so that people will know that I'm "hers".
Damn. Ex for a reason huh
Oh that isn't even close to the worst, but I always feel bad because the stories of her tend to make her sound way worse than she was. Or maybe my tolerance for her shit was just really high. Idk.
Biting is goated
I’m with you. I was hooking up with this chick a while back pretty regularly. One time she came over and I think she was a little drunk cause she kept acting hella strange. She bit me REALLY hard on the nipple (wtf) while we were in the middle of it and I yelled out. She kept doing it and I eventually told her really firmly to stop doing it. She kept doing that shit though! So I finally just stopped and told her to leave. Like if you’re into that shit and you talk about it, cool, but if I tell you I’m not into some shit during sex and you just do that shit anyway that’s a wrap. Fuck outta here. I did not come here to bleed.
Yeah that’s just literal sexual assault at that point.
I fell asleep while he was on top, I only knew I did so because he try to “thrust” me awake but it felt more like a he just nudged me. It was also my first time realizing bad sex do exist.
Something kinda similar happen with me tho her and i still laugh about it. Long story short 2 parties back to back, didn't sleep in between. her and I got home around 3 or 4 in the morning, I took a good shower, we eat a quickly fixed meal. The combo of digestion and not having slept for over 48hrs made it that the moment I stopped being fully active and she got on top of me, I fell asleep and started snoring. 🤣 We finished what we started when we woke up the next day and been laughing our asses of about it to this day.
Man I WISH I wasn’t sober lol that is funny story to tell though, very wholesome
I mean, being sober made the lesson more valuable! 🤣 But yeah , what did help make it a fun memory was that her and I were already friend for a few years prior to that, great sex but to quote her "we wouldn't have lasted a month in a relationship". I like to stay inside too much, she loves to go out in the wild all the time, that kinda "small" but major stuff that would 'it have worked out. Hey, there was a lotta truth in that since I've been happily married for 10 years and her for 7.
Lmao sex is embarrassing. Most of the time. Even when u get it done right with age and wisdom.It’s messy and it’s sometimes weird and awkward. It just also feels good lol it’s okay to be embarrassed lol. My most embarrassing story was the first time I tried to deepthroat a dude I vomited on his dick 🤣I managed to swallow it back enough he didn’t need clean up but he DEFF felt it cuz he said it got super hot all of a sudden lmao. It happens. U live and learn lol let’s stop being embarrassed and start giving eachother tips 🤣 (I’m Ace btw but tht was during my “try to be ‘normal’” phase or “allo” )
This happened to me before after eating too many slices of pizza 😩😭
I’ll admit I may have had too many shots at the time 😭🤣🤣🤣we had just gone bar hopping tho! I mean come on 🤣 thankfully I kno he knew the truth but he didn’t blame me and let me keep my dignity by pretending it didn’t happen after I said I had no idea what he meant wen he made the initial comment 🤣🤣🤣🫶🏻🤢
>It happens. Nah. This has never happened to me.
Lmao I didn’t say to Everyone did I? Lmao it happens. To some people. Just like some ppl like the other commenter’s bf or whoever is fucking the sofa and not them. Lol. I am not the first to have their gag reflex tested. And I’m sure they’re not the first to miss the…orifice. Worlds pretty big Lol and virgins r pretty lost. I don’t judge. Even if it’s the first time something happens so what? First time for everything 🤷🏻♀️
Not to judge but ALL of this https://preview.redd.it/am8l8egry25d1.png?width=866&format=png&auto=webp&s=3c7389f5b628b4144d947eb41bc4803baf447462
I remember a while ago I hooked up with a cop I saw on my shift frequently. We started getting down and dirty, the talk started getting hot and heavy, pieces of uniforms were flying off left and right. Y'know, the usual. I've got him in doggy, eating his ass out and he's moaning like a bitch in heat. He's all loose and good so I stick my meat in. It's the usual, we're going hard but then he asks me to pull out for a second. I do and he lets rip a fat ass fart. There's dead air for a second or two and then we laugh. I stick it back in and we're back to our regularly schedule fucking. Eventually, he gets this funny look and suddenly reaches down and yanks out my dick, and his ass proceeds to paint my crotch area, pubes and stomach light brown.
