You’re gonna be better off just breaking clean. I’ve had 2 long term relationships. During each of them we broke up in the middle for a while and then started talking again and got back together. Both times it was good at first, even better than it had been before. I thought I was gonna marry the last one. But things went to shit again eventually, for almost the same reasons as the first time. Save yourself the heartache- delete every picture, post, un add them on snap, delete their number, throw out all the gifts. Otherwise you’ll end up like me having to still do all those things but having 6 years to let go of instead of 2
We went to different colleges, but kinda texted here and there, sometimes caught up on the phone, and hooked up every time we were both home. Sometimes we didn’t talk for a month or two, sometimes we talked every night. It was lowkey torture with the on and off. Eventually we started texting daily and talking regularly, and decided to give it another shot after a while of that
Hello there. Instead of thinking he has power over you understand that’s in our DNA to form bonds with others. That’s why there’s hormones like oxytocin that get released when you bond with someone and that’s what makes us feel like we’re falling in love. It’s only natural that your mind and body seek this connection. Connection let’s us know that we’re safe and in a primitive level more likely to survive. Breaking that bond is so painful. I empathize with what you’re going through. I’m afraid nothing will get rid of this pain, but allowing it to be felt is the only way to start healing. This is the time to be selfish and focus on you. Most experts say the quickest path to healing is no contact at all if you want to get over him. Good luck 🙏🏽
I have written letters to her. Don’t send them. But it helps me get my thoughts out and I feel better. This month would have been our anniversary so I’m sure I’m going to write one again and it’ll be hard. At times it feels like the ghost of her hovering over me. But I get up and realize I still have stuff I wanted to accomplish before I met her and I can still accomplish those things after she walked out of my life.
I feel you. It’s been 5 months & the last time I spoke to him was beginning of September. I had specific dates in my head that I thought would give him “opportunities” to contact me back in October, so I left the door open. It never happened. So I finally blocked him last week. I still hope he’ll find some way to contact me. I waver over whether I should unblock him. It’s brutal. I want to be able to wake up & not have him be the first thought. But he still is. It sucks. It sucks that I literally have thing ongoing internal battle with myself of contacting him or not. Because I know I shouldn’t but I want to. & I play out what that conversation would be like in my head & I know it still won’t be enough.
I’m in the same boat. There are mornings, days, nights where I feel the loss of my best friend and boyfriend and it kills me — my heart aches so much and I miss having him to talk to
Every time I gain courage to reach out, I get scared away by the fact that I know I don’t want to accept the breakup so if I reach out now, I know I will be hurt again since I’m not in that place of acceptance
Cold turkey no contact is key. I relied heavily on a few things for the first 2 weeks:
I removed myself from social media -- blocking your ex should suffice if you can't be away from social media, but honestly the break has been really nice and I don't think I'll go back
Anytime I had the urge, I'd either text a friend and have them remind me why I'm in no contact, or I'd write in my journal. I'd just write out what I wanted to say to him, then I'd just write whatever was spiraling in my head in that moment, and the urge would fade.
The other thing to remember is that you're kicking an addiction cold turkey. Your brain chemicals are actually working against you right now, and it takes a little bit for them to chill out. I've heard it can take a month, but if you really truly cut contact and completely stop yourself from stalking online and remove any an all reminders of the ex from your life, it can speed things up. The feelings will pass. You just have to ride the wave, it's awful but it gets better.
Edit: sort by Top - All Time in r/BreakUps and there are some great breakup guides. I relied heavily on things like this during the first week or two (still do on week 3 but a bit less)
Understand you…It’s very hard for me just forget him even after a long time. Every day starts with thoughts about him and every night.
We were together for 1,5 years, tried to start it again. But I decided to end (I haven’t great reasons for it, I just feel discomfort) and now I regret
I understand that I can meet another good boy, but for what if I want him? Relationships are so hard and painful…
I’m all too familiar with this feeling. No contact sucks. You meant something to them and yet now you are no longer able to connect. Don’t delete everything, but healing does take time. Sure I wish my ex would reach out because I still think about her. But the best thing to do right now is take care of yourself. You don’t know what they are going through even if it feels like they broke everything with you. I just stretched everything out way too long, but healing is a process and you have to do everything at your own rate. You’ll never fully get rid of them because they are part of who you are.
Wow thank you everyone. Reading this almost brought me to tears. I’m healing from the end of a long long term relationship with a man I truly thought I’d marry. Every time I let the “hope” of reconciliation creep in I find it so hard not to just text him and beg. I’m so grateful for this community. I will be strong and not contact him, I deserve it
It hurts so much you think you can't make it until one day, it doesn't hurt so much. I think you just hit a point of indifference that you would eventually reach during healing from a breakup much faster. I tried to stay in touch, but I felt similarly to you. Saying I never wanted to hear from him again hurt terribly at first, but it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. Reclaim that power that's deep within you; he doesn't have it, you do!