https://preview.redd.it/0k9efkmgu35d1.png?width=1169&format=png&auto=webp&s=f08ead9f2979b100f321fd774b0aff9c101b2f6b
https://preview.redd.it/jeqou728a45d1.jpeg?width=975&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2eca50af9543b4b34e83ca72262f44f97c1b4c6d Aight bro u got it
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I have a few but since it’s social media we’ll go with one from social media- we met on FB. Dude comes to my house. We smoke. We fuck, a few times- each short lived, I never cum, he doesn’t offer to go down or anything like that either. Just keeps smoking my weed and getting his. So when he’s posting later on FB about how great he is for being a man who loves to eat pussy, I commented “is the man who loves eating pussy in the room with us? Because he wasn’t at my house” This was 2016. He still finds me on social media and tries to slide in the DMs for another chance. Bro we went quite a few rounds, those were all chances. Even if I had the five minutes to spare again for disappointment, it’s a no from me.
I’ve also had men ask me “are you gonna suck my dick?” before sex. “Are you gonna eat me out?” I respond. When they say no, I let them know they answered for both of us - which is a real shame because the best cocksuckers are those who love doing it, but I’m not sharing my talents and passion with a man who won’t reciprocate.
Is that common? Cause I won't use my dick till after I've eaten
You would be surprised unfortunately
Fortunately I stopped drinking so…. I may never tell that story again!
We gotta know! This is a safe space! 
How bad was it out of 10
I guy I thought was cute while in HS popped up on my college campus. We hook up and he’s going at it but I can’t feel anything. I wasn’t very experienced, but knew something wasn’t matching up. He stopped and said, “You can’t feel me, can you?” I silently shook my head. He admitted to having a small penis, which did not bother me, but I really couldn’t feel anything. I found out later in life that I’m a size queen. We were cool after that, running into each other periodically but never brought it up again.
What’s a size queen ?
Someone who likes big dicks.
Only thing that comes to mind are a few instances of the good old "whiskey dick". Meeting a girl for drinks or just meeting someone randomly at a bar or club. Go back to wherever to hook up but I was too drunk to perform. Yet just sober enough to be aware of it and remember it.
Ball that shit up and stuff it in. It’ll get hard eventually lol
😭
He went to feel me up while grinding in me and while massaging my chest he goes “ do you like it when I touch your boobies?” Ya does that feel good” sucked my pussy back in like a sea anemone and got out of there.
I wasn’t fully over having food poisoning but this girl I had been wanting finally gave me a chance. We got back to her place and she started riding which was fine, then she really got into it and started bouncing. After about 4 good bounces it was Montezuma’s revenge all over her bed.
Almost lost my virginity at 19. Met up with a girl I used to work with, she got fired or quit I can't really remember. She has been living out of her car cause he preacher/pastor dad had found a dildo of hers and kicked her out or something. Well we.gotnto talking, I took her to McDonald's for breakfast after my overnight shift ended, took her back to my parents place, while the parents were away in another town for some weekend with external family. Things got heated fast, pants came off, started to go down on her and only thing I knew about oral on a girl was to practice ABCs on the clit. Clit was easy to find, did a little licking and hear some light moaning for about a minute. BUT, my big mouth said something like "it's an odd smell" not knowing that's just natural, so we try for sex. She's had experience with 1 or 2 other guys, but she didn't help me at all. I was trying to put it in too low or too high and just couldn't penetrate at all. Offered to take her back to her car in a Walmart parking lot where we met up initially. I think about her and how she's doing, can't remember her name though.
I am happy that I’ve never had experiences like y’all oh my God, some of y’all deserve a hug for what y’all went through🧎🏽♂️
Had some pretty non-standard situations myself but definitely tame by comparison to some of this shit. 
I was getting on great with this girl, went to her place, got hot and heavy, I started fingering her and my whole hand slipped in, I've never felt anything like that before and just lost my hard on immediately, didn't think I could satisfy so made and excuse and fucked off. She was asking me to stay, but I just got the fuck out of there.
Found out she didn’t wipe good after sex… Edit: Typo
Wat mate?
She didn't wore good. Obviously. Smh my head.