Please don't contact him. What you are feeling now is because you have spent so much time together, and the other person has become your habit. And it takes time to break a habit. I guess this is the perfect time to work on yourself. I know it's easier said than done. But trust me, after some time, you won't even miss him. As for me, it’s been more than five months since my breakup, and I don't miss her that much. I took this time to reflect on myself. I started working out. I am spending more time with my family and friends.
Moreover, if you feel like calling him, remember why you guys broke up in the first place. Better if you write it down on a sticky note. And whenever you feel like calling him h
Just look at that note. I hope you will feel better soon.
It’s been a few weeks now, maybe a month even. It gets easier, I ended up texting him and just embarrassed myself and then realized I was hurting myself more for always looking to see how he was. It was hard but blocking his story and just trying to accept that it was done has helped a lot, it sucks but it’s getting easier. I miss him very much, but this is for the better. You will get the control and power back, and I promise it’s going to be okay. We are both going to be okay <3
Breaking up with someone is the same as being in morning, it takes some time to adapt and create a new normal…when I blocked her and her social media’s is was a weight off my shoulders and gave me some ease so I couldn’t check their socials if they posted or if they had messaged .
The constant thinking will eventually stop. It'll take a lot of time but it will if you allow it too. Don't rabbit hole yourself when thinking about them. If you realise that you are force your mind to do something else (it was chess for me). Trust me, you're being spared so much more pain than if you did still have contact.
Yup. No contact for the best. Shits like a band-aid. Don’t draw it out. I made that mistake. Girlfriend wanted to “take a break” and suddenly 1 week had turned into 2 months, and I wasn’t happy.
Fast forward, I’ve now deleted her number and feel much better. She was cool and really good to me, but she was also selfish and immature at times too, but I’m sure I was as well.
We tend to remember the good and forget the bad. But remember, out of 7 billion people, you’ll find someone else. Time heals all. Good luck.
don't do it, dude. don't do it. i mean, i let him break no contact (in that he called to get his stuff and i just said yes) but the following days were fucking painful. it was like the breakup happened all over again, but somehow worse. it really is better off that you don't contact him. (this is me also trying to convince myself because he broke it again just a few days ago.) let yourself heal. you don't have to tell him that you shouldn't speak to him again. just don't. it's gonna hurt not making contacting him an option, but it really will be for the best. don't make yourself an option to someone who already made their choice--and it wasn't you.
You’re gonna be better off just breaking clean. I’ve had 2 long term relationships. During each of them we broke up in the middle for a while and then started talking again and got back together. Both times it was good at first, even better than it had been before. I thought I was gonna marry the last one. But things went to shit again eventually, for almost the same reasons as the first time. Save yourself the heartache- delete every picture, post, un add them on snap, delete their number, throw out all the gifts. Otherwise you’ll end up like me having to still do all those things but having 6 years to let go of instead of 2
Curious to know how you started talking again. Did you bump into each other or messaged, met and then slowly rekindled?
We went to different colleges, but kinda texted here and there, sometimes caught up on the phone, and hooked up every time we were both home. Sometimes we didn’t talk for a month or two, sometimes we talked every night. It was lowkey torture with the on and off. Eventually we started texting daily and talking regularly, and decided to give it another shot after a while of that
Hello there. Instead of thinking he has power over you understand that’s in our DNA to form bonds with others. That’s why there’s hormones like oxytocin that get released when you bond with someone and that’s what makes us feel like we’re falling in love. It’s only natural that your mind and body seek this connection. Connection let’s us know that we’re safe and in a primitive level more likely to survive. Breaking that bond is so painful. I empathize with what you’re going through. I’m afraid nothing will get rid of this pain, but allowing it to be felt is the only way to start healing. This is the time to be selfish and focus on you. Most experts say the quickest path to healing is no contact at all if you want to get over him. Good luck 🙏🏽
I’m going through a breakup and what you said about our DNA and forming bonds was so helpful, I never thought about it that way. Thank you! :)
I’m glad! Good luck on your healing journey 🙏🏽
I have written letters to her. Don’t send them. But it helps me get my thoughts out and I feel better. This month would have been our anniversary so I’m sure I’m going to write one again and it’ll be hard. At times it feels like the ghost of her hovering over me. But I get up and realize I still have stuff I wanted to accomplish before I met her and I can still accomplish those things after she walked out of my life.
[удалено]
It's been exactly 5 days for me too !
I feel you. It’s been 5 months & the last time I spoke to him was beginning of September. I had specific dates in my head that I thought would give him “opportunities” to contact me back in October, so I left the door open. It never happened. So I finally blocked him last week. I still hope he’ll find some way to contact me. I waver over whether I should unblock him. It’s brutal. I want to be able to wake up & not have him be the first thought. But he still is. It sucks. It sucks that I literally have thing ongoing internal battle with myself of contacting him or not. Because I know I shouldn’t but I want to. & I play out what that conversation would be like in my head & I know it still won’t be enough.
I’m in the same boat. There are mornings, days, nights where I feel the loss of my best friend and boyfriend and it kills me — my heart aches so much and I miss having him to talk to Every time I gain courage to reach out, I get scared away by the fact that I know I don’t want to accept the breakup so if I reach out now, I know I will be hurt again since I’m not in that place of acceptance
Cold turkey no contact is key. I relied heavily on a few things for the first 2 weeks: I removed myself from social media -- blocking your ex should suffice if you can't be away from social media, but honestly the break has been really nice and I don't think I'll go back Anytime I had the urge, I'd either text a friend and have them remind me why I'm in no contact, or I'd write in my journal. I'd just write out what I wanted to say to him, then I'd just write whatever was spiraling in my head in that moment, and the urge would fade. The other thing to remember is that you're kicking an addiction cold turkey. Your brain chemicals are actually working against you right now, and it takes a little bit for them to chill out. I've heard it can take a month, but if you really truly cut contact and completely stop yourself from stalking online and remove any an all reminders of the ex from your life, it can speed things up. The feelings will pass. You just have to ride the wave, it's awful but it gets better. Edit: sort by Top - All Time in r/BreakUps and there are some great breakup guides. I relied heavily on things like this during the first week or two (still do on week 3 but a bit less)
There is a really good app called Rx breakup
Understand you…It’s very hard for me just forget him even after a long time. Every day starts with thoughts about him and every night. We were together for 1,5 years, tried to start it again. But I decided to end (I haven’t great reasons for it, I just feel discomfort) and now I regret I understand that I can meet another good boy, but for what if I want him? Relationships are so hard and painful…
I’m all too familiar with this feeling. No contact sucks. You meant something to them and yet now you are no longer able to connect. Don’t delete everything, but healing does take time. Sure I wish my ex would reach out because I still think about her. But the best thing to do right now is take care of yourself. You don’t know what they are going through even if it feels like they broke everything with you. I just stretched everything out way too long, but healing is a process and you have to do everything at your own rate. You’ll never fully get rid of them because they are part of who you are.
Wow thank you everyone. Reading this almost brought me to tears. I’m healing from the end of a long long term relationship with a man I truly thought I’d marry. Every time I let the “hope” of reconciliation creep in I find it so hard not to just text him and beg. I’m so grateful for this community. I will be strong and not contact him, I deserve it
It hurts so much you think you can't make it until one day, it doesn't hurt so much. I think you just hit a point of indifference that you would eventually reach during healing from a breakup much faster. I tried to stay in touch, but I felt similarly to you. Saying I never wanted to hear from him again hurt terribly at first, but it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. Reclaim that power that's deep within you; he doesn't have it, you do!
Please don't contact him. What you are feeling now is because you have spent so much time together, and the other person has become your habit. And it takes time to break a habit. I guess this is the perfect time to work on yourself. I know it's easier said than done. But trust me, after some time, you won't even miss him. As for me, it’s been more than five months since my breakup, and I don't miss her that much. I took this time to reflect on myself. I started working out. I am spending more time with my family and friends. Moreover, if you feel like calling him, remember why you guys broke up in the first place. Better if you write it down on a sticky note. And whenever you feel like calling him h Just look at that note. I hope you will feel better soon.
It’s been a few weeks now, maybe a month even. It gets easier, I ended up texting him and just embarrassed myself and then realized I was hurting myself more for always looking to see how he was. It was hard but blocking his story and just trying to accept that it was done has helped a lot, it sucks but it’s getting easier. I miss him very much, but this is for the better. You will get the control and power back, and I promise it’s going to be okay. We are both going to be okay <3
Breaking up with someone is the same as being in morning, it takes some time to adapt and create a new normal…when I blocked her and her social media’s is was a weight off my shoulders and gave me some ease so I couldn’t check their socials if they posted or if they had messaged .
The constant thinking will eventually stop. It'll take a lot of time but it will if you allow it too. Don't rabbit hole yourself when thinking about them. If you realise that you are force your mind to do something else (it was chess for me). Trust me, you're being spared so much more pain than if you did still have contact.
I try not to think about her as much as possible. It’s hard at first but it gets slightly easier. It’s a detox of sorts. Please hang in there
Yup. No contact for the best. Shits like a band-aid. Don’t draw it out. I made that mistake. Girlfriend wanted to “take a break” and suddenly 1 week had turned into 2 months, and I wasn’t happy. Fast forward, I’ve now deleted her number and feel much better. She was cool and really good to me, but she was also selfish and immature at times too, but I’m sure I was as well. We tend to remember the good and forget the bad. But remember, out of 7 billion people, you’ll find someone else. Time heals all. Good luck.
don't do it, dude. don't do it. i mean, i let him break no contact (in that he called to get his stuff and i just said yes) but the following days were fucking painful. it was like the breakup happened all over again, but somehow worse. it really is better off that you don't contact him. (this is me also trying to convince myself because he broke it again just a few days ago.) let yourself heal. you don't have to tell him that you shouldn't speak to him again. just don't. it's gonna hurt not making contacting him an option, but it really will be for the best. don't make yourself an option to someone who already made their choice--and it wasn't you.
That last sentence was powerful- thank you