I didn’t war good - Kratos with a concussion
Belly laughed
Typo. I meant wipe
I got two. 1- I(late 20s) met up with this dude(early 40s) just to fuck. We both knew what it was. I get him undressed, and this grown ass man is wearing tighty whities. Alright, whatever, at least they’re clean. Pull em down, nothing to behold. Hung as a button. He had been going off about how big he was and how he was gonna make me shake. So I put in some mouth work, because I am a player with a love for the game, and nothing. Nothing I did worked. He even tried to get himself motivated and nothing. He didn’t offer to take care of me or anything. So I just got up and left. 2- I went over to dudes(late 40s) house for a quick one on lunch break once. House was hotter than hell, which normally I wouldn’t notice but it helped make the experience subpar. I go to his room, like he told me to, and he’s already on the bed, stark naked, and he tells me to get undressed and lay on the bed. In my experience, when a man tells me, lay on the bed, this shit about to be good. It wasn’t. He gets up, manages to wrestle on a condom on a flaccid dick, and starts rubbing himself, with the condom on. I offered to suck him, he told me “No don’t talk like that” and just kept rubbing. Then he gets on top of me, and sticks it in. I’m as dry as my bank account on the first of the month and it was torture. He didn’t kiss me, didn’t touch me, nothing. I was APPALLED. Then this mf had the nerve to text me a few days later and say he just wants to be friends, like he didn’t just serve me some of the whackest dick I’ve ever gotten
Not dry as the bank account💀
That dry. Had to sit on ice
1a - broke my banjo string 1b - girl threw up on me after she swallowed
I smelled some slight funk on my first experience with a woman and not knowing what is unacceptable funk to smell down there I went to go down and after one lick I had to stop myself from vomiting. I then knew what was unacceptable.
Holy crap…..I met a fb dating women , Okay red flags Anyways first meet up a long conversation in a parked car my garage uptown Charlotte nc , Anyways day two second meet, Boom um I get a hotel, She instantly comes in takes her jeans off Fake sleep next to me I meet 5 minutes Um okay I swear to god lol Before she showed I hid a condom under the pillow Second meet up within 5 mins her I’m a thong Boom We start doing the deed When we were done She kept going on Hear me out The tampon fell off It eventually got lodge into her um yea So we done She says it’s in her va jay jay I laugh thinking she joking She walks to the bathroom 30 mins pass okay it’s not a joke a condom is stuck After 30 mins I ask should I call an ambulance Long story short She spread her legs We both were drunk didn’t wanna call th ambulance I had to take two finger her legs up To pull a tampon out her v jay That was the first time we did it , The most awkward moment ever I was to drunk to take her to the emergency room Ohhh yea this random girl first time having sex got a tampon stuck in her *** I dated her probably two months after Lmao Bad choice Never have I ever had to take 8 mins to take out a missing tampon Bro She was so horny she did it with the tampon still in
Lost my virginity to a woman 5 years older than me. She’d been teasing me all night. Lasted all of 10 pumps before I blew all over her stomach. I was embarrassed af so decided to grab some paper towel so she could clean up. I hand it to her, she asks if I’m finished. I didnt think **she** wanted to keep going (idfk I was young and embarrassed 😂), and my dumb ass says “Nah, it’s ok”, took a shower, and left. When I came out of the shower she was reading and obviously pissed. Didn’t even glance up at me or say anything as I walked out the door. I never saw her again after that, thank god. Ain’t no way I was hanging around after that.
Was participating in a random hookup because it had been a while. The guy didn’t fit because I wasn’t turned on at all. He kept trying positional changes (and trying to sand off my clit) but I was not opening up at all. It was all because he had weird tasting saliva. He would kiss me and it tasted SOUR. I had to stop myself from gagging multiple times. He tried to cuddle me after the fact and I rolled all the way to the edge of the bed.
Before cell phones and internet was prevalent I had slid up on the sister of my homeboys BM and told her I was digging those come and get me shorts she had on. She proceeded to laugh so I knew I had her. Didn’t take much work and I was clapping cheeks with her somewhat regularly as we both were enjoying it. She lived with an aunt which in the end saved me because one evening she called me over for a smang session and of course I was down, I’m like 19. No cellphones she hit the landline and I dipped off. Well I knock on the door thinking it’s on, and some fella around the same age as me answered. Fuck. Wasn’t prepared for this. I ain’t know who tf man this was. Found out I was the fucking sneaky link whole time I was smashing. Had to play it off like I was there for her aunt and luckily homegirl was gone. What’s crazy is she still kept letting me hit after that lol
Almost lost my virginity at 16. I got a fat as hey being top less on top of me, but I ruined it cause I sneezed on her tits.
In high school I was about to eat a chick out before beating cheeks so she took her pants off and was about to take off her undies and queefed right in my face . I immediately got dressed kicked her out my house and made her walk back by herself .
https://i.redd.it/ql2wjjrmx25d1.gif
You tasted all the colors of the wind.